Happy Hour • Bedroom Food Fails

From corn dogs to pickles, food in the bedroom doesn’t always go as planned—and this week, we’re sharing the funniest and messiest food fails from our listeners (and ourselves). Whipped cream disasters, chocolate chaos, and a few stories you’ll never look at the snack aisle the same way again.

Got a juicy story you want us to read on the show? Send it in at KinksAndCocktails.com and you might hear it on a future episode!

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Looking for a new space to sing, sip, and maybe get a little spicy? Say hello to Nikita Zubarev, Minneapolis's own karaoke king and real estate pro who brings the fun to finding your next home. Whether you're searching for a cozy condo, a bold new batcher pad, or just somewhere with enough room for all of your activities, Nikita's got you. He's smart, responsive, and makes the entire process feel more like a party rather than a paperwork pile. House hunting can be stressful, but with Nikita, it's high vibes, good energy, and maybe a killer karaoke duet along the way. Need space for themed rooms, more storage for your favorite toys, and no judgment here. Nikita's here for it. And yes, he will sing with you in your new living room. Clink, drink, and call Nikita. Your new home and your karaoke partner are waiting. Twin Citi Space, you can find him on all social media at the karaoke realtor of Twin Cities, or give him a call or text at 763-373-4456. At 763-373-4456. Nikita Zubirev, Minnesota's greatest karaoke realtor.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

This is Kinks and Cocktails, a podcast where we explore all things kink and all things drink. Kinks and Cocktails contains explicit content. Listener discretion is advised.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Eve. Happy birthday to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

Well, that was a surprise. Hi, Eve. Hi, thank you, Katie. That was really nice of you.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

You're very welcome.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:48

Everyone, this is my special guest, Eve, and it was her birthday this week. So happy birthday.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_04 1:55

You're welcome. Thanks for coming on today.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Absolutely. I'm honored. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_04 1:59

Yeah?

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 2:00

Did you have a good birthday?

SPEAKER_02 2:02

I did. My boyfriend Mike took me to a fine dining restaurant called Demi.

SPEAKER_04 2:08

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

I uh got drunk.

SPEAKER_04 2:11

All right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

The first time in, I think, years. But uh, but yeah, it was it was a good time. They had they had wine with every every course of the meal. So multi-course meal can't go wrong. Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 2:26

Awesome. Sounds like you enjoyed yourself. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Absolutely did.

SPEAKER_04 2:32

Good. Um, so should we go on with speaking of food?

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:37

Should we go on with what our topic is?

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Absolutely. Yeah. So food fetishes gone wrong.

SPEAKER_04 2:43

Yes, in the bedroom. Oh boy. This is your idea, Eve. It was. And I love it so much. I'm I was so excited for this one.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:53

And you know, it was perfect timing because it was just the Minnesota State Fair.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Yeah, it r it was. I mean, and then that is all it's known for all of the different kinds of weird foods and basically fried everything.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

Absolutely. Did you go this year? No.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

No.

SPEAKER_04 3:07

No. I went twice this year.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

No, I'm I'm more of a Renaissance festival kind of person too, which is also great for food, you know.

SPEAKER_04 3:16

And I've never been to the Renaissance festival. Really? I know. Everybody keeps like saying, you would love it. You would love it.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

I would love it. It is right up your alley.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

See?

SPEAKER_02 3:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

I need to go. It's on my bucket list. I will. Well, my favorite thing to eat at the state fair this year is the deep fried peppercinis.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

Ooh.

SPEAKER_04 3:33

And the PBJ uncrustable burger.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Oh, that sounds good, except for the burger part. The PBJ uncrustable, though.

SPEAKER_04 3:40

Just a deep fried PBJ uncrustable would have been perfect. Yeah. Having two deep-fried uncrustable burgers or yeah, as buns.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:49

That was a little intense.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

That sounds intense. I mean, that's a lot of peanut butter and a lot of beef and mix in some jelly, and what are you going to do with your life?

SPEAKER_04 3:59

You can barely hold the entire thing in your hand. It was what was your favorite thing to eat at Renfest?

SPEAKER_02 4:04

So every single year, I actually go straight to the popovers, which is what's a popover? So it's a it's a pastry. It's made of mostly eggs, and it's it's the reason it's called a popover is when they put it in the oven, it pops over on the top and it's mostly air in the center. Oh and so it's great, it's just a really great consistency. It's not quite like the consistency of a croissant, but similar to that. So you can put all kinds of fun stuff on it, like cinnamon butter or whatever. It's really good.

SPEAKER_04 4:34

It's like an airy, cloudy bread. Yeah. That smells really good.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Yep, and it can go with sweet stuff or with savory stuff. You it doesn't matter, whatever your taste is.

SPEAKER_04 4:42

Can go either way.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Either way.

SPEAKER_04 4:43

I love that. I love both.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

I actually really want to pop over now.

SPEAKER_04 4:46

Oh boy. Maybe we'll pop on over.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Go find stuff.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

Botum ch Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Don't worry, it'll get better, folks.

SPEAKER_04 4:56

Yep. We'll be here all night. Yeah. Are you a um Martha cookies fan?

SPEAKER_02 5:05

You know, I mean, I'm a cookies fan, so yeah. I mean, you could get a lot of cookies for not a lot of dollars. True. State fair.

SPEAKER_04 5:12

But I'm gonna go ahead and say I'm not a fan.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

Okay, great. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

Judge me all you want, everyone. I don't care. They're good, like the first one.

SPEAKER_02 5:20

Yeah. And then after that, like, yeah, okay. It's just a it's a it's a cookie.

SPEAKER_04 5:25

I forgot who it was, but one of our friends brought they had come to an event after the state fair that day. Yeah. And they brought like a cup full of Martha's cookies to the event. And she's like, Do you want one? I'm like, Yeah, I I guess. Of course. And like they were all like hard and like not good. Oh she's like, but they're Martha's. And I'm like, But I I could make better.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:51

I'm like, yeah, yeah. Especially left over at a rave event. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

It was Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't know if cookies are what people are looking for at that moment.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

Yeah, yeah. But I we did go to the haunted house at the State Fair, and that was a good little kickoff to Halloween season.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

Yeah, that that the the um haunted house at the state fair is pretty lit.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

Yeah. It did remind me of okay. Have you heard of book talk?

SPEAKER_02 6:24

Go on.

