Episode 382- The Video Dead

WARNING: FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. UNDER 17 REQUIRES ADULT SUPERVISION.

This week we’re talking about The Video Dead (1987) among many other things. This movie brings about a handful of derailments, so hold onto your ass. 

Instagram: @queensofnc17

Music: @tobaxxo

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:46

Grump around. Grump bump, grump up, get down.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

That's so grumpy. Grump, grump. Everybody grump. I love that. I started doing that. I was in a foul mood the other day and I started seeing that loud, took me right out of it. Because I was literally grumping around the house.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

I was just grumping.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

That's so good. It's also a very clear way to let people know what the fuck they're stepping into. I'm grumping right now. Can you make the woo noise? The the whatever the I don't know. You gotta work on that. You gotta work on that.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

Because yeah. Yeah, isn't that good? You can use that. I say we all use that.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

I'm gonna start using it at work. Yes. I'm gonna start using it at work. We should record a version of that. And you just play it. Yeah. Just have to. You can just have like a little, you know, like those blue birl talk playback. Yeah, like the Bluetooth thing. Bluetooth. Bluetooth. Like the Bluetooth speaker. You can just use them like carabiner. Speaker's the word you were. I was going boop-boop boo because I'm a fucking loser. Can't use words good. Regular mic, Mika. Good thing this podcast has nothing to do with words or good ones. I know. Who are you? I'm Andy Strega. Oh, I'm Iana Isabel. We're Queens of NC17. And you've made it back for another week, as have we. Okay, we have at the top. I feel like we have an exciting announcement for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:05

So hey, I don't know if you guys remember, like maybe what? Maybe it was a few months ago at this point.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

It has been, but it's been brought up periodically. So I think it's been relevant. AI is replacing my job.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

So like all the people I'm just gonna like for a second get on my soapbox. Don't support AI. Don't make fucking funny. You know, don't support AI. It's taking over our fucking jobs.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

It's stealing our water. It's stealing our water, ruining the environment, killing animals. Like, stop using AI. It's not making cute, it's not funny. Making media literacy terrifying. Yes. Yeah. Stop using it. Stop supporting it. Um, so AI is taking my job. I found that out three months into my new job that I was excited about being at that you were gonna retire at.

SPEAKER_04 2:46

Yeah, it was like the cushiest, best fucking job, too, guys.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

So I got a new job. Yay! And y'all know in this fucking landscape, that is not an easy task. So everybody cheer on Andy. She worked very hard. She fucking had to hustle her ass off, and she found something that, while maybe not as cushy, is better. It is better. And much better.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

It's not remote anymore, guys. So I'm gonna have to do like actual interactions.

SPEAKER_03 3:14

But you're so good at that. I know. And honestly, I feel like part one of your many charms is in person. And I feel like teams and meet meetings, like we all suffered through the pandemic and we all remember how to survive. But I feel like you shine in person, and I feel like this is gonna be your job until you don't want this job. But I feel like having those extra days in person will really lock it in for you.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

I think so too. And I think that might be like the disconnect with even like my current team. Absolutely. We're all remote, we never see each other. It's a pandemic all over again. Yeah, except for like the one girl I see once a month in office. We're friends. Sure, sure. Because you see each other. So yeah, no.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

I am excited about it. It's gonna be great. Yes. But because of that, my first week, I've I've decided to not record that week because I'm gonna be for you. Are you taking any time off between jobs? No. So unfortunately, it's gonna go back to back.

SPEAKER_04 4:04

But I'm taking off that week because I'm gonna be hybrid, but I don't know what that schedule looks like.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:09

Um, and also they were really flexible with my CrossFit. So some days I might be leaving early so I can make it to CrossFits. Like that's all probably it fleshed out in the first day, but I wanted that first week to figure that out. So we will not have an episode the week of July 26th.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

Yeah. But look at us telling people in advance, not surprising ourselves or you with a with a uh oh, we're not here again. We're trying, guys. We're doing our best. So that's the exciting news in my department.

SPEAKER_04 4:34

Congratulations.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

It is exciting, it's always scary, you know what I mean? Like learning new things. But it's funny because it's like, I feel like I just got a handle on what I'm doing now and I'm already out the door. You know what I mean? So not my favorite thing.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

While I think this will be your third job in this field, and the first one you had was the first time you learned any of this stuff. So I think moving into the job you're in now was scary, but very focused. Yeah. Now you're moving back into more of a generalist role. Oh no, it's the same role base.

SPEAKER_04 5:03

Oh, it's the same. It's the same, it's benefits. It's fucking straight, dude.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

You'll be so good. I'm not having to fire anybody. I'm not having to do workplace investigations. Like the worst part of my old HR job was that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And like workers comp, how you got the name Determinator. How I got the name Determinator fucking sucked.

SPEAKER_04 5:20

I think in that job I fired over like 160 some people. Like it was really bad.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

So I don't have to do any of that. I'm doing benefits, which also pisses people off, but at least it's not me. Yeah. We you know, we're just saying like planning information. It's like this show. Yes. It's you didn't write, direct, right, or film it. And you're just telling a motherfucker about it. Exactly. So no, it should be great. And I'm trying to think if there was anything else this week that happened. I don't think so. Uh that fucking bullshit ass celebration of the country happened. That was silly. Oh, that was dumb.

SPEAKER_04 5:49

Nah, I just I just stayed and watched TV no uh nah. That's a no from us, fam. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, it's a hell no. Hell no. Hell no, no. I also did have a really big cheat day this weekend because I've been dieting straight. Okay, so for those of my friends who are like working out heavily, I am very curious because I've been working out CrossFit. This is my sixth week. So five weeks straight, and I've been calorie counting. Thank you. Thank you. It's very hard.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

It's crazy. When I read to Sam your message about having to take a break because you're starting your new job and you included CrossFit in that message, he was like, I'm proud of her. She's really committed to this. And I was like, Yeah, one thing about Andy is when she commits to something, she fucking commits up to it.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

But the weird thing is, so I was like calorie accounting for for the first five weeks of this and have not moved even a pound on the scale. Yeah, right. But like I can see. Has your body composition changed? I think so. Yeah. So, but I was like, I've been fucking working so hard, eating nothing. So this weekend, Andrew and I went out. We had, we I fast for a breakfast. So I don't eat breakfast. I don't eat until 1 p.m. But we had like a huge lunch and then we had triple dessert. Fuck yeah! I had triple dessert, and then for dinner, I was like, you know what?

SPEAKER_03 7:00

I never had Domino's pizza. Let's do it. So I had a fucking huge lunch, triple dessert, Domino's pizza. Was it the Dom? Mmm, Mino's. Yeah. Yeah, me too! Did you get the Domino? I've never had Domino's. It's so fucking good. They're stuffed crust. It's so good. Fuck with stuffed crust. You know what it is? Of course they do. They also eat rabbit poop and lick their own feet. So I'm not really sure that they get to be measured in the ranking of what's good. The reason I don't like stuffed crust is crust is my favorite part. Crust is my favorite part. There's cheese everywhere. Like when I was a kid, when I ate enough of pizza that I was allowed to have dessert, I would have a piece of pizza and take the cheese off. I just want to be. I just want the crazy work. I've never felt so much like I don't know who you I just want slippy, fucking fleshy bread. I love the way the lumps feel on my tongue. Okay, I do love feeling the lumps. It's all slippy. I'm with you on that. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. That's the thing. I don't like seeing I have issues with marinara though. I get weird about marinara, so like without the cheese, is you know, I can't do it. What are you weird about? You just only like certainly. I don't like a piece of the skin. You know, sometimes you're like a rolled up piece of tomato skin.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Hate that. Well, that never happens at Domino's. Not at Domino's. They don't use like tomatoes.

SPEAKER_04 8:17

But like, are like local pizza plates?

SPEAKER_03 8:19

Yeah, yeah. A chunk. Fuck out of you. Fuck a chunk. Fuck a chunk. Your job is to be smooth. I didn't ask for pico de gaido. No money. You know what I'm saying? A garden salt food. Fuck no. I want a marinaire.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

I want a smooth sauce.

SPEAKER_03 8:35

Smooth like an applesauce. Marinaire like an applesauce. I don't want a piece of tomato skin in there. If I can tell this came from a tomato, you have fucked up. You have fucked up and now you can fuck off. Sam.

