{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":60.660000000000004,"endTime":63.57,"body":"In reality, we"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":60.660000000000004,"endTime":63.57,"body":"didn't build society."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":63.6,"endTime":64.23,"body":"None of us did."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":64.23,"endTime":64.59,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":64.68,"endTime":66.9,"body":"Who knows how societies"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":64.68,"endTime":66.9,"body":"and cultures get built?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":67.05,"endTime":69.0,"body":"But it not by not by us individually."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":69.18,"endTime":72.48,"body":"So once we are relieved of some"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":69.18,"endTime":72.48,"body":"responsibility for the patterns we're"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":72.48,"endTime":76.23,"body":"acting out, hopefully we can really"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":72.48,"endTime":76.23,"body":"sit down together and like kind of"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":76.23,"endTime":80.02000000000001,"body":"interrogate what's going on with some"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":76.23,"endTime":80.02000000000001,"body":"good humor and then also the ability"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":80.02000000000001,"endTime":81.58,"body":"to shift the division of labor."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":81.76,"endTime":84.52000000000001,"body":"To really hear one another,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":81.76,"endTime":84.52000000000001,"body":"instead of blaming one another,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":84.52000000000001,"endTime":85.569,"body":"which is so easy to do."},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":91.01,"endTime":94.6,"body":"You are listening to the"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":91.01,"endTime":94.6,"body":"Hot+Brave podcast with Bianca Sprague"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":94.6,"endTime":99.42,"body":"from Bebo Mia, where you'll hear brave"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":94.6,"endTime":99.42,"body":"stories, hot topics, and truth bombs"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":99.605,"endTime":103.789,"body":"that will either light fire to your"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":99.605,"endTime":103.789,"body":"rage or be the you need for your soul."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":108.064,"endTime":108.57400000000001,"body":"Hi everyone."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":108.57400000000001,"endTime":110.435,"body":"And welcome to the Hot+Brave podcast."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":110.435,"endTime":111.695,"body":"I'm your host, Bianca Sprague."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":111.695,"endTime":113.79400000000001,"body":"I'm joined by Meg Kant."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":114.424,"endTime":118.534,"body":"We would love for you to join us"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":114.424,"endTime":118.534,"body":"in one of our webinars this week."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":118.539,"endTime":119.765,"body":"We have one tonight."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":120.004,"endTime":124.655,"body":"We have a couple next week, and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":120.004,"endTime":124.655,"body":"those are all about how you can"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":125.135,"endTime":128.584,"body":"get access to our Maternal Support"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":125.135,"endTime":128.584,"body":"Practitioner certification, which"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":128.584,"endTime":130.055,"body":"is our three in one doula training."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":130.114,"endTime":133.35399999999998,"body":"And we also have our Feminist"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":130.114,"endTime":133.35399999999998,"body":"Birth Worker Business School."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":133.89,"endTime":136.17000000000002,"body":"So you can get your business off"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":133.89,"endTime":136.17000000000002,"body":"the ground because we know you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":136.175,"endTime":139.41,"body":"have great skills and you love what"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":136.175,"endTime":139.41,"body":"you do, but sometimes it's hard"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":139.41,"endTime":140.7,"body":"to get in front of our clients."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":140.7,"endTime":141.93,"body":"So we'll teach you how to do that."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":142.23000000000002,"endTime":145.86,"body":"Jump in those free workshops, head"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":142.23000000000002,"endTime":145.86,"body":"over to the website to find out more."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":146.2,"endTime":151.95,"body":"Meg and I had the absolute pleasure of"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":146.2,"endTime":151.95,"body":"interviewing Darcy Lockman PhD last week."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":151.99,"endTime":156.16,"body":"And we are going to share this"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":151.99,"endTime":156.16,"body":"conversation with you today"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":156.39,"endTime":160.64,"body":"around Mothers, Fathers, and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":156.39,"endTime":160.64,"body":"the Myth of Equal Partnership."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":160.84,"endTime":162.905,"body":"Or shall we say unequal partnership?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":163.35500000000002,"endTime":166.89499999999998,"body":"And this is something that we hear"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":163.35500000000002,"endTime":166.89499999999998,"body":"from all of you, just that you're"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":166.89499999999998,"endTime":168.785,"body":"mad, you're mad all the time."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":169.085,"endTime":170.525,"body":"So let's jump into that."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":170.525,"endTime":172.565,"body":"Thanks everyone for joining us today."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":172.745,"endTime":173.91500000000002,"body":"Welcome Darcy."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":173.91500000000002,"endTime":175.20499999999998,"body":"We're very excited to have you."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":175.41500000000002,"endTime":176.735,"body":"Thank you, Bianca and Meg."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":176.74,"endTime":178.14499999999998,"body":"I am very excited to be here."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":178.745,"endTime":181.834,"body":"Um, as we were saying,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":178.745,"endTime":181.834,"body":"we're super fan girls of your book."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":181.89499999999998,"endTime":186.065,"body":"And I just wanna let you know"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":181.89499999999998,"endTime":186.065,"body":"that we do not ever censor women."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":186.065,"endTime":189.935,"body":"So feel free to speak freely"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":186.065,"endTime":189.935,"body":"and cuss as much as you need and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":189.935,"endTime":190.404,"body":"oh, okay."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":190.404,"endTime":190.565,"body":"Great."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":190.625,"endTime":192.875,"body":"Communicate in the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":190.625,"endTime":192.875,"body":"way that you need to say it."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":192.935,"endTime":196.654,"body":"So that's one of the things we"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":192.935,"endTime":196.654,"body":"stand for here at Bebo Mia is like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":197.08499999999998,"endTime":198.555,"body":"\"don't tell us to say it nicely.\""},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":198.904,"endTime":203.075,"body":"I would never tell you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":198.904,"endTime":203.075,"body":"that and I will not do it either."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":205.20499999999998,"endTime":210.305,"body":"um, so, um, for those of you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":205.20499999999998,"endTime":210.305,"body":"who are tuning in Darcy wrote all"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":210.305,"endTime":213.96499999999997,"body":"the rage, which is Mothers, Fathers,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":210.305,"endTime":213.96499999999997,"body":"and the Myth of Equal Partnership."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":214.055,"endTime":216.33499999999998,"body":"And it is one of our most favorite books."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":216.33499999999998,"endTime":220.474,"body":"Why we really love All the Rage is it"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":216.33499999999998,"endTime":220.474,"body":"a speaks to so many of our journeys"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":220.815,"endTime":222.71499999999997,"body":"as, as folks who identify as mothers."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":223.445,"endTime":227.01999999999998,"body":"It also is it has really great research."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":227.01999999999998,"endTime":230.86,"body":"And so we teach our students about"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":227.01999999999998,"endTime":230.86,"body":"being a resource, never source."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":230.865,"endTime":236.17000000000002,"body":"And this book is just like your Bible"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":230.865,"endTime":236.17000000000002,"body":"for understanding, um, where to go"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":236.17000000000002,"endTime":241.72000000000003,"body":"to explain, um, the social political,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":236.17000000000002,"endTime":241.72000000000003,"body":"economic, cultural, um, you know,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":241.83999999999997,"endTime":244.26999999999998,"body":"explanations for this in inequity."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":245.224,"endTime":249.30400000000003,"body":"So before we jump into some of the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":245.224,"endTime":249.30400000000003,"body":"questions we have, I did wanna flag that"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":249.30400000000003,"endTime":252.12400000000002,"body":"most of the conversations we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":249.30400000000003,"endTime":252.12400000000002,"body":"be having today for our listeners will"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":252.12400000000002,"endTime":253.83499999999998,"body":"be in the context of hetero families."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":253.83499999999998,"endTime":257.674,"body":"There, there are citations of"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":253.83499999999998,"endTime":257.674,"body":"what happens in the queer context."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":258.034,"endTime":262.594,"body":"Um, I love Darcy's caveat that the vast"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":258.034,"endTime":262.594,"body":"majority of modern involved fathers are"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":262.594,"endTime":264.844,"body":"well-intentioned reasonable human beings."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":264.849,"endTime":267.05400000000003,"body":"So we'll open that."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":267.56,"endTime":270.71,"body":"Also Darcy's book speaks"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":267.56,"endTime":270.71,"body":"a lot about the US."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":270.8,"endTime":274.669,"body":"Um, but the us is not the only"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":270.8,"endTime":274.669,"body":"country that has the same experience."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":274.94,"endTime":279.83,"body":"And as Meg pointed out this morning,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":274.94,"endTime":279.83,"body":"about 85% of the world would have the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":279.83,"endTime":282.11,"body":"same inequity in the division of labor."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":282.469,"endTime":283.52,"body":"Um, and so."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":284.705,"endTime":289.265,"body":"When we look at the roles of parenthood at"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":284.705,"endTime":289.265,"body":"Bebo Mia we talk a lot about motherhood,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":289.565,"endTime":292.414,"body":"um, because that's who we're working"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":289.565,"endTime":292.414,"body":"with predominantly as they go through"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":292.414,"endTime":294.335,"body":"their reproductive health journeys."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":294.695,"endTime":297.994,"body":"Um, and so I like to break it"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":294.695,"endTime":297.994,"body":"down that the motherhood is in two"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":297.994,"endTime":300.635,"body":"the work of motherhood and"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":297.994,"endTime":300.635,"body":"the relationship of motherhood."},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":300.724,"endTime":304.864,"body":"And I think where the confusion comes"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":300.724,"endTime":304.864,"body":"in with modern fathers is modern"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":304.864,"endTime":306.505,"body":"fathers have the same two silos."},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":306.505,"endTime":309.68,"body":"The work of fatherhood and the"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":306.505,"endTime":309.68,"body":"relationship of fatherhood."},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":309.77,"endTime":314.06,"body":"And what has shifted from previous"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":309.77,"endTime":314.06,"body":"generations is fathers are now"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":314.06,"endTime":318.14,"body":"doing the relationship part more"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":314.06,"endTime":318.14,"body":"than ever, but not the work part."},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":318.229,"endTime":323.13,"body":"And moms are still exclusively doing"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":318.229,"endTime":323.13,"body":"the mom part while their partners are"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":323.13,"endTime":327.03,"body":"getting praised all over the place for"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":323.13,"endTime":327.03,"body":"showing up as really present awesome dads."},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":327.09,"endTime":331.68,"body":"And so, so many of them feel like,"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":327.09,"endTime":331.68,"body":"you know, this resentment, but"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":331.68,"endTime":334.32,"body":"yet the dads are quote good dads."},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":334.62,"endTime":339.33,"body":"Um, but they're still, mothers are still"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":334.62,"endTime":339.33,"body":"left with this mountain of invisible"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":339.33,"endTime":346.025,"body":"labor and not invisible labor . Um, so"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":339.33,"endTime":346.025,"body":"I mean, we wanted to talk about this"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":346.025,"endTime":350.255,"body":"rage around the inequity and, and you"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":346.025,"endTime":350.255,"body":"know, that this concept that dads are"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":350.26,"endTime":353.525,"body":"now being praised more than ever because"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":350.26,"endTime":353.525,"body":"they are showing up, but it's in one"},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":353.525,"endTime":355.585,"body":"really like the fun bucket essentially."},{"speaker":"silos","startTime":356.304,"endTime":357.065,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":357.425,"endTime":360.515,"body":"I really like the way"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":357.425,"endTime":360.515,"body":"you broke that down, Bianca, cuz"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":360.515,"endTime":361.715,"body":"that, that is the truth of it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":361.715,"endTime":361.925,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":361.925,"endTime":366.484,"body":"And I think it leaves women,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":361.925,"endTime":366.484,"body":"modern mothers, very confused."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":366.695,"endTime":370.805,"body":"Cuz it's like, wait, I know he, how much"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":366.695,"endTime":370.805,"body":"he loves the kids and I know how much he"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":370.805,"endTime":374.375,"body":"enjoys them and they have a relationship"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":370.805,"endTime":374.375,"body":"and the kids don't feel any absence."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":374.555,"endTime":377.765,"body":"So what's going on that I'm"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":374.555,"endTime":377.765,"body":"so frustrated all the time"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":377.765,"endTime":379.35499999999996,"body":"with  what I have to shoulder."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":380.12,"endTime":384.53,"body":"I think it can be really hard"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":380.12,"endTime":384.53,"body":"when the sort of, um, conventional"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":384.53,"endTime":387.59,"body":"wisdom is dads are like so much"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":384.53,"endTime":387.59,"body":"better than they used to be."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":387.59,"endTime":390.40999999999997,"body":"And now everything's equal"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":387.59,"endTime":390.40999999999997,"body":"cuz moms are working now too."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":390.56,"endTime":393.97999999999996,"body":"And what, what really shifted was"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":390.56,"endTime":393.97999999999996,"body":"women also started earning money,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":394.15999999999997,"endTime":398.59999999999997,"body":"but the workload of the home never"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":394.15999999999997,"endTime":398.59999999999997,"body":"shifted, um, to keep up with that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":398.78,"endTime":401.81,"body":"And that's something that a lot of"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":398.78,"endTime":401.81,"body":"researchers in the field kind of observed"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":402.02,"endTime":404.3,"body":"and tried to quantify and explain."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":405.2,"endTime":405.53,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":406.115,"endTime":409.685,"body":"I know, I love, I love the stat"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":406.115,"endTime":409.685,"body":"that you have, um, gathered around"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":409.835,"endTime":413.10499999999996,"body":"full-time working-out-of-the-home"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":409.835,"endTime":413.10499999999996,"body":"mothers are spending still the same"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":413.10499999999996,"endTime":416.765,"body":"amount of time with their children"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":413.10499999999996,"endTime":416.765,"body":"as housewives in the seventies."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":416.795,"endTime":420.03499999999997,"body":"And I was like, it was the biggest joke"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":416.795,"endTime":420.03499999999997,"body":"and they're like, yeah, go to work."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":420.03999999999996,"endTime":420.895,"body":"You could have them both."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":420.965,"endTime":424.53499999999997,"body":"And they're like, exactly, but you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":420.965,"endTime":424.53499999999997,"body":"still have to do all the other things."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":424.685,"endTime":426.365,"body":"Aren't you lucky"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":424.685,"endTime":426.365,"body":"you get to work now?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":426.37,"endTime":430.47499999999997,"body":"And hey, look, I am so glad to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":426.37,"endTime":430.47499999999997,"body":"live in an era where it is expected"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":430.47499999999997,"endTime":434.22499999999997,"body":"that I will work, cuz I would go"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":430.47499999999997,"endTime":434.22499999999997,"body":"crazy as a full-time homemaker."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":434.265,"endTime":434.755,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":435.179,"endTime":440.489,"body":"Not to, you know, not to like knock"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":435.179,"endTime":440.489,"body":"the progress we've made, but clearly"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":440.489,"endTime":445.2,"body":"the shift was never made where fathers"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":440.489,"endTime":445.2,"body":"were gonna accommodate the fact, um,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":445.22999999999996,"endTime":450.11899999999997,"body":"that their partners were, um, equal or"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":445.22999999999996,"endTime":450.11899999999997,"body":"greater, or, you know, also obviously"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":450.125,"endTime":453.28,"body":"sometimes you lesser breadwinners, you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":450.125,"endTime":453.28,"body":"know, everyone's earning money, but"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":453.57,"endTime":455.429,"body":"the labor of the home never shifted."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":455.429,"endTime":457.679,"body":"And there was kind of this"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":455.429,"endTime":457.679,"body":"attitude, like women are so lucky."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":458.235,"endTime":458.795,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":458.795,"endTime":460.735,"body":"Mm-hmm, , everything's so much better"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":458.795,"endTime":460.735,"body":"and that's true, you know, it's not"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":460.735,"endTime":463.375,"body":"untrue, but it's hardly the whole story."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":463.735,"endTime":468.685,"body":"And there was a, um, there was kind of a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":463.735,"endTime":468.685,"body":"mini phenomen in like the early nineties"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":468.685,"endTime":474.35499999999996,"body":"where it was like, you know, the career"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":468.685,"endTime":474.35499999999996,"body":"track mom realizes she's happier at home."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":474.685,"endTime":479.125,"body":"And like the husbands who were interviewed"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":474.685,"endTime":479.125,"body":"for the article, it was a New York times."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":480.11,"endTime":484.09999999999997,"body":"Um, you know, one of those like magazine"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":480.11,"endTime":484.09999999999997,"body":"pieces that kind of makes a splash, the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":484.09999999999997,"endTime":488.15,"body":"husbands were all like, honey, you do"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":484.09999999999997,"endTime":488.15,"body":"whatever makes you happy, but without"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":488.15,"endTime":491.45,"body":"saying, oh, and if it makes you happy"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":488.15,"endTime":491.45,"body":"to be at work, then of course I'll be"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":491.45,"endTime":494.14,"body":"taking on 50% of what goes on at home."