In this episode, Pete and Chris discuss therapy and the stigmas surrounding it. They share their personal experiences and explore the different types of therapy available. They emphasize the importance of breaking down the stigma and seeking help for mental health conditions, the need for individuals to find the right therapy that works for them, and to be open to the uncomfortable process of self-reflection and growth. They also highlight the benefits of somatic therapy and the importance of addressing both the mind and body in the healing process.
Book: The Body Keeps the Score
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Types of therapy
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/types-of-psychotherapy
Somatic therapy
https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-somatic-therapy-can-help-patients-suffering-from-psychological-trauma
Tick Tok @dadsunfiltered
Facebook Dads Unfiltered
Email 2dadsunfiltered@gmail.com
YouTube https://youtube.com/@DadsUnfiltered
Chris's emotion coaching
Tick Tok @dadding_daily
Instagram @chrisoneilcoach
YouTube @crisoneil
In this episode, Pete and Chris discuss therapy and the stigmas surrounding it. They share their personal experiences and explore the different types of therapy available. They emphasize the importance of breaking down the stigma and seeking help for mental health conditions, the need for individuals to find the right therapy that works for them, and to be open to the uncomfortable process of self-reflection and growth. They also highlight the benefits of somatic therapy and the importance of addressing both the mind and body in the healing process.
Book: The Body Keeps the Score
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Types of therapy
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/types-of-psychotherapy
Somatic therapy
https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-somatic-therapy-can-help-patients-suffering-from-psychological-trauma
Tick Tok @dadsunfiltered
Facebook Dads Unfiltered
Email 2dadsunfiltered@gmail.com
YouTube https://youtube.com/@DadsUnfiltered
Chris's emotion coaching
Tick Tok @dadding_daily
Instagram @chrisoneilcoach
YouTube @crisoneil
Pete (00:00.977)
Welcome back, my unfiltered friends, season three of Dad's Unfiltered. I'm Pete, and with me is, who the fuck are you? I don't remember you.
Chris (00:04.206)
Ayyyy
Pete (00:13.905)
Yeah, who are you?
Chris (00:15.054)
Uh, Chris? I've known you since I was 14 years old. We, uh... Yeah.
Pete (00:19.825)
Oh shit, it's been so long.
You look different. You're a little blurry. I couldn't recognize you. You look like you're in the witness protection program on this video. It's a good time.
Chris (00:28.813)
It's... that's because you're fucking drunk. It's not because I'm blurry. Calm it down.
Pete (00:34.288)
No, it's because for some reason it's all slow on your side. I'm like crystal clear and you're a pixelated mess.
Chris (00:39.213)
Yeah. Well.
It does say on my side 70 % uploading. It started at 100 and then it dropped down. And I have to say, because we're trying something new, well, let's finish the intro first. With You As Always is...
Pete (00:57.935)
Oh yeah, Chris. Well that's what I was doing. Who are you again? That was my thing. Like it's been so long? Oh, that was it. I couldn't recognize you because you were so pixelated. You look like somebody, an opponent on Mike Tyson's Punch Out. That's how bad the picture is right now. Like that Glass Joe. Glass Jaw Joe, whatever the fuck it was. My kid's been watching cut screen things of Tyson's Punch Out on YouTube lately, so all I can hear lately is the theme.
Chris (01:00.429)
I know, so get back to it.
Chris (01:12.493)
Mmm, that sucks.
Chris (01:17.837)
Joe, Glass Joe, Joe Glass.
Gotcha.
I am getting a reconnecting notice says the app is undergoing a reconnection process. Thank you for your patience. So with that, we are trying something new and yay, technology is always we're using the the Riverside app this time and not the website. So hopefully, this is gonna cut down on any kind of lag.
Pete (01:36.559)
Interesting.
Chris (01:54.763)
But we've already already had our first technical difficulty 30 seconds into the recording. So yeah, I guess we'll see
Pete (02:02.735)
Can you still hear me? That's all that matters.
Chris (02:04.107)
Yeah, yeah, can you still hear me?
Pete (02:07.246)
Alright, so then there we go. Yeah, we're good. So yeah, yeah. Technical difficulties, no big deal. We'll live through this, we always have. My whole life has been a technical difficulty. So... As you were. So yeah, we took like what, three weeks off, like a month? It seems like fucking forever. I mean, I accomplished so much in so little time. It might have been.
Chris (02:09.131)
Okay.
Chris (02:15.947)
Yeah, we'll get through it. Yes, we do.
A technical difficulty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Chris (02:31.626)
Feels like it was more than a month.
Pete (02:36.077)
I wasn't keeping track.
Chris (02:36.202)
Yeah. Yeah, it was more than a month. I wasn't keeping track.
Pete (02:41.677)
My vacation was so good that I wasn't. It was like maybe a month and a half, maybe. I don't know.
Chris (02:49.226)
I believe you. I believe you. I'm laughing at the fact that you didn't keep track. But yeah, talk about yours.
Pete (02:56.525)
I live my life like a French movie, Chris. And if you can guess where that line is from, I live my life like a French movie, Steve. That's the quote. And it randomly popped into my head. I have that problem. It's like I'll have random shit just. And it's a wicked obscure quote. It's not something that people would quote from the movie.
Chris (03:12.585)
Hmm.
Chris (03:21.833)
Okay.
Pete (03:25.293)
So yeah, and it just popped randomly into my head this morning while I was driving to get coffee.
Chris (03:30.122)
Yeah. Yeah, right.
Pete (03:31.693)
I live my life like a French movie, Steve.
Chris (03:35.721)
You gonna tell me?
Pete (03:37.261)
The movie is singles.
Chris (03:40.489)
Oh!
Pete (03:41.869)
When, yeah, the roommate is talking to Campbell Scott. Is that his name? Scott Campbell, something like that. Campbell Scott Glenn, Glenn Scott Campbell, something like that. He's talking about his watch that has memory. And he says he's going to fill it with numbers. And then he's like, I live my life like a French movie, Steve.
Chris (03:43.209)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chris (03:50.185)
Uh, yeah, yeah, I think it's Campbell Scott.
Glen, live it. Live it, live it, Scott. Get, Glen.
Chris (04:05.417)
Right. And it filled with numbers and he's not going to call a single one of them anyway. Yeah. Yeah. OK. I I now very much know what you're talking about. It's funny. I I know so much about that movie, but I I just didn't remember that line anyway.
Pete (04:16.941)
Yeah, so I...
Pete (04:23.309)
I lived where they filmed a lot of that shit.
Chris (04:26.6)
Oh, in Seattle, yeah.
Pete (04:28.173)
I walked by that fucking apartment complex. I was like, not far from it. So, yeah.
Chris (04:35.336)
Yeah, I think that's that is the cool thing about living in LA is being so like, I know where that is. I know where that is. I know where that is. Like so many movies. It's like, oh, yeah, I drove on that street yesterday. You know what I mean? So it's it's kind of cool. Yeah, speaking of well, before I get to that, that is my favorite thing about singles is the fact that Soundgarden, Alice in Chains and Pearl Jam are all.
Pete (04:48.717)
Yeah.
Chris (05:04.263)
young bands in that movie. It's fantastic.
Pete (05:09.933)
Yeah. Well, yeah. Because Cameron Crowe. Well, wait. First, you asked what I did on my vacation.
Chris (05:11.879)
Speaking of movies, what? Yeah, camera girl, I know.
Chris (05:20.007)
Oh, well tell me. You didn't answer before.
