Sidewalk Conversations
"Let the one who thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall..." (1 Corinthians 10:12)
Standing strong and remaining true to your calling is no easy task. No one sets out to crash and burn. In fact, it's actually the opposite, most people want to stand strong, remain effective, and be true to their values all the way through to the end. But, it is really hard to do.
In these interviews, Piet Van Waarde (a 40 year veteran of pastoral ministry) has heart-to-heart conversations with ordinary people about what it takes to stay faithful and effective in the things that matter most.
Sidewalk Conversations
The Cold Plunge Champ with a Hot Testimony with Tyler Hake
Tyler Hake shares his journey from business owner to faithful Christian, recounting how a near-death experience with carbon monoxide poisoning and his parents' health struggles led him to discover purpose beyond himself.
• Growing up in a tight-knit entrepreneurial family in Madison, Wisconsin
• Struggling through traditional education before buying a window cleaning business
• Surviving carbon monoxide poisoning that doctors called a "miracle"
• Finding faith after reaching a low point in life when family health crises hit
• Learning to communicate effectively while preparing for marriage
• Recognizing how pride and self-sufficiency prevented spiritual growth
• Experiencing transformation in relationships and attitude through faith
• Understanding that the hardest seasons often become the most significant
Learn more about our amazing sponsor the Van Waarde Foundation.
So I have to say that I was super impressed with you this morning. I have invited many people to join me in the plunge not in the plunge at the same time but to join me doing a plunge and people last maybe 30 seconds if that and they jump right out, so you're lasting 10 minutes today. Minutes today was super impressive I appreciate it.
Tyler Hake:It felt good. Yeah well, a second time. So I had to get close to your 10 there.
Piet Van Waarde:Nobody does that.
Tyler Hake:It's so crazy, yeah, I appreciate you letting me join you in the morning. Yeah, no, it was a lot of fun. It was good. Yeah, Wow.
Piet Van Waarde:You're, you, you, you. You were already pretty high in my estimation of like cool people, great people, but after seeing you go 10 minutes in the plunge, that did it. Oh, that was like you. You went up two or three Awesome.
Tyler Hake:Sweet. No, that was good. Yeah, um, I definitely want to get more into that. I mean, it's just, you know, you hear the health benefits.
Piet Van Waarde:So, yeah, it was cool. Good for you, man, thank you. So thank you for joining us for another Sidewalk Conversations. I'm so grateful that you've decided to tune in. I have another really special guest today, who actually flew in from Wisconsin to join us, and so I'm grateful for the opportunity to chat with Tyler, who I'll introduce in a moment, but before I do, I just want to say a thank you to our sponsor today. So today's sponsor is the Van Ward Foundation, and basically there are a group of people who anonymously support the work that we do, and so every month, they send a donation through Patreon that sponsors our foundation, and the foundation not only supports these interviews but the work that I do with cancer patients, newsletters and a variety of other projects, and so a big thank you to those who are part of that great group of people who support the work. So thank you. Now let me introduce to you Tyler Haik. Thank you for joining us, tyler.
Piet Van Waarde:Yeah, thanks for having me Happy to be here. Well, we've been talking a lot about the goodness of Texas you inspired to join us here.
Tyler Hake:Ah man, maybe every couple months maybe. Yeah, the heat's a little much, but I'm getting used to it. Yeah, we're only in March, I know, I know. Yeah, this isn't anything compared to what's coming?
Piet Van Waarde:yeah, all right. Well, one of the things I like doing with these stories is I like to start at the beginning, where people talk a little bit about some of the ways they were raised and some of the key influences in their life. And so let's start there with you Where'd you grow up? Tell me a little bit about that and maybe some key experiences or influences in your life at that time.
Tyler Hake:For sure, yeah, so Madison, Wisconsin, born and raised Two parents.
Piet Van Waarde:Go Badgers, go Badgers yeah.
