Episode 6: The Trickster

Join our unlikely team as they face off against their fifth and final monster plaguing the city from another realm! Höde enjoys some newfound freedom as an increasingly anxious Ezra leads the charge in locating the missing prince. Doug uses his noble connections. Sassandra’s magic continues to evolve.

Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language, sexual humour, mild fantasy violence, and kidnapping.

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Keeper, Editing, and Community Manager is Tyrone Cross      

Doug is Steven Edwards

Höde is Olive Jerome

Ezra is Rosemary Ochtman

Sassandra is Jorja Odd

Elias Moffat is our Content Producer, Narrative Consultant, and Transcriber

Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)

We’re on the lookout for a couple of people to join the team as a Community Manager, Transcriber, and Editing Assistant. Send us an email if that sounds like you!

Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com 

Sound effects used in this episode include:

ab00 chimes on wind- RobinHood76

Peaceful Fantasy Music - TheoJT

Metalliputket, helähdys / Small metal tubes, chimes, a short tinkle, like fairy dust, magic, sparkle - YleArkisto

CD_CONTACT_006FX_Magic_Mystery - kevp888

Slow Orchestra - Bittersweet Goodbyes - joshuaempyre

Bach - Invention No. 13 in A Minor - BWV 784 (Arr. for Music Box) - GregorQuendel

Chopin - Nocturne in F minor, Op. 55 No. 1 - Concert Grand Mix - GregorQuendel

Satie - Gymnopedie No.1 - GregorQuendel

Tchaikovsky - The Seasons - March, Song of the Lark, Opus 37a (Arr. for Music Box) - GregorQuendel

This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.

Transcript

Steven/Doug: Portal Quandary’s got some content warnings. You can check them out in the episode description. I did it.

Tyrone/Keeper: A figure cloaked in shadows reclines in the dark corner of a small room. There is a window, but it is too high for him to see out, and though he can faintly hear the sounds of the city filtering in, he has long since learned that nobody outside of it can hear his cries. For one blessed hour of each day, a strip of sunlight paints the wall opposite the window and the figure can reach for it, soaking up the warm before it climbs agonisingly back up the wall. There is nothing to see by but the dull torches dutifully lining the walls, yet faint glimmers of light dance in the corners of his vision somehow, too sharp and bright to be the tired sconces burning low and steady. When he tries to focus on the glimmers, they flicker away - perhaps they don’t even exist outside of his mind, but something about them make him feel dizzy, make him wonder how long he’s been down here. There is a heavy wooden door on the other side of the room, frustrating in its tendency to be still and silent most of the time. With a shock of surprise, the figure watches it swing open with a rasp as it pushes errant sand in with it. A man in a cloak makes his way inside. The figure scrambles to life, moving toward the man until they meet in the centre of the room, separated by thick iron bars.

Tyrone/Figure: “Please”

Tyrone/Keeper: The figure rasps. The man in the cloak ignores him, pulling out a large flask of water and a container with a lid, which he places on the ground before the figure. The figure reaches through the bars, snatching the flask and clutching it.

Tyrone/Figure: “I promise I won’t tell anybody it was you if you just let me out.”

Tyrone/Keeper: The figure begs, though he knows by now it’s a fruitless endeavour. The man in the cloak raises his head and the two lock eyes. For a moment, the figure’s heart flares with hope - but then the man’s eyes catch something over his shoulder, lost in thought and lost to the figure. The man turns, and without a word, he ambles back to the wooden door. The figure drops the flask, their patience worn by the long sunless days in the room.

Tyrone/Figure: “You can’t do this forever!”

Tyrone/Keeper: He shouts after the man. 

Tyrone/Figure: “They’re looking for me right now, you know! There’s only so many places you can keep a prince hidden!”

Tyrone/Keeper: The door swings shut. The figure heaves a breath and leans against the bars.

Tyrone/Figure: “They’re looking for you Barthelemy.”

Tyrone/Keeper: He comforts himself. 

Tyrone/Figure: “They’re looking. They’ll find you soon.”

Theme Song: [rock music plays]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Keeper: And hello. Welcome to the final episode of Portal Quandary: Monster of the Week, Episode 6. Woo! 

Rosie/Ezra: Woohoo.

Tyrone/Keeper:So, you’ve just finished fighting a cloud giant at the sun temple and you're retiring back to the castle once more. One monster left to fight.

Rosie/Ezra: What is it?

Tyrone/Keeper: Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy?

Olive/Höde: *To the tune of Where is Shadow from bear in the Big Blue House* Where, oh where is monster? Where, oh where is monster?

Rosie/Ezra: What?

Tyrone/Keeper: That's Bear in the Big Blue House. 

Olive/Höde: Where is monster? Where could they possibly be?

Tyrone/Keeper: Sitting around the dining room table for some dinner Lu-Kass is here once again being like:

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “So did you find my husband, or my soon to be husband I should say?”

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah calm down. You're not married yet. “No, not yet.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “No? No word? Nothing?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No. Well, it was just still at the sun temple and we'd been there before, so I don't think he was going to be there. So, maybe he's somewhere else.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “All right well how was the giant? I saw the sun temple’s bloody destroyed again. They only just built that literally last night.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yeah, it was the same thing as before too.”

Olive/Höde: “Yeah, he just came back and was not very happy, but he's gone now, so he should be okie dokie from here on out. If you build it again it won't fall down, surely.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “You guys are expecting one more monster though, right? So, what if that one came along and destroyed the sun temple again?”

Rosie/Ezra: “It wouldn't do it three times. Three times at the same temple, that's not really possible.”

Olive/Höde: “They do say that third times the harm.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yes, they do say that.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Keep thinking that Höde.”

Tyrone/Keeper: It's time now, over dinner, to do our XP for the last time.

Rosie/Ezra: Woo! 

Jorja/Sassandra: XP! 

Rosie/Ezra: We levelled up.

Jorja/Sassandra: Okay, just declaring it?

Steven/Doug: I’m one away.  I'm leveling up

Jorja/Sassandra: I'm far away

Olive/Höde:  I need one experience point. Come on. Let's make it happen.

Jorja/Sassandra: I'm going to say no to a question.

Tyrone/Keeper: So, question one: did you can conclude the current mystery?

Steven/Doug + Jorja/Sassandra: Ah.

Olive/Höde + Rosie/Ezra: Yeah.

Tyrone/Keeper: You killed a cloud giant, you did. Did you save someone from certain death or worse?

Jorja/Sassandra: Yes. You saved that same person.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah.

Olive/Höde: You did.

Tyrone/Keeper: I'll give you the point if you can tell me the name.

Jorja/Sassandra: This is not a note-taking one.

Olive/Höde: No this isn’t.

Rosie/Ezra: Look it’s definitely… They have a name. I just don't think I should disclose it.

Steven/Doug: Can I have a stab in the dark? Was it Rhena?

Tyrone/Keeper: It was Archbishop Rhena?

Rosie/Ezra: Oh yeah.

Steven/Doug: Because of the rain.

Tyrone/Keeper: Question three: did you learn something new and important about the world?

Jorja/Sassandra: About the world…

Rosie/Ezra: I learnt that Höde got fired. That's in the world.

Tyrone/Keeper: That's the next question, which is about one of the hunters.

Olive/Höde: Yeah about the world…

Steven/Doug: Did we learn more about your backstory with Mothman?

Tyrone/Keeper: I don't think so.

Jorja/Sassandra: Why would you expect me to know that?

Tyrone/Keeper: Why? Why would we?

Jorja/Sassandra: Keep track of my own story? No.

Olive/Höde: Well we learned that they rebuilt the chapel a month ago.

Tyrone/Keeper: They rebuilt it two days ago.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah.

Steven/Doug: We learnt they’re very quick builders.

Rosie/Ezra: We did.

Tyrone/Keeper: I like the ingenuity, but no.

Steven/Doug: Shit.

Tyrone/Keeper: Moving on. Did you learn something new and important about one of the hunters?

Rosie/Ezra: Yes.

Jorja/Sassandra: We learnt more about Ezra and Höde got fired.

Tyrone/Keeper: I'll give you that one. What did you learn about Ezra?

Jorja/Sassandra: That there's dark voices, and I think maybe you mentioned about your parents being part of it.

Rosie/Ezra: I did.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yay, I remembered something.

Tyrone/Keeper: Alright, you can get two points for saying yes to three questions.

Olive/Höde: Nice.

Steven/Doug: Oh my god, I leveled up.

Olive/Höde: Guess who else leveled up?

Steven/Doug: Do’nt markt the box. Just go back to zero, idiot.

Tyrone/Keeper: You guys ready to talk about your level up?

Steven/Doug: I am not.

Jorja/Sassandra: I am. I didn't.

Tyrone/Keeper: Thank you

Steven/Doug: Slay.

Jorja/Sassandra: You're welcome.

Tyrone/Keeper: How did you go Rosie? Did you level up?

Rosie/Ezra:  No, I leveled up last time. No level up for me.

Olive/Höde:  What if I chose to get command of your chapter of the sect?

Jorja/Sassandra: Do you just start a new part of the sect?

Steven/Doug: He got side-moded, not fired. You’re starting your own department. 

Olive/Höde: Yeah, my boss fired me, and their boss was like, ‘Due, what the fuck are you doing? Get out of fuck out of here. Hey, do you want to come back and work for us? Okay.’

Tyrone/Keeper: I mean it doesn't sound applicable.

Olive/Höde:  No, but it's an option, so I'll take it anyway and we'll see what happens.

Tyrone/Keeper: Fuck you DM. Make something up.

Jorja/Sassandra: Dance, monkey, dance.

Olive/Höde:  Dance for me baby. No, I'm going to be cool.

Steven/Doug:  I reckon I'm going to be getting more Tough.

Tyrone/Keeper: So, Doug's getting more Tough?

Steven/Doug: Yeah, for total of plus two Tough.

Tyrone/Keeper: That’s so tough.

Jorja/Sassandra: So tough.

Rosie/Ezra: Tougher than me.

Tyrone/Keeper:‘The name’s Toph because it sounds like tough.’

Olive/Höde: I have chosen to take another initiate move. So, the Initiate moves that I have decided to take is Fortunes. So, the sect has ancient prophecies or divination techniques to detect the future. Once a mystery I can use them. So, if I choose to look at what the future holds a Weird roll, and on a ten plus I can hold three. On a seven to nine I hold one. On a miss I get bad information, and the Keeper decides how that affects me, and I can hold these three or one to do one of the following. So, I can have a useful object ready; be somewhere where I’m needed just in time; take a plus one forward or give a plus one forward to another hunter; or retroactively warn someone about an attack so that it doesn't happen.

Jorja/Sassandra: Like the X-Men movie: Days of Future Past.

Olive/Höde: Yeah, that’s it.

Steven/Doug:  I thought you was fired

Jorja/Sassandra: he still learnt it.

Olive/Höde: Yeah, I still learnt all of these things. Now that I've been fired, I have the freedom. I wasn’t allowed to use this magic, but now that I’ve been fired I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Jorja/Sassandra: And somehow that's worse I think.

Steven/Doug: Yeah

Jorja/Sassandra: He was restrained, and now he isn't.

Tyrone/Keeper: Fortunes is actually a really great one to pick because - thanks to getting fired - I think that you're not in a good position with your sect to have your… What's it called?  Prophecy type thing

Olive/Höde: ‘When I'm in good standing with my sect, at the beginning of each mystery, roll a charm and they provide useful information or something else of the like to do,’ so so no. I'm not in a good standing with my sect, so good thing I chose that. Yeah, yeah. Indeed.

Tyrone/Keeper: See what the future holds.

Olive/Höde: Indeed, indeed, indeed.

Tyrone/Keeper: Someone who didn't lose their start of the mystery action was Rosemary. Ezra still gets to roll a prophecy. if you could please roll me the move, and make sure that you add your modifier this time.

Rosie/Ezra: I would never forget that.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Ezra: Twelve

Tyrone/Keeper: Twelve. You have a plus three?

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah, I'm really Weird.

Tyrone/Keeper: Remind me what happens on a twelve.

Rosie/Ezra: ‘On a ten plus, you get a detailed vision of something bad that is yet to happen. You take plus one forward to prevent it from coming true and mark experience if you stop it,’ and I can choose when to use the plus one, correct?

Tyrone/Keeper: It's when it's applicable to what you're about to see.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah okay, cool.

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay, what you see is an elven man in wonderful, royal robes stabbing somebody in a cell in even more royal regalia, and you recognise this man as the prince - or the prince to be - that's about to be coronated: Prince Barthelemy.

Rosie/Ezra: And the elf stabbing him is also wearing royals robes?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes.

Rosie/Ezra: Interesting.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes.

Rosie/Ezra: “Hi squad.”

Jorja/Sassandra:  “Does she mean us?”

Steven/Doug: “I hope not.”

Rosie/Ezra: “I can hear you, and yes I do mean you. So, you know how I have these dark things in my head? Yes, so I can have this cool thing where I can see things happening, and I swear it's real, but I just saw the prince in a cell getting stabbed by someone also in royal clothes, which makes me think he's in the castle or something.”

Jorja/Sassandra: Are we still with Lu-Kass?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah.

Jorja/Sassandra: Oh shit.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah, no. I trust him. Why wouldn't I?

Jorja/Sassandra: I just meant that might be disturbing to hear about your soon to be husband…

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Who was it?”

Rosie/Ezra: “I don't know.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “You don't know? That's not a good enough answer.”

Rosie/Ezra: “I'm sorry, but I’m a mere council intern, and I'm doing my very best.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “I'm going to write a report to them that you're very bad at your job.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Excuse me, but I have the only clue to find your to-be Prince, and if you do not give me the respect that I deserve, I shan't help you.”