SPEAKER_04 8:46

Feel strongly about it. Thank you. I am with you. Now I feel like we're back in sync. Yeah. So yeah, so I had some dominoes for the first time ever. It was actually really good. I'm very happy.

SPEAKER_03 8:54

What do you, what is your go-to pizza? The local place. No, no, no. But what do you get? What's your topping?

SPEAKER_04 9:00

It's gross. So we're so get ready. Black olives? Half with black olives and onions. The other half with actually it differs because I also like peppers and onions on one side. But this is what I did that time. I did olives and onions on half. Okay. And then banana peppers and bell peppers on the other half.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Yeah, it's not for me. Or I'll do green peppers and pineapple. That's my go-to. Is that your go-to? I do amazing. What's yours? I do a split, and and that just comes from Finn and pretending like if I get green peppers on half, that that's the healthy half. And then the pineapple is the dessert half. That's how I would justify that when he was a kid. That comes from my family growing up. So my family always got one mushroom pizza. Ew. Ew. Smells like burps. Yeah. Gross. And also, like the mush listen, I am not on board with mushrooms, period, unless they're taking me to another dimension. Yeah, not on a pizza. And like so many pizza places use canned mushrooms, which are just so much more. Like nothing is good about mushrooms in my mouth. Okay. But canned mushrooms are a special kind of six combination. It's a special kind of six. Yes, it is. So my household, it was there would always be one mushroom pizza, there would be one green pepper pizza, and there would be one pineapple pizza. Oh, yeah. But we weren't allowed to start with the pineapple. You had to have that's cruel. I know. And also in my family, I'm still traumatized by this. I think about to this day on Easter. We were not allowed to eat any of our candy until we had each eaten three hard-boiled eggs. And I remember as a child how hard it was. It felt it felt like a hot dog eating competition, you know, like choking down that dry ass yolk. Like I hated hard-boiled eggs so hard in my childhood. Oh my god. Okay. Now I could eat six that note. I love hard-boiled eggs. I love them.

SPEAKER_04 10:43

And I just in my late 30s have been able to start eating it with the yolk. I used to just do the white and feedback. Oh yeah, the whites are delicious. Yeah, but I love the yolk.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

Now I love that shit. That's crazy. Yeah. When I was a kid, it was a little bit chalky. Yeah, a little bit chalky. A little bit of fart chalk. Fart chalk right in the mouth, sucks all the moisture out, and you're just like I love that. It's so good.

SPEAKER_04 11:03

Yeah. Um, mine was milk. My parents would make me drink an entire glass of milk um every morning before I was allowed to like eat, you know, eggs and whatever. Like, I'd have to drink all the milk and I wasn't allowed to leave. So sometimes they'd let me eat it and then they'd be like, but you can't, you know, you have to drink the milk. So I would I would like gag on it. You know what I mean? So I still can't drink milk to this day. Oh, I yeah, I have almond milk because I can't.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

The idea of drinking a glass of milk. Now, mind you, much like tomates, yeah, I fuck with all her byproducts, right? I love a yolk cheese, I love a yolk, I love ice cream. Yes, give all of that to me, but in her raw, right, get the fuck out of here. Out of here. Who's drinking fucking cow titty milk? It's weird. We need to. No one in our life. No one in our life. I know somebody. I know somebody who's devoted and can't get enough. Yeah, dude. They would. That all checks out. Um, so anyway, what happened in your life this week? Nothing good to talk about. Nothing good. Uh, it twas my birthday. Yeah, it's also we didn't do a birthday pick. I know, we did fucking Mika's pick. Ruined everything for everyone.

SPEAKER_04 12:07

You should pick the next one. You should find one today. Pick yours today for your birthday. We did this for my birthday too. I don't think I had one either. We're so bad at this.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

Here's the thing we're learning fuck a birthday.

unknown 12:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:17

You know, it's like I and for me, I think part of it is that I don't have a relationship with my family. Yeah. So birthdays are very deeply tied to family since they made me, right? And if they don't want to celebrate, I think it starts inherently as like a uh kind of feeling. And then I had a relationship with somebody for 15 years who hated me um and purposefully made my birthdays bad. Uh, if you remember, dumped me on my 40th. Yeah. Jump around. Grump around, grump around. Um, but I was trying to think of the woohoo sound, but I don't know what it actually sounds like. That wasn't it, but it was it was a sound. Yeah. Um, so anyway, so I generally enter into my birthday with pretty heavy trepidation. This year outdid itself, uh, worst one yet. So we'll just leave it at that. Not worth reliving, but I think that I need to think about it differently. I am a person who has all of the spectrums, right? I have I think at this point I could probably get an autism on there if she would serve me in any way. I'm more scared of getting it on paper than anything. But I think that um I'm a person who very much likes formal starts, right? So, like in my magical practice, which I've been getting even more heavy into recently, it's like the start of the week, the start of the moon, the start of the start of the season, the start of the whatever. Like my brain really, really gets off on that. My brain loves a date to jump off on. And so I think that's why generally I want my birthday to be a thing. But I also, I was a summer birthday. I grew up in the suburbs of Kansas City. Uh I went to an inner city school, so none of my friends could come to my house for my birthday. I had a fucking pool. I said this last week. I had a pool, but nobody could come because all my friends lived in the city and they didn't have families that had the luxury of being able to drive them out to my house. So my birthdays, there was never anybody there. It was always just my fucking brothers. And they hated me too. So it's like historically, it's just like a ugly it's supposed to be special. I want it to be special. It's not special, then I'm sad. So that's like the pattern. So what I'm saying is all of this is to say, I think I need to treat it like a New Year's celebration instead of a birthday celebration. I was born prince, believes in this, right? I mean no longer R A Play. But R A P he didn't celebrate his birthday. He was also a seven-day Adventist, so there was some weird shit with that. He didn't celebrate holidays in general, but he was like, I was born once and then I'm alive until I'm not. And so I'm trying to like shift my mindset from instead of an annual birthday celebration, instead, perhaps I'll just look at it as like a new year again. So I get the new year, I get the Chinese New Year, and I get the Iana New Year. I love that. And I'll just try and think of it like that. And instead of having anticipation or hopes about it being special, I'll just do some magic, think about it uh as a reset, treat it like a new moon, treat it like a cleanse, a purge, uh get rid of what I don't need, uh, focus on what I want to do in the next year and treat it like that. So that's how I'm choosing to reframe it so I don't fucking kill myself. It's fine, everything's fine. Who's born in the summer? Why do people do this? I know it's because they be fucking when it's cooler. It's true. They do be fucking when it's cooler, but then the consequences of them behaviors is you gotta be pregnant in the summer.

SPEAKER_04 15:43

Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_03 15:44

Yeah, dude, one time I had a baby in August. Oh, yeah. So you had to experience the whole summer like that. The whole fucking summer. Did you have air conditioning? No, no, and ducks. And a boyfriend who hated me then too. Pattern in my life. L-O-L. Turns out when you don't like yourself, RuPaul was right. RuPaul was right. How in the fuck I don't know how many shitty ass fuck ass boys RuPaul has suffered through in his life, but uh he was on to something with that anyway. So anyway, R.I.P. I'm gonna spy I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Well, because we were talking about him. No, I know, I know. We're like RuPaul was on to something before he when we used to care. Yeah, no. When RuPaul was a missionary and before he was a part of the machine. But yeah, I just I just think that uh yeah, I'm just trying to change my framework around it so that I'm not so devastated every year. And now the expectations for next year are so different that it can't go wrong. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 16:48

Yeah, I'm knocking on wood.

SPEAKER_03 16:50

Either way, I love you. Happy birthday. Your birthday is an important day for me because it's the day that I got to get the best person of my life. Uh, I always get a really, really lovely lush gift best gift from you that I fucking milk speaking of all year. I fucking parse that shit out like I am in wartime. This is so funny, dude. I know it's so stupid because I buy myself up. Yeah, you cut out the bath bombs. Girl, just splurge. I can't. I still live like I'm poor, dude. I still live like that because it's such a luxury. It feels like such a waste to put the whole thing in there. I'm like, no, I can get four baths.

