AE 1425 - Why Dating Australians Is Weird

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:08

What's the weirdest thing about Australian dating? Kel has so many opinions.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

I've seen a lot.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

As an outsider, as a foreigner, who is now who is now an Australian. She's seen both sides of the fence.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Um I don't think anything is weird. I think it's just different, and like if anything, you guys are much more formal, like um I don't know. It's a little bit more formal than my culture. Like that is a little bit more in like you're dating someone, like you, you know, there's a lot of weight to it. I think in Brazil things are a bit more relaxed. And like and like, you know, there is just yeah, I don't know. Like there is so much um you guys can't see the face she's making. I just think it's much more um formal and like there's a few steps to to things, then probably we skip a bit a bit a bit a bit of that.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Get straight to the point.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Well, yeah, I think I don't know. I think you guys are a little bit more formal. Um Yeah, I don't know. Don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

G'day guys, welcome to the Aussie English podcast. Grab a cupper, get comfy, and let's have a yarn. So, every country has different dating culture. Australians think ours is normal, but when you explain it, it sounds incredibly confusing. And today we're gonna try explaining a little bit about why. And I guess we'll compare a bit about Brazilian culture, at least how it was 15 years ago or earlier, and Australian culture. So, if someone arrived in Australia tomorrow, what do you reckon would surprise them about dating? Someone from Brazil? Oh, it could be anywhere. I mean, what about dating. You can you can use Brazil as an example, obviously, seeing as that's close to it.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

Well, if a Brazilian girl when you arrive here and you are used to not having to do much, like you go out, men approach you, that's how it goes.

SPEAKER_03 2:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

Here maybe for the better for the best, or maybe not. Men seem to be a little bit more reserved. Don't get don't come to you and say, you know, oh, I've been looking at you, whatever, I'll buy you a drink. It's not much of that.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Um It's been beaten into us. I think we were a lot more like that. In my my parents' generation was probably a lot more like that.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Oh really?

SPEAKER_01 2:45

A hundred percent. I at least I wasn't alive then, but I from what I understand, it was a lot more like you would meet people in social events and you would you would have to approach people. There was no Facebook, there was no text messages, there was no you know, they barely just invented the phone. Yeah. That's a joke. But um I think it was much more you had to be. Whereas we had obviously, you know, feminism played a huge role in the second part of the twentieth century and realizing that there were huge issues with sexism and power disparities and everything. And I think now men are very aware, at least most men, that by doing that you can make women feel very uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

Well, it's a good thing in a sense that like, you know, you're not gonna just gonna read the room, you know, you're not gonna approach anyone and be like, Hey, do you wanna make out? You know, you just really gotta you read it, it's a good thing. But also, I feel like coming from a culture where you literally exchange like eye contact, and you you don't have to say much.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

That is so foreign to me.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

And you just like you start kissing. But I'm saying that, and people might think, oh my god, Brazil is this like it's a lot of country. No, it's not, like it's such you go out and you uh you wind someone out, you know, it's sort of that is a connection there, and you somehow you know the intuitive. Well, we have these social rules, you also have the body language and you you know, and then you you kiss, like I guess coming from that place here, and then you come here and it's like, oh, that is not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

It was always a funny, like, because before I dated you, like, I don't know, ten years before that, I had a girlfriend and her sister started dating a Brazilian guy. And it was so funny how she was just like, Good grief, they are full on. They would just jump your bones. They will they would just they will let you know that they are interested, that they're chasing you, they will grab you, they will you know in a in and it she was almost saying it like you're speaking about it like it was a positive thing because she's like, God, Australian guys are so standoffish, they won't they won't sort of chase as much. Yeah. And i it's funny, like, yeah, just hearing those differences. And then when we got together, we almost didn't work out, right? Do you want to talk about that? Do you know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Uh, just like sort of um miscommunication kind of thing. Like, I thought you know, this is not gonna go anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Were you weren't getting you were expecting text messages? Like, so we had gotten to know each other online, and then after a month or two, we actually caught up in person, went out, hung out, and the next day I was like, don't text her straight away. She's gonna be like, God, this guy's so keen. And you were thinking the whole time, why isn't he texting me? Does he not like me? And then when we talked later that night, because I think you were sort of annoyed at me.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Well, no, I was just like, I'm leaving tomorrow, you know, just so you know.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

But it was I know, I know, I just didn't want to seem eager free.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

It was just this one of those one of those things of like you you thought you were doing the right thing, I thought from what I was reading that. Lost in translation. Yeah, literally. So that's that, you know, difference. Um, I think these days, I don't know, there's a lot of Oh, it must be even harder now. It m it's so hard because that's the online thing as well, you know. If you gotta put someone online and you gotta you can't, you know, if it's not online, it's not official. And if you know they like someone's photo, it's that's so much so overwhelming.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Well, I think also people have such high standards because they're constantly surrounded by attractive people online that the algorithm is boosting. So everyone thinks, one, those people are everywhere, yeah, and two, if I don't get someone like that, I'm not doing well, and so if you know they end up holding back or not dating or worried about you're always comparing your life in general to what you see online, yeah, in a sense, like oh, I don't don't I have the bigger house or this I could be doing better. Like you're I think that's the hardest part I would imagine about it.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

People back in the day didn't have that, you know, you're sort of happy with what you got.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

You just chased the prettiest girl in the village and there was 20 chicks, and you just you tried to find the pretty one.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

And it's so deceiving because you know, some of the happiest people I know they're married or they got together with really normal, yeah, happy, just normal, friendly people, you know. You don't see this of um top models, and you know, like it is it's very deceiving to think one that you're gonna achieve that, and two, this is what's available. No, it's not, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Which almost it's like showing people the most highly processed food all the time and making people think that that's what's desirable.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Exactly, yeah. Yeah, so and forgetting that you know, it doesn't matter how good they look, you're gonna get used to that, and then you're gonna jump to the next thing. Yeah, you know, and so confusing. As you go to a restaurant, it's like it's a four-page menu. This is analysis by paralysis, and you're like, well, all of a sudden I don't I'm not even hungry anymore.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Well, have you seen this they've done studies, I think, on the perfect number of items to have on a menu. How many do you reckon it is?

