In this episode, Pete and Chris discuss their experiences with New Year's resolutions and share stories of dad wounds. They emphasize the importance of setting realistic goals, spending quality time with family, prioritizing personal health and wellness, learning new skills, and managing finances and work-life balance. They also highlight the significance of setting realistic expectations, prioritizing self-care, building a supportive network, practicing effective time management, and embracing continual learning. The conversation covers topics such as embracing a growth mindset, introducing new segments to the podcast, starting a movie review segment, building a community, and making 2024 a year of growth.
Takeaways
Tick Tok @dadsunfiltered
Facebook Dads Unfiltered
Email 2dadsunfiltered@gmail.com
YouTube https://youtube.com/@DadsUnfiltered
Chris's emotion coaching
Tick Tok @dadding_daily
Instagram @chrisoneilcoach
YouTube @crisoneil
In this episode, Pete and Chris discuss their experiences with New Year's resolutions and share stories of dad wounds. They emphasize the importance of setting realistic goals, spending quality time with family, prioritizing personal health and wellness, learning new skills, and managing finances and work-life balance. They also highlight the significance of setting realistic expectations, prioritizing self-care, building a supportive network, practicing effective time management, and embracing continual learning. The conversation covers topics such as embracing a growth mindset, introducing new segments to the podcast, starting a movie review segment, building a community, and making 2024 a year of growth.
Takeaways
Tick Tok @dadsunfiltered
Facebook Dads Unfiltered
Email 2dadsunfiltered@gmail.com
YouTube https://youtube.com/@DadsUnfiltered
Chris's emotion coaching
Tick Tok @dadding_daily
Instagram @chrisoneilcoach
YouTube @crisoneil
Pete (00:00.921)
Hey fellas, a new year, a new episode. It is 2024 and we're still dads unfiltered. It's season two, episode 28. I'm Pete and with me across all space and time is Chris.
Chris O'Neil (00:04.718)
Happy New Year! Yeah! We are!
Chris O'Neil (00:18.934)
That's me, Pete, and literally across space and time because I'm in Los Angeles and I experienced New Year's Eve three hours after you did. How about that?
Pete (00:30.661)
Well, I'm ahead of you three hours, so the year isn't looking so fucking great so far, buddy. So, just remember that. Yeah, no, my new year got off to an auspicious start, but we're not gonna dwell on that. I'm looking on what we're talking about here. Getting off to a fresh start, new beginnings, gonna have a good time. How about you? How was your new years?
Chris O'Neil (00:37.259)
Oh shit, no.
Chris O'Neil (00:54.89)
Well, I started off the year with some new hopes, some dashed dreams, and some dad wounds, to be honest.
Pete (01:05.565)
Dad wounds? What, did you get a paper cut? Huh? You little bitch.
Chris O'Neil (01:08.302)
No, no, actually, I had a legit moment. And all good, no, nothing horrible with the children. They are safe, they were caught. No, my baby daughter, I was watching on the monitor and she had just woken up from a nap and she started to roll.
close to the edge of the bed. So I was like, da! And like, I was, my other daughter, we just got her a loft bed. And there's like this much space between the bed and the ceiling at this point. And I'm six foot, 250. I am not a small human being. And it took me like 10 full seconds to get out of the bed. And then I bolted at full speed into my room. And thankfully, like...
To my detriment, I injured myself with no major reason because my wife had already gotten in there and she got her, it was fine. But I didn't know that. And I came bombing into the room, trying to make sure that she was okay. And as I tried to make the turn around the edge of the bed, I had socks on and I slipped on the hardwood floor.
and I just slammed my leg into this, like, you know those yoga balls? And they have the inserts into these, basically it's a yoga ball chair where you could sit at a desk with it. But the bottom part of the...
Pete (02:45.299)
Yeah, it looks like a potty for a kid without the fucking, without the ball in it, right? It looks like a big adult porta-potty. Yeah.
Chris O'Neil (02:50.434)
Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, like a big hole in the center. Yeah. But the bottom part of the chair is only like six inches. Yeah, exactly. It's like a doughnut that you sit on. Yeah. But the bottom part of the chair is only about six inches from the ground. And my foot slid under that and just my shin slammed directly into it. And I basically just like filleted because I was I was running at full tilt and
Pete (02:56.982)
That's my chair for my hemorrhoids.
Chris O'Neil (03:18.294)
250 pounds going like 12 miles an hour. I just slammed into it and I had the biggest frigging welt on my leg. It was one of those like, you know, I didn't even know at first how bad it was. You just slam into something and you have that like.
Pete (03:19.186)
Hmm.
Chris O'Neil (03:37.794)
moment of trying to distract yourself from the pain just You like fucking humming and shit and like I did that for a solid five minutes until I actually looked at it and then holy shit and For the for those of you at home
Pete (03:48.262)
Mm-hmm.
Pete (03:51.889)
Hmm. Yeah, it reminds me of that time that I... Yeah? What were you gonna say? Oh.
Chris O'Neil (03:57.43)
Hmm. Oh, I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you. You want to see this shit? For those of you at home that want to see. Oh, there's a dad wound right there, fellas. Not like it was warranted because my daughter was fine. But I took one for the team.
Pete (04:22.381)
Yeah, that story reminds me of that time that I mopped and glowed my linoleum fluid by accident and then woke up to take a leak and slipped and fell. And I, uh... And I cut up my leg and my toe pretty bad. Yeah. And, uh... Although...
