The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

Can Vin Diesel's immortal witch hunter really save the day, or is the plot just as cursed? Join us as we kick off with a hilarious yet critical review of "The Last Witch Hunter." We uncover everything from the witch queen's outrageous claims about the Black Plague to the puzzling presence of her immortal heart. Elijah Wood's mysterious character and the possibility of a sequel also come under our comedic scrutiny as we explore the deep historical roots of the witch cult.

Next, imagine a world where Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, and Vince Vaughn join forces, with cameos by Snoop Dogg and Kurt Angle. That's right—we're casting our dream movie and debating the impact of iconic actors like Ian McShane and Wesley Snipes as members of a more formidable witch council. Reminiscing about Jack Nicholson playing the devil in an 80s classic, we ponder how elements from "What We Do in the Shadows" could spice things up. 

Finally, we take a nostalgic trip back to 1987 with "The Witches of Eastwick," celebrating Jack Nicholson's devilish charm. Our spirited discussion covers everything from lackluster fight scenes to the unique powers of witches, while humorously questioning plot twists and character motivations. We even imagine how the film might have been better received in the 90s, wrapping up with a longing for more fun and humor in the fantasy genre. Tune in for a candid and entertaining critique that leaves no spell unbroken.

Chapters

• 0:01 The Last Witch Hunter Movie Review
• 14:36 Casting Choices for Movie Conversations
• 18:27 Discussion on Witches of Eastwick
• 25:38 Movie Critique and Witch Powers
• 37:03 Negative Review of Incoherent Movie

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:01

No, not necessarily you ready. Alright, welcome back to the Backseat Critics. My name is Andrew.

Speaker 1 0:16

Okay, you ruined it actually, because technically, we're supposed to say what we're going to review first, and you didn't do that because that's what you wanted to do for cold openings, but no, you just wanted to dive right in, but that's okay it's gonna be so weird when I cut all of this out yeah, sure, sure anyways all right, this is a podcast where we review movies that you should steer clear of, and today we're talking about 2015's the last witch hunter, a fantasy action movie directed by breck eisner, written by cory goodman, matt savama savama the burke sharpless and based on the Dungeons and Dragons campaigns of Vin Diesel's Melkor the Witch Hunter. Those are some wiki facts for you.

Speaker 2 1:13

Wika wika wo. What if somebody actually edited those? You know how you can do that in wiki, or can you not do that anymore?

Speaker 1 1:20

You can. I believe it's vetted though.

Speaker 2 1:23

Like it's a little bit more. They've actually done their research.

Speaker 1 1:26

Yeah, you have to have like sources for it or I. So I don't don't quote me on this, but I believe if you, if you make an edit or a change and you don't have a source for it, it's removed.

Speaker 2 1:38

I think it's like 30 or 60 days out so I can't go on there and say Andrew has a fifth nipple anymore, and that'd be just factual.

Speaker 1 1:46

Andrew.

Speaker 2 1:48

Garfield. Sure, you know the Andrew from the back.

Speaker 1 1:50

Wait fifth, that took you a second, why don't you introduce yourself for the audience there?

Speaker 2 1:59

Oh, I'm RJ.

Speaker 1 2:01

So fantastic. Um, this is a. This is this movie. Marge it Fantastic. This is this movie we're going to start off. This movie is a movie.

Speaker 2 2:12

Congratulations, I'm so happy.

Speaker 1 2:16

They've met the requirements Two hours.

Speaker 2 2:22

Yeah, it's not even two hours, it's an hour and 46.

Speaker 1 2:26

You know let's, let's go to the chase. One minute summary.

Speaker 2 2:32

Oh wow. First you take the intro, then you point at me to do a one-minute summary.

Speaker 1 2:37

Yeah.

Speaker 2 2:38

All right, am I going.

Speaker 1 2:41

And go.

Speaker 2 2:42

So Mr Vin Diesel is a witch hunter. He gets cursed, and now he has to. He gets cursed by a witch where he can't die, and so he spends the rest of his life trying to hunt a witch. The witch that cursed him comes back to life 800 years later and tries to kill him, uncurses him, and Vin Diesel saves the day and still kills her. Yes, that's exactly what happens.

Speaker 1 3:11

You've still got 30 seconds left, my guy.

Speaker 2 3:14

I just want to take this time to say thank you to Rob for believing in me. Koss, keep being Koss. Tay Andrew misses you. If you're listening to this episode, which I know you're not Shout out to the Beach, moms Never Die. Rip City Apparel, we love you.

Speaker 1 3:39

Oh no, isn't it? City Apparel and Design City.

