"You can't Always get what you want, But sometimes you might get what you need."

Is there a secret to happiness? We doubt it. It's different for everybody. Though there are similar themes. In this episode we discuss 5 things that we believe we would each need to be happy. Funny enough, there were some parallels in our lists even though we didn't share them with each other before hand. 

What things would you want in your life in order to be happy, and why? We discuss our personal experiences with a list of 5 of our own, and whether or not we have any of them in our current lives. 

Happiness can be a hard choice sometimes, but it is still a choice. We choose how we want to feel every single day. Do you know what makes YOU happy? Do you have it? 

Take a listen to ours and see if we all have any in common.

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Transcript

Pete (00:03.661)
Episode 23, everything froze, so I got a little nervous. That's right, I thought you were gonna flip me off. I was like, oh. It's almost Christmas, Chris, come on, man. So it was a rough week, I'm sure. Yeah, right, none. It's all love and hugs. Rough week for sure, work was busy, like pre-Christmas shit, so that.

Chris O'Neil (00:17.774)
There's no flipping off during Christmas.

Pete (00:31.221)
added some added stress, Cameron doing his usual teenage thing. I did have a small success. I went and picked up a pre-roll and a cheap eighth from a local dispensary. And I had opened my mouth, as I usually do, saying something sarcastic. And somebody liked the idea that I gave. So they gave me a free beanie, like a snow hat.

Chris O'Neil (00:46.006)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (00:58.892)
Yeah.

Pete (00:58.945)
and this gigantic pack of wrapping rolling papers that I don't know what the hell I'd do with and a lighter right? Yeah, all because I said, because this is a place that they do flavored joints so there was one that tasted like pumpkin spice there was another one that was like orchard apple or some shit and then there was another I don't know what the other one was but they really tasted good like

Chris O'Neil (01:03.583)
Oh jeez.

Okay.

Chris O'Neil (01:15.758)
Okay.

Pete (01:28.449)
strawberries and cream is the other one and I had jokingly said any holiday flavors for Christmas and Then they were like, oh we got banana bread. I'm like Banana bread like what about fucking eggnog? Like all you need is a little bit of nutmeg and some weed and you're good and the kid was like, you know You're right. And that's what gave me the fucking the free hat and shit. I Had no idea that they were there. Oh Yeah, a little cinnamon

Chris O'Neil (01:30.786)
Hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:44.63)
Pretty much.

Chris O'Neil (01:48.363)
Oh, okay. Well, I would include cinnamon in there. Like, small amount of cinnamon and mostly nutmeg. That would be some good eggnog flavor. Yeah, for sure.

Pete (01:58.005)
Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah, just fucking knock it right back. And how about you? How was your week? Rough, smooth sailing?

Chris O'Neil (02:10.62)
Eh... kind of a mixed bag, honestly. Um... At...

Pete (02:13.597)
Yeah. Is your life kinda like that pirate before pirates, that skull before Pirates of the Caribbean that's like, There be stormy waters ahead, matey. Hehehehehehe.

Chris O'Neil (02:24.062)
Yeah, most days, honestly. Well, and it was... It certainly wasn't a horrible week, because I've definitely had those as of late. It is just more of like, you know, trying to navigate. I had a lot of instances of, like that crossroads of...

Pete (02:37.225)
Mm.

Chris O'Neil (02:52.502)
sticking with my gentle parenting authoritative situation that I have, or skewing back into the authoritarian, you know, do what I say, not as I do. Your opinion doesn't matter. You're just a kid. The adults stuff is all that counts. And it is, in so many instances, it's so difficult to stick to the authoritative parenting.

Chris O'Neil (03:21.326)
Case in point. And I think this kind of.

Chris O'Neil (03:30.142)
It taps into what we're talking about today, and I won't go there yet, because we're still in the preamble. But yeah, we're bantering. We have our bookend bantering that we always do.

Pete (03:35.793)
Bantering. Yes. The only part of the Constitution that anybody knows is to preamble. Ha ha.

Chris O'Neil (03:43.595)
Yeah. Just, you know, going through it a bit with my five-year-old and...

Chris O'Neil (03:54.894)
I feel like this might be a bad comparison, but when I was working in the restaurant industry, I worked in the service industry for about 17 years. And when I was in this fine dining restaurant, it was just, it was hardcore. Like I was in the weeds every night, but everyone was. It was just that type of place. Excuse me. And

Unfortunately, the way that I was able to get through those was basically like, I would have, you know, a section of like five tables, and four of them would be on point. And there was always one table that just fell by the wayside. And it's not like I gave horrible service or anything, it just wasn't up to par with the other four. And it just always seemed like it, it was never the same table in every segment. It was just like, okay, if I have all five seated, one of those fuckers is not going to get the best service. And it was just

Pete (04:38.149)
Right, right.

Chris O'Neil (04:49.826)
because it was too much. It was that much more effort that I didn't have. And I feel like the vast majority of the time, like the four out of the five times, I'm solid, I'm good. I recognize where I'm falling short or where I'm dysregulated and I regulate myself and I engage with my daughter and like, okay, listen, this isn't okay, I can keep a cool head and you know.

and then that fifth table man and I just I had one of those shortly before we started this recording which you well know um but now that everyone's listening um basically just

Chris O'Neil (05:43.505)
I've been having trouble with my parenting butting up against all of the shortcomings that I've had throughout my life just as a person with regard to time management, like we had that time management episode that we discussed things, with regard to regulating my own emotions. I'm much more practiced and much better at that than I ever have been. But...

That doesn't mean I still don't have my shit horrible days where I'm like so close to just losing it, you know? And, you know, and it's, the thing I would say, and I'll just, I'll end with this. It's not necessarily what my daughter says or does, it's the implication of that. Like the fact that, perfect example, she has recently discovered

Pete (06:16.258)
Right, right.

Pete (06:34.127)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (06:37.458)
Super Mario Brothers on the Nintendo Wii. It's one of my wife's favorite games. It's like one of the only games that she loves playing. And my daughter discovered it. We started playing and she's getting pretty good at it. But she's also like, I sent a message to another buddy of mine. I was like, playing Super Mario Brothers, the five year old is very, oh, what did I say? Not disenchanting, but.

Like demoralizing, that's what I said, it's very demoralizing. Because basically it's like, she wants all the good, you know, like, if there's a mushroom in a flower, she wants the flower. It, you know, it's like, Daddy, don't, I want to hit that question mark. It's like, okay, alright, you can do that. And then, I'm fine with giving her those things. It's like, well, you know, you're a kid, I'm an adult, you know, I played this for years. You could certainly have the fun of getting the cool stuff and all that. But then, over time, it's like, NO!

Pete (07:15.769)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (07:34.666)
You don't have the- that was mine! How dare you- like it's- it's like... Okay... But we're having fun, right? This is supposed to be fun. And then- and then it starts turning into like... YOU DIDN'T LET ME HAVE THE FLOWER! AHHHH! And then just like buried your face in the couch and starts crying. I'm like... Alright, but... Five seconds ago when you didn't let me have the flower... You know, so it's... Again, it has nothing to do with Super Mario Bros. and everything to do with...

interaction and integrity and sharing and teamwork and you know and all of that. And those are the things that I'm trying to instill in her. And so we hit these moments where it's just so much of that comes out all at once. And it's just this potent like just all in my face and I can only handle it for so long before I'm like, okay, you know what? I'm not playing anymore. Not because I don't want to play with you, but

I don't want to continue allowing you to think that this is okay to play. This is okay with how you should play, you know. So it's... It's the... I could give a shit about Super Mario Bros. It's a game. It's more about teaching her integrity and sportsmanship and, you know, those bigger things. So...

Pete (08:37.701)
Yeah. Right.

Chris O'Neil (08:56.114)
I would say... Inj- What?

Pete (08:57.713)
You know what you should say to her is, how about this time I get all the things and you just walk your character through slowly? Like, where's the fun in that?

Chris O'Neil (09:05.604)
Hahaha!

