S2E19 - Driving Tests, Science Tricks, and Movie Quotes

In S2E19, we start with Ian passing his UK driving theory and hazard perception test, including why the hazard section feels odd when you’ve already been driving for years. We also talk about Kirstie getting back into work, Ian helping out at the Suffolk Show with science activities for kids, and then go off on a run of random movie quotes from Joe Dirt, Anchorman, and Talladega Nights. After that point, Robby’s audio track cuts out, but the conversation keeps rolling through spam calls, Brooke possibly becoming a feral cat whisperer, birthday plans, finding a local pub, the weird math behind only needing 33 one-on-one wins to be the last person on Earth, and how Instagram and Facebook somehow feed us completely different kinds of nonsense. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up everybody? Welcome back. This is Ian.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

And I'm Robbie, and we're two assholes in a mic.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

So how did the test go?

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Passed.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

What'd you get?

SPEAKER_00 0:17

47 out of 50.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

And then uh 63 out of 72 on the um hazard perception test.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

That one seems dumb to me.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

It does seem dumb because it's I think it's all based on well. So I think it's dumb because as an experienced driver, I'm always wary or I'm always aware of things that are going on. Like if I'm driving down the road and I see someone walking down the sidewalk, I know that someone's there. If I see kids playing in the yard, I know that kids could, you know, potentially kick something on the road.

unknown 0:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

If I see a car that's parked on the side with its hazards on, I can assume that someone may be getting out or someone could be getting in. Like there's different different things that we're we're aware of as experienced drivers.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

But that that's not what the hazard perception test is about. The hazard perception test is all about um a developing hazard rather than a potential hazard. So if if a car is speeding up from a side road really fast and you know they're not gonna stop, and you have to hit your brakes, or you have to veer off to one side or the other, that is a developing hazard. That's a hazard perception. That's when you have to click and say, Yep, that's hazard. What I was doing before was clicking any to any time there could be a hazard. And so I was I was getting zero points on that test because I was clicking at the wrong times.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Yeah, it's so dumb.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Yeah. So it don't matter. So I passed, I just gotta wait for it to hit the system. That way I can schedule my driving test.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Right, you still gotta do your driving portion.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Yeah, that was just the fucking test.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

It's funny.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah, so there's the written there's the written test, the written test, then the as a perception, and then now I have to do the the driving portion.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

I had to go for my test with uh here in Texas because I let my license expire in 2014 technically, but it was still good until I retired. So I finally had to go get a license, a new license, and they made me do the written test. I was like, I took it right then and there and I fucking passed.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Yeah. I remember I thought they sent you a new a new driver's license while I was there.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Oh I thought they sent you a new one.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Oh no, that was uh that was my learner's permit.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

I had to get my learner's permit. Yeah. Because I went so long. Were you 15? Fucking fucking youngin', don't know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

But it's the same thing. Like I always feel embarrassed when I get my wallet out and I have my because the the the driver's license and the learner's permit here are different colors. So your provisional license, which is your learner's permit, is green. And it has a big fucking L red L on the fucking on the license for learner. For loser. And then uh the the full driver's license is pink. So there's no fucking there's no faking it. It's a fucking it's green, it's out there. So it's like, oh man. I'm fucking, what are you new? Don't have your driver's license. You're allowed to drive without somebody else with you? Um technically as of May 8th. No. But why still gonna drive so I I was able to drive for up to a year after establishing residence here in the UK? Oh. Which which was the 8th of May. Technically, I have to have my fucking learner magnets on the car and I have to be driving with a uh supervisor, which has to have had their license for three years. What the hell? Oh, the brush getting all the hairs out. Oh well. That's all Brooke had slanky hairs. She didn't know you had slanky, she said she was gonna come steal them.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Yeah, good luck.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Yeah, good luck. Good luck getting past Roxy.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Yeah, good luck getting past Roxy. And then if you do get past Roxy, people's elbow. Elbow. Yeet. Yeah, get out of here. She didn't so she just thought I had Roxy?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Yeah. Kirsty's home.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Kirstie's home. Hello.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

She's backing in right now.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Nice. Look at your little whiskers. You're such a cute little buddy. Such a cute little buddy.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Ooh, bless you.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Bless you.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Ooh, bless you.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Bless you again.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Many blessings. Good boy. So what's Kirsty been up to?

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Uh nothing. She got called into work today. I guess someone called out six, so they call it her nest. If she can she can work, so she's like, yeah, fuck it. She's trying to take as many because right now she's on a part-time. That's what I was just about to ask. Yeah. Over here they call it uh they call a bank worker. And um so essentially she works whatever shift she wants. Yeah, they call her and say, Hey, we got these shifts available, and she says, I'll take that, that, and that. And she doesn't have to go into work to do anything. Technically, it's a zero-hour contract.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Nice. So, what does she do?

