Ed Solomon Holiday Family Dinner & Driving Test Material Show #80

HHere is a fun short set by the famous movie writer Ed Solomon from back when he was a standup comic. Here he shares material about Holiday Dinners with the Family and his recent driving test at the DMV....very funny!

Transcript

Announcer: 0:02

Stand up comedy, your host and emcee presents, comedy appetizers, a podcast where you will find short comedy sets, stories, and funny bits from the famous. Not so famous. Here's your host and emcee Scott Scott Edwards. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to comedy appetizers, I have a fun one for you today, some great comedy material about the holidays and family travel by none other than Ed Solomon. Now you may not recognize the name, but you know his work. He was the genius script writer behind Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, this series called Now You See Me and also from all the Men in Black Series. This guy is a great writer. But back early on in his career, he was a stand up comic, and he worked for me. So I'm going to share just a few minutes of great material by Ed Solomon. Here we go. Anyone get Trivial Pursuit?

Ed Solomon: 1:10

Oh, there's a good there's a good game. I don't understand the concept of this game. It's like pay like 3995 to feel like an idiot. Like, because, like every question you get is like, like geography. What is the exact latitude and longitude of Bengal? And then like, your opponent always gets questions like geography. What planet are we on? They're gonna have a Christmas dinner at home and all that stuff. And we're gonna have things same things like Thanksgiving dinner at home. It's always the same thing now is it? Just me? I don't think so. I'm 24 Now when I go home for like Thanksgiving dinner and stuff, they still stick me at the kiddie table. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's like the aluminum card table like, Throw it. Throw a sheet over it. You put your elbow on it everything like slides down. And every year they tell you when you grow up, you move up from the kiddie table to when you grow up. Yeah, that's bullshit. Okay. Let's face it, folks. The only way you move up from the kiddie table to the adult table is if someone at the adult table died sad but true. I'm sitting there going grandpa poo and my mom's there my mom's drinking like, you know people like to shoot like she won't drink from the same glass someone else uses but like she will French kiss the dog. Say right mom while the dog was in the house using the Waterpik okay. I was outside eating dog shit. So we're at the table at the dinner table. Right and, and like when I was a kid, it was like the adults would drink like wine and champagne. They'd give the kid sparkling cider. jarhead sparkling cider like this is supposed to think we're really drinking wine right and have like, four or five glasses go out and drive our big wheel off a cliff. Does anyone who drinks and drives here anybody? You do? Drinking and driving is a problem. I mean, it's not a problem if you're drunk because like if you're drunk hell, you know you can drive. The problem comes to the first semester basically convinced you that you're too drunk to drive yo isn't it wasn't like Dave. Dave, you're a little messed up right now. Maybe I should drive you home. Dave says, no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. Just let me adjust the seat. Dave, you're sitting on the fucking hood of the car. I actually have a solution for the drunk driving problem. They would eradicate it 100% from the freeway, and I don't know why they have an instigator yet. Why don't we simply do this? Why don't we simply put on the freeway, a drunk Lane Thank you, sort of a padded Lane sort of shaped like this. Cars is kind of I want to read through and honestly got questions from the California driver's test and I want you to tell me if you think this is not possibly one of the most difficult things you've ever seen. Question number one honest question. What does this sign mean? No right turn a no right turn be deer crossing. See, turn left into the oncoming traffic I missed this one. I put none of the above I was some of these are incredible. Like what you think okay, now Number two, but as a note, that's three to driving under the influence of any drug which makes you drive unsafely is a fun be okay on weekends. But watch out for those roadblocks and of course see okay, but you must be willing to share it with everyone on the freeway. Yeah, okay, how about this one number three pedestrians using guide dogs or carrying white canes A should be ignored. They're just trying to attract attention. Be shouldn't be considered armed and extremely dangerous. And of course see our blind drive by and you know, how many fingers am I holding?

Scott Edwards: 5:48

Well, I bet that was material everybody can relate to around the holidays. I hope you're having a good holiday season yourself, you and your family. We wish you well. Be sure to tell your family and friends maybe over the dinner table about comedy appetizers, short, fun comedy bits and stories to brighten your Fridays. Next Friday, we have another great show. So thanks for listening. Be sure to tell your family and friends and radius if you can. Bye. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of comedy appetisers. Be sure to share with family and friends and we will see you this Sunday for our regular podcast, your host and emcee. And again next Friday for another episode of comedy appetizers. Bye