Rosie/Pookie: Portal Quandary has some -how do you say? - content warnings, so please please check our episode descriptions or you might get sad.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Andres stands in a white room radiating with light that seems to stretch into infinity. Silhouetted shapes like pillars or arches can be seen, but seem to blur if inspected too closely.

Tyrone/Celestor: “Andres… My sweet Andres… Why are you here?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The outline of a woman makes itself known to him in the far-off distance.

Steven/Andres: “Huh? What ? Holy shit! Oh, Celstor, hey. Where are we?”

Tyrone/Celestor: “This is my private little sanctuary, a realm where souls are housed when they die in my name.”

Steven/Andres: “Oh yeah, looks great. Love what you’ve done with the place, but uh… Where is everyone?”

Tyrone/Celestor: “It is empty now, but with my guidance, you can help more pass on.”

Steven/Andres: “Oh, I was gonna do that, hey? What about those fairy thieves? That work for you?”

Tyrone/Celestor: “They will make delectable residents in this temple.”

Steven/Andres: “And then you’ll- You’ll help them pass on, right?”

Tyrone/Celestor: “Of course, my little helper. They will remain here for a time before finding peace beyond.”

Steven/Andres: “Can I come back before they go? Maybe we could party or something.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Please get back up. I need your help. Please, please, please.”

Steven/Andres: “What was that?”

Tyrone/Celestor: “You’re not ready for this place, not yet. Your time will come, but for now you need to return.”

Jorja/Indigo: “I need an adult. I’m scared.” 

Steven/Andres: “Indigo? Where are-?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And the white room is gone, and Andres opens his eyes just in time to see Indigo spray an acidic mist towards one of the intruders. Andres, filled with newfound clarity, prepares to send the fairies to Celestor’s realm. 

Theme Song: [rock music plays]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Welcome to episode eight of Portal Quandary: Atrius! I rudely interrupted Indigo in the middle of her turn of combat last time we played, but as a quick recap: we had a lot of combat; Daryl punched through a wall; Pookie was thwarted by a door and is currently in a room full of scared people showing them magic tricks; and everyone else was chasing down the last guy after murdering two people, and the third guy was running out of the building.

Jorja/Indigo: I didn’t actually murder anyone.

Steven/Andres: I did. 

Jorja/Indigo: And I forgot Pookie was in that room.

Rosie/Pookie: Teehee.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Indigo’s chased the last guy out of the room, out of the building, to see manticores coming from the sky through a big, golden portal.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep. If I had emotions, I would be scared. How far away is he?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I thought you meant the manticore for a second. Like, woah.

Jorja/Indigo: No, no, no. That’s not my fight.

Steven/Andres: He’s right there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s see, if he ran out he has… he’s probably ten feet away.

Jorja/Indigo: Ten feet? Goddamn. And he’s the one holding the picture, isn’t he?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Jorja/Indigo: Does he look particularly hurt?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Jorja/Indigo: How hurt would you say?

Steven/Andres: Give me a number. How many hit points?

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, I need an exact number here.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I believe the D&D term is ‘bloodied.’

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, I never learnt what they were.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think it’s less than half HP. 

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.

Steven/Andres: I didn’t know they had terms.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Olive/Daryl: ‘On death’s door’ usually means less than five.

Steven/Andres: I thought that was just if I’m at your door.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What have you got, Indigo?

Jorja/Indigo: It’s ten feet. I don’t want to get close to that. I’m going to shoot a Sorcerous Burst at him.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You won’t do it. You’re scared.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: Natural twenty. Never doubt me!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Indigo just had to assert her dominance. Okay, that hits.

Jorja/Indigo: Yippee.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: So, it would be eight poison.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, eight poison damage?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, how would you like to kill a man? Are you killing a man?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes, I am killing a man. Daryl can’t see me.

Olive/Daryl: Daryl sees all.

Jorja/Indigo: No, you don’t. I’m going to step out of the door, and then close it behind me, and then I’m going to look up at the manticore and kind of panic, and half looking at him be like, “Fuck!” and cast it out of surprise, and yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What does it look like when it comes out?

Jorja/Indigo: Green tendrils come from her hand and latch onto him. Everywhere but the hand that's holding the painting.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Very specific.

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And he falls to the ground, dead.

Jorja/Indigo: Beautiful. I’ll take that painting.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s quite large, like a small TV. A small TV size.

Jorja/Indigo: I’ll take that painting. I’ll take that and slip inside. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You are out of combat, so you are free to do what you want now.

Jorja/Indigo: Yes! I’ll slip back inside, close the door, and be like, “Don’t go out there!”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, why? Yeah, what’s going on?”

Steven/Andres: “Why?”

Jorja/Indigo: “There’s big flying things in the sky that are attacking everyone, I think.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, big flying things in the sky. What do you mean?”

Jorja/Indigo: Do I know what a manticore is?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll Nature?

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: You’re not going to believe this.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is that another natural twenty?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Apparently Indigo is really brushed up on her fantasy. She knows exactly what a manticore is.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, she would.

Rosie/Pookie: I don’t. What is it?

Jorja/Indigo: It’s like a lion, fucking griffon, fucking…

Rosie/Pookie: Ah yeah, cool.

Steven/Andres: A scorpion tail with wings.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, it’s like three animals in one.

Rosie/Pookie: Lovely. Ugh. 

Jorja/Indigo: I’ll explain that.

Olive/Daryl: “Bloody Christ. Is there nothing that they can’t think of? Alright, okay.” Daryl will turn around and check the woman who was at the receptionist desk. Is she still there, or did she run off?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s still there. She’s still cowering behind the desk on her phone like:

Tyrone/Receptionist: “Please, please help. Help.”

Olive/Daryl: “Excuse me, maam. Maam, excuse me.”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “Yeah?”

Olive/Daryl: “Hello, yes. It looks like there’s a bit of strife outside. Is there another way out of this building?”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “No. What’s going on out there?”

Olive/Daryl: “Look, I don’t want to alarm you, so I’m simply not going to tell you, but how about we just relax. You let them know that something’s going on. Are you on the phone with the police?”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “Yes. I’m trying to get them here, but they’re saying that there’s something else that they have to deal with.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, okay.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah, that’d be the manticores.”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “The what?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Manticores.”

Olive/Daryl: “Indigo, maybe let’s not…”

Jorja/Indigo: “She’s fine.”

Olive/Daryl: She looks visibly distressed, yes?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Olive/Daryl: I’ll turn back to Indigo. “She’s not fine, love.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Well, it’s better if she knows.”

Olive/Daryl: “How does that help her?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Because what if we just came in and killed a bunch of people? She’s probably scared of us.”

Olive/Daryl: “Yes.”

Jorja/Indigo: “So, we don’t want her to run away from us and out because she’s scared of us to something worse.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl and Andres, you have your radios on still, right?

Olive/Daryl: Ah, yeah.

Steven/Andres: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to hear a:

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Come in, come in.”

Steven/Andres: “Daryl?”

Olive/Daryl: “Do you want to take this, or should I take this?”

Steven/Andres: “Am I able to speak yet?”

Olive/Daryl: “Not yet actually.”

Steven/Andres: “You better take that then.”

Olive/Daryl: “I think I might actually take that. How about you and Indigo take this lovely, young lady and go into the back room. Find Pookie, and I’ll meet up with you in just a moment. Just make sure that everyone is safe and confined in a solid space, alright?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Okay.”

Olive/Daryl: “Cool.”

Tyrone/Thorne:  *radio* “Come in, come in.”

Olive/Daryl: I’ll grab the radio. *radio* “Ah yeah, go for gopher. Oh wait, I’m not a  gopher. What was I again? Was I the camel?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Come in. Daryl, is that you?”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Ah yes. Yes, it is. Why? What’s going on?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “You guys okay? I can see from the sky all this stuff going on.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Yeah, we’ve got it under control.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “You’ve got it under control? Are you guys safe?”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Well, we secured the painting.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “The what?”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “The painting. We secured the painting.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Ah alright, well fair enough. Yeah look, it’s been a bit chaotic. Indigo was under fire, but we came to the rescue. Two people are dead, and now there are a bunch of manticores flying down from the sky apparently. So I’ve been told.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “I’ve got eyes on them. I’m looking at them above the city right now.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Beautiful. What are you doing about it?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “I can get a getaway vehicle.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Oh, so you’re not going to help anyone? Just us?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “I am but one man. There is the Melbourne police, and there are the guards inside, but I can get you out.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Alright, so what are we thinking? A little bit of an exit, or are we thinking of a little bit of a hit and run situation?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “What?”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “We hit people on the way out, and then we run. Jesus Christ mate, what do you do for a living?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “I run a convenience store.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Right, yes. The cult underneath the convenience store would one hundred percent be run by the man who owns the convenience store for a living. Yes, got it. Right, okay.”

Steven/Andres: “Daryl, I know you said that I-”

Olive/Daryl: “You are not allowed to talk.”

Steven/Andres: “I know, but can I talk to you? Yeah?”

Olive/Daryl: “Alright mate.” *radio* “How about if you just let me know- Give me a second, alright?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “We’ll meet you out the front. Bye!”

Olive/Daryl: “No, wait. Fuck.”

Steven/Andres: “I wanted to ask if they saw someone that looked like this,” and I’m going to cast Disguise Self on myself to look like Thaumus.

[glittery magic sound]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, you have the look of this fabulous, wizard-looking fairy in front of you.

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Excuse me. Come in.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Yes?”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Just wanting to double check, with your eyes in the sky, have you seen a particularly interesting looking fairy flying around? What do they do?”

Steven/Andres: “She’s the… Can I speak?”

Olive/Daryl: “Yes! I’m asking you a question.”

Steven/Andres: “Ah, sorry Daryl. She’s the Head of the Magic School.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Ah, the head of the magic school. Some witch something or other.”

Jorja/Indigo: I would have heard all of this through Andres’s radio, so I’ll turn my radio back on and look at you, and actually be like, *radio* “She has this colour hair. She’s this tall. She’s wearing these clothes.”

