S2E15 - Rattlesnakes, Gas Taxes, and Get the Hell Out

In S2E15, we kick things off with Robby’s garage run-in with a rattlesnake and Slinky’s questionable attempt to claim the kill. From there, we get into gas prices and the proposed federal gas tax suspension, remember the freedom of riding bikes everywhere as kids, talk LEGO side hustles, APO shipping restrictions, and finish with an update on Ian’s house purchase—and Robby’s very subtle message for the current owners. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What's going on, everybody? It's Ian.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

And this is Robbie. And we're both two assholes in a mic.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

So what's up?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Not bud. Dude, fucking, was it last night? Night before last? Night before last, I killed a fucking there was a rattlesnake in the fucking garage. Oh shit. Fucking Slinky fucking pissed it off. It was curled up like right over here behind some fucking board games. Fucking Slinky pissed it off. I was just sitting here like video chatting with my dad and my brother, and all of a sudden I thought the air was leaking out of my fucking. I thought the air was leaking out of my mower. Out of the tires. So I walk around the corner and I and then I see a fucking damn coiled up fucking rattlesnake just chilling right there.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

It's going to be a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Yeah, except it it was just like it sounded like it was going so fast, it sounded like air. You know, it didn't sound like a rattle. It fucking scared the shit out of me, though, man. It's a western western diamondback.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

It's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Especially in the garage.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Yeah, close to where I damn sit.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Yeah. Just right there.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Keep an eye out. Yeah. But Slinky found him. Oh, good boy. He tried rolling in the blood after I killed him. Slinky was like rolling in the blood. I was like, bitch, you didn't kill him. You didn't kill him, bitch. I didn't I get to roll in his blood. I said he was a little snake or whatever, and then I showed it to Auntie last night when she was leaving. She's like, that ain't no little snake. I was all like, eh, compared to what they get to, compared to how big they can get to, he's little. He's probably like six or seven feet long.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

God damn. That's fucking that's big.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

But he was skinny.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Still fucking long.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yeah, he's a long, he's a long duder. I had a longer fucking. I I mean, I don't know if it was longer, but I had a long enough fucking broomstick. Yeah, my brother's all get your 22 and shoot it. I'm like, there's fucking concrete all where he's at. It's not like I'm sitting in the dirt. That's the last thing I need is to go to shoot a fucking snake and a ricochet and hit me right between the eyes. Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

So how'd you shoot yourself in the leg?

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Yeah. Well happened was. Well, it happened was I listened to my brother.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Yep. Oh. What else you been up to this last week?

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Oh boy. What else? Not very much, man. Not very much. Like I've just been Yeah, I've just been chilling because I was so busy last week, you know, working on the Mustang and working on the car, mostly on the truck, working on the trailer and stuff, you know, getting all the tires replaced, lubing up all, lubing everything up.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

I've been playing Lego Batman 3 again lately. Been trying to get that shit fucking beat.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Yeah, I don't know if I ever beat Lego Batman 3.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

We talked about that. I think you were talking about that when we had Bean on.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Really? No? Oh yeah, I've still been playing it though.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Yeah, I don't think. I haven't played, man, I haven't played Warcraft in a while. Kirsty, Kirsty's been playing. I don't know if it's just because I have other things going on that I just haven't played or or what.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

I'm trying to read my handwriting and figure out what the hell this is. It says Rod casted with clan. Rod casted with clan.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Rod casted?

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Casted. Custed, crusted. I don't know. Is that all one word or is it two words? Two words. Guess it doesn't matter. Dude, did you see the Ronda fight?

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Yeah. Yeah. That was a little bit disappointing.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

It was a lot of bit disappointing. I mean good for her.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

I I knew that if Ron D. I knew if she got her on the ground, then it was over.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Yeah, so did I.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

She's still more of a boxer.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yeah, she's a fucking. She's a like a stand-up fighter.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Ronda's a little bit of both. She likes tossing people to the ground because of judo.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Yeah. Well, she's fucking. She's known for them armbars.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Yeah. Dude, this motherfucker. Fucking wasp just walked into the battery hole of my fucking hole of what? Trying to build a house. The battery hole of my blower, my my leaf blower. Like, don't you go build a fucking nest in there, asshole? I got a leaf blower. Fucking ass weep bay. Dude, Slinky is covered in fucking dried up grass. He keeps laying on the ground instead of in his chair. And he's just like I did the lawn. Well, I don't ever blow the lead the grass or anything. I just kind of let it go where it goes.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

