Portal Quandary
Portal Quandary is a real-play dramedy Dungeons and Dragons podcast. Magnolia, Lucille, Noah and Hymmbo are four strangers who find themselves stuck in a mystical land farther away than they ever thought possible. Our party must explore this dangerous land to return home, but somehow, this alien world provokes questions about home they never thought to ask.
Portal Quandary
Episode 12: Behind the Locked Door
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Andres, Indigo, and Pookie looked behind a door they shouldn’t have and are facing the consequences. Meanwhile, Daryl, Lorraine, and Misfit must outbid the competition to secure new items for the organisation.
Content warnings for this week’s episode include coarse language and fantasy violence.
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Dungeon Master, Editing, Community Manager, and Transcriber is Tyrone Cross
Andres is Steven Edwards
Daryl is Olive Jerome
Pookie is Rosemary Ochtman
Indigo is Jorja Odd
Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant.
Theme song is “Belly of The Beast” by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas (@lilyharnath & @henrylucas5)
Email us at portalquandary@gmail.com
Listener names in this episode include:
Misfit - @multiversal_misfits
Celestor - @celestor13
Sound effects used in this episode include:
Harp - RepDac3
Cellos - incidentalnoise
08421 Trailer Hit - double curse - RobinHood76
Magic Speel - Sleeping spell 1 - OGsoundFX
Dark Magic Cast Loop Short - EminYILDIRIM
DarkHit001 - arcana23
Horror Scream Woman Long - klankbeeld
Neon Dreams: A Retro-Futuristic Synthwave Track - Pad - robhog
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Portal Quandary has some content warnings, which you can find in the episode description.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A discarded library hides behind a locked door of the old Flinders Street Station building. Inside hides the secrets of the first train lines of Melbourne, the bank accounts of trades long ago, and two figures hidden away.
Tyrone/Man: “Now really, how long is she going to keep us up here?”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Inquires a short, rat-faced man, whiskers protruding out from his well-kempt fur.
Tyrone/Man: “I know she’s our boss and all, but really? Locked up in a library just to be called on a whim? The gall.”
Tyrone/Oni: “Grrrr.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Grunts a hulking figure, glaive in one hand, textbook in the other.
Tyrone/Man: “I entirely agree, my green-skinned compatriot. She only gave us part of the cipher too. That’s on purpose too. I know it. Trapping us out here to be vulnerable so that she can use us to cause a scene when she wants. You know, I’m starting to rethink joining this squad.”
Tyrone/Oni: “Grrr.”
Tyrone/Man: “Now really, what is so important in that book of yours? What even is it? Japanese…”
Tyrone/Oni: “Grrr. They’re coming.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The giant presses a rune on the glaive and disappears from sight.
Tyrone/Man: “Ah shit.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Whispers the rat, as they scuttle back to their hiding spot, awaiting the intruders.
Steven/Andres: “Pookie? Are you there? I’m here.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Hello, I was going to go and scratch the door again quite quickly again to see if it will open up.”
Steven/Andres: “Instead of scratching it really quickly, why don’t you try this bobby pin?”
Theme Song: [rock music plays]
Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hello. Welcome back to another episode of Portal Quandary: Atrius. We are up to episode twelve, and we are about to kick off with some beautiful combat. Daryl is downstairs, currently about to attend an auction.
Olive/Daryl: I’m just enjoying the spring rolls, mate.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Mmm, with some good sweet chilli sauce.
Olive/Daryl: Mmm, I heard they’re going to be bringing out some arancini balls later.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Mmm, pumpkin arancini.
Olive/Daryl: Get it in me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Meanwhile upstairs, Pookie, Indigo, and Andres have entered a library-looking room. Just to repeat in case we have forgotten since last time, it has bookshelves lining the walls. There’s a spiral staircase in the corner that leads up to a sort of mezzanine up the top. There’s a couple of bookshelves running perpendicular along as you enter, and there’s a desk and two chairs sitting in the middle. Last episode, Andres entered and felt a whoosh go past his face as an attack missed them because it was attacking at disadvantage because it was attacking someone else because they were invisible. It means that because they have attacked they have turned visible, and so you see this hulking, greenish-blue skinned… that’s towering over you. It’s holding a glaive, a two-handed lance weapon in his hands. It’s got a Hulk thing going. It’s got purple pants and it’s got a cloak over it. It’s got some wild white hair coming down.
Rosie/Pookie: That’s a vibe.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, steal his look.
Rosie/Pookie: What a vibe.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And I will ask everyone to roll initiative, please.
Olive/Daryl: Even me?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, we’ve got a little something fun for Daryl.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: I got five.
Steven/Andres: I got seven.
Olive/Daryl: Thirteen.
Jorja/Indigo: I got nine total.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie, what is your Dexterity modifier?
Rosie/Pookie: Three.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you ready for this thrilling combat?
*synth music plays*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We begin not in the library at all.
Rosie/Pookie: What?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We begin downstairs in the glass room at the auction. Khione takes the stage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl, could you please roll me a d20?
Olive/Daryl: Oh sure, why not. Let’s roll this one.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Ayy, thirteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A thirteen. Khione is going to come out with a purple pillow, and sitting on top of it is a little ring.
Tyrone/Khione: “We’re going to begin the auction today with this wonderful item. This is known as a Ring of X-Ray Vision. We believe that the wearer can see through solid objects for one minute while they are wearing this. We’ll begin the bid now. Opening one.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Lorraine will begin by putting up her hand and bidding. She’ll be like:
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Two hundred dollars.”
Steven/Andres: Two hundred dollar doos.
Jorja/Indigo: Fuck me.
Olive/Daryl: They’re heavy collectors.
Jorja/Indigo: Your wife is rich.
Olive/Daryl: I’ll turn my head slowly to my wife and be like, “Yeah, that’s out- Yep. That’s us. Two hundred dollars for an x-ray ring.”
Steven/Andres: She’s like, ‘Shush honey, the adults are talking.’
Olive/Daryl: Yeah.
Jorja/Indigo: ‘This is my money, not yours.’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Gene will chime in.
Tyrone/Gene: “Two hundred and ten dollars.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Before Alan jumps in:
Tyrone/Alan: “Two hundred and fifteen dollars.”
Olive/Daryl: I’ll look to Lorraine. “Do you really want these, or were you just getting the ball rolling?”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Oh, I just like to get the ball rolling. Would you like a Ring of X-Ray Vision?”
Olive/Daryl: “Do you know what, darling? If there is anything in particular that would be handy to have, I’ll let you know.”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “I do like out-bidding someone just once.”
Olive/Daryl: “Oh yeah, absolutely. That’s part of the fun, right?”
Steven/Andres: She’s that person at the auction who just likes to put the paddle up.
Olive/Daryl: “Can I have a turn on the paddle, please?”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Here’s the paddle, dear.”
Olive/Daryl: “Oh, thank you.”
Jorja/Indigo: She’s holding your arm. She does not trust you to do it.
Olive/Daryl: The second that I try to lift the paddle up, she’s like, ‘No, no dear.’
Steven/Andres: ‘Not now. Not now.’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘No darling, you’ll actually end up spending one million dollars.’
Olive/Daryl: Money isn’t real.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl.
Olive/Daryl: Hello.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: We are going to have a roll off.
Olive/Daryl: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You are going to see if someone you know gets it, or I’m going to see if someone I know gets it.
Olive/Daryl: Ooo, okay. Alright.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just a flat roll. Let the fates decide.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Shit. It was almost a twenty.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’ve rolled a thirteen, Daryl.
Olive/Daryl: Yeah, mine was a solid two.
Tyrone/Khione: “And sold to the little half-elf man over there, Gene. We’ll be bringing out the next item soon.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jumping up to the library, the giant is going to have a go. They’re literally going to stand on the table and continue walking up to Pookie, and they’re going to attempt to use their glaive. They’re going to hit you with their sharp weapon.
Rosie/Pookie: Oh dear.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is a sixteen to hit.
Rosie/Pookie: Definitely hits.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Wonderful.
Rosie/Pookie: Is it?
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is fifteen slashing damage.
Rosie/Pookie: You’re kidding. I have eleven HP left now.
Jorja/Indigo: Oh, I thought you said that you had eleven HP.
Rosie/Pookie: No.
Steven/Andres: Same. I was like, ‘Babes, we’re level five.’
Rosie/Pookie: Teeheehee.
Jorja/Indigo: We need to get her Constitution up somehow.
Rosie/Pookie: What?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I have a second attack.
Rosie/Pookie: Can I react by running? Because in reality, if something came up to attack me, I would run, and I’m a cat.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Not in this instance, no. You will have to wait for your turn to run.
Rosie/Pookie: Okay.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: *meows* Help.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What is your AC?
Rosie/Pookie: I’m a little cat. Thirteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I rolled a twelve, so it comes up. It walks up to this cat, walks over the desk, slashes, puts a big gash in the side of you, and launches it again, but you turn to run, and it misses you.
Rosie/Pookie: Speedy.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jorja.
Jorja/Indigo: Hello.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is your turn.
Jorja/Indigo: It is my turn. I will, with my Bonus Action, shift. So, i get a little bit more rat-like.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re not hiding it at all anymore.
Steven/Andres: I love that for you.
Jorja/Indigo: I mean, fuck it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck it.
Jorja/Indigo: He turned weird undead. Cat. I feel safe.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Mmm, this is a safe space.
Jorja/Indigo: Yep.
Steven/Andres: This is a safe space.
Olive/Daryl: Just because Daryl isn’t here.
Jorja/Indigo: Yep, pretty much. Jesus Christ. Where’s a gun when you need it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Downstairs.
Olive/Daryl: It’s on my ankle, love. Ready and willing.
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, I’m going to cast Sorcerous Burst from the doorway, which I don’t think is loud.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I don’t think so.
Jorja/Indigo: We’re good. Okay.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: A twenty-two to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, that definitely hits.
Jorja/Indigo: Thank god. I get to choose the damage type. I will use acid damage.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: That will be nine acid damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What does it look like?
Jorja/Indigo: I assume she has her drumsticks on her somewhere. I don’t remember.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Jorja/Indigo: She’s going to grab out the one that isn’t sharpened, and a spray of acid is going to shoot from it straight at it.
