Rediscovering Your Sacredness After Betrayal

What if you could rediscover your worth and sacredness after experiencing deep betrayal? 
Join us on Sacred by Design as Anne and I embark on a journey to uncover the significance of words like "sacred" and "design" amidst the personal pain of betrayal. Our conversation is a compassionate reminder to all women that their inherent sacredness and worthiness remain intact, despite the fractures caused by betrayal. 
We delve into the necessity of grieving and recognizing the sacred nature of this process, encouraging listeners to embrace their humanity and seek solace from friends, scripture, and sacred time with Jesus. 

Contact us today: If you have a question, comment, or need help, email us at info@regenerationministries.org

Free Resources for you!

👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Transcript

Rediscovering Sacredness After Betrayal

Speaker 1 0:22

Welcome back to Sacred by Design. I'm so glad you're here. I'm Andrea, and today I have Anne with me, and if you are new to Sacred by Design, if you've been with us from the beginning. I am excited about this second season because what we're doing is we're going back to help you understand where Sacred by Design came from, what it has meant to us, what it means to us, and hopefully we can convey what it could mean for you. And so this conversation is meant for women who have experienced betrayal, and whether you are that woman or you know a woman who has experienced betrayal, we're diving into. What does it even mean? How can you even hold words like sacred and design when you've experienced the shattering of betrayal?

Speaker 2 1:24

And that is a loaded intro, I feel like, but necessary right trail, and that is a loaded intro, I feel like, but necessary, right, so necessary, and thank you for allowing us to go. Go there for betrayed women and tying in how sacred they are in the midst of been so fracturing and unbelievable and wrong, but to allow them to be seen and heard and reminded of how sacred they really are, and even the words fracture and design, right off the bat, feel so no like.

Speaker 1 2:05

How does that even go together? So which word, which word like sings to you when we think about these women who've experienced betrayal? Is it sacred? Is that the one that needs the most tending to? Is it design?

Speaker 2 2:20

Oh so worthy and precious worthy, precious sacred, that their very essence is sacred. Their very personhood is honorable, and what happened to you was and reminded of your sacredness, Because that is going to be the beginning of your own personal healing in this process.

Speaker 1 2:59

I love that reminding. I hope that this serves as a beautiful reminder for them. It's almost like you can like a turning of their face of like oh, no, no, no. Let me tell you again how sacred you are.

Speaker 2 3:14

Yes, let this podcast be just a time to sit down and say what, what are you saying? Let me hear that again, because you're finding yourself probably in a very disorienting state and you, you can't even really right now, maybe even come back to your own self and so, right, like, yeah, we are, we are for you, we are here, we're going to take our time in this episode, because it's hard to even take in these words, I'm sure, yeah, if you're finding yourself at a new discovery or you're, you've been sitting in a knowing of something for years. I am so glad you're here yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 4:05

So how about that woman who has been sitting with this knowledge for years? What is the? What does it look like to move towards sacredness, to understanding that for herself? How does that happen?

Speaker 2 4:18

Can it happen? Oh, it definitely can happen, but it comes first through a lot of tears and a lot of grief, support. You know a good group of women co-therapists, just unpacking what they heard, what they experienced, the disruption of this attachment to their spouse, and then it was torn apart, so grieving for a long period of time, right the, the break of trust, the break of attachment to the person that they're, they're the most bonded to. So first you grieve that and then you kind of come to your own decision to like I'm going to dive in to just my own self, like who am I to in this process? Which is amazing, when that light bulb can go off and that that inner discovery of I matter, here I matter and I I want to rediscover myself in in all of this.

Speaker 1 5:39

We have to. We have to slow down and talk about grief, and I know that that word is something we just would love to just plow through and keep going. But grief can be sacred.

Speaker 2 5:54

It can be sacred and necessary to sit in it and to mourn and to cry and allow yourself to be human and sit in it and not alone you know, with a trusted friend, a trusted journal and a sacred space with Jesus too, not alone.

