"I'm Eighteen and I don't know what I want"

Summary

In this episode, Chris and Pete discuss various topics related to parenting, independence, and accountability. They explore the challenges of raising teenagers and the importance of letting go and allowing natural consequences to teach valuable lessons. The conversation also touches on the role of tough love and the balance between supporting and holding children accountable. Overall, the episode emphasizes the importance of trust, communication, and incremental responsibility in parenting. In this conversation, the hosts discuss various aspects of parenting teenagers and the challenges that come with it. They touch on the importance of learning from movies, the concept of natural consequences, teaching responsibility, and the lessons and growth that can come from difficult situations. They also discuss the importance of preparing teenagers for the real world and teaching them life skills. The hosts emphasize the need for support and responsibility in parenting and seek advice from other fathers who have gone through similar experiences. The conversation concludes with a mention of an upcoming Christmas episode.

Takeaways

Parenting requires finding a balance between support and allowing natural consequences to teach valuable lessons.
Teenagers need opportunities to make their own decisions and face the consequences of their actions.
Tough love can be effective in teaching responsibility and accountability.
Incremental responsibility and independence can help teenagers develop important life skills.
Open communication and trust are essential in navigating the challenges of parenting. Movies can provide valuable life lessons and insights that can be applied to real-life situations.
Allowing teenagers to experience natural consequences can help them learn and grow.
Teaching responsibility is an important aspect of parenting teenagers.
Preparing teenagers for the real world and teaching them life skills is crucial.
Seeking advice and support from other fathers can be helpful in navigating the challenges of parenting teenagers.

Tick Tok @dadsunfiltered
Facebook Dads Unfiltered
Email 2dadsunfiltered@gmail.com
YouTube https://youtube.com/@DadsUnfiltered

Chris's emotion coaching 
Tick Tok @dadding_daily
Instagram @chrisoneilcoach
YouTube  @crisoneil

Transcript

Pete (00:01.285)
Hey guys, welcome back. Season two, episode 27. This time, it's just Chris and I. Chris, welcome back.

Chris O'Neil (00:02.926)
Welcome back. Season 2, episode 27. This time, it's just Chris and I. Chris, welcome back. Welcome back, welcome back. I'm here with Pete as always. Yeah, I'm just, it's Sunday, man. We're recording on Sunday. That's what's happening. It's early in the day, so Chris is early in the time. I am freshly cough-ified.

Pete (00:24.261)
It's early in the day, so Chris is early and he was on time and he's a little energetic. A little energetic, slightly stupid, we're ready to rock and roll.

Chris O'Neil (00:33.258)
Yep, my weekend coffee cup. Actually, screw that. This is my everyday coffee cup. Actually, I genuinely like the cup. It's an enjoyable cup. It's not just because of the saying, but that's funny. I think I've shared that multiple times, the coffee cup situation, but still one of my favorites that we have is, good morning. I see the assassins have failed. It's a great one.

Pete (00:48.666)
nice.

Pete (01:03.204)
That's a good one. If you have a spy vs spy type relationship. Remember those guys? Hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:04.462)
So what do we?

Yeah, all in good fun, of course. But yes. Yes, indeed.

Pete (01:13.893)
So, the last couple episodes we've had guests. We had, let's see, the week before last we had our good friend at Free Dad.

Chris O'Neil (01:18.231)
We have.

Chris O'Neil (01:24.63)
Be rad, D-ad.

Pete (01:26.669)
Yep, he let us know that there was not a Titanic type catastrophe on his cruise. He has arrived back.

Chris O'Neil (01:34.791)
Which is good, we're glad he's alive. Yay, Brad.

Pete (01:39.481)
Right, but think of it though if he had like a Poseidon adventure kind of thing going on like the fucking story Could you imagine the listens and views that he would have on tiktok and his podcast?

Chris O'Neil (01:49.17)
That is true. You know, I had the thought of just...

coordinating some sort of fake story to amp it up a little bit. Like, did you hear about Brad? Holy shit, man, his ship went down and he was rescued and he did this whole thing. Just create this adventure and then get it out there. So much so that when he comes back and is able to thwart it and say no, that it didn't actually happen, people won't even believe him. Because they're like, he's just being modest. Yeah, he was the hero of this whole thing and he's just being modest and wow, what an amazing guy. I wanted to do that for him.

Pete (02:06.981)
Mmm.

Pete (02:15.269)
It was like Robinson Caruso.

Pete (02:25.125)
But we didn't. Because we honestly don't have all that kind of time. I still haven't put together promo videos for last week's episode with the porn guys.

Chris O'Neil (02:33.139)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pete (02:37.025)
Which by the way, we would like to discuss a little bit about. Now I myself, I'll, I'll go first and then Chris, you can share your. So I do agree that porn is an addiction and it definitely skews your realities and things of that nature and it can become all consuming. Oh yeah, that's yeah. That's what I said. I thought. No, no. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (02:41.353)
Oh yeah.

Chris O'Neil (02:56.182)
well porn can be an addiction let's make that clarification it uh... it isn't automatically it can be yeah and just the way you said it it's porn is an addiction we all know this uh...

Pete (03:04.902)
Oh, it says right here it's gonna be addictive.

Pete (03:10.937)
No, well we can be addicted to it. We can be addicted to anything. I'm addicted to these fucking garlic and honey mustard pretzels that I got. I'm not going to have any good night kisses tonight, I tell you what.

Chris O'Neil (03:13.726)
No, that's the point. Yes, yes.

Chris O'Neil (03:21.514)
No, you're not. Certainly not for me.

Pete (03:24.081)
So to that, I definitely, if you find that you're living up to these expectations that you're seeing in pornos and you have these expectations of the way that women should behave because of porn, maybe you do have a problem. If you're just watching it because you wanted to see what the porno version of Forrest Gump is or a Scooby-Doo.

porn related type thing. Sorry, we had just talked about Scooby-Doo before the episode started, so. That's why I'm on that. Yeah, so I mean, you know, like anything, moderation is key. The other thing that I'm not in agreement on though, is the semen retention. I feel like if I were to like hold off

Chris O'Neil (03:55.234)
Sorry, we had talked about Scooby-Doo before the episode started. Yeah, I was wondering where that came from. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yep, yep.

Chris O'Neil (04:16.45)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (04:20.445)
There's like two different scenarios that this could end up. I could end up like the Bulldog in fucking Van Wilder and I'm filling up cannolis, right? Or everyone looks like the end of the first Ghostbusters movie when they blow up the state pub Marshmallow Man by the time I'm done.

and I don't think any of it ends well for anyone. I don't know how-

Chris O'Neil (04:41.644)
That scene from Scary Movie, the first one?

Pete (04:45.622)
Oh yeah, that's a good one too.

But I don't understand how...

Pete (04:53.789)
how it really could be beneficial. It's like holding in a sneeze or a fart, I guess. It's a bodily function.

Chris O'Neil (05:00.762)
Well, and yeah, from that perspective, I certainly agree with you. But it's also one of those, like, it's situational, it's a case-by-case thing, because there are certain psychological and emotional connections to that physiological process, right? So each person is different.

Pete (05:21.775)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (05:23.598)
and you're going to have different triggers of, you know, why you're doing it and how you're doing it. Again, it's never usually the thing. It's the reason behind the thing, right? There's nothing wrong with jerking off, nothing wrong with watching porn if you're a sexually healthy human being, you know? But like anything else, as we were talking about, you know, it could be alcohol, it could be drugs, it's sex, it's porn, it's...

Pete (05:42.578)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (05:49.318)
what you're using that to, no pun intended, to fill a hole so that you can feel better about something you're lacking. That's the definition of an addiction, right? It's a never ending desire for that fulfillment that will never be fulfilled. So you get a quick dopamine hit or the serotonin comes in and then it's gone, then you gotta do it again. So.

Pete (05:57.737)
Uh...

Pete (06:03.228)
Right?

Chris O'Neil (06:19.438)
uh... yeah i am uh... yes just feel so nice makes me wanna watch porn i mean uh... now that i know no joking aside it's i very much appreciate and acknowledge the benefit of what those photos are doing for the people who need it absolutely uh...

Pete (06:19.705)
It's like when someone likes something on my social media. Oh.

Pete (06:30.394)
I don't need to after that, and I tell you what.

Pete (06:42.969)
Oh yeah, me too. Without a doubt.

Chris O'Neil (06:46.934)
But yeah, for my part, I think, well, I like anything else. Like relationships. If there's good communication, you're well aware of the reality of what you're experiencing. And you're not, you know, it's not dangerous for yourself and or others, then it's fun. Don't come in here. You might slip on the floor.

Pete (07:08.413)
Right. Don't come in here, you might slip on the floor. I like it.

Chris O'Neil (07:14.154)
Well, and that's the other thing, like when you were, when it's replacing your relationship versus augmenting your relationship, like it's something you can enjoy together, you know, that's, that's a different scenario. So yeah, and it's, oh yes, oh yes. Also in real time, you're back to disappeared. I can't see you anymore.

Pete (07:26.793)
And that's an episode for another time.