Pete (05:21.513)
You asked and I never responded because I said I lived my life like a French movie. No, I know I was dicking around. I did a lot of nothing door dashed a lot on Friday nights, which was lucrative. Then I went on a road trip, which was like crazy. Stupid drove from Boston down to Durham, North Carolina to see the Savannah bananas. So.
Chris (05:25.767)
Uh, yeah. See, they're, they're...
Chris (05:32.743)
Segways, segways. Aha!
Chris (05:48.486)
Mm -hmm.
Pete (05:51.048)
I thought that it would be an easy drive, Boston to Durham. Can do that in a day. I mean, we did.
Chris (05:57.606)
No?
Okay.
Pete (06:01.416)
But we didn't get in until like 2 in the morning. Like, so that was pretty shitty. We left at 7 because we had to put the kids, we had to send the kids off to school and then we hit the road. Like we made arrangements so the kids were all taken care of. We didn't just like leave them, like put them on a bus, wave and be like, see you in the afternoon. And they only come back to a note on the door. Yeah, no, no, that wasn't...
Chris (06:07.974)
Okay, so what time did you leave?
Chris (06:23.461)
Okay. Have a good day at school. We'll see you in a couple of days. Yeah.
Pete (06:30.344)
Though that would have been a great idea, but that's not what we did. So yeah, we left it like.
Chris (06:33.349)
Well, better that than the woman who went to Puerto Rico and left her 10 -month -old in a crib or in a playpen for 10 days. You hear about that shit?
Pete (06:44.456)
No, I haven't, but there's a lady in Boston that they were talking about that left her sick kid with the sibling that wasn't much older and the kid died while she was at her boyfriend's house in like another town. Yeah. So we all get our fucked up shit all over. Apparently parenting is difficult. I don't know. My kid survived and I'm surprised, amazed at that.
Chris (07:08.9)
Hahaha
Mmm.
Pete (07:13.64)
Uh, so yeah, we went down to Durham. We went and saw the bananas. Um, checked out filming locations cause that's like the kind of thing that I'm into, uh, of the original, um, Durham bull stadium where they filmed bull Durham. Um, and that was, that was really cool. Uh, the ballpark, uh, I have to say was, was really sweet. Uh, for a minor league park, I haven't been in many. I've only been in.
Chris (07:14.276)
Pray continue, sir.
Chris (07:22.884)
Right.
Chris (07:28.516)
Well, they're on me up.
Pete (07:41.768)
This will be my third minor league ballpark. And comparatively speaking, it is a lot nicer than I really anticipated it being. Brand new Steets. The whole stadium was like brand new. That sign that they have where you hit the bull, hit the bull, win a steak. And then there's another sign that if you hit the grass that the bull is standing on, you win a salad. They have a big video screen and it's situated in their downtown area.
Chris (07:44.164)
Okay.
Chris (07:51.94)
Okay.
Chris (08:04.354)
the
Pete (08:11.208)
And I gotta say, for all of the ballparks that I have been to, this one has the most fucking parking I have ever seen. There were three parking garages specifically for the ballpark.
Chris (08:18.69)
Really?
Pete (08:25.318)
Um, yeah, it's pretty neat. Uh, and, and alongside of it, uh, it was the, uh, the old lucky strike tobacco company. Uh, the old smoke sack was still there and it said lucky strike. Uh, and that was pretty cool. We stopped on the way back. We drove back in one day. Um, so we, we, we drove, we got in on Saturday night, a Saturday morning, uh, slept a few hours and then went and looked around for some shit. And then.
Chris (08:33.698)
Yeah.
Chris (08:37.506)
That's cool.
Pete (08:54.341)
Went to the game, well met my girlfriend's friend Had a great lunch, um, I gotta say It was really inexpensive, for three people it was only like 60, 70 bucks And like three people up here Is like a million dollars Comparatively speaking Like, not really a million, but it's It's a fuck ton more It's just, and I don't know what the factors that play into it maybe because You know, um
Chris (09:05.058)
Okay.
Chris (09:10.21)
It's amazing how you can afford that. Obviously, yeah. Yeah.
Pete (09:23.172)
Jane's son is gluten allergy. Well, he's gaseleic. So that plays into it because you get to pay more to remove something. I don't know why that is, but whatever. So yeah, it was a nice. I tried Carolina pulled pork. So I got to try a local delicacy. That was nice. It was very pepper forward, but it was good.
Chris (09:33.282)
Right.
Chris (09:45.922)
There you go.
Chris (09:51.104)
Like bell pepper forward or salt and pepper.
Pete (09:51.364)
On the way back, we left, uh, no, like, like, yeah, black pepper forward. It was not, it wasn't bad, but you could just, you definitely got more of a bite of a cracked pepper.
Chris (09:57.889)
Oh, okay.
Chris (10:06.688)
Okay.
Pete (10:08.996)
And it wasn't very strong on smoke either, but it was good. It really wasn't terrible So we left the next day my intent on the way back Was this fucking insanity of a route like for some reason when it comes to planning a road trip I turn into fucking Clark Griswold man. I am like trying to fit the most amount of shit
Chris (10:32.352)
Hahaha!
Chris (10:36.607)
Yeah.
Pete (10:36.836)
In on the drive, right? I want to see fucking everything So on the way back my goal was to drive basically across the state of North Carolina from Durham To Kill Devil Hill, which is where the Wright brothers first took flight
Chris (10:51.647)
Okay. So you're basically like me when I come back to the East Coast to visit, I just try to jam everything in to my own detriment. So that's what you did.
Pete (10:59.364)
Yeah, Chris you you and you're like I can spend five minutes with each friend and that's accounting travel time So if you're lucky and you don't blink you'll see me Like okay, whatever So there was to do that and then to head straight up and go over the some bridge tunnel the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel After much debate and how long it took to get down?
And that was just straight driving, not seeing and dicking around with shit. Um, we, I opted to just drive back pretty much the same way. So we stopped and we saw the Appomattox courthouse, which is where, um, the civil war ended. That's where they signed, you know, uh, what's his face surrendered. We have this tradition that we see where battles or wars end before we see where they begin.
Chris (11:27.454)
Hmm.
Chris (11:30.974)
Okay.
Chris (11:45.63)
Oh, okay.
Chris (11:51.261)
That's his face.
Pete (11:58.02)
So I saw actually where the civil, uh, where the Revolutionary War ended before I ever saw where it began. And a little secret, and you know this, Chris, I live in the fucking state where it began. And I had never been up until a couple of months ago. When I wanted to go, I wanted to get bagels. Right. Well, I wanted to go get bagels from a specific place. And I was like, well, fuck it's right by where the first shot was fired.
Chris (11:58.237)
Interesting.
Chris (12:03.293)
Mm -hmm.
Chris (12:11.613)
Yes.
Well, yeah, it's like you don't stay in a hotel in your own town. You just don't.
Pete (12:27.588)
So I was like, let's get bagels and do that. And then before I knew it, I am looking at like, Louisa May Alcott's house, I'm going by Thoreau's place. All in one day, I'm like, I took Janet to see fucking Dinosaur Prince out in Western Mass. We drove to where Bill Cosby's hiding out now that he's like, creepy. Which is in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts, if anybody wants to send him hate mail.
Chris (12:44.028)
Okay.
Chris (12:48.956)
Yeah. Well, now that we all know he's creepy, because clearly he's been creepy.
Pete (12:56.292)
Yeah, right. Uh, I went out there not specifically for bill cosby, but uh, they filmed the movie, uh, the judge out there with robert downey jr And um robert duvall Yeah, excellent movie And uh, they filmed a lot of the exterior shots out there. So we went to see that um But anyway, um, so we stopped where they they've they signed um the treaty their surrender whatever and um,
Chris (13:04.636)
Oh yeah, that was a good one with Yeah, rubbed a ball. Yeah.