SPEAKER_04 17:26

So funny. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

And you should see my psychotic ass in the bathroom with a fucking knife. Knife. I've done it before. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:33

Like I've done it before, but I try if I can.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Yeah. Put the whole thing. Like when they're gifted to me, I put the whole thing in. Well, you really spoiled me this year. I have a lot of goodies in there. So maybe, maybe I'll do maybe the next one. It's cool enough. Yeah. You know what I did get myself for my birthday? I got myself two presents that I'm really excited about. One of them is a lamp, like a waterproof lamp for the tub. Yeah. Because I fucking hate overhead lighting. It's beautiful. I'll send you the link. It was very inexpensive. But it's just like it's one of these million RGB, you can change all the settings and it does like a sparkly, it looks like water. But it's waterproof. You charge it a USB C, you charge it, and then I've just got soft light when I take a bath. That's my big thing is I hate the fucking overhead lighting in there. So I got myself that. And then something that I have, this is so stupid. This is like when you grow, when you are poor for a long time, it really do be fucking with your brain. And it changes the way you think about what you can and cannot have. Because don't get me wrong, I will splurge on some shit that I cannot afford, that I do not fucking need. Like I will do, I bought myself a Muppet Baby's dress. It don't even ship till August, the end of August. I'm so excited. It's a nightgown. It's a child's nightgown. Oh my gosh. Miss Piggy fucking Muppet Baby's dress. I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

That is so silly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

Who needs that? Not me, but it's coming. So hopefully it fits. But uh, so that's what I'm saying. On one hand, I'll be doing shit like cutting up your lush bombs. On the other hand, I'm cutting up my lush bombs. So funny. But I bought, I have wanted for many, many a year a sun visor for my car, right? But as with everything, I like a novelty thing. I want everything to be a fucking joke because life's too hard. Yeah. So I had been debating over which one to get, and then I get in this circle, and then I'm like, I don't know which one to get, and they're $30. I'm not gonna do it, whatever. So I finally got myself one, and it is the paparazzi shot of Paris Hilton in the driver. Oh, that's awesome. Lindsay Lohan and then Britney Spears in the backseat. That's awesome. I got myself that. So I'm very excited to put that in my windshield tomorrow at work. I'm like, every person who walks past my car will laugh, right? Much like the wrestlers on my windshield wiper. Yeah. I watch people delight in that when they're in traffic behind me and explain it to the other people in the car, and sometimes they'll turn it on just to give them a little giggle. Like it's like everything's too hard. We just need to have more fun. Yeah. And that is how I treated myself. So I got myself a lamp for my autism, and I got myself a fucking uh sun because it's the 1,000 degrees outside. It's really hot.

SPEAKER_04 20:07

It's so hot. Speaking of hot.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Where are you going? We've gotta return some video games.

SPEAKER_03 20:17

There's nobody hot in this movie, bro.

SPEAKER_04 20:19

No, no, no, there's nothing hot about this movie. Nothing hot. As a matter of fact, we'll get there in a second. I want to see if you caught it, but this week, what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_03 20:26

The video dead. The video dead. Now there is a rumor that this is like famous and stuff. So, like, I've seen this everywhere. I feel like this is a cult classic. I could be wrong, but I do feel like Do you think people overuse that terminology? Maybe. I think now that everything is accessible. To me, like I don't know how I would define cult classic, but to me, it's something that your cousin gave their cousin, gave their friend. Like, people passed it around because it was so good and so precious.

SPEAKER_04 20:56

Like, oh no. I think I think there's there's that version of it.

SPEAKER_03 21:00

And then there's things that are like so bad that they become a thing. Oh, like Birdemic. Yeah.

unknown 21:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:05

I see. You know what I mean? I hate to see you regular mic. I hate to say it. But so this is the video dead from 1987. This is written and directed by Robert Scott. Easy, peasy, beautiful. Robert Scott. Robert Scott. Robbie Scott. This movie is about a family weird that takes delivery of a new television set, unawares that it is the gateway by which killer zombies enter the world. That's such a fun concept. It is such a fun concept, and I thought about while I was watching it. I was like, how many movies have we done over the last 10 years that are specifically TVs as gateways?

SPEAKER_04 21:41

Tube TVs. People were so scared of technology, and I know how ironic that sounds considering I just gave a warning about AI, but it's different.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

It is different. It is different. It's different. Well, that's what's so funny is a lot of these concepts from these earlier movies, it's like, that shit's real. While I was watching this movie, there was a Waymo ad. Did you get a Waymo ad? Oh, don't Like it. Don't like it. Are they here? I think they're here. Have you seen them? No. They're the self-driving cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But basically, the the message of the ad was like safer than a human. No, yeah. Suck my ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like safer than a human because you're so precious. We want to protect you. I was like, bitch, you're gonna steal my soul. Don't get in there. I had to do it in a while. I had to fight a Waymo when I was in LA working that Taco Bell project because it kept attacking me.

SPEAKER_04 22:29

Don't do it, you guys.

SPEAKER_03 22:30

Say wait, just stop. Like, can't I stop supporting it? Here is the at the end of the day, everyone who's telling you we have to accept AI, we have to accept this subject.

SPEAKER_04 22:39

Yeah, they got stocks, baby. Because their money is up in it. At the end of the day, if we don't support it and we don't give it our money, it will fail and they'll have to pull out. Period. I'm already seeing the shit about how it's more expensive to use AI than it is to hire humans.

SPEAKER_03 22:54

Absolutely. It's fucking up. The people are having to hire humans back. Again, it is destroying our fucking environment. It's killing the animals. Let it go.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Don't believe that bullshit. And A24, suck my asshole. What are they doing? They're jumping on it. They said we're gonna make AI movies.

SPEAKER_03 23:09

We're A24. That is the last place I thought would do it. A24 can suck my titty. It means they got fucking irons in the fire. Fuck them. Don't go see that shit. Don't listen to AI music. Don't listen to AI music. What's really scary is it's hard to tell. What's really scary is like it's so commonly disguised, you don't even realize it until it's too late. I know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:34

And then the other day, Andrew came in here and was like, I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_03 23:38

AI Music Slack. And I was like, you shut up. You were like, you peel your skin off right now. You go take a shower with no cold water as penance. Then come in here and let me brage your hair. Insane. So anyway, uh, oh yeah, you read the description. It's sort of a family, but we're gonna start out with this company called Highlight. And they're here with a big ol' crate. A big old crate. Definitely big enough for a person to be inside. Definitely. I knew what this was about, and still I was like, ooh, is it gonna jump out? Is it gonna somebody jump out? And what I like about highlight delivery service is that they wear a matching jumpsuit. Yes. But I think is an interesting choice is that they went with orange, which is generally convicts. Convicts. Yeah. We do that on purpose so that when they're running away, you can see them. Yes. Or stripes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something obvious and clearly not a highlight delivery service. They're in orange jumpsuits with like the word highlight stamped on the back like a prison number. Teeny tiny, teeny tiny. Yeah. So funny. So Jordan rolls out of his greasy bed. Um Barely.

SPEAKER_04 24:38

Did you recognize him?

SPEAKER_03 24:39

Who's my boy?

SPEAKER_04 24:41

The greasy strangler.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

Shut the front door. That's him. That's young Greasy.

SPEAKER_04 24:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

Young Jeezy. Young Jeezy, Young Greasy, Young Greasy. Would be a great rap name for you if you ever wanted to. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Young Greasy. I do generally try to avoid being seen as greasy. I tend to be young. Flaky. You know what I mean? I'm like T zone. I'm like middle-aged. Middle-aged T-zone. I'll just go with T-Zone. You'll be T-zone and I'll be young greasy. There we go. That one is combination. Yeah, dude. We're a little bit more perimenopausal. We'll work on the we'll use AI to help us write a bit. Because of you saying that, dude, my phone is giving me so many perimenopausal ads. I'm sorry, bitch, but it's coming. I know, don't talk to you. I'm sorry. It's gonna happen. Listen, how have we not developed the medication for this yet? Oh, because we hate women. Yeah. Yeah.

unknown 25:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

That's honestly, like, we should just write that down and just have it stuck on the table. Men meet women. Men just put it everywhere we can see so we can conquer ourselves. Yes, they do. Yes, because being a woman is to suffer and they think we should be able to get through it. I do you want to hear something for real for real? What? Okay. Do you ever watch the videos? I've we've talked about this before, but the videos of men doing like period simulation pain. I love this. I could watch this forever. Did consider renting one for the wedding. Just because. Just because have the guys doing it? Just so that all the women could outdo the men. Just so that all the women could like clown the men and be like, I'm on a 10 and I'm texting, dancing, and having a cocktail. I know. And you can't handle a three. The funny thing is like I love the men that I've chosen to love. Yes. Yes. And uh Pussies. Is that what you were gonna say? Oh, sorry. Sort of. I mean, all of them, like I feel like their pain tolerance is just. Can I say something about that? Can I say something about that? One, I think that men in general have a much, much, much lower pain tolerance because they don't experience a monthly pain. Yeah. A cyclical cyclic no, I'm just gonna stop. A regular, consistent, expected pain, except for people who suffer from like chronic illness. Um, I think that's one. I think two, you and I uniquely excellent caretakers.

