Ready Set Coach Podcast

How to Regulate Your Nervous System as a Coach with Nervous System Coach Amy Bonaduce-Gardner

• Emily Merrell and Lexie Smith • Season 2 • Episode 99

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 In this episode, Emily Merrell sits down with Amy Bonaduce-Gardner, a nervous system coach, to discuss the growing importance of nervous system regulation for coaches and clients alike. Amy shares her unique approach to helping people heal from chronic conditions and stress-related illnesses by teaching them how to regulate their nervous systems. 

Amy also offers insightful advice for coaches navigating their nervous system challenges or helping clients struggling with similar issues. She emphasizes the importance of understanding survival patterns and how they influence behavior, both for the coach and their clients. This episode is a must-listen for coaches who want to understand the impact of their nervous system on their work and learn practical strategies to show up as their best selves, personally and professionally.

Here’s what you’ll learn: 

  • Learn what nervous system regulation is and why it's critical for personal and professional well-being.
  • Understand how addressing the nervous system can be a game changer for clients who’ve tried traditional therapies unsuccessfully.
  • Explore the rise of nervous system work in the wellness community and the impact of modern research and societal stressors on collective jumpy system health.
  • Learn about survival patterns and how early childhood behaviors evolve into adult reactions, often affecting how we show up in our personal and professional lives.
  • Discover how our body’s natural responses, like fight or flight, can influence our behavior and how we can manage those reactions to avoid burnout or defensiveness.
  • Learn simple tools—like hydration, movement, and awareness—to help manage your nervous system and improve your mental and emotional states.
  • Find out how taking space—like walking away or taking a moment to breathe—can shift your nervous system from reactive to reflective.
  • Learn how letting go of the illusion of control can bring more ease and flow to your coaching practice and life, allowing things to unfold more naturally.
  • Understand how to recognize emotional triggers in yourself and your clients and how nervous system regulation can help create more effective coaching interactions.
  • Hear why it’s important to let go of the weight of your clients’ outcomes and focus on providing the tools, support, and guidance to empower them without taking on their emotional baggage.


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Emily Merrell  00:02

All right, welcome back to the Ready Set coach Podcast. Today, I have replaced Lexie with my fabulous friend Amy Bonaduce Gardner. She is a nervous system coach, amongst a million other titles that she probably is given behind her back by clients like healer, witch, Voodoo artist of some sort, Amy, which is my favorite, me too. At least it's not good, right? And it's tease, tis the season. So there we go. Exactly which witch Are you a good witch? Are you a good witch or a bad witch, right? Well, the sparkly red shoes are pretty so I wrote my whole college essay on the sparkly red shoes. Really, really, yeah, find, find my Emerald City. I went to Ohio. I was very backwards to write about New York City and then moved to Ohio for college, right? And say, How did you find that in Ohio? So


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  00:57

it was the yellow brick road took you there.


Emily Merrell  01:00

Exactly It was. It was a stop on the way. It was like my Kansas to Emerald City. I


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  01:05

got it. Got it. That makes more sense, yeah. But


Emily Merrell  01:08

I do love those shoes, and I think they're a great following costume. Well, speaking of your witchy tendencies, you are a nervous system coach. Can you first off, tell me what the hell that means.


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  01:20

So nervous system regulation, very hot topic. So hot and which very hot right now, which also makes me a little bit get on my soapbox about that. But basically, people are after some kind of nervous system regulation. Or most of my clients are referrals from other clients, and so they have heard about, not necessarily what I do, but the type of situations that I help people with. And so then they're usually by the time they're coming to me, they've tried everything else. And so something a little witchy sounds just about right.


Emily Merrell  01:55

No booze involved either.