Chris O'Neil (04:30.292)
Oh shit, that's right. You told me about that a while ago
Oh, what is your... but you did it and then you forgot about it, right?
Pete (04:42.521)
Well, I had hurt myself, but I didn't like the pain There was so much more embarrassment in the moment Of that I forgot that I Know no I didn't know that mop and glow was wax and I didn't know that you shouldn't use that on certain things And so I like did all the cleaning I was really tired and then I went to bed
Chris O'Neil (04:46.622)
no many you'd you mop and load your floor than you forgot you had done it that's what i mean right
Chris O'Neil (05:02.498)
That'll do. Ha ha ha.
Pete (05:07.173)
And it was a cold night that night and I had to go to the bathroom. And I kept waiting and waiting and waiting until I couldn't wait no more. And then I ran to the bathroom and slipped on the freshly waxed floor that shouldn't have been waxed, slipped, fell. And then all the weight of me crashing down caused me to turn into a gigantic fountain.
Chris O'Neil (05:09.546)
Yep.
Chris O'Neil (05:22.12)
Ah, shit.
Pete (05:31.229)
So I didn't have to pee. But all the damage that I did to my body when I fell, my voice just cracked like fuckin' Peter Brady. When I fell, I fucked up my leg and my toe and I didn't even know, and my elbow. The next morning I woke up and my sheets were covered in blood and I'm like, what the fuck? And it was like that.
Chris O'Neil (05:37.71)
Yeah, it did. Pork chops and apple sauce.
Chris O'Neil (05:47.199)
Oh yeah. Yeah.
Chris O'Neil (05:54.043)
Oh dude, that's the worst when you don't know. Yeah.
Pete (05:57.925)
It was almost like that scene from The Godfather, except there was no fucking horse head. But... Yeah, exactly. But anyway...
Chris O'Neil (06:02.529)
Oh
Yeah, it's some heavy shit.
Pete (06:10.201)
So we're gonna, yeah, I was, I still am some heavy shit. So we're gonna dive into the topic of the week. New Year's resolutions, Chris. We all make them, we all suck at keeping them.
Chris O'Neil (06:13.651)
Yeah. Ooh.
Chris O'Neil (06:19.598)
Absolutely. We do. Did you know, Pete?
that the tradition of New Year's Eve resolutions actually dates back to ancient Babylon. Because they would make promises to their gods about the start of each year, like resolving to return borrowed objects, to pay off their debts, things like that. Interesting, right?
Pete (06:33.689)
No shit.
Pete (06:46.809)
You know, you say gods, it is interesting. You say gods and all I can think of is that committee of Kryptonians, those hologram images, that's what they are. They're just holograms of old people sending someone to the... What the fuck was that? The... What did... Vanu's Zone, that's what it was. But I get a wonder.
Chris O'Neil (06:49.451)
Mm.
Chris O'Neil (06:56.486)
Yeah. Haha, yeah, that's right. Guilty.
Chris O'Neil (07:04.262)
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure the Phantom Zone, man.
Pete (07:14.305)
Do you think that they actually stuck to their resolutions? You know? Does ancient Babylonians like... you think they have more resolve than we do? I bet you they do.
Chris O'Neil (07:24.542)
Well, you know, and I do wonder about that because you would assume that making a promise to a god would have more weight to it than just like making a promise to yourself or to your spouse or something. But studies actually show what.
Pete (07:34.479)
Right.
Pete (07:37.937)
Dude, I saw what happened to the Ghostbusters when they said they weren't gods. That bitch blew them off the roof.
Chris O'Neil (07:42.978)
Fuckin' A. When someone asks you if you are God, you say, yes! Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Well, and not surprisingly, all the studies talk about 80%, 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February. I mean, that doesn't mean we can't beat the odds though, right? Because...
Pete (07:50.984)
Hehehehe
Pete (08:06.791)
Hehehe
Chris O'Neil (08:12.294)
It's not about just making arbitrary resolutions. Sometimes we gotta like really focus on what we actually need and set some realistic goals for ourselves. So fellas, dads, we can do that, right? I think we can.
Pete (08:32.389)
Yeah. So it's been a tradition for thousands of years and as a society, as a race, we can only, well not as a race, but as a, I don't know, as humans, we can only, we only have a 20% follow through. Like that, I mean, it seems to fucking track the way the world is going.
Chris O'Neil (08:42.24)
Mm-hmm.
Chris O'Neil (08:48.062)
As people? Sure.
Chris O'Neil (08:54.718)
Since ancient Babylon, we only have a 20% follow through? Seriously? Ha ha ha.
Pete (08:59.629)
Only 20%. That's like, if you're looking at it, you just said that 80% of resolutions fail. So by that number, 20% must succeed, right? Although, I'm sure it's probably less than 20% because I'm sure there's like a good portion of that 20 that just says fuck it and doesn't bother. So the success rate is really low, I think.
Chris O'Neil (09:06.942)
Oh, oh, okay. Yeah. No, yeah No, that's it. That's it acknowledged. Yeah
Chris O'Neil (09:19.218)
I thought you meant like since then we've only gone up 20% in that entire time. But you meant in general, like 20% compared to the 80%. I got you, I got you.
Pete (09:26.709)
Oh no. No, I mean, during... Yeah, yeah, dude, I mean, thousands of years that we've been doing this and only 80%, I mean, 80% of them fail. So there's that 20% margin. But I'm willing to bet it's probably like 5% actually succeed and then the other 15 are like, fuck you, I'm not doing this. Because that seems to be human nature.