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":495.59,"endTime":499.28,"body":"These great men were like, you do"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":495.59,"endTime":499.28,"body":"whatever you like, if you wanna"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":499.28,"endTime":501.59999999999997,"body":"work and be a mom, that's great."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":501.59999999999997,"endTime":504.75,"body":"I'll support that, but like, what"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":501.59999999999997,"endTime":504.75,"body":"does it mean to support that?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":504.93,"endTime":508.22999999999996,"body":"And they meant that they would"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":504.93,"endTime":508.22999999999996,"body":"support that spiritually and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":508.22999999999996,"endTime":511.97999999999996,"body":"morally . They didn't that they"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":508.22999999999996,"endTime":511.97999999999996,"body":"would support it with their labor."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":511.97999999999996,"endTime":515.52,"body":"That kind of didn't occur to them"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":511.97999999999996,"endTime":515.52,"body":"or anyone because these articles"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":515.64,"endTime":517.53,"body":"celebrated how great women's choice was."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":517.53,"endTime":517.89,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":517.895,"endTime":521.85,"body":"Without saying, oh wait, but there's this"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":517.895,"endTime":521.85,"body":"one constraint, which is, you know, you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":521.85,"endTime":525.03,"body":"could do all this extra and there isn't,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":521.85,"endTime":525.03,"body":"there aren't be any more hours of the day,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":525.3000000000001,"endTime":527.1700000000001,"body":"but, um, you know, but you get to do it!"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":527.5,"endTime":527.85,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":528.3000000000001,"endTime":531.855,"body":"Yeah, yeah, no, it's a, it's valid"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":528.3000000000001,"endTime":531.855,"body":"and it was another interesting"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":531.855,"endTime":533.445,"body":"shift around the beginning of COVID."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":533.445,"endTime":539.265,"body":"So the spring early summer of 2020, and I"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":533.445,"endTime":539.265,"body":"remember our team lost our minds because"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":539.265,"endTime":542.385,"body":"there was parents who like actually had"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":539.265,"endTime":542.385,"body":"to choose, like putting one of them, had"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":542.385,"endTime":545.535,"body":"to put their career down because the,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":542.385,"endTime":545.535,"body":"the kids were home with the lockdowns."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":545.865,"endTime":552.695,"body":"And I remember it was featuring, um, like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":545.865,"endTime":552.695,"body":"three moms who made this decision to stop"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":552.875,"endTime":556.025,"body":"their jobs, their careers and homeschool."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":556.294,"endTime":561.575,"body":"And, um, one of them was this mom who had"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":556.294,"endTime":561.575,"body":"this really cool feminist tech company."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":561.575,"endTime":564.725,"body":"And I think she lived in the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":561.575,"endTime":564.725,"body":"prairies, like lived in Canada and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":564.725,"endTime":569.975,"body":"she closed her company, which then"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":564.725,"endTime":569.975,"body":"laid off her whatever 14 staff, um,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":569.98,"endTime":575.815,"body":"to be at home, like making died rice"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":569.98,"endTime":575.815,"body":"and like water mats on the ground."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":575.965,"endTime":580.9150000000001,"body":"And her husband was like, she's doing"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":575.965,"endTime":580.9150000000001,"body":"like what women really, truly love to do."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":580.945,"endTime":583.4350000000001,"body":"Like, and now she gets this"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":580.945,"endTime":583.4350000000001,"body":"privilege and she was like, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":583.7950000000001,"endTime":585.505,"body":"I get, I get to do this now."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":585.505,"endTime":587.365,"body":"And I was like, what is happening?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":587.605,"endTime":590.635,"body":"Like somebody go like shaker and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":587.605,"endTime":590.635,"body":"tell her she doesn't have to do this."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":590.6650000000001,"endTime":590.725,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":590.7850000000001,"endTime":593.125,"body":"I mean, not that being with your"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":590.7850000000001,"endTime":593.125,"body":"children isn't really delightful, but"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":593.125,"endTime":596.635,"body":"I was like, she closed something that"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":593.125,"endTime":596.635,"body":"had been the last decade of her life."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":596.635,"endTime":597.9250000000001,"body":"Like she built a company."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":598.34,"endTime":600.47,"body":"And it was just assumed."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":600.47,"endTime":602.21,"body":"I was like, she actually"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":600.47,"endTime":602.21,"body":"does a tech company."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":602.21,"endTime":602.87,"body":"It was virtual."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":602.87,"endTime":603.71,"body":"She could have done it anyway."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":604.37,"endTime":604.82,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":605.51,"endTime":605.779,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":605.779,"endTime":608.779,"body":"That was certainly one of the downsides"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":605.779,"endTime":608.779,"body":"of the pandemic was a lot of women"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":608.87,"endTime":611.75,"body":"kind of leaving the workforce to take"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":608.87,"endTime":611.75,"body":"care of the home and not always..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":612.1700000000001,"endTime":615.44,"body":"I mean, I suppose it's always a choice and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":612.1700000000001,"endTime":615.44,"body":"you wanna do what's best for everybody."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":615.44,"endTime":618.26,"body":"And you live in the world, you live"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":615.44,"endTime":618.26,"body":"in, you don't live in some ideal world."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":618.47,"endTime":621.109,"body":"So when you're in that position,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":618.47,"endTime":621.109,"body":"you have hard choices to make."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":621.349,"endTime":625.9100000000001,"body":"But the silver lining of the pandemic was"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":621.349,"endTime":625.9100000000001,"body":"the one thing that gets men apparently"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":625.9140000000001,"endTime":629.75,"body":"to do more, to take on more of the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":625.9140000000001,"endTime":629.75,"body":"loaded home is when they work from home"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":629.75,"endTime":631.519,"body":"and their wives work away from home."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":631.73,"endTime":635.599,"body":"So this is the one group during the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":631.73,"endTime":635.599,"body":"pandemic where things really shifted"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":635.839,"endTime":639.0790000000001,"body":"was if the father was suddenly working"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":635.839,"endTime":639.0790000000001,"body":"from home all day and the mother was"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":639.0790000000001,"endTime":643.96,"body":"an essential worker, a nurse or, you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":639.0790000000001,"endTime":643.96,"body":"know, just out in the world in a time"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":643.96,"endTime":647.2890000000001,"body":"when people are out in the world, that's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":643.96,"endTime":647.2890000000001,"body":"when things actually started to shift."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":647.529,"endTime":651.7890000000001,"body":"And so some sociologists after the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":647.529,"endTime":651.7890000000001,"body":"pandemic were thinking like, well, this"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":651.7890000000001,"endTime":656.99,"body":"is how change takes place, because for"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":651.7890000000001,"endTime":656.99,"body":"those families where dad was suddenly"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":656.99,"endTime":661.6700000000001,"body":"working from home and mom was no longer"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":656.99,"endTime":661.6700000000001,"body":"in the house, the kids were gonna see."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":661.8190000000001,"endTime":665.21,"body":"The kids in the house and in the community"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":661.8190000000001,"endTime":665.21,"body":"were gonna see that fathers could be"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":665.3290000000001,"endTime":667.609,"body":"like a stay at home ish kind of parent."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":667.94,"endTime":668.029,"body":"Mm-hmm"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":668.269,"endTime":670.25,"body":"Um, and, and it"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":668.269,"endTime":670.25,"body":"becomes more normalized."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":670.369,"endTime":675.394,"body":"So it's really interesting the way"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":670.369,"endTime":675.394,"body":"like a cultural or, you know, a crisis"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":675.605,"endTime":679.235,"body":"can like kind of, um, make things"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":675.605,"endTime":679.235,"body":"shift in ways that are unavoidable."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":679.235,"endTime":683.135,"body":"Like if dad is at home, he's, he's really,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":679.235,"endTime":683.135,"body":"he's the only one in the house he's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":683.135,"endTime":684.845,"body":"gonna be the adult who's responsible."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":685.0250000000001,"endTime":688.2950000000001,"body":"So I thought that was one of the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":685.0250000000001,"endTime":688.2950000000001,"body":"really interesting takeaways from"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":688.2950000000001,"endTime":691.085,"body":"the division of labor discussion"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":688.2950000000001,"endTime":691.085,"body":"that happened around the pandemic."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":691.09,"endTime":694.9100000000001,"body":"Mm-hmm . Well, they also"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":691.09,"endTime":694.9100000000001,"body":"just got to see how irritating"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":694.9100000000001,"endTime":698.769,"body":"it was trying to work with kids."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":699.26,"endTime":701.629,"body":"Like, you know, the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":699.26,"endTime":701.629,"body":"interruptions to your reading."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":701.635,"endTime":702.25,"body":"Oh my God."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":702.279,"endTime":702.73,"body":"I don't."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":702.73,"endTime":705.6800000000001,"body":"I dunno how I mean, yeah, not"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":702.73,"endTime":705.6800000000001,"body":"even more than irritating,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":705.6800000000001,"endTime":707.51,"body":"but impossible to accomplish."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":707.51,"endTime":707.869,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":708.5,"endTime":709.649,"body":"One of the things that made me."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":710.144,"endTime":711.974,"body":"Oh, this isn't, this, this isn't fair."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":711.98,"endTime":714.4340000000001,"body":"But one of the things that made me"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":711.98,"endTime":714.4340000000001,"body":"angry that I read, and this might"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":714.4340000000001,"endTime":718.6640000000001,"body":"have been during the pandemic, or"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":714.4340000000001,"endTime":718.6640000000001,"body":"might have been before, um, was Mindy"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":718.6640000000001,"endTime":722.075,"body":"Kaling talking about how she wrote"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":718.6640000000001,"endTime":722.075,"body":"her scripts while her kids napped."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":722.654,"endTime":724.274,"body":"And I thought F you!"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":724.279,"endTime":725.2040000000001,"body":"That's bullshit!"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":725.2040000000001,"endTime":726.4440000000001,"body":"You totally have childcare!"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":726.464,"endTime":727.394,"body":"and you're entitled to it!"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":727.394,"endTime":728.984,"body":"Don't, don't, but don't don't."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":728.984,"endTime":729.9440000000001,"body":"I mean, what do I know?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":729.9440000000001,"endTime":730.904,"body":"But don't lie about it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":730.904,"endTime":733.0350000000001,"body":"Like there's no way you wrote"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":730.904,"endTime":733.0350000000001,"body":"all your television scripts"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":733.0350000000001,"endTime":734.4440000000001,"body":"while your kids were napping."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":734.6840000000001,"endTime":735.125,"body":"That's just..."},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":735.725,"endTime":738.875,"body":"I was"},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":735.725,"endTime":738.875,"body":"able to pay for help."},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":738.875,"endTime":739.835,"body":"Aren't I fortunate?"},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":739.835,"endTime":744.6940000000001,"body":"And you know, I, so I was able to work"},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":739.835,"endTime":744.6940000000001,"body":"really fully and be a mom like . Yeah."},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":744.7,"endTime":747.7850000000001,"body":"So yeah, this whole, like working"},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":744.7,"endTime":747.7850000000001,"body":"while your kids are little, I, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":747.7850000000001,"endTime":751.115,"body":"I, I don't of course like working for"},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":747.7850000000001,"endTime":751.115,"body":"home while your kids are little, if"},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":751.115,"endTime":754.014,"body":"there's no one else around to help is"},{"speaker":"Well, please say","startTime":751.115,"endTime":754.014,"body":"like, I don't know how that happens."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":755.0450000000001,"endTime":755.404,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":755.404,"endTime":759.1840000000001,"body":"But we, we don't give permission for"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":755.404,"endTime":759.1840000000001,"body":"moms to say those things because..."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":759.995,"endTime":763.625,"body":"you know, then we're, we're"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":759.995,"endTime":763.625,"body":"admitting we're not upholding one"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":763.625,"endTime":767.1940000000001,"body":"of the pillars of motherhood, which"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":763.625,"endTime":767.1940000000001,"body":"is the sacrifice of all things."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":767.1940000000001,"endTime":769.985,"body":"And just like working around our"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":767.1940000000001,"endTime":769.985,"body":"children and our children are first"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":769.985,"endTime":774.635,"body":"and I'll do this, this passion,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":769.985,"endTime":774.635,"body":"this burning passion of mine while"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":774.635,"endTime":777.394,"body":"they sleep for 15 minutes at a time."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":779.5550000000001,"endTime":781.375,"body":"I'll do my life's purpose..."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":781.5250000000001,"endTime":791.1890000000001,"body":"I mean, if you listen to Shonda Rhimes"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":781.5250000000001,"endTime":791.1890000000001,"body":"her book \"The Year of Yes\", I think"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":791.21,"endTime":794.6600000000001,"body":"it's called mm-hmm . Um, it was the same"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":791.21,"endTime":794.6600000000001,"body":"thing that there was so much of like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":795.5590000000001,"endTime":800.69,"body":"I don't know, trying to apologize for"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":795.5590000000001,"endTime":800.69,"body":"that she could, yeah, she could contract"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":800.69,"endTime":805.369,"body":"this out and I was like, you are a"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":800.69,"endTime":805.369,"body":"solo parent by choice who is working."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":805.9000000000001,"endTime":806.5690000000001,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":807.0490000000001,"endTime":809.3900000000001,"body":"Of course you have to contract"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":807.0490000000001,"endTime":809.3900000000001,"body":"that out, but she'd be like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":809.3900000000001,"endTime":810.589,"body":"\"But I'd be there for this!"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":810.71,"endTime":811.97,"body":"And you know what, like mom it's okay."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":811.97,"endTime":814.099,"body":"We don't really need to"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":811.97,"endTime":814.099,"body":"see all the dinners.\""},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":814.099,"endTime":815.72,"body":"And I was like, Shonda, it's fun."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":815.724,"endTime":816.62,"body":"Yeah, I know."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":816.62,"endTime":817.73,"body":"Right, exactly, exactly."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":817.73,"endTime":822.23,"body":"We're so I think we all, we are all,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":817.73,"endTime":822.23,"body":"we all feel in our guts how vulnerable"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":822.23,"endTime":825.109,"body":"to criticism we are, um, as women."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":825.109,"endTime":828.755,"body":"And of course the, you know,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":825.109,"endTime":828.755,"body":"it's not viewed the same way,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":828.755,"endTime":831.605,"body":"obviously for a father who was"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":828.755,"endTime":831.605,"body":"working outside of the home."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":831.815,"endTime":834.6940000000001,"body":"One, one of the interesting things that"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":831.815,"endTime":834.6940000000001,"body":"one of the sociologists I interviewed"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":834.6940000000001,"endTime":839.644,"body":"said to me was, you know, women will say"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":834.6940000000001,"endTime":839.644,"body":"to me, well, I'm working, cuz it's really"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":839.644,"endTime":842.0450000000001,"body":"good for my daughters to see that I work."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":842.135,"endTime":843.7850000000001,"body":"And she's like, and I get it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":843.815,"endTime":846.815,"body":"Like you do wanna, you know,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":843.815,"endTime":846.815,"body":"make that kind of impression,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":846.815,"endTime":848.714,"body":"but it like it doesn't..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":849.23,"endTime":853.4290000000001,"body":"It sort of disallows saying, I"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":849.23,"endTime":853.4290000000001,"body":"work for me cuz it's gratifying."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":853.7,"endTime":857.1790000000001,"body":"Um, and I like being an effective"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":853.7,"endTime":857.1790000000001,"body":"money, earning ambitious"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":857.1840000000001,"endTime":858.349,"body":"human being in the world."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":858.349,"endTime":862.279,"body":"It's like that part of our desire is"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":858.349,"endTime":862.279,"body":"not allowed to be out in the open."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":862.279,"endTime":862.46,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":862.46,"endTime":866.72,"body":"We have to say, yeah, it's good for my"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":862.46,"endTime":866.72,"body":"kids to see me working or I need money."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":866.72,"endTime":867.769,"body":"Which of course everybody does."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":868.0390000000001,"endTime":872.24,"body":"Like those things are okay to say, but"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":868.0390000000001,"endTime":872.24,"body":"to say like, I really like having a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":872.24,"endTime":878.6700000000001,"body":"professional identity and ambition, that's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":872.24,"endTime":878.6700000000001,"body":"sort of the part we don't cop to, right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":878.6700000000001,"endTime":879.96,"body":"When we say, oh, I'm doing..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":880.09,"endTime":882.089,"body":"even working, I'm doing that for my kids."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":882.2990000000001,"endTime":882.76,"body":"Mm-hmm yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":883.1700000000001,"endTime":886.109,"body":"Again, not untrue, but like what"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":883.1700000000001,"endTime":886.109,"body":"about the other part, like own, you know,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":886.1400000000001,"endTime":888.6600000000001,"body":"let's own our ambition and our desires."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":888.6600000000001,"endTime":889.73,"body":"Like what's wrong with that?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":889.73,"endTime":892.71,"body":"And that we can"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":889.73,"endTime":892.71,"body":"do things for ourselves."