BTS of "Success" in Life, Business, and Coaching

This week’s episode takes listeners behind the scenes of what is looks like when you’ve achieved “success” in life, entrepreneurship, and running a coaching business. Emily Merrell and Lexie Smith reflect on their transitions into entrepreneurship, the highs and lows involved in running a business, and how social media rarely ever shares the full story of someone’s journey. 

Here’s what you’ll learn: 

• Em and Lex reflect on their corporate journies and what went on “behind the resume”
• Behind the scenes of their lives in their early career years
• A reminder that it’s rare to know what’s going on “behind the curtain” in someone’s life
• Learnings from past failures and how they apply it to their businesses today
• What successful moments have looked like for Em and Lex
• What not-so-successful moments looked like for them as well
• Tips on cultivating your community for your own business and self
• And more

Follow Em & Lex on Instagram at @readysetcoachprogram

Learn more about the Ready Set Coach Program at Readysetcoachprogram.com

Learn more about Six Degrees Society and THEPRBAR inc.

Transcript

Emily Merrell  

suburbia Antoine

Lexie Smith  

Bucha Gousto Gustavo mica how's it going? today? I'm really threat

Emily Merrell  

and awaited episode is someone's hablando solamente en otros idiomas.

Lexie Smith  

You have a great accent? I guess. Yes.

Emily Merrell  

Your city Espanol. In escuela. I know and then you lived in Argentina. Costa Rica de Espana ma go.

Lexie Smith  

I'm sorry. You lived in Costa Rica.

Emily Merrell  

Yeah. You didn't know that.

Lexie Smith  

What?

Emily Merrell  

When I was going into my junior year, I was going into my junior year of high school. I really wanted to go to Spain. And it was super expensive to go to Spain. And we had a family friends that had just done an exchange program living with a family in Costa Rica. So I researched it. I like proposed it to my parents. And they're like, Yeah, that sounds cool. Also note my parents didn't really care what I did in a way, which was funny. And so I moved down, I found a family to live with. And I did a program called CPI. We lived in the rain forest, mountain bear day with a family who lived in a house the size of this room, who I still keep in touch with today. And I was supposed to do, I guess was to do one week there. One and a half weeks there in one week at the the beach and I ended up just enjoying my time so much. I also kind of had a lover who was a British man who was five years older than me. And I was

Lexie Smith  

in Dulles. Wait, you were there for a week.

Emily Merrell  

I was supposed to be there for a week and a half and then switch to another homestay and in a different part of Costa Rica, but I really liked the the family and I really liked this guy. And so I ended up staying for three weeks, and I still keep in touch with him. His name's Dan lives in the UK. He's a doctor met my parents. It was yeah, it was funny way

Lexie Smith  

less cool. And way less hot than Greg. Way less

Emily Merrell  

cool. In my last night, obviously, obviously, they would love each other though. And it wasn't like I was 16. We were making out like that's my lover.

Lexie Smith  

Five years older you scandalous now, but you would have been arrested.

Emily Merrell  

I know. I know. But what's funny, I've ended up marrying a guy who's six years older than me. And then also my mom was married to a man 21 years older. And her first husband was 12 years older. So like age difference wasn't really a thing.

Lexie Smith  

But women are just into the older men,

Emily Merrell  

but It cracks me up. I was 16 and he was 21. So that still is a significant age difference

Lexie Smith  

life. I was listening to one of my other favorite podcasts shout out to morbid and five years. age difference just depends on life phase. So about like phase like 16 to 20 one's very different than 32 to 37,000.

Emily Merrell  

I mean, I talked about it with Greg all the time. I'm like so would you have hooked up with me when I was 12? He was

Lexie Smith  

like studying quickly. Creepy. Oh, totally. Totally. Totally. So

Emily Merrell  

the answer is no, I just want to I want to clear clear his name there. But anyways, I Yes, I lived in Costa Rica and then the next summer I did two weeks in Wahaca Mexico, and I lived with the same family that my mom had

Lexie Smith  

like a longer vacation you weren't there for like multiple years.