Olive/Höde: “This is actually kind of crazy because I also saw something in the future. Do you want to know what it was?”

Steven/Doug: “Not right now, Höde.”

Rosie/Ezra: “But continue.”

Olive/Höde: “That’s alright. I can keep that information to myself, but it will take twenty minutes to obtain that knowledge.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Are you going to use your new move? Is that why you said that?

Olive/Höde: Yes. I'd like to look into the future. Look into the fortunes. See what it holds. 

Tyrone/Keeper:Alright. I believe you roll a plus Weird.

Olive/Höde: Plus Weird.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Höde: Nine.

Tyrone/Keeper: Nine, so on a seven to nine, what happens?

Olive/Höde: So, on a seven to nine, I get to hold one, and I get to use that one to do one of multiple different options depending on what occurs during the day.

Tyrone/Keeper: Are you going to use any of them now?

Olive/Höde: Right now? Na.

Tyrone/Keeper: Na. By the looks of how this works, you just tell me when you want to use one of the things on this list, and I can tell you what you saw. 

Olive/Höde: Yeah.

Tyrone/Keeper: Right now, Höde just gets a vision and he’s like, ‘Okay.’

Olive/Höde: “Wild. Sorry, what were we talking about?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Well, that bad thing is happening with the Prince. Sorry if that's disturbing, but transparency and all that, but I think that I’d like to roll a Hunch.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Well, you better have a good hunch about this, or it’s going to *frustrated noises*”

Olive/Höde: “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Höde…”

[laughter]

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah, can I roll my Hunch?

Tyrone/Keeper: Sure, that sounds like it’s applicable later, but okay.

Rosie/Ezra: Oh, we can wait.

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay, okay, okay. 

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Well, so you reckon that they;re in the castle then. We’ve got to get all of the servant’s to search the entire castle, right?”

Rosie/Ezra: “I wouldn’t trust people.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Why not?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Well, if it’s someone in royal robes stabbing the to-be Prince, I wouldn't trust anyone in the castle.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “That’s a good point.”

Steven/Doug: “Should we gather the noble men and women?”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “That’s a good idea, Sir Doug. That’s the best one I’ve heard out of you all day.”

Steven/Doug: “The best idea I’ve had my whole life.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Yeah, I’ll get Marcus, and I’ll get him to round up all the noblemen in the castle, and we can have a… what do you call it? An interrogation.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Make sure that we have them chained up or something because if they’re guilty they’re going to run away or lie. We might scare them or something,”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Well, they could lie either way. If you gather everyone, could we start searching? “Because where did it look like?”

Rosie/Ezra: “It was in a cell.”

Steven/Doug: “I must ask Ezra, was it me doing the stabbing? I do wear elegant clothing.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Theirs were much more elegant, I’m sorry to say.”

Olive/Höde: “Not so mundane.”

Tyrone/Keeper: You do remember it was an elven man.

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh yes, and it was an eleven man.”

Steven/Doug: “Oh, I’m not an elven man. Alright, I’m fine. If it was me. I’d like to know.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I think, to be safe and maybe not raise suspicions, maybe just gather everyone for what seems like a meeting or a royal decree or something, and maybe we start searching where cells are, which are where?”

Steven/Doug: “I can show you. I know where they are. I know this castle like the back of my hand.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Been there a lot?”

Steven/Doug: “Oh, that’s new.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “You could check the dungeons, I guess. That would be the most important place I’d think of.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yeah.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “We could try that.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Okay, and I’ll get all the noblemen together. Just here? We’ll gather them here in the dining hall?”

Steven/Doug: “Should we gather for a tea party?”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “At this time of night?’

Steven/Doug: “Of course.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Alright, off you trot. Markus, please gather them up.”

Tyrone/Keeper: To the dungeons?

Rosie/Ezra: “To the dungeons. Dungeons are really cool because dungeons often have lots of ghosts in them and I can make lots of friends.”

Olive/Höde: Some are also said to contain a dragon.

Jorja/Sassandra: Wrong game, love.

Roise/Ezra: Yeah, mate.

Jorja/Sassandra: “Personally, I’m just going to look for the prince and not ghosts.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Dungeons - going down to the basement. Spiralling down for quite a while beneath the castle. Nice. sandstone architecture. The prison seems empty. There are six cells. I’m going to say three on each side and then there’s sort of like an individual cell at the end. Solitude?

Jorja/Sassandra: Oh yeah.

Olive/Höde: Yeah, yeah.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, like a solitude cell at the end. You can’t see anybody in the cells. The guards, of course. There’s two guards positioned at the doors, but of course they let you through after seeing Sir Doug.

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh my god. I didn’t think you actually had power. That’s crazy.”

Steven/Doug: “I don’t have much.”

Tyrone/Guard: “Afternoon Sir Doug. here to poke fun at the prisoners again?’

Steven/Doug: “Oh, you know me.” He goes bright red. 

Olive/Höde: “That checks out.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I knew I loved you for a reason.”

Steven/Doug: “There aren’t many people in this castle with less class than me. These one do.”

Tyrone/Guard: “There’s not much in there, but you’re welcome to have a look around. I know that the place brings you calmness.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Are you two the only guards that work here, or…?”

Tyrone/Guard: “We’re the night shift, and then the day shift, but yeah.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh, who’s on the day shift?”

Tyrone/Guard: “You know, that’s Niall and that’s Declan.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh, tell me about them. What are they like? What do they look like?”

Tyrone/Guard: “So, they’re both humans. Very mundane, very boring people, honestly. The day crew is not very fun. Night crew is where it’s at.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yeah, not like us night owls.”

Steven/Doug: What do these night owls look like if you were to describe them to us? 

Tyrone/Keeper: They’ve got their armour on with the royal R insignia with the lion crest of the Remingtableaux family.

Steven/Doug: Same.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah exactly, you’ve got very similar outfits on right now. 

Steven/Doug: Well, they had even fancier outfits on according to your vision.

Rosie/Ezra: Yes, they were very fancy. “I would like to ask you guards, was the prince down here?”

Tyrone/Guard: “The prince? You mean the one we’ve been looking for or Lu-Kass? Lu-Kass is upstairs.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yeah, the one we’ve been looking for.”

Tyrone/Guard: “No?”

Rosie/Ezra: Now I want to read their minds. 

Steven/Doug: You fell into my trap!

Olive/Höde: Hell yeah. 

Jorja/Sassandra: I play my trap card.

Steven/Doug: You activated my trap card.

Olive/Höde: It’s a trap!

Tyrone/Keeper: Something interesting… Who are you reading first?

Jorja/Sassandra: Declan.

Rosie/Ezra: Guard number one. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Guard number one…. No, Declan’s the day crew. 

Rosie/Ezra: Declan’s not there.

Jorja/Sassandra: Oh shit, yeah. We didn’t get their names.

Steven/Doug: That’s why I was like, ‘Human and mundane, but what do the two in front of us look like?’

Olive/Höde: Timothy and Robert.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, Timothy and Robert.

Steven/Doug: I was looking for, are Timothy and Robert elves? You just described their clothing.

Tyrone/Keeper: You can’t tell because they have helmets on. You can’t see their ears.

Steven/Doug: Is this knowledge that I would know?

Tyrone/Keeper: About the guards? We have just made a little joke that you like to come here a lot in your free time.

Olive/Höde: Shoehorned yourself into that one.

Tyrone/Keeper: Na, it was good for the bit.

Olive/Höde: Yeah, yeah.

Jorja/Sassandra: Commitment to the bit.

Tyrone/Keeper: Timothy is an elf, and-

Steven/Doug: Gasp.

Tyrone/Keeper: Gasp. And Robert is a half-elf.

Olive/Höde: It’s actually Rob.

Steven/Doug: Rob if you’re nasty. 

Olive/Höde: Robert, Rob. Yeah.

Jorja/Sassandra: Bob if you’re fucked up. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, I don’t get it. Explain it to me. 

Olive/Höde: Again? Okay. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Rosemary.

Rosie/Ezra: Tyrone.

Tyrone/Keeper: Trying to read their minds, it’s very interesting actually because it’s almost like their brain is filled with nothing. You read their thoughts and there’s nothing. No thoughts. Head empty. 

Jorja/Sassandra: No thoughts. Head empty. 

Rosie/Ezra: “Are you guys good?”

Tyrone/Timothy:  “Yeah?”

Rosie/Ezra: “What are your dreams?”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Well, one day I hope to become the Guard Captain. I think that I’d be pretty good at that. This guy over here wants to be a detective.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Interesting.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Why?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Just curious. I like to get to know people, and yeah. That’s all.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Alright.”

Jorja/Sassandra: Did you tell us that they’re elven?

Steven/Doug: Not right now. They’re right there.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah. That’s fair. “I really like your outfit, the guard outfit.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Sir Doug has got a really similar one, hey?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “But you guys have got that helmet.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Yeah.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Can I see it?”

Tyrone/Timothy: “I’m supposed to keep my uniform on.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Well, there’s no one down here.”

Steven/Doug: “Oh Timothy, no one will know.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “If you’re friends with Sir Doug here, surely you could wear his.”

Steven/Doug: “I don’t have my helmet with me.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Well, where is it?”

Steven/Doug: “It’s up in my room. That’s miles away. Come on. Come on.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Come on.”

Steven/Doug: Wait, why am I saying this? I can just manipulate you.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah, right?

Tyrone/Keeper: I was going to say if you want to persuade someone, there’s an ability for this.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Doug: Nine. 

Tyrone/Keeper: ‘On a seven to nine, they’ll do it but only if you do something for them right now to show them that you mean it.’

Steven/Doug: I mean, I mean it.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yep, what are you going to do to show it?

Steven/Doug: What do you want me to do?

Jorja/Sassandra:Help action?

Steven/Doug: Yeah, help me. Give me a plus one. Roll me into ten. Get me into the next bracket.

Tyrone/Keeper: Alright, roll to help.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Sassandra: Ten.

Steven/Doug: Ay.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yay.

Tyrone/Keeper: ‘On a ten plus, you grant them plus one to their roll.’ How are you helping out?

Jorja/Sassandra: I’ll be like, ‘There’s no-one here. There’s no prisoners, so you’re not in any danger. I just want to look.”

Tyrone/Keeper: So, it’s a ten plus now, which means, ‘They’ll do it for the reason you gave them. If you ask too much they’ll tell you the minimum it would take for them to do it.’

Tyrone/Timothy: “Fine, okay. Just because it’s you Sir doug.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh god.”

Steven/Doug: I’m fucking all of them by the way.

Tyrone/Keeper: A little:

Tyrone/Timothy: “Okay, fine.”

Jorja/Sassandra: He’s so shy.

Tyrone/Keeper: He lifts it off to reveal gorgeous long hair that he waves back and forth.

Rosie/Ezra: It’s like Prince Charming in Shrek.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, exactly. It’s that same look.

Jorja/Sassandra: I was thinking of Finn from Adventure Time.

Steven/Doug: Yes!

Tyrone/Keeper: And then before you can even realise, he’s shoving it on your head.

Jorja/Sassandra: “Jesus.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Here you go. It’s got good padding on the inside, doesn’t it? It feels good.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Fun. There’s so much room for my ears.”

Rosie/Ezra: I’m looking. Do I notice that they are elves?

Tyrone/Keeper: It is an elf. Yes.

Rosie/Ezra: Woah. Interesting.

Tyrone/Timothy: “Okay, I need that back now. Can I?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yeah, sure.”

Rosie/Ezra: Oh, I want to read their minds. 

Tyrone/Keeper: You get the same response. Head empty. No response. 

Rosie/Ezra: Alright, cool.

Tyrone/Keeper: There’s nothing in the helmet.

Jorja/Sassandra: “Thank you.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Give.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I like it. It’s comfy.”

Steven/Doug: “Ezra, would you accompany me down to this cell? Something something really fun on the far left.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yeah sure, let’s go.”

Steven/Doug: Travel music. While we get there - hopefully without ear shot of the two guards - I’m going to say, “Did you see his ears?”

Rosie/Ezra: “I did.”

Steven/Doug: “He’s an elf.”

Rosie/Ezra: “An elf.”

Steven/Doug: “For your information, the other one is also a half-elf. I don’t know if it could be either one of them.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Well, I have a weird thing. There’s nothing in their brains. I tried to read their brain and there’s nothing in there. It’s just blank.”

Steven/Doug: “Read my brain.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “What are you two doing? It’s so weird that Doug didn’t invite you in.”

Olive/Höde: “Yeah.”

Tyrone/Robert: “I can’t believe he’d do that.”

Olive/Höde: “Background character again, but that’s alright. How’s the watch been?”

Tyrone/Robert: “Boring. No-one’s here.”

Olive/Höde: “No-one?”

Tyrone/Robert: “No-one at all.”

Olive/Höde: “So, you just play cards all night?”

Tyrone/Robert: “No, we have to stand. We can’t play cards.”

Olive/Höde: “Oh, I guess it’s easier for me.”

Tyrone/Robert: “Why?”

Olive/Höde: “The table is at head height.”

Tyrone/Robert: “Oh, we’ve got no table. We stand by the door.”

Olive/Höde: “Oh. Is it a sturdy door?”

Tyrone/Robert: “I don’t like your direction of questioning.”

Olive/Höde: “Oh, I’m just wondering because there’s two of you. It mustn't be a very sturdy door.”

Tyrone/Robert: “It’s very sturdy.”

Jorja/Sassandra: Can I lean over to the one furthest from Höde?

Tyrone/Keeper: Timothy.

Jorja/Sassandra: Sure, and be like, “He’s just kind of weird. He means no malice.”

Olive/Höde: I’ll flash them a smile. 

Tyrone/Timothy: “Just head on in, alright?”

Olive/Höde: “Oh, you’re fine with us going in?”