Chris O'Neil (07:39.71)
Yeah, we're having a, I mean, on the fly, we are always doing what we can here with our technical issues and, you know.

Pete (07:50.461)
You don't need to see me. I'm just as beautiful as you remember, Chris.

Chris O'Neil (07:52.974)
and you're just as beautiful as you remember. It is true. No, and I was just gonna say, like, I feel like it adds an acknowledged connection to our title of Dad's Unfiltered when we simply acknowledge, it's like, oh shit, we got this going on. It's like, just don't say anything and then they won't know. Ah, fuck it, tell them. You know, what's funny though, is if we don't say anything, they won't know because it records locally on your screen. No, I know. I know. So everything comes through fine. Mm-hmm.

Pete (08:12.517)
You know what's funny though, is if we don't say anything they won't know because it records locally on your side and then uploads to me. So everything comes through fine. Like when I edited the last episode I was like, what the fuck, it says it and it's all fine in the video but we look like a bunch of idiots because we're like, alright it's not working for us. But it all recorded just fine.

Chris O'Neil (08:30.906)
Right, right. Well, that's the thing, because in real time, yeah, because in real time, like if we just kept talking, I'm sure we could just edit it together to make it look like we're actually in conversation. But yeah, after a while, it's like, uh, yeah, I don't think we could fake it this long. We got to, we got to do something.

Pete (08:43.421)
Yeah.

Pete (08:48.785)
I'll be honest, like, if I'm frozen on your side, you're like a badly drawn flip book. You know how you used to draw like a stick figure on the edge of a page and flip it? Like every now and again you'll move like really fucking fast and then you'll stop and wait and then all of a sudden there'll be a jump. Like, whoa, what the fuck?

Chris O'Neil (08:52.562)
You're like a badly drawn flip book. You know how you used to draw like a stiff figure on the edge of a page and flip it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like every now and again you'll move like really fucking fast and then you'll stop and wait and then all of a sudden you'll jump. Yeah, yeah. I've seen one of those. I've seen that on your side too.

son of a bitch

Pete (09:12.301)
So, alright, the other thing that we should discuss, because we haven't in a few weeks, Chris, is the progress of your pecker. The wife, I'm sure, has left it alone, so you've had time to heal. You've been with us every week, so nothing I'm assuming fell off, because you'd probably be at the doctor if it did.

Chris O'Neil (09:26.738)
been with us every week, so nothing I'm assuming fell off, because we'd probably be at the dock and rip a dick. Yeah, but I don't know if I would have just come on and be like, sorry, guys, can't record this week. My dick fell off. But yeah, you remember that song back in the 90s, Detachable Penis? Well, which I can't believe that song got radio play. That was.

Pete (09:41.37)
You guys want to see something fun?

Pete (09:50.77)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (09:55.734)
just looking back on it. I love how he talks the whole ver- It's basically just like a story set to music with a sung chorus.

Pete (09:57.457)
Such a good tune though. Such a good song.

Pete (10:08.647)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (10:10.622)
Anyway, yes, things have healed. There's, you know, there's some residual sensations, I would say, that are tender. I'm still getting used to my post-op slash healed self. So, and like, I think this is an important acknowledgement, too, like any injury. And you just have this

Pete (10:13.235)
Ahem.

Chris O'Neil (10:40.954)
psychological easiness with it, right? Like it could technically be completely healed, but you're still a little ginger with it. Like if you sprain your ankle, it's the same way, you know? Yeah, none of that shit. No, but yeah, so it's like, I haven't come back to full, like, oh, I'm fine, I could just do whatever I wanna do. I'm still like easing my pants down when I'm, you know.

Pete (10:44.367)
Ahem.

Pete (10:50.873)
Right. Don't want to break the cock. Right? Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (11:11.158)
gonna take a piss, that type of thing. It's like, oh, well, let's not knock things around too much. And yeah, you know that scene from Casino Royale where Bond gets captured by LaCheif? For those of you who don't know, he uses a, like it's this thick, the rope, and it has a big knot on the end.

Pete (11:19.618)
Right, right.

Pete (11:26.589)
Yeah, you don't need to go into anymore. Yeah, I know where he beats his balls. Yeah. Yeah

Chris O'Neil (11:39.786)
and he rips the bottom of a chair out and sits him naked on the chair and then flips the knot into his nuts. Ah! You just feel it every time it happens. But the very, very beginning, the first time. I don't sit in wicker chairs. Ha ha

Pete (11:49.237)
I uh... I don't sit in wicker chairs because of that.

Chris O'Neil (12:09.218)
feels like and he just goes, uh, just taps it. And that little bit of, uh, oh God, it's coming. That like just on the edge of that sensation.

Pete (12:21.557)
Yeah. Dude, let's talk about what a flawed fucking design.

Chris O'Neil (12:22.174)
It's like that little minor bit of that.

Pete (12:29.569)
Why would we put something so sensitive outside? Yeah, man, shit.

Chris O'Neil (12:29.71)
Oh, testicles? Well, and that's the thing too, because it's never well thought out. It's just the next thing to do in the course of evolution, right? It's like, well, we're here and we need to account for this, so we'll just do this because we're already this far with it. We have to just keep going, right? That's the fucked up part about evolution.

Pete (12:51.089)
So this shit is really sensitive, we're just gonna cover it with thin, chicken skin like flesh. Yeah, that's right.

Chris O'Neil (12:59.006)
Well, because you know why they're out there, right? Because if they're too close to your body, they heat up the sperm and kill the sperm.

Pete (13:08.849)
Yeah, well. Oh well.

Chris O'Neil (13:10.006)
So that's why they're outside the body, because our own body heat would kill our ability to reproduce. It is not a sound design, because they're much more accessible to injury and harm. But as I said, evolution.

Pete (13:24.413)
Couldn't we just sit on ice for a few hours when we want to get it on and have babies? Oh, you guys have to fucking an igloo. Oh, no big deal. I'd rather that than... any slight motion giving me a fucking pain.

Chris O'Neil (13:29.737)
Well.

Well, see, and then there's the contradiction, right? Well, there's the contradiction. You sit on a block of ice, you're just gonna, pew, so it doesn't matter anyway. You're screwed, not literally.

How long are we gonna talk about balls?

Pete (13:48.729)
I guess. I don't know. I mean, we dedicated a whole episode last week to porn. Ha ha ha.

Chris O'Neil (13:55.207)
Eh, well, lack of porn, really, but still.

Pete (13:59.537)
Yeah, that too. So, for me...

Chris O'Neil (14:01.918)
Well, did you see in my description the original one that I wrote? I said, this week we're talking about porn. Now before you get excited, we're not having that type of conversation. Sorry, go ahead.

Pete (14:10.864)
Mm.

Pete (14:13.957)
We, uh, for me, on my side, I can finally wear jeans again. I can fit back into the jeans that I haven't worn since pre-COVID. It was, uh, it doesn't mean that I'm going to run right out and wear them again, because like, let's be honest. Sweatpants are fucking comfy.

Chris O'Neil (14:28.234)
Rounds of applause.

Chris O'Neil (14:36.378)
They are indeed.

Pete (14:38.805)
And you know, it's one of those things. I mean, it felt nice. Like I have shirts that I bought that I haven't been able to wear for a while and I can fit into them, clothes fit better. Uh, it's, it's a great, great time.

Chris O'Neil (14:43.105)
Thank you.

Chris O'Neil (14:48.02)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (14:53.186)
Dude.

Chris O'Neil (14:58.654)
I for one, am super excited for you. I for two, am very proud of you. And I think it's, regardless of where you are, making any progress toward the goal that you have is worth acknowledgement. So, honestly, bravo.

Pete (14:58.821)
What? What are you typing?

Pete (15:16.045)
Oh yeah. I'm hopefully getting there. Slowly but surely. But I think slowly is probably the best way to do it. Because if I were to lose the weight too fast, it probably would come right back.

Chris O'Neil (15:23.722)
Well, it's the only way to make it stick for sure.

Yeah, because it and that's honestly a lot of what I'm working on with pretty much everything in my life is because previously, especially with weight loss or getting fit or anything like that, it was always kind of a turn and burn thing for me, like I would purposely find like a test group for workout program.

So I would be forced to do the workouts. And I'd have a, I mean, relatively, it still took time. It took months, but it was like, I had to do it because I was a part of the group. And if I didn't do it, then I didn't get the result or the, you know, whenever I was getting paid or anything like that. So it was an additional incentive, you know? But.

Pete (16:09.169)
the desired effect yeah oh yeah i know dude i totally get the whole carrot and stick thing

Chris O'Neil (16:17.554)
Yeah, it's just I've been doing that for so long and I'm getting older now and I can't do that anymore, especially with the amount of time I have to devote to my kids. So I have to really reset my way of thinking about how I do things. Because I don't have the space to just, okay, I'm not gonna do all this, I'm just gonna concentrate on this one thing and get to this goal. I just can't do it that way anymore.

Pete (16:29.427)
Right.

Pete (16:42.233)
Right. Huh? I know, I know. These times, they are changing.

Chris O'Neil (16:45.246)
Speaking of not being able to do things the way, a certain way anymore, that was like the most haphazard transition I was trying to make into the actual talking points today.