Tyler Hake:Yeah, I have three younger brothers or, I'm sorry, I'm the oldest of three. So two younger brothers, yeah, so we all live close together still, which is great About five minutes, 10 minutes apart at most.
Tyler Hake:Yeah, childhood growing up was awesome Very, very close, tight knit family. We did a lot of stuff together, a lot of trips, family dinners, things like that. So, yeah, I mean just grew up with a lot of love and care from parents. I mean they were my parents, both owned their own businesses growing up, so they were kind of around for everything.
Piet Van Waarde:Wow Great.
Tyler Hake:Yeah, which was really really great, and so that kind of allowed us to do things outside of maybe a normal schedule and, yeah, just kind of got a lot of experiences from a young age doing that, which we're very grateful for.
Piet Van Waarde:Now, just for those who may not know, I interviewed your mom a couple of weeks ago and so that's how we got connected. I got to know you and your family through Susanna, who I met at Hope for Cancer in Mexico, and I really appreciated her. But then, when I met the rest of the family, I'm like this is like a golden family. This is a family that's got its shit together.
Tyler Hake:Thank you. Yeah, seriously, I appreciate it. We'll take it yeah.
Piet Van Waarde:Okay. So when you think about your, your life and some of the key influences from growing up, you graduated high school, spent some time in college, but then you took a little bit of a left turn. I guess you'd say so tell me a little bit about that journey, that part of your story kind of what prompted you to move in the direction that you ended up moving in.
Tyler Hake:Sure, yeah, so school growing up, I didn't quite enjoy high school, middle school. All the way through it was always kind of like why am I learning this stuff Am? I going to use this stuff Struggled a little bit here and there, but yeah, so when I, as I said, my parents own their own businesses, so that was kind of always something in the back of my mind I looked up to the freedom and flexibility that they were kind of able to have with those businesses.
Tyler Hake:I had a little bit of experience in entrepreneurship a network marketing business at one point and helped my dad with his business, so that was kind of through high school. A network marketing business at one point and helped my dad with his business, so that was kind of through high school. But when I when it was time to graduate high school, my parents never pushed me to college, but it was just kind of the next step for me at that time it was yep, just kind of.
Tyler Hake:I didn't really have an ambition to go out and do anything that I was excited about or passionate about, and so college was just kind of it. I got accepted to a college and it was meant to be. So, um, yeah, I and I don't know why I thought that, you know, not liking high school was going to translate any differently to college. Um, and my first year was great. It was kind of my first experience out of the home.
Tyler Hake:I was about an hour away from home, which was just far enough, but I was still close. I went back, you know, relatively often and yeah, I kind of was able to spread my wings a little bit, made a lot of friends, got into kind of my first serious relationship in college just got to kind of feel like I was experiencing life a little bit more so Right, right, right. That school part really did not pick up much.
Piet Van Waarde:Nice way to say that. Yeah, that is the nice way.
Tyler Hake:And so I think very quickly through my freshman year I kind of felt that same way of, like you know, you have to take the general courses. There's a lot of things that I'm taking I feel like I'll never use. I was going for a general business degree, so kind of following in that business path, but I just, yeah, it was always kind of a struggle of taking courses, feeling like I wasn't getting things out of them. I didn't really feel like I learned well in a classroom setting. So it was a couple years of that on and off.
Tyler Hake:After my freshman year I, like I said, I was in my first year's relationship that ended horribly, went through a kind of a stage of depression quite bad and so I dropped out of college. After my freshman year, um and uh, my sophomore year, my first semester when I had decided to drop out, was kind of through. My first semester I joined a fraternity to make a couple of new friends and, um, I was commuting for a little bit, kind of doing half classwork, half working at home, and um got to a point where I'm like I want to be back for my friends and so decided to come back and still the school piece was like I was there for the wrong reasons 100%, and so grades were horrible.