Emily Merrell  

No, no, no, no. It was like with families the homestay Okay, yeah, so I lived because technically I lived with them. But I get

Lexie Smith  

it I get it now more when you said that I'm like I'm sorry. Like how many? I was extending that period in my brain. That is so cool. And such a squirrel from what we were going to talk about but I such a welcomed squirrel and I feel like I learned something new about you which you just never keeps our relationship exciting.

Emily Merrell  

Our couples therapist says we got to keep things fresh. So date night. When is it happening next? You got to plan it. You're the man in a relationship This week,

Lexie Smith  

we're having a little bit of an off day, which actually inspired today's topic. And we'll, we'll get to today's topic in a minute. But I do want to bring us back to a real honest moment with the fact and Emily, I'll let you kind of speak here. But I got a text from me today. And I just wanted to give her a big Virtual hug. Just when I wish you were next door because you aren't loving, loving the day. Yeah, I

Emily Merrell  

think, I don't know if it's like part of my cycle or whatnot. But it's like once a month, I have heavy boots. And I always I think I've talked about heavy boots on this podcast before, but it's basically this feeling of just, you're not, you're sad, but you're like, don't know how to articulate the sadness, and nothing's causing the sadness. You're just like, oh, and it might be also it's Thursday, it's been a very, very action packed week. Last week was my birthday. And so it was like all celebration, and there's a lot of party. And so it's kind of like the hangover, the celebration hangover that I have. And so I woke up this morning. First off, I let my husband have the at my side of the bed, because he has been having back pains on his side, I woke up with back pain. So I woke up with like a shoulder, neck pain that really doesn't feel awesome. And so and then I, I ended up because my phone was still on my side of the bed, like missed my alarm. So woke up two hours later than I had hoped. And so it was just like these little moments. And also the night before last night, I had an event in New York City, which I was an ad. And there had been that this miscommunication with the venue where the person who had been coordinating with my emails, were going to her spam. And so she made the assumption that I was canceling the event. So first off, people don't ever assume anything about anyone. Don't ever do that. And so she was not there to host the event, we had 15 people signed up. So I had to scramble and find a last minute venue which bless the people who helped me accomplish that. But it just, it truly for me it lacks it manifests in my shoulders. And I feel like my tension in the shoulders and I feel that that like resentment in my shoulder. So I think it was just a combo. So then I just woke up being like, Hmm, I feel like this could be a day stay in bed all day.

Lexie Smith  

Yeah, and I thank you for being open and honest and sharing that with our listeners, because, and this is what inspired our talk today guys is is the fact that sometimes we have this false perception of others, that everything's glossy that everything's perfect. When behind behind the curtain behind stage. That's not always the case. And for me, I you know, I think this is important to talk about, I have long standing mental health, I've struggled with mental health. I've been in therapy since I was 12. I'll be completely honest, I've been on many, many, many, many, many medications. Yet sometimes when I meet people, because not everyone listens to this podcast for Emily and I lay it all out. They're very surprised to hear this, they're very surprised to hear that this is something sometimes Emily, you just had 500 reasons that would, would bring anyone down on the you know, best of days for me, I can wake up sometimes, and there's no reason everything could be going great. And it's just, it's just today. And so we'll kind of start there. And again, I'll bring us back to what we're talking about today, which there'll be positives too. Don't worry, this isn't just a Debbie Downer. We didn't want to go behind the scenes of success in coaching and in life.

Emily Merrell  

Well, and I and I love this conversation because so many people make assumptions about both of us and I hear it from my family to my sister is like the exact opposite of me. She's very introverted. But because I'm present more extroverted, there's a lot of assumptions that are made like Oh, Emily, of course, you wouldn't be scared to do XY and Z. I'm like, oh, no, I'm terrified. 90% of the time that I do X, Y, and Z or when I introduced myself to a stranger, like I still have fears of rejection and impostor syndrome and talking to people who are more accomplished than me or less accomplished than me or my talking too much. You know, like my brain, my inner dialogue, but because I'm more outwardly approachable or talk talkable I don't know if that's where I like I like to talk to people more people just like, blanket statement, a lot of things and I think the same thing goes with UX to where I feel so lucky to have the candidness of our friendship and our relationship where people make assumptions that you're super extroverted and outgoing, which I don't think you would identify with a