Pete (17:01.977)
I know. What the fuck was that? It's like, you're like Sarah McLachlan fumbling toward ecstasy.

Chris O'Neil (17:03.362)
Yeah, it was bad. I forced it.

Chris O'Neil (17:08.791)
Thanks for watching!

What?

Pete (17:12.677)
an actual album of hers. She has an album called Fumbling Toward Ecstasy. You not a Sarah McLachlan fan?

Chris O'Neil (17:17.963)
uh... and those the song uh... i'm not a sarah mclaughlin fan i'd just don't know her songs by name

Pete (17:27.553)
Oh, it's an album, not just a song, buddy. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (17:29.974)
Yeah, yeah, I don't know her stuff by name. How's that? In the arms of the angels.

Pete (17:35.625)
Fair enough, fair enough.

Pete (17:41.309)
So, as Chris was trying to say, fumbly, no, don't sing that ASPCA shit, man. I don't wanna think about dying puppies and things of that nature.

Chris O'Neil (17:46.742)
from here to here dying puppies

Pete (17:54.537)
for the cost of a cup of coffee. Oh no, that's Sally Struthers, nevermind. Anyway.

Chris O'Neil (17:59.274)
Yes. Struthers.

Pete (18:03.933)
So as Chris was saying, I'm on a point now where I'm having to change parenting styles, as it were. I'm on the verge of doing something that no one thought could be done, and that is sustaining life for a full 18 years. I'm literally like a week and two days away from it.

Chris O'Neil (18:15.451)
Yes, yes.

Chris O'Neil (18:32.842)
Oh wow, that's soon.

Pete (18:34.297)
And yeah, dude, he turns 18 the day after Christmas. Friday, he finally got his license. And I guess, honestly, I'm fine with it. I mean, it's weird. And it's like a whole new set of anxiety that I have to deal with. Because now it's like,

Chris O'Neil (18:38.514)
Oh shit. Yeah, I forgot. I forgot his birthday was December.

Chris O'Neil (18:47.874)
How you feeling about that?

Pete (19:03.417)
He can't just be an asshole locally. Now he has the ability to go and shoot his mouth off in various towns. No, I don't even mean that in a mean way. My son has this problem where he has like an anger thing that he got from the other side of the equation. There are things that I have definitely traits that I have definitely passed along to him that are not fantastic.

Chris O'Neil (19:15.338)
No, I know what you mean.

Chris O'Neil (19:30.542)
to him.

Pete (19:33.021)
But the aggression and the angry and the just spouting stupid things out of his mouth, yeah, that is a total reflection of the mirror that now lives in another fucking part of town. It's weird. It's...

Chris O'Neil (19:49.662)
Was she always antagonistic like that?

Pete (19:54.633)
especially when she would drink. I remember there was one of my favorite stories that I like to tell is we were out in downtown Seattle and she had been drinking and she started spouting off to some guy and the guy come up to me and he says, aren't you gonna do something? You know, wipe, stepping up, like something about backing up her words and I said, no.

Chris O'Neil (19:56.474)
Oh well, and there's the...

Chris O'Neil (20:20.526)
Hmm. Hehehehe.

Pete (20:23.025)
And he's like, why? I go, dude, she said the stupid shit. I'm not here to defend it. I don't agree with what she said. I'm over here minding my own business. You know, like you've got a problem. Take it up with her. And some people are like, well, that's not the very nice guy thing to say. But. I didn't tell her to fucking spout off and be an asshole to somebody at random. And why should I get my ass beat because she's a dumb fuck?

Chris O'Neil (20:30.048)
Mm.

Chris O'Neil (20:35.87)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (20:48.99)
Well, and I think the difference there is holding somebody accountable for doing dumb shit versus mindlessly backing up someone just because they're your brother or girlfriend or wife. It's something else if they're gonna get hurt. But just human to human contact, I get where you're coming from is my point, is you're just, the guy was probably expecting you to jump in and then,

Pete (21:01.853)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (21:18.93)
He was gonna fight you, because he wasn't gonna fight her, obviously.

Pete (21:21.865)
Right. You know what I should have been like is, Hey buddy, the sex isn't that great, I'm not gonna take a fucking shot in the eye, or you know, risk a broken arm. Like what the fuck? I- There's some chivalrous things that I do understand.

Chris O'Neil (21:27.947)
He fucking shot me in the eye.

Chris O'Neil (21:33.802)
Well, and not. There's some chivalrous things that I do understand. Well, yeah. That sort of shit I just don't get. Well, not for nothing either. But like, well, and let's be clear, like the vast majority of, unless you're legitimately protecting somebody, which is always important, just the ego stuff, right? Like your girlfriend or wife goes off on somebody, and then.

Pete (21:39.793)
but that sort of shit I just don't get.

Pete (21:51.845)
Mm.

Chris O'Neil (22:03.074)
The ego desire for you to, hey, it doesn't matter how much of an asshole she was being, I'm gonna back her up because I'm her man and no one gets to tell her what to do. And, you know, I get to kick your ass now because even though she initiated it, you're being the dick. You know, like, it's just...

Whenever it crosses over into that bullshit, then I think it's bullshit. But yeah, the ability to be able to stand up for someone, I think is important, of course, especially as a guy. Because let's be honest, regardless of any viewpoints, most guys are not gonna hit a woman. There are plenty that do.

Pete (22:30.141)
right?

Pete (22:38.223)
Oh yeah, but...

Chris O'Neil (22:45.142)
But especially in that situation, they're looking to throw down with someone they feel comfortable doing it with, so they're just gonna come after you regardless of what she's saying. Yeah.

Pete (22:54.632)
Right? She said stupid shit. Yeah I'm not a fucking ventulicus, I didn't make her say that shit. You know, like come on. Do I look like Jeff Dunham to you?

Chris O'Neil (22:59.754)
Well, and there's the other part of it too. Right? Yeah. Nice. Well, there's the other part of it too. It's like, why am I responsible for what she's saying? Just because we're together. This isn't the, you know, I'm, she's a person, I'm a person. Right.

Pete (23:12.418)
Mm. Yeah. Well, we ran the script initially. I was going to say it, but we thought it would come out better from her. We did a dry run. Friends seem to think it was all right. Apparently, you don't agree. Like. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (23:26.698)
Yeah, and see, there's that fine line between, you know, standing up for someone, taking responsibility with them, and then, you know, the codependency of like, dude, yeah, I could disagree. Go ahead. Yeah, I know.

Pete (23:40.429)
Yeah. So, so back to Cam, yeah, it's, it's definitely a troubling thing. Like the, like the, the aggression, the anger, it does make me nervous. I also, I mean, I'm nervous about him driving. Uh, I mean, he's got my old car, um, which has already been in one accident. You know, it's, I mean, it's sound. It was some lady backed into me while I was driving down a street.

Chris O'Neil (24:03.938)
From him or from you?

Chris O'Neil (24:08.267)
uh... nice

Pete (24:10.033)
She literally put the car in reverse while I was driving down the street the right way. She missed her turn.

Pete (24:19.561)
So on a fucking... Yep. Backed right up into my fucking car as I was driving forward. I was like... And I was going to get teeth pulled that day too. I was like, man, this is awesome. You think we could set up a proctology appointment too? Let's just get this all done at once.

Chris O'Neil (24:19.602)
And she just backed up as you're driving.

Pete (24:39.177)
And so yeah, it's troubling. I had a friend advise of an app to use, like Family 360 or something, that tracks where the car is, the speed limit and stuff, which, you know, I thought about things like that. It feels a little invasive, but at the same time, I don't mind having that peace of mind. So anyway, back to... Oh, sorry.

Chris O'Neil (24:52.084)
Okay.

Chris O'Neil (25:00.843)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (25:04.586)
Well, yeah, do you think? I was just, do you think that's, from a teenage perspective, just, you know, harkening back to ours? Obviously, that didn't exist at the time. And I certainly appreciated having some freedom that my parents did give me, because they did put trust in me to, you know, take their car when I didn't have one, when I got my license. And...

Pete (25:22.374)
Right.

Pete (25:32.56)
Exactly.

Chris O'Neil (25:33.81)
knowing that but it kind of wasn't a choice. So you just had to trust your kid because there was no way to keep an eye on them. There were no freaking cell phones. You just I hope you get to where you say you're going, you know. So do you feel like? The app type stuff just because it's there. You might as well use it or. Is it more of like you want to?

Pete (25:40.528)
Mm.

Right.

Chris O'Neil (26:03.614)
Only in emergencies type of thing. What's your thought on that?

Pete (26:07.577)
Alright, so, I was, for me, I actually had a game plan for it. Uh, cause I know that he wouldn't be down with it. At all. Um, and it's not like I want to, and that's the thing too, is he thinks that I want, I want to watch his every move when I really don't. And I even told Jana, like the way that I would, yeah, the way that I would say it was like the way that I would present it to him is like.

Chris O'Neil (26:17.782)
Yeah, probably not.

Chris O'Neil (26:28.534)
You just want to make sure he's okay.

