Ready Set Coach Podcast

Setting Boundaries in Bed & Business | How Sex Coaching Changes Everything with Teacher Byrd

• Emily Merrell and Lexie Smith

Share episode

Teacher Byrd, founder of Sex Ed with Byrd, isn’t here to tiptoe around the awkward conversations—they’re here to transform them. As an environmental studies teacher turned sex education coach, Byrd built their business on the belief that pleasure is a birthright, confidence starts in the bedroom, and real sex education is long overdue. 

In this episode, Emily Merell and Byrd dive into how shame-free coaching helps clients navigate communication issues, low libido, and relationship struggles—without the outdated, fear-based narratives from traditional sex ed.

Emily and Byrd also tackle the unexpected connections between sexual confidence and success in business, how setting boundaries (even a waitlist) is the ultimate power move, and why de-stressing might just be the secret to a better sex life. Whether you're a coach, entrepreneur, or someone just trying to ask for what you need—this episode is packed with insights that go beyond the bedroom.

In this episode, we discuss:

  • Why is sex coaching different from therapy?
  • How does sexual confidence impact business success?
  • What’s the connection between stress and intimacy?
  • How can women set boundaries in business and relationships?
  • What’s missing in traditional sex education?

Join the FREE Exclusive Network of Coaches  

Teacher Byrd [they/them/theirs/elle], a Sex Education and Relationship Coach committed committed to helping diverse singles and partners achieve healthier communication and more intimacy.

Website: https://www.sexedwithbyrd.com/  

Instagram: @sxedwithbyrd

Byrd grace:

Foreign.

Emily Merrell:

Welcome back to the Ready Set Coach podcast. I am so excited. Today I have an incredible guest with us, one of our Ready Set Coach insiders. Their name is Grace, and they are the founder of Sex Ed with Byrd. And we are just so excited to have you on the show. So, Grace, welcome to the Ready Set Coach podcast.

Byrd grace:

Thank you. Yes, I'm excited, too. I'm a big fan.

Emily Merrell:

Well, it's always fun. You know, Lexi and I do this together, so it's always fun. Kind of like Kelly Ripa and, you know, replacing. Replacing our co hosts with these incredible coaches that we have within the community. But I love that you are a sex ed coach. We definitely have. So we have different variations of intimacy coaches or pleasure coaches within the community. And I love that about the coaching industry, too, that there are so many variations of what you can learn about and be taught. You could be taught about orgasm if you want. You could be taught about how to have sex. Like, I think that's the cool thing about the industry. So I want to know about you. And I also have to warn our listeners, I'm super pregnant, so if I am breathing hard, I apologize for that. But, Grace, how did you get into the, like, the sex ed world?

Byrd grace:

Yeah, so it's kind of funny. I went to school for something completely different. I was planning on being environmental studies teacher, which is complete. Yeah, completely different. But growing up, obviously kind of how sex ed is in this country, it was pretty bad and especially wasn't diverse. And so when I was growing up, I was lucky enough to grow up in a generation where I could look things up online and it could be accurate sex education, like Planned Parenthood. And so knowing that information and looking it up myself and actually having access to accurate information was really a good thing for me, especially being the first of my friends who dated. And so growing up, when they had questions, they would kind of come to me and I would actually be able to give them accurate information. I. I kind of loved that. It was really fun for me. And so as I kind of graduated from college, I realized I wanted to work from home. I wanted to be my own boss and not kind of go into the school system. And so I decided to start my own sex education coaching business.

Emily Merrell:

I love that. And you're so right about our educations and sex ed. Sex education. I don't even think they included sex ed in my high school.

Byrd grace:

Oh, wow.

Emily Merrell:

They were very focused on, like, mental health at the time and eating disorders. More so than sex.

Byrd grace:

Said that's like, kind of uncommon too to even focus on that.