SPEAKER_04 6:25

Okay. So it's kind of trending right now.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 6:29

We're well, mostly girlies, but of course, whoever, um, are into erotic novels about masked men.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Oh, yeah, that's for some reason all over my Facebook feed. I don't really know. See? That's really weird. So why would it be sending me that?

SPEAKER_04 6:46

I don't know, Eve. Got something you want to share with the class?

SPEAKER_02 6:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:51

Mike. Come over here. I'm just kidding. Yeah. Um, chime in. So, all right. So for everybody who doesn't know, there's a it's trending right now for mostly females or female identified identifying to go to these haunted house events or festivals, and they get turned on by all the masked men. Like they like they want them to like corner them and like be all like seductive towards them, and like they like show no fear of these girlies, and they're just like, yeah. Like some girls when kicked out of haunted house events for this, and like by like, because they're not always like touch the scare actors, yeah, you're not sure. And they get kind of, you know, and now they have to train these scare actors for this to happen. It's getting that popular.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

So if I'm hearing you correctly, the haunted houses are the new male strip clubs.

SPEAKER_04 7:52

Kind of.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Because you can't touch.

unknown 7:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

All right. Yeah. And like less expensive, I guess.

SPEAKER_04 7:59

Right. But like, at least at a strip club, you know who's behind the mask. Yeah. They're not wearing masks. Like, yeah. You're like, that's a I get it, the mis the mystery, and you know, and that can be sexy and hot or whatever. But and like the dress up and the dark, you know, like but in my mind, very good chance it's just some 50-year-old dude who lives at his mom's basement eating Cheetos. Like, I don't I don't trust who's behind the city.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

It could be anybody. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:32

And I know that's not the point. If you can get past that, all the power to you, I don't think I could.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

It is most definitely not going to be a super ripped dude that looks like He-Man.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

There's like is in my feed.

SPEAKER_04 8:45

There's like there's so much AI going around about it now about these ripped dudes, like where they put the mask on so you can see the face first, and you're like, oh yeah, okay. That I get. But wow. So if I'm just showing up at a haunted event and I don't know who you are, where you're from. Don't don't know who's behind that mask. No thanks.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

No, I'm good. I'm good on that.

SPEAKER_04 9:06

I got a husband I can ask to wear a mask if I really wanted to. Fulfill that fantasy. Yeah. At least I know who's behind it. Please. Actually, honey.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

But you know what?

SPEAKER_04 9:18

That's your thing.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

More power to you. Yeah. Judgment free zone.

SPEAKER_04 9:22

Yeah. I wish I could. I guess.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:27

Jealous of you. Oh, the last ride I went on, you're gonna love us.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:31

We went on a ride called Techno Power.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Oh, yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 9:35

The one with uh it's got Tiesto's face crinkled.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

Oh yeah, absolutely. That's that's the ride every every single year. In fact, I can't remember if somebody posted it on their figure. You're like, somebody needs to fix Tiesto's face by me. Oh poor guy. He doesn't he probably have no idea. I know. I wonder if they even play any songs by Tiesto on that ride.

SPEAKER_04 9:58

I don't even know any Tiesto songs at this point. Tashi, shout out to Tashi. We were walking around, we're like, we gotta we had just enough tickets left for one ride. And we passed that one, we're like, yep, that's the one. That's the one.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

That's it. That's it. It's so dumb. It is. Every single I have not been to the fair in many years, but you know, when you go that many times and that ride is just a staple, you just can't help but remember Tiesto's face.

SPEAKER_04 10:26

Gotta do it.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Sprinkled. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 10:32

Alright, so um moving on to this for food theme more for this episode.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:39

Do you know the first movie I thought of when you suggested this?

SPEAKER_02 10:43

Ooh, what?

SPEAKER_04 10:44

American Pie.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

Oh my goodness gracious. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 10:48

And the scene. You know what scene I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_02 10:51

I know exactly what you're talking about. You can't if you you have to have been living under a rock to not know that.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

Those movies would not fly today, but.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_04 11:04

Everybody knows the scene. Uh-huh. Um, that's the first thing I thought of.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

Yeah. Yeah. You know, uh, the first thing that I thought of actually was when uh a friend of mine who will remain unnamed uh came over to my house and we were putting bananas in his mouth.

SPEAKER_04 11:22

Oh, what kind of party was this, Eve?

SPEAKER_02 11:24

It was just a regular old party.

SPEAKER_04 11:26

Just a typical Tuesday. Just a typical Tuesday.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

And so, you know what? Actually, I'll just leave it at that.

SPEAKER_04 11:33

Okay, leave it at that if you will. We can we'll use our imagination. It wasn't the kind of party you'd think it was. I I've I've heard it all. I don't know where to go with this. Um I know you, you know me, we know our friends. I I have no idea. Nope, yep, it's a mystery. All right, we'll leave it a mystery then, and it's gonna bug me the entire time. Thanks for the invite. Invite me next time.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

Um, so I thought this episode needed a long, linden list. I can't talk today. Yeah. A long, winded list of foods typically used in the bedroom. So I'm gonna take a deep breath here. Oh goodness. All right. Ready?

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Yes. I'm here for it.

SPEAKER_04 12:25

Chocolate, whipped cream, honey, caramel, syrups, ice cream. Sounds like a brain freeze. Strawberries, bananas, peanut butter, jelly, marshmallows, pudding, cookies, cake, sprinkles, glitter for your bits, soda, champagne, cherries, peaches, edible oils, chocolate sauce, frosting, candy, gel, lollipops, liquor for body shops, and of course, cocktails. Did it.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

That was really great. Thank you. I would give you a high five if I wouldn't for sure accidentally hit this camp or this microphone in front of me.

SPEAKER_04 12:52

Air five, air cheers. There we go.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:58

All right. Well, now I'm out of breath. So should we move on to stories?

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 13:02

Do you want to do the first one here? Let me catch my breath.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Sure can. Take it away, Eve. So so this one was sent in from uh well, it's called the Nacho incident, first of all. Oh boy. It's from a college kid. So uh the story happened at 2 a.m. The subject of the letter says Nacho Night Disaster.

SPEAKER_04 13:25

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Yo, Katie, girlfriend.

SPEAKER_04 13:28

Yo.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

Yeah, that's how it starts.