Pete (26:36.133)
this would be part of the deal. Like for the car, there's more to it with the car. So with the app, I would definitely know I'd have to sell it to him. And there's other things that go into play with it. I don't know, I feel comfortable enough with it, especially if he were to go missing or not respond to texts after so long. It would only be that so I could last location, this is where it was or he was.

Chris O'Neil (26:45.932)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (26:59.705)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (27:04.917)
Yeah.

Pete (27:05.369)
You know, nothing more than that. I really don't give a fuck. You know, if he's doing his thing, because, I mean, we all know that as teenagers, we did our thing. It's, you know, as long as he's not in jail or getting arrested or murdered or. Raping or whatever the fuck, you know, I it. It just.

Chris O'Neil (27:17.838)
jail or getting arrested or... Yeah.

Pete (27:28.461)
Yeah, it's just one of those things. It's like it would be more for a peace of mind. Like I told Janna that I would say I would sell it to him by saying that it's only so like if you've been gone for more than 48 hours, I can find the car to recoup some of my losses. Is that what I was going to say to Cameron? Because I know like, well, automatically, he's just going to think that I just want to micromanage and control everything he's doing, even though I've told him I don't. I have no fucking desire.

Chris O'Neil (27:34.959)
Yeah, good God.

Chris O'Neil (27:45.474)
Jesus. Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (27:55.584)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (27:58.922)
Well, and I wonder too, well, and let's be honest, if he knows you're tracking him, even if you say you're not actively doing it, but if he knows there's a connection to find him, he will just by nature act differently than he would otherwise. That's just how it is, right? So, and obviously if he agreed to it, that would still be, but yeah, and for one, I am...

Pete (28:15.642)
Lick it. Yeah.

Yep.

Chris O'Neil (28:27.542)
I for one, that's what I was trying to say. I would prefer to trust my child and say, hey, you know, I'm giving you my trust and allow them to live up to that instead of tracking them ongoing or doing it, especially without their knowledge and, you know, under the guise of I'm just trying to keep you safe. No, and I'm not saying you're doing that.

Pete (28:39.836)
Right.

Pete (28:51.237)
Oh no, it would not be unknowledgeable. I wouldn't sneak it on.

Chris O'Neil (28:55.254)
I'm just acknowledging that for myself, because I'm sure there are people, especially now, who are just like, oh, let's just put an air tag under the wheel well and not tell them. And I do think it's important for a teenager to have a level of independence. And it's that they just still have the tether. They got the tether that they can always come back, but go.

Pete (29:04.367)
Yeah.

Pete (29:16.956)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (29:23.638)
do some dumb shit and get in trouble and you'll get in trouble and then hopefully, you know, it won't be too bad but, you know, you'll be able to learn how to do it. That's the point, right? That's why we do dumb shit so we can learn how not to do dumb shit.

Pete (29:26.578)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (29:43.47)
Mm-hmm So one of the things that with him getting his license so now there's that struggle of he wants to drive my car and That ain't happening. It's not out of a trust thing. Yeah. Yeah it's You know, and I've tried to explain it to him in ways that he would understand It's my biggest purchase to date, you know it is

Chris O'Neil (29:52.775)
Oh, your new car.

Yeah.

Pete (30:10.661)
The one thing that I've... I mean, I've worked so hard to get to that and, you know, I'm nervous driving and I'm nervous when I let Jana drive it. I'm nervous of the other people around me. Like, it's not like... Yeah, sure, it's fun to drive, but at the same time, it's not fun to drive because I'm fucking like... Woody Allen behind the wheel. Like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. You know, like white-knuckling it sometimes in traffic. My shoulders get tight. It sucks.

Chris O'Neil (30:36.46)
Yeah.

Pete (30:38.661)
But he doesn't seem to get that and I keep trying to explain and I keep saying, you know, it's like Things that you have that you don't like zachary touching You know, it's not like you don't want to share but you just know that

Something probably will happen to it and that's not even the case with the car I already and I even said to him. I said look I go our relationship as it's been lately is awfully fucking frayed Um, you have a lot of anger toward me, uh, you know, there's a lot of yelling a lot of swearing a lot of Bullshit that I don't know where it comes from or I don't even know how to shake it at this point anymore because it just Comes up all the time

If something were to have if he were to take my car and drive it that would fucking ruin it He would be like Charlie Babbitt in fucking Rain Man Zachary would get all the shit and he would just get the fucking car that he ruined and I and no matter how much I try to I don't want that to be something that comes between us You know and I know that it wouldn't be his fault and I know that but I also know how as a person I would react You know, I'm in touch with myself enough to know

Chris O'Neil (31:22.866)
if something were to ha- if he would've taken my car and drive it that would fucking ruin it he would be like Charlie Babbitt in fucking Rain Man it's funny I- I was thinking about that and he would just get the fucking car that he ruined and I- and no matter how much I try to- I don't want that to be something that comes between us mm-hmm you know, and I know that it wouldn't be his fault and I know that but I also know how as a person I would react well and I wondered- I'm in touch with myself

Yeah, I get that. But I wonder too if it's like, and hear me out for a second, because what immediately comes up for me is if you're saying something like, I don't want you to drive it for the because it's such a big purchase, like as you were saying, just echoing back because it was such a big purchase, because it's something really important to me. And I know

Pete (32:01.459)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (32:16.81)
that it basically statistically speaking given your inexperience if you drive it there's a pretty large chance something could go wrong and i get that

Pete (32:27.833)
Exactly.

Chris O'Neil (32:33.43)
but also saying it that way is basically saying to him, you're gonna fuck up my car, so I don't want you to drive it. Versus you saying, I don't want you to drive it because I don't want you to drive it. I don't want anyone to drive it. I wanna drive it, it's my car. So in other words, it's like saying because I said so without saying it, because I fucking hate that phrase and I will refuse to ever say it. But I think...

Pete (33:02.321)
You froze.

Chris O'Neil (33:03.67)
The ver- oh, can you hear me though?

Pete (33:07.053)
I can now. Everything froze. But now you're back.

Chris O'Neil (33:08.03)
Oh, okay. Everything's true. Oh. Thank you. Okay. So I don't know what you heard, but I said, it's like, it's basically like saying because I said so without saying because I said so, because I fucking hate that phrase. And, but what you're actually saying is, I don't want you to drive it. That's it. Why? You don't need a why. I don't want you to drive it because I don't want you to drive it.

Pete (33:19.714)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (33:36.162)
There's no reason beyond that. It's not anything against you. It's I don't want someone else to use this thing of mine. That's it. Because then it's, and then it becomes a personal thing against him instead of a positive thing for you. And in fact, it's a very, very similar situation to when my mother got upset with me a while back. Details don't matter, but.

It had to do with my family and visiting. And I was saying to her, Ma, I'm not doing what I'm doing against you. I'm doing it for my family. So you're taking it that way, but that's not why I'm doing it. And it takes the personal dig out of it. You know what I mean? I don't know if that would help at all, but yeah.

Pete (34:28.413)
Hmm.

No, it doesn't because it's if things don't go his way he gets bent out of shape like in the worst way like tantrum level Nonsense, and it's like the other day This is a great example So apparently at work they changed his work schedule Nobody let him know nobody said anything And then they called and they were like, hey you're coming in

Chris O'Neil (34:46.812)
Okay.

Chris O'Neil (34:51.447)
Okay.

Well that's bullshit.

Pete (34:57.305)
And he's like, I'm not scheduled. He's like, oh, well, we changed the thing. We changed the schedule. You know, can you come in? So he went in, but like all beforehand, he was bitching to my mother and my father, and then afterward he was bitching about it and it's like, okay, like I get it, it sucks, but it's not your fault and there's nothing you can do to change it like.

There's no point in stressing out over it now. You've already gone in, you've worked, you got extra money. Instead of dwelling on the negative that they added a shift to you, and you know, you were late because they didn't tell you, which again is none of your fault, think of the positive. You get extra fucking money, which you need because you are getting your license. You know, I'm like, think of the positive side. Don't just dwell and harp on the negative. But that's all he does is he sits and he dwells in that negative space.

Chris O'Neil (35:47.606)
that's all he does is he sits and he dwells in that negative space to the point where you don't even

Pete (35:52.177)
to the point where you don't even want to talk to him because he just keeps bringing it up, bringing it up, bringing it up, bringing it up. I picked him up from work yesterday. All he did was bitch because I was a little late. I tried to call and he didn't answer. So he was mad at that. And, you know, where the fuck are you? Why you fucking... you gotta come with... you gotta come with... I got fucking plans, you know. You gotta go and pick up my fucking friend and I'm gonna go there and I'm gonna run up and then we'll be down in a second. Like, no. Like, I picked you up.

Chris O'Neil (36:02.062)
tried to call

Chris O'Neil (36:18.442)
No. Like, I picked you up. Grampy was supposed to. They asked me to pick you up. They should have called to let you know that I was coming. They didn't. But it wasn't my responsibility.

Pete (36:21.653)
Grampy was supposed to. They asked me to pick you up. They should have called to let you know that I was coming. They didn't. But it wasn't my responsibility to let you know. They just asked if I could pick you up. And I said yes. Right? That should have been on them to communicate the fact. I go, I did call to let you know that I was going to be late. And then he's like, you don't know what it's like to work. I have to deal face to face with customers, not just on a phone like you. And I go, Cameron.