Tyrone/Timothy: “You’re with Sir Doug, it’s fine.”

Olive/Höde: “Oh yes, do you want to go in first?”

Jorja/Sassandra: Now I’m scared of you. “Okay.”

Olive/Höde: I’ll topple on in.

Tyrone/Keeper: What’s going on at the cell?

Rosie/Ezra: I’m reading Sir Doug’s mind.

Tyrone/Keeper: Sir Doug’s mind?

Steven/Doug: Yeah.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah, just to see if it works.

Steven/Doug: I was seeing if her powers actually work because she said, ‘Head empty,’ and I was like, ‘Okay, well I’m pretty sure my head’s not that empty.’ What happens when you read mine?

Tyrone/Keeper: What are you thinking about? Banging those two guards. Absolutely, my head is just very visual. It’s a threeway.

Rosie/Ezra:  “Oh gosh, well Sir Doug, I can read your mind. Yes.”

Steven/Doug: “Oh, so I assume you saw that.”

Rosie/Ezra:  “Yes, I did. Interesting the way you do that.”

[laughter]

Tyrone/Keeper: That position.

Steven/Doug: It’s all in the hips love.

Rosie/Ezra:  So, I could hear that then, right?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes.

Rosie/Ezra:  Not hear, see. Yep.

Steven/Doug: Lu-Kass taught me that one.

Tyrone/Keeper: What? 

Steven/Doug: What?

Tyrone/Keeper: What do you mean Lu-Kass taught you that one?

Steven/Doug: He taught me how to do that. 

Rosie/Ezra:  Cute.

Steven/Doug: Verbally, not actually. 

Tyrone/Keeper: It’s a picture book. Portraits.

Steven/Doug: The dragon Kama Sutra. 

Olive/Höde: As we enter, do they close the door behind us or are they leaving it open?

Tyrone/Keeper: They’ll close it. Yeah.

Olive/Höde: They’ll close it? “Do we want some time alone here? I can make sure that we’re not disturbed.” I probably would have been primarily talking to you because you two are doing whatever you’re doing. 

Jorja/Sassandra: “I don’t…”

Steven/Doug: You’re just staring at Ezra trying to read me and getting horrified.

Olive/Höde: “Just in case it’s, you know, one of them.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Well, let’s quickly ask Ezra if they look like the person she saw, and then if not, no because there’s no point staying down here if it’s not either of them.”

Olive/Höde: “Okay, okay. I mean I could try to do a little investigation to see if there’s something hiding here.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Sure, that sounds great. Do you want some help?”

Steven/Doug: “Yes, you three freaks do your magic stuff.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Maybe not magic. There’s two guards.”

Olive/Höde: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s silent magic.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “What if it goes wrong and…”

Steven/Doug: A glitch occurs.

Jorja/Sassandra: No, “draws immediate, unwelcome attention.”

Olive/Höde: “Then I’ll kill them.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No.”

Steven/Doug: “Okay, we won’t be killing them.”

Olive/Höde: “Oh, well then I’ll *struggles* sing them a lovely song.”

Steven/Doug: Oh god, Höde just short-circuited. 

Rosie/Ezra: “Can you give us an example of the song?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No, can we maybe just look around for secret passages. No magic. No loud noise.”

Rosie/Ezra: “I would like to see if there’s any ghosts around.”

Olive/Höde: “I kind of need to do magic.”

Steven/Doug: “I’m going to go back and talk to them, and try to at least attempt to distract them if they do hear anything.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “That’s a good idea.”

Steven/Doug: “You guys do your magic and your investigation and whatever it is you think you need to do.” I’m going to request that I be…

Jorja/Sassandra: ‘Help! Let me out!’

Steven/Doug: ‘Doug, that’s the bar, not the door.’ ‘Oh.’

Olive/Höde: I’m not sure if this is this meta-ing or not, but I essentially want to lock the door so that no-one can get in.

Jorja/Sassandra: I don’t think we need to.

Olive/Höde: Yeah, but it allows me to do an investigation thing on top of that if I roll.

Tyrone/Keeper: That’s not how that works, remember? You roll the Use Magic to do the question.

Olive/Höde: Fuck! I keep forgetting. Goddammit! Son of a bitch! Well, I can just Use Magic to that then, that’s fine.

Jorja/Sassandra: Okay, beautiful. I’m going to Investigate A Mystery. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Alright, we’ve got a lot of this happening.

Steven/Doug: Wait, do I go out?

Jorja/Sassandra: “That’s a cell Doug.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, you can go back out.

Steven/Doug: “You just push. Oh, it’s not locked.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Wait, Sir Doug, if you’re out here, we can’t just let strangers in here.”

Steven/Doug: “What are they going to do in there?”

Tyrone/Timothy: “What if they dig a tunnel?

Steven/Doug: “In the cell?”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Yeah. What if they’ve got a criminal friend that they’ve got to break out.”

Steven/Doug: “You’re right, we can’t trust these common folk. I will go and watch them, but I will do it from outside the cell.” It’s just bars, right?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steven/Doug: I will do it from outside them.

Jorja/Sassandra: So, if it’s like they’re on this side of the door, maybe stay there.

Steven/Doug: Oh, there’s a door.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah. Door. 

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah, it’s a door and then a cell. 

Steven/Doug: Oh okay, well then yeah I’d like the door to be open and I’m looking at the cell.

Jorja/Sassandra: Two guards. Door. Hallway. Cells. So, you could just stand on the other side of the door, so that if any loud noises happen, they’ll see you first maybe. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Is that what you want to do? 

Steven/Doug: Sure.

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay, easy. Doug’s standing behind the door. So, Jorja and Olive are doing Investigate a Mystery, and you’re going to look for ghosts.

Steven/Doug: Yeah.

Tyrone/Keeper: Let’s roll the Investigate a Mysterys. Is that…?

Jorja/Sassandra: Plus Sharp.

Tyrone/Keeper: Are we both rolling those, or is one person going to help the other person out?

Olive/Höde: With your investigate, you can do two questions or three, or just one?

Jorja/Sassandra: ‘On a ten, hold two.’

Olive/Höde: Yeah. Do you want to do it and I’m happy to try and help you?

Jorja/Sassandra: What’s your Sharp?

Olive/Höde: Or do you want to do it? Well, I was going to do Weird so that I can ask one question.

Jorja/Sassandra: We could just both do it. 

Olive/Höde: Yeah, yeah.

Jorja/Sassandra: Why not?

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay, you’re using a Use Magic, and you’re using an Investigate a Mystery.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Höde: Fucked it. 

Jorja/Sassandra: It’s okay. It’s still a seven.

Olive/Höde: I got an eight.

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay, you got an eight on a Use Magic, and you got a…?

Jorja/Sassandra: A seven on investigate. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Investigate a Mystery. Use Magic, I’m going to do first. You’re asking one of the Investigate a Mystery questions with that?

Olive/Höde: Yeah. So, I think the question I’m going to ask is what is being concealed here?

Jorja/Sassandra: You bitch.

Tyrone/Keeper: And there’s also a glitch with that, right? For getting the seven to nine result.

Olive/Höde: Yeah.

Tyrone/Keeper: What’s the glitch?

Olive/Höde: The glitch is, I’m going to say, the effect is of short duration. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay. 

Olive/Höde: So, I take out a little bag and within it, I open up this little satchel up and take a handful of this green-powered dust,and I’ll throw it up in the air, and it’ll stay in place in the air, and I’ll give it a little smack through, and it’ll billow through the hallways, and essentially detect if anything’s being hidden, and I’ll take the satchel and put it back. “Hello?”

Tyrone/Keeper: Rosie.

Steven/Doug: I love that you pulled out a satchel and then a bag and then the dust. I was waiting for another container.

Jorja/Sassandra: The dust is in a plastic baggie. 

Tyrone/Keeper: The invisible thing that you can see is, I’ll say, three multi-coloured butterflies in the room. They’re probably the size of a mini-fridge. You see that and then Höde throws the dust in the air making them visible to everybody else in the room - these three butterflies.

Rosie/Ezra: Woah. Can I talk to the butterflies?

Tyrone/Keeper: Once we do this Investigate a Mystery.

Rosie/Ezra: Cool.

Tyrone/Keeper: So, ‘on a seven to nine, you can ask one of the questions.’ Which question.?

Jorja/Sassandra: What sort of creature is it?

Olive/Höde: It ain't no Mothman.

Jorja/Sassandra: I know.

Steven/Doug: It’s Butterflyman. 

Rosie/Ezra: Woah.

Tyrone/Keeper: Upon being revealed and realising that you guys can see it, the butterflies visibly react and panic a little bit and fly and phase through the bars and through the walls into another part of the castle, and they are an ephemeral type creature.

Olive/Höde: “B-B-Bu-Butterfly ghosts.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Cool.”

Olive/Höde: “Not very cool.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Did you say ghosts?’

Rosie/Ezra: “No, no ghosts. I just like to play around. It’s fun pretending there’s ghosts. Like children”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Doug, these friends of yours, I swear.”

Steven/Doug: “Look, I haven’t known them for very long, but they’re weirdos, but they mean no harm.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “What are you looking for in there anyways?”

Rosie/Ezra: “I just like jails.”

Steven/Doug: “You and me both.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Do you frequent them?”

Rosie/Ezra: “No, which is why it’s really cool that I get to be down here and pretend that there’s ghosts and be all weird like Sir Doug said.”

Jorja/Sassandra: Can I use Cryptid Sighting?

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay.

Jorja/Sassandra: ‘You take reports of any strange creatures. Whenever you see a new type of creature, you may immediately ask one of the Investigate a Mystery questions.’

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay.

Olive/Höde: Nice.

Jorja/Sassandra: What happened here?

Tyrone/Keeper: What happened here? Interesting. So, the dust had briefly revealed the butterflies to you, and it’s also revealed - you know the dust that moths leave behind? There’s a little bit of a trail leading from the entrance. This fluorescent orange, green, purple trail leading from the entrance right down to the solitude. Direct to it. It doesn’t stop. Straight line. 

Jorja/Sassandra: I follow that.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes. Opening it up because it’s not locked because no-one’s in there, the floor of that room is covered in that dust everywhere, and it looks like someone left here in a hurry. There’s some rags thrown on the floor. There’s a flask discarded and some half eaten food in there. 

Jorja/Sassandra: Mmhmm. *whispering* “Ezra”

Rosie/Ezra: *whispering* “Yes?”

Jorja/Sassandra: *whispering* “Come here.”

Steven/Doug: *whispering* ‘Get your weird arse over here.’

Rosie/Ezra: *whispering* “I’m here.”

Jorja/Sassandra: *whispering* “Someone was here. So, the dust that made the butterflies, I can see it on the ground like a trail of where they’ve been. It led to here. It’s all over the ground, but it looks like someone left here in a hurry.”

Rosie/Ezra: *whispering* “Like the prince?”

Jorja/Sassandra: *whispering* “It could be. Does this look like the cell?”

Rosie/Ezra: *whispering* “It does look like the cell. This is where it was.”

Jorja/Sassandra: *whispering* “Okay. Okay. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.”

Rosie/Ezra: *whispering* “Umm, umm, umm. Ah!”

Steven/Doug: “So, what time do you two boys knock off?” I’m going to start to…

Tyrone/Timothy: “You should know that quite well actually.”

[laughter]

Olive/Höde: Why would you know that?

Steven/Doug: I don’t memorise their schedules. Fuck off.

Rosie/Ezra: You’ve got too many.

Olive/Höde: I don’t follow them home. I promise. 

Tyrone/Timothy: “You guys all done in there?”

Rosie/Ezra: *whispering* “I mean, there’s no-one here.”

Jorja/Sassandra: In the stuff that was left. The rags - does it look like a piece of clothing or just…

Tyrone/Keeper: Just like a shitty blanket. 

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah. 

Steven/Doug: “I’ll just go down and see if they're all done and keep my eye on them. I’ll just close this door.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Oh, okay.”

Steven/Doug: Wink as I close the door, and I’ll walk down and be like, “Oh my god, is everything okay? I heard something about ghosts.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “They were here. So, we saw ghost butterflies, and then- Watch out, there is a lot of dust.” I’ll start brushing it off your shoes.

Steven/Doug: “Disgusting.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “But they were here. They left in a hurry. I could see it all over the floor, but you can see half-eaten food. There’s rags here, so they were here and they’re gone, so I think with the assembly they got up and left when people were called to talk to Lu-Kass.”

Olive/Höde: “So, are you thinking that the premonition already happened then? Because it was an elf doing the business.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Your premonitions - are they of the future? Are they sometimes of what’s happening right now?”

Rosie/Ezra: “It is of something that has yet to happen, but I don’t know how far in the future it is.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay, so…”

Rosie/Ezra: “So, it could have happened already, or it could be still yet to happen.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Or it could be in the time that it took us to get down here, or they could be coming back?’

Rosie/Ezra: “Yes.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I… sorry.”

Olive/Höde: “Sorry to interrupt you, I just wanted to say - if that’s alright. If I can…”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Go.”

Olive/Höde: “Okay, okay. I have an idea. So, I could actually just remove this room entirely from the equation and change the future if we wanted, or we keep it to use as… Because we know what the future is set currently.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I think keep it because there's a chance they could come back, so we could possibly set traps. I don’t know. Cameras.”

Rosie/Ezra: “I just would like to know how you would remove a whole room.”

Olive/Höde: “I mean, not really. It’s just the best way that I can explain. So, basically I put my hands on the door, and then elves aren’t allowed in through that door.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh.”

Olive/Höde: “So, I remove the room from the equation of the prophecy.”

Rosie/Ezra: “So you’re locking the door.”

Olive/Höde: “Yes.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Incredible.”