Speaker 1 6:33

I feel like, for a woman who's been betrayed, loneliness would feel so big, so, so big. So, as she's, what is it? Is she redefining? Is she rediscovering her sacredness? Is it? What is the word there?

Speaker 2 6:53

First being reminded that it's true and friends, scriptures, time alone to to be reminded of that, to hear it, it's like, wow, I. I don't feel like I'm sacred because, um, I've been second, I've been third, I've been four, and so I don't feel sacred.

Speaker 2 7:20

so then you're, you're reminded, you're, you're breath, breathe. This is breathed back into you, your, your body settles, your spirit settles, you're grieving, and so you're then allowing it to kind of like your heart to crack open again, to love and to be loved and to be seen and heard and understood and acknowledged that this was really wasn't the way it was supposed to be. And so your heart cracks open and Love comes in. God's love comes in, others' love comes in, and then you can begin to imagine being sacred again, that you are sacred by design.

Speaker 1 8:21

If there is anybody to do that. And oh gosh, you hold things, you hold space. You hold space so carefully and so honoringly. If that's even a word you do, you just do it so well. Um, am I assuming wrong or too much when the word sacred to me feels a little gritty because they're sacred vows that were broken, there's that sacred bond that was broken, and so I feels a little gritty because they're sacred vows that were broken, there's that sacred bond that was broken, and so I feel a little defensive for her of just don't give me that word. I don't like that word.

Speaker 2 8:56

It's a valuable word, but it probably like we're sacred. The vows were broken. The vow to you made by your, you know, trusted partner was broken and jesus has come to repair your identity, your person, your value. Separate from that, but it's in conjunction together. I mean the repair of repairing that, repairing what's sacred, the sacredness that was broken.

Speaker 2 9:55

So it's both and like repairing the sacred vow and restoring what was taken from you, and that's like a divineness, like a divine essence that you still have you own, you encompass it, and that's what I hope for women that have been betrayed to know that they hold in them, given to them by God.

Speaker 1 10:31

Oh man, know that they hold in them, given to them by god that oh man, and hit pause and rewind and listen to it again and again and again yes, that is so and that you are sacred, but the vows were broken and yes, yeah, I'm kind of taking this in too, as we talk yeah, I'm very tense right now, like my ankles are crossed.

Speaker 1 10:53

So if your guard is up, though, I mean I'm, it's not, I'm feeling it, I'm feeling on guard. Yeah, does that? How does that? How do you work through this? How do you work through this? And and?

Reclaiming Safety and Sacredness

Speaker 2 11:09

boy, I think, just taking both, all of us, just taking a deep breath, you know where do I feel, maybe the thump in my heart, like could this be true? Could, could I begin to write about this? Could I draw about this? Could I, could I talk to somebody about this? Because I, I want it to be something that is experienced, because you know you, perhaps we feel so, so torn, like so, you know, I don't know, ann, is this, is this for me? I don't. Is this for me what you're saying? Yeah, so it needs to be processed and talked through it is for you yeah, I mean, maybe on a hike or a walk or something.

Speaker 2 12:07

You know you work this out with god and yourself. Maybe it's, you know, I, I don't know. I'm just picturing like somebody needing like to go on a run and cry this out, yell it out yeah and then this settling comes and maybe it's easier to receive it.

Speaker 1 12:28

So now there's two different things, anne, that you're bringing up that are tricky. It's grief and anger. Yes, anger is. It is hard for women to. Is it process, is it face? Is it name? We? I don't know what that is, but that comes up a lot. That comes up a lot. I mean for myself, within sessions, within friends, anger is a hard one.

Speaker 2 12:55

It is a hard one and it's allowed. You have permission to be angry, you have space and time to be angry. You're allowed, you are allowed to be. You know emotion has the word motion in it and so you know, sometimes anger does need to, you know, to be yelled, to be experienced, to be heard, valued. Not like that's too much, like that was okay, that's just enough. No, maybe that's not just enough.

Speaker 1 13:35

I mean, if you're just listening, we have eyebrows going up. Oh, you can feel that. Yeah, oh, yes, you should, and don't don't quiet it down.