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":893.26,"endTime":895.97,"body":"Like we're allowed to do"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":893.26,"endTime":895.97,"body":"things just because we want to."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":895.97,"endTime":898.129,"body":"Like, we don't have to get hands"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":895.97,"endTime":898.129,"body":"free time so that we can like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":898.3090000000001,"endTime":900.98,"body":"hands free, do the laundry or"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":898.3090000000001,"endTime":900.98,"body":"hands free, clean out the fridge."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":901.22,"endTime":903.529,"body":"We can get hands free time"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":901.22,"endTime":903.529,"body":"because we wanna lay in the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":903.529,"endTime":905.0590000000001,"body":"backyard and read our book."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":905.1800000000001,"endTime":905.359,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":905.51,"endTime":908.5390000000001,"body":"Um, we can get hands free time"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":905.51,"endTime":908.5390000000001,"body":"because we wanna just like flop on"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":908.5390000000001,"endTime":910.3090000000001,"body":"the couch and zone out on our phone."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":911.94,"endTime":912.01,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":913.9100000000001,"endTime":917.3190000000001,"body":"Being married to a man, I notice"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":913.9100000000001,"endTime":917.3190000000001,"body":"how freely he takes that time."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":918.3090000000001,"endTime":920.5590000000001,"body":"And he's a role model for me in that way."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":921.01,"endTime":924.1600000000001,"body":"Um, and I, I, you know, the, the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":921.01,"endTime":924.1600000000001,"body":"problem is, is when I am not a role"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":924.1600000000001,"endTime":925.69,"body":"model for him in the other way."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":928.69,"endTime":932.4100000000001,"body":"It's so nice, you know, it's so"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":928.69,"endTime":932.4100000000001,"body":"nice to be so generous with one's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":932.4100000000001,"endTime":933.96,"body":"family and their priorities."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":934.69,"endTime":938.72,"body":"That needs to be kind of the, the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":934.69,"endTime":938.72,"body":"role modeling too, for the other"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":938.72,"endTime":942.6800000000001,"body":"partner when it doesn't occur"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":938.72,"endTime":942.6800000000001,"body":"equally because, you know, boy, the,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":942.95,"endTime":944.269,"body":"we, we raise boys in this country."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":944.8090000000001,"endTime":947.869,"body":"Yeah, there was a meme this"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":944.8090000000001,"endTime":947.869,"body":"week that said it's so much easier"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":947.869,"endTime":952.879,"body":"to raise boys because we pass on the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":947.869,"endTime":952.879,"body":"completion of the task to their wives."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":957.6500000000001,"endTime":960.379,"body":"And I was like, yeah, I was gonna post it."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":960.589,"endTime":963.5,"body":"But I'm always very sensitive"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":960.589,"endTime":963.5,"body":"because Meg's family."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":963.589,"endTime":966.3190000000001,"body":"Meg is raising two boys and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":963.589,"endTime":966.3190000000001,"body":"she has an incredible husband."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":966.349,"endTime":970.01,"body":"And they're actually like the families"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":966.349,"endTime":970.01,"body":"that you feature that are defying the."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":970.5440000000001,"endTime":971.4140000000001,"body":"Gender roles."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":971.625,"endTime":971.865,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":971.865,"endTime":977.385,"body":"The Kant family, which is Meg's"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":971.865,"endTime":977.385,"body":"beautiful family is like, so fucking"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":977.385,"endTime":983.654,"body":"committed to not having these patterns"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":977.385,"endTime":983.654,"body":"like around, around food, around body,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":983.654,"endTime":986.325,"body":"around money, around division of labor."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":986.325,"endTime":989.075,"body":"And they're doing a very very good job."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":989.075,"endTime":991.505,"body":"So I'm always really, I was gonna"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":989.075,"endTime":991.505,"body":"post it and I was like, oh no."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":991.575,"endTime":993.605,"body":"I honored Meg and how"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":991.575,"endTime":993.605,"body":"she's rasing her sons."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":993.755,"endTime":998.735,"body":"So I'm not going to  because I wanted"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":993.755,"endTime":998.735,"body":"to be like everyone, but you Meg"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":999.245,"endTime":1005.335,"body":"."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":999.245,"endTime":1005.335,"body":"Darcy: Yeah, it's very thoughtful, but you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1005.335,"endTime":1008.1840000000001,"body":"is whatever we do in our homes, which"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1005.335,"endTime":1008.1840000000001,"body":"of course is meaningful and impactful,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1008.755,"endTime":1010.855,"body":"the larger world still instills."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1010.9440000000001,"endTime":1011.154,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1011.355,"endTime":1013.644,"body":"We can't miss this stuff"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1011.355,"endTime":1013.644,"body":"in the world at large."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1013.9140000000001,"endTime":1016.849,"body":"There was this, um, family,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1013.9140000000001,"endTime":1016.849,"body":"the Bems I think is their name."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1016.849,"endTime":1021.2,"body":"And the, the parents were both, um, I"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1016.849,"endTime":1021.2,"body":"believe they were both psychologists"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1021.9000000000001,"endTime":1025.309,"body":"and they decided in the seventies,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1021.9000000000001,"endTime":1025.309,"body":"I think it was the seventies to"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1025.309,"endTime":1026.51,"body":"raise their kids without gender."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1026.779,"endTime":1030.859,"body":"So they didn't include gender"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1026.779,"endTime":1030.859,"body":"in anything hoping that they"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1030.859,"endTime":1032.089,"body":"could raise these kind of..."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1032.769,"endTime":1036.8799999999999,"body":"and I, I think they, they raised wonderful"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1032.769,"endTime":1036.8799999999999,"body":"children, but what they learned was that"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1036.8799999999999,"endTime":1038.799,"body":"the world outside had a huge impact."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1038.86,"endTime":1040.269,"body":"What they did at home of course mattered."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1040.269,"endTime":1043.39,"body":"And it helped their kids think about"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1040.269,"endTime":1043.39,"body":"things in a different way, but you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1043.39,"endTime":1045.055,"body":"can't escape the outside forces."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1045.265,"endTime":1049.029,"body":"I mean, I think about myself, my"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1045.265,"endTime":1049.029,"body":"dad was super active and involved."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1049.42,"endTime":1053.71,"body":"He was the most involved father"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1049.42,"endTime":1053.71,"body":"of anyone who I knew at the time."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1053.71,"endTime":1056.47,"body":"I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1053.71,"endTime":1056.47,"body":"in the seventies and eighties."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1057.15,"endTime":1060.36,"body":"And he was all at every school"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1057.15,"endTime":1060.36,"body":"performance at every everything."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1060.36,"endTime":1062.11,"body":"He had a more flexible"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1060.36,"endTime":1062.11,"body":"schedule than my mother."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1062.664,"endTime":1065.214,"body":"But still I knew what was,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1062.664,"endTime":1065.214,"body":"you know, what end was up."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1065.214,"endTime":1067.795,"body":"Like, obviously we were the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1065.214,"endTime":1067.795,"body":"weird family and this wasn't"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1067.795,"endTime":1069.085,"body":"how things were supposed to be."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1069.295,"endTime":1073.015,"body":"It was a little embarrassing to"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1069.295,"endTime":1073.015,"body":"me cuz of the kid that I was to"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1073.015,"endTime":1074.694,"body":"not be just like everybody else."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1074.7,"endTime":1077.934,"body":"And it wasn't so embarrassing, but"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1074.7,"endTime":1077.934,"body":"still like I knew that the right thing"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1077.934,"endTime":1080.724,"body":"was that the mother was the one who"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1077.934,"endTime":1080.724,"body":"was doing everything all the time for"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1080.724,"endTime":1082.644,"body":"everybody and that the father was at work."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1082.644,"endTime":1084.325,"body":"Like I really internalized that."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1084.595,"endTime":1088.375,"body":"Clearly making different decisions in"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1084.595,"endTime":1088.375,"body":"your own home makes a big difference,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1088.375,"endTime":1090.085,"body":"but it's still, it's still so there."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1090.085,"endTime":1091.4750000000001,"body":"It's the water we kind of swim in."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1091.4950000000001,"endTime":1092.155,"body":"Oh, I know."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1092.2450000000001,"endTime":1093.805,"body":"Like just becomes part of the wallpaper."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1093.865,"endTime":1095.2250000000001,"body":"Like you're just like, oh yeah, this is..."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1095.95,"endTime":1097.24,"body":"it's frustrating and it's hard."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1097.75,"endTime":1101.769,"body":"Um, Meg and I wanted to talk to about"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1097.75,"endTime":1101.769,"body":"something, put it on the table here"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1101.799,"endTime":1107.14,"body":"with you, Darcy, you know, we get the,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1101.799,"endTime":1107.14,"body":"the beautiful honor of being in spaces"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1107.144,"endTime":1110.02,"body":"with people, helping them through their"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1107.144,"endTime":1110.02,"body":"prenatal and then being at their births"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1110.02,"endTime":1111.4,"body":"and then seeing what happens postpartum."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1111.4,"endTime":1112.96,"body":"So like we get a very intimate role."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1113.1090000000002,"endTime":1116.8,"body":"And, and what we've noticed is that"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1113.1090000000002,"endTime":1116.8,"body":"there's, um, Meg jump in here, if you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1116.8,"endTime":1120.67,"body":"wanna round any of this out, but like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1116.8,"endTime":1120.67,"body":"around motherhood and the identity..."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1121.7050000000002,"endTime":1126.43,"body":"and how much worth comes from"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1121.7050000000002,"endTime":1126.43,"body":"our badges of exhaustion."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1126.43,"endTime":1129.49,"body":"No matter how many times in Bebo"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1126.43,"endTime":1129.49,"body":"Mia, we're like, \"please stop wearing"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1129.49,"endTime":1130.93,"body":"exhaustion like a badge of honor.\""},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1130.99,"endTime":1132.49,"body":"Like it is not a badge of honor."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1132.79,"endTime":1133.21,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1133.21,"endTime":1137.92,"body":"I think that just talking about"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1133.21,"endTime":1137.92,"body":"how somebody could support or help"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1137.92,"endTime":1142.3600000000001,"body":"somebody navigate putting down that"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1137.92,"endTime":1142.3600000000001,"body":"badge of honor, when it feels like"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1142.3600000000001,"endTime":1144.5800000000002,"body":"it's like essential to their being."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1145.05,"endTime":1145.45,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1145.6100000000001,"endTime":1148.1000000000001,"body":"If we stripped that away, then it's"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1145.6100000000001,"endTime":1148.1000000000001,"body":"like, okay, well then I actually"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1148.1000000000001,"endTime":1149.21,"body":"don't know who I am anymore."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1149.21,"endTime":1153.8300000000002,"body":"If I'm not an exhausted, really intensive"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1149.21,"endTime":1153.8300000000002,"body":"parent, then I'm stuck here with an"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1153.8300000000002,"endTime":1156.3500000000001,"body":"identity that I no longer recognize."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1156.71,"endTime":1157.07,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1157.16,"endTime":1161.6000000000001,"body":"And so what Bianca and I were"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1157.16,"endTime":1161.6000000000001,"body":"talking about earlier is like, I I'm"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1161.605,"endTime":1168.8300000000002,"body":"wondering if we would need to build"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1161.605,"endTime":1168.8300000000002,"body":"the exterior pillars before we started,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1168.8300000000002,"endTime":1173.18,"body":"like asking people to like, let go"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1168.8300000000002,"endTime":1173.18,"body":"of those parts of their identity."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1174.075,"endTime":1174.339,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1175.1490000000001,"endTime":1181.99,"body":"Um, I, I think that you really have"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1175.1490000000001,"endTime":1181.99,"body":"to kind of take a good look at the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1181.99,"endTime":1186.099,"body":"world around you and understand"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1181.99,"endTime":1186.099,"body":"culturally how we got, where we got."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1186.9840000000002,"endTime":1190.915,"body":"You know, people, when they read my book,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1186.9840000000002,"endTime":1190.915,"body":"there was some criticism that I didn't"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1190.915,"endTime":1193.045,"body":"solve the problem, which I can appreciate."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1193.285,"endTime":1194.035,"body":"I certainly didn't."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1194.365,"endTime":1200.095,"body":"But my way of thinking,  is that if you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1194.365,"endTime":1200.095,"body":"understand something you're in a better"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1200.099,"endTime":1202.165,"body":"position to make, um, freer choices."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1202.77,"endTime":1205.02,"body":"That's kind of where I come"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1202.77,"endTime":1205.02,"body":"from in my thinking both as a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1205.02,"endTime":1206.52,"body":"therapist, cause I'm a psychologist."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1206.79,"endTime":1211.92,"body":"Um, and certainly when I was writing"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1206.79,"endTime":1211.92,"body":"this book, so like just for myself, when"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1211.925,"endTime":1214.98,"body":"I started writing my kids where I wanna"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1211.925,"endTime":1214.98,"body":"say like three and eight when I started"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1214.98,"endTime":1219.8690000000001,"body":"this book, um, so I was really in it and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1214.98,"endTime":1219.8690000000001,"body":"I didn't know how I had gotten there."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1220.41,"endTime":1224.46,"body":"Um, so I felt like the information"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1220.41,"endTime":1224.46,"body":"that I was giving could, could help"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1224.46,"endTime":1227.94,"body":"people to think about what they were"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1224.46,"endTime":1227.94,"body":"doing along the way in a different way."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1228.329,"endTime":1233.784,"body":"So if you know that, the badge"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1228.329,"endTime":1233.784,"body":"of exhaustion really is, is given"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1233.784,"endTime":1237.805,"body":"out based on all these ideas"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1233.784,"endTime":1237.805,"body":"about intensive mothering, right?"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1237.805,"endTime":1237.895,"body":"Mm-hmm"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1238.135,"endTime":1240.115,"body":"I think, you know, my friends"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1238.135,"endTime":1240.115,"body":"and I, when we were raising our"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1240.115,"endTime":1244.48,"body":"kids, we're very much aware we were"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1240.115,"endTime":1244.48,"body":"raising our kids in a different"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1244.48,"endTime":1245.89,"body":"environment than we were raised in."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1246.28,"endTime":1248.47,"body":"I mean, again, I was raised"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1246.28,"endTime":1248.47,"body":"in the seventies and eighties."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1248.5,"endTime":1250.63,"body":"We were, we did whatever we wanted."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1250.63,"endTime":1255.49,"body":"Like we weren't my friends and I,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1250.63,"endTime":1255.49,"body":"we weren't neglected, but the ethos"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1255.49,"endTime":1257.47,"body":"of parenting was so different."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1257.74,"endTime":1259.66,"body":"Like our parents went to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1257.74,"endTime":1259.66,"body":"work and did their thing."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1259.66,"endTime":1260.8,"body":"We ran around the neighborhood."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1260.805,"endTime":1263.05,"body":"We did our homework on our"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1260.805,"endTime":1263.05,"body":"own, you know, if we want,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1263.05,"endTime":1264.94,"body":"We come home, when the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1263.05,"endTime":1264.94,"body":"sun goes down, that's the rule."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1264.97,"endTime":1265.57,"body":"You have to be home."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1265.57,"endTime":1269.27,"body":"Like every activity that I did in"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1265.57,"endTime":1269.27,"body":"high school, I did on my own volition."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1269.27,"endTime":1271.13,"body":"I didn't have anyone pushing"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1269.27,"endTime":1271.13,"body":"me to get involved with things"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1271.13,"endTime":1272.81,"body":"for my college applications."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1272.81,"endTime":1276.53,"body":"Like it was just forth and make"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1272.81,"endTime":1276.53,"body":"your own life, which I actually"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1276.53,"endTime":1278.24,"body":"really valued about my childhood."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1278.72,"endTime":1281.96,"body":"Um, and I didn't really"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1278.72,"endTime":1281.96,"body":"understand why things had changed."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1281.96,"endTime":1286.25,"body":"Like all of us with all of our"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1281.96,"endTime":1286.25,"body":"intensity, like how did that develop?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1286.64,"endTime":1290.75,"body":"And the thing that really struck me"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1286.64,"endTime":1290.75,"body":"when I was doing the research was it"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1290.75,"endTime":1295.52,"body":"was exactly at the time when women's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1290.75,"endTime":1295.52,"body":"workforce participation started to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1295.52,"endTime":1299.27,"body":"equal men's that there was all this"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1295.52,"endTime":1299.27,"body":"anxiety about what's gonna happen to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1299.27,"endTime":1302.99,"body":"the kids and mothers were exhorted to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1299.27,"endTime":1302.99,"body":"do as much as they had always done,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1302.99,"endTime":1304.39,"body":"even though they were now also working."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1304.96,"endTime":1309.05,"body":"So this sort of ethos of intensive"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1304.96,"endTime":1309.05,"body":"mothering really came about I think it's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1309.05,"endTime":1310.88,"body":"in the late eighties, early nineties."