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Community health care. So she'll go to different people people's houses and help them help them with I don't know, their groceries, or maybe she'll take them into town for something, or maybe she'll just make them dinner or help them get ready for bed. Um, yeah, so she goes around and does that.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

No diaper changing or nothing like that.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Uh she might have to do some of that.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

I don't really I don't really talk to her about it.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

But like you gotta change your own shitty diaper.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

I ain't changed your own diaper. Ooh. You gotta change your drawls.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Change your drawls.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Oh, Biscoy, do her laundry.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

You should call somebody for that. What I called you for, asshole. Nah, that's not what I do. I help you get ready for bed.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Mm-hmm. I'm here to make you lunch.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah, but she is uh yeah, she's doing that. She you know, she just needed to work. She's hated just sitting around not doing anything, so she needed to get a job for her own sanity.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

I get it. I'm only working well now I'm working today and tomorrow now. Manager called and asked me if I or text me and asked me if I wanted to work tomorrow as well. I was like, uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Yes, I I shall.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Uh yeah. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

What? I can't hear you. No, I'm not talking about you.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

We were though.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

You thought I was talking about you having some shitty diapers?

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Ask her if she changes diapers.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Do you change diapers? She says yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

What?

SPEAKER_00 7:32

That was Brooke.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Did mom go inside? Did mom go inside? Huh? Oh. She went inside.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

Tell her to ask her if she changes diapers and report back.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Brooke ain't gonna go inside. Just just ask that question. Hell no. Whose kid do you think that is?

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Looks like autumn came out the other day. I was helping Teddy change his oil. And uh she's at the fucking door over here trying to fucking tell me to listen to mom on the phone, Aaron, and I'm in the driveway fucking 70 feet away, changing oil. I'm all like, come on, bro, use your fucking mind brain and walk over here so I can hear. I'm busy.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Use your mind brain, your brain piece.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Your fucking dome piece. Use it. It's not just a like pretty thing on top of your shoulders. It actually has a function.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Went out to um help out at um at the Suffolk show here. It's a a fucking huge agricultural trade show. Um they've been doing it every year since 1861. Minus 2020 to 2021 for COVID.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Well then they haven't done it every single year then.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

I still think that's pretty impressive.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

It is.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Yeah. But there's fucking there was hundreds of hundreds of trade booths. And we were set up out there as a skills escalator. And so it's designed for little kids, essentially to teach them little science tricks. Uh whether or not you're making fucking Ublick, you know, that non-Newtonian fluid, it's like uh corn starch and water mix. So if you punch it, it's it's hard, but then if you gently press it, it's like water. So as soon as you put pressure on it, it hardens up and it's a so it's a solid and a liquid all at the same time. I don't like it. It's uh yeah, it's it's trippy. It's definitely trippy. It feels weird.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

It's a hard and a liquid at the same time. I can think of one thing that's some kind of like that.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

But anyway, they do little little science and healthcare uh experiments using household ingredients, and it's it's really there to help promote young young kids into sciences and healthcare and stuff like that. No, so one of them was just cornstarch and water, one was uh using lemon juice on paper to do like hidden uh invisible ink.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

They're gonna be like the kids in Joe Dirt.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Oh no, Deadly Mustard Cass.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Yeah. What was the guy the what was the guy's name? Emmett?

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Was it Emmett or uh I don't know Christopher Watkin was the fucking one that saved him, but I don't know, I don't remember his name.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

I thought it was Emmett. I'll look it up anyway. Yep. No, no, it wasn't me. It was him. That's the guy. Show dirt!

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Yeah, show dirt. That shit was funny, dude. I I'm gonna rewatch that movie now just because of that fucking line.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Oh no, that's a mustard gas.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

The fucking G.I. Joe thing.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

And he's all like, what the fuck are you doing? Pork chop sandwiches. Get the fuck out of here, you fucking idiot!

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Oh fuck. G.I. Joe.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

My brother, uh, I just got a text message from our brother saying that he's alive, so he made it through his uh his shoulder surgery.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Nice. What was he having done?

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Yes, shoulder surgery.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Oh, alright. Like, that's all I know.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

That's all I know. You know I don't ask those questions.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Ain't nobody got time for that.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Ain't nobody got time for those questions. You know I don't speak Spanish, Baxter.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

You pooped in the refrigerator, potato, whole wheel of cheese. I'm not even mad. I'm impressed.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Yes. What good movies? Yeah. That one was anchorman. 60% of the time, it works every time. Sex Panther. I forgot about that part.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Oh, Slinky's gonna roll off the fire pit. He's getting all comfortable. He's gonna roll off. No. Nope. He realized the gravity of the thing. He remembers Isaac Newton's fucking teachings. Hey here, fly. Dude, I got two flies at the same time. Earlier today, there were two of them sitting on my knee. I was like, clap and fucking both of them. One went one direction, one went the other. I thought, like, hell yeah, get clapped, bitches. Yeah. Fucking got them both. Dude, I've killed like six of them today. I didn't realize I opened up the trash can late. I hadn't opened it in a few days because I haven't had to take trash out or whatever. And a fucking army of them come flying out. So it's like one fly went in there, laid a bunch of eggs, and then fucking it was like a locust army or whatever, you know. I was like, yeah, they came all flying into my face and shit.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

I was like, what the fuck? Get away from the invisible fire spurter, my friend.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

It was uh Taladega Knights, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Yeah, help the Tom Cruise. Use your witchcraft. Help me open free. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Take care and stay safe.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Be safe, make good choices. Bye. Bye.