Olive/Höde: “But, not for me. Just for you and other elves.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Timothy tries to go in for his shift and he’s like, ‘Eh?’

Olive/Höde: That’s what I was going to do.

Jorja/Sassandra: If they push him, is the prince an elf?

Tyrone/Keeper: Half-elf. 

Jorja/Sassandra: I was going to say, if he was human and they push him into the cell, and they go to torture him, and they can’t get in. He’s free. 

Olive/Höde: But that would still work because I’d just make it for a full-blooded elf.

Jorja/Sassandra: But then the other guard can get in.

Olive/Höde: Oh, true. 

Jorja/Sassandra: Is there any blood or what looks like cleaned up blood?

Tyrone/Keeper: No, no blood.

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay. Either they cleaned it up really well, or it hasn’t happened yet, but we know that it’s going to happen here, so we need to find a way to find out when it’s happening to trap it.”

Olive/Höde: “I can also just keep an eye on the room if we want to go for a mosey and figure out a plan. I can keep my eyes on it from a  long distance.” 

Jorja/Sassandra: “Cool.”

Tyrone/Keeper: You’re going to hear a *banging* at the door.

Jorja/Sassandra: Is it the front door or the isolation door?

Tyrone/Keeper: The front door.

Olive/Höde: Okay.

Jorja/Sassandra: Okay, okay, okay. “Yes?”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass:  “You guys in there, did you find anything?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No, there’s nothing… What’s there to find?”

Steven/Doug: “You said there was no-one here.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass:  “No, this is Lu-Kass. I understand our voices sound very similar now.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Ah, sorry. I couldn’t see you.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass:  “I got all the guys together, so are you going to do an interrogation?”

Jorja/Sassandra: Are the other two guards still there?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah.

Steven/Doug: “Jesus Christ, Lu-Kass.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass:  “What?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “We need to talk to you about subtlety.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass:  “Who is that?”

Olive/Höde: “What is that?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “You, I forgive. You should know better.”

Olive/Höde: “I’ve been forgiven. This is the first time in Höde’s life.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass:  “You said to get everyone together, so I did.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Do any of them look suspicious?”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass:  “Well, I need you to ID them from your…”

Steven/Doug: “Which, we should go do that without the guards here.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh yes, hello guards. This is just a bit of a roleplay theatre thing. We’re actors, you see. It’s a play. You can come watch it.”

Olive/Höde: “I actually sing. Would you like to hear some?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yes. Please.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Are you guys going to do a ghost tour type thing?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s going to be tonight. Come along. Bring your friends.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “That’s why you’re researching ghosts.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yeah, that's why you hear us talking about ghosts. We’re all thespians. We love the theatre.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Oh Doug, you’re a thespian?”

Steven/Doug: “I didn’t want to say anything. I’m just learning a new part of myself.”

Olive/Höde: “He’s actually starring in tonight’s performance.”

Steven/Doug: “Oh Höde. Oh Höde. We’re all stars really.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Give us some of the monologue. You practiced.”

Steven/Doug: “Shut up Ezra.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I think we all go to this meeting about our performance. It was lovely to meet you guards, Timothy and Robert.”

Tyrone/Robert: *faint* “Pleasure.”

Tyrone/Keeper: That’s Robert. 

Jorja/Sassandra: Okay.

Tyrone/Robert: *faint* ‘Pleasure.’

Jorja/Sassandra: *faint* ‘Pleasure.’

Tyrone/Robert: “I hope you enjoyed your stay.”

Jorja/Sassandra: Very ominous. I love you.

Tyrone/Timothy:  “Come back any time!”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay, bye!”

Steven/Doug: “Bye Timothy!”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “I got them all in the dining hall. Get ready to interrogate them.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay, what do you know about the shifts that happen down here?”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Well, there’s Timothy and Robert on night-shifts. Good blokes.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay, is there a way to track who comes in and out?”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “The books, I guess.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Who has those?”

Tyrone/keeper: I was going to say Timothy and Robert.

Steven/Doug: They can’t be in charge of the cells. That’s ridiculous. 

Olive/Höde: “They seem like some really nice chaps though. I don’t think they’d hurt anyone.”

Steven/Doug: “Höde, they have nothing going on in their heads.”

Olive/Höde: “What?”

Rosie/Ezra: “I read their thoughts and there’s literally nothing going on in their brains.”

Olive/Höde: “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Because I told Sir Doug, and then there was other things happening, and I forgot.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “What happened?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Well, there’s nothing in their brains.”

Steven/Doug: “And we tested it. She read my brain and it worked.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yep. Yep.”

Steven/Doug: “That’s all we have to say about that.”

Rosie/Ezra: “That’s all I want to remember.”

Olive/Höde: “I’m very curious, but I won’t press that.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I think it’s best not to.”

Olive/Höde: “No. They could be cursed if they’re not having thoughts. Everyone has thoughts.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “It could be curses, or it could be on purpose, so that people like Ezra can’t read their thoughts to find out where the prince is.”

Olive/Höde: “That’s true, but what if they need our help?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “You think that they wiped their minds or something?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Maybe, or maybe they’re wearing something that doesn't let people read their minds.”

Steven/Doug: “Well, it wasn’t their helmets.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Oh, I was going to say the helmets.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “See? This is why we’re friends.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Yeah.”

Rosie/Ezra: ‘Yeah.’

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Alright, here we are. The dining hall.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I think the plan of attack: Ezra should walk around and try to read some minds. Maybe take note of who has no thoughts because maybe we might be able to get a group of these people in the know and these people are part of it. As for what is discussed, I have no idea.”

Olive/Höde: “I was going to suggest I could just sit in a corner and keep an eye on the room in case anything goes on. I know my strengths and my weaknesses, and you guys will get through five interrogations before I get through one.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “If we go interrogation, or Höde puts on a speech while Ezra reads people’s minds because then there’s way more time for her to do it.”

Steven/Doug: “Very true, but then we won’t know who’s got no thoughts because they might just be…”

[laughter]

Jorja/Sassandra: They’re just wiped. ‘Fuck.’

Steven/Doug: Manage to leave the entire room empty of a thought. 

Olive/Höde: That’s my one special gift. 

Steven/Doug: “Well, I mean, are we treating this as an actual investigation, or are we doing a secret investigation with Ezra who can read minds? Because I can just chat everyone up.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Well first up, do I recognise any of them as the elf?”

Tyrone/Keeper: So, we’re heading into the room now?

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah.

Tyrone/Keeper: Or are we still talking about our plan?

Jorja/Sassandra + Steven/Doug: *muttering*

Rosie/Ezra: No?

Steven/Doug: We would like a plan first. Keeper.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah, we’re planning. “I think you walk through and look at faces, but also read minds because if you don’t recognise them because they could be wearing something completely different. You can at least get a tally on who has no thoughts because they might be part of it as well. I think someone should maybe watch the entrance to the dungeons to see if anyone comes in or out.”

Olive/Höde: “Just random accosts of violence always spices up an interrogation.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay.”

Steven/Doug: “Again, it’s going to be an interrogation. They don't know they’re being interrogated.”

Olive/Höde: “Oh.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yes, because I think being told, ‘Hey, there’s a meeting. We need everyone up here,’ has spooked everyone already to move them out, so being like, ‘What the fuck is your deal!?’ is going to get someone…”

Steven/Doug: “‘Which one of you are elves!?’ It’s probably not the way we want to do it.” 

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yeah, it may make them more suspicious.”

Olive/Höde: “Well, I never suggested talking. I just thought you have a lead pipe, and you have access to their knees.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “And I’m just saying that just calling a meeting may have spooked them already. Taking out their kneecaps may escalate the situation just a little.”

Olive/Höde: “I understand.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yes.”

Olive/Höde: “Okay, maybe just some fingers then.’

Jorja/Sassandra: “Put it on the backburner.”

Olive/Höde: “Okay.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I’ll give you a signal.”

Olive/Höde: “Okay.”

Steven/Doug: “I reckon we should put you in charge of watching the cells.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yes.”

Olive/Höde: “That's a really good idea.”

Steven/Doug: “I reckon that job is perfectly suited to you Höde.”

Olive/Höde: “I like that idea a lot”

Steven/Doug: “Lu-kass, did we manage to get tea?”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Yeah.”

Steven/Doug: “Okay, cool. If everyone’s drinking tea, hopefully they’ve all got helmets off and you should be able to see their faces properly. Unless they’re trying to drink through a helmet, in which case they’re idiots.”

Rosie/Ezra: “We can see their little ears.”

Olive/Höde: Can I suggest that before you guys get started, I’ll just do an overall roll for monitoring the dungeon?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah.

Olive/Höde: So, it’s magic that I can use to ‘observe another palace or time.’

Steven/Doug: Oh, you’re not physically going to go there?

Olive/Höde: No.

Steven/Doug: Shit.

Jorja/Sassandra: I think put him up the top.

Olive/Höde: I can just sit in the corner or just outside.

Jorja/Sassandra: Just outside.

Olive/Höde: Yeah.

Jorja/Sassandra: I think because if you observe the actual dungeon down there. I think sitting somewhere that’s a one way access like a hallway where the only way it leads is down there. Sitting in there so you can look at the top and peek down as they get there or something.

Olive/Höde: Oh okay. Yeah, because they might have secret entrances or something that goes in through a different way, but if I’m sitting in the one corridor hallway to get there then at least I’m blocking the path.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah.

Olive/Höde: Yeah, cool. I like that plan.

Steven/Doug: Höde in a hallway with his lead pipe. Donk. Donk. ‘I’ve been given a job.’

Olive/Höde: ‘Hum, hum, hum, hum, hum. Practicing my song. Falala ah, ah, ah.’

[laughter]

Steven/Doug: Höde, the thespian, everybody.

Tyrone/Keeper: So, you’re rolling a Use Magic now?

Olive/Höde: Yes, I’ll use that now. Just so we can get that covered, and I can shut up for five minutes.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Höde: Ah shit. It’s an eight, but it’s a nine actually.

Tyrone/Keeper: You’ve got plus four?

Olive/Höde: So, I get plus three, but whenever I Use Magic successfully I get a plus one moving forward. Actually, you know what? I’m going to go ahead and use my luck to make that a twelve. 

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah.

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay.

Olive/Höde: ‘Something goes horrifically wrong for the sect.’

Steven/Doug: Who cares? You don’t work for them. Fuck them.

Olive/Höde: Don’t know what. Don’t care. So, I will be standing in the corridor hallway that leads towards the doors to the dungeon. The other two guards have gone along, or are they still in position? The elf and the half-elf. Timothy and Robert.

Tyrone/Keeper: They’re still there. They’re chilling.

Olive/Höde: Beautiful, so I’ll position myself there, and one eye will gloss over and just be monitoring the space of that cell where the butterflies flew into.

Tyrone/Keeper: You’ve got a birds-eye view of the situation?

Olive/Höde: From the outside of the door looking in, so I can see everything.

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay.

Steven/Doug: Like a secret camera like a teddy bear.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah.

Jorja/Sassandra: Did we leave the door to the solitary open?

Rosie/Ezra: Well, we didn’t mention closing it.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah.

Olive/Höde: I think we left it open, yeah. Because if there’s no-one in there.

Jorja/Sassandra: I wouldn’t have. I’m rude. 

Steven/Doug: Were you born in a tent?

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah. No, you saw my house.

Steven/Doug: True.

Olive/Höde: Yep, I’m just chilling. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Alright, you’re set up there. That’s good to know. I’m going to keep them on the backburner. I’ve got ideas.

Olive/Höde: Yeah, cool. You let me know boo. 

-

Tyrone/Keeper: Hey, it’s Tyrone, your Keeper. That’s going to be a while before I say Keeper. We’re going to go back to Dungeon Master soon. I hope you’re enjoying the finale of our Monster of the Week mini-series. The team and I had a lot of fun trying out this Monster of the Week ruleset, but we’re pretty excited to return to Dungeons and Dragons with the launch of season three starting next episode. You’ll be seeing more about it on the socials over the next few weeks, but season three - Atrius - is set after the events of season two as we set into an urban fantasy as everyone in the world is suddenly fantasy creatures with magic. Let’s quickly head to the ad, featuring another awesome Monster of the Week podcast, The Thorne Files Podcast.

The Thorne Files Podcast Ad Read: Are you a fan of mind bending mysteries and terrifying monsters? Well, come and listen to The Thorne Files Podcast. A Monster Of The Week, actual play podcast with new episodes coming out every other Friday. Set in 1952, four investigators find themselves entangled in the world full of malevolent forces seeking to destroy the world as we know it. Will they uncover the secrets in the darkness? And more importantly, will they survive to see the light? 

Tyrone/Keeper: As I was saying before, season three is starting next episode, and starting then we’re introducing listener names in as NPCs. So, head over to our Instagram, share our pinned post to get your name in the show. Make sure to tag us so we can see it and you don’t miss out. I can't wait to share this new season with you all, but first, the rest of the finale. We’re starting 2025 out with a bang. Our next episode out on January third will be our season three premiere. Enjoy!

-

Tyrone/Keeper: The dining hall. Lu-Kass will open it up and Markus, the advisor, he’ll be there and be like:

Tyrone/Markus: “Lu-Kass, just as you’ve asked, I’ve got all forty-five people in line to the throne. Forty-six with Lu-kass. Forty-seven with Doug.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Forty-eight with Sassandra.”

Tyrone/Markus: “What?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Hello. What?”

Steven/Doug: “I’m above you. I’ve never known anyone below me in the food chain before. This is nice.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Doug, you’re quite familiar with all of these people. You know their names and faces very well because you know exactly where they stand. I feel like you’ve got a board in your room that has their number and you move them up when someone dies. 