Chris O'Neil (09:50.102)
Well, dude, honestly, man, like I, I think society is getting worse. And like, like violent crime, abject poverty, lack of personal safety have never been lower. That is true. But like suicides are up massively. Depression is rampant. And the community that needs to exist for childcare is practically non-existent. So
Pete (10:05.475)
Nah.
Chris O'Neil (10:18.31)
I hate to say it, but I feel like it's like, this is so much better, but this is... It's just, it's switching back and forth of what we're doing and not doing. But...
What can we do about it? What do you think we can do? I think. Cheers. No, I think seriously though, we just need to set some reasonable, realistic goals that we can move towards reasonably. I said reasonably or reasonable, a bull multiple times, but that's okay.
Pete (10:35.345)
We can drink.
Chris O'Neil (10:59.21)
because it's not about doing this grandiose stuff. It's about actually looking at her life and saying, hey, what can I realistically do? And to my and my family's benefit moving forward. And I think we can do that for this new year.
Pete (11:17.153)
Absolutely man, I fucking agree with that and coincidentally as if this has been planned I have a list of five things That you could consider working toward in the new year You would think that we thought this shit out no fuck this is seat of the pants
Chris O'Neil (11:22.51)
Hahahaha
Chris O'Neil (11:28.758)
Not like we didn't plan this.
Chris O'Neil (11:37.486)
Oh God
Pete (11:40.481)
The first thing, I mean, let's be honest, it's quality time with your family. You know, dedicate specific moments each week for family time. It could be anything like a game night. Oh, man, I remember we had some epic game nights as a family back in the day. Movie nights. Those are good, especially if you don't want to talk to your family because everyone has to just sit in silence in the dark. Or, you know, even.
Chris O'Neil (11:45.374)
Absolutely.
Chris O'Neil (11:56.855)
Yeah.
Chris O'Neil (12:03.941)
Well, hey, not for nothing, but you can fluctuate between those two. If you're having a big like, I don't want to talk to anybody. Well, do a movie night. Oh, I'm OK to talk to people. Then do a game night. There you go.
Pete (12:15.853)
Yep, you could even do a family outing. I mean, it doesn't have to be anything like grandiose, you know, not to go to like fucking Disney World or Disneyland or anything like that, but you could go and have a picnic. You could go to, do a hike. None of these things I would do, but you could. Definitely, I'm not gonna hike. But you definitely wanna do things that'll help strengthen your family bonds, you know?
Chris O'Neil (12:40.46)
Yeah.
Pete (12:41.209)
You can do model building. That's always a frustrating task that is wonderful to share frustrations with people.
Chris O'Neil (12:46.142)
Well, I think the point of it is it it's not about what you're doing. It's about why you're doing it. Right. So the goal of spending time, spending purposeful, active time with your family. And I know for a fact, like especially with kids, right. Kids just want you to play with them. That's it. So.
Pete (12:54.298)
Yep, exactly.
Pete (13:10.087)
Yeah.
Chris O'Neil (13:11.742)
It doesn't matter what else you do, the thing they'll remember is, were you there? And I think, as you're saying, it's really the most important thing.
Pete (13:19.577)
Yeah.
Pete (13:23.277)
And I definitely want to emphasize on the fact that it does not have to be like this grand gesture. It doesn't have to be a trip to like the most expensive theme park or anything like that. They're going to remember the fact that you were there and that you did things with them. You know, they might they might remember where it was. Hey, remember that time you brought me to that seedy motel, dad? You remember that we ate Taco Bell and we fought it so bad that we had to open the window and sleep at the windows open. Remember that? That was a trip to D.C. that I had.
Chris O'Neil (13:43.096)
Hahaha
Chris O'Neil (13:48.663)
Yeah, that was oddly specific beat
Pete (13:52.609)
It's because I had that experience. We had Taco Bell. It was the first time ever. It was me, my cousin, my dad, and my brother. We were in this seedy motel in DC, and we had to sleep with the windows open because someone had incredibly terrible gas. I'm not naming names. It wasn't me. It was, I think, my father. But it was something that I remember.
Chris O'Neil (14:08.338)
uh... that's amazing no and i will say i'll throw this out as well and i think this is super important even if it's just for ten minutes fellas put the phone away don't be looking at your phone while you're spending time with your kids slash family
that matters, like just being distracted a little bit. And shit, man, set a timer on your phone if it helps. Because that is huge. And I'm really trying to work on that myself to where when I'm spending time with my daughter, I'm spending time with my daughter, not half on my phone, half with my daughter. That's important too.
Pete (14:43.918)
Mm-hmm.
Pete (14:57.497)
Hmm. Yep. Next on the list would be your own personal health and wellness. Make some small changes. Nothing big because big changes often don't stick. The more that you do little things, you know, whether it be like I got an example for myself where I've been working on my weight loss. I've actually said this phrase out loud and I never thought that I would.
Chris O'Neil (15:10.21)
Hmm?
Chris O'Neil (15:20.03)
Yeah, huge. And dude, you're kicking ass. It's fantastic.
Pete (15:27.165)
Well, thank you. But I said something out loud the other day that I never thought I would ever, ever fucking utter. And that was, this is too much bread. I love bread. I love bread so much that I never thought I would ever say that. And...
Chris O'Neil (15:34.237)
Okay.
Hahahaha
Chris O'Neil (15:47.491)
Yeah
Chris O'Neil (15:50.679)
Hey.
