The Lesson I Kept Ignoring

This week my body stopped me in my tracks. A massive hip and nerve flare-up that had me barely able to walk, leaning on my partner, leaning on my family, completely surrendered. And in that stillness, something cracked open. This episode is what came through.

I share what's been happening physically, a flare-up bigger than anything I've experienced before, and why I don't think it's a coincidence. Our bodies are so smart. They will find a way to get our attention when we've been ignoring every other sign.

I get honest about what I think my body has been trying to tell me. That I've been tapping in and out. Doing things for everyone else. Playing small in the exact areas where I have the biggest vision.

And then I go there. The fear. The stepping in, stepping out, stepping in, stepping out. The moment I see no results and I pull myself back into hiding. I've been waiting for someone to approve me before I fully show up, and this pain portal brought me face to face with that.

The lesson that came through is the one I'm taking with me from here: I give myself the approval. I stop waiting. I put out my art, my words, my magic, and I trust that the people who need it are already there, even if they never hit like.

Your body knows. When it forces you to stop, stop and listen. Playing small isn't safe. It costs you more than being seen ever will. The results are not in the likes or the comments. You don't know who your words are reaching or what they're changing. You don't need permission. Give yourself the approval and move.

"I just wanna create art. I wanna be in my magic. And not be sitting there waiting for somebody to approve it."

Where are you playing small right now? Where do you already know what you want but you keep stepping back every time it gets scary? Sit with that this week. That's where your next move lives.

Where stories come alive. 

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Transcript

Sudden Hip Flare-Up And Pain

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This past week, I have been hit with something that has just completely stopped everything physically. I had a big flare-up with my hip and the nerves, and I'm still looking for answers and waiting for them at the moment. I've had lower back hip issues for several, several years, and it flares up every now and then, and the nerves and pain shooting down my legs and all of this stuff happening. And this last week was the biggest out of nowhere, the biggest flare up to the point of now in the past week walking with so much pain. The nerves are just stuck there and it's throbbing and it's aching. I promise it's not all about me sharing about the pain and the intensity of it, but it has literally brought me to my knees. It has literally stabilized me to a point that I can't walk properly. I'm limping the pain, the feelings of just not being able to move physically. I've been brought to my knees to a point that I just I know that there is something there when we're taught these moments. It's not like teaching and taught in a way that you are wrong or you did something wrong, so you're getting taught a lesson by whatever you believe in, it's not that at all. It is literally to the point of like, okay, there's something seriously wrong here that I've been ignoring the signs of my body and the desires that I have needed and wanted, and nourishing that I haven't been, and there is always lessons. Our body is so smart, our body tells us when things are wrong, our body shows us when we're not looking after it, when we're putting everything else before it. In the most gruesome way that I need support, that I've been tapping in and out, that there's something going wrong, and it's not a point of like how do I fix this? It is literally surrender. It has literally been a surrendering portal where I've had to literally surrender and let go and be and rest. I can't walk properly without pain, can't do things. I've had to lean on support from my partner, from my family, and it's been hard, and it has been yeah, one of the most challenging moments, and it's been dark night of the soul, and I know that because I'm a storyteller, and I know that this is part of the story. This is part of my story. That going through this and going to the depths of this and what is happening, and what my body's been trying to teach me, that I've ignored, it is a layer deeper that I am willing to go with myself, and it is teaching me that we can't keep doing stuff for everyone else and doing things that are not aligned to what we really truly want to be doing and our desires and playing small, playing small in the areas where we want. We've got the vision, we've got the desires, but we're not willing to be seen, we're not being willing to be heard, and this is what's coming through for me. And the lessons from this is I know what I want. I've got the vision, but I'm playing small. I'm not taking the leap. I keep taking one step, then one step back, one step, one step back, one step when I don't see results. Okay, let's go back into hiding, let's pull ourselves back because it's it's not working. I can't see it, it's not working, nothing's working, okay. We're going back, we're shrinking back, and I keep doing this to myself. Stepping in, stepping out, stepping in, stepping out. And I've come to realize this that I am scared. I am scared of the fear. What if I do fail? What if it doesn't work? