7. Past Life: Alexander's Sword part 2

Grace's emotion packed past life of Alexander unfolds with intense details. 
Please make sure you have listened to Episodes 4-5-6 because it is all interconnected. 

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Executive Producer: Grace Star
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Grace: Welcome to episode 7, the continuation of Alexander part 2. 

Kathryn: And we are certainly looking forward to bringing you the second half of the Alexander experience. So, allow yourself to just sort of relax, remember what you heard before. And if you're popping in on this podcast and have not heard the previous one, you will need to go back because this is part 2 and that way you can get the whole story. 

Grace: Absolutely. And because you're popping in or maybe you're continuing, you'll know that I need you to put on your Alexander outfit here for just a minute. I need you to not use my voice of Grace Star and instead I need you to be my Alexander. So you're tall, you're heavily muscled, you're blonde, you have blue eyes, you're a paid assassin, and I need you to put on those clothes for a few minutes because we're going to get into it again.

Kathryn: So how do you react to the Queen, her proposal and her threat?

Grace/Alexander: I'm overwhelmed. She has given me until morning to make up my mind. Although she has really given me no choice. I'm so panicked right now. I have to get home. My mind is swimming in anxiety. I'm thinking as I exit the palace of all the ways I will murder the Queen and I'm going to enjoy this so much. But one step at a time here. First, I will go home. I will find my beloved Alesophenia. We will pack. We will depart the city tonight. No one will find us. I will take her to a safe place. It seems like it takes me forever to cross the city. But before I realize it, I'm at my front door, just standing there. I can tell she's not here. The sun is starting to set and I've gone inside the living room. There's long shadows that are cast across the main room and it's very eerie. I can tell that she's just not there. I don't even need to call her name. I realize they've taken her away. They took her before I could get there. It's too late. 

The house is spooky quiet and I'm going to sit here and I'm going to put my head in my hands, and I'm going to just think about this terrible situation. And I wish I had shown her more value when she was with me. I never said what was in my heart. I always kept quiet. I can't think. Anxiety is just like racing through my body and up my spine. I cannot think straight. It feels like anxiety is going out of my sweat glands. It's just going all over me. And I can't even think in a complete sentence right now.

Kathryn: Okay, take a deep breath. Let's just take a deep breath. Settle down. Okay, allow the next memory to come up. 

Grace/Alexander: I remember that my father-in-law is someone that I always rely on. He's a reputable man and a good friend. And he knows many people at court and the palace. And he's very well known. I'm going to head for his house. My mind is in turmoil. I really want to run, but I'm too dignified for that. I really regret not stopping to grab a horse. I'm going to have to walk and I'm not happy about that. I cross the city as quickly as I can. I'm looking for him and I find him out in the stable area.

You know, he competes in chariot races at the games. And I know that this sounds strange, but he's out in a garage of sorts. And he's checking a repair that was made to his racing chariot because the games are coming up. So I pull him aside and I tell him about the situation with his daughter and the Queen's proposal and her threat and that Alesophenia is missing. And he listens patiently.

And he's thinking about it. He says he knows my status at court and he points out that not many people will challenge me. And moreover, he has no control over issues at the court. But he says he feels confident that by the morning it will resolve itself and that the Queen is going to come to realize that this is a disastrous threat and it could backfire on her and that we should wait until morning. He thinks that by morning things will resolve themselves.

Kathryn: Okay, can you stop for one moment and describe the scene that is around you?

Grace/Alexander: It's evening and the sky is just changing from blue to gray and there are clouds and kind of sort of what remains of the sunset. And I'm standing in a large courtyard and there are some horses being groomed in small stalls kind of around the edges. And there's some slaves that are lighting the lanterns for everybody to see.

Kathryn: Does your father-in-law have anything else to say to you? 

Grace/Alexander: No, he feels really strongly that it will get resolved before the games. And then I realized that, hey, I have work to do tomorrow. There's stadium games and I have an entire book of criminal executions tomorrow before the games begin. So I kind of need to wrap this up and go home and prepare myself mentally for the games and kind of decide what I'm going to do.