SPEAKER_04 13:30

Love it.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

And uh girl, my girlfriend and I thought nachos in bed would be fun. Bad idea. Melted cheese is hotter than lava. Jalapen Yos don't belong anywhere near sensitive zones. And I ended up in the ER with an ice pack between my legs. The nurse didn't even ask questions, just gave me that you dumbass look. The moral of the story: nachos are for Netflix, not sex. That's from Brad, age 23, still traumatized.

SPEAKER_04 14:03

Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

I mean, the first question I had is what actually happened that he ended up in the ER.

SPEAKER_04 14:14

Right.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Um there's a lot to unpack there.

SPEAKER_04 14:17

Yeah. Yeah. Was it the the Brad? Don't get don't get me wrong. I love some nachos, especially that fake ass cheese that's like not even real cheese. Oh my god. Give me that gas station movie theater cheese. I love it. I don't know if I love it that much, but you're not in love with well, maybe. Um don't tempt me with a good time of char queso. Hey. That reminds me, I guess. Sorry, Danny. Um, ooh, the tea.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Drop the tea.

SPEAKER_04 14:55

Uh-huh. So we cook very spicy food.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

Right?

SPEAKER_02 14:59

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

And before we learn to use gloves while cooking said spicy food, um, things started going down in the bedroom after dinner.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Oh. Well then.

SPEAKER_04 15:11

This is with Thai chili peppers, mind you. Very hot spicy pepper.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:16

All of a sudden I start screaming and I start running to the shower. Cold shower. Everything was burning. I turned up fine. But Handy's like laughing. I'm like, it's not funny.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

Oh, man. Thank you for painting such a vivid picture of that.

SPEAKER_04 15:34

So from now on, you always see a box of cooking gloves in our kitchen.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

Hey, you know, you gotta protect sexy time.

SPEAKER_04 15:42

Yes. Yes. So I feel for you. I don't know how it got as far as where you ended up in the ER, but yikes.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:50

I well, maybe it was the burning of the cheese sauce.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

It was the burning sensation.

SPEAKER_04 15:54

Like a burned the skin. Oh god.

unknown 16:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Sorry, Brad.

SPEAKER_04 16:05

I have so many ER nurse friends and uh the the things I've heard.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Oh man.

SPEAKER_04 16:15

I mean Yeah. Yeah. Wow. All right. Well, thanks for that, Brad. I'm glad you're okay. Hope you're okay. All right, so I guess I'll move on. My night my story. So my first story is not really a story that somebody wrote in. It's it's somebody that we both personally know.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 16:37

Um let's see. But she told me I could share this on here.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Excellent.

SPEAKER_04 16:46

Uh you know what? She's not gonna care. Shout out to Irma. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

I can't wait to hear this story.

SPEAKER_04 16:54

So she was deeply involved in her local BDSM scene before she moved here. Attended their local dungeon all the time, everything like that. So one time they held an event at the dungeon where she was a human sushi bored.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Ooh, Irma.

SPEAKER_04 17:10

Uh-huh. So she laid naked at a table, and sushi was placed everywhere, including like pickled ginger, horserad or wasabi, the whole thing. And people can just come up and eat it directly off of her anywhere they wanted to. Her dom was standing right next to her the entire time, and people had to ask her permission first. And so, yeah, that's what she did.

unknown 17:37

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 17:42

People just line up and eat sushi off her, and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

My jaw is on the ground. It is. I can't wait till next time I hang out with her.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

I can see your jaw on the floor.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

I'm like, so hey. I love that though. Could you imagine like a charcuterie board?

SPEAKER_04 18:01

No kidding.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Especially millennials. Like. But like, I mean, that's just, yeah. I don't think I could sit still long enough.

SPEAKER_04 18:12

Right.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

I'd get too fidgety, or if it were sushi, I would for sure start eating it myself.

SPEAKER_04 18:16

Right. I would just eat it off myself.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Whatever. It's fine. I'm just gonna have a couple pieces. Just here and there.

SPEAKER_04 18:25

Wait, it'd be like shark coochie board. I guess. Oh boy. We're done here. Okay. And there we go. Nice.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Do you want to go next? Yeah, absolutely. So this one, this is uh about strawberry shortcake.

SPEAKER_04 18:42

So I love strawberry shortcake.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

Yes, it's Death by Dairy. So hi kinks and cocktails. So I thought I was being adorable. Whipped cream bikini, strawberries in all the right places. My boyfriend was loving it. But whipped cream melts faster than you'd think, and suddenly it was running into places I'd not planned for. Oh boy. Dairy plus vagina equals nope.

SPEAKER_04 19:09

What? I mean, they're not wrong, but I was just waiting to read that.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

Dairy plus vagina equals nope. The whole thing ended with me in the shower, sticky in all the wrong ways. Swearing off Ready Whip Forever. Love you guys, Amber.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

Oh, yeah. I want that on a t-shirt. What was it again?

SPEAKER_02 19:34

Dairy plus vagina equals nope.

SPEAKER_04 19:36

I want that on a shirt.

SPEAKER_02 19:39

Screen a shot to listen to you.

unknown 19:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:42

Put it in our merch store. Hold on.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Oh, that's that's actually that's a great idea.

SPEAKER_04 19:46

Yeah. I mean, it's not bad advice. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

Even quote her, put Amber. Yes, from Amber. From Amber. Some of the cocktails.

SPEAKER_04 19:59

Thank you, Amber. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

That was a good one.

SPEAKER_04 20:04

Oh boy. Alright, so my first actual story, somebody wrote in I went in hot with a state fair story. And so we were just talking about it. Alright, let's go. Hey, K and C crew. I don't know if this is a kink story or just a food mishap that turned into something else, but I figured if anything would get it, it's you guys. So at the Minnesota State Fair, shout out, my boyfriend and I caved and bought some of those deep fried ranch wonton things. I was already a little buzzed from hard lemonade, and honestly, it felt wrong just holding it, this glob of deep fried ranch. It was the most Minnesotan thing I've ever did in my entire life.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

I don't know about this deep fried ranch.

unknown 20:50

I can't.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

I have strong feelings about ranch. And those feelings are I don't like it. So deep fried ranch. What's what are we what where what we're in the middle of the timeline is this?

SPEAKER_04 21:12

Deep fried ranch. Yeah. How does that even I don't even okay? I don't know. Yeah. Okay. So anyways. So he takes this massive bite, and of course, the ranch explodes everywhere. Hot, greasy, dripping down his chin, all over his shirt, and then it splashed right onto me.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

Not the only thing exploded.