No, I know. And of course, well, and that's the thing, too, is like, she's so goddamn smart and she has answers for everything. And some of them pretty fucking good. And I try to like I try to trip her up and I'm like, all right, well, fine. Well, why don't we do this? And then she goes, well, fine, I'm going to do this. I'm like, damn it. It was pretty good. So like, she knows how to come back with stuff. So I'm trying to I'm having to pick my battles a little differently as she's getting older because she's

super fucking smart so like anyway the point is

in trying to teach her these things and hold her accountable. It's been extra potent this week doing that. And I got especially frustrated earlier today because how something was dealt with and, you know, I'll just leave it at that.

Pete (10:09.229)
Fair enough. There was no new music this week. Well, there was that new Dua Lipa song, but I didn't give a shit about it, so I didn't listen to it. So I got nothing there. Dua Lipa? I was gonna, last two weeks we talked about music. You don't know who Dua Lipa is? She had a new song that came out. See, you didn't even care. I didn't even care. I listened to part of it, but it sucked.

Chris O'Neil (10:16.59)
What was this?

Chris O'Neil (10:22.506)
Yeah. No.

Chris O'Neil (10:28.726)
No. Oh, dude. Is it like... Has she... Did she show up in the last ten years as a new artist?

Pete (10:39.469)
Yeah. I think so. Oh, fair enough.

Chris O'Neil (10:40.254)
Oh yeah, then I have no fucking clue. This is like, I, anything before the last 10 years, like probably, I think, I think 2011 maybe was the last time I discovered new music. And that like, I just.

Pete (10:55.281)
I, um, I have no choice. I mean, I do, but whatever. Yeah. But he listens to this, the shit that I used to, you know, what's weird is he listens to the shit that I used to listen to and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Yeah, dude. So he's like,

Chris O'Neil (10:59.339)
Why? Because you have a 17 year old?

Is that what it is?

Chris O'Neil (11:10.662)
Okay. Like the old school shit, like from the 90s and stuff? Why do you- you hate the music, or you hate the fact that he listens to it?

Pete (11:22.081)
I don't know, but now I know what my parents felt like. I get it. And it's like the hits, it's like, dude, there was so much better shit. And you try to tell a 17 year old that, and they already know. They know. Oh, don't tell me. Don't tell me. I know. Yeah. So yeah, it's like, well, all right, well, fuck you. I'm out.

Chris O'Neil (11:25.307)
Oh yeah, I get that.

Chris O'Neil (11:37.77)
Of course they do. They know everything.

Pete (11:47.105)
You know, and then he's like, well, why are you like that? I'm like, why are you like that? You know, it just it's a never-ending thing this morning motherfucker had no school today, right? No fucking school You know who was up before his alarm? The son of a bitch who won't get up for school I was like I got up and i'm like, what are you fucking doing up? And he's like there's no school today. I go you get your ass back into bed and you fucking sleep in

Chris O'Neil (12:02.86)
him.

Chris O'Neil (12:15.115)
Hahaha!

Pete (12:16.997)
This is the day you do that, motherfucker. Not the day you have shit to do.

Chris O'Neil (12:21.706)
Oh yeah, see he's got it backwards. It's like, oh I don't have to go to school? I might as well get up and do all the shit that I wanna do. Yeah, dude that was.

Pete (12:25.18)
Ugh.

Pete (12:28.845)
I'm gonna get in your way all day. Like, are you fucking kidding me? So, there's that. But yeah, it's just, it's mental, you know? And this weekend I'm smoking briskets. So like the whole weekend I'm confined to my house, chained to my grill. I know I'm saying that like it's like some sort of prison sentence. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (12:50.99)
I was gonna say it like, by choice though, right? It's not like someone's holding you hostage.

Pete (12:57.989)
I'm doing one and then because apparently I cook it so well, my dad needed to have his own. So I'm smoking a second brisket and then just giving it away. So I got home and I trimmed mine up. I have 14 and a half pound brisket. I don't know. I don't even think it might fit. I'm gonna find out. Oh shit, Chris is getting a phone call. Was that your alarm? What is that? Is that me?

Chris O'Neil (13:10.702)
of this.

Chris O'Neil (13:27.383)
No, I... It's my wife's computer that's underneath mine because we share an office, so her sound is still on. So give me a second. Let me shut that off.

Pete (13:32.101)
Oh.

Pete (13:39.701)
Oh fuck me running. Oh shit. That cool little marimba tune from Apple products. Does she have it hooked up to her phone too?

Chris O'Neil (13:52.01)
Well, you know how, uh, well, Apple just automatically syncs your phone to your laptop if you have an Apple laptop, so...

Pete (13:53.211)
That's funny.

Pete (13:58.605)
Oh, oh don't I know it. I'm using my iPhone camera instead of my laptop camera.

Chris O'Neil (14:00.867)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (14:06.403)
Hmm. I am using my laptop camera. So there you go.

Pete (14:07.101)
Because as soon as I plug it in, as soon as I plug my phone in, it's like, you want to fucking use the camera instead? I go, OK.

Chris O'Neil (14:15.127)
Yeah, right.

Pete (14:17.485)
Yeah, if you're gonna make me do it. So.

Chris O'Neil (14:20.718)
Yeah, no, seriously, like just full on awareness. The my Superman posters I have back here that are the backdrop for the podcast. I take them down when she's working in here because she has like a high end music industry job. And that's not a background that should be seen when she's in her executive, you know, finance meetings. So there we go.

Pete (14:47.697)
Yeah, fair enough. So this week's episode kind of takes a hint off of that classic Rolling Stones song, you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might get what you need. I, during this shitty week, I initially had a topic of discussing my shitty teenagers' habits of not getting up.

Chris O'Neil (15:16.324)
Yep, yep, talked about that for sure.

Pete (15:18.849)
But then after work sucked a little bit, it was, what would truly make me happy? You know, I could go and find another job, but will that make me truly happy? Would just, it would just be a temporary bandaid before that job starts to suck. Like once the honeymoon is over, that's it. So it got me thinking, you know, and it's like, even it's like, basically one of the things like.

Chris O'Neil (15:36.919)
Yep.

Yep.

Pete (15:46.201)
Kind of the basis of that movie, The Big Chill, did you ever see that?

Chris O'Neil (15:49.76)
Yeah.

Pete (15:51.673)
Uh, so with their friend commits suicide and then they're all together in the, the house of a friend and they, they rehash all their memories. And it's like, you know, they try to figure out why, what made him so sad instead of, you know, what could we do to better ourselves? You know, and I guess, you know, trying to figure that out is, is healing, but at the same time, maybe, um, use that moment as an introspective thing.

Chris O'Neil (16:04.428)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (16:09.451)
Right.

Pete (16:19.469)
You know, so that sort of thing doesn't happen to you, I guess. You know, but one of my favorite movies of all time, fucking fantastic soundtrack, by the way, two great albums, fucking music out the ass. It is so good. But that's a story for another time. So I gave Chris and myself a little homework to list five things, that would truly make you happy. Now I kind of like the genie from Aladdin. I did have some ground rules.

Chris O'Neil (16:20.439)
Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

Chris O'Neil (16:37.111)
Hmm.

Pete (16:49.861)
Uh, money is kinda, everybody fucking wants it, so why even put that on your list? Why waste a wish? Right? That's stupid. And shelter. Again, shelter is something we all need. So don't, don't put that on your list because we all need that. This is stuff that would truly like make you happy. Like for me, the first thing on my list, the first thing that I truly thought of was entertainment. Music and movies. I would like to be like...

Chris O'Neil (16:57.97)
Yeah, agreed. Agreed.

Chris O'Neil (17:18.314)
Hmm.

Pete (17:20.141)
Having that is my escape from even when times are rough and shitty, to be able to put on a good movie, to like just escape from life, to be able to put on a song and drive your balls off down the highway to get that stress, that anxious, or as you like to do, sing. You can sing along, scream your nuts off to the point where that feeling just gets away. And I don't think I could live a happy life without the...

One of the biggest things that I fucking truly live for which is that entertainment that music that movies all that shit That would be a big thing on my list for me

Chris O'Neil (17:57.109)
Mm.

