Feel good by celebrating yourself

Investing in your own health and happiness is the best way to be strong for others. 

In this episode of The Talking Healthier Tuckshops Podcast, host, Deanne Wooden, talks to happiness expert, Claire Massingham on how to take time to focus on your physical and mental health, and how living well is a journey and doesn’t happen all at once. 

Making goals and finding ways to be accountable to yourself will give you the best chance of success.

About Claire and the Happiness Bank: https://happinessbank.com.au/about-claire-massingham/therealstuff/

Shop for the Happiness Book: https://www.etsy.com/au/listing/687506670/happiness-gift-happiness-book

About the guest:

Claire is a health professional who writes and speaks on topics including happiness, motivation, change, how exercise can make you feel good, guilt-free self-care, emotional wellbeing and healthy lifestyles.  

Claire’s own experiences in life have shaped her sink or swim mentality. She says she chose to be happy but it is not something that just comes to you. 

Claire believes health and happiness go hand-in-hand and to get started on a healthier life journey sometimes requires breaking through some barriers. 

Claire likes to talk about the ‘Happiness Bank’ – investing in your own happiness and topping up your bank.

The Talking Healthier Tuckshops podcast is funded by the Queensland Government through Health and Wellbeing Queensland  as part of the Healthier Tuckshops program.

This podcast is proudly brought to you by the Queensland Association of School Tuckshops and funded by the Queensland Government through Health and Wellbeing Queensland.

Transcript

Deanne Wooden  0:09 
Hello everyone. This is Deanne Wooden from the Queensland Association of School Tuckshops. And you're listening to the Talking Healthy Tuckshops Podcast, the show that talks all things school tuckshops. From the health of your kids and family, to your own well being and happiness, we'll explore topics that matter to you, giving you easy ways to implement them in your tuckshop and your day to day life.

Today, we're talking about celebrating you and how sometimes in order to be there for others, you just need to take some time out for yourself, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. We're joined by happiness expert Claire Massingham. Claire writes and speaks on topics including happiness, motivation, change, how exercise can make you feel good, guilt-free self-care, emotional well being, and healthy lifestyles. Claire believes health and happiness go hand in hand. And to get started on a healthier life journey sometimes requires breaking through some barriers. Claire likes to talk about the happiness bank, investing your own happiness and topping up your bank. Claire, welcome to the show.

Claire Massingham  1:22 
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here.

Deanne Wooden  1:26 
Well, first question, Claire. To be honest, when I first heard you talk about the happiness bank, I was a little sceptical. The first thing that came to my mind was the positive thinking movement, all Zen and crystals, which to me is not particularly useful in this real life that we are living. Can you tell me a little bit more about what you mean by this term?

Claire Massingham  1:45 
Yes, I absolutely can. Yeah, look, I fully understand your scepticism because I'm the first one to put up my hand and go, Oh, my gosh, you know, it's really totally unrealistic to think that you can be happy all the time. And in fact, it can be quite damaging to your well being. The messaging around happiness and positive thinking movement can really put people off, because I think it feels like it's impossible to attain, and then people don't even start. I also think the word, the actual word, happiness can be misleading too. Because people assume, as I said that to be happy, you must experience these positive feelings all the time. But you know, that is actually far from the truth. Happiness encompasses a whole range of feelings, and I say happiness very much as an umbrella word. And underneath that umbrella is a whole lot of other positive emotions, such as excitement, and engagement and peacefulness, and being grateful interest and also engagement. So there's lots of other words that we can use to describe a state of happiness, it doesn't always have to be that high energy, whoo, you know, sort of happiness feeling, it can be a bit of a lower energy, which is more about feeling peaceful and satisfied. There is a great body of research that says, when we're creating positive emotions, we actually are operating at our best. And our brains, when they are operating at neutral or at stressed tend to shut down. But when we're operating in a more positive mindset, our brains literally open up, and we become more creative, and we're open to more possibilities. Have you ever felt something like that? When you when you're feeling really happy? You go, oh, wow, the world's a much better place? Have you ever felt that?

Deanne Wooden  3:36 
Yeah, for sure. It's really nice to know that there is research, I mean, I've got a scientific training background. So you know, to hear that there's research backing all of this up really makes it sit a lot more comfortably for me.