Emily Merrell:

So I know it's very avant garde. But also I think sex was a very taboo subject and even today. You're absolutely right. Like your generation is so fortunate that it has. Like we had Google, but we kind of Google was a lot rougher back then than it is now. And actually hosted an event last night you would have loved with a founder of a sex wellness company called Unbound Babes. And she, you know, one of the girls who is on the call was talking about, she's like, I learned everything I know about sex and having babies on Tick Tock.

Byrd grace:

Oh, wow.

Emily Merrell:

Yeah. And I was like, that's so sad that we can't even as women or individuals come together and have conversations like you think of like the red tent days or it was. Everything was very oral history and passed down one person to another. And there's so many silos that people live in. So there is this beauty of the Internet creating more accessibility to people wherever they are, in whatever capacity. And I also love that you have this like teaching aspect you in this kind of, I want to say like a mother hen aspect to you where your chickadees can come to you and ask you questions and feel safe with receiving the answers. So my question for you, Grace, is how do you disseminate this information to your customers?

Byrd grace:

I like what you said about kind of the mother hen aspect of it that gives me feelings of like empathy, shame, free judgment, free space. And I think that's kind of the difference between a sex therapist and a sex coach is there's not that hierarchy. There's not that, oh, we're going to diagnose you in the DSM and you know, and cover through insurance. It's more of a collaborative approach towards your goals. It's. It's more open. You can kind of have that empathy. You can share things that will relate to your clients. And I think that's kind of important is sharing things that relate when in therapy space you don't get that and it's a lot less personal. And so I think that's kind of the plus of coaching rather than sex therapy or, you know, an OB GYN or something like that.

Emily Merrell:

Oh, oh my God. You learn nothing at an OB gyn. You really do just get on the pill and that's it. Best of luck to you out there. What can you share with some examples of your clients and what type of challenges or struggles are coming to you with to and where they need support, coaching.

Byrd grace:

Yeah. So I. I see individuals and I see couples, and I think one of the. Well, I think the main thing that I emphasize over and over again is your normal or normal. Right. No matter what, you're coming to me with low libido or, you know, some kind of communication issue. It's normal, you're normal. And I think that just kind of taking that shame away and knowing this is normal, you're normal, is one of the biggest things that I can show to somebody and tell someone. And I think it coming from somebody else is such a big thing as well. And, you know, clients come to me with a whole bunch of things. I think some of the biggest things are communication issues, wanting to have healthier communication, whether that's kind of. I see clients, you know, before they're getting married, and they. They have no kind of big issues yet, and they just want to kind of, you know, dot all their I's and cross their T's before marriage. And I see some others where they're on the brink of divorce. And I think kind of wherever you are in that spectrum, healthier communication is always important. And then, you know, low libido issues and things like that as well.

Emily Merrell:

It's so important. And I know in the Catholic Church they do something called preana. Where have you heard of that before? Where it's kind of like a. It's the priest, which cracks me up that a priest is guiding people through this, but it's leading them through finances, and it's leading them just getting them on the same page about things. And to your point, I think there's so many things with sexuality, especially dependent, where they are in experience, if they're never had sex or if they've had sex before, that need to be communicated.

Byrd grace:

And.

Emily Merrell:

And a lot of us have a lot of shame that needs to be shed in our learning, especially with religious upbringings or particular types of. Of parenting, where I. I swear I half my clients like, we talk about their own shame. So I think sexual energy is a big tie into, to coaching and even like, succeeding in life, like being comfortable sexually, being comfortable in body and self is really impactful for where you can be as an individual to soar.

Byrd grace:

Yeah. One thing I think about, and I say is if you can talk about your sex life, your needs, your desires, what you want in bed, which is really scary and vulnerable, you can set your price with your clients. You can ask for that raise. You can, you know, set that boundary, whatever it is, because once you get that really hard, vulnerable thing. And you're able to talk about that openly. You're able to talk about anything, you know, and so I think it truly does relate to coaching or any kind of job or situation.

Emily Merrell:

Yeah, that confidence, that inner confidence of self and worth and self love and being able to. To approach your needs appropriately, which. I'm curious. Have you ever read the book A Reclamation?