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  01:57

No, yeah, no, no. But a lot of my clients have these days, it's more chronic illness based, or they have some sort of situation that traditional medicine just isn't working for them, or even things like acupuncture and massage and chiropractic, those things aren't really doing the trick for them, either. And so they're again, they've in this boat of I've tried everything else. It worked for this person. Let's see if it works for me. It started out with a lot of people having some sort of movement, injury or disease, and they were either looking to avoid a surgery, or they had a surgery, but they didn't quite get what they're where they were wanting to go. And then the pandemic, that was really a big tipping point where the things that we had been doing before were still in existence, same application, same everything. But instead of it being more physical based, as our nervous systems became more and more tanked during the pandemic, the issues became more significant and also harder to address, especially in the pandemic situation. But the method didn't change. It just the who were, who we were applying it to, started to broaden.


Emily Merrell  03:10

And the fact that I feel like what you were saying, that nervous system regulation is such a hot topic right now, I'm curious, why is it now that we're hearing about the nervous system in a way that feel like growing up, we didn't really talk about our nervous system.


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  03:27

Sure, we barely knew the term fight or flight. When I was a kid, I was like, what is that? And I'm sure I could have come up with something interesting, but no, I think that it's coming up because as a collective, our nervous systems are becoming more and more taint. Yeah. And then you combine that with just the fact that we have much more research to facilitate our understanding of the human body function, and we're starting to move away from things being very compartmentalized to being more holistic. And so you put all those things together, and at the end of the day, we simply are a big bundle of nerves governed by biology. And so if any problem that you have, you can probably trace it back to something about your nervous system.


Emily Merrell  04:19

It makes sense. I feel like everything from our childhoods, if you were, if we were to go into a therapy session right now, it definitely is related to the nervous system, or the way that you you feel or react, or the emotion that it brings up, activates your nervous system in some capacity. And I also think, to your point, like it is this collective where we know a lot more and we have that more research, we have more access, and then one person talks about it, and then another person talks about it, and people are I want to say people are more into like self help now, but I don't think that's the truth, because they're definitely worth the self help generations previously, in the 80s and 60s and all. Bathrooms and


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  05:01

cults, sure, when I think also, we're much more open to the idea of getting help for mental health issues. Yes, and our Olympics with Simone Biles was a good example of that which I think I saw something the other day that, what was it? I don't know. 6080 is that 60% of women feel more empowered. In particular, women about being okay with getting some sort of mental health assistance, and so with that being more of a wave, and that's definitely starts to put the puts the problem on the person to take accountability for it, right? Because your therapist isn't going to fix it for you, right? This there's not a pill that they're going to give you, and so when we have much more of acceptance of that sort of help available, then that also starts to broaden the horizons of other modalities that are also not going to fix it for you, but they're going to show you the tools for you to figure it out on your own, which


Emily Merrell  06:03

is coaching. I think that now you see in the coaching industry, if there's, if you're if you have a problem that you want solved with a specific expert or mentor, in that world, there's probably a person for that. I've seen, absolutely. I've seen everything from period coaches to, yeah, fertility coaches. Name a problem. I probably you probably, we have probably seen it.


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  06:29

I think you could probably make up a problem, and you could still find a coach for that too. Yeah,


Emily Merrell  06:33

my dog is a jerk, yeah. Well, and then so I'm curious, from a perspective of you doing this work with the nervous system, and specifically focusing on these people who either, have you said a lot of like chronic diseases and or a specific pain that PT or acupuncture didn't, didn't solve or didn't help eradicate, what advice do you have for for coaches who are dealing with clients who have nervous system challenges, but aren't nervous system coaches, where do we send them with them?