Claire Massingham  3:52 
It does, because some people, you know, with that scientific mind that go, you know, all of this just warm, fuzzy stuff. You know, that's all it is. But there's not there is such a big body of research that says that experiencing positive emotions really does help us to operate at our best. And that's, I mean, that's what we want to do. I think, I'd love to just say to people, it's important to know that what happiness is not, which gives you them a little bit of a framework. So happiness is not having all of your personal needs met. It's not always feeling satisfied with life. It's not feeling pleasure, or all of the time, which I've said before. And it's not about never feeling negative emotions. It's actually about living a really rich, deep and meaningful life. And when we open ourselves up to all this spectrum of normal human emotions, there's, you know, sadness, and anger and boredom and all of those other emotions in there. And we need those to balance the happy moments. So it's really important that you know, people know that being happiness is not just about being on top of the world all the time. I love to talk about putting deposits into your happiness account. I think this gives something people to relate to. So to increase your amount of positive emotions, which is kind of what the aim is not to have them all the time, but just to increase them, I like to say to people think about opening up an account to the happiness of bank, and it's just like a rainy day savings account. But instead of putting regular little bits of money into that, you know, every day or every week, what you're doing is the currency of happiness is putting in deposits of gratitude and helping others. It's also building great relationships is exercising, it's eating healthy. So anything that's going to invest in your well being or make you feel good or thrive and flourish, is going to be a deposit into your happiness account. And if you just put those little deposits in every single day, over time, you're going to start to build up a really good foundation of happiness. But you look back, you go now I'm actually starting to consciously look for those little positive moments that make me feel good before I wasn't aware of that. But now I am. And once you start doing that, you do start to increase your sense of well being, and your happiness does increase and you start to flourish.

Deanne Wooden  6:22 
Yeah, I agree. And I think the trick there really is about recognising when you're experiencing those happier times in your life and understanding what you know, like recognising when they happen, and putting them in the bank, you know, consciously understanding that. Picking up on what you were saying about you still need to feel those other feelings of anxiety and concern and sadness, I think those kinds of feelings help you to recognise also when you're feeling happier, because it gives you that contrast in your life.

Claire Massingham  6:52 
Oh, definitely. You know, I was doing a happiness course once. And this question is always stuck. In my mind. One of the question was answer A or B, if you had the chance to hit a button that said, you are going to be happy for the rest of your life all of the time, would you hit that button? And I had to stop and think, Whoa, would I? And my immediate answer was, No, I want contrast, I want to have that contrast. Because if I was happy all the time, then maybe over time, I would kind of forget that I was being happy. So I totally agree. And I think the other thing I'd love to just mention is sometimes when you're striving for happiness, it's not always just about those pleasurable moments or those little moments of positive emotions. Sometimes we're striving for meaning and purpose in our lives. And on the journey to do that, you actually start to experience some uncomfortable emotions as well. And a great example of this was I had a girlfriend recently just graduate up to doing a master's in health administration. And she said to me, Claire, I just felt so euphoric as I was receiving that that graduation, you know, all of that blood, sweat and tears that had gone into that. But I want to acknowledge along the way, oh, my gosh, I was overwhelmed. And I was stressed, and I was anxious. And I knew that the outcome was what I wanted, I knew that this was going to give me meaning and purpose in my life. So even though she was stressed and experiencing uncomfortable emotions, the deeper feeling was, in the end, I'm going to have such a feeling of satisfaction. So I think it's really important to know that happiness is a balance of both. It's a balance of having those pleasurable moments and we need those are also having some meaning and purpose in our life, which can mean that we're going to feel uncomfortable.

Deanne Wooden  8:40 
Yeah, that's really great. And what you're saying also reminds me of you know, that growth mindset, where if you're not faced with challenges and difficult situations in life, you're not learning the skills necessarily to overcome them and then growing from those experiences. And, you know, I feel most happy, I think when I have been through a period of growth and feel that I've gathered more skills and life experiences to get me through the next challenge that life will inevitably throw.