But you know what? If the Queen wants it, she can have it. Everything is worth risking, my beloved. I'm awake most of the night trying to think about this problem and I just know that I'm going to go in the morning and I'm going to resolve this issue. I go to the palace early in the morning and I'm looking for the Queen. I go into the big room where the criminal names will be called and assigned to the executioners. And I noticed the Queen off to the side. She's waiting for me. But I find that strange, very strange.

Why is she doing that? She's not behaving like she should normally behave. She's never done that before. And I'm feeling alarm at her weird behavior. Certainly I will refuse to talk to her in the Emperor's presence because there's a protocol and she's breaking the protocol. I make an excuse and I go down the hall near her direction. And as I pass, she signals me and I duck behind a drape and I let her know I have made a decision and that I am offering her my services. As long as my wife is returned, I agree. And she insists that we have to do it now. I'm really confused. In the morning? Here? before the Emperor arrives? now I know she's behaving very strangely and the Emperor's going to be here any time and she's demanding this now. All right. I have to meet the Emperor soon. So even though the timing is all wrong, I just want to get this over with. My visit with her is quick and my job is done and my mind turns immediately for my wife. The Queen departs and I go out into the big room, and I take my normal spot. And as I stand there, the Emperor arrives. I'm gathering my thoughts. I need to work today. 

Kathryn: Okay. Take a deep breath. Bring your energy down a little bit. Just calm your center so you can continue to let this unfold. So, let's go into what happens next.

Grace/Alexander: They are making an announcement and calling everyone like myself to the big hall to meet with the Emperor and distribute the criminals. Those on my list are wailing in despair as soon as they hear my name because they know their fate is sealed. But you know, I'm kind of oblivious to it. I'm watching the door. My wife is going to arrive any moment and I have my plans all set.

As soon as I can get my hands on her, I will whisk her away so we can leave the city immediately. And my mind is kind of wandering because the Queen is kind of wandering around herself and I don't know what she's up to.

But everybody stops their activities so she's entering the room and she's strutting and she's looking at me, and she goes and she sits by the Emperor and I'm not comfortable at all. And my mind, I'm just sorting through options as I review choices and I revise my plan for escape and I'm just kind of like nervous.

In my fog I hear them calling a name and I realize they're calling my beloved Alesophenia’s name on the criminal list. She's been charged with heresy and she's being called right on to my criminal death list.

How can this happen?

She's been charged with heresy as threatened.

But how can this be?

Grace/Alexander: I can't get my mind around it. I have done whatever was asked. I have fulfilled my obligation. The Queen must release her. I agreed. It was bargained. I look around but slowly I become aware that my wife has been added to my death list. How can this be? My blood feels like it's ice. I can taste adrenaline in my mouth. I can't focus my eyes right now. I can't even react. I refuse to give the Queen any satisfaction. She has betrayed me. My thoughts are drowning in anxiety, and I become aware that my hands and palms are sweaty, and I cannot think beyond the words; how will I save her?

The list of death orders are complete and final and my list includes my wife's name and I immediately determined I refuse to kill my wife. I will die first before I would ever kill her. Nobody has reacted. People are leaving the room and it grows really quiet and I realize I'm standing alone in this big room and for the first time in my life, I am helpless. It's a strange feeling. Absolutely helpless. I decide to go back towards the criminal holding areas in an attempt to break her out. I'm walking down the corridor when I realize this is the moment that I have been seeing over and over and over in my mind. I'm in that corridor that I first landed in and I look down at my reflection on my sword.

I can see the pain in my face, and I am just full of fear.

Kathryn: Okay, so I want you to remember to stay detached, watch it like a movie so you don't have to go through this experience again. Are you listening to me?

Grace/Alexander: I am trying so hard. I am trying to do what you're asking me to do, but he just wants to move forward.

Kathryn: Okay, so one of the things I want him to be able to process through, he has his fear, but now it's time for him to also access his anger.