*aerosol spray*
Tyrone/Oni: “Grr.”
Jorja/Indigo: Ugh.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s him.
Olive/Daryl: Woah.
Jorja/Indigo: And I’m going to step inside.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep.
Jorja/Indigo: And is it a free action to close the door?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Jorja/Indigo: Okay great, I’m going to do that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to do that? Just like, ‘Let’s take this inside.’
Jorja/Indigo: Yep. I’ll trap us all in here with him.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Anything else?
Jorja/Indigo: I believe that is all I can do.
Rosie/Pookie: Did you really just trap us all in there?
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie can open doors now. We’re fine. It does cost you an Action, though, in combat. Steven, you’re up.
Steven/Andres: Yep, I’m here. I’m going to use my Channel Divinity, and use my Path to the Grave feature, as a Grave Domain cleric. So, as an action I choose one creature that I can see within thirty feet, cursing it until the end of my next turn. The next time me or an ally hits it with an attack, the creature is vulnerable to all of that attack’s damage.
Olive/Daryl: Oof.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hell yeah, brother.
Steven/Andres: And that’s not a spell. I’m invisible still.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is it a curse that you’re placing upon it?
Steven/Andres: Yes. I curse you and your children.
*tense rising energy SFX*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Olive/Daryl: But they’re oni kids! (Only kids)
Jorja/Indigo: *sighs*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you were moving?
Steven/Andres: Yes, I’m going to go upstairs.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s that? Five, ten…
Steven/Andres: Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, upstairs, thirty.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So thirty, you’re on the staircase.
Steven/Andres: Yep. Upstairs.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep.
Steven/Andres: Yep, and then I’m going to activate my Form of Dread, which is also not a spell.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You look really scary, but no one can see it.
Steven/Andres: No one can see me. So, yep. We don’t need to describe that again.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s fine. Also, you’ve got temporary hit points.
Steven/Andres: Also, it’s invisible. Yes, I do.
Olive/Daryl: Invisible: no description required.
Steven/Andres: Exactly. It’s an audio format. Can’t see anything anyway.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s your Passive Perception?
Jorja/Indigo: Uh-oh.
Steven/Andres: [to the tune of I think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany] I think we’re alone now. My Passive Perception… Seventeen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: All good. What was your temporary hit points?
Steven/Andres: Oh no.
Jorja/Indigo: Oh no. Oh yeah.
Steven/Andres: So, I got six, plus my warlock level, which is three, so nine temporary hit points.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s good.
Steven/Andres: I don’t think it will be enough, but that’s okay. That’s all of my things. I failed to passively perceive something, so…
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I didn’t say that.
Steven/Andres: Yes, you did.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie then, you’re up babes.
Rosie/Pookie: Hello, it is me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Steven has cursed this thing so that it is vulnerable to whatever you do. Whatever damage is dealt next.
Steven/Andres: Do a big one. Do a smack.
Rosie/Pookie: That will change my plan, but let’s do it. In this case, I’m going to cast Poison Spray at the evil.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, do it.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Does fifteen hit?
Jorja/Indigo: Poison Spray is a Con save. You don’t roll to hit.
Rosie/Pookie: I don’t roll to hit. Ha! Change of plans. Con save, bitch!
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a dirty whore, slut twenty. So, I take no damage?
Rosie/Pookie: Can I use the forces of nature to change your roll?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I don’t believe so. What’s the name of the feature?
Rosie/Pookie: Tides of Chaos. Oh, ability check! Wait. Attack roll, ability check, or saving throw…
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: This is your stuff. It’s to gain advantage on your attack roll, ability check, or saving throw.
Rosie/Pookie: Oh. Okay, okay. So, I tried to squirt out some poison, but I just got a little bit scared and went ‘Ah.’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I picture this is Pookie turning around and farting in its face.
Rosie/Pookie: No, this is Pookie. Pookie went to run away after getting brutally slashed. Pookie ran away and then got a second moment of bravery and was like, ‘You know what?’ and went to hiss out some poison, but turned around and got really scared by the thing covered in Pookie’s blood, and then was like, “*cries*” and now is going to run up the stairs and onto the mezzanine.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, I will take an attack of opportunity if you do that.
Rosie/Pookie: Oh. Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay?
Rosie/Pookie: That’s so fine. I mean, what else am I going to do? Just stand there?
Olive/Daryl: You have a Bonus Action.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Rosie/Pookie: For my Bonus Action, I would like to use two of my Sorcery Points to change the casting time of a spell to a Bonus Action, and I would like to cast Wither and Bloom. Thank you Jorja.
Jorja/Indigo: You’re welcome.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice. It’s also going to heal Rosie, I assume?
Rosie/Pookie: Yep.
Jorja/Indigo: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do it.
Jorja/Indigo: And she’s centring it not near me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I assumed, yes.
Rosie/Pookie: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where is the circle? How big is the circle?
Jorja/Indigo: It’s a ten foot radius, I think it was.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Rosie/Pookie: And you have to do a Constitution saving throw.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does a thirteen…?
Rosie/Pookie: No! Haha. Is there any non-magical vegetation in the area? Because it withers.
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, someone’s salad in the corner.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Not overly. Everything is made out of wood, but I don’t think that’s quite the same.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Wow, we’re going big. We’re going to do seven damage.
Jorja/Indigo: But it is doubled because of Steven’s…
Rosie/Pookie: Fourteen damage.
Steven/Andres: You’re welcome.
Rosie/Pookie: Thank you Steven.
Olive/Daryl: Does that apply for the whole round for every attack, or just the first one?
Steven/Andres: No, just the first one.
Olive/Daryl: Nice.
Jorja/Indigo: The next damage it takes.
Rosie/Pookie: I had to go weak because I need to heal. Is my hit dice one of these?
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: I rolled a one, so I’m going to gain eight hit points because it is with spellcasting ability modifier.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Your spellcasting ability modifier is seven?
Rosie/Pookie: Yes. Oh, it’s four.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you gain five points.
Rosie/Pookie: I’m getting five hit points, which is better than nothing.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: True.
Rosie/Pookie: And now I’m going to run up the mezzanine.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. i’m going to roll an attack.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is an eighteen.
Rosie/Pookie: You know what? It actually doesn’t hit this time.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What?
Rosie/Pookie: No, it doesn’t.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Why not?
Rosie/Pookie: Well, I don’t know if you know this, but cats actually gain armour class when they get hit.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Silvery Barbs.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re doing Silvery Barbs?
Jorja/Indigo: Yep.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Right now?
Jorja/Indigo: Yep.
Rosie/Pookie: Wait, what?
Jorja/Indigo: So, as a Reaction, Indigo’s going to reach out her hand and try to grab it as he attacks you and impose disadvantage from eighteen.
Rosie/Pookie: Thank you
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eighteen was the lower number.
Jorja/Indigo: That’s alright. It was worth a shot.
Rosie/Pookie: Thank you so much for trying.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You still give someone advantage though, right?
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah. Fuck it, me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You?
Jorja/Indigo: Yep.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Olive/Daryl: Baller.
Rosie/Pookie: Wait, should I have rolled on the Wild Magic chart?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, you should have. What number are we up to on the Wild Magic thing?
Rosie/Pookie: I’ve got wild magic misses: two, which means…
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, a one, a two, or a three now.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Seven.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a miss.
Rosie/Pookie: Wait, am I rolling a d20?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah, okay, cool. Easy.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s five damage.
Rosie/Pookie: Woo!
Olive/Daryl: Did you just roll two ones?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Rosie/Pookie: Back to eleven!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re lucky because I was rolling earlier and rolled two eights, but I was interrupted, so I rolled again.
Olive/Daryl: That’s brutal.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, it’s good. I didn’t want to kill Rosie this quickly.
Rosie/Pookie: That’s okay. Kill off the cute, little cat.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Where are you going?
Rosie/Pookie: Hell.
*laughter*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: To the mezzanine?
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah, I’m running up the mezzanine.
Jorja/Indigo: Thirty gets her to the stairs.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, so you’re both going to chill there at the stairs.
Jorja/Indigo: Like, half up, half down.
Rosie/Pookie: And I’m bleeding on your foot like, “Hello, I would like some help, please.”
Steven/Andres: I’m invisible.
Rosie/Pookie: I could sense you with my cat senses.
Olive/Daryl: She’s actually just talking to the stairs.
Steven/Andres: ‘Help me stairs.’
Olive/Daryl: ‘Help me staircase.’
Steven/Andres: ‘Have you got a bandage?’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What’s your Passive Perception, Rosie?
Steven/Andres: Probably less than mine.
Rosie/Pookie: Sixteen.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Don’t forget, cats have really cool senses.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, you are going to see just in time as this humanoid that’s furry and has the head of a rat that is running towards Andres.
Jorja/Indigo: I’m over here, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Rosie/Pookie: What colour is the fur?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Grey.
Jorja/Indigo: Eww, street rat. Mine’s brown.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They cannot make it to Andres in time though. Oh, they can’t be running towards Andres. They’re running towards you because Andres is invisible, and so they Dash and end up in front of Andres.
Rosie/Pookie: Okay, can I react by screaming?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Rosie/Pookie: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re just going to scream?
Rosie/Pookie: I’m just going to do a really big yowl.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie runs up and yowls.
Rosie/Pookie: *yowl*
*harp and cello music*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl, let’s roll again to see what sort of item we’re going to get at the auction today.
Olive/Daryl: Okie-dokie. Roll.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: I rolled a four.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A four. A four appears to be a Leather Armour of Resistance. So, now she’s going to bring up this folded piece of cloth and sort of drape it out from the shoulders so that you can see what she’s holding, and she’s holding this… It’s kind of ugly. It’s this brown tunic made out of leather. It’s got some studs in there.
Olive/Daryl: Daryl is interested.
Tyrone/Khione: “This is the Leather Armour of Resistance. We believe that it resists Force. We shall begin the bidding at… Do I hear three hundred? Three hundred do I hear?”
Olive/Daryl: I’ll give the side eye to Lorraine just to check that it’s alright.
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Yes.”