SPEAKER_02 7:56

Ten.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

It's 12.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Really? I get it really a bit off topic. I get really irritated if I go to a restaurant and the menu is massive.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

I know. I get really irritated about that because this used to be the Asian restaurants in Melbourne we would go to, and they would have 200 items, and you would just be like, I'm gonna be here for an hour trying to make the right decision.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

To me, it says a lot about the quality of the food. It's a bit oh look, it's a bit weird. They're getting to my rationale, but it's like, what are the chances that you have fresh seafood, buttered chicken, and you'll make good pizzas? Like, there is no way. You gotta pick one, pick one lane, pick one thing, you know, and you stick with that. There is no way. Um, it just irritates me so much.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Yeah, in that situation, I'm always like, what's the best thing on the menu? Just tell me and I'll have it.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Well, you trust people that much. I would never give that choice to a waitress who is like, whatever the surprise me. No, she'll be like the oysters.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Yeah, yeah, no, that'd be a deal breaker for me. Not a fan, not a fan of oysters.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

So a lot of options out there, um, not necessarily a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

I think um you have this like which is almost like a new um I don't know, structure that you have to manage as well, like your online presence when you have someone and your I've seen I've seen people talking about the fact that people don't dance anymore at night because they're constantly worried someone will film them. Like kids as well. So we used to, when we were kids at high school, we used to have like the There's party. Yeah, well that would be like the ball or whatever it was. There was a a yearly kind of event where kids like a disco type thing, and you would dance, you wouldn't care. But now they were saying kids just don't they get together, they go to the event, but everyone just stands there because they don't want to be filmed and put online. And so it is it's one of these interesting things that social media and the um smartphone has changed the way in which humans interact. And I think also now it's like processed food where your body thinks you're getting good calories from eating chips because it's like whoa, there's a lot here, but there's actually no nutrients. People think they're getting good quality interactions with other human beings through social media, whether consciously or not, and so they don't go outside as much in order to actually have high quality, nutrient-dense interactions with other people.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

Yeah, I don't I think that's that's affecting dating. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Which is affecting how often people have sex, which is affecting how often people have children, which is affecting countries all around the world now, you know? It's funny how it's all sort of a downstream thing from what I've learned over the last few months. I was I went down a rabbit hole with these guys, and it was like you can see on the graph the moment that um 2007, the iPhone comes in, social media comes in, and all of those metrics go down. How often people are dating, people in relationships, how often people have sex, how many children people are having, yeah, it all just starts decreasing dramatically.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

So I it makes me it always makes me think are kids just these days going to get to a point where they boycott this stuff? You know? Will that will it come full swing?

SPEAKER_02 11:04

Yeah. In a few years. I don't know. That is a lot of like new well, not that I know any, but I've read about it. Like new young, like young adults and and teenagers that like they don't want phone. They're just rejecting it. Good on them. Just, you know, make friends the the the old way or and it's hard, it's hard to because every you know, literally against what everyone else is doing.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Oh, and that's the hard part. There's a gravity to it, right? Because everyone else is online. So if you try and pull away the weird one, yeah. Yeah, well, you've got to try and get enough people to do it all at once that it creates momentum, right? That's tricky. So I have you have to hope it does. Are Aussies good at flirting? We think we are. These faces, I need to take photos of these each time you react.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

I feel so biased because and I don't want to give this impression of the stereotype of Brazil being white.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Did you know that Brazil uh they're just good at everything? Soccer, flirting, dating, just everything.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

I don't want to give this impression and and and reinforce the stereotypes, but it's just well, good is relative. Like you you guys are definitely more respectful. You um you know, there's like a lot less pressure, I would think, for you to perform or to, you know, end up in someone's house at the end of the night, you know. But also in the malice, you know. The malice. Yeah, there's something I feel like as a Brazilian, I feel like I'm like a wolf if I went out and like these little lambs are like oh, you know, waiting to be chased. I just deer in the head, like just because I it's yeah, these Aussie men leave a big thing. But like it that is a very simplistic way to look at it.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

I don't she's a shark in the pool.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

That's it. It's like, oh, you know nothing.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Get out of the way, minnows, little fish.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Yeah, I know from the like this the people that I know that are on like dating naps. It's uh it's awful out there. It's my friends always like, oh, are you literally picking the less word the least worse to fish?

SPEAKER_01 13:21

The least worse.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

If I see another guy in a singlet holding a fish, holding a fish, or like, uh, or you know, yeah, it's a bit rough, I guess. Um don't know. It depends person to person, like this friend in particular is just quite reserved. So, you know, if men try to be a little bit more forward, she sort of back away, exactly. But then if doesn't the guy doesn't make the move, she's like, oh, I feel like I'm the man now in the relationship. It's so hard for men. Like, how do you you don't know? Man, there were so many of these, uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

I had those moments too where I would try, I was always the kind of person that didn't want to rush into things. Like I I really liked someone and I would want to take it slow. One because I didn't want to freak them out, but also it kind of burns up and fizzles out if you rush everything, you know, straight away. But there were definitely looking back, there were times where I missed opportunities because I was slow, and I'm just like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 14:18

You set up because I chat to about these things in general with my my boss, who's a I would say he's a good friend of mine, and he's always there's a classic story um that he tells me back in the day that he used to go to this um fission chip or fried chicken shop, and it was this gorgeous girl working there, and they would make small talk, and he was like, Oh my god, most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And then one day he mentioned that he played tennis or something, and she said, I think you should come to my place and you can play because I have a tennis court or whatever. He goes, Oh, I'm not that good. And only hit him years later. He goes, Fuck. He goes, Oh no, oh my god. And I think and he's like, I'm like, What is that? He's like, he calls me Sonia, like Sonia, men are dumb. Yeah, like you're not expecting that woman to be hitting on you, and it takes you a little bit of time to believe that. I have to tell you a story, yeah, and it to be like, oh, okay, that is, you know, maybe I don't know. It's which is a good thing. I mean, I don't know. You don't want anyone who's like overconfident and be like, oh yeah, it's just totally yeah, yeah. But also you don't want to wait years later to be like, oh, that gorgeous girl was hitting on me, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

Yeah, well, that's what it's happily married now. Exactly. Once you're married, you kind of look back and you're like, uh, it would have been a bit of fun, but yeah, I'm not disappointed with where I am now.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

Yeah, but also like, you know, it's it goes to show, I guess, that is a tendency for men to be a little bit slow, or not believing that, you know, a woman if a woman is forward and flirt flirtatious, like Brazilians tend to be, that's maybe why I feel like you guys can be a little bit shy.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Man, it was funny. I had this moment, so there was this beautiful, like half, half I think Indian or Sri Lankan um girl and and half you know Caucasian that I knew through um friends at the gym before I, you know, well before weed man. I don't mind.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

Just go for it.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

You can just I remember we were dating, we went on a few dates, and one day I ended up getting her to come back to my apartment. And again, I wanted to hang out with her and spend time with her, but I wasn't trying to rush it because I'm like, I don't want to freak her out, I don't want to burn things out as she's gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

It's almost like it's so good to be true, I don't want to waste this, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

And we'd been, you know, kissing and making out and stuff, and she was like, Can I stay the night? And I was like, Look, I really like you. I don't want to sort of rush things. Maybe we can do it next week or something. And she's I remember she said to me, What if this is the only chance that you'll get? And I I remember saying, That's not gonna be the only chance. It was it was the only chance. Like, oh no! And then after that, I was like, No! Why did you do that?

