Episode 17: Magnolia

The team makes their way to Avos! Ascending into the cloud castle with their new gadgets, their search for the essence of air begins. Magnolia acts as the party’s diplomat, but Timmit is less keen on the castle’s inhabitants. . . 

Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language.

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Dungeon Master, Editing, Community Manager, and Transcriber is Tyrone Cross      

Noah is Steven Edwards

Timothy and Editing Assistant is Olive Jerome

Lucille is Rosemary Ochtman

Magnolia is Jorja Odd

Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant

Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)

We’re on the lookout for a couple of people to join the team as a Community Manager and Transcriber. Send us an email if that sounds like you!

Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com 

Sound effects used in this episode include:

INTRO_clouds - levelclearer

Beating Wings - justkiddink

sun405 - levelclearer

stone12 - levelclearer

Thunder - straget

coot call - klankbeeld

Shower, A - InspectorJ

Hadidi Ibis - Nixi_Oodle

This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.

Transcript

Olive/Timmit: Portal Quandary has some content warnings. You can find them in the episode description.

[music]

TYRONE/Dungeon Master: In the ever-bustling city of Lambence, a fairy and her partner spot a city watchman pinning a notice to the public community board, securing it front-and-centre before moving on, seeking the next available spot to display more. They approach the community board and peer at the bolded letters with apprehension - announcements from the city watch seldom bring good news. ‘Notice: By Order of Watch Captain Ayanna. The fields of Glamos have been spotted by scouts encroaching from Novis’s direction. All citizens of Lambence are to begin preparations for the next Moving Day and be ready for departure in approximately five days. We understand that this is sooner than our projected Moving Day timeline, and would like to reassure all worried parties that there is no cause for concern. Avos farmers are to receive additional mana supplements and work double-time in order to hasten crop harvest prior to departure. Please see Basil in the apothecary to arrange supplements. Theran scouts to report to scout captains for your updated roster. Neptis apprentices to report to Basil for additional duty changes in the apothecary. All businesses planning to take part in the upcoming Moving Day must contact Exto for a festivity licence. We appreciate your understanding as we commence Moving Day preparations and apologise for any inconvenience our updated departure date may cause. For complaints, do not hesitate to reach out to Lustrous.’ The news spreads quickly through the wayfaring city, helped by the copious notices put on every street corner by The City Watch. Fairies of every profession scramble to begin preparations, and while on the surface nobody panics - for Moving Day is one of the oldest Summer Court practices by now - each fairy’s haste tells a different story. On the not-so-distance horizon, the shushing wheat fields of Glamos creep steadily, unflinchingly, closer.

Theme Song: *rock music plays*

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hi there. Welcome back to portal Quandary: Prophis. Thank you so much for tuning in once again. This one’s going to be a banger. Last time we left our fated adventurers they were beginning their flight into Avos after some seeing some pillars in the sky. How’s that going for them? What’s happening?

Olive/Timmit: I mean, you tell us. 

Rosie/Lucille: I’m zooming.

Jorja/Magnolia: I would have slowly approached the pillars while the others were heading up. Just to see if there was more, or if there’s more clumps closer together.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You know what? I’m feeling very kind today. I’m feeling kind, so I won’t make you roll for it. Way off in the distance you can see another pillar. It’s higher in the sky as well. Off in the far distance and up.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hmm, alright.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Anyone that would like to roll me a perception check is very welcome to do so right now.

Rosie/Lucille: I love rolling dice. 

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Lucille: I got a four.

Jorja/Magnolia: I got twenty four.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Holy shit. Is that everyone who wanted to?

Steven/Noah: Yeah, I got a six. Don’t worry about me.

Olive/Timmit: Nineteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a good one. Alright, let’s paint a bit of a picture here. I’ve just started an episode and gone straight into the action, but I need to paint my tapestry because that’s what you do to tapestries. You paint them. What we have: we have Noah on his Skittles, which is getting thrusted by the fire crystal boosters.

Steven/Noah: He’s holding on for dear life. “Argh!”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Beeyonce is keeping up.

Steven/Noah: *sings the tune of Single Ladies by Beyonce*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Around there is Timmit trying to be the best - Hermes? - Hermes he can be. Hermes is the one with the winged boots?

Olive/Timmit: He is being the best Hermes he can be.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Being the best Hermes he can be as he’s trying to get a sense of these boots. He’s practised a few times now. He’s doing alright. Lucille, this is second nature to you. We don’t need to worry about you. This is probably the highest you’ve ever flown actually. 

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, that’s very exciting.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: New milestones, and then Magnolia zipping around on her Kiki’s Delivery Service broom. It’s actually just Crystal, the store clerk’s broom. 

Jorja/Magnolia: So young.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And now the results of those perception checks that you’ve long been waiting for. Noah, Lucille, there’s some pretty cool clouds. There’s a cool pillar that they’ve pointed out. Timmit, Magnolia, are those storm clouds in the distance?

*thunder roars*

Jorja/Magnolia: Woah.

Olive/Timmit: Are you seeing that?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. *radio* Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. This is your weather update. I think there’s a storm ahead.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Is that reporting person another fairy?

Olive/Timmit: *radio* Yes.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* How lovely.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sorry, Timmit, I should also say that you also see the second pillar off in the distance.

Olive/Timmit: In the same direction that the storm is coming from?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Steven/Noah: Noah’s just going to be like, “Wee! Wee! Look at all the clouds!”

Olive/Timmit: *radio* So, it’s just dawning on me that we don’t know much about this place. 

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* No, we don’t.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* Should we talk about what our plan is, or are we just going to…

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Well, it seems like there’s a lot of distance between this pillar and the next pillar, and if the storm cloud is in that area maybe we could go on foot.

Steven/Noah: *radio* Storm cloud!?

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Didn’t you hear the weather update?

*radio* “I wasn’t listening to the weather, my apologies.” I was just listening to this podcast. I’ve been listening to Portal Quandary lately. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo, that sounds interesting. *radio* “I’m thinking maybe we could move on foot closer to the storm, and then head up and check what’s happening because we might be safer on the ground if it’s an air temple. Plus, we don’t want to use up all of your flying.” Because I think it’s a fair distance away.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Or, and hear me out here, we go head first into the storm, and hope for the best.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* We’ll get back on the ground. Deliberate.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Yeah. We should get on the ground, and walk from here towards the storm clouds because then we at least know a bit of a direction.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* And then when we’re closer we go head first in.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* When we get closer, head up and see if there’s anything. If there is anything you can be the first to go head first into it.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Woo!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Heading back down to the ground?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Some of the farmers will look up, and you’ll start to see a few of them put on ponchos as they prepare for the rain. They know that they can’t take any break because of the community notice that they need to work double time.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Oh, Magnolia! Is that you?

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello. It is. 

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yeah, Cheryl. You remember me.

Jorja/Magnolia: Of course I remember you Cheryl. How are you doing? How’s the kids? How’s the husband?

Tyrone/Cheryl: He’s doing alright. I don’t see much of them anymore because I’m too busy working.

Jorja/Magnolia: You’re working overtime?

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yeah, lots of overtime right now. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, yeah. Getting ready for something big?

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yeah, Moving Day.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, is it that soon?

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yeah, we’ve just been told. Five days.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, five days. That’s pretty close. 

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yep, so we need to make sure we’ve got all the food ready to go. It feels like only the other day that we started.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I was talking to one of the guards, and they said that he’s experienced so many Moving Days in just the short time that he’s been here. How long have you been here? If you don’t mind me asking.

Tyrone/Cheryl: You never ask a woman her age.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s true. You only look about twenty-five.

Tyrone/Cheryl: That’s because we’re fairies hon.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s true. You look fairy ten. 

Tyrone/Cheryl: Thank you. No, I couldn’t possibly tell you.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s alright. They seem like they’re getting closer and closer though.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yeah, yep. The scientists haven’t been able to figure it out.

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, good luck with all your harvests. If you need any help while I’m back you let me know.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yeah, I don’t know if I trust a rabbit near my carrots, but it should be alright.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s hurtful, but accurate. That’s fair love. I can’t blame you for that.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Watch out for rain love.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, it looks like there’s a big storm coming.