Pete (15:51.157)
Those words came out of my mouth and at that moment I literally knew that I turned a corner when I said that. Like there was something that had fucking changed.
Chris O'Neil (15:55.727)
Yeah. I'm laughing.
But that is amazingly awesome. Seriously, like, in the context of everything, it's funny because, of course, why would you ever say such a thing? But that's the point. The fact that you said it is a huge milestone. That's fantastic.
Pete (16:19.773)
Yeah, I mean, and like I said, I mean, it's all been baby steps for the weight loss because I know in years past that I've tried to do monumental things and fucking failed.
Chris O'Neil (16:30.146)
Yeah.
Pete (16:30.293)
So, you know, it just, you gotta work at it slowly. And, you know, you can do the more exercise or adopting a healthier diet. One of the easiest things that you can do is make sure that you make and keep your doctors and dentist appointments, all that sort of stuff. Make sure.
that you were being looked after, that you're cared for. That was something that I, again, drawing from personal experience, I fucking hate the doctor. I've never liked him, not necessarily the one that I'm seeing, he's actually a good guy. Just the whole experience, the needles, everything. I've never, but I'm slowly getting past that.
Chris O'Neil (17:04.778)
Right, right, doctors in general, yeah.
Pete (17:15.873)
It's a pain, but I want to be there for my kids, even though one of them isn't talking to me.
Chris O'Neil (17:16.35)
Why ya-
Chris O'Neil (17:21.258)
No, yeah, and I hate to say it, but fellas, like, I mean, I know you guys listening are all a number of different ages, but we are we are those midlife guys who, you know, it's, it's never been more important to keep those appointments and to make sure that you're on top of your health. And, and again, like, like you're saying, dude, it doesn't have to be this huge thing. It's just making sure that you're
Pete (17:40.485)
Yeah.
Pete (17:49.431)
Mm.
Chris O'Neil (17:50.686)
checking yourself out and because no one knows what's gonna happen man we all want to be there for our kids and for our partner and you know we want to make sure around for ourselves man I don't want to go too early.
Pete (18:04.273)
Yeah. I get the big one coming up that I gotta go and uh, I gotta have a colonoscopy. I gotta schedule it and it has been one of the things that I've been like, fucking dragging my feet big time. And the nurse was even like, well they're scheduling out six months in advance, you better call now and get in line. I'm like, this is not the kind of thing that I wanna get in line for. Like, eugh.
Chris O'Neil (18:10.143)
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Chris O'Neil (18:19.249)
I'm sure yeah
Chris O'Neil (18:27.059)
Oh yeah.
No, no
Pete (18:33.125)
But again, I know it's something that is important and by the end of the year, I will have booked that, maybe. Maybe. Uh.
Chris O'Neil (18:40.798)
And just quickly, the big thing there with the health and wellness, there are so many people that view this as black and white, right? If I'm not going to the gym an hour a day, five days a week, then I might as well not do anything. Go fuck yourself. Like seriously, like just do a little bit, do a little bit more than you're doing. No, I meant, I meant go fuck yourself. Like the people saying that thing, not you.
Pete (19:00.755)
Go fuck yourself, but continue to listen to our podcast.
Pete (19:10.933)
Yeah, no, I know. I know, I know.
Chris O'Neil (19:11.914)
It's, it's the don't get caught up in this need to do it all. Because good God, man, we are doing so much as dads anyway. And it's that much harder to work on yourself. But maintaining your health and wellness for yourself, for your family is so important. And it starts with just little steps. So find something little that you can do.
Pete (19:28.666)
Mm-hmm.
Chris O'Neil (19:39.53)
you say people you know starting with keeping appointments getting yourself checked out that is huge so don't feel like you know you're failing where you can't do anything if you're not doing it all
Pete (19:44.991)
Mm.
Pete (19:53.709)
Yep. Yeah, I mean, if you're not overly active, I mean, just making sure that you do things throughout the day. Just walk up and down your fucking driveway if you work from home. You know, get up. If you're at the office, get up and just walk. Yeah. Just walk to wherever they keep the coffee or whatever. Yeah.
Chris O'Neil (20:04.166)
Dude, honestly, walking.
Walking is good exercise. Like 20, 30 minutes of walking a day is good exercise. That's enough. You can always do more, but start there.
Pete (20:22.749)
Yep. Next on my list is learning a new skill. So you can challenge yourself to learn a new skill or a hobby. It could be anything. You could learn how to play an instrument, learn how to cook. Actually, instead of just learning how to cook, because most people know how to cook, otherwise I don't think you'd be here listening because you'd be fucking dead. So maybe you could try like a different cuisine.
Chris O'Neil (20:28.334)
This is a good one. Yeah.
Pete (20:46.697)
You can learn, like, oh, I'm gonna learn how to make sushi, or I'm gonna learn how to do... I'm gonna make pasta primavera, or whatever the fuck. You know, maybe, and I'm not suggesting this to all of you, but woodworking. And I don't want any of you motherfuckers messaging on this thing saying, I lost a finger because you said to try woodworking. I don't know any of you, and I don't trust any of you with sharp shit.
Chris O'Neil (20:55.729)
Yeah, yeah.
Chris O'Neil (21:08.413)
Yeah, that's your own damn fault, man. Get a fucking get a table saw guard or something. Yeah. No, and this is huge, too. It's like, because I have to tell you, as a father and especially a stay at home dad, there's so much about fatherhood and taking care of your family and all of that, that just feels so obligatory. And
Regardless of your desire to do it, there is so much outside of that, that feels so impossible to do, right? It's like, well, I can't do those things that I want to do because I have to do those things I have to do. But you can only live that way for so long. Like there you have to purposely prioritize things that aren't necessary.