Pete (13:25.892)
Then we drove back and we stopped and got crab cakes at our usual haunt in Maryland. But the cool thing about that though is when we were driving through Baltimore, we could see the wreckage of the Francis Scott Key Bridge from a distance. You could literally, cause it was, the way down was cloudy. Jana could see it a little bit, but on the way back, it was a fucking clear picture of.
Chris (13:41.819)
Oh, yeah.
Pete (13:55.812)
You could see the ship and you could see the parts of the bridge sticking. Yeah, dude, it's all still relatively right there. They started moving stuff, but it's taking a lot of time. And I think they're doing more of like a crime scene investigation thing. The ships moved off to the side, but it's all still there. The containers are still up on it. And you can still see.
Chris (13:59.802)
The ship is still there?
Chris (14:05.498)
I was going to say they didn't start cleaning it up or they're obviously still investigating it.
Pete (14:25.764)
the arms and it's so weird because like a year ago basically we were driving over that bridge with my oldest son and and and Jana's son so it was kind of weird and then we got our crab cakes and then rolled into fucking Danvers at about three o 'clock in the morning and then my ex was prompt at the door by 7 30 quarter of 8 with Zachary
Chris (14:33.818)
Hmm.
Chris (14:39.354)
Yeah, I'm sure.
Chris (14:50.329)
of course.
Pete (14:52.164)
So...
Chris (14:55.737)
It's like, she's...
Pete (14:56.132)
It was it was a good recovery for sure
Chris (14:59.961)
She seems like a good comparison for her would be the IRS. If you owe them money, they'll knock down your fucking door. But if they owe you money, good luck getting that shit back.
Pete (15:19.076)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it seems that way.
Chris (15:20.537)
but with childcare.
Pete (15:25.828)
It seems that way, but I don't know. And then also... And we also took in the new Ghostbusters flick, which was fucking fantastic. Especially if you go into it not expecting much. You know, a lot of people, I don't know, they seem to have like this expectation of like it being overly fantastic and then they're like, well it was a lot of the same stuff. Well, a lot of the same stuff is what makes you laugh.
Chris (15:26.233)
If you don't mind me saying so.
Chris (15:36.536)
Awesome.
Pete (15:56.004)
It's what you wanted. You basically asked for it. Because they tried to give you something new with ladies as Ghostbusters, but you all rejected it like a fucking body part from a pig. And then you get all pissed off when they give you what you want, but it's not good enough. I don't get it. I thought it was great. I gotta say, Ernie Hudson looks like he's 30 fucking 5, and Bill Murray...
Chris (15:59.864)
It's called fan service, yes.
Chris (16:15.959)
Right.
Chris (16:23.351)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Pete (16:24.26)
and Dan Aykroyd looked like a pair of old nuts. They look like a pair of old balls, man. It's unbelievable. But Ernie Hudson, man, fuckin' A. I was floored by how good that guy looks now. And Annie Pauce looks pretty good too. You know, I mean, for all their ages, it's unreal.
Chris (16:45.975)
Oh good, and I am looking forward to seeing it for sure.
Pete (16:46.596)
And the new cast is good, I mean... It is what it is, it's fun. It... It...
Chris (16:52.182)
I thought they did a great job with, cause I saw the original newer one. And for those of you who haven't seen the newer, the older newer one, I'm about to ruin it. So block your ears or tune out for a second.
Pete (17:00.708)
Yeah.
Pete (17:08.452)
Whatever dude, it's been over a - it's been like two fucking years.
Chris (17:11.093)
I'm just saying spoiler alert. How, how they brought in the the warden from Shawshank Redemption to, to do be the body double of I always forget that dude's name. He's been a character actor for fucking he's in everything. But yeah, but they did for
Pete (17:14.98)
Two years.
Pete (17:31.268)
Oh yeah. But nobody else knows his name either. They all know his parts.
Chris (17:36.662)
Right, right. But yeah, how he was the body double for Wow, I want to say Ivan Reitman. Clearly, it's not Ivan Reitman. Thank you, Harold Ramis. Yeah, Harold Reitman. And how like they did that whole thing at the end where they all showed up and were Ghostbusters together again, I thought that was such a great homage. And I thought they did it very well.
Pete (17:47.268)
Remus.
Harold Ramis.
Pete (18:06.564)
I cried.
Chris (18:06.581)
And yeah, Shed its tear. I honestly don't remember. I don't remember if I did, but I wouldn't be surprised if I did, because that was an emotional scene for sure. But that's the thing too, it's like, it's the same with Star Wars. You can't, you just can't get the exact same experience, because you're different, they're different, films are different. There's no possible way to get the original experience.
Pete (18:10.628)
I cried like a bitch. I'm not gonna lie.
Chris (18:35.22)
It just doesn't exist anymore. So, and I think like the fact that they take it as far as they do and they do it as well as they do and people are still gonna bitch and complain, you know, like I think it's great that everyone was willing to come back and do it again. I thought the new cast was well cast. I thought Paul Rudd did a fantastic job. I thought the kids were good. So yeah, no complaints.
Pete (19:04.132)
Mm -hmm.
Chris (19:05.331)
No complaints so far.
Pete (19:07.51)
My only complaint is the fact that they waited so long. I get they wanted to do different things, they had their falling out. I understand its human nature. I just wish that it was sooner rather than later. I'm glad that we have it at all because at least we have that, you know? It's something that I, you know, I think I went with my kids to see, well, I think so, to see Afterlife.
Chris (19:23.987)
Hmm. Sure.
Pete (19:37.461)
You know, so that was nice, because I've already got to share the original two with my kids. And it was nice to be able to share that new one for the first time. You know what I mean? Same thing with Star Wars. I'm thankful for that. I can't say that I liked the new trilogy, because it was just basically that first movie was like, hey, let's do the first Star Wars with a lady.
Chris (19:47.795)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Chris (20:03.155)
Yeah. Right?
Pete (20:06.133)
Let's give Luke Skywalker a vagina and see how this plays out. And it's, it's fine. It worked and it brought everything back. It felt good. I was satisfied. And that's really all that I needed. I wish that it had gone better, but it didn't.
Chris (20:07.603)
Yeah, pretty much. That was pretty much, yeah, pretty much.
Chris (20:23.571)
Yeah, and I don't want to go down that rabbit hole either. But I do appreciate, I appreciate the fact that or my lack of appreciation that Disney took it in their direction, as opposed to the original way that Lucas wanted to do it, because I think that would have been better. But anyway, like I said, I don't want to go down that rabbit hole.
Pete (20:26.677)
unlike
Pete (20:31.829)
Yeah.
Pete (20:50.645)
Yeah, well, there is one thing that we are gonna get a huge fan service of and it's gonna be fantastic this summer when we get that fucking last installment of Deadpool and Judging by the fact that I have probably pulled it to the trailer more times than I have porn. It's gonna be awesome
Chris (20:57.427)
Yes. Yes. Yes. Mm -hmm.
Chris (21:07.603)
hahahaha
Chris (21:13.427)
Yeah, the old the dead the Deadpool. It does it and I, I acknowledge. I acknowledge the fact that I love how they because obviously you don't know exactly how they did it because we've only seen trailers but the fact that they've already talked about how they're not ruining or messing with the timeline with Logan and
Pete (21:13.589)
Ahem.
It just it looks so good Yeah, oh man I
Chris (21:43.379)
it's obvious that this version of Wolverine is from a different reality. So they're able to kind of play around a lot more with it than they would have. And they have so much more freedom and the original timeline is still intact. So it's like fan service, check, check, check, check, check in so many of those potential issues, you know.
Pete (22:04.277)
Well, Loki totally opened the door for that shit, to be able to do that. So.
Chris (22:08.467)
Oh, yeah. Well, clearly, because they're they're in there in that. And I'm already forgetting the name of it. The the what's the word? The name of the place.
Pete (22:21.461)
space time continuum? I don't know, it doesn't matter.
Chris (22:23.155)
Yeah, no, not that. But anyway, those of you listening, put a comment, put a comment somewhere and tell me the name of the place that it's right. It's right the front of my brain and I can't get it to my frickin mouth. Anyway. I do think it's going to be a great movie, especially just because of how Ryan Reynolds has as
Pete (22:41.237)
The Phantom Zone.
Chris (22:52.339)
moved through the Deadpool IP in general so far. Like the trailers are like, come on, man, this is exactly exactly what the previous two were and I would be blown away if it was not good. So
Pete (23:10.133)
Yeah, it's like everything that he seems to do turns out all right. Like that Wrexham football club and that whole reality show, Welcome to Wrexham. Have you watched any of that? Because I got an idea for a different take on Welcome to Wrexham. So instead of two decent looking dudes with a lot of money, right, we take some guys that look maybe a little bit more like me, have a little less money.
Chris (23:17.715)
Yeah.
I have. It's a fantastic show.
Chris (23:31.059)
Yeah.
Chris (23:37.683)
Okay. How are they gonna buy the team with less money?
Pete (23:38.005)
And we let them buy a team and see what happens there. Where people are like always like, you don't know what you're fucking talking about. That's where the show comes in. You start slow, like the bad news bears kind of deal.
Chris (23:49.203)
Ah, so the show funds. All right, all right. So you have the...
Pete (23:56.597)
But it has to be like people that are slovenly looking, definitely without work, and they think they know it all. Like, oh, this is what I would do if I was running, you know what I mean? Those kind of people.
Chris (24:08.723)
So basically just get a couple of Pats fans to buy a random team and they're like, hey kid, this is what I would do, all right? Get fucking Brady back in there. Yeah. Yeah.
Pete (24:13.845)
Yeah.
Pete (24:18.485)
Let's see if you can do the right.
Chris (24:24.371)
Yeah. Yep.
Pete (24:24.693)
Just the total opposite, you know? Be a belly guys, low on finances. Think they know what they're doing, don't really.
Chris (24:29.907)
Duh, bears.
Yeah, yeah, that would be fun to watch.
Pete (24:34.453)
So today we're going to talk about, yeah, it would be, it would be. What are we talking about today, Chris?
Chris (24:42.739)
therapy. We're talking about therapy. Because we all need it, man. Yeah, we're talking about our personal experiences with it. The stigmas around it, the challenges that so many of us men have dealt with regarding it. The different types.
Pete (24:49.045)
therapy. Yeah.
Chris (25:11.635)
And are certainly my acknowledgments of research that I've done in my years of being a massage therapist and an emotion coach. And I just thought it would be something good to discuss as we've talked about so many.
stigmas on this podcast that I thought this is a good one to dig into because I don't think we have really we've mentioned therapy but we haven't really had a whole episode on it.
Pete (25:41.973)
No, we have not. We certainly have not. So, how do you want to dive into this, my friend? You take the lead.
Chris (25:52.115)
Well, so first, just acknowledging the fact that.
it's, it's such a good thing that it is, it's not the stigma that it used to be. There's much more awareness about it. And I thought that we would just go into
originally the the, the original stigmas surrounding it, the challenges that men especially have had to deal with, with feeling, you know, certain emotions about it, certainly shame and fear regarding it. Then going into the different types of therapy there actually are so an awareness of what might be good. Because I know just being a massage therapist, so many times.
I've heard stories of people say I got a massage once and it sucked. So I didn't do that again. But that's like going to a mechanic and saying, Oh, they didn't fix my car, right. So I'm just not going to get my car fixed again. No, you find a better fucking mechanic, you know, so. And I think so much of it is just lack of understanding lack of knowledge, lack of awareness of, of what it takes to find a therapist and how that whole process works. So going through the stigmas, recognizing what therapies there are, and then our own personal experience.
discussing what we have, what therapy we've gone through.
Pete (27:24.181)
Yeah, well, first, to help break down that wall and that stigma, you guys should all know that in 2022, it was reported that 23 .1 % of US adults experienced some sort of mental health condition. And that's just in the United States. They also reported 32 .9 % of US adults experienced both a mental health condition and some sort of substance abuse. So.
For any of you guys out there that were thinking that, you know, it's not a real thing, I know that that's like an old way of thought. I know that it was like so, such a hushed thing, but it's not. I mean, 23 % is almost a quarter, you know, of the population of the country.
Chris (28:11.974)
Well, and that's reported too, because the other big factor there is the right and and there's the point, right? Like the other big factor is so many people don't realize they have issues, they have emotional challenges, they have, you know, I, both of my parents, anytime therapy has been discussed, there's, you know, that's just not for me.
Pete (28:14.261)
And that's a fucking big chunk. Yeah, that's just the ones that are talking about it.
Chris (28:39.334)
right or in some form, fashion or form. Certainly my father, my mother has has delved into some different things, but she just she goes with what works for her, which is fine. But I think especially the previous generations, there's just this, well, you know, I don't feel comfortable doing that. So I'm not doing it. And that's precisely the point. It's going to feel uncomfortable.
when you've never done it before. That's the essence of doing something new, right? So I'm glad that modern awareness that most recent generations have certainly opened up to the fact that this is just a part of being human. This is not, you're not broken. There's not something wrong with you per se. And it's like, again, it's,
it's like getting your car fixed, right? It's just maintenance. It's a part of like, you can't go through your life without some sort of emotional or psychological something. And, and still be human. It's impossible.
Pete (29:57.589)
Yeah. And, and just to show the difference that, I mean, there is a change from mental health people, us adults that received treatment rose from 19 .2 % in 2019 to 21 .6. So the growth is there. It's people are starting to understand and get it. Unfortunately, I think a lot of it came with fucking COVID. I think during that time, a lot of people started to freak the fuck out.
Chris (30:13.188)
That is something.
Chris (30:26.179)
Well, not for nothing.
Pete (30:26.485)
And that's when I think the switch.
Chris (30:29.763)
Yeah, it's there's and I forget what it's called. It's a I heard it recently, I'll have to look it up and find it while we're talking. But it's a paradox, but it's a certain named paradox. And it's the idea that something that's not as bad can actually be worse for you. The idea that example, your job sucks, but
it doesn't suck that bad. And you're making enough money, but it's not too little that you're gonna quit. Right? So your boss is not the best, but he's not an asshole. Right? So it's like, it's not quite enough for you to leave, but you clearly don't want to be there. It's not beneficial for you. You're not making enough money. And the paradox is that
if your situation was just a little bit worse, you'd actually move forward with making a change because it would be unbearable, but it is still bearable. So you stick with it and do yourself a great disservice. So a lot of it with the pandemic, I think, because certain things went to the extreme where people were so isolated, and they were so off of their usual regimen, and so many other things in the world were happening that all of
the challenges and issues that could have potentially been therapy worthy were amped up. So there was more of an incentive to actually figure it out. And I think that played a big factor. And now that we're on this side of it, I mean, obviously, COVID isn't gone, but the pandemic, the way it was is not happening anymore. But it really is a before and after thing.
you know, it was like before and after World War One before and after Star Wars, before and after the housing crash of 2008, you know, before and after COVID, like it's just it is different now. And I think as challenging as that was, I do think it was the silver lining in that in the whole pandemic issue is so many more people opened up to that. And there were a lot of positive changes like that, that came from it not.