SPEAKER_02 17:05

Because I was trying to be a good, you know, honorable- She's literally saying, Do you mind if I'm not that's the only time? That's the only one of those never never the time to win for it.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Just like you the door's already locked. No, no, but that that was one of those moments where I was like, I probably should have just read the writing on the wall.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

That's the thing. Like you don't want to guess someone, obviously, with in today's oops, in today's world, if a girl is uncertain, like, oh, I'm not sure. Don't go like, oh, if if they say no, they mean yes. Like if she's clearly being reluctant and being like, oh, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

It wasn't that. It was more if you if you rush to, you know, having a sexual relationship when you're dating someone, usually, at least from my experience, it's a bad sign that's not gonna lie. Because you're kind of you're having you're having um the entree dinner and dessert all at once really quickly. It's not you're not taking your time to get to know each other, you're not spreading things out a bit, you're not, you know, just going through the it's you lose every all the kind of excitement and expectation and everything too early. And so I was the kind of person that wasn't ever rushing, you know, like them if you have a good date and the woman wants to come home, you're just like, yeah, just do it, you know.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Do you feel like that is a I don't know, like pressure on men to be like, you know, you went all the way, you know? Like you felt do you ever felt like as a young man to be like, oh, I wanted to be respectful.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

You would have that from other men.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

But yeah, like are you dumb? Like kind of thing. How did you let it go? But like you didn't feel like you should do that, you know?

SPEAKER_01 18:43

I don't know. It would I've just always had that view of I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. No, it's it wasn't the uncomfortable thing, like because I knew she wasn't uncomfortable. It was more I don't want to rush it all and just and just ruin it. I don't mind taking my time, getting to know the person, and just not rushing it. Whereas my housemate was the complete opposite. Oh, I remember that. He he went through, God, he must have been on five to six dates a week. And it would be, it was, it was more often than not. I kid you not, he would bring home a different girl each night.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

And just come out and say, Oh, were you here? Oh, never mind.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

It was every day I was like, there was a different woman. Oh my god, it was you know, all types.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

And I gather variety is a good thing, but also I would get so sick of people. Like that is that facto of there is only so much of it you can have.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

I remember saying to my friend, aren't you exhausted too much?

SPEAKER_02 19:34

It's not gonna be a full-time mind-blowing every time, you know, and it's like and then you have to deal with it.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

It was a fire for him. I think it was probably he was a late bloomer, he didn't get a lot of female attention back home. Um, and he he came from a different country and we lived together. And I think all of a sudden he'd kind of found himself, gotten fit at the gym, was doing jujitsu all the time, had a good job, yeah, could take women out, and yeah, he just it gave him uh he felt good about himself. I guess. Yeah, well, well, but he's happily married now with a kid, but it was just and he found you know his wife eventually through dating all these women.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

I remember I think we know I wonder what she did differently.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

She hung around, like she just kept coming back and super, super like um the pants in the relationship.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Yeah, yeah, it was really she tamed the beast. Like uh like I mentioned, it must be so hard for a man or a young man these days, with all these like you know, unwritten rules and things about women and like weird, definitely much more forward or more confident, or you know, like if it's a woman saying it's she's clearly unsure what she's saying, I don't want to say the night, I don't think you know, even not saying I don't want to, or being like, I'm not sure about this. Safe, safer way is to go, okay, no, but in your case, she did say, What if I do?

SPEAKER_01 20:57

So it's just like that those words in my head, what if this is your last being that forward?

SPEAKER_02 21:04

It's like, dude.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

I've just got to next god. In my next life, I'll just have to not be as um as understanding and cautious. Alright, um, what was your first date like when you were younger?

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Um probably high school. It wasn't really a date. It was like after school when me too behind this, whatever. And you just quickly kissed and I went home. It's not a date. A date, a proper date?

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

Uh God.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Like, did you go to the movies? Did you go to a restaurant?

SPEAKER_02 21:39

I went to the movies, yeah. I went to the movies and we watched um uh Pirates of the Caribbean, which has gone for like three hours. He didn't uh touch my hand like for like months. Like he just watched the movie, was really into it. Yeah, and I was like, okay, okay, and then And we I went home and nothing happened.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Meanwhile, he's thinking that was the best date ever. All right to the Caribbean. That was sick.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

10 out of 10 movies.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

It's like I did the same thing though when I was a teenager. I can't remember how I met this girl. We must have been like 16, 17, and I asked her, you know, you want to go to the movies? Went to the movies, and then we got something to eat, and it was like, cool, thanks, see you later. Yeah. And I remember being like, Is that it? Well, I remember no, it was just like, why the fuck did we go and sit in a dark room for an hour and a half and not talk?

SPEAKER_02 22:33

It's not like to see a movie. I could do it all my by myself.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

And it's funny, like this this goes to probably the expectations around dating um in Australia. For me, when I was dating, because I in my mid to late 20s, I was dating actively, like trying to meet different people, trying to find the right person. I realised the clock was ticking. I had this thing in my mind of I wanted to have kids about 30, so I needed to find the right woman. My go-to was typically let's get a drink or let's get a coffee. And it's funny because I think Australian culture is very like minimal effort in terms of initial dates. That is so weird. You many women I've heard, probably Australians too, criticize this and they're like, these lazy men. Low efforts. My perspective was I want it to be as like low effort as possible so that like literally. I don't know how to say. Yeah, well, like it's meant to be no frills attached. I don't want to be impressing you with money. I don't want to have to impress you with money for you to stick around. I don't want to have to be like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna buy all this stuff, I'm gonna spend all this money, please like me, please, please stay. But it's not a good thing. Because I want to know that the person genuinely likes my my company, my you know, conversation with me without any of that stuff polluting the the well, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:55

You would yeah, it's so different for women though.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

I know that, I know, but that was always my thing. You want to dress up, you know? It's a big thing. You're literally preparing for it for the whole day. You shave, you do your hair, you know, you buy a new dress, and then you go out for dinner, and it's like a nice restaurant, you know. It feels like this guy is taking me out to this nice restaurant.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

I would do that on a second, a third, or later date, but that initial one, it would usually go out for a coffee? The worst thing would be for a man, I think in particular. I mean, and again, you guys tell me, maybe I'm wrong, but it would be putting in all that effort, spending all that money, and she's a moron. Or you don't get along with her, or she's you know, she's a massive racist. Well because I would want to know that's what I before I s before I super invest in like not even just the money side of it, but the time. Like, okay, we're gonna go to a restaurant, I've made the booking, we've got it for like two hours or more, and we're gonna do all this, this, and this, and this. Before any of that, I want a real idea of do I want to spend time with this person?

