Remember

Memory can feel like a trap… until it becomes a path back to wholeness. We chose remember as our word for the year, not to force a walk through old pain, but to gently re-member the parts of ourselves that splintered under grief, betrayal, and shame. Together we ask better questions, listen to what our bodies are telling us, and trust that God is already meeting us in the details we often overlook.

Press play if you’re ready to move from avoidance to gentle restoration and hear the song that’s already being sung over your life. If this helped you breathe easier, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help more people find the show.

Contact us today: If you have a question, comment, or need help, email us at info@regenerationministries.org

Free Resources for you!

👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:45

Here we go. And we are starting off with an episode linked in really intentionally to our theme for this year that we have. Every year we dream of a word to lead and guide our banquets, our time together. And it is such a prayerful process that leads us to that word. And our word this year is remember. Good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. And it's and I wonder, even just as you're listening, that word remember. If I'm if I'm saying it to you, remember. Remember, Kyle. Remember Anne. Remember, Tracy. Remember, Andrea. Does it sound like an admonishment or a direction? An invitation? We're gonna explore all the things with it. Because this word is really deep and profound.

When Memories Hurt

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Yeah, when you know, initially sometimes when I think about remember, it's not always good. It's uh it brings up, oh, remember that time when you were embarrassed, or remember that time you didn't perform well, or remember your past life and what you were involved in. And so it can bring something that doesn't feel so great. And and sometimes you have to sit there and then you remember the goodness of God at some point. And it doesn't, you know, I'm not saying it's like, oh, I remember this bad stuff, and ooh, the next minute I remember the good stuff. It's I might have to sit for a while with what I remember and allow myself to be led toward what God has done. Um, and that's a process.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

What about you, Ann?

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Yeah, I kind of am like Kyle. I remember even when she said the word remember, I just remembered, like, yeah, my past, my my parents who have passed away. And then I had just right here, just a flashback of my mom. So, right, remember often takes us to a painful place. And, you know, for I know many of my clients, it's just remembering a story that they don't want to remember and they want it to be over, remembering a betrayal. And then when a friend reminds me where God has been and how God has taken care of me, you know, I'm I find some peace. But the process, and I hope we can talk about the process today.

Disconnection, Shame, And Layers Of Memory

SPEAKER_03 3:28

Well, and I I'm so grateful for right away the tenderness of when I hear the word remember, I want to run from it. Because part of the intentionality of that word remember for us this year is not only to remember with our minds and our hearts, but also to remember what has been broken away, to remember those parts of us, those memories, those parts of our bodies that even we run from, that we just dissociate from, that we've disconnected from, and in hopes of forgetting, numbing, cutting away, they're you're meant to be whole. That is our work, is to to remember that part, to to bring those pieces of you back together in um careful ways as you look back.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Yeah, even as you were thinking talking about that, right? When you think about this sort of disintegration that happens, you remember something that maybe was painful from your childhood, right? And you run to something else that is not a good place for you. And then so you have these even these layers of remembering. It's like, oh, I remember that I've got this issue that I watch porn all the time. Oh, I remember that I started watching porn because someone introduced me to something when I was a kid, and so there's even layers in that, and and being kind to yourself, I think, in that to say, okay, we can take the first step back to this first place of remembrance and and take time to heal there. And then maybe you have to go back further and take time to heal there. And as you do that, there's this bringing together of yourself, and you become the person that God intends for you to be. And so there is in the remembering, I think God guides us to those places of hurt because he has the solution for us to experience the healing in that.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

But even as you're saying that, and I wonder how many listeners are feeling the same thing. Like my heels were digging in. Like, oof, but there's that, I don't want to do that. So if you're feeling your heels dig in, or maybe um your breath is caught in your chest, or your your fists are tight, that's a good sign. That's a good sign that your body's telling you, oh, there's something worth looking back to. And there's value in that, and praying for the courage for that.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

The courage and the the sisters to gently lead you back to memories of childhood or to something that's present day that maybe just happened, and you need your sisters to be the guide and the the listener to those those painful memories that Kyle was reflecting on.

Signs Your Body Wants You To Look Back

SPEAKER_02 6:58

And I wonder how many of our listeners have been in that place where they were never invited to remember. Especially, you know, you become a believer. It's like, oh, you know, you're this new person in Christ. So, you know, you forget all that stuff. You don't have to go back and visit that because you're a new creature in Christ, and so you don't have to visit that. But I think it's important to do that. If if the apostle Paul talked about a time in his life where there were things that he wanted to do, but he didn't do, and the things that he did do, he didn't want to do, that's a remembering. And that's a place where he got met in understanding the power of God and transformation in that. So why wouldn't we want to do the same thing? Why wouldn't we want to allow the Lord to guide us in that place?