SPEAKER_04 21:38

It slid down into my cleavage, and we just stood there for a second laughing about it until we both paused and just looked at each other with these with those eyes. This had just turned us both on. We were both a mess, and people were staring. So we ducked off into one of those little garden areas behind the food stands. He leaned me against a fence, and I swear, almost melted when he started licking the ranch off my chest like it was the best ranch he's ever had in his entire life.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:09

We made out and then he grabbed another wonton and burst it open all over my tits again. He cleaned them up well with his tongue and kept having the hottest makeout session ever, right there in the middle of the state fair. We eventually went back out into the crowd like nothing happened. And we're tempted to buy another order of deep fried ranch. It is the sexiest thing ever. And now we never look at ranch the same way again. Thanks for reading from ranch lovers.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

I'll have what they're having.

SPEAKER_04 22:40

Right. Like now I kind of want some.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

I was like, I'd like I would like some ranch.

SPEAKER_04 22:48

I think I have a bottle upstairs.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Okay, it just got real.

SPEAKER_04 22:55

Ranch body shots for Patreon. Woo!

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Nailed it.

SPEAKER_04 23:00

If you want to join our Patreon, it's only dollar a month, patreon.com slash kinks of cocktails. All right.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Shameless plugs.

SPEAKER_04 23:07

There may or may not be ranch body shots on there.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Yeah. Ooh.

SPEAKER_04 23:12

All right. Alrighty Eve, you're up to the show.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

All right. Well, this is another sushi one. Oh boy. So, yes. When oh yeah. It's it's it's when sushi goes erotic and fails. Yes. That's the title or the subject line. Dear Katie, I'm a connoisseur of fine cuisine, and I thought pairing sushi with sex would be a masterpiece. I laid out sashimi, portsake, even fanned out wasabi like an artist's palette. But alas, raw tuna does not fare well at room temperature. Within hours, both of us were violently ill, groaning in bed. Not from pleasure, but from food poisoning. Truly the least sexy night of my life. Respectfully, Gregory T.

SPEAKER_04 23:55

No, Gregory, no!

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Uh yeah. That's uh cla classic sushi mistake.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

Yeah, you wanna you don't want to leave that sitting out too long.

SPEAKER_04 24:05

No, it's not worth the if I even question it, if it's been sitting out too long, throw it in the garbage, throw it away.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:12

Not not worth it.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

No. Irma had a much better time.

SPEAKER_04 24:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:16

I don't it probably wasn't even sitting out long enough for that to even question.

SPEAKER_02 24:20

Oh, I mean it wasn't probably sitting out for longer than a few seconds.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

Right. No problems at all. No. Oh, that is dangerous, though. Don't leave it out. Don't eat it.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

No.

SPEAKER_04 24:33

Oh. Well, I'm glad you tried to have fun.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:37

I have another seafood one.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

Ooh, excellent.

SPEAKER_04 24:40

Glad a seafood lovers out here.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:42

My goodness. Okay. Subject. Oysters plus bedroom equals disaster.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 24:50

I already don't like this. No. So that's all we need to read is the subject end fun. That's the story, folks. Don't do it. It's a trap. Hey, kinky friends. Love the show, love the chaos. So I had to share this little seafood disaster with you. So my partner and I thought we'd spice things up one night with oysters. You know, since they're supposed to be an aphrodisiac. It was a nice little at-home date night, classy, sexy champagne and seduction kind of vibe. Well, we decided to take it one step further and bring the oysters into the bedroom. First, he put one in between my breasts and slurped it up. At first it was hot. Then he laid one right between my thighs. Yes, you know where. And slurped it straight out of me. As then he put it inside of me and slurped it out. Alright, well, I'm out. Like he was all at he was at an all-you-can-eat oyster bar.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Judgment free zone, though. Judgment free zone, but I judge it. I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_04 25:59

Sloppy, salty, ridiculous. But we were both into it. Until, of course, we weren't. One slipped, and not out of me, in. Too far in. Yep. The oyster went missing. Straight inside of me. At first we were laughing, thinking we could just, you know, fish it out, pun intended.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

Oh my.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

Oysters are slippery little fuckers. We tried fingers, lube, different positions. Nothing worked. That thing was hiding in there like it was setting up a condo.

unknown 26:32

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 26:34

Wow. Panic sets in. Yeah, right? We realize this is getting seriously dangerous. We throw our clothes on, and next thing I know, we're at the ER trying to explain to a nurse with a completely straight face that's that there's an oyster stuck in my vagina. She gave us the look. You know the one. Like, really? This is what I have to deal with tonight.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

Mm-hmm. Or the nurse earlier, you dumbass.

SPEAKER_04 27:00

Yeah. I can't. I would love to read like a self-written book by a nurse of just like I'd pay big money for that. Thanks for me. But have a but I don't know. They eventually got it out, but not before a lecture about bacteria infections and how raw shellfish is probably not the best sex toy. And of course, I still ended up with an infection a few days later. Nothing says romance like antibiotics and a smell. I hope to never smell again.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 27:29

And then I hope it goes away.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Shoot.

SPEAKER_04 27:32

So yeah. Oysters may be an aphrodisiac, but trust me, keep them in the kitchen in your mouth, not in the bedroom or downstairs. Clink and drink anonymous.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

Yeah, or downstairs, quote. Right.

SPEAKER_04 27:46

Keep them out of vagina.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

Oysters plus vagina equals nope. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:53

Another t-shirt. TM, TM, TM, TM. TM.

unknown 27:58

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_04 28:00

Special edition t-shirts from the episode Eve was on perfect. Abs Yeah. You know what? You heard it here first. Yes, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Wow. Oh, goodness. So speaking of traps. Take it away. The oysters being a trap. This is about a honey trap.

SPEAKER_03 28:16

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Yeah. So this this story, I actually know the people. They said I could tell the story, but I'm not going to say who it is. I love what this happens. Oh, yes, yes. So here we are. So we tried honey. Don't. It dripped down too far, and suddenly my boyfriend's pubes were basically glued shut. He's stuck to me. I'm stuck to him. And we're sitting there like two idiots with a pot of regrets. Had to get the scissors. First of all, do some do some manscaping and some trimming down there, people. Like, you know, this wouldn't happen.

SPEAKER_04 28:58

If you're using something sticky, especially.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

What were you thinking?