It's all in the garage and shit now, and he's laying down and it's got it all over his hair. He gotta have to brush him again. Just brushed him because he had seeds all in his damn fur because he goes out in the grass and he gets like all these weird fuzzy seeds stuck to him, so I gotta brush him all the time. I'll brush him like three or four times a day now.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Short hairy bastard.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yeah. He is a fucking hairy bastard, dude. I was thinking about posting on Facebook wanting to stud him out, so looking for a female to fucking study. So you're not gonna not gonna get his balls, his balls cut. Maybe I'll I'll have him have some like churrins once. Then get him fixed.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah. He peed in the hallway the other day, so if he starts marking, I may fucking take him sooner rather than later.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

He's fucked.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

I don't think he was marking though, so I think he just Autumn didn't let him out to go potty overnight. She just let him stay inside and he had to go.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

He had an accident at my brother's house too. I didn't let him out. Or I didn't let him out long enough to poop. So he ended up dropping a couple deuces. It's just a little deuce.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

This is a little one.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Yeah. Slinky, why are you always messing with frog turds? That's nasty. Slinky, that's nasty. You're always messing with something nasty that you ain't supposed to, rolling in something nasty. He rolled in something at my brother's house. I think it was like I think it was um like lithium grease or something. Like, I don't know how the hell he got lithium grease on it, but he had this nasty, clear-ish, weird, goopy stuff in his fucking fur that I had to brush out and then wash. I'm like, God damn it, dog. You're more you're more worser than a toddler.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Maybe he found some something he was hump. Maybe he was humping something.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

I don't know. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

He got his his mad juice.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

He got a jaculet?

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Yeah. All on him, all on him.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Definitely was not a jaculet. It was definitely greasy. Didn't taste like semen either, don't nasty.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

You nasty. I looked up some of that shit we were talking about the other night. Nice. Yeah. Notes. It was the one about Trump to eliminate the federal gas tax.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

So he Yeah, so it was reported that he had backed it. Let me open the article that I saw. So there's a couple notes that I took down. Um yeah, there's active proposals right now to temporarily suspend the federal gas tax. Yeah. Trump publicly backed the idea last week amid rising fuel prices and Iran conflict. Federal gas tax right now is 18.4 cents per gallon on gas and 24.4%. I'm sorry, 24.4 cents on diesel.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

So that'd bring us down to roughly I paid 362. So that'd be what, 340?

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Um no, it'd be less than that. That'd be 344-ish. It's about 18, 18 and a half cents. So 44-ish.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

I'm math good.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Yeah, 44, 344. You're right. I went the opposite way. Never mind.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

So multiple bills have already been introduced. One of the bills was to suspend it for 90 days with possible extension. But Trump himself said he wanted to suspend it until it's appropriate.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

Yeah, I mean, it's it's it's it's a good amount of money per gallon, but it's not enough. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Yeah. But to be fair, I think that if it went up by 18.4% or 18.4 cents, everybody'd be mad. Yeah. So I mean it uh But so it would it surely it's enough to go down that much, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:31

I mean, it's still only be three six three forty-four. That's still not even close to what gas prices were pre-war. But it's not 362. I mean, obviously. That's why I said it's not enough. Like, it's like too little, too late right now. That's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Not that he can really do much. Like, I don't even know where gas prices get set. I don't know. I mean, it's the it's the fucking damn near trillionaires that fucking run the oil industry and shit. Why the fuck are we going after them for this shit?

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Why is it always going after the president? The president doesn't affect gas prices as much as people think. Yes, it's being affected this time because of the conflict or whatever, but most of the time the president doesn't fucking control the goddamn gas prices. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Yeah. I mean, he can only influence and push certain shit so much.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Yeah. You know, so it's one of those things. Like, I wish I could go on strike. Like, I wish I could just stop buying gas, you know, because that's why gas prices plummeted during COVID. Because people stopped buying fucking gas. Come on, everybody, let's go on strike. Stop buying gas.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Yeah, so so many people are thinking the same exact thing, but no one's gonna stop doing it.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Uh it makes me want to go and get a fucking moped, that's for sure. It makes me want to go so that anytime I don't need to take somebody with me, I just take a fucking moped, you know, get fucking 90 miles to the gallon or some shit like that. Get one of those, you know what I need to get is one of those electrically uh or those motorized bicycles that when you pedal creases, my neighbors got one, dude. Barely pedaling.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

That's all that's all they have around here, dude. People ride them bitches around here all the time.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Yeah, it's because you guys are paying what nine dollars a gallon essentially, roughly.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