Grace/Alexander: You know, my heart is beating out of my chest. His heart is beating out of his chest. His head is banging at the pounding of his heart and we're standing in the corridor. I'm looking at that mirror on my sword and suddenly a woman's voice, my beloved Alesophenia’s voice is horrified, pleading, screaming my name. 

She's screaming my name!

Alexander, Alexander save me. The terror in her voice is overwhelming my senses. It is my beloved. She's been thrown to the lions. I can hear the roaring. I can hear the snapping, the snarling. I can hear the attack. I can hear her soft screams becoming faint until it is over. It is over so quickly. I haven't even had a chance to move.

My muscles, which are normally so strong and supple are just frozen. I cannot move an inch. I realize that it's too late. And then I realize that I am going to murder something. The face is looking back at me from the mirror has changed to pure anger. I cover my eyes for a few moments as my mind races to make choices. And I am so overwhelmed, it feels like a heart attack. My anxiety is palpable. I can taste adrenaline in my mouth. I refuse to die before I murder her. 

I'm going to murder the queen. 

As Hammurabi says, eye for an eye.

Kathryn: Alexander, are you going to stop what you're doing? Are you going to follow through?

Grace/Alexander: No one will stop me. I am passing all the guards. I am going up into the stadium. I am headed for the royal box. Everybody knows me and I'm going all the way up there. And I have kind of carte blanche. As I arrive, the king kind of tips his head at me and I go, and I stand in front of the queen. She's sitting there. She's surrounded by guards. She has this smug look on her face like she's invincible.

She tips her head at me like, as if to say what are you going to do? There's nothing that you can do. 

But I am carrying my biggest, sharpest sword and I am holding it at waist height. It's very, very sharp. I sharpened it last night. It is deadly.

Kathryn: So, what are you planning to do?

Grace/Alexander: No one has noticed me except the queen. The guards are my friends, and no one has reacted. They trust me. I am authorized. They haven't even blinked an eye.

Kathryn: Alexander, how are you really feeling in this moment?

Grace/Alexander: I have murdered her. Before she could react or scream, I stared her straight in the eye. She knew in that moment I will get my revenge for the death of my beloved, Alesophenia. She was so small, barely a hundred pounds. She had beautiful thin skin. She was so smooth and so fragile, and the lions immediately tore her to pieces. She never had a chance.

The queen thought that she had won, but now she knows that at this exact moment that she did not win. I am holding the sword so tightly that my muscles are flinching. In that moment, she knew and kind of like in slow motion, I rammed the sword straight through her torso. Her black heart was cut in half and I pressed it upward. Her chest ripped nearly completely into two pieces. It's a big gaping wound and I watched her face. I watched her mind as it briefly was aware and was able to process this outcome that she did not expect. And I watched the smile leave her face. Blood is spraying all over the royal box. Suddenly the guards react to save the emperor, but I don't care about him. I know him. He's a weak man. He's done nothing to me. So I'm just standing there motionless. I hand them my sword. I don't want anybody to get hurt. I don't resist. The royal box is full of blood and they're taking the emperor out of the way. And I see her body on the chair and I have to smile because she's nearly torn in half. She has bled to death, even though she was already sort of dead from the sword. But she's not smiling any longer. She will never betray me again.

Kathryn: What is going to happen to you?

Grace/Alexander: I don't care. My beloved is gone. I have no desire to live any longer, a moment longer. I kind of realize I'm kind of shrinking. My shoulders are kind of slumped. My head is hanging. I feel so desperate and I will be executed shortly. There's no need for a trial. Everyone saw the outcome. There were screams of shock all around that part of the royal box and everybody knows.

So, I will be beheaded, and I want this as soon as possible. I want to be dead so I can get over there so I can try to catch up with my wife on the other side. I must apologize to her for not saving her. I must hold her one more time. But they're really lagging, and the executioner isn't fast and I'm begging him to please do this now. But they're taking me down to the stadium to do it in front of everybody as a deterrent. I mean, really, who cares? Just get it over with. I'm suggesting that they use my sword. It's very sharp.

