Queens of NC-17
Welcome to the sleepover with those girls your parents warned you about. Crude, lewd, with major attitude, Ande and Eanna are here to talk the best and rarest of NC-17 and every gem in-between. Stay tuned. STAY NASTY. (WARNING: FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. UNDER 17 REQUIRES ADULT SUPERVISION.)
Queens of NC-17
Episode 387- Split Second
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
WARNING: FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. UNDER 17 REQUIRES ADULT SUPERVISION.
WOW YALL! This week we’re talking about a super fun flick called “Split Second” (1992) that we actually LOVED and LOVED TALKING about! What a rare find!
Instagram: @queensofnc17
Music: @tobaxxo
I have no idea. Why were you? Did he get you? Did he get you again? This has gone too far. He feels safe around his liquid. You to help him. I don't want his wet. You guys, my dog has like an ear infection. I just cleaned his ears because he was flip-flopping and beep bopping and his little ear peelies were coming out. So Yeah, but he also, as soon as I walked in the door, went and totally fully submerged his mouth in his water bowl as if he was bobbing for apples. Yeah. And then he he I love the boy. He's the boy. I know it. He's arthritic and he has an ear infection. I just need more of his juice on the inside and less of it on my legs. You know, honestly though, think about it this way. He hasn't juiced you in a long time. It's not true. He does it every week. No uh. Yes, huh? Every week he goes to the water pool. He usually lets me hug him first. Yeah. And then he gets up mid-hug, zooms over there, all the water. Then he comes over and tries to snuggle again. And then I go, Guillermo, and then he jumps down. It's a whole thing. We have a problem. Sweet. Just be sweet. Sweet Sammy just keeps juicing on my leg. He's really good. By the way, guys, my name's Andy. I'm Guillermo's mother. Yeah, and my name's Iana, and I'm his fucking wet nap. My legs are his napkins. Kind of crazy though, because he has not got me once. Yeah, and also I usually have pants on when I come back. This is like a rare occurrence that I didn't wear pants today, and I'm really being punished. Also, my other dog has like the fishiest breath in the whole world. Peg Gullian, and she's like so needy. They're both doing so much. I know. And they've been like this for all fucking day. This fucking eclipse, bro. It's got everybody fucking acting dumb. Is the eclipse this I have to assume? What else do the four of us have in common? I don't know. You. Maybe it's like just the vibe I give off. I have a question that's really important and is technical. Yes. What are the rules in American horror story the first season? What's the you just die in the house, you stay forever. Yeah. You can't leave the house at all. Right. Except for Halloween. Or is Devil's Night. Except for Devil's Night or Halloween. You get to leave the house on that night. So you can leave on that night, but you you literally you can't leave the property. How's Tate always going home to his mama's house? He isn't. Isn't he? No. I feel like he's on the porch of his mom's house when they first move in. I don't think so, babe. So no, he comes over for therapy. Comes over for a therapy appointment. I think the first time we see him is in the dad's. Yeah, it is the first time you see him. We'd just finished. Yeah. I just I was just like, I'm only half paying attention. And I watched it when it was first came out, which has been a million years since then. And I was just like, wait, what are the rules? And why is it like you only see some of the ghosts some of the time? Yeah, they can control that, I guess. Like when they want to be uh transparent. But why would you not always do it?
unknownYeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Honestly. I love yelling at Anya when she's being too annoying. I remember that from you and not the show. That's hilarious. And I was like, oh, scream it. Scream it at the dogs when they've been too much to loop that all back into a big old circle. Yeah. Did he shake again? My brother. He's how has he figured out the very specific physics of shooting it up my legs? I don't know, dude. I don't know, man. Just keep your puss going. I can't. They're all in between all my legs. Sorry. How many legs do you have? Too many. Yeah, it sounds like that might be the problem. Is that six? The number of legs you have is not necessarily my boy. Well, I can't control that. I can't control the number of legs I have or how many pants I don't have on. Okay. So I don't know what to tell you. Anyway, how was your week? Not great. I mean, everything feels terrible and bad. There's a lot of sad stuff happening again to the eclipse. A lot of ends in my life. I guess the good thing is my son is getting an apartment. This will be his first apartment. That is exciting. It's a very big momentous thing. He will be taking on the majority of his financial responsibilities. Good. So big transitional time, very weird mixed emotions about that. And uh yeah, Enjoy Wrestling is closing. It'll be there'll be one show left by the time that we um zero shows. Well, there will be one Taco Mania show that's happening in October. But it is Taco Mania is not the same thing. It's a fun thing that we do and we have a good time. It's much less work, but it's a different product. It's somebody else's event that we are participating in. So this will be the last enjoy show. And I'm much more sad about it than I thought I would be. It's been such a I've been so lucky that I like just kind of fell into it right at its most beautiful moment. And I got to work with so many cool people and I got to do so much cool stuff, and I feel really, really, really, really lucky that they trusted me with as much as they did. But yeah, my heart's a little bit broken. I'm sad. A lot of people are sad. I've had a lot of people reach out to me about it, which is just so weird because I am not a decision maker. Yeah. I'm a little worker bee, and I do my best for them, but it's not, it's not my business. So um just just grateful for the I guess it's been almost three years that I've worked for them. So it's been really cool, but I my heart's a little sad. So we had our uh Duke Davis described it to me as la this Sunday's show was the wake. This coming Saturday's show is the funeral, and then Taco Mania in October will be the celebrational life. There you go. So we're having a little trio of farewells, but yeah, I've just been sad. Tim Curry died. Tim Curry died the day after we recorded the podcast. So Dolly Parton died, and then Tim Curry He actually died on the same day as Dolly Parton, but his estate being the sweetest people ever they waited a day because they didn't want to take away from her. How fucking sweet is that? How wonderful is it that they got to go wherever they go together. Yeah, I do love that for them. Yeah, but it just feels like again, like the good is leaving the earth. It's all the things, all the things that are so special and good and give me hope drying up. I know. Also Imperium Paw, same thing over here. I have a similar story for my week. Tell me about it. Tell me about it. What terrible thing is happening in your life? Okay, so you guys know how I've always loved a good theme park. Yes. Okay. Well, uh-oh. It's been a few years. I would say since like well, we went for a friend. Yeah, yeah. It's not the same, not all the rides are open. It's nighttime, it's different. Yeah. So I went for the first time in years, like for real, for real. Like on a Saturday. You know what I mean? First of all, did you know Kennywood is now closed on weekdays? Wow. Which means everyone's fucking there on weekends. I thought that happened at Labor Day. I thought Labor Day was when that switched. It's not Labor Day yet. No, that's like that. Isn't that crazy? So anyway, we went on Saturday because it was like beautiful weather. Yeah. And all my life I've been able to pretty much ride anything, like without issue. Oh no. Get ready for this. Get ready for this. I think it's gonna surprise you. Oh no. So I've been able to ride anything without issue. Um, except for when I was 14, I took drugs and went, and I got on the turtles and had to have them stop the ride. Yeah, I mean, that's a different world. And ever since then, I couldn't do things that go in circles. Sure. So like other than that, though, like I've been able to do anything. So Andrew and I go, we're having a lovely time, it's a beautiful day. And he was like, hey, there's a new ride at Kennywood called the Steel Curtain, right? And it's like football. It's like it ain't even that new anymore, is it? I mean, I never wrote it. Okay. You know what I mean? So, like, yeah. Also, not only is it new, it's broken down always 80% of the time. Wasn't it broken down when we