Pete (21:49.934)
Mm.
Chris O'Neil (21:59.798)
Because otherwise, why are you living? Like, it's no way to live, right? So, and everyone has a little bit of time. You know, and I know it's hard sometimes, but.
Pete (22:12.239)
Yeah.
Chris O'Neil (22:15.778)
So much of what we're focused on as men and fathers is the end result, right? Well, I have to do this so I can get that thing. I have to do this so I can have that experience or my kids can have this or my wife can have this or whatever it happens to be. And there doesn't seem to be a lot left over for enjoying the experience for the experience, the journey, not the destination, that type of thing. And being able to take some time.
that you have to choose. You have to choose because I certainly, you know, when I was working a regular job, I had the job to get me up and going in the morning, right? And now...
I'm a stay at home dad. I've been an entrepreneur. Like I've had to run my own business and there's no boss or anybody there telling me what I need to do. So I have to step up and figure out what I need to get done of my own accord. So the fact that I just don't have somebody else there saying, Hey, let's get these things done. It all falls on me to do that stuff. So.
It's very easy to get caught up in the what you have to do and not make extra time for the things that you maybe want to do. Learning a new skill. As I said, the journey for the what?
give me eyeballs.
Pete (23:46.937)
Nothing, you just, yeah, because you totally dipped into the second thing, or the next thing on the list, inadvertently. The work life, yeah. So you're not gonna say anything the next one, you fucker. Anyway, go on. Ha ha ha.
Chris O'Neil (23:57.566)
Oh yeah, I might have done that.
Pete (24:10.493)
This is why we don't share lists. You get ahead, you son of a bitch.
Chris O'Neil (24:13.326)
Ah, fuck it. No, so the whole purpose is basically doing something for the joy of doing it instead of for the end result. Learning a new skill. Yeah, I mean, not saying that's easy, but jump on Duolingo and learn some Spanish, come on.
Pete (24:22.629)
Learn a new language.
Chris O'Neil (24:35.714)
Duolingo.
Pete (24:36.113)
So I'm gonna, Duolingo, yes. I tried using that to learn Gaelic. You know how impossible that language is? Fucking impossible. So the next two things, I'm gonna kind of flip-flop and roll together because I really think that they both belong in the same breath. The first one is financial planning. I really think that that...
Chris O'Neil (24:44.169)
It's a hard language, yeah.
Chris O'Neil (24:57.164)
Okay.
Pete (25:05.589)
is a huge thing. And I know our friend Brad from Debt Free Dad would agree. And I know why he would agree, because it totally makes sense. If you take a look at your finances, you set realistic financial goals, you create a budget, and you work towards saving for the future and getting yourself out of debt. And then that will bring you to the next thing on our list, which is a...
Chris O'Neil (25:11.338)
Be rad!
Pete (25:29.829)
Balance of your work in life. So you have the time to make those skills to learn those skills To make and keep those appointments and to have that quality time with your family They all these things in this list really kind of fucking tie together Yeah, sure. We separated them into separate categories, but they all They all play into the same grand scheme of it all and that's making Things better for you and your family. My fingers keep coming up on the screen
Chris O'Neil (25:32.194)
Yeah, good point.
Chris O'Neil (25:45.034)
Yeah, for sure.
Chris O'Neil (25:57.79)
No, no, and you're totally right by the way. I jumped the gun and I went to the next thing on the list But yeah, I'll get to that when you finish
Pete (26:04.485)
No, it's quite all right. But yeah, I think that once you have gone and you sat down and you discussed the financial planning, and honestly, I wanna throw a little bit into that, is if your kids are old enough to understand the concept of it.
maybe while you're there making a budget, they should kind of be in and listening and seeing. So they understand because I know that for me, that was a huge deficit because money wasn't like ever taught or explained at home. So it was all a mystery. And I wish that had been something that was more openly discussed.
Chris O'Neil (26:41.503)
Yeah, me neither.
Chris O'Neil (26:52.104)
It's something I'm gonna be doing with my daughters as well, big time.
Pete (26:58.385)
But I think those would be the five things, truthfully, that would help everybody get their year going, you know? And even setting themselves up for better future years.
Chris O'Neil (27:10.07)
Well, and connecting back to the thing I jumped the gun with, I had always got my discipline from outside of myself. Other people, like I had mentioned, you know, getting to work. It was set by the job. Like, you have to be here at this time. It's like, OK, so I'm going to meet. I'm going to.
Create my actions based on what is expected of me not what I set for myself So moving into being an entrepreneur and a stay-at-home dad Like it's a very different Thing to own your own schedule to be your own
Chris O'Neil (27:55.026)
not only boss, but just the person who is setting what you're doing. Like you have to be the one to purposefully create, as you're saying, the work life balance, the like going back to the learning the new skill thing. It's so hard when you feel obligated to do certain things that you don't feel you have time to do things that you might enjoy, like learning a new skill. But you have to include those things.
in your life to have some measure of meaning in your life, some benefit, rather than just getting shit done that needs to get done and that's it. Because where's the joy? Where's the enjoyment? Where's the fulfillment, right? That has to come from somewhere. And especially if every other aspect of your life is kind of established by what you have to do in order to help your family.
Pete (28:33.058)
Mm-hmm.
