Ready Set Coach Podcast

Uncover Your Purpose with Feminine Empowerment Coach Christie Vella

• Emily Merrell and Lexie Smith • Season 2 • Episode 102

Share episode

In this episode of Ready Set Coach, Emily Merrell welcomes guest Christie Vella, a feminine empowerment coach who helps high-achieving women reconnect with their purpose and joy. Together, they dive into the challenges women face when navigating transitions, battling societal pressures, and living in a state of perfectionism. Christie shares her journey of breaking free from a life designed for others, learning to embrace her desires, and creating a life filled with authenticity and pleasure. Through heartfelt anecdotes and actionable advice, this episode explores how leaning into community and asking for support can be decisive steps toward uncovering your unique purpose.

Listeners will discover the transformative power of daily rituals, such as Christie's “pleasure ritual,” to create moments of joy amidst life’s chaos. Christie and Emily discuss identifying the activities that spark joy, protecting those moments, and turning them into sacred practices. Christie shares a free workbook, Pathway to Pleasure, to help listeners craft their rituals and begin living more purposefully and joyfully. 


Here’s What You’ll Learn: 

  • The importance of embracing community and asking for help as a strength, not a weakness.
  • How societal expectations and perfectionism can lead to burnout and disconnect from personal dreams.
  • The concept of living authentically and prioritizing your own needs alongside supporting others.
  • How to recognize the signs of being out of alignment with your purpose and joy.
  • Practical steps for creating daily rituals that ground you in pleasure and fulfillment.
  • The role of therapy, coaching, and mentorship in navigating life’s transitions and uncovering your truth.
  • Identify activities and moments that bring you into a state of flow and joy.
  • Why women often struggle with prioritizing self-care and how to reframe it as essential.
  • The value of failure as a growth opportunity and a natural part of living a purposeful life.
  • A sneak peek into Christie’s Pathway to Pleasure workbook and how it can guide you in crafting a joyful and meaningful life.




Listener Links: 



Emily Merrell  

Hi. Welcome back to the Ready Set coach podcast. I am so excited to have a new co host today. We ditched Lexie, and we have brought in Christie Vella. She is an a phenomenal coach supporting women in so many things of her life. But before I butcher it, why don't you actually tell me, Christy, what is it that you do to support women? 


Christy Villa  

Absolutely, it's so great to be here. I am a feminine empowerment coach. My focus is high achieving women who are really just looking for something more in their lives, really supporting women around their journey to kind of whatever resonates more deeply with them, is really what I'm focused on. And I think that's when I was we were talking before we recorded. And I also think it's so cool. The work that you do is like also helping women through different transitions of life, whether it's their career or divorce or spiritual exploration. We have so many phases in life in which we need we need support, and yet our society is very we're like, America, I'm sorry. We're gonna go down like so many different rabbit holes today. But I feel like, I feel like our country, we're so autonomous, which is great, but like, we're probably also one of the, the only countries that really like sees asking for help, a weakness. And I think there's so many life moments in which we need to,


Christy Villa  

you know, throw up that flag. Be like, Can someone help me figure this out? Because I can't do it myself anymore. Yeah, and it doesn't have to be traumatic, right? And it doesn't have to be looked down upon, right? Like we, we, especially as females, we support each other in community, like the feminine is definitely far more inclined to look for community and sport and collaborate, rather than doing it all on our own. We're taught to live in this. And where I came from with my story is I was like, fully in my masculine I was achieving. I was doing all the things I had all the masks on. I was the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, and I was dying inside, and I didn't have a community around me to hold me and say, Hey, you don't have to be perfect. PS, nobody's perfect. So this is that lie of perfectionism. They suck if they are exactly and, and, and we can fail and we can learn, right? Like, the only way we learn is through failure, right? So, you know, it's like you go out and you try something, and if it doesn't work, you pivot, and having this collaborative support, coaching, whatever it is around you, to really support you in your journey is powerful, like there's power in that. It's not a failure. It's a strength. To be able to know that you need it, and I wish we had been given that permission throughout our lives a bit more, like we we might have needed a tutor growing up, or like you needed some support Well, figuring out the SATs or colleges, but then I kind of feel like the support is taken away, and maybe that's different with this generation. And I'm just thinking back of like, when we were in college, or when we you know, we're entering the workforce, they're not like, here's a mentor to help you navigate being managed by a micromanager.


Christy Villa  

No one gave me that. Yeah, and it's funny, because in support in sports, right? They all have coaches, and they have trainers, and you have, we have all these tools around you. And yet, as students, same when I was growing up, if I, if I had to have a tutor, I would have been like, oh my gosh, like, you know, I can't do this on my own. It's, it's and, and getting a coach through an executive career, getting a coach to be a better mom and be a better partner, like therapy, right? Like having a therapist is one of the most profound things I've ever done in my life. It is powerful to be able to go deep into your feelings and really understand what you are and what you want and what you need. That's where you start to like, lean into your bliss, your joy, your pleasure. And these, these moments are what, what I think that you should be following like this is, these are the breadcrumbs of your life, and this is how you start to live this life, fully alive and filled with joy and being able to support others, right? Totally, rather than repress it, you're able to, like, reflect on it and be like, Why am I that perfect daughter, that perfect wife, that living in the masculine so I'm curious, Christy, what was your moment that you kind of pulled your rip cord and, like, blew it, blew it up.