Speaker 2 3:41

Apparel and Design. We love you.

Speaker 1 3:43

Yeah, you got a new website up. Art by Ayla.

Speaker 2 3:44

Check it out. Disney on a Dime. You guys are great. August Keller Writes Also great. Am I past the minute yet?

Speaker 1 3:54

You are Okay, fantastic, and shout out to me for just being me Cool you did a shameless plug.

Speaker 2 4:09

There. Is that a shameless plug?

Speaker 1 4:12

yeah I'm not even gonna follow through with it because you're like oh crap, you caught me you got weird, it got weird.

Speaker 2 4:30

So apparently this witch queen started the Black Plague, Supposedly. I don't even know what kind of Black Plague was she starting, Because this one has like a lot of swarms of bugs. I guess there probably was a lot of bugs around during that time period.

Speaker 1 4:43

Yeah.

Speaker 2 4:43

But she had a fascination with bugs.

Speaker 1 4:45

Yeah, no, like this is supposed to be. Like the plague, like the bubonic plague, oh, I know, I think I feel like this is more like correlation than causation. She said some weird words and then a plague happened, but there's really no connection between the two. She's just claiming credit, she's just, she's just out there, just like yeah, uh, the plague.

Speaker 1 5:14

I, I definitely did that yeah yeah, you know joan of arc murdered. Yeah, I did that too. I put a curse on her. You know, I've got a girlfriend in another state. This is what the witch is doing. This is where she's operating.

Speaker 2 5:28

She weighs as much as a duck. She does weigh as much as a duck.

Speaker 1 5:36

And she doesn't burn.

Speaker 2 5:40

Yeah, she does. Her heart doesn't burn. Her heart does not burn. Burn as we find out because I think you saw in the beginning it burns like after they do the flashback. They find out that her heart burns and that they actually save the, the heart in the end. You know, to bring her back, her back. Yeah, Cause that's all you really need. It's just her heart, not her eyes or her face, just a beating heart.

Speaker 1 6:09

Just a beating heart.

Speaker 2 6:10

That's all you need.

Speaker 1 6:12

Um interesting choice.

Speaker 2 6:14

Just to have a beating heart, just a beating heart Like that's.

Speaker 1 6:17

that's the villain of the movie.

Speaker 2 6:19

The beating heart.

Speaker 1 6:20

The beating heart. That heart, the beating heart, that has a curse over, not a curse, but, I guess, a grip over elijah wood, whose parents were witches, right? Um, my, my question is how deep does this cult following go, for which is, 700 years later, to still just be like, yeah, we're, we're gonna praise her, we're? We're gonna we're gonna do a little seance.

Speaker 2 6:47

We're gonna make sure that she's coming back and that new york city becomes the set of I am legend so you think that they could have done a second movie of this then, where they could have gone to multiple?

Speaker 1 7:03

others. They are working on one. Are they really they're working on a sequel? Is vin diesel even gonna play it? I hope not. You know, okay, no, no, no, first off, first off, who? Let's swap the actors, swap the actors, yeah, who you swapping? Who you swapping, who you swapping? I'll tell you what. I'll go first.

Speaker 2 7:25

Okay.

Speaker 1 7:26

I was thinking about this while we were watching the movie, because Vin Diesel does not have the charisma. Weirdly enough, the most acting he did is when he was back and forth with Michael Caine.

Speaker 2 7:36

Okay.

Speaker 1 7:37

I felt like the rest of it. He was just like dry and like generally just uninterested. But for somebody to be kind of interesting in this movie they're going to be wild, they're going to be loud, they're going to be bald. I'm going to go with Samuel Jackson. He might be too old when this came out.

Speaker 2 8:09

Damn.

Speaker 1 8:09

No.

Speaker 2 8:11

Damn.

Speaker 1 8:11

No, he could still do it.

Speaker 2 8:12

I don't know if I would we still have Sylvester Stallone running.

Speaker 1 8:17

Look at those expendable movies and tell me that Samuel L Jackson is too old. What stunts, what stunts and action scenes Did Vin Diesel do in here? That a young person?

Speaker 2 8:31

Here's the thing, though Sylvester Stallone is rocky, he's Italian stallion. So, so you can't. He's. He is uh going to be doing stunts till the day he dies. Samuel, I don't know. I just feel like he's just too old for the role there's.

Speaker 1 8:57

There's like a 10, 15 year, year difference between them. That's not much. How?

Speaker 2 9:03

old, do you think Vin Diesel is? He's probably in his mid-50s now.

