Episode 228 - Staying in Your Lane: Why Other People's Success Is None of Your Business

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Brandi: [00:00:00] Have you ever heard that quote, comparisons the thief of all joy? I remember the first time I heard this quote and I was like, oh my gosh, how freaking true is that? Because think about a time where comparison really ever and I'll do a , I'll do a video on when I actually hit the highest score, because that is, that is usually what I do.

it's usually what I'll bad at,

Nor does it serve us, but it's so easy to do, especially in the online space when we see people's wins and people are showing their highlight reels on Instagram and we see the good, the good, the good. And we look at our business and we're like, Why am I not farther along? Today in this episode of the Serve Scale Soar podcast, I'm going to give you some practical tips on how to [00:01:00] overcome comparison in your business, and you can probably apply it in your life.

So let's jump on into this week's episode of the surf scale sword podcast.

Brandi: Welcome back to another episode of the Serve Scale Soar podcast. My name is Brandi Mowles. I am your host and my guess is you're here because you either want to start, grow or scale your service based business as an ad manager or strategist. And if that is you, you are in the right place and maybe you're just a little ad curious.

So you're popping in and you're like, What is this ad management thing all about? Today's episode is so great for you, even if you're not an ad manager, even if you're offering services like podcast management [00:02:00] or any type of freelancing or digital marketing, if, Actually, this episode's great if you are just a person, because in all honesty, we all suffer from comparing ourselves.

Especially in 2024, when everyone's life on Instagram looks so freaking glamorous. Filters, and highlights, and you name it, that's what we're seeing. But in reality, that's usually not what it looks like behind the scenes. But we can't control what other people do on their social media, or we never want to take away from someone's wins because there's room for all of us at the table.

But, as human nature is, comparison comes into play. And we start to play this comparison game where we're looking around and we're like, how are they doing that? They've been doing it less time than me. They don't work as much as me. Why can't I be there? I should be further along by [00:03:00] now. Look, they popped up and all of a sudden they have five clients and I've been doing this for the last five months and I don't have those results.

What is wrong with me? And you're right. You don't have the results because they're on their own journey. And the other thing is their results are none of your business. Tough love moment. Their results are none of your business. And if they're real results, that's another thing we have to think about just because we see what people say doesn't mean that's actually what's happening.

Maybe they're hitting six figure years, but they're spending 90, 000 on coaching, on courses, on ads to get there. And maybe you're bringing in 50, 000 a year with 90 percent profit. You're making more money than them. But you're comparing yourself to what their revenue is or how long they've been doing something when none of that matters It's frankly none of [00:04:00] your business What is your business is what you're doing and what your goals are and where you want to go But comparison happens to all of us. No matter how much therapy you've been through, no matter how much self, how many self improvement books you've read, no matter how many hours of work you've put into your own self growth, comparison happens to all of us. So if you're sitting in the comparison game, you're not alone.

I've been there. I still have days. And so in this episode, I want to give you some practical tips that you can apply in different situations to make sure that we can get out of the comparison and get on with our own life. The common things that I see with comparison is In different situations, we can do different things.

So the first one that comes up is you're scrolling on Instagram or you're scrolling on Facebook and people sharing their wins. And in the ideal world, we want to be like, heck freaking yeah, [00:05:00] go whatever the person's name is. And you want to be super happy for them. But inside you feel guilt.

Because you're comparing yourself to them. You're like, ugh, why can't I be there? She just started. And you start to go down this mental guilt. That now you're feeling bad, because you're not where they are. But then you're also feeling bad because you're feeling, you're having these feelings towards this person that you should be excited for.

But instead you're like, oh, why not me? And you're in this guilt rollercoaster. And it sucks. It sucks. So how can we eliminate that? One, we can be excited for them and have some sorts of feels inside of us. They can coexist. But one thing that we have to learn is that we can't wrap that up in guilt.