were? We went last time, and that's the first time I ever saw it. It was last year. So, like, it's relatively new. So we see it running, and Andrew's like, oh my god, come on, let's go. So I'm like, I I'm like a little nervous, but you know what I mean? Because like things are just were hitting a little different. Like we got there, we only had ridden one thing before that, but it was just things were just hitting. What'd you write before? The phantom. Okay, you love that one. Uh no, that one's the um Oh, the one in the back. Yes. Okay. It's like it did you know it's the 12th fastest roller coaster in the United States? No, because I don't fuck with it. I love that one, but it just hurt a little bit. You know what I mean? Like it just a couple of the whips of it, my body felt different. So I was like feeling a little bit nervous about it. And as we're waiting in line, it broke down multiple times. And the little like overhead announcement was like nine upside down, like nine yeah, nine times of being upside down. And I looked at Andrea and I was like, I don't know about this. I was like, because the one in the front that you were talking about, it's called like the skyrocket. The skyrocket. It goes upside down three times. It's so fast though. That ride is so fast. I think this one's faster. Really? Yes. And uh because that one goes really fast at the start and then it kind of slows up a little bit. This this one's the opposite. It starts slow and goes really fast. But uh usually on the skyrocket, like by the time the third time going upside down, I'm starting to get a little bit uh lightheaded. Okay. So I said that to him. I was like, I think three upside downs may be my max, you know? Sure. And he was like, You'll be fine, you'll be fine. We have such a history of this. Him being like, you'll be fine, then me like totally not being. I think maybe you should listen to me and not him. Me who's known you forever. I know him who's known you for a shorter amount of time and likes to bully you into doing things that his body is capable of doing, but maybe yours isn't. Because he gets thrown around all the time. Like, I'm not upside down all that. He's literally upside down every weekend. Yeah, every weekend. It doesn't even cross his mind that that's an unusual thing. I think for most people. That was the biggest change for me in wrestling. I was like, whoa, I haven't been upside down in a long time. Also, my mom warned me. She said, my mid-30s, I couldn't do things that go upside down anymore. And I was like thinking about all that, and I was like, girl, calm down. Cause you know You're like, I'm a thug, I got this. Right. Yeah. So we get on this thing, which I'm nervous about because again, it it had broken down multiple times when we were in line. And we start going up, dude. And it is almost like a 90-degree, like you're laying down basically. Thank you. And it was at that moment when I realized, like, there's nothing I can do now. Like, yeah, I'm strapped in and it's going, and there's too late. Literally, nothing I can do now. And by so we were like, there's a lot of upside downs. It's it is extremely fast. It goes up higher than the Phantom, which is crazy, and then drops. And uh, I I think it was the fifth upside down. Andrew heard me say, Oh no, and he looked over and I was completely passed out. You passed out.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay, in fairness, you also have added a couple new medications to your body. I just want to say, in fairness, and they do change a lot of different parts of your body. So I don't want you to give up on yourself yet. I just want to remind you. No, I was like, so whenever we got to like the stopping point, I started fading back in, but like all the edges of my vision were white and had stars, and I was ice cold. Oh, that's so scary. And someone getting a little upset. Yeah, luckily it took a long time. Okay, to maybe pull up. Yeah, like luckily we were we were stopped there for probably like three to five minutes because I was like confused. I didn't even like know what year it was. Did you write anything else after? Yeah, but we did go get something to eat. You know what I mean? Like we like after that, we got something small. I got like fries and a drink and like sat down for a little bit. Yeah, can you believe it? I can. It's scary as fuck, dude. The fifth it was the fifth upside down. Five is too many. This well, it was nine. There were three. There were a few more I went through. I just don't have any recollection of it. Thank you, body. Can you believe that? Yeah, dude. It was that's never happened to me in my life. I was so scared. It happened to me so early in my life that I have been living in the state. Oh, God. This I used to love upside down roller coasters. I used to love, love, love them. The the theme park in Kansas City is called Worlds of Fun, and it was my favorite thing to do. I loved, I loved it. And then I had a baby, and I've never been able to go upside down. My mom said it had to do with having a kid too. It's like she had a kid and her body changed. Changes your and I know you haven't, but right. That's why I was thinking maybe I'll be okay. No, but also I think just so much hormonally changes in your body, and I think literally your bone shift, like your bone density changes. Like your body is just not the same. And there are things that happen in your mid-30s that people warn you about, and you're like, won't happen to me. Won't happen to me. Totally happened to me, dude. Totally happened to me. I'm so sorry. Um, also, side story. This is very funny. I went and visited my parents. Have you ever heard of Twin Peaks, the restaurant? Yes.
unknownSo you know what it is.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's Hooters. Okay. Yeah. My mom thought it was like a scenic place. She did not. Did she take your dad? Yeah. Oh, I'm sure he loved it. He loved it, and then he got food poisoning. That is the sweetest, sweetest, most romantic experience. Like we stayed. Your dad was happy to be there. I cannot imagine her face. I cannot imagine my mother walking her. Trying to picture her shock when she thought she was going to the Ponderosa and she walked in and she's at the tilted kilt and she was just like, brother Wood. She she said, she said she wasn't sure what the Twin Peaks were, whether it was their tots or their butts. Because all of it was out.
unknownShe said.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. It's did you look it up after that? No, I mean it's exactly what you think it is. Yeah. How funny is that, though? My mom was like, she was like, they didn't even look 18. And I was like, they had to be 18. Well, first of all, mother, the the older you get, the younger they look. The younger they look. That I somebody at uh work said that to me recently. They were like, God, are these college kids? And I was like, welcome to like your late 20s now, where people actually look like children. Yeah. So this gets worse. I don't mean to be cocky. I just am like, yeah, y'all, I've been living in this fucking liminal space for a minute. Right. Sucks over there. Um that's it. Those are the only little stories I had this week. I passed out, my mom saw tits. And my dad too, and then he barfed. So yeah. I uh oh our friends had a baby. Oh, wait, wait. Oh, yeah, we talked last week about going to the baby shower. Yeah, well, we popped it out. Our sheer presence and all the presents squeezed that little guy out. And so congratulations to our friends Chris and Laura. They just welcomed baby Michael to the world. And uh Laura is a fucking thug, dude. She had a crazy 36-hour laborer. Insanity. And two funny things that Chris shared with me. One, there was another child that was being born at the same time. The family named him Thanos. Yes, I hear. Interesting children. I think he shares the same thing. Sometimes. But the other thing was: did he tell you about the special edition 250 America's birthday birth certificate that his son got? No, I did not get that one. Apparently, the nurse came in to let them know that everybody is getting that this year. Everybody who's born this year on their birth certificate and on their social security card. And he said, The way my wife looked at this nurse after just going through the most extreme thing of her life, and this woman being like, Trump would like to sign his name on your child's birth certificate and make it about him. And Laura was like, I will fucking murder. The nurse apparently was very understanding and said, You can get a new one after. That's just the one we issue. Like, you have to buy a new one. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's almost like everything's gone mad. Good thing we watched this super normal, regular movie.
SPEAKER_00Where are you going? We've gotta return some video games.
