Episode 2: Bullseye

The team faces their first fight together! Indigo reveals a little more about herself, while Andres receives mysterious guidance. Pookie coughs up a disastrous hairball, and Daryl? Daryl has a gun. 

Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language and fantasy violence.

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Dungeon Master, Editing, Community Manager, and Transcriber is Tyrone Cross      

Andres is Steven Edwards

Daryl is Olive Jerome

Pookie is Rosemary Ochtman

Indigo is Jorja Odd

Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant.

Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)

Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com 

Sound effects used in this episode include:

Electrical Transition - qudobup

08854 snow queen freeze spell - RobinHood76

11111 freeze ray spell - RobinHood76

SYNTHWAVE MIAMI VICE STYLE - XHALE 303

Ice Cavern (looped) - igroglaz

SYNTHWAVE2 - XHALE303

Fireball - Pass By, Crackle - Noah Bangz

Ice Spell - Blizzard, Wind, Blast - Noah Bangz

Assorted Crashing - nothayama

Cinematic Mystery Synth - DeVern

This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.

Transcript

Olive: It’s me. Hi, it’s Daryl. You’re listening to Portal Quandary, and check out the episode description. There’s some things in here that aren’t age appropriate, so give it a read and make sure you’re safe.  

Rosie: Bullseye, Bullseye, where all your dreams come true. 

[upbeat corporate music plays]

Rosie: Celebrate the grand reopening of Bullseye with a massive sale next week only! Shop for all of your favourite Aussie classics in our exciting new All Shapes section, where every body is welcome! Our All Shapes section is filled with familiar styles you know and love built with your new look - rug up in a luxurious fleece jacket with zip-up slits in the back for extra appendages. Or get cosy in our new line of flannel PJs for legs of all sizes complete with adjustable tail holes. Take advantage of our grand reopening sale by getting any second item of equal or lesser value half-off when you buy something at full price from the All Shapes section! If that wasn’t enough, hop over to the Kid’s section, where we have Mantell’s newest ‘All Together’ action figure set complete with four base figures and twenty-six detachable appendages, so you can customise your action figures from their ears right down to their feet - or hooves! Bullseye’s grand reopening sale - for the next week only at Melbourne Central. Bullseye, Bullseye, where all your dreams come true. 

Theme Song: [rock music plays]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hello, welcome back to episode two of Atrius: Portal Quandary. We ended last session in an abandoned department store known as Bullseye being attacked by two mimics. One in the form of a ball, one in the form of a mannequin. Someone took twelve points of damage at the end of last turn.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, mate. That was a deep, deep cut.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And so, it’s time to roll initiative. Let’s go!

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: I got a fourteen.

Jorja/Indigo: Non-natural twenty.

Rosie/Pookie: Natural twenty. Teehee.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What the fuck?

Olive/Daryl: This is going to blow your mind. I also rolled a natural twenty.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to blow your mind, but I also rolled a nat twenty. 

Jorja/Indigo: What?

Rosie/Pookie: For who?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You didn’t need to know that. That was just a little thing.

Jorja/Indigo: Which one? Which one rolled the nat?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s for me to know and you to find out.

Olive/Daryl: We’re going to find out really quick.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, so we have to figure out who’s going first out of these two twenties. What’s our Dexterity modifiers?

Rosie/Pookie: Sixteen.

Olive/Daryl: Sixteen as well.

Steven/Andres: He asked for modifiers, but whatever.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s scores, but sixteen. It’s fine, that answered my next question. Okay, let’s roll off. 

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Rolled an eight.

Rosie/Pookie: I got a sixteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Easy done, adding in my ones. Let’s set the scene a little bit now.

[dark synthwave music plays]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl, you currently have a ball with a big mouth on your arm. You’re currently in the - what section do I call this? - you’re in the electronics section, so you’re in the DVD aisle right now. Indigo, Pookie, and Andres, you are in the men’s clothes section with the one that looks like a mannequin. Its stomach got this big jaw opening up with its tongue coming out, but Pookie, you won the initiative. What’s Pookie going to do?

Rosie/Pookie: First off, what’s this made out of? Is it flesh or is it mannequin material?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well, it seems porcelain, but then the mouth comes out and it looks a bit fleshy. It’s tricking you up a bit.

Rosie/Pookie: It’s not wearing metal, is it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, it was wearing cargo shorts and a polo T-shirt.

Rosie/Pookie: Okay.

Olive/Daryl: Cargo shorts are pretty metal.

Steven/Andres: What an oddly specific question.

Rosie/Pookie: It is, isn’t it? It’s almost like I was trying to get advantage on something.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I know exactly what spell that is.

Rosie/Pookie: I will do that spell anyway. I want to cast Shocking Grasp.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll the attack roll, I believe it is. 

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: That’s a twelve.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A twelve will hit. Roll for damage first.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Seven.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How does this whole thing go down? How do you cast Shocking Grasp? You’re a cat.

Rosie/Pookie: I am a cat. So, Pookie’s just standing there quite low to ground making *hissing* noises, and then will dart along the ground very, very quickly and low to the ground and will put one tiny paw onto the foot of the mannequin, then, from that, this buzz of yellow electricity comes out and zaps it. 

[electricity buzzes]

Rosie/Pookie: And then to finalise my turn, Pookie’s going to run away.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where are you going?

Rosie/Pookie: Still in the area, just running behind it. Maybe ten feet to the left behind it. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: If we drag you up this way. That way, or a little bit to the left?

Rosie/Pookie: More in the corner of that square, which is very specific. Yeah, there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.

Rosie/Pookie: So, still in sight, but because the mannequin’s turned around, and in Pookie’s mind: ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Of course. You’re currently next to some shelves with some shoes. 

Rosie/Pookie: Lovely.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. It could not attack you. You’re still in the same range, but it can’t attack you anyway because of Shocking Grasp. 

Steven/Andres: Did you roll for damage?

Rosie/Pookie: Yes, I did.

Steven/Andres: Oh okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, seven lightning damage, right?

Rosie/Pookie: Yes, seven lightning damage, and now it can’t take reactions until the start of its next turn. 

Olive/Daryl: Nice.

Jorja/Indigo: Wait, that’s gangster for me. Thank you.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Gang gang shit. Daryl, you’re on the other side of the room.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, and I’ve got a troublesome nibbler on my which is no good, no good at all, so what I’m going to do is I’m going to flick my wrist and get it to fall off of my arm. It’s not grappling me or anything, is it? It’s just taking a bite? 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You have to make a… It is a grapple check. It’s a DC thirteen grapple check.

Olive/Daryl: Oh shit, alright. Let’s do that then, shall we?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It adheres to anything that touches it.

Olive/Daryl: Oh, do I have to use my action to get it off of me?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I don’t think grapple checks use your action.

Olive/Daryl: Okay, well in that case then, I’m going to try to flick my wrist and get it off of me, and it’s just not going to go, so I’m going to, “Bloody hell. Get off of me. Get off of me. This is not- No, git.” I’m going to reach behind my back, and I will pull out a… I didn’t really think too far ahead with this. I pull out a gun.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh. A gun!?

Olive/Daryl: So, I pull out my pistol that I’ve had for many years. It has some wear and tear to it, but it is immaculately taken care of. I’ll take it and I’ll grapple the barrel, and I’ll smack it on the side where it’s attached to my hand with the butt of my gun.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll to attack.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Twelve.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Twelve? Twelve - as we know - will hit.