Chris O'Neil (18:00.654)
Yeah, that's it. Just to expand on that from the singing perspective, I it is amazing. That is for sure my outlet singing. And it's it even when I can't because you know, I'm a performer, I always have been. And even when I wasn't performing, even if it was amateur or professional, I could always kind of hit a karaoke bar and scratch that itch, you know, so

Pete (18:25.775)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (18:30.386)
Especially during the pandemic, that was hard times because I couldn't do it.

Pete (18:32.633)
Yeah. Huge.

A friend of mine hosted like karaoke online, like they did like live like on Facebook Yeah, I joined

Chris O'Neil (18:42.022)
Oh really? That's pretty cool. And that's tough though, especially like, cause you're belting it out in your own house, you can't always do that, you know, especially if you have kids sleeping.

Pete (18:50.653)
True. And, well, yeah, that's true. I did a lot of online trivia things during COVID. That kept us sane. Hustled some people out of money, that sort of thing. Yeah. We also did things like local with some people that we already knew, your family included. And then other things I did, I signed up for nationwide Simpsons trivia. There was some other fucking trivia that I was good at.

Chris O'Neil (18:58.73)
Oh, that's right. Yeah. You were kicking ass doing that. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (19:09.204)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (19:19.449)
So we, you know, we did that and we earned, one was a Back to the Future trivia, that was the other one. And we got gift certificates and shit, so it was cool. It was hosted by some guy in San Francisco, it was awesome. But yeah, entertainment would be a big thing. And just like you, I mean, I play the drums, I don't sing. I still sing, I'll still fuckin', I don't care. I'll put on some Lionel Richie and sing my nuts off, you know, dancing on the ceiling. Oh, what a feeling.

Chris O'Neil (19:24.607)
Ah, okay, yeah.

Nice.

Chris O'Neil (19:44.134)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (19:46.365)
And yeah, it's a good thing, but I play the drums. So I live in an apartment where I can't have drums, but I got drumsticks and I got a fucking mattress that I can beat the piss out of. So I'll put on my headphones and yep.

Chris O'Neil (19:56.086)
Goddamn right. You can keep a beat. You don't need a set to keep a beat, for sure.

Pete (20:02.629)
Nope, no you don't. So that would be one of the first things on my list. What is one of the first things on your list? Maybe we'll alternate instead of doing them all at once.

Chris O'Neil (20:09.91)
Yeah, yeah, I think that's a good idea.

Chris O'Neil (20:15.542)
Well, the first thing on my list, because, you know, I was trying to think of like some specific things that, but then again, it was just, I can't do this from an overall perspective, I have to do it from where I am right now. And what really hit me was what I have been trying to do as of late. Because, especially since the pandemic and, you know,

Like, my sister dying and like all this stuff up until now.

Pete (20:48.625)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (20:49.234)
I've kind of been going through it. You know, like it's just been a perfect storm of just emotion and shit. And like, it's really easy to skew into the negative. And my wife and I, I think I've said this on the podcast before, like we call it our, the spiral of death, basically, where you're just, everything sucks forever and always, and just going down to it. So the first thing that popped into my head was, well, what, not what thing would make me happy, what possession, what idea.

but what could I produce, what could I create for myself that would make me happy? So my number one is a grateful attitude. And.

Pete (21:28.07)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (21:32.858)
for me the specificity of that is and for those of you fellas listening that are on the Facebook page I posted something earlier today named five things that you're grateful for and I we actually had some good participation I was really happy about that um but it really hit me that mindset is such a big thing

Regardless of what you're doing, what you have, who you're with, and, you know, what work you're doing, all of that, if you don't have a good mentality about it, it doesn't fucking matter, you know? So being able to acknowledge what I have, be grateful for that, while still striving for what I don't have, instead of looking at what I don't have as the reason I'm not happy, that to me is the number one thing that-

Pete (22:12.167)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (22:26.353)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (22:28.706)
could help to make me happy is continuing to acknowledge the things that I do have, the benefits I do have, the love that I do have, all the stuff that I have. And settling into the fact that, you know what, I have everything I need, technically, I don't need anything else. And that opens up the possibilities of actually getting the things that I want, as you had mentioned the quote from the Stones.

Pete (22:40.646)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (22:59.006)
It's all about what you need and then wants come after that. So that for me is the number one. The grateful attitude allows me to acknowledge that I have all the things that I need. Everything else is a want or a desire.

Pete (23:04.1)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (23:14.918)
That's a very good thing. That's something that, for myself speaking, I learned that a while back when I was going through the seven rings of hell when my ex left me and I was trying to figure it all out on my own. I learned very quickly to be very, to know what I was grateful for.

Chris O'Neil (23:32.545)
Yeah.

Yeah, alone with two kids, fuckin' A.

Pete (23:42.509)
And even though the situation sucked and the way or the people that I had to vent to some didn't understand and others tried to make it like, well, there's other people that are worse off than you. You know, so I fucking hate that shit. It's like I know there are, but yeah, but I'm kind of going through my own shit. Please just let me do my thing. You know, let me vent. You know, like.

Chris O'Neil (23:58.954)
Yeah, no shit. Of course there are, there always are.

Chris O'Neil (24:08.011)
Yeah.

Pete (24:11.649)
So yeah, I learned quickly to be grateful for what I have, especially because I've had to work my ass off to maintain some sort of normal life for my family. And yeah, that's why that, something like that, I think was already off my list because I'm already grateful for what I've already been able to do. And I mean, there are some things that I do take for granted. Like I know that my job pisses me off.

But I am grateful that I do have it. I mean, it does pay the bills and all that shit. And everybody gets frustrated. But yeah, it's like a bad relationship. So is that.

Chris O'Neil (24:42.078)
And there you go. Yeah, for sure. And I get that too. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (24:52.386)
Well, I think that's the... That's really a foundation for me of, like, getting away from all the noise, you know? Because there's always stuff that sucks. There's always stuff that you're frustrated about. And it's all relative, right? Just like you were saying where people say, yeah, but it's that whole thing when we were kids. Like, finish your plate because there are starving children in Africa. I'm sorry. So if I'm fat, I'm helping the children of Africa because I ate so much?

Pete (25:07.481)
Uhuh

Chris O'Neil (25:22.094)
because you didn't want me to not finish my plate?

Pete (25:24.134)
I always used to be that smart-ass kid that was like I watch comic relief. I know they're starving kids in fucking America, man Come on

Chris O'Neil (25:31.246)
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Pete (25:34.749)
Cough cough

Pete (25:39.221)
Yeah. Why go to another country when there's fucking starving kids in our own?

Chris O'Neil (25:45.014)
Goddamn right. All jokes aside, goddamn right. Yeah. But yeah, and I think I honestly think that is the foundation of everything we're talking. And that's just my that's my opinion. The foundation of happiness is starting with gratitude. And I have been doing my damnedest ever since that really solidified itself in my awareness to do my best to be grateful as often as possible. Certainly

Pete (25:58.809)
Mm.

Pete (26:10.598)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (26:14.846)
in recent years it's been more difficult than other times. But especially now, I kind of, honestly I feel like I'm on the, like the wave has crested with regard to, again, I keep referencing it because it was such a major thing in my life when my sister died. The wave of, the emotional wave of that experience has started to crest.

four years later, you know? And I'm able to, very heavy thing. And I'm able to, especially now, you know, I'm six months into being a father for the second time, and as challenging as everything is, I have, fuck, man, I have so much to be grateful for, you know, so I'm really trying to focus on that.

Pete (26:49.317)
It's a heavy thing, man.

Pete (27:12.921)
Fair enough. For me, my number two, are you ready for this? A giant fucking kitchen, dude. Like, that has everything. No, because honestly, again, a thing that I do like to do is to cook. Like, I mean, and I want like, I want like the double ovens like on the fucking cooking shows, like, you know, how they have them stacked on top of each other. And I want, like, the...

Chris O'Neil (27:17.828)
Oh, I'm ready.

Chris O'Neil (27:22.542)
Ha ha ha!

Chris O'Neil (27:26.246)
Nice. No, that's a great one. I like it.

Chris O'Neil (27:38.717)
Oh yeah.

