AE 1424 - The Biggest Lie We Were Told About Adulthood - Part 2

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:08

Kelly, what's going on? Welcome back. It's the second half after we were so rudely interrupted by my daughter.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

What is she what? Like.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

She woke up in the middle of the night, I think. Or it wasn't the middle of the night, but she woke up and was like, what are these voices?

SPEAKER_02 0:25

Where's my mom?

SPEAKER_03 0:26

So we were talking about, I think, the things no one warned us about, right? Like the mortgage that we have to pay each month and how full on that is.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

And kids.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

G'day guys. Welcome to the Aussie English podcast. Grab a cupper, get comfy, and let's have a yarn. What became harder than expected when you became an adult?

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Socializing, making friends.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

That's that's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Um having patience with people, like not so much that you get angry, but just you don't care. What do you mean? Hence you can't make friends as easily. I just like you put up with so much when you're young. I feel like, you know, someone who is always late or is always stingy and you're like, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

But as you get older, it's like, why am I doing this? So you just sort of let's do it. You realize the imbalance, right? These friendships sort of uh drift away because you like you don't have the same tolerance for those those things.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Well you realize it's not balanced, it's not you know it's not reciprocal, you're not receiving back what you're putting in, and then you I think you become aware of that and and just feel a bit used, right? Or at least like it's not as good as.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

And I know that probably people like you know, have stopped talking to me or reduced the amount of times they reach out because I'm so they'll you know, I've got my own flaws, but like I've noticed it's something that like I struggle struggle with. Like I have a very small circle and I just it yeah, for me to go out with people outside of that, or like even it's as much as I love you know, being around people at times, it's just not that easy.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

I've noticed that with you though in the recent year or two, probably, that you put a lot more effort into actually socializing with the circle of friends that you've got.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Was that conscious?

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Yeah, to an extent. I think um most of us are on the same page in life. Yeah, um it feels like at times with certain friendship groups I'm the sort of glue, you know. And I don't mind being the having that role, like I like organizing, you know, outings and things, but also I yeah, I do need to go out, you know. It's sort of part of my mental health management. Like I need time outside, like I like going out for dinner, I like doing all those things, and I do plan and organise ahead to have that time with with people. Um yeah, but I guess you know, if one of us sort of like starts to let go a bit, it's so easy to be overwhelmed and busy with your own life and things. Like I feel like I don't know, for you you have more of that like I can't be bothered, you know? Like I can't, you know, it's too much work. If it was all set up for you to go out to go out and have fun or whatever, you it would probably say yes. But as from my perspective, it's like, well, you have to plan, you have to make it work with people's availabilities that might not align up with yours. You're right, it is exhausting.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

And I think too being the base for like the family, the kids and all their events, you and all your events. I'm like, I don't want to add to my own headache with having to worry about extra stuff on top of that. So it's like I'll just take it easy and just let you guys do whatever, and I'll be the foundation that sort of like tries to bend around it all.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Well, yeah, and you also I think I don't know, but I feel like you don't have that sort of need for you know, ganging out with people and friends.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

I do, but I think I got burnt. Like again, it was that thing to be candid with you, it's like my high school friends just kind of disappeared. They were the kinds of men that ended up with pretty controlling wives and controlling women, um, without mentioning specific names, where the women kind of I think like you, they were the ones the women were the ones who were socializing and sort of controlling everything. And they also kind of decided whether actively or not, that I there's certain friends that I don't like and you're not gonna hang out with them anymore because I always hang out with you and I don't want to hang out with them. So there were a couple of my friends that are like that where I think because I think, you know, I've noticed that because my personality doesn't gel very well with their wives, and they're always with their wives, that their wives are just like, yeah, we're not hanging out.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

That's what I don't get. Like I know, neither do I.