SPEAKER_04 29:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

Anyways, I made fun of them for a long time. Thank you. Had to get the scissors. Now he's got a bald patch down there and it looks like a crop failure. Just that's the whole story. Thought you'd appreciate it. Thanks, Eve.

SPEAKER_04 29:17

Oh my god.

unknown 29:18

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 29:19

No, they're thanking. I know.

SPEAKER_04 29:20

Thank you, Eve. Oh my god. I'm gonna be so curious now who this is. Well, I'm sure they're listening. Thank you for the story.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 29:29

I appreciate it so, so, so much. And I hope lesson learned.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:34

Don't get stuck in the honey pot.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

Also, like that must have been some sticky honey.

SPEAKER_04 29:39

Yeah, that must have been like that high grade, like like the$20 bottle where it's like extra gooey and sticky. It's like fresh from the farm.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

Yeah, fresh from the farm. Nice.

SPEAKER_04 29:51

Straight from the hive.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

Straight from the hive. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 29:55

Wow. Thank you. Whoever wrote that in, and we appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

All right, let's move on here. Subject, the pickle jar incident.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Alright, alright. Go on.

SPEAKER_04 30:10

Hey, kicks and cocktails crew. Love the pod, so I figured I'd share the story of the night. I officially retired food play forever. My partner and I were feeling adventurous. And after a few drinks, we raided the fridge. Most of the quote-unquote normal options were gone. So what did we land on? A jar of pickles. Don't ask me how or why, but in the moment it felt like it was genius. Things started out kind of silly. He was feeding me pickles. He was watching me suck on them seductively. I was giggling. It was fun. Then he decided to take it up a notch and drizzle some pickle juice on my downstairs area to lick it up. Immediate problem. Pickle juice burns when it gets into freshly shaved skin.

unknown 30:56

Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 30:56

So now I'm squealing and not in a sexy way. But the real disaster? He sets the jar on the nightstand. We're fumbling around and suddenly crash. Glass everywhere. Pickle juice all over the floor, the bed, and us. The whole room smelled like a New York deli. We're scrambling, half naked, trying to pick shards of glass out of the carpet while slipping on brine.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Mmm, hot. That sounds real sexy.

SPEAKER_04 31:24

The mood, dead. We spent the next two weeks using a professional carpet cleaner every day trying to get the smell out. I swear it still lingers to this day, though. Lesson learned. Some things belong in the fridge, not the bedroom. Clink and drink from pickle lover.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Clink and drink.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

That is our saying around here sometimes. Nice.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 31:43

So I totally thought that the story was going somewhere else. And I mean the pickle was going somewhere else. That's where I thought it was going.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

Also, my question was how does squealing sound sexy in the middle of her story? Not squealing in the sexy way. I mean, I know of all the things to pick out of that story, that's the piece I pulled, but I was just like stuck. How do you squeal excited? I mean, I squeal when I see pickles. So you know what? That's a fair point. All right, thank you. We've answered that question. Well no, I love pickles. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_04 32:17

Honey. You brought out the pickle chart tonight? Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh yeah. All right, that's a different podcast.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

Pickles and pickles.

SPEAKER_04 32:33

Pickles and pickles. You know what? If anybody just has pickle stories, oh that's a good one. Please send them in. Yes. We will do an entire pickle-themed bonus episode.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Absolutely. I think that's a perfect idea.

SPEAKER_04 32:47

Yes. You can send them in at kinksandcocktails.com. You'll find the anonymous form. Yeah, go ahead. Send them in. Please. Alrighty, you take it away with the next story.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Okay. So I also have one from the Minnesota State Fairs. Yes. Yeah. This is about corndogs and regret. Of course it is. Hiya, Kinks and Cocktails. So me and my guy had been drinking those giant lemonades and, you know, feeling a little frisky. I like where this is going. We sneak back to the motel with a corn dog because, of course, that seemed like a good idea at the time. One thing leads to another, and let's just say we tested out the phrase Minnesota hot dish. Alright. Problem is, corn dogs are greasy as all get out. And once things got slippery, it was less sexy and more like wrestling in the butter sculpture barn. The stick broke mid-scene. Mid-cene. Oh, geez. Crumbs everywhere, and I ended up with mustard in the place. I've never made to my gynecologist. We still go to the fair every year, but now I can't look at the Pronto Pup stand without blushing. Oh my god. Lots of love and lube. Lots of love and lube. Cornstar. From Saint Ball. Oh my god. Cornstar.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

Cornstar. I love that. I love that movie.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

I absolutely love that too. That should also be a t-shirt. Cornstar from Saint Paul. With a corn dog. Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_04 34:24

I love this. Cornstar. Okay. I'm like gonna make notes when I listen back to this for all this merch for this episode special edition.

SPEAKER_02 34:34

We'll put my little my DJ logo in the bottom corner. Yeah, okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_04 34:38

Go ahead and plug your DJ stuff, Evie. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

Yeah, absolutely. You know, so um, yeah, so I've got a few things going. So um you are familiar with um um with Gateway, so that's an underground thing. So I won't say much here. So reach out and touch base with me some other way. Your uh social media. Do you drop your social media? Absolutely, yep, absolutely. Um, so I also am gonna be starting up a Sundays, uh uh Sunday event at Roxy's Cabaret, which is in downtown Minneapolis. That's gonna be every Sunday, uh, starting October 5th, which is great because there's uh a lot of things that or it's not gonna be a lot of things going on on Sundays, apparently here in the near future. So it's great to provide a new spot. Um and I've got various gigs throughout. Um I do feral dance, um, which I know a lot of people have heard of, but I do other one-off shows here and there. So um so feel free to check out check out my socials. It's underscore DJ Eve underscore on Instagram and then uh DJ Eve on Facebook, and that's pretty much all I use. So the other ones kind of annoy me.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

Don't blame me there. Yeah. Well, perfect. Thank you. So if you're in the Minneapolis Twin Cities area, there you go.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

Yeah, absolutely. Thanks. All right, so should we jump into uh the next story here?

SPEAKER_04 35:52

Sure. All right, I guess I'm up.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

Yeah, you're up.

SPEAKER_04 35:55

Subject the mango mayhem. Hankanes and cocktails and all inflatable friends. Oh, Alien, you got a shout-out. Shout out to Alien. All right, Alan the Alien.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

Alan the Alien.