Chris (32:50.4)
the least of which was like remote work and how people are like, Yeah, fuck that. I'm working from home from now on. And I can be not only just as productive, but even more so. But obviously, that's a different conversation. So
Pete (33:05.141)
Too true, too true. So yeah.
Chris (33:07.168)
So you got any more stats?
Pete (33:10.965)
Actually, I was going to say that...
Over six million men in the US experience depression each year. The most likely reported symptoms are fatigue, irritability, or I like to call it bitchiness, and loss of interest in work or hobbies rather than feelings of sadness or worthlessness. This doesn't make sense, but I get it.
During COVID, I mean, I hit a pretty fucking low. I gained a lot of weight. Like, I mean, even before then.
Chris (33:53.534)
I, I've, I gained a bunch of weight too. I, I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. And and it was I can trace it directly back to COVID when I just, I started doing different things and using different coping mechanisms than I had, and they became habits. And I'm still trying to adjust those habits now, years later. So, well, years, like, it's only a year and a half ago that it really started to peter out but
Pete (34:18.485)
Hmm.
Chris (34:23.646)
Point being, yes. I think it's a good thing that this has adjusted, but there's still a ton of stigma out there. The assumption that, especially from a male perspective, right? The assumption that you can't handle it yourself, or you're weak, or there's shame involved in needing to.
talking about your feelings and it always tends to come like that from anyone who has an issue with therapy is just the going right back to suppressing them well just push that shit down and be a man right and that has been the problem that is the reason why like yeah okay biologically
we are set up differently, certainly than women. And we have a tendency to be more aggressive as a species. But that's not a guarantee that that's, oh, that's just how we are. No, it's on a scale. Women are more agreeable, men are more assertive. But that's not across the board. That's just a generalization. And I think so many people have run with that. And
Pete (35:25.717)
Mm -hmm.
Chris (35:48.54)
you know, adopted, again, we've talked about this many times before, like this just generic standard of what it is to be a man. And if you're outside of that standard, you're not a real man. And and therapy has been a huge factor there as something to be hidden something to be ashamed of and something to feel less than because you don't have it together. Or, you know, you can't manage your shit. And
honestly, I think the only difference between people that that don't have the skill because there are plenty of people that have the skill to manage their shit. I'm working on my skill to manage my shit. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing. But the only difference between someone who doesn't have the skill and seems to not manage their shit and someone who doesn't have the skill and seems to manage their shit is that the person who seems to do it just knows how to hide it really well. And then they go home and like punch holes in their wall and, you know,
abuse their family and all that but no one hears about it. Like it's, again, I'm generalizing that's it's not everybody but there is so much of that that's bottled up. And the assumption that simply talking to someone and delving into that part of yourself is a bad thing is just horseshit. You know?
Pete (37:10.645)
Yeah.
Pete (37:15.125)
So, I've seen one therapist.
Chris (37:20.89)
Okay. Ever?
Pete (37:21.013)
times.
Pete (37:27.989)
it's not that i'm against therapy i'm guess uh... uh... i'm actually for it uh... after my accident broken up uh... my hr uh... the head of hr suggested it was a free thing i had so many sessions i could go with the insurance and stuff those are going so
Chris (37:29.689)
Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is good that we're talking about this.
Chris (37:54.168)
Yeah, well, and that's another factor is the money.
Pete (37:59.413)
The, well, it had nothing, I mean, I could have gotten it approved through, it was just a, the guy just suggested it. He said, like, it'll probably help. So I'm like, all right, we'll see what happens. So I went and it was this.
Chris (38:15.896)
That a go.
Pete (38:19.605)
Well, Chris, I've only went twice. So, not well at all. No, the lady was like this old, she was just a bitch. She was mean to me. It wasn't what I anticipated it being. I honestly thought it would be more of a...
Chris (38:23.96)
So not so well?
Pete (38:44.213)
comforting thing, you know, talk to me, talk to me more, you know, listen to me and then be more rational, not like, listen to me and then scold me like you're my mother. Like that's not what this is about. Like, you know, it was, it really made me feel like I was in the wrong for a lot of things and it did, and it was weird. Like I just didn't.
Chris (38:59.576)
Yeah. Yeah.
Pete (39:13.877)
I didn't like the way that she went about it, so that was it. I just didn't go back. Not because I didn't, right, and it left a bad taste in my mouth for that whole process. I'm not saying that people shouldn't go and do that because I'm all for it. As a matter of fact, I really pushed for my son to be able to go and do that after everything, the split and everything because...
Chris (39:19.863)
Well, and rightly so. She clearly wasn't for you.
Pete (39:42.325)
He had a lot of shit to deal with. And talking to me, and he still has a lot of shit to deal with, fucking quite frankly, to me, he couldn't come talk to me because I'm biased. Clearly he couldn't talk to her because she was the fucking problem. My dad is an asshole. My mom, I mean, she'll listen, but it ain't gonna go nowhere.
Chris (39:44.054)
Yeah, yeah.
Chris (39:55.894)
Of course.
Pete (40:10.421)
I strongly gave, I wanted him to have that fucking outlet. He needed it. And all he did was game the system. I had never seen anybody play it out. By the time we were done, they were like, he doesn't need therapy. I'm like, but yes he does. Like he says he's fine. You know, he answers all the questions like the way, you know, and that was it. It was done. It was so weird or he wouldn't talk.
Chris (40:27.893)
Jesus.
Chris (40:34.357)
Yeah.
Pete (40:39.413)
he wouldn't be forthcoming, so they would get nowhere. And then they basically would give up.
Chris (40:43.541)
Well, it is. That's the thing to therapy is like hypnosis. If you're not willing to do it, it's not going to help you. You know, like you can't be hypnotized unless you're willing to be hypnotized. It's the same thing of you know, so and and I know, I know plenty of examples of people who had that experience. But they themselves as functioning adults, and having the traumas that they had.
Pete (40:53.333)
Right.
Chris (41:12.404)
Like I am one of these people, I haven't done this, but I know, I know I have this ability to where I can answer certain questions and make it seem like I know I'm very aware of all the shit that I do. You know, very aware of how it comes up and when it comes up and I can describe it all. And that's the problem is, when you're smart enough to work around it. You're
you're just cheating yourself, you know, obviously, for him, he was much younger, and he just didn't want to do it. So he figured out a way to get around it. But clearly, that's, that's another factor that has to be accounted for is just the willingness to do it, and not feel like you're being forced to do it, because that's not going to benefit you or anybody, you know, and I
Pete (41:48.501)
Yeah.
Pete (42:03.061)
And it only became like a fucking festering wound man that it only got worse and worse as it went on To it ultimately came to a head and exploded
Chris (42:10.771)
Well, yeah. And the other the other fact, and there's exactly the reason, right? And, and I mean, what I brought up before, like, you know, you go to a mechanic, and it doesn't work, you find another mechanic, you just don't stop, don't go into mechanics. But, and again, not everyone needs therapy every week of their life all the time. Sometimes it just benefits you in a specific emotional experience, right? So,
It's not the same for everybody, but.
there's obviously a need to address the challenges that we all have around our perceptions of what that is. And going back to what you were saying about, you couldn't talk to you, we couldn't talk to your your parents. That's the other factor is it's supposed to be an independent third party that has no bias toward you. So there can be an objective reflection of what's happening.
Pete (43:12.757)
Yep.