Tyler Hake:I ended up getting kicked out and I ended up coming back one more time for friends and that was kind of like the last hurrah for me at that point and through this happening, you know, I was still, I was doing business workshops and I was still kind of in this realm, between my mom and dad, of learning things like that and being around people who own their own businesses and just kind of seeing that world. And so I had an opportunity when I finally decided that I'm done with school you know, this is not something I should pursue anymore. This was after probably two years of actual school, probably three years since I had started I had an opportunity with a family friend who started a window cleaning business, and at that time I dropped out and I kind of had nothing going for me. I didn't know what I was going to do. And so this opportunity fell into my lap to work for the summer for this gentleman, mallcooks Todd Mallcook, you know him.
Piet Van Waarde:Oh, yeah, yeah so.
Tyler Hake:Todd started this company and so I worked for him this summer and it was really cool, I mean fresh off the ground. Got to be somewhat in the experience of like building up a business from the ground, you know, sourcing clients, marketing, things like that pricing.
Tyler Hake:And I found that to be cool, a cool experience to be a part of. I was there for the work more than anything, so I did all the jobs, I cleaned everything and that got me a lot of like pride in my work and just I've always been something that was instilled early on with my parents. Just work hard and, you know, do a good job with things, and so I carried that into that now, before you get too far into that.
Piet Van Waarde:I do want to do applause, because one of the things we were talking about before we went on the air was that, um, you know, there seems to be this, this, this cultural pressure for people to go from high school to college, whether or not it's something that they should do, and we were talking in the car about wouldn't it be cool if people were more free to choose other options, because there are so many other ways to get a good education. It doesn't always have to be by going into debt for a formal education at XYZ University. There are other ways to learn and it sounds like once you kind of sorted through the hey, college is not for me. God opened some doors for this and that's kind of where you launched right A hundred percent.
Tyler Hake:Yeah, yeah, and yeah, certainly something maybe I wish happened sooner. But you know, kind of went through the whole experience there.
Tyler Hake:But yeah, you know, learning and it was a piece of that business that I learned after the fact of kind of doing things on my own, was learning hands-on, was my route to take and so totally was not the college route for me and it's something I've gotten passionate about and kind of talking with other people about is, you know you don't have to go to college, right, there's certain degrees, maybe if you want to be a doctor, you know you don't have to go to college, right, there's certain degrees, maybe if you want to be a doctor, you want to be a teacher. You know things that you may need. But yeah, learning in the world, getting hands-on experience with things, finding mentors, learning, from people.
Piet Van Waarde:There are so many other options than college. Yeah, so big big thing there. So let me talk about another experience you had. So there was a in the middle. I think this was a part of your work. You were doing some work and you had a very dramatic, almost near-death experience where where, like it wasn't, you weren't sure you were going to survive. Talk, talk a little bit about yeah, so yeah, so fast forward a little bit.
Tyler Hake:After I worked with todd with that business, I ended up buying the business. So I kind of ran it after the first year, um, for number of years. And so window cleaning was the business you know a couple other services like that, but all basically warm weather services, and so we would shut down in the winter. And I was in the habit of this was my second year when I owned the business winter, and I would just take any, any jobs I could get in the winter, whatever. Whatever came across.
Tyler Hake:We had a family friend who reached out and I think her mom had passed, she was selling their house and wanted the basement cleaned out, and so I was like, yeah, I can, I got a pressure washer, I can come down and spray things out. She had a drain down there and so, yeah, it should work out good. So I go over there and, um, nobody's living in the house, it's the middle of winter, the heat's off, the water's off. Well, the water was on partially, but um, you know, no, it's basically vacant. And um, so I'm down in the basement, I'm cleaning the floors and I remember all of a sudden, you know, you just I kind of started to just feel something and all of a sudden my head's just pounding and that was kind of the first like something's wrong.
Tyler Hake:Wow, all of a sudden my head's just pounding and that was kind of the first like something's wrong. And I was probably about an hour into cleaning give or take, and my mentality normally is push through it Like it might suck for a little bit, but I just kind of wanted to get the job done. And so I'm pushing through it as best I can and all of a sudden my stomach's hurting, I'm feeling a little lightheaded and something's just not right and, um, I don't really know what's happening at that point. But again, I'm in a basement, a concrete room. I'm running a machine and I'm like maybe it's just too loud and so I shut the machine off.