We want to take notice of that. Okay. I see them winning. I'm excited for them, but I'm also frustrated for me. And if it's one person that's really triggering [00:06:00] you, like I've had this before where there's one person that's like really triggering me, there's this thing called unfollow or mute and you can do that.

And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that because if it's going to help you keep your blinders on then it's okay to unfollow and mute people for a while. That is not a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not saying anything about them or anything. It's to protect your mental well being and that's okay.

And then you can always come back around and be like, I'm in a different headspace. I can cheer you on. I can follow your content and I'm gonna feel differently. It's not gonna affect me anymore. I've done this before. So in that case when it's Instagram or something like that where it's very like removed from us, we can just unfollow.

So we're not seeing that content in our feed and that's okay for your mental wellbeing. There's nothing wrong with that. The second thing you can do, and this one's a harder one, is when [00:07:00] we're in masterminds, when we're in group programs, when we're in courses and people are getting on and they're sharing their wins and these are your peers.

These are the people you really want to cheer for. You want to be excited for them. But as they're sharing these wins, you're like, Man, I don't have wins like that. I can't share my wins because they're not as good as X, Y, and Z. How is she doing this? She just started her business and I want to be there for her, but what is wrong with me?

And we go down the spiral and this is one where we're not going to leave the group. We're not going to not cheer for them because we do want them to win. And the more that they win, we know more that's possible for us. But in those moments when you're on these coaching calls, the first thing you can do is if it's a place where you can share a win, go in and share.

We don't need to measure our wins amongst each other. There's sometimes where you may have someone that's I just had a 20, 000 a month. And you're like, crap, I just lost three clients. Find a win. It doesn't have to be like, I [00:08:00] didn't have a 20, 000 a month. Maybe it's that you had enough money in your savings where losing those clients isn't going to affect you.

That's a win. Put that in the chat. Find a way to win with them. We're not measuring our wins side by side. And there's a reference I would love to tell you that happens in male locker rooms, but it's not appropriate for this podcast. But if you get what I'm putting down, it is not that type of measuring contest.

Wins are not for that. They're to celebrate and to release serotonin in our brain so we feel good. And the more that we can share our wins, no matter how small, big, medium you think they are, they're all equal. And then the second thing is, in that moment, if you can share a win, share a win, even if you don't think it measures up to that other person's, because your win, you sharing that could impact someone else.

And that could help them [00:09:00] hit their next level or think about their business in a different way. And then the second thing is, in that moment, You can write down three things you're grateful for right now, because when we're in a state of gratitude, it's really hard to also be in a state of envy or comparison.

And so if I'm on a call and someone's Oh my gosh, we just had a 2 million month or year or whatever it is. And they just started. They're like 25 year olds. They just started and they just had a 2 million a year and they're like, and we didn't even run ads. And I'm like, what the heck? This is true story.

This happened to me before. And I was in a doubt mode because when we start to prepare ourself, it's never about that other person. It's always about the insecurities we have going on. So in that moment I sat there and I said, okay, one. I'm so grateful I was able to take a hit in my revenue this past year so I could be a fully present mom for Bodie when he [00:10:00] was born.

That was gratitude one. Gratitude two, I'm so grateful we had money in savings where my family didn't miss a beat even though my revenue tanked. And three, I'm so grateful I know how to make money on demand. I've been able to bounce back from that down to now we're up above 75 percent where we were last year.

When we go and write the gratitudes that we have, and maybe you're right now and you're like, Oh, I don't have anything to be grateful for in my business. I encourage you to find them. Because maybe it's the fact that, You're able to be at home with your littles. Maybe it's the fact that you've been able to take some time off because you had family emergencies.

Maybe it's just the fact that you get to pick who you work with and you never have to work with someone you don't want to. Again, maybe it's the fact that you don't have a boss yelling at you. I would find what is it [00:11:00] that you can get excited about and that you can be grateful for in your business or your life.

In those moments. Because when you write those down, you're in a state of gratitude. And you, it's really really hard to be in a state of gratitude and a state of envy at the same time. It's just very difficult. And so when we're in those coaching moments and we're hearing other people's wins, if we can do that, That can be really, really powerful and really, really helpful for getting out of the state of comparison and envy.

