Awakening Souls

Episode 95: Guarding Your Energy: Energy Vampires

• Candace, Jennifer & Rose • Episode 95

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Ever feel inexplicably exhausted after spending time with certain people? Join us on Awakening Souls as we uncover the intriguing phenomenon of energy vampires—those who leave us feeling drained and out of balance. Through engaging stories and insights from the Akashic Records, we promise you'll learn how to recognize these energy dynamics and set boundaries to protect your well-being. We'll explore why empathic individuals are often magnets for these energy-draining relationships and offer practical strategies for reclaiming your personal space.

Throughout the episode, we take a closer look at the importance of setting boundaries in various aspects of life, including relationships and daily tasks. Personal anecdotes, like the decision to skip hosting Thanksgiving dinner, illustrate the real-life application of these principles. We delve into the characteristics of self-centered individuals—such as narcissists, drama magnets, and critics—and uncover how recognizing these traits can safeguard your energy. Our conversation also highlights the power of self-awareness in managing energy-draining situations, emphasizing that self-care isn't selfish but essential.

Finally, we address the challenges of navigating energy in social settings and everyday tasks, offering tips for managing intense emotions without depleting your reserves. Whether you're dealing with PTSD, sensory processing disorders, or simply the chaos of modern life, we share insights and tools to help you maintain a healthy energy balance. From decluttering your environment to letting go of perfectionism, discover ways to alleviate mental burdens and build inner strength. Remember, protecting your energy is about maintaining your well-being and fostering a life of balance and fulfillment.

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Speaker 2:

Welcome to Awakening Souls a spiritual podcast for the mystics, magical thinkers, sensitives and spiritual seekers.

Speaker 1:

We are here to explore all things spiritual, from navigating your awakening, developing your psychic gifts and so much more.

Speaker 2:

Together with our combined experiences, we hope to help guide you on your path to reconnecting with your soul and the beautiful life that comes after.

Speaker 1:

So come join us on the magical journey of exploring your Awakening Souls. Well, hello everyone. Welcome to Awakening Souls. Today, we're diving into the world of energy vampires those people who leave you feeling drained and out of balance. Vampires those people who leave you feeling drained and out of out of balance. We'll talk about what they are, how they affect us and, most importantly, how to protect yourself and stay grounded.

Speaker 2:

So let's get into it can I just gonna say, to be honest with you, the thought of talking about energy vampires exhaust me is exhausting isn that interesting.

Speaker 3:

It's like just even tapping into that energy makes us feel drained and it's like you want to put up our boundaries and say, no, I totally get that. I totally get that All right. I did a channel last night in preparation for this podcast and I opened the Akashic Records and I asked what do us and our listeners need to learn about energy vampires? And I got some really interesting information about it, about it. So I'm going to share that channel with you and then we'll get into more tips and tricks on how to work with people or things that are draining your energy. So the first thing they said is energy vampires are real. But before you get all judgy, know that everybody is pulling energy from one another. That is a normal phenomena. If it's happening in a balanced way, then it's good. You're giving energy, the other people are giving energy and all are receiving, and it feels balanced because you're fueling each other. That is supposed to happen. So I mean, sometimes we can get so afraid of energy vampires that all we want to do is put up boundaries and walls and be like nobody can have my energy. But that's not how it's supposed to be. We're all energetically connected. We're all giving and receiving energy, but what an energy vampire does is they don't know how to receive energy from source because of whatever they've got going on trauma, emotional, just never learned, how low self-esteem all of those things can cause us to be disconnected from source. So, because they don't have a strong enough connection from source, they are trying to get those energy needs met from others Now in a balanced way. We are connected with source and we're pulling through in source energy and we're pulling in energy from those around us and everything's flowing and everything's balanced. But when they're disconnected from that source energy, they're trying to get their needs from others and they don't do it in a healthy, balanced way. So what they said is somebody may offer some energy to an energy vampire and they're like oh, we've got somebody here that we can pull energy from and they will hook into us and then they'll take, and then they'll start taking more than what we've agreed to. So they're actually stealing. Now, it doesn't make them evil or bad.

Speaker 3:

A lot of people do this unconsciously, and I think all of us do it at one point or another, because so it's not like it's the worst thing in the world, but awareness is key. So they are stealing or they're pulling more than they're allowed or that we're okay with, and so that, of course, is going to be draining and that's going to make us feel like that person is not good for us, because they're taking more than maybe what we have to offer. Maybe we only have so much energy because we're trying to decide how to spread ourselves thin and they're pulling more than what we actually have available. The other thing that they're telling me is sometimes they can sense when people do have a strong connection to source. So all of us that are raising our vibration and trying to really become connected, we have stronger energy, and so energy vampires may be more attracted to us because they can get a bigger fix. They can pull more source energy through us rather than establishing their own connection to source.