SPEAKER_03 5:15

Neither do I. I don't I And I said this to you because I've complained about this before, where I'm like, you could have the worst friends imaginable, and as long as they're not getting farming your children, saying getting you to do drugs or to do horrible things that are gonna damage your life or your relationships. I'm like, if I don't like them, it's none of my business. These are your friends. I want you to like if they're not doing any negative harm to your life, my life, my kids' life, then you can be friends with them. If I don't like them, I don't like them. That's my problem.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

It's not up to your partner to choose, I don't think, who the other partner is going to hang out with as long as there's like, you know, do whatever I as my respect myself and around these people around my children, but whatever, you know, like I think the um controlling sort of I can't you can't hang out with this was because I don't like them.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

When it's very I don't even know how overt it was, and I think if there was the case. The two men that I'm thinking about in particular, who I've been friends with since I was 12, where this has happened, and I probably see them usually by accident with other friends once every four or five years now, and just if you message them, you don't get replies, they seen no reply, and you're just like, okay. You know, I send them birthday messages, but I think what's probably happened is it's m it's kind of less of the the woman sits her him down and says, We're not hanging with this guy. And I think it's more the woman says, I don't really want to, and the guy's like, Well, like me with you and socializing, he's just like, I'm not gonna make my life any harder.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

No, but they cannot you can always, you always like, I don't wanna go, you do whatever, you know? Like, I don't want to be there, you go. You wouldn't pay me to do that, you do it. Like, I just genuinely don't see why they would stop if they valued you. I think it's a confidence thing too, and also I do truly believe we we see that with some family members, yeah. It's hard to get off get out of your little bubble and to allow other people to enter your life, yeah. Even if you're related, it's hard to make time for that.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

And the irony is you need to be more open to allowing new people to come into your life. I think one of those things I noticed is some of these friendships you just have to kind of let go. It's not that you need to say goodbye, but you kind of just let them do their thing and things people separate, and then maybe later you'll come back in when different parts of your life, you know, come together. And but also I think you need to let new people in who are at the same stage of life as you.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Yes, exactly. Like you have, you know, your guitar mates, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

And well, and friends of who are now parents of kids who go to school with our kids.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:59

Uh it you've had to make kind of like a conscious effort to spend more time with them and get to know them. Yeah. Even if outside of that you wouldn't have become friends with them, you know, because you wouldn't have crossed paths, but now that you have, you kind of have to try and put in more effort to foster those relationships.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

I think it's easy to bond with people, let's say people with kids, because we have this thing in common that we can talk about.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

Yeah. Well, that's it. We need something in common.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Yeah. I wonder though if I would be friends with the people I'm friends with if they weren't like mothers or you know, somewhat in that sort of same um age or well, I think you always have to have some kind of overlap. I have one friend, she's like I would say like 20, 21, and it's so funny because we always hang out with like this three of us.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

This is the accountant from where?

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Yeah, there's three of us, and it's like my running mate and myself, like we have kids and it and we run together, we have all these things, and she's like so outside of it, but somehow it works. Like it's what's the overlap of interest? But to say saying that though, she's very, very mature for a 20-year-old. Like, she's not she's bought a house, you know. It's not so she's not the average 20 20-year-old, you know. Not every day you see someone so young, so organized, organized, and like so good financially. She's like, she's a freak in a good way. But it's it's hard, I find it to even talk, like share stuff and and relate to people much younger.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Well, and that you just have to be open to when the right person comes, whatever their age, or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

You just have to do you get though this sense of as I get older, I'm like, you don't know anything about Pokemon. Like, you know, just like you don't know anything about anything, you know? Like I've I try and fight her so hard.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

I was gonna say, Mama, I was sorry, I call Cal Mum sometimes because of the kids. I I was obsessed with Pokemon as a kid, so I know lots about Pokemon.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

What I mean is like you get you know, someone much younger. I'm not talking about someone like mid-20s or whatever, much younger, and you're like, I'm just gonna listen because you don't know anything. But it's such an old person kind of thing, like in Baku May, like you I find it so hard because that's these are the people we criticized when we were younger, and now we became them or like you know, oh no, I'm that dude of this on back in my day.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