Tyler Hake:I sit down on the stairs in this basement unfinished basement and, um, I'm just really out of it. I don't know what's going on. Wow, and um, I remember standing up, thinking I'll just walk it off, maybe, and I go down on the ground, I pass out and I, all of a sudden I'm I'm awake and I'm sitting on the stairs. I'm in a completely different position than when I remember going out and I had missed a bunch of calls and texts from my family and well, it turns out it had been like six hours that I was out. Wow, so I'm on the ground.
Tyler Hake:I don't know anything that happened in that time, but the only thing I know is that I moved from the ground to the stairs and so, but yeah, it had been quite a long time and, um, I remember texting my brother. I had missed. I was supposed to be at dinner with my family. Where are you? You're running late, like is everything okay? They had my location, they saw I was still at the job, and so so I text back yeah, I'm on my way home right now. I don't know what happened, I'm just running late and I'm so out of it, like I'm delirious, basically, and I remember the only thing in my mind at that point was I need to get out of this house, like something's something's really wrong.
Piet Van Waarde:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tyler Hake:And um, and so I leave all my equipment in the basement. I'm going up the stairs I remember tripping a ton of times, it gashes all over my legs and my knees and I make it outside, I make it to the truck and basically what had happened was I was running a machine in an enclosed space. There were windows for ventilation, but ventilation was not what I was thinking of at that time, and so carbon monoxide poisoning was what had happened and yeah, so really scary situation.
Tyler Hake:And I eventually get out to my truck and I remember getting on the phone, I think, with my brother and he's like, dude, you sound drunk, like what is what's up? You know something's wrong. And we ended up. I don't really remember the conversation, but basically we got to the point of like do you think you've got carbon monoxide maybe? Cause you were running a machine and you know connecting dots here, and so they call the ambulance.
Tyler Hake:They ended up coming picking me up and I had, basically I almost had hypothermia because I had passed out in this wet basement floor middle of winter, the heat's off in this house and which is just a whole other crazy piece of that story. So they get me in the ambulance. They couldn't get my pulse, they couldn't get like my heart rate. I mean I was, I was in a bad spot and, yeah, I eventually had to get med flighted to a different hospital. I kind of at that point I remember in my own head thinking I'm in the hospital like I must be okay. Doctors are kind of having my parents behind the scene are literally thinking I'm going to die behind the scene are literally thinking I'm going to die. My heart rate was shooting up and down like crazy vital signs and the doctors were not um, not thinking very positively on the whole outcome of it. Wow.
Tyler Hake:So yeah it was definitely a scary situation. Um, and when I get to the hospital and um, it was about a 30 minute med flight, um, about an hour and a half away, where we went to a different hospital and I remember doctors like this doesn't happen, you don't. You know, you don't go to sleep from carbon dioxide and wake up, it just doesn't happen. The word miracle got thrown around a couple times and um, so it's a really really crazy couple days. Um, and just yeah, very, um, I don't know. Interesting thing to look back on and kind of where I had.
Piet Van Waarde:now, yeah, I'll bet bet. So we haven't talked yet about your faith journey, but I would guess after an experience like that, something got your attention. Yeah, is that part of how you interpret it Totally?
Tyler Hake:Yeah, I remember at that point in my life I wouldn't have considered myself a Christian, but I remember thinking like God's got a plan for me. I wasn't meant to go. It's kind of the words that I would say out loud and specifically, you know when people are throwing on the word miracle at me.
Piet Van Waarde:I'm like you know something happened, right, yeah, so did you grow up around faith, or was this something that happened later for you? How did that journey start?