SPEAKER_04 27:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

Doobie baby and a man we love. So that's it. So they know because like they can act up and we'll be there for them. I'll use mine as an example. Uh, as mentioned, previous just recently got a new hip because of the torture he did to his body, right? Threw himself through steel cages, went through tables, took bumps on concrete. Like the things this man did to his body, no problem. But do not let him get a cold. Oh my god, I let him stub a toe. Do not let him zip a pube. You know what I'm saying? Like any of that down for the count. The other day, I got like I was doing something and got like within a couple centimeters of hitting Andrew.

SPEAKER_04 27:42

I don't know what I was doing. I was like whipping something around, you know, like not trying to scare him or injure him at all.

SPEAKER_03 27:47

I was doing something and the way he was like, and I was like, I didn't even hit you. And he's like, but you could have. And I was like, I didn't wrestler. You literally get paid to get thrown through right. But you're gonna like uh it's probably because he's gonna be the baby of him, it's probably because he's gonna be like, oh, I'm so showy. I love you. Should we hit them more? Is that like I'm just asking probably. Probably, like intellectually, are we not committing enough acts of violence against the men we love so that they appreciate when we don't hit them? I feel like that's the kind of psychological abuse we went through previously. So maybe we just had never approached it in that way. And it's like, look at how much I didn't hate you today. That's fucking terrible. No? You can try that on, let me know how it goes. Okay, I'll think about it. We'll we'll play it. I am crossfit Hare Krishna. I am a crossfitting Hare Krishna, and it's crazy, you guys. I'm loving the Bhagavad Gita as it is. It's the Hare Krishna version, loving it. Are you singing? Are you chanting? What are you doing? Like, do you have the tambourine? What's going on? No, not you. I know. I'm still wearing all black, so like I haven't transitioned fully. You let me know.

SPEAKER_04 28:57

Like, it is helping me live a much more peaceful life. I now only kill flies. I don't even kill roaches anymore, you guys. I just let them go.

SPEAKER_03 29:03

That's crazy. I know.

SPEAKER_04 29:05

What? And the only reason I kill the flies when they come in is well, first I try to trap them.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

Because Guillermo's terrified.

SPEAKER_04 29:10

Well, he's terrified, and I'm not sure if you're aware of this. If flies get into a cabbage litter pan, that's a rabbit. Yes. They can, you know, make maggots. Yeah. And if they get on a rabbit's bum, the rabbit will die.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Of course. Everything kills these flies. Everything kills them. But I read online something very specific about like how they'll sit in their litter pan and how like the maggots will grab on to the rabbit. They're a cable and they can't clean it or something. They can't, and you can't really wash them. So it like gets in their skin and forms necrosis. Kill them fucking. So I kill the fly.

SPEAKER_04 29:41

When the fly well, what I try to do is I trap it in the door, close the door, go to the other side, open the screen door, and let it out. That's what I try to do. But if I can't, I have to kill it because I can't have cabbage die. No. And yes, my son, very scared of. We have not talked at all about this movie.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

Listen, it's pretty, we can bum rush it.

SPEAKER_04 29:58

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not killing anything.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

You kill whatever you want. I know that I could never hit my boyfriend. I'll hit him. You can hit him. I'll hit him.

unknown 30:07

Happy.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

I'm right down the street. Happy to invite here to help. Let me be of service. Very peaceful. I would love for us to get to a point where you look at him dead serious, dead ass in his eyes, and you'd be like, I'm gonna call a you know how like my parents never did this, but my friends' parents would be like, I will tell your dad. I'm gonna tell your dad, I'm gonna call your aunt. My mom did that. Don't let me call your uncle so-and-so.

SPEAKER_04 30:32

I knew when my mom said, I'm telling your dad it was over.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

Yeah. I want to have that level of presence in your house. I want, I want to be like those buttons that the animals push. Yeah. I want you to push the don't make me call Liana button. That's fair. And you can do that with Sam too.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Not that I think he'd ever need it, but like if he did something bad enough, I would swing on him. Because the truth of the matter is, I care about you more than I care about myself.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

So like we could be each other's boyfriends. You know what I mean? Yeah. We have been each other's boyfriends. We have technically husband. Correct. Yeah. So if you if you ever need me to, you know what I mean? You just you we're down the side. Why do you think we live now? Close, you know? It was a clear black night. Yeah, I will, yeah. I'll come down. I gave me and she just threatened me with her eyes. I love it. So fucking the greasy strangler rolls out of his oily ass bed, dude. It's crazy. And it's crazy when he because he's young. And when he opens the door, the first thing he says to these liver guys is like, You gotta cigarette. Yeah, I love that. I'm trying to bump a cigarette. I thought it was so funny. It's very on brand. He says, I didn't order anything, but the highlight guys are like, Look, dude, the sender paid for it. So we have to deliver this. They do this long explainer of like, it's not a C O D. I was like, nobody watching this knows what that is. Once upon a time, you could ship something and then make the person on the other end pay for it. It's crazy. LOL. Yeah. Imagine, imagine trying to retrieve money from someone when you deliver. Imagine Amazon if you had to pick up on the other side. I know. So um that night, oh my god, I just skimmed past it. He opens up the crate of Dizzy Tube TV. It is a tube TV. She's been through it. She's not new. Yes, no, this is not a new TV. And he's like, what the fuck am I gonna do with this? I'm a writer. He says, I don't even watch TV. I don't watch TV, but what does he do?

SPEAKER_04 32:17

He turns that tube on.

SPEAKER_03 32:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:18

Turns on the boob tube.

SPEAKER_03 32:20

Listen, they call it that for a reason.

SPEAKER_04 32:22

But titties on there.

SPEAKER_03 32:23

Because it's big old titties in there. So then he like a zombie movie comes on and he hates it because he's a loser. Hates it, but he keeps watching. Yeah. And then eventually he's like, all right, I gotta go to bed. So he turns it off, but the TV keeps turning itself back on. Eventually he unplugs the boob tube, but it still turns back on. That is when it goes outside. So straight off smash it and you throw it in the woods. Because there are a beautiful woods behind this home. Yes, there sure as fuck is. So while he's asleep, this thing unplugged again, comes back on on its own, and the zombies do a very ringo type deal. I thought it was clever how they managed it. The the effects for being 1987, I feel like, and again, everybody has strong feelings about what a zombie should and should not look like. I like we get like seven different kinds of zombies. There's not like a unified zombie look. Right. I like them all. Yeah, there's definitely like a bride and groom. Yeah. I've always, ironically, as someone who had a whole roller derby team that was zombie brides, I've never understood that trope. Yeah, me neither. Like if you die as a bride, they just throw you in a box right there and then they're like, ship it. Yeah. Let it go. She she paid so much for that dress, let her be buried in it. No. I guess. But the veil? No. Nobody's doing this. No, no one. No one. So the zombies start popping out.

SPEAKER_04 33:42

Um, and there's like all kinds of smoke and lightning and love it. The TV falls backwards. Like you said, they're coming, kind of coming short. Straight up, yeah. Which is pretty great. And there's a number of them.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Yeah, there's like an alarming number. Yeah. Five. And it's kind of these main five guys throughout the film. Yes. Um, it's not important. No. But there it's five, at least five. So highlight comes back, Highlight magazine comes back the next day. And they're like, listen, you left me in the doctor's office, and we wanted to know if you could spot 10 differences. So this is so funny. My old art teacher used to draw those. Oh, that's so cool. I loved highlights. I loved highlights. So she drew all of those, and she would do one each year at the college with everybody who was enrolled. I love highlights. Highlights was like the precursor to iSpy. Yeah. I loved them shits. Yeah. I loved them. That's a nice little shout-out. I haven't thought about highlights in a while. Um, so the next day, yeah, they show up and they're like, oh fuck, it was the wrong delivery address. They're bitching in the car about fucking home base. We told them they're gonna get this shit all fucked up. I know. And it's it should have gone to the Institute Study of the Occult. That's different than this guy. First of all, any job openings there. Yeah. Are you guys hiring? What's going on over there? Do you need students? Do you need students? Do you need literally the coffee? I'm like literally, Andy'll do day. HR. I'll run your socials. We'll get it all fingered out. Please. Um, but no one's answering the door, obviously. Yeah, well, homie's asleep again. Duh. He's so sweepy. He's been greasy long. He's been goasy and wheeled all night. He was greasy strangling all night. His chicken.