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1311.155,"endTime":1314.454,"body":"When again, women's workforce"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1311.155,"endTime":1314.454,"body":"participation had skyrocketed."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1314.875,"endTime":1318.115,"body":"So to know that this"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1314.875,"endTime":1318.115,"body":"isn't how it has to be."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1318.115,"endTime":1319.675,"body":"And it hasn't always been this way."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1319.675,"endTime":1323.425,"body":"That exhaustion was like this thing"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1319.675,"endTime":1323.425,"body":"that we achieved and that's how we"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1323.425,"endTime":1325.195,"body":"knew we were being good mothers."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1325.405,"endTime":1328.255,"body":"It's just sort of the, um,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1325.405,"endTime":1328.255,"body":"the fashion of the day."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1328.285,"endTime":1328.645,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1328.7050000000002,"endTime":1329.335,"body":"So to speak."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1329.635,"endTime":1332.695,"body":"And once, you know, it's the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1329.635,"endTime":1332.695,"body":"fashion of the day, you can think"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1332.695,"endTime":1333.9850000000001,"body":"to yourself, how do I wanna live?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1334.7250000000001,"endTime":1336.255,"body":"and it's really hard."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1336.345,"endTime":1340.845,"body":"And I felt like when every mother around"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1336.345,"endTime":1340.845,"body":"you knows, knows when it's crazy hair"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1340.845,"endTime":1345.4650000000001,"body":"day and has the bows ready to like,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1340.845,"endTime":1345.4650000000001,"body":"make you up, make the kids up and you're"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1345.4650000000001,"endTime":1348.915,"body":"not doing that it's kind of like, oh"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1345.4650000000001,"endTime":1348.915,"body":"God, is my kid gonna feel neglected?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1349.185,"endTime":1349.4550000000002,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1349.46,"endTime":1352.095,"body":"So it, it is hard to kind"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1349.46,"endTime":1352.095,"body":"of push back against that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1352.305,"endTime":1357.25,"body":"Cause if like being a good mother,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1352.305,"endTime":1357.25,"body":"um, is something that's important to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1357.25,"endTime":1360.669,"body":"you, and I think it is to most people"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1357.25,"endTime":1360.669,"body":"who become mothers, like, how do you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1360.669,"endTime":1364.3590000000002,"body":"say well, but being a good mother to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1360.669,"endTime":1364.3590000000002,"body":"me is not about knowing every time"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1364.3590000000002,"endTime":1368.8890000000001,"body":"it's crazy hair day, having every"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1364.3590000000002,"endTime":1368.8890000000001,"body":"color t-shirt ready for summer camp."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1368.8890000000001,"endTime":1373.3590000000002,"body":"Whatever, at least I know for me, it"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1368.8890000000001,"endTime":1373.3590000000002,"body":"wasn't my inclination to know when it was"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1373.3590000000002,"endTime":1376.69,"body":"crazy hair day, but I always felt guilty"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1373.3590000000002,"endTime":1376.69,"body":"about it if I would show up and the other"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1376.69,"endTime":1378.22,"body":"kids had crazy hair and mind didn't."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1378.22,"endTime":1380.6490000000001,"body":"Like it was cuz I didn't"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1378.22,"endTime":1380.6490000000001,"body":"keep on top of that stuff."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1380.655,"endTime":1380.98,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1381.159,"endTime":1381.339,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1381.3690000000001,"endTime":1382.2,"body":"So I."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1382.9850000000001,"endTime":1386.9750000000001,"body":"It's hard to relinquish the badge of"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1382.9850000000001,"endTime":1386.9750000000001,"body":"exhaustion cuz of what it symbolizes,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1386.9750000000001,"endTime":1389.855,"body":"which is that you're not doing a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1386.9750000000001,"endTime":1389.855,"body":"good job, but again, to know that,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1389.915,"endTime":1391.445,"body":"that hasn't always what has made..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1391.445,"endTime":1393.4850000000001,"body":"you know, been a cultural value."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1395.035,"endTime":1398.005,"body":"That can be really useful to know"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1395.035,"endTime":1398.005,"body":"that even if you're a progressive"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1398.005,"endTime":1403.945,"body":"person, you've really, um, internalized"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1398.005,"endTime":1403.945,"body":"enough, let's call it misogyny to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1404.035,"endTime":1405.925,"body":"still take on most of the work at home."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1405.925,"endTime":1409.165,"body":"Cuz you just think you're supposed to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1405.925,"endTime":1409.165,"body":"and your husband, you know, if you're"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1409.165,"endTime":1412.555,"body":"married to a man or partnered with a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1409.165,"endTime":1412.555,"body":"man, um, and he's not doing that much,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1412.615,"endTime":1414.025,"body":"it's not cuz he's thinking about it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1414.025,"endTime":1418.315,"body":"It's cuz he was sort of raised to be a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1414.025,"endTime":1418.315,"body":"little bit entitled and not expect to have"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1418.315,"endTime":1419.9950000000001,"body":"to do that stuff without even knowing it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1419.9950000000001,"endTime":1420.175,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1420.175,"endTime":1422.095,"body":"Our values don't match our behavior."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1422.155,"endTime":1423.675,"body":"That's where couples have trouble."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1423.835,"endTime":1426.505,"body":"Cause we kind of expect that our"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1423.835,"endTime":1426.505,"body":"behavior is gonna follow follow from"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1426.505,"endTime":1429.954,"body":"our values, but that's not really,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1426.505,"endTime":1429.954,"body":"that's not really how it tends to go."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1430.195,"endTime":1435.385,"body":"Mm-hmm  and I think that for so"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1430.195,"endTime":1435.385,"body":"many, uh, mothers in particular, that"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1435.385,"endTime":1440.125,"body":"there's a feeling of almost vulnerability"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1435.385,"endTime":1440.125,"body":"when they, you know, express these"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1440.125,"endTime":1443.905,"body":"needs to their partner, because it"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1440.125,"endTime":1443.905,"body":"really does end up being like, if you"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1443.905,"endTime":1445.704,"body":"don't do this, then where are we at?"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1446.515,"endTime":1446.815,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1446.815,"endTime":1449.065,"body":"I'm either going to"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1446.815,"endTime":1449.065,"body":"talk to you about this."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1449.065,"endTime":1452.665,"body":"We're gonna have meaningful dialogue"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1449.065,"endTime":1452.665,"body":"and there's gonna be some changes or."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1453.295,"endTime":1458.2450000000001,"body":"The other, like, there are only two other"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1453.295,"endTime":1458.2450000000001,"body":"options I settle with what is, yeah."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1458.2450000000001,"endTime":1461.425,"body":"Or I'm forced to like leave"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1458.2450000000001,"endTime":1461.425,"body":"or I have to do whatever."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1461.665,"endTime":1466.405,"body":"And so there's that like really like"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1461.665,"endTime":1466.405,"body":"big feeling, you know, vulnerability"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1466.645,"endTime":1469.155,"body":"of putting it out there and being"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1466.645,"endTime":1469.155,"body":"like, this is actually what I need."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1470.285,"endTime":1473.44,"body":"Especially if you have a partner that"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1470.285,"endTime":1473.44,"body":"you don't think is gonna pick it up."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1473.98,"endTime":1476.29,"body":"I think one of the other"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1473.98,"endTime":1476.29,"body":"things that I hoped with my book"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1476.29,"endTime":1478.1200000000001,"body":"was if couples read it together."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1478.42,"endTime":1478.63,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1478.72,"endTime":1482.74,"body":"Um, there would be more room to have"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1478.72,"endTime":1482.74,"body":"these discussions and what one, one"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1482.74,"endTime":1486.6100000000001,"body":"couple said to me, and I thought this"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1482.74,"endTime":1486.6100000000001,"body":"put it really nicely was like, once"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1486.6100000000001,"endTime":1491.29,"body":"we understand that this is a cultural"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1486.6100000000001,"endTime":1491.29,"body":"problem and we're just kind of playing"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1491.295,"endTime":1495.645,"body":"it out, like everybody does, we don't"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1491.295,"endTime":1495.645,"body":"have to be so defensive and so angry."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1496.065,"endTime":1496.2150000000001,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1496.2450000000001,"endTime":1496.905,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1497.115,"endTime":1500.595,"body":"I wanted to open up a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1497.115,"endTime":1500.595,"body":"discussion by relieving each member"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1500.595,"endTime":1502.2150000000001,"body":"of the couple of responsibility."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1502.2150000000001,"endTime":1502.275,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1502.4550000000002,"endTime":1505.605,"body":"Cause it's really to say,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1502.4550000000002,"endTime":1505.605,"body":"well, you woman, you're such a martyr"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1505.845,"endTime":1509.925,"body":"and you do, you're such an asshole"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1505.845,"endTime":1509.925,"body":"for overlooking this shit, but."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1510.805,"endTime":1513.7150000000001,"body":"In reality, we didn't build society."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1513.7150000000001,"endTime":1514.405,"body":"None of us did."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1514.405,"endTime":1514.585,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1514.765,"endTime":1517.525,"body":"Who knows how societies and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1514.765,"endTime":1517.525,"body":"cultures get built, but it"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1517.525,"endTime":1519.145,"body":"not by not by us individually."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1519.325,"endTime":1522.505,"body":"So once we are relieved of some"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1519.325,"endTime":1522.505,"body":"responsibility for the patterns"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1522.505,"endTime":1525.4750000000001,"body":"we're acting out, hopefully we"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1522.505,"endTime":1525.4750000000001,"body":"can really sit down together and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1525.4750000000001,"endTime":1528.575,"body":"like, kind of interrogate what's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1525.4750000000001,"endTime":1528.575,"body":"going on with some good humor."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1528.7250000000001,"endTime":1532.685,"body":"And then also some ability to shift"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1528.7250000000001,"endTime":1532.685,"body":"the division of labor to really hear"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1532.685,"endTime":1535.7150000000001,"body":"one another, instead of blaming one"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1532.685,"endTime":1535.7150000000001,"body":"another, which is so easy to do."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1535.7150000000001,"endTime":1539.2250000000001,"body":"I mean, I remember being sleep"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1535.7150000000001,"endTime":1539.2250000000001,"body":"deprived and angry all the time."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1539.4650000000001,"endTime":1539.915,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1540.005,"endTime":1543.395,"body":"Um, and I'm less sleep deprived"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1540.005,"endTime":1543.395,"body":"now and also less angry."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1543.4550000000002,"endTime":1546.295,"body":"Um, and you know, we've worked through"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1543.4550000000002,"endTime":1546.295,"body":"some things, but not everything cuz"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1546.295,"endTime":1547.7150000000001,"body":"some of this stuff just gets so stuck."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1547.775,"endTime":1548.376,"body":"Mm-hmm  yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1548.381,"endTime":1549.755,"body":"There's just these unresolvables."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1550.57,"endTime":1551.74,"body":"Right, right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1551.829,"endTime":1552.579,"body":"Yeah, exactly."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1552.579,"endTime":1555.16,"body":"Once you get into patterns"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1552.579,"endTime":1555.16,"body":"with your kids, like it's real."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1555.16,"endTime":1557.92,"body":"The learning curve is really"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1555.16,"endTime":1557.92,"body":"difficult to catch up on."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1557.92,"endTime":1561.46,"body":"Like once, you know, all the, you know,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1557.92,"endTime":1561.46,"body":"mothers in the community and all the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1561.46,"endTime":1565.72,"body":"teacher's names and all the friends"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1561.46,"endTime":1565.72,"body":"and all the, you know, sort of annual"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1565.72,"endTime":1568.71,"body":"things that kind of go on, it's hard"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1565.72,"endTime":1568.71,"body":"for someone else to get up to speed."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1569.2,"endTime":1572.8,"body":"So if people don't start out trying"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1569.2,"endTime":1572.8,"body":"to be on the same page and up to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1572.8,"endTime":1576.22,"body":"speed with stuff, it can be very"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1572.8,"endTime":1576.22,"body":"difficult to reconfigure that"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1576.22,"endTime":1577.18,"body":"Mm-hmm."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1577.66,"endTime":1578.38,"body":"Yeah, for sure."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1578.38,"endTime":1579.31,"body":"No, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1579.64,"endTime":1583.3590000000002,"body":"I know that was one thing that, um,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1579.64,"endTime":1583.3590000000002,"body":"Max and I, when we were talking about"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1583.3590000000002,"endTime":1586.15,"body":"this, there was almost when we first"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1583.3590000000002,"endTime":1586.15,"body":"started talking about, because this"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1586.15,"endTime":1589.69,"body":"has been a conversation that we've"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1586.15,"endTime":1589.69,"body":"been having for years and anyone that's"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1589.69,"endTime":1591.79,"body":"listening, it's like a constant work."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1591.79,"endTime":1593.32,"body":"We are always working on it."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1593.589,"endTime":1596.29,"body":"Sometimes we show up better"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1593.589,"endTime":1596.29,"body":"than we show up at other times."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1597.1290000000001,"endTime":1600.7,"body":"And it was so interesting because"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1597.1290000000001,"endTime":1600.7,"body":"I thought I had been talking about"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1600.7,"endTime":1604.0,"body":"this so neutrally and just like"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1600.7,"endTime":1604.0,"body":"relaying the information and just"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1604.0,"endTime":1605.53,"body":"being really gentle about it."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1605.56,"endTime":1608.5,"body":"And eventually at one point he"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1605.56,"endTime":1608.5,"body":"got so defensive and I was like,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1608.5,"endTime":1609.94,"body":"I don't understand why you're mad."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1609.94,"endTime":1612.31,"body":"And he's like, you're"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1609.94,"endTime":1612.31,"body":"calling me a shitty dad."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1612.8790000000001,"endTime":1615.82,"body":"And I was like, wow, that is"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1612.8790000000001,"endTime":1615.82,"body":"so interesting, cuz I actually"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1615.82,"endTime":1617.6190000000001,"body":"am not, that's not how I feel."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1618.04,"endTime":1621.79,"body":"And so to like, I love how you put"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1618.04,"endTime":1621.79,"body":"it and you even said it in the book"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1621.94,"endTime":1623.56,"body":"for couples that read it together."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1624.115,"endTime":1627.9850000000001,"body":"Because it takes away that"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1624.115,"endTime":1627.9850000000001,"body":"sting of, of pointing blame."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1629.065,"endTime":1632.185,"body":"It's just what's so, and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1629.065,"endTime":1632.185,"body":"it's like, the uncomfortability"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1632.185,"endTime":1635.724,"body":"comes from like that gas lighting"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1632.185,"endTime":1635.724,"body":"feeling of being like, no, I, and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1635.724,"endTime":1637.4950000000001,"body":"you're like, no, this is insane."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1637.5,"endTime":1640.135,"body":"Like, this is, this is"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1637.5,"endTime":1640.135,"body":"not what is happening."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1640.14,"endTime":1641.964,"body":"And they're like, I don't"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1640.14,"endTime":1641.964,"body":"know what to tell you."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1641.964,"endTime":1645.595,"body":"And you're like, \"Just say"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1641.964,"endTime":1645.595,"body":"that this is not equal.\""},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1645.595,"endTime":1647.515,"body":"And I think that's where"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1645.595,"endTime":1647.515,"body":"Meg and Max are right now."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1647.515,"endTime":1650.335,"body":"They're like at this like pinnacle"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1647.515,"endTime":1650.335,"body":"where the last piece is just to be"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1650.335,"endTime":1654.655,"body":"like, let's just like openly talk"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1650.335,"endTime":1654.655,"body":"about that the system is unfair and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1654.655,"endTime":1658.464,"body":"it is inequitable and we've landed at"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1654.655,"endTime":1658.464,"body":"what we're thinking is equal, but it's"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1658.464,"endTime":1660.055,"body":"very much still two thirds, one third."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1660.865,"endTime":1664.7350000000001,"body":"It, it helps to be able to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1660.865,"endTime":1664.7350000000001,"body":"say, and it took me a really long time"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1664.7350000000001,"endTime":1668.395,"body":"to realize this you're, you're not a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1664.7350000000001,"endTime":1668.395,"body":"shitty dad, but if you're not listening"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1668.395,"endTime":1669.775,"body":"to me, you're being a shitty partner."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1670.075,"endTime":1670.285,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1670.285,"endTime":1670.4950000000001,"body":"Cause..."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1670.4950000000001,"endTime":1670.855,"body":"Oh, that's good."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1671.055,"endTime":1672.505,"body":"So they're so different."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1672.925,"endTime":1676.855,"body":"And I think to really be able to"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1672.925,"endTime":1676.855,"body":"say these two things are separate,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1677.155,"endTime":1680.095,"body":"you know, it was, it, it was funny"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1677.155,"endTime":1680.095,"body":"cuz I think I didn't really realize"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1680.095,"endTime":1685.045,"body":"that very clearly until I actually"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1680.095,"endTime":1685.045,"body":"had the opportunity to be on the..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1685.165,"endTime":1685.335,"body":"the...."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1685.605,"endTime":1686.355,"body":"was, yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1686.355,"endTime":1687.505,"body":"The Today Show?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1687.535,"endTime":1688.25,"body":"One of the morning shows."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1688.43,"endTime":1689.17,"body":"Oh my God."