The Gift of Imagination

Ever notice how fantasy shows up right when you feel most alone? We get honest about why sexual fantasy feels comforting, why it keeps you stuck, and how to turn your mind from a private escape hatch into a place of healing and creativity. Without shaming or quick fixes, we walk through a simple “gift box” framework—unwrap, look inside, reach in—that helps you name the storyline, locate the deeper need for intimacy, and invite Jesus into the places that feel most secret.

We start by defining fantasy clearly and kindly, acknowledging the real needs it tries to soothe. Then we slow down together: What’s the setting of your go-to story? Who holds power? What does your body do as you approach it? With insights from Jay Stringer’s research on unwanted sexual behavior, we explore how fantasy often attempts to reverse or reinforce old wounds, and why grieving those wounds loosens fantasy’s grip. Along the way, we distinguish reactive fantasy from creative imagination, and we practice turning imagination toward goodness and beauty.

If your heart wants connection more than escape, this conversation offers a kind map back to intimacy, wholeness, and holy imagination. Press play, try the steps, and if you’re ready for support, reach out—we’d love to sit with you in the sacred space of being known. If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find their way from secrecy to healing.

Resources:

Janice McWilliams - Restore My Soul

Jay Stringer - Unwanted

Sexual Behavior Assessment 

Contact us today: If you have a question, comment, or need help, email us at info@regenerationministries.org

Free Resources for you!

👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:22

Kyle, we have been wanting to do this episode for a long time. A long time. And so um clarity is kindness. I hope that this doesn't come across blunt. Um, but this topic of sexual fantasy is important. We've been wanting to do it for a while. And um fantasy is not real.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Exactly. Here's a good definition: fantasy is the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological need.

SPEAKER_04 1:03

So sit with that for a second because that is not a scriptural, biblical, anything. That is the dictionary.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

That is from Miriam Webster.

Why Fantasy Feels Comforting

SPEAKER_04 1:14

Sexual fantasy takes that improbability, those unrealistic images, and distorts God's good design for sex, for sexuality. And it's especially sneaky because it's so quiet, it's secretive, and it's all here in the confinement of your brain.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

And I think we have to be honest that there is some level of benefit, right? Oh, say more. Right? There's something about fantasy that meets a very legitimate need. Whether, and typically the need that's screaming the loudest is there's a need for true intimacy, not sex, but intimacy, being known and knowing others. And so that brings fantasy can bring that temporary soothing of that need. And so we have to be honest about that.

The Gift Box Framework

Step One: Unwrap The Story

SPEAKER_04 2:14

Yeah. So to even get to that point of honesty and to get to that conclusion of, oh, I need intimacy or I need companionship, there's a big process in the middle of that A to B. Um and it's it's not easy. But as we are praying through what it looks like to understand sexual fantasy, we actually were praying through and came up with this visual of a gift. Um, because as we move through this, um, you might be thinking, my thoughts are dirty, my thoughts are mine, my thoughts are bad, my thoughts comfort me. All you know, I can't imagine all the different things. Um and yet from the beginning, um, imagination has been meant to be this powerful and beautiful gift, and it should be treated as such. And so if we look at sexual fantasy as this idea of a gift, there are three steps. And let me just say, like, okay, pause. You go get a pencil, go get a paper or three, because we've got resources and we've got a process that if you can write it down and then begin to use it yourself, I think it will be a gift to you. Yes. Right? So the first step when you get a gift is to you unwrap. You unwrap the gift. So I don't know about you if you tear it apart usually, but let's just take it carefully and slowly. Take apart the bow, um, the scotch tape carefully lifted up, notice not to tear anything. And as you're even considering this gift, this box, what do you notice? What are what are the outside of your sexual fantasy? What does it look like? What is the setting of it? Who are the characters in it?

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Um what is the basic structure, right, of this box?