SPEAKER_02 25:00

I get where you're coming from, but also it can't it comes across as very like you know, I don't think you're worth it in the first place. I'm just gonna test it what is a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

But doesn't that isn't that somewhat like sexist because you think men have to spend money for it to be worth it?

SPEAKER_02 25:16

No, but no one is you're the one talking about money. Like we will literally buy a new dress, get our hair done, shave, you know, make sure we got you know, makeup is on top. Like that's all these things involved. And you're being anxious for them. We're doing that so we feel confident around you, and you want us to think we're pretty and you know, you want us to be you want you to be impressed.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

But is it also partly because you just enjoy the process of getting dressed up?

SPEAKER_02 25:42

We enjoy the fact that it's someone who's gonna look at you on that night and be like blown away. That it's like, wow, this is a gorgeous woman, you know?

SPEAKER_01 25:52

But how do you know they don't have that feeling anywhere?

SPEAKER_02 25:54

And if they well, you don't need to be.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

This is the thing, we don't realize men often have that feeling. You don't need any makeup, you don't need to be wearing amazing clothes, and we are blown away. All that other crap is just wrapping paper on an amazing.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

It's just about laughing man. Like, it worked.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Look where we are.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

I don't know, I don't know. Just yeah, I don't know. We you gotta remember, these are little girls that grew up watching Disney movies and the princess and the prince, you know. Deep inside of us, all of us, polluted as much as we say we're independent women now, like this isn't gonna get me cancelled.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Propaganda brainwashing.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

We're gonna this is gonna get me canceled like saying, you know, we're independent, I can pay for my own gin or whatever. I don't want you to do it. We still someone want someone safety, man.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

I just want to be taking care of it. But at the same time, I guess my point is I'm not avoiding all of that later. Yeah, but my initial thing was always I want to just get to know this person in a simple environment without going crazy because you just don't want to go to all that effort, like it'd be like you're going on a blind date as a woman, I think, right? Where you've you put in all this effort dressing up, wearing everything, and then you the moment you arrive within two minutes, you're like, Oh, I don't want to be here.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

I guess the good side of it would be making people comfortable, like you don't have to be on your you know, the absolute best, you know, in the ways of like the way you look or anything, you just be yourself casual. That's a good thing, but also, yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

I feel like I've got a funny story for you.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

I feel like inside of us, there's always this little girl wanting to be taken care of.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

I know, I know, I know. It's a balance, it's a balance. Yeah, I had a friend um from the gym back when I was in my 20s, and I remember he used to he was dating at the same time, and he but his thing was taking women to restaurants, yeah. And I remember being like, But if you've never even met them and you don't really know them, what happens if you don't like them? And he's like, Oh, I just say I'm going to the tour and then I leave.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

That's that's another trick.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

And I'll be like, wait, is this after you've ordered food? And pain? Yeah, and he's like, Yeah, I order the food and just leave. And that's their problem. And I'm like, That's awful.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

I guess at the end of the day, first of all, what are the chances this person's gonna turn out to be absolutely unbearable? Like you surely spoke before you went out for dinner with them.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

He was this very shallow guy.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

And then in the end, you if it's all bet, like yeah, at least you had good food, you know? Make sure you choose a nice restaurant. At least you had good food.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

But I think your perspective is probably thinking, well, I didn't like him, but I had good food, and he's thinking, well, I didn't like her and I had to pay for her food.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

Alright, alright. Uh so dating in Australia today, I think we talked about, you know, Tinder hinge. One of the biggest things that I think is hard is the ghosting. Right?

SPEAKER_02 28:50

That is human that's a human thing of I don't want to deal with the uncomfortable emotion.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

I know, but it's so is it prevalent? Is it a big I think it's just a social media smartphone type, you know, you can just block people and that's it. Well people it's it's such a weird thing because you can't really get away with it in person, right? You can't have a conversation with someone and then mid-conversation, just at least socially, just turn around and walk away without a few.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

Unless you're your friend.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

Uh yeah, it's not a common thing, but whereas online you just stop replying.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

I used to be very critical of that, but now, like again, getting all done. You know, sometimes that conversation that is gonna potentially have someone crying in front of you, you know, I understand. I'm not saying it's the right thing. I say I understand, you know, what what are the chances I'm gonna ever gonna see her again or him again? I'll block them. That's it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

But that's it's always it's awful, but it's like I get it. Facebook marketplace and selling things. Oh yeah. Because I do that, I do a lot of that with you know, guitars and other paraphernalia plants, and it drives me absolutely insane where people just disappear. No, is this is this available? I'd like to get it. Can you deliver it today? Can I buy it today? And you're like, Yep, no worries. Here's the time, here's how much, and they'll be like, I forgot. Or no, or left the conversation, and you just be like, Oh, for fuck's sake, just say, Look, I'm sorry, mate, I've changed my mind. You know, like the same with dating. There's there's a nice way of doing it where you can just say, Look, I think you're a nice person, I don't think this is gonna work out, or I'm I'm not interested, I'm really sorry, but I don't want to waste your time. And then you tap out.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

But that's the other thing though. Um can you can you be that honest? You know?