Claire Massingham  9:09 
Absolutely, and that's the key thing, life is always going to throw us challenges. You know, I say to people, there's always going to be some storm clouds brewing on the horizon. But if you can make hay while the sun shines in, you know, you can start putting deposits into your happiness bank every day and having some meaning and purpose in your life and investing in your well being when those storms arrive, and they're going to at some point in time, you're going to be in the best possible position to be able to cope with that. Positive psychologists say that the most resilient and well people are those that can live side by side with those uncomfortable feelings, but still know underneath there, you know, they have meaning and purpose, and that this will pass so I can live with both of those uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions and the challenges whilst always you know, still thriving in my life.

Deanne Wooden  10:01 
Yeah. Thanks, Claire. Look, moving on to the next question in my mind. And because once again, I've got that scientific and health training and a lot of my training and understanding about nutrition is all about the physical health. So I've often wondered, what is more important? Is it mental health and well being or physical health? What are your thoughts on that? Is one more important than the other? Is there a scale? And if people are short on time, which should they prioritise? I know, that's a big question.

Claire Massingham  10:31 
It's a massive question. And, you know, I don't have a definitive answer for that, because mental health and physical health are just so closely intertwined, that I think it's impossible to place importance over one or the other. It's difficult to be mentally well if your physical health is poor. But it's also difficult to be physically well if your mental health is poor. So I'll sort of give you a little bit of a back story here. I have two sons who are young men now and they've left home. But I remember just like it was yesterday, when they were born, I had postnatal depression with both of them. I had no motivation to do anything at all. And that really took a physical toll on my physical health. Now, intellectually, I knew that I needed to get out and exercise. I just knew that was the case. But do you think I could do it? No way, I just did not have the energy or motivation to do it. And then one day, someone said to me, Claire, don't wait to feel motivated to exercise because if you do, it's never going to happen. They said, I know you don't feel like doing it. But you actually need to put those feelings aside. And you just need to get outside and do it. So I remember one day just dragging myself out of the door, I put my joggers on. And I started to walk. And I can guarantee you within 10 minutes, my mood started to shift and I felt just a little bit lighter. Within 30 minutes of getting home, I walked into the door, and I felt so much better. And I thought why didn't I do this before? Now, the feeling didn't last forever. And the next time I needed to get out, I still didn't feel like doing it. But having done it, I went oh, hang on a minute, feelings aside, just get out and do it. And that just that one statement was really ground-breaking for me. And it's really helped me to to, I talk about acting like a robot, just don't let your feelings get aside, just get out and do it. And, you know, when I get up in the morning, and I'm feeling grumpy, because I know I have to exercise to me now is a non-negotiable that I just, you know, I just get up and I just do it. And I always refer back to that statement, don't let that little voice in your head saying don't do it, don't follow that voice. Just put that aside and set your environment up. I have all my clothes out on the floor by my bed in the morning. So I don't have to rummage around in my cupboard having to make a decision about what to wear. That's one roadblock I put out of the way. I set a firm intention before I go to bed. So I've got no wriggle room in the morning. And as I said, I'm just like a robot and I do it. So I'm lucky that I've set up that habit, it does make it easier. But I know that for some people that that's been hard to do. It's they just physically can't get out and do it. And I recognise that because it is such a tough place to be in. But I would like to encourage people that feel like that, that go look, you know, I'm not in the right headspace to focus on my physical health, then can I encourage them to think about their mental health and well being then, and I'll come back to putting those little deposits into your happiness bank every day. Because little micro moments of joy can make a huge difference. And if you can just deposit those little micro moments. And it can be as simple as walking outside and going, Ah, the sun's on my face today that feels good. Okay, I'm just going to deposit that I'm just going to pause for a minute and just soak up that moment, you might come inside get totally side tracked with something else. And the next thing, you might go, Oh, I just had a really good chat with a friend or that's another deposit. And just those little tiny tweaks that you can do. Investing in your mental well being will make a huge positive difference in the long run. And you never know you may get to the point one day where you go, Oh, I'm gonna put my joggers on and go for a walk.