SPEAKER_04 36:09

All right, so I had this genius idea one summer. Tropical vibes, fruity cocktails. Why not bring some of those fruits into the bedroom? Sweet, juicy, sticky, seem perfect, right? Wrong. We sliced out a couple of ripe mangoes, and at first it was kind of sexy. But nobody warned me just how slimy mango gets once it's smeared on side.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

That is no joke. Um well, just outed myself, I guess. Oh, well then it's totally not what you think.

unknown 36:46

Again.

SPEAKER_04 36:48

Oh boy. Within minutes, we weren't sliding against each other in a sexy way. We were basically two greased, sticky, fruity pigs wrestling in pet. Then came the sting. Oh no. Okay. Um Q itchy wealth spreading in places I do not want to describe in detail. But the next morning, uh, I explained to urgent care nurses why my thighs looked like I'd rolled in nettles. Okay, so I had to pause real quick. I had to look this up because I wasn't sure why the mango skin makes you sting.

SPEAKER_03 37:26

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 37:26

I didn't know this was a thing. So apparently the skin of a mango fruit on human skin can make you itch and welt up like crazy. And I never knew that.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 37:38

I think I have some mangoes in the fridge. You want to try, Eve? Yeah. For science?

SPEAKER_02 37:42

I can do it for science, actually. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 37:46

I'm kidding. Oh god. Oh, okay. We're not we're not going to the yard at it. Oops.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

All right, moving on. No, I do. You're like try that. Absolutely not. I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_04 37:55

No, I didn't know that was a thing. I don't know that can happen with mangoes. Anyway, so neither. That's news to me. Now we know muted. The more you know. Cue the rainbow star. To make it worse, the bedroom smelled like a tiki bar dumpster for a week. Sheets ruined, mattress protector ruined, and our sex life briefly ruined until our skin healed completely.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

Oh goodness. I like how they added briefly.

unknown 38:24

Right.

SPEAKER_04 38:25

I have an amazing partner, but a not so amazing love for mangoes anymore. Thanks for everything. Be careful of fruits. I'm anonymous.

SPEAKER_02 38:35

Be careful of fruits.

SPEAKER_04 38:36

All right. Well, yeah. That's a good one. I guess. Always a good takeaway. Be careful of fruits. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

That could be another shirt. Be careful of fruits.

SPEAKER_04 38:47

Yes. Be careful with fruits. Yeah. That is some dangerous stuff. It is. Absolutely. And they're telling you. Did we ask?

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Actually, that's a very good point, Kate. Did we ask about the fruits' feelings?

SPEAKER_04 39:05

The fruit did not give consent to participate. That's why they're the third in the bedroom. Yes. That mango does not want to be down there. They don't want to be the third in the bedroom for your partner trying to spice things up. I know. Literally.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

That mango has feelings. Yes. Leave the mango alone. Nice. All right. So this speaking of mangoes, this is about chocolate. My next one is about chocolate, too. Oh perfect segue. Go ahead. Excellent. Dearest Kinks and Cocktails, we saw decadence. We rented a chocolate fountain. We dreamed of satin skin and molten sweetness. Whoa. I know. That's intense. I feel like I'm looking, I feel like there's a chocolate fountain in like a mixture right now.

SPEAKER_04 40:01

I was gonna say, wait, wait, wait. They wanted a chocolate fountain for the bedroom. Okay, because my first thing comes to mind is like one of those small chocolate fountains, like a foot tall. Yeah. What are you doing with that? Like dipping your dick in it? I don't know. But then you went on, and now I'm picturing a giant, like mansion size one.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

Yeah, in a mansion, and like you could still you could still dip your dick in it, but it's much bigger now. Now there's like eight goddesses swimming. Right in it. It's like I'm imagining like, you know, like marble staircase in the background and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 40:35

So there's the bedroom table side side one where you just put your dick in. Yes. And then there's the mansion size one where there's eight goddesses swimming in it. It'll fit your dick and your balls. There you go. So and a bunch of sexy mermaids.

SPEAKER_02 40:47

Yeah, or whatever you want to put in there. Dip your whole backside, whatever boobs, the whole the whole shit. It all fits. It all fits, yes. Oh my, we weren't really down there. All right, moving on. Okay, moving on. Anyways. So and so that's what they imagined. So instead the fountain sputtered like a dying beast and sprayed my beloved directly in the chest and scorched with with scorching cocoa. Oh no man. Well yeah, she shrieked while I scrambled for a wet rag covered in sticky footprints and shame. Okay. This is looking less mansion-y.

SPEAKER_04 41:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

The kitchen looked less like romance and more like a crime scene in Willy Wonka's factory. Oh my god. Forever cursed by Coco. Sebastian.

SPEAKER_01 41:39

No.

SPEAKER_02 41:40

Okay, first of all, the most cliche thing is that his name is Sebastian. Isn't there like a chocolate brand called Sebastian? Or am I making it?

SPEAKER_04 41:51

I don't I have no, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Oh, wait. I'm thinking of classical music, Sebastian Bach. Just kidding. That's completely different.

SPEAKER_04 41:57

Does Sebastian Bach prefer a giant mansion chocolate fountain in the bedroom? I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

Somehow, like the giant mansion chocolate fountain, some classical music was all in this story for the bigger.

SPEAKER_04 42:08

I mean, they were probably playing his music in the background.

SPEAKER_02 42:12

It all ties together.

SPEAKER_04 42:13

It all It all blends together. I love it. I'm just thinking he's like, why am I thinking just some creepy dude who's like a murderer who's like invite- Come over to my mansion? And there's like a giant human-sized chocolate fountain. And he's ripped.

SPEAKER_02 42:29

He's ripped wearing a mask.

SPEAKER_04 42:30

Oh no. And there's classical music playing. Yeah, and he packs into a corner. And there's like jars of pickles, and then there's and there's fruit everywhere. Fruit everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 42:41

Everywhere.

SPEAKER_04 42:41

And then there's a human sushi.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

What have we done?

SPEAKER_04 42:47

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 42:49

How much are tickets? Perfect.

SPEAKER_02 42:51

I'm sold. Take my money.

SPEAKER_04 42:53

Right? Where do I where do I go?

SPEAKER_02 42:56

That actually is a really good idea now that I'm thinking about it. That would be a crazy party. Okay. I'll DJ.

SPEAKER_04 43:02

Yes. Perfect. This is perfect. Okay. All right. Irma, you need to be at the human sushi again. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:12

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 43:14

Next event. Look out, Twin Cities. All right. Yeah, here it comes. All right, here we go. Subject, the hot chocolate whore. Horror or horror. Okay, just clarifying. Not the hot chocolate whore. Oh, okay. I mean, I'd be a hot chocolate whore, but yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

Delicious.