Olive/Daryl: “Alright, okay. Three hundred over here, thanks.”
Tyrone/Misfit: “Three hundred and twenty”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s Misfit.
Olive/Daryl: “Oh gods, alright then. You just stop me when it’s too much, alright love?”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Alrighty dear, but this is your friend, right?”
Olive/Daryl: “Well yes, but I don’t mind a bit of competition. We’ve got to get our money’s worth for the less fortunate.”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Alright.”
Tyrone/Gene: “Three hundred and forty dollars!”
Olive/Daryl: “Three hundred and sixty. Oh fuck.”
Tyrone/Khione: “Going once. Going twice.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s roll to see who we get.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: We did a swaperoo.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. I rolled a two.
Olive/Daryl: I got a nineteen.
Tyrone/Khione: “Going three times and sold to the gentleman over there.”
Olive/Daryl: “Ha! Haha, we won! Yes!”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Very good, dear.”
Olive/Daryl: “Thank you, thank you so-”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Did you bring Three hundred and sixty dollars?”
Olive/Daryl: “You know, I think that my wallet is around here somewhere. I’ll be sure to get that. I don’t have the cash, but, you know, I’ve got spare change.”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “I’m just playing with you, dear. I’ve got a chequebook.”
Olive/Daryl: “You just- You just- You’re so cheeky. Gosh, I love you so much. Oh my gosh.”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “I love you too dear.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving upstairs to the oni.
*synthwave music plays*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Indigo.
Jorja/Indigo: Yep.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Can you please roll me a Wisdom saving throw?
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Eleven.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You get advantage, sorry. I just read.
Jorja/Indigo: Oh.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Sixteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice. That was very important.
Jorja/Indigo: Thank fuck.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You can see it move its hands together in a somatic spell, and it has attempted to cast Charm Person on you.
Jorja/Indigo: I follow its movements as it does them and flip it off at the end.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, it has failed.
Steven/Andres: That is culturally inappropriate.
Jorja/Indigo: I don’t give a fuck. Hurt my cat. I’ll kill him.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’ll walk over to you now and hulk over you.
Tyrone/Oni: “Grrr.”
Steven/Andres: Argh.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving over to your turn now.
Jorja/Indigo: Yipee! For my turn, I will use a Bonus Action. I’m going to use a Bardic Inspiration to use Unsettling Words, and I’m going to say, “Haha, I think you missed.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And what do I have to do?
Jorja/Indigo: Nothing yet. So, I use my Bardic Inspiration dice, and that number is subtracted from the next saving throw that they make.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ah.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Four. So, they have to subtract four from their next roll.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck.
Jorja/Indigo: And then I’m going to do a second level Dissonant Whispers, so a Wisdom save, please. Minus four.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You bitch. Wisdom?
Jorja/Indigo: Yes.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a natural one now, isn’t it?
Jorja/Indigo: Haha. So, I want to walk around him so that I’m basically one space over to the right.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Right?
Jorja/Indigo: Yep, and facing that way.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: So, sixteen psychic damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sixteen?
Jorja/Indigo: Yes, and it must immediately use a reaction, if available, to move as far as its speed allows away from me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Away.
Jorja/Indigo: So, that would be in that back corner now, wouldn’t it?
Steven/Andres: I believe that is true in the way that you…
Jorja/Indigo: And they haven’t used their reaction because they just went.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five. Yeah, it’s going to go to the back corner. It’s basically going to push through chairs as it goes past, and around the bookshelves as it goes to the corner underneath the mezzanine.
Jorja/Indigo: Beautiful. Now I’m going to move as well, and I have forty feet of movement in this form. Okay, so that second enemy, can I see them now because they…?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re up the top…
Jorja/Indigo: Oh, they’re up the top?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They’re up the top, yep.
Jorja/Indigo: Okay, I’m going to stand in the furthest corner. So, all the way to the right. Yep.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice, you’re in a stand off.
Jorja/Indigo:Yep. Hopefully he can’t reach me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hopefully. Steven. There is a rat creature right next to you, and so is Pookie.
Rosie/Pookie: Hello.
Steven/Andres: That’s also fun. Can I do anything about this rat? What does it look like? Does it look like it’s running? Does it look scared? Angry?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, it looks like it’s trying to attack Pookie. It’s got its paws out.
Steven/Andres: It’s trying to attack Pookie? I was really hoping that it would be a friend, but I also feel that a rat is not quite as strong as an oni, you know?
Jorja/Indigo: We’ll find out downstairs.
Olive/Daryl: Is it a small rat, or a rather large rat?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s a large rat. It’s still the same size as a person.
Jorja/Indigo:It’s a person rat.
Olive/Daryl: It’s still a person-sized rat. I feel like that imposes a slight bit of danger.
Jorja/Indigo: You’d hope so. One of them is facing off against the oni.
Steven/Andres: Oh god.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What are you going to do?
Steven/Andres: I’m going to wee a little in fear. The oni, when it moved, did it run or did it float?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ran, I believe.
Steven/Andres: You said it knocked the chair over.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Steven/Andres: Did it just move?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, it just moved through it.
Steven/Andres: Did it move, or did it run?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It ran. It just toppled it as it walked.
Steven/Andres: Okay. Its legs were moving on the ground?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Steven/Andres: Okay. Sure, let’s break invisibility. I’m going to reach out and grab this rat person by the scruff with a hand made of bone.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jesus.
Steven/Andres: And attempt to Inflict Wounds on a rat.
Rosie/Pookie: Just rip it in half. It’s a rat.
Jorja/Indigo: It’s a person rat.
Olive/Daryl: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to shirtfront him. Like, you’re going to pick him up and lift him off the ground.
Steven/Andres: I believe I have advantage because I am invisible?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Jorja/Indigo: Yep.
Steven/Andres: Yes.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Well, the first is a one.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Oh god, oh no.
Steven/Andres: Two ones. Wicked.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Two ones?
Steven/Andres: Two ones.
Jorja/Indigo: Fucking hell.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you still become visible because you have still cast a spell.
Steven/Andres: Yep.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You just grab the front of their shirt and then nothing. They’re just looking at you like, ‘Huh?’
Steven/Andres: ‘Nani the fuck?’
Olive/Daryl: Wait, this large rat is wearing a shirt?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Jorja/Indigo: It’s a human rat.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, the same as Jorja. So, that failed.
Steven/Andres: What?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Anything else that you’d like to do.
Steven/Andres: Yeah, I’ll just cry. Well, that’s most unfortunate. I guess that I’m going to move away from the rat.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep?
Steven/Andres: Yep.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m going to do an attack of opportunity.
Steven/Andres: Yep. Oh, sorry. Before I do that, I’m going to Bonus Action my shield up.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Steven/Andres: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie, you’ll see this shield.
Steven/Andres: I remembered that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to see Andres touch the inside of this bracelet that you don’t remember them having at all, and this big, Captain America shield, like this big, thick shard of ice attached to their forearm.
Rosie/Pookie: Ooo.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Steven/Andres: I hope this does something.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does a thirteen hit your AC?
Steven/Andres: Miss.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to let go of his shirt and move away, and he’s going to try and scratch you, and you are too quick.
Steven/Andres: He dents my shield.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. Anything else you’d like? Where are you going?
Steven/Andres: I’ll go above where the oni is.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. In the corner?
Rosie/Pookie: Yes, and I hope that he didn’t hear me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice. Pookie, your go.
Rosie/Pookie: I’m going to cast Chaos Bolt.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I like it.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Natural twenty!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh fuck. Who are you casting it on?
Rosie/Pookie: The rat.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Rosie/Pookie: Cats hate rats.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, and I believe that you roll two d8s?
Rosie/Pookie: Yep.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Okay, so first off, the type of damage is fire, and the rat takes seven damage, and now the energy - the fire - is going to leap from that enemy to the oni, and I’m going to take a new roll.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Olive/Daryl: You rolled a natural twenty. Did you double that?
Jorja/Indigo: She did not. So, three, six, seven, fourteen plus whatever.
Rosie/Pookie: Wait, you double it when you roll a natural twenty?
Jorja/Indigo: Yep. On the dice. So, not whatever it says to add to it, but whatever dice you roll you double it.
Rosie/Pookie: And now I roll again against the oni.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: I got a fourteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A fourteen misses, I’m afraid.
Rosie/Pookie: Ah! Okay, that’s fine. I can live with that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So you see this energy burn this rat, and the energy moves downstairs towards the oni, but it appears to do nothing.
*fire SFX*
Rosie/Pookie: Appears to, but in my mind, I like to believe.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll…
Steven/Andres: Did you roll on your wild magic?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, I was about to say, roll on your wild magic chart?
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Two.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Two!? Oh, roll on the wild magic table.
Steven/Andres: That’s a wild magic surge, baby.
Olive/Daryl: Uh-oh!
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Sixty-two.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sixty-
Rosie/Pookie: I just read it!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh no. this is a custom one that we’ve made just for Rosie.
*laughter*
Jorja/Indigo: Fucking hell.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would you like to read it, or shall I?
Rosie/Pookie: You can read it, Tyrone.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Sixty-two. Liquid Form: For the next minute your body becomes liquid. You have resistance to non-magical damage and you can pass through small holes, narrow openings, or even mere cracks. You can’t attack.’
Rosie/Pookie: Alright, so I’m going to turn into liquid, and I imagine that I’m going to start melting through the mezzanine.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, you start dripping down the stairs. Like ooze down the stairs.
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would you like to move?
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah.
Jorja/Indigo: You could proabbly get under the door now.
Rosie/Pookie: I think that I’m going to liquid myself… Oh!
Jorja/Indigo: I’m sorry.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Go all the way downstairs and talk to Daryl, and be like, ‘Daryl.’
Rosie/Pookie: I think that I’m going to go downstairs and talk to Daryl. Now I can get out of the door. ‘
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep?
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah, so I’m going to do all of those things that we spoke about before, where I cast Ashardalon’s Stride-
Jorja/Indigo: I don’t know if you can cast spells in liquid form.
Rosie/Pookie: I can’t attack. I can’t attack.
Jorja/Indigo: Also, you already used your Action.