Tyler Hake:Yeah, so you know, no, we didn't really grow up in faith. My parents, for different reasons, both grew up in the faith but, for different reasons, kind of went away from it as they got older, and so it never wanted to be something that they forced on us growing up which really turned into us not doing anything. Yeah, and so we would go to church on Christmas. Everyone's well every Christmas. You know, everyone saw maybe Easter or something. That was kind of my experience and my memories are really. You know, we dressed up nice.
Piet Van Waarde:We went as a family. I heard a bunch of stuff I didn't understand, that was kind of it.
Tyler Hake:That was my church experience, okay, and um, we would go, we would do that on Christmas kind of, up until maybe high school or so kind of teetered off and then, during college I didn't do anything. Maybe high school or so kind of teetered off, and then during college I didn't do anything, and so, yeah, really nothing. Up until I was probably I mean really within the last two years is when I truly became a Christian.
Tyler Hake:There were some seeds that were planted along the way the accident was one of them 100%. Some associations I had with some business groups I was in. There were some very strong Christians and so you know again, just kind of some seeds planted for me at that time.
Piet Van Waarde:So what turned the corner for you? What was it that finally said, okay, I need to explore this further.
Tyler Hake:Yeah. So there was some stuff going on with my parents health things that we can maybe get into more, but they, through that, kind of reinvigorated their faith a little bit and honestly, my accident, I will say, if I had to guess that was probably the first time in years that my parents had prayed. It was a very just traumatic, like turn-to-God experience for them.
Piet Van Waarde:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tyler Hake:And so I think that kind of was a, like I said, reinvigorated them a little bit and then turned to you know, four years later they're both dealing with, you know, some of their individual health struggles. My dad's was really bad and basically long story short, you know, went through all the medical things he could think of, didn't have any answers until he turned to God and that was kind of his healing journey, wow. And so through that experience with him, the church that we go to now, I got introduced to the pastor there and his testimony. I didn't get into this a lot, but I had a really, really interesting experience in college. That was just kind of living life, partying, doing drugs and alcohol and a lot of problems that I now look back on as just you know, things that I probably shouldn't have been doing. And so his testimony when our pastor Rob shared his testimony it really resonated with me of you know, a really negative past, a history and kind of how he came out of that and it was all through Jesus.
Tyler Hake:And so, hearing that, I was like man, this guy I resonate with I want to talk to more. Um, I, we had him over for dinner one night, I think, and I kind of just asked him. I'm like you know, I I've always sought out coaches and mentors in my life for a business, for health, for personal stuff. And so I asked him you know, hey, I I'm looking for something more. Could you be kind of a spiritual mentor to me? And he said yeah, for sure.
Tyler Hake:And you know, um, so we we started doing lunches together where I would just kind of ask questions, and it's funny enough, the first time we got together I'd been to church a couple times and so heard some of the messages, but he shared the gospel thing the first time that we had lunch together. And I was at this point in life where I was really low. I'd gone through all this stuff in college. It kind of carried into now my professional adult life and I was just struggling with things. It was affecting my relationship with my now fiancé, personal relationships, my health, all this different stuff, and I was just ready for something more. That wasn't me. I was kind of in this vulnerable, humble place of just like I need something else.
Tyler Hake:And yeah, he shared the gospel with me and I remember saying like man, if I believe this, like what do I need to do? You know, like, how do I get this peace that you have if I truly believe these things? And so he goes. You know well, why don't we just go in the parking lot after this and I'll pray for you? And you know, basically there's just a couple of things. You know. If do you believe that Jesus is God, do you believe he died for your sins, that he can give you his righteousness, and you know that you'll commit to follow him for your life. And so he prayed for me. I kind of said those things out loud and that was kind of my moment of like accepting and following Christ, and so it was weird to have that happen that day. It felt so quick and so easy.
Tyler Hake:I guess you could say but it really was. I was just at a place where I knew I needed something and, yeah, the Lord really met me in that moment through Rob.