Speaker 1 9:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2 9:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:08

No, samuel L Jackson could pull it off.

Speaker 2 9:13

No, you know what why?

Speaker 1 9:15

are you being a party pooper?

Speaker 2 9:22

I just see him in those commercials with Spike Lee and Charles Barkley. I just don't think he's doing it.

Speaker 1 9:29

I think he's too worried about his credit cards. I'm thinking what is Vin Diesel worried about here? Because clearly it's not acting.

Speaker 2 9:38

Give me you know what, If I'm going to change him out. I think there's only one actor that I'd change him out for.

Speaker 1 9:43

Okay.

Speaker 2 9:45

A shaved John Travolta.

Speaker 1 9:47

No, yes, really You're saying John Travolta.

Speaker 2 9:51

John Travolta.

Speaker 1 9:52

But let me get this straight Samuel L Jackson too old.

Speaker 2 9:55

Too old. I want John Travolta, who's probably the same age as Samuel L Jackson.

Speaker 1 10:02

We're going to fact check that.

Speaker 2 10:05

Yeah, same age, yeah, but I'd probably, if we're going to go that route, I'd probably go John Travolta.

Speaker 1 10:11

But that's not my pick to change out. Okay, who are you changing it with? I think, as you're Googling.

Speaker 2 10:19

No, I'm just looking at the actors real quick and I actually enjoy most of the characters when I look back on this.

Speaker 1 10:24

And who plays?

Speaker 2 10:25

like the Bilal guy, mm-hmm, Like the only thing I could think of is like I liked him. Actually, that guy he had like a backwards to him, like Louisiana backwards guy.

Speaker 1 10:38

What are you talking about? The Bilal Bilal Bilal? I think no, he was dry. He should have leaned more into it.

Speaker 2 10:47

Sure, sure, I think. If you were going to change him, there's only one person I would change him with, and he's dead.

Speaker 1 10:55

But Samuel L Jackson's too old.

Speaker 2 10:58

The guy died at a young age. When did he die? He died last year, two years ago. Well, who? His name is Bray Wyatt. He's a WWE wrestler. He played a backwoods cult leader.

Speaker 1 11:13

So Samuel L Jackson.

Speaker 2 11:15

I just don't see it. I just don't see it in this movie.

Speaker 1 11:18

I don't see a dead wrestler making that fit.

Speaker 2 11:21

No, I mean he plays just as Bilal, but he'll just be a little bit more backwoodsy, cultish.

Speaker 1 11:29

And Jackson would be playing the witch hunter. Just a little bit more interesting.

Speaker 2 11:34

You said Wesley Snipes. Oh no, Maybe no. You said Wesley Snipes If we're doing. Wesley Snipes. Oh no, maybe no.

Speaker 1 11:42

If we're doing Wesley Snipes, the whole movie needs a rewrite.

Speaker 2 11:44

This whole movie would need a rewrite for Samuel L Jackson, this whole movie needs a rewrite anyways, but that's beside the point. I just don't see Samuel L Jackson in that role. I just can't see it. I don't see it making it better.

Speaker 1 11:57

You're so busy being a contrarian. It's going to be like RJ's the guy and you're like, wow, today's such a nice day and he's like it's okay.

Speaker 2 12:08

Have you seen Snakes?

Speaker 1 12:08

on the Plane. Yes, everyone has seen Snakes on the Plane.

Speaker 2 12:13

You just changed this to Snakes on the Witch Hunter A better movie. Witches on a plane.

Speaker 1 12:24

See, now we're getting closer now we're getting closer with Samuel L Jackson nah just admit it no, I just don't see him anywhere here this is the guy that you'd be like wow, this ice cream is pretty good. And he's like nah, I like eating gravel.

Speaker 2 12:46

I disagree with this. I disagree with that statement too, but that's okay. I I don't think I can change anybody really come on anyone give me. So that Max guy, you know the guy that the shop owner yeah, is blind. Yeah, put in like Chris.

Speaker 1 13:19

Tucker, you know the guy that, the shop owner. Yeah, who's blind.

Speaker 2 13:21

Yeah, put in like Chris Tucker.

Speaker 1 13:25

I'm game for that.

Speaker 2 13:26

Or Chris Rock. No, chris Tucker, give me Chris Tucker. Okay, I want Chris Tucker. Put in Chris Tucker there and I think that gives me a little bit more of a comedic character.

Speaker 1 13:38

Okay, In there Was it throwing. Some Chris Tucker, some Samuel L Jackson. No, samuel L Gives me a little bit more of a comedic character.