Steven/Andres: Thank you.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s a blue wizard hat. She has beautiful blue and purple wings. She’s got a robe on.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep, I will actually give specifics other than, ‘She’s the Head of the Magic School and a fairy. Have you seen her?’

Steven/Andres: Yeah I am. Thank you. ‘Have you seen a fairy around?’

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Oh, no. No-one like that. I mean, it’s pretty far away. It’s hard to tell the specifics. There is like… Is that a dragon?”

Olive/Daryl: Is there?

Jorja/Indigo: Can I peek through the door?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Jorja/Indigo: Is there a dragon?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s a dragon.

Jorja/Indigo: *radio* “Yeah, confirmed. That is a dragon.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s kind of like Maleficent. It’s got purple… Black with shimmering purple.

Jorja/Indigo: Ugh. She fucks. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She fucks? ‘Oh, and you’re a girl dragon?’

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Stay safe, okay? Stay under cover, away from the eyes in the sky.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Yep. We’ve got you. We’ll stay put.”

Jorja/Indigo: I close the door again.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: People are trying to run inside.

Jorja/Indigo: I’ll let them.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.

Jorja/Indigo: But I’m not outside of the door.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. You’ve got floods of citizens trying to take cover. Normal people.

Jorja/Indigo: “There’s people in the back if you go that way and then that way. Out there.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re all screaming, and you’re like: *whispering* ‘This way. This way.’

Jorja/Indigo: Do I have… I’ll use Minor Illusion to create a sign that says: ‘Safe,’ with an arrow pointing down the hallway.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They follow it. Hell yeah. I love that. Are you guys heading towards the back?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes, we were told to. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.

Jorja/Indigo: We’ll go find Pookie.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You eventually find Pookie in a room with about five scared people cowering in a corner.

Rosie/Pookie: No, the image you come into is, yes, they may appear scared, but Pookie is on the ceiling on their hind legs hanging down with their front legs straight, bearing their teeth, and saying, “Now, this is how you look like a bat.”

Jorja/Indigo: “That’s very good Pookie. Do you want a pat?”

Rosie/Pookie: “Oh hello, I’m afraid you cannot reach me now. Pookie is gone. I’m just a bat.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Okay bat, would you like a pat?”

Rosie/Pookie: “Yes please.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Okay, come here.”

Rosie/Pookie: I jump down.

Jorja/Indigo: I hold her.

Steven/Andres: Andres’s going to walk into the room and be like, *impersonating Thaumus*  “Hello darlings! The Head of the Magic School is here. You’re all safe now. It’s okay.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re all going to run to you, away form the bat, and be like:

Tyrone/Citizen: “Oh my god, help. Help.”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “Yes, it’s alright, dear. It’s okay.”

Tyrone/Citizen: “You’re going to get us out of here?”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “Of course, of course. For now, we’ll just stay here, and we’ll all be calm and collected.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And then a flood of people are going to come in and join this. There’s going to be about twenty of them now.

Jorja/Indigo: How long does that last? It’s an hour, right?

Steven/Andres: Yeah, it’s one hour. 

Jorja/Indigo: Okay, cool. 

Olive/Daryl: I’ll remain at the front door helping people come through, and I’ll be keeping an eye to see if it quietens down, if it picks up, what the situation is.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, are you having a look outside?

Olive/Daryl: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, there’s a few manticores that come down and sweep down and grab a person and fly away.

Jorja/Indigo: And then drop it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, and then drop them.

[Wilhelm scream]

Olive/Daryl: “This world…”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’ve got spikes on their tail, and they’re whipping their tail around and throwing spikes on people. People are running into buildings to hide.

Olive/Daryl: Okay, I might just close this door now. I’ll close that. I’ll lock the door, and then I’ll very quietly step my way back towards the back of the building. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lovely. 

Tyrone/Receptionist: “So, can you help us?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The receptionist at the front to Daryl.

Olive/Daryl: “You know what? I believe that we can. Right now though, what we need to do is sit down and remain very calm and quiet, and then we will be able to work on a game plan of getting us out of here. Alright? But if we start panicking, then no-one is going to be helped that way, alright?”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “Okay.”

Olive/Daryl: “Just take a deep breath.”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “ *inhales* “

Olive/Daryl: “And out.”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “ *exhales* “

Olive/Daryl: “Wonderful. You did great. Alright, let’s go.”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “Okay.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s the plan guys?

Jorja/Indigo: Should we try a short rest?

Olive/Daryl: Yep, short rest. 

Jorja/Indigo: Okay. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, that’s an hour.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep. I’m going to get out my little pan pipes and play them quietly and calmly while we’re resting.

[pan pipes start playing]

Steven/Andres: Thaumus is going to read a Japanese Book for Dummies.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.

Rosie/Pookie: Well, I don’t really need a short rest, so I might go and explore.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. We’ll come back to that in a second.

Rosie/Pookie: I would.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl?

Olive/Daryl: I’m probably going to keep tabs on our watch commander.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thorne. 

Olive/Daryl: Thorne, and just keep tabs on what’s happening. Asking questions like are they within the central cityscape? Are they in the outer walls as well? Are they bringing carnage anywhere else? Is it quiet in one place, safe in another? You know?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll keep you updated, but for now he’s driving. He doesn’t call and drive. 

Steven/Andres: Definitely not when talking to a policeman. 

Olive/Daryl: What the fuck?

Rosie/Pookie: Ex-policeman.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Mate, he’s driving.

Jorja/Indigo: He doesn’t have hands free?

Olive/Daryl: For a walkie-talkie?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: For a walkie-talkie?

Olive/Daryl: Christ, mate.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bluetooth?

Jorja/Indigo: Cars have walkie-talkies in them?

Olive/Daryl: Yeah.

Rosie/Pookie: Wait, what?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Walkie-talkies?

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah. You can install a walkie-talkie into your car.

Rosie/Pookie: Really?

Jorja/Indigo: What do you think truck drivers use?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s different. This guy is just a normal guy. 

Olive/Daryl: He’s a convenience store owner.

Jorja/Indigo: Who owns a secret business of infiltration. You think he could maybe put one in his car?

Olive/Daryl: Fuck no. You think he had enough forethought? He just put four strangers into a mythical city. Brother’s got no plan. 

Jorja/Indigo: True. I forgot about that.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie.

Rosie/Pookie: Hello.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where are you going?

Rosie/Pookie: Well, there’s a lot of people from the public in here, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, I said about twenty people.

Rosie/Pookie: Yeah, cool. Well, first of all, I’m going to do a round of sniffing to see if any of them smell like my long-lost family.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll an Investigation.

Rosie/Pookie: That’s with my negative one. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Steven/Andres: Oh, goodie.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Thirteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thirteen? No. None of them smell quite right.

Rosie/Pookie: Okay. Well, in that case, I’m going to dart out of the room. You said there’s no way out the back, hey?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No.

Rosie/Pookie: Okay, I’m going to start darting around, sniffing, trying to pick up any smell at all. Because there’s been all these people come in, and it’s kind of like disturbed me. How cats get disturbed when there’s a lot of people, and they get kind of frenzied, so I’m running about, trying to sniff out my family.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: All the people that have come in have gone into that back room. There might be an occasional person also run in as well, but the museum is pretty empty besides that one theatre.

Rosie/Pookie: In that case, I think I’m going to keep running about towards the front door. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.

Rosie/Pookie: I just want to see what’s going on.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is a closed door. We have explicitly established that Daryl has closed the door.

Steven/Andres: Foiled again.

Rosie/Pookie: What kind of doorknob is it?

Olive/Daryl: It’s locked too, so good luck with that.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Did you lock it?

Olive/Daryl: Yes, I said that.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How did you lock it?

Olive/Daryl: It’s a door. I shut it, and then I locked it.

Jorja/Indigo: People still want to come in.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Olive/Daryl: No, fuck them.

Jorja/Indigo: Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Apparently it is locked.

Rosie/Pookie: In that case, I guess I have no choice but to return to the party.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You could ask them to open them if you really want to.

Rosie/Pookie: Well, they’re all asleep. 

Olive/Daryl: No, we’re just resting.

Jorja/Indigo: We’re not asleep. We’re just resting. We’re just sat down. 

Steven/Andres: It’s just like light activity. Like you’re sitting on a train.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh okay.

Olive/Daryl: One thing I would like to do actually is I will turn to Indigo.

Steven/Andres: Andres’s not currently here. It had to be you.

Olive/Daryl: “The painting you grabbed that, right?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah.”

Olive/Daryl: “Should we take a look at it? I mean, they wanted it for a reason.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah.” I open it up. I mean, I think I already saw it, didn’t I?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. So, this one is a regal fairy woman with semi-transparent, icy-blue wings. A crown made of ice. A light-blue gown. A cold, piercing stare like a seventeenth century portrait.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, I found out the name because it was one of those statues, wasn’t it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It was a different painting along the way, yeah.

Jorja/Indigo: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Demeter, you remember.

Jorja/Indigo: “Demeter. It’s Demeter.”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah okay, but the question is why did they want the painting?”

Jorja/Indigo: Did I get any information about who Demeter was?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You know that she was the person that exiled The Summer Court from that earlier painting. They were saying that they wanted it for her. They were going to bring it to her.  

Jorja/Indigo: “She’s the one that exiled all of these people, and they said that they were bringing it to her because she said that she wanted it.”

Olive/Daryl: “Alright, do you mind if I take a look?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah.”

Olive/Daryl: I’m going to take the painting and give it a once over to see if there’s anything hidden within the painting. Any slips that might be containing something. Anything on the painting to see if there’s a hidden message.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m over Daryl’s shoulder going, “Go Daryl. Go Daryl,” and I cast Bardic Inspiration. 

Olive/Daryl: What do I get with that Bardic Inspiration?

Jorja/Indigo: You get a d6.

Olive/Daryl: A d6?

Jorja/Indigo: For ten minutes.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: For an Investigation, we’re looking at a twenty-one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s pretty fucking good. Pretty fucking good. There’s going to be a signature in the bottom left hand corner of the painting. A small one. It seems to be signed: Oberon. O-B-E-R-O-N. 

Jorja/Indigo: Which one though? There’s one hundred of them.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s the third one, but okay.