Thing that we hated. I feel like it's like that with music, like I'm not listening to new music like from new artists that are in their 20s that is just being released, like but I think it's a natural progression. Yeah, I think that tends to be the case, but I'm open to it. If someone were to show me, but I'm not active Yeah, I would if it was good, it's good. I'd be interested, but I'm not actively searching for it, yeah, if that makes sense. Like I'm not sitting on Spotify like all the time.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Oh the new releases, yeah. No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

Because I kinda I know what I like, I've got the set of music that I listened to that was released 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

That is something that's another thing that you don't realize until you get to a certain age how much you stop, like from my like speaking up from my experience, like myself, I don't listen to new music. I pretty much stopped at the 90s and the 80s, even back in like 60s and 70s, and I stick with that, and that's I go through the same same music every time every day. That's all I listen to. And it feels like I've stopped there in time, like I'm still there.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Why do you think that is?

SPEAKER_00 11:37

I'm still that person, you know? I'm still that 20-something, you know, mid um sort of early 20s.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

Do you think it's nostalgia as well?

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Yeah, and it sort of gives it, I think it gives me this feeling of I remember what it was like, you know, gives it this like youth sort of oh, these were the days kind of thing. I don't know, but I don't go out listening to new music. It's very rare for me to be like, oh, these new person's like most of the time working in a music school, like I have no idea what these kids are talking about. And the funny thing though is that a lot of these kids are still playing the old stuff, and they are playing oases, you know, Beatles and all these things.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

It's like saving grace. It's yeah, it yeah, it is funny. I don't know. I feel like those formative years when you're a teenager are where you sort of determine what you like in terms of music, movies, food, all those tastes. You're exploring everything at that age, and then you kind of you sort of fixate on the things that you like, and then I don't think it really changes. Like I don't think you're gonna be a metal head when you're 15, and then when you get to 30, all of a sudden you're into um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Yeah, it's like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

Just completely change your you might like it a little bit, but you're not gonna I think the average person isn't gonna go from loving RB and hip-hop when they were kids to them being death metal all the way, you know. Like it's you kind of develop a taste initially and then you stick with it.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

I think it works for a lot of things. Somehow, this is gonna sound very um profound. You're sort of you get older, but you're still that 20-year-old, you know, it just it's just a better version of that person with more awareness, a little bit more sophisticated, you know, in terms of like maybe music and experience, but you're still that person. Like you're these are the most important formative sort of years of your life, I guess. So that is solidified in a way, you were still that person, you just got a little bit more, you know, baggage, and you know a little bit more of you know life, but it's still that kid.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

Like you just so what's making adulthood absolutely amazing? We've kind of talked about the negatives a little bit, but what what is just the is that the creme de la creme? Is there anything like the fact that death is approaching?

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Well, well, it's me talking, so let's not and I'm so dark and no one understands. I don't know. I guess caring less about what people think of you and realizing no one is thinking of you, it's very um um liberating.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

I wear a tracksuit every day.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

You can literally start dancing in the middle of the road and no one would care. Like, legit, no one cares. Everyone is thinking about what others thinking think of them. Like it's so it's such a relief to be like I wasted so many years trying to look a certain way or trying to belong here and that, and then you just relax and be yourself.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

But I think that's unavoidable, you have to go through that in order to find yourself and then be comfortable with who you are, and just yeah, that's really good.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

The freedom, like I drive now. That's a big like the freedom of you're so grown up when I'm driving. I hate it.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

I love like a musketeer because Kel only got her license like three years ago, right? So it's crazy. I remember you we've I was trying to teach you at some point, and you would always be like, you would be arguing with me or whatever, and I'm like, dude, I have been driving since you were like 16. Can you do it? Told you your dad do back in my day. I know, but I would be like, Can you stop asking and telling me or like you know, are you sure that's correct? I've been driving for like 20 something years. Can you just listen to me? And you would just be like, I need to get private lessons.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

I need to get a teacher. This is gonna be the end of it.