SPEAKER_04 43:37

Either way. Hey, kings and cocktails. So last Christmas, my partner and I decided to get a little festive in the bedroom. We had the lights twinkling. Mariah Carey blasting. Don't judge me. We just had a Christmas station on and couldn't get up to change it.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 43:54

Couldn't get up to change it. Okay, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_02 43:56

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a little double entendre there? Mm-hmm. Ooh.

SPEAKER_04 44:01

So sorry to pause here, but it reminds me of one of my own personal stories, real quick. Side note here. Same thing happened to me once.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

We digress. I love it.

SPEAKER_04 44:10

Back in high school, I was uh getting busy with a boyfriend. And uh the music, the radio was on. It was a long time ago. I'm not gonna age myself, but it was a long time ago. So it's just the radio. So there was like no like remotes. There was no, you know. And so we were getting busy, and guess what song came on the radio that we we couldn't get up to change because we were too busy. Macy Gray. Try to say goodbye and I choke. Try to walk away and I stumble. Uh try to hide it's clear. My will crumbles and you are not near. And it was the most awkward. We're like, do we stop? Do we let's just smile at each other and close our eyes. Do we laugh and then that's gonna totally ruin the mood? Or do we get up and that's gonna ruin the mood too?

SPEAKER_02 45:08

Or do we just get through it for the next singing? That's what I would have done. Shit just keep going, sing it through. Let's go. It's Macy Gray.

SPEAKER_04 45:20

Can't get up because that, you know, we're both getting there. Yeah. It's like, what do we do? So Macy Gray. So now I I can never listen to the song the same. Every time it comes on, I'm like, oh God.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

Yeah, now every time it's like it comes on, I'm gonna think about you in that story. Thanks, Kaylee.

SPEAKER_04 45:36

You're welcome. Try to say goodbye. Okay, nobody needs to hear me sing anymore. All right. Let's get back to the story. So last Christmas, my partner and I decided to get a little festive in the bedroom with the lights twinkling, Mariah Carrie Blasting. So, spiked hot chocolate on the end table next to us. Somewhere between All I Want for Christmas and our second mug of hot chocolate, I got the brilliant idea. Let's pour some hot chocolate on each other. In my head, it was going to be counterintuitive.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

I know.

SPEAKER_04 46:12

In my head, it was going to be cozy, messy, sexy, like a holiday rom-com, but naked. Oh, honey. But I didn't think about was the temperature. It had been sitting on the table for about 30 minutes, so I assumed it was cooled down. Oh my god, never assume. Because guess what that does?

SPEAKER_03 46:32

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

That cocoa was still piping hot. The first splash hit my chest, and I went from ho ho ho to oh no, no, no, real quick. Burn city. My skin was burnt red, sticky, and the bed was a lost cause. Hot cocoa everywhere. And our dog came running in to lick it up in the messy bed and get very every last marshmallow she could off the sheet.

SPEAKER_02 46:57

Oh, goodness gracious. This sounds like something on a Christmas vacation. Oh, I was gonna say the same thing.

SPEAKER_04 47:04

At one point, a mini marshmallow or two or three stuck itself like glued to my thigh. And the smell That's the best. And the smell, imagine sex in a Swiss mist factory. The true low point. Actually, that sounds kind of nice. It does sound nice. Yeah. It's very nice, actually. I'd bite. The true low point. His mom dropped by the next day to bring us Christmas cookies. We weren't expecting her. And we were in the guest bedroom where it all happened, trying to get the rest of the stains out of the carpet. She sat on the bed to chat for a minute and literally said, Wow, smells like hot chocolate in here. We just nodded and prayed she wouldn't notice the chocolate stains on the comforter. Thanks to the cookies, mom. Needless to say, holiday food play is off the menu this year. We'll stick to spiking the drinks and leaving the cocoa in the mugs. Santa's sticky helper.

SPEAKER_02 48:03

Santa's sticky helper. Oh boy. Adorable.

SPEAKER_04 48:06

I mean, I think that would smell good.

SPEAKER_02 48:08

Yeah. I know. If anything. Sex in a Swissmas factory? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe not in the factory, but like, you know, when the office is in the building.

SPEAKER_04 48:17

No, in the factory. In the in the in the Willy Wonka fountains. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 48:23

That's different. That's way better.

SPEAKER_04 48:27

We need the golden ticket to the Willy Wonka chocolate factory right now.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

Oh, absolutely. I've got a golden ticket.

SPEAKER_04 48:35

There's so many opportunities in that factory. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

I know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:40

I want an after hours golden ticket.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

The candies that made them float up in the air. Yes. You know, like weightless, weightless banging this.

SPEAKER_04 48:47

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:48

Willy Wonka, where are you? You need an after hours. Your turn.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

All right. So I think actually, let's see. We did I did six stories.

SPEAKER_04 49:04

Are you all done?

SPEAKER_02 49:05

Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_04 49:05

I have one last one.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

Oh, you got one last one? Perfect. Yeah. I was like, oh shoot. I had one, I thought I had one more.

SPEAKER_04 49:10

No worries.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

Go nuts.

SPEAKER_04 49:12

Alright. So I did in the search bar in our emails for the the search word birthday, just for you, Eve.

unknown 49:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 49:21

To see if we had any birthday themed ones. Surprise, surprise, you to share. And I did find a couple. I picked out one specifically that was pretty funny.

SPEAKER_02 49:30

Okay, great.

SPEAKER_04 49:31

All right, you ready?

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:33

Alright. Hi everyone in the KC crew. So it was my birthday, and my partner had this big sexy plan. Body shots. They even bought fancy tequila, salt, limes to make it feel like a celebration. All of it was super expensive. I thought this is gonna be hot as hell. The setup, classic. Salt on my skin, a wedge of lime between my lips, tequila poured where it counts. They leaned in, poured the shot down my stomach, and started to follow it with their mouth. Cute, right? Except I had shaved earlier that day. And when that tequila hit that little cuts that I didn't even realize were there, you know where.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Burning sensation.