SPEAKER_01 30:33

Well, I think it's something you need to practice. I think that's what I'm saying. I think it's a respectful thing that most people most people can do that. It's not like you know, impossible that people can be courteous and respectful of others, even if it's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

I guess if it's a guy saying to a girl, look, you know, not necessarily my type. I was trying to see where this was going, she'll be like, you know, I wasn't into you anyway, blah blah blah. And then the other way around of like the girl ditching the guy, him being like I didn't want to date you, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

You can do it in such a way that you're not a dick, right? Like again, obviously, if you said to someone, I'm too good for you and I don't want to date you, then yeah, they're gonna get defensive. But if you just said to someone, you know, you again just start with a positive. I think you're really lucky. Two positives, a negative in the middle. I don't feel like a connection. I'm really sorry. I wish I did. I think you're amazing. I wish you luck, and you know the best, all the best. Yeah, tap out. Like adeos. Like Yeah, I don't know. Like, what else can you do in that situation? And if the other person turns around and says, Fuck you, you piece of it's sort of a red flag. It shows you that the other person was a was probably not the right person to you you fica.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

You'll stay with someone, you're only dating if that is a formal um proposal, like do you wanna be my girlfriend?

SPEAKER_01 31:53

We need to slow down, you're gonna have to explain what ficar means for the case. Fica is like the very Brazilian cultural thing that is not.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

Sorry, you can be ficando or fica with someone. Staying with it. Which means stay. You saw each other on a in a party or something, you sort of kissed, and then you have them on your contacts and you message them every now and then. If it happens you're in the same place, you're gonna kiss again, or they come to a place every now and then.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

You are it's kind of like hookup buddies, right?

SPEAKER_02 32:19

You are not dating and you have no commitment to that person whatsoever.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

You know, if which is weird because fikar means stay. Staying, yeah, like staying with someone.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

And that is that both parties acknowledge that you have no commitment, and if two days later you show up on Facebook dating someone, like officially so and so is in a relationship, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

I guess it's good that you at least have a word for it so that you can express that idea, that idea.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

You can claim like we were just ficando, we were not. We were just staying. You're saying, like, and it's very it's socially acceptable. Many couples will be in that dynamic for a long time before they even are boyfriend and girlfriend.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

That's it is very I think in Western culture, or well, you know, but in in Australian culture here, it's very you would have to be explicit about something like that. It's I guess it would be the the rule this is what I always got annoyed with my housemate, because he was always dating so many women at the same time. And I'm like, dude, do you do they know that you're like bringing home all these people simultaneously all the time? You know, because I feel like that would probably change the situation with many of them. For me, it was always like you could be talking to multiple people to get to know them, but the moment you ask someone out, they get your focus.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Well, you also don't have that mental energy to be people don't realize how much energy it takes if you're talking to so many people, and there's so many versions of yourself that you're literally curating to and it's exhausting. So it's like on by my side, that's I think one of the main things that people find one single partner in the end. It's like you don't who couldn't be bothered, it's like it's too much, you know. And then for him to be doing that multiple times a week, that's you know really.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

It used to blow me away.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

But like, yeah, I just can't, it's exhausting. So yeah, so in Brazil, we just you know, you have that, and then if the guy asks you want to be my girlfriend, then your boyfriend and girl girlfriend You need to say the words, you need to say the word, and then you know, who knows after that? But like, yeah, there's no and you can even say, like, oh, so and so is here, but we just picked well go out with someone else, yeah. You know, like it's very fluid and like there's no hard feelings, you know. Obviously, people do tend to sometimes get a bit like, oh, I thought this is good, it was going somewhere, but like general rule if you're not officially a couple, meaning the guy proposed to be your boyfriend, you know, you got down on one knee. No, not that, but just like all right, are we exclusive now? Do you want to be like that sort of talk? Anything before that, it's for grabs.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

No holds barred, yeah. So, what do you reckon Australians actually value when it comes to dating? You know?

SPEAKER_02 35:14

I don't know. I think so does uh Australian society is a bit conservative. Like I think more men want a housewife, like they wanna I think so. I think men want someone who is like, alright, she'll be a good mum, should be you know, she works, but it's not so much that it's gonna be anymore, they're me.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

Or like, you know, she's man, I wish she's like I I don't yeah, it's a weird one.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

It's gonna be my little Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

I don't feel I never felt like that. You don't feel like that? Nah, I always wanted a partner in crime and I got one. That's a compliment. What the you know, I wanted someone to hang out with, I wanted an equal. I didn't want like a servant, you know. I didn't want someone who I'm the worker, you're the stay-at-home woman that takes care of all the gross stuff. I wanted I wanted someone that I was best friends with, you know. Um I don't know, maybe it's just from like seeing like what is on social media and um some young people that I know, I think sometimes both sides have really high standards of like you're gonna be earning this, or that's a lot of focus on again so formal, like But have you s have you ever noticed I've seen those things online, whether I don't usually it's in America, and it'll be men or podcasters asking women what do you want in a man, and they'll say six figures, six inches, six figures.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

I guess this is a stage.

SPEAKER_01 36:46

I know, there's probably part of that, but there seems to be those very like um high expectations on the part of women. On both sides, there's like massively expectations of not only you're gonna be uh an amazing wife, but you're gonna have amazing wife, amazing lover, amazing worker that makes a lot of money.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

And like, what if where where are these people?

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Like, no one That's the funny thing. I think these people who do these questions for people are like when they actually ask, you know, height, wage or whatever, and then they say, Okay, that's 0.0005% of the population.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

I never like I've never had a type of like, oh I'm gonna day someone has to be like that. Like, you know, they're definitely things that I don't like, you know, but like it was never like uh, you know, he's a bit small for me. Like never, I never rem from a very young age can not cannot remember having such a checklist of things that I had to tick and in in order to be things interested in someone, you know.

SPEAKER_01 37:52

Because for me it was always firstly, can I talk to them and and do they like my sense of humor? Can I make them laugh? Do they make me laugh? And do we just have spontaneous fun? Um am I obviously attracted to them, like sexually attracted to this person, because I think that's hugely important no matter who you are. And that was pretty much it, you know. Like I didn't really care what their job was, um, even what their politics were. Like it didn't that kind of thing, it didn't they didn't have to be exactly the same as me.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

I feel like these days everything is such a deal breaker. Everything. Like, oh, I know someone who is like, oh, but then like he followed Charlie Kirk on Instagram. Absolutely not. Everything, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Here are 99 of the things that he was good at and that I liked, and then there was this one deal breaker.