Olive/Timmit: Sorry, before we head out. Sorry, you just mentioned that the Moving Day is for five days from now.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yep.

Olive/Timmit: And that notice came out when?

Tyrone/Cheryl: This morning.

Steven/Noah: In the prologue. Didn’t you listen?

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, we should head off and let you get back to your work. We don’t want to make you later for dinner than you already will be.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yeah, thanks. 

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s alright. Keep up the good work.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Good luck with your flight.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you so much. If you need anything let us know. We’ll be around.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Will do, will do, will do. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Alright, send my love to the husband and the kids.

Tyrone/Cheryl: Yeah, as always. Right back at you.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Thanks love.” I walk away.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright.

Olive/Timmit: So, let me get this straight. The king has just established that there’s going to be a Moving Day in five days, but he’s only just asked us if we can let him use the thing that we’re going to use to get out of here? I mean, what’s his deal?

Jorja/Magnolia: So about that, he came to talk to us this morning, but I was the only one awake. He was asking about if we had an answer of if they could use it at the same time as us, and if we could get an answer to him by tomorrow.

Rosie/Lucille: I vote yes. The king could come with us home to the goat farm.

Jorja/Magnolia: They don’t necessarily need to go to the same destination that we’re going to, and we don’t necessarily have to go to the same destination they’re going to. 

Rosie/Lucille: We should say that is the only way it can happen, is if the king comes with us and we keep him.

Jorja/Magnolia: Well see, they built the machine. They know how it works though.

Olive/Timmit: Do they?

Jorja/Magnolia: One of them does. Cleary does.

Olive/Timmit: The one who built it - well, with the exception of Cleary of course - isn’t here anymore, and also probably not of his own volition, so they can’t make any guarantees. They don’t know.

Jorja/Magnolia: We don’t know that it was of his own volition. 

Olive/Timmit: That’s a very good point.

Jorja/Magnolia: He could have just been trying to get out this whole time. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, and, you know, that makes me want to ask the question: why?

Jorja/Magnolia: No one would have that answer though.

Olive/Timmit: No, but it’s something to ponder. I mean, did he ask you, or did he kingly demand it of you.

Jorja/Magnolia: No, he was very polite. He asked if we had time to talk about it, and that he appreciated what we were doing, and then I told him that we were busy getting prepared for this journey, and so he said if we could get it to him tomorrow because they’re on a time crunch, and I guess so are we since we’re in the same situation.

Olive/Timmit: You’re lying.

Jorja/Magnolia: Am I?

Olive/Timmit: I would like to make an insight check.

Jorja/Magnolia: *whispering* Am I lying?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: *whispering* I don’t think so.

Olive/Timmit: The exact quote was, ‘I’ll need an answer tomorrow. I insist.’

Jorja/Magnolia: Magnolia’s got big ears. She don’t use them. I will roll deception.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo. Yeah, you think you beat me?

Olive/Timmit: What’d you get?

Jorja/Magnolia: What’d you get?

Olive/Timmit: Twenty three.

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo, I got a six. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia is stretching the truth.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, so the king just casually asks if we can come to a conclusion by tomorrow whilst we are on our travels if they can use the same system they’re using to take us home to go somewhere else, but they don’t know where.

Jorja/Magnolia: I think they want to go home.

Olive/Timmit: Is that a good idea?

Jorja/Magnolia: Probably not for them. I agree, we don’t know, but I don’t think that we’re going to find answers here when it’s just them because, I mean, if they are lying to us they’re going to keep lying to us, but all I know is that we can’t stay here, and there are good people in this city. I mean, you just saw Cheryl. She’s lovely. Her kids are adorable.

Rosie/Lucille: Shazza!

Jorja/Magnolia: So, I don’t want to leave those people stranded even if the higher ups aren’t as good as they make out to be, but…

Olive/Timmit: Okay, so I had a think about it last night. I sat myself down. I put my thinking cap on. I mean, not actually. It’s at home. It’s not here sadly. Yeah, yeah I know. It would have been handy. Three things about this that irk me. First off: the unpredictability. I mean, we don’t even have any idea if this thing is going to take us home; what it’s going to do; how it works. Our top priority is obviously getting home. I mean, we don’t belong here. We were brought here against our will. These people might not even be real. Of course I want to help them, but if they’re figments of our imagination. The second thing is trust. I mean, they’ve taken us in. They’ve given us shelter. They’ve given us food and provisions, and sure, we’ve tossed it up once or twice, but we’re doing things for them, and we may also be actively doing things for ourselves, but why would they give us the equipment? I don’t know. There’s a balance, but there’s something about it that I just don’t like, and the worst possible outcome would be if we do get home, they follow us home. I mean, not just for us, and not just for our world, but for them. Imagine all the people back home if fairies suddenly sprang into existence in our world

Rosie/Lucille: I think it would be splendid.

Olive/Timmit: And it would be. It would be beautiful, but a lot of people wouldn’t think so.

Steven/Noah: Yeah, people kind of suck.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Rosie/Lucille: They should be culled anyway. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, well probably, but let’s not get political here.

Steven/Noah: Lucille, they’re not just goats. We can’t just cull them.

Rosie/Lucille: I would never! I would-

Jorja/Magnolia: What if you have one hundred and twenty four?

Rosie/Lucille: Well…

Olive/Timmit: Is that what happened to your kids?

Rosie/Lucille: No. No, they’re out in the world. They’re doing things. Me and my husband definitely had kids before he went off. Yes. Yes, they real. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay.

Steven/Noah: Lucille remains a mystery.

Jorja/Magnolia: I understand what you’re saying and I agree, but what’s to stop them from using the machine anyway, and - after we’re gone - they could just do it on their own. It might take time, and they’ll probably lose a lot of people, so the outcome will probably still be the same anyway. If they do happen to follow us at least we will know who they are and can help if they are there. Otherwise if we do leave and for some reason they come to Melbourne or anywhere in our world we will know something. If they just do it another time we’ll be caught unaware, and we might not be able to help.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, I like that plan. So, I have three solutions to these problems that I’m having. Requirements from the king, if you will. The first is that we go first. We use it. We get out of here. It doesn’t matter where it takes us or what it does. We go first, and if he says no to that-

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m not sure if… I don’t understand how the machine works, but from what they’ve said it seems like it has to be the same time. It’s like a one use, but different directions.

Olive/Timmit: Cleary’s a smart girl. I’m sure she’ll figure it out. We can at least talk about it.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. 

Olive/Timmit: The second thing, it’s mostly a me thing. I want to do as much research as possible. I want to know about these people. How they got here. How their lives have been living. Somewhere in there there’ll be something. A secret, a slip-up. Something that wasn’t hidden deep enough, and the third thing is for you, Lucille.

Rosie/Lucille: Yes?

Olive/Timmit: You and the king are all chummy-chum.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, yes. We had tea at the museum.

Olive/Timmit: Would you find out what’s going on with him?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, yes. He trusts me with his life. Of course. Easy-peasy.

Olive/Timmit: If you can get even an inkling or an insight into his motivations. Not even just what he’s shown us, but his true motives. It could really give us an idea into the weight of everything that’s happening here.

Rosie/Lucille: Yes, I could be a little detective. Yes, a detecti- Ooo, a detective fairy. Yes, yes, and I’ll go and ask him. I’ll ask him outright. I’ll be straight up with it. I’ll say that we want to know. No, that’s not detective like. I’ll be secret.

Olive/Timmit: I want to believe that we’re doing the right thing by helping these people. I mean, getting them out of here would be great, but know nothing about the people that live here, and so I’m going to cautious right up until the last second.

Jorja/Magnolia: I agree to a point, and I think that’s good for you, but I think there’s a point where caution becomes standstill. Wasting time potentially, and sometimes decisions need to be made fast, so I think if there is a crunch we might just need to do what’s best for us. Even if it helps them and you’re still not sure, but I do think there are good people here. I think there are a lot of good people here that have helped us. Some of maybe for their own benefit, but some of them aren’t.