SPEAKER_04 35:22

Ew. Because his dick is in that movie way too much. It is. When I was trying to explain to Andrew, like that's the greasy strangler, ew.

SPEAKER_03 35:29

Like, I couldn't find any pictures of his dick. I love that you were searching pictures of the greasy strangler's dick. Huge hog. And then the other one's teeny little hog. I I've looked up some fucked up shit at work recently.

SPEAKER_04 35:43

Fuck it.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

But not that. That wasn't it. No, I wasn't doing this. You gotta make him watch it.

SPEAKER_04 35:48

I know. I don't want to, I don't want to have to relive this.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

He can he's a grown-up. He can watch it by himself. He won't watch it without me. Put it on before he gets home and be like, you can't turn it off. You're not allowed to turn it off. There will be a book report. People used to do that to me. That's how I had to see fucking one man, one jar, BE Paint Olympics, two girls, one cup. They'd throw me in a room, turn the lights out, lock me in there, didn't have a remote channel. And they were out there strangling their greasy thinking about you.

SPEAKER_04 36:13

I can't do that to him. I can't do that to him. But also, this man watches Disney, babe.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

He doesn't want to watch the greasy string. I forget that all the time. I forget it all the time because I've beaten that out of my mind. He made me watch Hail Mary recently. Have you seen that? I read the book. I did not watch the movie. Did you?

SPEAKER_04 36:31

I have the book, but I watched the movie, so I'm gonna get rid of it because I'm not interested. Um but the movie was cute, the movie was super cute.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Yeah, I have mixed feelings. It's long. I didn't know what to expect. I had a friend that recommended it to me. Same and so that's why I read it. And then I was like, I don't know that this is for me. Same. I thought it was gonna be horror. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 36:51

Um, so when I watched the movie and realized it was not, I was like, oh, I don't need to the fucking buddy comedy.

SPEAKER_03 36:56

Yeah, yeah. And it's like three hours long. So the next day I made him watch two horror movies because I was like blessed.

SPEAKER_04 37:01

That equals the one Disney movie. You might consider that a Disney movie.

SPEAKER_03 37:04

No, that's a Disney movie. It was really anything you didn't pick is Disney. I have these arguments all the time. It's 100%. Where I'm like, that's Disney. And he's like, it's not Disney. It is. Yeah. I can't believe you read the book. The last book I read. So um, they come when they no one's answering the door, obviously, like you said.

SPEAKER_04 37:21

And they push the door because it's just kind of open. Yeah and we see the greasy strangler sitting there. Greasy strangled. He's got a slit through. He had like a party hat on.

SPEAKER_03 37:28

Why does he have a party hat on? Why? That doesn't get explained at all. Did he just have that? He did not look like the party hat type. He does. I can't believe that was just sitting in his house. That the zombies come out of the room. I do like to think that when he jerks off, he specifically puts that hat on. Like he can only masturbate into a party hat. That seems right. That seems right. That seems I I'll back that up. I'll spread that rumor. Okay, thank you. Okay, everybody tell a friend. So we have three months later. Someone else has bought this house. We meet Zoe or Zoe. She's both. She pulls up, and this is her parents who bought the house, as is sight unseen, but they're in Europe. Yeah, this whole dynamic is weird, and they spend a not a lot of time, but too much to not be relevant. She is 25. Yeah. She seems too old to be living in a home for her parents. But what we get the general sense of is her parents have consistently lived outside of the United States, and her and her brother have been in the US. Right. So she's moved in, she's bringing in the boxes, she's signing stuff. There's a couple like fake out jump scares while she's looking into the beautiful mountains. Where the fuck do you think we are? Is it California?

SPEAKER_04 38:37

I have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

These mountains are incredible. It's super gorgeous. The older I get, the more I want to disappear into the wilderness. But ticks, babe, ticks.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

I don't like ticks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:46

So she's like signing off on the movers, bringing everything in, and then suddenly it feels like a zombie has arrived. Yeah, and instead it's just her shitty brother Jeff. And I literally clocked it immediately. I was like, those are Converse. That's what I said. That's what I said to Andrew. I was like, yeah, that's gonna be like her shitty brother or boyfriend or something. I was like, there's no way that's a zombie. He's wearing Converse and he's missing shoelaces. He's gonna be some greasy punk little motherfucker. It is, it's Jeff. It is, and Jeff doesn't change his shirt for the first like six days of the movie. It's crazy. He wears more than one shirt? Yeah. I thought he wore that one that whole blood on him. And he has to change it. And then drinking off then.

SPEAKER_04 39:19

Wears that shirt for seven days. Like this kid is greasy and grassy. He's gross.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

Yeah. So um they bullshit.

SPEAKER_04 39:26

It's irrelevant. Um, we meet this guy named Josh Dan Josh Daniels or J D. J D? That's good. Mr.

SPEAKER_03 39:34

Daniels, if you're nasty. Exactly. He shows up and he knocks on the door and says, Listen, um, I'm just here to get the TV. Okay. A crate delivered this. It was to the wrong place. Um, it's dangerous. And Jeff is like, dude, what the fuck? Also, in like three months have gone by. You know what I mean? Like, you've you couldn't have came here when the house was empty. Just break the door down, bruh. You know what I mean? Like, if it's that serial, just get in there and get it. Get in there. Also, he's being too chill. Also, I feel like Jeff's ensemble leads me to believe he's anti-establishment. He's anti supervision. I think he would be all on board for this message instead. He totally blows him off and is like, get bent, weirdo. And he also is like, it's just us kids here in the house. Like, did you want to die? Why are you telling a strange man it's just you and your sister in the house? One of all, two of all, three seconds ago, I thought y'all were a fucking middle-aged couple. I know. So just us kids, calm down, brush your teeth. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:27

And he and then what JD leaves him with is I know I sound crazy, but this thing looks like a regular TV and it kills people. If you find a TV in your house, you don't use it. Don't use it.

SPEAKER_03 40:37

Okay, that seems pretty clear and direct. Seems like we could avoid the whole rest of the movie. I know. No? No, instead that the TV turns on on its own in the attic. Jeff hears it. He goes up, it turns itself off before he sees it, so he just sees this TV. Literally, what JD was just fucking saying. Said if there's a random ass TV that ain't yours, don't touch it. And he's like, Whoa, a random ass TV that's not mine. What a gift from the blessed. Thank you, Hari Krishna. Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna. Hari Hari Krishna Krishna. He puts it in his fucking bench. He's like, I am gonna jerk my strangler.

SPEAKER_04 41:08

I'm gonna strangle my grease to the boob, too. Yeah, well. April comes by.

SPEAKER_03 41:13

So before you can do that, a real girl shows up. She's got a super cute dog. This is terrible. And thank you, Brad, for not showing us anything. Brad in Canada message just one day too late, unfortunately. It was like, hey, the dog dies. Be aware of this. Also, there's a dead goldfish. That is the type of energy I need from our listeners. Absolutely beautiful energy, beautiful effort. That's exactly what we want to know. Luckily, I think they bought that goldfish dead. Thank God. Yeah. I mean, I would assume because the 80s had some animal rights. A little bit. A little bit. Not too much, but a little bit. But the dog shit, not dog shit, but like dog stuff. There's a couple things they choose not to show in this movie. They are choices. I appreciate them. They're not necessary. It was in this moment that I was like, when they choose not to show dog stuff, that I was like, oh, you know what else we could not show is violence towards women. Yeah. If we could just only get, I mean, come on. But I was like, imagine a world. I know. In a world. 90% of horror movies, though. We don't show violence towards animals, children, women. Then there's nothing left. White men. But men. White men, specifically white men. I just want to watch them get pulled apart. Okay, I say all men. Um, let's say across the board, let's say all men. Sure, sure.