Piet Van Waarde:So before then you have this amazing miracle story, but it's not enough to kind of turn you completely at that time. It probably got your attention a little bit, but Sure. So as you look at the time between that experience and your conversation with your pastor, were there some specific roadblocks for you, either emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, that kind of kept you from turning to God more completely before that moment completely before that moment.
Tyler Hake:Yeah, I think the biggest one was probably just having so much faith in myself, but really it's pride in myself of just I can do whatever I need to do to get through this, to be successful, to make money to you know, make my life as good as I want it to be. Yeah, and it's no fault to my parents at all, but that's just kind of how they raised us. They're entrepreneurs.
Tyler Hake:It's like you can do anything you set your mind to Um and so I didn't really have specific like roadblocks to God or to Christianity, but it was just. I was so involved in myself, of what I could do for me that it was hard to think I needed anything else. Um, and again, it was just. I just had to get to this point of like I was broken and I was. I really needed something more than myself, and I was just ready to put my faith into something.
Piet Van Waarde:Um, appreciate your honesty with all that. Um, so did you once you made that commitment. Was it like a dramatic thing that you felt, or was it more like, okay, got that piece settled and now things are beginning to work themselves out? How did things change for you once you made that like declaration?
Tyler Hake:Yeah, I think the first thing that really hit me was I started to get around a lot of good, godly Christian people and so my association started to change quite a bit.
Tyler Hake:And, you know, just getting like fellowship with men around me who were, who had previous experiences in their past, who were open and vulnerable, that could talk about stuff like that, that really sparked me to like look at the things that I needed to change in my life, how I could best follow Christ, you know, kind of leading by them, leading by example for me. And I think the biggest thing that maybe changed for me um, inwardly was my thoughts about other people. Um, and not that I have ever been super negative or mean or anything like that, but just a general sense of thinking about how I talk about people, um, kind of in a gossipy way, yeah, but um, just that really came like in the forefront of my mind of you know, I can be better, I can talk about people better. I don't need to say certain things, and it was most of the time it was just kind of it's what we did in our friend group. You know, it's kind of how I grew up in college.
Tyler Hake:It's like you know you're just making jokes and so, yeah, that was a huge initial change of just the way I thought about other people.
Piet Van Waarde:Wow, Love it. Yeah, so you mentioned briefly that your parents went through a very difficult season and that's part of how I met Susanna. And then, when we were talking at Hope for Cancer, I heard about what was going on with your dad and how debilitating that was for him. So when you're watching this as the oldest son, you know probably feeling some like I gotta help, I gotta be. How did you work through some of what they were dealing with as as their, as their son watching it all?
Tyler Hake:Yeah, um, what's interesting this? This was part of my, like, low point and I think really some of it stemmed from the issues, some of the issues, the part of my low point, and I think really some of it stemmed from the issues, the struggles my dad was having we don't fully know. It was partially hyperacusis, which is really heightened sound inner ear stuff, but he was basically he couldn't leave the house. I mean, dogs barking four houses down would trigger him through the bedroom like crazy stuff, and so he, he couldn't do a lot and it kind of dismantled our family. You know, we've always just done a lot together and we just couldn't do the same things. And so I was already at a point where I was struggling with my own things, and now, on top of this, it's like our relationships were.
Tyler Hake:You know, the family relationship dynamic was suffering and partially because of my own things, but now especially because of my dad, and my mom was dealing with some skin cancer stuff, and so just all this happening at the same time was really challenging and yeah, that was definitely difficult. But you know, again they turned to faith and that was just a beautiful moment to kind of see how that transformed their perspective on life and dealing with issues like that. And so, um me, seeing that really prompted me and again, that was kind of leading up to, you know, one of those seeds that were planted right yeah.
Tyler Hake:Yep. So yeah, it was a. It was a very trying time for the family. Um really changed Um, I think, especially now how we operate. Just because it was two years of this, this wasn't just like two months.
Piet Van Waarde:It was a long time.