Speaker 3:

So if you have energy vampires in your life and I mean we all do to different degrees know that you don't have to give them energy. It's not your job to sustain them. It's okay to have boundaries, it's okay to set limits, it's okay to even distance yourself from them if needed to help them, to almost push them into creating their own source connection, and if they're not willing to do that. That's on them. That really isn't your fault. So a lot of people that are having bigger energies are empathic and, gosh, we want to help everybody, don't we? We want to just be there. And, oh my gosh, I can't tell you how many people I've tried to save and I don't do that anymore. It's not my job to save, only to help when asked and when I feel like I can offer that.

Speaker 3:

So I thought that was just a really interesting way of looking at it. And the other thing that they showed me is they gave me a visual of the human energy field, which is the auric field and all the chakras, and they're saying those chakras are meant to be giving and receiving energy at all times. That's what we do we pull in energy from things around us and then we do something to that energy to make it our own, and then we give that back to the world as our authentic self. And I think that's just a really interesting thing. And they also said you're pulling energy from things around you even when you're by yourself. So you pull energy from nature, you pull energy from the earth, you pull energy from your belongings, you pull energy from the buildings that you're in, or the cars or anything that you're around. So it's like we are a battery that's constantly recharging ourselves. I love that image and but when an energy vampire taps into us, they're depleting our battery faster than we can recharge it up.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah so, and I'm sure we're going to get into this and probably most people already know this but how do you know when somebody's pulling your energy in an unhealthy way is really how you feel, and we've talked about that before. And they said if you're in an exchange with another person, if you feel positive, energized, relaxed and content, it's a balanced. You're both giving and receiving energies in a fairly balanced way. But if you're feeling negative, drained, tense or unsettled, someone or something or a group is taking energy in an unbalanced way. They're forcing the energy, stealing it rather than taking what's offered, and I thought that was interesting too. So things can take our energy Groups, ideologies can also steal our energy, and I think that's really something you know. When I think of energy vampires, I think of an individual person, but it can be groups, it can be ideologies, it can be things.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, it's just, it's interesting.

Speaker 2:

Well, I think that that's interesting, as we're talking about like the org field we are. Our org field is meant to be like nonverbal communication, where we're constantly picking up and reading things from each other's energy, whether we're doing it from thousands of miles away on Zoom, or we're doing it in person or in groups. It's about communication. That's our nonverbal way of being able to receive and give energy or just data, right. So we are constantly in exchange of energy, no matter where we go and no matter what we do. Now, if our energy is feeling depleted or porous, if we don't have strong boundaries or we have a subconscious belief that we need to save people, we need to help them, that we need to be of service at all times, or it means something bad about us, then we will inevitably attract people who sense that within us, because there's that energetic exchange. Your people are reading like, oh, they'll help me, they'll help me, and you're like let me help you, let me help you. And then it's like a bomb that goes off between these two energies, and one is giving, giving, giving, giving, and the other one is depleting, depleting, depleting, depleting. Does that make sense? So I love thinking about that in terms of like when we're speaking metaphysics or energy. That's just a visual way to be able to explain what is happening there. And I don't think I think both people, when we're talking about people, I think both people play a part in this and it is both people's responsibility one to recognize where you're giving too much and start putting boundaries in place. And that might have to come from working on the limiting belief that you need to give, or feeling guilty when you don't give. And then for the other person who could be depleting energy is to recognize when they're outsourcing validation from other people and learning to turn inward and source validation from within, because that's where source is lying, is within. And I think we're moving into that paradigm right, as we're always talking about meditation and doing the self-healing and stuff like that. That is so that we can be reliant on ourselves for our own energy, where we need to set boundaries, where we can heal, so our energy isn't being depleted in areas that aren't serving us, but being able to fill those voids with light and love and with healing so that we are replenishing our own energies and with healing so that we are replenishing our own energies.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, do you guys feel? I feel like right now, I've been working through this whole thing about energy. It's always ironic that we talk about something and I'm like, oh, I'm working on that Because we don't? We pick these conversations by random, by whatever we feel is most needed right now, and I'm never, never, relating it to my life until after the fact. I'm like, oh my God, for the last few weeks, I've been working on noticing where my energy is going and how I'm feeling with putting my energy into certain spaces, places and people, and then, if I notice that my energy is feeling really drained and depleted, which I have been feeling a lot lately, I started putting boundaries in place where I stopped either participating or engaging in certain situations or with certain people and giving myself the permission to not have to be involved in everything.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I've been doing that too, which is so weird because I didn't even realize it until just now. Really, yeah, I was like oh my God, I've been doing this since Thanksgiving. Since before Thanksgiving, remember, I was like this year I'm not making dinner, guys, I'm stepping back. You guys can bring whatever you want, but you're welcome to come over, but I'm not doing it. So it's been starting since then.

Speaker 3:

I don't know if I mean that kind of relates right. Oh it totally relates Because, yeah, tasks can be energy vampires too. Right, it's not just people.