SPEAKER_03 15:21

But you're right, I remember that feeling when I first got my license, and you felt sort of naked when you were in the car by yourself because no one was in the passenger seat next to you. Because when when we're learning in Australia, you have you you get your learner's plates, your pro your um learner's permit as well, the license thing that allows you to sit behind the wheel, but you have to have a fully licensed person sitting next to you at all times while you're learning, and then after you get the license, you're you get the peas, the probationary license for three years, the pea plates. Yeah, and um all of a sudden, overnight, literally, you can buy even after the test, you can drive home with no one else in the car. And it's I remember that being such a like it's so scary.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

It seems like, yeah, you do I'm certainly doing something wrong. I'm just hoping no one is watching. And to this day, sometimes I'm like, Can I do that?

SPEAKER_03 16:13

Oh yeah, well, I just did.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

I just did it.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

I think that's normal though.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Freedom that comes as you age, it's something else. I read this thing somewhere the other day. It was like as you get older, you realize you become who you always who you've always meant to be. You know, like you're just so comfortable. Not for everyone, obviously, but like you usually you get much more comfortable being being who you are. Um, you don't care much.

SPEAKER_03 16:44

See, this is why I fought in front of you, Kel.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Oh Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

I'm just it's a sign that I'm just so comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Well, I'm not I'm not. Someone is uncomfortable. Maybe check.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

It's like our kids too. They're always burping, and Kel just loses it. She's always so angry.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

It's so rude. It's so rude.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

Oh mama, it's just kids being kids. It's just dad being a kid.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Yeah, I just love that feeling of yeah, you don't people don't question you as much, you know. Well, what do you know? Like now you're the grown up.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

Now people come to you for advice, and it's the weird thing though is quite often people will ask you things and you tell them, and then I feel like bending over and being like, but I don't fucking know anything. Like tell the kids, you know, like, I mean, I'm old, but I'm doing it just like you.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Well, that's the thing that is hard to explain. You don't know anything, but you do. It's much more of if I could give any advice to someone much, much younger, it would be like it'll sort itself out, you know. All these worries and concerns you have now, it'll be just fine. Because there's no there's nothing else, you know. You really just learn a little bit here and there, you have some different insecurities, you still have them, you have different fears, um, especially if you have kids, but you just it's not like you're walking around, I know it all. And if you do that, it's you're faking it because no one does.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

But it can rest knowing that no one else knows anything, you know? It's just really that position of well, I've I've made this far and I must know a bit a a bit of life, you know, I must must have done something right along the way, or wrong. And you're just like, Well, I guess that's it.

SPEAKER_03 18:38

You just it's it's funny though, I have that moment of like I think we talked about in the previous episode when you're young, you see adults, and especially like when I was at school, I remember seeing other parents of other kids and being like, Whoa, all these adults, they just have it together. Yeah, what's going on, they've got money, they have a house, they're just everyone knows everything. And then you get to this age and you're like, Oh, so many of those people had no idea what they were doing. We just assume they did.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

They just make it work, and just yeah. We are all big kids, just you know, just trying to find um f figure out life, I guess, but in different ways, you know. We still have struggles and insecurities. It's just different.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

It's just what's something you learnt the hard way. Um like the I guess it would be something, yeah, you as you got older you realized this is what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Um, that is no one coming to rescue me. Like there's no no that is not that feels pretty weird. That is not like a big event happening that it will change my life. Like life is pretty you know what I mean? Life's pretty uh simple in a sense. Like you go to be comfortable with it, and you come back like there is n I feel like when I was younger, I had this dream of feeling that everything will change one day, you know, things will just magically happen and it doesn't happen, you know. Most 90% of life is like I go to work, I come back home, I have the kids. They're little sprinkles of magical moments when the kids reach a milestone, or you know, we achieve something, we buy a house. But it's these are little little pieces of it. Most of the time it's just the grind of working and going through the motions of being alive, and that is that was hard for me because I felt at a time there was like it felt like it made me sad of like, whoa, wow, okay. Why am I not achieving all these things? So, like, what is what is it that's going to happen? It's like, no, no, no. And you re-evaluate everything, and you're like, Well, I'm pretty blessed, and I have healthy children.