Lexie Smith  

great extroverted in Jouvert There we go. So I can turn it on. But my, my battery gets depleted real quick, and I'm very happy alone, watching them by myself. Being social can take a lot out of me. And yeah, especially when you know, outside of ReadySet. Coach, I have a career in PR, which is a very, you know, social job. Yeah, people make a lot of assumptions people and you know, this, this conversation today is so transferable to so many walks of life. You know, when growing up, one of the biggest things that I was got irked by in high school is because I'm very blonde. If you've never seen a picture of me go to our YouTube. I'm very blonde. And everyone would always think I was a cheerleader in high school, and I would always fight back. No, actually, I'm the one that cheer for I'm on the basketball court. So really, really easy to put placed stereotypes or assumptions on people in life. In fact, there's something about that that is human nature, we've done that to others 100% We're not saying we're perfect, but it's a little fuzzy. Yeah, to talk and, and we're going to share like some some things that have happened, but behind the scenes of, of our business and get real with you and some of our clients.

Emily Merrell  

Yeah, so I think this is a great transition into just six expectations versus reality, or the especially in life and business. So we touched a bit on, on what our expectations or expectations are of us. All owl, so share this story that just came to my mind. But when I was little, I'm a very, I'm a generally sunny person. And when my mom would see me as a teenager, not sunny, she would be like, where's my sunny happy daughter. And then so then that fed into like the, the narrative that I had to be sunny to be liked, or to be accepted or to be respected or fill in whatever word there. So there is that expectation where you're like, presenting to the world certain things. So I think in terms of life and business, like we have had, we've had our ups and our downs in both our our corporate worlds and also our entrepreneurial worlds and lax I would love for you to share your story of your behind the scenes of your corporate worlds, like what the outward facing looked like versus the reality of what was happening internally even leading to your departure. So many,

Lexie Smith  

so PTSD, no, okay, so let's, let's turn outward, right? If you go to my LinkedIn, or if you are following me on social media over the past decade, you're going to see that I was I moved to LA. And I quickly title climbed. So I was at a very glitz and glam PR firm and I quickly at a young age, became a senior account director, then I got become an in house director and I represented all these glamorous properties across LA. And then all of a sudden, I got this really, really great man in my life and moved to Ventura. Now all of a sudden, I'm a VP at the fastest growing Telecom in America. And oh, my God, my career is rocketing and pause. Yes, those were true, but they are so only part of the picture. There was so much more going on behind the scenes, you know, with that first PR firm, I was paid Shi T, I actually had to have two extra jobs to even afford to live in Los Angeles. So while yes, on LinkedIn, I was a senior account director, that's really cool firm. I was working with Asok. Behind the scenes, they weren't paying me and believe you me, there was many tough conversations that happened. Go fast forward to the telecommunications company, and I love that company, I have the most respect for them ever. But if you have listened to this podcast, you'll learn that that journey ended with me in the hospital, because of how many things were happening behind the scenes that ended up manifesting physically in my body. So that was a very CliffsNotes even that right that explanation was cliffnotes. Emily similarly I, I see you and I think your work and fashion and all the glitz and glam but what was going on behind your curtain.

Emily Merrell  

I thank you for staff for sharing your curtain. And I know there's even more things like even with your apartment and not navigating many things. So many things that that we don't touch on. For me, I was working in fashion and similar to your story about PR, like people would message me on LinkedIn that they were literally like I would kill for your job, which was a little scary. And I was getting my cousin Yeah, no, please don't. It's not worth it. But I was getting paid. I think I started off being paid $40,000 at Ralph Lauren. I thought it was a millionaire too. This is a time when you graduate I graduated into a recession I was you're essentially told to that's

Lexie Smith  

a lot more than I was making actually my first job $27,000 in Los Angeles as a senior account director stop, which I think is illegal. That is illegal,

Emily Merrell  

for sure. My rent was $1,100 for a closet room, basically, on the fifth floor walk up on the Upper West Side, which I still think about very fondly. But I remember working at Ralph Lauren, and having this moment where I felt so shitty about myself, because my boss, I was in charge of keeping RSVPs for a very prestigious event that was coming up. And I had mistakenly put Diane Von Furstenberg on her own line. And Mr. And Mrs. Barry Dillard on a separate line. And I got reamed at like it was like I was the stupidest person under under the sun. Like how could you not know that Diane Von Furstenberg is married to Barry Dillard? And I was like, I knew

Lexie Smith  

as you're telling the story, I'm like, huh, I don't get it. So I don't know.