Rosie/Pookie: It’s a Bonus Action.
Jorja/Indigo: Oh true, true. True, true.
Steven/Andres: You can’t Dash.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You cannot cast that.
Rosie/Pookie: Ah! That’s okay. I’m just going to melt down onto the ground, down from the mezzanine, and go underneath the couch.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Rosie/Pookie: The one on the left. Right.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That one?
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You want to hide under the couch?
I’m going to hide under the couch, and I might even speak into Andres’s and Indigo’s minds and say, “Hello dears, I’ve gone away for a bit. Do not come looking for me, but I am here to help. Just not now.”
Steven/Andres: “I can see the puddle trail.”
Jorja/Indigo: “I watched you go under there.”
Rosie/Pookie: “I don't quite know what you mean. I’m like a… I’m like a little mouse. You shan’t even know I’m here.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving to the wererat.
Rosie/Pookie: Who probably watched me go under the couch.
Jorja/Indigo: Somebody grabbed him by the collar and didn’t do anything. Someone else hit him with a Chaos Bolt and then turned into a puddle.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes. He’s like, ‘Uh…’ He’s going to run after Andres.
Steven/Andres: Fuck off.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does a nine hit your AC?
Steven/Andres: No.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is all. He’s going to walk up to you and attempt to bite you. You’re like, ‘Miss me with that gay shit.’
*harp and cello music*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, we’re moving back over to Daryl. Could you please roll another d20?
Olive/Daryl: Absolutely. What are we selling here today?
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Ooo, eighteen. That is too many. Should we just go, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, let’s do that. She’s coming out with another purple pillow, this time with a beautiful necklace on it. It’s got this big red jewel inletted into it with a bit of gold trim.
Tyrone/Khione: “Today we have the Necklace of Adaptation. While you’re wearing this, you can adapt and breathe to any environment. You can breathe underwater. You can’t be suffocated. Do I hear four hundred? Four hundred, do I hear?”
Tyrone/Gene: “Yes, four hundred. Over here!”
Olive/Daryl: “I was going to say, we should just let him have this one.”
Tyrone/Alan: “Four hundred and ten.”
Olive/Daryl: “Ooo, big money over here.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The sea elf is going to be like:
Tyrone/Ivy: “Four hundred and fifteen.”
Olive/Daryl: “I can see how that would be very useful for that.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And the cat cop:
Tyrone/Cat Cop: “Four hundred and twenty.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s roll a dice.
Olive/Daryl: Okay.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Eight.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Seventeen. So, the cat cop gets the Necklace of Adaptation.
Olive/Daryl: “Well done. Well fought everyone.”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “It’s kind of an ugly necklace anyway.”
Olive/Daryl: “I mean, I’m not a big fan of the design myself. See? This is what we have. We have a keen eye for the good things in life.”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “And it’s not that necklace.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She says loudly so that the cat can hear it.
Olive/Daryl: Daryl absolutely loses it.” *laughter* Sorry.”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Have you seen your friends, dear? I haven’t seen them around for a while.”
Olive/Daryl: “I’m really sure that this is not up their alley, but you’re right. It has been a minute. We’ll see what item is up next and then maybe I’ll go take a look. I know that they were talking about wanting some specific items from the list, so I was just…”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Yes, you must check with them.”
*synthwave music plays*
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Rosie and Jorja, who has more HP right now?
Jorja/Indigo: Probably me.
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah. I’m on eleven.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re on eleven?
Rosie/Pookie: And I’m liquid.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How much are you on?
Jorja/Indigo: Forty-one. Actually, forty-eight. I forgot about my temp hit points.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He is casting another spell in which you guys are both in the vicinity of. He casts Sleep.
*magic chime*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sleep, I have to roll five d8, and that is how many HP of creatures I can effect. I rolled twenty-three, which means starting from the lowest it goes to Rosie. You fall asleep.
Rosie/Pookie: Wait, do I get to do a saving throw or something?
Jorja/Indigo: No, it’s just based on hit points.
Rosie/Pookie: That’s wild.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, Rosie’s under a couch and she cannot wake unless the spell ends, someone uses an action to wake you up, or you take damage.
Rosie/Pookie: Well, that’s alright. I’m just a little puddle of sleep right now. Does this count as a Long Rest?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, you have to sleep for eight hours.
Jorja/Indigo: You tried.
Rosie/Pookie: I really did. In my heart of hearts I knew it wouldn't, but I was like, ‘What if?’
Olive/Daryl: ‘I’ve got to find out.’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Indigo.
Jorja/Indigo: Hello.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You feel this magic wave over you, but you are not affected.
Jorja/Indigo: You fucking dumb bitch.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What are you going to do?
Jorja/Indigo: I am going to again cast Sorcerous Burst at the oni, for which I have advantage from my Silvery Barbs because I haven’t rolled anything since.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: It’s not as bad as double ones. A thirteen to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A thirteen does not hit.
Jorja/Indigo: That’s okay. I still have a Bonus Action. It’s only the puddle that’s hurt, and now she’s a puddle and asleep, so I don’t really want to…
Steven/Andres: She’s a sleepy puddle
Jorja/Indigo: Sleepy puddle.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s safe.
Jorja/Indigo: I will use my Bonus Action to bardically inspire Andres.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What are you going to say?
Steven/Andres: That’s not going to help me if I keep rolling ones, babes.
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, but it might help if you roll a two.
Steven/Andres: A two might hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How do you inspire him?
Steven/Andres: ‘Stop being shit.’
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah. “Andres, it’s just a rat-person. You can beat me, you can beat them.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Steven/Andres: ‘I’m so inspired.’
Jorja/Indigo: Yep.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s your movement? No movement?
Jorja/Indigo: Nope.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Slay.
Jorja/Indigo: Stay in that corner.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Steven
Steven/Andres: Oh god.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There’s a rat in front of you.
Steven/Andres: Well, I wish it wouldn’t.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: What are you going to do?
Steven/Andres: I will again try and grab it and use… What’s it called?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master + Jorja/Indigo: Inflict Wounds?
Steven/Andres: Yeah, that one. Yeah, let’s try and grab it again.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: That’s better. I have a twenty-six to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That hits. Yes. Roll damage.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: That’s pretty good. Twenty-two necrotic damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How do you want to kill a rat?
Jorja/Indigo: I told you.
Steven/Andres: Now I feel bad. Yeah, I’m going to grab it by the scruff again and then chant some words, and it’s going to slowly start decaying, and it’s going to be nothing but rat bones.
*dark energy SFX*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh. Okay.
Steven/Andres: And a weird sulfurous smell.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright. Bonus Action?
Steven/Andres: Yes, so…
Olive/Daryl: I love too that you grabbed the scruff of the shirt and you cast it, and clothes start to fall off first, and he’s like, ‘Oh? Oh? Oh? Haha!’ and then *explode sound*.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Steven/Andres: Yeah, I don’t really have any Bonus Action stuff. I guess I’ll just move here.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice. Nice and safe.
Steven/Andres: Yeah. Well, we’ll see.
Jorja/Indigo: We’ll see.
Steven/Andres: Pass turn.
Olive/Daryl: Good turn. Good turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pookie is unconscious, so moving right through Pookie’s turn.
Rosie/Pookie:Can I not even just snore?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure. Snore.
Rosie/Pookie:*cat snoring sounds*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’m so glad I said that.
Olive/Daryl: *mimicking Rosie’s cat snoring sounds*
Steven/Andres: But where are the sounds coming from? Aren’t you liquid?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s bubbles.
Jorja/Indigo: I don’t think that you can speak. It’s telepathically in our minds somehow while she’s asleep.
Rosie/Pookie: I never leave you guys alone. I’m there in your heads still snoring.
Steven/Andres: The cat snoring.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The wererat is dead, so moving over to Daryl. What item are we getting now?
Olive/Daryl: Alright, yeah. One more run. Let’s go.
*dice rolls*
*harp and cello music plays*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to pull out another purple pillow. I think it’s the same purple pillow. She’s just putting different things on it, and this time it has got a little black box, and she walks it to the front and opens it to reveal this emerald pen.
Tyrone/Khione: “This is the Emerald Pen. This is going to be great for all you spy and code fanatics out there. You can use this to write secret messages. You don’t need any ink at all. You can just write with it. You can also use it to write script that only you can see or one that hides its message. Do I hear one hundred?”
Olive/Daryl: “We’ll get it going. One hundred over here.”
Tyrone/Khione: “One hundred to the good sir over there.”
Olive/Daryl: “Yep.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The sea elf will chime in.
Tyrone/Ivy: “One hundred and fifty dollars.”
Olive/Daryl: “My, oh my, oh my. What cheeky shenanigans are they planning over there.”
Steven/Andres: I no longer trust the sea elf.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alan will chime in. Alan will be like:
Tyrone/Alan: “One hundred and seventy-five dollars”
Olive/Daryl: “That a boy, Alan.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s roll?
Olive/Daryl: Let’s roll.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Fifteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ooo. Misfit, will chime in.
Tyrone/Misfit: “Two hundred dollars.”
Olive/Daryl: “Yes.”
Tyrone/Khione: “Going once. Going twice. Sold to Misfit. We love seeing you here, Misfit.”
Olive/Daryl: That will wrap up and I will look around again, and I will notice that they are really not anywhere in the room, and, “Hmm, that’s odd. I mean, they knew an auction was happening here, so I’m sure that they wouldn’t get holed up, but I think I did see Pookie upstairs.”
Rosie/Pookie: Help me.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Last you saw, they were upstairs and they hid successfully while you failed to hide.
Olive/Daryl: “Alrighty, okay. Hold on. Love, please take that one back. Darling, if you do see any of these items and they are within our budget, please-”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, you’ve got a little pamphlet and you’ve asterisked them.
Olive/Daryl: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s like a catalogue, and you’ve put in what you want for your birthday.
Olive/Daryl: Yeah.
Tyrone/Lorraine: “Of course dear. Oh, so many items that you want.”
Olive/Daryl: “I mean, we don’t need all of it, but if you are able to remedy your way into a fair deal, then that would be great.”
Tyrone/Lorraine: “I’ll keep it in mind dear. I’ll see you soon.”