SPEAKER_03Don't even, girl, because I love this movie. No, I love this movie. I love okay, good. Okay, so we're starting off strong. We loved this movie. I love this movie. I picked this movie on purpose because I know this movie. I do like this movie. It's a weird, like so weird comfort movie for me because the plot is so simple. It's so simple, but also it only took me a split second to fall in love with her. Hey, get into it, baby. It's called Split Second, if you couldn't tell from 1992. This is written by Gary Scott Thompson and directed by Tony Maylam. I love Thompson. Thompson? Thompson's good. Why do we be saying Thompson? What's the point? It could be T No, it's Thompson. Thompson. Okay, so in case you guys didn't know, which is so weird, uh, Andy was two when this came out. And in my boyfriend was just born. Speaking of babies, I know your boyfriend was one. I know. Uh, in a flooded future London, Detective Harley Stone hunts a serial killer who murdered his partner and has haunted him ever since. He soon discovers what he is hunting might not be human. This is so good, you guys. Also, I just wanted to give you an update. My mom, I I said I love you, and she replied back, I love you both. One of those is for me. No, that's no, that's who she's talking about. I'm just letting the listeners know that's not for you and Andrew. That's for me and you. Yes. Last week we were talking about how my mom loves you more than me. That's funny, I forgot about that. She just texted because she knows we're recording and said, I love you both. It's so funny because she really wouldn't like me if she knew me. No, but maybe. I don't know. She doesn't like me and we're basically the same fucking person. This is what I'm saying. Yeah, it's so funny. I'm you but older. Like, that's not better. That's not better. She but you're older, but you're prettier. And I think that means everything to her. She's so weirdly nice to me, and I'll never understand it. But she loves me desperately, which is her mother liked her. Well, thank you. You've got mine, dude. She literally, because we were talking about your cards. So she was definitely talking about you both. So I just figured it's also funny. Twin sunset me about my mom. About your mom loving me. Even funnier. I'm gonna say. That's incredible. That's perfect. Uh post it twice. Post it twice. So anyway, okay, picture it. All right. It's London 2008. Can't imagine. Which what could it be like? What could it be like? Flooded, dude. It's wet and shit. It's like my fucking shins right now. Honestly. I got London down under. Also, the the tech screen that we got about the global warming, bitch. Yeah. I was traumatized and triggered from birdemic, and I was like, not again. Again. So I will be pretty honest up front. Yeah. This is about taking care of the planet. It is. Yeah. This movie. It's another birdemic. It's a fair warning, but it fucks so hard. It does fuck so hard. First of all, because our boy Rutger Hauer, who is just perfect in it, he's perfect. Also, he's like low-key, kind of hot.
unknownI know.
SPEAKER_03You don't think? No, no, no, no. I totally do. He's just like the most cliche version of a man. But he's like, he's every fucking like super hardcore 90s, late 80s uh leading man with muscles and a gun, but he doesn't have muscles and he's like a lot older. Right, which I kind of love. But like we like, we literally have him walking up in these big old goth boots. Dude. Entering center stage. You have you don't know it's the future until you see 90s club kid goth booth. That's how you know you're in the future. That's how you know you're there. That's how else do you know it's a sci-fi movie? He's wearing a leather trench coat. He's got the teeniest, tiniest little sunglasses that make his eyes look closer together than they actually are. They're very natural-born killers. Yes, they are. They have a red lens. Yeah. Yeah, everything. He seems Harley Stone. Harley Stone? Come on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And he doesn't give a fuck. He also doesn't breathe air. He smokes cigars. He's one of those guys who has one like on, he has a dip in his lip from where that cigar goes. Yes. And it's awesome. It's awesome. And also, you guys, he only eats sugar and chocolate. Yeah. That's like his whole thing. It almost makes me always feel like he doesn't drink. It almost makes me feel like he's a comic book character. But I looked into this, I don't think this originated from a comic. No, but it's certainly like, you know? I think that's what I like about it, is it's it's got no depth. Right. It's like, it's exactly who you think it is. It's exactly if you were to write down at 12 years old all of the main features of a really cool bad guy, good guy, who's like very badass, but also unfortunately a cop. Right. Like these are all the things you would write down. He is such he's every cliche and he's perfect for it. So he jumps in his little like cop jeep. His cop jeep that's fully open, even though it has not stopped raining for 10 years. I know. He's in like nine feet of water, just like driving around. Cool. Smoking. I wonder how they filmed this though. I mean, I think most of the rain stuff must be on a sound stage or something. Yeah. And I think crazy. The streets are flooded. Yeah. It looks really cool. It does. So all the other cops are like actively hunting Stone. I'm just gonna like fast forward here and sum this up for you. It's because Stone was suspended for being an asshole or whatever, and he's still kind of doing his own investigations. They're like, stop it. I this is such also, this is such a white guy thing. Like imagine if a non white cop was was out here, was out here stealing the biggest guns and just doing whatever the fuck he wants, walking into rooms and being like, Yeah, I know. I'm suspended, but I'm gonna do everything I want to previously pretty much. So he pulls up to this place called JJ's, where we've got these like goth bodies with silver nips. Can we acknowledge one of all that he shows his badge to the dog? That I literally wrote with goth baddies with silver nips and dogs that check IDs at the door. Dude, the dog he shows his, he it's not even like it's not like it's a trope in the story where the dog is the bouncer. He literally ignores the bouncer, shows his badge to the dog, and calls him a dickhead. It's so funny. He is going to talk to this dog exclusively. A handful of times in the in the first season. The dog does not speak, mind you. No! This is again, this is not some like fifth element, like the dog is an alien. Like no, this is a dog. No, he just talks to the dog. Yeah. I love it. No, it's so silly. So silly, but also so funny. These are maybe the best tits I've ever seen in my life. Incredible tits. I was I was like, I'm not gonna have a good time focusing. We need silver nip paint. Okay. We need silver nip dip. Okay, I'll dip your nips in silver tips. I would need silver tips. I have seen piercings that are like nipple caps that are in the life. Yeah, those are awesome. But then the piercing goes through. Yeah, those are really cool. So good. So he has visions, right? Like it's very clear he's on his own case here and he's expecting someone to be here because he's like seeing visions and he's seeing what the killer is seeing. And he's also hearing a very loud heartbeat. Right, which is the killer's heartbeat. But it's not his, yeah. So he kind of lets us in on that very quickly. He he like he has some kind of physical reaction where he's like, his chest is tight. There's some kind of bond. Yeah. It's not super clear. They never fully explain it. He just is in tune with the killer. We kind of explain that a little bit later. But ultimately, while he's like doing cop business, which you guys, he's super rude to everyone but good-looking women. Yeah. So there's like this hot babe who's like, Will you watch the bath and tell us for me? I'm going to take a little shit. And he's like, Of course, babe. Yeah, I love watching shits. Love girls. He was like, just keep that dog away from me, okay? Keep that fucking dickhead away from me. Dickhead's such a funny thing to call a dog to. I know, and the dog was fine. I mean, he was barking at him. Maybe. He was a cop! He's a fucking cop. That's true. Barking at him too. That's true. So he uh he like steps away from the bathroom door, even though he promises. Yeah, he immediately leaves her and uh gets distracted. Yeah, until he starts seeing glimpses of her being literally torn to pieces in the bathroom because he has his like vision or whatever. When he runs in there, it is truly a grisly scene. And I love this because there is blood spray. H to t head to tail. Yeah, top to bottom, this whole room, and it's all it's so clearly a spray. Yes. Which I love. And what we see is this woman is on her back on the floor, and her chest is just burst open. Yeah, the heart's gone. The heart's been removed, and I was like, fuck yeah. Yeah, and he but he gets kind of funny. Like he like gets on the ground and like kisses her and like holds her. It is a little weird. And to have just made the scene that you made by yelling at the dog bouncer. Okay. So he literally leaves the bathroom and he corners the dog and he starts screaming, I know you saw something. Tell me! The dog is a dog. It's just a dog. It's the funniest part of the whole thing. He does this to the dog like four times throughout the movie. And it's not like he talks to dogs. There's no other dogs. The dogs are not a plot point. It's just that him and this dog have beef. It's they have history. Do you think they used to work together, maybe? Maybe. It's the he speaks to him with such familiarity. Yes. So he screams at the dog. Tell me what you saw. Dog is a dog, can't say shit. Yeah. He follows the blood trail outside where he can hear the heartbeat. He's screaming a lot. He does a lot of screaming. I also appreciate that. Yeah. He doesn't talk a lot. He screams mostly. Yelling all the time. Can't relate. Yes. He's yelling like, I can hear your heartbeat. That sounds like a fucking banger, dude. That sounds like a 1980. Why didn't the Melissa guy write this song? I know. Now I'm gonna be singing that in my head. I know. I love the Melissa song. So um cops end up getting stone right here, right? The cops were on his tail going before going to JJ's. Yeah. Now they go in there, they find him, they find the body. Um, there's also I'm back written in blood over the body. And he's like, I knew it. Yeah. And I'm like, wait, what do we know? I know. So very quickly, we find out there's a serial killer on the loose. Yes. In fact, the exact serial killer that killed his former best friend who he was cheating with his former best friend's wife.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It was his partner, like his cop partner, and best friend. And best friend, and then he'd be fucking his wife. Boinking his wife, dude. And I was like, wait, is that your friend? Right. Because you fucked his wife. I'm confused. That's like that's like not friend shit to do. Yeah, like I have a lot of friends. Right. And like I do not be fucking their wives. Not once. And I've had friends ask me to fuck their wives. And I'm like, nope, no thing. I don't fuck my friends' wives. That's like a thing, very specifically. Right. I don't do. So I'm confused. Yeah, I know. About all this energy. Stone's the best friend of the year. Uh-huh. Until we meet this guy's supposed other best friend immediately, who is Pete Posselwaite. He's Detective Paulson. When they get back to the police station immediately. If you saw him, you would recognize him. He was the priest from Rome Romeo and Juliet. Oh yeah. Oh, you mean the one he always has beef with? Yeah. Yeah. Because that guy says he was my best friend. And I was like, wait. Andy's gonna get her ears cleaned, guys. Hold on. I had an itch. Now my headphones have gone bye bye. She just threw them behind her.