Emily Merrell  

Oh, and then she, you know, this, this individual would then share with me that, you know, like she call me sweetie, and honey, and she'd be like, Are you like tea is it's just too hard for you. And so all its sense of self and worth was just like, tossed into the trash. But it was the stupidest things and everything felt so high Russian part of me wonders if this is also just like a coming of age story of trying to make it in like the marketing and PR world event world of life. But then similarly, yeah, I had I had many, many of those types of experiences going and bouncing around to different companies. But one to your point, like making money, I remember I would babysit on the weekends. Like I literally would spend my Fridays and Saturdays babysitting for usually like my boss, or my boss's boss's, who lived in these $404 million beautiful apartments in New York City. And I remember also getting shamed by my boss for babysitting. Like, Aren't you too old to be babysitting, but also at the same time have the second raise, but also have this expectation to be buying like $800 dresses, and showing up and wearing a certain thing it really felt Devil Wears Prada and moments of time. And it took a lot for me to understand like, is everyone drinking kool aid that I missed? This? I missed that everyone doing

Lexie Smith  

is doing it easier? Yeah. Okay, this might ethically like turn people off. But the dressing I have to say, because you're expected in PR to always have like a fancy dress. So what I did I lived in Santa Monica is I'd always go to Nordstroms. I'd buy a dress, wear it for the night and return it the next day.

Emily Merrell  

Hopefully we had sample closets at one time, like when companies were smaller, so I can pull from sample closets, which was nice. And also we had a really, really great discount. It'd be like 60% off wholesale. So

Lexie Smith  

while you were in fashion, I wasn't but just again, in the scenes, like if you were to look on my Instagram, you'd be like, Wow, she's a cool outfit for everything Little did you know, I was ordering the line of shopping experience.

Emily Merrell  

Oh my god. 1,000% Yes, yes. In all of that, yes. And all of that. And also, my meals. Like I had no food in my fridge, I would just go out to events every single night and get fed. I literally like my diet consisted of wine and cheese boards. And I probably was made up of like a few almonds as well. I was terrible. I was so unhealthy. Oh so fair to myself and my treating the way that I treated my body even the way that I write or when I reflect back on my diaries at that time because I've kept a diary since I was 10 it was just so full of hatred of myself like why was I smart enough to know the names of the people on the guestlist are like why am I not skinny enough for why am I not fill in the blank thing that why am I not desirable that this partner wants to stay with me? You know, like all of the behind the scenes. inner turmoil was definitely real. Lex how can people find out how to work

Lexie Smith  

with us? Super simple, go to ReadySet coach program.com Link in show notes. And so I think a lot of people listening depending on where you're at in your life are either in this moment or they can relate to having some semi similar of their own story. And now you might be thinking okay, cool, guys. Yes, you had a hard pass but now you guys are living live in La Vida Loca right? Talking about coaching and talking about today. First, I want to highlight that when I in part of my stories, I was attracted to the business model before of coaching before I knew actually like to coach very honest about that. And I was attracted to that because I was very smartly targeted and saw the coach sipping the margarita on the beach, and then I'd watched the webinar which made it sounds so easy. And this seemed like such an easy business model that what did I try? And parts of parts of it are easy, but that is so so far from the full picture, Emily and I, we are very proud with what we've built and where we're at. But we are still not exempt from behind the scenes moments, even today. Oh, what

Emily Merrell  

1,000%. And I feel like those moments, there's moments that I reflect back on feeling so high and mighty. And then there's moments where recently that I have not felt that but then I felt that the next week. And so knowing that it's like a it is a roller coaster of emotion and turbulence and whatnot and also personalities. I think the hardest thing about coaching that and maybe this is like our own doing because we take such pride in helping people get to where they want to be that if we can't get them to the finish line or if they're not yet there. Like it feels like it's our personal responsibility to do it. So before this call, I was just working on a client, one of our one on one clients and like the behind the scenes. And Lexi's like you do so much. I was like, Yeah, we so to you. We were so invested, which is probably a blessing and a curse. Like we're, we're so drinking the Kool Aid of what we've created that we want to make sure that we're helping them get to like the biggest in wildest dreams, but sometimes it can also be detrimental. Turow?