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  07:13

So for, first of all, for the coaches, I'm assuming that you're meaning like the coach themselves is having the nervous system thing, yeah, because it a lot of times it's the coach that's recognizing that in their client, and that's that's actually a very similar conversation. But if you are the coach and you're having some sort of nervous system situation, and especially with regards to your client, or just your work in general, you have to step away from that first of all, because it's not the work, it's not the client, it's something about you and a larger, bigger picture. And figure that piece out, and it could be, for example, survival patterns. Survival patterns are what I consider to be modes of behavior that we learned as children. We just now have more of an adult version of them, and as children, they helped facilitate getting our needs met. And then as adults, we carry out basically the same, same behavior just has, again, an adult flavor to it, sometimes, sometimes not, but it has an adult flavor to it. And then at some point, those survival strategies just don't serve us anymore. They're no longer functioning, and that's usually when people start to investigate, okay, there has to be something better. And that's again, we're just coaching in general comes in, but in the end, it's probably something about you. So even if it's your dog, right? So your dog's being the the butt head, or whatever it is, it's probably something about you and your interaction with them, and even if it's the words that come out of your mouth or it's a body language that you exhibit, all that again, goes back to the basics of what's the state of your nervous system, and when we can start to recognize, okay, this is the state of my nervous system. And when I'm in this state, these are the tendencies, these are the behavioral patterns that I tend to exhibit. I've already started to change the patterns, right? And especially when I can associate it more objectively, not subjectively, but objectively, with my nervous system state and this pattern, and I connect those two dots, and I keep watching my trend, then the trend will start to change, and it'll usually we recognize it in hindsight. And then the more it happens, we start to get closer and closer to the moment. And in the moment, it's not going to be like, Okay, I'm going to do something different. You just will do something different, right? And we can't predict ahead of time what those things are going to be. I can probably give you some tools about how you can manage it, but because we can't predict the future, we can't predict how we're going to handle x, y and z situation. But as we start to recognize those patterns, and we start to create a shift in our nervous system state, when that moment pops up, we simply will be different.


Emily Merrell  09:59

Yeah, and I reflecting on this, I feel like even thinking about business ownership over the years, like your first year of ownership, everything, every feedback that you receive, every email that has a negative connotation or undertone to it, you feel so physically, and you feel so personally, and I don't know if you've been in this date Amy, but where you respond back immediately, and you're defensive and you're angry, and your your skin is flushed and like your heart is beating. And I have gone back, and I've reread those emails with time and with hindsight, and I'm embarrassed for the things or the way that I reacted then when I could have just given it space or given it, given it a little bit of perspective. And I think that's also maturing and not taking things as sensitively or as personally, sure,


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  10:56

sure, and that response, that defense, that's stage two. So that's your fight reflex, right? And stage two fight is usually one of defense as opposed to attack, right? But if I, something comes to me, and if I if that's a trigger for me, and then it triggers my fight or flight state, or if I'm already fight or flight, thus I'm already primed for that reaction, then we just do it right? Because that's what we are supposed to do in a fight or flight state. That's the reflex, and that's what the hard thing about changing these patterns is that it's a reflex. It's just like when the doctor taps your patella tendon and your foot kicks out, right? You can't not make that happen, right? It's a reflex. But if you recognize, just like you said, you go back and you read those emails and you read those texts, right? And you probably in that, in hindsight, you were like, well, I could have done that over again, yes, right? Or you might start to recognize, like, how that might feel internally, whether that's, you know, truly fight or flight or not, it might just be like, Okay, I know that my tendency is to do this. I need to do something different. I don't know what that is, but just like, wait a day might be the answer. Sometimes, one


Emily Merrell  12:10

of the conversations Lexie and I have about this is whenever we get that trigger, or it happens all the time with with emails, I think you are in one mindset, you look at your inbox this email that can, like, turn you cold inside, pops in, or it's from a client, or it's from someone that's not happy with something, or they have a complaint, and it can just change the course of your entire day. We've all had it, I think, in some capacity, but we always talk about this in our podcast, that that feeling exactly what you said, of just getting neutral and maybe giving yourself a moment, calling a friend, walking outside, drinking water, hydration is so important, and we forget to hydrate or move our bodies and then sit back to the situation Before we angrily respond. How dare they say X, Y and Z


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  13:03

thing? Sure, yeah. And the movement piece of that, even if it's getting a drink of water, because that requires a movement. Action. Movement is incredibly important because it generates a lot of sensory input, and when my brain starts to receive more sensory input, then I can better sense the reality of the situation, as opposed to my perception of the situation.