Speaker 2 13:42

Okay, in there Was it throwing some Chris Ducker, some Samuel L Jackson. No, samuel L Jackson in this. No, he's.

Speaker 1 13:53

No, the only thing that would make it is just his clout, his name alone, over Vin Diesel.

Speaker 2 13:59

What does Vin Diesel bring in other than his name? I don't know. You're a Vin Diesel hater. Yes, you're anti-Vin Diesel.

Speaker 1 14:06

I am. I'm sure he's a great guy. I'm sure he's a nice guy. He's really not Okay. Actually, yeah, no, I think I corrected that is true. If the rumors do, he's a prima don. Corrected, that is true. If the rumors are true, he's a prima donna. That is true. So he's not even a decent dude. I just All he is, all he is. He's a butthole and he's got a name to him.

Speaker 2 14:36

There's probably somebody that could play it better. Like Samuel L Jackson know, I'd rather see john travolta. No, yeah, no, yeah, crazy. John travolta is excellent crazy.

Speaker 1 14:49

John travolta is not good I love crazy john travolta have you seen him in that stalker movie? I saw him in swordfish no, watch him in that recent stalker movie. I'm trying to remember what it is um.

Speaker 2 15:03

He plays like a john if he played the character that he did in be cool, better movie hold up the fanatic I haven't seen that.

Speaker 1 15:19

Garbage.

Speaker 2 15:20

Actually, you know what this movie needs somewhere. I'm not going to lie. If this actor was in it, it's somewhere. I don't know where you can put him anywhere, vince.

Speaker 1 15:31

Vaughn, we make it a buddy cop.

Speaker 2 15:36

Putting Vince Vaughn somewhere. Vince Vaughn, samuel Jackson, no. The Last Witch Hunters you give me that, or you put it in another the shop owner again Snoop two on the nose.

Speaker 1 15:50

It'd been fantastic, though two, no, it'd been fantastic two on the nose, give me Snoop two on the nose, snoop's fun and now we're just, we're just going to like oh it's, what celebrities can we get cameos in for? That's what it kind of is in this movie I feel like what celebrities are cameos? Who you?

Speaker 2 16:07

gonna who you gonna take out? You can't take out michael cain. No, michael cain's good elijah wood was kind of good.

Speaker 1 16:13

Okay, he's entertaining okay, okay, so, outside of vin diesel, elijah wood rose, leslie, I think Leslie, I think she delivered pretty well Rose. Leslie.

Speaker 2 16:22

Right.

Speaker 1 16:23

Who else? I mean the Witch. What's the actor's name? Without looking? Without looking, I already looked at it. Okay, other than the Witch, other than those five people I listed, who else is in this?

Speaker 2 16:36

Well, that's it.

Speaker 1 16:40

I mean, we got to think, though, is that all the? Rest would just be a cameo characters, but that's not even kurt angles in it he doesn't count.

Speaker 2 16:50

No, he doesn't have the status I guess if you're gonna make somebody like in charge of the witch, you know if you made um some people in charge of the witch council.

Speaker 1 16:58

If the witch council is more in this movie, I think this movie could have been a lot better too I agree they needed more presence there was only one scene where they're really in it yeah, when they're putting the guy in prison and they have a little like somebody could have been that guy too.

Speaker 2 17:15

The robot, no, the little, the little dude that they all jayam. That actually might work. I was thinking of the guy from American Gods, but that works too. The leprechaun from American Gods.

Speaker 1 17:27

I have not seen.

Speaker 2 17:28

Oh, you'd probably really enjoy that show. Well, oh, what's his face? Blackbeard. Oh uh, ian McShane.

Speaker 1 17:38

Ian McShane.

Speaker 2 17:39

He could have been. He should be on the council.

Speaker 1 17:44

Wesley Snipes should have been on the council tackle a kid here.

Speaker 2 17:49

Let's just start going for what we do in the shadows, guys.

Speaker 1 17:52

Alright, let's just turn this into what we do in the shadows, but with witches that could actually be fun do you remember that old um, I think it was just called witches.

Speaker 2 18:05

It was like an 80s movie where the kids where they turn into like rats or whatever no, then it wasn't the witches.

Speaker 1 18:11

What is it called? Jack nicholson was like the the devil, and he converted a bunch of women to be witches oh wow, I've never heard of this movie and then at the end he's like a 20-foot jack nicholson just lurking about what?

Discussion on Witches of Eastwick

Speaker 2 18:24

yeah, I've never watched this movie.