SPEAKER_00 4:20

And maybe even what is your heart anticipating as you even open it? Right? There's always the you know how you get that somebody gives you a gift and you have no idea what they might want to give you. And you have this sort of anticipation of, hmm, I wonder what it is. Is it something that I'll be able to use? Is it practical? Is it good? So, what even as you think about unwrapping the gift of your imagination, what are you even sensing in your body right now? Uh, is your heart starting to thump a little bit, your palms getting a little sweaty? Um, because you are anticipating what even it's like to even start the unwrapping process.

Step Two: Look Inside With Jesus

SPEAKER_04 5:09

So unwrapping the sexual fantasy is um conjuring up in your mind, um, maybe even writing down what your go-to might be and noticing it. And yes, definitely take a temperature check of um what you're noticing about your body and in your heart. So now this the second part is to look inside.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Look inside the box. Right away, do you want to run away? Does it surprise you? Who do you see there? Are you disappointed?

SPEAKER_04 5:59

Have you seen it before? Jay Stringer and the book Unwanted, which I'll provide a link for, um, says unwanted sexual behavior is one of the most common avenues we pursue to reverse or to reinforce the negative experiences we've endured in childhood. Our goal is to study and grieve the conditions that led to our sexual brokenness, thereby reducing their power over our present. Okay, so what we're doing when we unwrap and when we look inside, that's noticing the negative experiences that we've endured in childhood or the conditions and studying these things.

Step Three: Reach In And Name It

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Yeah, so what does it feel like then to peer into this box and to consider all the things that have been in it, or maybe even things that you hope will be in it, and to know that first and foremost Jesus is with you. Like he's not standing back with his arms crossed, going, Look at that mess, but he's really coming alongside, embracing you even and saying, Let's look in the at this together. What do you see? What is the thing you're most afraid of? Uh, to be able just to know that the Lord wants to journey with you in this process. This is not about shame or condemnation. And I would say if you're even feeling that right now, just to take a pause and step back, take a deep breath and to think about the truth that Jesus loves you immensely and he's not going anywhere. This this doesn't scare him at all. And it's because he knows what you'll need to be cared for in this process. Because this is a process that you need to care for yourself as you go through this process. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Now with Jesus beside you. You've unwrapped the gift, you've looked inside, so let's reach in.

SPEAKER_04 8:48

If you consider the storyline of your fantasy and you're noticing oh gosh, I've seen this before. That refers back to that those negative experiences that we want to either reinforce or or shift somehow, like the power dynamic in it.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Um I feel like Jesus is saying, Alright, tell me. Tell me what you see. I want to hear you say what you see.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

And if there's something you don't understand, you and Jesus can be curious about it together. Because you might go, yeah, I see that in the box. I don't really know or understand why it's there. And you can be curious about it. And again, you can have the curiosity without the shame and the condemnation. You can be curious in a way that is honoring to yourself. And please be kind to yourself through this process.

Imagination vs Fantasy

SPEAKER_04 10:05

Even as you say that, I mean, you already said take a deep breath and notice. And I I wanted to reach for my heart. So I feel like if you are feeling your heart tense up, that's not from the Lord. That's not, He's curious with you, like you're saying. And so just to even tap your heart and say, Jesus, you're with me. I'm not alone in this. Um, show me where you are in this with me. Something that I love about Jesus, I mean, one of the many things, is um Deuteronomy 6, 5 says, Um, listen, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. That's Old Testament. But then Jesus being fully human, fully getting what it means to be a human, says in Luke 10, love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind. Jesus is like, you know what, God, that was a great commandment. And yet, this mind thing, being a human, is actually really hard. And there's a lot of power in the mind. So I love his add-on to that commandment.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Yeah. And even think about when Jesus was about to be crucified, like he had some mental stress going on. Father, if this cup can be taken from me, right? So he even had the struggle of the mind versus the will. And it's such a wonderful thing to know that we have a savior who like those are not just words to make you feel good, that he experienced all that we experienced. He was tempted the way we were tempted. Like, those are not just words on a page. That is the honest-to-goodness truth. That as Jesus stepped into his humanity and still retained his deity, he experienced the mental challenges that we face, the things that we set our eyes upon that draw us into starting to create different mental images. Like that's a real thing. And it's and it's part of it is just we live in this fallen world and we're given stuff. You know, some things we don't even have control over. If you turn on a commercial long enough, you're gonna see images that will draw you into a different place. And so Jesus understands that this is the kind of battle we're fighting, which is why he wants to be so compassionate with us as we look into the box.