Speaker 1:

No.

Speaker 3:

It can be tasks and expectations that are put upon us that we feel like we have to do, that maybe we really don't want to or don't feel right or don't resonate with us.

Speaker 1:

And I kept telling everyone I'm like you know, I really never was making Thanksgiving dinner, because I wanted to.

Speaker 3:

Ooh, ooh.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so that's why I was like this year I'm not doing it. Oh, and we gave you so much pushback. I know Did they really. I did, I got some pushback.

Speaker 2:

Yes, mostly from this one, candace. She was sad. Well, I guess I didn't. Yeah, it was more of me being sad that we were losing our tradition. We've recently lost a lot of family members in the last couple of years and even though they wouldn't have been there anyway, right, it was like, oh, I'm losing something else in the family.

Speaker 1:

But but this is what you didn't look at. You could have made the turkey. You can make, you can make all that, and it still would have been but I did.

Speaker 2:

I did still make what I would have normally made. I brought food as if we were still having the Thanksgiving dinner that I wanted.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I loved it because everyone enjoyed it.

Speaker 2:

So it was fine? Yeah, it was fine, it was fine.

Speaker 1:

It was good. It was more than fine. Do I feel better, maybe a little bit, but I'll get used to it.

Speaker 2:

I'll get used to it. I understand. You know what. You've been practicing putting boundaries in place for a long freaking time and a lot of them have been with me Really my whole adulthood. I've noticed where you've been like no, I'm not doing this or I'm not putting my energy here.

Speaker 2:

And I remember early in my 20s, when I was like just trying to raise little Jocelyn, my firstborn, I was like that's BS. Like no, you're supposed to be here for me and do this for me. It's such an entitled little kid I was. But I was like when I started going through my awakening and I started learning, oh, about boundaries and how I have to put boundaries in place, I started to realize that's what she's doing. She's just putting boundaries in place and I have to honor and respect her boundaries. But I don't have to like them, right, yeah, and I it's no lie, I must've been an energy vampire, because it's taken me a very long time to be like okay with that and accept your boundaries and just like, all right, fine, moving on, I'll figure it out. However, I need to figure it out, but I feel like it's made me more independent in a lot of ways, I also feel like this became a confessional.

Speaker 3:

The truth comes out, yeah.

Speaker 2:

I guess it's safe to say we've all played the energy vampire probably at some point in our life, while also playing the victim of having energy vampires in our lives, and I think both play a significant part because you're learning lessons on either end and I learned that, oh, people need to be able to put boundaries in place and they don't have to honor my every need or want or desire, and that's okay, because I can be independent and I could be self-actualized and figure it all out on my own, and that was a huge part of growing up. Didn't like it, but it was there. I think I'm doing that to my kids.

Speaker 3:

Good, and are you getting any pushback from them?

Speaker 2:

Of course, we started a chore chart recently. Oh nice, yeah, well, we have done this before. And the chore chart was amazing because I was, at that time, giving, giving, giving, giving, constantly working a 40-hour job, 40-hour-a-week job, and I was trying to do coaching classes at the same time and I was raising. I had an eight year old and a newborn, and a house and two dogs, and it was like. I felt like everything was on my plate. So I implemented a chore chart and it was the first time that I felt like duties were split and I can actually spend my time and energy in places that were more important to me, which was not cleaning the house.

Speaker 2:

And we've fallen out of that since we moved. It just happens Life changes and schedules change, and so then more responsibility fell onto my shoulders again and I was starting to feel bitter about it, and I was noticing I didn't have any energy left for like actually spending quality time with my kids. By the time they came home, I was drained. By the time we were done with all of our afterschool stuff, I was exhausted. I don't have any more to give you. So we started implementing a chore chart just this week and boy did the girls hate it. They were both like oh, I don't want to do this mom. No, why? It feels so, so good. It feels so good when they do it because I know like, oh, I'm teaching them how to take care of themselves. Now, yeah, instead of doing it for them and I keep telling them, I'm like my job as your mom is not to do everything for you, it's to teach you how to do things for yourself. Yeah, yeah, so my kids are energy vampires. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1:

So some of the signs you're dealing with an energy by vampire would be feeling tired, irritable or drained, feeling obligated to fix or comfort them, Difficulty saying no to them, often due to guilt or fear of upsetting them, and reoccurring feelings of low self-esteem or questioning your worth after interactions.

Speaker 2:

So feeling tired or irritable that, I feel like, can be a tricky thing to notice. You ever notice when you hang around somebody and you feel good, right, you show up, you feel good, you have interactions and a part of you is like I'm enjoying the conversation. And then you walk away and you're like, oh, I feel exhausted, I'm so tired and what do you do? You chalk that up to your day or to just like maybe I didn't get enough sleep last night. I think that alone has been like the hardest thing for me to pinpoint. Oh, I am drained every single time I talk with this person or every time I interact with them, which I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:

My only clue is when I'm with them and I'm feeling that that draining happening at the same time that I'm with them.