Pete (27:42.485)
It's the separate burners for the stove on an island, on a fucking island, and I want one of them big bitch fucking fridges like the Sub-Zero fuckers with the French doors that open and the fucking giant. Yeah, the giant freezer on the bottom. Nah, I don't know if I need that. Nah. I just, I need something big enough to keep my shit, you know? And, um, you know, and I'd also like to have, um...

Chris O'Neil (27:45.102)
Mm-hmm. Yep.

Chris O'Neil (27:54.579)
yeah you're gonna walk into it you know you want to walk in fridge or no all right but still i know i know what you mean though they're really yeah i got you i got you

Pete (28:13.001)
patio adjacent that has my smoker because I do like to do that as well. So I'd like to be able to that would bring me great joy and I also like to be able to share what I cook because that's it's a great thing. I like to hear what people say about my food. You know, even if I think the person's a dick bag, I'll still be like, no, say something nice about what I cooked.

Chris O'Neil (28:30.582)
Yeah, you-

Chris O'Neil (28:37.734)
It's not just that you like to cook it's that you like to cook for people because that's an additional bonus The the joy of creating something delicious Hey, and there's nothing wrong with the honesty and but that's the thing like the something bringing you Joy and I cuz I'm a big I'm a big I Was gonna say advocate, but not really advocate like I acknowledge. I acknowledge the fact that

Pete (28:42.301)
Mm-hmm. It's more to stroke my own ego though, I'll be honest.

Chris O'Neil (29:07.79)
So many experiences we have come from our ego and our desire to feel important or accomplished or successful or good just in general, right? But I think there's nothing wrong with that as long as there's a balance of, you know, empathy and service and all of that. Like, there's nothing wrong with having those moments of pride. It's when they become greedy and selfish that they're a problem. So nothing wrong with that.

Pete (29:37.059)
I sit there like a mad scientist that's poisoned food, like waiting for them to drop dead, but I just like, tell me what you think of it.

Chris O'Neil (29:40.75)
I was just like... ..

Pete (29:49.445)
And they're like, why aren't you eating? Because I want to know what you think. But yeah, it's totally one of those things. I mean, and it's good. Because again, I'm sure, and even when I did stand up, having people come up and compliment you, it's great. It's a nice thing. I'm sure when you did singing and, yeah.

Chris O'Neil (30:07.01)
Well, it's validation, man. Yes. Dude, I did theater for years. I've been in television. I've been in film. Like, hearing someone compliment you for something that you have worked hard to do is an amazingly gratifying experience. So absolutely. Absolutely.

Pete (30:30.813)
For the record, I made fun of most of your commercials that you did. You know this, because I said it directly to you. Ha ha ha. I would never say it behind your back, buddy. Always to your face. Ha ha.

Chris O'Neil (30:35.114)
Yes you did. Yes I know. Yes, yes you did. Well you know what? To that point I think I have to now just because well let's be honest there's a little bit of ego in there too to uh now that you've said that I'm gonna post the two last recent commercials that I did to the Facebook page to see

Pete (31:03.889)
the is one of them the black and Decker one oh yes that one's my favorite

Chris O'Neil (31:04.086)
the Black and Decker. Yes, the Black and Decker commercial and the whisk, the whisk laundry detergent commercial. You remember that one? Yeah.

Pete (31:12.157)
Oh yeah, yeah. You know, it's different though when you know the person. Oh yes I do buddy, I fucking remember. But it's different when you know the person because you're like, that's not how they are. Like I know this person and how they are and the way that they're acting is not... Yeah. But I mean for a fucking, a screwdriver commercial you could have been a little bit more natural, man. You know? Screwing things in. Oh I know, they wanted you to overact it to make that...

Chris O'Neil (31:16.991)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (31:21.998)
Right. Right. Well, of course I was acting! You know? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Chris O'Neil (31:34.326)
Well, no, that was the whole point. That was the whole point. I was supposed to be, yeah, oh yeah, to make it funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And honestly, like, yeah, well, just to finish what I said, like honestly, I love that type of acting, like the over-the-top commercial style acting. It was just, it was super fun for me. So yes.

Pete (31:40.733)
Trinket looked delightful. Yeah. All right, so number two on your list. We get you, we get, yeah.

Pete (31:57.933)
Was it you that sent me the Jim Varney thing?

Chris O'Neil (32:00.589)
Yes.

Pete (32:02.653)
Okay, yeah. That Shakespearean thing and then at the end, know what I mean, Vern? That was great, yeah.

Chris O'Neil (32:03.532)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (32:06.994)
Yeah, not a mean burn. So good. Yeah. Um, for those, for those of you who know, Jim Varney, Ernest, if you guys, uh, I'm assuming plenty of you are old enough to remember him. Um, for, for the younger crowd, he was Slinky Dog in the Toy Story series. Um, but he has since died, but he, he. Fuck man. Like that dude in commercials and then the subsequent movies he did. Such a great character.

Pete (32:18.401)
Ernest P. Worrall.

Pete (32:38.145)
Fucking Ernest Goes to Jail is one of my favorite movies.

Chris O'Neil (32:38.158)
My second... Oh yeah, so good. My second was a great relationship with an amazing partner. And obviously that's a subjective thing, because my amazing and your amazing are probably different things. So, but the general idea of that, someone...

Pete (32:44.814)
All right, so sorry, your second.

Chris O'Neil (33:05.258)
And I, it was interesting because when you said like five things that could make you happy, I think a big reason or a big thing that I was thinking of when I was putting these together was

Again, the gratefulness. Like, what do I already have that is what I'm trying to get to be happy? Right. And it would, I was kind of looking at it like an opportunity to remind myself of what I already have, that gratefulness aspect of things, to be like, shit, man, you know, I've been striving for these things and these, these things I already have.

So why am I, you know, it's, everyone has a shit day, of course, but I think sometimes we get caught in the bullshit. You know, it's real easy to get stuck in the suck, basically, right? And then you just get in the spiral of taking things for granted. And I was using this as an opportunity to remind myself of what I actually have. And that, and less about what I'm wishing for and more about what do I have?

Pete (33:47.928)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (34:00.921)
Fuck yeah it is, man.

Chris O'Neil (34:15.778)
that could actually get me the other things that I want. You know, like, and that was the thing, a grateful attitude, I think, is a great means of getting me in a good mindset to then move forward towards the things that I actually don't have that I do want. And so a great relationship with an amazing partner, and I really genuinely believe I have that. And, you know, like any relationship, we have our shit days and our disconnects and...

Pete (34:33.443)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (34:46.25)
uh... our challenges all in all

Pete (34:46.545)
Well, yeah.

Nobody's fucking Facebook perfect all the time, buddy. Nobody's Facebook perfect all the time. Heheheheh.

Chris O'Neil (34:52.446)
Fuck no, uh no But that's the thing man like I and I said this I said this when I when I started and I I've repeated this before and I'll say it again. I Realized that I had no idea what I wanted in a relationship Excuse me, and so I started I made a list and I started to get like oh well I can't ask for that that's selfish or that's too greedy and I'm like wait a second well

It's only greedy if I'm taking advantage of somebody else, but if this other person wants the same things I do, then it's not greedy at all. It's just, yeah, we're a match. So I was able to say, fuck it, I'm gonna ask for exactly what I want. Everything down from attitude, personality, traits, physical appearance, everything. And.

Pete (35:29.862)
Right.

Pete (35:43.581)
I'm gonna need to swab you for DNA just before we start dating.

Chris O'Neil (35:47.511)
Yeah, just FYI. But that's the thing, man. Like, I, and I was blown away by the fact that I said this before, too, like three months into dating my wife, when we started dating, I found that list and I started looking at it and I was reading it, my eyes got wider and wider as I was reading because she was hitting all the bullet points. I was like, holy shit. And, and even now moving into having two kids.

Like, like I said, of course we have disconnects we have. I wouldn't say we don't have arguments, but I call them disconnects because we're not screaming at each other is just like, you know, you get pissed off, and she's putting pushing your buttons, you're pushing her buttons and you know, it happens. But when it comes down to

There's always benefit, there's always support, there's always collective, you know, how can we work on this together and do this together? And yeah, it's, I have to remind myself of the fact that I have that ongoing, especially given the amount of men that I talk to that don't have that. And so I consider myself amazingly benefited and lucky to it.

to have, well, for lack of a better term, manifested that for myself. And I think it's, when it really comes down to it, it's the foundation of so many other things, because having that, I don't have to be preoccupied with, is this relationship gonna last? Because we're constantly communicating, we're talking about it, and I can then focus on moving forward instead of, is this gonna?

keep going. So that was a big number two for me.