Olive/Daryl: Yes! Yes! Okay so, that’s a d6.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Woo! Nine points of damage.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jesus Christ. Bludgeoning damage, yeah?

Olive/Daryl: Yes. Give her a good whack.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You know what? The ball’s going to let go of its grasp. It’s going to drop down and bounce onto the floor after being hit.

Olive/Daryl: “Ah, jeez. My gosh, that’s no good. Okay, I think I’ve got something for this.” I’m going to use my bonus action to use Second Wind because I took quite a hit, and I’m going to pull out a little antiseptic bottle/spray, and give it a little *spraying sound* on my arm and pop it back in and get 1d10 plus three hit points back.

Rosie/Pookie: I’ve got to know, is it Betadine or Dettol because they both seem on brand. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hah, ‘the brand.’

Olive/Daryl: It’s actually more like the Coles’ brand.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh, of course.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, yeah. No, not Coles.

Jorja/Indigo: Home brand?

Olive/Daryl: It’d be IGA, right? Like Black and Gold.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh my god.

Olive/Daryl: You know what actually? Yes. One hundred percent.

Jorja/Indigo: He’s had it for years.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: An eight, beautiful. So, eleven hit points back. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That should be almost all of them, right?

Olive/Daryl: Almost all, and you know what? I think Daryl is going to look at this thing and go, “You know what? I don’t want you biting me again, little guy. So, I’m just going to give you- Oh, that’s actually a really bad idea. Shit. No, nothing is good. If I touch you you’ll stick to me. Oh no. I’ve just gotten you off.” You know what? I’m just going to go for it. I’m just going to throw it all in. I’m going to Action Surge, baby.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ooo, Fighter!

Olive/Daryl: So, yeah. I’m immediately use my Action Surge, which is great because I’ve only got one. After getting him off and spraying my antiseptic, I’ll pop that back. I’ll look down and go, “Mate, you’ve only bloody gone and done this to yourself. I’m so sorry.” I’ll raise the gun and I’ll smack down on it again.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I hope the safety’s on.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, of course. The safety’s always on. Never turn the safety off unless you aim to do some damage.

Jorja/Indigo: What are you trying to do?

Steven/Andres: Well, we’re not here to fuck spiders. 

Olive/Daryl: No, absolutely not.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: That’s an eleven.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: An eleven? That does not hit. I think you’re going to hit it, but now where it was a bouncy ball it’s going to turn more into a hard bowling ball, ceramic- Not ceramic. What’s a bowling ball made out of?

Jorja/Indigo: Porcelain. I don’t know.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fibreglass? Fibreglass.

Olive/Daryl: No, it’s definitely not fibreglass. That shit would explode.

Rosie/Pookie: No, it’s not fibreglass. Fibreglass is so light. 

Jorja/Indigo: Plastic or polyester. What?

Olive/Daryl: What? For bowling balls?

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m going to say marble. It’s like a hard marble material. Anything else for you turn Daryl?

Olive/Daryl: Done. I’m going to stand put. Stand my ground. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Stunning, and it is one of the mimics turns because one of them did actually roll a nat twenty. It is the mannequin’s turn.

Jorja/Indigo: Fuck!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, the mannequin is going to take a step towards Indigo because Indigo is in its line of sight.

Jorja/Indigo: Shut up.

Rosie/Pookie: My tactic worked. 

Jorja/Indigo: You bitch.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The action is called, ‘Pseudopod.’ What the fuck does that mean?

Jorja/Indigo: Oh, eww. Fucking hate that.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I know in Baldur’s Gate it whips its whole body around.

Steven/Andres: It means ‘false leg.’ Pod is leg. Pseudo is false. 

Jorja/Indigo: Like Sudowoodo [Psuedowoodo].

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, so it’s going to kick you.

Steven/Andres: But false leg. It’s going to false kick you.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It's got a third leg.

Jorja/Indigo: It’s going to kick me with its third leg.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, it’s going to use its pseudopod attack, and it’s going to kick you.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: With an eleven.

Jorja/Indigo: No.

Steven/Andres: Can’t hit no teenager.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nope.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m wily. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think it’s going to stay all up in your grill. Its turn is now over, which means it has reactions back.

Jorja/Indigo: Fuck.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving down to Indigo. Hello.

Jorja/Indigo: Fuck! Okay.

Steven/Andres: ‘You’ve got this sweetie!’

Jorja/Indigo: ‘Thanks Andres.’ Well shit, I don't want to be here. I’m going to use…

Olive/Daryl: I’ve never heard that spell before.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m going to shit my pants.

Olive/Daryl: Oh, I’m familiar with that spell. 

Jorja/Indigo: Okay, I’m going to - with my bonus action. Indigo’s ears are going to grow a bit and some hair’s going to grow on her… It kind of looks like she gets a bit of a beard and all of her features get a bit more pointy, and she’s going to use her bonus action to Shift.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What the fuck is that?

Jorja/Indigo: Don’t worry about it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What do you mean, ‘Shift’?

Jorja/Indigo: All humans can do it. And she gets five temporary hit points.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Those are very important.

Jorja/Indigo: Yes, and she’ll get a bit more wily, sort of scared, scattered, and she’s going to look at it, and she’s going to say, “Leave me alone,” and cast Dissonant Whispers. Wisdom save please.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a natural one.

Jorja/Indigo: Fuck yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s the third one I’ve got on that since I bought this dice.

Jorja/Indigo: Okay.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: Okay, so as she speaks it looks like smoke comes out of her mouth and goes into what would be the ears of the mannequin and clouds its head a little bit, and it takes eleven psychic damage.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eleven!?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes, and it has to use its reaction, if it has one - which now it does - to move as far as its speed allows away from me.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Right now?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes, right now.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. Sure, I’m going to move the ten feet up because then I’ll hit a wall, and then I’ll move right into the corner another twenty feet. So, I’m up against the back right-hand wall near where the shoe section is. 

Jorja/Indigo: Nice. Okay, okay. And because I’m shifted I get ten more feet of movement than normal. I’m going to move forty feet, so I’m going to go to the left past Andres, and then I’ll go up fifteen, and then to the right one more.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Left?

Olive/Daryl: Left.

Jorja/Indigo: Left, yes. Sorry. And stay there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, Indigo’s moved to the centre up past the old Christmas trees. Up towards the back doors, you know, the staff double door situation.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yo! That moves it down to Andres.

Steven/Andres: Yo!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Girly is looking a little more hairier than usual as she ran past.

Steven/Andres: “What the fuck was that?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Shut up.”

Steven/Andres: “I thought she said she was a human.” Because I saw the transformation. You were in my line of sight. You know what? That’s not my business. Sure, I’m going to go up and follow Indigo, and then look and see that there’s a mimicin [portmanteau of mannequin and mimic].

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, mimicin.

Steven/Andres: In the corner. I am going to rifle through my book, my Japanese For Dummies book. As I am reading this book, my hair - which is normally medium length hair - is going to seemingly extend down and become all light and wispy and become back. As though I’m underwater - light and wispy. Over my shoulders is a white cloak that’s going to form, and it’s going to extend over the ends of my fingertips, so you can’t even see my hands anymore. It’s going to extend all the way down to my feet and it’s going to be all wavy and wispy around my feet, so it looks like I’m floating on the ground, and this is my Form of Dread, which is my bonus action as an Undead Warlock.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Interesting. We’ll unpack that later. 

Steven/Andres: Yeah, later.