Speaker 1 18:27

Okay, I am quite intrigued by this which is of eastwick which is of eastwick yeah, real movie interesting yeah, at the, at the he's, he's a devil and at the very, very end he's like 20 feet tall and the witches are trying to defeat him.

Speaker 2 18:48

Is that what it is, or they? Yeah they just like we're done with this beelzebub yeah on there. Wow, he looks really bad there. Yeah, interesting it's.

Speaker 1 19:00

I'm trying to see if there's a picture of him full-size too.

Speaker 2 19:05

That is. That might be a future episode.

Speaker 1 19:09

Because, yeah, he plays like a playboy, like a handsome playboy, and then he just evolves. This is how he starts the movie.

Speaker 2 19:20

Interesting.

Speaker 1 19:21

So, oh, here, here it is, here's a what is? That.

Speaker 2 19:39

Okay, that is a giant, jack Nicholson. That is a future episode of Backseat Critics. Yeah, coming soon, possibly during the Halloween season. Check out Witches of Eastwick, yeah 1987. 1987 Backseat Critics episode. I don't even know how you ran into that, but okay.

Speaker 1 20:01

This is what I'm telling you. I have not seen a lot of movies, but the movies I have seen are out there.

Speaker 2 20:08

I'm intrigued, tickle me intrigued.

Speaker 1 20:10

I'll tickle you any day, me Way to make it weird Weird. So his life is tied to the the witch's heart. Yeah, the witch's heart dies. He's still alive and he's, in theory, supposed to die. Yeah, and the Witch's Council, I guess, knows this. Can we talk about this for a second? Mm-hmm, they don't really establish much with the Witch's Council outside of it's some Avengers-type initiative with one Avenger and they're like they're like SHIELD yeah, that's how I'm getting at it. I guess they're like they're like shield yeah, that that's how I'm getting at it, I guess.

Speaker 2 20:56

So they're like shield, where they kind of do things dirty yeah a little bit, or they, they. Now they've made it to do dirty things, but at first they weren't so dirty in the beginning I mean does michael king know about the heart. Did he know about it?

Speaker 1 21:12

It sounded like he was suspicious, because it sounded like he was going to stab the heart to put Vin Diesel out of his way. I keep wanting to say Vince Vaughn.

Speaker 2 21:21

Yeah, do you really want to kill this guy, though, I guess, and also, why didn't they have a better place to lock it?

Speaker 1 21:33

Other than some rocks under the ground. Yeah, like, like it was like in the sewage system like why don't you have it like in a safe that's like vaulted, and you have to have this access code and you have to have a special key.

Speaker 2 21:46

You know there's three people in the world with a part of a key and they all live in different parts of the world and now you have to go to the. Now we're getting to a movie yes, and now you have to go to the Now we're getting to a movie and now you have to go to each place to kill the person and get the key, and they all live One person's in Africa.

Speaker 1 22:00

One person's in Australia, another person's in, I don't know, europe, russia.

Speaker 2 22:07

Russia, north Pole Fiji. Doesn't matter, canada somewhere, alaska, and you have to go to these parts and you have to try to kill them to get the key, this part of the key, and then also there's like a code, there's a special code, you gotta know. Yeah, I mean, come on, I can make something really safe, but no, they don't no, they, they.

Speaker 1 22:34

well, we would get actually kind of interesting movie at that point.

Speaker 2 22:39

But they know that there's witches going after these keys, or that Bilal there's witch Bilal is going after. Is it a witch or would it be a warlock for him?

Speaker 1 22:50

For dudes. I think it's a warlock.

Speaker 2 22:51

So you have this warlock going after these keys? Yeah, so why don't you stop the warlock dude? That doesn't make any sense, like why don't you make that the movie?

Speaker 1 23:04

I mean, I don't know, I like below, I like that character actually I don't know I'm, I'm down for the whole like mcguffin thing of like let's, let's just get a bunch of keys like, everybody has a key yeah you have a key, you have a key.

Speaker 2 23:16

It don't matter one, our keys work, both of them yeah, they don't have to be combined, they just just anything other than this, I think I. I start to lose interest in this movie after it gets to the bar, like after the bar scene, like after the first part where Bilal actually pops up, because it's still a little mysterious, still some questions, but once Bilal pops up, like things clear up fast.

Speaker 1 23:47

I think for me it goes in waves. I lost interest after after he gave Actually it was shortly after. Remember when he gives Elijah Wood the 20 bucks and he goes to the apartments and he chased down that dude.

Speaker 2 24:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1 24:06

Okay, once that's done, I lose interest for a while.