Pete (37:40.646)
Right.

So I'll mark this as a clip for TikTok so your wife sees it, okay? Give you some brownie points.

Chris O'Neil (37:48.142)
Goddamn right. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Pete (37:55.013)
I know what you're talking about though as far as like the Ticking all the points and traits and all that shit after my last relationship with my kids Mother I felt the need that maybe I needed to have like my girlfriend's like psychiatrically evaluated Because it was just like one nightmare after another and Yeah, it got to a point where I was just like

Chris O'Neil (38:13.25)
Yeah, I get it.

Pete (38:20.249)
I like kind of like Bill Murray asking the librarian at the beginning of Ghostbusters Any history of mental illness in your family? My uncle thought he was st. Jerome You know

Chris O'Neil (38:30.716)
That's right, I forgot about that. That, I totally forgot that was the same woman. It was like, Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea in rotten hell. Laces out.

Pete (38:34.242)
So yeah, it's.

Pete (38:40.175)
Yeah.

What?

Oh, fuck. You know, it's funny, as I just, there was something funny about, I learned that the guy that played the voice of Eric from The Little Mermaid was like this actor from something else that you would have never, like, placed him in. And now I can't remember what the fuck it was.

Chris O'Neil (39:00.47)
Full House. He was he was Candice Cameron's boyfriend in Full House.

Pete (39:05.641)
No, no, he was in a movie that I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And now I can't remember what the hell it was. It was there was something.

Chris O'Neil (39:12.302)
Wait, what, wait, hold on, sorry. What did you just say? What character was this?

Pete (39:18.061)
The guy that did the voice of the cartoon Eric in Little Mermaid.

Chris O'Neil (39:22.266)
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Candice Cameron's boyfriend in Full House was the voice of Aladdin. That's what it was.

Pete (39:29.678)
Oh.

Chris O'Neil (39:31.026)
I don't remember the one from Little Mermaid. So he wasn't the singing voice, he was the speaking voice of Aladdin. The singing voice was a different dude.

Pete (39:32.197)
Well, they...

Now I'm gonna look it up.

Chris O'Neil (39:43.978)
Totally looking it up now, aren't you? Ha ha ha.

Pete (39:44.537)
Um, yeah, so... Oh yes I am. Cause it's gonna bother me.

Chris O'Neil (39:49.003)
Rightly so.

Pete (39:57.681)
So yeah, the next thing on my list was honestly to have everybody that I cared about closer, not so spread out. Again, you know, all of my things, to be able to have that sense of community, to have the people that I care about nearby so I could share the food that I want to cook, you know, so we can listen to the music together. So you know, it's all a shared experience.

Chris O'Neil (40:11.163)
Oh, interesting.

Chris O'Neil (40:23.767)
Yeah.

Pete (40:26.221)
Not so much like it's like, you know, it takes a village kind of deal. It's just, I, um, he played Greg Brady. The voice of Eric was the voice of Greg Brady in the Brady Bunch movies. Yes. Jesus, that was rough. But yeah, no, my, a lot of my happiness revolves around not just me, but like everyone, you know, I mean, I'm content. And again, I, I took at it where I'm already at, you know, I'm content in my relationship.

Chris O'Neil (40:30.21)
Yeah, but it's- but still, even- even that too though. Yeah, I totally get it. No way! No way. Oh shit, that's funny. Hehehehe

Pete (40:54.905)
I'm grateful for my kids and all that and it's like the things that would definitely bring where I am to The next level where I you know even more so and And having that ability Interesting so yeah, I mean having that so because I mean it's a it's a community thing and not to say that you know there's a lot of shitty people in my life, but

Chris O'Neil (41:06.654)
Yeah, totally get that. It's funny, because I have a similar number three. It's interesting.

Yeah, yeah.

Pete (41:23.853)
I'd like to have the ones that I care about the most closer, you know, not just family, but friends and, you know, again, to have those shared experiences. And a 14 and a half pound brisket I gotta eat, you know, just me and my fucking ungrateful kids.

Chris O'Neil (41:39.774)
Yeah, yeah. Dude.

Pete (41:41.437)
You could have friends that were closer, they could eat it too.

Chris O'Neil (41:46.402)
And yeah, it really is interesting that you said that too, because my, and I'm over here making notes, because my number three was a family that I helped create. But that wasn't just like my nuclear family, that was my chosen family. You know, community, as you said, just that I want people around me

Pete (42:10.808)
Exactly.

Chris O'Neil (42:17.13)
that I, it's funny, because I started with, I erased it and I put a family that I helped create instead, but what I initially wrote was, I want, the, how did I say it? It was like, I want the, I want people around me that I love and who love me. I think that's how I said it initially. But I wanted to change it because

it was more of an active, like I didn't just want them to kind of like mosey in, like I wanted to be an active part in creating that, you know, and especially growing up, you know, where I did obviously the same place you did. And it's true of anybody, you have family that you didn't have a choice in being a part of and then you have family that you chose. And I think I can speak for you and

Pete (42:55.355)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (43:13.782)
like you and I are family that we chose. You know, we've known each other for almost 30 years and we've chosen to keep each other in our lives for, you know, God knows what fucking reason, right? No, I know, it's insane. But that idea of like, and I have that with my wife, I have that with my daughters, but I also have that with people, you know,

Pete (43:23.993)
That is fucking horrific how long that is. So fucking horrible that it's been like 30 years, man.

Chris O'Neil (43:43.338)
still some people from where I grew up, but also people out here that I have cultivated relationships with and, and created that some, you know, some semblance of community. And obviously I have a desire to expand and grow that. Um, but I think really that's like, another way of saying it is like, you, you need to surround yourself with people who not only support you,

in where you want to go, but who you actually are, but also who embody the things that you want to embody. And so you can

Pete (44:22.137)
And they also lift you up, not just support man, but lift you up.

Chris O'Neil (44:24.194)
That's what I mean. That's what I mean. Where they have what you want. Even if it's just like, I have a buddy out here, his name's Andre. This is like, the most sunshiny dude I have ever met in my entire fucking life. I just, and it's not like he doesn't have bad days, but I crave the ability that he has, that he has cultivated and built as a skill. To be as...

Chris O'Neil (44:54.606)
you know, not delusional by any means. But when everyone else is in the shit, he's trying to find the silver lining. He's trying to say, well, what can I learn from this? Like he it's very proactive. You know, it's not airy fairy at all. And here's a dude he has been on a successful television show multiple. He is an amazingly attractive man. He's in amazing shape like he takes care like, for so many people looking on the outside in it, we're like,

Pete (45:04.858)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (45:24.406)
God damn, man. How did this dude get so lucky? But it's not about luck. He cultivated this life for himself. And I'm grateful to be his friend, you know, so I'm with you. Like, I think number three is a solid community and having people around you that not only support you but lift you up for sure.

Pete (45:31.622)
Right.

Pete (45:46.159)
Hmm. So next on my list is...

job with meaning. Not only

Chris O'Neil (45:54.958)
Mmm. God damn it, man. We're kinda like... ..because you'll hear mine, but yeah, go.

Pete (46:00.051)
Not only... Not only like...

Not just like something that I love to do, but something that kind of can be beneficial to others. I mean, sure what I do right now is a service to people, but it doesn't feel like, it's not, it doesn't feel productive. I'm just there taking money and orders. I'm not like.

Chris O'Neil (46:17.73)
I'm going to go.

Pete (46:31.921)
fucking saving babies as they fall from a hospital that's crumbling and dashing on concrete and poor CGI. I'm just-

Chris O'Neil (46:40.81)
I love how you snuck that reference in.

Pete (46:43.873)
Oh yeah, right. Cause I actually just watched something about that the other day and, um, yeah, terrible, but yeah, it's that I think would definitely be.

something that would totally uplift my spirits. It doesn't even need to necessarily be something that I do on my own or built myself, you know, or my own boss. If it was something that, another company that I believed in and their mission, and you know, that's fine too. I think that would add to happiness. Who's coming in?