Chris (43:15.154)
That's the whole point. Otherwise, let's just go talk to a buddy. Because the difference in talking to a friend or relative versus talking to a professional is number one, that the bias number two is understanding how to answer questions, or how to respond to a statement or something that's actually gonna.
lead you to more awareness as opposed to just saying, yeah, dude, that sucks. You want another beer? You know what I mean? So.
the ability to...
assess who you're talking to. As I go back to it's like a job interview. You're not just being interviewed, you're interviewing them, do I want to work here? What are you going to do for me as an employee? And I certainly started this way when I was younger. I was like, Please pick me pick me I really need this job, you know, it I never viewed it as Oh, well, I have to interview them too. And that's a big factor in therapy. And certainly in my experience, I've
I've gone through two separate therapists in the last six months. For that same reason. It just wasn't working. And I'm not going to pay money and use my time when I'm not getting benefit. So I think a big a big issue there is people just don't know how to do that. Like, how do you vet a therapist? How do you go through this process? How do I know I'm experiencing the right type of therapy for me? You know,
Chris (44:51.439)
and i think it
Pete (44:52.693)
You go and you try it out It's honestly
Chris (44:56.399)
Yeah, true, but if you don't know there are different types, that's the other factor. It's not all talk therapy.
Pete (45:04.053)
No, it's not. But you have to go and try out the different things. I mean,
Chris (45:11.759)
Well, yeah, of course.
Pete (45:14.869)
It's... I'm gonna use such a shitty analogy. I work customer service. So... It drives me nuts when...
Chris (45:19.406)
All right. Yeah.
Pete (45:29.301)
stupid questions are asked. I also hate when I go into a dispensary and there are a lot of people asking a lot of stupid questions of the budtenders and taking up my time. I don't understand why people don't go and they look and they try. It's like when you go and you buy clothes, you're not just throwing shit into a carriage and being like, that should fit. You're going and you're trying it on. You can read reviews of anything you want.
a thousand times and hopefully, you know, by reading enough, you might gain enough perspective and think that that's enough for you, but you really don't know until you try it. A session might not be enough. You know, you might have to do one or two to see how it feels, but once it clicks, you know, you get that feeling that it just, it's right. Watch that show shrinking. That's what I'll tell you guys.
Chris (46:19.949)
Yes, and I.
Chris (46:28.109)
And I would recommend three. Obviously, if money is a factor, I understand, but they have apps like better help that are much more affordable than going to a private practice therapist. So I would certainly look into something like that if you're if you're just trying stuff out. But I would recommend three sessions with any therapist before you make a decision whether you stick with them or not. Granted, there are exceptions to that.
if it's just amazingly obvious that they're just horrible. You know, like you had a horrible experience, then don't go back. But if it's like, I'm not really feeling this, stick it out for three sessions. And if at that point, it's okay, it's obvious that this person isn't isn't getting me to where I want to be. But with the caveat of knowing that when you start to dig into therapy,
it starts to get worse before it gets better. And that's what so many people I think don't realize. The reason it gets worse is because you're opening up to shit that you haven't acknowledged that you haven't dealt with. So it's pent up suppressed emotion that's going to come out and make you feel shitty. So it's it's like that Winston Churchill quote, if you're going through hell, keep going. So that's why that's why I recommend at least two to three sessions.
but also just to be aware of the fact that...
If you don't feel like the person gets where you're coming from, okay, let's find another therapist. But if it's just that feels uncomfortable, and I don't want to talk about that. But that's where my problem is. That's not necessarily the therapist. That's your resistance to doing the work. And that's the other factor. The work is uncomfortable.
Pete (48:13.013)
Hmm.
Chris (48:22.796)
And I think that's the fear that so many people have. That's the reason why you need the rapport with your therapist, because if you're collaborating, it's gonna be that much easier to do the work. And.
Again, it's, I'm certainly not the expert on therapy, because I'm not a psychologist. But I've had enough experience with it, and enough awareness of my own shit. And I've been to enough therapy to really have a foundational basic idea of how to vet a therapist, how to find the right type of therapy for you. And even just knowing the ins and outs of what a therapy session is like.
Because people that have never experienced it before don't know. So you yourself said you thought it was going to be different. Right.
Pete (49:18.357)
Yes, I did.
Chris (49:20.236)
and was it because
Pete (49:21.365)
but it was really...
Pete (49:26.549)
Um,
Pete (49:30.165)
Well no, because she wasn't...
Chris (49:33.964)
It was different because she wasn't what you expected or the process wasn't what you expect.
Pete (49:41.077)
I think it maybe had something to do with her more than anything else like
I assume that when people want you to talk about things that are going to make you relatively uncomfortable, that they would first kind of want to make you a little bit comfortable talking to them about it. Like they would want to at least try to build, that would build a rapport that would make you feel secure in what you're going to say. That I did not feel. I did not get that at all.
Chris (50:03.432)
Sure, and that would be a good therapist, yes.
Chris (50:09.127)
Mm -hmm.
Chris (50:12.583)
Yes. Gotcha.
Pete (50:18.773)
is like masturbating with sandpaper. It was just not pleasant. You know, like, that's the biggest thing is that if you don't feel comfortable, then there's no fucking point because you're not gonna open up.
Chris (50:21.799)
Hahaha!
Chris (50:33.511)
Well, no, exactly. And you're going to find a way to game the system if you have to be there. So that's the other thing, like, from a kid's perspective, well, your parents are making you go, well, fuck it, I'm screw them, I'm going to do this instead, you know, so that, for me is a big reason why the conversations from an emotional perspective are so important. And your awareness of the fact that emotions are just a fact of our lives. And all this really is.
is emotional maintenance. That's what it is. So we have body maintenance, we exercise, we eat, we you know, we eat a certain diet to maintain our body. We do the things that we need to do to maintain our physical form. It's, it's the same thing from an emotional and a psychological perspective. And with that, I think that's got
Pete (51:08.821)
Mm -hmm.
Pete (51:27.893)
I was gonna say, the other thing is, is it doesn't necessarily have to be talk. If something else, if a physical activity makes you feel better, like a long fucking bike ride, or a long drive, a run, lifted weights, boxing, karate, I mean maybe you don't wanna have to like violent things if you get some shit going on, I don't know. But.
Chris (51:31.302)
No, that's what I was getting at.
Chris (51:50.789)
Well, no, no, no, no, but yeah. There are...
Pete (51:54.549)
It does help. I know one thing, like, a friend of mine took me out for some hillbilly fucking therapy, and after I was at my lowest, he took me to a gun range.
Chris (52:01.925)
Okay.
Pete (52:08.117)
I am not one for that sort of thing. So like here I am, the fucking nerd who's never fired a gun in his life, and I'm, they let you rent guns and I'm like, the only gun I know, right, you would think, what do you think the only gun I know would be? Take, just see if you can take a guess.
Chris (52:25.797)
44 Magnum.
Pete (52:29.621)
Nah dude, a Walther PPK because of James fucking Bond dude.
Chris (52:30.597)
No. All right. I went with dirty Harry, but OK. OK.
Pete (52:36.693)
So that's what I fucking that's what I rented. Yeah, no, I went with James fucking bond, man. I'm like, you guys got a Walter PPK and they're like, yeah, I do. So that's what I fucking I did. My friend got a bigger caliber gun that I tried as well. But it was therapeutic. I'm not going to say that like it fixed my problems, but it certainly left me feeling a little bit better. I'm not saying that that's like the way.