Christy Villa  

I was married and had three kids, and I had a friend who literally turned to me and was like, What are your dreams like? What do you want to be? And I had no idea. I literally was like dreams like, I remember having dreams when I was in high school. I remember having dreams in my early 20s, and I had no idea what my dreams were. My dreams were literally like to get through the day and get to that right? Like, yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't my life. It was I was living for others around me, which I'm still supportive of all my family and all my loved ones, and now I can also be supportive of myself and I'm better resourced and in a much better place. What was I love that friend that asked that question? I I.


Christy Villa  

The I'm that friend who asked deep questions, and my sister will always be like, you're the only person who asked deep questions. I was like, That sucks. You need to surround yourself with better people, because we need more of those, more of those. You need more of that deep conversation. But I'm curious, besides her asking that question, like, what was the first step you took in as you mentioned, getting better resourced. Yeah, I found a therapist. I realized that I was unhappy and that I wasn't I wasn't feeling fulfilled. I was I was in a really kind of depressed state. So I found the therapist. I called a friend, and I was like, I need someone to help me. And and I I've always been a reader. I love researching, I love writing, I love journaling. So that was always there, but like, it was really those actual conversations with a therapist that held me a little bit more accountable and and a little bit more kind of in my truth, and helped me to decide how to navigate the next 10 years of my life,


Emily Merrell  

or, like, I'm still with this therapist today.



She can't break up with me. Or


Emily Merrell  

this is kind of a tangent. But on the same vein, I watched this movie this weekend called babes. Have you seen this one yet? It's super cute. It was with a I forget what the one girl is. One girl was from Broad City, and it was another good comedian, and they basically are best friends. And one of them had just had her second child, and she expresses to her husband in this moment of like desperation, she's like, I'm just sick of it, but I don't know what it is. And I when I go to work, I'm I don't want to be there. I want to be home with the kids, but when I'm home with the kids, all I want to do is not be with the kids and then the husband, and she's like, and you're the perfect husband, and he turns, he goes, I just go to work, because I feel like I have to, but I know the only relief I will feel was when I die. But then when I die, I know I'll feel better because then the kids will be okay, because I went to work. And it's like, you know that moment of despair that we all go to in our lives and like, but you can't name it. You don't know what it that feeling is, yeah. So when you were just mentioning, like, that depression or that movement, or you're serving others, it's like, you know you're doing something wrong, but you can't really point your finger to what that it is, yeah, and it's frustrating, because you are being the perfect everything, right? Like you're living your life for others. You're sacrificing. As women, we tend to do this, especially moms, right? But all of us, we sacrifice for the last ones on the list. We, you know, we have this, like self care thing I heard about, maybe, maybe I'll take a bath one month, maybe, right? So good,


Christy Villa  

call yourselves, but it's not a priority, and so you just live this, this life for others. And that's everything we're taught, that's supposed to be what it is that's supposed to be enough. And for a lot of us, it's not right, like we're just you feel empty, you feel like you've taken care of everybody else and like who's showing up for you. And if you're not prioritizing your needs and your passion, your pleasure, your joy, your bliss, nobody else will, because it's not important to you must not be important to anybody, right? So it's this kind of cyclical spiral that we go through which I think, I think, like having that moment of I need more is, is the perfect point to engage any, any resource that you can right, like find your people that speak to you, that make sense, and reach out and ask for help, because that's where you're you're showing the universe that you're prioritizing you, and Everything's going to start to shift from that point. It's just like, what Belle says, you know, she wants more than this provincial life, like there's more out there.


Christy Villa  

I was like, man, wow, oh,



right, so she knows there's more out there. No, she does, and she doesn't even balk when she's used singing furniture. She's like, I get it. I knew this. She's like, normal. This is like, you have a library. That's cool. I'll take it. Love it.


Christy Villa  

Even


Emily Merrell  

sit boy, roll over. Let me rub your belly. I started leaving my child like a dog, which is probably problematic, I made him sit for candy. No, I'm like, sit, roll,


Emily Merrell  

shake.



I don't know. It's just, if I'm going to give him something, he needs to perform for it, and that's just do something I can't wait for his therapy sessions one day. Like I you know you already think about the trauma you're going to give your children. You're like the funny in the therapy jar. I'm like, therapies are no you don't need a you don't need a savings account for education. You need a therapy, education. We're all going to need it. We're all going to absolutely this world's weird, man, speaking of what?


Emily Merrell  

Weird. I feel like I love that your friend again, back to her saying, like, what are your dreams? Yeah, not that same vein. It's like, what is your joy? Or what is what is your pleasure? Like, what do you sometimes I feel like I struggle with this myself, even like writing down, like, what are my desires? And like, Okay, I wanna, I wanna fly first class every time I go somewhere, but then that feels selfish, or, you know, when you start writing the things down, you're like, Oh, but I should be happy, because I have enough right now.