unknownSolly.
SPEAKER_03It's okay, welcome back. Thank you. Uh so we're we're back at the police station. It's very chaotic. The whole movie's very dark and wet. Yes. Um, we meet all a handful of characters, including Detective Dick Durkin. The biggest dweeb of all time. Are you shocked? Did you think Detective Triple D? D Dick Durkin. Detective Durkin. Oh my god. He's Stone's new partner, dude. Of course he is, because he's a fucking nerd and he's some kind of like psychology expert who's been doing a criminal profile on the serial killer and wants to understand why he takes the heart. He also is very uh like receptive and kind of notices immediately that Stone has some sort of psychic connection to the serial killer because he's like otherwise, how did he know? Right. And I would say, if I was a cop, which I simply would not be, right? But if I were, I would be like, How did he know? You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't be like, oh, this must be a supernatural connection because Which I do love about Dirk. You know what I mean? I love that about Dirk. He jumps right in, he jumps right in, he's like, let's talk about the occult, what is going on here? What's your what's your sign, girl? Like, let's talk about it. Yeah. But uh maybe like two questions. Right. You know what I mean? Especially when almost immediately we're back at the bar and Stone is laying in the blood in the bathroom in the shape of the chalk outline. He screams at the dog again. He's back the question. And the dog's like, I'm just trying to enjoy my stomach. I know. Also, before they get to JJ's again, though, there is a package shipped to the police station. Ah, yes. It's it's addressed to Stone, and they're all like, What is it? A case of being because you're fucking alcoholic, you're fucking drunk, and now you're getting your and also the mix between super, super like heavy put on New York accents and British accents is crazy. Very confusing where we are. Yeah. If they hadn't have said London in the opening, I'd be like, Where are we? Anywhere. It's a real real mix of uh of voices here. So it is the victim's heart from the bar, and it has a big old bite taken out. They're gonna get teeth impressions from that heart. Normal stuff. Normal shit. Normal stuff in 2008 that they're definitely doing. And then they lay in the blood, they yell at the dog, and then they get called to a new scene. He does feed the dog a chocolate too. He does. And I was like, girl, you can't be giving dogs chocolate chocolate. I think it's like a caramel or something creamy, too. I was like, that's that dog can't have that. He hates that dog. No, I think he because chocolate is the only thing he eats, I really do think that was him being like a dude. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03So they get called to a new scene. This time it's a dude, and Stone's partner hit the partner that died who he was blanking his way. Uh-huh. His gun is left there at the scene of this new crime. That's weird because he's dead. He's dead. How'd he get the gun? And there's also like this symbol that's on the wall and blood. It's like Scorpio's symbol with some numbers and a circle and a triangle. It's like Durkin knows what all of it means. Yeah. And Durkin's explaining it, and Stone is not interested. No, he knows. He's like. Stone's only interested in having a very public freak out because he can hear the heartbeat. Yeah, he's like, listen to your heart. He's just, he's just like, please don't speak to me. Yeah. Leave it to me. I've got it figured out. Yes. So Stone. Ooh. Ooh! The big rat. Oh, yeah, he does shoot a rat. Yeah, he shoots a big rat. They do, there's also some actual dead rats in there. There's some later, which sucks. This wasn't a real one, but like there are some just like dead ones later. It really is sad. Rats are like a big part of the plot about how because the city is wet, there's just rats everywhere. And so like there's rat killers. It's not like important, but they are everywhere. If you don't care for that thing. Speaking of the rats, any update there with the mice? Oh, I the one I screamed at hasn't come back. I think we got too close. He literally has not come back since there hasn't been a single turd in the kitchen. I screamed our mouse problem away. Good. But also hilarious. Like, I cannot tell you the eye contact we made when he jumped into your mouth. Into my mouth. When he tried to get in my mouth, and I was like, why are you doing this? He never came back. And he, I wish I could hear the story he told the family. You know, I wish I could hear the tale of like, do not go in there. I know there's 700 people in this room, but that one big orange one. He came home and he was like, Welp, well, we gotta move. Stay out of the kitchen. Can't go in there no more. Gotta move, guys. Yeah. I thought they would start shitting on my desk again, but they haven't. No, no. He was afraid of your wet hole. I got him. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Got him. Thank you. Thanks for getting him. Thanks for asking. You're welcome. I was curious. Yeah. So Stone brushes his teeth, he's brushing his teeth and he rinses with coffee. Yeah. And the coffee is also like a full coffee that's been sitting in the sink and again the rats everywhere. Guys. His house is like I think something boys think is cool. Oh, his house. Um, that is a storage room. It is a it's a garage. It's it's so like a garage up a couple floors. It's weird, dude. It's weird. It's cluttered. There's like pigeons everywhere. The bathroom is really nice. Very far away. Yeah. Also, I do love that he loves the pigeons because people call those flying rats. Yeah. I mean, I love pigeons and I don't call them that, so just to be clear. But I love pigeons too. I love them. Yeah. So Arnold. Arnold. Oh. A mold. A mold has been made. But what I like is the way you went in full steam. Steam head. And that you read it, but you did not process it. You got there. Yeah. A mold is made based on the bite in the heart, and it ain't human. It ain't human is a big ol' long tooth. They also don't acknowledge that enough. Like right off the bat. Like if Jerry saw those, I would have been like, oh my God. Yeah, this is clearly a monster. There was also some other conversation. I don't know if it was at the second victim's house or whatever, but they're talking about, oh yeah, because of the symbol on the bed. And Durkin's like, oh, do you think he stood on the bed and did that? And Stone's like, yeah, he should be pretty easy to find then. Because our killer would have to be 10 feet tall. Right. And it's like, yeah, he is. Look at this nice. Yeah, look, look at these teeth. Look at the teeth. See how he'd be pulling people's hearts out in like one swoop? I think he's probably big. Yeah. I think he's got some weird stuff going on. I don't think this is just a guy with a knife. No, I don't think so, man. Also, you know how nobody saw him. Yeah. Yeah. Also a little weird. Little weird. And then that like blood connect. Yeah. That also, yeah. We're gonna talk about that. Because I'm sure you just didn't turn psychic at 78. You know what I mean? Right. It does seem weird. It does seem weird. So Stone ends up like ditching Dick Dirk, and he visits his old partner's grave. Right. Which is like an above-ground, like tomb situation. A lot of candles in this movie for how wet everything is. Too many. I mean, it's safe because if they fall, they just go out, but I just feel like the environment would be too damp, too moist, too wet for a flame to be. So anyway, we run into his ex- uh best friend's ex. We run into his ex-partner's wife, uh-huh, who is also his gang, his affair partner. But they broke up after he died because of guilt or something. Yeah, so like they were dating for real, for real, and like he was drinking a lot, and then he just like freaked out through the guilt stuff, yeah. And just kind of ghosted her. Yeah, so every he ruined everything by fucking her, including probably the reason his his partner dies. Yeah, and then he was like, Oh, I can't do this anymore. Right. Oh, sick. Oh, cool. Glad we did all that for nothing. Solid plan stone. Also, she's Kim Cotrell. She's Kim Cottrell. That was my next more importantly, she's Kim Cottrell with the sassiest fucking black bob. Did it immediately did you want to cut your hair? It is shaves into the side. Yeah, she looks so cool. I thought it was a wig at first. It was too until he pets her head later. Yeah, he pets her head, and I saw the shave, and then when she's in the shower, I was like, oh, that's her real out there. Her bangs come back, guys, and they shaved the side. So the bangs kind of go up over like where her sideburns would be. It's a fine line between um like a Parisian, like a very beautiful, refined Parisian lady slash a non-binary artist. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like this haircut fucks. It looks so good. And I immediately was like, should I cut off all my hair, baby? Bob again? Should I do that immediately right now? Yeah. You want to do it? You want to match? You have matching hair bobs? Oh my god, we'd be like, If we had matching bobs, that'd be so funny. That'd be so funny. Every time we laugh, we'd have to shake our heads so they swing. Yeah, of course. That's the whole reason you get that. We just laugh and swing our heads up. Yeah, we need more ways to be mutually obnoxious in sync. If you get a bob, I'll get a bob. I'll get a bob. After your wedding. I have, I mean, I'm not gonna cut my hair. Sorry, I meant a wig. My hair won't do that. It's too thin. I don't have enough. It doesn't do that shape. When I do that, you it goes, no, stop. Yeah, I got Crib Keeper hair, bitch. I can't. And then we're gonna have to get an orange and a black Bob to wear his wig. No, I'll wear a black one too. I'll wear a black one. Oh, two black. Wait, I'm gonna do it. It's actually funny to do orange and black. I mean, that is cute. That is also cute. You know what I mean? I mean we can mix it up. Yeah. And I'm like, no, that's Iana. Right. We can just trade. Yeah. We just trade midnight. Ooh. That's hilarious. We you know what we should do? You know what we should do? Take our boys out to eat, go to the bathroom, switch our hair wigs. Yeah. Yeah. They'll notice. Well, I was even gonna say, I love that you went to our men. I was thinking strange men. Oh, I mean, yeah, we go out of the bar, we start just low-key flirt with the guy just for a couple minutes. Just for a drink. Just for a drink. Just for a drink. And then we go change hair and we don't budget, come back. That's fine. When I talk to your guy with the orange hair and you talk to my guy with the black hair, we completely switch people on it. Or we keep talking to them new hair. See if they pay attention. Both. I think we'd have to try both in one night. Okay, great. I'm in.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_03I'm in. Approved. So anyway, her bob looks fucking great. Yeah. And more than anything, she wants that old dick. Yeah, dude, she's sad. And every time I'm sad, I'm like, I want dick down by the big old man. It's chode time. Do it to me, baby. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? Exactly. That's all she wants. She's so beautiful. She's so beautiful. He takes her back to his storage room that's like pigeon infested. It's so weird. And he says to her, like, be careful, there's a lot of grease in here. Yeah, what? Girl. What? Why is everything grease? Why is there grease on everything? And then, like, she goes to like make him coffee and he just falls asleep. And then he's While smoking. While smoking. She's like, oh, sweet baby. So she takes a cigarette out, puts it out for him. He like wakes up later and then literally just leaves her there. Yep. Like she had to sit there and watch him sleep. Uh-huh. And then as and it's like the middle of the night. He gets up, no, no, no, nothing. I think he like kisses her forehead, maybe, and then just leaves because Durkin's been sleeping in his Jeep outside. Yeah. So he goes outside to find Durkin, who's fine. Yeah. The second they get outside though, I think they actually like they maybe go somewhere else. Yeah. They do. They leave immediately. But the creature is in his storage room, like deep breathing over Kim's tits immediately. Right, right, right, right, right. So on the ra Oh, yes, you're right. They like went somewhere first, just a fucking second to get like some food or something. Yes. Because the radio is like coffee and chocolates. On the radio, it's like or truder that just so happens to be in Stone's apartment. Who the fuck reported that? Who reported that? Who the fuck reported that? We just left Stone's apartment. Who's he don't got a phone. He doesn't have fucking neighbors, really. No, he doesn't have neighbors. He didn't the pigeon call? The pigeon? Is it the dog? Who's calling? Who called and reported this? So they like skeet skeet all the way back to the fucking garage skyscraper. Yes. And they're immediately back, and we keep having this like very tense. She's in the shower. We get to see her showering. We get to see her tot. Yeah, you do. Oh my god. I didn't know she did. I didn't know she did full boob like that. What do you think? She I think she did them in the in the HBO show. Oh, did Sex in the City City? I think she had her titties out. I've never watched that shit, but I think so. Um, but uh what do you think she thinks of this movie? Like, do you think she's proud of it? Probably not, if I'm completely honest. And she's really good. I will say, like, she's very it the story is kind of goofy and silly, but she plays it like very straight the whole time. Yeah, so does he. Everyone is honestly really great in this. Like, it's so much fun. I love this movie. So she's screaming when they pull up, and when they run up to the apartment, she's fine. It's actually someone else who's screaming, and she said she was screaming because the water got cold. Bitch. Girl, so do you know what is happening right now? Could you maybe temper your reaction to a cold walk? Have you ever screamed? Also, get out of the shower. Get the fuck out of there, dude. Dude, my house is literally, I've said this before. I can reach out my bathroom window and touch my neighbor's bathroom window. So, like, they do be hearing me shit and I do be hearing them talk in the bathroom. That's so funny. Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. But all I'm saying is, like, if I can you imagine? Can you my neighbor, my police officer neighbor, can you imagine if I screamed because the shower got colder? Yeah, girl, it'd be terrible. You'd have a cop in your house. Exactly. Um, so Durkin goes running in. Uh, the neighbor's house, he does have like a downstairs neighbor who definitely did not report this though, because she is in an actual apartment and and not concerned. And not concerned and not worried about the storage room. No. So when Durkin hears a screaming, he goes like bussing in the room and running in without any sort of like preparation at all. Yeah. And he is shotgun blasted so fucking hard he goes flying out of a wheel. Right in the belly. Bye bye, Durkin. Oh, also right before this, Durkin did let Stone know that he's a Scorpio. Yeah. So that must be related. Stone's the Scorpio. Yeah, it is the Scorpio. Yeah. Yeah. Because Stone didn't know his own fucking. Are you kidding me? Girl, he knew he was trying to be cool. He fucking knows his sign. He believes in it. Stone Harley. Wait. Harley's sounds so Pittsburgh about it. Harley Stone. You think he doesn't know his sign, hon? He knows. He knows. He knows. So we get like a glimpse of this pumpkin head looking ass, big old museum. She's not like using pumpkin head as a euphemism. He looks like pumpkin head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not her just talking smack. Like it looks like a straight grip. The looking ass after probably gave you the feeling that I was just talking shit. That's why I clarified. But he just looked, he just do be looking like pumpkin head. We were just talking about that Roseanne O'Donnell looking ass, fucking pumpkin headed kid, you know? So I just want to be clear. This is a literal description the creature pumpkin head. Correct. Yeah. But just like darker and about the same size. So we get a glimpse of him. There is a shootout between Stone and this creature. I have gun parkour. Yeah, it is very parkour. They're just like, nothing is happening. Nobody's actually shooting at anybody. And we're just doing like tuck and rolls around the apartment, destroying the whole apartment. Honestly, impressive for his age. It is, he's doing great, sweetie. He's doing so good. But I was just like, we're just literally rolling back and forth, shooting everywhere. Jumping over couches and stuff. It's very, very dusty. Yes. But Pumpkinhead does run out and just gives a little nip to Kim Catrell. He just like runs up there, nips her, and then leaves. And she's like, ow, he bit me. He totally bit my shoulder. That's crazy. And I knew immediately. I knew as soon as that happened, like what that was about to do. Well, that we are like that. That's the connection. Yeah. Yeah, of course. It's always some zombie fucking vampire fucking shit. So that's why you can't let cops bite you. You can't have a cop bite you. Can't invite him in. And you can't put cops' blood in your mouth either, or else they'll know where you're at all the time. It is a that is the first and foremost flock. That's how they know the first flock was you ingesting cop blood. Well, and they also they do the Eon Flux thing where they put a pill inside your mouth and it GPS tracks you. Correct. So you can't suck a cop's dick either. No, no, no. There's blood in there. There's yeah, you can't do that. Also, I said