Steven/Doug: ‘Yep. Number seven. I mean- I mean.’

Tyrone/Keeper: There’s even like your mum is there, and any siblings you have.

Jorja/Sassandra: Bitch. She’s ahead of me. “So, what are we talking about?”

Steven/Doug: “We’re having tea.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay, we’re just all having tea?”

Steven/Doug: “Yeah.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay.”

Steven/Doug: “We’re just having tea. I’ll peruse and start distracting people with tea, and Ezra will start reading people’s minds.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yeah.”

Steven/Doug: “I think anyone with helmets on, maybe encourage them to take them off to have a fucking drink of tea. It’s really delicious.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yeah.” ‘Really delicious.’

Steven/Doug: ‘It’s really delicious.’

Jorja/Sassandra: “Can we phrase it as sort of a celebration as having Lu-Kass, and like a team-building… I can't think of the word. Future endeavours to get the other guy back.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Like corporate training.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No, that sucks. No-one enjoys that. Make it celebratory so you can be like, ‘Show your respect and take your helmet off.’”

Steven/Doug: “Ah.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “So Doug, you’ve asked me to gather everyone who’s in line to the throne. Did you want to talk more about that?”

Steven/Doug: “Yes! Thank you Lu-Kass. As many of you know, I’m forty-seventh in line to this throne, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you all, and I would like to have a cup of tea. Raise a toast to Lu-kass, and hopefully we can find Prince Barthelemy. Yes, I would highly encourage everyone to have some tea.” Can I do a quick scan of the room? Does everyone have a glass of tea? Glass of tea? Cup of tea.

Jorja/Sassandra: A glass?

Steven/Doug: Cup of tea.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, everyone has a glass.

Steven/Doug: Which ones have a glass? Psychopaths. 

Jorja/Sassandra: ‘It’s him!’

Steven/Doug: ‘It’s that one! He’s drinking from a shot glass, weirdo!’ Tea cups. Yes?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes. Tea cups.

Steven/Doug: Does everyone look like they’ve got their tea cups? Who’s got helmets?

Tyrone/Keeper: No helmets here. The nobles know to take them off when there’s a formal occasion because some of them work in the guard, but they know the noble tradition to take it off because it’s tradition.

Jorja/Sassandra: See? I’m noble. At the core, I’m noble. 

Steven/Doug: Number forty-eight, she’s going on my list.

Jorja/Sassandra: But I’m below you, so I’m safe.

Steven/Doug: Exactly. I don’t have to kill you. What?

Jorja/Sassandra: What?

Olive/Höde: Woah.

Steven/Doug: I would never. So, everyone’s drinking their tea?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes. It’s very awkward. Ezra.

Rosie/Ezra: Hello.

Tyrone/Keeper: There are some more butterflies in this room. You can see the invisible butterflies. There’s like fifteen of them.

Rosie/Ezra: “Guys. Guys. Guys.”

Steven/Doug: Fifteen!?

Tyrone/Keeper: Just scattered around the room.

Jorja/Sassandra: I have my notepad out. I’m taking notes of anything. I’m going to pretend that I’m drawing the scene.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yep.

Jorja/Sassandra: I will actually draw it on the side as well. You know at weddings how people get the live paintings?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yep.

Jorja/Sassandra: I’m doing that. I’ll strike up conversations with people here and there so it’s less awkward.

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “This is Doug’s mum.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh my god, it’s so nice to meet you.”

Tyrone/Doug’s Mum: “Oh my god, it’s so nice to meet you too.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “So, are you forty-six, or…?

Tyrone/Doug’s Mum: “You never ask a woman her age.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I didn’t mean age, love.”

Tyrone/Doug’s Mum: “Oh.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Because if it was age, like twenty?”

Tyrone/Doug’s Mum: “Stop.”

Steven/Doug: Please stop trying to fuck my mum.

[laughter]

Tyrone/Keeper: Höde, on our little spy cam-

Jorja/Sassandra: It’s like giving a toddler a table to watch.

Olive/Höde: “I never thought that I’d be back in my babysitting days.”

Tyrone/Keeper: The nanny cam. 

Olive/Höde: “The nanny cam did hold through quite well.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Robert will, without saying anything to… Fuck, Timothy?

Steven/Doug: Timothy.

Tyrone/Keeper: So many names that I just made up.

Rosie/Ezra: I love that.

Tyrone/Keeper: And without saying anything to Timothy, walk into the room and close the cell back up. Like, ‘Oh, that door's open. I’m just going to close that back up,’ and he’ll walk back and stand back in position. 

Olive/Höde: “Oh, why do they have to make my life so much more miserable?”

Steven/Doug: They’re about to get lead piped. 

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah. 

Olive/Höde: I will swing the pipe, and go, “Oh no.” I’ll refocus the nanny cam. I’ll reposition it, so that it is doing a birds-eye view, and I do have darkvision as well, so I will be able to see things going about inside of it. Do you want me to roll again with that?

Tyrone/Keeper: It’s okay for now.

Olive/Höde: Okay.

Tyrone/Keeper: Not much is happening right now.

Olive/Höde: Okay, okay, okay.

Tyrone/Keeper: Just repositioning it is okay.

Olive/Höde: Yep, yep, yep.

Tyrone/Keeper: We’ll flick back. What’s happening in the room? How’s the interrogation? How are we approaching this?

Rosie/Ezra: Could I talk to the butterflies?

Tyrone/Keeper: What are you going to say to them?

Rosie/Ezra: Can I do it in my mind?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes.

Rosie/Ezra: Okay, I want to ask them if they’ve seen the missing prince, and if they know anything about it they can tell me. 

Tyrone/Keeper: You are going to hear a voice that you’ve heard before. An almost banshee-like shriek. You’re going to hear:

Tyrone/butterflies: *echoing* “He’s ours. Get away from him.”

Rosie/Ezra: Interesting.

[laughter]

Rosie/Ezra: I’m going to make intense eye-contact with Sir Doug and Sassandra.

Jorja/Sassandra: “I think we’re being summoned.”

Steven/Doug: I will excuse myself from whoever I’m talking to currently. Assumedly not my mother, but who knows?

Tyrone/Noble: “Of course.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Goodbye Sir Doug’s mum. We will meet again.”

Steven/Doug: “Until next time number three.” I’ll walk away.

Jorja/Sassandra: You’re about to put poison in the cup, then you’re like, ‘Oh? Oh.’

Steven/Doug: Maybe later.

Olive/Höde: I’ll save that for next time.

Steven/Doug: We’ll see who survives this first.

Rosie/Ezra: “Yes, hello. I just saw the butterflies. There’s like fifteen here, and they said to me in this really weird voice that sounded like a banshee that, ‘He’s ours. Get away,’ so I think the butterflies are evil.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Very quickly, are the butterflies next to particular people?”

Tyrone/Keeper: Can you please Read a Bad Situation?

Rosie/Ezra: Me?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes.

Rosie/Ezra: Yes.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Ezra: I’d like to use my luck to make that a twelve.

Tyrone/Keeper: And your dark side’s needs get nastier from your luck, from memory.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah, and I’m nearly doomed. 

Tyrone/Keeper: What questions are you asking? On a ten plus, you hold three.

Rosie/Ezra: I would like to ask what’s the best way to protect the victims - meaning the prince, and are there any dangers we haven’t noticed, and what’s the biggest threat?

Tyrone/Keeper: Looking around, scanning these faces, trying to see if the butterflies are around anyone in particular, you recognise a face from your prophecy. It’s none of the people that have been summoned. It is in fact Markus, the attendant.

Rosie/Ezra: The attendant… As in?

Tyrone/Keeper: The person who gathered everyone and was like, ‘Lu-Kass, i did this thing for you.’

Rosie/Ezra: Oh.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yes. You recognise his face.

Rosie/Ezra: As the one who was stabbing?

Tyrone/Keeper: Uh-huh. So, he’s the biggest threat. The dangers you haven’t noticed is going to be the… You can see more of a congregation of the butterflies around Markus, and you can hear whispers going from them into Markus. That is an ability that they have. That’s a danger that you haven’t noticed yet, and the best way to protect the victims - the prince - is to locate where the prince is now, and get there before he does.

Rosie/Ezra: “Gosh darn it.” *whispering* “hey guys, hey guys, hey guys. Umm, it’s Markus. The butterflies are around Markus and they’re whispering to him.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “What was that?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Who?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Who? Who said that?”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Lu-kass.”

Steven/Doug: Oh fuck Lu-kass. Jesus Christ.

Tyrone/Keeper: He’s got a big voice.

Jorja/Sassandra: Why are you always here?

Steven/Doug: And big ears apparently.

Jorja/Sassandra: “We’re figuring it out.”

Steven/Doug: “Don’t worry your pretty head.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “Okay, what did you find out?”

Jorja/Sassandra: Can I try to subtly talk to Ezra? I assumed that he was on the other side of the room. 

Tyrone/Keeper: No, that’s fair. Lu-Kass is on very high alert because he thinks that his husband is about to die.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah, you did just be like, ‘Hey, he’s about to get stabbed.’

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah.

Jorja/Sassandra: I’m going to draw in my book, a butterfly, and write, ‘Lu-kass?’ and show Ezra. 

Rosie/Ezra: No butterflies?

Tyrone/Keeper: No butterflies.

Rosie/Ezra: “No butterflies. He’s good.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “We think we know who it is, but there’s a lot of people that may be involved, and it’s not their fault.”

Tyrone/Lu-Kass: “There’s a lot of people that kidnapped him?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “It’s not their fault. Let me finish.”

Rosie/Ezra: “They’re being controlled by evil butterflies.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “So, there’s something else in play, but it’s infecting a lot of people’s minds, so I think it’s better to be subtle. I know you don’t know her, but if we start attacking one person, the others can go where they know he’s being held.”

Tyrone/Keeper: “Where is he being held?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Well, I don't know. We’ve just figured it out and then you stormed in.”

Steven/Doug: “With your big, booming, dragon voice.”

Rosie/Ezra: “All that I know is that there’s butterflies and that they’re probably infecting the people.”

Steven/Doug: “Ezra, is there a way for you to subtly tell us some people who do not have butterflies, and maybe Lu-Kass and I could start leading them out of the room?”

Rosie/Ezra: “I can actually put words in your head, so if you get their names in your head, you can lead them out.”

Steven/Doug: “Stunning.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Markus on the other side of the room is going to notice a bit of a commotion happening between all of you and is going to poke his head up. 

Tyrone/Markus: “Excuse me for but a moment. I must head to the kitchen to prepare some more tea for everybody. Tea for forty-eight people- Fifty-two people is quite a lot.”

Rosie/Ezra “I don’t think that’s your responsibility.”

Tyrone/Markus: “It is my responsibility. I’ll be leaving, thank you.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No- Okay.”

Steven/Doug: “I do believe that this ceremony is a single cup event. I don’t think we need any more tea. We’ve all had one cup.”

Rosie/Ezra ‘A single cup event.’

Tyrone/Keeper:  Roll a Manipulate Someone.

Olive/Höde: Can I just quickly check in with the two guards? Have they moved at all again or done anything? Are they having a conversation? And I assume at this point there’s no movement in the room either.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Doug: Oh, look at that. A twelve.

Jorja/Sassandra: I saw the roll and then I saw Steven slowly pick up a pencil. 

Tyrone/Keeper:  There’s a lot of shit going on. The guards actually, again without speaking, going to head up the stairs, abandoning their post. Heading back up.

Steven/Doug: Eww.

Olive/Höde: Okay, let’s come back to that. I’d like to address that, but you go.

Tyrone/Keeper:  Okay, you rolled a twelve with your luck?

Steven/Doug: I did. I had to spend a luck point because I rolled much less than that. I rolled a six initially. I don’t like that.

Tyrone/Keeper:  Of course.

Olive/Höde: Didn’t you use a luck point earlier too? Because didn’t thing…? Okay, alright, okay.

Tyrone/Keeper:  Yep, I’ve got something for that.  

Steven/Doug: Oh, and ‘when I spend a point of luck, I find something weird, maybe even useful.’

Tyrone/Keeper:  He’s going to outburst, sort of losing his cool a little bit. He’s going to be like:

Tyrone/Markus: “Well, there wasn't tea for me, okay? I’d like some tea, so I’d like to get some tea. If I’m not allowed to get the tea then you go and get the tea for me Sir Doug.”

Steven/Doug: “Okay. I’ll go get tea. Calm down, mate. I’ll go get it.”

Olive/Höde: ‘Chill out, my guy.’

Steven/Doug: What number in line is Markus?

Tyrone/Keeper:  He’s not in line. He’s a servant.

Steven/Doug: Good.

Jorja/Sassandra: So, he should be listening to you. Filthy.

Steven/Doug: Yeah, shut the fuck up. I’m forty seven. *spitting noise*

Tyrone/Keeper:  Ezra, your paranoia has gotten the best of you.

Rosie/Ezra Oh, excellent.

Steven/Doug: Perfect timing.

Rosie/Ezra Just as things were getting into action.

Jorja/Sassandra: As always.

Tyrone/Keeper:  This little altercation between Doug and Markus has gotten you very concerned that Markus is about to do something drastic, and you’re going to start marching up to him and demanding answers.

Rosie/Ezra So, I’m just marching up to him and I’m going to start talking?

Jorja/Sassandra: “Ezra, Ezra, Ezra.”

Rosie/Ezra “No, Markus. I need to talk to-”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No, we need to talk to you.”

Rosie/Ezra “But Markus-”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No, we need to talk to you.”

Rosie/Ezra “About Markus?

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yes. We have to-”

Rosie/Ezra “Markus!”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No, not with Markus. So sorry love.”

Steven/Doug: “I’ll be right back with your tea.”