Olive/Timmit: Have you ever thought about becoming a lawyer?

Jorja/Magnolia: Ugh, no.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, no. Don’t. It’s horrible.

Jorja/Magnolia: I like my plants, and I like my research.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the site that is closest to the storm. 

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo.

Jorja/Magnolia: Is it raining where we are?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, somewhere during that conversation it started sprinkling.

Olive/Timmit: Timmit’s going to stare up right up into it, and just, “Ugh, where’s a druid when you need one?”

Jorja/Magnolia: Magnolia’s got her arms out looking up, revelling in it.

Steven/Noah: Noah’s thankfully put waterproof paint on Skittles.

Jorja/Magnolia: Could you give him little gumboots and a raincoat?

Rosie/Lucille: That’s cute.

Steven/Noah: I should. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does the flight begin?

Rosie/Lucille: “Up, up, up and away.” Lucille’s going to fly straight up. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ll head up after her and let you know what is going on.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, we’ll be here waiting.

Jorja/Magnolia: Have fun.

Steven/Noah: Bye.

Jorja/Magnolia: Love you. Bu-bye.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re just going to head up into the storm?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yep. I am going to keep an eye out for irregular movement. 

Rosie/Lucille: I’m going to fly really speedy.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Assuming nothing happens, how long would it take before you communicate back to them?

Jorja/Magnolia: If I see any structure like the pillars.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep.

Jorja/Magnolia: If I see any abnormalities. If it seems like - in my mind: big cloud. Going to the bottom - If it seems like we go to the top or break through anything then I might also be like, ‘Yeah, so I just got through a big cloud.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to be a solid half an hour before you reach the storm if you want to wait that long.

Rosie/Lucille: Woah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Think about how fast a plane travels and how long a plane takes to get to cloud cover, and you guys are travelling at thirty feet per second.

Jorja/Magnolia: True. Sixty because we dash. I’ll every now and then be like, *radio* “Not at the storm yet.”

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* But it’s really cool.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Lucille is fucking crazy. Still not at the storm yet.

Olive/Timmit: Just between everyone, I’m going to, “So, what other tricks can Skittles do?”

Steven/Noah: ‘Tricks’ makes him sound like some kind of trained circus animal. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, yeah. You’re absolutely right. My apologies. What other talents does Skittles have?

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Still no storm.

Steven/Noah: I mean, he’s a hard worker. He doesn’t really get tired. He just kind of goes and goes and goes and goes.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Still no storm.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Actually.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Woah, hold that!

Steven/Noah: Just in.

Jorja/Magnolia: *beeps like a breaking news story*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: About half an hour in, you get to the cloud line where the storm, and I assume you fly through?

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Just reached the actual storm, so it’s fairly high up. I’m probably just going to go into it.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* Aim for the middle.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Okay.

Olive/Timmit: Should we go, or do you want to wait and see?

Steven/Noah: Well, they were travelling for quite a while. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, you’re probably right. We should probably start.

Steven/Noah: Probably go, yeah.

Olive/Timmit: Go, go, go!

Steven/Noah: *whispers* Fire. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille, I assume you’re following Magnolia?

Rosie/Lucille: Oh yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: She’s ahead.

Rosie/Lucille: I’m zooming.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille then, you’ll be the first one to break through the cloud cover. It’s a fairly short distance through this storm cloud, and when you get to the other side of the cloud, it’s almost like an eye of the storm situation, but it’s a sphere. There’s a sphere of dark clouds, and then it’s hollow in the middle, so you get a calm in the centre of these storm clouds. 

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* “Ooo, this is really cool. You guys have to get here.” Is there any enemies or anything like - I don’t know - people?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What you do see is a large floating castle made of clouds, and, Magnolia, you soon make it behind Lucille to see this as well.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Oh, what the fuck? I was about to say this doesn’t seem normal, but then I remembered: strange world we live in right now. Oh shit, it’s got a castle. It’s like Laputa!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would you guys like to roll me a perception check?

Rosie/Lucille: Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yah!

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, I got a natural one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh no.

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo! I got a twenty two.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lightning strikes.

*thunder*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You hear the thunder like surround sound thunder because you’re right in - I’m going to call it the thunder cloud.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thunder dome dude. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you’re inside the thunder dome.

Steven/Noah: The thunder dome dude.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lightning strikes, and you think, for a second in the light, you see the silhouette of a giant wing in one of the clouds, but it’s gone again.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Lucille, maybe let’s… Come back here, and wait at the edge for the other two.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Wait, why? Why?

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Just because there’s a castle we don’t know, and it’s storming.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Oh, and this king might not be nice like the king that we’re friends with?

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Yeah, that could be it.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Okay, okay. I’ll wait,

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you’re going to wait underneath the dark cloud and wait?

Jorja/Magnolia: No, I want to wait on the edge of the sphere of calmness.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You wait about half an hour.

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to keep an eye out for more shadows.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I would say, probably another couple of times in that half an hour, you catch a glimpse of this giant wing again.

Rosie/Lucille: I still haven’t seen it. I’m just- Nup.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nope. We’ll make it a collective roll. I don’t want to make you roll a perception for each lightning strike.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah, fair.

Jorja/Magnolia: Lucille’s just looking in her mirror. Not telling a secret. Pretending that she can see the goats.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Oh look, it’s Fuzzles!

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Oh, how old’s Fuzzles?

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Twelve.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* That’s quite old for a goat, isn’t it?

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Yes, Fuzzles has been around for a while. Yes. My husband never met Fuzzles.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Oh, okay. That’s a shame for him. He’s missing out.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Exactly. So fuzzy.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* He looks it.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* You can see him too?

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* No, I’m just trying to be nice.

Rosie/Lucille: *radio* Oh, thank you. 

*laughter*

Steven/Noah: Oh, I’m just trying to be nice.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* Lucille, how many goats have you had?

Rosie/Lucille:  *radio* Well, I always have one hundred and twenty three, but I guess I’ve had quite a few iterations of those one hundred and twenty three goats.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* Yeah, that’s…

Rosie/Lucille:  *radio* I could name them all for you right now if you want.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* Maybe another time.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Timmit and Noah, you have reached the edge of the thunder dome.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Hi loves.

Steven/Noah: *radio* Hello!

Olive/Timmit: *radio* So, what are we looking at?

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* There’s a castle up there, and - not to freak you out, and I didn’t tell Lucille this until y’all were here - I saw a giant wing in the clouds during the lightning strikes.

Steven/Noah: *radio* Ooo, what kind of wing?

Jorja/Magnolia: What kind of wing?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll me a nature check.

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo.

Olive/Timmit: Could I roll a perception check now that we’re here?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you can roll one too if you like.

Rosie/Lucille:  I’ll go again. Why not?

*dice rolls*

Steven/Noah: Fourteen.

Olive/Timmit: Fifteen for me.

Rosie/Lucille:  Fifty- No that’s fifteen.

Jorja/Magnolia: Fifty!?

Steven/Noah: I rolled fifty on a twenty sided dice.

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: I got a twenty four nature check.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Holy shit. The fifteen and the sixteen perception checks: when the lighting strikes once again…

*thunder*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can now see bird feet.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, hell no. Nope. Nu-uh.

Rosie/Lucille:  How big are are they?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s kind of hard to tell actually because they’re away in the distance, but they seem bigger than a normal bird for sure. A nature check. Twenty four. You’ve worked around animals enough. You’re a nature girlie. You can probably tell that these are the wings of a heron.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay. *radio* “Timmit, it’s going to be alright.”

Steven/Noah: Noah’s going to look at Timmit’s face and be like, *radio* “Based on what I’m seeing here, I’m assuming there’s an animal around somewhere.”

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* Yeah, it’s a big ‘ol bird. 

Steven/Noah: *radio* Oh, fun.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* It’s got big feet and wings and talons, and I assume it has a beak.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* It does have a beak. It’s a heron.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* Are those the ones with the long thin beaks? The ones that could pierce you?