Jorja/Indigo: I don’t know how many kids he has.

Olive/Daryl: I assume that it would probably be the first Oberon.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It doesn’t have a number. It doesn’t have Oberon II or Oberon III, so it just says Oberon.

Olive/Daryl: “Would you look at that? Did you see this?”

Jorja/Indigo: “No, I was fighting for my life. What is it?”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, fair enough. It says Oberon. So Oberon must have painted this.”

Jorja/Indigo: “That’s that king dude, right?”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah, that’s the king I think. Right?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yes?”

Olive/Daryl: “Alright, okay.”

Jorja/Indigo: “I’ve just been in this museum. I don’t know what’s happening. There was some guy outside playing drums, and I ended up here.”

Olive/Daryl: “Really?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah.”

Olive/Daryl: “That’s all you got up to?”

Jorja/Indigo: “I followed Pookie for a little bit.”

Olive/Daryl: “Fair enough. Say no more. Speaking of Pookie, I’ve actua;ly got something else that I found.” I’ll take this time to take out the locked book.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Olive/Daryl: And the key that I claimed from Pookie.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. 

Olive/Daryl: And I’ll lay them down in front of all of us. Be like, “So, I found this book in a place that I should not have found it. Oh no, I found it in a place that I should have found it, but not where I should have been.”

Jorja/Indigo: Are we doing this in front of all the random citizens of this town?

Olive/Daryl: We could find another corner to go into.

Jorja/Indigo: Okay. I just wanted to check. ‘Hey, all you citizens, we stole from you.’

Olive/Daryl: ‘We stole this.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is also citizens of Melbourne. There are people who were just in the city. They’re not all just fairies.

Steven/Andres: Can I please can Detect Magic on the book because it takes on action?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can. That’s your Warlock invocation?

Steven/Andres: Yes. It’s also my Disguise Self, which is why I’m doing it without spell slots.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You detect the presence coming from the key.

Steven/Andres: What key?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The key that he’s holding.

Steven/Andres: Oh.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, there was a key that Pookie found, and then I found the book.

Rosie/Pookie: “And on that note, do you have my leaf as well?”

Olive/Daryl: “Of course I do. Yeah, absolutely. I kept it. Here.” I take out the leaf out, and I-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s no magic.

Steven/Andres: I was going to say, ‘Is there magic sparking from the leaf?’

Olive/Daryl: “Is there-” I’ll turn to Andres. “Andres, is there magic in this leaf?”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “Who are you talking to? I am Thaumus.”

Olive/Daryl: “My apologies Thaumus. You look like someone I know. Thaumus-”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “Honest mistake.”

Olive/Daryl: “Thaumus, is there magic? Is there magic in this leaf?”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “Let me check,” and I’m going to raise my arms and be very over the top and fabulous because that’s all I can really tell that she does, and I’m hoping that I can keep pretending that that’s who I am, and I will place one hand on the leaf and one hand on the universe and chant something. “Reveal your secrets leaf.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well yes, the leaf does not reveal any magic. 

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “This is a very beautiful leaf; however, there is no inherent magic in this leaf.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, I see.”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “That key, however.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, the key?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You also detect magic coming from Indigo’s outfit, Daryl’s outfit, Pookie’s collar, your jacket, the ruby phone from the receptionist. You’re detecting something coming from Indigo’s pockets, but no clue what that is - or bag. And you detect the overall magic of you as with Disguise Self.

Steven/Andres: I learn the schools if any, so my question would be as Andres - as Thaumus- can I pick any schools? I’m particularly interested in the pocket.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The potions have school of enchantment, I suppose.

Steven/Andres: Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Steven/Andres: And what in particular is coming off the key? It says if any. If there’s nothing, it’s fine.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think that’s more if someone is enchanted and they’re under the effects of the spell.

Steven/Andres: Yeah, that makes sense. And obviously he had the spellbook? Is that what you pulled out?

Olive/Daryl: A book of some type. I don’t know if it’s a spellbook.

Steven/Andres: A book?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s got a lock on it.

Steven/Andres: A book? 

Olive/Daryl: A book.

Steven/Andres: Weird. With a lock on it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Steven/Andres: Cute, and I’m assuming that that’s coming up with something?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The book? I don’t think so. It’s just a book.

Steven/Andres: Okay. The key is the main thing?

Olive/Daryl: Yeah. “I love a magic key. We’ll find out what that does, but first: Pookie, here’s your leaf.”

Rosie/Pookie: “If you could keep it in your pocket please. I shall save that one for later.”

Olive/Daryl: “Very well. It’ll stay in there.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Thank you.”

Olive/Daryl: “Should we find out what’s in this book? Alright.” I’ll pop the key into the lock and-

Jorja/Indigo: I’m going to move behind a wall.

Rosie/Pookie: I’m on Daryl’s shoulder.

Olive/Daryl: Hell yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll a d100 please.

Olive/Daryl: Oh joy.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep. Magic key, non-magic book. Doesn’t seem right. I’m going to hide behind a wall if I don’t say so myself.

Olive/Daryl: Daryl believes that magic is inherently dangerous, but also isn’t used to magic yet, you know? You know?

Jorja/Indigo: I’m a teen, I’m suspicious of everything.

Olive/Daryl: That is true.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Ninety-eight. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ninety-eight. The key does not open the lock.

Olive/Daryl: Fuck.

Rosie/Pookie: “Just rip the book open.”

Olive/Daryl: “I don’t really want to damage it.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Can I do a little scratch on it?”

Olive/Daryl: “No.”

Steven/Andres: Sorry, can I now roll an Arcana on the key?

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah. Can I also?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.

Olive/Daryl: “Guys, this key doesn’t work.”

Steven/Andres: We shall add that one d4.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: I got a sixteen.

Steven/Andres: I got a twenty-three.

Jorja/Indigo: Bitch.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eww, what the fuck?

Steven/Andres: I rolled a nineteen, plus one and a three on my guidance. 

Olive/Daryl: Goddamn. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Indigo, you look at it. There’s a little question mark on the end of the key you notice, embedded into the design. It’s a big circle with a question mark in the middle. 

Jorja/Indigo: The Riddler. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But beyond that you have no idea.

Jorja/Indigo: Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Andres, you have-

Steven/Andres: I am Thaumus.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thaumus, you have identified exactly what this thing does. It has a five percent chance of unlocking any lock into which it is inserted, and then it disappears.

Jorja/Indigo: So, if it works it disappears, but you can keep trying?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Jorja/Indigo: Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Once it unlocks something, the key disappears.

Steven/Andres: Okay, and I know that there’s no magic coming from the book?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Steven/Andres: Okay.

Rosie/Pookie: So, we could just rip it open.

Jorja/Indigo: Do we have thieves’ tools?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I don’t think anyone’s classes specifically have them.

Jorja/Indigo: I walk over to these random people. “Anyone have thieves’ tools?”

Tyrone/Citizens: “What?”

Olive/Daryl: “She’s just asking if anyone has got a lockpick. That’s all.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah.”

Olive/Daryl: “There’s a door that needs entering into. We’re seeing if there’s a way we can get into it.” 

Jorja/Indigo: “Thaumus asks-”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “Thaumus, Head of the Magic School, requires thieves’ tools.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Slash lockpick.”

Can I get my claws in and start trying?

Jorja/Indigo: Wait and see if we can get thieves’ tools first. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The receptionist will pull out a bobby pin.

Tyrone/Receptionist: “I’ve got this?”

Jorja/Indigo: “I’ll try it. Thanks queen.”

Tyrone/Receptionist: “Girls got to support girls looking for bobby pins.”

Jorja/Indigo: “We love girlhood.”

Olive/Daryl: “So, just a question to follow up. Did you actually find out what this key is all about?”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “That key will open any lock, but it only works five percent of the time, and when it does work, the key will disappear.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, like from existence?”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “Yes.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, well one time free key. Five percent chance.”

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “However, I will say that that book, although locked, no magic coming from that whatsoever.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, go on. Give it a go Indigo.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Give it a roll. Give it a Sleight of Hand check.

Steven/Andres: Wait, can I stop concentrating on Guidance on myself and concentrate on someone else? Sorry, I’m just asking whether this is okay for a short rest.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you can do that.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: Twelve.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Twelve?

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A twelve will not unlock this unfortunately.

Jorja/Indigo: Damn it.

Steven/Andres: Hecketh.

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Daryl.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, hang on. Alright, we’ve got chatter.” *radio* “hello.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio*“Oh, are you there? Are you still there? Are you safe?”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Yes, yes, we’re fine. What’s going on? What’s the news?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “I’m just about there. I’m just about to be parked out the front.”

Olive/Daryl: “They’re here.” *radio* “What’s the view looking like from outside?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “The portal seems to have closed up whatever thing was there. I can’t see any manticores anywhere. That dragon is gone wherever it was.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Alright, what kind of vehicle have you got? We’ve got quite a few people that are using this as a safe place right now.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “I’ve got a pretty big car. I’ve got a few kids myself.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Give me numbers, dammit.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “It's still a five seater.”

Olive/Daryl: “Okay, we can fit twenty people into a five-seater.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie doesn’t take up a spot.

Jorja/Indigo: We can take one person.

Olive/Daryl: Did we drive here, or did we catch- We caught public transport, didn’t we?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Jorja/Indigo: PT.

Olive/Daryl: Okay.

Steven/Andres: The trams might not be running.

Jorja/Indigo: After hearing that they can’t see anything, can I go unlock the door and take a peek outside? 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure. 

Steven/Andres: Sorry, while we’re doing that, can I ask what time we’re at?

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, how long has it been?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, we’re pretty much done, I reckon.

Steven/Andres: “Thaumus is- I’m just going to pop around the corner for a second. Nobody follow me.”

Olive/Daryl: “What is he doing?”

Jorja/Indigo: “It’s going to drop.”

Steven/Andres: My one hour is about to end.

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, I see. Okay. Alright Thaumus, see you soon.”