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1689.17,"endTime":1690.02,"body":"No big deal!"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1690.05,"endTime":1691.43,"body":"When I was on the today show."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1693.6490000000001,"endTime":1693.95,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1693.95,"endTime":1699.05,"body":"Anyway, so, and my husband was like, you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1693.95,"endTime":1699.05,"body":"know, he was on board for the whole thing,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1699.05,"endTime":1701.75,"body":"but it's very hard to be kind of the..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1702.49,"endTime":1705.595,"body":"um, the like ground zero"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1702.49,"endTime":1705.595,"body":"for this book, right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1705.595,"endTime":1706.4950000000001,"body":"Is our relationship."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1706.795,"endTime":1710.4850000000001,"body":"And it's like, so it wasn't, you know,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1706.795,"endTime":1710.4850000000001,"body":"as supportive as he was, it was also,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1710.4850000000001,"endTime":1712.525,"body":"he was, he didn't feel great about it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1712.525,"endTime":1712.7050000000002,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1712.7050000000002,"endTime":1713.305,"body":"It felt bad."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1713.365,"endTime":1713.425,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1713.845,"endTime":1717.805,"body":"And so I was, I was going on television"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1713.845,"endTime":1717.805,"body":"that morning and he was working."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1717.81,"endTime":1719.2150000000001,"body":"He didn't see it, get to see it live."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1719.545,"endTime":1722.2150000000001,"body":"But I said to him afterwards, I'm"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1719.545,"endTime":1722.2150000000001,"body":"like, \"Hey, I just told all of"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1722.2150000000001,"endTime":1724.945,"body":"America that you're a great dad.\""},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1725.185,"endTime":1725.4850000000001,"body":"I was."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1725.88,"endTime":1726.21,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1726.21,"endTime":1729.75,"body":"I really want you to know, like"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1726.21,"endTime":1729.75,"body":"this isn't this, this isn't"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1729.75,"endTime":1730.98,"body":"about you not being a good dad."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1730.98,"endTime":1732.75,"body":"It's about, it's about what"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1730.98,"endTime":1732.75,"body":"goes on between men and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1732.75,"endTime":1733.95,"body":"women and their partnerships."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1734.25,"endTime":1739.0800000000002,"body":"So I think it was that morning that I"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1734.25,"endTime":1739.0800000000002,"body":"really separated the two in my head, you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1739.0800000000002,"endTime":1743.0,"body":"know, feeling like really not wanting"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1739.0800000000002,"endTime":1743.0,"body":"him to be like devastated by what I was"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1743.0,"endTime":1746.55,"body":"saying, which of course the book was,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1743.0,"endTime":1746.55,"body":"is not a memoir and it's not about him."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1746.55,"endTime":1750.1200000000001,"body":"It's just kind of how, how I got the idea"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1746.55,"endTime":1750.1200000000001,"body":"for the whole thing was like, why are"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1750.1200000000001,"endTime":1752.52,"body":"we having this ridiculous experience?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1752.79,"endTime":1753.0,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1753.0,"endTime":1753.06,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1753.81,"endTime":1758.41,"body":"Um, And it's funny, cuz I there's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1753.81,"endTime":1758.41,"body":"a book called Fair Play by Eve Rodsky."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1758.41,"endTime":1759.3400000000001,"body":"You guys probably know it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1759.41,"endTime":1759.69,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1759.79,"endTime":1760.03,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1760.45,"endTime":1765.31,"body":"And Eve and I had the opportunity to,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1760.45,"endTime":1765.31,"body":"um, get together a few times and she,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1765.3400000000001,"endTime":1766.75,"body":"her book started from the same thing."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1766.99,"endTime":1770.5,"body":"She was having the same ridiculous"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1766.99,"endTime":1770.5,"body":"experience as me at about the same time."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1770.8300000000002,"endTime":1773.8300000000002,"body":"Um, and decided to develop this"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1770.8300000000002,"endTime":1773.8300000000002,"body":"card game that would help couples."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1774.07,"endTime":1774.73,"body":"Um, yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1775.175,"endTime":1778.535,"body":"Her research is really awesome too,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1775.175,"endTime":1778.535,"body":"but she has a, an actual, like, I"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1778.535,"endTime":1782.645,"body":"kind of feel like my book is the why"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1778.535,"endTime":1782.645,"body":"and hers is the how to, um, yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1782.675,"endTime":1785.915,"body":"They're, I think they're, they're"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1782.675,"endTime":1785.915,"body":"a good, um, a good set together."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1786.185,"endTime":1788.195,"body":"But anyway, but anyway, Meg,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1786.185,"endTime":1788.195,"body":"the distinction that you're"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1788.195,"endTime":1790.2350000000001,"body":"making your husband said, well,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1788.195,"endTime":1790.2350000000001,"body":"you're saying I'm a shitty dad."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1790.2350000000001,"endTime":1792.125,"body":"No, no, no, not at all, honey."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1792.13,"endTime":1793.325,"body":"You're an amazing father."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1793.505,"endTime":1793.7150000000001,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1793.72,"endTime":1794.7350000000001,"body":"Cause men need to hear that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1794.7350000000001,"endTime":1795.785,"body":"I mean, if you believe it right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1795.785,"endTime":1798.515,"body":"If you feel that that is true, men"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1795.785,"endTime":1798.515,"body":"need to hear that as much as we do."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1798.515,"endTime":1799.575,"body":"And I think that they..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1799.964,"endTime":1804.7150000000001,"body":"they get praised, but I, I think they,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1799.964,"endTime":1804.7150000000001,"body":"they also have some obviously, cuz it's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1804.7150000000001,"endTime":1808.4950000000001,"body":"important to them, some insecurities"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1804.7150000000001,"endTime":1808.4950000000001,"body":"about whether they're doing a good job."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1808.525,"endTime":1810.4750000000001,"body":"Mm-hmm  so yeah, no, you're a great dad."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1810.48,"endTime":1811.675,"body":"The partnership is the problem."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1811.675,"endTime":1812.845,"body":"Let's focus on that, right?"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1813.204,"endTime":1813.595,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1813.6000000000001,"endTime":1816.7450000000001,"body":"And, and that's actually, I did wanna"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1813.6000000000001,"endTime":1816.7450000000001,"body":"to note too, just a, like a little"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1816.7450000000001,"endTime":1820.825,"body":"bit about like the demands are high,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1816.7450000000001,"endTime":1820.825,"body":"but the responsiveness is high."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1820.825,"endTime":1823.9750000000001,"body":"So this is something that we talk about"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1820.825,"endTime":1823.9750000000001,"body":"when we're talking about infants, right?"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1823.9750000000001,"endTime":1827.285,"body":"Like especially when we talk about"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1823.9750000000001,"endTime":1827.285,"body":"infant sleep, There's a high demand,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1827.4950000000001,"endTime":1829.145,"body":"but there's also high responsiveness."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1829.145,"endTime":1831.625,"body":"So you might, um, or"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1829.145,"endTime":1831.625,"body":"this is with children."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1832.57,"endTime":1836.1090000000002,"body":"So when I was thinking about"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1832.57,"endTime":1836.1090000000002,"body":"with Max and I is that he is a"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1836.1090000000002,"endTime":1838.21,"body":"fully functioning, capable adult."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1838.27,"endTime":1841.78,"body":"And when we work as a team,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1838.27,"endTime":1841.78,"body":"everyone is happier, even him."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1841.9,"endTime":1845.29,"body":"And so even though the demands are"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1841.9,"endTime":1845.29,"body":"high, like when I feel supported"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1845.29,"endTime":1848.32,"body":"and seen, I'm more likely to go"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1845.29,"endTime":1848.32,"body":"above and beyond and make sure"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1848.32,"endTime":1850.23,"body":"that he feels supported and seen."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1850.26,"endTime":1854.76,"body":"And so it really does kind of become"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1850.26,"endTime":1854.76,"body":"this positive feedback loop, as opposed"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1854.765,"endTime":1857.8500000000001,"body":"to when we first started, it kind"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1854.765,"endTime":1857.8500000000001,"body":"of felt like positive reinforcement."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1857.91,"endTime":1858.72,"body":"He did something good."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1858.72,"endTime":1862.32,"body":"And so I said, nice things, but now it"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1858.72,"endTime":1862.32,"body":"just like genuinely feels like that."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1862.32,"endTime":1865.5900000000001,"body":"He does lovely things and I do lovely"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":1862.32,"endTime":1865.5900000000001,"body":"things and we both are so grateful."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1865.65,"endTime":1869.935,"body":"The layers of that is so"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1865.65,"endTime":1869.935,"body":"awesome because, um, I also had a very"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1869.935,"endTime":1873.655,"body":"non-traditional being raised by my"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1869.935,"endTime":1873.655,"body":"parents and they were both very present."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1873.655,"endTime":1874.615,"body":"My mom was an at-home parent."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1874.615,"endTime":1876.565,"body":"My dad ran a law firm, but"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1874.615,"endTime":1876.565,"body":"it was down the street."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1876.565,"endTime":1878.905,"body":"So he could like come home for lunch"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1876.565,"endTime":1878.905,"body":"and he was always there and we were"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1878.905,"endTime":1884.92,"body":"homeschooled and, um, again like seventies"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1878.905,"endTime":1884.92,"body":"and eighties and, um, . And I remember"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1884.92,"endTime":1888.8790000000001,"body":"him saying like, not only is being"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1884.92,"endTime":1888.8790000000001,"body":"hands on really important, but showing"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1888.8790000000001,"endTime":1892.97,"body":"my children like how sacred their mom"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1888.8790000000001,"endTime":1892.97,"body":"is, even when they're not together."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1892.97,"endTime":1896.56,"body":"So he did family law, like divorce"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1892.97,"endTime":1896.56,"body":"law, but it like sucked his soul."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1896.56,"endTime":1900.3690000000001,"body":"So he moved over to a different type,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1896.56,"endTime":1900.3690000000001,"body":"but he used to say like, even to his"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1900.79,"endTime":1905.05,"body":"clients, when he like represented dads"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1900.79,"endTime":1905.05,"body":"was: the most loving thing, like, you do"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1905.05,"endTime":1908.74,"body":"not have to like her, but like you're also"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1905.05,"endTime":1908.74,"body":"teaching your children about like what"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1908.7450000000001,"endTime":1910.99,"body":"they can expect because they love her."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1911.29,"endTime":1911.3500000000001,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1911.38,"endTime":1913.63,"body":"And like, that's the most generous thing."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1913.63,"endTime":1916.6000000000001,"body":"So now when I watch people who like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1913.63,"endTime":1916.6000000000001,"body":"the dads are like, not only just like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1916.6000000000001,"endTime":1919.25,"body":"not very present, but they're like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1916.6000000000001,"endTime":1919.25,"body":"straight up bullies to their moms."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1919.65,"endTime":1923.07,"body":"Even in relationships and they're"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1919.65,"endTime":1923.07,"body":"like, but he's a really good dad."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1923.07,"endTime":1926.52,"body":"And I was like, he's not, he says"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1923.07,"endTime":1926.52,"body":"terrible things about you in front of"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1926.52,"endTime":1928.44,"body":"your children, even when you're married."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1928.71,"endTime":1930.1200000000001,"body":"Like how is that a good dad?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1930.125,"endTime":1933.45,"body":"And when your kids get the message,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1930.125,"endTime":1933.45,"body":"like, mom's essentially garbage."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1933.45,"endTime":1934.92,"body":"Like you carry the groceries."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1934.92,"endTime":1940.191,"body":"I'm not going to because they see that"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1934.92,"endTime":1940.191,"body":"like, that's your, you know, I was like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1940.1960000000001,"endTime":1943.21,"body":"you've, you're actually perpetuating"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1940.1960000000001,"endTime":1943.21,"body":"exactly what we're trying to stop."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1943.2150000000001,"endTime":1946.63,"body":"And yet they still have a good dad"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1943.2150000000001,"endTime":1946.63,"body":"because they went to soccer or they like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1946.8700000000001,"endTime":1948.79,"body":"did school drop off twice that week."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1948.97,"endTime":1949.24,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1949.51,"endTime":1949.72,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1949.72,"endTime":1951.91,"body":"Family systems are really complicated."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1952.21,"endTime":1955.9,"body":"And the research shows that actually"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1952.21,"endTime":1955.9,"body":"the most important determinant..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1956.32,"endTime":1959.68,"body":"and this is old research, so I'm"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1956.32,"endTime":1959.68,"body":"not sure if it's been updated,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1959.68,"endTime":1963.22,"body":"but the most important determinant"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1959.68,"endTime":1963.22,"body":"of a child's self-esteem is how"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1963.22,"endTime":1964.42,"body":"well their parents get along."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1964.93,"endTime":1965.23,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1965.8,"endTime":1966.16,"body":"Oh, wow."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1967.615,"endTime":1971.545,"body":"and in, in houses where there's conflict"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1967.615,"endTime":1971.545,"body":"between the mother and father look,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1971.545,"endTime":1976.075,"body":"there's always conflict, but the more"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1971.545,"endTime":1976.075,"body":"conflict there is the more distant"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1976.075,"endTime":1980.8300000000002,"body":"relationship fathers develop with"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1976.075,"endTime":1980.8300000000002,"body":"their children, especially daughters."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1980.92,"endTime":1982.3300000000002,"body":"This is in the book so"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1980.92,"endTime":1982.3300000000002,"body":"you probably read that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1982.3300000000002,"endTime":1984.94,"body":"But yeah, I, I thought that"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1982.3300000000002,"endTime":1984.94,"body":"was a pretty interesting stat."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1985.1200000000001,"endTime":1989.8600000000001,"body":"So there's, so there's so many"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1985.1200000000001,"endTime":1989.8600000000001,"body":"reasons to fight for a, an equitable"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1989.8600000000001,"endTime":1993.8500000000001,"body":"division of labor, cuz it makes"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1989.8600000000001,"endTime":1993.8500000000001,"body":"for a more enjoyable family system,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":1993.8500000000001,"endTime":1995.26,"body":"which is better for everybody."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1996.135,"endTime":1996.625,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1996.63,"endTime":2000.4750000000001,"body":"Yeah, no, that was, it was honestly"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":1996.63,"endTime":2000.4750000000001,"body":"even in my 20 something year old brain"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2000.535,"endTime":2005.125,"body":"when I had Gray, um, when I was straight"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2000.535,"endTime":2005.125,"body":"for, when I was straight for two years."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2005.395,"endTime":2010.255,"body":"Um,  um, I realized, I mean, not only my"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2005.395,"endTime":2010.255,"body":"queerness, but I was ready to like grid"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2010.255,"endTime":2014.815,"body":"and grit, bear down and make this work"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2010.255,"endTime":2014.815,"body":"because of, I don't know, my 20 something"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2014.815,"endTime":2017.935,"body":"values of those black and white thinking"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2014.815,"endTime":2017.935,"body":"of like divorce, shouldn't be an option."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2018.325,"endTime":2023.07,"body":"Um, but I remember being like, oh, I never"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2018.325,"endTime":2023.07,"body":"want Gray to see me treated like this."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2023.1000000000001,"endTime":2023.16,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2023.16,"endTime":2024.8700000000001,"body":"Like this is, this is garbage."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2025.05,"endTime":2025.14,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2025.23,"endTime":2028.95,"body":"Um, and it was like insidious"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2025.23,"endTime":2028.95,"body":"garbage that like, where you just"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2028.95,"endTime":2031.98,"body":"feel worthless, but you, like, you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2028.95,"endTime":2031.98,"body":"don't have to get hit to like, have"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2031.9850000000001,"endTime":2033.9,"body":"that be the message loud and clear."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2033.93,"endTime":2036.3,"body":"And I remember being like, that"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2033.93,"endTime":2036.3,"body":"was actually one of my conscious"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2036.3,"endTime":2040.14,"body":"thoughts of like, I do not want"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2036.3,"endTime":2040.14,"body":"this kid to think that this is okay."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2040.14,"endTime":2043.48,"body":"Like not only the inequitable division"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2040.14,"endTime":2043.48,"body":"of labor, but that like you're"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2043.65,"endTime":2047.0,"body":"garbage in your home, which should"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2043.65,"endTime":2047.0,"body":"be your safest, most like bolstering,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2047.0,"endTime":2050.75,"body":"restful place that you're celebrated"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2047.0,"endTime":2050.75,"body":"because the rest of the world is so"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2050.75,"endTime":2052.5499999999997,"body":"challenging for women to move through."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2053.06,"endTime":2057.41,"body":"Um, and that was even at 26, I was"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2053.06,"endTime":2057.41,"body":"like, \"Nope, I gotta get outta here.\""},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2057.415,"endTime":2062.129,"body":"Cuz I need Gray to like only see me"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2057.415,"endTime":2062.129,"body":"being strong and valued and hence, I"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2062.129,"endTime":2067.139,"body":"made Bebo Mia and I built the community"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2062.129,"endTime":2067.139,"body":"really badass women doing cool stuff."