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* No, they couldn’t pierce you. They’re kind of long, and they’ve got slicked back hair. They’re kind of cool.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* Oh yeah, that’s kind of cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would we like to approach the castle at all?

Jorja/Magnolia: So, is the castle in the middle?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Right in the centre of the sphere of calmness.

Jorja/Magnolia: And then- So, the shadows are obviously coming from the outside of the sphere of calmness.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay. *radio* “Well, we should probably go to the castle, right? It would be away from the heron.”

Rosie/Lucille:  *radio* There could be a king there. Yeah.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* That’s true. There could be a queen.

Olive/Timmit: So, I’ll take the gavel out from my pocket, and I’ll raise it up and face it on one side of your shoulder, and then raise it back up and place it on the other side of your shoulder like I’m knighting you, and I’ll say, *radio* “I hereby knight thee, Quickwing,” and in doing so will cast Longstrider on you, which will last for an hour and gives you ten extra feet. 

Rosie/Lucille:  Heck yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It sounds like we’re preparing for a mad dash.

Jorja/Magnolia: *radio* I think Timmit is panicked.

Olive/Timmit: *radio* You’ve always got to be prepared. You’ll never know what’s going to happen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I feel like Timmit’s going to be like, ‘Three. Two. One. GO!’

Olive/Timmit: No, it’s, *radio* “Three. Two. One. Go, go, go!”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everything’s fine honestly. You’re fucking racing there, but it’s kind of fine actually. What you can see from where you guys are is a little landing. Like, a little verandah, but not that big. Like, a little porch out the front sticking out from a big front door.

Jorja/Magnolia: So, can I land on it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, for sure. You’re going to stand on the cloud. It feels a little spongy. I sort of want to describe it as, you know the kid’s playground material? Where it’s that soft… I don’t even know what that is. Soft ground. It feels sort of like that. 

Olive/Timmit: Should we knock?

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, I mean, we can stand on it, so logic dictates we could knock, which I think would be the- Listen, the last one didn’t go so well. I feel like we were trying different things. One of them was a bit more polite, and one of them was a bit more sneaky, and the polite one was working. In my nature I need to be polite.

Rosie/Lucille:  We can do a cheeky little knock.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What you guys have is a ten by ten porch, and there’s a big double door. To the side of it is a little cloud rope with a little bell.

Olive/Timmit: I’d just like to quickly add in that Timmit’s eyes have been scanning the horizon. Juts vigilantly keeping an eye for any birds. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’ll see it one more time through the lighting.

*thunder*

Jorja/Magnolia: I will delicately ring the bell.

[bell rings]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No answer.

Rosie/Lucille: We could climb through a window. 

Jorja/Magnolia: “Or…” Can I open the door?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, you’re going to push open the double doors…

[music]

Tabletopped Ad Read: Welcome to Tabletopped. My name is Nick, and I think that fudging dice rolls is totally okay. Hey it’s me, Franco, and rolling for initiative sucks. I’m Daniel, and I think you should modify your first level characters as much as you want, and I’m Shade, and if your TTRPG hasn’t evolved into a LARP, you’ve done it wrong, and we all host Tabletopped - a TTRPG podcast about all things games and storytelling. - and sometimes we have game designers, professional researchers, and even the occasional owlbear. If this interests you, listen to Tabletopped every Monday wherever you get your podcasts. Tabletopped is a proud member of the Helios Network. 

[music]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hello listeners. I’ve got a lovely little setup for our players here today. I’ve got little cutouts of different rooms, and so they can randomly select which room the next room is going to be, and I’m going to blu-tack it to our wall, so the layout of this area is entirely up to them. Players, could you please draw me one of the four door rooms. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Do we want yellow or white?

Rosie/Lucille: Yellow.

Steven/Noah: Yellow.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yellow.

Olive/Timmit: Does it matter north, east, south, west?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nope, you can do that any way you like. Magnolia.

Jorja/Magnolia: Ayo.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What you open up into… This entire room is made of clouds. This entire place will be made out of clouds. Just assume everything is made out of clouds unless told otherwise. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What you have is a hundred foot by hundred foot room. Every single room will be that big. We have a circular desk with a little wheelie chair behind it. There’s a little, faint path going to each door, so there’s a door opposite you, and there’s a door on the left and the right. Around the room are little potted plants - as best as they can be made out of clouds - and occasionally there’s some loungers and coffee tables, so they’ve got some little bowls on it. Sitting at the desk is a pelican. The pelican is also made of clouds.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, what the fuck? Okay, the potted plants - are the plants made of cloud as well?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Sick. Okay, I open the door. Close it a little bit. “Ah, Timmit.”

Olive/Timmit: Hmm?

Jorja/Magnolia: You might not like this, but remember this is all just made of clouds, so it’s not real. It’s just clouds. 

Olive/Timmit: There’s an animal behind there.

Jorja/Magnolia: No, no, there’s clouds behind there.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, I’m sure. Is this cloud in the shape of an aerial or land beast, or, god forbid, from the water?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes. In the Venn diagram, it’s in the middle. 

Olive/Timmit: How?

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s a pelican.

Rosie/Lucille: They eat the fishies.

Olive/Timmit: It’s just cloud.

Jorja/Magnolia: And it’s made of cloud, so it’s not even real. It’s just vapour.

Olive/Timmit: It’s just cloud. It’s just cloud.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, just cloud. You’re so brave and strong.

Olive/Timmit: *deep breathing*

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ll go in. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You open the door and the pelican is standing right in front of the door now.

Jorja/Magnolia: Timmit, it’s closer. 

Steven/Noah: Stranger danger. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s just going to stare at you. It’s going to squawk.

*Bird squawks*

Olive/Timmit: Argh!

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay. I wave.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to look at each of you as you enter with a weird bird stare. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to cast Speak With Animals. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I was hoping you would.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello.

Tyrone/Pelican: Hello. Who are you?

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, I’m Magnolia. These are my friends.

Tyrone/Pelican: Hello friends. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, Noah, Timmit… I almost said Rosie. 

Tyrone/Pelican: Why are you here?

Jorja/Magnolia: We were just travelling, and then we saw this beautiful place, and we were just wondering if we could take a tour or something?

Tyrone/Pelican: Okay. I will be at desk. 

Jorja/Magnolia: You have fun at desk.

Tyrone/Pelican: Okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: Bye!

Steven/Noah: *imitating the pelican* Okay, I will be at desk.

Olive/Timmit: Do we just hear constant squawking, or is it like… “Yeah, alright. It is just cloud. You’re right. It actually looks pretty comfy.”

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. Go lounge.

Olive/Timmit: *imitating the pelican* I will be at lounge.

Jorja/Magnolia: Can I walk up to the desk? “Hi, sorry. Don’t want to interrupt desk time.”

Tyrone/Pelican: Can help?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, do you have a map or something? Or can you just give me a bit of information about the place?

Tyrone/Pelican: What would like to know?

Jorja/Magnolia: Umm, what is this place? How big is it?

Tyrone/Pelican: It is my master’s home.

Jorja/Magnolia: Your master’s home?

Tyrone/Pelican: Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, who’s your master?

Tyrone/Pelican: Bird.

Jorja/Magnolia: Is it the big bird outside?

Tyrone/Pelican: Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Nice, he’s pretty cool.

Olive/Timmit: Sorry, what was that about the big bird? Hmm? Huh? What?

Jorja/Magnolia: So, is he outside all the time?

Tyrone/Pelican: Sometimes come in.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, okay. Cool, cool, cool.

Tyrone/Pelican: Out for fly now.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, very cool. Yep, you’ve gotta get the air in your wings.

Tyrone/Pelican: Yep.

Jorja/Magnolia: So like, can we just walk around? Is that okay?

Tyrone/Pelican: Should be okay. Looking for something? 

Jorja/Magnolia: Not in anything is particular. Just interested in this place.

Tyrone/Pelican: Okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you so much.

Tyrone/Pelican: Goodbye.

Jorja/Magnolia: Goodbye.

Steven/Noah: Were you just talking to the cloud bird?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Did you mention the one outside?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yes, so that’s the master, so I’m assuming-

Olive/Timmit: What did you just say!?