Byrd grace:

I haven't, no.

Emily Merrell:

So that was a book. I was in a coaching program and she had us read this book, and I really love to hear your thoughts on it. This individual who wrote the book, her name is Mama Gina, she hosts, like, seminars all across the world. She has workshops and programs and whatnot. But one of the things she talks about, which is kind of interesting, she talks about taking like. I don't even know if I should say that's on this podcast, but I'm going to basically, like, give it. Dabbing yourself with a little bit of your own juice behind your ears every morning for a little bit of confidence. And for me, that was a little too far. I was like, I'm not dabbing anything anywhere. But it was that interesting aspect of like really absorbing yourself or, you know, she. She walks through different exercises of looking in the mirror and appreciation. So I'd be curious, Grace, do you have any exercises or tactics for those coaches listening who might not have that personal confidence of asking for those raises yet or telling without shaking ask, telling their client their prices, that could help them kind of get their juices flowing. I like that. I like.

Byrd grace:

I think kind of what I was saying, asking for what you want in the bedroom can open the doors for anything. And I know for women especially, who are probably a lot of your listeners, it's hard. You're not supposed to ask for what you want in the bedroom. You're not. So in society, you're not supposed to prioritize your pleasure or your needs or your wants or desires. And so even if it starts with by yourself, solo play, or even not even play, it could just be your pleasure, you know, husband or partner, can you take the kids for a little bit? And I'm going to have a nice bath or I'm going to have whatever. And so sinking into your pleasure, whatever that means. Asking for what you need in the bedroom or beyond the bedroom, I think can be a great first step, especially for women or those who haven't been able to kind of prioritize their pleasure or their needs. I think that.

Emily Merrell:

I think like a daily challenge of creating Like a. A pleasure. A pleasure bubble of sorts.

Byrd grace:

Yeah.

Emily Merrell:

Giving yourself that space to ask for something. It doesn't have to be orgasmic, but being able to say, hey, I'm going to take 30 minutes and take a bath. Can you make sure no one interrupts me? And during this time.

Byrd grace:

Yeah. And it seems like such a small thing. Right. But I think sometimes when you're in the daily grind or you're in a relationship for a while, you forget that, you know, you're just such, like in this constant to do list, constant things to do that you might forget, like, oh, yeah, let me prioritize my pleasure, my needs, or my wants.

Emily Merrell:

Yeah. Do you have any examples of how you do that in your own life?

Byrd grace:

Yeah, I think I am very good at setting my boundaries hard. Chronically ill. And I have a very limited energy budget. And I also think it's important to set your boundaries and communicate and be open. And so I set my boundaries pretty hard. Recently, I am wait list only because I want to work part time. And so that's been really exciting. And also, even though I'm having these clients come to me, it's like, no, I'm wait list only. Like, I'm. I'm at my limits. You know, I really feel a pressure to take on more clients, but I think it's important to set your boundaries hard. And for me, that's. That's something that I do and work and. And beyond too.

Emily Merrell:

And also not to burn yourself out. You could have a million clients, but if your pot is drained or your cup is drained, how are you. How are you serving those clients and showing up?

Byrd grace:

Yeah, yeah. It's a great way to look at it.

Emily Merrell:

I think it's really important. And you had mentioned you. I love that. The boundary of wait list only, too. And I think that's also. It's kind of like dating in a way, letting people know, you know, your wait list only. I'm dating, but I'm not. I'm not committing to anyone at this moment in time. Selective.

Byrd grace:

Yeah. Yeah.

Emily Merrell:

More cognizant of who you take on. Make sure that they're the right clients rather than. You don't have to serve everyone and anyone.

Byrd grace:

Yeah, Yeah. I think that's really important and something that I'm glad to have. I'm glad that I kind of had the education and knowledge to set my boundaries, and that's been able to spill over into work as well. And I feel really lucky for a teacher in you.

Emily Merrell:

Can we also talk before we wrap up today? I Want to learn more about sex? Sorry, guys. So burpee this started to heartburn. Can you tell me more about sex ed with Byrd and where you got the name?