Chris O'Neil (47:22.93)
I 1000% agree with that. Oh, Charlie's bringing me something. Thank you, my girl. I really appreciate that.

Pete (47:26.555)
Hmm.

Pete (47:38.397)
to bring you whiskey for the coffee.

Chris O'Neil (47:38.715)
Um... Hahaha! Wouldn't that be nice? No. Um... But, uh...

Pete (47:46.995)
I know I was a real shit earlier dad, so take this whiskey as a token of my gratitude

Chris O'Neil (47:54.922)
Uh, no, and, um, and honestly, like, I already know we're gonna have a conversation after and I'm gonna resolve it, and, you know, I, uh, it doesn't matter what she does, even if, like, even if she was being a total little shit, but I lose my cool, or I, you know, say something sarcastic to her, I'm still gonna apologize.

Pete (48:05.404)
Oh yeah.

Pete (48:17.404)
Hmm.

Chris O'Neil (48:23.37)
because that's something I'm really trying to instill in her too, because I'm not apologizing.

Pete (48:24.188)
Oh yeah.

Pete (48:28.369)
I apologize and then I say, but. I'm like, I'm sorry for the way that I reacted. And I'm sorry that the way it got to that, but you need to realize your part in the whole scheme of it all. It has to be a learning process.

Chris O'Neil (48:40.914)
Sure. Yes, and I agree with that for sure, but the thing that I want to make exceptionally clear to her is that she does not have to feel responsible for my behavior, for my reactions, for my emotions. She has to...

be responsible for her part in a situation. But that's not the same thing, right? So I, I'm doing my damnedest to make that very, very clear that yes, just because I'm apologizing to you doesn't mean that you're in the right. It just means I'm taking accountability for my behavior. You know, so yeah, I'm with you on that.

Pete (49:22.887)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (49:28.862)
So it's back to the list and it's like I said, by the way, we did not check in with each other about these before we started. We just decided to do a list of five and we're finding this out as we're talking.

Pete (49:40.834)
No.

Pete (49:46.605)
I drove up to Maine, I was like no communicato with Chris, I got stuck in traffic. Oh actually, I wasn't no communicato, I sent him two pictures that he posted on Facebook of us as Jay and Silent Bob. Which you can find at our dad's unfiltered Facebook page. If you're listening to this and not a member of our Facebook page.

Chris O'Neil (49:56.534)
Yes, yes. God damn right, go check them out. Yep.

Chris O'Neil (50:05.858)
Please go check it out. Cause they're damn good, they're damn good costumes. We did it two separate years and they both turned out really well. So you see how fucking young we are too.

Pete (50:07.525)
So, yeah.

Pete (50:15.665)
Hmm. I still looks the same just a little bit more of a nutsack look to my face. Sorry

Chris O'Neil (50:17.096)
So.

Chris O'Neil (50:21.611)
Yeah.

Pete (50:27.537)
A little bit more swollen.

Chris O'Neil (50:27.762)
nutsack yeah nice um whereas i mr babyface you could definitely see like i couldn't even i couldn't even grow a goatee never mind a beard in that first that first time we did it um all right i lost my uh list here okay my number four is i had it as success in my work including parenting

because I consider that part of my work. And really what I view as success is

Chris O'Neil (51:06.998)
doing something I enjoy doing that other people are getting benefit from that I can also then be compensated for and not in a and that's the thing it doesn't necessarily even have to be money but there's a there's a beneficial positive exchange of benefit of energy of you know whether it's I'm giving you a service and you're giving me money

or where I'm creating a benefit for you and you're introducing me to a new relationship or whatever that happens to be, but a good flow of back and forth in the work that I'm doing. And I include this, this is part of the work I'm doing. We're having these conversations for a reason, not just to shoot the shit, we can do this offline. There's a purpose behind why we're doing this. Yeah.

Pete (52:04.455)
we do.

Chris O'Neil (52:05.822)
Yeah, of course. But.

Pete (52:08.617)
Our conversations here guys are a lot more structured than our actual conversations in real life.

Chris O'Neil (52:13.25)
Oh yeah. Yeah, fuckin' A. Well, they also-

Pete (52:16.493)
I know it doesn't seem like we're very structured right now, but this is like a lot more fucking controlled situation.

Chris O'Neil (52:24.446)
Yeah, well and we've learned we have to be because god damn it if we talk the way we talk offline No one's gonna listen But yeah that

Pete (52:32.337)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (52:37.83)
I have long since stopped viewing my work as my job. My work is number one, benefiting myself with personal growth and development. Number two, service to others, doing what I can with my own experience, wisdom and knowledge to help other people. And then receiving the return benefits of that, whether they be financial.

Pete (52:52.477)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (53:07.178)
relationship oriented or some other benefit that I can then pass on to the people in my life.

Chris O'Neil (53:15.554)
Doing something I love and getting the benefit from it is what I consider success. And being proud of my efforts as a parent.

And to be honest, I already am. But as every parent knows, we have different seasons of parenting. Like, just as soon as you figure something out, it changes, you know, and all of that. So I've had my moments. But overall, I'm pretty pleased with my efforts. And I'm proud of myself for continuing to learn and grow and do right by my kids. So that was my number four.

Pete (53:41.522)
care.

Pete (53:58.229)
Excellent my last one I definitely It got hard toward the end I'm not gonna say it was easy to round out the list especially when you take away all the easy things like independently wealthy and You know, I'd like to bring back my dead ex-girlfriend from the grave You know shit like that, you know my long-lost love Yeah

Chris O'Neil (54:13.677)
Right! Hahaha!

Chris O'Neil (54:21.202)
I can't bring anyone back from the dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pete (54:27.313)
But yeah, the last thing honestly was having a yard where I could have a garden or two, specifically two, one for fruits and vegetables and the other for other things. Part of it would be, yes I do. I already have a garden like that at my parents' house, but I would like to be able to have both and right nearby so I don't have to commute.

Chris O'Neil (54:36.302)
That's nice.

Chris O'Neil (54:42.222)
HAHAHAHAHAHA He means weed.

Chris O'Neil (54:50.434)
I know, I know, and you do good by it.

Pete (54:57.697)
It's a very relaxing thing. During COVID, I found growing cannabis was kind of therapeutic. I mean, it was an indoor setup that I had. Unfortunately, it started to smell too bad and people complained. So I had to take down the tent and move it outdoors, which is a little bit more tricky. But yeah, it definitely was a Zenful thing. And I totally wouldn't mind growing different fruits and vegetables either, not just grass.

Chris O'Neil (55:03.71)
It's therapeutic. Yeah, totally.

Pete (55:27.257)
Although, as Chris said, I've gotten pretty good at it. It's also something that, yeah, probably. At this point, having a regular garden though would be good with Zachary, because he likes to help a lot. He likes to do things. So like at school, my mom is a teacher aide, and she has him, they stock the water chest in the cafeteria and they clean tables and stuff.

Chris O'Neil (55:30.431)
Yeah, you're damn good at it. Yeah, you can teach people now.

Pete (55:55.377)
just to teach him how to, I don't know, do stuff. And he's really good with it, he likes helping. He's all excited about helping me with the Thanksgiving turkey. Oh yeah. He's like, I help you with turkey? I'm like, yeah dude, you got two weeks to wait, but you can help. And then he goes up to my girlfriend, Jan, and he's like, I help you with pie? Maybe. You know, the thing is, and then you ask him, you're like,

Chris O'Neil (56:00.642)
Oh yeah, how to accomplish things, how to have responsibility, I totally get that. Oh, that's nice, that's nice.

Chris O'Neil (56:21.842)
Oh, dude, I love how he says certain words. Yeah.

Pete (56:24.345)
Are you gonna eat turkey? Oh man, he is fucking the best. You gonna eat turkey? Yup, and you know he's not gonna, cause he fucking hates it. Every goddamn year he says he's gonna, and then he never does. He'll eat the mashy-tatoes, yeah. That's the other thing too, is Halloween was over, so he got his Rudolph pajamas, so he was all excited about that, and he comes home from school the other day, and he...