Speaker 2:

And it's such a subtle I feel like if you're not totally in tune with your own body, that becomes a very subtle thing to recognize. You have to really have a lot of awareness about how you're feeling before you enter into a conversation and get used to knowing how it feels when you're in the presence of an energy vampire.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 3:

Another clue for me is when I'm dreading seeing somebody.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 3:

If you know, and maybe there's no apparent reason why I wouldn't want to see them, but even though they seem nice and friendly and we have good conversation, if you know an opportunity to come see them, and I'm like, oh, that's, that's a sign that I know if I see them, I'm going to be drained afterwards.

Speaker 1:

I get that way, just thinking about holiday parties. Oh I don't want to go because I know how tired I'm going to be. All right, so let's talk about the types of energy vampires and how to spot them.

Speaker 2:

One type is called the victim. The victim is somebody who often plays the role of the victim right the woe is me, my life never turns out, I have bad luck, and what they're doing is they're constantly sharing their problems and their woes with you, wanting not you to even fix it. If you ever come across these people, they usually don't want you to give them advice. They want to complain and they want to keep complaining, because what they really want is't want you to give them advice. They want to complain and they want to keep complaining because what they really want is sympathy, for you to feel bad, for them, to kind of bask in their woes, and those people are often going to play off of your sympathy to gain attention and support.

Speaker 2:

I've come across a lot of those. Actually, since people know about what I do as a healer and an intuitive, I will often have a lot of people ask me for more intuitive insight about something, and that is extremely draining too. Like here are my problems now. What do you intuitively think about this? And I get it a lot. I get it through emails, I get it on social media, I get it in my personal life and that is immediately draining and it's taken me a long time to figure out. Oh, I need to separate my work life of what I do and my work and how I interact socially with people, being an intuitive and a medium.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, intuitive and a medium. Yeah, that's why you charge a fee for when somebody books a service is because you are giving something of yourself, and then it becomes an even energy exchange, yeah, where, if you are always giving somebody intuitive advice without any kind of an exchange, it is draining.

Speaker 2:

Or at least not an equal exchange.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely, and you know. And then I always get a little angry because I'm like, well, you've got intuition too. I am not the only one in the world with the skill, you know. And I mean it is sometimes nice to get an outsider's perspective. But, yeah, doing that on a regular basis?

Speaker 2:

Yes, it's not appropriate, yeah we all need to be responsible for tapping into our own intuition.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, though I mean like we'll do that with each other, we'll do card ratings or, you know, record readings but we do it in a balanced way. It's like we take turns. Everybody gets a reading, everybody gets some intuitive information, and so it is. But it's yeah, it's balanced, it's an equal exchange and I never feel drained afterwards. Oh yeah, I always feel good after we've done intuitive sharing with each other. I always feel uplifted, not drained.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, you know, I think also showing signs of appreciation too can be enough of an energy exchange. When you give me a card reading or an intuitive download of some kind about my life, I will give back in a thank you. I appreciate this so much, your work means so much to me, and I find that that can be a nice exchange as well, especially if I was just giving a small fraction of information right and not a huge hour long reading.

Speaker 3:

There's a difference there? No, isn't there.

Speaker 2:

There's a difference. Yeah, okay, let's move on. So the other kind of energy vampire we can have is called the narcissist. The narcissist will typically demand attention, demand praise, and leaves little room for anyone else's needs. They can often manipulate conversations to center it around themselves. So we always we've all dealt with the self-centered person. I mean, I think narcissist is a harsh word to use, because I think nowadays we're labeling everybody as a narcissist. But yeah, the person who just wants more attention for themselves. Look at me, look at me, look at what's going in my life. You know what about me? Don't you want to praise me? Love me. That can also be draining too.

Speaker 3:

Yes, and they never take responsibility for their own actions. They always turn the blame on somebody else.

Speaker 2:

Wow, rose, sounds like you've had personal.

Speaker 3:

I have. I can't tell you how many narcissistic relationships I've been pulled into. And then I realize after the fact, oh my gosh. And then I say I'll never do that again. And then I meet a different type of narcissist, and so it's been an education and I'm probably not done with it yet.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

But I'm much more aware now.

Speaker 2:

And probably picking it up a lot quicker. You can see the signals or the red flags a lot faster.

Speaker 3:

Trusting my gut, trusting my own feelings that's what I've done so many times with narcissists is once again put the blame on me. Oh, this must feel off. It must be something I need to heal, rather than they're doing something that my body or my energies are like. No, this isn't right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, sometimes I think our intuition is built off of having personal experiences with things and growing like muscle memory. You know, like oh wait, this feeling feels really familiar. I remember feeling this when I was interacting with this person, and this person I found out is a narcissist or whatever.