Kathryn: Okay, so what do you remember next?

Grace/Alexander: I am dead. It is over. It didn't hurt. I didn't feel any pain. My job here is done and I'm drifting away towards a golden light on the other side. And it's like the veil of time is lifting and I'm joined by the energies related to the spiritual contracts. And surprisingly, my mother is here. Oh dear mother, this is not what I expected. But I don't see my wife so far.

Kathryn: Grace, are you back or are you still with Alexander?

Grace: I'm back as Grace. He has faded away onto the other side. But I think I can still answer a few questions that you might have before he gets too far away from me. 

Kathryn: Okay. So, you talked about spiritual contracts and from a previous session we had, do you recognize anyone at all? Like, we know people that we have experienced things within other lifetimes tend to reincarnate with us in different ways, shapes, and forms. And I'm wondering if you have run across any of these other people and maybe the females or males or not or whomever, they may be playing different roles in your life. But when a person looks into someone's eyes, they can feel and see the essence of that soul and sometimes they can have a memory of who that person was in their past life and who they are now as they're looking at them. So just take a moment and see, do you recognize anyone from this lifetime that was also in that past life?

Grace: Well, you're right. I do recognize some of the people from my current life from that life, specifically the queen. I know exactly who she is. It will be a challenge in this life to ignore that because she doesn't remember anything about it. But her frequency is the same. And she is the same in her attitudes. She is a narcissist. She has a bully personality. She really hasn't changed. She's got no respect for others. She feels that she's the only person who matters at whatever cost. And I can see that she really hasn't changed or evolved much from that terrible life. 

Kathryn: Okay. Is there anyone else?

Grace/Alexander: Surprisingly, my beloved, Alesophenia. She's here. She's my friend, Pam. I recognized her immediately. Her frequency is undeniable. I have to tell you, when I first met Pam, we just immediately hit it off. Peas and carrots. We were together all the time. And something eerie happened about a week before this regression. And Pam had, you know, our relationship was fairly new, and I hadn't been to her house before and she invited me over to pick something up. As I walked into her house, I was shocked that there was a realistic large picture of two roaring lions on the living room wall. I stopped and I looked at that and it was so creepy. And I had Deja vu. And I stated, it must be a past life thing. And she kind of laughed about that. And I said, but isn't it creepy? And she said, yeah, it is. But you know, I just feel really drawn to them. I don't even know what it is. When I saw that picture, I just felt like I had to buy it and I had to put it in my home. They looked so familiar to me.

But I tell you today, after having this memory of Alexander and their life and their relationship, I'm really completely surprised that she has this picture. 

Kathryn: I bet, yeah.

Grace/Alexander: And I can kind of hear his voice in my head going, how can she have lions on the wall? And it was kind of strange because I didn't have this past life memory yet, but his voice was kind of annoyed saying that she has a lion in her home and he was just not happy about this whole situation. And he kind of had a very kind of possessive and stern kind of attitude. Now I understand why he felt that way. 

Kathryn: Okay. So, knowing what you know now, how did this friendship with her unfold for you?

Grace: You know, it was a fabulous friendship. So we were, as I mentioned, like peas and carrots, we were together all the time. She was my confidant and I wanted so badly to share this memory with her, but you had warned me against it. You had said, you know, that's my memory to have. And if she was to have this memory, it needed to not be from me that it needed to be, you know, in more of a clinical setting because of the level of trauma that she would obviously have. And I don't know how to describe it, but that feeling that I have with her, like, I don't know, at that time I called it woman's intuition. I just felt like I knew her from so many lifetimes. And I don't know if our listeners have ever had that experience where you meet somebody and you feel like you've just known them maybe forever. 

Kathryn: Now you feel like you're meeting a dear old-time friend. 

Grace: Definitely. 

Kathryn: Now tell me a little bit more about the group of energies that you encountered.