SPEAKER_04 42:25

Channels.

SPEAKER_03 42:25

Okay. Well, I want to start with theirs. I mean, I'd be happy with all men. Okay. But but but also, horror movies historically, I mean we could get into this. There's podcasts who break this shit down. That's not what we do. All day. It's not what we do. It's not what we do. It's been for the male gays. Yeah. And the majority of victims in real life and the city. Oh, sure. Well, it reflects reality. Absolutely. And who's in charge? Some of it is just like some of these movies, and again, this is this is interesting territory, only because you and I also do like exploitation movies.

SPEAKER_04 42:54

Yes. But again, they feel very some guys are watching it because they like watching this being violent towards women. So I don't, as I've gotten older, I've pulled away a lot from exploitation movies.

SPEAKER_03 43:07

Which ones I like is way more specific. I did for my birthday watch a gum for Jennifer and S45. Now those movies, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:16

I I enjoy I enjoy those too. They're both. But like I'm hesitant to watch any new ones. You know what I mean? Like anything that isn't something I've already seen. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. You know. But again, some of it's just too extreme.

SPEAKER_03 43:28

Some of it feels like who is this made for truly? Well, again, it feels like faux snuffed. You know what I mean? Absolutely. I think we often talk about like, don't pull away from the violence. We want to see the violence. That's what we're here for. But not when it's gratuitous violence towards women. Like that is just something like been there, done that, seen it, lived it. It's one of those things that I don't want to focus on too much. Like, I love a movie like Terrifier. Sure. Where everybody is you know what I mean? Everybody's a victim in that movie. Too many movies, especially in the 80s, are like sorority girl, this. You know, all it's just just women. Being murdered. Sure, it's a vehicle to get titties out, which I love so much. I know again, it's a little bit because we love that. So it is complicated. It's complicated also because of like the eras we grew up in, the way we also were impacted by the male gaze. The male gaze was the only gaze to have. Right. Um, I'm just saying, filmmakers who listen to us, because I know you're doctors, your lawyers, your filmmakers. Yeah, I know you're the hottest, sexiest, coolest people that have ever existed on planet Earth. Right. Make me some fucking female focused, villainous content. There's a lot more now than there ever has been. Absolutely. Because it's more accessible. You can make a movie on an iPhone. You don't need a studio to make a movie.

SPEAKER_04 44:43

I want the playing field to be equal. Sure. I want movies that make everybody scared, not just women. Yes. And nobody horny. Okay? That's my goal. Oh, that's my goal. I'm sorry. No horny.

SPEAKER_03 44:55

Nobody horny. Everybody scary. Not even a little bit. That's what I want. I want to see girls get killed. I want to see men get killed. I want to everybody to die. Everybody to die. Be clear. I want everybody. Everybody dead. No animals dead. That's my goal. Wait, wait, what if it's a movie where just the animals are? Okay. We've got ideas. We'll we'll talk off animals. We'll talk off flaming. So, you guys, April comes by with her super cute little black poodle. I love him so much. He's tiny, she's beautiful. What's that dog's name? She's an idiot, though. I don't remember what the dog is. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. The dog runs away.

SPEAKER_04 45:29

Speaking of dogs, runs away when they like Jeff invites her inside for a glass of water. It doesn't even have a glass. Yeah. But when they get water, the dog runs into the woods and she's like, chocolate, chocolate.

SPEAKER_03 45:39

That goes on for an hour. She scoops chocolate for like an hour. They do show the dog laying down from the back. He he's dead, apparently, but like you can tell this dog's just kind of laying down as a little sweater on. Yeah. He's teeny tiny. This is really gross though, because the zombie had gotten it in the woods.

SPEAKER_04 45:54

But she's like, oh shit, I was babysitting this dog. This family's gonna fucking kill me. Right.

SPEAKER_03 45:59

And he's like, don't worry, we'll just shove a fucking tennis ball down its throat. This dog is smaller than a tennis ball. You couldn't even get a tennis ball in this dog's mouth. So they do that. Thank God they don't show it. They don't show any of it.

SPEAKER_04 46:12

So they I even have a prop dog, thank God.

SPEAKER_03 46:14

Jeff's idea is you say a stranger threw a ball, the because she's like, I'm gonna get in trouble for letting the dog off leash. You say a stranger threw the ball, the dog gets loose, the dog chokes on the ball and dies. All we gotta do is shove the ball down the dog's throat, bing, bang, boom, we're in the clear. She says, Great, you think that'll work? He says, Absolutely, love this idea. She takes the dead dog home.

SPEAKER_04 46:35

Yeah, and it does work.

SPEAKER_03 46:36

But let me tell you, if I was the family who she was dog sitting for, I would I would have killed her. Sure. I would have murdered her. Yes. I also wouldn't have let a teenager be ever in charge of my dog. I don't know if you don't let anybody outside like my mom or you guys. You know what I mean? Truly. Like a stress.

SPEAKER_04 46:50

That's your child. Yeah, no fucking way. So she's fine and she's not in trouble.

SPEAKER_03 46:57

But I will say, she's like, I owe you an Oh yeah, but what does she also say? Oh, I'm so sorry. But like when they asked who it was that threw the ball, I accidentally said your whole full Christian name and address because I couldn't think of anybody else. So I hope that's like okay, but maybe I'll like give you a handjob or whatever. And I thought for sure that was gonna come back later. It does not. Does not end of story. Love did get him girl. That was insane. Ruin his life! So crazy. So he's pissed off about this, but also very horny because she's not coming over shine. He plugs in the TV and he starts rolling a joint. Okay. There is this hot babe on the TV. She is so spooky and structureless. Like the blonde Elvira. She it's like imagine the girls from Village of the Damned. Yeah. Now make her naked an adult. Yeah. Weird. That is weird. Yeah. She pops out of the TV and she starts to diddle them. Yeah, she's she's blowing. She diddles his skittle. She diddles his skittle. She sure does. And then she goes back into the TV then. She's like, that's enough. She doesn't let him come. Again? For the women. I love both of the women so far. Loving it.

SPEAKER_04 48:05

So this dude jumps in behind her on the TV because he's like, oh my God, I smoked way too much weed. This is crazy. And she's like, no, you didn't. I'm real. Because she took her clothes off in the room too. And the clothes are sitting on the room on the floor. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 48:16

And a guy comes up behind her and slits her throat in the TV and kills her. Now, for a second, I thought this was Greasy Strangler. I got confused. I was like, is he in there now? Is that what happened?

SPEAKER_04 48:26

He's just some guy on the channel. And he basically says, Look, I'm the garbage man and I'm here to take out the trash. This woman, trash, filth, filth.

SPEAKER_03 48:33

Also, kid, you're in danger. You need to lock this TV in the basement. Put a mirror in front of the screen. In front of the screen? Everything inside, because otherwise, like, this TV is gonna turn on. Things are gonna come out that you can't put back, and like you're fucked. Respect. Thank you for that guidance. And Jeffy's like, I'm very high. And I've had that moment as well. I have it all the time. Uh, but he heeds the warning a little bit. He completely heeds the warning. He flushes his weed down the fucking toilet. Clean and sober from this point on. But in the morning when he wakes up, he sees her clothes on the ground and realizes holy shit, like this was almost crumbed. Yeah, I almost crumbed. I can't believe he didn't squeeze one in after that realization. Truly. I would have.

SPEAKER_04 49:16

So he flushes the weed, but he does take the TV downstairs. He puts the mirror on it. And as he's doing that, a zombie hand reaches out and grabs him. He does chop the arm off. Sure. Um, and he gets the mirror up and tapes it. He ends up throwing the hand of the zombie down the garbage disposal. Love it. Yeah. Because they were in the woods with the dog, and the zombie had, you know, killed the dog somehow. Um, the zombies had followed April home. Right. They go to her house when she leaves. The bride steals her her like mother's wig.

SPEAKER_03 49:47

I love it. And I love because the bride puts the wig on the back of her veil. So it's not under the veil. It's so still stupid and silly, but I love it.

SPEAKER_04 49:54

It is. Like one, it's obviously very comedic. Like one of the zombies starts a blender, one's eating cereal. Like they're just making. But they do end up killing the housekeeper slash mistress.