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s the master?

Olive/Timmit: Okay, alright. 

Steven/Noah: Is the master made of clouds?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m just going to take a guess and say yes. I’m not sure.

Olive/Timmit: I’m sorry, I thought you said monster, so I freaked out.

Jorja/Magnolia: No, so sorry. Master, with an a. He does sometimes come inside though. I don’t want to freak you out. I just want to be honest.

Olive/Timmit: Mhmm, mhmm, mhmm. Yep, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, uh huh. I think I’m just going to sit on this couch for a second. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, that’s alright. Take all the time you need. We have been given permission to just walk around though, so…

Rosie/Lucille: Woo!

Jorja/Magnolia: We can have a tour.

Steven/Noah: Does anyone else live here?

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello again.

Tyrone/Pelican: Hello.

Jorja/Magnolia: Is it just you and the master here, or…?

Tyrone/Pelican: No. Lots of us.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, cool, cool. How many?

Tyrone/Pelican: Hmm, haven’t counted.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s fair. Do they all… I noticed that your master just looks different to you. Are there more like you, or are they all different?

Tyrone/Pelican: Hmmmmmmmmm.

Steven/Noah: Great! You broke it!

Jorja/Magnolia: So, they other people that live here. Do they look like your master, or do they look like you, or just everyone?

Tyrone/Pelican: Different.

Jorja/Magnolia: Look different? Okay. That’s so fun and interesting.

Tyrone/Pelican: Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Bye.

Tyrone/Pelican: Bye.

Steven/Noah: I’m not quite sure what they’re talking about, but the language seems very simplistic.

Olive/Timmit: I don’t know either, I just keep hearing ‘more’, and then ‘similar’ and ‘different’. What are you talking about?

Jorja/Magnolia: So, there are more birds here. They could not all be birds. I’m just assuming they are.

Olive/Timmit: They could be not birds?

Steven/Noah: Are they also clouds?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m assuming they’re all clouds, and I’m assuming they’re all birds because it is an air… up in the sky. 

Olive/Timmit: That makes sense. Yep.

Jorja/Magnolia: But they’re not all pelicans, and they’re not all herons.

Olive/Timmit: You know what? There are just birds here. I can handle that. I can deal with that. That’s fine. They’re just birds, and I’ve seen birds. They’re made of clouds, and that’s fine. 

Jorja/Magnolia: And they’re not even real birds. They’re clouds. 

Steven/Noah: It doesn’t seem like you can handle this.

Olive/Timmit: I don’t know what you’re talking about Noah! I’ve got this completely under control! Sorry.

Steven/Noah: Telepathically, it’s just going to be to you Magnolia, and be like, “I don’t think he’s okay here.”

Jorja/Magnolia: She’s just going to do that thing where she looks up at the architecture again and just shaking her head.

Olive/Timmit: I’m just going to bring my finger up to the earpiece and look you dead in the eye, and say, *radio* “We all see you.”

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m looking at the clouds, man. I’m checking for birds for your sake. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, thanks.

Jorja/Magnolia: You’re so welcome. Should we look around? Maybe get some insights into this place?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah! Yes!

Jorja/Magnolia: You don’t ever have to go into a room first.

Olive/Timmit: That was never an option.

Jorja/Magnolia: But I’m letting you know.

Olive/Timmit: I appreciate the information.

Jorja/Magnolia: You’re welcome.

Steven/Noah: We have Beeyonce. We can send her in. 

Jorja/Magnolia: That is true.

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, and Goaty.

Jorja/Magnolia: And Goaty. Okay, well - left, right, forward. 

Steven/Noah: To the left, to the left.

Steven/Noah + Jorja/Magnolia: Everything you own in a box to the left. 

Steven/Noah: Sorry, that’s just what Beeyonce is saying. 

Olive/Timmit: Oh, okay.

Rosie/Lucille: Forward.

Olive/Timmit: Shall we toss a coin? Heads up, tails left?

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, if you roll a d4.

Olive/Timmit: Heads is odd. Tails is even.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Evens. We’re going left. 

Steven/Noah: To the left. To the left. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can pick a two door card.

Jorja/Magnolia: Two door. 

Steven/Noah: It’s like some kind of hatchback. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Who’s heading in the door first?

Jorja/Magnolia: I will.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s the best room for you because you’ve entered the greenhouse.

Jorja/Magnolia:v YES!

Steven/Noah: Is it actually green, or is it all just clouds?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s all clouds, but there’s a bit of variation. There’s some greyish clouds. There’s some black clouds. There’s some gradient.

Steven/Noah: How many shades of grey would you say there are?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fifty.

Jorja/Magnolia: Forty-eight.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, this entire room has planters lining the walls with some little cloud bushes around. Some other planters are sort of in the middle of the room, circling the room again that you can kind of see, and in the very centre, there is a large fountain. You can see water coming out of it, and there are statues of birds enjoying the water. 

Rosie/Lucille: Well, I’m thirsty. I’m going to go take a drink.

Jorja/Magnolia: Uh! Uh! Uh! No, no.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re made of clouds, but they don’t seem to move.

Jorja/Magnolia: Statues of birds, not real birds?

Steven/Noah: I was going to say, are they cloud-statues of cloud-birds, or are they statues of cloud-birds, or are they cloud-statues of actual birds?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re cloud-statues of cloud-birds. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello room. Hello everyone.

Steven/Noah: Hello, we’re here to see- Oh, you’re not real.

Jorja/Magnolia: Does anything move?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, actually. One of the bushes moves. 

Olive/Timmit: I instantly bring up a Produce Flame, and keep it near me. Just near me so it can keep me warm. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A little pigeon pops its head out. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello?

Tyrone/Pidge: Hello.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, hi. 

Tyrone/Pidge: Who? 

Jorja/Magnolia: Magnolia. Who?

Tyrone/Pidge: Pidge.

Jorja/Magnolia: Nice. Just you in here?

Tyrone/Pidge: Just Pidge. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Nice, Pidge. It’s lovely to meet you.

Tyrone/Pidge: Same. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you. Do you look after these plants?

Tyrone/Pidge: No.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay. You just hide in them?

Tyrone/Pidge: Yes. Pretty.

Jorja/Magnolia: You are pretty. So are the plants.

Tyrone/Pidge: Coo, coo. Why here?

Jorja/Magnolia: We’re just taking a tour.

Tyrone/Pidge: Okay. Look for something?

Jorja/Magnolia: We’re just having a general look.

Tyrone/Pidge: Okay. Bye.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Bye.” I’m just going to turn to Noah, “They keep asking me-” So the pigeon can’t hear, “They keep asking me if we’re looking for something? Should I tell them we are? Because I think we’re just looking for that guy outside, right?”

Steven/Noah: Probably. If I know what an Astrolustris looks like, it’s that. It’s not Mr. Frontdesk.

Jorja/Magnolia: Or Pidge over here.

Steven/Noah: Oh, is that his name?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, that’s Pidge.

Steven/Noah: Oh, that’s adorable.

Jorja/Magnolia: *whispering* Should I ask them about the essence or the guy outside?

Steven/Noah: I mean, they’ve all been pretty friendly so far. What’s the worst that could happen?

Tyrone/Pidge: Hi friends. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello. 

Steven/Noah: *Imitating Pidge* Have overheard talking. Have interjected.

Jorja/Magnolia: They say hello.

Steven/Noah: Hi Pidge. Oh, he can’t understand me.

Tyrone/Pidge: Hello.

Rosie/Lucille: Coo.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I did forget to mention it. Obviously you guys can see it, but for the listeners: there is another door here. It’s like a corner bit, so to the right from where you came in is another door.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hey Pidge.

Tyrone/Pidge: Yes?

Jorja/Magnolia: We were just talking because we’ve been to a lot of the places around here, and we’ve seen these like - I guess they’re an essence.

Tyrone/Pidge: What?

Jorja/Magnolia: “Like a little…” I’ll just describe what the ones we’ve found have looked like. “And we thought maybe there’d be one here.”

