AE 1421 - The Biggest Lie We Were Told About Adulthood

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

What's the biggest thing you were completely wrong about when you imagined adulthood?

SPEAKER_02 0:15

The biggest thing probably that we would know what we're doing at this stage. Like that we have somehow figured life out. Yeah, I think that's the biggest misconception about getting older.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

It is, yeah, it is funny, isn't it? The more the older you get, the more you look around and you go, no one's got the foggiest idea what's going on either.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

Yeah. Well, at least like we get obviously you mature and you get um more confident within yourself and you you get very good at certain areas, like maybe you're really good at what you do, or you know, you um are not as insecure anymore. But that is always this feeling of you know, we're just learning as we go, rather than arriving at somewhere where you just know things. Yeah. If it makes sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

It does, it does. G'day guys, welcome to the Aussie English Podcast. Grab a cupper, get comfy, and let's have a yarn. G'day you mob. Welcome back to the Aussie English Podcast. I am your host, Pete, and my beautiful wife Kel is here. How are you, Kel?

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Good, how are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Good. Today we're going to be talking about adulthood and I guess childhood as well, being young and thinking about what life is like as an adult.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

So, what did teenage you think life would look like when you got older? This is one of those things that I always keep thinking about the older I get. Yeah, because well, I always had in my mind that everyone had it together. Life was super easy. You get a job, you've got plenty of money, you just do whatever you want. You know, there's no you don't have to worry about anyone telling you what you can or can't do. Go to bed whenever you want. And then you get here and you're like, oh, I just want to be a kid again.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

Well, but that is also a reflection of the people you had around you that were probably, you know, very um successful, or you know, like do very down to earth and doing ticking all the boxes. So that's your reference. Because for me it's like I would think it was terrifying.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

What do you mean? You thought it was terrifying?

SPEAKER_02 2:33

I just looked at people around me and I already could already see no one knew what they were doing.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

What age are we talking?

SPEAKER_02 2:42

But also just like, you know, some sort of um idea that the adults around me were not as stable as they should be, you know. So that's I think it's just back to growing up in different sort of uh perspectives. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

So what did you think when you were a teenager and you were thinking about adulthood? What did you think adulthood was gonna be like?

SPEAKER_02 3:09

Definitely easier than it is, but also um you just I just had this real feeling of I'll n I'll know what to do. You know, so I thought, you know, at this age I would be certain about things, or you know, if I had kids, but thinking back then I just wouldn't know how to parent them, you know, those things would come naturally, and you have uh you know, you work somewhere fancy and you have all these these dreams, but then you get there, it's like we we do know, but also we just like I said before, we're just learning learning on the job kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

I used to always think when I had fights with my parents or with adults, you know, and you would have that tension of they don't know what it's like being a kid, but also they used to be kids and they should know what it's like, you know. Even if they are 30, 40, 50, 60 years old, they were once kids, like yeah, but but at the same time, no one understands me because I'm you know, you're so unique and your ishes are so unique to you. And now I'm in that age where I'm like, fuck, I can't remember what it's like being a kid. So quite often I find myself getting angry with our kids, you know, about being too loud, making too much noise, um, never sitting still, running around like crazy. Uh, and then I have to remember that that's exactly what I was like as a kid.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

I do though get a feeling when I look at them, like not a memory, but their feeling of I sort of know what you're feeling. Yeah. You know, when they just play and being loud.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

It is easy just to look at them and be like, even though you don't remember what it felt like, but you're like these kids are so young that you sort of get a sense of they have no idea. Yeah. So you see yourself being that that age again, kind of thing. I see that a lot with Noah because he's more similar to me. And I just yeah, it takes me back to like I know exactly why you are frustrated, yeah, but uh you know, I still have to parent you.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

So yeah, it's an interesting thing. I guess it's just yeah, the distance between you now and when you were four, five, six, seven years old is so great that even though you pass through it, and you just changed so much.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

Like nowhere near as who you were when you were that age.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Yeah, you know, you just evolve and what was I doing recently? I was sitting in the car and Noah was making all these like di-di-do- woo-woo.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

Which is a little bit like, god damn it, dude, will you just shut up?