SPEAKER_03 8:01

We do this a lot in our coaching sessions, remembering. And it is so valuable to have that other voice with you. I mean, I think of even just our retreat that we had this past fall with the women when we did the Kinsugi, and just how we were all around a table with these shattered pieces of plate. And one woman would be like, Oh, I see that. And that looks like it might fit here for you. And that was putting a plate together, but to have some another set of eyes who's interested in reaching the same goal as you to bring the whole plate together. And Kinsuki is a whole fun thing that you should sign up for the retreat when we offer that. And look it up too. Kinsuki art. That was just so precious. It was so sweet. And that was a great illustration of oh, this person beside me sees that I'm trying to bring this back together to remember this plate and bring the uh the piece in so that you can finish. You can bring it together.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

And it's a process, right? If you know, if you're finding yourself, you know, betrayed by a spouse, a friend, you know, if you're in a hard place, that we're gonna go slow, right? The we're gonna remember slow. We're going to give time to cry, give time to reveal. I've just been really spending some time in in the Psalm 142, and it uses these words. I plead to God for mercy. I pour, I pour out my complaints. And another word is I reveal my troubles, right? It's but it's it it is first, you have to first kind of empty out those those cries, those complaints, the angst.

Faith, New Life, And Why We Still Revisit

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Yeah. It might feel scary to go there. I know so many clients that I've talked to are like, yeah, but if I go there, am I gonna come back? Like they feel like they might get stuck in that place. But this is, I think, a moment to trust what the Lord wants to do because if he has brought you there, then that means he wants to care for you there. So he's not gonna leave you in a place where you are just a just a total mess. He has a way of remembering you. And and I think that's kind of twofold, right? Remembering you as bringing you back together, but he hasn't forgotten you. He remembers who you are, and he's never forgotten you.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

And just that, like, the idea that we can remember God and it takes time and it takes people and it takes and it is a process and it takes patience. But then when we remember God and how he's moved in our lives, it's one thing. But then to witness God remembering us with a detail of a color, of a song, of a verse, of a person, just that he would remember us. This is the God of the universe we're talking about. And he it is that important, you are that important to him that he wants you to move beyond the what-ifs.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

But what if, but what if? And the the fear of the what-ifs driving you more than the faith in God.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

So let's move beyond that. There is a huge invitation in that to move beyond the what-ifs, the scary what-ifs, to but what about God?

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Yes, I have been thinking about that so much, Andrea, that the what-ifs, my thoughts around what's what's going on is really impacting, impacts me. And when you said, well, what if, can you turn sometimes can we turn our thought into a question? Like, what if God doesn't show up? Well, what if God does?

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Right? When did God show up? When did a friend call you at the most like opportune time? When did write a letter just appear in in the mail from somebody who was thinking about you? Um, so turning sometimes our our you know, thoughts into questions.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Absolutely. I love that. Yes, I love it. That is a really good practical tip of turning that what if into a okay, so when did God show up and look for that? And write them both out. Write out the what ifs.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Those are important to know. Right, yeah. Um, you know, write a thought out and then challenge it with a question. Like, who? Who showed up? Yeah. Instead of why, who.

Kintsugi And Healing In Community

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Yeah, that's good. That's all good. I mean, I think there's a great example of that in Psalm 77. If you, you know, get the opportunity to look through that, you know, the psalmist starts off like I'm crying to the Lord and I'm in trouble, and I'm can't be comforter, comforted, and you know, I can't even stay awake and I'm just in terrible shape. And then he says, Let me remember my song in the night, let me meditate in my heart. And he asked the question, the what if? Will the Lord spurn forever and never again be favorable? Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises and an end for all the time? Like, this is a person in despair who thinks that God is not going to show up. But then he can move to, I will remember the deeds of the Lord. Yes, I will remember your wonders of old. And then the next section is just this whole discourse on, you know, it seems like as he remembers one thing, then another thing comes, and he remembers something else, and another thing comes. And then it becomes this whole discourse on all of the things that he remembers that the Lord has done. And I think the Lord is willing to meet every person who sits in that place of what if. What if I never stop looking at porn?

SPEAKER_01 14:55

What if God comes and transformed your heart? What if what if that happens?

SPEAKER_03 15:06

Those what-ifs feel like blinders. You know, they can really shape and direct your eyes and your heart towards feeling and accepting that this is who I am.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

I think it's a way that the enemy works very strategically for people on people to help to keep them caught in this space so that you don't live fully in who you are in Christ. If he can keep you stuck in a place, then it's harder for you to do all that God has called you to to be the person that he's called you to be. And so the enemy will let you stay in that place. He's he's okay that you still are going to church and you're still reading your Bible and you're still on the worship team and you're still teaching Sunday school. Like he's good with all that. But if he can keep you not trusting the Lord that he will transform your life, he's okay with that.

Remembering Slow: Lament And Psalm 142

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Right. And I love this because it's even it's even helped in my own life, right? Being able to transform a thought. Maybe, not maybe, but possibly maybe I am a beloved daughter who has a future and good in store for me, that I can help others, that I can make a difference, that I am fearfully and beautifully and wonderfully made. What if that's the thought? Right? And of course, we need to remember and reminders. Reminders, our podcast, song, worship, sisterhood, right? Um to um create a new story in our in our thoughts and in our minds.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

There's so much momentum, and even what you're saying, the questions from Psalm 77 and just these possibilities of what if I am what if what God says about me is true.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

And the fact that it's true, even if it doesn't feel true, it's still true. Like you can't undo that truth. You it may take a while for it to sink into your heart, but you can't undo the truth about the fact that you are God's beloved daughter. There's nothing you can do to change that. And so it's kind of like, okay, how do I then uh shift my posture and get on that party train so that I can get the sense, like Ann said, that I am this beloved daughter of God and he loves me so much, and he sees me not in, you know, just amongst a whole bunch of sea of people, but he sees me specifically. And he has a way that he wants to meet me and see me in my own uniqueness.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

I appreciate what you also a word you use, Kyle, is posture. And sometimes I need to change my posture. I might need to get on my knees, right? Because I'm crying out. I am I'm on my knees, God. I'm I'm begging for forgiveness. I'm begging for help. What do I do next with what I learned post-discovery? Getting on my knees, laying flat on the ground. I have done that, right? Yes, me too. Literally. Yeah. Bedroom floor. Or I've even raised my hands up, right? I I'm gonna bump into the microphone if I do that now. But just like, you know, raising my arms up, like hear me, help me remember and looking up, right? Not looking down. Just that. Even that, just raising my arm up, even y'all, life-giving, right? Movement, help, even that.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:18

The stuck feels so tight, and to actually like stretch out your body and actual like exposing vulnerability is is powerful.

God Remembers You: Details And Care

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Some people enjoy dancing, just to be free to be in that moment and dance.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Move your body.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Remember, remember, remember the good the goodness of God and your sweet, loving sisters out there. I keep bringing that up. I must need them myself. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

And gosh, what might be a challenge for our listeners to help them remember? What are what are some things that you you all think we could practically offer to say, okay, what can help you kind of trigger that remembering? What can help you to remember to change that what if that's a negative tool? What if that's a positive?

SPEAKER_03 20:25

Well, we've already mentioned three things that could combine into a mega challenge. Okay. But changing the what if and you know, the what if as a as a question or those doubts into but what if it's true? Um, reading through Psalm 77, and then shifting your posture. Unstucking yourself a bit.

SPEAKER_00 20:52

And you know, buddy, I the words coming to my mind is I'm a sticky note girl, and so I have sticky notes around to remind me. Yeah. To remember.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

I am I do yes. Post up a sign that says change my what if. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

Yeah. Yeah. On my phone, if I'm going through something that I need to remember to remind myself, I'll have an album dedicated to that and I'll take pictures of whatever it is that's reminding me.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

That's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

Um, because I need I'm a visual person, so I need that visual.

SPEAKER_02 21:25

And then remember God has hasn't forgotten you. Remember that.

Move Beyond What-Ifs To When-Did-God

SPEAKER_00 21:30

This is good stuff. We have great needs, and we know, you know, to our sweet listeners that you're coming with needs. And maybe someone right now is just feeling so heavy or in a pit, and we care about you. We just want you to know. We care about what you're bringing, what you're feeling, you know, if you're taking a walk or just flip this on. We're here. And and look, and God is. We we want to remember you.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

The God of the universe is not waiting to sing over you. He's already singing. And as you remember, whether it's reading through Psalm 77, changing those what ifs, stretching your arms way above your head or laying flat on the ground, that as you do that, as you remember him and he remembers you, you'll hear his voice louder and louder and louder. Remember.