Olive/Daryl: “I’ll be back. I love you,” and I’ll give her a little kiss on the cheek and then head around the corner, and head back up the stairs. I’ll try to quietly make my way away from the crowd.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep. Mwa. So, say that the five feet starts from the door.
Steven/Andres: To the door?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. So, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, fifty-five, sixty. Wonderful. Daryl, you’ve made it almost to the door where you saw Pookie and Andres before.
Olive/Daryl: Cool, can I… Yeah, I just want to do a little perusal to see if I see anyone on the ceiling or near the staircase. “Hello. Pookie? Pookie, are you there?”
Rosie/Pookie: *cat snoring sounds*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll a Perception.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: I rolled an eighteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Eighteen. With an eighteen… Yes, you can hear the snores of a liquid cat.
Olive/Daryl: “Where is that coming from? Is that…?”
Rosie/Pookie: *cat snoring sounds8
Olive/Daryl: “Pookie? Pookie? Pookie, Pookie, Pookie, where are you?”
Rosie/Pookie: *cat snoring sounds*
Olive/Daryl: I like to visualise too that underneath the couch is a puddle, but every now and then a sleeping bubble forms, and then comes back down and pop.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The oni is going to take its turn. The oni is going to stomp towards Indigo. It’s going to move as far as it can, thirty feet. Steven, I will also say that I thought it was a silly question to ask that it was floating, but it does have a fly speed here. I did not realise that, but it has been walking.
Steven/Andres: I no longer feel safe.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But no, it is going to walk over to Indigo. I’m going to hit you with a glaive.
Jorja/Indigo: Okay.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: With a fifteen?
Jorja/Indigo: Miss.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Damn.
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, you know.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You know.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Immediately followed by a twenty-five.
Jorja/Indigo: Silvery Barbs. Reroll that shit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Uh-uh-uh.’
Jorja/Indigo: ‘Uh-uh-uh.’
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a nine. You put your hand on his chest. ‘No.’
Jorja/Indigo: No, no, no, no, no.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Shhh’
Tyrone/Oni: “ *roars* “
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And it moves down to Indigo’s turn.
Jorja/Indigo: Okay, I’m just going to pull out my drumstick that is a sword - that’s pointy at the end - and try to stab at thee.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Stab a bitch.
Jorja/Indigo: I have advantage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes you do.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah. A twenty-three to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, that hits.
Jorja/Indigo: Which I also get sneak attack because I gave myself advantage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ah, I was like, ‘Nobody’s close.’ Yep, you’re right.
Steven/Andres: Go stand in the puddle.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re a sneak attacker now.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: That would be fourteen piercing damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You just fucking stab it in its stomach, and it just has this big gash in its stomach now.
Jorja/Indigo: Let’s go. I’m assuming this is new of the new D&D shit, where it’s like, ‘You have Vex with your rapier. So, if you have Vex and deal damage to a creature with a rapier, you have advantage on the next attack roll against the creature before the end of my next turn.’ Against only him and if I use that weapon, I believe.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. Is there anything else that you’d like to do?
Jorja/Indigo: You’re already inspired, I can’t inspire myself, and Pookie is a puddle. That is all. Pass turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Steven/Andres: Yes. All my decisions end with: ‘And Pookie is a puddle.’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, so Steven’s go.
Jorja/Indigo: Actually, sorry.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master + Steven/Andres: Oh.
Jorja/Indigo: Can I use a Bardic Inspiration to Unsettling Words the oni again? So, the next saving throw that they make…
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Negative two. That’s all. Pass turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Negative two.
Jorja/Indigo: Negative two.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Steven, you’re up.
Steven/Andres: Are you sure?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s all Jorja.
Jorja/Indigo: All done.
Steven/Andres: Okay! I’m not going to utilise your saving throw thing, sorry.
Jorja/Indigo: That’s okay.
Steven/Andres: I’m going to cast Chill Touch on him, and try and reach him. Well, I guess I’m going to move around the corner first.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Do it.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Yeah, I’ll stick with seventeen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Seventeen?
Steven/Andres: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That hits.
Steven/Andres: Oh thank god. Let’s play guess the AC game.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s only fun until you miss.
Steven/Andres: Yeah. I roll two d8s.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Thirteen necrotic damage as this skeletal hand extends and grabs him by the scruff.
*dark energy SFX*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s a bit of a theme today. He’s not wearing a shirt, actually. I’m not sure how unless you grab him by the scruff of the pants, and that would be weird.
Jorja/Indigo: Didn’t he have a cloak on?
Steven/Andres: Yeah, I thought he had a cloak.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, true. Yeah, it’s sort of on his back.
Jorja/Indigo: Grab the hood.
Steven/Andres: Yeah, I grab the hood and pull it back, and then he’ll have messy hair so I’ll put it back.
*laughter*
Steven/Andres: I’m not a bully! Just a murderer.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, I guess it’s wrapped around his neck. Yeah, you’re right.
Steven/Andres: Well, now I’ve grabbed him by the scruff of his cloak. Yeah, I think that’s pretty much it. They can’t regain HP until my next turn, and if he is undead - I don’t know if he is - if he is undead, he has disadvantage on me until the start of my next turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: If he is. Who knows?
Steven/Andres: Well, we’ll know when you roll two dice.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Maybe he gets advantage for some reason.
Steven/Andres: Well, that’s bullshit.
Jorja/Indigo: I actually gave him advantage with Silvery Barbs.
Steven/Andres: Oh, right, right. Well, that’s bullshit. I want to see the rulebook. That’s it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Moving down to the-
Steven/Andres: Oh actually, I will also move out of sight.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Jorja/Indigo: See? See, it happens to the best of us. We forget our move.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Bitch. We move down to the puddle of a cat.
Rosie/Pookie: *cat snoring sounds*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl, could please roll me a d20 still, please?
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Twelve.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And can you roll one more time?
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Seventeen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. I’m just noting. I’m not going to tell you guys what the item is or who gets it, but I’m just keeping note of who got it. Okay!
Olive/Daryl: Cool beans.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, Daryl , your go.
Olive/Daryl: Hi. I’ll continue to walk down the hall. Just continuing to be half-bent over with one ear out, as if I can pretend to see where this snoring is coming from, even though I imagine it is residing within my own mind.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: *mimicking Rosie's cat snoring sounds*
Olive/Daryl: “Pookie. Pookie, where are you?” I’ll look down the staircase and not see her, and then I’ll look at the double doors, and I’ll very gently open the door on the right and see if I can see anyone in the room.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think… Okay, you’re going to see the library as you open, and I think that you’re going to see Andres on the mezzanine.
Steven/Andres: “‘Sup?”
Olive/Daryl: “Oh.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And he’s looking terrifying, as usual.
Steven/Andres: *in a deeper voice than before* “‘Sup?”
Olive/Daryl: “Oh, my god!”
Steven/Andres: “Attack, over there.”
Olive/Daryl: “What the bloody hell do you guys think you're doing? Jeez.”
Steven/Andres: “Look, Daryl, either help or don’t help.”
Olive/Daryl: “You scared me half to death, son. What? Help, what?” He’ll turn to look into the corner and see the back of this giant oni.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. Baby got back. No, it’s covered by a cloak, but yeah.
Olive/Daryl: “Oh, hello there.”
Tyrone/Oni: “Grr.”
Jorja/Indigo: Indigo sticks her hand out. “Hey Daryl!”
Olive/Daryl: “Hello Indigo. This is not a very friendly fellow, is he?”
Jorja/Indigo: “No.”
Olive/Daryl: “Alright then, how about I give you a little bit of a hand there.” *laughter* ‘Cocks gun.’ Oh my god, that would be so loud. No, Jesus. I’m just going to wander up behind him all sneakily and crafty-like and give him a little bit of a kick behind the knees.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll an unarmed strike.
Olive/Daryl: Can I roll with advantage because we’re technically flanking? Is that allowed?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, that’s allowed.
Olive/Daryl: Wonderful. Thank you so much, governor.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Ballsack.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh no.
Jorja/Indigo: Oh. Are they both of yours?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Statistically not the worst one we’ve had.
Steven/Andres: I’ve seen worse!
Olive/Daryl: That would be a solid eight to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That misses, I’m afraid.
Olive/Daryl: Wonderful. That’s alright though.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Would you like to hit him again?
Olive/Daryl: Oh yes! Yes. yes, I do!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Wonderful.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: It’s better. Sixteen to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A sixteen does hit.
Steven/Andres: Writes down ‘sixteen’.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Alright, so he is going to take six points of damage. It’s just a little kick to the back of the knees and he’s going to buckle a little bit towards Daryl, and then what he’s going to do… What’s the size of this creature?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Large.
Olive/Daryl: Large? Yep, that’s fine.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I guess technically he should be taking up four squares, but whatever.
Steven/Andres: Damn, he’s a thick boy.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He thick.
Olive/Daryl: Because I took the Tavern Brawler grapple, I’m going to use my Bonus Action to attempt to put him in a grapple and hold him restrained, so I do believe for a grapple… Hold on a moment.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s my Athletics…
Jorja/Indigo: Your… Yes, Athletics or Acrobatics. Athletics.
Olive/Daryl: Yes.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: I rolled a twelve.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I rolled an eighteen, I’m sorry.
Olive/Daryl: God fuck. Alright, so he’s not grappled.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: He’s a big guy.
Olive/Daryl: That’s my turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fair. He’ll shake you off. He’s not even… You kick him, but he’s still just really pissed off at Indigo at the moment.
Olive/Daryl: Yeah, alright.
Steven/Andres: ‘I’m being annoying’
Jorja/Indigo: Nuh-uh-uh
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Speaking of which, it is its go, and it is going to attempt to hit Jorja.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is a fourteen.
Jorja/Indigo: Miss.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is a nineteen. Do you have any spell slots left for Silvery barbs?
Jorja/Indigo: I don’t need advantage anymore.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’ve already got advantage from your Vex thing as well.
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, that’s what I mean, so I could give it to Andres. Yeah, fuck it. Silvery Barbs.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s still an eighteen. What did I say? Nineteen, sorry.