SPEAKER_03 50:04

I'm not sure what the dynamic is. She's sleeping at night. She's sleeping in the bed with dad. But she's definitely the housekeeper. And April refers to her as Maria. And she's wearing what appears to be a maid's uniform.

SPEAKER_04 50:14

100%. Dad's fucking the maid.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

Yeah. But she sleeps with dad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:18

So and then uh she's choked to death, and dad is killed in bed. So April's devastated, obviously. Sure. And the neighbor is also killed, too.

SPEAKER_03 50:27

Like, so they're just kind of like going through. They're just going house to house. It's like a cul-de-sac or something. They're killing everybody. The first five kills are chokeouts. Which one she's put in the washer. In the washing machine. Head first. Feet up. Yes. And my favorite thing is when it drains, which happens in the first three seconds, which is hilarious. But the fucking slop sink that they show, and I was like, so real. It is. My slop looks just like that, full of blood and weird brown stuff.

SPEAKER_04 50:54

Exactly the same. And then the husband of this woman gets his head twisted around. So I figured it's worth mentioning. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 51:00

Um, so cop sirens, for some reason, Jeff knows exactly where to go. It's April's house. Also, for some reason, even though the cops lights are outside of April's house, he still gets there before them. He does. He gets there, he goes inside, he grabs April. He runs at one o'clock in the afternoon, he gets there at 7 p.m. I know it's nighttime. It's full on night. I was like, okay, we're just gonna move past it. Whatever. So April comes home with him and he's hoping he's gonna get laid. Sure, sure, sure. He was like, bitch still owes me. I don't care if your daddy's dead for real, dude. So JD shows back up and he says, Listen, it's time that you guys fucking hear me out. It's the video dead.

SPEAKER_04 51:40

Okay? It's the zombies coming out of the TV. I already fucking told you. Now Zoe, who is the adult in this situation, studying aerobics in college.

SPEAKER_03 51:49

Yes, she is. She doesn't believe any of this shit. April goes upstairs to brush her teeth like she doesn't want to have gums anymore. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, been there done that, but she really does a number. And she only puts the size of like I mean. That's what the that's the doctor recommended. She puts the tip of a pencil on her pencil lace and then brushes her gums away. Until they're gone. Yeah, invisible gums. She's trying to expand her gum lines. Yeah, she is. She wants bigger teeth. Bigger gums. When one of the zombies comes in who looks exactly like a Bora from Dracula. Oh, that's a great call out. And eats her, takes her away. And it's actually kind of hilarious because Zoe sees the zombie taking her and runs behind them and slams the door. She was like, get out of my house. She absolutely had the chance to save that. She April. April Who. April Who? Her parents are gone. I mean, who's gonna take care of her? Her parents are dead. I can't afford another mouth of tea. My parents are coming back from Saudi Arabia. Right. She'll never believe it. My girl. So she slams the door, she comes out, and she's like, listen to what JD is saying. She was like, actually, while I'm thinking about it? Maybe we have to something. So they have this whole spiel about how they hate mirrors because they don't want to see themselves. It's really dumb and does fucking nothing for them. It does nothing, and frankly, it is like such a lazy plot point that the reason the mirrors are effective is they're so devastated by their hideousness that they can't face it. Shut the fucking. And it's like, okay, maybe if the mirrors killed them or put them back in the TV, but like it does nothing. I thought that's what it was. I thought it was bouncing them back into their reality. No, they just nah, girl, they just uh feel ugly uh too soon. Same like a little too close to home. Same girl. Yeah. So, like, for example, Zoe puts mirrors all over the fucking house.

SPEAKER_04 53:34

It does nothing. They just break the mirrors and go in.

SPEAKER_03 53:36

You know, like this whole mirror thing is absolute garbage. Boring. But what JD ends up saying is there's like two ways to kill them. One is like killing them like you would a human, like chopping them up or whatever. Because they're so dumb and desperate to believe that they're human, even though they are undead, they will behave as if they've been mortally injured. Or the other way is to trap them until they cannibalize themselves. What? The two most obvious zombie tropes. So stupid. So when sunrise comes, JD and Jeff decide to go out to hunt the video dead in the woods. But we're gonna leave Zoe at home alone and we tell her if we're not back 10 minutes before sundown, bitch, you don't got the interwebs. How does she know? If we're not back 10 minutes before sundown, get in the truck and leave. This is five seconds after JD has just said to her, running won't do anything. I know. Running won't help you. You can't outrun them. They will always find you. Why are you telling her to run? I'm so confused.

SPEAKER_04 54:30

I'm so confused.

SPEAKER_03 54:31

Yeah. So he's taking Jeffy out to the woods, who he lovingly, not lovingly, refers to as boy. Fucks it. Hey, boy, boy. And he's like, I'm just gonna call you stinky shit pig eater. Because if you keep calling me cow fucker or cow fucker, something like that. Cow pig. Yeah, and he says, like, if you keep calling me boy, I'm just gonna call you that. I have a fucking name, and it's Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Cow shit. He says, Cow shit. I'm gonna call you cow shit. You call me boy. And then he says, Okay, I see what you're coming with. I understand what your problem is. That's what cow shit says. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's Jeffy cow shit. Like they hate each other, but it's also like they've known each other forever. Do you know what I mean? Like he's his shitty cousin or something. Jeffy's also still having a very good time. He's enjoying this, he loves the excitement, and he has seen in the bag of tricks. He's got gifts, he's got tricks, he's got everything. And one of the things he has is a chainsaw. And Jeffy lets us know that TCM is his favorite franchise of all times. He's seen every single one, which in 1987 is one. One, two, maybe maybe, maybe two. Maybe two. Um, so what they're really terrible at spotting these zombies. But finally they do go. Girl, it's full on daylight. These fuckings are slow and loud. I can't believe what are we even doing? You do see one though, and he looks exactly like Jeepers Creepers, bitch. A little bit. His face.

SPEAKER_04 55:53

That's that shit much. He didn't have the hat. Yeah, he just didn't have the hat. Um, but they end up killing him, and Jeff gets him with a bow and arrow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:01

And they pull out that chainsaw, and Jeff is thrilled. He saw someone by the waist. Yeah, let me do my thing. Yeah. Yeah. He does good. He actually does pretty good. I mean, more of this. Saw them into pieces. It will at least slow them down. Yeah. Right? Like maybe it doesn't stop them completely, but it's gonna make it harder for them to chase you. Also, saw it into 15 pieces. 15 pieces. You've already got the chainsaw out. The waist is just the start. Now let's cut off the legs, let's cut off the knees, let's cut off the ankles. Where are you gonna go? No hands, no arms, no legs. I think it's gonna take them a minute to get to you, and you'll probably hear them crying.

SPEAKER_04 56:36

I would be literally collecting those heads and throwing them in a lake somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 56:40

Absolutely. Think of all the things, you know? Planters.

SPEAKER_04 56:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:44

So they find a shed, and inside is a dead April. Right. So she didn't make it. But Jeffy doesn't know that yet. Not yet. So JD sets a trap, essentially using Jeff as bait. They do not do an edit that makes this make sense. No. Jeff's like, but how are you gonna get them to come? Next scene, he's hanging by what appears to be his fucking neck. I know, seriously. But then I was like, is he is he on like a swing? So he's kind of sitting. Kind of. It's unclear. It's unclear. It's weird. It's also there's no world where JD got him up there without first knocking him on. And that didn't happen. I guess there's like so many like supposed to be kind of funny elements to this. I guess, but none of them are quite funny enough in a land.

SPEAKER_04 57:27

Um, but he does give Jeff the chainsaw to defend himself. And they had kind of rigged up string with bells so that they can hear when the zombies are getting close. Sure.

SPEAKER_03 57:37

So what JD says is like, I have the gun, I'll be inside this shed. Right. As soon as they approach, I'll start taking them out one by one. Uh that does not fucking happen. No, because it's hot and he's sweepy. He's gonna take a little nappy post sweep. Pimps is so sweepy.

SPEAKER_04 57:53

JD fucking there's like six zombies surrounding Jeff, and JD is out like a light.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

And Jeff is screaming, JD Wait! Screaming. He has the chainsaw. It's not until the chainsaw's going for about five minutes that JD is like, huh? Yeah. I'm sorry, bitch. If we're in a zombie fight, you're not taking a nap. I know. And Jeff drops the fucking saw.