Chris O'Neil (28:49.074)
You are the only one that can say, hey, listen, I need this for myself. And, you know, I'm still going to take care of all these other things, but I'm going to prioritize this as an experience, as something new, as something that's going to help. To get out of that rat race of just sticking to your obligations, and that's it, because that's no way to live and everyone gets miserable from that. So. It's important.
Pete (29:18.865)
So now that we've gone over my list, let's talk about some ways that we can maximize our potential in the new year. So we can make sure that those lists are being followed through in the most... What's a good word for that? I don't know. Most something. In my new year, I'll be looking at a thesaurus.
Chris O'Neil (29:39.016)
So, so it's not. Well, I think the biggest thing here is you can spot off all this stuff. And, you know, we're trying to do our best to give examples and things like that. But you can say, hey, you just need to do this. You're like, great. But how the fuck do I do that? Right. So this is more of a how do you maximize the potential of the year? And
actually put these things into practice. And I think that's just as important as setting the goals is figuring out how to implement them, you know. So the big and strangely enough, I have five, just like our previous list. How did we do that?
Pete (30:16.238)
Mm-hmm.
Pete (30:28.342)
We didn't talk before the whole thing, I swear to God. He just showed up wearing the same thing as me.
Chris O'Neil (30:30.054)
No, not at all. No, this is totally off the cuff. We've never practiced anything. Right? What the fuck? I just need my Savannah bananas hat. No, but seriously, fellas, like all of this stuff is possible. We just have to go about it the right way. So number one, how to maximize the potential in the new year, set realistic expectations.
Now this is huge because I talked about the black and white aspect of things before. Like if I'm not going to the gym five days a week for an hour a day, then I might as well not do anything. Well, you can't do everything black and white, especially when you have all these responsibilities as a father, as a family man, even just as a partner, if you, if you don't have any kids, but the real estate expectations are like, you gotta have big goals. Of course you gotta have those goals that scare you a little bit. So
that can force you out of your comfort zone. That's important, sure. But the everyday stuff that you're doing, that doesn't need to be that way because you just won't do it. The everyday stuff, you need to be honest with yourself about what you can realistically achieve, right? Setting those small goals.
that you know you can manage, that you know you can achieve, that you know you can set yourself up for success, and then give yourself that confidence, because hey, I set this goal and I did it, and I set this goal and I did it. I know I can get shit done. And the best way to do that is to break down whatever big thing you have into much smaller, more attainable goals. That is super important.
Number two. Oh, go ahead.
Pete (32:17.401)
Yeah, and if you guys need more on that, I suggest watching What About Bob, Baby Steps. That's it, I'm doing it, Dr. Marvin. I'm doing it, Dr. Marvin, I'm doing it. All right, go on to your number two. Ha ha ha.
Chris O'Neil (32:23.909)
That's right. Baby steps.
Chris O'Neil (32:34.21)
Doctor Leo Marvin. That's, if anyone listening has not seen What About Bob, please go and watch it right now. It's such a good movie. Okay, number two, prioritize self-care. Now, and obviously this ties back to little bits of trying something new, health and wellness from the previous list, but you need to take
Pete (32:47.493)
Finish the episode first.
Chris O'Neil (33:03.666)
your emotional and mental well-being seriously, because it affects everything. This is such a huge thing like talking about the emotional regulation stuff with the emotion coaching that I'm doing. Your ability to make sure that you are solid, so that you can give the best you can to your family and your partner, in general and yourself is super important. And I think
as men we have been conditioned to like toss that by the wayside to to, ah, well, I don't have time for that because I have to do this. Well, the problem is if you're not doing that other stuff, then the stuff that you're trying to do is not going to be as efficient, it's not going to be as beneficial. So again, little small goals, little things that you can do, whether it's meditation, exercise, taking a little time for yourself.
That's the thing, it could be five minutes. I know it's not a lot, but it's something. And prioritizing your own self-care so that you can be better for those that you care about is super important. You can only push yourself so far without doing that before you explode, before you have an episode, before you take it out on the people that you care about. Super, super important. And
Pete (34:30.917)
Hmm.
Chris O'Neil (34:33.226)
Honestly, fellas, like, you don't even have like, please share your interests on the Facebook page. I have so many tools with regard to meditation, or even just sitting quietly breathing exercises, things like that, that will help to ground you. It's super, super simple. And it does not take a lot of time, you just have to do it. Next is
networking and community. This is also big. And the big issue here is it's that American individualism, the lone wolf idea, right? We're told that we have to do it all ourselves, and no one's coming to save you and you know, all that bullshit. And yeah.
Chris O'Neil (35:25.97)
It's not like, oh, well, I'm just going to sit back and let somebody else do it. No, that's, that's not the same thing as needing help or acknowledging that you can't do everything on your own and something super important and super easy. Actually, you just, again, you just have to do it. Finding like-minded people that you can be in a group with. Facebook is good for this. There's meetups.
You just do a search for a like that you have something you're interested in. Find a group that has that thing and then that the group, if they're your people, stick around if they're not find a different one, but join dad's groups, online communities, local clubs, share your experiences, and then you can gain support and you, it's not going to be everybody, but you can definitely find a select group of other guys.
that are on your same page that you can lean on if you need to that'll be there to support and that you can support them. We have lost so much community, the mentality of community in this country that it is so important to get back to you. And that's a big aspect of getting this stuff going for yourself.
uh... number what yeah
Pete (36:44.554)
Hey, I know a social media group you guys could check out. Daz Unfiltered on fucking Facebook. You could check that out. We got a group. We got a community. Just saying. It's a good start. We can talk you through from there. Carry on with your list.