Don’t ask me about me, I won’t ask you about you.

Steven/Andres: Exactly, exactly. Boundaries. And I’m going to attempt to cast Chill Touch at this thing in the corner.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thirty-five feet away, yep? Easy.

Steven/Andres: Yep. It’s got one hundred and twenty-five feet range. It’s large.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: And I rolled a one. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That does not make it.

Steven/Andres: What!?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re trying to conjure up this magic and you-

Steven/Andres: Miffed it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You miffed it, yeah. You’re not used to this at all. I assume you’re not used to fighting monsters, so you’re probably at least a little bit worked up.

Olive/Daryl: I’d like to think that you’ve got to read out the spells in Japanese, and you completely boofed it.

Steven/Andres: Yeah, that is all.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. You’ve still got ten feet of movement if you want.

Steven/Andres: Yeah, that’s true. I guess I'll move in front of Pookie, and guard the cat.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Naww. Next up is the ball.

Olive/Daryl: Oh no.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, the ball’s going to go in for another bite.

Olive/Daryl: Come at me.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to boing, boing, boing, and hopefully munch.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s looking good. That’s a twenty-four to hit.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, yeah. That hits.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s good to know.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is ten piercing damage plus four acid damage.

Olive/Daryl: I’m very glad that I used my Second Wind. I’d be dead right now. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, shit.

Olive/Daryl: But we’re alright. I’ve got more antiseptic in the car. It’ll be okay. We’re alright. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I love that the mannequin is running away and hiding, and you’re getting beat up by this ball, this bouncy ball.

Steven/Andres: Sorry, I forgot that I need to roll for my temporary hit points.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, of course.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: I have eight temporary hit points.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie, you’re back up. Andres’s sharing the same space as you.

Steven/Andres: I moved up so that they would both see me transform, so I’m hoping that Pookie knows it’s me.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Rosie/Pookie: I can smell you.

Steven/Andres: Oh, okay. Perfect.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It does not smell good. It smells a bit deathly at the moment, actually.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh, excellent. How many feet away is that? That’s sixty, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it’s within sixty. It’s twenty-five.

Rosie/Pookie: Okay. I’m just going to cast Fire Bolt, but I’m going to do it avoiding Andres.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, that’s fine unless you roll a one.

Rosie/Pookie: Okay. Excellent. Let’s hope I don’t roll a one.

Steven/Andres: Let’s hope you don’t roll a one. I’m allergic to fire.

Jorja/Indigo: Roll a one, roll a one, roll a one. Roll a one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And cats.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: We got a twenty-two.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A twenty-two will hit. Go for it.

Rosie/Pookie: Yay!

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Five damage.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Five fire damage. We’ll still take it.

Rosie/Pookie: And if there’s anything that’s flammable that isn’t being worn or carried, it ignites. Is there?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: On the mannequin? No. 

Steven/Andres: Not his beautiful polo.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, that’s sort of a part of the mimic’s skin, so as it made this mouth the cargo shorts and the polo disappeared inside of it a little bit. It’s part of the skin.

Olive/Daryl: Sick.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nasty. How do you cast Fire Bolt?

Olive/Daryl: Please just open your mouth and have it come out.

Rosie/Pookie: That’s it. Yeah. That’s what I was thinking.

Olive/Daryl: Yes! Meow!

Rosie/Pookie: Yes, so Pookie’s not having a good time. Pretty spooked, so yeah, they’re going to crouch down really low to the ground and they’re little chirps and little anxious noises, and as they do that it’s like they’re coughing up a hairball, but instead of a hairball a big ball of fire shoots out. Like, “ *coughing* “

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh my gosh.

Rosie/Pookie: And then it shoots out and pew.

[flames flicker past]

Steven/Andres: “Damn Pookie, are you alright?”

Rosie/Pookie: “Yes, yes, I’m quite fine. This is normal now, apparently. This is how my hairballs come out.”

Steven/Andres: “C’est la vie.”

Jorja/Indigo: ‘La vie [lovey]’

Steven/Andres: Did I mention I’m educated?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Movement?

Rosie/Pookie: Nope. Staying. Crouched to the ground, frozen in shock.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bonus action?

Rosie/Pookie: Nope.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Damn. Alright, Daryl.

Olive/Daryl: You know me, mate. We’re going for another swing. I come down on it. Whack!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Whack!

Olive/Daryl: Whack!

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Jesus Christ. A twelve.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A twelve will hit. Lucky.

Olive/Daryl: I rolled a twelve, and eleven, and a twelve. Okay. Making it work.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Five points of bludgeoning damage.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Odds or evens?

Olive/Daryl: Evens Stevens.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Fuck! 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s going to stay latched onto you this time. 

Olive/Daryl: But I’m hitting it with the gun. I’m not touching it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It just bit you again.

Olive/Daryl: Oh, son of a bitch. Oh, fuck!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it’s on.

Olive/Daryl: Yep, alright. “Ow, ow! A little bit of assistance, please. If anyone has a spare minute.”

Tyrone/Bullseye Jingle: *echoing and distorted* “Bullseye, Bullseye, where all your dreams come true.”

Steven/Andres: He’s giving, ‘A succulent Chinese meal!’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes!

Jorja/Indigo: Aww, rest in peace.

Steven/Andres: RIP.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh, that’s right.

Olive/Daryl: Rest, rest.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Any movement for Daryl?

Olive/Daryl: I mean, if it’s attached to me, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, I’m going to go for a walk for sure. I’m going to use my thirty feet of movement to go as close to Indigo as I can. I’ll walk up the back to where I left the phone, and I’ll look across and see the cluster of people there, and I’ll make my way over with my arm outstretched being like, “I can’t. There’s something on my arm. I don’t know what to do,” and from this point I don’t think I’d even see the mimic, the mannequin. It’s too far away. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you’ve got your torch, but you’re not really holding it up.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steven/Andres: Is that in front or behind you? The mimic.

Olive/Daryl: I would face it towards, and that’ll do me.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Next up is the mannequin’s turn. It can act normally again? It doesn't have to run away?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s run up and hit Andres. I can see him up there. This jaw is going to come out and try to bite you.

Steven/Andres: Try me, bitch.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s coming out from its stomach.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is the fourth natural one.

Steven/Andres: Burn those dice.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That misses, crazy enough.

Steven/Andres: Yes, my AC is higher than one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’ll go to bite you and then be like, ‘Wait, woah. You were not who I saw just a second ago.”

Steven/Andres: Spoopy.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The mannequin’s arms will turn upright like a surrender position. Alright, that mannequin’s having a bad time, so we’re going to move down to Indigo. 

Jorja/Indigo: Lovely. I’m going to stay right where I am and look at either side of me. “Okay, fuck. Why am I protecting these people? They’re all older than me, even the fucking cat.” She’s going to reach out both hands and be like, “ You guys kind of fucking suck. Please leave me alone,” and I’m going to cast Bane, so they both need to make Charisma saves please.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a six on the mannequin, we’ll say, and that’s a thirteen on the ball.

Jorja/Indigo: Fail! Fail!

Olive/Daryl: Woop, woop.

Jorja/Indigo: So they both… ‘The target must roll a d4 and subtract the number rolled on an attack roll or saving throw.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A d4?

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And that’s ongoing until you stop concentrating? Yep.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I love that the magic is, ‘You fucking suck.’

