Breaking Free From Overthinking Decisions

Are you a chronic overthinker when it comes to making decisions?

If so, you're not alone. I wanted to share some insights into some conversations we've been having at home lately, as well as with my clients. 

In this short solo episode, I chat about the common struggle of overthinking decisions and making the same decision repetitively and the toll it takes on our mental energy.

From addressing open loops in our minds to reframing decisions as experiments, I offer practical advice to reclaim mental clarity and make intentional choices.

I talk about:

• The concept of open loops in the brain
• Strategies to break free from overthinking, including blocking out time, setting rules, and implementing trial periods
• Reflecting on decision-making through key questions and intuitive guidance
• Encouraging a shift from right or wrong thinking to embracing decisions as the next step in our journey
• The importance of seeking support in navigating through decision-making processes

Also mentioned in this episode:

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You can also find me on Instagram @annielove.coach
Facebook: @annielove.coach
Website: annielove.coach

Transcript

Annie Love [00:00:00]:
You. Hello and welcome to the Light Seekers lounge. I'm Annie Love and this is episode 114. Today's episode is just a short little solo episode based on conversations that have been coming up with my coaching clients a fair bit recently and also in my own home around making the same decision over and over again. If you are prone to overthinking a decision, I thought you might find it helpful to look at it from a different perspective. Are you ready? Let's dive in. If you listened to my recap episode at the end of 2023, you'll know that we've been having a few challenges with one of our kids and his attendance at school. Still a work in progress, but we're definitely seeing some improvement this year.

Annie Love [00:00:47]:
Anywho, one of the conversations we've been having at home lately is around making the same decision over and over and over again. Rather than waking up every morning and having to agonize over whether or not to go to school, we've been encouraging him to flip the script and decide that he is someone who goes to school. So making one overarching decision rather than making the same decision repeatedly making that one decision over and over and over again takes up so much time, energy and headspace. Right? It also means that we're at the mercy of how we're feeling in the moment. I mean, as a teenager who likes to stay up late and sleep in, he's hardly going to feel in the mood to get up and be at school by 08:00 a.m. Is he? Now, I don't mean to trivialize the situation, of course there are many more factors at play, but it just gives you an example of how this can play out. So where are you making the same decision over and over and over again in your own life? Another example might be around deciding whether or not to drink alcohol. And again, I don't want to trivialize this because it can be a really big deal for people to decide to stop drinking.

Annie Love [00:02:09]:
And if this is you, there are some really great coaches out there who specialize in gray area drinking, but it's a really common situation where someone might not want to drink as much anymore and yet get to 05:00 p.m. Every afternoon and agonize over whether or not to have an alcoholic beverage. They may have been using energy thinking about drinking during the day for many, many hours, and not just at 05:00 but thinking about whether or not they'll drink that night. When we are making the same decision over and over again, there's an open loop in our brains. And our brains are really clever and they want to close those loops so they keep processing the same information until it comes to a resolution. I looked it up and apparently the phenomenon of the open loop was first discovered by a psychologist and psychiatrist called Blumer Zygarnic. She discovered what is now known as the zygonic effect, the open loop. The tendency of our brain to remember and focus on incomplete tasks more than it does on completed tasks.

Annie Love [00:03:21]:
And remembering all of those incomplete errands, goals, desires, and questions serves to exhaust our mental and emotional capacity. In David Allen's book getting things done, he describes an open loop as an unfinished commitment. So where do you have open loops in your brain? What are you ruminating over and overthinking? I notice this the most in myself when I've read an email or a message before I go to bed and I don't respond straight away. And then I spent half the night responding to that message and rewriting my response over and over in my head. One of my clients recently had an open loop over the pricing structure in her business, and every time someone called to question a rate or ask for a discount, she agonized over her pricing all over again. The decision hadn't firmly been made and finalized in her head, so she was prone to overthinking it whenever something made her revisit the pricing. So some of the things that I'd suggest in this scenario would be, number one, block out some time to nut out a final decision. So actually allocate time to this decision rather than just letting it run on that open loop in your head.