this to you recently, but I was also given a blowjob yesterday and it came, it made me think of it again. I just wanted to say this publicly for anybody who listens. To this, who I have given a blown job to. If you've ever had a bad blowjob from me, it is your fault. No, we've definitely talked about this before, and it is 100% your fault. And I I know it's not relevant to anything we're talking about right now, but I It's just a PSA. It was just a PSA. If you've gotten a bad blowjob, not just from me. I want to say I can't speak for everyone, but anybody I care about, if you've ever gotten a blowjob from anybody I love, it's your fault. Yeah. Because when I like a dick, I put in work on that thing. I sing that too. I will sometimes. That feels good. No same though. But I like I'm paying attention to what you do and do not like. Yes. You know what I'm saying? I'm I'm listening. I'm looking for cues. Also, you can tell. Yeah. You can't fake your way through not liking a blowjob. Yeah. So. So anyway, I just want to say if you ever had a bad one, it's your dick's fault. It's probably your clean that shit. Or she just don't be liking you back. Yeah, she's not that indie. Pay attention. Yeah, for real. Or the third card, you suck at going down there. Oh, yeah. So she's just giving you back the channel. You're getting what you put back right out into the world. Yeah, it's an energy match. It's a energy match. Ooh. Yeah. Step up your game. Step up your head game. Step up your head game. Or step out of the room. Vote for us. Vote for us for president. Okay. So much better a president. Just saying. I don't want to do that. I don't need that responsibility here. This is a good idea. I had an MTP with a new job. Yeah, this is this is already a lot for me. I don't vote for us. Actually, don't vote for us. Please unvote for us. So, anyway, Stone wakes up at the hospital. He has he's starting to have some partner flashbacks though. And we get to see these like, I mean horrific scars across his chest and down his arm. It looks like tire tracks. Right. It's fucking insane. And um, we also Dirk's fine, guys. Dirk had a fucking bulletproof S and he's totally fine. Of course. And immediately he's like, okay, I figured out that this is the connection to the killer. Um, you have these scratch marks and that it it the you ingested its blood, it has crop blood. Right. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And at the station we find out that or at the hospital, I don't even fucking it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. The DNA of this creature, they got some of it, and it is very much not human. Right. But it's also not singular. Correct. It has rat DNA, which is interesting. I guess the rats are carrying some scary virus, and this thing has it. That's what makes it futuristic. And it also has the DNA structure of every victim. What? Did you miss that part? Yeah, how? No, no, no. I mean I got it. Oh, okay, okay. Well, yeah, so first they say that the fingerprints are fosters. Was that his partner? Okay, okay, okay. So the fingerprints of this thing that don't got real hands really kind of not really. Right? Like, not human hands. He's just got like pointy dicks. He's got like long dong. He's got to the second week we've said long dong. Really? Yeah. Remember, like, remember the guy last week his name was like long shadow? We call him like long hair, long dong, long shadow. Whoops. Yeah. This is crazy. Rats, something on my long dong. I know. It's weird. Uh anyway. Uh so the fingerprints are Foster's DNA is all the victims, including rat DNA, and stones. Again, I feel like they don't ask him enough questions. I feel like they're very quick to be like, sounds supernatural. Checks out. Cool. Whatever. So because it didn't take the heart of the last victim that was interrupted. Yes, yes, yes. Stone realizes, okay, it's probably coming back to get that. So let's run to the morgue. Um, so he doesn't really have like, and whenever they step into the morgue, he can feel that it is in there. Correct. So it's like playing around in the rafters. Love that. Love an alien in the ceiling. And they're like those particle board type rafters that ain't gonna hold long. No, no, no. Especially if you are the creature that we duff seen. Yeah. Especially if you're pumpkin head up there in a fucking drop hop hop hops ceiling. Hopital drop ceiling. This thing comes flying down. It is it we get to see it kind of for the first time now. Sure. It is a very much cross between like Alien and Pumpkin Head.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_03And it is running. There's a really cool scene because there's all these like clear plastic tarps kind of separating the bodies. Right. And it's like running behind them. And it's a great lab scene. It really is. The lighting in this, like as a whole, is very dark and spooky. They do a good job, and you're like, oh, yeah. And he Kool-Aids through a wall and he's gone. I love that. Did he ever get the heart? I don't even know. I literally like don't even know. And would he take a spare heart? Like if he couldn't get the heart he wanted, would he just grab another? Well, Durkin is not okay. Yes, correct. Uh when did this happen? He saw it for its full glory today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Has a horrific reaction to it. Sure. Now he only eats sugar and drinks coffee and chocolate. And he's got a trench coat. Yeah, and he's got a trench coat and sunglasses. And sunglasses. He looks exactly and now they're like best friends. You guys gotta understand. Stone hated Dweeb, Dick, Dirk. Of course. And Stone wasn't hiring for a new partner. He was forced to have this new partner. A calamity of errors, two people who couldn't be less like each other. Well. And now we're twins. Now that he has seen the creature, he is traumatized in the exact same way that Harley Stone was. So now he is Harley Stone. He is Dirk Dirk and aka Harley Stone. Petite. I kind of love that for them, though. Yeah, they're very cute. They grab a few like shotguns that can fire 650 rounds per minute. Just casual, just checking them out from the cop gun armory. Also, I don't know if this matters like anything, really, because I feel like they have a lot of theories about this, but Dirk also starts to realize like it's the Chinese year of the rat. He brings it up. He does like, he he basically does whatever a Google search in 1992 was, where it's like one reference to the Chinese zodiac, to uh the astrology, to the horoscope, to the numerology, to he like mixes 13 different like occult things together very loosely. And like it eating the heart gives it more power, so that's why it's like but they never really talk about like why it disappeared and why it's back. Like we never really get into any of that, and why stone is such a target for him and why did he there's like an allusion to he may be he's behaving in a way that's similar to what you would expect from the former partner who's dead who you know what I'm saying? Like he he nibbled on Kim, but he didn't try and kill her, right? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I don't know. It's it's a little unclear, but not super important. It is we're here for a good time. Yeah, we are not a logical time, not a logical time. So now that they're twinsies, they go to Stone's storage room and they're gonna make coffee and eat chocolate and breach the hair and all the pillow fight. I love this for them. Yeah, it's so cute. When they go to open up the refrigerator to get chocolate out, though, they find the heart in the refrigerator. Oh no. Also, P.S. Your bathroom's flooding. What? Oh no, because she's still in the shower again. Kim never left the shower. Why is he leaving her alone so much? And also, wasn't she only visiting the UK for like some sort of like field trip for the students that she was? And three, it's wet all the time outside. Why are we taking so many showers? Go outside and sit on the ground and have a bath out there. I would think you would want to dry off more than get wet. Right. You know what I mean? I would think if every time you leave your house you're wet, you wouldn't want to come home and be like, let's get wet again. No, but what's happening is like, so they go in there with their guns drawn, but it's Kim. Yeah. So he like She's like, oh my god, what? I'm just having a little bath. She is washing her hands over and over because when it bit her, she threw her hand back and accidentally touched its like weird dog penis. You know exactly the wash she's doing. You know exactly. This is this is a shame wash, but it's also an OCD wash. Yeah, like you can still feel the dick on your hand. It's hot. It's hot. You can feel the shape of it on your hand. So you're just washing. She's doing it slow and methodically. She's got a little bit of a rock to her, and Stone comes in. Rock with it. She's she's doing both. She is. And and speaking of rock with it, Stone comes in and he gently takes her hand. He's very precious with her, except for that whole part where he like ruined her whole life, killed her best friend husband, and then like abandoned her. But other than that, he's like very, very sweet and loving. Sure. And he like washes the peen off her hand for her. Also, the most luscious bar of soap I've ever seen in my life is that was 17 inches thick. It is. In Grease Pit. Stone's apartment? That's what I'm saying, girls. Is this a shared bathroom? Whose soap is that? You have never taken that jacket off. You, I know exactly what stone smells like. I do too. It's leather, eggs, B-O, B-O to cigarettes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And also, like, I know we said he brushed his teeth and all girl. He brushed it and then fucking like washed it out with literally coffee that was in the sink for a week. I think his breath smells like Anya's breath if Anya smoked more. Yes. Yeah. Fish, turds, and cigarettes. A little bit of coffee. Kim, don't kiss him. Kim's don't. Don't. Like, I get the appeal in him and make him take a shower brush. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Like, I want him to protect me and to also. Yeah. So Dirk is waiting in the car while Stone like cuddles her to sleep. And again, like he's gonna leave her because Dirk radios him as like, hey, something's outside. So Dirk gives Kim like the world's smallest fucking handgun and heads out to help Dirk. Oh yeah. And I don't know if this happened yet. We'll just throw it in there. Uh Foster's mom killed herself. His ex-partner, her mother-in-law, she killed herself. Oh really? Yeah, she's real sad about it. She's real busted up about it. I think that's why she touched the monster peen. Wait. So she got news that the mother-in-law killed herself, so she touched his dick. Yeah, she touched the dick and then instantly regretted it. Because she was like, I feel close to you and like I can feel your heartbeat. I give you the heat. You know. And uh yeah, she gave me the dick. Yeah. And it was kind of cold. Yeah, and it was wet and it was like weird. And she was like, Oh, I love how everything's wet in this place. And like, maybe I'll just like get in the bath again. Yeah, everything's a little weird. Everything is crazy weird. And now Dirk is missing. The Jeep's gone, Dirk's gone. So he leaves Kim with their tiny head gun and he finds out, like, he goes out there and he's looking around for him. It was all kind of like cool, like post-apocalyptic, wet, you know, city scenes. Sure, sure. And then finally he finds Dirk hog tied in the back of his own Jeep. I hate it when that happens, but it's like always the place you forget to look, yeah. Right? And he's got this uh symbol carved into his chest. Hot. Yeah. Cool. But you know what's not cool? The rest of this movie, this motherfucker is 50% submerged in this fucking London ass rat water. With that open. The open hoo. I'm not getting in there with my spider bite. You should not be in there with a whole ass chest. No, and you bet your ass, my pussy won't touch this. Sealed, taped shut. Taped shut. You know how many layers I got on? I'm wearing a cup. For real. I've literally got duct tape. I can fold it over itself, you know, like a bag of chips. Yeah, that too. Yeah, you fold it up, you clip it. Or you can just like suction. Oh, I got one for my pussy specifically. Yeah, and then you can suction it on there. I do. It has its own breathing air. It don't need to breathe this fine. I mean, mine does. Shut it down. She needs to breathe. Lock her up. No. Not right now. She can breathe when we get home. She's in scuba gear. I'll put a mouth. Yeah, I'll put a scuba mouth. She's got side. Yeah. In would that kill you? I don't know. I probably ask. I think I could pull a breath from my puss. I have seen people smoke cigarettes with their puss. So I do think you can. I've seen people take things in. And I've seen people shoot things out. Right. I think I could pull a breath. I think you could pull a breath, but I would not be putting any like tubes of air. Or like huff stuff with your pussy? Because you can put booze up your butt. You're asking me. Yeah, you're the only doctor I know. You're the only doctor I trust with this kind of sensitive question. Doctors who are listening, because we know that there are plenty of- So many doctors. All of our listeners are just doctors and attorneys. The attorney part is true, though. That part is just a weird stat. Weirdly true. Yeah, that's true. That is kind of crazy. But no doctors that we know of right now. No self-proclaimed doctors. Show yourself. Yeah, I want to see an ID before we start talking about if my pussy can breathe. I need proof. But also, no, I'm just curious. Can you like Huff I think? Or if you're just like a girl whose pussy breathes, message Giona. Let her know. I just want to know about it. Because truly, you can put like a uh tampon soaked and booze up your butt. Uh yeah. Right. But that's but that can kill you too. I mean, that's not good. That can kill you. Why? Because it gets to your bloodstream a lot faster. I do know a little bit about this. And that's why I'm asking you this one. Like, yeah, you don't want to do that. That could be dangerous. I don't know about that. I don't. Why is it so different? I don't know. I want to know. Also, sometimes your butthole can just take stuff. I know, but that's why you got flange on it. Nothing in the butt without a flange. Right, correct. Or a tether. You get tied to the door. So that you can like a tooth. Like when you like when you're a little kid, you gotta yank your tooth. So when you're done. So when you're done, your friend can come over and slam the door and yank the tooth out of your ass. Don't put teeth in your ass. But maybe Or do and if you do, just put them in like a sachet. Right. And make sure the strings are on the outside. And make sure you say enough sachet. And now I'm picturing the sound of teeth jangling in your ass. What's wrong with us? Honestly. I'm shocked it took us 57 minutes to get here. Usually we have at least three of these in an episode where we just go on some weird fucking tangent where we see what's happening. It made so much sense. It's at that a hundred percent made sense. Scoop in scoop in the puss. Scoob in the pussy on the pussy or ceiling or putting it in the house. Everybody had the tooth very door slamming, pulling a tampon out of your ass. You know what? Or teeth a sachet, tea sachet away. And all I gotta say is if you're not dreaming like this, if you're not thinking like this, what are you even doing? What are you doing? Don't waste that imagination. You have a friend who will imagine this type of shit with you. Put it to work. Draw it, act it out. Draw improv.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03I want to hear about it. I want to see it. I swear to God, though, I would put something up my ass and let you slam the door because that would be so funny. That'd be so funny. When you say something, what do you mean? It's gonna have to be something small. Something tube-shaped. I'm open to discussion about the shape of it. Alright, alright, alright, alright. Are we still talking teeth or are we talking like I could put a tooth up my ass. One tooth, sure. As long as we two. Shark tooth. A shark bitch. It's blunter around the edge. That shape that does not feel like a shape that should come out of you very fast, even though it's soft on the edge. Tomahawk shape. Okay. We'll take this offline. You guys can also message us your ideas, but like it is my butthole, so I will have the final say. Yeah. I love this first. TBT. And then bye. Stand bye for that one. So now Kim can also feel his heartbeat, like we kind of said. Yeah, yeah. But this is my favorite part because she's like sitting on the couch with this little handgun. The creature, this pumpkin head looking aye. Yeah. So done, sewn itself into the couch. He thought I was a pussy. He comes tearing. He gives birth. Smurfs himself. Burst out of a leather couch. Girl, he did not even need, he could have just stood in the corner and nobody would have ever done it. No one would have. How the fuck did he get in? Just turn off the lights. No one will know. Everything in this room is wet and greasy. It's so weird. Reminds me of that scene of it's always sunny where like Danny DeVito comes out of the house. That's what this thing does. It's so he's a little more fit than Danny. Yeah. A little sleeker, a little longer. Not as wet though. Surprise. Maybe it may be as wet. It's hard to do that. You can tell it's dark in there. So um the boys arrive. Kim is gone. You know, they they felt on this. Yes. And because Dirk is now scratched, he can also see all this stuff. So honestly, it just makes it easier because now we're all on the same page. We don't have to say anything. We're like a