Training The Mind With Scripture

SPEAKER_04 12:59

Yes. Okay, so sexual fantasy, unwrapping it, looking inside, reaching in and taking out. These are three really good steps to understanding the storyline of your um fantasy. Um and write it down, write it out, look at it. There's something wonderful about getting it out on a page with pen and paper, um, to then be able to consider it. Because um we've said that imagination is a gift, and confining it to this box is confining it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

So let's open it. And think about this too. So here the difference between fantasy and imagination. Okay. Imagination is the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses or never before or wholly perceived in reality. So there's a difference. Fantasy talks about being a response to a need. And imagination talks about this gift that God has given us, this power to form a mental image of something that's not present, right? Which is why we have inventions and why we see these wonderful things in the world that we can take a part of. Because somebody used their imagination to bring it to fruition.

SPEAKER_04 14:40

Okay. So this is where, like, as you're listening, you hit pause, you rewind, and you listen to what Kyle just said again. Between the definition and all forward, because yes, the oh gosh, the fantasy is a response to a need, and imagination is creative. Yes. So that feels to me like such a beautiful spiritual practice is how can I reconsider my imagination? Because you probably condemned it or like try to shut it down or you know, stifle it because it's bad, it's bad, it's bad. Yes. But what if you lean in and get creative, do something creative with others? Um, that is a wonderful way to battle this uh idea that your imagination is wrong or is bad.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

And maybe there's a practice of starting to train your brain to do something different. What if, what if it's reading through some scripture? What is it like for you to imagine that you're part of that? You know, what what place are you in this scripture? Uh if you were there, what do you think you your response would be to the crowd or to Jesus or to whomever, you know, in scripture? That's a practice you can just start to train your brain to start imagining in a different way.

Emotions, Lament, And Whole-Person Care

SPEAKER_04 16:05

Oh, Kyle, you're just awesome. See, okay, so what we love here at Regeneration Ministries is wholeness. We're invited and created for this wholeness, and that's the healing that we're after. And so to do a Lectio Divina, like you just described, where you are immersing yourself in the senses of a story and considering what it would look like to see the dust in the air, to see the breeze in Martha or Mary's home, you know, moving the curtains, that sort of thing. And then seeing Jesus walk in and feeling that pressure on your back as you lean back to listen. Because Mary's chosen what is good, what is necessary. She just leans back and listens. Um, so that would be mind, um, some somatic stuff to introduce your body because you want to bring your body into this healing as you're considering that. Um, I've done it before, I'm not gonna do it right now, where you slap, you clap your hands together really loud, and then you rub them together until you feel the heat between your hands. And then you can um, you know, even place it on your temples, your warm hands on your temples, and to say, Lord, bless, would you bless my mind? Would you bless the gift of my imagination to be this source of creation and power to rewrite the story? Um, and then heart. There's a story that you're gonna unwrap in that gift that is probably hard and painful and scary and dark. And so to like I just grabbed my heart again, just to bless that story and ask God, like, I this is what I needed. Yeah, this is what I wanted, and I didn't get it.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Absolutely. Be mad about it. Yeah, it's important, it's really important to acknowledge um what you're experiencing, what you're feeling. I know that in some Christian circles, it's really easy to go say all the verses, you know, and to God can do all things through Christ, and you can throw all the verses out there. But at no time in Scripture have we ever been invited to do that. If you don't believe me, take a look at some of the psalms where the psalmist is like, yeah, God, you forgot me. We don't have what we need. We got left out here in the wilderness, got people chasing after me, trying to kill me. I wish you would kill them. Like those experiences that they had are examples for us in ways that we can acknowledge what it is that we're feeling. Because ultimately, underneath that, there's something very legitimate and good that needs to be attended to.