I worked for 20 fucking years in a fucking supermarket. I've delivered flowers, I've worked face to face with all these people. Like Jana was a home healthcare fucking person, she wiped strange ass for a living. Don't tell us that we don't know how stressful a work day is. But then he just like keeps pretending and saying over and over again how stressful his life is and that we don't know nothing. And

Chris O'Neil (36:53.994)
delivered flowers I've worked face to face with all these people like Jana was a home health care fucking person she wipes strange ass for a living don't tell us that we don't know how stressful a work day is but then he just like keeps pretending and saying over and over again how stressful his life is and that we don't know nothing

Pete (37:16.549)
We do, and he doesn't want to listen to anything that we're trying to say to help and ease it up, you know? And it's like, this is my big conundrum now with the car.

Chris O'Neil (37:17.39)
and he doesn't want to listen to anything that we're trying to say to help and ease it up, you know? And it's like, like this is my big conundrum now. With the car.

Pete (37:30.905)
I'm giving him my car. Now, when I was a teenager, I had to buy my own car. I had a fucking $600 piece of shit that I had to register and insure myself. I had to pay for all of it. There was no help. I didn't really have a good value of money when I was younger. Looking back and seeing things, I know that I was terrible with that sort of stuff. I wish that

Chris O'Neil (37:35.086)
teenager that i had to and

Chris O'Neil (37:59.729)
value things were done differently

Pete (38:00.905)
things were done differently and I was handled differently as a kid and a teenager. But the way that things ended up working out was it was like...

Pete (38:13.505)
I would be told that I had to do things, but then they would always look for an easier way for me to succeed. You know what I mean? Like, my parents, my family, you know, they would always be some sort of like, way around it. More or less, like, oh well, we'll help you out with this, or you know, if you do it this way it'll be easier. Instead of like, for a car. They should have been...

Chris O'Neil (38:19.899)
They meaning who?

Okay.

Chris O'Neil (38:27.506)
like trying to find a shortcut or something or what do you mean?

Chris O'Neil (38:41.05)
Hmm.

Pete (38:43.177)
teaching me the responsibility of money. Like I had a fucking job as a paper boy when I was like six, delivering the fucking Boston Globe around my neighborhood, like six or seven. I did the Salem News. I had money, but I was blowing it like an idiot. I saved and I bought myself my first BMX bike. That was a big thing. But I think my parents ended up helping me out. Like I didn't achieve the goal solely. Do you know what I'm saying?

Chris O'Neil (38:56.428)
yeah

like an idiot. I saved and I bought myself my first BMX bike. That was a big thing. But I think my parents ended up helping me out. I didn't need to.

Chris O'Neil (39:12.306)
Do you think that was a bad thing?

Pete (39:15.393)
I do. I really do. I don't think... I honestly think by always getting some sort of shortcut in the end that it did some sort of detriment to me in the long...

Because if you look at how things go for me, I mean, granted the way that my family life has gone with Naomi and all that shit and the split and then having to do the kid thing, you know, on my own and figuring that out. That honestly was the biggest fucking godsend that I could have ever asked for. Because up until that point, money and responsibility and budgeting wasn't a thing. I didn't understand it. I.

Chris O'Neil (39:41.272)
okay yeah no i t

Chris O'Neil (39:54.786)
didn't understand it I'd always say that I did and I can figure it out I'll figure it out but I never really I don't think I ever fully fucking grasp it yeah I'm 45 now and my mother still has an account for me that I put money into so I don't spend my rent okay

Pete (39:57.157)
I'd always say that I did and oh I can figure it out. I'll figure it out, but I never really I don't think I ever fully fucking grasped it. I'm 45 now and my mother still has an account for me that I put money into so I don't spend my rent money.

by what they did when I was younger, they did me no fucking favors because all it showed me was that I can struggle long enough and eventually there'll be a fucking shortcut and a way out. Instead of, you know, you have to work, you have to do this. You have to set it up, like, because there are not always shortcuts in life. And I think I would have been better suited to if they had, you know, when I got my first job, they sat me down. They talked about

Chris O'Neil (40:15.682)
what they did when I was younger they did me no fucking favors because all it showed me was that I can struggle long enough and eventually there'll be a fucking shortcut and a way out. Okay.

Chris O'Neil (40:31.298)
set it up like because there are not always shortcuts in life. And I think I would have been better suited to if they had, you know, when I got my first job, they sat me down. They talked about budgeting and stuff, you know, or even like, you've seen days of thunder, right? Yeah.

Pete (40:45.149)
budgeting and stuff, you know, or even like you've seen days of thunder, right?

Okay, so you know how Robert Duvall and Tom Cruise's character were at odds about driving and the way that he goes through tires. I honestly think that would have been the way that my parents should have showed me. And I think now it's something I probably should have shown Cameron and I'm going to probably try to implement it now. But where he goes, you run 50 fucking laps your way and we'll do 50 my way and we'll see who has the better tire. You know, like that.

Chris O'Neil (40:59.751)
and the way that he goes through tires. Right, right, right. I honestly think that would have been the way that my parents should have been.

Chris O'Neil (41:13.038)
where he goes, you run 50 fucking laps your way and we'll do 50 my way and we'll see who has the better tire. Oh yeah, yeah. You know, like that. I honestly think that should have been a way that I did it. All right, here is two months, you do it your way. Two months and I'll show you, you know, because I've learned now that I've saved and I've worked and I've done things that I...

Pete (41:22.909)
I honestly think that should have been a way that I did it. All right. Here is two months. You do it your way and then two months and I'll show you, you know, because I've learned now that I've, that I've saved and I've worked and I've, and I've done things that I, I can see the benefit of it. And I think that I would have benefited greater younger because maybe

Chris O'Neil (41:42.126)
see the benefit of it. And I think that I would have benefited greater younger. Because maybe if I had a more important idea about money and the way that things work, I would have been better set up when everything fell apart. Oh, yeah. And I can go back and be like, hindsight is 20-20. Of course.

Pete (41:49.945)
If I had a more important idea about money and the way that things work, I would have been better set up when everything fell apart.

Pete (42:02.809)
I mean, I know I can go back and be like, hindsight is 2020, but...

I don't think that any of that stuff that my parents did with shortcuts, even teachers, pushing me through, did no service to me. It might have made shit worse.

Chris O'Neil (42:23.519)
Yeah, and I see where you're coming from with that, and I'm not saying it should have or it would have worked for you one way or another, because, again, everybody's different. It's just like... I've said this story many times, like, my dad, when I was 26, I had... You all right?

Pete (42:44.185)
Yeah, strawberry aside, what done the wrong pipe?

Chris O'Neil (42:48.022)
Oh, jeez. All right. When I was 26, I had a conversation with my dad about a bunch of money that I had and was, you know, when I first moved out here and I was telling him how, you know, I was going really fast and I was trying to figure it out. And and then he said some version of like, how did you spend all that money already? And I was like, why? How should I have?

You know, it was basically like, I don't know. I don't know what to do. And he's like, well, I just thought you'd figure it out like I did. I was like, OK, fair enough. But why didn't you tell me what you knew?

Pete (43:19.925)
Mm.

Chris O'Neil (43:27.978)
and then allow me to use that information to then figure it out my way as opposed to telling me nothing and expecting me to just learn like it's like throwing someone who can't swim into the deep end of a pool and expecting them to just learn how to swim like yeah that might happen occasionally but that's not going to happen with everybody a lot of people are going to drown and then the assumption is oh well they were just weak or they should have known better it was like fuck you man not everybody learns the same way you know

Pete (43:33.575)
Yeah.

Pete (43:48.638)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (43:58.07)
My my I agree with you to a point with regard to just mindlessly assuming that everyone can pick something up if you just hey, I'm going to help you out until you figure it out for yourself and then you should be good. Yeah, but some people won't and they'll always want your help. And then other people don't know that they need to figure it out themselves. And then they get sucked into doing it. And then they can't do it on their own. You know, like so.

The only thing I wanted to adjust from me that you were saying was I don't think there's only those two. And that's just me, especially as a parent now. No, I don't think it's ever black and white. No, no, no. Yeah, and I get it. And knowing how my son is just like me, I think that it would be...

Pete (44:32.506)
Mm.

No, I don't think it's ever black and white, but I'm just speaking from me and I, and knowing how my son is just like me, I think that it would be something that would be beneficial for him. I definitely think that Robert Duvall method from days of thunder would be the way I would go.

Chris O'Neil (44:46.779)
I agree.

Chris O'Neil (44:50.842)
I think that's a really good idea because it allows, because so much of our experience as adults, to children is, hey, learn from my experience. And they're like, fuck your experience. You don't know what you're talking about. I know what I'm doing. And then so much later, they're like, oh yeah, now I get it now. But that's all of us. Like I did shit like that when I was younger too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pete (45:11.801)
Oh yeah, and I remember my father saying that to me too. One day, y'all will think.