Tyler Hake:And so we all had to learn how to adapt and I wasn't doing the best job. I wasn't doing a good job. These are one of the things that kind of were coming to mind as I'm like I'm struggling as I was always the oldest, like my brothers look up to me and I wanted to provide for my family in a sense, just kind of pull people together and be a good role model and I could feel myself slipping from the family.
Tyler Hake:You know, the family just in this in this season that we had, and so those were one of the things that, and my mom had a conversation with me at one point about kind of needing to step up and she talked about that in her podcast a little bit.
Tyler Hake:And that was kind of one of those things that was like, yeah, you're right, like I'm struggling with my own stuff, but it's affecting the family and it's kind of, you know, causing all these other problems. So, yeah, I had to. It was a good learning experience on how to deal with things like that and just you know the lens that we look at life through in situations like that.
Piet Van Waarde:I find myself saying often and from how you're talking about it, I would guess you'd say the same but sometimes the hardest seasons of our life end up being the most significant seasons, because there are things that happen both in terms of like what you said, realizations about maybe some of your own shortcomings that you need to address. That's probably contributed to the challenge that you're in, but also the responsibility that you have to address. That's probably contributed to the challenge that you're in, but also the responsibility that you have to others around you, like I can't. I mean, there's a time to say, hey, I need to focus on my own things and I need to kind of get my stuff figured out, but on the other hand, there's like, okay, I can't wallow in this I.
Piet Van Waarde:I got some responsibilities that people need me 100 yeah and so it's the combination of those things which you hate going through at the time. But then you look back in retrospect and say, man, god sure used that for good in my life what the enemy meant for evil he meant for good, A hundred percent.
Tyler Hake:Yeah, One of the things you know I learned early on from my parents, just with their mindset and was you know, um, failing is an opportunity to, for growth. Um, and I think, especially with some of the larger ones in life, um, it doesn't make it easy in the moment at all, but I think I've always, I feel like I've always had that perspective on things as I'm going through them, like things will get better and I'll learn from this. Um, and it's a simple concept doesn't mean it's easy, but it's definitely served me in life to kind of look at things that way but certainly through things like that, when it's more than just me involved.
Piet Van Waarde:Yeah, yeah, all right, let's switch gears a little bit, so you're getting ready to get married just around the corner.
Tyler Hake:It's coming up soon, yeah.
Piet Van Waarde:That's part of why I'm so grateful that you're willing to come in the midst of all this planning. So I have a son that's getting married as well, and so I know how busy you guys are, but you're in this prep process. What are some of the things that you're learning in this season of getting ready for marriage that you think might be worth sharing about?
Tyler Hake:Yeah, you know, communication was something we struggled with in the beginning I think we can both admit that and in different ways, but that was something that we had to work through and a lot of it was unmanaged expectations and those were two things that we just we didn't think about. Um, and thankfully we had people around us who could, who we could talk to these things about. We did a little bit of some premarital counseling and stuff like that, and so these were topics that came up and um, but but thinking about those things in the sense of it's not just me anymore, it's two people and you know I have to really cater to, you know, the things I know and the things I think, and the same for her, and so, yeah, that was a really transformative.
Piet Van Waarde:So how did that communication challenge play out for you guys?
Tyler Hake:Yeah, a lot again. So the man, the unmanaged expectations, was a big one for us and it was not communicating how we wanted to, how certain things we wanted to, you know, be done, or how we wanted to react to things, or you know stuff within the house or things within the relationship, or how we wanted to react to things, or you know stuff within the house or things within the relationship, or how we were loving each other, or things like that.
Tyler Hake:And so, yeah, it was just a lot of. It was just we both shut down in certain ways.
Piet Van Waarde:Yeah.
Tyler Hake:You know, things get overwhelming and while just I won't, I just don't want to bring it up because I don't want to fight, you know or something like that, and so we would go months of not talking about things and um, and it causes problems as you might imagine.
Piet Van Waarde:So yeah, surprise.