Jorja/Indigo: What can I see outside?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Outside, you can see the city guard. They’ve got marching band hats and the fossil shields and a club - a big stone club - marching around the city, looking around. They see you open the door and they go:

Tyrone/Guard: “Please ma’am, stay inside.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Okay.”

Tyrone/Guard: “We’re just checking that everything is safe, and then we’ll make an announcement.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Alrighty.”

Tyrone/Guard: “Is everything okay? Is anyone hurt in there?”

Jorja/Indigo: “No, we’re pretty good.” Is that body still out the front?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Jorja/Indigo: “That guy right there.”

Tyrone/Guard: “Yeah?”

Jorja/Indigo: “He was trying to steal stuff from the museum before this stuff kicked off.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’ll give him a look over.

Tyrone/Guard: “Thank you very much for your time.”

Jorja/Indigo: “You’re welcome.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’ll pick him up and start carrying him away.

Rosie/Pookie: Where to?

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah. Where are they going?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Towards the Kingsgrove.

Steven/Andres: I was going to say, ‘True, you only covered him in acid. Ours are unrecognisable.’

Rosie/Pookie: True.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep. 

Steven/Andres: Whoops.

Jorja/Indigo: I will head back to the room full of people and do the thing I hate most, which is talk to a group.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eww.

Jorja/Indigo: Have you gone around the corner and come back as you?

Steven/Andres: Yeah.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, okay.

Steven/Andres: Andres’s back.

Jorja/Indigo: “Everyone.”

Tyrone/Citizen: “Yeah?”

Jorja/Indigo: “The guards said that they’ll let us know when it’s safe to come out. Thaumus had to go with them, so she’s not in the room anymore, but they said that they’ll let us know when it’s safe to leave.”

Tyrone/Citizen: “Okay.”

Steven/Andres: I’m going to yell from the back and be like, “I heard that she’s pretty cool.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Thank you random citizen.”

Olive/Daryl: “She was pretty cool, you’re right.”

Tyrone/Citizen: “Where’d this guy come from?”

Steven/Andres: “I’ve been here the whole time.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Love.

Olive/Daryl: “Alright, are we going to be staying here, or should we get a head start and get out of here?”

Steven/Andres: That depends if our short rest is over and I have my spell slots back.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it’s over.

Olive/Daryl: It’s over?

Jorja/Indigo: Yippee!

Steven/Andres: “Let’s go!”

Jorja/Indigo: Everyone gets an extra d6 of healing.

Olive/Daryl: “Alrighty. Yeah, these people should be safe. They’ll get the announcement and they can go out, but we should get a head start because our ride is here.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah, alright.”

Olive/Daryl: I’ll go back to the door and very quietly open it up and see if there’s anyone within view, and wait for a moment to slip out.

Rosie/Pookie: Pookie darts out.

Jorja/Indigo: I keep my guard uniform on.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Whoever is sneaking out, roll a Stealth.

Jorja/Indigo: Yippee.

Steven/Andres: I would like to cast Guidance on myself if that’s cool.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Twenty-four.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eww.

Jorja/Indigo: Eighteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Same as your age.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Steven/Andres: A dirty, slutty twenty.

Olive/Daryl: Ten.

Jorja/Indigo: Fuck.

Steven/Andres: I put Guidance on the wrong person.

Jorja/Indigo: You ruin everything.

Rosie/Pookie: I imagine Daryl has tripped over as he walks out and goes, ‘Oh fuck!’

Jorja/Indigo: No, he’s just got that dad cough. *coughs*

Olive/Daryl: “Alright now guys, we have to make sure that we’re really quiet. *coughs*”

Rosie/Pookie: Oh god.

Jorja/Indigo: I hated that.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: *dry retches* You guys, where are you heading?

Olive/Daryl: Back to the front entrance, I imagine. 

Jorja/Indigo: That’s where they are? At the front?

Olive/Daryl: They said that they were… They didn’t disclose where. They just said that they were out the front.

Jorja/Indigo: Out the front.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Out the front, but you are essentially in a city where you entered from the top and then elevated down. 

Jorja/Indigo: We’re going to take a birth around to wherever..

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The ramp starts.

Jorja/Indigo: The ramp starts and head up the ramp.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. Surprisingly, you are not stopped. You might see a few guards and hide behind a building. Do a stealth mission.

Jorja/Indigo: If it’s too late, I just nod at them and…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Carry on.’

Jorja/Indigo: ‘Guard work, yes.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Escorting these citizens.’ It still probably takes twenty minutes to get to the top of the city. 

Steven/Andres: Jesus.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You eventually get there. You get to where the elevators were. The people that were running them are no longer there.

Jorja/Indigo: Is it a pulley system?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it’s like a wheel, a big winch. So, there’s a big platform that size of a small room, and then up the top is a winch that you turn to pull it up or down.

Jorja/Indigo: Oh, at the top of it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep.

Olive/Daryl: Is there a notification thing at the bottom to let the top know to start pulling up? Like a bell, or you know?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m going to say no. The idea is that there are perimeter watch guards. Their whole job is to stand there and look, and they’re just not there right now because they’ve been interrupted by manticores.

Olive/Daryl: “Who can fly?”

Steven/Andres: “Let’s see if Pookie can fly.”

Olive/Daryl: Catapult!

Rosie/Pookie: What type of wall is it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie is the best bet at the moment with Spider Climb.

Rosie/Pookie: Yep, that’s a level two spell slot, which I have none left of. Mine would have worn off, wouldn’t it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it’s only ten minutes, isn’t it?

Rosie/Pookie: It’s an hour.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: An hour, yeah.

Rosie/Pookie: But, what type of wall is the wall?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Stone.

Rosie/Pookie: Are there many crevices?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.

Rosie/Pookie: Can I try climbing it?

Jorja/Indigo: How high up is the wall?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Like a small skyscraper.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, let’s not do that.

Rosie/Pookie: I’m climbing up the wall.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s like a twenty storey thing.

Jorja/Indigo: I cast Mage Hand. 

Rosie/Pookie: I don’t know what I’m going to achieve if I get to the top. I can’t pull you guys up. I’m a cat. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can climb down, and then you’re like, ‘Okay.’

Steven/Andres: ‘There’s no-one up there.’

Rosie/Pookie: I won’t climb the wall. There’s no point.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Theoretically, someone needs to stay behind to do the winch while the other three get lowered.

Jorja/Indigo: Well.

Rosie/Pookie: Is there really only one entrance?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s multiple elevators around, but they’re all operated the same way.

Rosie/Pookie: See, that seems to me like it’s a poor design. What about a fire escape or something? You can’t just have lifts.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, but if you think about it, they’re fairies.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh, but if they’re opening it up to the public - to the general public that aren’t fairies - that’s a  really big risk. I think we need to get OHS involved.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, but whoever…

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, but OHS were only invited the same day as everyone else. 

Jorja/Indigo: But also, if they can’t fly and they’re people doing bad things, they can’t escape, so it’s actually good for them to keep intruders in.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh yeah, true.

Steven/Andres: Such as the four of us.

Jorja/Indigo: It’s actually working.

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Daryl, are you guys alright? I see you at the top. I think that’s you. I’m waving. I’m waving from the car.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, there he is.” I grab the radio. 

Jorja/Indigo: Can we see?

Olive/Daryl: *radio* ”Oh hi, yeah mate. Can you winch us up?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “No, I can’t. The winch is up there.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “I get it, I get it.” *normal* “Everyone, get into the elevator.”

Jorja/Indigo: “How are you going to get down?”

Olive/Daryl: “I’ll figure something out. I’m pretty clever.”

Rosie/Pookie: “No, you get in and then I’ll climb down. Oh wait, I can’t.”

Olive/Daryl: “Just get into the elevator.”

Jorja/Indigo: Is climbing Athletics or Acrobatics?

Rosie/Pookie: I think I could turn the winch. I just need to stand on it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Climbing is probably Athletics. 

Jorja/Indigo: I get in the elevator.

Rosie/Pookie: I think I could climb down.

Jorja/Indigo: You can’t.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s up to you guys. Daryl has told you to get in the elevator.

Rosie/Pookie: Could I theoretically do the winch?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you want to test it?

Rosie/Pookie: Yes.

Olive/Daryl: You’re a cat.

Rosie/Pookie: Yeah. Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll a Strength check.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is that a natural one? Pookie, you’re in danger of falling off the side. You go to wheel it and just slip and fall. 

Jorja/Indigo: Mage Hand. 

Rosie/Pookie: “Okay, I think I’ll just get into the lift. It might be best if someone else does this. We all know that I could do it. It’s just that in this moment it didn’t go my way.”

Steven/Andres: “Alright, you guys head in the lift. Sorry, Daryl, am I allowed to talk?”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah mate.”

Steven/Andres: “You guys head in the lift, I’ll winch you down, and I’ll go friend my best- I’ll go find my best friend Thaumus.”

Olive/Daryl: “Okay, alrighty. Are you sure?”

Steven/Andres: “Yep. Yep.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Do you want me to go with you because I have information about the people stealing?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You do have a giant painting with you, I assume?

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, yeah. I wouldn’t have just left it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do you want to take the painting with you away, and not let the people at the museum know that you have it though?

Jorja/Indigo: I mean, I don’t give a fuck about the painting.

Steven/Andres: I also do not give a fuck about the painting.

Jorja/Indigo: But if we take the painting to them we could be like, ‘We stopped them from stealing this,’ and we could help them.

Steven/Andres: “So, you want to bring the painting back to the people?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah.”

Steven/Andres: “Sure. I mean, if you want to come with me you’re more than welcome to, but I figured we can get the most people out that we can.”

Olive/Daryl: “Well, if the two of you are going to go somewhere then there’s no point in us going too. We might as well all go together.”

Jorja/Indigo: I’m going to get on the radio and be like, *radio* “What’s your phone number?”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Yeah, I’ll give you my phone number. Oh, four, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven.”

Jorja/Indigo: I’m going to take a bunch of photos of the paintings in general and the autograph, and then the back too just in case.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure. 

Jorja/Indigo: I’ll be like *radio* “Okay, I’m sending you a picture of what the people were trying to steal, but we’re going to try to get in their good graces to find out more information and go take it to them. Either one of us has to stay here or all of us stays here.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio*  “Alright, I’ll be here waiting for you. Thank you. I’ll send this through to Jonika. She’s analyse it.”