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2067.379,"endTime":2067.47,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2067.47,"endTime":2070.589,"body":"So she could see me in a really"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2067.47,"endTime":2070.589,"body":"like empowered state, even though"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2070.589,"endTime":2073.619,"body":"at the time it meant we were in"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2070.589,"endTime":2073.619,"body":"poverty and we had like, you know,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2073.77,"endTime":2077.25,"body":"less consistent housing, like all of"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2073.77,"endTime":2077.25,"body":"that still felt more important then."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2077.31,"endTime":2077.879,"body":"Oh, sure."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2077.879,"endTime":2078.089,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2078.095,"endTime":2080.43,"body":"No, that must have been a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2078.095,"endTime":2080.43,"body":"very difficult time and I can"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2080.43,"endTime":2082.0,"body":"appreciate that choice for sure."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2082.5989999999997,"endTime":2083.91,"body":"But I'm so grateful every day."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2083.91,"endTime":2086.91,"body":"And that Gray's only seen me,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2083.91,"endTime":2086.91,"body":"like, I mean, we've had bumps"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2086.91,"endTime":2087.869,"body":"and bruises along the way."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2087.869,"endTime":2091.139,"body":"Don't get me wrong, but like, she's"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2087.869,"endTime":2091.139,"body":"just, she hasn't seen me in that like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2091.2,"endTime":2093.75,"body":"obvious power, it like disempowered state."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2094.0789999999997,"endTime":2094.2,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2094.44,"endTime":2097.0789999999997,"body":"Um, and I think that's really powerful"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2094.44,"endTime":2097.0789999999997,"body":"for our daughters and our sense"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2097.085,"endTime":2099.96,"body":"we have to stop, like making our"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2097.085,"endTime":2099.96,"body":"daughters the reason of like shaping"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2099.96,"endTime":2101.04,"body":"them into the world of our sons."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2101.04,"endTime":2105.089,"body":"But like having our children see"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2101.04,"endTime":2105.089,"body":"us really, really like empowered"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2105.089,"endTime":2106.47,"body":"in whatever our choices are."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2106.5299999999997,"endTime":2107.66,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2107.69,"endTime":2108.18,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2108.45,"endTime":2109.859,"body":"And I think that's a really, that."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2110.595,"endTime":2112.8439999999996,"body":"I know it felt like a good"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2110.595,"endTime":2112.8439999999996,"body":"parenting move at the time."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2112.964,"endTime":2113.364,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2113.364,"endTime":2113.644,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2114.864,"endTime":2117.254,"body":"And publicly, and we see"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2114.864,"endTime":2117.254,"body":"more women in public life."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2117.254,"endTime":2119.084,"body":"That's also something"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2117.254,"endTime":2119.084,"body":"that is bound to shift."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2119.084,"endTime":2119.234,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2119.234,"endTime":2121.6639999999998,"body":"We see Kamala Harris, we"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2119.234,"endTime":2121.6639999999998,"body":"have a powerful woman."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2121.6639999999998,"endTime":2122.0539999999996,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2122.4139999999998,"endTime":2125.7439999999997,"body":"Um, and more women in the house"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2122.4139999999998,"endTime":2125.7439999999997,"body":"and Senate, hopefully like, right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2125.7439999999997,"endTime":2126.484,"body":"Cuz you watch the news."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2127.229,"endTime":2129.24,"body":"And you see, you see who leads the world."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2129.24,"endTime":2130.169,"body":"You see who's important."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2130.169,"endTime":2131.1589999999997,"body":"You see who's valued."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2131.49,"endTime":2133.919,"body":"Um, yeah, there's a lot going against us."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2133.919,"endTime":2134.49,"body":"There's a good book."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2134.49,"endTime":2137.0389999999998,"body":"I don't know if you guys have read"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2134.49,"endTime":2137.0389999999998,"body":"\"Why as Patriarchy Persists?\"."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2137.399,"endTime":2137.5499999999997,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2137.5499999999997,"endTime":2139.4089999999997,"body":"Like Carol Gilligan and Naomi Snyder."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2139.589,"endTime":2140.3089999999997,"body":"I, I love that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2140.314,"endTime":2143.8199999999997,"body":"It's kind of psych heavy cuz it's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2140.314,"endTime":2143.8199999999997,"body":"yeah, I think it's, it might not be"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2143.8239999999996,"endTime":2149.0099999999998,"body":"so accessible, but it's also a really"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2143.8239999999996,"endTime":2149.0099999999998,"body":"nice kind of um, look at why, why"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2149.0099999999998,"endTime":2153.3289999999997,"body":"it's been so hard to, um, shift beyond"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2149.0099999999998,"endTime":2153.3289999999997,"body":"this system that we all live in."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2153.5989999999997,"endTime":2156.4199999999996,"body":"Mm-hmm  well, it's, it's hard,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2153.5989999999997,"endTime":2156.4199999999996,"body":"like you said, in, in All the Rage, which"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2156.4199999999996,"endTime":2161.43,"body":"is, you know, there's lots of really great"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2156.4199999999996,"endTime":2161.43,"body":"sources to back it up, um, is it's like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2161.435,"endTime":2162.93,"body":"people don't wanna give up privilege."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2162.93,"endTime":2167.0099999999998,"body":"It's why, you know, through 2020"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2162.93,"endTime":2167.0099999999998,"body":"when people were noticing racism"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2167.0099999999998,"endTime":2168.24,"body":"apparently for the first time."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2168.5699999999997,"endTime":2171.8999999999996,"body":"Um, and then I was like, but it actually"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2168.5699999999997,"endTime":2171.8999999999996,"body":"means you have to do these things."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2171.8999999999996,"endTime":2173.73,"body":"Like you might step down from your job."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2173.73,"endTime":2176.16,"body":"You might have to like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2173.73,"endTime":2176.16,"body":"give your land back."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2176.16,"endTime":2179.73,"body":"Like I was like, these are actually the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2176.16,"endTime":2179.73,"body":"things it's so much more than putting"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2179.73,"endTime":2181.3199999999997,"body":"a black square in your Instagram."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2181.3199999999997,"endTime":2184.98,"body":"So the same thing with men that I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2181.3199999999997,"endTime":2184.98,"body":"it's not just saying I support my wife."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2184.98,"endTime":2185.5,"body":"It's like..."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2186.0299999999997,"endTime":2186.6099999999997,"body":"Prove it!"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2186.6299999999997,"endTime":2188.85,"body":"And not prove it, but like do one thing."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2189.18,"endTime":2191.22,"body":"Find the school supplies"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2189.18,"endTime":2191.22,"body":"and figuring out who needs"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2191.22,"endTime":2192.33,"body":"to be signed up for what?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2192.33,"endTime":2192.6299999999997,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2192.75,"endTime":2193.24,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2193.245,"endTime":2197.0699999999997,"body":"Like you, you flagged the summer"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2193.245,"endTime":2197.0699999999997,"body":"camp registration coming up, like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2197.0699999999997,"endTime":2198.27,"body":"that's how you're gonna show it."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2198.27,"endTime":2201.6299999999997,"body":"And there was a TikTok that went around"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2198.27,"endTime":2201.6299999999997,"body":"father's day, where they were just asking"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2201.6299999999997,"endTime":2204.4199999999996,"body":"dads on the street, like families out,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2201.6299999999997,"endTime":2204.4199999999996,"body":"like getting ice cream and stuff, like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2204.5099999999998,"endTime":2207.54,"body":"basic questions about their children,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2204.5099999999998,"endTime":2207.54,"body":"like what's size shoes do they have?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2207.54,"endTime":2208.71,"body":"What's their teachers called?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2208.71,"endTime":2209.85,"body":"What's their best friend's name?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2209.85,"endTime":2210.75,"body":"What are their allergies?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2210.8399999999997,"endTime":2211.89,"body":"And none of them can do it."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2211.95,"endTime":2215.62,"body":"And so then after I started asking"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2211.95,"endTime":2215.62,"body":"my friends, like, the few friends"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2215.62,"endTime":2218.5,"body":"who were hetero to be like, what's"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2215.62,"endTime":2218.5,"body":"that shoes do your kids wear?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2218.5,"endTime":2220.6899999999996,"body":"And like, nobody could"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2218.5,"endTime":2220.6899999999996,"body":"answer any of the questions."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2220.6899999999996,"endTime":2221.0499999999997,"body":"And I was like..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2221.0499999999997,"endTime":2222.2799999999997,"body":"Jimmy Kimel did the same thing."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2222.2799999999997,"endTime":2223.0899999999997,"body":"Do you know how Jimmy Kimel?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2223.095,"endTime":2223.93,"body":"I love Jimmy Kimel."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2223.96,"endTime":2226.2999999999997,"body":"You know he does the man"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2223.96,"endTime":2226.2999999999997,"body":"on the street interviews."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2226.305,"endTime":2227.08,"body":"Yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2227.3799999999997,"endTime":2229.0,"body":"That it was either"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2227.3799999999997,"endTime":2229.0,"body":"mother's day or father's day."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2229.0,"endTime":2230.14,"body":"I think, I think it was father's day."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2230.14,"endTime":2230.68,"body":"He did it too."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2230.83,"endTime":2232.6,"body":"These dads didn't know"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2230.83,"endTime":2232.6,"body":"their kids birthdays."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2232.6099999999997,"endTime":2233.1,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2233.7749999999996,"endTime":2236.265,"body":"They would be with their kids"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2233.7749999999996,"endTime":2236.265,"body":"and Jimmy would be on the street"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2236.265,"endTime":2239.2949999999996,"body":"in LA or maybe it wasn't Jimmy,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2236.265,"endTime":2239.2949999999996,"body":"but whoever's out there doing it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2239.2949999999996,"endTime":2241.035,"body":"Like, so what's your kid's birthday?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2241.035,"endTime":2242.055,"body":"What's your kid's teachers name?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2242.055,"endTime":2244.875,"body":"The dad's got all the answers"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2242.055,"endTime":2244.875,"body":"wrong, all the answers wrong."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2245.085,"endTime":2250.5449999999996,"body":"I mean, I say in response to you, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2245.085,"endTime":2250.5449999999996,"body":"one is like on a larger level, social"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2250.5449999999996,"endTime":2254.7949999999996,"body":"psychology has found that society's with"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2250.5449999999996,"endTime":2254.7949999999996,"body":"more equality in everywhere are happier."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2255.2349999999997,"endTime":2259.8599999999997,"body":"So, we think that giving up privilege"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2255.2349999999997,"endTime":2259.8599999999997,"body":"as a painful thing, but how happy are"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2259.8599999999997,"endTime":2261.6099999999997,"body":"we with inequality in our society?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2261.6299999999997,"endTime":2264.87,"body":"Like more equal societies, whether"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2261.6299999999997,"endTime":2264.87,"body":"it's gender, race, economics, more"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2264.87,"endTime":2268.5,"body":"equal societies, people report"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2264.87,"endTime":2268.5,"body":"higher levels of, um, happiness."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2268.68,"endTime":2273.5699999999997,"body":"So that's one thing also like the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2268.68,"endTime":2273.5699999999997,"body":"stuff that I, you know, I feel like"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2273.5699999999997,"endTime":2276.6,"body":"men really miss out on intimacy"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2273.5699999999997,"endTime":2276.6,"body":"with their kids in a certain way."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2276.6899999999996,"endTime":2280.5,"body":"And I don't mean to say like, it's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2276.6899999999996,"endTime":2280.5,"body":"such a pleasure to be filling out."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2281.1899999999996,"endTime":2285.81,"body":"You know, emergency school forms"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2281.1899999999996,"endTime":2285.81,"body":"every September, like, obviously that"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2285.81,"endTime":2289.98,"body":"doesn't make me closer to my kids, but"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2285.81,"endTime":2289.98,"body":"I know who goes on the emergency forms."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2290.16,"endTime":2290.49,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2290.49,"endTime":2296.8799999999997,"body":"I know like the stuff that, so I do, I"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2290.49,"endTime":2296.8799999999997,"body":"feel like women are certainly rightfully"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2296.8799999999997,"endTime":2301.18,"body":"angry and I have been many times and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2296.8799999999997,"endTime":2301.18,"body":"sometimes continue to be, but there's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2301.18,"endTime":2306.24,"body":"also something that men really miss out"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2301.18,"endTime":2306.24,"body":"on in terms of closeness with their kids"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2306.5099999999998,"endTime":2308.935,"body":"when they're not as actively involved."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2309.115,"endTime":2314.0049999999997,"body":"So on a societal level, equal societies"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2309.115,"endTime":2314.0049999999997,"body":"report, more higher levels of individual"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2314.0049999999997,"endTime":2317.575,"body":"happiness and on a personal level, it"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2314.0049999999997,"endTime":2317.575,"body":"has just really occurred to me that"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2317.58,"endTime":2322.495,"body":"the intimacy that men miss out on,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2317.58,"endTime":2322.495,"body":"um, is a real, is a real cost to that."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2322.495,"endTime":2324.825,"body":"Well, and it's, and it"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2322.495,"endTime":2324.825,"body":"kind of, it feels hard to like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2324.995,"endTime":2327.97,"body":"the double Dutch, like, it feels"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2324.995,"endTime":2327.97,"body":"hard to know how to even jump in."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2327.97,"endTime":2332.35,"body":"Because we know the neurological changes"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2327.97,"endTime":2332.35,"body":"that happen for any primary parent from"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2332.35,"endTime":2335.02,"body":"just like the feedback loop of engaging."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2335.2,"endTime":2338.47,"body":"And so now you're already at this"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2335.2,"endTime":2338.47,"body":"deficit, whoever the secondary parent"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2338.475,"endTime":2340.18,"body":"is, which is typically is fathers."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2340.54,"endTime":2342.85,"body":"And then you don't know, like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2340.54,"endTime":2342.85,"body":"I know when I come back from"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2342.855,"endTime":2347.7349999999997,"body":"vacation from from like working and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2342.855,"endTime":2347.7349999999997,"body":"everyone's talking about things."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2347.7349999999997,"endTime":2351.185,"body":"I actually like don't know like where"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2347.7349999999997,"endTime":2351.185,"body":"I can jump in, because I don't know"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2351.185,"endTime":2352.685,"body":"what's happened over the last week."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2352.9849999999997,"endTime":2353.0449999999996,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2353.0449999999996,"endTime":2355.055,"body":"And that's just like in a micro situation."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2355.06,"endTime":2358.3849999999998,"body":"And then I feel slightly disempowered"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2355.06,"endTime":2358.3849999999998,"body":"that day being like, oh, I actually"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2358.3849999999998,"endTime":2359.4049999999997,"body":"don't have anything to offer."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2359.41,"endTime":2360.995,"body":"I don't know the email"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2359.41,"endTime":2360.995,"body":"that they're talking about."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2361.0,"endTime":2362.765,"body":"I don't know what the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2361.0,"endTime":2362.765,"body":"crisis with the student was."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2363.0049999999997,"endTime":2364.2349999999997,"body":"Like all of those things."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2364.5049999999997,"endTime":2364.7149999999997,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2365.345,"endTime":2368.165,"body":"And so I actually like pull back and"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2365.345,"endTime":2368.165,"body":"then I'm like, not as attentive in"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2368.165,"endTime":2369.6349999999998,"body":"the meetings and like, it's that loop."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2369.725,"endTime":2372.995,"body":"And I was like, I can imagine it's"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2369.725,"endTime":2372.995,"body":"really like, you feel disempowered, you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2372.995,"endTime":2377.52,"body":"feel shame and then you'd flip it to be"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2372.995,"endTime":2377.52,"body":"like, I don't care about it, or like all"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2377.52,"endTime":2379.08,"body":"the coping tools that you would have."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2379.2599999999998,"endTime":2381.21,"body":"Like, I don't think"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2379.2599999999998,"endTime":2381.21,"body":"either party is winning."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2381.6,"endTime":2381.87,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2381.875,"endTime":2383.91,"body":"I'm not like, man, you have it so easy."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2383.915,"endTime":2387.12,"body":"I'm like, you're probably really"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2383.915,"endTime":2387.12,"body":"sad and you're left out and you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2387.12,"endTime":2389.31,"body":"feel isolated and embarrassed."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2389.3999999999996,"endTime":2389.73,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2389.73,"endTime":2391.1699999999996,"body":"And you pictured more for you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2391.6099999999997,"endTime":2392.1299999999997,"body":"Neither party"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2392.1299999999997,"endTime":2392.5499999999997,"body":"is winning."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2392.555,"endTime":2393.93,"body":"I think that's a really"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2392.555,"endTime":2393.93,"body":"nice way to put it."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2394.02,"endTime":2398.1299999999997,"body":"I also wanted to ask while we have"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2394.02,"endTime":2398.1299999999997,"body":"Darcy, cuz I feel like this is a really,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2398.1299999999997,"endTime":2400.02,"body":"really important one for people to know."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2400.29,"endTime":2406.02,"body":"Um, is that biology usually comes into"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2400.29,"endTime":2406.02,"body":"play when we talk about the division of"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2406.02,"endTime":2410.6099999999997,"body":"labor and like motherly instincts, and"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2406.02,"endTime":2410.6099999999997,"body":"it's just like, women are better at it."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2410.85,"endTime":2413.5299999999997,"body":"Can you please tease apart"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2410.85,"endTime":2413.5299999999997,"body":"that myth for the listeners?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2413.8799999999997,"endTime":2414.0299999999997,"body":"Well..."