Emily Merrell  

I got food, I got a bed.


Emily Merrell  

And so I think especially, I don't know if you're like this Christy, but you open Instagram and it's like just a doom spiral, and you the world's on fire and there's a hurricane coming and the election's coming up, and everyone's snipping at each other, and



that feeling in your chest can start welling up, and all you want to do is take a nap. Yeah. So as coaches, how do we stay in our joy, also supporting others and giving to others and serving others while the world is a dumpster fire. Yeah. So I have, and I talk about in my workshops, I have my like pleasure ritual that I do every day.


Christy Villa  

It's, it's where I feel the most me. And so as I move through my day, there's moments but like, I'm in service for my children. I'm in service for my job, in service for my clients, right? But I have this pleasure ritual that I it's like, literally sacred. And I keep it in the morning. I have a little witchy altar, and I light my candles, and I have my crystals, and I do meditation, and I like, listen to sound bath, and I just drop in and I journal right, like, so it's this time that I take in my kids walk in and they think, I'm, like, casting spells, and maybe I am.


Emily Merrell  

But like, you're getting a plus today.


Christy Villa  

Yeah, you're gonna get this. You're gonna get that. But I but it's like, my time. And when I and I work with my clients, I talk about, like, dancing, like, take, take 15 minutes and pump the music and dance do that thing that makes you feel joyful, right? Because then and obviously so like, what we see and what we look for is what we create more of, right? So if you're in this state of joy, and if you're in this state of flow, and like, aware and tons of compassion and love for the reality of the world and we can be these little beacons of light that can shine and make others feel better, like in times of darkness and times of challenge. I think creating that space for ourselves, filling our cup, allows us to show up and and do more for those around us. For I love that one, and I love I love that you made it such a ritual for journaling too. I just like flop into the guest bed and open the journal. So I like the like playing of the sound bath music and lighting the candles and having the altar. So for those that are brands thinking new to like tapping into their own joy. Do you have any advice on how they can remember or find it or rediscover what joy means to them? Yeah, it's, it's that thing that you do when you're doing it, that you're like, not thinking about the dumpster fire that is the world, right? Like, it's that thing that takes you out of time and flow. It's, maybe, for some of us, it's running, right? So some of us, it's yoga. It might be movement. It might be talking to your person, and like going deep on conversations. It might be like just dreaming, manifesting, visioning, like, I want my life to look like this, and like getting into the embodied feeling of it and really expanding that, right? It, it can be. It can be whatever you love, basically, and and get clear on it. Make it a ritual. Make it something more, expand on it and like, commit to it every day, protect it. Okay, so there's going to be homework. We believe in homework at the ready. Set coach podcast. So this is your permission to to deepen, deepen into the joy, or rediscover what joy means to you and ritualize it a little bit too. Like, how can you make it baked into your day? So it's not just an off at the end of the day, oh, shit, I should have, should have journaled, or I should have stopped, right? Something you're looking forward to. Like, the should take the shit out of it, and I cannot wait. It's like that thought of like, God, I can't wait to wake up and meditate, right? Or I can't wait to wake up and dance and then journal about the experience of it and how that felt. Like it's the I can't wait to that thing that you can't wait to do. Christy, the only thing I can't wait to do is take off my bra at the



end of the day. Around it, right? I'm like, make it like, shot it at my husband. And I'm like, these babies that they need freedom. These hurt so much.


Emily Merrell  

I gave up underwire during me too, picked it up again. I'm like, me too. I'm pregnant, so everything's just getting tighter and tighter right now. And I'm like, Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Gotta go the sports for.


Emily Merrell  

Are a little too tight right


Christy Villa  

now, let's just say that. But I think that is wonderful. My last question for you, too is, how can people find out more about you and hanging out in your joyful world? I love it, so I have a website, which is amazing. I'm very excited. It's Christie, sarah.com and then I have an Instagram Christy, Sarah, C, H, R, i, s, t, I, E, S, A, R, A, 111, is my Instagram account too. So yeah, what's the best way to like plug into your world, besides joining your website, following, following you on Instagram? Are there any events coming up, or any like, easy ways to to get a taste of of your of your work. So lots of stuff in progress. I do have a freebie, a pathway to pleasure workbook, um, which is helps you create your pleasure rituals. So you're you're journaling, and you're dropping into it, and it's available on my site and through Instagram. If you go to Instagram and DM me pleasure, I will send it over to you so you can connect that. Oh, I can't wait to hear what other every, every person's pleasure is. I feel like it's gonna be very varied, absolutely. Oh,


Emily Merrell  

the toys are not included. That is a caveat.


Emily Merrell  

Wanna buy those on your own. Yeah, that's a good partnership opportunity I just I see it there. Well, Christy, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with other fellow coaches today and being my co star on today's episode of Ready Set coach the podcast. Amazing. Thank you so much. You're welcome. See you next time. Y'all Bye, bye.