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, and then I will use my bonus action to look back at Daryl and be like, “You look a bit hurt. I can help you in a second, but you’ll be fine until then, right? You will.”

Olive/Daryl: “I’ve got this. You’re all doing amazing work. You take your time.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Okay,” and bardically inspire. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘You’ve got this.’

Jorja/Indigo: Okay.

Olive/Daryl: Yes! That’s just a d6, yeah?

Jorja/Indigo: Yes.

Olive/Daryl: Cool.

Jorja/Indigo: And I will stay there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Wise. Alright, it moves down to Andres. 

Steven/Andres: Ah, there’s a mimic in my face. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it’s got jaw chomping in front of you.

Steven/Andres: I don’t want to leave the cat, but also I think I’m going to have to leave the cat. I’m going to cast Shocking Grasp.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jesus Christ.

Rosie/Pookie: Woah! You have that too?

Jorja/Indigo: How shocking.

Steven/Andres: Yeah. A shocking surprise.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: Another one, so I do not get it.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, would you like to move?

Steven/Andres: No.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to hear almost angry tone Japanese in your ear now.

Steven/Andres: I think Andres’s going to look over and see his good pal Daryl not having a fun time, and he’s going to try his best to get around there, so I’m going to use my bonus action to cast Misty Step.

Jorja/Indigo: Hell yeah.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How’s this manifest?

Steven/Andres: So, at my feet - which are obscured by wisps of white - there’s a little blizzard forming, a little snowstorm at my feet, and that’s going to completely envelop me, and that’s going to teleport me. In a very Frozen style burst of ice, I’m going to let it go and appear on the other side of the store.

[magic chanting]

-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Keep up enjoying episode two. It’s been so fun battling with such a classic Dungeons and Dragons monster like the mimic. If you don’t already know, this season we’re naming NPCs after listeners, so if you want to have a character named after you, all you’ve got to do is head over to out Instagram, check out the pinned post, and share it to your story, but be share to tag us so we see it. We don’t want you to miss out if I don’t see. Honestly, I’m so surprised that none of the NPCs have made it into these first two episodes. I’ve got so many planned starting next episode, so don’t miss out. Let’s quickly head over to the ad where we support other creators in the TTRPG space. 

5 GMs in a Trenchcoat Ad Read: Five GMs in a Trenchcoat is back, and this time with season three as GM Tannlyn uses Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition for her story. Imagine the stench of fear, of sweat and of blood. Cold stone beneath your palm as you feel your way down and impossibly dark and endless hallway. Here, there’s as much fear as there is isolation, and as much hopelessness as there is violence or at least fantasies of it. Join Kalan Amores-Caldwell played by Adam Gonzales, Rin Sado played by Kim Tsuyuki, Two and Half Horns played by Jesse Espinoza, and Ander Madison played by Tanner Sherlock as they navigate the kingdom of Miltont and the horrors that await them. So, you guys hear an alarm bell. Like, *high pitched screech*. Fucking, all the doors go shadoonk, and you also hear *hissing* coming from the ceiling. Five GMs in a Trenchcoat is a TTRPG actual-play podcast where five friends take turns running the tabletop game of their choice each season. With new episodes out every Monday wherever you get your podcasts. We are in Silent Hill! It was just a joke before!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Before we get back to the episode I just want to talk about our Patreon. We’ve got tiers for every level of support. The entry tier provides access to character and monster sheets, ad-free episodes, and this season we’re introducing maps. I’ve started upping my map game, and you can check them out on the lowest tier on Patreon. That middle tier provides all of that plus access to bonus episodes like our The Quiet Year mini-series telling the history of Prophis, the world of season two. That highest tier provides access to early access episodes, which are usually coming out between two and three weeks before official release. Anyway, I’ll let you get back to the episode. Episode three will be coming out Friday, February fourteenth. Valentine’s Day! Enjoy.

-

[dark synthwave music plays]

Steven/Andres: Oh, I have movement now. Hell yeah! Yeah, I guess I’m going to move right up. Oh, I guess I can stand there.

Olive/Daryl: “Take a look at this cheeky bugger climbing up on my arm, trying to take a bite out of me.”

Steven/Andres: “Daryl, what the bloody hell? How’d you get that on you?”

Olive/Daryl: “It just won’t come off, mate. I managed to get it off and then it latched onto me again. I couldn’t get it out of the way-”

Steven/Andres: “By the way, it’s me Daryl. It’s Andres. I know I look a little different.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, no. I mean, you’re not too different. It is a look, one hundred percent, but you’ve got that natural charisma about you.”

Steven/Andres: And that is all.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Stunning, that moves it down to the ball. 

Olive/Daryl: Come at me bitch.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The ball is going to chomp down harder on you, I guess.

Olive/Daryl: Oh no.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It has advantage on you thanks to grappling you.

Jorja/Indigo: But it has a negative d4.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, a dirty twenty minus a d4? Minus one, so a nineteen total.

Olive/Daryl: That still hits. Yeah.

Jorja/Indigo: I tried.

Rosie/Pookie: Rough.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m very sorry. I don’t mean to be picking on you.

Olive/Daryl: No, no. It’s alright. I can take it. 

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Four piercing damage plus three acid damage.

Olive/Daryl: Okay, okay, okay. Alright, we’re okay. That’s seven total, yeah?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Olive/Daryl: Beautiful. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re still standing?

Olive/Daryl: Still standing. Still good. Looking not too good, but I’m still here, and I will make sure that we get through to the end.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Andres, you can see the ball chomp down harder on the arm and a little bit of acid leaks out of the puncture wound and onto the floor.

Steven/Andres: “Jesus! Bloody nasty.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie, you are up at the top of the round.

Rosie/Pookie: Yeah, Pookie’s pretty freaked out at the moment, so first off: I’m going to run right up to the mannequin and I’m-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s not very far. It’s right in front of you.

Rosie/Pookie: It is, it really is, which is why - in a moment of extreme terror - Pookie runs up with all claws out and attacks with claws. Just scritching away as hard as possible.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll an attack.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Thirteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A thirteen will hit.

Rosie/Pookie: Incredible.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Take nine damage.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nine slashing damage, yeah?

Rosie/Pookie: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can see these wounds start to form on the mimic’s body as the porcelain is giving way to flesh underneath. 

Rosie/Pookie: Now - with full on zoomies - Pookie is now running over to the ball. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. Okay, you will take an attack of opportunity if you do.

Rosie/Pookie: No, I’m going to use…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘No, actually.’

Jorja/Indigo: ‘Umm, no actually.’

Rosie/Pookie: I’m going to use Quickened Spell, so now when I cast a spell that has one action, it’s now a bonus action. So, as my bonus action I’m going to cast Chill Touch.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay?

Rosie/Pookie: On the ball, by the way.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: On the ball.

Rosie/Pookie: Yeah. Oh wait, wrong spell. I meant to say Shocking Grasp.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, that makes more sense. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I was like, ‘What?’

Rosie/Pookie: No, I’m running up and doing Shocking Grasp. Is that still within thirty feet?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The ball? 

Rosie/Pookie: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: If you want to attack the ball you’ll take an opportunity attack still from the mannequin.

Rosie/Pookie: That’s okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, so you’re going to move out of the way, so I’m going to take an opportunity against you first.

Jorja/Indigo: Negative d4.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ooo, it might matter. Fourteen minus a d4.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is two, so twelve.

Rosie/Pookie: Doesn’t hit.

Olive/Daryl: Lucky.