Chris O'Neil (36:50.422)
Hey, I know that group! That's a good fucking group, man.
We do.
Chris O'Neil (37:02.146)
Fucking amen. Carry on my wayward son. Number four. Why? You don't like that song? Oh, shit, I love that song.
Pete (37:08.237)
Don't ever sing that fucking song again.
Pete (37:14.089)
I hate that song. No. If I could get rid of Kansas as a state and a band I would.
Chris O'Neil (37:21.815)
Okay, well, we know where Pete stands. This one, as Pete will attest, is I don't want to say it's very close to my heart necessarily, but it's certainly very close to my rage. Time management.
I will admit fellas, I have had a problem with time management my entire life. And it is an ongoing journey. I am much better than I ever was. But I still have problems with it. And it's not something I'm afraid to admit. Because we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and that happens to be one of my weaknesses. But...
being able to develop effective time management skills, prioritizing your tasks, setting deadlines, making time for things that truly matter. We've already talked about a bunch of those, but the biggest thing is using tools, set up systems for yourself, whether it's an app, just a standard calendar, something. It doesn't have to be big. It's just...
something that helps you maintain your ability to show up for things that you want to show up for and putting some purposeful effort into that practice, which I am doing. And like I said, I am better for it. I just still have ways to go. So anyway, yeah, fuck you, you son of a bitch.
Pete (38:56.409)
No shit.
Chris O'Neil (39:01.458)
uh... love you buddy uh... of course you can't go in can't finish a conversation about that without sense and lastly this is huge and this i'd feel like this is more of a philosophy then it to do necessarily continual learning because
Pete (39:03.065)
Well, you knew I was gonna say something.
Pete (39:08.335)
Uh-uh.
Chris O'Neil (39:26.058)
It's a mindset, it's a philosophy, embracing the idea that you never know at all. And of course you're going to reach a point where you've learned enough that you can then teach. And I would assume that being a father, you're obviously teaching your children, but you're never stopping learning. And there's this idea that, oh, well, if I'm still learning that I'm not...
worthy of teaching or you know there's this less than mentality about it but that is life like if you finish learning everything what the fuck is the point like what what's the point of doing anything if you know everything right you're just going to sit there as a blob and not do anything so embrace the fact it doesn't make you less than to not know it all in fact it makes you that much better and stronger to acknowledge the fact that you don't know it all
and have that hunger, that curiosity to just constantly learn more. Staying curious, reading, attending workshops, investing in your personal growth and your financial growth, professional growth, all of that. Like being able to end and again, touching back on that journey, not the destination aspect of things. You're not going to finish every project you start.
but you learn something about yourself and you grow as a human being every time you do something like that. So letting go of that need for a certain result and looking at it as more of a...
Chris O'Neil (41:04.146)
a quantitative collective uh... cumulative that's what i was looking for a cumulative experience there is no wasted effort when trying to learn things because even if you don't learn at all use you're still better off than you were before so just keep that in mind
Pete (41:24.625)
Very true. So now we've given you guys some food for thought for at least this past 45 minutes. Hopefully it retains in the sticks and it carries through. Some other news. In 2024 we're going to start adding some different segments to Dad's Unfiltered. One of the first ones that we're going to do is the Dad's Unfiltered movie review. And
Chris O'Neil (41:37.611)
That'd be good.
Chris O'Neil (41:46.306)
We are.
Chris O'Neil (41:50.891)
Okay.
Pete (41:54.277)
Fucking A is right.
Chris O'Neil (41:58.454)
So with, yeah, give me a second.
Pete (41:58.493)
You're going to read what we have written down.
Pete (42:05.415)
Well, you paused. Dead air.
Chris O'Neil (42:07.318)
I did. I was in the middle of doing shit. Also, keep in mind, the pauses that seem extra long to you are not that long to me because of our goddamn delay that we still haven't figured out yet. Son of a bitch. It was like two seconds. And then it must have been like seven seconds to you. Anyway. So our goal. Yeah. And as always, it doesn't filter it. We don't edit.
Pete (42:11.111)
Was it a dramatic pause?
Pete (42:29.245)
two seconds too long.
Chris O'Neil (42:36.478)
Um, so our goal with this is to help find like not necessarily obscure, but not so mainstream movies that resonate with you guys that whether you need a good laugh, you want something thrilling or something family oriented. Because God knows like a la Pixar.
Right? You want you don't want to watch the same shit over and over again, that repetitive stuff that you can't stand. You want to find something you can actually watch as a family that is not only enjoyable for your kids, but you get a laugh from it as well. You get some fun, too. So we'll cover a variety of genres, different eras to do our best to keep things fresh and interesting. So there you go.
Pete (43:22.661)
Absolutely. So like Chris said, we're not going to limit ourselves to just the latest releases. We're gonna make sure that we dive into that vast ocean of movies. We want to make sure that no hidden gems have slipped past you. We want everyone to have a good time. We want to share some of the movies that maybe made our childhood a grand old time.
Chris O'Neil (43:45.495)
Mm-hmm.
Pete (43:47.401)
Maybe you can share them with your family. I don't know why you're only watching Pixar, dude. Don't you have Disney Plus? I mean, there is a vast fucking wealth of bullshit on there. You wanna traumatize the kids? Black Cauldron, oh yeah.