Speaker 2 24:09

That apartment scene was kind of cool because it piques you for a second actually. Yeah, he walks through and he goes wait, there's three bugs here.

Speaker 1 24:15

Yeah.

Speaker 2 24:16

And then all of a sudden it's like some sort of like witch.

Speaker 1 24:19

Yeah, everything just kind of devolves and there's like writing on the walls and stuff like that the windows blow out. Yeah, that was cool. That was cool, never really done again in the movie.

Speaker 2 24:31

No.

Speaker 1 24:31

Never really touched on again.

Speaker 2 24:33

It's just Some of the magic in. It was actually kind of cool, like the effects for it.

Speaker 1 24:37

The effects were kind of cool. They A lot of one-offs.

Speaker 2 24:44

Just the way some of the Like the whole bar magic was kind of cool but they had going around there.

Speaker 1 24:54

Some of the fights there some of the fights with.

Speaker 2 24:55

Some of the magic is in.

Speaker 1 24:56

It was kind of cool man, could you make out anything in those fight scenes?

Speaker 2 25:01

all the fight scenes were like two seconds the bar one no, it was still too close combat yeah, but you could kind of see like when he made the force field. I saw, I mean he made a force field.

Speaker 1 25:13

When I'm watching a fight, let me see the fight, Let me see the choreography and the work that went into it. I don't need to see this quick chops of someone going.

Speaker 2 25:21

I don't know. I made it out for that. It was more when they did the.

Speaker 1 25:29

You made it out like you saw who won. We all saw who won, but what are they doing? What is the fight itself?

Speaker 2 25:38

I think the fights when he has the swords and those sorts of things are where it was bad, like when it was down in the cave or down in the no, the fist fights were bad too. I don't think they were that bad.

Speaker 1 25:53

I guess I'm the one with the hot take here.

Speaker 2 25:55

They were utter garbage the couple outside of the whole cave or whole. No, I I don't think they're that bad. They seem like normal bar fights, normal fights you gotta.

Speaker 1 26:08

You gotta watch some better action movies. Dude, gotta watch some better action movies. Pay attention, the camera is so close up. All you see is some arm moving and you see someone else jut their head back. It's like okay, I get the idea someone punched, but like, but like. What's going on? Like, what's what am I seeing?

Speaker 2 26:30

I guess I disagree with you on this one.

Speaker 1 26:32

Yeah because I don't think I saw it that way. Are you drunk?

Speaker 2 26:36

No, I didn't see it that way. I just saw it like a normal fight, like I saw it from the sides. I saw everything.

Speaker 1 26:42

So maybe we're. There was no like medium shot from there. It was all close up, I gotta rewatch it.

Speaker 2 26:46

It was like first man. Maybe I missed, maybe I gotta re-watch it. You do on your own time, I will and you're gonna watch it with me.

Speaker 1 26:59

It's fantastic. We're gonna go second time, second time. Oh boy, don't know if we can do that um back see critics.

Speaker 2 27:03

Maybe the last witch hunter, part two, second dose so, so there's electric bogolo oh, now we're talking, now we're talking, now we're talking.

Speaker 1 27:17

Seems like there was kind of different kind of powers for the witch people.

Speaker 2 27:21

Yeah, everybody kind of had the one gal can walk into your dreams or go into your brain.

Speaker 1 27:31

The queen lady had a lot of plant-like kind of stuff going on.

Speaker 2 27:35

I mean it makes sense for witches. I mean there's different type of witches out there, so it makes sense to have different types of witches yeah, this too, like that's kind of cool that they did that I guess it's interesting.

Speaker 1 27:47

It's interesting, um, do you think there's a?

Speaker 2 27:49

type that is stronger than the other types, like knowing that this witch is like an alpha witch that they're trying to bring back. Do you think there's a type that is stronger than the other types, like knowing that this witch is like an alpha witch that they're trying to bring back? Do you think that her plant powers her bubonic claim?

Speaker 1 28:02

no, I don't, as I clearly stated. I think she's just pulling everyone along. She's like.

Speaker 2 28:07

That's why I said claim, bubonic claim. Do you think that? Uh, she, do you think?

Speaker 1 28:14

she's out there like trump being like yeah, I totally won 2020 that's, that covet was me.

Speaker 2 28:23

I made out with that animal that's right, guys.

Speaker 1 28:27

I totally did it. That's the worst. That is the worst accent I've ever done.

Speaker 2 28:31

Yeah, yeah, I'm not proud of that one. I wouldn't be either. You might want to pocket that one. I'm keeping that. You might want to pocket that and let a hole happen in your pants and let it just slip right on out.