Speaker 2:

Energy vampire. The next kind, the drama magnet, or the drama queen or king, the one who is just thriving off of chaos and arguments or gossip or stirring up emotional energy. They may exaggerate or create problems just so they can feel involved. I actually don't know that. I've spent a lot of time with the drama magnet.

Speaker 1:

I have yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Maybe I am the drama magnet. No, no.

Speaker 3:

Jennifer and I weren't trying to say anything, but no, I'm just sitting here.

Speaker 1:

Oh no, it's definitely not you. This person has always been the person to. When certain people are in the room, this person will just talk about all the the negative crap that goes on and like oh well, this person did this, this and this, and this person did that and.

Speaker 2:

I find that really interesting. I've noticed that too observing people. When you're around certain people, you act in one way, and then, when you're around other people, you almost like become a different person and or become the drama magnet or complain a lot more. And it is confusing when you're watching the two different scenarios happen. You're like wait a minute.

Speaker 1:

It's like this person's like knows what energy to disperse all this stuff on and then knows what energy not to Interesting. Yeah, dump, not disperse. Dump, it's a better word.

Speaker 2:

The next kind we have is the critic Regularly puts others down and feels superior, the one who's always complaining where their service is never good enough. They always have to be a critic about something Nothing really feels like it's meeting their standards. Their negativity can deeply impact the confidence of the people around them and their emotional state.

Speaker 3:

Well, yes, if you're always afraid of being judged, you're not going to want to be your authentic self for fear of being put down. So it's almost like you're forced to be small.

Speaker 2:

I think of this person. When you're going to a restaurant and the service is never good enough or the food is never good enough, they always have something negative to say, or if they have something positive to say, they will follow it up with another three negatives. We were at dinner or just me and my two girls and there was a woman sitting behind us who threw a huge fit because her food was delivered to the wrong table, which was our table, and the servers didn't even get a chance to put it down before my daughter recognized it wasn't our food and so they brought it over to the right table and this woman just let the server have it, and then she spent the rest of the evening huffing and puffing because I'm watching, know like, spent the rest of the night huffing and puffing about how terrible the food was and the service was, but she ate it.

Speaker 3:

Uh-huh. So do you think those people just go through life looking for opportunities?

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 3:

And how sad is that? And of course that's low self-esteem. You've got to make other people feel lower than you or you need to feel superior and I mean we've all done that. So I don't want to be too judgy about being judgy, because I know I've done that too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we've all done that. Do you guys ever feel drained around people who are just excited all the time? Yeah, yeah, I do too. Yeah, we've all done it. Do you guys ever feel drained around people who are just excited all the time? Yeah, yeah, I do too. I was like we just named all of these like obvious ones that are, of course, easier to snuff out and are energy vampires. But there's also energy vampires that are so much more subtle.

Speaker 2:

The person who's always extra bubbly or extra excited I mean, excitement is even energy right and I get drained around people whose energy is above mine, who they're over the top excited. If I'm not there, I will easily get drained. You've been there with me, you've been that person, sorry, and I will tell you I'm like I'm not on the same page. Your excitement is exhausting me. I sound like such a bitch.

Speaker 2:

I think it's a person-to-person basis and it really has to do more with you observing your own energy and where you're at when interacting with other kinds of energies. It's not their responsibility to protect you from their energy. It's your responsibility to protect yourself and to take whatever measures are needed that are going to be healthy for your energy. So that includes things like setting up energetic boundaries, using verbal boundaries, separating yourself if necessary, using physical boundaries, limiting how much time you spend in those areas, with those people in those places, and then also doing things like cutting cords, practicing grounding techniques to help replenish your energy and being able to say no to something or somebody without the guilt.

Speaker 3:

So interesting. Candice, the first thing you said in that section was that they are not responsible for you, but I almost want to disagree with that. Aren't we all responsible for our own energy that we're putting out into the world? I don't know.

Speaker 2:

But then that limits how much you're allowed to be your authentic self.

Speaker 3:

Does it now, or can you find a way to be your authentic self and put out energy that is respectful of others? Can you do both at the same time? I don't know, and maybe that's what we're learning to do, because I always feel like if I'm feeling a really strong, intense emotion, like, maybe, anger or rage or something like that, when I'm dealing with something really intense like that, I'm very aware of who I'm around and what impact that might have on them. Now it doesn't mean I'm trying to shove that feeling down, not acknowledge it, not deal with it, but I feel like if I am going to ask for help, I'm going to do it in a balanced way. I'm not just going to go dump my rage on somebody else. So I feel like handling my emotions responsibly, being aware of the others that may be impacted by that, but also finding out how to be my authentic self. That's like the sweet spot, and I don't find that spot on a regular basis, but it's something that is a goal of mine. I want to be able to be my true self but also respect those around me and not influence them negatively.