Jorja/Indigo: That’s alright. You get advantage on your next thing.
Steven/Andres: Stop it.
Jorja/Indigo: No.
Steven/Andres: That worked so well last time.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Ka-chew. Andres, this one’s for you, baby.’
Jorja/Indigo: Some of the blood from the hit I’m taking.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re shooting some of your blood?
Steven/Andres: ‘Mmm, my favourite.’
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That is fifteen points of slashing damage.
Jorja/Indigo: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hell yeah, you’re taking that like a champ. And that is your go.
Jorja/Indigo: Beautiful. Fuck these guys. I will… I’m just going to stab at thee.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: No fucking way!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is that two ones again?
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah! What did you do to me!?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘You’ve cursed me!’
Jorja/Indigo: What have you done?
Steven/Andres: I’m sorry.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Two ones? So, you’re going to move to stab, and he’s just going to move to the side slightly, and Daryl will see the knife - or the drumstick - next to him, like, ‘Oh.’
Olive/Daryl: “Oh, hmm. I see what you’re going for there. Very good move, but I might just move a little this way. Nice try though. Go again.”
Jorja/Indigo: I am just going to… I don’t think I have anything. Yep. End turn.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: End turn in defence position.
Jorja/Indigo: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Steven
Steven/Andres: Oh my god.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re up.
Steven/Andres: Holy shit. Yeah, I’m going to rinse and repeat. I’m going to peek around the corner and cast Chill Touch.
Jorja/Indigo: And you have advantage.
Steven/Andres: I have advantage. I’m going to roll two dice, and they’re going to be ones.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: A dirty, slutty, whore twenty.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: A dirty, slutty, whore, twenty.
Steven/Andres: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Hits.
Steven/Andres: Perfect. They always do.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Seven necrotic damage. Sorry, that’s a lie. Ten necrotic damage. You put the two together.
*dark energy SFX*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s still going strong, but it is not looking amazing right now. It is struggling to breathe heavily while hulking over Indigo.
Tyrone/Oni: “ *heavy breathing* “
Steven/Andres: I guess I will… No, no, no. I guess I will run down the stairs and then under and around the bookshelf. Can I see a puddle oozing underneath the… or is she being concealed?
Rosie/Pookie: I imagine it's a pretty small puddle. I’m just a cat.
Steven/Andres: You’re not in a container though.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Roll a Perception if you want to look for Pookie.
Steven/Andres: Sure.
Rosie/Pookie: *cat snoring noises*
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Fifteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, you can see Pookie.
Steven/Andres: Sick. Noted.
Rosie/Pookie: *cat snoring noises*
Steven/Andres: I can’t do anything this turn. That’s it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s it?
Steven/Andres: “Yes, I know! I see you. Jesus.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is now Pookie’s go. Pookie has been a puddle for eighteen seconds now.
Rosie/Pookie: *louder cat snoring sounds*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I didn’t realise it was so long. Fuck. Daryl, could you please roll me a d20?
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Seventeen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And then one more d20, please.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Nine.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And then one more d20 please.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Eleven.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Alright, yes.
Rosie/Pookie: How long am I asleep for?
Jorja/Indigo: A minute.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: One minute.
Rosie/Pookie: Oh okay, cool.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you will turn back into a cat before you awaken.
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah, okay. I hope I’m in a comfy sleeping position.
Steven/Andres: You’re a puddle.
Rosie/Pookie: Okay.
Steven/Andres: Noted.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Daryl, it is your go.
Olive/Daryl: We’re going to do a round two on this cheeky bugger. Instead, I’m going to do a little bit of a hop, and I’m going to do a roundhouse to the side of the head, just to see if I can get him discombobulated.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah, kinghit him.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Twenty-two to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That hits, baby, with your kinghit.
Olive/Daryl: Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
*dice rolls*
Rosie/Pookie: Oof.
Olive/Daryl: Four points of damage for that one.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Olive/Daryl: And then I’m going to use my Bonus Action to attempt to grapple him again. See if we can’t make this magic work.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Work your magic, baby.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I have rolled an eleven.
Olive/Daryl: Fifteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You kinghit him and then wrap your arm around his head or something?
Olive/Daryl: Yeah, so he jumps up and lands him in the side of the head, and I’ll land, and his head will be shaken a bit, and I’ll hop up again, wrap my arm around him, and bring him down. As I do, I use my second Action to drive my knee into his back.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck.
Olive/Daryl: And just smack him. Does that mean that I have advantage on the attack as well?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I don’t think so. That’s what I was just checking now. ‘The grappled creature’s speed becomes zero, and it can’t benefit to any additions to its speed. The condition ends if the grappler is incapacitated. The condition also ends if the creature is moved from the reach of it, such as if the creature was hurled away by a Thunderwave.’ That’s all it says.
Olive/Daryl: Alright, beautiful then.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: But, I think you still have advantage from Indigo being right there.
Olive/Daryl: That is true. Let me roll this one there and see.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Yes!
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nat twenty, baby!
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: As long as it's happening to some of us.
Olive/Daryl: Seven damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Tyrone/Oni: “ *heavy breathing* “
Olive/Daryl: “There you go. Stay there. Stay there. Now quickly, younglings, let’s go. Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It is its turn.
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fuck me dead. Daryl, does a nine hit your AC?
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Does a twenty-one?
Olive/Daryl: Yes, a twenty-one definitely hits my AC.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes!
*dice rolls*
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You take eight slashing damage as it’s thrashing around and over its shoulder will slash you with its glaive.
Olive/Daryl: Try harder, kid.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Kid’? Yeet. And it moves to Jorja’s turn.
Jorja/Indigo: When it ends its turn, I’m going to use my reaction to sidestep ten feet away from him, and go straight up.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Be like…
Jorja/Indigo: Yes, and I’ll shoot him with a Sorcerous Burst.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Fucking do it.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Twenty-three to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, that’ll hit.
Steven/Andres: Maths is hard.
Jorja/Indigo: Maths is hard sometimes. Okay?
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: We haven’t seen it be resistant to any acid or fire? No, fire was the rat, wasn’t it?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, we haven’t seen fire.
Jorja/Indigo: Okay, I’ll just stick to acid then. Seven acid damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Just another shoot out of the drumstick to shoot acid out of it?
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah.
*aerosol spray*
Jorja/Indigo: And then I’ll move the ten feet back to where I was for Daryl’s sake.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Back into range.
Olive/Daryl: Yay!
Jorja/Indigo: You’re welcome.
Olive/Daryl: Thank you.
Jorja/Indigo: And that is all.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Steven.
Steven/Andres: Me?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s your go. It’s Andres’s go.
Tyrone/Oni: “ *heavy breathing* “
Steven/Andres: Yeah, alright. Sorry puddle. I’m going to turn around the corner and shoot him.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Shoot him with what?
Rosie/Pookie: *cat snoring sounds*
Steven/Andres: A hand made of bones.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, not shooting him at all.
Steven/Andres: It’s a ranged spell attack. I have a Bardic still.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Which I will use.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Twenty-one to hit.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That hits.
Steven/Andres: Yay.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Twelve necrotic damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: How would you like to kill an oni?
Steven/Andres: Ooo.
Rosie/Pookie: Yay.
Steven/Andres: The hand is going to grab him by the scruff. It’s going to rip his hood off, and at the fear of being dehooded, he’s going to poof into a puff of smoke.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘Into a puff of smoke’?
Steven/Andres: And he’s going to be nothing but a pile of ash because I think that’s how spirits get when they take necrotic damage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep, okay. I’ll add a bit of flavour there for some extra information for your sake. As it’s getting its hood ripped back, it’s going to look back at the skeleton, and it’s going to be like:
Tyrone/Oni: “Celestor? Is that you?”
Steven/Andres: ‘Hey bitch. Mwa.’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And you can kind of see the Chill Touch that is coming from Celestor. She rips it off, and - only you - you hear this scream of anger as she kills him.
*banshee scream*
Jorja/Indigo: That’s your patron, yes?
Steven/Andres: Yes.
Jorja/Indigo: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Jorja/Indigo: I was like, ‘Did I forget about someone in our party?’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Like, ‘Celestor? Who’s that bitch?’
Jorja/Indigo: ‘Is there someone else to kill?’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And combat is over.
Steven/Andres: She’s a feisty, feisty bitch. We’re going to talk about that later. ‘We’ll talk about that when we get home.’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: About thirty seconds later, Pookie turns into a cat.
Jorja/Indigo: And then wakes up.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And then wakes up.
Rosie/Pookie: “How are we all? Did we all have a lovely sleep?”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys have a moment together in the…
Jorja/Indigo: “Daryl.”
Olive/Daryl: “Kind of got me on the shoulder a bit there.”
Jorja/Indigo: “You came in at the end. We’ve been doing this shit for hours.”
Olive/Daryl: “Oh my god.”
Steven/Andres: “I killed a rat man. I didn’t kill a rat man. I didn’t kill anyone.”
Olive/Daryl: “I mean, you did just…”
Steven/Andres: “Shut up, Andres.”
Olive/Daryl: “Okay. Hey, son. Hey, you did good. You did well.”
Jorja/Indigo: “Thank you, Andres. You saved my life.”
Steven/Andres: “You’re welcome, Indigo. Thanks Daryl. “
Olive/Daryl: “I mean, you all looked out for each other. I mean, I come in here and there’s a pile of bones over there, and he’s got you pinned in the corner.”
Steven/Andres: “Pookie was a puddle.”
Jorja/Indigo: “We all looked after each other.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Oh, hello. Yes. I did try my best, but something came over me, and I just all of a sudden became liquid, and I thought, ‘Well, I’m quite vulnerable as liquid because someone could just fall onto me and roll over and then I’m just spread everywhere, and how do I come back together into my lovely, lovely being as a cat, so I hid underneath, and then I guess I must have gotten a bit sleepy for a while, but I think I helped because I do seem to recall in my dreams that I was fighting a lot of little rats.”
Jorja/Indigo: “You did. It was really good.”
Steven/Andres: “Thank you.”
Jorja/Indigo: “Should we fucking check this room out because what the fuck was that about?” I’m going to…
Olive/Daryl: “You’re more than welcome to. I just want to let you know that the auction did start downstairs.”