Chris O'Neil (45:18.75)
Right, but then, and I think the difference though is, number one, doing it that way because it's like, hey, I'm gonna show you my experience and then you can show me your experience. I'm not saying you can't, but let's see which one will do better or let's take the best of both and make a new one and then benefit from that. You know, and the other part for me would have been, cause I had a similar situation to you where my dad's way of showing love was,

Pete (45:30.298)
Mm.

Pete (45:38.407)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (45:48.31)
financial support. You know, we never got super deep or, you know, I've had really good conversations with them, but they only go so deep, you know, emotionally. It's, it's, hey, how can I support you? And, and he was amazing at that. And I was eternally grateful for it, but there was a whole bunch that I didn't get that I really would have wanted. And part of that was, hey, I'm going to help you out here.

but I'm gonna explain why, I'm gonna explain how, and I'm gonna explain what you would have needed to do if I didn't help you. So the next time this comes up, then okay, now you take more of the reins, I'll be back here, I'm still here, but now it's more you. And then incrementally, letting me do more and more on my own. Like that is what I would have needed, given how I know myself now.

Pete (46:34.813)
Hmm.

Pete (46:42.317)
Yeah. I think too, a lot of us need to stop and think. And when it gets to the teenage type years, we need to think that our kids are nothing more than a shitty reflection of us. Like they're that, like, you know that wanted poster that you get from like Knott's Berry Farms. And it's just that, um, that, well, I, you know what I mean? That, but that tin foil reflection.

Chris O'Neil (47:04.818)
Yeah, that grainy like black and white yeah, yes, yes Yeah

Pete (47:11.497)
It's like kind of warped and distorted. That's basically your kids are a little bit like you. They're like a little bit warped and distorted, but they, they still have like a lot of the same underlying things. Like they're going to struggle the same way. Like you probably had the same thoughts about money that your dad did when he was your age or that age, but he just went and did it on himself.

Chris O'Neil (47:36.609)
Maybe? I mean, as far as I know what you're saying, like how he said, I just figured it out. Well, yeah, and that's the thing. My mother admitted that she learned about money from my dad. She didn't know anything until she got married, and then she had to ask my dad, how does this all work? Because she was a woman in the 50s. She didn't...

Pete (47:40.766)
or at least your mother, you know. Yeah, like the more.

Chris O'Neil (47:59.402)
She wasn't told how this shit worked, because you didn't tell women that stuff back then.

Pete (48:05.465)
Yeah. See, yeah. And it's just, like I said, I think I was done a disservice by letting me struggle for a little bit and then basically handing it. You know, that I don't think did any good. And I don't think doing that for him is going to do him any good. Like right now. So I'm giving him the car. You know, that's basically, he can have it free, you know. But now there's the cost of insurance. Like he's a new driver. So my mom is given a scenario, which is...

Chris O'Neil (48:24.631)
Yeah.

Pete (48:35.533)
lovely because I don't remember her ever helping me. So it's funny how the shoe is now different. Same smelly shoe just fits a little bit different. Yeah. So she found a way that he can save like two grand if I put the car in my name and register it and insure it in my name, but have like Cameron has to sign a formal thing that he'll be listed on my... Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (48:40.654)
Of course, because she's a grandparent now.

Chris O'Neil (48:59.122)
as like a secondary driver or something.

Pete (49:03.261)
He'll be listed on my policy, but he won't ever drive the VW and he'll only be a secondary driver on the Honda, and that'll save him money. And I'm like, I'm on the fence about doing that. I'm not gonna lie.

Chris O'Neil (49:03.295)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (49:16.458)
No, and I get that too. Because, yeah, it's the shortcut mentality of how can we cheat the system to get something in advantage for us while hoping nothing bad happens so we don't have to backpedal at that unlikely scenario, right?

Pete (49:19.961)
Um

for several reasons.

Pete (49:36.085)
Right. So, you know, my mom's theory behind it is, you know, that if we do it, the car's in my name, he fucks up, I can take it away. But again, I don't want to be that parent. He fucks up, like he fucks up. I don't think that, you know, oh, I'm going to sell the car out from underneath you. I don't think that's like fair. And it's like just another thing to fucking hold over his head, which I shouldn't. I shouldn't have to do that. Um, you know, but that's where the other part.

Chris O'Neil (49:38.242)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (49:48.343)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (49:53.854)
Yeah, okay.

Chris O'Neil (49:59.09)
Yes, so what it sounds like you're talking about is natural consequences.

Pete (50:05.709)
Yeah, but the other thing too is like I with that me doing that for him I would have that stipulation of that app So I could see you know check every now and again to see if he was speeding or something stupid You know because I mean it's my policy. He fucks up my insurance rate goes up

Chris O'Neil (50:22.606)
Okay.

Oh, if that were the case. Oh yeah, all right. No, and I don't think that's a bad thing. Because you're giving him more, so you're taking more too. Yeah.

Pete (50:28.769)
And I go into that, right? Like, I have never been in a fucking accident, Chris. I have worked my dick off to get like low insurance rates. I pay next to nothing because I'm such a good fucking driver. Knock on wood.

Chris O'Neil (50:41.31)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chris O'Neil (50:45.474)
Dude, that right there is 100% okay in my book because you're putting yourself out, you're not just supporting him, you're using yourself to prop him up in that situation and if he fucks up, it fucks you up. That's not like, hey, I'll be here to support you when you fuck up. It's like, no, I'm fucked up now because you fucked up. So if this is something you're getting, you're giving a whole lot more.

Pete (51:03.562)
Mm-hmm.

Exactly.

Chris O'Neil (51:15.414)
to me as well. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Pete (51:17.288)
Mm-hmm.

The other aspect of that too that I want to go into is I already have a thing with his phone. He pays 50 bucks a month. His phone line access is like a hundred. Fifty bucks is all I ask out of him for a month. Getting that $50 is like getting blood from a fucking stone. It is the worst experience of my life. So I don't want to deal with hunting him down. My mother was like, oh, he can pay monthly. I said, no, he pays it all up front.

Chris O'Neil (51:27.99)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (51:39.646)
it is the worst experience of my life. So I don't wanna deal with hunting him down. My mother was like, oh, he can pay monthly. I said, no, he pays it all up front. He waits, he gets his tax return. I get the full amount. That way it's covered for the year. The other thing I was thinking was having him come up with two months, I mean two years worth of pay. For the phone? One goes in.

Pete (51:47.985)
He waits, he gets his tax return, I get the full amount. That way it's covered for the year. The other thing I was thinking was having him come up with two months, I mean two years worth of pay. One goes in, no, not for the phone, but for the car insurance. So one goes in to pay for the car insurance, the other one stays in a savings account.

Chris O'Neil (52:13.148)
Okay, yeah Yeah

Pete (52:14.041)
And he has to put money in, but that money is also there in case anything were to happen to the car. So he can replenish it. But, again, I don't know if that's something that I also want to undertake. You know? I don't want to have to balance his books along with my own. Because I already suck at mine.

Chris O'Neil (52:28.654)
Yeah, I get that too. And I think. Yeah, yeah, no, I get that. And I think the important thing is that no matter no matter what he chooses to do because this is this is something that I'm already doing with Charlie. And she's five. So it's something that I really want to.

be consistent with all the way up through teenage years. So hopefully it's an established pattern that she's very familiar with. Is just this whole exchange thing, right? If you want to do this, or if I ask you to do this, and you're just like, no, and you blow me off.

Pete (53:17.801)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (53:18.71)
I want to set it up so that you're still not able to get all this benefit. So like, uh, you know, something simple, like she throws a tantrum about not being able to watch something. I don't have to take it away from her. If it's like, it's not working, Charlie. There's nothing I can do about it.

I can't fix it because it's not something we can fix from where we are. It's a software issue. You have no idea what that is, but it just acknowledging the times where something outside your control.

Pete (53:43.11)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (54:00.914)
is something that you have to deal with, right? I can't make you deal with it in the sense of like, I can't force that situation on you. But if that situation shows up, you have to deal with it. I can help, but that's your situation to deal with. So like, if it's, oh, fine, you're not gonna, you're not gonna pay me money for the phone, then I'm not paying the bill.

Pete (54:06.076)
Right.

Pete (54:29.325)
Oh, I actually, I go into the app and I shut his line off until I get the money.

Chris O'Neil (54:29.538)
That.

Chris O'Neil (54:34.238)
Oh, there you go. There you go. And that would be, even though you're doing it. I shouldn't have to do it. No, you shouldn't have to, but that's the reality of, if you don't pay your bill, your phone gets shut off. So you're just doing that manually, even though a natural consequence of that would happen anyway, but you have to do it that way because he's on your account, right?

Pete (54:36.965)
It sucks, but I shouldn't have to do it.

Chris O'Neil (54:55.166)
Yeah, so I think that is a perfectly good natural consequence.

Pete (54:56.817)
And that's all going to change. I'm thinking I'm going to cut him loose on that when he turns 18. I'm just.

Chris O'Neil (55:02.174)
Hey, and that's the thing, like, I would appreciate, you know, I would hope that by the time my kids get to that age, they're willing to, to like actually negotiate with me regardless of what they want, but who knows? But like, hey, I will do this, or this is what's gonna happen at this age. I'm still here to help, but it's not in my name anymore because it's yours and this is what responsibility is.