SPEAKER_03 20:56

So your view of success changed.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Exactly, that's right.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

I think I was the same. I always thought when I was younger, I'm gonna get famous, I'm gonna get rich, I'm gonna have an amazing job, I'm gonna travel the world. And then I think, particularly after having kids at about 30, you're like, oh, I don't give a fuck about those things. I just want my kids to be happy and healthy and to spend time with them.

SPEAKER_00 21:14

And my that's so much I want to try and say I'm really struggling with the words.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Hey, it's a podcast, we can make it as long as you want.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

No, it's this feeling of you understand time. I feel like now I understand time as a l limiting limiting factor. Is it like you don't have infinite time?

SPEAKER_03 21:34

I know how much it accelerates, right? And when you're young, you feel like every year takes ages. And now it's like, oh, another year just went.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

And I can't give, let's say, oh, I'm gonna change jobs and I'm I'm completely I want to be a nurse. I can't give away 10 years of my life that don't have that, you know, that would take so much of what I have now and impact the kids and life in such a way, like.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

you just don't you really have to it's hard to see to understand that like you've got a limited amount of time um that was a big one for me like wow okay I'm like you know approaching my 40s you know what the curse the curse of growing up I think is that while you're doing it you're constantly thinking about wanting to be older like I remember being at school and just being like God I just want to be out of school I just want to be finished with this I just want to be an adult I want to be you know free I don't want to be a child anymore and then when you get to I don't know probably started with me in my 30s you start looking back and being like oh no they were probably the best years of my life like up to that point it's sort of like I didn't know how good I had it and you only kind of learn that after the fact is that's the irony of it isn't that beautiful though yeah well it's such a trick like you have all these potential in youth but you know nothing and then when you have maybe you have a little bit of money and you uh you have the understanding you don't have the yield but this hind hindsight is 2020 right you look back on everything and you can criticize it and think about it and evaluate it more objectively but yeah I definitely I always think about that when my kids are like I just want to be older I just I don't want to be I don't like you know being a kid and you're like dude trust me this is as good as it gets enjoyed don't live downhill stop thinking about other problems and just play Minecraft hang out with your mates you know eat junk food just chill pretty much yeah I know it's a bit like that what's a mistake that you you're glad you made when you were younger oh that is so you can talk about the ones you made when you were older but we can say like when I was younger and I was glad I made man I don't know I really don't know because there were things that like I don't even know if I can look at certain things as like oh that was a mistake.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

Yeah okay like they were all that's the other thing you get all that you look back and you're like well I did what I did with the information I had at the time I didn't know any better. Yeah you know let's say I didn't have a good relationship with my parents but you know like knowing that I was so young I didn't have the tools emotional tools or even the understanding to fix that and it's like I made mistakes for sure but like I also didn't know anything.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

That's the hardest part I went through that with university going through God 11 and a half 12 years of uni and then ending up a podcaster or a youtube or an online influencer whatever you want whatever you want to call it it felt like for a while I was like God did I just waste 11 and a half years of my life you know was that a huge mistake doing that and then not actually using it. No but then looking back I'm like no it's it's taught you everything you know it's made you the person you are and you just have to kind of accept that the journey is the journey and that's part of it. The destination isn't the main focus.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

And your construction of things like you like from that experience you had so much growing and you met people and you you know like I don't I know it's hard to be that analytical looking back because obviously not saying that oh I didn't make mistakes I did but also I give grace to the person I was because I didn't know any anything. You know I could have treated people better. I could have you know trying to reach out to my parents a bit more but you know it's just you don't know I'm sure I'm making mistakes right now just like I've in 10 years I'll be like can't wait to know what they are in ten years. That was dumb but you know now it feels fine.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

So just live in the present so so after all that what what actually matters now? Like if someone asked you what a good life actually looks like how would you describe it?