Practical Tools And Coaching Invitation

SPEAKER_04 19:05

Yes. So um, Janice McWilliams has a book, Restore My Soul, and it's reimagining self-care for a sustainable life. Beautiful book. She's a beautiful person. Um, and she goes through on page 86 and 87 an emotions examine. Um, and I love this. Uh, like the question she starts with is Jesus, what are we gonna do with me? Jesus, what are we gonna do with me? What are we gonna do with the story? What's next? And then there's a whole list of emotional vocabulary. So if you don't even feel like you have the words, just to go to this provided list from um Janice McWilliams is such a gift to bring your heart into the healing.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Absolutely. Yeah, because like you said earlier, it's about healing your whole self. You might want to isolate your fantasy and focus just 100% my brain, my brain, my brain. Um, but you've got to bring your whole self into this because you have to acknowledge all the things that were hard and painful and just not right, as you said earlier. Um, and that means even the things that may have been done to your body, and to acknowledge that. Uh, because you you mentioned like what does it mean to maybe have power over your body, right? Or, you know, you people overpowered you. So now you want to take back power, and maybe that's part of what your fantasy is like. And we'll put a link also on the show notes for there's um a sexual um behavior assessment that was created by Jay Stringer to help you understand what your what you're drawn to when you're talking about fantasy. Maybe some of you also have pornography attached to this as well. Then you get a picture of what it is your heart's trying to tell you that you need. So that you can start to, again, be kind to yourself and gentle with yourself as you get curious about. So, what is it that my heart is really telling me? What is what is my check? That's your check engine light, right? What's the check engine light telling me?

SPEAKER_04 21:31

So, practically speaking, I love that if you are taking notes right now, maybe you just need a stretch. Um, if you're taking notes right now, because this is a lot. And we're just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, because we're excited and we believe in this, because we believe in the power, healing power of Jesus. Um, so practically speaking, you've got this idea, this structure of unwrapping, looking inside, reaching in and taking out. And then we've got some of the things that we were between the emotions examine or clapping your hands and blessing your mind, um, taking inventory of what you're watching, what you're listening to on a day-to-day. But also, would you just come and talk to us? This is what we love to do in spiritual coaching is I I don't want you alone. Exactly. We don't want you alone in this. Um, and if you feel like, yes, I I've got an idea that Jesus is with me, but I I really want to believe it, like invite us in. Let us sit with you. The sacred space of listening and just being listened to is a gift that we would love to offer you.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

Absolutely. Yeah, and and you weren't meant to do the journey alone, right? Um, you need a voice that's different from yours that can combat the other voices that might be trying to get in.

SPEAKER_04 23:00

And Kyle's so nice and wise and just honest. And I'm a little feisty. And then Anne is so sweet.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

So we've got all whatever you need, right?

SPEAKER_04 23:12

But we're here for you because we have all been through um, we're doing this. We're doing this, and we are not alone in it. So, Kyle, this has been a great conversation.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

It is. It's and hopefully it is something that um has touched hearts, has piqued interest for people. At the very least, I hope there are ladies out here who are just curious. And if you want us to be curious with you, we are more than happy to do that.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

So we have mentioned scripture, but there are certain versions that take it to another level sometimes. And that is such a really cool thing about the Bible, it's just to explore these different versions. And the one that you have found for us today is just a beautiful way to wrap up this gift.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

And I want to do this as a blessing. And if if you heard this before and it felt more like a condemnation, I hope that this will make it feel more like a blessing. And this is from the message. This is um from Philippians 8, 4, 8. Summing it up, all friends, I'd say you you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, the best, not the worst, the beautiful, not the ugly. Things to praise, not things to curse.

SPEAKER_04 24:44

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Amen.