Tyrone/Pidge: Not here.

Jorja/Magnolia: Not here?

Tyrone/Pidge: Maybe next room. Let’s go.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay, thank you. Follow pigeon. 

Steven/Noah: Wait, what’s happening?

Jorja/Magnolia: He said maybe next room. 

Steven/Noah: Oh.

Rosie/Lucille: Do we have a friend?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I asked him about the essence, and he said, ‘Not here. Maybe next room.’

Steven/Noah: Oh, well he’s going through the room.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh shit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He sort of just merges with the door.

Olive/Timmit: I just want to backtrack a little bit. Just while that conversation was going on - with the waterfall: I want to give it a once over. Check for any markings or levers or traps or anything. Just anything that could be seen from the outer perimeter of the actual water fountain.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Give me an investigation.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Twenty-five.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, what you can get from this is this is just a fountain where birds such as Pidge come to have a little bathe, have a little drink. It’s a little gift to the birds. 

Steven/Noah: You see a little cloud-poop on the side of it, and you’re like, ‘Yep, that’s Pidge.’

Olive/Timmit: Very grossly, I follow suit with the others.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Next room?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This is a three door room.

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo.

Rosie/Lucille: Do you want green or yellow?

Jorja/Magnolia: Green.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Who- I guess Magnolia is going first again?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, behind my boy Pidge. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What we have here is the grand dining room. We have a seventy foot long table with fourteen chairs on each side. From the roof a chandelier hangs with orbs that have a bit of a glow about them. There’s a full cloud feast here, full of grapes, cheese, roast vegetables. No chicken, of course.

Steven/Noah: Is it all made of clouds?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. There are coat racks and little potted plants scattered occasionally throughout. Pidge flies up to the chandelier, and goes:

Tyrone/Pidge: This?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He pecks at the orb.

Tyrone/Pidge: Orb?

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh! Is it similar?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Kind of.

Jorja/Magnolia: Does it look like an essence?

Olive/Timmit: I can go take a look.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Olive/Timmit: I click my heels together, and, “Go, go, go,” and fly up to the chandelier - my eyes on Pidge the entire time. Just keeping an eye, and when I get up there I’ll narrow in on what it is that Pidge is looking at. Just sweaty palms the whole time. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I suppose this is another investigation.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Timmit: Fourteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This doesn’t feel quite right. It feels like all the other cloud things so far that you’ve touched. It feels like that squishy playground mat material; whereas, every essence you’ve found feels like a glass marble. 

Olive/Timmit: Na, no dice. This isn’t it. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay. Pidge, right shape. I don’t think it’s going to be made of that same stuff. You know all the walls and the floor and the clouds?

Tyrone/Pidge: Don’t know.

Jorja/Magnolia: Don’t know?

Tyrone/Pidge: Sorry.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s okay. You can go back to your plant if you want.

Tyrone/Pidge: Bye.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to peck at some of the grapes.

Steven/Noah: For sustenance?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Steven/Noah: He could just eat the floor. 

Rosie/Lucille: He could eat itself.

Olive/Timmit: “Well, what if…?” And I’ll-

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, can I try one of those Pidge?

Tyrone/Pidge: Eat.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you.

Olive/Timmit: I’ll take one as well, and just, om. 

Steven/Noah: I’m going to watch.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s like eating a water balloon, almost.

Steven/Noah: Like an orbie! 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Like an orb… Like a what?

Steven/Noah: Orbie!

Rosie/Lucille: Could I eat the table then? If it’s made out of the same stuff?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You could.

Rosie/Lucille: I won’t because it seems rude.

Jorja/Magnolia: That’s rude. 

Steven/Noah: That’s rude. You can’t just go to someone’s house and eat their table. 

Rosie/Lucille: But I could, but I won’t. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Knowing that you could is enough.

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah.

Tyrone/Pidge: Yum. Yum, yum. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Very yum.

Tyrone/Pidge: Okay, bye.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He flies back to the garden.

Steven/Noah: Bye Pidge.

Jorja/Magnolia: Bye, have fun.

Tyrone/Pidge: Bye. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Anything that we’d like to do in the dining room, or will we move on?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’ll take a handful of grapes.

Olive/Timmit: You liked it?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah dude.

Olive/Timmit: Huh.

Steven/Noah: What did it taste like?

Jorja/Magnolia: If you ate a water balloon.

Steven/Noah: Eww.

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, not the greatest flavour-wise, but for sustenance. If you’re thirsty.

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s an edible water bottle. 

Steven/Noah: Sick. I’m going to go through this door now. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Through the far door on the other side of the table?

Steven/Noah: Yeah. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s a two-door.

Rosie/Lucille: A two-door room. Purple, yellow, or green?

Steven/Noah: Purple.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s a lot happening in this room, actually. What we have here is the master bedroom. 

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo la la.

Jorja/Magnolia: Let’s get out of here. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We’ve got a huge bed. It’s a bedpost with little orb things on the top. There’s bedside tables. There’s partitions, and there’s a dresser inside there. The corner there, it’s got a little walk-in robe with little cloud clothes, and the other corner has some little trophy cabinets and plinths which includes some little cloud trophies there. 

Steven/Noah: Is that a piano!?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There is a grand piano in the other corner. There’s also a sofa and easel, and scattered throughout this room is - no taxidermied - but if it were a taxidermied bird, it would be that vibe. There’s statues of birds that are hung from the ceiling. 

Steven/Noah: If it’s a statue bird or a taxidermied bird, it’s fucking made of clouds. It doesn’t matter. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I just wanted to clarify that they are hanging from the ceiling. 

Steven/Noah: Okay.

Olive/Timmit: How does it go for light in here?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You get the sun coming through the cloud in the top.

Olive/Timmit: Are there any candle holders, or is there a candelabra or something?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, actually. Yeah. there’s going to be… Yeah, there’s going to be a candelabra on the bedside table.

Olive/Timmit: Can I just prestidigitate and light it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master:Yes, this cloud ignites into a fiery red cloud. It’s sort of the colour of a sunset is the fire.

Rosie/Lucille: Pretty, pretty. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Ooo, fire. Can I go have a look at those trophies?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, go for it.

Jorja/Magnolia: Rub my little peppers on them.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s sports trophies. You know, a soccer ball one, or a basketball one, or a baseball one.

Jorja/Magnolia: Does it have what position they came, or is like, ‘Participant’?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It doesn’t have words, it’s just the trophy.

Jorja/Magnolia: Participant.

Olive/Timmit: I would love to check out the piano.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can try play it.

Olive/Timmit: I’ll wander over. Press a few keys. See what it does.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is cloud. It’s cloud, Olive. There’s no sound coming out of it.

Jorja/Magnolia: Imagine if you pressed it though, and lightning striked.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That would be sick.

Olive/Timmit: That would be awesome! Can I attempt to place my fingers underneath the fallboard, and try to lift it up off the piano?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You sure can.

Olive/Timmit: Does anything happen, or is it just straight through?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nothing happens, so you can’t lift it up. You sort of just get the edges, the lip of it, and can’t pull it up.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, cool. Nah, just wanted to check.

Rosie/Lucille: Can I fly through the walls? I know you can stand on it, but like…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you want to test?

Steven/Noah: Lucille’s just like, ‘Yeet!’

Rosie/Lucille: There’s all these things in the room, and Lucille’s going to fly around for a bit, and kind of be like, “Hmm,” and dart straight to the wall. Just head on.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to dart to it?

Rosie/Lucille: Yeah. Real speedy.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You take three bludgeoning damage, as you just slam into the wall. It is cushioned as it is designed, as it is the playground flooring, but it is solid.

Rosie/Lucille: Oh! She was watching Timmit with the piano, and she put two and two together, and went, “Hmm, this is a cloud.”

Steven/Noah: I love how we have a disposable thopter, and Lucille jumps head first into things.

Rosie/Lucille: Well, she doesn’t really pause to think. She’s just like, “Yep, alright. Good idea Lucille, let’s do it.”

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m so smart and beautiful, I can do it.