Okay, so we've talked about when I'm scrolling on Instagram and someone's triggered me. We've talked about what do I do when I'm in groups. Now, the third thing is, what do I do? When this is starting to affect how I'm showing up on calls. The first thing I want to talk about is I just said when we are envious, when we're comparing ourself to other businesses, other people, it's very rarely about [00:12:00] that person.

It's about our insecurities. So when you feel this comparison come up, one, I want you to feel it. Where is it coming from in your body? Because comparison isn't usually logical. It's emotional. So we're going to feel it in our body rather than our head. So where do you feel it coming up? Is it your shoulders?

Is it your neck? Your stomach? I just wanted you to take a moment to feel where does this Comparison, this envy come up. Is it in your stomach? Is it in your heart, your throat? Where is it coming? You feel it in your body. Taking that moment to feel and be grounded in our body can be really, really powerful.

The second thing I want you to do is think about in that moment or write it down. Journaling is really powerful. No matter if you like journaling or not. I would give this a try, is when it comes up, what is the underlying insecurity we're experiencing? So maybe. We hear okay, this person just did 2 million and they haven't ran ads [00:13:00] and they're doing it and they're only 25.

What's my insecurity around that? Is it the fact that they're 25 and I'm feeling like I'm about to turn 34 and I'm an old lady? Is it the fact that they hit 2 million and that's been my goal and I didn't hit that? Is it the fact that they didn't run ads? Is that what it is? And really try to figure out what is that insecurity.

And in that situation, the insecurity was, I, I was feeling as I was stuck at 1. 2 million or 1 million for so long and then I dipped when Bodhi was born. And I was looking and I was like, man, that's where this insecurity is. Is, will I get to 2 million? Is that possible for me? Did I miss my chance? Did I make a decision that will now prevent me from getting there?

And that's the insecurity I had to grapple with, not the [00:14:00] insecurity that they're 25 or they didn't run ads, none of that. I, when I said these out loud, broke down their situation. It wasn't the fact that they were 25 and I feel like I'm an old lady at 34. That wasn't it. I don't get caught up in the age thing.

. So I knew that wasn't my insecurity. But it may be an insecurity that you're struggling with.

And then I knew it had nothing to do with ads because I think it's funny when people brag about not having to run ads because it's like, who cares? I what is that? So I knew that wasn't it. So then it must've been the 2 million thing. So what was the underlying thing of that that I needed to work through?

And when we say all these things out loud, we'll figure out what that insecurity is. And then we can work through that. So I hope this episode I gave you the practical tips that you can use, whether it's unfollowing, muting, working through your list of three gratitudes, or getting to the root cause and finding out what are your insecurities that we can work through.

And that's exactly what you need. [00:15:00] The steps you can take to get out of comparison and move into gratitude and growth because when you're in a state of envy, comparison, you're not going to grow. It's just not possible. So what I want to encourage you to do is put on your blinders, use the tips I gave you in this episode, and do the dang thing, my friend.

Other people's journey has nothing to do with yours. It is none of your business. So let's do the dang thing. I am cheering you on. We have so much time left in this year for you to hit your goals. Don't count yourself out yet. So I hope this episode encourages you to get out of the comparison game and move into the growth game because the growth game is so much more fun than the comparison one.

So if you want someone to help you, coach you through moments like this, just like I did today, and just like I did this week with a client exactly on this topic of the comparison, and you want that one on one support and [00:16:00] you want to grow, go on and head to brandyandcompany. com slash Strategist Society.

I think there's a dash between Strategist Society. We'll link it up in the show notes and apply to be part of our one on one mastermind mentorship program, the Strategist Society. You'll find all the details on that page and that's where we're going to support you on a one on one level so you can move past this and get into your growth stage.

And until next week, my friends go out, serve your clients, scale your business and soar into the success you deserve.