Byrd grace:

Yeah. So my slogan is teaching the Byrds and the bees. And so I kind of love that play on it. I thought that was kind of funny. And I was actually thinking about this question this morning. How did I exactly think about sex ed with Byrd. And I can't remember. I can't remember what the actual origin of it is, but I came to that.

Emily Merrell:

But I. I love that too. And I think there's something to be said about the content that you put out and the community, the way you communicate. It is like the modern sex ed for the modern person versus I think I loved my. My health teacher. She was such a sweetheart, but makes me so angry. There's so much stuff that I want to go into sex ed class or I want to go into the health class and be. I wish you guys learned these three things about your body. So I'm curious about you. Do you have. Do you have things that if you were given a megaphone in a soapbox that you could talk about for. For hours on end.

Byrd grace:

Oh my gosh, so many things. I make sure with my clients I listen more than I talk, but I feel like I could talk forever. I think kind of like what I was saying, you deserve pleasure. Pleasure is your birthright. And so if you're having sex, it's not pleasurable, you're not going to want to have that sex. You might have issues with your relationship and resentments and things like that. And so prioritizing your pleasure. Another thing is de stressing is one of the best things that you could do for your sex life. If you're stressed or if you're burnt out or if you're angry, which I think is another form of stress, you're not going to be wanting to have sex, you're not going to be enjoying sex. And I also think learning about your body is really important too. Whether that's exploring yourself or kind of seeking out that education, whether on TikTok or the Internet or whatever it is. If you don't know those pleasure points and kind of know how your body works, you might be not able to prioritize your pleasure or not be able to communicate what it is that feels good for you. And so I think those things are really important and not taught about in sex ed. We're never taught about where the pleasure.

Emily Merrell:

Points are, you know, so, like, just don't get pregnant. Or you get pregnant and you're going to die, and that's it. Which is. Oh, that's. That's something that makes me really angry, is just how much fear is given to us about. To your point, about, like, being correlated to pleasure and how there's such a limited understanding of our bodies and, like, how it works. And what is the cervix and why do we have a uterus and how do they tie together? And, oh, you have a period. How does the period play into getting pregnant? And, you know, we're just so quick to, like, medicate sometimes or, like, be like, oh, you have bad period. Here, just take some pills and you're going to be fine, versus why. Why do you have this bad period?

Byrd grace:

Yeah.

Emily Merrell:

What else is going on there that we're not talking about?

Byrd grace:

Yeah. Yeah. And I think if you have the knowledge, you have the tools and the power, in a way, hold the power.

Emily Merrell:

Well, Grace, I would love to know, how can people find out more about your. Your wait list, your programs, your content, and be in touch.

Byrd grace:

Yeah. So my website is sex ed with Byrd, and Byrd is B, Y, R, D. And then I'm most active on Instagram, which is sex ed with Byrd, but the E in sex is removed because, you know, censorship. So. And then I'm pretty reachable wherever on my website. There's my email and contact, and then Instagram, there's dm. You can get into contact with me wherever you find me. I'll. I'll be there.

Emily Merrell:

You're like, I'll be there. And then I'm curious what's coming up for you both personally and professionally. Anything on the. In the pipeline?

Byrd grace:

Yeah, I think professionally, I'm thinking of a lot of fun workshops in the mix, some free and some paid ones. So that'll be out on all the socials in the website and everywhere I'll be seeing when those are coming up.

Emily Merrell:

And we'll have to do something for Ready, Set Coach, too.

Byrd grace:

That'd be fun.

Emily Merrell:

We'll have to make sure that happens. Well, we are so happy to have you as a guest. And if you have listened to our podcast before, Lexi and I always end our podcast with a terrible song of Ready, Set Coach. So are you willing to sing with me?

Byrd grace:

Oh, gosh. Okay.

Emily Merrell:

All right, guys, we'll see you the next time on the Ready, Set Coach podcast. All right, have a great day, everyone. Bye.