You know, I'm gonna go rent a gun. That'll get me better. But you know, doing that, you know, firing it a couple times, that release. And then I did the biggest thing that helped, I'm not gonna lie, was I did a Bruce Willis. Where like I emptied the fucking clip like as quickly as I could. Oh my God, that was a great feeling. I mean, unbelievable.
Chris (53:21.987)
Oh yeah, yeah.
Oh yeah.
Well, yeah, there's, there's a reason why exercise is recommended to people with depression. Because it's the physiological. Huh? Yeah, well, yeah, the physiological effect on your body. Yes, the physiological effect on your body is a positive one. So the the physical movement of certain activities is going to benefit you. Absolutely. Especially if you're
Pete (53:37.877)
Oh yeah, dopamine. Endorphins.
at endorphins.
Chris (53:57.73)
feeling depressed or emotionally challenged in some way. And those things can be therapeutic, like even just massage, there's a reason it's called massage therapy. And that actually getting into the somatic aspect of things. So many people don't understand the difference between talk therapy, psychotherapy and somatic therapy. And this is what I wanted to get into eventually anyway.
And it's really important that you understand the difference because so many people get into talk therapy and it's just like, what is this doing? Right? So okay, well, maybe this version of therapy isn't for you. You need something a little more foundational or something that's going to get into your body, which is what somatic therapy is. And I didn't really understand the ins and outs of somatic therapy until the last few years. I
I knew about it, but I didn't really get the major differences. And there's a really, really good book. I think I brought it up here before actually, it's called the body keeps the score. And I have a copy of it, but I don't know where the fuck it is. So here's a picture of the cover, the body keeps the score.
For those of you watching at home, it's a blue book cover with a white frame and there's a... like the figure of a human just all in black, like a...
Pete (55:35.364)
and we'll put a link in the description of the podcast.
Chris (55:36.)
Yes?
Yes. But it's written by a doctor named Bessel van der Coke. And it's fascinating because the whole the whole point is this heavy shit in there. So you got to be prepared because it talks about some some pretty gnarly shit that people went through to get the traumas that they have and then work with him because he's a he's a psychiatrist. And he originally started working with PTSD survivors of war.
veterans. And he thought that only veterans could have PTSD. But through his research realized that no, just the average person can have PTSD for a myriad of reasons. And the whole idea is basically that no matter what you do psychologically, your body hangs on to emotional trauma from your past, if you don't deal with it, and simply thinking about it, and talking about it isn't necessarily going to deal with it. So
somatic therapy involves getting connected to your body and helping to move any repressed emotions out of your body in a way that relieves the trauma from the past or at least allows it to be bearable and functional in your life. And that book is really the foundation of where somatic psychotherapy in its modern version came from the process.
of research that that it involved. And so I realized that's where I was. Where I had done so much talk therapy, I was just rehashing it. And there's actually a psychologist that I, I don't remember her name, but she was on a podcast talking about this. And I was like, Oh, shit, I didn't even thought of it like that. Where you can actually do too much talk therapy, where you're just consistently talking about your problems, and the challenges that you have.
Chris (57:36.509)
And if you're not actually doing anything about it to change what's happening, you're simply re acknowledging over and over and over these things that aren't working or or you're having trouble with, you're basically just putting all of your focus on what isn't working and making that your entire reality. So you're making it worse by constantly talking about it. And again, I'm not saying that.
just going to a couple of talk therapy sessions is going to make that happen. I'm talking like this is years and years of talk therapy. And just never physically doing anything about what you're talking about. That's the difference. But in those cases, somatic therapy is a really, really good alternative. And I view it as more of like a graduation. It's it's the next step in therapy. You start with talk therapy, you get your awareness of yourself, your understanding of how your emotions work, how those connect to your thoughts.
how those then become beliefs ingrained in your subconscious and how you can navigate all of that to then start to physically do the work to adjust if not remove those traumas from your physical body by doing somatic therapy. So it's it can get complicated, but it doesn't have to be especially just starting out. And I want
this is another reason why I'm doing emotion coaching because I, I want to give people that is just seems so crazy. Like, there's so much to think about here. I have no idea where to start. Okay, great. So start here. Try this. Do this next. I'm not I'm not here to be your therapist, but I can I can curate a series of steps that you can take yourself through.
and say, Okay, if you've reached this point, and this isn't working, try this instead. Because I've done it. And I think it's super important to have someone that you can open up to about this stuff, especially talk therapy in the beginning when you've never done anything. And then working your way through those challenges to get to a place where like, Okay, I need to physically do something about this now, then you can move into somatic therapy.
Pete (59:48.1)
Mm -hmm.
Chris (01:00:02.653)
and work a little differently, work a little more in depth. So I do want to get to the actual types of therapy, but I've been talking for a while. So I want to stop for a second.
You got anything? You just want to let me keep talking?
Pete (01:00:23.204)
how long you think you're gonna be talking for, motherfucker.
Chris (01:00:26.041)
Well, I just wanted to touch on a couple different types, physical, like actual names of therapies, and then mention what experience I've had because you talked about yours, I hadn't talked about mine.
Pete (01:00:38.436)
Yeah, well, go ahead.
Chris (01:00:46.617)
cool. This is important shit, fellas. So a big one here, as I said, the difference between talk therapy and somatic therapy.
So you have psychotherapy, or a version of that is behavioral therapy, then there's one called cognitive behavioral therapy. And you may have heard these terms and just like, what the fuck? I don't know what any of this shit means. So just a quick, a quick acknowledgement.
Chris (01:01:29.721)
Psychodynamic therapy.
therapists use this approach to help people identify unconscious beliefs that can impact their mood or behavior many times stemming from their childhood. So for example, someone who was disciplined as a child for any grade below an A might have an unconscious belief that they will be punished for anything less than perfect. I'm sure many of you have experienced that perfectionism as an adult and maybe not sure where it came from, stuff like that. Then you get into behavioral therapy.
As a contrast to psychodynamic therapy, behavioral therapy focuses on the present. So there's less of a focus on why behavior started and more emphasis on the barriers to changing it, and why that behavior is being rewarded. So as there was a quote from a doctor here saying we want to ref, we want to reinforce desired behaviors that we want to increase. And then we want to have consequences for undesired behaviors. So you're basically reparenting yourself.
But behavioral therapy is often used with children for that reason. Then there's cognitive behavioral therapy. cognitive behavioral therapy combines some of the principles of behavioral therapy with the theory that our thoughts, feelings or behaviors are all connected and influence each other. So and obviously, I'm not going to go into the details of all of this, but I will happily put up some links to this if you guys want to read into more of it.
there's then like humanistic therapy, dialectic behavioral therapy, obviously, so many more levels to this. But that's psychotherapy, talk therapy. Whereas somatic therapy is more like, there's actually a very popular up and coming, it's been around for a little while, but well, it's been around for a long while. It's been around since 1987. But it's only recently,
Chris (01:03:28.437)
kind of hit the mainstream. And it's called EMDR. So many people have heard that I know plenty of people that have heard that acronym and they have no idea what it stands for. It's I movement desensitization and reprocessing. That's EMDR. And it's basically where are we? I don't want to give you too much. So I movement desensitization and reprocessing is a form of psychotherapy that is
devised by Francine Shapiro in 1987 and originally designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories such as post traumatic stress disorder, stress disorder, excuse me. So it involves focusing on a back and forth movement, or sound as you process traumatic memory. And just a quick little thing. Something that I learned in recent years was and this is something that I do in
my emotion coaching is teach you ways of emotional regulation. And one of the ways is going on a walk and moving your eyes from side to side. And the reason this helps is because whenever you're emotion in emotional upheaval, or you're in negative emotion, you're in fear, you're in sadness, anything like that, you tend to move away from things. And just as a natural
developmental thing as human beings, when we're moving toward things and doing it in a casual way, it starts to relieve a lot of our fear based emotions. Same thing with eating. It's very difficult to eat when you're afraid. So if you eat, it helps to calm you down. Because from a natural perspective, if a predator was chasing you, you're not going to sit there and grab a bite.
right, you only eat when you're safe. So there's a natural body connected experience that when you're eating, you're in a safe place. So walking forward, moving your eyes back and forth.