Rosie/Pookie: Just.

Jorja/Indigo: I saved my Pookie.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I go to kick you, but you jump out of the way. Now roll the attack on Shocking Grasp on the ball.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: That is a twenty-four.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, that’ll hit.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Take eight lightning damage, and it can’t take reactions until its next turn.

[electricity spikes]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Stunning, it is going to drop off of Daryl’s arm.

Rosie/Pookie: Woo.

Olive/Daryl: “Oh my gosh, so red. It’s bleeding. We’ll deal with that in a minute. Where’d that ball go?”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s on the ground.

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, hello.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is your turn. Yeah.

Rosie/Pookie: I’m licking my paws clean. “Oh, how disgusting. I can’t believe I actually did that. Oh gosh.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It tastes highly acidic.

Olive/Daryl: “Well, we meet again, little ball. Come back here!” I’ll smack it one more time. Come on. Come on. Let this be it. 

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Fourteen to hit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That will hit.

Olive/Daryl: Nice. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m surprised you’re not straight up shooting it.

Olive/Daryl: Well, we’re in a very quiet, isolated place. We could shoot it, or it could draw attention to us, you know? You know? I only have so many bullets.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Six points of bludgeoning damage.  How many hit points does this fucking ball have?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So far, to the mannequin you’ve dealt thirty-two points of damage, and to the ball you’ve dealt twenty eight points of damage. 

Olive/Daryl: Okay. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bonus action or movement, Daryl?

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, assessing the damage, Daryl is going to, “Alright, I need to back up. Andres, you okay? You’ve got this?”

Steven/Andres: “Yeah mate.”

Olive/Daryl: I’ll take a couple of steps down, so I’ll move ten feet down in that corridor there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure. Moving past the CDs and the vinyls.

Jorja/Indigo: There’s vinyls here?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah. Actually, you know what? Can you move me all the way down? Thank you, and then all the way to the right. Beautiful. Thank you.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re now in the kid’s backpack section for back to school.

Olive/Daryl: “Ooo, there’s something the kids needed, but I can’t remember what it was.” I’ll spend the rest of my turn trying to remember what it was that I needed from back to school. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl is considering looting?

Olive/Daryl: No.

Jorja/Indigo: No, he’s going to leave money there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, of course. 

Steven/Andres: ‘Is there a manager on floor?’

Olive/Daryl: ‘I always carry cash just in case of this particular event.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The mannequin is going to move thirty feet towards Indigo and hopefully bite. It’s chomping the whole down. 

Jorja/Indigo: That’s great.

Rosie/Pookie: It’s like, you know the game? Pac-Man.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Waka-waka-waka-waka.

Steven/Andres: Waka-waka-waka-waka.

Rosie/Pookie: Yeah.

Jorja/Indigo: So, I can move up to ten feet as a reaction when a creature ends its turn within five feet of me, but that’s when it ends its turn, so I have to wait for it to attack, I believe.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh. Yep, if that’s how it’s worded.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, let’s do an attack.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: But if you use your reaction to walk away, can it use its reaction to attack you?

Jorja/Indigo: No, this reaction doesn’t provoke opportunity attacks.

Steven/Andres: Oh, okay. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eighteen minus a d4.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Which is four, so fourteen.

Jorja/Indigo: Miss! It would have hit me otherwise.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck, and it will end its turn.

Jorja/Indigo: I will move down ten feet. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A very normal human thing to do.

Jorja/Indigo: Yep. Oh, up to ten feet? I’m only going to move five.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. 

Jorja/Indigo: If I move ten feet down, can I still see behind it a little bit?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Between it and the door?

Jorja/Indigo: Actually yeah, if I move down there, can I see that way behind it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, I reckon. 

Jorja/Indigo: Okay, perfect. I’ll do that.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure. Then it’s your go. 

Jorja/Indigo: Beautiful, so as soon as it ends I’ll quickly Shift behind into a shelf.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Scurry, one might say.

Jorja/Indigo: Yes, maybe. And I’m going to take out the drumsticks in my pocket, and I’m going to hit them right on the ground, and then- You know how when moles dig underground you can see the little thingy? The mound.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. The mound, yes.

Jorja/Indigo: It’s going to travel behind it, and then above it bursts out a musical note from the hole, and I’m going to cast Shatter.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Which is a…

Jorja/Indigo: Con saving throw, please.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: Minus d4.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Twenty-one minus one, so a dirty, dirty twenty.

Jorja/Indigo: Yes, but you take half damage.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: Sixteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sixteen? Sixteen damage.

Jorja/Indigo: Sixteen thunder damage. Oh wait, that’s halved, so eight. I rolled sixteen. ‘A creature made of inorganic material such as stone, crystal, or metal…’ But it’s not, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No. It just looks like it.

Jorja/Indigo: Okay. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Beautiful, is it audible from far away?

Jorja/Indigo: It doesn’t say. It just says, ‘A loud ringing noise, painfully intense.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m picturing some sort of rock music. Pew! Like a cymbal crash.

[cymbal crash]

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.

Steven/Andres: I’m picturing an electric guitar. *imitates a guitar slam*

Jorja/Indigo: ‘A non-magical object that isn’t been worn or carried also takes the damage if it’s in the spell’s area,’ so what department is that?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, that’s the men’s five dollar T-shirts that are going to explode outward and fly around. There’s a couple of children’s shoes off to the side that are going to yeet. Oh, there’s some Christmas baubles.

Jorja/Indigo: They explode.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

Rosie/Pookie: Dangerously close to Pookie running after them.

Steven/Andres: Look at all the shinies. 

Jorja/Indigo: The shiny.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. Any movement or bonus action from you?

Jorja/Indigo: I will move down towards Daryl, and I’ll stop there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, so you’re down next to a Christmas tree.

Jorja/Indigo: Beautiful.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That makes it Andres’s turn. 

Steven/Andres: I’m going to miss some spells.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, of course. I thought you said you mist some spells because you Misty Stepped. 

Steven/Andres: No, I just can’t hit anything. So, Pookie’s in this space. Can I move to here without…

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys can share a space because she’s tiny and you’re medium.

Jorja/Indigo: Also, friendly people can move between spaces, so you could stand there for a moment, do what you need to do, and then move back. It’s just enemies you can’t move through. 

Steven/Andres: I don’t like being in close range, and Daryl left, so there’s no reason for me to be here. I’m going to pick up Pookie if she’ll let me.

Rosie/Pookie: Of course.

Steven/Andres: And then I’m going to use my puffer jacket. I’m going to put my hand on my chest, touching the puffer jacket, and I’m going to activate the ability of my puffer jacket, which is Dimension Door, so I’m going to move us all the way to the other side of the store. 

Olive/Daryl: Hell yeah.

Steven/Andres: A blizzard is going to start at my feet, and we’re going to be covered in snow, and then a little snow flurry is going to appear on the other side of the store, and then we’re going to be in that space. This space is going to be lightly obscured for the duration of this turn.. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This season everyone gets one magic item, and yes, Andres has picked a Cape of the Mountbank.

Steven/Andres: Yeah, Mounteback.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Mounteback?

Steven/Andres: Yep. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: As a little gift from their patron. 

Steven/Andres: Yes.

Jorja/Indigo: Oh my god.

Rosie/Pookie: “Well, I have to say I’m just thrilled. This snow is glorious,” and I’m going around trying to catch it on my tongue. Batting.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s an action, yes?