Lexie Smith  

Yeah, I think it's really humbling that we, ourselves have to be reminded to practice what we preach, right? Like we have, I mean, if we had a penny for every time we set the line, you can lead a horse to water, but of course, empty a lot of horses. I know. But we still have moments where we'll reflect and we'll go, Well, why didn't this person do this, or this or that, and we'll somehow take that upon ourselves. That's real guys, we still do have moments where we take that success, and we put it on ourselves, even though we're showing up and teaching others to not because we're human, we falter, we too need those reminders. And so I think it's important to hear, yes, we might be further along, if you're listening to this podcast, and you are in our own coaching journal journal,

Emily Merrell  

we should do a coaching journal, that's good.

Lexie Smith  

But that doesn't mean we're perfect. That doesn't mean we always get it right. That doesn't mean that we too, are human. And we have ebbs and flows and everything in between, oh, my

Emily Merrell  

gosh, I feel like wax we should talk. And I know we've talked about this before about like the failures. And I don't want this. I don't want people to be like this episode, y'all is so depressing. But I think it's also, it's great to illustrate the learnings from past failures and feel it and failures is a strong word, but I don't like to think of it as a negative, I like to think of it as an opportunity. So I'll share with you the first time I decided to launch a group. I think I marketed it once. I'm sure I shared this in another podcast, and marketed it once. And I got one person to sign up and literally was petrified. I was like, oh my god, I but I said it to the world. So I have to do it. I'm a big believer, if you say it out loud, it doesn't matter if one person showed up, you were servicing that one person. And so I led this group with one person in it. And she essentially was getting one on one for a group cost. And it really, it really led me it led me to reflect on how I showed up for the future when I marketed a group, the different strategies, the different, the different techniques, the different ways that I approached people. And luckily, that hasn't happened since but it scared the Shi T.

Lexie Smith  

Oh, well, let me talk about something that happened recently to us because I think this is this. We're far along in our journey here. Not as far as others farther along than some. So I'll start with the positive. We just had a phenomenal event this week with six degrees. There was a packed house of women, it was the perfect size. It was great. Our ideal clients were there. We were in our zone of genius successful then check fast or fast forward. Wind like three weeks ago, and Gemini had an event where two people showed up one was a man which is totally fine, but we usually market to women. And what we had expected because there had been like 24 signups or something it was through Eventbrite, two people showed up and in not necessarily two people that were the right fit either, but we still did it. We still we still gave them value we still showed up and here's an example of Emily nerd that same two people we didn't magically change in the last three weeks. We still have moments where not every single thing that we do is successful.

Emily Merrell  

Oh, and I think what sucked about that, too is, you see two people in the audience and you're like, oh my god, do I even do I just cancel it right now? In here? Oh, no, I have to show up. And I have to, like, give my full self to this group, even though it's two people that aren't my right people. And that's a fun learning that we can talk about on today's show one day. You know, and I think it's, it's similar. And I know, we keep coming back to social media, but it's a fascinating like mind every, in that I've had these moments, and I'm sure you've had this to lecture, you're like, Wow, I'm gonna, like, drop some knowledge and some wisdom right now. And the world is gonna go bonkers for it. And then you post it. And it's like, every person on Instagram just decided to take a hiatus.

Lexie Smith  

It's literally we I mean, this is one of the things we're talking about pre show. That was one of the reasons that inspired this topic is I posted, what for me, I have a little bit of a challenge sometimes being vulnerable, I'm gonna be really honest about that. And be vulnerable about being vulnerable. I know I'm going to be vulnerable about being vulnerable. I posted a picture, it was a static picture. And no, I didn't do a ton of hashtags, which I got the algorithm and all the changes. It's hard to keep up. But it was a real like, behind the scenes, like, here's a pretty picture of me and my daughter on vacation. But this is what was happening behind the scenes. And I was expecting to at least get like, some love. Well, I did get some love specifically about one person to comment was Emmeline, like 10 likes. And so that's kind of the impact that I was expecting, wasn't there. But I, but I survived. Like, it's okay. Right? Did it did it? Was it a bummer? Yes. But you kind of have have to move on.