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Like, I wasn't saying that, but I was thinking the whole time, like, can't you just sit still and be quiet? Can't you just chill out? But then when I I went home and I was, you know, got online and was like, you know what? I want to know why children do that. And I can't remember if it was ChatGPT or Google or what it was, but it was effectively explaining that here's why children don't just sit still, here's why they make so much noise. They're ex their brains are still growing and learning, and uh, you know, they're learning to control their voice, they're learning to control their movements, they're playing with regulating, yeah. Yeah, well, and they're just getting used to it. And whereas for adults, we're we've done it for 30, 40, 50 years, and so you're not there playing with sounds and making noise and singing and experimenting with movement and noise, you know, whereas our kids will be just running around and you just like random songs and like rhythm and just like little stories.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Sometimes we walk past and they're like, mmm, I was just like, I know.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Today I was I had a break and I was playing a bit of Minecraft. My kids got me sucked into it, so I was just like, you know, I'm gonna have 10 minutes of just playing. And then Noah walks into the room and I'm just like, oh shit. Not not because I don't want him to be there, but as soon as he comes in, he's like, I want to play, I want to take over. I want to and I'm like, just wanted 10 minutes to just chill. And he's like, Don't worry, Dad, I'm just gonna watch quietly. And I was like, Oh, okay, okay, buddy. And then straight away, oh don't don't do that, Dad. Watch out for that, dad. Don't oh dad, you did that. And I'm like, You just play no, like you just play no.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

No, the poor thing. He wants to feel like he's part of it, he's helping you, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

I know, but it drives me nuts sometimes. Because then what happened? He uh I I got eaten by a zombie or whatever it is in there, and he was just like that wouldn't happen to me. And I'm like, I'm out. Oh, don't do that. I feel judged, judged by my six-year-old.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

He's so like um he wants to feel like he's helping you, yeah, you know, that he could like contributed to you advancing in the game or whatever. I have no interest in Minecraft, but he'll still be like, come to me every time, like so excited about this thing that he built or whatever that he found out how to do. Um, so you can imagine how I feel because I have no connection to this game. At least you know what you know.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

When you were young, what age felt old?

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Ooh, that's a good question. What do you mean? Like I when I started feeling that I was getting older?

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Yeah, I I don't know. When you were thinking about adults as a kid, whether you were you know Noah's age or a teenager, what was old?

SPEAKER_02 8:22

30s? People in their 30s, because my mum was only 30 something when I remember being like, you know, capable of thinking. Yeah. But um 30 something was old. And people, yeah, like we say millennials changed the way old looks because you know, someone for uh 40 today doesn't want uh old at all. Like you just less sun exposure, yeah, more sunscreen. So I just think yeah, that's probably 30 something. I would say, oh, you're so old.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Yeah, you get I'm gonna get you to let the cat out because we've got a cat in here in my office, and she's just going nuts, running around like a psycho. She's getting frisky. She's she wants to shut it completely or more. So she's got the door here. I'm just gonna shut it. Alright. So yeah, for me, I don't know. I felt like I remember being a it was funny, you would be like year seven at school, and you would think, uh, the people in year 12, they're like adults. Oh they're like 17, 18 years old, and you're like, look, it's so big. I remember being like 13 or 14 at high school and just thinking, oh my god, that's like a lifetime away.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

Oh no, it just goes so fast.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

And then you get there and you're like, oh man.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

And it's so funny because I think that that feeling keeps happening throughout life. We just don't have the same sort of reaction, but it keeps happening where you get to a milestone, whatever, with in regards to age, and you're just like, Oh, that wasn't exciting at all. You know, it's just like what a what a letdown because you don't arrive anywhere, yeah. You know, you just like become somewhat a different version of who you already were, yeah, if it makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember watching the TV show Friends when I was young. It used to be on TV from the 90s until the early 2000s, and Kel hates it, but my family loved it, so I was always watching it. And I I did like it. But I remember there was a key moment when I was younger, and I think towards the end of the series, all the characters, I assume the actors as well, but the characters started turning 30. And I remember that being like a oh fuck, that's like halfway through your life. Like, damn, you know, that's older.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Old.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

And now I remember getting to 30 and thinking about that. Really? And being like, oh damn, I'm over the hill. And also thinking, like, I thought they were so much older in my mind, and now I'm 30, and I'm like, I feel like a fraud. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm, you know, I I thought by 30 you had a house, you had kids, you had it all together, you had a proper job, and I was like finishing my PhD with no no job, no kids, no girlfriend, and I was just like, no savings.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

Nothing.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Yeah. Did you think you'd be richer than you currently are? You are pretty rich. I am being my wife, you're loaded.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

Absolutely no money at all. Um, I don't know. I thought I would be working somewhere fancy was always a big thing. Like not when I say fancy, what I mean is like doing something important. Respected. Respected, yeah. Um, so I because I don't know, maybe the culture, whatever, there is a lot of identity tied to what you do for a living in Brazil, yeah. Um, so I thought I would be doing something, you know, very important. But um not rich, no. Yeah. I was very realistic in that aspect.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Did you want to be rich? Was that something you aspired to be? Or is it?