Tyler Hake:Um, so a lot of stuff like that. You know, it was just learning to talk about the hard stuff and, um, to be open and vulnerable. I mean we should be more vulnerable with our partners than we are with, you know, other people and that was just, I think, a struggle with us, and so it was just kind of learning to overcome some of the fears, and some of them were, you know, passed on maybe from past relationships that we had or from the way that our parents, you know, raised us, and that was a big one with managed expectations.
Tyler Hake:I remember going through is like you know what are the things your dad did for you when you were growing up that you'd expect me to do as your husband?
Piet Van Waarde:you know that he did for your mom and so that was a mind blowing conversation to have and so, but yeah, a lot of stuff like that, yeah, yeah, no One of the things that we talked to our kids about this a lot, and even though we know it as a not only the principle but as practice that having the hard conversations though there's everything inside us, wants to avoid that conversation when we have it it's so good on the other side, especially if you do it well.
Piet Van Waarde:Sometimes you have to apologize for the conversation the way you handled it.
Piet Van Waarde:But even that's a good conversation, because you learn about, like, how do we have this kind of conversation? What would be good, like, if you want me to bring something up, how should I bring it up? You know well, it would help if you qualified it a little bit and said I love you mostly of all the time. And it's just this little thing. This thing is not mean that I hate you. So, all of that, but those hard conversations. We don't want to have them, but they can be so helpful 100%.
Tyler Hake:Yeah, and that's a lot of where the issues come from. It's like the 90-10 rule that 10% of stuff is going to come back and bite you later. Yeah so you better deal with them.
Piet Van Waarde:Yes, that 10% always becomes the 90%.
Tyler Hake:Exactly 100%.
Piet Van Waarde:That's all you see, all right. So, wrapping up, is there anything that you want to talk about further? One of the questions I often like asking is you know if you had to come up with a life message or like a principle that serves as all the other, the umbrella for all the other principles? Is there something like that that you have in your life or something else you'd like to talk about?
Tyler Hake:Yeah, answer would have been very different 10 years ago. Answer would have been very different 10 years ago and it would have been very different five years ago. But you know, since I've come to relation with Christ, I mean the foundation of my whole life now is that you know that relationship and living in that and there's a lot to understand still and a lot to work through, but you know that's changed. A lot of the stuff we've talked about issues, whether that be relational or business or whatever. I mean.
Tyler Hake:Turning to him now is is it's not always my first option but it's what I try to be, my first option and that's helped me through a lot of things. And you know, I think in today's day and age that can be a polarizing topic, I would say yeah, of course.
Tyler Hake:And, um, yeah, so you know there's a lot of research I'm trying to do to understand things and, you know, so I can better talk about that with people and, you know, kind of build my own foundation on that. But, um, yeah, I would say I guess for other people, you know, if you don't have Jesus in your life, that's something to explore 100%. Yeah, and I think you know. Going back to the relational stuff, you know the Holy Spirit has changed me in a lot of ways in how I deal with arguments and you know my temper used to be a problem, and so I find myself having a quicker reset. When I get upset, I find myself, you know, reacting to things a lot differently, loving my fiance differently, and so it's things like that that are. I'd love to say those are from me, but I don't think that they are, and so that relationship, yeah, is just so key in everything I'm trying to do now.
Tyler Hake:Um, and I think you know we're all looking for something to we all. We all have a hole in us if we don't have the Lord, and I think we're all looking for to fill that with something. Yeah, and in college it was drugs and alcohol and and girls and all the fun stuff I did and um, and it turned into my business. You know that, filling my hole, that being my whole identity and those things all fail at some point. Yeah.
Tyler Hake:And so, yeah, just shifting that focus and perspective has been huge for me.
Piet Van Waarde:Well, I so appreciate your candor and your willingness to be vulnerable with me today and with our audience. It's been a great conversation. Thank you so much. Yeah, no, thank you so much for having me. I enjoyed it quite a bit. All right, well, thank you for joining us and appreciate your involvement with Sidewalk Conversations. And join us again next week with our next guest.