Chris O'Neil (56:36.074)
it does. Yeah.

Mashy potatoes, that's awesome. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (56:46.323)
Yeah. Nice.

Pete (56:52.785)
comes running into the house and he sees them on the bed. He goes, oh, there you are. And then he starts stripping. So I put the jammers because that's like all he's been waiting for. Yep. And then he goes, he literally turns, he goes, ah, much better. And then grabs his iPad and curls up on the bed. I'm like, I don't know where this kid comes up with this shit, but he definitely, keeping him occupied and entertained is definitely something also that would help me.

Chris O'Neil (57:00.971)
Like immediately.

Chris O'Neil (57:17.599)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pete (57:23.129)
Be happy because he is so special to me So anyway, I got off on a tangent

Chris O'Neil (57:25.314)
Hmm. I get that for sure. And as, no, that's all right, that's all right. It reasonably connected. But that, and that thing, cause I know how much you love Zach and, but at the same time, how much effort it is to be his father. And I know you would do it just forever cause you love him that much, but there's still something to be said about having support, having a break, having, you know.

a means of giving him everything that you want to give him without burning yourself out, you know. So, I totally get that. I'm not going to give him anything that he doesn't want to give him.

Pete (58:02.297)
Yep, oh fuck yeah man. Fuck yeah.

Chris O'Neil (58:07.486)
Yeah, well, bringing it full circle, my number five, my number five, and I, before I say my number five, I think, just in response to some of the stuff that you've said, I realized as I was making this list that

Pete (58:08.073)
Alright, number five for you, motherfucker!

Chris O'Neil (58:25.778)
everything materialistic that I could ever want, I feel would come to me because of these things that I'm doing, like the gratefulness, like having a good partner, like creating a family, having success in my work, like the personal way that I approach those things, I truly believe that if I do it in the way that's the most benefit, then all the materialistic things that I could ever want will show up how I want.

So that's another reason why I didn't include anything materialistic in my list. But that's why. So the last one for me, number five, is a habit of keeping myself reasonably healthy. And the big reason this is a thing for me is because I was just one of those lucky sons of bitches that I didn't have to do much in the way of... Like I get...

It's not that I didn't gain weight, because of course I didn't. Like, you just see my college senior picture. Like, I look back and I'm like, holy shit. Like, you know, just when you're in it and you don't have that perspective to look back. Like, I don't know that I was.

Pete (59:37.009)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (59:42.086)
I think I'm heavier than I was back then, but it's all in my gut now. Like back then it was in my face and you could see it. Um, but that's the thing is like, even then the vast majority of the time, if I just kind of worked out for a few weeks, I'd be fine. And I'm hitting a point in my life now and, and you know, good, bad, or indifferent. It just, it was how it was for me. And now I'm hitting that point in my life. I'm past midlife. I'm 43.

And nothing physical is as easy as it used to be. It's more effort for me to do anything. Any sort of exercise, any sort of eating right, the results don't come like they used to. I could just stop. Like, I was a big night owl and eating late night and all that. I could just stop eating after 9.30. Do nothing else.

Pete (01:00:20.635)
No.

Chris O'Neil (01:00:41.726)
and lose like 50 pounds. I just it was just how my body worked. And it doesn't work that way anymore. And you know, it was it was great at the time because I didn't have to put that much effort into my fitness and my health. But now that I've crossed that threshold, it's become way more of an issue because I have no habits set up one not none, but you know what I mean, like relatively no

consistent habits to maintain my health because I've never really had to, to the point that I couldn't just, oh, I'm getting out of shape. Let's buckle down for these next few months and I'll be fine. It doesn't work that way anymore. And I've hit this wall because where I used to be able to say, okay, it's time to dig back into this. I can't do that the way I used to, not even just because my body has changed because of how old I am, but

My life has changed. I have way more responsibilities than I ever did. And all of the time that I have, or that I used to have to dedicate to my own health is now dedicated to my children and to my partner and to my family and my home. And, you know, and so I'm struggling a lot to find time to actually take care of myself. And...

As far as my body goes, I'm the least happy I've ever been. Just, I feel like shit most of the time. Hahahaha

Pete (01:02:15.697)
Good, you son of a bitch. You skinny fuck. Now you know how the other half lives.

Chris O'Neil (01:02:25.682)
Oh yeah, well, I won't say it's somewhat deserved, but you know, I appreciate the perspective, let's put it that way. But it's really just, you know, like, you don't realize, well, you don't realize what you have until it's gone, you know, and I had it easy for a while. And when you don't know what you don't, what you're not missing, um...

you know, when it shows up, it's that much more of a challenge, right? So.

Also, just acknowledging the bad habits that I created during the pandemic, where everyone's life got flipped on its head, and we had to do things very differently. And I realized, because certain things happened, like, I became a father, then my sister died, and then I lost my business, and then I hit midlife, and then it was just like boom, pandemic. And, you know, I ended up creating these habits out of a need to survive the situation.

that were never meant to be perpetuated. It was just, oh, well, let's do this for a little while to just get through this time. But now, you know, four or five years later, I'm like, holy shit, man, I'm still doing all that shit and it's not helping me at all. So just my ability to dig in and establish some, if not extreme, certainly just moderate beneficial actions and activities.

Pete (01:03:41.348)
Hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:03:56.482)
that will maintain my health, certainly for my children, but also just for fucking, for me, man. Like, I don't wanna be out of breath, you know, walking up three stairs. I don't wanna have to, like, I've had to change how I put my socks on, because I can't bend over the way I used to. Like, that shit bugs the fuck out of me, man. And...

Pete (01:04:03.281)
again.

Chris O'Neil (01:04:24.802)
I fully acknowledge the fact that like, like I've never had to have a stool in the shower before. And I still haven't, but my wife likes to have one in there for when she shaves her legs. And I started using it recently, I'm like, oh, this is so much easier and I fucking hate that it is. Like just soaping up my body if I throw a leg up on the stool, it's like, oh god damn it, I hate that I need to do this. So, but it's like all little shit like that, you know?

Pete (01:04:53.537)
Yeah. I have a loofah on a stick. That's how I get my legs. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (01:04:55.238)
I know, like, you know, our bodies change. Huh? A luff on a stick? There you go. But yeah, so that's my number five. To be reasonably, uh, hold on, my phone. Let me get back to it. A habit of keeping myself reasonably healthy. I would, that would be my number five.

Pete (01:05:18.941)
I'm gonna, just because it seemed to be an overarching theme for a lot of us here, a lot of us, the two of us, I'm gonna add a number six that's encompassing for both of us, would be time. And I'm not saying like that to slight you for your lateness, but just the time to be able to enjoy without feeling like you have to rush to another thing, to be able to watch the kids grow, to be able to enjoy it, to drink it all in. Time is something that is just...

Chris O'Neil (01:05:28.265)
All two of us.

Pete (01:05:48.941)
I think would make everything worthwhile. Time to be able to prepare the meals that you want for the people in your life. Time to be able to enjoy it all, but everything in this day and age just seems so fucking rushed and forced, and you're always running and trying to keep up with something. And I think that would be something that both of us would benefit from.

Chris O'Neil (01:06:08.728)
Well then.

I agree, but I would also add a tweak to that to have it be presence. Because we can't change the amount of time we have necessarily, but we can be more present which allows us to feel like we have more time instead of having everything be fleeting and rushing around and all that. So I just piggybacking on that idea of time.

having the wherewithal to be as present as possible in whatever we're doing. I think that's a great goal for certainly you and I, but for all of us, especially as fathers.

Pete (01:06:48.475)
Yeah.

Pete (01:06:54.786)
Fucking A. So we've given you guys R5, well R6. Why don't you guys think about it? Comment on our Facebook page. Send us an email, twodadsunfiltered at gmail.com. TikTok, the shit out of us, man. Dadsunfiltered at TikTok or whatever the fuck that is. I think it's dadsunfiltered. I don't know, I don't know how it works. At dadsunfiltered, okay, fair enough.

Chris O'Neil (01:07:00.95)
Hahaha

Chris O'Neil (01:07:08.002)
Do it.