Yeah, it's gross. I mean, the prices are going down. I think it's uh 182, uh 182 at the BP and then one seven uh 178 at um Sainsbury's.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

Dude, I haven't been to a BP in fucking forever. I hadn't been to an Arco either in an AMPM. I went to one in Vegas. I was all like, dude, I gotta go to an AMPM. I used to stop in an AMP I'm on my way to fucking work on mid shift every fucking day to get a big ass, like big dope. I had uh the plastic cup you just fill up for like you know 69 cents or some shit like that, you know? And I just fucking refill that bitch up and going into work every fucking day. Yeah, so it was kind of cool going to the AMP. Here just reminded me of fucking when I was young.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Yeah.

unknown 12:14

Young.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Just ride our bike down to the the conico at the end of the street. Eating good. No, so we did. That's what that's all I did when I was growing up. Me and my buddy Steven and my brothers, we'd all just ride down, but just bike down to the to the conico right on the corner. Always get fucking uh Jones's, cream soda, and like a bunch of Rice Krispy Treats.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Yeah, when I was 10 to 12, we used to ride our bikes fucking everywhere. Just like in, you know, they ride their bikes everywhere. And uh what's that TV show? E.T. E.T., first of all, they ride their bikes everywhere, and then the TV show about the 80s. Stranger Things Stranger Things, they ride their bikes everywhere. That was like me and my friends, dude, just fucking riding our bikes everywhere, and we would take trails throughout because like the neighborhood was next to this huge, like old logging area or old forest, and we'd uh we'd just go on uh trails all day long, dude, smoking fucking cigarettes and shit like that, thinking we were badass and stuff through the world. Yeah, we used to just do that shit all fucking day long, man. I can't even imagine riding a bike for more than like five or ten minutes without getting tired. And I used to do that shit all day non-fucking stop.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

I used to sleep better though as a kid though, too. Probably because I played my fucking damn my tiredness away, or you know, you you get tired because you're actually fucking playing and doing shit all day long.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Yeah, I'll get dirty and fucking causing trouble.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Yeah, because I slept good at my brother's house. I slept better at my brother's house than I do at fucking home.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Because we were working a lot of the time. Plus, I had Slinky with me. Slinky was allowed to sleep with me in my in my brother's spare room bed. I was all like, hell yeah. I was I don't ever get to sleep with Slinky because fucking Aaron's mean. She won't let him sleep with us. I'm like, I brush him, he doesn't stink. I'm just gonna sneak him in one day. She goes to bed before I do. I'm gonna just sneak him in and fucking just start sleeping with him.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Just just put him on the uh just put him on the outside.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Yeah, on my on the my side, yeah. So we have like our comforter splits between us. It's it's weird. Like I it's it's anyways, so it's like a little zone of no touch, it's like a militarized demilitarized zone where the fucking touch and shit. So I'm gonna put them on the inside between me and the demilitarized zone.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

You should do it tonight to see if she notices.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

If I remember, I will.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

And then report back on Wednesday.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Yeah. Slinky. Slinky's gonna be smothering me with her holding him down over my face. There goes the motorcycle guy. No, it didn't sound so fast because the two-stroke didn't sound like it was like just like that, guys.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

This is exactly what it sounds like.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah. Pretty spot on. I should be a voice actor.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Yup.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

If anybody out there is listening and they have control of voice acting, I I would actually really like to voice act. That'd be fun.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

I approve.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

I think I'm waiting on Autumn. I'm waiting on Autumn to become like a fucking person kind of like um, what's his name? Who created Star Wars? Like, create her own fucking world and start TV and become a movie movie director and all that stuff so that she can make me a fucking voice actor.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

That's my plan. That's my 20-year plan. Rely on Autumn becoming a fucking world superstar so that uh so that I can become a voice actor.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Yeah. Securely waiting.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

I said that to Kersey. Oh, god damn it, no, I'm gonna have to remember what it's remember what it is. Said um, alright, I think we've been together long enough. You can secretly let me know you're a millionaire. Ha! Yeah, secretly let me know. I feel that. It's time, right? Right? Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Surprise!

SPEAKER_01 16:48

No?

SPEAKER_00 16:50

We're still fucking poor.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Just wait, just waiting for her to tell me. That shit's funny.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Surprise!