Steven/Andres: Yes, and then I will… How far can it move? It was thirty feet, right? Because that’s to there, so it can’t hit me from there, right?

Jorja/Indigo: Sure.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’ve just discovered I’ve been cheating. 

Jorja/Indigo: You bitch!

Rosie/Pookie: *gasp*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I was like, ‘Is it thirty feet?’ I just went to thirty feet by default. It’s fifteen.

Jorja/Indigo: You whore!

Olive/Daryl: What!?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, let’s continue that for the rest of that. 

Steven/Andres: So, I’m feeling rather safe. I’ll stay here with the cat. Yeah, that’s all.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, the ball is going to head to the left, back towards the tech. It’ll go down the vinyl area ten feet, and that’s its turn.

Jorja/Indigo: I think they can still use an action to dash if you’re interested.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s doing its action to do something else, but it’s out of sight, so no-one can see it.

Jorja/Indigo: Oh fuck! Well, it’s not a ball anymore. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie, hello. You’re on the other side of the store.

Steven/Andres: In a flurry of snow. 

Rosie/Pookie: Hello, yes. It’s quite glorious and I do not think I’m leaving here. Instead, I shall cast Ice Knife because sixty feet will reach it, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Mhmm.

Rosie/Pookie: Incredible. 

Olive/Daryl: Do you let one of your claws grow out, and then throw your paw up and throw it forward, and your claw shoots out?

Rosie/Pookie: That is exactly how it’s going to happen. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Damn, you guys are bouncing off of each other.

Rosie/Pookie: Do I have to roll on my wild magic chart?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I just looked it up. It’s after you roll the spell.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh really? Okay.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: I got a nineteen.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That will hit. Roll some damage.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Three.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Three cold damage?

Rosie/Pookie: Piercing damage, and then, hit or miss, the shard explodes, and then the target and anyone within five feet - there’s no-one - so the target must succeed a dexterity saving throw or take 2d6 cold damage.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is a dirty one.

Steven/Andres: A filthy, dirty one.

Rosie/Pookie: Okay, in that case…

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Take another six damage, and yeah, to do this Pookie rears up on their hind legs and all their claws come out, and from a pinky - tiny little paw - a claw grows out a bit, and then go, ‘Nya,’ and then it shoots out a little shard of ice. Just a tiny, little one, and when it explodes it’s suddenly massive.

[magical ice rapidly expands]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Scary. Please roll me a d20 as you have a Wild Magic Surge.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Nineteen. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nineteen, so you did not roll a one. We are homebrewing this a little bit in that now the next time you have to roll on this table it’s going to be a one or a two, so make a note of that somewhere. And then if you miss on that one it’ll be a one or a two or a three, and so one and so forth until you get it and it resets.

Rosie/Pookie: So, no wild magic for me today kids. 

Jorja/Indigo: Yet.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yet.

Steven/Andres: Well, that’s good!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Any movement or bonus action from you, Pookie?

Rosie/Pookie: No, I’m just hanging out in the snow.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Getting snowflakes?

Rosie/Pookie: Oh actually, for a bonus action can I eat a little bit of the snow to hydrate?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can catch a snowflake.

Rosie/Pookie: Oh, how glorious. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I love that. Daryl?

Olive/Daryl: I am going to - holding the gun in my hand - I’m actually going to flip it around so that I’m holding it by the handle. I’ll pull back, and it’s going to click, and I’m going to take a couple of steps towards and past Indigo.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh yep, so there’s a shelf just there, so you’ll have to move around.

Olive/Daryl: Yeah, I’ll move five, ten, fifteen, and then to your right please. I’m going to turn and see the mannequin. Hold, aim, and fire. I am going to use one of my Adept Marksman abilities, so I’m going to use Dazing Shot. Let’s see if we hit it first, shall we?

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: That is a dirty twenty.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, that’ll hit.

Olive/Daryl: Excellent, so when I make a firearm attack against it, it will need to make a constitution saving throw.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, five minus one makes four.

Olive/Daryl: Fantastic, so it suffers disadvantage on attacks until the end of their next turn.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure. 

Olive/Daryl: And it will take 1d10.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Which that was only a three, so that’s six damage total.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Six damage total?

Olive/Daryl: Yeah. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s piercing damage from being shot at?

Olive/Daryl: Yes.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How would you like to kill a mannequin?

Olive/Daryl: So, as I pass Indigo I will look over at her and signal to cover your ears. *whispering* “Cover. Cover” *regular* And as I line up the shot, I’ll square it up, and correct my stance. It’s been a little while since old Daryl’s let one out of the chamber. Fire, and it’ll go straight through its knee, and the leg will - as a mannequin - will snap and fall off, and the mannequin will from down from its knee and fall onto the nearby shelf, and it’ll knock the shelf over on top of him and crush him.

[gun shots followed by metal crashing]

Olive/Daryl: And that’s that.

Jorja/Indigo: Is that the end of your turn?

Olive/Daryl: That is most certainly the end of my turn. Yes.

Jorja/Indigo: He technically ended his turn within five feet of me, so at the end of your turn-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is that any creature?

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, anyone. I’m going to move the ten feet to be in his space. I’m next to him, but I’ll move my head over-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Have a look at it.

Jorja/Indigo: And I’ll be like, “I think you’re my hero.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it’s a bit of a shock to see someone pull out a fucking gun in Australia.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.

Olive/Daryl: ‘Don’t tell anyone! Don’t tell anyone I have this!’

Jorja/Indigo: ‘It’s illegal!’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Its body has half-turned to slime and ooze, but it’s got one mannequin arm hanging out. A little head sitting on top of a little puddle. It was the mannequin’s turn, but it is dead. So, Indigo. 

Jorja/Indigo: Just in shock, really. 

Olive/Daryl: “How are your ears? Are you alright?”

Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Steven/Andres: I was waiting for, ‘What!?’

Jorja/Indigo: ‘Eh!?’

Olive/Daryl: ‘Eh!?’

Steven/Andres: ‘Did you say something!?’

Jorja/Indigo: New found respect for Daryl.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Respects people with guns.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah. Have you seen how she’s dressed? She’s going to look at his arm and see that it’s still very damaged. “I wouldn’t normally do this, but I can help you with that,” and she’s going to put her hand on his arm and cast Cure Wounds.

Olive/Daryl: “Oh really, it’s no bother. I’ve got some bandages in the- Woah. Oh my good- Woah!”

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: You heal ten hit points. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ooo, that’s quite good.

Jorja/Indigo: Thank you.

Olive/Daryl: “My goodness. Every day I keep seeing this magic thing, and I have to say it’s more and more impressive every time I see it happen.”

Jorja/Indigo: “That’s great, but there’s still one around here somewhere.”

Olive/Daryl: “Yeah, true. Alright, keep your eyes sharp. I’m struggling to see in here.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I keep forgetting you can’t see very well.

Olive/Daryl: No, that’s why I’m only doing melee because it’s right there and as close as I possibly can be to take the shot because I’ve only got fifteen feet of light.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep.

Jorja/Indigo: I still have my movement, so I’m going to move to the bottom of the shelves where we last saw it, and just look.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Give me a Perception check, please.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, what did you get?

Jorja/Indigo: Twenty-one.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I rolled a twenty-two and then took off two, so it’s a dirty twenty.

Jorja/Indigo: I’m so fucking good at this game!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you see this vinyl record slowly rolling towards where you are.