Jorja/Indigo: *radio* “Okay, bye.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Bye.”

Olive/Daryl: “I just remembered I’m still carrying their book, so maybe it’s not the best idea that i go back, so maybe - and I’ll take Pookie with me as well.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Hello.”

Olive/Daryl: “And we’ll go-”

Steven/Andres: ‘I was mentioned.’

Jorja/Indigo: I’d like to imagine my Mage Hand is out flat and flying her around, so she appears next to you, floating.

Rosie/Pookie: I’m literally just loafing with my eyes closed, and then as soon as I hear my name I’m like, ‘Hello? Yes?’ Ears prick up.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You do that thing that cats do where you hold them by the scruff.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh, if you do that, Pookie is scratching.

Jorja/Indigo: I would never. I have created a platform for you to sit on.

Rosie/Pookie: Thank you.

Olive/Daryl: “So, perhaps I’ll take her and we’ll go so that there’s no chance that they… Because people saw my face when I was going through the building, so probably not the wisest idea to go back to the scene of the crime.”

Rosie/Pookie: “And I am so discreet. Nobody noticed me.”

Olive/Daryl: “Hence why I will be taking her with me.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yep, good idea.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You told Daryl that you saw and talked to at least one guy.

Olive/Daryl: The fucking king.

Steven/Andres: I’m going to use Disguise Self and dress like one of the guards.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, I like that.

Steven/Andres: And, you know, touch my chest and-

[magical sparkle]

Steven/Andres: Turn into that, and be like, “Well, I can go down like this,” and I’m going to touch it again and turn into Thaumus.

[magical sparkle]

Steven/Andres: *impersonating Thaumus* “Or I can go like this.”

Olive/Daryl: “I think the former.”

[magical sparkle]

Steven/Andres: “Or I could go like this.”

Olive/Daryl: “I think that’s a brilliant plan.”

Steven/Andres: Yeah, just saying that I can be whatever is required at the time.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.

Olive/Daryl: Exactly.

Steven/Andres: But it’s up to you whether you want to come with me or whether you-

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, I’ll come.

Steven/Andres: Okay.

Jorja/Indigo: Because I’m dressed as a guard as well, and I can do Thaumus’s clothes but I don’t look like Thaumus.

Olive/Daryl: “Alrighty then, we’ve got a good plan. Okay, alright. Andres, be safe, and Indigo, watch his back, please.”

Steven/Andres: “Daryl, you wouldn’t happen to have a condom on you, would you?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What the fuck?

Steven/Andres: He told me to be safe!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nasty bitch.

Olive/Daryl: “Ah- Ah-”

Steven/Andres: “I’m just fucking with you Daryl. Don’t worry about it.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, ha ha ha. Yeah okay. Alright.”

Rosie/Pookie: The most forced laughter.

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah, alright. Okay, mate. I see what you did there.”

Rosie/Pookie: “I must ask, what’s a condom?”

Olive/Daryl: “Okay, we’re leaving.”

-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I hope you’re enjoying episode eight, how do you think the party went with their first mission? Look, we need you to be an NPC in our show. We’re naming NPCs after listeners this season, so if you want to have a character named after you, head over to our Instagram and check out the pinned post. All you need to do is share that to your story, and be sure to tag us so we see it! We didn’t have any new listener names in this episode, but there’s room for more, so get sharing. Let’s quickly head over to the ad where we support other creators in the TTRPG space. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Before we get back to the episode, this week I wanted to talk about our Redbubble store. Our Redbubble store is where you’re going to find our merch store. Right now we’ve got the designs for Daryl, Indigo, Pookie, and Andres along with all the characters from previous seasons, and you can get any of those on almost anything, ranging from stickers to T-shirts to mugs to little pet bandanas. To find it just visit Redbubble.com and search Portal Quandary in the search bar to find our store. Anyways, I’ll let you get to the episode. Episode nine will be coming out Friday, June twentieth.

-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, Andres, you’re wheeling them down?

Steven/Andres: Yes.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m supervising. “Good work.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Oh, I see you guys are coming down. You’re splitting into two groups, are you?”

Jorja/Indigo: *radio* “Yeah, Daryl just remembered that he stole stuff, so he’s bringing that.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Very wise. So, you’re bringing the painting back to them?”

Jorja/Indigo: *radio* “Yes.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “See you on the other side. Do you want us to wait for you?”

Jorja/Indigo: *radio* “We could probably PT back. We’ll give you a call if we need.”

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Okay, we’ll work it out.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You two at the top, after winching them down all the way down to the bottom, are we going to walk down? Head all the way down to the kingsgrove?

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to get to the front of the Kingsgrove, and I think you’re going to be stopped by a couple of guards.

Tyrone/Guard: “Name and rank?”

Jorja/Indigo: Have we heard any names of people? 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: In life?

Jorja/Indigo: Just of fairies in particular. Are they very flamboyant with their names?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’ve heard Oberon and Demeter.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Olive/Daryl: And Thaumus.

Steven/Andres: Thaumus.

Jorja/Indigo: And the… Who was the bitch that was tied up? Luxon? No.

Olive/Daryl: It’s very Greek.

Jorja/Indigo: Lustra.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lustrous.

Jorja/Indigo: Lustrous.

Olive/Daryl: It’s got a Greek kind of feel to it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I wonder why.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m holding the painting, so I’m going to be like, “We don’t have time for that. We need to speak to Lustrous. We need to discuss the intruders.”

Steven/Andres: “And I’ve got to speak to Thaumus right away.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll Deceptions.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: Twenty-three.

Jorja/Indigo: Twenty-three. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I rolled a natural one and a seven.

Steven/Andres: Well, you didn’t have to tell us that.

Tyrone/Guard: “Very well, yes. Thaumus is on the top. They’re actually all in a council meeting on the top floor at the moment.”

Steven/Andres: “Perfect, we’ll head on up.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Good job men.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to head to the stairs?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Steven/Andres: We haven’t been in here yet. Oh no.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I said the top floor, so that helps.

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Olive/Daryl: Find the stairs.

Jorja/Indigo: “Where do we go?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So yes, you come into the throne room. It’s the shape of the tree hollowed out on the inside. It’s empty besides the throne, and there’s two sets of stairs on the left.

Steven/Andres: Are there any guards on any of these sets of stairs, or anyone?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s some more on the inside of the doors. So, there’s two outside and two inside, but they’ve heard what just happened, so they’ll let you on through, but that’s it.

Jorja/Indigo: Let’s just go to the closest ones.

Steven/Andres: Can I cast Detect Magic, please?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.

Steven/Andres: Just in the door entrance. So, it’s only thirty feet, so it’s just the-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The entrance here, yeah.

Steven/Andres: Just to see if I feel anything at all. 

Rosie/Pookie: Same.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m trying to think what the guards would have on them. Oh my god. 

Jorja/Indigo: Savage.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think literally just the clothes. Just your clothes.

Steven/Andres: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And the things coming from Indigo’s pockets.

Jorja/Indigo: My secrets.  

Steven/Andres: I guess I’ll dart my eyes to Indigo.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.

Jorja/Indigo: Whereas, I will just start walking towards the closest steps.

Steven/Andres: I will follow.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. You will head up the first set of stairs. You found yourself… The stairs, they keep going up unless I say otherwise.

Steven/Andres: Okay, I’m happy to keep going up.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, there’s no-one on this floor?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No.

Jorja/Indigo: Up.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it just keeps going up. This is the mezzanine currently. 

Jorja/Indigo: Up.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, this one keeps going up, or there’s a corridor that turns into a T-intersection.

Jorja/Indigo: We don’t hear anything?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nope.

Jorja/Indigo: Up.

Steven/Andres: As long as we don’t hear anything we’ll go up. Keep going up. 

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Again, it keeps going up. This is a corridor that has some doors straight out in front of you, or you can turn to the left. You can hear some quiet chatter coming from around the corner.

Steven/Andres: Quiet chatter? It’s not distressed?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No.

Jorja/Indigo: Can we hear what they’re saying?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can roll Perceptions.

Jorja/Indigo: Yes, I can do that.

Steven/Andres: I have Perception.

Jorja/Indigo: Uh-huh.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: I do not.

Steven/Andres: I just turned a seven into a seventeen. 

Jorja/Indigo: Jesus, fuck. I rolled a one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eww.

Steven/Andres: Girl.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Girl. 

Jorja/Indigo: My ears are blocked.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s ringing.

Steven/Andres: I would like to listen.

Tyrone/Voice: “Sorry, I’m running late actually. I really need to head up to the meeting now because they’re expecting me up there. The whole council is up there at the moment.”

Steven/Andres: I’m going to whisper to Indigo, “The meeting is up there.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Ah okay, so let’s go.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No guards here. It’s just a corridor going forward with a couple of doors and the stairs continue up again.

Steven/Andres: So, our stairs keep going up?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Your stairs keep going up. 

Jorja/Indigo: Up.

Steven/Andres: Up? Yep. 

Jorja/Indigo: Up.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This appears to be the top of the stairs, and you come into a small, tiny room with a door in front of you.

Jorja/Indigo: Do we hear anything?

Steven/Andres: I open the door. I would like to check the handle.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is not locked.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, I guess we’ll roll Perception.

Steven/Andres: To see if we can hear anything.

Jorja/Indigo: See if we can hear anything.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: Twenty-one.

Jorja/Indigo: Twenty-one.

Steven/Andres: Stop copying me.

Jorja/Indigo: No.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re not going to hear anything from this room. I think you can hear a faint something coming from back down the stairs one. You hear someone raising their voice, being like:

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Well, my spellbook is missing, and we need to find who took it!”

Steven/Andres: “Is that mother?”

Jorja/Indigo: “That is mummy. We went too far. Let’s go back down.”

Steven/Andres: “Back down.”

Jorja/Indigo: “We’ll come back up later.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, it came from this level.

Jorja/Indigo: Alright, which door?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys were at the wrong level to hear which door at the time.