I'm always gonna, I'm never gonna let you splatter on the pavement. I will always be there to catch you. But I'm also not gonna hold you anymore. You know, like that type of thing. I want to incrementally get there so that it...

Well, yeah, just like what I was saying. The assumption is that they're gonna handle much more of whatever issue they're having. And I'm not gonna swoop in, but I will be there for support. And I think that was a big thing for me and my father as well, because he would often swoop in.

Pete (56:01.673)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (56:17.726)
which I'm grateful for, but as you said, it didn't help me in my adult life when I didn't have anyone to swoop in.

Pete (56:19.696)
Makes sense.

Pete (56:23.335)
Yeah.

Yeah, so I'm at that kind of, that weird, what's the word, like crossroad, where I have to offer that independence and let him fall and fail, you know? And it's like, it's funny, because I have to justify it with myself too, because like, in my head, it's tough. And...

Chris O'Neil (56:26.914)
losing my mic here.

Chris O'Neil (56:34.466)
Yeah.

Pete (56:51.293)
then I have outside sources too, also making it conflicting. My mother will be like, well, just, you know. And then I'll get mad, or I'll say something. Then I end up using, oh, I'm not going to do that. And then I'm on the fence about it, because someone else is like, well, you know, it wouldn't be so hard, so bad to help him out. But the other side of it too is like, he knows that he has responsibilities. He'd.

Chris O'Neil (56:55.316)
Mmm.

Pete (57:21.133)
He knows that I know he knows about that and going to work and having that responsibility and he understands that but he just doesn't seem to understand the fact that there are responsibilities at home that also need to be taken care of and you know there needs to be respect for other people in the house too you know you live here you have to treat people

Chris O'Neil (57:28.654)
he understands that yeah

Pete (57:43.353)
You know, you have to share, you know, yell and scream at your father and shit. You know, there's a certain level of. Couth and he just, he lacks a lot of it. And he gets me mad and to the point where I, I yell, I scream at him. You know, the mornings are rough when he doesn't want to wake up and everyone's like, oh, that's a normal teenager. Does a normal teenager though, get up in your face and like bump up against your chest and call you a fucking asshole and all this other shit, because that's what I deal with in the morning.

Chris O'Neil (58:05.634)
face and bump up against your chest and call you a fucking asshole and all this other shit. That's what I deal with. Every morning?

Pete (58:13.869)
You know, I'm a fucking prick. You don't understand how fucking- Dude, every morning that he doesn't wake up on his own accord, which is most, I get that kind of treatment. Just leave me alone, Peter! I fucking hate that, too. Yep. Oh, man. Drives me... Oh, I know. And, you know, the thing is, is I know that... Respect is earned, and I've done my fucking damnedest to earn respect from that kid. And I-

Chris O'Neil (58:25.154)
Just because you woke him up. Oh, and he calls you Peter. And, oh, and I'm sure he knows you hate it, which is why he does it, right?

Pete (58:43.245)
I deserve a little bit more than I get. I actually deserve probably a lot more than I get from him. And I said this the other day to my mother and to my girlfriend that I never in a million years thought that the autistic kid that I have would be easier to fucking raise than the atypical son that I have. I never in a million years. It's bonkers. You know, like Zachary, good morning daddy. You know?

Chris O'Neil (58:51.95)
I'm sure you do.

Chris O'Neil (59:02.117)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (59:05.962)
Yeah, that's something to be said.

Pete (59:12.973)
He'll listen to me yell at Cameron and he'll go, get up, Cam, get up. And then if he sees that Cameron's left his bed, he'll yell out, good job. He's just.

Chris O'Neil (59:21.973)
You know, there's, there's the type of encouragement that you need, right? Son of a bitch. Yeah, man.

Pete (59:26.957)
Yep. It's crazy. I would have never thought that.

Chris O'Neil (59:31.094)
Well, and what do you think, like, just to kind of wrap it up, because we're obviously getting to the end, but you were talking about, in wanting to talk about this, said that you're really doing your best to let go of as much as you can, recognize that for better or worse, he is at the age he is, he's moving into adulthood, and you have to start parenting differently. So.

Pete (59:37.03)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (59:59.234)
How are you trying to do that in general?

Pete (01:00:06.201)
Well, I don't harass him so much about like, you know, when he goes out and stuff. I try to keep it respectful and say, you know, I'd like you to be home at a certain time for, you know, on school nights so you're up and awake. You know, friends, you know, don't have friends over too late. But, I mean...

As far as anything else goes, you know, it's fine. I don't expect him to be home. I know that he's almost 18. I know at that age, I didn't want to be home and pestered by my family. You know, I try to give him as much freedom and, and respect him as, you know, as an adult and making his own decisions, but at the same time, I need to make sure that the responsibilities that he needs to complete throughout a day need to be done.

Chris O'Neil (01:00:38.946)
Hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:00:56.835)
Sure.

Pete (01:00:57.217)
So, you know, with in that respect, it's.

Pete (01:01:03.405)
It's now it's like, well, I don't it's not necessarily mine anymore. Like his absences from school. Um, I can kind of, I guess, let go at this point at 18. He's already at the point now where they're probably going to have him go to court and talk to somebody in the juvenile court about his absences. I don't have to go though. I don't have to go. And I'm not going to make it.

Because he's already had me go one time for him when he was younger. And he hated it, and he said, I'm never gonna do this shit again. And here we are.

Chris O'Neil (01:01:27.898)
already had me go one time for him when he was younger and he hated it and he said I'm never gonna do this shit again and here we are. What he just doesn't go to school?

Pete (01:01:37.625)
You know, so letting go in that respect. Dude, those 16 absences, Chris, because I've given up fighting and getting fucking yelled at, and then when he does wake up, he doesn't leave. And then my mother's like, is he gone to school? And I'm like, I don't know, because I'm working. I have fucking responsibilities too. Like I don't, and that's the thing too, is if he doesn't get up or if he gets up late and then doesn't go to school, I don't call and mark it as an excused absence. Because it's not, there's no fucking excuse.

Chris O'Neil (01:01:54.094)
I have fucking responsibilities too. Like, I don't, and that's the thing too, if he doesn't get out of court, if he gets up late and then doesn't go to school, I don't call and mark it as an excused absence because it's not. Right. I'm no fucking excuser. Yeah, no, that's, and they're right there, once again, a natural consequence. You're not gonna go, then I'm not gonna make excuses for you, and then you're gonna have to deal with the consequences. So yeah. And I hate to say it, man, like, but that's what you were talking about.

Pete (01:02:18.969)
Exactly.

Chris O'Neil (01:02:22.622)
You can only support, you gotta find that balance, right? You can only support so much, especially now, before you have to let the consequences fall on him, which is obviously what it sounds like you're doing, which is obviously you answering the question of what you're doing differently, is letting more of those consequences fall on him, because if he's gonna bitch and complain to you about it, fine, then you deal with the results, I won't.

Pete (01:02:48.772)
Right.

Chris O'Neil (01:02:49.956)
Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (01:02:53.202)
And there's the version of tough love that I can actually respond to and appreciate. I'm not a huge fan of tough love in general, with regard to like every day all the time. And I know people that parent that way. And it's one thing to just, there's a difference between, again, authoritative parenting or conscious parenting versus authoritarian parenting where you just.

Pete (01:02:54.835)
But yeah.

Pete (01:03:03.702)
Mm.

Chris O'Neil (01:03:20.794)
slamming them or on the other end of the spectrum, permissive parenting where you don't give a fuck and you're just letting them do whatever the fuck they want. But as you're saying, you are at that crossroads where. Doing that is actually not permissive. It's.

Chris O'Neil (01:03:42.81)
You're forcing the lessons because they're not willing to learn them. So you're basically, it's like when someone says, how do you learn about gravity? You don't have to learn about gravity because gravity will teach you, you know, that aspect of it. You just let the experience teach them.

Pete (01:03:57.217)
Yeah. You know, it's funny. It's funny, too, is like a lot of things and I know we're running late and I got to go pick up Janna. Um, a lot of the things that I've learned that I really like life lessons have been shit that I have picked up in movies, man. And it's so fucking bonkers that I'm learning things like from fucking Michael Caine and Batman, dude, why do we fall so we can get the fuck back up? You know, like. What the hell?

Chris O'Neil (01:04:11.342)
that I have picked up in movies, man. Yeah, yeah. And it's so fucking bonkers that I'm learning things like, like from fucking Michael Caine in Batman, dude. Why do we fall? So we can get the fuck back up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we can learn to pick ourselves up again, yeah. What the hell?

Pete (01:04:27.589)
Yeah, it's just it's like one of those things and then like that Robert Duvall analogy that I made from fucking days of thunder I don't see why I can't do that and I think i'm gonna But I don't think i'm gonna cower on that. I think i'm gonna make him raise the full money for it Because I think he needs to understand like an appreciation for money, you know, I mean he had

Chris O'Neil (01:04:38.774)
I think that's a great strategy.