Jorja/Indigo: Which vinyl? Which band?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can’t tell because it’s out of the case.

Jorja/Indigo: Damn, yeah. “I found it if you want to… I don’t know. It’s over here.” End turn in defence position.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Andres, you heard a gun shot. 

Steven/Andres: Yeah.

Olive/Daryl: You would have seen the mannequin fall into the shelf and then be crushed by it.

Steven/Andres: “Bloody oath, Daryl.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just assume it was Daryl and not Indigo.

Jorja/Indigo: It could have been me.

Steven/Andres: I’m going to assume it was Daryl. I hope it was Daryl. “Pookie, are you coming with?”

Rosie/Pookie: “Why yes, I really want to investigate what that gun shot was because I have not heard one for quite a while around the streets, and it’s very distressing when I do hear one, so yes. I really, really want to see what it is in case we are in danger.”

Steven/Andres: Okay, I was going to pick up Pookie. I’m now not.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.

Steven/Andres: I’m just going to say, “Cool, follow me,” and I’m going to walk as far as I can.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Next to some cool denim shorts. You did Dimension Door very far away.

Steven/Andres: And then I guess… Well, I thought they could move thirty feet.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, that’s fair. So did I! We make mistakes.

Steven/Andres: Sure, I guess I’ll Dash and run this way to Daryl as that’s where the gun shot was, and I don’t really want to be in the line of fire for that.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure, you’ll be next to Daryl and you’ll see the gun in his hand, I guess.

Steven/Andres: Yep.

Olive/Daryl: I’ll switch the safety back on and hold it close and look it over. “Oh, hello Andres.”

Steven/Andres: “G’day Daryl. Nice shot.”

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, thank you very much.”

Steven/Andres: “Would you mind if I just scooch past you? There we go.” Yeah, that’s all I’ve got.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure, it’s now the vinyl record’s turn. It’s going to come and try to frisbee itself. It’ll jump in the air and *slice noise*.

Jorja/Indigo: Okay.

Steven/Andres: ‘Frisbee’s itself.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s a twenty-three minus four, so nineteen.

Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, it still hits.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. Its options are bludgeoning or piercing, but I feel like this is slashing. 

Steven/Andres: Do slashing.

Jorja/Indigo: You’re the DM.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it doesn’t really matter.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is eleven slashing damage, and it is sticking out of you right now.

Jorja/Indigo: Oh, that’s metal.

Steven/Andres: ‘I look so badass.’

Jorja/Indigo: “Daryl! Come look at it!”

Steven/Andres: ‘Dad! Dad! I mean dad! I mean dad! I mean Daryl!’

[laughter]

Jorja/Indigo: ‘Dadyl!’

Rosie/Pookie: ‘Dadyl.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving back to the top of the round, it is Pookie. 

Rosie/Pookie: I would like to spend my turn sniffing around to find a little snack. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What?

Rosie/Pookie: I need a bit of energy.

Steven/Andres: I just said follow me! Yeah, righto.

Rosie/Pookie: Well, I started and then I got distracted.

Jorja/Indigo: It do be a cat.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll an Investigation. 

Rosie/Pookie: Not a Perception?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: If you’re sniffing around for food, sure. Perception if it’s using your nose.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: That’s a twenty-four.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can smell some potato chips coming from down and to the right, towards the change rooms.

Rosie/Pookie: I shall be darting over there to eat them. Instantly distracted.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s behind the desk.

Rosie/Pookie: Yeah, I’m eating them. It’s the type of thing where the cat goes to run after something and then instantly sniffs something and is like, ‘Ooo, ooo, ooo, let’s go.’

Steven/Andres: ‘Something better.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you’re eating some sea salt chips. Red Rock Deli sea salt.

Rosie/Pookie: “Truly delectable. This is a very good decision on my part. I might even have a little cat nap.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re quite stale. They have been open for six months.

Rosie/Pookie: It is better than street mice.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl, I believe Indigo is calling for you to check something out.

Olive/Daryl: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have heard that, so I will head over towards Indigo. Use my movement and be like, “Excuse me. Apologies Andres, I’ve just got to get through here.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re moving through the backpacks again.

Olive/Daryl: “Indigo, are you alri- Woah. That's different.”

Jorja/Indigo: “Isn’t it sick?”

Olive/Daryl: “You know, that is definitely a word to describe this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Jorja/Indigo: “I might keep it.”

Olive/Daryl: “You reckon?”

Jorja/Indigo:  *mumbles* “I dunno.”

Olive/Daryl: “I looks a little bothersome to be honest.”

Jorja/Indigo:  *mumbles* “I dunno.”

Olive/Daryl: “No, but if you think it’s cool then it’s very cool.”

Jorja/Indigo:  *mumbles* “I dunno.”

Olive/Daryl: “But… Okay, I do have to… It’s not going to do you any good,” so I’ll take the butt of the gun and smack it against the disc to try and push it off of her arm.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Give it an attack roll.

Jorja/Indigo: Please don’t roll a one.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: That is a two, but I’ve got my inspiration, which I’ve not used yet.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: So that is a six. Thirteen to hit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Actually? You’ve got a plus seven?

Olive/Daryl: Yep. Yeah. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, yeah that’ll hit. 

Olive/Daryl: Beautiful.

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Seven damage.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Odds or evens?

Steven/Andres: Odds.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It was odds, so you’ll knock it off.

Olive/Daryl: Yes!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The record clatters to the ground. 

Olive/Daryl: “See, it is a pretty good record I will say.” What record is it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You try to look at it, and it is some alien language around the inside.

Jorja/Indigo: Prog.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sorry?

Jorja/Indigo: Prog rock.

Olive/Daryl: “I feel like it would be fire, as the kids say.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s like AI has tried to generate something with text in it and its… yep.

Jorja/Indigo: I don’t like it anymore. 

Olive/Daryl: I’ll take another five feet up, so that other people can get in there. That’s my turn.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Indigo.

Jorja/Indigo: Hello. That kind of fucking sucked, and I’m running out of spells, so she’s going to take her drumsticks out again, and you know the little rubber tips that are on the drumsticks? She’s going to take that off one of them, and you can see that it’s sharpened to a point, and she’s going to come down on the record and try to break it.

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: That’s a nineteen to hit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, that’ll hit.

Jorja/Indigo: Seven piercing.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, it does not shatter. 

Jorja/Indigo: Okay, “If someone could help maybe. It’s not dead yet.”

Steven/Andres: “Yeah, no worries mate. I’m on the way.”

Rosie/Pookie: “Hello, I will be there. I’m on the way right now. I’m just finishing off my little snack.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Echoing down the corridor.

Jorja/Indigo: “Thanks Andres.” Inspired. 

Steven/Andres: God knows I need it. Look out, I’ll hit you instead. 

Jorja/Indigo: And I’m going to move five feet to the left.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice, and it is Andres’s turn.

Steven/Andres: If I move there can I see it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, you can’t see it. 

Steven/Andres: Can I see it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No.

Steven/Andres: Can I see it?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. 

Steven/Andres: I move so I can see it, and then I will try and cast Chill Touch again.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: Twenty-one. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, yeah. 

Steven/Andres: Yay! I’m going to do a thing.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah boy!

Steven/Andres: It takes one necrotic damage. This skeletal hand is going to extend out and grab the record. It’s probably scratched now, sorry. It’s probably not playable, and it’s going to hold there. It’s going to cling there, and it cannot regain hit points. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well fuck, there goes my plan.