Emily Merrell  

Yeah, no, no, lacks, you need to put more suffering in the picture next time. And I know we got the legs. You know, I

Lexie Smith  

didn't I didn't complain enough. No.

Emily Merrell  

No, it's terrible. But it is funny, I think there is this. And we're going to, we'll wrap it back up. But one of the things that I think is fascinating too, is like, you have this expectation of your coaching business or you have this expectation of your your business also to be loved by loved and supported by your nearest and dearest like you think your best friends are going to be the ambassadors shouting from the rooftop and like dropping connections left and right into your inbox. And you might be surprised that those aren't the people that are doing that. And the reason I'm sharing that, too, is even for you sharing your expectation versus reality on social media, you're like, at least my friends will like it. Right? Right. You know, and I think there's, there is this evolution of self, when you do become an entrepreneur, where you have to find you have to find the the tribe and the teammates that are going to be there for you on the shitty days where you can send them a text message, and they've got your back. And then they're gonna be there on the days to celebrate your wins as well. But also to, to kind of check yourself that that might not be your family, that might not be your sibling that might not be your best friend who will take a freakin bullet for you. But it's like cultivating that those connections beyond

Lexie Smith  

100%. And the last theme on I want to share before we wrap up, because this is something that's true of the industry. And it's something I've seen with a lot of clients is when you do reach a point in your coaching business of success. And you finally feel like there's momentum, some part of you kind of forgets that this might not always be this successful. And this momentum might stall for a moment. We've had tons of clients who will have refinements and then all of a sudden, they have a dry month and then they start to freak out. So like what what changed, I thought I finally figured it out. And now all of a sudden, everything else is going to be great. And in coaching there are going to be ebbs and flows in business there are ebbs and flows, you might have a killer launch in spring and then fall might be harder is the reality that I wanted to preach real quick before we wrapped up.

Emily Merrell  

Yeah, I want to even say the days of the week, I'm gonna go back to the events and tell you how I had to reschedule an event last or find a new venue last night. And today woke up. We had an event in LA I had three people signed up. I was like, what, literally a day apart. Is it the season? Is it the summer is that the market like there will be an A day of joyousness where you're like that's the exact number I wanted. And then the day where you're like, Is this thing on like is my event ticketing system broke? It's broken. That's what it is right? It's broken.

Lexie Smith  

So here's your homework, and I'm gonna give credit to my therapist. Again. I'm being open In that that is part of my life. This is what she gave me. And I think it's really, really relevant to what we're talking about today. It's really a reminder and a challenge, actually, next time you find yourself caught up on the front stage. So what you're seeing the face value of something, take a moment to pause and just ask, but do I know what's going on behind the curtain? And think of a high moment in your life or a post that maybe you've shared or a friend where all looked hunky dory was everything hunky dory, the month before that was everything hunky dory word hunky dory come from and I were using it. Basically the challenge before I squirrel on my vocabulary is just to pause and remind yourself that this is what this is the highlight reel that you're seeing in the highlight reel is never the full story.

Emily Merrell  

Amen to that. And hunky dory I think was an sh t word that we had to eat.

Lexie Smith  

Yeah, well, okay.

Emily Merrell  

Just kidding. Chicken team. hunky dory.

Lexie Smith  

We just had to end on a like a hunky dory. No, we guys we appreciate if you listen to this whole episode for hearing our hearts. We hope you feel a little less alone. Whatever you're doing in life. Also make sure to celebrate the heck out of those wins.

Emily Merrell  

Yeah, amen to that. And we will see you the next time

Lexie Smith  

podcast replay.

Emily Merrell  

If you're enjoying the ReadySet coach podcast, please leave a review wherever you are listening. For more information about ReadySet coach, visit ReadySet coach program.com