Pete (01:04:49.241)
Been saving and doing shit and was doing well, but then all of a sudden He comes home with a leather Patriots jacket And he doesn't even like football He has Lego sets that he goes out and buys used CDs and thing and it's like He has more sneakers than fucking Sarah Jessica Parker's character did in the Sex and the City for christ's sakes it's like You know, you got to curb it

Chris O'Neil (01:05:03.405)
Yeah.

than fucking Sarah Jessica Parker's character did in Sex and the City. Shit, yeah. Well, dude, and there it is. Once again, natural consequences. Yeah, and if...

Pete (01:05:17.411)
The other thing too.

Chris O'Neil (01:05:20.086)
Good.

Pete (01:05:20.889)
He works at a grocery store and not a very cheap grocery store, mind you, and he'll bring home food. Now we go grocery shopping every week. We have wasted food on him because we've made it left it out thinking he was going to eat it and he doesn't. You know, like he'll call and he'll ask and we'll tell him and he'll say he's looking forward to it. We make him a plate, put it in the microwave, let him know. Doesn't touch it. And it's like, and now he's spending money foolishly at the place that he works, which, you know, is like a.

Chris O'Neil (01:05:42.55)
Yeah.

Pete (01:05:50.717)
Kind of like a boutique grocery store things are a little bit higher price. It's a smaller type Type thing so things are at a premium cost and he's wasting his money on that I'm glad that you're going and buying yourself steak tips. He came home with lamb tips the other day You know, it's like but think about it like you've got your license coming you got your car, you know You're gonna need gas And again, it's like these things that I wish that

Chris O'Neil (01:05:57.066)
Okay. Yeah. Right.

Chris O'Neil (01:06:13.086)
Yeah.

Pete (01:06:17.617)
were shown and explained and sat down and talked to me about. And like I said, I'm going to go over. My mom's going to get the insurance paperwork so she can see, so he can see the difference and all that. But I don't think I'm going to offer that because I don't want to deal with that emotional blackmail with a car and.

Chris O'Neil (01:06:34.986)
Well, yeah, and let's be honest. Yeah, fuck that shit. And I will throw this out there with and for you as well. It would be one thing. And this is situational also, right? It would be one thing if, because we all do shitty stuff as teenagers and fuck up and all that. But if he was doing his best to be on point, if he was still doing.

teenager shit, but he was at least being more respectful and like trying to do things to, you know, it's like, hey, man, I see how hard you're working. I'm going to help you out because I know that you're good for it because you're going to put in the effort. That's a very different situation than, hey, you're just acting privileged and entitled and you're expecting me to give you more and that's not happening. So

Pete (01:07:09.249)
Mm-mm.

Pete (01:07:27.381)
Mm-hmm. Exactly.

Chris O'Neil (01:07:28.442)
So that part of it, I completely disagree with your mother on, because if he doesn't understand it now, doing that will not help him understand it. So, and it's obvious that regardless of where this came from, what influence growing up he's here now, as you said, he can only learn from here. So how are those lessons going to be implemented? And, you know, again, you just...

I always appreciate when people say, oh, well, when kids get into the real world, and I know what they mean, but technically it's like, well, where are they now? They're in the real world. Like, what you're actually saying is, when we stop doing things for them, but you don't have to wait until they're 18, you can slowly do that throughout their life. Like, that kills me, right? I've taken care of you for 20 years, and now go and do it yourself. Wait, what?

Pete (01:08:04.061)
Mm-hmm.

Pete (01:08:09.525)
Mm.

Pete (01:08:21.05)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:08:27.458)
How do I do that? I don't know, just figure it out.

Pete (01:08:27.641)
Yep. I started early with cooking.

Chris O'Neil (01:08:32.902)
Oh yeah, there you go. Yeah, like teaching them life skills along the way as opposed to waiting until they're like, all right, and then booting them out of the nest and then wondering why they don't figure it out, you know? So yeah, I think you're in that prime position to really, and it's twofold because you're saying, okay, I am giving you more responsibility, this thing that you have wanted.

Pete (01:08:34.284)
You know, it was like, you can make your own toast, you can do your own, it's no big deal.

Pete (01:08:48.123)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:08:59.798)
this entire time, all of your bitching, all of your swearing, all of the stuff you're throwing in my face, here, enjoy it, do what you can with it. And then when you come back saying this is really hard, I'll say no shit.

Pete (01:09:17.178)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:09:19.376)
and

Pete (01:09:19.753)
That's what I've been trying to tell you for 17, 18 years.

Chris O'Neil (01:09:22.094)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, but that's the thing is like, I mean, for my part, I would still, I would still be there for support, but then it's a different conversation. It's like, okay, I'm not gonna let you go out on the street, but if you want all these things, you have to pay for all these things. I'll help you here and here or however, but I'm not paying for this so you can go and buy leather jackets and sneakers. That's not how it works.

Pete (01:09:35.375)
Oh yeah.

Pete (01:09:44.144)
Mm-hmm.

Chris O'Neil (01:09:50.674)
So yeah, I'm totally with you on all that. And I think the Dick Trickle example is, what was it? Cole Trickle, that's what it was. Dick Trickle was the congressman, yeah. Dick Trickle is an actual racer. Oh no, Dick Trickle is the racer. Dick Trickle is the racer and Dick Sweatt is the congressman, that's what it was.

Pete (01:09:52.06)
Yeah.

Pete (01:09:59.325)
Coltrickle actually. Dick Trickle's an actual, Dick Trickle's an actual racer.

No, I-

Pete (01:10:14.385)
Yeah, but Cole Trickle was Tom Cruise's character in Days of Thunder.

Chris O'Neil (01:10:17.798)
That's what it was, coal, yeah.

Yeah.

Pete (01:10:21.489)
And that was our first introduction. Well, my first introduction to a young Michael Rooker who. I never would have thought it would be. Yeah. He played the opposing guy and.

Chris O'Neil (01:10:28.034)
Oh really? Yeah. Well that's the thing. I yeah yeah. Now I remember now but I didn't see Days of Thunder until I was already an adult. I didn't watch that when it came out. So.

Pete (01:10:41.725)
Yeah, yeah, you had restrictions. Sorry.

Chris O'Neil (01:10:44.426)
Well, anyway, before we go, fellas, let us know in the Facebook group if you are a father of teenagers and how you have dealt with this time in their lives. If you're there, that transition of letting go, they're becoming more of an adult, whether they're grateful for everything you've given them or they're throwing it back in your face, how are you handling that transition? And throw out some questions too. We'll answer them at the...

Pete (01:11:09.273)
On that same respect?

Chris O'Neil (01:11:13.479)
on the next recording.

Pete (01:11:16.342)
I want fathers of adult children that went through it and how they came out in the end. Some stories that, yeah, I mean sure it's one thing to hear from dads that are in the same spot that I am in the fucking trenches with the shit, but I would love to hear from fucking success stories where the dads came out with a full head of hair and no heart condition.

Chris O'Neil (01:11:21.062)
Oh, there you go. Some stories that, yeah, I mean, sure, it's one thing to hear from, you know, dads that are in the same spot that I am in the fucking trenches with the shit, but I would love to hear from... From the veterans that, yeah, that's a good call. ..the full head of hair and... Yeah.

Chris O'Neil (01:11:39.874)
There you go. So throw that up on the Facebook page, or leave some comments, wherever you want to do, and we'll keep talking about it.

Pete (01:11:42.982)
But I gotta...

Pete (01:11:50.737)
Definitely. I would definitely like to have more, more topics about it. And if you want to be a guest and you're a dad, a dad of teenagers, or you're on the brink of it, let us know. Messages at Facebook, send a message on Tik TOK, whatever you gotta do. We'll love to have you as a guest. We love talking to different dads, new dads all over the place.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:07.918)
to the number two dad's unfiltered at gmail.com. Yes, and just quickly, our last episode of the year will be next week. It'll be our Christmas episode where we'll be discussing some of our traditions, memories, and favorite Christmas movies and all that type of stuff.

Pete (01:12:30.709)
Yeah, it'll be a good time and we'll be broadcasting or airing it on Christmas Eve. How sweet.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:37.006)
Christmas Eve so you can listen to it while you're watching the oh no never mind it's New Year's Eve the three stooges marathon they still even do that on New Year's Eve

Pete (01:12:46.825)
I don't know. That was like on WSBK on TV 38 and I don't even know if that's still around.

Chris O'Neil (01:12:49.566)
Yeah, well, that's the thing, because I haven't actually watched it since, because I haven't had regular TV or cable in years. I've only ever had streaming platforms. So, yep. Yep. All right, then. All right, guys. Go and get your Christmas show.

Pete (01:13:00.261)
Right? That's where I'm at.

Who knows? All right, guys. Go and get your Christmas shopping done, wrapping, all that shit. And we'll talk to you next week.

Chris O'Neil (01:13:10.906)
Yeah. Enjoy your time off if you're getting some. And we'll talk to you next week.

Pete (01:13:18.809)
And enjoy getting some if you're getting some. So there's that. Ha ha ha.

Chris O'Neil (01:13:20.576)
Yeah, that too!