Speaker 1 28:47

No, no, so do you think to kind of bring this back? This movie's released in 2015. Yeah, what if there's a different decade that this movie would have been released in? Is there? Is there a better decade that, yes, that this movie could have been released in? I do, too, go for it 90s.

Speaker 2 29:17

Give me the 90s yeah.

Speaker 1 29:25

It's peak witch time 80s would have been quite been it.

Speaker 2 29:31

You need the 90s, you need the 90s.

Speaker 1 29:34

We're going wild. We need the 90s, you need the 90s. We're going wild.

Speaker 2 29:37

We need the bad cg, the bad acting like I just imagine the the dungeons and dragons movie, the the one that the first one that mixed with like, oh, we never released that one.

Speaker 1 29:46

That's like a lost episode oh wow, we haven't.

Speaker 2 29:49

I thought we did, I don't think we have. Oh snap, wow, lost episode alert. Uh-oh, well, anyways, you give that. So the bad Dungeons and Dragons, even though it was pretty enjoyable for the first half of that movie.

Speaker 1 30:07

The first half until Wayne dies, yeah.

Speaker 2 30:11

Yeah, and you put that type of atmosphere around this movie, I think you have more of a fun fantasy movie.

Speaker 1 30:22

Yeah, that's what this movie needed so desperately was fun.

Speaker 2 30:30

I think it. I kind of. When I was watching it it gave me the vibes of RIPD, without them trying to do the comedy in it.

Speaker 1 30:40

Yeah, that's actually a good way of putting it, because if I were given the two to watch this or RIPD, I'm watching RIPD. It's not a better movie in my opinion. I'll just take a little bit of humor.

Speaker 2 30:58

Just get over it.

Speaker 1 31:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2 31:01

I don't know, I haven't seen RIPD enough. I've only seen it once.

Speaker 1 31:05

I think I've seen it twice Does not age any better. The second time through Future episode.

Speaker 2 31:17

Isn't that the one where they eat Chinese food With their dad, or something?

Speaker 1 31:21

like that. Oh yeah, it's like shrimp. Maybe it is Chinese food, I don't remember. Sorry, I'm looking through old episodes. I do not see.

Speaker 2 31:37

Dungeons and Dragons. Wow, it was lost in the archives. One day, one day.

Speaker 1 31:47

One day.

Speaker 2 31:48

It'll be released and then people will know what we were talking about, about how great this movie was.

Speaker 1 31:52

Yeah, um do you have anything else that you kind of want to add on this? I know we've been kind of all over the place, haven't really been touching on the plot we have.

Speaker 2 32:05

Well, I mean the plot as we stated in the one-minute summary it's so straightforward. The witch is coming back after 800 years trying to kill Vin Diesel, I guess.

Speaker 1 32:15

She's got a long grudge.

Speaker 2 32:17

And it's just Vin Diesel slowly figuring out that the witch is coming back.

Speaker 1 32:22

My grudge. And it's just Vin Diesel slowly figuring out that the witch is coming back. And my god, the amount of plot twists. At the end, though, elijah Wood, being like Michael Caine, knew that you were connected with the heart and he was planning on stabbing the heart to end your misery. And then he's like no, don't kill the witch. I'm actually bad.

Speaker 2 32:37

My parents were witches yeah, that was kind of a bad plot twist in my opinion. I could have done without that.

Speaker 1 32:45

They were all of like five, maybe ten minutes from each other, which really we could have done without some of them. We could have done without all of them.

Speaker 2 32:56

You always got to have one twist. Look at M Night Shyamalan. Every good movie has a twist.

Speaker 1 33:02

Tell me good M Night Shyamalan.

Speaker 2 33:03

Every good movie has a twist. Tell me good. M Night Shyamalan Leading the Water Suck.

Speaker 1 33:08

We don't talk about that part of Paul Giamatti's career.

Speaker 2 33:11

You know I really like the village for the half for staff.

Speaker 1 33:17

I did too until they're like yeah, the autistic guy's the bad guy, and it's like oh, that feels weird.

Speaker 2 33:26

You know the knock on the cabin Meh.

Speaker 1 33:32

Is it?

Speaker 2 33:32

Meh, it's alright, you're just like meh Could have been better.

Speaker 1 33:39

All of his movies feel kind of meh or bad.

Speaker 2 33:45

I'm trying to think what else I've seen of his.

Speaker 1 33:47

Granted, I haven't seen Shattered Glass and I haven't seen Sixth Sense.