Steven/Andres: Hahaha. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Anything else?

Steven/Andres: Yeah, I’ll double back.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, it’s the record’s turn. It is probably going to go for Indigo.

Jorja/Indigo: What? Why?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Because it’s the closest one that it can see. Daryl’s on the other side of the shelves.

Jorja/Indigo: No.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thirteen. Does a thirteen hit?

Jorja/Indigo: Miss.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It grows a mouth in the middle where the name of the record is and tries to jump up and bite you.

Jorja/Indigo: Just tell me what you are!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But that misses.

Jorja/Indigo: Haha, I’m going to move ten feet back.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bitch. 

Steven/Andres: Bitch.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, it is Pookie’s turn. Pookie is currently eating chips in the change rooms.

Rosie/Pookie: I’ve heard Indigo’s distress, so I shall be casting Spider Climb and climbing up the wall. 

Jorja/Indigo: Don’t you have a climbing speed?

Rosie/Pookie: Once I cast Spider Climb.

Olive/Daryl: No, you just have a climbing speed.

Jorja/Indigo: I think Tabaxi’s have a climbing speed.

Rosie/Pookie: I can’t walk on a ceiling, right?

Olive/Daryl: No, well no, no.

Steven/Andres: You can Spider Climb on a ceiling.

Jorja/Indigo: True.

Rosie/Pookie: I have a plan. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Well, roll on your Wild Magic Surge again please.

*dice rolls*

Rosie/Pookie: Fifteen. I’m safe.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, it’s a one, a two, or a three now for wild magic.

Rosie/Pookie: Yep. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How does Spider Climb manifest?

Rosie/Pookie: No, what’s going to happen is Pookie is going to very delicately lick each of their paws, and the saliva that’s coming out is actually really, really sticky, and they’re going to take their claws out like *hiss*, and then in one very smooth, elegant motion jump on the wall and start climbing up like Spider-Man.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s probably a fifteen foot tall wall. That’s fifteen feet of movement.

Rosie/Pookie: Yep, and then I’m going to use my Feline Agility to go directly above the record.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s probably too far, but let’s see how we go. That’s twenty-five. That’s sixty, I believe.

Rosie/Pookie: So close!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Not really. 

Steven/Andres: You got halfway!

Rosie/Pookie: And now, for my bonus action, I’m going to be like, *whispering* “Hey, hey, hey guys. I’m up here.”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl would be able to see you.

Olive/Daryl: I look up. “There’s a cat on the ceiling.”

Rosie/Pookie: Now imagine a black cat doing its best impression of a smile. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s upside-down.

Rosie/Pookie: Yeah.

Olive/Daryl: Alright, that’s a new night terror that I’ll have to deal with.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re up Daryl.

Olive/Daryl: I am. I am sure up, so I’m going to-

Rosie/Pookie: Not as up as Pookie. Sorry.

Olive/Daryl: -Peek around the corner and look over at Andres and make the motion again to cover your ears. “Cover your ears. Careful, careful,” and then I will back up, go up ten feet, and I will cut across to the left. Diagonal left.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think it’s going to try to bite you on the way out.

Olive/Daryl: Alright, go on. 

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eleven.

Olive/Daryl: That will be a miss. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lucky fucker.

Olive/Daryl: And then I’m going to take a shot.

Jorja/Indigo: Tequila?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: [to the tune of Shots by LMFAO] Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots.

Olive/Daryl: [to the tune of Shots by LMFAO] Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots.

Jorja/Indigo + Olive/Daryl: [to the tune of Shots by LMFAO] Everybody!

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What have you got for us?

Olive/Daryl: I’ve got…

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: Eighteen to hit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’ll hit. 

Olive/Daryl: I am also going to use another one of my points to do a Dazed Shots again, so a constitution saving throw please.

*dice rolls*

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Makes eight.

Olive/Daryl: That is a failure, so it does have disadvantage on attacks until the end of their next turn. 

*dice rolls*

Olive/Daryl: And that is nine points of piercing damage as another round pops off.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s not looking good, I’ll tell you that much.

Olive/Daryl: And then I’ll switch the safety back on, and that’s the end of my turn. 

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, Indigo, you just heard another shot.

Jorja/Indigo: I didn’t get the warning either, so I heard it loud and clear. Fuck it, we’ll try the drumstick again. So, she scurries back when it landed and she’ll scurry back towards it and stab it again hopefully. 

*dice rolls*

Jorja/Indigo: Ooo, maybe not. She does not. That’s a nine to hit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A nine will miss. I think it’s flailing about a bit from being dazed, and you manage to stab the ground when it’s flailing.

Jorja/Indigo: Goddammit. “Well.” She just stands there.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Well, that’s me.’

Steven/Andres: ‘Yeah, sounds about fucking right.’

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Andres, what are you going to do babes?

Steven/Andres: Ay. I’m going to do what I do best. I’m going to miss. Alright, well the skeletal hand from the previous round has now let go, so I’m going to make another one, so I’m going to cast Chill Touch again.

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: A twenty-six to hit.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, that hits. 

*dice rolls*

Steven/Andres: Six necrotic damage as the hand latches on again.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That hits exactly on fifty-eight, so how would you like to kill a vinyl record?

Steven/Andres: Okay, so the skeletal hand is going to pierce the vinyl and spin it around, and as it’s spinning around you’re going to hear this awful sound. It’s the worst music ever. There might be some Japanese in there too somewhere, and then it’s going to scratch all the way through and shatter the disc.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, the same thing is going to happen as before. It’s going to be a half-vinyl half-ooze corpse on the ground. Andres, have you ever seen your patron before, or have you only heard them?

Steven/Andres: I have seen them before.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to see her again. She’s going to be floating over this corpse, this beautiful Japanese woman with these wispy legs like you’ve got on currently, this long black hair, and this pale white face. She’s contemplating the corpse for a minute and then she shakes her head and says something disappointing, like a disappointed tone towards you. 

[discordant, mysterious music plays out]

Theme Song: [rock music plays]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Editing, Community Manager, and Transcriber, Steven Edwards as Andres, Olive Jerome as Daryl, Rosemary Ochtman as Pookie, and Jorja Odd as Indigo. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant and that theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas. We’re on a bunch of social media, including Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and Patreon. All of which are @portalquandary. Q-U-A-N-D-A-R-Y. This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders. 

Theme Song: [rock music continues]

Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.

-

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is the fourth natural one.

Steven/Andres: Burn those dice.

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This was a gift.

Steven/Andres: From who?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Elias. Elias hates me.

Steven/Andres: Elias isn’t in the room. Burn those dice.

Olive/Daryl: He’s not here to defend himself. 

Rosie/Pookie: Elias will hear this, right?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Elias will hear this. 

Jorja/Indigo: Hello Elias.

Rosie/Pookie: *whispering* Hello Elias. Can you hear me Elias?

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you for my birthday present.

-

Olive/Daryl: “Oh, it’s taken a big old bite out of me. You know, I haven’t had this…”

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh no.

Olive/Daryl: We’re not going to continue with that.

Steven/Andres: Keep with it! Keep with it!

Olive/Daryl: No, no. I was going to make a balls joke. 

Steven/Andres: No, no, don’t. Pull out. 

Olive/Daryl: Yeah.

[laughter]

-

Olive/Daryl: I square it up, correct my stance. It’s been a while since old Daryl has let one out of the chamber.

[laughter]

Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That was so perfect.