Speaker 3:

But sometimes sharing emotions can also be a healing process. I don't want to do it with people that are not interested. So, you know, if I'm feeling something really strong, I'm really angry today about this. Do you mind if I talk about it with you? Will you help me work through that? You know that's a more respectful way and they can decide. You know I'm having a bad day, I don't know. I'm up for that. Catch me tomorrow, you know, or something like that would be fine. But that's just something that I really want to be aware of is what I'm putting out in the world and how that's impacting the world around me, especially the people around me. So I guess, finding the balance and I don't know that that's right or wrong it's not that I think about it.

Speaker 2:

I think that we all need to take a responsibility for how our actions do affect other people and I definitely didn't mean that as in like, no one should care about how they're affecting other people. You know it's your responsibility to set boundaries, because it's both right. Like the other person if you have I have, I'm a projector I have really specific needs. I'm extremely sensitive to sound, I'm extremely sensitive to certain lights, I'm extremely sensitive to people's energy and not at all energy is treated equally for me. So you know you could be the best person in the world and so loving, but if you drain my energy, it's not your fault. It's my fault that I haven't put enough boundaries in place to protect my energy.

Speaker 2:

So I think we're arguing over like fine, finite nuances here. I think each of us, every person, does have a responsibility of working through their own energy, of making sure that they're being respectful of their energy, but also making sure that they are putting in the right boundaries to protect their energy. On either side of the coin, whether you are the victim or you are the energy vampire are the victim or you are the energy vampire, and we can't expect everybody to have the kind of awareness that we have that we should be respectful of our own energy and how we're putting it out there in the world. We're not there yet. We're not there yet. People are still learning that that's even possible, and you know what it takes a really aware person to recognize where they're putting their energy, how it's affecting other people and what is affecting their energy.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I agree with you. I agree with that. Many people are not even aware of that, and so, yes, as a sensitive person, you do have to go out and navigate the world, protecting yourself for sure. All right, so let's circle back and talk a little bit about tasks being energy drainers. And these can be all kinds of different kinds of tasks, so they can be regular tasks like we do at home chores and that kind of thing. They can be work tasks. They can also be things that other people expect us to do and so we feel obligated to do them, and those can all be draining.

Speaker 3:

And even something that you love doing can be draining if you do too much of it or if you become too rigid on I have to do this so many times a week or so often. That can be draining and overwhelming. So what are some signs that a task is draining you? Number one you procrastinate it, you don't want to do it or you dread the idea of doing so. You're not feeling very good about that upcoming task. Another sign is that you're overwhelmed by the number of tasks or the complexity of tasks. I really struggle with that and I've recognized that. So, like I got a desk to assemble yesterday. You know, assembling furniture, that's something that always overwhelms me and I start flipping through the manual to see how to put the desk together and I'm like, oh my God.

Speaker 3:

I can't do this, I can't do this. Like immediately I just spiraled down and then I thought, rose, you know, your brain can't handle everything all at once. Look at step number one, and all you have to do right now is that step said, okay, I can do step one. So I talked myself I know very, very drama queen, right and so I opened the book and I looked at step number one and I'm like, okay, all I have to do is attach four screws. I can handle that. So I did that one and then I moved on to step two and honestly, it took me maybe half an hour to put it together. It wasn't really that hard.

Speaker 3:

So for me, if it's complex something new I haven't done before or there's a lot of little steps, it drains me just thinking about it and I have to kind of chunk it down into little bits and then I can usually manage it a whole lot better. So that's another, another sign that something's draining your energy. And sometimes it's a mental game too. Sometimes it isn't necessarily the task itself, because, like I said, assembling this desk was pretty easy, it was. My mind just immediately spiraled and started thinking worst case scenario. And oh my gosh, it's just so. I know that about myself and I know, okay, I gotta, I gotta take little bits and that's all I can handle.

Speaker 3:

And and sometimes I get in trouble with my husband for that reason, because I can only handle like a little bit and he's like a big thinker. He he's seeing 10 steps down the line of what needs to happen and he wants to talk about it and I'm like I'm back here on step number one. My mind can't handle step 10 yet. No, and so you know. So sometimes we have different processing ways and that that can be problematic, but we're good. And the other thing that's a sign that a task is energy draining is that you easily get distracted before you'll do that task. And I always think of the phone. That is my, you know. Scrolling on the phone is my sign that I don't want to do something, that I know that that task could be draining, or I just don't feel like doing it. How are you guys with tasks? Do you ever have specific tasks that really drain you? Do you ever have specific tasks that really?

Speaker 1:

drain you. Well, this reminds me a little bit about how I've been. Every holiday, when we get the, we used to get a letter about OK, so-and-so has to buy for so-and-so, so-and-so has to buy a present for this person, and I would. I would never look at it, never look at it.

Speaker 3:

And now we get a text Christmas party is going to be at such and such a place.

Speaker 1:

Can you bring a dish to pass? I completely ignore it, I will not respond to it, I won't even open it, I just and it all has to do with the fact that I know I'm going to be with any of the tasks beforehand and I almost gave it all to my husband like you buy the gift for the the Christmas party this year. But we actually came up with the idea together and I was okay buying it myself, but I'm like I'm stepping away from a lot of tasks.