Steven/Andres: “Yeah, that’s awesome. We were sort of fighting for our lives.”
Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah.”
Steven/Andres: “So, we were a little less worried about trinkets right now, Daryl.”
Jorja/Indigo: “Also, poor. I’m not going to buy anything from an auction.”
Olive/Daryl: “Fair enough. All is in order.”
Steven/Andres: “Yeah.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Was there any milk?”
Olive/Daryl: “I can definitely ask if there was any milk.”
Jorja/Indigo: They had a list.
Olive/Daryl: “But do we want eyes downstairs? I mean, I did ask Lorraine if she could keep an eye out for some things that we were talking about, but do you want my help up here? Are we all good?”
Jorja/Indigo: “If you want to go back down, that's okay. I think we should give the room and the bodies a once over before we move on.”
Olive/Daryl: “Alright then. Why don’t we each take a corner and see what we see.”
Jorja/Indigo: “Sure.”
Steven/Andres: “I’m going to check out that pile of ash in front of you if that’s alright.”
Olive/Daryl: “Go for it. Be my absolute guest. I feel like you’ve earned it.”
Steven/Andres: “Thanks.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: ‘We see what we see.’
Olive/Daryl: “We see what we see.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, so you’re going to go check out the pile of ashes?
Steven/Andres: Yeah, I’m going to lean down to the pile of ash and go, “Celestor, what the fuck was that?”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: As you’re sifting through ash, ‘Celestor, what the fuck?’
Tyrone/Celestor: “What?”
Steven/Andres: “Ah, you…” ‘What?’
Jorja/Indigo: ‘I was asleep with Pookie. What happened?’
*laughter*
Steven/Andres: Can I roll an Insight into that ‘what’?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Fourteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She clearly knows what you mean.
Steven/Andres: Okay.
Tyrone/Celestor: “What?”
Steven/Andres: “What made you get all angry about him? You clearly didn’t like him.”
Tyrone/Celestor: “He was an oni.”
Steven/Andres: “What’s that?”
Tyrone/Celestor: “A Japanese demon.”
Steven/Andres: Can I roll a History?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Somehow I remember what that is. A sixteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah. You know that-
Steven/Andres: I’ve been reading my Japanese Book For Dummies. Maybe something has come up. Like, how do I say, ‘There’s an oni in my kitchen’?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: At a Google, it tells me that they are ogre-like creatures in Japanese mythology and folklore. They are often depicted as violent and malicious. Sometimes associated with good fortune. They are known for their super-human strength, fierce appearance, and shape-shifting. Apparently they can maybe control natural disasters.
Steven/Andres: Well, I’m glad he’s dead. Yeah right. “Oh, an oni, you reckon? Yeah woah, they’re pretty tough, right?”
Tyrone/Celestor: “Yes. You were formidable and they will make a great collection to my realm.”
Steven/Andres: “Oh, he’s going to the realm?”
Tyrone/Celestor: “Yes.”
Steven/Andres: Under his breath, he’s going to be like, “Brownie points.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sifting around the ash, you also find a small book - like a pocketbook - in the ash, just titled Japanese Mythology.
Steven/Andres: Sure, I’ll sift through it a bit. What am I reading?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It describes the oni. It describes a bunch of different Japanese mythological and folklore creatures. If you could roll me an Investigation?
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Sixteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sixteen. Something will catch your eye in the list of mythological creatures is a yuki-onna.
Steven/Andres: Oh god.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yuki-onna draws your attention because it seems to describe Celestor in a way.
Steven/Andres: Mhmm, mhmm.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It translates literally apparently as ‘snow woman.’
Steven/Andres: Mhmm, mhmm.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Apparently they prey on Japanese travellers in the Alps in winter.
Steven/Andres: Mhmm, mhmm. Checks, checks.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: The general description seems to match Celestor’s appearance.
Steven/Andres: Mhmm.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Steven/Andres: I guess as I’m reading this description, I’m going to look at her and see if she reacts at all to me reading that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: She’s going to float over to the other side of the room.
Steven/Andres: Okay, cool. She doesn't give a shit.
Jorja/Indigo: ‘What?’
Steven/Andres: ‘I don’t know anything. I’m literally just a girl.’ Okay cool, I’ll just close that book and pop that in my pocket.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Interesting. What are the other guys doing?
Jorja/Indigo: I’m going to, “Pookie, could you help me search the room for any notes or something? You can pull a bunch of books out of the bookshelf or something.”
Rosie/Pookie: That’s actually really funny because that was my exact plan. I was going to go up to the bookcase and start pushing the books off.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Jorja/Indigo: “If there’s any secret notes hidden in the pages.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Totally on it.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you’re going to use Mage Hand to start pulling books off the bookshelves onto the floor?
Rosie/Pookie: And at the same time, I’m going to be ripped them off with my teeth. I will look to see if any notes fall out.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay. You continue that for a while. Are you investigating the room?
Jorja/Indigo: Yes. I’m hoping that Pookie…
Rosie/Pookie: That is investigating.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You guys can both roll Investigation if you like.
Steven/Andres: She’s defiling the literature.
Jorja/Indigo: Can you… What’s your Investigation?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You want to investigate as well?
Olive/Daryl: I will. Can I just get you to clarify. It’s a yuki- what?
Rosie/Pookie: Minus one.
Jorja/Indigo: Do you want to help me, and I’ll just roll with advantage?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yuki-onna. Sorry, Y-U-K-I-O-N-N-A.
Rosie/Pookie: How do I do that?
Jorja/Indigo: It’s just a thing you can do.
Olive/Daryl: Thank you very much. I just wanted that for my notes.
Rosie/Pookie: Okay, cool.
Jorja/Indigo: As like, you’re helping me look, so you’re pulling the books out, and I’m checking if there’s notes in there.
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah okay, cool.
Jorja/Indigo: She’s giving me advantage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay, cool.
Rosie/Pookie: Because someone has a minus one on their Investigation.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, you’re just looking around the room?
Steven/Andres: ‘Is it you? No. Is it you? No.’
Jorja/Indigo: Yep. Searching through books, checking that table to see if there’s any hidden thingies.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Jorja/Indigo: I haven’t been up the top, so maybe at one point I’ll go up the top for a walk around. Any secret passages. Anything weird.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: Math time. Twenty-five.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jesus.
Steven/Andres: Sweet Jesus Christ.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sweet Jesus Christ. Are you checking out the rat at all? With a twenty-five…
Yeah, I was going to go upstairs, which is where it is dead, so if that’s the Jorja/Indigo: only thing I see, I will definitely investigate it.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.
Steven/Andres: It’s just a bunch of rat bones.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nothing particular seems to come out of the books. No loose pages or anything like that. You’re just defiling literature.
Rosie/Pookie: Hmm, interesting.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Two things seem to be on the body of the wererat, though.
Steven/Andres: Not skin.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Ha, yeah. When they die, I think they’re supposed to turn back into their true form, which I think is human.
Steven/Andres: What if they are truly a rat?
Jorja/Indigo: True.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: True, but they can’t because it is defiled. You find a piece of paper, and what appears to be a tape recorder.
Rosie/Pookie: Ooo. Do you think they were taping?
Jorja/Indigo: Na.
Rosie/Pookie: Na, you’re so right.
Jorja/Indigo: I think it’s just pure coincidence.
Rosie/Pookie: You’re right. Okay.
Olive/Daryl: I think they were just recording.
Rosie/Pookie: Do any of the books open secret doors? Do you know how sometimes in movies, you pull a secret book that opens secret passages? Does this one do that?
Steven/Andres: Keep trying the books.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Unfortunately not.
Rosie/Pookie: What!?
Steven/Andres: You’ve pulled every single book off the shelf.
Rosie/Pookie: I was so sure one of them was going to be a secret passage.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I’ve handed Jorja a piece of paper.
Steven/Andres: I no longer want to be in this country.
Olive/Daryl: I would like to investigate something. I’m actually going to take a look at the opposite bookshelf and take a look through the spines and see if there’s anything interesting.
Rosie/Pookie: They’re all off the shelf.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Give me a roll.
Olive/Daryl: There’s two bookshelves, correct?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes, the ones in the middle?
Olive/Daryl: Yes.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yes.
Olive/Daryl: Okay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: So, Pookie’s ripping them off one side and you’re looking through the other.
Olive/Daryl: Very carefully.
Rosie/Pookie: Best be quick.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Let’s do an Investigation.
Olive/Daryl: Sure thing.
*dice rolls*
Olive/Daryl: Seventeen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Seventeen. I think some interesting things with this is there seems to be a lot of history of the city of Melbourne, so we’ve got a lot of history of the classic buildings like Finder’s Street Station, Federation Square - how it used to look like and how it’s grown. You’ll find blueprints to Flinder’s Street Station. Yeah, you basically have access to any documentation attaining to Flinder’s Street Station and any old buildings in Melbourne.
Olive/Daryl: Can I see if I can narrow down a book for better understanding the building that the lair is in? Underground networks in that general area, maybe?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, like the old train tunnels.
Olive/Daryl: Yeah, old train tunnels.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Olive/Daryl: Pathways, sewer routes. Anything like that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I think that you’ll note, looking through the old train maps and the tunnels, you’ll see that there’s a bunch of access tunnels listed, but there almost seems to be an access tunnel - like there’s a symbol for an access tunnel - but it’s not labelled as anything. It doesn't seem to link up to anything. It’s just marked as an access tunnel without any information, if that makes sense?
Olive/Daryl: Yeah. Alright then.
Steven/Andres: How bizarre.
Olive/Daryl: I’m going to take that book in particular. Is it a book, or is it a part of a map or something?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It’s a book. It’s got a fold out inside of it. That’s the map of the original train network.
Olive/Daryl: Alright then. I’m going to take this book. I’m going to slip it into my coat, and I’m going to keep that there. Pat, pat, pat.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Pat, pat, pat.
Jorja/Indigo: They’re stealing. No, I’m kidding.
Olive/Daryl: I’ll get a look at that later.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: That’s Andres. He doesn’t steal. He’s already stolen another book.