SPEAKER_02 11:54

100% always. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Like maybe Brazilians are much more modest and sort of like, nah, I don't need that, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

We do, we do like money.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Is that well, it's the same for us. Everyone wants to be rich. Yeah, because it might you you think in your mind it makes life easier.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

I guess as I got older, maybe, maybe even like early 20s, I would think, oh, it'll just happen, I'll just get money, you know. Just off a tree. It just became so clear as I got older that these things are very hard and rarely happen, you know. I can you're not gonna win the lottery. It's just a very real sense of how short life is, but also these are your odds, you know. It's very rare that a life-changing thing will happen, like you know, you're gonna get millions of dollars.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

You did kind of strike goal by marrying a fair-income Aussie blow.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

What's wrong? What's wrong with that? That's true. Look at this. So what made what moment did you realize, you know, that everything wasn't as you thought it once was, that nothing was going to be true, the curtain was pulled back and you saw reality.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

But there was a you know, a real sort of reality drop. Can you say that? Check, whatever. Reality check, yeah. Yeah, um, of like, oh, okay. So you know, closer to my 40s now than I am to my 30s.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Oh, tell me about it. It's around the corner.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

And it's like, oh okay, okay. Uh it's not forever. I don't have a lot of time, you know. Yeah, it's it's scary. Maybe that's what people say it's a midlife crisis.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

I think so.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Because it and I don't see like crisis in a bad way. I also think it's like you just become so aware of how um temporary things are in h you know. Well, and that's that's the sort of momentum for you to, okay, now I'm gonna take up exercising, or you know, it's a real people say, Oh, you're trying to you in denial or whatever. But I think it's more like we know we've been through so many changes from you know, young adults, adults, and now middle age that you're just like that is that's it. There's no we don't have a lot of infinite time, you know?

SPEAKER_00 14:27

It's true. I mean, being candid about it, you have to realise, you know, this is I I'm not gonna have other relationships. I may not get rich, I may not travel the world. And I think that's the whole if the midlife crisis thing comes from focusing too much on the things you are missing out on. You know, it's having that the glass is half empty look instead of the glass is half full, as opposed to instead of thinking, well, I'm not gonna, you know, have a relationship with other people, but I am having this strong relationship with a single person that's gonna last a very long time. I am having children, I do have a solid career. Many people don't, you know.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

It's also thinking the boxes you did check, you know, like, oh yeah, w I have kids, you know, I did that.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Married an Australian.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

And just oh it just becomes this thing of um really looking at it from a very realistic perspective of maybe you do become a little bit sour as you get older and less of a dreamer. Like as you know, in your twenties you have all this, but it's just it's a good thing in a sense, because you're like, okay, this is limited amount of time, but I want to use it wisely.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

I think though that happens as a parent, right? Because you stop thinking about yourself first. I mean, it happens in a relationship too, but I mean you stop thinking about you know, like for me with Aussie English, working on this business, it's sort of like I could spend I could try and spend way more time growing it, making more money, getting more success, you know, blah blah blah. But I'm like, I really enjoy spending as much of my spare time as I can with my kids and my family, you know, which isn't necessarily as much as it could be. But if if you know there are plenty of other parents that I know that they they're never there for drop-offs at school or for pickups, they're never there at home with their kids all the time. And I work here, so I have to constantly be trying to make make time. And I could lean more into work if I really wanted, but it's kind of like what do I actually get out of that? No one's gonna remember that you worked harder, the kids will remember that you were there for them.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

It's literally just looking at things from like I have only this amount of time and using it in a way that is like, okay, we do still have to make money, but also I want to enjoy it. I want to enjoy it because you know how fast it goes.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

And that's why I buy so many guitars.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