SPEAKER_02 38:38

There is so much you can't say the wrong, you can't make a joke, like you can't maybe you come across a little bit like you know, over the top and like just be it's in politics that's such a massive thing now. Like you if you're dating someone who's heavily left-wing, like you can't this you it it depends on the person though, too.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

That was the thing for me. There's always extremes, you know. It depends how much they push that stuff on me. Because ultimately, I just like p talking to people of all different religions, politics, whatever. I don't really care. But if they end up making it your problem, like you need to agree with me, no matter what the topic is, it becomes uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

It's just weird that it's so many things that are like people are very like I don't I can't I don't and maybe that's the good thing. Maybe that's you know, some people stay single for much longer until they find that specific special person. That maybe that's a good thing. What do I know? But like I feel like back in my day we would put up with things, you know, let a little bit more resilience there, and just being like, well, he jokes, but it's okay, you know. He farts sometimes, it's you know, that's not the worst, you know. I can deal with that. You know, it's just a lot of the pro column is still ticked way more than the production kind of thing, and everything is so yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

What's something you thought mattered when you were younger that doesn't anymore?

SPEAKER_02 40:10

Um in terms of dating.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Yeah, I guess these things, these values, these things, were there things when you were younger? Was it like, oh, I need to make sure that when I find the right person or date someone that they need to tick these boxes? And then now you look back and you're like girlfriend. Those weren't even the main problems, you know, that you should have worried about.

SPEAKER_02 40:31

Um I don't know, that's it it's hard because everyone is different. Like I've dated people that were like completely different from each other. Um I guess you focus less like when you focus more when you're young on like superficial things, you know. Someone's good looking, and you all of a sudden like, oh, he's into me.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

What's there's a there's a kid's movie, I can't remember if it's like the swan princess, and there's the prince in it, right? So he um he this girl, you know, this this this girl that he wants is there and he wants to marry her and they're having a ball or whatever, like where they the party and everything, and she's like, Why do you like me? And he's like, You're beautiful. And she's like, What else? And he says, What else is there?

SPEAKER_03 41:18

Whoa!

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Like, oh dude! Someone hand him a shuffle.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

Yeah, that's your superficial stuff, that's superficial stuff that is you know, the things that f uh bright and flashy when you're young that like just make you feel so special. They count in a sense, but like at the end of the day, it's just how someone makes you feel, you know. It doesn't matter if then all six foot, you know, it's just not big of a deal.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Before so I had one long-term relationship before you that was like I think it was 18 months. And then probably 10 years before I met you, it was just a string of three month long long type relationships, you know, maybe one or two a year max. Probably not even that. And I used people used to always ask me, why do you break up with these people? And I'm like, if I know, even if you know, they're beautiful, they're like this, they're like this, they're this, they're rich, they're what whatever it was, I would be like, Yeah, but I don't get along with them the way that I see myself wanting to get along with my partner. We haven't clicked the way that we should. I could totally just stay with this person because hey, life would be easier.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

And people look at me and say, Look how hot my partner is, but any of that stuff.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Look how rich they are, look how hot they are. But I was like, that was why I was always like, I want to make sure, like that we talk talked about that um situation with the half Indian Sri Lankan girl. Yeah, it was like I want to make sure this is the right person that I totally click with. Like, I want and I was really hoping with her that it was. Yeah, and clearly it wasn't, you know, and that's just how it goes. But I think yeah, looking back, that was one of those things where I don't regret that at all.

SPEAKER_02 42:56

It just don't it doesn't matter, like you know, it's obviously nice to feel good about yourself because you've got someone who is very attractive next to you, but like time will go anyway, yeah, time will pass. There'll be things that you know when you're five years into this, there'll be things that you look at and be like, maybe it doesn't matter how beautiful you are.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

Because the honeymoon period wears off.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

It's like it does, and you just it doesn't sustain itself. So probably looking back, things like that. I was but again, you're young, and these relationships when you are when you are young are meant to be you know quick and you're learning and you sort of I find it really weird these days when I see someone young. And I've I've known uh I've met a few people like very young, like nineteen twenty, yeah. M that friend of mine who is like, Oh no, I'm engaged, I'm moving in with so and so. I'm like, Wow. Like I just can't yeah, you change so much. Like you Yeah, I think it it's funny.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

That's probably one of those things worth talking about too. From an Australian perspective. Many cultures around the world prefer that people haven't had sex before marriage, you know, often because of religion or conservative, you know, um cultures. I think we're a lot less like that in the West and in Australia in particular. Where from my perspective growing up, at least when I was younger and dating people, it was almost like I definitely wanted whoever I was dating to have had other relationships before me. Absolutely. Because I want to be sure that they know and appreciate what it is that they have the same way I do when they actually, you know, settle down with the right person.

SPEAKER_02 44:37

Yeah, or just maturity, you know. If you don't know if you feel like you're teaching this person and you feel like you have all of a sudden you have it's not too independent mature mature adults, like you have a responsibility here of like this person doesn't know much about this. Now yeah, it's just a power imbalance there. It feels uh weird. I guess.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

If you could go back and give yourself your younger self advice about dating, what would it be? And why? What sort of advice would you give young Cal?

SPEAKER_02 45:10

It depends. Like you don't have to stay in a relationship that you're not happy with because you're scared of being alone. Like you'll be fine. Like don't make someone your your person your identity. Like this relationship is not your identity. Like you can handle being by yourself. I would say that. Like don't feel like you have to stick around when you know it's not for you because you know you're scared of being alone. Be alone, you'll be a better partner later on if you are alone for a while, you know. If you learn to be self-sufficient and confident and all that, um it's not a big deal, I would say, like to myself, chill. You know, people come and go, it's not the it is not the love of a life, there is no such thing, you know. Like we are all evolving, changing humans. It's just fine. Like we I felt like as a young person dating, I was always so that's gotta be the one, you know. That's and I've had really long relationships every time and always felt like that is a massive, I can't break up. We've been together for five years or whatever. And it's just like you chill, you know, you'll be fine. Don't put so much of who you are into this because it can end, and if it ends, then you're left with this massive uh you know identity crisis that you shouldn't be. Like if you but that comes it's in entangled with like family dynamics and other things, so every experience is different. I feel like from my context, it always felt like this is gonna be what changes my life, you know. I met this person that put a lot of expectations. Very early on, this is gonna be it, nothing can go wrong, we can't argue. Like I would just be like with this particular partner. We never argued, and I thought that was a great thing, and it was not because when we did, it was like you know, massively blown blow out of all this resentment and anger because we never had that it yeah, I just it's not a big deal, you know. Date for as long as you want, go through as many people as you want, because it's all at the end of the day, it is only gonna make you more experienced and more sure of who you are.

SPEAKER_01 47:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:36

You don't have to make this your entire identity. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

I'd probably tell myself to spend more on dates.

SPEAKER_02 47:45

Yes, I would say totally, if I could give you an advice back, take it about me.