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Um I guess having healthy children it's a big one for me because I have people very close to me who struggle with like kids kids having cancer or like being having so many other you know health scares and and stuff and I because our children are so good um sort of take it for granted and I cannot imagine going through that feeling of we can lose a child like overnight you know like having healthy happy children that only know love like these ch children are so spoiled and sheltered that is a big thing for me.

SPEAKER_03 26:36

If I can make that last yeah for as long as possible my I've my job is done like it's funny I remember that growing up and you would watch movies or there would be you know stuff in pop culture where they would say the children lost their innocence because of an event or something they saw or something that happened and at the time you're sort of like what the hell are they talking about? And now I'm like oh I totally get it you just want your kids to not be thinking about adult problems, adult fears. You just want them to be able to enjoy any little things like that.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Sometimes I'll be watching a video with Noah who is very very sensitive child and there'll be it was a cartoon thing but then this character stepped on a like a little stick or something his foot and he flinches. Like even that is like this child is so sensitive sensitive and blessed and innocent. They're like that is scary to him. I don't want any other big you know issues and and fears and horrible things to reach him for as long as possible. Like I just want to make sure they leave that beautiful innocence that lasts for as long as we can and there is only so much we can do you know they're at school now and I'm sure they'll come across the wrong things and but you know just keeping them innocent and and child and you know childlike as much as possible.

SPEAKER_03 28:02

What do you think genuinely uh makes a good week now? How do you have a genuinely good week? What does it look like for you?

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Um well if I don't not like stressing about making sure that I'm not late to the gym or to work and organizing like it's a lot like first world problems with one car. Yes that's very very very particular to us like I'm not saying you know not it's not a big philosophical thing. For me a bit a good week's like I made all my appointments the the struggle of who takes a car whatever is not too much like we've got it sorted when it happens and I'm like relaxed yeah that's a good week when things go smoothly kids are fine which never never really happens like we reach Wednesday and say shit show it's well yeah but anyway it's just when things go smoothly like we don't have big changes and um we make things work with with the limitations we have it's that's a good week. I don't know going to the gym and doing my thing.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

I think it's having that good balance right of work time youth time family time. Yeah and if you can make that work and in each situation it's enjoyable you're not overly stressed it well if it's like if I'm you know hitting the gym and doing all that but then the kids are screaming for having wanting to have time with me I've let the you know I've let them down somewhat like I feel like okay I have to put a little bit more into this.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Um so it doesn't happen all the time but sometimes we have a week that it's like everyone got their cups filled up a little bit so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

Alright let's go through some rapid fire questions more money or more free time? More money then you'll make free time if you have money yeah we'll fix that I don't know if it always works that way well it does big big city or small town I would say big city I'm in that vibe now like I don't know yeah sort of okay career success or work life balance work life balance hands down well don't high five for that um travel or family is it uh not travel with family like no loss why not both yeah well I love to travel but I also want to you guys to experience that so yeah uh be 18 again or stay at the same age you are now oh god stay the same age there's no way I would go back to being 18 absolutely not I would feel like I had all this knowledge and I would be like everyone around me is way more ignorant than I've got muscle now man I've got quads you've been doing squats like there is no way mansion or early retirement early retirement a hundred percent know the future or stay surprised I stay surprised one best friend or 20 casual friends one best friend yeah that's pretty good that's pretty good I feel like I feel like I agree with most of that yeah yeah other than the big city yeah so I guess questions for listeners then for things to you for you guys to think about what did you think your life would be like by now and what's one thing adulthood turned out to be completely different from what you expected you know yeah so cool hope you've enjoyed this episode guys and um we'll see you in the next one bye bye