Annie Love [00:04:43]:
You could even journal on it. Write out the decision you've made, for example, a full pricing list, and show you're working. I know that sounds like we're in primary school, but write down all of the reasons why you've made this decision. Number two is write out the rules or the framework around this decision you've made. For example, now that you have a price lift, in what scenarios or to which category of clients do you offer a discount? Now, side note, I'm not a big fan of discounting, but there are situations and businesses where it can apply. So think about what the rules are, what the framework is around this decision that you've made. Number three is to sleep on it, sit with the decision for a set period of time. For example, say that by 05:00 p.m.

Annie Love [00:05:34]:
Tomorrow afternoon the final decision will be made. But don't sit with it for too long. Give yourself a deadline. And number four is choose how long you'll run with this decision for like a trial period, and then set a review date. For example, you could run with this pricing for the next three months, then set a date in your calendar to review the pricing on a particular date. So just to give you a recap on those four points, block out time and write out the decision. Number two is write out the rules or the framework around the decision. Number three is sleep on it.

Annie Love [00:06:11]:
And number four is decide what the trial period is and set a review date. If you have trouble making a decision about something, I find it helpful to consider the decision through this lens or ask these questions. When I make this decision, is it set in stone or is it something I can reverse or shift? I personally love looking at things like an experiment. It's very rare that things are so black and white, that are life and death. Most of the decisions that we make, and we make a lot of them each and every day, are things that we can change later on if they don't work out the way that we had hoped them to work out. So, look at it as an experiment. I'm going to see how this goes. The second question I would say is, do I need to make this decision right now? Now, don't put it off until forever, but maybe you need to deliberately put it aside and make a time to come back to it rather than rushing it, put it on pause.

Annie Love [00:07:24]:
Another question is, where's the resistance? If I get really honest with myself, why am I worried about or putting off or agonizing over making this decision? Maybe there's a consequence on the other side of it that doesn't feel particularly appealing, but it's not something you're really conscious of. Maybe it means you might have to have a hard conversation with someone. Next question is, if I was acting as the highest version of myself, what would she do? Another way to look at this is, if your friend was making this decision, what would you suggest they do? How is my intuition guiding me? Sometimes we can get caught up with what the head wants versus what the heart wants, or logic versus intuition. Both are important, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. I think trusting our guts is absolutely vital. Think about each outcome of your decision. How does your intuition feel in response to each of the outcomes? That can give you some clues as to what the outcome should be for you. And lastly, what if you just flipped a coin and went with whatever the coin told you? I think the great thing is with this strategy is often we have a reaction to the answer, and that can give us clues as to which direction to go in.

Annie Love [00:08:55]:
If you are disappointed with the way that that coin ended up and the decision that it made, why is that? And maybe that's a sign that you need to go in the other direction. I know that this is a bit meta, but remember that not making a decision is also a decision. The other thing I want you to think about is letting go of right or wrong thinking. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to make the right decision or avoid the wrong decision. But what if there was no right or wrong pathway? What if you were just taking the next step, making the next decision, and then you can pivot from there? And the final thing I would love you to consider is whether you need support to help you make a decision. And I don't mean asking someone else what to do, or asking everyone their opinion and crowdsourcing a decision. I mean asking a trusted advisor to listen to you and to help you work through your own decision. Sometimes just talking it out and saying things out loud is super helpful, and that in itself can be all that we need.

Annie Love [00:10:12]:
I have one particular client who will talk out a scenario for my feedback, and before I've even said a word, she'll make her own decision about it and finish with great good chat. And we always have a giggle when that happens, and it happens a lot. I hope that little pep talk helps you close some loops in your brain. Please don't waste brain calories leaving those loops open. What is one thing you've heard today that you can go away in action? Where did you have a little aha moment or a light bulb moment? Or made you about something? Make the commitment to go and make that thing happen today. I wonder if it'll change the trajectory of your life if you make that little tweak. Have the most beautiful week and I will talk to you again very soon.