Chris O'Neil (01:07:15.554)
at Dez Unfiltered. I know I know I'm the I'm the TikTok guru and Pete's like hey can you figure this out for me? I think for the first time I put a I put a promo video up for this episode and it's the only one in the long line of videos that we have that actually has a title on it. But hey.

Pete (01:07:35.557)
No, there's one. I have- I got one to work. But you can't read it, because it's so small. Yeah. The one just before the one that you just posted. I got it somewhat to work. But it doesn't stay when you play the video, which is fucking weird.

Chris O'Neil (01:07:39.347)
Oh, you did? Oh, are you good?

Chris O'Neil (01:07:45.095)
Oh, okay.

But that's also, yeah, and we got to look into that because I don't know why that happened. But I also say this as the person who has probably put the fewest videos up on TikTok, whereas Pete is doing most of the work. So I'm not giving him shit for it. I'm certainly just acknowledging that we're working up to.

Pete (01:08:09.538)
Morning as I go.

Chris O'Neil (01:08:12.406)
now i know that and that's the point is you know i have my stuff you have your stuff and you've taken that on and i'm grateful so

Pete (01:08:15.365)
You know what the... You know, the shitty thing is, is like I can't even ask my teenager because he's just gonna give me shit about it. It was like, the other day I accidentally like played a Taylor Swift song and my kid's like, oh you're a Swiftie? Like, I like one song. I actually had a dream about Taylor Swift last night. I blame media because, well dude, everything on the news these days is Taylor Swift that, Taylor Swift this, everywhere you fucking turn.

Chris O'Neil (01:08:24.032)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (01:08:35.234)
Oh really?

Chris O'Neil (01:08:41.942)
True. Yeah.

Pete (01:08:43.257)
So yeah, my dream was we were in a car with her, me and my girlfriend, and I happened to notice that she had the same impressions on her face that I have and my girlfriend has from our sleep apnea masks. So we bonded over that in my dream, having sleep apnea.

I must have had a rough night sleeping with my mask, because...

Chris O'Neil (01:09:02.294)
No, you know what? I was gonna say this is fantastic too, cause this is one of those like I can just see rumors starting. Did you know Taylor Swift has sleep apnea? Yeah, I found out in my dream.

Pete (01:09:14.573)
Yeah, right. Yeah, some fat kid dreamt about it. Now she's got it. Oh, fuck. But yeah, I can't even ask my kid because all he'll do is just give me constant shit about wanting to... Oh, why? Why you want to be on TikTok?

Chris O'Neil (01:09:25.521)
Ah, good shit.

Well, dude, you know, his... His fucking job is to antagonize you, because... All- like... The only- because he thinks that's all you do to him, is antagonize- I have seen you two interact, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, man, like... That kid has so much angst, it's- it's crazy.

Pete (01:09:35.309)
Oh god.

Pete (01:09:51.289)
No shit. And it's all misplaced, man. It shouldn't be at me. I got somebody else he could point it at. And it ain't me, man. It ain't me.

Chris O'Neil (01:10:00.446)
Yeah, and I, well, you know what, and I hate to say it, a big reason why it's most of it's pointed at you once again, because I've seen it happen. Because you're there. Yeah. And he can't point it at someone who isn't there.

Pete (01:10:07.325)
Because I'm there.

I know.

Pete (01:10:13.949)
Yep, that's true. That is true. Anyway, let's not dwell on my kid and how much of a pain in the ass he is. But, uh, oh, also, I just realized the other day that we're, uh, also getting pecker slapped in the face by Christmas. Did you notice that? Spirit of Halloween in my town doesn't even have all their shit in their pods. Packing their shit up. And they were already putting up a Christmas tree in the center of my fucking town. Yeah, being pecker slapped right in the face, man.

Chris O'Neil (01:10:37.166)
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Well, I saw a meme. I saw a meme recently and it was, here's how I celebrate the holidays. From October 1st to October 31st, it's Halloween. From November 1st to November, you know, the day before Thanksgiving is Christmas. Then Thanksgiving, then the day after Thanksgiving until

January 1st is Christmas, so it's like... Yeah, no shit. No, it's like literally as soon as Halloween's over, everything is Christmas. It's like, Thanksgiving's like, what the fuck, Kevin? Why can't I have a holiday? It literally gets one day. Well, see, that's the thing. Now here's an issue, like we can... Obviously, we're not gonna go down this rabbit hole right now, but... From a...

Pete (01:11:09.145)
Yeah. It's ridiculous, man.

Pete (01:11:15.975)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (01:11:19.686)
Mmm. Cause you just shitty turkey.

Hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:11:32.59)
from a Thanksgiving slash Christmas perspective, as far as the dinner goes. Cause Thanksgiving, classically turkey, of course, not to say that people don't do other things, but Christmas, in my experience has always been more of like a ham situation. If you're going to go with like a big, like a roast or something like that, right? Or a Christmas roast, but it's not Turkey. And I would curious cause that would be a good conversation like holiday meals.

Pete (01:11:41.133)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:02.078)
at some point.

Pete (01:12:02.169)
Some families do too jerky. They do turkey on Christmas as well as Thanksgiving, which is a little fucked up because I can only handle that shit once a year.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:07.702)
Yeah, no, and I do, yeah.

Pete (01:12:12.497)
Christmas we do a prime roast, a prime rib roast. That's what we do. One Christmas we smoked a whole pig one Christmas. That was my favorite.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:13.312)
Sometimes they did, you know.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:18.438)
Oh, nice. We actually do. We don't.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:24.87)
Oh shit, really? Yeah, no, Christmas... Oh, that's right, yeah, of course. Christmas Day, we do more like breakfast stuff. We don't really do a Christmas dinner. But we've started the tradition, and I think I've mentioned this before, where I'll make beef Wellington for a Christmas Eve dinner. That's our go-to.

Pete (01:12:26.573)
Oh yeah, I fit it in my big green egg dude.

Pete (01:12:41.594)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (01:12:46.205)
Yeah. Sweet. Well, we shouldn't continue on with food, because I'm going to get hungry.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:49.262)
good shit.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:53.246)
No, no, we'll get to that in another episode. I think we've completed this week's episode rather well, I think.

Pete (01:12:56.541)
for sure.

Pete (01:13:01.325)
Yes. Yeah. Not bad. So see you guys next week. Well, you won't see us. You'll listen to us. Promise.

Chris O'Neil (01:13:06.628)
Not bad.

Yeah, and definitely, as we had said, head over to the Facebook page and let us know your five or a shit. If you want to get more or less, that's fine. But what are the things that would make you happy in your life? And again, not just the materialistic stuff, because you got to, you got to work on that shit internally. Like what, what would you wish for yourself, want for yourself to live a certain way, to have certain things, relationships, experiences?

that would really make you happy in your life.

Pete (01:13:42.837)
Yeah. You know, and I mean, if you're already where you want to be mentally, feel free to list materialistic shit.

Chris O'Neil (01:13:53.006)
Yeah, well, there's that too. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Pete (01:13:55.961)
Well, we don't want to exclude, we don't want anybody not... I want as many people participating as possible! So far, no one guessed that Chris was going to be late for the last episode. And then there was something else that we...

Chris O'Neil (01:14:02.378)
Well, sure, but...

Chris O'Neil (01:14:06.198)
But let's be honest though.

Pete (01:14:09.757)
I mean, it was a given, but.

Chris O'Neil (01:14:10.706)
Yeah, no, I know. There's... But we're getting participation slowly. You know, we gotta... Baby steps. But that's the thing, is... I am hard-pressed to... to believe that there's anyone who has everything they want internally. And that all they need is materialistic stuff.

Pete (01:14:16.029)
slowly.

Pete (01:14:28.321)
Oh no. But if you can't think and you're stuck on it and you have something materialistic, then that's fine too.

Chris O'Neil (01:14:35.21)
Oh yeah, as a means of not, you know, if you want to add it to your list as a means of participation and you can't think of anything else, fuck yeah, go for it.

Pete (01:14:45.878)
Well guys, we will see you next week or whatever.

Chris O'Neil (01:14:52.33)
Indeed.