SPEAKER_01 47:51

This is about me giving my advice to myself.

SPEAKER_02 47:55

Get the flowers, you know, go the extra because then if anything, you just had a nice dinner.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

Maybe this is this girl where it fizzled out and she said, you know, maybe this is the last time. Maybe it's because I didn't take it to the right restaurant.

SPEAKER_02 48:08

Well, coffees are nice, but like food's better. Food's better. She's probably had she tell you what, women go to the extreme of like, I will not wear this dress. I wanna This is back in my day. Women today are very empowered and different. Maybe they don't care. Back in my day, you wanna look so good in this dress, you wanna make sure your feet don't want to be bloated. I'm just gonna have to have some nibbles. I'm just gonna nibble in water and like cucumber because then I'll look good. And we'll have dinner anyway, and then you show up and ask her to go to coffee. It's gonna make her even more, you know, hungry.

SPEAKER_01 48:44

It's like I think part of it, I guess part of the the the story though was that I t I typically knew them a little bit before. Yeah, I I get what you mean. I'm taking it. It wasn't a blind date, but yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you mean.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

If I was trying to impress someone because that was the first interaction, I probably wouldn't have been like let's get kicked out.

SPEAKER_02 49:01

I think men don't realize how much of women, how much of our lives as women it's lived inside our heads. Like if you uh let's say you had a date tonight, it's what four o'clock or whatever, you'll be chill, doing your thing, working.

SPEAKER_01 49:17

I might be freaking out.

SPEAKER_02 49:18

And then we will be reporting to headquarters, you know. The girls know about it. What dresses am I going to try on? You know, that is we leave so much in our heads.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

But that's one of those pieces of advice I think I would give women would be just chill.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

Yeah, we'd sure chill, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:35

Guys don't care. We're not there talking about your makeup, talking about what you wore.

SPEAKER_02 49:41

But don't you appreciate wouldn't you appreciate? Oh, she looks stunning.

SPEAKER_01 49:45

I really I mean, I would probably I would probably think that, but it's like it's not a deal breaker. No way. If you had just I mean, c clearly, if you showed up and it looked like you'd just woken up and you had scruffy hair. Yeah. You put in zero effort, I'd probably be like, What's it? Like boots, you know. You could still come back from that. If you were charming and I had a f a laugh with you, I think I would still I would be like, Nah, you know what? I don't really care.

SPEAKER_02 50:07

Yeah, interesting. We all yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

Quite often I would just be like, dude, over the top, like too much.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Especially if you're not that person and you're very relaxed and casual, and she shows up in like high heels, massive nails, you know, the whole circle of the city.

SPEAKER_01 50:22

You know what that would have made me feel like, oh shit. She's from a different like group of people. Like it would make me feel intimidated, I think, almost. Where I would be like, She's too high high maintenance, high quality, expecting too much in terms of everything I wear, fashion, perfume, date. I would just be like, Whoa, this is intimidating. If I had loads of money, I'm sure it probably would be a good idea.

SPEAKER_02 50:46

I hate how it is such a like I hate this like early stages of things when you were just everything is a measurement for something. Like, oh like, but she he wasn't wearing that much of a you know, he didn't have a nice car or like all these little things.

SPEAKER_01 51:05

This is a I think this is more of a feminine thing. We don't typically at least from memory. Sorry. We don't typically like um I don't get together with the guys after a date back in the day and be like, She wore this and she was this and she did this like women would be I would not talk to my friends about it would be did you go out and date? Yeah, was it good? Was she hot? Yeah, she was hot, it was good. That would be like the conversation. It wouldn't be like she smelt like this and she did this, and her boobs were this.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

I wouldn't be talking about those sorts of things like we it's not shallow like that, but like we'd do you know, little things brief little things of like, oh you know, he got the doll for me, and like I got there, he had like flowers, or like he got this really nice wine or something. Like I can imagine that you're enjoying the example. So like we would like, yeah. Oh the the girls they want to live vicariously, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:01

Guys don't really get off on that stuff, I don't think. Like tell me more about what you said to her and what was she wearing?

SPEAKER_02 52:07

Yeah, we don't want to know. Don't want to know what was said. Oh my god, I want to know what was said. Everything, every single word.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

I see I oh my god. Next time I have a friend who's going on a date, I'll say that to him and I'll I'll report back about what he tells me. He'll probably tell me to go fuck myself. It's like I don't care what she said. This is none of your business.

SPEAKER_02 52:28

No, we need to know.

SPEAKER_01 52:30

So you said this and then like Oh my god, you guys, you guys are just a different species.

SPEAKER_02 52:34

We need to know.

SPEAKER_01 52:35

What actually matters? What actually matters with relationships? How do you make them work?

SPEAKER_02 52:41

I'm not a person to talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 52:43

Why you've got a relationship that's currently working.

SPEAKER_02 52:45

But like, well, it I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 52:50

But what are the things how did you know when you were dating someone? What were the things that that stood out to you that mattered that showed you if I was comfortable with them, like if I didn't have to mask um or like pretend I'm someone else, you know.

SPEAKER_02 53:06

100%. That's exhausting. If I can the conversation flows and I can be weird without being like, dude, there's a massive, you know, we shouldn't have said that.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

It's so funny. The first time, like, because this goes back to I I'm never gonna forget this. You commented on one of my YouTube videos back when I first started. It must have been a few years in.

SPEAKER_02 53:26

Oh trick.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

One or two, yeah. Well, I don't know why you did, but you said something like, Thanks for teaching me English, these are great. I speak Portuguese. If you want to do a English for Portuguese like chat trade in terms of practice, let me know. And I think I just sent you a message on like I said, oh, just message me on Instagram being.

SPEAKER_02 53:43

Oh, my ancestors going.

SPEAKER_01 53:46

Well played. Was that is that what happened? Because I don't think I've ever asked you.

SPEAKER_02 53:51

No, no, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 53:52

Like, if I had like Were you thinking, like, maybe I'll get to know him? Or was it genuinely just a art?

SPEAKER_02 53:57

It was literally like, oh my god, like Gringo is he's learning Portuguese. Learning Portuguese, you know how much Brazilians we love that other people enjoy our culture. Yeah, we just like it doesn't matter. You've seen it, it's insane. Like, not not other culture in the whole world, it's like so and so is making not making fun, but like taking the piece at stereotypes about Brazilians. We love that.

SPEAKER_01 54:22

So that was if someone was doing that about Australia, I wouldn't care.