Emily Merrell  13:27

So that even just giving yourself that 10 seconds of lifting up your cup or walking to your fridge, yeah,


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  13:35

yeah, walk to the fridge and maybe take the long route, and


Emily Merrell  13:40

you get on a plane and you go to Belize and change your name, and you shut down your company. Um, yeah. And we definitely have had those moments as entrepreneurs. So my my final question for you as a coach, are there any things that you wish at the beginning, you've had your business for so many years now, you've helped. You've changed the lives of so many individuals who have come to you with when they were ready because they had a need that needed to be solved. But what unsolicited advice would you give to coaches about running their business and showing up as their full self without like stabbing a client? Uh, or burning their business to the ground.


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  14:25

Um, I think the biggest thing is that we have this we have a perception of control. And control really is an illusion. It's a very big illusion, but it makes us feel better about whatever our situation is. And so if once that I surrender to the fact that I don't have control and I can only make decisions right now in this moment, I can only take action right now in this moment, right? And those are the limited things that I do have control of, like going to the refrigerator and getting a drink of water, right? But. And I start to make those, take those actions right now, surrender to what is. Then things start to flow a lot easier, because I'm not fighting the reality of something. I'm not trying to force it to be something other than what it is. And then once I start to do that, then all sorts of things start to open up. And it might be that we literally start to see the things that are right in front of our face. It might be that our creativity starts to expand and so we more thoughtfully or psychologically see solutions to a problem. But the idea that we have control over a conversation, that we have control over another person's action, that I have control over my business even is an illusion. And once we get give up that idea and just surrender, literally surrender, then things are so much easier. And


Emily Merrell  15:53

I think that's such an amazing reminder, too. As coaches, we we aren't problem fixers. We're like, Sure, we're problem solvers and we can lead a horse to water, but at the end of the day, it's your client's choice to decide if they want to take that action. And you can give them all the information. You can guide them accordingly, but you weren't going to fix the problems for people who don't want to be fixed,


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  16:17

yeah, and then furthermore, their success or failure, at least, this is how I view myself. My client's successor or failure doesn't actually have anything to do with me.


Emily Merrell  16:30

Amy, we need a frame there, right then and there. Can you just say that one more time? Just for those in the back who can't hear you.


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  16:36

So my client's success or failure has nothing to do with me, right? If they succeed, they they did it, not me. If they fail, they did it not me, right?


Emily Merrell  16:53

I think that is, is like the number one piece of advice any beginning coach, middle of the road coach, someone who's been in the coaching world for so long as I would imagine that majority of the coaching business is made out of empaths, of some course, and of some sort. And the fact that what you just said is so true, like we can't hold that weight of their success, of what they've accomplished or didn't accomplish. You should be a good coach. You shouldn't be like, selling shoddy things. But at this end of the day, charlatans allowed. Yeah, exactly. This is excluding the charlatans who might be listening. But in general, I think what you said is just so magnificent, especially it reminds me of what we've heard on every single flight, like put your mask on before helping others. Sure, absolutely. All right, okay, so Amy, how can people learn more about your witchy ways and get in touch with you and be a part of your world?


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  17:55

The easiest way is from my website, prism movement studio.com, and from there you can pop me an email, and we can set up a consultation, and we can chat from there, yeah,


Emily Merrell  18:07

and I will also, I want to brag about Amy for a second. She also has incredible classes, too, if you're in that space where you want to start exploring what the nervous system regulation looks like and her technique looks like. She has these great 30 minute or hour classes.


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  18:24

Classes are all 55 minutes long, and they're all movement based classes, and some are a little bit more intense, and some of them are really chill, but they're all geared at becoming more aware of your your motor patterns, your nervous system in a movement context. Humans were meant to be movers. I


Emily Merrell  18:44

was just at a networking event before this, before this podcast, and I met a gal who does trauma therapy through boxing, and she leads her sessions like through the movement of boxing and breathing and getting people to talk things out as they're moving their bodies. And I thought that was a really cool idea. And also I'm like, Do you how many calories do I burn in therapy now,


Amy Bonaduce-Gardner  19:09

right? Double whammy, yeah,


Emily Merrell  19:13

I would market it if I was be like, burn calories mentally and physically. Well, solve solving your problems. Well, Amy, thank you so much for being my co host and being our guest on today's episode of The Ready Set coach podcast, and we'll see you the next time. Take care. Thank you. Bye.