Jorja/Indigo: Ah yeah. So, further on.

Steven/Andres: I guess we’ll try and perceive the first door.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, can we hear where it’s coming from?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I won’t make you roll for it. There’s a heated debate coming from the further room.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, okay. “That one.” *whispers* “Should we just barge in?”

Steven/Andres: *whispers* “Yeah, what’s our plan of attack here? Should I deglamour?”

Jorja/Indigo: *whispers* “Yeah, let’s do that.”

Steven/Andres: *whispers* “Thaumus is in there.”

Jorja/Indigo: *whispers* “Yeah.”

Steven/Andres: “She’s in there. She needs to know who I am.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Clearly we were infiltrated!”

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, I’m going to go back to normal clothes. 

Steven/Andres: Yeah, and I’m going to turn back into myself.

Jorja/Indigo: And I’m just going to open the door.

Steven/Andres: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Not knock?

Steven/Andres: Nope. We have no respect for these people.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m eighteen.

Olive/Daryl: We steal their books and we barge into their bedrooms.

Jorja/Indigo: They don’t know that!

Steven/Andres: And I want mother.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: As you open the door there is a table with seven chairs. There appear to be six people in the room currently, and there’s a whiteboard at the back of the room covered in papers - magnetised to the board - and papers all over the desk, and there's a guy standing in a very heated debate. He’s got brown and red autumn leaves. He’s covered in furs. He’s got a bow and arrow strapped to his side. He’s yelling: 

Tyrone/Bow-Wielding Fairy: “Obviously we’ve been infiltrated because we need to do a full investigation into our guard!”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll turn to look at you.

Tyrone/Bow-Wielding Fairy: “Can I help you!?”

Steven/Andres: “Hello.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Hi. Yeah, you were infiltrated. Do you want some details on who it is?”

Steven/Andres: “Thaumus, can we speak to you in the corridor?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re going to turn to look at Thaumus. 

Tyrone/Bow-Wielding Fairy: “Do you know these people?”

Steven/Andres: She’s like, ‘It’s fucking him again.’

Tyrone/Thaumus: “I’ll excuse myself for just a moment.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’ll pull her chair out and awkwardly leave. Coming up the stairs that you guys just came from just outside is a red-headed fairy with small brown wings. She’s got a big book in one arm and a spanner in the other arm, and she’s stomping towards you. She’s going to step past you awkwardly.

Tyrone/Red-Head: “Oh, who are- Excuse me. Excuse me.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Alrighty, what are you doing here?”

Steven/Andres: “What happened?”

Jorja/Indigo: “I kind of know, but…”

Steven/Andres: “I know nothing. Indigo, what happened?”

Jorja/Indigo: “People infiltrated the city. I think it’s people that exiled them beforehand, and they were trying to steal artifacts or paintings and stuff. Hi, I’m Indigo.”

Steven/Andres: Do we have the painting?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Steven/Andres: “Like this one.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Huzzah.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Again, you are this close to getting thrown in jail. The only reason that you’re not is because you brought this painting actually.”

Steven/Andres: “Yes.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “I told you before that the only reason that you’re not in trouble is because we’ve got a bigger threat right now, and I know that you two are not smart enough for that.”

Jorja/Indigo: “I thwarted them, so I’ve got some smarts, I guess.”

Steven/Andres: “We’re just trying to help.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “You brought the painting which is evidence, so I’m going to bring that in, and you two are going to leave.”

Jorja/Indigo: “You don’t want to know anything about what they look like or what they said?”

Steven/Andres: “You don’t want any help in there?”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “What do you know?”

Jorja/Indigo: “What do you know?”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “What I know is that there was a golden portal from the sky, and all these manticores flew out from it, and I had to turn into a dragon and fight them.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Oh.”

Steven/Andres: “You can turn into a dragon? Oh my god, I love you.”

Jorja/Indigo: “She looked so hot. She was glistening.”

Steven/Andres: I guess to Thaumus, I’ll be like, “That’s amazing on the whole dragon thing. Indigo, was there anything else that we needed to let them know?”

Jorja/Indigo: “I mean, I have bits of information, so maybe if we all talk collectively we could figure it out piece by piece.”

Steven/Andres: “I think that’s a great idea.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Okay. Follow my lead and only speak when instructed to.”

Steven/Andres: “You are so wise.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Andres’s really good at that.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to step into the room. She’s going to be like:

Tyrone/Thaumus: “My fellow council, may I please introduce Andres and…”

Jorja/Indigo: “Indigo.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Indigo.”

Jorja/Indigo: I curtsey.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m going to cut to the other two at the bottom of the elevator.

Steven/Andres: That’s fair.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl and Pookie.

[upbeat pop music]

Olive/Daryl: I would imagine that Pookie is riding shotgun?

Rosie/Pookie: Oh, absolutely.

Olive/Daryl: I’ll give them head scratches.

Rosie/Pookie: I’m doing a little purr. You feel a bit of a vibrate come through.

Olive/Daryl: And then we get down to the bottom there, and we step out and I’ll take a little look around. Are there any guards? Is it chaos down here? What’s the situation?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There's actually nobody here. There’s news crews popping up. There's cameras setting up facing it. There's people with microphones ready.

Olive/Daryl: Very quickly, I’ll cover the side of my face and turn and quickly walk along the wall until we get out of sight. I’ll pull out the radio. *radio* “Hey, it’s Daryl.

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “Go for Thorne.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Thorne, where are you mate?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He waved to you from the top, so you sort of know where his car is.

Tyrone/Thorne: *radio* “In the car, mate.”

Olive/Daryl: *radio* “Alright, we’ll be there in a second.” We’ll go over to the car and hop in.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to try to speed off really quickly because there’s reporters speed walking towards you.

Tyrone/Reporter: “Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Yes, hello?”

Tyrone/Reporter: “The cat can talk.”

Olive/Daryl: “No actually, I’m just really, really good at ventriloquism.”

Rosie/Pookie: I start licking my paw innocently.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re still getting in the car and hoping to get away? Are you going to stop and talk to them?

Rosie/Pookie: In the car.

Olive/Daryl: We are in the car and on the move.

Tyrone/Reporter: “Excuse me. Excuse me sir!”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Alright, are the other two going to be okay?”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh yeah, they’ll be fine. I mean, Indigo will be fine.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “What about Andres?”

Olive/Daryl: “Andres, I think will be safe because Indigo’s there.”

Steven/Andres: I killed a man.

Olive/Daryl: Exactly my point.

Steven/Andres: Fair enough.

Olive/Daryl: “No, between the two of them, they’ll have each other’s back. They’ll be fine.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Alright, we’re heading back to base?”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah, I think that's the best idea. We found some… We actually-”

Rosie/Pookie: “We found a very, very nice leaf. I think you’ll want to see it.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Show me when I’m not driving.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Okay.”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Have you had some lunch? I was thinking about heading through Maccas drive-through.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh mate, Maccas driv- No. Just- Oh my goodness gracious me. No, let’s go to Aldi, and I’ll pick up some things and make some lunch up for us, alright? Maccas drive-through? Mate. Look at yourself. How old are you now?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “About forty something.”

Olive/Daryl: “Forty something and you’re still going through the Maccas drive through. You’ve got to take better care of your body.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Well it’s either that or I eat at the pie warmer at the convenience store.”

Olive/Daryl: “Bloody oath. Alright, I’m going to learn you a thing, alright?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Well the wife does most of the cooking, but yeah.”

Olive/Daryl: “Today you are going to learn a neat trick, and you’re going to take it back to your wife, and she’s going to be gobsmacked.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “You’re probably right. She’s usually very busy. You’re right. Alright, Aldi.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You have a little shopping montage. What are we getting?

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, we do a little shopping trip. 

Rosie/Pookie: Milk.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah. There’s so milk at the conveniences store.

Steven/Andres: They don’t have enough of that at the convenience store. 

Tyrone/Thorne: “I did promise Pookie some milk at the completion of the job.”

Rosie/Pookie: “I do recall.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “And I’ll chuck in some of the salami sticks as well.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Thank you.”

Olive/Daryl: “Alright, okay, alright, okay.” No, we’ll just grab some-

Rosie/Pookie: Milk.

Olive/Daryl: Milk. Some salami sticks. We’ll grab some fresh vegetables. A bit of wholemeal bread or whole grain bread. We’ll grab some-

Rosie/Pookie: Fresh tuna.

Olive/Daryl: Ooo, some fresh tuna. That’s a good idea. That’s good. That’s good, and just a couple of things to put together a salad and some sandwiches.

Tyrone/Thorne: “This looks very healthy.”

Rosie/Pookie: I want to let you know that you had to get the fresh tuna because you found me in the cooling section with my teeth in the tuna.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I was going to say, ‘Tuna from the deli or the can?’

Rosie/Pookie: No, fresh. I was in the deli with my teeth in the tuna.

Olive/Daryl: I take that particular can of tuna and-

Rosie/Pookie: Not a can. Fresh.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Like a tuna. 

Olive/Daryl: A tuna fish, okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s expensive. 

Olive/Daryl: That is expensive. Pookie.

Tyrone/Thorne: “I guess I owe you for the job.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Damn right.”

Olive/Daryl: We’ll take it to the front and ring it through. “Alright, let’s head back.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Alright, let’s do it. The wife’s at work. I left the daughter to run the store, so I guess we can treat them to some lunch.”

Olive/Daryl: “Sounds like a banger idea.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Banger.”

Olive/Daryl: “Banger.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m going to jump back again because that was a whole Aldi trip.

[mysterious, static music]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, seven people in this room. We have Thaumus that we know. 

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We have Lustrous that we know. 

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We have the red-head that just walked in. The other other people briefly are a person dressed in white robes with pure white wings, white hair. Someone in a beanie on and a blue coat and some grey elements to their outfit - grey wings. The guy that I described before that was talking with the bow and arrow by his side. Then it seems to be the king - golden wings; flower crown; bare-chested; flower skirt; flower wraps - and then it looks to be the advisor standing off to the side. They’ve got a big staff with plants growing around it, monarch butterfly wings, the flower staff and flower elements similar to the king, but more clothes.