Rosie/Ezra “I just really want to talk to Markus. I think he’s about to do something. Look at him. He’s got this crazy eye going on, and he’s going to kill us, and it’s not going to go well, and then we’re going to lose the prince, and then it’s going to keep happening. The butterflies are going to get us, and I don’t know. I just need to talk to Markus.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I agree, but I have a plan.”

Tyrone/Markus: “Butterflies? The butterflies?”

Rosie/Ezra “Who said that?”

Tyrone/Markus: “You said that.”

Rosie/Ezra “Oh, I just- Yeah, I did say that.”

Tyrone/Markus: “You see them too?”

Rosie/Ezra “I do actually. Yes Markus, let’s talk about that.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Fuck.”

Steven/Doug: “And I’m back with your tea.”

Olive/Höde: Damn, that’s the quickest pot of tea I’ve ever seen happen.

Steven/Doug: I just gave him water. It’s not really tea.

Olive/Höde: It’s just got a single leaf in it.

Steven/Doug: Technically tea.

Jorja/Sassandra: It’s a bay leaf. Dirt. Sensing thatt he’s now aware of what’s happening, and the butterflies are possibly aware, can I use some magic?

Tyrone/Keeper:  Sure, what would you like to do?

Jorja/Sassandra: I would like to bar a place or portal to a specific type of creature. I want to make sure that everyone with the butterflies can’t leave this room.

Tyrone/Keeper:  Sure, so give it a roll.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Sassandra: Twelve. 

Tyrone/Keeper:  Okay. Jesus Christ, we’re all using our luck because it’s the finale.

Steven/Doug: Did I find something weird?

Tyrone/Keeper:  I’m going to say with the tea when you went out to go get the tea, you find a note that slipped out of somebody’s pocket on the ground. 

Steven/Doug: Is it covered in dirt?

Tyrone/Keeper:  It’s crumpled up? It’s not necessarily covered in the dirt.

Steven/Doug: I’m just figuring out if I would pick it up. 

Tyrone/Keeper:  Would you like to read it?

Steven/Doug: Sure.

Tyrone/Keeper:  It’s the ramblings of a madman almost. It’s like, ‘They’re coming to get the prince. I need to keep the prince safe. I need to keep him locked away from everyone, all the interlopers.’

Steven/Doug: Are the ‘I’s dotted with butterflies?

Tyrone/Keeper:  You know what? Yeah, why not? That’s cute.

Steven/Doug: Interesting.

Tyrone/Keeper:  Interesting.

Steven/Doug: Alright, I’ll tuck that back into my pocket, and then return with the tea, which is just hot water and a bay leaf.

Tyrone/Keeper:  You rolled a twelve to use some magic.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yep. 

Tyrone/Keeper:  What does that look like?

Jorja/Sassandra: I think all along from Sassandra’s feet, a line of slightly green glowing spreads out and just goes along the edges of the room, and then there’s a shimmer, and I want to be specific: people that are attached to the butterflies can’t leave this room. 

Tyrone/Keeper:  Okay.

Jorja/Sassandra: They can enter.

Tyrone/Keeper:  Sure.

Steven/Doug: Missed opportunity. You could have said it looked like a butterfly net.

Jorja/Sassandra: True. Fuck,

Tyrone/Keeper: That would have been cool. Sassandra, as you do, as you channel this magic, little moth wings sprout from your back, and they don't seem to be going away.

Jorja/Sassandra: Can I feel this happen, or am I unaware?

Tyrone/Keeper: You feel like - I don’t want to say it’s painful, but it’s uncomfortable.

Tissue tearing and muscles moving.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, exactly.

Jorja/Sassandra: I’m thinking of X-Men again where Angel’s cutting off his own wings.

Tyrone/Keeper: Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Yep.

Jorja/Sassandra: Sorry, that’s what popped into my head. Okay.

Tyrone/Keeper: Wings are forming from your body outwards and everyone can see.

Jorja/Sassandra: Fuck. “Is that noticeable.”

Steven/Doug:  “A wee bit.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “It’s moth. It’s not butterfly, so it’s fine.”

Steven/Doug:  “Oh yep.”

Tyrone/Markus: “What did you just do? What magic was that?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Huh? Do I look like I can do magic?”

Tyrone/Markus: “You literally just grew wings.”

[laughter]

Tyrone/Keeper: He’s going to grab Ezra because Ezra was right up in his face and grab her in a little hostage chokehold situation.

Rosie/Ezra: “ *screams* “

Steven/Doug:  What did he do with his tea?

Tyrone/Keeper: Dropped it.

Olive/Höde: Kill him. 

Steven/Doug:  He will be punched repeatedly.

Tyrone/Keeper: Jesus Christ.

Steven/Doug:  Just kidding. I have a sharp implement to stab with.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, Ezra has been grabbed, and he’s going to start pulling out a little dagger, and be like:

Tyrone/Markus: “You’re going to let me leave this room, okay? I wanted to leave the room.”

Tyrone/Keeper: He’ll start backing towards the door.

Steven/Doug:  “Of course, just walk through and you will leave.”

Tyrone/Markus: You don't know what the spell did.

Steven/Doug:  I know what the spell did. I’m around these weirdos all the fucking time.

Jorja/Sassandra: I just give you a thumbs up like, ‘Yeah!’

Tyrone/Keeper: What’s happening over with Höde?

Olive/Höde: So, the guards were heading off, right?

Tyrone/Keeper: They’re heading up to where you are physically, yeah.

Olive/Höde: Yeah, yeah yeah. About halfway up the stairs I’ll look over. Anything going on in the actual cell?

Tyrone/Keeper: A portal is starting to form. In my head I’m picturing Doctor Strange portals with how they start spiralling, and it does have the telltale signs of Valtyra, your boss, forming just in the opening in the cells. Not in a cell, just in the hallway.

Olive/Höde: I’ll look at the two guards. “Oh, hello. Where are you going?”

Tyrone/Keeper: They don’t seem to react to you at all. They’re just going to keep walking as if you’re not there.

Olive/Höde: Höde will start singing, so he’ll do a little, “ *humming/chanting* “ I’m going to cast magic.

Steven/Doug:  I’m really disappointed that you weren’t going to do just that. That was it.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah.

Olive/Höde: Yeah.

Steven/Doug:  No magic, just throat singing.

Rosie/Ezra: Just singing.

Jorja/Sassandra: Just confident they’re going to love it so much that they’ll stop what  they’re doing.

Steven/Doug:  Exactly, yeah.

Olive/Höde: I’m going to banish a spirit or curse from the person. We’ll go with Timothy.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Höde: I got an eleven. 

Tyrone/Keeper: An eleven, so ‘on a ten plus, it works without issue.’

Olive/Höde: Well, actually it’s a twelve.

Tyrone/Keeper: ‘On a ten plus, it works without issue.’

Olive/Höde: Yep.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah, you see recognition flash across Timothy’s face. He’ll be like, ‘Woah,’ and look around a little bit. Be like:

Tyrone/Timothy: “Höde, what are you doing there? What are you just hanging out here for? Robert, where are you going?”

Olive/Höde: “Can you think with your brain now?”

Tyrone/Timothy: “That’s kind of rude, yeah?”

Olive/Höde: “I mean, you couldn’t just a minute ago, so it’s a very valid question. I didn’t mean any malice. I’m just very blunt.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “I’m fine.”

Olive/Höde: “Alright.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Rob, stop.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Robert is still trying to walk past you.

Olive/Höde: “I can get him too if you like.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Get him? With the pipe?”

Olive/Höde: “No, but I could. No, I can- Okay. *clears throat and starts humming/chanting*” I’ll sing again, and I’ll do it again. I’ll do the same thing again. Do you want me to roll again?”

Tyrone/Keeper: Yep, you’ve got to.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Höde: Twelve again.

Tyrone/Keeper: Same thing again. Robert stops dead in his tracks and he’s next to you like:

Tyrone/Robert: “Timothy? Timothy? Where’d you go?”

Olive/Höde: “He’s over here, Robert.”

Steven/Doug: He’s not within hand's distance. *panicking sounds*

Olive/Höde: They wear those cat scarves where they have little paws that connect. “It’s alright. You're okay now. You just- Your brain was a little foggy, but I cleaned it up for you. There’s some butterflies and some portals, so I just need you guys to stay here and I’ll be right back, okay? Here’s some, I've got some water. Take it.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Okay. I take- Yep.”

Olive/Höde: “I did have some soup, but I’m sorry. I got hungry.”

Tyrone/Timothy: “Oh, no I don't want the soup.”

Olive/Höde: “Well, good because I don’t have any. Now stay here, otherwise I’ll come back and I’ll find you and you’ll get a piping. Good.” Then I’ll turn, and I’ll head towards the dining. I’ll head towards the dining hall.

Tyrone/Timothy: What sort of soup was it?

Tyrone/Keeper: In the dining hall, Ezra is currently in a hostage situation.

Rosie/Ezra: I have a plan.

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay?

Steven/Doug: I am afraid.

Jorja/Sassandra: I trust you completely.

Rosie/Ezra: I want to cast a spell.

Steven/Doug: What?

Tyrone/Keeper: Of course.

Rosie/Ezra: A Hex to be precise.

Tyrone/Keeper: If you give someone Covid again, I swear to god. 

Rosie/Ezra: No, I googled this time.

Jorja/Sassandra: That’s worse.

Steven/Doug: That is worse.

Olive/Höde: Oh. I’m so ready, but I’m afraid. 

Steven/Doug: What happened to, ‘you should leave the room?’ Did he just not do that?

Tyrone/Keeper: He’s still walking back.

Steven/Doug: Oh okay.

Rosie/Ezra: This is on the way. This is me being like, “ *screams* “

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Ezra: A thirteen. I’m going to give him anaemia, so he’s like really, really weak. Too weak to hold me.

Olive/Höde: That’s fucking brutal.

Steven/Doug: Just instant anaemia.

Rosie/Ezra: Just instant anaemia.

Steven/Doug: Damn girl. That would hit you pretty hard.

Jorja/Sassandra: His bones crush. 

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay, you can feel the grip on you loosen up, and he’ll almost buckle under the weight and fall backwards. He’ll hit the barrier and bounce off of it - the door he was going to go into - physically couldn’t go into that.

Tyrone/Markus: “What have you done? What have you done?”

Rosie/Ezra: Get anaemia, bitch. “Now that you’re all weak, where are you keeping the prince?”

Tyrone/Keeper: His voice is going to change. It’s a different voice coming out of it now.

Steven/Doug: While he’s demonic, can I quickly get some of the people and usher them out of the room?

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah, I was going to, as soon as-

Steven/Doug: I’m just going to start walking, and if anyone hits the barrier, I tell them to fuck off and keep doing more. “Not you,” and keep moving more people through. 

Tyrone/Keeper: You’re not running into any problems. There’s a lot of people, but there doesn’t seem to be any problem people.

Jorja/Sassandra: I want to help with that.

Steven/Doug: There’s at least forty-six people.

Tyrone/Keeper: No issues there. You will hear him have a different voice now, be like:

Tyrone/Butterflies: *echoing* “We will never tell you. Leave us alone.”

Steven/Doug: Who heard that?

Tyrone/Keeper: Everybody. Everybody in the room. 

Rosie/Ezra: Oh, cool.

Tyrone/Keeper: It’s coming out of Markus’s mouth now.

Steven/Doug: Is his mouth just open, and then words come out? 

Tyrone/Keeper: It’s like he's talking, but it doesn’t sound like Markus at all. 

Steven/Doug: Oh, okay.

Rosie/Ezra: “So, what do we do, gang?”

Steven/Doug: Well, I’m getting the people out. “Don’t listen to the butterfly man. It’s all fine.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Keep listening to the moth woman.”

Steven/Doug: “The moth woman is fine. Butterfly bad. Moth is good. Let’s keep going.”

Tyrone/Keeper: They’re running. You don’t even have to…

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah. Beautiful.

Steven/Doug: Doug’s like, “I’m doing a good job,”but everyone’s just running past.

Tyrone/Keeper: They're screaming. They do be screaming. Moth lady, demon man, hostage situation, broken tea.

Olive/Höde: Anaemia.

Steven/Doug: Damn terrifying.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yep.

Jorja/Sassandra: Is Höde in the room?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yep, Höde’s here now.

Olive/Höde: Oh wonderful. I’ll see the forty people going past me and be like, “Oh, they must have fixed the problem already. That’s great.”

Steven/Doug: They're not walking past you. They’re running, screaming. 

Olive/Höde: Oh, people that are bigger than me look like they’re just walking or they're running. I can’t tell the difference. “Hello.”

Steven/Doug:  Time does move differently for Höde, doesn’t it?

Olive/Höde: It does. Specifically to me.

Jorja/Sassandra:  “Anywho. Höde, he has the butterflies - Markus - and they said, ‘We’re not giving up the prince,’ or whatever.”

Steven/Doug: Oh yeah, how are we going looking at the butterflies because when we got in the room Ezra was the only one who could see them. Is it still only Ezra?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yep.

Jorja/Sassandra: “How’s downstairs?”

Olive/Höde: “Well, you’ll be glad to hear that Timothy and Robert are both feeling well and fine. I removed their curses. The butterflies have been removed.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “You did? Do they know where he is?”

Steven/Doug: Stunning.

Olive/Höde: “No, they don’t know what’s going on, but I did see that there was a portal opening downstairs in the cells, so I came to get you straight away. I didn’t want to deal with that on my own in case I screwed up.”

Steven/Doug: “And you know what Höde? You’ve done a wonderful job.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Well done.”

Olive/Höde: “Can I get rid of his curse now? I kind of quite like doing it.”

Steven/Doug: “Yes. Yes, you may.”

Olive/Höde: “Fantastic. Hello friend. I’ve got a special song for you.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Should we do it all together?”