Olive/Timmit: She’s just headstrong.

Rosie/Lucille: Not anymore. Head hit. 

Steven/Noah: Yeah, I guess I’ll just turn to Lucille and be like, “Umm, what are you doing?”

Rosie/Lucille: The wall. Cloud. Go through cloud. Wall hit head. Ouch. 

Steven/Noah: Oh god, now she’s having a stroke. 

Rosie/Lucille: I think we should use the door next time, children.

Jorja/Magnolia: I think so too, mother. 

Steven/Noah: Where would we like to go then? Should we continue around this way, or double back to the dining room?

Olive/Timmit: Oh wait, before we go, there’s the room with the bed back there. We haven’t really checked that room out yet.

Jorja/Magnolia: You can look in there. I feel a bit weird about looking through a giant bird’s bed, but you go for it.

Steven/Noah: Yeah, it feels a bit weird.

Olive/Timmit: Okay, I’ll head on in there, and do a quick little sweep and see if there’s anything of note. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What you walk into is a giant walk-in wardrobe. There are hangers around with little cloud shirts and cloud pants.

Olive/Timmit: Could I… No. No, no.Timmit reaches out for the cloud pants and things better of it. It would be a real bad idea.

Steven/Noah: What’s in there Timmit?

Olive/Timmit: Just a wardrobe.

Steven/Noah: That’s fun.

Olive/Timmit: Not really. It’s just a whole lot of clouds. Not a whole lot of style.

Jorja/Magnolia: Really? That’s so surprising.

Olive/Timmit: Right? I was shocked and appalled and shocked.

Jorja/Magnolia: Everything in here is cloud, right? Yep, let’s do a perimeter, and go in the middle last. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you’re going to go through the door to the right of where you came into the bedroom?

Steven/Noah: Press forward. Alright.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, that sounds wonderful. That’s a three door room then please. 

Rosie/Lucille: Green or yellow?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yellow. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Noah’s taking the charge?

Steven/Noah: Sure. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What we have here is the study. The walls are lined with bookshelves.

Steven/Noah: The books are made of clouds. You can’t even read them.

Jorja/Magnolia: I got so excited, then I was like, ‘Wait.’

Steven/Noah: I know. Like, ‘Ooo! Books!’ No. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There are a couple more bookshelves, sort of L-shaped bookshelves in the middle there. That big circle in the middle of the room is a big orb that sort of resembles a globe. Like, a big globe sitting in the middle of the room, and up the top there is some desks with some drawers and some chairs.

Rosie/Lucille: What’s in the drawers?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well, first of all: sitting at one of the desks is a raven. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Nevermore. How long have we been here?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Probably over ten minutes, yeah. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, okay.

Steven/Noah: I guess I’m first through the door, so I’ll be like, “Magnolia, there’s a bird. Come talk to it.”

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh.

Olive/Timmit: What bird? What bird?

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, it’s a raven. 

Olive/Timmit: Okay.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello raven.

*raven caw*

Jorja/Magnolia: We’re just looking around.

*raven caw*

Jorja/Magnolia: “My name’s Magnolia. It’s really nice to meet you.” Does it seem like the raven is upset?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, just curious. It’s just looking around at you, hopping about. It’s going to fly and land on the orb in the middle and peck at it a little bit.

Jorja/Magnolia: “You’re so smart. That’s what I was going to do.” I am going to walk over tot the orb in the middle of the room.

Steven/Noah: Magnolia, what’s it saying?

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, that spell ended. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What are you doing? Just feeling it?

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I’m going to be like, ‘Does it move?’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It does not move. Oh, no, it does move. It can sort of spin around. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Nice. Is it one of those secret globes where you can open it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That would be a really cool idea if I knew they existed. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Fuck! Okay, second idea: can I put my hand through it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You cannot. It is cloud squishy.

Rosie/Lucille: I was going to say, if she can put her hand through that, but I couldn’t run through a wall, I’d be questioning the world.

Jorja/Magnolia: I was hoping it would be a little secret, and there would be something inside it. 

Olive/Timmit: If I try to remove one of the books from the shelves, will it come out individually?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, it is all for show.

Rosie/Lucille: This would be the infuriating place to live.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Outside of the game, I do have a place where I know the essence is in the building.

Jorja/Magnolia: And it’s not in the globe?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to spin with the raven on top.

*raven caw*

Jorja/Magnolia: “Oh, sorry dude.” I’ll take out a grape.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll peck and eat it. 

Jorja/Magnolia: “Yeah, good boy.” I’ll give him a little scritch.

Olive/Timmit: Magnolia, how often can you talk to these…clouds?

Jorja/Magnolia: A couple of times, but I think they’re all pretty chill, so I was thinking maybe if we get in trouble, or if we go through all the rooms and want to ask specific questions then I might do it again. 

Olive/Timmit: Cool.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Steven/Noah: Wait, you can’t always talk to animals?

Jorja/Magnolia: No, I’ve been faking it this whole time.

Steven/Noah: Nice.

Jorja/Magnolia: I kind of just go off vibes, and then if it gets really bad, then if I can I’ll speak to them.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, alright. Should we keep going straight ahead?

Rosie/Lucille: Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a two door room please.

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, yellow or green?

Jorja/Magnolia: Green.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hello everyone. Welcome to the bathroom. What we have here is a big claw bathtub behind some partitions. Some little towels. Some bath bombs as well. There’s a big bench and a big sink. We’ve got some more bowls filled with bath bombs. Some spare towels and various perfume bottles. Bowls of decorative rocks. In the corner there’s a pair of saunas, if you care to look inside, and a big shower.

Rosie/Lucille: A couple of saunas. Imagine having a couple of saunas.

Jorja/Magnolia: Wait, wait, wait. Imagine having a couple of saunas made of fucking cloud.

*laughter*

Steven/Noah: When you were like, ‘And there’s some decorative rocks,’ I was like, ‘Decorative clouds.’

Jorja/Magnolia: ‘There’s some bath bombs.’ Just a hard cloud.

Steven/Noah: ‘Perfumes.’ Ooo, it’s cloud scented.

Olive/Timmit: We’re in a cloud, get over it. I’m going to go look in the saunas.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to open the sauna?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to look in the other sauna.

Steven/Noah: Oh my god, what if someone’s in there?

Jorja/Magnolia: Well, it’s a group sauna. 

Olive/Timmit: I’ll just open it.

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to knock. 

*door knock*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia, you hear a squawk.

*bird call*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Timmit, you open the door, and there’s an ibis inside. It’s going to stare at you and sort of step closer.

Olive/Timmit: I- Yeah. Okay. Cool. We’re hanging out. We’re cool. We’re fine.

*bird call*

Olive/Timmit: *distressed noises*

Steven/Noah: Timmit, why are you peeing yourself?

Olive/Timmit: There’s a chicken- Bird- Thing.

Jorja/Magnolia: Love, that’s an ibis. So sorry sir. Grape.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to push past Timmit.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, I’m not going to let it touch me. I’m going to slide in if it has walked out now.

Jorja/Magnolia: “Bye bye, have fun,” and I’ll just go to close the door again.

*bird call*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s staying out now.

Jorja/Magnolia: Oh, okay. Well.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Everyone please roll me either a perception or an investigation.

Olive/Timmit: Oh, okay. Yeah, investigation I’ll roll. 

Steven/Noah: I will also roll investigation.

Jorja/Magnolia: Perception.

Rosie/Lucille: Perception.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, I got twelve.

Steven/Noah: Eleven.

Olive/Timmit: I also got eleven.

Jorja/Magnolia: Sixteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Timmit, inside the sauna is a little brazier with coals that keep it warm, and they are glowing the same sunset colour. Rosie, the ibis has just walked into the shower. You can hear water running now.

*shower starts*

Rosie/Lucille: Can I- I don’t want to look at the ibis, but can I- I kind of want to see what the waters like because it’s all cloud. Is it water, or is it streams of cloud?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you going to look?

Jorja/Magnolia: At least do it stealthily. 