Speaker 2:

So you know, I've noticed lately that majority of tasks do drain me, like even even though I'm a business owner, and there's a lot of tasks within owning a business that are just essential you have to do, I will procrastinate, and they will drain me immediately upon doing them, no matter how much I love doing my business and I love the work I do. There are so many facets in owning a business that I hate doing that are absolutely draining. But I also really dislike looking at finances because I will immediately get drained. And so it's not because these things are energy vampires, although I think working on like computers will drain the energy.

Speaker 2:

That is an energy vampire. But sometimes it also has to do with just like what my nervous system can handle, and I've noticed I'm a lot more sensitive than I have ever allowed myself to admit that I am like I can't do tasks or certain things because my nervous system becomes so overwhelmed Like you with the desk becomes so overwhelmed that I can't handle it. The other day we were in the car together it was just yesterday on our way home from dinner and I've got my oldest daughter talking to me in the front seat, my youngest daughter trying to talk to me in the back seat and the music playing and I'm concentrating on the road and I lost my shit because I couldn't handle everything happening all at once.

Speaker 2:

And as my daughter's trying to tell me a story, in the backseat, my oldest daughter is turning up the volume because she wanted to hear the music and I was like I don't think I've ever sat down and actually explained to my family how sensitive I am, that when you have so many outside stimuli happening at one time I can't function. Outside stimuli happening at one time I can't function. I don't even I can't. I have a hard time thinking or even speaking when there's too much stimuli around me Same.

Speaker 1:

I'm just thinking about how I turn down the car radio. When I need to concentrate on that, like or order a meal from the window or something, I just have to turn down the car radio, for, you know, I can't have that extra noise.

Speaker 2:

So I'm trying to concentrate on something, yeah, so life as a task is draining to me.

Speaker 3:

Just life. So do you want to just hole up in your bedroom and snuggle under your covers and live life?

Speaker 2:

from. There.

Speaker 3:

Some days I want to.

Speaker 2:

These really are new things I'm noticing about myself, like as you get older and you become more self-aware and you really start to identify, like what works for you, what doesn't. And as I've been trying to narrow down my boundaries, I'm noticing, wow, there's actually very little that my nervous system can handle. Plus, I have had PTSD. Ptsd is an overload on your nervous system and I'm sure those are long-term ramifications of having PTSD. It's just feeling emotionally, energetically and mentally drained by multiple tasks all at once.

Speaker 1:

And the older we get, I feel like the more boundaries I'm putting up. I'm just totally like, okay, there's a boundary I gotta put up, I'm fine with it. I'm just totally like, okay, there's a boundary I got to put up, I'm fine with it. You know yeah.

Speaker 3:

I struggle going to the doctor's office in that same way, candice.

Speaker 3:

I'm sitting in the waiting room and they usually will have a TV playing some ads and then they will also have music going on in the background, so there's two sounds that I'm trying to hear at the same time. You've got lots of people, lots of movement, fluorescent lighting, which is usually bright, and so by the time I get into the room and get to talk to the doctor, I'm usually so frazzled it's hard for me to communicate what I actually need. It's like there's so many things that, yeah, and that's, I mean that's. I've got a sensory processing disorder. That's diagnosed, but that's exactly what, what happens to me too. So I totally get and, like, my family knows now that I have that and they're very considerate, and my kids, some of them, have that as well, so they can totally relate. My husband is very well-trained now.

Speaker 3:

He knows don't talk loud at me. First thing in the morning I take time to wake up. He knows to keep the house somewhat tidy Because I can't stand too much clutter. It'll drive me crazy, you know, because things can be energy drainers too. So it's like it's funny, I think. Think as more we grow spiritually and sensitive, wise, we're much more aware of the things that are draining us.

Speaker 2:

I do wonder, like the more, the more awakenings we've had and the more intuitive we become, the more like our energy is open, and I wonder sometimes if that has something to do with how extra sensitive I've become.

Speaker 3:

Are you allowing more in and then you're having to process more?

Speaker 2:

You know, I don't know that it's an allowing necessarily right, like I'm not conscious of allowing all of this in, but it could be. It's really hard to say, it's hard to know and I, to be honest with you, I've never understood and I know we're about to talk about it I've never understood putting energetic boundaries in place. My need for boundaries has to be physical, it has to be spoken and physical boundaries put in place. Because if I protect myself in a white bubble of light, that's great for only letting love and light in and keeping negative entities out, but it doesn't help me in my everyday life. Like I can't go into public spaces and say I've got my energetic protection, nothing can touch me. You know I'm impenetrable. Everything is in.

Speaker 3:

Why do you think I moved out to the country?

Speaker 2:

You're living my dream.