Jorja/Indigo: And an iPad or something from Target?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Haven’t seen that in a while.
Olive/Daryl: Yes. We were given permission. It’s in the car.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Olive/Daryl: It’s attached to the car to give me directions now.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I see.
Olive/Daryl: And we can play some classic, old Nickelback, hey?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Jorja, what is that piece of paper I’ve given you.
Steven/Andres: [to the tune of Photograph, by Nickelback] Look at this graph.
Jorja/Indigo: A piece of paper with the numbers one to five, and then a zero that says: ‘One: Manticore. Two: Oni. Three: Mimic. Four: Wererat. Five: Dragon. Zero: Wyrmling’
Olive/Daryl: “That escalated rather quickly.”
Jorja/Indigo: “It did, didn’t it? And we’ve already fought a manticore. We didn’t fight a manticore. We saw a manticore, oni, mimic, and a wererat.”
Steven/Andres: “They were there.”
Jorja/Indigo: “So, we have seen a dragon.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Do you think if we collect all of them and put them together, something brilliant will happen? Like something very good.”
Olive/Daryl: “What was that other paper we found too?”
Jorja/Indigo: “‘Of the Wind. Of the Forest.’ There you go.”
Steven/Andres: “‘Of the’ repeat ten times.”
Jorja/Indigo: “Yep.”
Olive/Daryl: “Which don’t seem to match that.”
Jorja/Indigo: “And I’m trying to think if it has anything to do with the numbers. Why does it only go one, two, three, four, five, zero?”
Olive/Daryl: “But this one also goes one through to nine and then zero.”
Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah, and the highest number is…”
Steven/Andres: “The numbers on a dice.”
Olive/Daryl: “Can I take a little looksie if you don’t mind?”
Jorja/Indigo: “Yep.”
Olive/Daryl: “Thank you.”
Jorja/Indigo: Can I do an Investigation check on both of the pieces of paper? Are we missing something?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure.
Jorja/Indigo: Does it feel like there’s supposed to be a third?
Steven/Andres: I would also like to do that.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: For sure.
Steven/Andres: I’m going to cast Guidance on myself first.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Actually, what’s your Investigation?
Jorja/Indigo: More.
Steven/Andres: I’m going to cast Guidance on her.
Jorja/Indigo: Yay.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice. Now that you can cast it because you’re visible again.
Steven/Andres: Yes.
*dice rolls*
Steven/Andres: Max rolls, max rolls, max rolls.
Jorja/Indigo: It’s mid, so thank you.
Steven/Andres: You’re welcome. I got a sixteen.
Jorja/Indigo: I got a twenty-six.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It does feel like something is missing. The grammar doesn’t feel quite right. Even if you combine them together, you’re like. Like, it might say, ‘Manticore of the Wind’ which are the number ones. It just feels like something more at the start.
Olive/Daryl: “Great Manticore of the Winds.”
Jorja/Indigo: *gasps*
Rosie/Pookie: *gasps*
Jorja/Indigo: Not that. Sorry.
Rosie/Pookie: “Small Manticore of the Winds?”
Jorja/Indigo: “No. Hold on. Everyone shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.”
Steven/Andres: Let her cook. Let her cook.
Jorja/Indigo: “Okay, so you found this near a clock. If there’s supposed to be something at the start, fifty-nine is the last number you can make. There’s only fifty-nine seconds in a minute, or there’s fifty-nine minutes in an hour. So, the first one’s going to be the hour. That’s the minutes of whatever the clock is, which I don’t know how to make that work.”
Rosie/Pookie: *whispering* “It’s like in The Hunger Games.”
Jorja/Indigo: ‘It’s a clock!’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Jorja/Indigo: I got you.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Nice.
Olive/Daryl: I love that a cat - a sentient cat - would remember The Hunger Games, but not what their family looks like.
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah. We used to watch it all the time.
Jorja/Indigo: She knows what the family looks like. She just doesn’t know their names.
Rosie/Pookie: No, I know their names.
Jorja/Indigo: It’s Babe and Dickhead.
Rosie/Pookie: Yeah, and Dickhead.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And Em.
Rosie/Pookie: And Em.
Olive/Daryl: “Can you give me an avid description? I could put in a missing person’s report.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Em smells like sunshine.”
Olive/Daryl: “Alright.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Okay.”
Olive/Daryl: “I’m taking notes. Go on.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Em smells like sunshine, and she has long hair that often gets tangled when I start biting it. It looks like a similar colour to my fur but a bit lighter. Dickhead has lots of hair on his face, and he often has a can in his hand. Babe, her hair is the opposite of my hair, and she's nearly half of Dickhead’s size. Dickhead’s tall. Very big.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Indigo.
Jorja/Indigo: Yep?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Doing anything with the tape recorder?
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, we’ll listen to it. Sorry, I was buzzed when I got this puzzle.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re like, ‘Yay! I’m smart.’
Rosie/Pookie: “That’s all, thank you. Are you going to use your policing to help?”
Olive/Daryl: “I’ll certainly try.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Thank you very much. I would appreciate it, and I will get Terrance to help as well.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Are you pressing play on the tape recorder?
Jorja/Indigo: I’m closing those doors again and pressing play.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, did you leave them open behind you?
Jorja/Indigo: I don’t know. If they’re open, I close them.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Okay.
Steven/Andres: “Were you born in a tent, mate?”
Olive/Daryl: “Actually, I was. It’s a funny story, actually.”
Jorja/Indigo: “No.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to press play. Immediately, you’re going to clock that it seems to be recorded in a McDonalds because you hear the *buzzer noises*.
Jorja/Indigo: War flashbacks.
*laughter*
Steven/Andres: ‘Fries! Fries!’
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’re going to hear what sounds like your boss being like:
Tyrone/Boss: *tape recorder* “Indigo, this is the third time this week you’ve been twenty minutes late.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You’ll hear your voice.
Jorja/Indigo: *tape recorder* “Well, I don’t have a car.”
Tyrone/Boss: *tape recorder*“I can give you a lift next time, alright?”
Jorja/Indigo: *tape recorder* “Okay, thank you.”
Tyrone/Worker: *tape recorder*“That’s alright. Go. Go get changed.”
Jorja/Indigo: *tape recorder*“Okay.”
Tyrone/Worker: *tape recorder*“I made you your frappe.”
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: And the recording stops.
Olive/Daryl: “Hold on a moment. Is that your voice?”
Jorja/Indigo: “Yeah, and that’s my boss.”
Rosie/Pookie: “Do you think that someone has a very cute obsession with you? Perhaps an admirer?”
Jorja/Indigo: “Maybe. I mean, who wouldn’t?” Can I do a Perception check to see if - from the recording - does it sound like it was in his pocket, or was it put as a bug or something?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sure. Give that a roll.
*dice rolls*
Jorja/Indigo: This I’m not good at. Sixteen.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: It seems that it was maybe from the pocket. It seems like there’s a bit of a filter. It’s a bit muffled. Like it’s been recorded through fabric.
Steven/Andres: But I guess I mean if it was recorded in his pocket, he would be muffled but louder than Indigo.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yep. It doesn’t seem like it was in the boss’s pocket. It seems like it was in the person’s… Probably the person that you got it from, in their pocket.
Steven/Andres: “I’m sorry. I may have killed your colleague.”
Jorja/Indigo: I didn’t see the wererat, did I? And is it just bones when I get up there?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: No, you didn’t.
Jorja/Indigo: Or do I see the human form?
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: I believe Steven described it as…
Jorja/Indigo: Yeah, it’s bones.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Yeah.
Steven/Andres: Destroy the evidence.
Olive/Daryl: Was there any wallet that was left behind? Any identification?
Steven/Andres: Was it made of leather? Disintegrated.
Olive/Daryl: The card wouldn’t have been though. The card in it would have been made of a material that’s not clothes-like.
Jorja/Indigo: We find it and do it again.
Steven/Andres: I’m going to Chill Touch the wallet.
Olive/Daryl: Begone wallet.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: There is a wallet, and we can look at that next episode. Kachow.
Olive/Daryl: Keep the suspense real, bro.
Theme Song: [rock music plays]
Finding home in the belly of the beast, to make it home we can’t accept defeat, so roll the dice and come along with me, finding home in the belly of the beast
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Thank you so much for listening to Portal Quandary. Portal Quandary is made possible by the following people: Myself, Tyrone Cross as Dungeon Master, Editing, Community Manager, and Transcriber, Steven Edwards as Andres, Olive Jerome as Daryl, Rosemary Ochtman as Pookie, and Jorja Odd as Indigo. Elias Moffat is our Content Producer and Narrative Consultant and that theme song is Belly of the Beast by Lily Harnath and Henry Lucas. We’re on a bunch of social media, including Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and Patreon. All of which are @portalquandary. Q-U-A-N-D-A-R-Y. This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wurundjeri people, and produced on the lands of the Awabakal, and Wurundjeri people. Portal Quandary acknowledges and pays respect to our traditional custodians and to their past and present leaders.
Theme Song: [rock music continues]
Finding home in the belly of the beast, (in the belly of the beast), to make it home we can’t accept defeat, (there’s no turning back) so roll the dice and come along with me, (come along with me, let’s go), finding home in the belly of the beast.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Oh, they can’t be running towards Andres. They’re running towards you because Andres is invisible.
Steven/Andres: What’s their Passive Perception?
*laughter*
Jorja/Indigo: They have True Sight, actually.
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: They have twelve.
-
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: You start dripping down the stairs, like ooze down the stairs.
Jorja/Indigo: Indigo from below: ‘Andres, did you piss again?’
Steven/Andres: ‘I’m scared.’
-
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Is this first level?
Steven/Andres: No, this is fourth level.
Jorja/Indigo: This is seventh level.
Rosie/Pookie: Fiftieth.
-
Tyrone/Dungeon Master: Sorry Rosie.
Rosie/Pookie: This is okay. I’ll look at some Melbourne Fringe things. Anyone who is free, please come see my show at Melbourne Fringe. Please. This may come out afterwards, but I still will be mad if you do not come.
Olive/Daryl: Do it, it’s really good.
Rosie/Pookie: Thank you.