Speaker 1 13:43

Yes, you should feel it yeah um, what I love about design is that there's a place for it, right, so there's a, there's a design here. There's a place for the grief, there's a place for the anger and there's a place for, I mean, for a lot of other things. What is? Where do we reach first, as a woman who's been betrayed? We talk about integration here at Regen, bringing your sexuality, your heart, mind, body, all together. Where should women who've been betrayed reach first?

Speaker 2 14:28

Well, as you were talking, I think the word safety came to my mind. That's just really what I heard.

Speaker 1 14:34

I heard myself wanting to say you know, are you safe?

Speaker 2 14:40

do you feel safe? You know, let's, let's find safety for you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 14:45

I have learned that, in order to feel safety within your own body and your emotions, sometimes it's good to do something that tests that safety, in the sense of a ropes course or rock climbing or something that you're not used to. That puts just enough of a risk, but that can prove to you hey, I'm still safe, my body did a good job here, my heart is really proud and you know, I just did this thing. What are some safety moves or scriptures or what is a way to achieve safety in moving towards this sacredness again?

Speaker 2 15:29

Well, having you know, a safe person to share with and be validated, acknowledged, seen, given. You know, of course you're feeling that way. You know being able to put boundaries up. You know being able to speak about what you need and it being received right. Am I, am I first safe with you as I tell you my story and you, you validate that I might need to actually put in boundaries in place so that I'm safe and that I'm heard, and that my experience needs to be honored and it needs protection. You know you need to. You know, for example, like sleep separately from your spouse. You may need to separate for a period of time so that you can re-establish your own sense of well-being. What do I need? What do I want? You know, help me out. You know. What else do you hear when I say am I safe? Do I need?

Speaker 1 16:49

safety, just the word voice, that your voice is sacred and that may have been lost or feel quieted in the midst of betrayal.

Restoring Sacredness Through Recovery

Speaker 2 16:59

To amplify your voice through your sacredness, by surrounding yourself with others, by finding safety, by grieving and also this your spouse that has betrayed you, that they're getting help, that they're owning the betrayal. They are walking in recovery. They are not minimizing you, they are not blaming you, they are not defending themselves. That also creates safety. As you watch somebody walk in recovery, you can take a deep breath and watch and see are they taking actions towards repairing the rupture.

Speaker 1 17:51

You've seen this work front row?

Speaker 2 17:56

Yes, I have which I am so thankful that I can pass that on to women that I've seen it. I've seen I've seen couples walk in recovery, the hard work of recovery, taking it seriously and, with you know, care, rebuilding trust. I've seen it and I'm blessed by it.

Speaker 1 18:46

Is there anything else you want to say?

Speaker 2 18:50

I mean, I just want every woman that's listening is just to know how valuable and precious their own essence is, their own personhood is, and how sorry I am that they're walking in this place, in this heartache and rupture, and how important their own recovery is grief, honor, safety, voice, you are sacred.

Speaker 1 19:27

The vows were broken. I love that yeah, well, I love that. You said, it, did I say or did you say it? I loved it, I thought it was great. It's beautiful and it's just true. It's so true, sacred by design. My prayer is that this accompanies women who've experienced betrayal and that that grittiness, that residue, can be washed away to reveal, yes, this beautiful, true identity her inherent beauty, beauty in and of herself, and she's been that all along, mm-hmm. If we could hug you, we would. Yes, I know.

Speaker 2 20:12

I know we would Call us Come in.

Speaker 1 20:16

You know yes. Yeah we're here. Yeah, that's the beauty of of this work that we get to do. Is this ministry of withness, that we get to be with these women who are traveling really hard roads, holding things that they think they can't or shouldn't be talking about, and yet, and yet, what if? What if? It's just the beginning?

Speaker 2 20:47

Right, and maybe you're listening for a best friend today. You know, after you listen to the podcast, give her a call, say what do you need, need? What's it been like? How can I help? Thank you, anna well, thank you, andrea this is awesome thank you thank you.