Rosie/Lucille: No, I want to. I’m going to look. I don’t feel proud about it, but I’m looking. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is just like a shower head that has water coming out of it. The fountain had water as well guys. 

Rosie/Lucille: Oh yeah, cool.

Olive/Timmit: I was full picturing cloud water in that fountain. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Noah: investigation eleven. You inspect each one of these decorative rocks and bath bombs, and none of them are the essence. 

Jorja/Magnolia: More fucking clouds!

*laughter*

Steven/Noah: They’re all cloud scented.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Magnolia, what was your result, and what were you rolling?

Jorja/Magnolia: Sixteen perception.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You hear from further beyond this room - from outside this room - you hear big flaps.

*wing flaps*

Jorja/Magnolia: Hey Timmit.

Olive/Timmit: Huh? What’s up?

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m just checking in because it feels like we’re a bit of the way into this place. How are you feeling? How are you doing with all the birds?

Olive/Timmit: I’m currently contemplating whether I heat up this brazier here, how the steam would… Would it be- No, it would be smoke, but would the smoke be cloud or steam?

Jorja/Magnolia: Vapour.

Steven/Noah: Cloud steam is still steam, bruh. 

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, but I’m just trying to figure it out. I mean, I’m just trying to figure out what it would be made of. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay, so you’re pretty preoccupied with that?

Olive/Timmit: Oh, yeah I’m pretty distracted. Why do you ask? No, but why do you ask?

Jorja/Magnolia: I think the big boy is coming home.

Steven/Noah: Daddy’s here.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucille, while you’re watching the ibis shower…

*laughter*

Jorja/Magnolia: Sorry, I forgot that was happening. 

Rosie/Lucille: I wasn’t- I did a quick glance. I wasn’t watching.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: While you’re watching the ibis shower, you kind of see it stop and flick over to where you are, and it starts walking towards the door, almost in a daze.

Rosie/Lucille: Well, I’m going to step back and let it through. That’s…yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It just walks through the door.

Steven/Noah: Which door?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We’re in a corner. Let’s say it goes into the next room. Into the one you haven’t gone into yet.

Rosie/Lucille: Hey guys, that bird just walked real weird.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, I think I hear the big one coming in, maybe.

Rosie/Lucille: Should we follow it?

Jorja/Magnolia: I want to.

Olive/Timmit: I mean, I’ll follow you.

Steven/Noah: I mean, I’d rather follow a bird than stay in a bathroom.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, this sauna sucks to be honest.

Steven/Noah: We’re so judgemental.

Rosie/Lucille: I think that we should.

Jorja/Magnolia: We follow the bird.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Can you please put on the last three door room? What you’ve entered is the rec room. There’s a billiards table with billiard balls. There’s a fireplace with billowing dark clouds and sofas sitting in front of it. There is a poker table. We have a bar full of fake alcohol bottles. Cloud alcohol bottles, if you would. There’s bookshelves, and there’s a low chandelier, similar to the other room where it had the little orb fixtures, but you don’t get to take in too much of it because the ibis is walking through that door going to the centre - to the right of where you guys entered.

Steven/Noah: Can I put three on clouds?

Jorja/Magnolia: No, no. Let’s play billiards. I’ll play clouds. You be clouds. 

*laughter*

Olive/Timmit: I can’t even make cocktails in this bar. The only ingredients are cloud!

Rosie/Lucille: I’m following the ibis.

Steven/Noah: Let’s go to the middle room. Following the ibis.

Jorja/Magnolia: Yeah, middle room.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can put the middle square on.

Rosie/Lucille: Woohoo.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, what we have is the courtyard. You’re stepping outside now. All around you, the high walls of the castle are around you. That was a weird sentence. The little green lines there, that’s a little green pathway. Around the edges are hedges, similar to the greenhouse situation, and then in the centre is a giant fountain with the statue of a giant heron with large cloud wings. He’s got a circle orb in his mouth. Perched on top of the statue is a giant heron with cloud wings, and it turns its head to look at you. One by one inspecting you. It will let out a sound that sounds like a really fast wind. Not quite a gale, but like wind whipping past in a wind tunnel.

*wind*

Steven/Noah: Does it have an orb in its mouth?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It does not, no. 

Jorja/Magnolia: The statue do. 

Steven/Noah: Parley.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to step down off of its perch from on top of the statue of itself and takes a step towards you.

Olive/Timmit: Timmit just backs up ten feet, like almost up into the other room. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And it makes the same sound again, of wind through wind tunnel.

*wind*

Jorja/Magnolia: Can I cast Speak With Animals?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can.

Jorja/Magnolia: Does the wind sound change at all?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It does. 

Jorja/Magnolia: What is wind sound in human form?

Tyrone/Astroavos: Hello.

Jorja/Magnolia: Hello.

Tyrone/Astroavos: In my house.

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s a beautiful house. We were told that we could just have a little look around.

Tyrone/Astroavos: Yes. Now time to play game. 

Rosie/Lucille: Ooo, I love games.

Tyrone/Astroavos: Play hide and seek with twist.

Jorja/Magnolia: Okay. With Twister, or with a twist?

Tyrone/Astroavos: With a twist. Find orb. Find essence before I find you. Okay, bye.

Jorja/Magnolia: Can I just ask three questions?

Tyrone/Astroavos: Go quick.

Rosie/Lucille: Ask what happens if he finds us?

Jorja/Magnolia: What happens if you find us?

Tyrone/Astroavos: You lose points.

Jorja/Magnolia: Do you have to find all of us for the game to be over?

Tyrone/Astroavos: Yes.

Jorja/Magnolia: And does just one of us have to find the essence?

Tyrone/Astroavos: Yes. Goodbye. Three questions up.

Jorja/Magnolia: Thank you sir! Guys, we’ve got to find the orb before he finds us. 

Steven/Noah: Where does he start?

Jorja/Magnolia: I don’t know! He said, ‘Go quick.’

Olive/Timmit: I think we’re wasting time. Should we just split up?

Rosie/Lucille: But is that thing there the orb? Did we find the orb?

[discordant music rises to overtake the dialogue]

Theme Song: *rock music plays*

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Editing, Community Manager, and Transcriber, Steven Edwards as Noah, Olive Jerome as Timothy and the Editing Assistant, Rosemary Ochtman as Lucille, and Jorja Odd as Magnolia. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant, and that theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas. We’re on the lookout for a couple of people to join the team as a Community Manager and as a transcriber, so if that sounds like you, shoot us a DM or an email, and that email is portalquandary@gmail.com. We’re also on a bunch of social media that you should check out including Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Threads, and our newly launched Patreon, all of which are @PortalQuandary. That’s Q-U-A-N-D-A-R-Y. And this podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

Theme Song: *rock music continues* 

Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.

Jorja/Magnolia: Winged Boots of Flying, but they’re gumboots. 

Steven/Noah: Gumboots of Flying. 

Jorja/Magnolia: I’m going to get him a Waltzing Matilda hat too. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re just holding Goaty the entire flight up. Goaty’s just like, ‘Argh!’

*laughter*

Steven/Noah: I don’t want to be here!

Olive/Timmit: I just love the image of you flying through a storm with a phantasmal goat under your arm.

Steven/Noah: *goat bleats*

Olive/Timmit: Also, I called him Pelican Cleric, or Pelicleric.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pelican Cleric? Why’s he a cleric?

Olive/Timmit: Well, he’s a cleric.

Jorja/Magnolia: Do you mean clerk?

Steven/Noah: Clerk.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Clerk.

Olive/Timmit: No.

Steven/Noah: Did I fucking stutter?

Olive/Timmit: Yeah, I might have done goofed it. 

Jorja/Magnolia: Do you think we have any British listeners that are like, ‘What the fuck is wrong with these people? *British accent* I’ve never been so enthralled by a podcast before. They get me. They get really get me.

Rosie/Lucille: Have you ever thought about putting flavouring into blu-tack because then it’s just like free gum.

Jorja/Magnolia: It’s not free. Blu-tack isn’t free, love.

*laughter*

Rosie/Lucille: Oh, what?

Jorja/Magnolia: Just buy gum.