SPEAKER_02 54:25

You'd be like, What?

SPEAKER_01 54:26

But yeah, so you like that.

SPEAKER_02 54:26

But it's funny because like it was they're like, oh my god, you know.

SPEAKER_01 54:30

Well, and this was in my dating phase, so I was thinking, Cool, I'll get to know her, who knows? You know, and maybe we just chat. And then the first time we had a chat, I was just like, God damn, like very attractive. And then you sent me a meme. I think I made a joke after. Put on the memes, yeah. One of these memes, one of these gifts on like um on Facebook or Instagram where we were chatting away, and I think I said you told me, Oh, I'm in Townsville, and I said, like, well, you better start walking or running now because it's like 3,000 kilometres from where I am. And you sent me this little meme of Forrest Gump running down the road and around the corner. And that was it's so funny because that was the moment where I was like, She gets I can have the whole conversation just using memes, you know. That it's and that sort of sticks with me. I always remember that moment of like that was when I realized, and that's when it hit him, you know. She's the one. Holy shit, it's Jason Bourne.

SPEAKER_02 55:27

I guess from like, you know, I told you about my friend the other day, like the the guy said something that is a thing online, you know, that people say like a meme, and the girl, my friend didn't like it.

SPEAKER_01 55:39

Yeah, she raged.

SPEAKER_02 55:40

She raged. She thought it was too forward or whatever. I would have just laughed.

SPEAKER_01 55:45

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 55:45

I'll be like, dude, like, you know, to give her back at him, just like, oh, we'll see, you know, like just you know if that's not her personality, it's not her personality.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

That's it.

SPEAKER_02 55:55

If she did the right thing for who she is, she doesn't like that. I would just have laughed.

SPEAKER_01 55:59

Exactly. And that's that's why it worked out, Carol. That's why we're here with Dicky.

SPEAKER_02 56:05

But that flicks and chill.

SPEAKER_01 56:07

I think that was the important thing, not taking life too seriously, making jokes constantly, and even being cheeky and taking the piss out of me.

SPEAKER_02 56:14

Just it's it's sort of testing waters too. Like you can see how far you can push a little bit and like how forward you can be. And you know, if the person is like giving it back at you, it's sort of yeah, I don't know. Also not having pressure of like, oh, I have to make this work. Like, you're just chatting, you know, you're not thinking much of it, you're just having fun, being being happy.

SPEAKER_01 56:39

And that's it. The thing that I was always looking for, and the advice that I would give anyone listening who's currently dating, find someone that you can just talk to and editing. And have a laugh with. And it goes, time flies. Yeah, you're not thinking about it, you're just having fun. And if you can just relax in that moment and you're not thinking about what do I say, what do I do, how do I, you know, you just enjoy this other person. You've found the right one.

SPEAKER_02 57:01

If your experience is being outside of your body, watching yourself and monitoring everything you're doing, you shouldn't be there. You should be so immersed in it that you forget what time it is. You're like, oh my god, it's already eight o'clock, you know, we've been chatting for so long. That should be the feeling of I really like to be around this person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:21

Yeah. All right, let's do some rapid fire questions as usual. Coffee date or pub date? Coffee date.

SPEAKER_02 57:30

Any day.

SPEAKER_01 57:32

Beach or mountains. Beach.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

Mountains.

SPEAKER_01 57:37

First move or wait.

SPEAKER_02 57:39

First move for me. Wait.

SPEAKER_01 57:42

Texting or calling.

SPEAKER_02 57:44

All texting. Oh my god, no, no calling. Again, just a parenthesis. It's one thing these days, these kids, all they want to do is call. All my friends are like, oh yeah, I was on the phone with this guy. I was like, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

That's too much commitment.

SPEAKER_02 58:00

On the phone with this guy, like they don't call me. I would think legit something happened to the kids. Like, there is no phone calls happening. Like, no way. Absolutely not. Just with anyone not dating on audio files, maybe calls are next level. Like, next level.

unknown 58:17

No.

SPEAKER_01 58:19

Um, split the bill.

SPEAKER_02 58:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:22

Yeah. Yeah. Flowers or no flowers?

SPEAKER_02 58:26

Sometimes flowers, not all the time. It's weird.

SPEAKER_01 58:30

Camping date or absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02 58:32

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

I would totally do a camping date.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

I am not. No, I'll be in a nice hotel with an warm shower.

SPEAKER_01 58:43

Um, what's the biggest green flag?

SPEAKER_02 58:46

Sense of humor.

SPEAKER_01 58:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:49

But you could be a psychopath with a sense of humor.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

No, it's still, you know, that's the dinner thing. We still had a good dinner. Still had a good laugh, you know. Maybe you're not dating material. Like it would not we will not be a good boyfriend, but like, you know, you if you have a laugh with someone. I always tell this to my boss again, our conversations about everything. Um, women don't we don't want the hot guy. Like, we don't want the six back. If a guy makes a woman laugh, he's halfway there. Make a woman laugh. Be the funny, you're not gonna be stupid, but be the funny guy, that's it. We just wanna have a laugh and that you're just the prettiest man for her.

SPEAKER_01 59:30

Biggest red flag.

SPEAKER_02 59:33

If you just talk about yourself, you don't ask questions, you're just like me, me, me, I did this, look how impressive I am, like you know, that's a turn off.

SPEAKER_01 59:43

Or if you can't take a joke. If I remember like if you were dating someone and you would make a joke about something that they wore, they did, they said, or whatever, and they got angry at you.

SPEAKER_02 59:53

Yeah. That even if it was a it wasn't a joke that they enjoyed, but like to get angrier, it's a bit like, yeah, well, chill.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:01

One perfect date or lots of average dates.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:05

Lots of average dates in a nice part.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:07

The one perfect one, because then you've had the perfect one and there's no such thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:10

Because every time you meet a person is a different person. It's a hypothetical question. I know, but like one time it's like No, but you get to see them later.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

The dates later on are just shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:20

I don't know. I think meeting someone several times and like you know, I don't know. I like the date. Um, what do I say? Um what's the word for it? The build up to it? Yeah, anticipation. Antisipation, you know, you're gonna wear this and then like, you know, I'm such a girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:42

Alright, well, we'll leave it there and ask you guys, I guess, a few follow-up questions. What's dating culture like where you live, and what's something Australians would probably find surprising about it? So let me know in a comment below. Or send me a message, and besides that, um, yeah, we'll chat to you next time.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:00

See you later.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:01

Thanks for hanging out with us.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:02

Toro