pack of hounds. We're moving together. Truly. Yeah. So they realize the symbols carved into Dirk's chest is a map. Of course it is. Thank you, monster. Why wouldn't you tell us exactly where to go? Thanks, dude. How helpful. So they go see the rat hunter. Of course. Who's a kind of a famous guy? Yeah. I forget his name. Rat hunter. Doesn't matter. Look him up, guys. He's in this movie. You'll know. They need to get where they gotta go down in the sewers. They need to get where they gotta go. I think you leave it there. Thank you. I think you leave it there. I think you've said everything there is to say. Thanks, babe. And I've always said that about you. Thank you. The rat hunter is the one who's gonna get them where they're going, though. Sure, sure, sure. Basically, they have to get to a part of the town that's shut down because of the killer, I guess. I don't know. It's not important. But he's like, ooh, I can't get you there. It's so complicated. I maybe could take you through. And then they go through one door and they're there. Literally go through one door. Also, where all the dead rats are. Like the rat hunter just has like tons of actual dead rats there. Yeah, just hanging out. It's not the best. So they run down there, and like somehow you got like they walk through the sewers for like 40 minutes, and somehow they find the rat hunter dead in front of them. And I'm like, how the frick? How did he get there? Did he get in front of he was okay? Whatever. And we're in what appears to be like a subway tunnel situation, right? Yeah, because they go running because they hear Kim screaming, and there's like a huge subway train in the water that's clearly not running. And she is hung up by her wrist, like above this like sunspot. It's so weird, you guys. It's a perfect circle, and this is when Durkin's like, don't break the circles. He's like, Okay, but I am get her down. Right. No, he jumps, he runs up on top of the train and is like, swing to me. And she looks at him like there's no possible way. And he was like, literally, just like have you ever been on a swing line? Pump your legs. Pump your legs. Pump your fucking You never swinged before Kim Control. Pump your fucking legs, bitch. She has a really hard time. She does. She's way too confused by this. But she gets there, she's on top. Okay, great. Uh-oh. Guess who's also motherfucking here and popping out of another couch, aka this subway car. Yeah, he does. Pumpkin head. Pumpkin head's back, you guys. Yes. And he, there's a very silly, like uh hand on a track jaws kind of scene where his nails are coming through the top of the subway car. We've got screeching noises and we've got sparks flying, and she's running a little bit. Yeah, she's like doing a slow jog. I know that getting off the top is not also a great idea because he could come and get you, but like, where's the boys? Just like go be with them. Also, go backwards. Jump over his hand once. My plan would be to jump over his hand for that shit. Opposite direction. He can't turn around that fast. That fast. And his hand's stuck in there. Stuck in there. He's got he's got like gremlin crazy. Just go over it. Just jump over once. One, and then you guys just go back out. Right, just leave it. It's just right there. No, not at all. Um, so Stone goes in, and this thing, okay, so this is gonna occur anymore. I I have trouble with my writing again. I'm liking it. So it's making it funner. Just go with instincts. Stone goes in the little train and he's like doesn't know where pumpkin head has gone when this like gorgeous long hand. Gloved the nails are as long as the fingers. Swear on my life. It comes down and kind of like starts like sexually caressing his road. Just like gently. He didn't even notice my typo. Road? It's like it gently caresses his road. And you were like, yes, exactly. Well, because you were demonstrating head. Head. I think that's what I meant to write. Oh, you wrote road. I wrote road. I wrote it, it gently caresses his road from behind. And then it slowly reaches down his front, but it's really hard. And it's like, that's gotta be his best friend, right? That's clearly what's going on here. Yes. I love this for them. Um I thought we were gonna see a HJ. Same. It's not what happens. It's not. There's no hand stuff that's gonna be. So Stone kind of gets torn up a little bit. He likes gets grabbed, but he starts running, and this thing actually hooks its foot around Stone's ankle and trips him over. He trips him like a big brother. It was so funny. Yeah. He basically kicks the back of his shin and takes him down at the knee. I've always said there's not enough people kicking each other in the knees, knocking each other's knees out. Like, if you don't want to be chased, you s you get rid of their knees. Yeah, just get rid of their knees. That is the fastest part. It is. These are for emergencies. Yes. Knees for emergency. Emergen knees. Emergen knees? I love that. So Stone is about to get got by by the creature. Of course, yes. When Dirk comes up and he's got that 650 round a minute shotgun and just fucking lights this guy up, throws a grenade, grabs Stone, saves his ass. This this whole train. She's out here too. Like, so he so Stone ends up jumping out. He actually lands on top of Kim Cotrell and immediately just starts fucking violently making out with a terrified Kim Cattrell. Yeah, also I just don't think now is the time. It's not. And also, like, that was her husband man. Right. So like don't Yeah, please. Also, your your boy's getting sepsis over here. Like, can we get out of the water? Get out of the water. Go upstairs. So Durk. It continues to shoot at him all these rounds while Stone is like fucking dry humping game for sure. And then Stone gets up and realizes it's not enough. He's like, we gotta electrocute this motherfucker. Uh-huh. But it jumps out. Like he like does get this cord, this like loose cord. Electrocutes the shit out of him. But the guy just comes out burned. Yeah. He's fine. It seems hard to kill. He really does. And he shot his ass a lot of times. He grabs Stone by the throat and he's like holding him up. And then Stone gets his fingers together and punches through his chest. Cranes right in there. And I was like, what kind of paper mache is this guy made out of? I know, because there's no fucking way your human hands would go through the chest of Pumpkin Head. And also, this guy would you just shot this guy with this big ass military gun 150 fucking times. And he didn't go down, but you're telling me your four fingers went through his Watch out, Kim. Yeah, his finger. Watch out, Kim. Pay attention, Kim. Take notes, Kim. Kim, don't you dare let him put anywhere near you. Make sure it's one at a time. Do not let you feel him trying to add a second or a third. You fucking said. He puts all four together. He cranes right through that rice paper chair. Cranes in there, opens them up. Opens them up, grabs the heart. It's big. It is huge. It's black. It's actually kind of awesome. And honestly, whenever he tears it out, he looks at the creature. The creature is still alive a little bit. He eats the heart. I wish that's how it ended. He does not eat the heart. I thought that was a huge missed opportunity for real for real. Oite, but again, like we do not need to be closer together. No cop blood. I guess. No cop blood. Even if you are the cop. I guess. I guess. So Dirk and Kim Cottrell blast the creature. He squeezes the heart, and this thing is in 15 pieces now. So it is definitely. And then they all leave together because they're best friends and lovers. Yeah, and everything's fine. Until that hand comes out of the water. This movie rules. This movie rolls is so much fun. It's so much fun. You may not like it, but we did. And often that's how we do. It was a perfect sci-fi horror movie. Thank you. I loved it. It was exactly the lightness I was looking for. I was like, please, nothing else about people like getting divorced or Dolly Barton dying. You know what I mean? For God's sake. Let's see what we've done to ourselves now. I'm so scared this will be one of mine. I think it is, and I don't want it to be. Oh god. Demon Island from 2002. Oh boy, that sounds like Perdemic if ever I've heard one. Is it on Tubi? You know it. Oh, this looks bad. I'm sorry. What? They released the demon from a pinata. That's I think that's what I think. Okay, okay, okay. So this should be really lighthearted and fun too. One hour 24 minutes on Tubi, Demon Island. Next time we come back, that'll be the movie we talk about. Yeah, whenever that is. Okay. Whatever she may be. Come over to Ray J, Queens of Reality TV. Two episodes left, y'all. Come on. And you're gonna want to hear about what we're doing next. Yeah, you do. So you gotta come over there because we're not gonna tell you when we're gonna announce it. You guys are gonna lose it. Seriously, it's crazy. So stay tuned. Stay nasty.