Steven/Andres: More reserved.

Tyrone/Oberon: “What is the meaning of this, Thaumus? Who are these people?”

Jorja/Indigo: Who said that?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The king.

Jorja/Indigo: Okay. “Hi, I’m Indigo. I met you earlier. How are you? Do you feel okay now?”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Oh, yes. You’re right. I did meet this lovely lady. She helped after I was kidnapped in the museum.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah, you missed that.”

Steven/Andres: “Did you Indigo? That’s amazing. What a heroic thing to do.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “This piece is treasured. I hope that the paintings are okay in the museum.”

Jorja/Indigo: “This one is.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Thank you for saving it.”

Jorja/Indigo: “This is the one that they were mostly interested in, it seemed like, but there may be some damage to the other ones during their attempted escape.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “They just wanted the one of Demeter and wanted to get rid of the rest? This is the makings of Winter Court, you are correct.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yes, it is. They said that Demeter wants this.”

Steven/Andres: Can we roll a History into the Winter Court?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can do a roll if you want. I don’t know what I’ll give you.

Jorja/Indigo: Sure.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: I got a seven.

Steven/Andres: I got eighteen. Because I’m still Guidanceing myself by the way. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eighteen? Yep. Seven just gives you all the information that you already know. With an eighteen, I don't know if it’s anything specific about The Winter Court.

Steven/Andres: That’s fair.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You just know folklore. I guess, particularly from your degree. You did British History.

Steven/Andres: I sure did.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s folklore about the Seelie and Unseelie Court. The idea of a Summer and a Winter Court. They’re essentially opposites - opposing.

Steven/Andres: And the Winter Court is the Unseelie Court.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. It is also known as the Gloaming Court. They are evil creatures.

Steven/Andres: Okay. I would love to tell you that, but we’re in a room full of-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s okay. “Yeah, they said that she wanted this. All of them, I don't think, are recoverable, but there was one outside the museum that I told the guards that he was one of them.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “That body did come in. We are healing him and then holding him for custody.”

Steven/Andres: “Ah okay, perfect. Nice, yep.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I will- I mean, I rolled an eighteen, so why not? They used the term ‘Winter Court,’ right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Steven/Andres: I guess I will clap back with, “Winter Court? As in Unseelie? As in evil?”

Tyrone/Oberon: “We haven’t heard that term in a while, but I suppose so, yes.”

Jorja/Indigo: Indigo with an open mouth is like, “That’s so smart Andres. Oh my goodness.”

Steven/Andres: “Stop it.”

Tyrone/Oberon: “Evil. I suppose they seem evil to us. Although, what is evil? But yes, we are in opposition.”

Steven/Andres: “Just because it has been written in our folklore in our world - because I know that you guys have only recently come into this world, but I can say through studying our world’s history, we’ve often got folklore of these evil fairies. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think Lustrous will chime in.

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Yes, I’ve been trying to read as much as I can about your history, even though all I have is the books because I’m not allowed to leave these walls.”

Steven/Andres: “We should chat. I can hook you up.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “But from what it seems, yes. Some of the history of Atrius has made it into your folklore. As we were here a millenia, and it seems that stories of us continued on.”

Steven/Andres: “Yeah, wow. Struth. Yeah, no, we should definitely talk about that because I’ve got some of that history knowledge actually.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Sorry, who are you?”

Steven/Andres: “I’m Andres.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Right, but who are you?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Just random people who were caught in the crossfire.”

Steven/Andres: “Concerned citizens.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll Deceptions please.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, sure.

Steven/Andres: I guess, under my breath, I’ll mutter the words of Guidance.

Olive/Daryl: ‘Keep it together Andres. Keep your composure.’

Steven/Andres: “Celestor, give me Guidance.”

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: Twenty-eight.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eww, what the fuck?

Jorja/Indigo: Eighteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s still good.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, no. That is the minimum I can get.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, right.

Steven/Andres: Nice. I’m such a good liar.

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Thank goodness that you were here. It seems that you’re a bit chummy with Thaumus.”

Steven/Andres: “Thaumus taught me some magic before.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Ah yes, with her new school. I’m glad to hear that it’s going so well.”

Steven/Andres: “I think that it’s going really well.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Yeah?”

Steven/Andres: “I think that it should continue.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Well yes, he is a bright student, and he shall be visiting me again in the future, so if you see them again then that’s to be expected. You can let them in. They have my permission.”

Jorja/Indigo: “All of us?”

Steven/Andres: All of us? The two of us?

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Well, the two of you, yes.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, both of us. Same thing.”

Steven/Andres: “Both of us.” Please don’t imply more numbers.

Tyrone/Thaumus: “All two of you, yes.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Because Thaumus knows there’s more of you, but she’s not letting that up either.

Steven/Andres: “Thaumus, could we get, I don’t know, something in writing? Something physical to show people to get in?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’ll grab a piece of paper and turn it over, whatever is on the back.

Steven/Andres: Wow.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’ll write it on a couple of times.

Steven/Andres: Cool, I will take that and treasure it always.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’ll pass one to you too.

Jorja/Indigo: Cool.

Jorja/Indigo: “So, why are they infiltrating you?”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Because they exiled us a long time ago, and we’ve just returned home, so they don’t really want us here. I can only assume they’re trying to sow distrust in us with the public.”

Jorja/Indigo: “So, why would they steal artefacts?”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Well, I assume they think it belongs to them. They want the artefacts of their ruler, their queen.”

Jorja/Indigo: “But this one was clearly made by your king. I don’t know if it’s you, but it’s the same name.”

Tyrone/Oberon: “Why, that was my grandfather.”

Steven/Andres: ‘My grandpappy.’

Jorja/Indigo: “So, if you guys painted it, why would they think it’s theirs? Just because it’s of her.”

Tyrone/Oberon: “Yeah. It was intended to be a gift for...”

Jorja/Indigo: “Oh, were they close?”

Steven/Andres: Yeah, can we roll something into the… Can I roll an Insight into the brushstrokes to see if it’s some sort of…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can roll an Insight into the king’s response.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah?

Steven/Andres: Sure, that makes more sense.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: Twenty-two.

Jorja/Indigo: Five.

Steven/Andres: As long as one of us is on board, that’s fine.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m here for deception. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Indigo’s like, ‘Oh, they mustn't have any correlation.’

Tyrone/Oberon: “Oh, I can’t believe that you would suggest something like that. If they did, anything was lost after they exiled us. My grandfather was the ruler at the time of exile, actually.”

Steven/Andres: “Wait, the ruler of what?”

Tyrone/Oberon: “The ruler of us, The Summer Court. Lambence. Though it wasn’t Lambence back then. Just The Summer Court.”

Steven/Andres: “And that was when you were in our world?”

Tyrone/Oberon: “Yes, in Atrius.”

Steven/Andres: “So, your grandfather was the ruler of all fairies?”

Tyrone/Oberon: “Of The Summer Court, our half.”

Steven/Andres: “Oh okay.”

Jorja/Indigo: “And he lived one thousand years ago?”

Tyrone/Oberon: “Approximately four thousand years ago.”

Jorja/Indigo: Fuck me. He’s still kicking?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, he died.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m kidding. I’m kidding.

Olive/Daryl: He dead!

Jorja/Indigo: “So… Okay.”

Tyrone/Oberon: “Is there anything else that you gleaned from them? Otherwise, we have a very important meeting to attend to.”

Jorja/Indigo: “I’ll just tell them anything about the people that I caught were saying beforehand and to me. Because I don’t remember it word for word. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m pretty sure you just heard, ‘Oh yeah, this one. This one. Oh, this one is him and her.’ I remember you hearing. They were looking for more paintings, but that was the one they took before you interrupted.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah. I’ll be like, “They were looking for more, but this is the one that they had on them. They were looking for things that had her in it.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Yes, there are some more works actually in the museum. I’ll go make sure that none of them have been taken or destroyed.”

Jorja/Indigo: “They may be a little destroyed. Just because during the fight they threw some- There was some crazy ice spells that they kept throwing. They had some weird spells that destroyed a lot of the surrounding areas.”

Tyrone/Lustrous: “Okay, okay. Thank you. I’ll go see what we can recover. They also-”

Steven/Andres: “That is also what I remember.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yes, that is what happened. It was them.”

Tyrone/Oberon: “They also seem to have infiltrated the Kingsgrove, and we’re going to have to do a full investigation as spell books were taken. Documents were taken. Can we… Do you need assistance leaving?”

Steven/Andres: “Oh no, that should be alright.”

Rosie/Pookie: Like the leaf. Leafing. 

Jorja/Indigo: “We might need someone to winch us down.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “I will escort them out.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Ah, thank you. If we think of anything that happened that we’ve just forgotten about in the heat of the moment of everything that has happened since, how should we let you guys know? Just come to the Kingsgrove?”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Yes. You have the papers now, yes? The guards will let you in. I think that the city will be closed again for a while, but the guards will let you in with that.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Oh, okay. Perfect.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “I won’t be able to come to you, but you can come to me.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah, that’s okay. Just in case we remember anything that we’ve forgotten. With the adrenaline of it all.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Of course. Tend to your wounds.”

Steven/Andres: “Traumatic experience.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Are you guys all okay?”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Yes, we all made sure to immediately protect the king. I suffered some injuries as a dragon and that hurt at the time, but we’re okay now.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Okay.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She is going to cast a spell to suddenly…. You can see little bits of scales appear on her every now and then. The fairy wings that she has are instead going to slowly warp in to bigger, reptilian, dragon wings. She’s going to grab you both and be like:

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Let’s go!”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to jump out the window.

Jorja/Indigo: “Okay, bye king!”

Steven/Andres: “Bye!”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s got you both and she’s flying up to the top of the city.

Steven/Andres: “Wait, where-”

Jorja/Indigo: I’m again just mouth opened and looking at Andres like, “Holy shit.”

Steven/Andres: “Mummy’s so powerful.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to go over the city to land on the ground. She’ll see the reporters and be like:

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Oh, we should probably avoid those now, shouldn’t we?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yep, I don’t like making a scene.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to fly up again to the other side of the city and drop you down. And be like:

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Quickly now. Get away now.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Okay.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “I can’t really leave past here. This is already out of my jurisdiction.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to fly away.