Speaker 3:

And living in the woods. It's amazing. I feel better than I ever had my entire life because I'm limiting the number of people and places and things and I have an abundance of nature yes, I was just saying nature and quiet.

Speaker 2:

So I think that brings us to transitioning into the conversation about how we can work with the tasks and things and people that are draining us.

Speaker 3:

All right. So, all that being said, we do want to empower you. We want you to feel like you do have some things that you can do to help yourself with energetic vampires, be it people or things or tasks. There's a lot that you can do to help yourself. Number one awareness is the key. So pay attention to yourself and your feelings and your intuition and when something is draining, you take note of that. A really good activity is to actually journal that, because then you can start to see patterns. You may like oh, every time I'm with this person, I'm being drained. Maybe I need to not be with this person as much. So seeing those patterns and noticing what works for you and what doesn't is key. And once you notice, then it's time for some boundaries is key. And once you notice, then it's time for some boundaries.

Speaker 3:

And you can have all kinds of different boundaries, but you have to communicate those boundaries as well. You cannot say, oh, I'm going to, you know, not do this and expect another person to actually know that If they ask you, you're going to have to say, oh, I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that, and you don't even have to give a reason why when you're setting a boundary. It's not your job to explain your boundary, unless you feel like you want to, if that's the way that relationship is. But no is a complete sentence. I love that. You can just say no, or I'm not able, or I'm not available, and that is enough. So setting boundaries with people Go ahead, candice.

Speaker 2:

Okay, there's also communicating your needs, because sometimes we can find there are things in our lives, in our families, like environment, that can drain our energy as well, or in our relationship with people we want to continue to be in relationship with. So having open communication about what your needs are in that relationship to help you uh, protect your own boundaries and to conserve your energy are equally as important.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely Communication.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean with, with, um, what's the word when you're not really best friends but you know each other?

Speaker 2:

acquaintances with acquaintances. If you're noticing in certain environments or with people that there's that, that draining of energy, I don't feel like it's as necessary to be like listen here, this is what I need, right, right, you can set those boundaries for yourself and just work on not engaging as often or walking away or not even answering if it's a text or a message or something like that. Not answering as frequently as you might have in the past, without having to vocally communicate.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, you have to gauge the relationship to decide how much you wanna share and how much you can just kind of back off.

Speaker 2:

Precisely.

Speaker 3:

The things around you. Do you need to declutter? Are there things in your life that you're holding onto that have mental weight because they're your responsibility to care for, or they're something in your environment that you're no longer using? Try and let those go, because that's going to free up your energy. And take a look at your tasks. How do you feel about the things that you do day in and day out? What can you do to make it better as much as possible? I mean, sometimes there are things you have to do and you just have to do them. That's okay. But can you delegate? Can you ask for help? Do you have to be the sole person responsible for that? And oh and, as a control freak mother, I didn't want to ask my kids to do things for the longest time because they wouldn't do it the way I thought it needed to be done, they wouldn't do it right or they wouldn't do it as thoroughly. And once I let go of that control, oh my gosh, it was just so much better. It's okay if the socks are not folded in exact pairs and if they're all thrown into a basket. The kids still have clean socks, you know.

Speaker 3:

So you have to look at your own patterns too, and what are some things that you can do to kind of just let go and release of some of those expectations that you have for yourself or for others and let things be okay. Instead of being perfect, sometimes good is good enough and a hell of a lot better than perfect with the energy you're expanding and the mental weight that that task might have. So it's not just looking at people, it's looking at everything in your life. But of course, don't get too control freaky about it. Just start noticing and as you notice things that are draining, you start making some changes and bit by bit, you're going to find more energy and more balance and you're going to get to a place where you're more aware of when something is draining you and you're going to nip that in the bud a lot sooner.

Speaker 3:

Another good thing that you can do is take really good care of yourself. If your energies are strong because you are doing the things that make you strong, you're going to be less susceptible to others draining your energy. It's interesting there's some people that used to drain my energy, but once I got to a certain level of taking care of myself and being strong in my own energy, they don't even come around me anymore. It's like they just fell out of my life because I think they could sense that I wasn't going to let that happen anymore. So building up your own inner strength is another thing that you can do if you've got energy vampires in your life. The other thing is is you know, don't demonize the other people. The other thing is is you know, don't demonize the other people. They aren't the devil, they aren't evil, they aren't bad. They're just trying to get by the best way. They know how and have love and compassion for them and for yourself.

Speaker 1:

Your energy is precious and you don't have to give it away to everyone. It's okay to set boundaries, to say no and to put yourself first when you need to. Protecting your energy isn't selfish, it's necessary. So, as you go through your week, take a moment after each interaction to check in with yourself. Notice who lifts you up and who pulls you down. That awareness is the first step toward keeping your energy in balance. Thanks for being here with us today. We'll see you next time. Take care of yourself and your energy. Bye you.

People on this episode

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Candace Anderson

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Jennifer

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Rose-Marie Lowe

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