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2414.08,"endTime":2418.0299999999997,"body":"Just like the broader"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2414.08,"endTime":2418.0299999999997,"body":"point is is: it's bullshit!"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2418.0299999999997,"endTime":2418.7799999999997,"body":"It's not true."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2423.2799999999997,"endTime":2424.99,"body":"This is my way of thinking of it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2424.99,"endTime":2428.62,"body":"And our current point in history, I"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2424.99,"endTime":2428.62,"body":"think men and women are exactly the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2428.62,"endTime":2430.8999999999996,"body":"same save for our reproductive organs."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2431.1099999999997,"endTime":2434.6499999999996,"body":"And we divide, you know, because"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2431.1099999999997,"endTime":2434.6499999999996,"body":"of the way our, the binaries"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2434.6549999999997,"endTime":2435.6699999999996,"body":"that are easier to think in."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2435.6699999999996,"endTime":2437.98,"body":"We, we call certain things"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2435.6699999999996,"endTime":2437.98,"body":"masculine and certain things"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2437.98,"endTime":2439.6,"body":"feminine, and then we live by that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2439.68,"endTime":2440.1699999999996,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2440.1699999999996,"endTime":2442.45,"body":"And all the gender fluidity these days."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2442.9649999999997,"endTime":2444.8849999999998,"body":"I think this is really changing."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2445.185,"endTime":2452.145,"body":"Cause you know, it's my feeling that,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2445.185,"endTime":2452.145,"body":"um, kids who say I'm not a girl at which"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2452.145,"endTime":2457.2149999999997,"body":"I totally respect, and I'm glad we're"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2452.145,"endTime":2457.2149999999997,"body":"honoring that, but what is a girl, right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2457.22,"endTime":2457.2749999999996,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2457.785,"endTime":2459.345,"body":"What, what does that even mean?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2459.615,"endTime":2460.125,"body":"It's funny."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2460.1299999999997,"endTime":2465.89,"body":"My, um, my niece says, she calls"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2460.1299999999997,"endTime":2465.89,"body":"herself a Demi girl, cuz she doesn't"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2465.89,"endTime":2467.5899999999997,"body":"feel like a girl all of the time."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2468.18,"endTime":2470.39,"body":"And I hear this and I love these kids."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2470.395,"endTime":2471.08,"body":"They're awesome."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2471.08,"endTime":2472.46,"body":"And I, but I'm like what,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2471.08,"endTime":2472.46,"body":"what does that mean?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2472.46,"endTime":2473.87,"body":"to feel like a girl all the time?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2474.08,"endTime":2476.93,"body":"I mean, I remember right growing"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2474.08,"endTime":2476.93,"body":"up sugar and spice and everything."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2476.935,"endTime":2477.2599999999998,"body":"Nice."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2477.2599999999998,"endTime":2478.58,"body":"That's what little girls are made of."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2479.0,"endTime":2479.4199999999996,"body":"Like, no."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2479.4199999999996,"endTime":2481.04,"body":"And I thought, well, fuck."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2481.04,"endTime":2485.87,"body":"I mean, I'm certainly"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2481.04,"endTime":2485.87,"body":"not a fucking girl then!"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2486.12,"endTime":2487.46,"body":"It's just like, yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2487.52,"endTime":2487.79,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2487.9399999999996,"endTime":2489.23,"body":"I can relate to that as a tomboy."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2489.23,"endTime":2490.52,"body":"Binaries are just ridiculous."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2490.52,"endTime":2492.7999999999997,"body":"And I feel like they're starting"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2490.52,"endTime":2492.7999999999997,"body":"to get pushed on a little bit"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2492.7999999999997,"endTime":2495.1099999999997,"body":"and I'm glad cuz they don't,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2492.7999999999997,"endTime":2495.1099999999997,"body":"they don't really make any sense."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2495.3199999999997,"endTime":2496.31,"body":"There's nothing."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2496.37,"endTime":2499.7599999999998,"body":"Um, there's nothing about"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2496.37,"endTime":2499.7599999999998,"body":"parenting that is not learned."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2500.2949999999996,"endTime":2500.5049999999997,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2500.5049999999997,"endTime":2502.395,"body":"It's all learned behavior."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2502.575,"endTime":2506.865,"body":"So if we think someone is better"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2502.575,"endTime":2506.865,"body":"biologically at learning something,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2507.435,"endTime":2511.365,"body":"I mean, it's just like, there's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2507.435,"endTime":2511.365,"body":"no, there's no one who's better"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2511.365,"endTime":2513.0449999999996,"body":"naturally at changing diapers."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2513.645,"endTime":2517.515,"body":"And there's actually research that"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2513.645,"endTime":2517.515,"body":"supports this, that the physiological"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2517.52,"endTime":2522.265,"body":"changes that take place during parenthood"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2517.52,"endTime":2522.265,"body":"happened both in men and women and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2522.705,"endTime":2527.115,"body":"researchers have looked at things like"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2522.705,"endTime":2527.115,"body":"heart rate, skin, conductance, hormone"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2527.115,"endTime":2531.5699999999997,"body":"levels, and they found that, um, That"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2527.115,"endTime":2531.5699999999997,"body":"women and men both have equal response,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2531.87,"endTime":2533.97,"body":"biological, responsiveness to babies."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2534.2999999999997,"endTime":2537.96,"body":"And if you think about evolution"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2534.2999999999997,"endTime":2537.96,"body":"and how much care a human infant"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2537.96,"endTime":2540.8399999999997,"body":"needs to get to independence, right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2540.8399999999997,"endTime":2542.37,"body":"Just the calories they need."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2542.37,"endTime":2545.3399999999997,"body":"And the care that they need is"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2542.37,"endTime":2545.3399999999997,"body":"more than one person can provide."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2546.495,"endTime":2551.415,"body":"Yeah, so that only one half of"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2546.495,"endTime":2551.415,"body":"our species would develop the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2551.415,"endTime":2556.845,"body":"capacity evolution-wise to take"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2551.415,"endTime":2556.845,"body":"care of babies would make no sense."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2556.935,"endTime":2561.225,"body":"And, and, and you know, the stuff that I"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2556.935,"endTime":2561.225,"body":"read about, I didn't know this, I don't"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2561.225,"endTime":2562.4849999999997,"body":"know if you guys were familiar with this."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2562.96,"endTime":2567.0099999999998,"body":"Um, but that men's hormones,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2562.96,"endTime":2567.0099999999998,"body":"hormone levels change."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2567.0099999999998,"endTime":2570.2799999999997,"body":"When in close contact with a pregnant"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2567.0099999999998,"endTime":2570.2799999999997,"body":"partner, did you, did you guys know this?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2570.2799999999997,"endTime":2571.8999999999996,"body":"I didn't know this before"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2570.2799999999997,"endTime":2571.8999999999996,"body":"I did the research."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2572.5299999999997,"endTime":2573.91,"body":"That speaks volumes."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2573.91,"endTime":2577.87,"body":"Like it's not only women who go through"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2573.91,"endTime":2577.87,"body":"the physiological changes of pregnancy."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2578.08,"endTime":2582.73,"body":"It's also, um, any, uh, any man who"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2578.08,"endTime":2582.73,"body":"spends time in intimate contact with them."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2584.1299999999997,"endTime":2586.41,"body":"Sorry for repeating this cuz you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2584.1299999999997,"endTime":2586.41,"body":"guys read the book, but it's so"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2586.41,"endTime":2590.0,"body":"interesting that they actually found"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2586.41,"endTime":2590.0,"body":"the mechanism for this in marmosets."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2590.25,"endTime":2596.2799999999997,"body":"So marmoset is the kind of primate"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2590.25,"endTime":2596.2799999999997,"body":"and what they found was that the fetus"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2596.31,"endTime":2602.37,"body":"excretes some hormone or something that"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2596.31,"endTime":2602.37,"body":"is then, um, comes out through the mother"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2602.37,"endTime":2608.7149999999997,"body":"in her urine and the odor is what kicks"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2602.37,"endTime":2608.7149999999997,"body":"off the hormonal changes in their partners"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2608.7149999999997,"endTime":2610.605,"body":"and their male partners, which is cool."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2610.605,"endTime":2612.165,"body":"It's like fascinating."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2612.2549999999997,"endTime":2615.975,"body":"Like, so they don't know what the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2612.2549999999997,"endTime":2615.975,"body":"mechanism is for these changes in humans."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2616.365,"endTime":2618.015,"body":"Um, but they, they do happen."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2618.02,"endTime":2620.055,"body":"Men's testosterone falls, I think."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2620.06,"endTime":2620.955,"body":"And other things rise."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2620.955,"endTime":2627.495,"body":"So certainly men and women were both,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2620.955,"endTime":2627.495,"body":"um, created to be able to care for"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2627.495,"endTime":2632.1749999999997,"body":"infants mm-hmm  and the stuff we"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2627.495,"endTime":2632.1749999999997,"body":"tell ourselves about biology really"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2632.1749999999997,"endTime":2635.5049999999997,"body":"just justifies patriarchal systems."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2635.7149999999997,"endTime":2640.0049999999997,"body":"We also know that like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2635.7149999999997,"endTime":2640.0049999999997,"body":"there's a very like active rejection"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2640.0049999999997,"endTime":2642.225,"body":"of like, I don't wanna, like,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2640.0049999999997,"endTime":2642.225,"body":"my friends will make fun of me."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2642.225,"endTime":2643.365,"body":"I don't wanna do these things."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2643.37,"endTime":2644.475,"body":"This is ladies work."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2644.475,"endTime":2645.225,"body":"Like I'm too tough."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2645.225,"endTime":2648.9449999999997,"body":"This would be embarrassing as well"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2645.225,"endTime":2648.9449999999997,"body":"as a blatant, like, so those are"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2648.95,"endTime":2652.355,"body":"some of the like, more passive ways,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2648.95,"endTime":2652.355,"body":"but we see there's a massive rise in"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2652.355,"endTime":2655.415,"body":"domestic violence and abuse against"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2652.355,"endTime":2655.415,"body":"women as they start getting pregnant."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2655.535,"endTime":2659.2549999999997,"body":"And I almost feel like there's like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2655.535,"endTime":2659.2549999999997,"body":"men know that they're having these"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2659.2599999999998,"endTime":2664.685,"body":"testosterone shifts and then this is"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2659.2599999999998,"endTime":2664.685,"body":"like, they're like rejection of it."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2664.805,"endTime":2668.375,"body":"And they have to like"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2664.805,"endTime":2668.375,"body":"very actively rejected."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2668.4649999999997,"endTime":2668.7349999999997,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2668.74,"endTime":2669.0249999999996,"body":"Because."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2670.2599999999998,"endTime":2670.74,"body":"I don't know."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2670.89,"endTime":2674.37,"body":"So I've like always been really curious,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2670.89,"endTime":2674.37,"body":"knowing how much their testosterone"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2674.37,"endTime":2678.24,"body":"drops and estrogen rises and like this"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2674.37,"endTime":2678.24,"body":"oxytocin release and all these love"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2678.24,"endTime":2680.3999999999996,"body":"hormones and connection is happening."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2680.58,"endTime":2683.6699999999996,"body":"And yet we see the"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2680.58,"endTime":2683.6699999999996,"body":"worst behavior from men."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2683.85,"endTime":2684.0,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2684.0899999999997,"endTime":2687.6299999999997,"body":"Um, when their women are pregnant"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2684.0899999999997,"endTime":2687.6299999999997,"body":"or the most vulnerable when"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2687.6349999999998,"endTime":2689.0099999999998,"body":"they're like have new babies."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2689.02,"endTime":2689.89,"body":"Yeah, right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2689.89,"endTime":2691.24,"body":"That's that's a really interesting idea."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2691.24,"endTime":2694.6899999999996,"body":"I hadn't thought about the hormonal"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2691.24,"endTime":2694.6899999999996,"body":"connection to that as a psychologist,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2694.6899999999996,"endTime":2699.79,"body":"I had thought about it more as"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2694.6899999999996,"endTime":2699.79,"body":"like envy that they were no longer"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2699.79,"endTime":2702.52,"body":"gonna be the, the woman's primary."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2702.7599999999998,"endTime":2702.8799999999997,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2703.12,"endTime":2703.5099999999998,"body":"There's that too"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2704.23,"endTime":2705.49,"body":"rage about their own childhood."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2705.495,"endTime":2708.1299999999997,"body":"So I kind of, I've always thought of it"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2705.495,"endTime":2708.1299999999997,"body":"more from a psychological perspective,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2708.1349999999998,"endTime":2710.74,"body":"but that no, I'm sure there's,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2708.1349999999998,"endTime":2710.74,"body":"there's gotta be some truth to that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2710.74,"endTime":2710.9199999999996,"body":"Right?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2710.9199999999996,"endTime":2712.5099999999998,"body":"Whenever testosterone is involved."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2712.6299999999997,"endTime":2714.7,"body":"I don't know if you guys"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2712.6299999999997,"endTime":2714.7,"body":"have read \"Testosterone Rex.\""},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2715.06,"endTime":2715.72,"body":"Um, no."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2716.29,"endTime":2717.1899999999996,"body":"Who wrote that?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2717.22,"endTime":2721.83,"body":"Um, this brilliant neuroscientist"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2717.22,"endTime":2721.83,"body":"psychologist, woman, whose name is"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2721.83,"endTime":2724.71,"body":"gonna escape me right now, but the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2721.83,"endTime":2724.71,"body":"book is called \"Testosterone Rex\"."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2725.04,"endTime":2727.1699999999996,"body":"Um, and it's about all the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2725.04,"endTime":2727.1699999999996,"body":"myths about testosterone and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2727.1699999999996,"endTime":2729.47,"body":"its impact on men and women."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2730.08,"endTime":2730.8599999999997,"body":"Oh, that's amazing."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2730.8599999999997,"endTime":2731.7599999999998,"body":"We'll put it on the list."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2731.7599999999998,"endTime":2732.12,"body":"We do."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2732.18,"endTime":2733.47,"body":"We talk a lot about hormones."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2733.6499999999996,"endTime":2737.2799999999997,"body":"I also just wanna say thank you"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2733.6499999999996,"endTime":2737.2799999999997,"body":"for your book because you didn't do"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2737.2799999999997,"endTime":2739.02,"body":"anything prescriptive, which I value."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2739.02,"endTime":2741.27,"body":"I know that some people might be"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2739.02,"endTime":2741.27,"body":"like, you didn't have a solution."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2741.48,"endTime":2741.66,"body":"Totally."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2741.66,"endTime":2745.74,"body":"But like, I know I read, um,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2741.66,"endTime":2745.74,"body":"around, just before yours or"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2745.74,"endTime":2746.46,"body":"maybe around the same time."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2746.46,"endTime":2748.4399999999996,"body":"No, it was a bit before,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2746.46,"endTime":2748.4399999999996,"body":"um, \"Fed Up\", came out."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2748.6299999999997,"endTime":2749.12,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2749.125,"endTime":2750.66,"body":"And, um, Gemma's book."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2750.6899999999996,"endTime":2753.8399999999997,"body":"And I was like really enjoying it."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2753.8399999999997,"endTime":2754.77,"body":"Like I was like, oh shit."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2754.77,"endTime":2755.25,"body":"Yeah, that's great."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2755.25,"endTime":2758.58,"body":"Cuz she had some of those similar research"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2755.25,"endTime":2758.58,"body":"and, but in the end it was like lower"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2758.58,"endTime":2760.5299999999997,"body":"your standards and just be okay with it."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2760.5299999999997,"endTime":2762.0899999999997,"body":"And like that's how you'll survive it."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2762.0899999999997,"endTime":2765.33,"body":"And I was like, no"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2762.0899999999997,"endTime":2765.33,"body":"Gemma, like, no, no, no."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2765.335,"endTime":2769.7999999999997,"body":"We cannot continue to like, just"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2765.335,"endTime":2769.7999999999997,"body":"make a, make everyone comfortable"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2769.7999999999997,"endTime":2770.97,"body":"for a system that doesn't work."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2771.33,"endTime":2773.52,"body":"And so Gemma you're you're wonderful."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2773.79,"endTime":2775.5899999999997,"body":"Thank you for writing a"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2773.79,"endTime":2775.5899999999997,"body":"book and that's really hard."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2775.5899999999997,"endTime":2776.7599999999998,"body":"And you did, you did good."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2777.0,"endTime":2780.7799999999997,"body":"And I don't think we can have a"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2777.0,"endTime":2780.7799999999997,"body":"prescription because yeah, it has to be"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2780.7799999999997,"endTime":2783.4199999999996,"body":"for every single family what's gonna work."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2783.4249999999997,"endTime":2783.6699999999996,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2783.72,"endTime":2785.31,"body":"And what's comfortable"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2783.72,"endTime":2785.31,"body":"and what's possible."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2785.46,"endTime":2789.0299999999997,"body":"I haven't read, Fed Up, um,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2785.46,"endTime":2789.0299999999997,"body":"but yeah, I, when I was, um, selling"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2789.0299999999997,"endTime":2791.56,"body":"the book as one does you write a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2789.0299999999997,"endTime":2791.56,"body":"proposal and then you go around."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2791.56,"endTime":2794.5,"body":"If you're lucky enough to be able"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2791.56,"endTime":2794.5,"body":"to do this and talk to editors."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2794.68,"endTime":2797.2599999999998,"body":"And I said to everyone, I, you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2794.68,"endTime":2797.2599999999998,"body":"have to understand, I do not"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2797.2599999999998,"endTime":2798.52,"body":"wanna write a self-help book."