Deanne Wooden  14:47 
So it sounds like you've got a bit of a combination going there of tough self love, where you just say just get out and do it you'll feel better. You just got to put the feelings aside and you'll feel better and then also looking at ways to increase your motivation levels by depositing into your happiness bank, etc. And all of those things, I guess, are working on your internal barriers to looking after yourself. What about our listeners who are finding it difficult to do those things for themselves? because of time constraints, you know, they're busy people, often have kids that need their attention, busy jobs, etc. What do they do? What is your advice for them on starting the process? And, you know, they may have got out a few times, and they've got a novelty factor with the exercise or whatever they're doing to look after themselves? How do they keep that going, when those other priorities in life start pressing in?

Claire Massingham  15:43 
Yeah, this is one of the hardest questions to answer because as a mum of two boys who worked full time from when they were very little age, I think they were both about eight months old, I know the dilemmas of finding time for yourself is really hard. I was fortunate that I had a husband and we were really good tag team. And that I'd had well established habits that helped both of us to maintain our physical and mental well being. But my advice to anyone who finds this concept of oh my gosh, I'm too busy to concentrate on me, there's no time in my day for any me time. If they find that really hard to digest, I'd love them just to consider this. If you are not putting aside time to invest in your well being, then you are not going to be putting your best self forward to look after your family and your family will pick up on this. You may think that you can put yourself second or even at the bottom of the list. But I am telling you with hindsight of experience that if you do this, the time will come when you're not able to help your family in the way that you want to, simply because you're not well enough to do so. You can't draw from an empty cup, I know that. And also think about the role model you want to set up for your children or your grandchildren. They are like sponges, and they will pick up on all of your behaviours and actions. If they see that you're not caring for yourself, then you are setting them up to do exactly the same. Now time out to look after yourself is going to look so different for every single person. It is very much an individual thing. But the main thing I would like to say to people is to try and carve out just a tiny bit of time each day, it doesn't even have to be half an hour, it could be simply 10 minutes. And if it can't be every day, then at least a couple of times a week to do something that replenishes your energy. And that's gonna put you in a positive mindset. Here's a little example. Maybe start by making a list of all the activities that you know, energise you and make you feel good. Now for me, it's painting that's my number one activity. I love painting rocks and little garden sculptures and you know, all things like that. And I'm painting and it grounds me and brings me back to the present. I love doing little guided meditations, that's timeout for me. And that's something that's quite, quite simple to do. There's so many little guided meditations you can get on YouTube these days, just simply 10 minutes, sitting down and just doing that is a great relaxation. I love reading a good book. That's like having a friend next to me all the time. And I love catching up with my girlfriends, for a hot chocolate, or just spending 10 minutes outside in nature. Now only the people listening are gonna know what lights them up and, and it's so vital to your well being to be aware of this. And I know some people might be going, Oh my God, that sounds really self indulgent. And you know, I don't know if I could possibly do that. But try to say it like this this way. It is an investment into your well being. And it's so that you can operate at your optimal level to care for your family. It's not an ego driven, selfless act. But in fact, it's a necessary act out of love for yourself and your family. I think that's just a really important thing to remember that it is not selfish, it's necessary to do once you've written your list, then choose just one or two of those activities and make some time to see whether you can do them. And maybe you could even write it down as a goal because I know goals are really great to have because you can put an action plan behind them and and set it up as a goal and therefore you're likely to adhere to it more.

Deanne Wooden  19:55 
I love that idea of prioritising your own well being, so you're able to be there for others. And I think that's really important as a strategy to get over that guilt of spending time doing something that you love, knowing that if you replenish your own stocks, that you're actually be a better mother, worker, employee, wife, whatever you might be. Yeah, building up your own happiness bank and your own resilience is really important for that.

Claire Massingham  20:28 
It's vital. I can't stress it enough, you know, and it doesn't take too long, even if it is, as I said  just that 10 minutes or that five minutes just to be able to sit down and take a deep breath and go Okay, time for me now.

Deanne Wooden  20:47 
Claire, you've talked a couple of times about your own experiences in life and how you've overcome barriers personally. You've shown a lot of insight into your own motivators. How did you develop this insight? Was it some kind of training you did, a book you read or some other educational growth experience for yourself?