It's not really like it's not dark in a sense, or you you know, you just counting your days, whatever. But it's just a very interesting place to be at where you're not old, but you're not young anymore, but you have this in the middle sort of like, okay, I've come this far. Yeah. Now I want this other half of my time here to be lived this way.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

I think the first the first moment that I kind of realized that I was old uh was when I started getting sour looks from younger women when you would talk to them. As like, why are you talking to me? Kind of looking. Yeah, like and it's not like I was approaching random women in the show. No, I know it's me. But I remember there was one there was one young girl, she must have been like 21, 22 at uh daycare when our kids were there. I can't remember her name. Um, but I would just I like making small talk. Yes. And there were a few times when I thought, you know, I'm young, I'm hip, I'm cool, I'll just be like oh, what are you up to? What are you doing? What are you, you know, how's I I can't even remember what the conversations were about, but I got this vibe of why are you talking to me, old man? You know, and being like, I think I was left afterwards, kind of like, oh like I can't, I can't just immediately when you're in your 20s and you're talking to I don't know, older teens when you're park those too of like, yeah, I know what you mean.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

I know what that feeling is.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

No one gives you a look, no one gives you a look. They're just sort of talking about it. You accepted, but I got this vibe of like, what is this all kind of?

SPEAKER_02 18:23

You're not one of us anymore.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Yeah, and I was just like, ah, I'm off the team. It was that moment he realized pretty much. Man, I'm never gonna forget that.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

I was actually kind of I get a lot of that at work because we have I work in a music school, so we have kids of all ages, and we try and be as friendly as possible. And there are people that you know, regulars obviously been there, going there for years that we chat to every week. So you sort of built build this relationship with this person, and then some kids they're like either really would just like roll their eyes at us when we try like hi, how are you going? How was your weekend? And they're just like oh typical greeting, but then you get to see, and it's such a beautiful thing because I've been there for the last four years. I remember like when this little kid started, let's just an example, and then seeing them four years later, just getting a little bit more, you know, getting older and just understanding that small talk is part of it. It's so cute, but yeah, the the young generation giving you uh a dirty look is a bit Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

I wasn't ready for that. I've got kind of what was the other thing? I went to I was at a burger joint once, and again, I just like being friendly to everyone. I don't care if you're a teenager behind the you know, behind the cash register at a burger place or whatever. And I was just I can't remember what I said. It was something like, you know what? I was curious about anyone being named my name today. So this young girl, she was probably 18, 19. I was like, Do you know anyone called Pete in your generation now? Like, I don't see Peter, Thomas, Jeffrey, James, I don't see these old Christian names, Richie. And she goes, My dad's called Pete.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

She goes, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

I know. She said, Oh, my dad's called Pete, and I was like, God damn, I'm really feeling my age now. There are those sort of two key moments.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Oh my god, so embarrassing. Get out.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

So, what's what's something that no one warned you about getting older?

SPEAKER_02 20:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Yeah, put your mind.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

You're making really hard questions.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Um We probably already covered a few of these things.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

Uh no one warned you. You know what?

SPEAKER_00 20:34

For me, I'll go first. The pressure of having a mortgage.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Good grief.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

Like, and it just sucks everything out, like that's it. Of your bank account.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Oh, it's so especially once the interest rates rose. I know. Good grief. Yeah, that was that was a brutal reality where you're like, oh, I have to now be more budget-minded and plan ahead a little more and not just be as frivolous with my money. Yeah. Yeah. So that was one thing I don't think anyone warned me about. And then I realized I had more compassion for my parents looking back, and I'm like, oh, they were struggling with all these things in the background.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

But maybe they were good parents because I was always unaware of those things. They kind of just never made those my problem.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

And this shouldn't be. No.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Uh uh. What is that? We got an interrupter.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Is it who is it?

SPEAKER_00 21:25

It's my daughter. Oh, Jojo. Joey, did you hear us yapping about in the background?

SPEAKER_02 21:31

Where is Nodos?

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Well, I've got a feeling this episode is gonna have to be continued another time.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

Well, we can we can do a part two.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

We can, we can. There you go, guys. This is what life is like being a parent. This is another thing no one warned you about.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

He's not in the room.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

You no longer have your freedom. You have to do whatever your kids are and find her brother. Yeah, go. Now, Jojo's high five.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

Say bye-bye. Give me a whoosh.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Yes. Let's go. Alright, guys. Well, we will continue this. To be continued. Okay. Thanks for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Say bye, Joey. She's waving. See you guys.