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2798.6699999999996,"endTime":2799.6899999999996,"body":"Like that's not what this is."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2799.72,"endTime":2800.89,"body":"If you wanna buy this book."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2800.89,"endTime":2801.16,"body":"Great."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2801.16,"endTime":2802.8399999999997,"body":"But that's not what this book is gonna be."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2803.1099999999997,"endTime":2804.3399999999997,"body":"Because it really is."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2804.3999999999996,"endTime":2805.81,"body":"It's about it is about patriarchy."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2805.81,"endTime":2808.8999999999996,"body":"Like, I can't tell anyone,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2805.81,"endTime":2808.8999999999996,"body":"like, here are the 10 steps we"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2808.9049999999997,"endTime":2810.64,"body":"can take to end the patriarchy."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2810.8199999999997,"endTime":2810.9399999999996,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2811.54,"endTime":2816.165,"body":"I also hate the, the you know, just"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2811.54,"endTime":2816.165,"body":"lower your standards and settle."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2816.375,"endTime":2820.6949999999997,"body":"I mean, on one hand, there's something"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2816.375,"endTime":2820.6949999999997,"body":"very practical about living in the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2820.765,"endTime":2823.665,"body":"world we live in and not imagining"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2820.765,"endTime":2823.665,"body":"that we live in a different world."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2824.0249999999996,"endTime":2826.875,"body":"Mm-hmm  so there's something about"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2824.0249999999996,"endTime":2826.875,"body":"understanding the predicament that"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2826.875,"endTime":2831.54,"body":"you're in and why that I think is very"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2826.875,"endTime":2831.54,"body":"valuable, but not so that you can lower"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2831.54,"endTime":2835.47,"body":"your standards and just suck it up,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2831.54,"endTime":2835.47,"body":"but rather so that you can recognize"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2835.47,"endTime":2839.25,"body":"why you're so angry and think about"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2835.47,"endTime":2839.25,"body":"how you might manage it, given the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2839.25,"endTime":2841.5,"body":"constraints of your time and culture."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2841.74,"endTime":2842.0699999999997,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2842.1299999999997,"endTime":2842.5299999999997,"body":"Mm-hmm  yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2842.7599999999998,"endTime":2843.93,"body":"So it has action."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2843.99,"endTime":2845.1899999999996,"body":"Possibility for action."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2845.3999999999996,"endTime":2847.7999999999997,"body":"When people said to me,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2845.3999999999996,"endTime":2847.7999999999997,"body":"well, you didn't solve this problem."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2848.5299999999997,"endTime":2850.99,"body":"I felt like on one hand, of course"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2848.5299999999997,"endTime":2850.99,"body":"they were making a very valid point."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2850.99,"endTime":2854.08,"body":"And then I was also like, but I think"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2850.99,"endTime":2854.08,"body":"you also missed the point in the book."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2854.08,"endTime":2856.48,"body":"If you think there was any way I"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2854.08,"endTime":2856.48,"body":"was going to solve this problem."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2856.48,"endTime":2860.495,"body":"Like, it's not that I'm just hiding the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2856.48,"endTime":2860.495,"body":"10 steps you can take to change that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2860.495,"endTime":2861.7599999999998,"body":"I'm not holding that back."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2861.765,"endTime":2865.5099999999998,"body":"Like they aren't just 10 steps"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2861.765,"endTime":2865.5099999999998,"body":"you can take to change this."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2865.515,"endTime":2869.6499999999996,"body":"You can just really understand the world"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2865.515,"endTime":2869.6499999999996,"body":"you live in and think about how you wanna"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2869.6499999999996,"endTime":2871.96,"body":"live as a, as a person in that system."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2872.23,"endTime":2872.29,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2872.29,"endTime":2874.95,"body":"How you wanna live with"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2872.29,"endTime":2874.95,"body":"the complexities of that."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2875.48,"endTime":2877.89,"body":"Now your next book"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2875.48,"endTime":2877.89,"body":"can be like \"Darcy Lockman,"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2877.89,"endTime":2879.6899999999996,"body":"PhD Solves the Patriarchy.\""},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2883.23,"endTime":2885.96,"body":"Yes, I've got thousand"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2883.23,"endTime":2885.96,"body":"pages already written Bianca."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2886.71,"endTime":2889.47,"body":"It's it's gonna be world"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2886.71,"endTime":2889.47,"body":"altering when it comes out."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2890.9399999999996,"endTime":2891.6,"body":"Oh my gosh."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2891.8399999999997,"endTime":2893.3399999999997,"body":"Do you have a book coming out?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2893.7149999999997,"endTime":2895.035,"body":"Well, I'm working on something."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2895.035,"endTime":2897.345,"body":"I don't know if it'll see the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2895.035,"endTime":2897.345,"body":"light of day yet, but it's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2897.345,"endTime":2900.345,"body":"about, um, it's about therapy."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2900.345,"endTime":2903.0449999999996,"body":"It's about it's the working"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2900.345,"endTime":2903.0449999999996,"body":"title is \"What We See\""},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2903.395,"endTime":2904.0049999999997,"body":"mm-hmm"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2904.245,"endTime":2908.415,"body":"so it's sort of like thinking"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2904.245,"endTime":2908.415,"body":"about who's coming in for treatment today."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2908.415,"endTime":2912.0449999999996,"body":"What problems are people"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2908.415,"endTime":2912.0449999999996,"body":"presenting with given our culture?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2912.0449999999996,"endTime":2913.125,"body":"There's this interesting quote."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2913.125,"endTime":2918.225,"body":"I came across, um, in \"The Culture"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2913.125,"endTime":2918.225,"body":"of Narcissism\", which is a big book"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2918.225,"endTime":2921.5099999999998,"body":"from the late seventies and the"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2918.225,"endTime":2921.5099999999998,"body":"writer who's totally famous, whose"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2921.5299999999997,"endTime":2923.06,"body":"name I'm gonna blank on right now?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2923.06,"endTime":2928.5899999999997,"body":"Cuz I'm trying to think of it, but"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2923.06,"endTime":2928.5899999999997,"body":"he says, um, every era, like social"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2928.5899999999997,"endTime":2932.64,"body":"problems, inevitably present as"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2928.5899999999997,"endTime":2932.64,"body":"personal ones, every era develops"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2932.64,"endTime":2934.74,"body":"its own personal form of pathology."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2934.95,"endTime":2936.5099999999998,"body":"And I thought, oh, that's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2934.95,"endTime":2936.5099999999998,"body":"really interesting."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2936.5099999999998,"endTime":2939.6299999999997,"body":"Like, what are the, what are"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2936.5099999999998,"endTime":2939.6299999999997,"body":"our forms of pathology given"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2939.6299999999997,"endTime":2940.77,"body":"what's going on in the world?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2940.98,"endTime":2944.85,"body":"So for the book, I'll be interviewing"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2940.98,"endTime":2944.85,"body":"therapists like, like therapists"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2944.85,"endTime":2949.5049999999997,"body":"from every background and orientation"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2944.85,"endTime":2949.5049999999997,"body":"and whatever about like what, what"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2949.5049999999997,"endTime":2952.1749999999997,"body":"to kind of think about like what"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2949.5049999999997,"endTime":2952.1749999999997,"body":"we, what do we see these days?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2952.1749999999997,"endTime":2955.205,"body":"Like what's going on in the world and then"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2952.1749999999997,"endTime":2955.205,"body":"what, what do people come to therapy with?"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2955.415,"endTime":2957.335,"body":"So that's what I, but I haven't sold it."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2957.335,"endTime":2959.915,"body":"I haven't, I'm in the proposal"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2957.335,"endTime":2959.915,"body":"phase, so I haven't sold it yet."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2959.915,"endTime":2960.365,"body":"So we'll see."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2960.515,"endTime":2961.535,"body":"But I'm enjoying the work."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2961.5649999999996,"endTime":2965.165,"body":"I, I, I really like asking questions"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2961.5649999999996,"endTime":2965.165,"body":"and trying to come up with some"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2965.165,"endTime":2967.595,"body":"answers, even though there's"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2965.165,"endTime":2967.595,"body":"never like an answer, right?"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2968.165,"endTime":2968.5249999999996,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2968.8849999999998,"endTime":2969.6949999999997,"body":"That's really fun."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2970.105,"endTime":2972.2149999999997,"body":"Meg and I would definitely"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2970.105,"endTime":2972.2149999999997,"body":"read that for sure."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2972.7549999999997,"endTime":2973.5449999999996,"body":"That's good to know."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2974.1349999999998,"endTime":2977.975,"body":"If it works out I will let you guys know."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":2978.745,"endTime":2979.645,"body":"That's amazing."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2979.83,"endTime":2982.56,"body":"Meg, did you have a final"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":2979.83,"endTime":2982.56,"body":"question or something you wanted to add?"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2982.98,"endTime":2988.14,"body":"Well, I just wanted to note too, that"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2982.98,"endTime":2988.14,"body":"I really love the idea that, that we're"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2988.14,"endTime":2993.39,"body":"talking about this and also like bringing"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2988.14,"endTime":2993.39,"body":"in partners and fathers and men, because"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2993.39,"endTime":2997.2599999999998,"body":"the reality is that this does need to be"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2993.39,"endTime":2997.2599999999998,"body":"something that involves everyone, right?"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2997.2599999999998,"endTime":2997.3199999999997,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2997.3799999999997,"endTime":3001.4249999999997,"body":"Um, and there's a podcast that I really,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":2997.3799999999997,"endTime":3001.4249999999997,"body":"really love my husband and I've been"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3001.4249999999997,"endTime":3003.165,"body":"listening to it while we like play UNO."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3003.5249999999996,"endTime":3008.8849999999998,"body":"Um, it's called The Man Enough Podcast"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3003.5249999999996,"endTime":3008.8849999999998,"body":"and it's really, really, really beautiful."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3009.585,"endTime":3013.865,"body":"Where like men really talk about the"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3009.585,"endTime":3013.865,"body":"ways that the patriarchy actually"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3013.865,"endTime":3017.5249999999996,"body":"influences them and how it's like"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3013.865,"endTime":3017.5249999999996,"body":"hindered their emotional development"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3017.5249999999996,"endTime":3020.345,"body":"and their relationships and the"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3017.5249999999996,"endTime":3020.345,"body":"ways that they show up in the world."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3020.5249999999996,"endTime":3023.7349999999997,"body":"And so for anybody that might be"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3020.5249999999996,"endTime":3023.7349999999997,"body":"listening and your partner might be"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3023.7349999999997,"endTime":3025.0249999999996,"body":"like, well, I actually don't know."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3025.0299999999997,"endTime":3028.4249999999997,"body":"Like, I actually am not sure"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3025.0299999999997,"endTime":3028.4249999999997,"body":"how to feel this, or show this,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3028.4249999999997,"endTime":3030.015,"body":"or, you know, show affection."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3030.345,"endTime":3033.2549999999997,"body":"It's a really, really nice"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3030.345,"endTime":3033.2549999999997,"body":"entry point into being like,"},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3033.285,"endTime":3034.665,"body":"oh, this is actually okay."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3034.9649999999997,"endTime":3036.4049999999997,"body":"Men are also humans."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3036.4049999999997,"endTime":3037.875,"body":"Men also feel things."},{"speaker":"Meg","startTime":3038.0249999999996,"endTime":3040.2149999999997,"body":"And so I just wanted to note that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3040.8149999999996,"endTime":3042.4049999999997,"body":"Uh, yeah, that"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3040.8149999999996,"endTime":3042.4049999999997,"body":"sounds like a great podcast."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3042.41,"endTime":3048.615,"body":"I will say when Harper Collins showed"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3042.41,"endTime":3048.615,"body":"me the cover, I was really reluctant"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3048.615,"endTime":3050.4449999999997,"body":"about the color cuz it's pink."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3050.475,"endTime":3053.415,"body":"The book is pink and I was like,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3050.475,"endTime":3053.415,"body":"I really want men to read this."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3054.2149999999997,"endTime":3058.0249999999996,"body":"I think crazily enough that a pink"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3054.2149999999997,"endTime":3058.0249999999996,"body":"cover is gonna be prohibitive."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3058.3849999999998,"endTime":3061.205,"body":"Um, and my editor was like, well,"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3058.3849999999998,"endTime":3061.205,"body":"that's what, that's what pops on Amazon."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3061.5049999999997,"endTime":3062.375,"body":"I was like, oh, okay."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3062.4049999999997,"endTime":3064.9849999999997,"body":"So I guess that, that will"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3062.4049999999997,"endTime":3064.9849999999997,"body":"then we'll keep a pink."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3065.2549999999997,"endTime":3068.705,"body":"But that was my hesitation was"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3065.2549999999997,"endTime":3068.705,"body":"that it would put men off and."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3069.1899999999996,"endTime":3073.0899999999997,"body":"One, I actually got an email from a"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3069.1899999999996,"endTime":3073.0899999999997,"body":"guy that I loved and he said to me, you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3073.0899999999997,"endTime":3074.89,"body":"know, thank you so much for this book."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3075.1,"endTime":3078.1899999999996,"body":"People are always praising me and"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3075.1,"endTime":3078.1899999999996,"body":"telling me what a great dad I am."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3078.1899999999996,"endTime":3081.1,"body":"And it's always made me a little"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3078.1899999999996,"endTime":3081.1,"body":"bit uneasy cuz I know how much"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3081.1,"endTime":3082.39,"body":"more my wife does than me."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3082.6,"endTime":3085.12,"body":"And I could never put my finger"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3082.6,"endTime":3085.12,"body":"quite before on why it made me"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3085.12,"endTime":3086.47,"body":"so uneasy and why it wasn't."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3086.475,"endTime":3086.77,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3086.98,"endTime":3088.4199999999996,"body":"And now I can totally do that."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3088.6,"endTime":3091.24,"body":"So I feel like the podcast you"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3088.6,"endTime":3091.24,"body":"mentioned and hopefully a book"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3091.24,"endTime":3094.73,"body":"like mine can help men kind of"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3091.24,"endTime":3094.73,"body":"get their minds around this stuff."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3095.41,"endTime":3097.1299999999997,"body":"Patriarchy is incredibly harmful to men."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3097.1899999999996,"endTime":3097.3399999999997,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3097.58,"endTime":3099.5899999999997,"body":"You know, I think as, as much so as women."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3099.62,"endTime":3099.68,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3100.02,"endTime":3101.87,"body":"So yeah, it sounds like a great podcast."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3101.87,"endTime":3102.71,"body":"I'll have to take a listen."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3102.71,"endTime":3102.9199999999996,"body":"Thank you."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3102.9199999999996,"endTime":3103.5699999999997,"body":"You're amazing."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3104.6899999999996,"endTime":3108.47,"body":"Thank you so much, Darcy for joining"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3104.6899999999996,"endTime":3108.47,"body":"us, we are so honored to have your voice"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3108.475,"endTime":3113.0,"body":"be part of this whole conversation cuz"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3108.475,"endTime":3113.0,"body":"your contribution with All the Rage"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3113.0,"endTime":3114.9199999999996,"body":"was a, was a really, really great one."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3115.22,"endTime":3118.79,"body":"Um, and we need to continue to talk"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3115.22,"endTime":3118.79,"body":"about this inequity because it is"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3119.18,"endTime":3121.49,"body":"the source of rage for so many women."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3121.89,"endTime":3126.7799999999997,"body":"Um, and it's, it's not serving us as"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3121.89,"endTime":3126.7799999999997,"body":"leading us to, um, a journey of unwellness"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3126.81,"endTime":3128.85,"body":"in our hearts, our minds, our bodies."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3129.39,"endTime":3131.46,"body":"Um, so thank you for this."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3131.52,"endTime":3132.5699999999997,"body":"Thank you for hanging out."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3132.8999999999996,"endTime":3134.25,"body":"Thank you guys for having me."},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3134.25,"endTime":3137.2799999999997,"body":"I'm honored to be invited and I am"},{"speaker":"Darcy","startTime":3134.25,"endTime":3137.2799999999997,"body":"delighted to be part of this conversation."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3137.2799999999997,"endTime":3137.91,"body":"Amazing."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3138.2949999999996,"endTime":3143.125,"body":"Thank you, Meg and Darcy for joining us"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3138.2949999999996,"endTime":3143.125,"body":"today on the Hot+Brave podcast, we are so"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3143.125,"endTime":3147.535,"body":"honored to have both of you contributing"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3143.125,"endTime":3147.535,"body":"and your stories and your wisdom."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3147.865,"endTime":3152.2749999999996,"body":"And dear listeners, if you have"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3147.865,"endTime":3152.2749999999996,"body":"any questions or comments or things"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3152.2749999999996,"endTime":3155.515,"body":"you'd like to share, please shoot"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3152.2749999999996,"endTime":3155.515,"body":"us an email info@bebomia.com."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3155.515,"endTime":3159.535,"body":"And we will make sure we will get to those"},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3155.515,"endTime":3159.535,"body":"if not answer them in our next podcast."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3159.7749999999996,"endTime":3160.495,"body":"Thanks so much."},{"speaker":"Bianca","startTime":3160.765,"endTime":3161.245,"body":"Bye."},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":3164.9449999999997,"endTime":3166.5049999999997,"body":"Wanna keep hanging out with us?"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":3167.1949999999997,"endTime":3171.845,"body":"Find out at bebomia.com or head"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":3167.1949999999997,"endTime":3171.845,"body":"over to your favorite social media"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":3171.845,"endTime":3174.785,"body":"platform with the handle @BeboMiaInc."},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":3176.7349999999997,"endTime":3181.095,"body":"We will see you next time"},{"speaker":"Narrator","startTime":3176.7349999999997,"endTime":3181.095,"body":"on the Hot+Brave Podcast."}]}