Claire Massingham  21:06 
Well, the first thing I just really want to say here is that happiness doesn't just come knocking at your door saying, hey, let me in. It's definitely something that you have to work on. And I have been working on my happiness for a very long time. The Dalai Lama actually says that happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. And I definitely know this to be true. I think the turning point for me was when I had postnatal depression, it made me realise how quickly life can unravel when your mental health is compromised. It also made me realise that the only person who could turn this around was me. Even though I had support to get me through it, in the end, it came down to me to do the work. Another great learning lesson for me was when I was 38, I was actually diagnosed with ovarian cancer. And if it wasn't for the work that I had done on my mental and physical health before that, I wouldn't have bounced back so quickly after that. So I was so grateful that I'd taken the time to invest in setting down the habits to get out and do regular exercise, and also knowing what I needed to do just to create some positive emotions when life was really heavy. So that was really important for me. And I guess, through those lived experiences, I have seen how vital it is to deposit into my happiness account every single day. I think some of the things that helped me on my journey, are surrounding myself with positive people. So it's those that add to my life rather than take away. And I'm not saying that you have to do an order and go right, that person takes away I'm getting rid of you. That's not what I'm suggesting. It's just trying to make sure that you've got a good base of support, and you regularly meet up with those people that do fill your cup up. I think that's really important. Reading and listening to as much information on health and well being as possible. This always kept me motivated. And it made me keep realistic about things and always kept it in the forefront of my mind. And this was a really big one for me, it was accepting that negative feelings are a necessary part of life. And instead of letting them sit in my driver's seat and steer me in the direction that I don't want to go, I actually now go or that I know I'm feeling negative. I know this, I'm feeling unpleasant. This is uncomfortable. I'm going to accept that this is happening right at this moment. What are the things in my control that I can work on what's out of my control that I need to let go? Let me put those negative thoughts in the passenger seat. That way I create some space in my front vision mirror. They're still coming on the journey with me. But now I've created some space to go right what do I need to do that's going to be more helpful, that's going to be put me in a more positive frame of mind to get me to where I want to go next. So that has been really helpful for my negative feelings, get out of the driver's seat, put them in the passenger seat, they're coming on the journey with you, you're never going to arrive at happiness. I think that's really important. It's not a static state. It's more like some fleeting feelings. And if you sit around waiting for happiness to arrive, you're never going to get there. So working on your well being is an everyday activity and some days it's gonna be easier to do than others. I'm constantly learning about how I can be happier. Not only so I feel good, but because I know I operate at my absolute best when I feel happy. And that means that I can help others more readily. The day I stop learning about this is the day I stop living. So yeah, so those are some of my top tips on it. And I just like to say to people that If you are keen to know a little bit more about how you can invest in your wellbeing, a really good place to start is a little book that I have written and it's called the Happiness Bank, how to invest in your well being. In the book, I've created an action plan, and it's called laughter. It's simple, but it's really effective. And anyone can implement it into their life straightaway. The book is an easy read, and it only takes about 90 minutes to get through it. I think one lady emailed me once and say, Claire, I just can't put it down. You know, I've read it in 90 minutes. So that's really good. But it's also a book, you can pop on your coffee table and just pick up at any chapter, for a little bit of inspiration. It's like, Oh, I've forgotten to do that. Or let me concentrate on that little action today, to put a deposit into my happiness account. So if anyone is interested in,having a look at that, you can just go to my website, which is happinessbank.com.au. And if you click on the heading 'Shop' at the top, you will be able to navigate through to where the book is that it's, it's more so just so you know, there's an actual plan underpinning some of this information that people can put in place.

Deanne Wooden  26:13 
Thank you so much, Claire, for your time. Today. I've learned lots and I've got plenty of actions to put into my everyday life as well to top up my happiness bank and get rid of the guilt of putting myself first for a little bit of time every day so that I can be there for others. And I think that's really important for our listeners. So once again, thank you so much.

Claire Massingham  26:34 
Thanks for having me. It was an absolute pleasure.

Deanne Wooden  26:37  
There you have it Claire Massingham, happiness expert and owner of the Happiness Bank. We'll link all the details about Claire's website in the show notes, so make sure you check them out.

The Talking Healthy Tuckshops Podcast is produced by the team at QAST and made possible thanks to funding from Health and Wellbeing Queensland as part of the Healthier Tuckshops program. To learn more and for the latest tuckshop tips, ideas and advice, visit qast.org.au