Olive/Höde: “Let’s all sing it together. There’s a lot of butterflies. I might actually…” That’s actually a very interesting element. I like that you brought that up because with bigger magic… So, that was just one or two butterflies on them, right? Or were they just?

Tyrone/Keeper: They had five or more. 

Olive/Höde: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, if there’s more butterflies. How many did you say? Fifteen with this one guy or twenty-five did you say? I can’t remember.

Tyrone/Keeper: Fifteen in the room. There’s probably five surrounding. Markus. Not that you would know because only Ezra can see it. 

Olive/Höde: Yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, that’s fine then. No, I’ll just give it a go and see it goes I guess. “ *chanting* “

*dice rolls*

Olive/Höde: That’s an eleven.

Tyrone/Keeper: An eleven. ‘It works without issue.’ Doing the remove the curse. What’s it called?

Olive/Höde: Yeah, just the ‘banish a spirit or curse from the person, object, or place it inhabits.’ Gone.

Steven//Doug: Problem solved.

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah. Markus - who was cowering against the barrier - will start backing away through the barrier. Now that he can enter it, not affected by the butterflies. 

Jorja/Sassandra: “What do you remember?”

Tyrone/Markus: “Huh? Wha- What?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Where’s the prince? What do you remember? Ezra, read his mind.”

Rosie/Ezra: I’m reading the mind. What is there?

Steven//Doug: “We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Markus.”

Tyrone/Keeper: It’s like a big memory flash of Markus finding Barthelemy in the streets, and then cuts to him butterflies visiting and whispering that he needs to protect the prince, and then cut again to him putting the prince in the cell, which was five days ago? I can’t remember the exact timeline, and then cutting again to Lu-Kass putting the alert out and him going down to the prison, grabbing Barthelemy, and running up to his room to put him away. 

Rosie/Ezra: Markus’s room?

Tyrone/Keeper: Markus’s room.

Rosie/Ezra: “Guys, he’s in Markus’s room.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay, do you guys want to keep killing butterflies? Do you want to come with me to get the prince?”

Steven//Doug: “Sounds good.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Cool.”

Olive/Höde: “Well, there was a portal that opened up downstairs in the cells, so I was thinking maybe we could go check that out, and you guys could go up to Markus’s room. Divide and conquer.”

Steven//Doug: “Are there any more butterflies?”

Rosie/Ezra: Are there any more butterflies?

Tyrone/Keeper: There’s still fifteen of them. You just purged them from Markus, but they’re still around.

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah.

Steven//Doug: Who are they on?

Tyrone/Keeper: Just around. 

Steven//Doug: Oh.

Tyrone/Keeper: Not that you would know. Just Ezra.

Olive/Höde: “They’re trapped here for now, right?” 

Jorja/Sassandra: “I don’t know how long this lasts.”

Olive/Höde: “Well, I know that it’s going to take me a long time to do this.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay, yeah. Portal. Prince. Go.”

Steven//Doug: “Go team!”

Tyrone/Keeper: The door that Höde came through is going to kick open and Valtyra is going to step through.

Olive/Höde: “Hello.”

Steven//Doug: ‘Hello previous employer’

Tyrone/Keeper: She’s wielding a big, fuck-off greatsword. She’s going to start slashing about the room.

Steven//Doug: What is her butterfly situation?

Jorja/Sassandra: I was going to say, “Ezra, butterflies?”

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah. 

Tyrone/Keeper: She appears to be slashing the butterflies and they appear to be sizzling up, burning up.

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh, she’s killing the butterflies. This is a twist.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “You guys monitor this. We’ll go get the prince. Just in case.”

Steven//Doug: “Go weirdos.”

Tyrone/Keeper: As you try to leave, they’re going to yell out:

Tyrone/Valtyra: “Sassandra, we have business!”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I’m dealing with it.”

Steven//Doug: “Well, I don’t,” and I’m going to run out of the room.

Olive/Höde: “Oh, thank god. She’s not here for me.”

Tyrone/Keeper: You’re pretty free just to run up to Markus’s bedroom because the butterflies cannot leave that room.

Steven//Doug: Yeet!

Olive/Höde: “Well, I mean, she’s here doing this. Do we really need to be here? We should go and help, right?”

Rosie/Ezra: “With the portal?”

Olive/Höde: “Well no, not with the portal. With the prince because she just came from the portal downstairs.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh.”

Steven//Doug: Who knows who Valtyra is? These two? We don’t?

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah, we saw her.

Rosie/Ezra: I don’t know.

Tyrone/Keeper: You know the name. You guys have all seen them before because she-

Steven//Doug: Okay, right.

Jorja/Sassandra: You watched Höde get fired. 

Steven//Doug: Oh, right.

Jorja/Sassandra: Can I also have a quick reminder of what I was supposed to be doing for her?

Tyrone/Keeper: She said she would kill her or you could work for her and hunt down the monsters. This was a temporary contract that you would hunt these monsters and then you would go on full-time after doing this one contract.

Jorja/Sassandra: Oh, right. Okay. Perfect. In that case, can I Investigate a Mystery quickly?

Tyrone/Keeper: Okay.

Steven//Doug: Just a quick investigation.

Jorja/Sassandra: Just a quick, little investigation.

Olive/Höde: I just want to suss it out.  

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Sassandra: It’s a ten, so hold two. What can hurt the butterflies?

Steven//Doug: The greatsword.

Jorja/Sassandra: Other than the greatsword.

Olive/Höde: Magic.

Jorja/Sassandra: What was it going to do?

Tyrone/Keeper: What was it going to do…? As in the butterflies?

Jorja/Sassandra: Yeah. Basically, what was their plan for the prince?

Tyrone/Keeper: The first one is quite easy to answer. You can recognise… You’ve met a lot of creatures and know their weaknesses. A lot of creatures are weak to iron. Particularly ones of the fey variety. There’s a nice iron greatsword that she’s using to cut them all down.

Jorja/Sassandra: Okay. You had to have a lead pipe, huh?

Tyrone/Keeper: That would have come into play. And your knowledge of fey creatures like this one are known to be tricksters. They’re known to cause havoc and play tricks for the sake of chaos.

Jorja/Sassandra: Okay.

Tyrone/Keeper: So, bringing chaos to an entire kingdom does sound like a lot of fun.

Jorja/Sassandra: Okay. Because my weapon is a heavy flashlight, but we discussed that it’s a lamp. What’s that made out of?

Tyrone/Keeper: Would you like it to be made of iron?

Jorja/Sassandra: Yes.

Tyrone/Keeper: Sure. Why not?

Steven//Doug: I’ve literally got a sword.

Jorja/Sassandra: You’re not here. 

Steven//Doug: Oh, true. ‘To the prince!’

Tyrone/Keeper: Doug’s running up the staircase, and you guys are all here to fight?

Rosie/Ezra: I’m just hanging out. 

Olive/Höde: I’ll follow Doug.

Steven//Doug: The muscle just left the room.

Tyrone/Keeper: Sure, roll me a Kick Some Ass is what I’m hearing, Sassandra?

Jorja/Sassandra: Yes.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Sassandra: Seven.

Tyrone/Keeper: Seven. ‘On a seven plus, you and whatever your fighting inflict harm on each other,’ so how much damage do you do?

Jorja/Sassandra: One harm.

Rosie/Ezra: Wait, I could help, couldn’t I?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah?

Jorja/Sassandra: You could also just attack or do magic, or do whatever you want.

Rosie/Ezra: It depends if it’ll help.

Jorja/Sassandra: I don’t think the seven… No because it would have to be a ten for it to change anything, so you can just do whatever you want.

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah, okay. Okay. 

Tyrone/Keeper: So, you deal one damage to it, swinging about your lantern. So, you’re going to collide with this butterfly. It’s going to poof into the multicoloured dust that you saw before, but as this dust touches you you can feel your skin burning and itching down, and you take two harm.

Jorja/Sassandra: Oh, I take one harm. I’m prepared to defend.

Tyrone/Keeper: What?

Jorja/Sassandra: It’s what I was doing with Doug.

Tyrone/Keeper: Isn’t that Protect Someone though?

Jorja/Sassandra: Kick Some Ass or Protect Someone.

Tyrone/Keeper: What?

Jorja/Sassandra: I just haven’t fucking hit anything.

Tyrone/Keeper: Damn, well you still suffer one harm. 

Jorja/Sassandra: That’s okay.

Tyrone/Keeper: We’re going to do this as a montage where you and Valtyra swipe down, kick some arse.

Jorja/Sassandra: Sick.

Tyrone/Keeper: Like a little team-up montage.

Jorja/Sassandra: Cute.

Steven//Doug: To Eye of the Tiger.

Jorja/Sassandra + Tyrone/Keeper: *singing the opening tune of Eye of the Tiger by Survivor.

Tyrone/Keeper: You guys are backed up together at one point and they’re all surrounding you.

Jorja/Sassandra: Is she super tall?

Tyrone/Keeper: Yeah.

Jorja/Sassandra: Okay…

Tyrone/Keeper: Why?

Steven//Doug: Mummy.

Jorja/Sassandra: Nothing.

Olive/Höde: Mumma.

Tyrone/Keeper: I’m picturing that she lifts on her back. She bends backwards and you kick everyone in a circle. Swing your lantern around. 

Jorja/Sassandra: She swings me while I swing a lantern. 

Tyrone/Keeper: While she flies around the room. Meanwhile, in Markus’s bedroom, in his quarters.

Steven//Doug: Because I know exactly where to go. I’ve visited his- What? Nevermind. 

Olive/Höde: What?

Tyrone/Keeper: Slam the door open. A beautiful bedroom, but the first thing of note is a nice chair sitting in the centre of the room with Barthelemy tied up there. He’s gagged up. 

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “ *muffled yelling* “

Steven//Doug: I have been in his exact position in this room.

Olive/Höde: “Sir Doug? Is this who we’re looking for?”

Steven//Doug: “Yes, this is Prince Barthelemy.”

Tyrone/Keeper: He does look like shit. He’s got sand and dirt all over his face.

Steven//Doug: “Oh, he looks disgusting.”

Olive/Höde: “He doesn’t really look like a prince. Are you sure?”

Steven//Doug: “He just needs a shower, Höde. I know you’re not familiar with those.”

Olive/Höde: “Okay. I mean, I prefer baths. I take one about every three to four months.”

Steven//Doug: “Yeah, that checks.”

Olive/Höde: “I have a very special soap that doesn’t actually clean me, but it has a nice smell.”

Steven//Doug: “Yep, Höde, that’s really cool. Can you watch the door? I’m going to go cut him loose.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “ *muffled yelling* “

Olive/Höde: “I can…”

Steven//Doug: “You can watch the door.” I’m going to go cut him loose.

Olive/Höde: “Höde can wat- Höde the door… Hmm.”

Jorja/Sassandra: ‘Hold the door. Höde the door. Höde Ador.’

Steven//Doug: Haiya. Yeah, I’m going to pull out my sword and swish, swish, swish and cut everything.

Tyrone/Keeper: Cut everything.

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “ *panting* Oh good heavens, thank you so much Sir Doug.”

Steven//Doug: “You’re welcome.” Oh my god, he knows my name.

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “And who is this with you?”

Steven//Doug: “Oh, he’s not important. Quick, we must hurry.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “You must watch out for Markus. He’s the one that put me here.”

Steven//Doug: “Yes, we know that. We worked that out.”

Olive/Höde: “Well actually, it wasn’t technically Makus. A butterfly did this to you.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “A butterfly. Yes, the glimmers that I’ve been- Yes, the butterflies.”

Olive/Höde: “See? Someone gets it.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “This is a very intelligent gentleman. Where did you find such fine company?”

Steven//Doug: I’m going to immediately leave the room and head back to the butterflies. I’m done.

Olive/Höde: “Tell me, where do you go to school?”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “Well, you see, I didn’t go to school as such. The finest tutors in the castle taught me since childbirth.”

Olive/Höde: “I also had tutors in the cult- Sect.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “What?”

Olive/Höde: “The…”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “Sorry, I really must be getting on. I really need to find my fiancé.”

Olive/Höde: “Yes, he’s downstairs.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “Oh, you two have met?”

Olive/Höde: “You could say so. He seems like a kind enough gentleman. A bit shy.”

Steven//Doug: So, you approve of their marriage is what you’re saying?

Olive/Höde: “I mean, with you looking a bit more scrubbed up, I can see it. You two would make a very handsome couple.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “We do make a very handsome couple. Yes.”

Tyrone/Keeper: He’s going to dash out of the room.

Olive/Höde: “Oh, so you two are together then. This is so strange. Elf and human customs just… I don't understand.”

Tyrone/Valtyra: “Right, Sassandra.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yep?”

Tyrone/Valtyra: “Where is your badge?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “That was Höde’s badge. I don’t want that. This is a temporary thing. I’m not fulling it like Höde was, and then he fucked it.”

Tyrone/Valtyra: “Well, you see with one member down, we need  a new member to restore the balance. That’s where you come in.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh no, this is temporary. That’s what you told me. Maybe that captain guy, I don't know.”

Tyrone/Keeper: ‘Captain Yes.’

Steven/Doug: ‘See? I was behind the curtains the whole time, see?’

Jorja/Sassandra: He’s covered in butterflies.

Tyrone/Keeper: He will storm into the room.

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “I saw a commotion as all of these nobles ran out of the castles, and I sniffed a case. *sniffs*”

Olive/Höde: Needed to gather the top story.

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Ah, Valtyra. I see you’re here.”

Steven/Doug: Sir Doug is going to burst through the room and knock him out with the door.

Tyrone/Keeper: Clonk, and then soon behind Prince Barthelemy will run. We’ll have a little slo-mo with Lu-Kass on one side of the room and Barthelemy on the other.