SPEAKER_04 58:16

Yeah, well, I always thought that was a risk. That yeah, I know. That was so stupid. And the bride ends up picking up the chainsaw. Hell yeah, girl. That's when JD wakes up.

SPEAKER_03 58:25

He, instead of shooting any of these, correct, comes running out holding the mirror like a fucking priest in a cross. Why? Girl. To and then the bride, they all just kind of go away. Like the bride leaves with the chainsaw turn away. They don't like run or retreat. They're just like, okay, I won't go that way. And now JD and Jeff are like, good job, everybody. What? Great work, team. You got one, and then the rest now one has a chainsaw. Also, Jeff, you drop that shit. Now she's got it. Right. Like we gotta track her. We're following the sound. That helps a little.

SPEAKER_04 58:59

When yeah, they find the chainsaw on the ground and she kind of pops out with a knife because again, I guess she stole that from somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 59:05

Also, not to be that guy, but chainsaws don't idle if you're not holding it. I know. They they do that, but they don't shut off immediately. Maybe in 1987, I wasn't using chainsaws at that point in my life.

SPEAKER_04 59:16

Not until like somewhat recently.

SPEAKER_03 59:18

But they definitely can't do that. No. They turn off. Just like nail guns. You can't just shoot a nail gun into the air. It has to be pressed against something. And you need a fucking airline. Stop using nail guns as weapons. You need an air compressor. Fuck off. Shut up. So um she pops out and stabs JD and she starts, she picks up the chainsaw and starts chasing Jeff. I did love that. I was like, get it, girl. Again, I was like, for the girl. I knew JD was gonna die.

SPEAKER_04 59:44

Yeah, fuck him. But I was shocked by the next one because stupid Jeff kind of like he gets trapped in his own bear trap that he set out. He stumbles upon April. Yep, he's sad about that. He finds a machete. And so again, you kind of think like Jeff's gonna be alright, except for when he sees April, he's scared. He turns with the machete. The bride comes in the shed at the same time with the chainsaw. She shoves it through his stomach and he chops her head off at the same time. So they're both dead.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:10

I was shocked. That's what it feels like when you come together. Right now. On the Z.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:18

So Zoe's at home freaking out because when the sun goes down, she knows was like, I gotta go home fucking Jeffy.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:24

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:25

She realizes she one of the other things that JD said that I'd even write down because it seems so stupid. Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:31

Is that like if you don't show the zombies fear, they won't come for you. Yeah, and it's like a weird random thing he said in passing when they first got the debrief on what's going on. And so she's like, Well, this is my only option. So she does the most painstaking grin and barret that you've ever seen. Literally giggles, it's so stupid. But she's like crying while she's giggling, and I feel like I've done that. I've been through a few days of work like this before. But so she's like, she's she's trying to fight them. It's not working. They're breaking down the windows. She's realizing how outnumbered she is, and she's like, okay, I gotta try something else. I gotta try something psychological. So she's like, hey guys, would love to have you for dinner. Come on in. I'm gonna feed you my family's recipe of fucking dog shit and dog food mixed together. It's a centuries-old recipe. So happy to have you. Let me get you a bev. Um, one of the zombies is into her sexually. Yeah, I think more than one. Yeah, I know two of them kind of corny. They do be touching her hands, real gentle, like for a zombie who can barely make work. Honestly, that would have made me feel less scared. I would have been like, okay, so I can I can manipulate this man. Oh, I would have been like, Do you think he likes me? Like, he seems pretty serious about me, and like he doesn't have to perform that. Like, this seems real big. I think this is real. So the zombies want to dance. She says, Oh shit, the basement is where the nightclub is. Historically, everyone knows that you only dance in a basement, so let's go on down there. She's hearing JD's voice in her head saying, Lock them in a room till they freak out and eat themselves. And she's like, Yes, yes, JD. So she puts them in the basement and she like stumbles up the steps and closes them in. You guys, they are down there for I shit, you not 11 seconds. 45 seconds was my guess. When they start exploding and cannibalizing immediately. They just start melting, exploding, and then eating each other. And I was like, we should have started here. For real, would have solved so many problems. I thought that would have taken a month. Do you know what I'm saying? Weeks. I I wasn't sure, but I definitely didn't think 11 seconds was gonna do the trick. She has barely, and also I didn't see her lock the door. She just closed the door. They started to go up, she closed the door, and they're like, Well, I guess our only option is to melt and eat each other. And then zbity zap, they're back in the TV. Oh, okay. So mom and dad are home. Oh, thank God. Saudi Arabia. Yeah, and they just don't understand what they've done wrong. They've been such good parents. They did everything they could. No mention of Jeff. These children wanted for nothing. They've had everything. They wanted, we bought them a whole house. I remember there were more than one previously, but I can't remember exactly you guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:16

Again, shit, you know what?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:17

They walk into the hospital, they're like, ugh, like, where is she being kept now? So she'll they like walk into her room, they're like, hey honey, we gotta go. She's comatose, she's traumatized, she is not well. No, but I mean it. They walk in the room, they're like, so we have to leave. So we have to do some shopping. Mummy, we're not gonna be able to do it. Mummy and daddy have just landed on US soil, and we really, really, really gotta see what the market's like. So since you can't talk or blink or whatever, we brought you this TV we found in the basement. Seems totally safe and legit in joy.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:48

So they turn the the then the guy's just like in her room. Like some guy, we didn't even see him in there. He's just there. He turns it on for her and leaves immediately.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:55

He runs, girl. He tugs it in, turns it on, and runs. He knew. He knew it was he knew what the fuck was it? He was like, there's no burn marks on this TV. This feels weird. The zombies are there, they recognize her. Mommy and daddy love you. R.I.P. The end. The end! How stupid! It's fun. I will say, even just the music, the intro, like after last week's debauchery, I was like, this does feel nostalgic. Even if you haven't seen it, there's a part of it. We haven't done a zombie movie in for forever. So it did feel like home. It sure did. Yeah. So it's your birthday pick. What do you want to do? Do you want to pick one of the ones you're picking from the jar, baby? Pick it from the jar. You don't want to pick something special. Nah, nothing special. It better be one of your picks, though. It has to be. I don't think that is. Pick one that's yours at least. Let's see. Season of the witch. Season of the witch. This is 1972 on Tubi. Now, I'm gonna be honest. There's at least three seasons of the witches on Tubi. We'll start with this one. If she's terrible, we'll try another one. It's on Tubi. It's on Tubi. Okay, we'll figure it out. I think I've seen this before. You might you've certainly seen one, but was it this one? Who's to say? I know who's to say. I'm gonna look it up really quick and see if it's the same one. Happy birthday to you. No, uh, we gotta learn the words to old Lang sign. It's it's a new year. Happy new year to you. This one. That's the one I picked. I don't know if it's the one I meant originally. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:28

Yeah, I've seen this.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:29

Is it good?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:31

I don't remember much. Do you want me to pick something else?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:33

Oh no. I'll pick it up. I don't remember much, but I have seen this. Here's what I think. I'll watch the first 15 minutes. If she's garbage, I'll text you. The problem is I watch it before you. No, no, no. I'll do it early. I'll do it early. What I'm saying is I'll do it early. I'll watch the first 15. If she's bogus, I think you're gonna like it. I feel like it's a movie, it's a type of movie that you would like.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:53

Okay. More than me, maybe. I'm not a huge I know you guys are gonna hate me for this. I'm not a huge 70s, 60s fan of horror movies. This is early 70s. You know what I mean? So I do, but I do think you will like it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:03

And I remember watching it just like over the pandemic.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:06

Okay. But I remember that I watched it and I remember the cover, so it couldn't have been that bad.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:10

I just want more witch shit in my life. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. No, I think I remember this one, and I do think some men get get it. That is what I'm looking for. Baseline content really flexible on every other detail. If you're gonna do it. I just want to watch some men's get crunched. That seems to be your vibe. So it's your birthday, babe. This to get some man crunch. I want some man crunch. Let's do it. All right, everybody, we will see you next week. Um maybe not the week after that, or I think that's right. I think maybe it's two weeks. We'll find out next week. Yeah, we'll see you next week. Not yeah. Well, something like that. You guys will figure it out. We'll tell you. You guys are so smart. You have calendars and shit. It's fine. All right, everybody, stay tuned. Stay nasty.