Chris (01:05:38.962)
it mirrors just walking in the world. And if you notice if you're conscious of yourself, when you're walking, you're not listening or watching anything, you're just walking, your eyes will go back and forth just to look at what's in front of you. But when you're moving away from something you're scared of, you are deadlocked on that thing and you're moving backwards. So if you move forward calmly and move your eyes from side to side, you'll actually get a diminishment of whatever negative emotions you're feeling.
So this EMDR technique involves the eye movement from side to side for part of that reason. And I actually know someone who is in this specific therapy right now and they're getting a lot of benefit from it.
then in general, there's aspects of hypnotherapy that have some somatic parts or techniques in them. Or just somatic bodywork. Being a massage therapist, that helps as well. And that's the same reason why exercise helps you feel better. You are using your body to move through the emotions that you're feeling.
The only difference is, as Pete said, you don't want to just grab a gun and go to a gun range and be like, I'm good, I'm fine. Because what you're doing is you're using a positive experience, a positive emotional experience to cover up the negative experience, which works in the short term and that's good. But it doesn't solve the issue. You're dealing with the symptoms, not the cause. So the idea that you can just push it down or cover it up with something else,
that's the issue that comes up so much, where people think they have a handle on it, and they really don't. Because you haven't actually dealt with it. And this is the same issue that I, I started working on myself when I was 25. I remember the book I read when when that all clicked and I started, I didn't learn how to feel my emotions until I was 40. So it took me 15 years to understand the difference between talking about my emotions, thinking about my emotions and actually feeling them.
Chris (01:07:52.143)
And being able to go into therapy with all of that awareness, with that knowledge and using that process to better your experience, to then have more skill and more tools at your disposal to live a better life, to interact with people better, to have better relationships. That's the point.
I'm done talking now, Pete.
Pete (01:08:17.892)
Yay.
Chris (01:08:22.254)
Fucking dick. No, it's see and this is
that this is also, you know, I want to I want to have our fun on this podcast. But this information and knowledge is so important. And fellas, I understand, I understand, not only the stigmas, your own issues, your own judgments of yourself. I go to therapy, and I still have judgments about myself in certain veins. So
Just know that you're not alone in what you're going through. Help is super important. It does work. It's just a matter of finding the version that works for you. So if you need help, if you want to get into this and you want more information, reach out to us, find us on the Facebook page. I really want to dig into a therapy conversation this week on the page because I think it. Dad's unfiltered podcast on Facebook.
Pete (01:09:21.508)
What is that Facebook page, Chris?
Chris (01:09:28.396)
We also have our email address to dads unfiltered at gmail .com. That's the number two dads unfiltered at gmail .com. I also have my tick tock page at dadding underscore daily. That's D A D D I N G underscore D A I L Y. You can also find me on Instagram at Chris O 'Neill coach. And I believe you can search for me at emotion coach on tick tock as well.
uh... but please reach out if you need information if you want to understand the stuff better i'm always happy to talk about it uh... i think it's not only helpful it's necessary in a lot of situations
Pete (01:10:09.422)
There's also the dad's unfiltered TikTok page as well. He neglected to mention that.
Chris (01:10:13.355)
Yes. I did neglect to mention that, but you did.
Pete (01:10:17.326)
I do all the work.
Doesn't matter, it's gonna be fucking banned anyway. It's gonna be banned anyway, doesn't matter.
Chris (01:10:23.723)
Yeah, that's gonna suck. That's my biggest audience over there. Everything's going to shit anyway. What the hell are we even here talking about anything for?
Pete (01:10:35.95)
Once TikToker's gone, once they're to live for.
Chris (01:10:36.075)
Seriously, man.
Jesus. Way to end an episode about therapy. Well, this is fun. I'm going to go kill myself now. Yeah.
Pete (01:10:46.094)
I know right? That's not true, there's plenty. There was a lot more before.
I gotta go to Target.
Chris (01:10:55.691)
not tag it that's uh... that's a good place uh... yeah but anyway idea
Pete (01:11:00.526)
Yep.
and then maybe stop at Crumble for a cookie.
Chris (01:11:06.314)
There you go. All right. I, I obviously think this is super important. It's very beneficial to me in my life. I recommend it to any and every everyone that I've worked with. It's just a matter of like anything else, understanding through education, knowledge and awareness, and being willing to be a little uncomfortable to get that shit out to do the work and make your life better.
Pete (01:11:37.806)
Whoa, shit! Sounds like they're chasing OJ through your neighborhood. Oh wait, he's dead.
Chris (01:11:41.45)
He's dead. They're chasing the hearse, maybe? I don't know.
Pete (01:11:46.894)
Shit. Maybe. We found the real killer. He's in the back of that car.
Chris (01:11:52.393)
Jesus
Pete (01:11:58.604)
No, I do think it's important to even though I make light of it, but that's just how I deal with things I make light of them And like I said, I mean it's something that I've been actively trying to get my son to do and to no avail for me a lot of my depression issues are Centered around how I look and I've been doing my thing to take care of that. So I Feel a lot better
Chris (01:12:11.145)
And I... Yep.
Chris (01:12:22.025)
Well, and and that's the other factor too. If you're not if you're not ready, or a version of talk therapy isn't working for you. Like I said, it's there are so many different like, I'll do a screenshot and post the different types of things that you can do that are therapeutic. It's it's not just sitting down like Freud style, lying down on a couch while someone sits next to you in a chair.
that's, that's a way old outdated version of what therapy actually is. So if you're scared of it, if you don't know what the fuck to do, reach out. I'm happy to give you more information. It's an important conversation to have. And I'm gonna call you up Pete. I think you need to look back into it.
Pete (01:13:10.539)
Coming after what?
Chris (01:13:13.16)
Look back into some therapy, man. Be a model for our audience.
Pete (01:13:13.611)
Yeah, we'll see.
uh... news wait first
Pete (01:13:24.235)
I'm doing alright.
Chris (01:13:26.055)
no i know you you're uh... you are doing well you've you've really dug into a lot of shit for yourself and and that we've had those conversations so i know you do and i know you're digging into your own work
Pete (01:13:27.787)
Alright guys.
Pete (01:13:40.619)
one chapter once that shit's closed. Oh my god, so sweet it will be.
Chris (01:13:46.502)
And we're all we're all on the journey we're on. And sometimes, like there were years that I didn't go to therapy. So it's not there's no stigma either way, whether you go or not, you shouldn't be shamed for it. It's as long as you're open to doing something that's going to benefit you. And you're not negatively taking shit out on other people and blaming them for it, which is obviously a problem. Just your own awareness of the fact that
Pete (01:13:46.539)
But until then.
Pete (01:14:13.611)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Chris (01:14:15.942)
the more knowledge, skill and tools you have with your emotions and cognitive issues, challenges, abilities, the better off you're gonna be. Period.
Pete (01:14:28.875)
for sure alright guys until next week I really do have to pick up a target order that's no bullshit
Chris (01:14:34.917)
Now I gotta go too. No worries. We'll talk to you next time, fellas.
Pete (01:14:41.451)
Alright, have a good one.