Steven/Doug: *sings the beginning tune from Chariots of Fire by Vangelis*

Olive/Höde: If I use my ability to get there in the nick just to get right between them and be like, “You’re not married yet.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Leave room for Jesus.

Olive/Höde: “Stop this. You need to be one lead pipe’s distance away from each other until you’ve said your holy vows.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “Well yes, we are to be wed, but somebody - Markus over there on the floor. Yes good that you’ve knocked him out - Somebody kidnapped me.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh, well I must tell you that it was really the butterflies, and they’re all gone now. It’s all good now, you can be friends with him again. We connected because I got scared and he sees butterflies.”

Steven/Doug: “They’re all very weird.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “Well, Markus was supposed to be the celebrant, so do we trust him?”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yeah.”

Steven/Doug: “Well, Ezra, she’s weird but she’s lovely. She’s got this brain power where she can read their brain, so she can see if Markus is fine when he comes to eventually.”

Jorja/Sassandra: I’m just dumping tea on him.

Steven/Doug: Wake up, fool.

Jorja/Sassandra: “Wake up!”

Steven/Doug: ‘Is this a bayleaf?’

Jorja/Sassandra: “This is just water, Doug. It’s not even hot.”

Olive/Höde: “He makes a very, very mundane tea.”

Steven/Doug: “I’ve never made a cup of tea in my life. I don’t even know what goes in it.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Markus will slowly come to.

Tyrone/Markus: “Huh? Huh?”

Jorja/Sassandra:  “Hi. Ezra.”

tyrone/Markus: “Oh, oh. Hi.”

Rosie/Ezra: I read the mind.

Tyrone/Keeper: He’s like, ‘What the fuck? Where am I?’

Jorja/Sassandra:  “Are you okay? Do you understand what’s happened?”

Tyrone/Markus: “There was Sir Barthele- Sir Barthelemy!”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yep, just over there.”

Tyrone/Markus: “Oh okay. Wait, was it a dream?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “No. Do you still feel a presence?”

Tyrone/Markus: “That one.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yeah, she’s kind of always there.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yeah, it’s not bad. It’s just there. They’re chill.”

Tyrone/Markus: “Prince Barthelemy, I’m so sorry for everything.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Ezra, read his mind.”

Rosie/Ezra: Currently reading the mind.

Tyrone/Keeper: He’s wildly confused and trying to get a handle on his surroundings.

Rosie/Ezra: Is there any evilness?

Tyrone/Keeper: Evilness? You read their thoughts. It’s not a…

Rosie/Ezra: Yeah, but are any of the thoughts evil?

Jorja/Sassandra: There’s no like, ‘Oh shit, he escaped? What do I do now? How do I get him back?’

Tyrone/Keeper: No, there’s none of that. It’s, ‘What happened? Where am I? Prince Barthelemy was locked up and now he’s not.’

Rosie/Ezra: I give everyone a little nod. ‘He’s good. He’s good.’

Jorja/Sassandra: “He’s good. Ezra said he’s fine. He just might need someone explain to him. I can’t be bothered. I do have follow-up questions for you when you understand everything. We’ll be in touch.”

Tyrone/Markus: “Okay.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “Well, righty then. We must continue on with the wedding. It has been a few days. Chop chop, there’s a country to run.”

Olive/Höde: “I hate to break it to you, but you’re short a chapel still.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “No, the wedding was going to be in this chapel in the castle. The sun temple is for worshipping. Is it okay now? Have they rebuilt?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “It’s been like a day, so no.”

Steven/Doug: “No.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh, it got re-destroyed. I don’t know if you were there for that.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “What? No, I wasn’t.”

“There was this big thing, and it tried to kill everyone, but we saved everyone. No biggie, but you could tell the council that I’m the intern at that I did a good job.”

Tyrone/Barthelemy: “Markus, when you’re done being confused, set up the wedding at once. I’m going to go bathe. Lu-Kass, come along.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “One lead pipe’s distance.”

Olive/Höde: “What? Anyway, if they share- Yeah, they can share a tub. They're getting married today. Ghey can fuck. I don’t really care. I just… Yeah.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Would you like some tea?”

Olive/Höde: “I would actually really appreciate some tea.”

Steven/Doug: “Sorry, that’s just cold water and a bayleaf.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yeah, I’ll get you on that Doug didn’t make.”

Steven/Doug: “I’m not good at making tea.”

Olive/Höde: “No, I want to try it.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay, well there’s that one,” and I just grab another one from the table.

Olive/Höde: “Our good friend Doug made this tea. We should all try a spot.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “I would love a tea as well. I’m conscious again.”

Steven/Doug: ‘My consciousness had returned, see?’

Olive/Höde: ‘How did you get back up?’ Bonk! No.

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Did you finish the job?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yeah, you came with impeccable timing as always.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “I can sniff a case out anywhere.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yes. Well, job done.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Wonderful.”

Olive/Höde: “Do we get paid now?”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “This one was more out of the interest. I might get paid by the crown, but that’s up to…”

Steven/Doug: “As forty-seventh in line, we will not be paying you a cent.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “As forty-eight in line, no.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Well, I guess I’m off to a new job anyway. My new boss is here.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Oh, so that worked out? That’s great.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Well, it was either that or death, yes.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “You forgot about the secret third option: palm it off to someone else. Enjoy.”

Olive/Höde: “It’s a good tactic. It worked twice now.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Well, what will you all be up to now that your monstering business is done?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I think I’m going to figure out what the fuck’s happening with these wings. I don’t know if you noticed them. Pretty subtle.”

Steven/Doug: “I just thought you were being you.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I mean…”

Steven/Doug: “They look very you.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Thank you. Oh my god.”

Steven/Doug: “They’re weird.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “I didn’t want to address the elephant in the room.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Moth.”

Olive/Höde: “I heard that there’s a lovely museum of random trinkets, odds, baubles, and even some art too on the coast, so I’m probably going to go that way, and see if I can’t scrounge myself up a new collection along the way.”

Steven/Doug: “Bye Höde. have fun with that.”

Rosie/Ezra: “The coast. As in Sea World?”

Olive/Höde: “Yes.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh, lovely. Yes, I’m going back to Sea World. You can come visit.”

Olive/Höde: “Oh, I would very much love to do that. I am deathly afraid of the ocean, but to see you, Ezra, I will make this exception.”

Rosie/Ezra: “We’ll cast a spell on you. You’ll be able to breathe, but it'll be a bit like you’re drowning while you’re trying to breathe because you will have water in your lungs, but technically it’s not going to kill you.”

Olive/Höde: “That’s okay. I’m used to being waterboarded, so it’ll just feel like home.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Well Höde, I have gotten to know you far too well.”

Steven/Doug: And you’ve just invited him to your house.

Rosie/Ezra: I certainly did.

Olive/Höde: I’m the kind of person you think you can be safe and open, and then you realise, ‘Oh boy.’

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Ezra, speaking of which, I did have a letter for you for a letter of recommendation that you requested for the council.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh my gosh. Incredible, thank you so much.”

Tyrone/Keeper: It’s like chicken scratch on his notepad and he’ll rip it out.

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Here you go.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Is it waterproof?”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “No.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Oh, do you have any plastic bags?”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “No.”

Olive/Höde: “Here.” I’ll take my finger and press on it and make it waterproof paper with magic. Why not? A bit of fun.

TyroneKeeper: Nice.

Rosie/Ezra: Amazing. I mean, as a sea elf, I should have known how to do that.

Olive/Höde: “It’s a trick I learned. When you wake up at two in the morning, and there’s water everywhere, you learn how to navigate that.”

TyroneKeeper: You can see that it’s signed by Captain of the Aubade Guard, Captain Gene Yes.

Rosie/Ezra: Yay.

Jorja/Sassandra: I feel like I also got someone to sign a bunch of pieces of paper, and I’ve just filled them in.

TyroneKeeper: You did.

Jorja/Sassandra: I tried a couple of times to match the handwriting, and so now there’s a perfect one that’s a glowing review.

Rosie/Ezra: “Yay, thank you.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “You’re welcome.”

Rosie/Ezra: “I might come work here one day.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “They’ll be lucky to have you.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yay.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Doug, what will you be doing?”

Steven/Doug: “I live here.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Yes, but what will you be doing?”

Steven/Doug: “The same thing I do every other day, waiting for forty-six other people to die.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Poking fun at the prisoners. 

Jorja/Sassandra: Fucking them. Yeah.

Steven/Doug: Having sex with the guard. Same old, same old. Learning no lessons. 

Tyrone/Captain Yes: ‘Interesting.’ “Well, with that, I’m off. I’ve got a new boss, see?”

Steven/Doug: “Have fun.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Good luck.”

Olive/Höde: “You won’t.”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Huh?”

Olive/Höde: “Hmm?”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Hmm?”

Olive/Höde: “Huh?”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Bye!”

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “Bye!”

Rosie/Ezra: “Bye!”

Steven/Doug: ‘See you later, kid.’

Tyrone/Keeper: Valtyra’s going to pick up Gene and keep a hold of him and fly off through the window.

Steven/Doug: Classic.

Jorja/Sassandra: Poor kid.

Olive/Höde: “Well, he’s in god’s hands now.”

Rosie/Ezra: “That wasn’t god.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Anywho.”

Olive/Höde: “So, this was a trip that I was not expecting to find myself on, but it’s been an absolute pleasure getting to meet you all and work with you too. Very professional.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yes, that is the adjective I would use to describe all of us. Professional.”

Rosie/Ezra: “I think so. Yes, that’s me.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Yes.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Thank you.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “We should meet up sometime, and I really want to meet your parents.”

Rosie/Ezra: “That would be amazing. Please come to Sea World.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Okay.”

Steven/Doug: “Once you all leave, none of you should come back.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “I’m allowed. I’m friends with the prince. I’m forty-eight in line now.”

Steven/Doug: “Oh true. Fair.”

Rosie/Ezra: “I have a letter.”

Olive/Höde: “Should we all go for a trip to Sea Land?”

Steven/Doug: “No.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Sea World. World. It’s World.”

Olive/Höde: “That makes sense. It wouldn’t be on the land. Sea World.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Thank you. Come on, Sir Doug.”

Steven/Doug: “No.”

Olive/Höde: “What do you say?”

Steven/Doug: “No.”

Olive/Höde: “Please.”

Steven/Doug: “No.”

Rosie/Ezra: “That’s a yes.”

Steven/Doug: “No.”

Olive/Höde: “Please.”

Jorja/Sassandra: I’m going to lean over and be like, “Just say yes, and then don’t come.”

Steven/Doug: “Yes.”

Rosie/Ezra: “Yay!”

Olive/Höde: “Hooray! I’ve never been this excited. I’m actually smiling.”

Jorja/Sassandra: “Ugh.”

[slow piano music begins playing]

Tyrone/Keeper: This camera on this scene is going to pan out and follow these people flying out the window and start to pan over the city. Looking at the castle that hosted the trickster of the butterflies. Go over the sun temple that’s being rebuilt for a third time in the wake of the cloud giant. Some more over the greenhouse where we fought the parasite, the mushroom man. Over onto the reservoir where the pentapus was, where the corpse of it still kind of is. There’s still servants trying to pull it out without touching it because it makes them sad. Then out over past the city, over the desert where the corpse of the beast is. The beast, the giant goat. Until they’re up high in the sky now, and they fly through a little portal of Valtyra’s making.

[magic chiming]

Theme Song: [rock music plays]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Keeper: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as The Keeper, Editing, and Community Manager, Steven Edwards as Doug, Olive Jerome as Höde, Rosemary Ochtman as Ezra, and Jorja Odd as Sassandra. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer, Narrative Consultant, and Transcriber, and that theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas. We’re on the lookout for a couple of people to join the team as a Community Manager, Transcriber, and an Editing Assistant, so if any of those sound like you please shoot us an email or slide into our DMs. We’re also on a bunch of social media now, including Instagram, Tik Tok, Facebook, Threads, and our newly launched Patreon, all of which are @portalquandary. Q-U-A-N-D-A-R-Y. This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders.  

Theme Song: [rock music continues]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.

Tyrone/Keeper: The room is bright. It reminds Captain Yes of Aubade's desert sun, casting a glare into his eyes. He shifts in his chair, crossing and uncrossing his legs. Across from him, Valtyra waits, her gaze assessing him as it flits across his form. He feels not unlike a moth pinned to a scrap of cloth in a frame. Finally, she speaks. 

Tyrone/Valtyra:  “I have a case for you, Captain Yes. I need you to infiltrate a volatile community of magic users whose aim appears to be converting an entire world unfit for magic with their practices. While they have already introduced magic to the planet, we are working with a field team to remove them before they grow in power to a point where their practices could take root in the native culture.”

Tyrone/Keeper: Captain Yes hums. The concept of an entire planet being without magic sounds. . .well, primitive, nearly. 

Tyrone/Captain Yes: “You say you have a team already in situ - what is my role to be in that case?”

Tyrone/Keeper: Valtyra steeples her hands. 

Tyrone/Valtyra: “My agents are known to this group. You, however, are a new face. I want you to assess and report to me everything relevant to the situation - how the native inhabitants are receiving the group, what their views on magic are, what potential weaknesses exist that we may exploit when the time comes to strike against the group. I want to know everything about the state of affairs on that planet.”

Tyrone/Keeper:  Captain Yes strokes his chin.

Tyrone/Captain Yes:  “Reconnaissance, eh? You picked the right man for the job, ma’am. What's this group call themselves?”

Tyrone/Keeper:  Valtyra stands and hands him a sheaf of papers bound with silvery thread. 

Tyrone/Valtyra: “You'll find all the details necessary in the dossier. They call themselves the Summer Court.”