Speaker 2 33:53

You know, glass was okay. Actually, that whole series is okay. I think I wasn't the biggest fan of Unbreakable.

Speaker 1 34:01

Okay.

Speaker 2 34:02

But Glass was actually okay, and then Split was actually entertaining a little bit too.

Speaker 1 34:07

Okay.

Speaker 2 34:09

So it was all right, those were all right. It was kind of interesting to see James McAvoy play a bunch of characters.

Speaker 1 34:15

I mean, he is one of those actors that can carry a range.

Speaker 2 34:20

Yeah, he is kind of fun to watch can carry a range. Yeah, no, he is kind of fun to watch a little bit, so I'll give those, yep, I'll give them those movies. Uh, any final thoughts? Um, obviously I would probably not let my kid watch this, necessarily, just because I'm pretty sure he'd get a little. They'll get freaked out a little bit.

Speaker 2 34:37

A little, and so I mean, if they're like 12, 13, sure, maybe a little sooner, just know your kid I guess I mean there's no necessarily a reason why to watch these things unless you're afraid, or watch it with them, unless you're afraid of like substance abuse, of potions and stuff inside of this right but. But I mean I could see this like as a kid. I could see myself watching this as an eight-year-old, maybe even younger. It's just right up there in Ghostbusters. I feel like as far as like the horror and stuff in the movie with swords, I guess.

Speaker 2 35:16

I mean I like as a kid, you threw a sword Did you just compare it to Ghostbusters.

Speaker 1 35:21

I mean that's rough.

Speaker 2 35:23

No, I'm not trying to compare it. That's rough, I'm not trying to compare it to Ghostbusters. I'm trying to say that, like as a kid, ghostbusters spooked me a little bit, you know. So this one is just as spooky as Ghostbusters? No way, yeah, that one spooked me. This one would spook me just the same as a kid Dude, when you see Gozer.

Speaker 1 35:43

Gozer's not scary.

Speaker 2 35:45

Gozer scared me for some reason. No, I don't know why. The dogs.

Speaker 1 35:49

Gozer's just a fancy David Bowie.

Speaker 2 35:52

I didn't know that as a kid. As a kid, I didn't know who David Bowie was yeah, everyone knows who David Bowie is.

Speaker 1 35:57

You're born, you see David Bowie, and you're like that's David Bowie.

Speaker 2 36:00

I didn't know what Labyrinth was at the time, even as a kid.

Speaker 1 36:03

You know, he's more than just Labyrinth.

Speaker 2 36:05

Oh, I know, I know, but that's probably, as a kid, the most likely thing I probably would have watched, unless he showed up on Sesame Street on the Muppet Show at some point. Then I probably put four out of ten.

Negative Review of Incoherent Movie

Speaker 1 36:25

Okay, that's fair. I'm going to say eight, nine, ten, eleven is probably that kind of age to watch this. You get them anywhere past that. They're not going to like it. Getting anywhere anything younger than that, it's going to be a little too scary. I'm going to give this a uh one. The action scenes were incoherent. Uh, the plot was streamlined streamlined and also incoherent at times it's it's very like, also incoherent.

Speaker 1 37:20

At times it's very like you can have a linear plot. That's simple, that still just kind of works and is a good story. This ain't that there's no interesting characters, there's no interesting set pieces, there's nothing that really carries it. It's just kind of like meh.

Speaker 2 37:39

I think the bar would be the most interesting set piece.

Speaker 1 37:45

Sorry, that's just probably my favorite part of the movie. I'll agree the bar's probably the most interesting. It's still just a bar. With like weird potion bottles. They did a thing and the acting leaves a lot to be desired outside of like a couple people, so I'm just gonna say two, I, I did not enjoy, this went up oh, sorry, no, I wouldn't know one. Yeah, I'm saying one. Thank you for the reminder.

Speaker 2 38:15

I was like oh, we've had our first of actually critic. First he, first he went up. No, initially I was going to say two, you talked yourself up.

Speaker 1 38:22

No.

Speaker 2 38:23

You doubled the rating.

Speaker 1 38:25

I doubled it from one to two and we're halving it to one. It just it was garbage. It's like two hours of just incoherent gobbledygook. It's not for me, it's not evenygook, it's not for me. It's not even fun bad. It's not even enjoyable. It's not even spooky. There's no spookies. It's as spooky as Suicide Squad.

Speaker 2 38:53

Never saw, really Neither one.

Speaker 1 38:59

There, there. So yeah, that's my takeaway. Anyone that you want to shout out?

Speaker 2 39:05

nope, we're good. Okay, I already did. Bye, we out.