SPEAKER_04 50:15

It was like setting my skin on fire. I screamed. Reflex kicked in, and so did my foot. I kicked out so hard I nailed my poor partner square in the nose. Oh. Immediate crunch noise. Their head snapped back, they dropped the shot glass, R.I.P. tequila and shot glass, and suddenly there's blood gushing everywhere. Oh no. At first we thought it was just a little nosebleed, but then I noticed their nose looked crooked. Like Picasso painting crooked.

SPEAKER_02 50:48

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 50:49

Meanwhile, the bed was soaked between spilled tequila, salt stuck to me, and there's blood everywhere. They made a crime scene. Yeah. It looked like there was the world's weirdest crime scene at the next sentence.

unknown 51:00

Nailed it.

SPEAKER_04 51:02

So we're both naked, panicking, trying to figure out what to do. They're holding a towel to their face. I'm running around the rib sticky with booze and salt, and somehow we ended up slipping on a lime ledge and falling on the floor. Both of us hit the ground like drunk penguins.

SPEAKER_02 51:19

Oh my.

SPEAKER_04 51:20

So what do we do? We throw on the first clothes we could mine. I'm an oversized hoodie. They're holding their face with one hand and wearing no pants. And we drive to the ER, both just in oversized t-shirts and hoodies. The nurse asks, What happened? And we're both trying so hard not to say, birthday body shots gone wrong. We ended up telling her it was an accident with a glass. It was an accident with a glass. Not technically a lie, right?

SPEAKER_02 51:47

I mean, they should have just said the first line as well. Right. Come on.

SPEAKER_04 51:51

I mean, what they've heard it all. Just tell them what happened. Turns out they had a fractured nose on my birthday. We spent the night in the emergency room with me smelling like a walking margarita and them stuffed with gauze up their nose. So yeah, instead of a hot birthday sex night, I gave my partner a broken nose. We laugh about it now, but at the time it was horrifying that the most memorable gift I gave them was facial reconstruction. Thanks for the laughs you give us. We listened on our long oh, we listened to our long camping trips with Love Anonymous. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 52:30

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 52:31

Well, I hope that didn't happen. That did not happen on your birthday.

SPEAKER_02 52:35

No, absolutely not. No. I have funny stories about my birthday and absolute what did happen, but it's not food related.

SPEAKER_04 52:47

Up to you. Well leave the stage open if you want.

SPEAKER_02 52:51

Perfect. Well. Nah, you know, well, whatever. We've already gone too far. It's fine. Okay. So, anyways, as I mentioned, I had a few glasses of wine with the No. Yes, I know it was my birthday. Um, 45. Yeah. Congratulations. Looking good for 45, you know. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh yeah. So uh so, anyways, get home and uh proceed to try and go to sleep in the bed the wrong way with my head at the foot of the table. I mean foot of the bed, not table. And also wanted Mike there, and he just was like, I can't get under the covers. No idea, no idea. So anyways, I remember all of the evening except for going to bed. And so the next morning, I'm like, Babe, babe, did we have sex last night?

SPEAKER_04 53:41

Yeah. Next morning question.

SPEAKER_02 53:44

It's like no. You looked at me and said, I'm too drunk for sex. We'll have it in the morning. It's fine. So, anyways, we did it in the middle of the night because we both woke up to go pee at the same time. So there you go. It's a pretty vanilla story, but that's better than my story.

SPEAKER_04 54:06

Yeah. That's okay. I wish I would have just had that story. Where do mine? So a few weeks ago, I did have another seizure.

SPEAKER_02 54:17

Oh no. Yeah. Ended up in the hospital again. So sorry, you're dealing with that.

SPEAKER_04 54:20

Yeah. It's okay. Doctors think they have my meds figured out now and everything figured out. So everything's good. Everything's getting better. Hey, okay. No worries. Hopefully from here on out.

SPEAKER_02 54:30

Um that's good to hear.

SPEAKER_04 54:31

But the second time that happened, Danny and I were uh getting busy.

SPEAKER_02 54:37

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 54:38

And that's when the seizure happened.

unknown 54:39

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 54:41

Everything's fine. Everything's fine.

SPEAKER_02 54:43

So so Danny is so good in bed. He gives you seizures.

SPEAKER_04 54:47

I was like, I was like, Danny, you know what? Now we can now we can say that, like, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 54:53

Props you.

unknown 54:55

Danny.

SPEAKER_02 54:57

It's his fault.

SPEAKER_04 54:58

Right?

SPEAKER_02 54:59

What a badass. There's always a silver lining to everything. I know. That's a good one to have.

SPEAKER_04 55:06

Now that now the doctors have me figured out and everything's okay. Now we can say, my husband gives me seizures.

unknown 55:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

Now you can. Yes, you can. You should get that on a t-shirt. My husband gives me seizures. In bed. Because he's so good in bed.

SPEAKER_04 55:22

TM, TM, TM. Sorry, Danny, I know if you want me to share that or not. But now that I know everything say okay medically, I think I can.

SPEAKER_02 55:30

Yeah, I think that's a great story. That is a great story. Danny should wear that like a badge of badge of bag. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That's awesome. I don't even know where to go with that.

SPEAKER_04 55:46

Well, that being said, thank you, Eve, so much.

SPEAKER_02 55:50

Absolutely. This has been so much fun. This is great.

SPEAKER_04 55:52

I loved it. This is a blast.

SPEAKER_02 55:54

Hopefully, we can do pickle bonus episodes.

SPEAKER_04 55:57

Yes. So anybody that wants to send anything in pickle themed or any other just fun theme you can think of, we'll take anything. We'll I go through my subject search bar in the emails from kinksandcocktails.com if you fill in the anonymous form. And if you want to rename anonymous, we will. If not, leave her a name. Um, and so if we come up with a theme for the next episode and you put that in the subject bar, Amoeba will read it. Yeah. So yeah, join us on Patreon at kinkscocktails.com. Um we're on all social media, same handle. Please rate us five stars. It helps us out so so so so much.

SPEAKER_02 56:38

And Katie is five stars. She deserves it.

SPEAKER_04 56:40

Oh, so are you, Eve? Thank you. Yay. We're gonna take a shot after this because we deserve it.

SPEAKER_02 56:47

Yes, and we're also drinking vodka and water.

SPEAKER_04 56:49

Absolutely. Our go-to drink.

SPEAKER_02 56:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 56:52

So glad somebody else has the same drink taste as I do. Literally. Well, clink and drink to that. Yes, clink and drink. Absolutely. All right. Well, I think that's it. Thank you, Eve. Bye, everyone.

unknown 57:03

Bye.