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Surprise! Oh, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

By the way, I'm a Scottish princess, heir to the throne, 2276 in line, and I have a hundred million dollars. I'd be like, how dare you lie to me for this long? I'm taking that.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Give me that. About I said good day.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Wish this shit was a foot long already.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

That was a miracle grow on it.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

I have that's what Earls and Bombs are for, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

How often do you try different ones?

SPEAKER_00 17:39

I don't have different ones, I only got one. That's the little mount one of the little mice Mises from fucking Cinderella. Got them in leg Lego today. Got him in Lego form today. I made a couple of figs in a in a friend stream. Yeah. And I'm gonna adjust them to be more badass, but yeah. I was playing with them. Or yeah, I mean not playing with them. They're like action figures, they're not toys.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

You're piercing me in front of my fridge. There's so many like when we go to the stores, they have those a lot of these Lego magazines. Some of them have the tens, and so I've been trying to pay attention to what tens they have for sale because you said they don't sell those or release those.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yeah, we don't get the tens. We don't get the tens. Let me know how much you spend and I'll send you money, dude. Oh man, I can sell them here.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Alright, I'll let you know what they are when I when I see them and we'll figure it out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Yeah, all right.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

You could be my damn you could be my European contact. How much is it to send from the from the post office on base? Is it like the same as if you were in the US?

SPEAKER_01 19:00

It's slightly higher than it's through USPS, but it's it's yeah, like I said, it's through USPS, but it's at a slightly higher rate than normal.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yeah, I figured it'd be a little bit higher because it's uh consider what APO AE.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Yeah, a lot of people don't realize that that you can send to APO addresses and it's just like sending it through to somebody's house here in the States in the lower 48.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

You know. Yep. I just hate that much. It's it's limited to a pound. Really? To send out? So like I can yeah, to send out the box. So I so the box that I have that I needed to mail out to you, it was when I stopped by there, it was closed. Um I'm going back to base tomorrow for another appointment, so I'm gonna see if I can mail it off. I'm not sure how much it weighs. It definitely weighs more than a pound. But I'm gonna see if I'm gonna see if they let me if they let me do it or what. I don't know how it's tracked in the system.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

They'll probably weigh it right there on the scale right in front of you.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Well, I don't know. Like if they punch in my address, it's gonna flag in the system that I can't s that I can't ship it.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

Why can't you ship more than a pound?

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Uh that's what their policy is for retiree boxes. Maybe that is no more than a pound coming in? No, it's both ways. It's going out and coming in.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

That doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

I don't know why it would matter if it's a pound or more. Like what difference does it I'm now I can understand something that's like a few hundred pounds and it takes up a lot of a pound? Come on.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Yeah. So I'm gonna see if they'll let me do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

If not, I'll grab it whenever the fuck I come up there. Whenever you get the fuck out and get into your own place.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Have you guys put offers in on anything?

SPEAKER_01 20:52

Yeah, yeah, we put that offer back in on that first house.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Oh, you did? Aaron asked me and said I said I hadn't heard yet. But has she responded?

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Yeah, they yeah, yeah. That's they've she accepted it a little a while back, a couple like a few weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

You didn't tell me that.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Yeah, I'm fairly certain I did. There's a whole episode on it.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

I don't think so. There's a whole episode on you getting fucked. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure the next episode.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

I'm pretty sure we talked about it.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Yeah, but you talked about putting the offer in. I never heard back that she accepted. I never heard that. I don't think I did.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Yeah, because the estate agent that forgetful. I'm not that forgetful. This the estate agent called me to let me know that they were putting their house back on the market and they wanted to give me a first refusal. So we put the offer in and they accepted it just like uh right away.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Oh. Well, nice.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

So how how much longer are you waiting then?

SPEAKER_01 21:55

We just said they just have to find a house.

unknown 21:58

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Tell them to buy the fucking house that wants more money. That you were just looking at.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

They're trying to downgrade.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

Oh. Gotcha, gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Yeah, they all their kids moved out, so they're downgraded from that house to uh get the fuck out.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

Tell them no, no, no, no, no. We're not waiting this time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

She had cancer the first time, so it's kind of acceptable.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Yeah, there's no this time, it's time to get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. You're listening, I'm just kidding. Take take your time, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Just take.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Just uh just want to fucking visit a motherfucker or I mean that's all.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Got all the fucking time in the world, and I can't because you won't move the fuck out. Well, that's I didn't know that. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Yeah, at least we know that they're they're looking.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

Well, that's cool.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Yeah. Yeah. All right. It's about that time. Yeah. Yeah. All right, guys. Take care, stay safe.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Be safe, make good choices. Bye.