Grace: Yes, because I'm on the other side now. So we're kind of having another little spiritual meeting where they're kind of reviewing the contracts that we went through. And you know, that is the group that I agreed to murder, which at the time felt so strange and awkward, are all actually criminals, all actually deserved it. So, there's been no weird, you know, residual emotion associated with it. But they're here and they're offering me much thanks and appreciation for fulfilling the contract. And I'm aware that there's this strange kind of specific spiritual growth that they had waited many lifetimes for. And this was the life that gave them that opportunity. And it benefited them greatly. And it kind of helped to launch them forward to have a quicker spiritual evolution while they were waiting to be murdered and to explore greater spiritual options with a wider circle of souls. So some of them were spiritual friends to begin with, and then they made new spiritual friends while this was going on. They're all really happy. And they received a growth that was very unique, and they're thankful for that.

Kathryn: Okay, is there anyone else that you remember?

Grace: My father-in-law. My father-in-law in that life is my father-in-law in this life, although he's passed away. I've been with him before. He's a very quiet personality and I enjoyed him in this life, and in that life. And he's definitely someone I hope to be with again. I would recognize that frequency for sure.

Kathryn: So now do you see that there is a golden light? And how far can you see into that golden light? Are there any other people or energies that you need to recognize at this time?

Grace: You know, the golden light opened as Alexander was departing and he really wanted to leave. And he was fading into like an energetic mist as he was departing and entering the light. And I could see that his anger had slipped away. He was finding himself at peace.

Kathryn: And how has his being at peace now affected your life whereas before it was almost like he was haunting you until you did this regression. So how is your life different now that he has had his healing and moved on?

Grace: It has been tremendous. Because a lot of the anxiety that I had in this life that caused my palms to get so sweaty and my mind to get so mixed up and my fear of my children. I, you know, a lot of that has gone away. You know, when they when they stole Alesophenia away from me, when I was betrayed, it released a lot of emotions for me. And I feel spiritually healthier now. I feel like I don't want to leave. And I really wish I had ran into my children in this life. I think it would have been even better for me. But that didn't happen. But the fact that I was able to say to Pam, even though she doesn't remember it, I said to her in a quiet moment that I just want to tell you how much you mean to me, how much I love you, and how much I would do anything for you. And that gave me a great sense of peace to be able to say that to her that had things been in my hands, I'd have done anything I'd have killed anyone to, you know, to save her. So although she didn't remember it, she just smiled and you know, and I do believe that on some level she accepted my apology, which meant so much to me. 

Kathryn: Nice. And by having this anxiety slip away because Alexander became healed and by subsequent regressions that you have had, it has enabled you to successfully be able to release the medications that you were on with the help of your doctor. But you were able to not have to have them anymore because this was such a healing for you. 

Grace: It's true. And I don't know about the help of my doctor, but definitely the help of Dr. Kathryn Leeman. We were able to take the broken, fragmented jigsaw puzzle of my spiritual life and gradually start putting it back together again, and happily I was able to go off all of my medications and I haven't been on them for years. And I have to thank spiritual therapy for that. And you, thank you very much. 

Kathryn: You're welcome. And I do want the listeners to know this is not something you try at home and you just don't go cold turkey and you always seek medical advice before doing anything like that. So this has been quite a journey that we have relived, re-experienced and thank you very much for sharing this with our listeners and hopefully people out there will begin to realize this, that maybe some of this strange feelings, these feelings that they get from time to time and they do not understand where they're coming from, this might give them some hope. And I also want to let them know, it occurred to me, that they can be in an office setting, but they can also work with someone like myself. We can do it over Zoom or some type of other protocol that we could use. It doesn't have to be in the office. There's still help available for anyone anywhere who needs it. I completely agree with that.

Grace: It's the safety of the person as yourself that really is the important part. Just don't do it alone. 

Kathryn: Definitely. All right. I think that wraps it up for today.

Grace: Thank you, everyone. You don't have to be Alexander anymore. You can go back to being yourself. Thank you so much. Have a great day.