Tyrone/Thaumus: “See you soon, darlings.”

Steven/Andres: “Bye mu- Thaumus!”

Jorja/Indigo: “Bye Thaumus.”

Tyrone/Thaumus: “Goodbye.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And we’re going to quickly jump over to the convenience store.

Olive/Daryl: “Now see, when you’re preparing a fresh salad you need to remember two very important things.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Oh, I thought we were making sandwiches.”

Olive/Daryl: “We’re making both, and it’s also very important for sandwiches. At least the first rule is. The first rule is: always wash your vegetables. Make sure that they are nice and clean and fresh and you get that nice bit of moisture as well.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Oh okay.”

Olive/Daryl: “Really hydrating. Really good for you.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Alright. Well, let’s head upstairs then.”

Olive/Daryl: “Absolutely, let’s go.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s another door in the convenience store that’s going to head up. It’s going to come into their home. It’s an open floor: kitchen into lounge.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh my god, new area unlocked. 

Tyrone/Thorne: “Welcome to my home.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s a small orc child - half-orc child - sitting on the couch playing the Nintendo Switch. Mario Party. 

Olive/Daryl: “Hey buddy, how are you doing? How’s your day?”

Tyrone/Cameron: “Hi! It’s good. I’ve got the day off.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, that’s so exciting. Say mate, are you hungry?”

Tyrone/Cameron: “Yes.”

Olive/Daryl: “Would you like some lunch?”

Tyrone/Cameron: “Yes.”

Olive/Daryl: “Would you like to help us make some lunch? We can have a nice sandwich for you.”

Tyrone/Cameron: “Dad doesn’t know how to cook though.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, don’t worry, I think between you and I, we can teach him a thing or two. What do you say?”

Tyrone/Cameron: “Let’s do it!”

Rosie/Pookie: “Or instead you could come and eat some tuna with me,” and I’m pulling the tuna out of the bag on the floor towards him.

Tyrone/Cameron: “Pookie can talk?”

Rosie/Pookie: “Oh hello, no. Ye- Oh, it’s a new thing. I wasn’t able to before this, but yes. I can talk now, or it might be in your imagination, and you’ll never know the truth.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s going to walk over and try to pick you up. You know how kids grab cats and lug them around.

Jorja/Indigo: Around the belly.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah

Rosie/Pookie: I’m still holding onto the tuna.

Tyrone/Cameron: “Pookie has tuna.”

Olive/Daryl: “Pookie has tuna, yes. Yes, she does, and she also speaks. So, there’s that.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Hello.”

Tyrone/Cameron: “This is magical.”

Olive/Daryl: I’ll spend some time getting some lunch together and talking with Thorne about the photos and the recording that I made as well. Talking about the documents and looking through some as he’s prepping some, chopping them up, and reading them out loud, and getting some idea of what evidence I got.

Tyrone/Thorne: “So, it looks like these other fairies- there’s two types of fairies actually. Some new information.”

Steven/Andres: Tops and bottoms. Sorry.

Rosie/Pookie: “Why do you want to know so much about the fairies, though? Do you not like fairies?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “It was less about the fairies and more about the magical city that turned up at the same time that everybody turned into magical things.”

Rosie/Pookie: “What do you want to do with the city?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “With Lambence?”

Rosie/Pookie: “Yes.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Nothing now. We’ve got our information now. They can do whatever they want.”

Rosie/Pookie: “But what does the information do for you?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “We need to find the source of where this magic came from so that we can undo it and make our city safe again.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Very interesting that you want to undo it.”

Olive/Daryl: “Well yes, good old Thorne here wants to undo it, and then one of the other ones - I think it was the owl.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The owl mask, yeah.

Olive/Daryl: “The owl mask, I’m pretty sure that they want to harness and use that power, and then there was one other one. The ox? Or is this the ox?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The rat? This is the dragon mask.

Olive/Daryl: “The dragon mask, and then the rat?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes , the rat mask.

Olive/Daryl: “The rat mask, I think, just wants to abolish them.”

Rosie/Pookie: Well, I’m going to telepathically say to Andres- Not Andres, Daryl. “Daryl, I’m quite scared that they are going to take away all of my talking powers, so can you just tell them some information that’s not true. Put them on a different track. Make some type of bullshit up. Thank you.”

Steven/Andres: ‘I would quite like it if you told some bullshit.’

Rosie/Pookie: “Yes, please talk some bullshit.”

Olive/Daryl: Well, my initial thought is thinking, ‘Well yes, he wants to understand where the magic comes from, and he wants to essentially get rid of the magic, but if he has a better understanding of the magic, there’s a chance that he may not want to get rid of it. Between the three who have made this essentially cult, he is the middle of the road between two extremists, so if there's anyone that should be pertaining this knowledge, I feel more trustworthy giving it to him, but if there's something that I feel that they shouldn’t know as a collective, then I’ll keep it to myself.’

Rosie/Pookie: Okay, okay. Interesting.

Tyrone/Thorne: “We’ve got to keep our streets safe, you know? We can’t have these mimics just walking around attacking our children.”

Olive/Daryl: “No, no, of course not. Of course not. Absolutely not, but I think there’s more to worry about than mimics right now.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Right.”

Olive/Daryl: “They are absolutely an issue, but if we spend all of our time to get rid of something that we don’t understand, you know, what’s the implications of danger then? Mimics?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Then there’s manticores and dragons! Did you see the bloody dragon in the sky?”

Olive/Daryl: “I did see the dragon in the sky. It looked amazing, and I think it was helping. The manticores, absolutely a big problem, but when you have a manticore compared to a mimic, I think I’d take the mimic. The lesser of two evils.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Yeah, there’s a lot to work on. Anyway, our salad is ready. What sort of salad did we make?”

Olive/Daryl: “I don’t know, you tell me. What salad did you make?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “It’s got some lettuce. It’s got some tuna. It’s got some tomatoes.”

Rosie/Pookie: Really, the tuna that Pookie licked all over?

Olive/Daryl: No, we got an extra tuna.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He just cut off the bit that you licked.

Rosie/Pookie: I was all over it.

Olive/Daryl: That’s why I got an extra one. Spare tuna. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Damn.

Tyrone/Thorne: “Tomato, some cheese, a bit of cucumber.”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah, throw in some capsicum in there too mate.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Capsicum? Oh, the red stuff.”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe a couple of snow peas as well.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Snow peas?”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah, absolutely mate. You’ve never had snow peas?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “I thought they were for stir fries.”

Olive/Daryl: “I mean, you can use them for both, mate.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “We need to sit down, and we need to exchange recipes.”

Olive/Daryl: “Absolutely. For sure. You have- You don’t cook?”

Tyrone/Thorne: “You have your own garden, right? We have to sit down, and you can introduce me to your garden some time.”

Olive/Daryl: “Absolutely. Yes mate.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Introduce? Introduce? Like it’s a sentient garden.”

Olive/Daryl: “Yes, and you were a sentient cat.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Well, I suppose that you got me there.”

Olive/Daryl: “Indeed.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “I’ll come over on a Sunday roast and we can have Sunday roast. Oh! That’s tomorrow. Can we come over for Sunday roast?”

Olive/Daryl: “Tomorrow… Roast tomorrow? Look, honestly I don’t do roasts on Sunday’s. I actually do Thursday roasts. It’s a little bit of a mix-up, but on Sunday’s I like to do a bit of a barbeque for the family.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “On Sundays?”

Olive/Daryl: “Yes. Yeah, yeah. You know, everyone enjoys their weekend, and then you come over. You don’t have to worry about coming in the week. They can just come over for a free feed, and then they all go home well and fully replenished, ready for the week.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Alright, me and the wife, Cameron here, my daughter, can we come?”

Olive/Daryl: “You’re more than invited. Absolutely..”

Tyrone/Thorne: “I think your granddaughter is working tomorrow, actually.”

Olive/Daryl: “Yes, yes. For sure. I mean, I’d be happy to come on by and pick you all up if you like.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Oh, we’ve got the car. You were in the car. It’s nice and breezy, isn’t it?”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah, absolutely. Very nice, very nice. Good.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Good. Good plans.”

Olive/Daryl: So yeah, about that information that I got.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think that we might cover that more in the next episode, looking at the time.

Olive/Daryl: Sure.

Tyrone/Thorne: “But let’s get our salad and sit down on the lounge. We can look over it all.”

Olive/Daryl: “Good plan.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Good plan.”

Rosie/Pookie: I want to flag that I will be snooping while you’re eating your salad.

Tyrone/Thorne: “You’re not going to eat your tuna?”

Rosie/Pookie: “It’s eaten. I’ve been hacking at it for a while now.”

Tyrone/Thorne: “Oh okay.”

“It was already good to go while we were prepping.”

Tyrone/Cameron: “Anyone want a round of Mario Party?”

Steven/Andres: Andres’s not there!

[slow piano music fades out]

Theme Song: [rock music plays]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Editing, Community Manager, and Transcriber, Steven Edwards as Andres, Olive Jerome as Daryl, Rosemary Ochtman as Pookie, and Jorja Odd as Indigo. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant and that theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas. We’re on a bunch of social media, including Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and Patreon. All of which are @portalquandary. Q-U-A-N-D-A-R-Y. This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

Theme Song: [rock music continues]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.

-

Jorja/Indigo: Do we have thieves’ tools?

Rosie/Pookie: I think I technically do, but I’m a cat, so where am I carrying them?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does anyone get them from their backgrounds?

Rosie/Pookie: Oh yeah, I think I got them from my background because I’m a Criminal. 

Steven/Andres: ‘Oh wait! I’m a criminal.’

Rosie/Pookie: I haven’t written it down though because I seem to remember looking at them and going, ‘Eh, won’t need those. I’m a cat.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you don’t have thieves’ tools. You have a crowbar.

[laughter]

Steven/Andres: I think that works the same, actually.

Jorja/Indigo: From now on, I will carry your things for you.

Rosie/Pookie: Thank you.