Chris O'Neil (43:54.222)
Oh yeah? No, I'm simply, I'm acknowledging the Pixar mentality. Yeah, that was one of my favorites growing up. No, I just mean Pixar in the sense of like, they have, yeah, totally. They have jokes for the parents that go over the kid's head, but it's not anything that would be horrible for the kids to know. They just, they don't get it yet because they're too young, you know.
Pete (44:05.177)
I'm still fucking traumatized by that.
Chris O'Neil (44:19.71)
It's like that type of stuff where you can enjoy watching something as an adult, not simply enjoying your kids watching something. That's all.
Pete (44:20.354)
Yeah, oh fuck yeah.
Pete (44:30.628)
Mm.
Chris O'Neil (44:31.39)
So, and that's the other point too, because we're building a community, or we're trying to anyway. And that's what we've been doing from the start with our Facebook page, with the podcast itself. We want a community of dads, not only who enjoy pop culture and movies, but who just wanna be a part of good conversation and personal growth and all the stuff that we've been talking about. That...
Pete (44:48.294)
Mm.
Chris O'Neil (45:01.042)
allows you to feel unencumbered to actually do that stuff. That you don't feel judged, that you just you're part of a group that encourages you to have fun in your life, to get shit done, to be there for your family, and also a place that you can let loose and talk about shit that bothers you and not be judged for it. Excuse me, all the while, enjoying some good movies, pop culture and good conversation. So
We'll kick off that with our first review.
Pete (45:33.581)
Yeah, so we're not just here to recommend where we wanna discuss, and like Chris said, we wanna hear from you. So our email, twodadsunfiltered at gmail.com. Facebook, dadsunfiltered. TikTok, dadsunfiltered. I think we're on that shitty Twitter bullshit X or whatever the fuck it is. I think that's dadsunfiltered again.
Chris O'Neil (45:53.526)
I know, I keep calling it Twitter, I just, I can't call it X.
Pete (45:57.973)
None of us, we don't really check it, so don't even bother. So email, TikTok, and Facebook. Those are the best ways to get in touch with us, for sure. We will be kicking off the review shortly. The first movie that we're gonna review, I felt was a good choice, is gonna be The Barbie Movie. I find that it's not your typical dad movie, you know? We could've reviewed Predator, we could've.
Chris O'Neil (46:06.154)
Yes, true, for sure.
Pete (46:24.729)
done something else, but no. I think the Barbie movie sets a standard for us. It makes us different than the rest.
Chris O'Neil (46:34.046)
Yeah, I would agree with that. Well, and that's the thing too, because immediately you just, well, Barbie movie, it just must be for girls, not even women, just young girls, but no, and there's, for those that haven't seen it, there's a lot of social commentary, there's an amazing amount of like really shit that makes you think about normal society life and.
Pete (46:57.765)
Have you watched it yet? Are you making this? Have you watched it? Have you watched it yet?
Chris O'Neil (47:03.126)
I haven't seen the whole thing. No.
Pete (47:07.269)
You started though? Proud of you. You started though?
Chris O'Neil (47:08.598)
Yeah. Thanks. Well, dude, we haven't started the review yet, so I haven't finished. And God knows, as most of the fellas listening certainly know, how often can you sit down and get through a whole fucking movie in one sitting? Because I certainly can't. So I got to watch most of my shit piecemeal, which is also another reason why I'm looking forward to the movie reviews, because we can actually finish a movie and then discuss it instead of piecemeal it like.
Pete (47:13.617)
Sorry.
Chris O'Neil (47:38.794)
like I'm in the current situation of because I do know it has social commentary about the current issues in the world or at least in our society specifically. But it's a lot deeper than it seems is the point. And I think it would it would be of benefit to discuss those deeper issues. So there we go.
Pete (47:57.167)
Yes.
Pete (48:03.933)
for sure.
Well guys, let's make 2024 a year of growth, connection, and success. Let's set these goals, maximize our potential, and let's make it a year to remember instead of, again, looking forward to just setting up the 2024 sucked ass like all the other years before memes that everyone seems to fucking post. Let's make it so we're not looking forward to doing that. Maybe we'll have some sort of success story instead of my year sucked
and that's really the best way to go about it.
Chris O'Neil (48:36.458)
No, and I really appreciate that too, because I've certainly fallen into, especially post-pandemic bullshit. You know, we just fall into the cynicism of it all. It was like, oh, last year sucked. This year, hopefully, is not going to suck so bad. Like, it's, and in all seriousness, coming from a negative perspective, right? It's like, no wonder everyone's goddamn depressed. We're talking about how not.
shitty the next year is going to be as opposed to how great it's going to be. We're using negative language. We're, you know, we're coming from the shit to hopefully better as opposed to being where we are and saying, hey, this is, you know, the silver linings aspect of things. Yeah, I had this shitty experience, but I also got this benefit. And as as.
simple as it sounds and maybe even as airy-fairy as it sounds to some of you guys, but it really is as simple as a mindset shift. And that's something that I know Pete and I are going to be working on for ourselves. And we'd really like to take you along that journey for yourself and your family to have a positive outlook on shitty situations and be able to not only view them differently, but take action.
in a reaction to them differently to then make your life, your living situation, your family situation that much better moving into the next year.
Pete (50:10.589)
Too true. All right, guys, we'll see you next week. You going to put down that drink and say bye?
Chris O'Neil (50:19.967)
Bye. Yeah, we got more to come and we're gonna be.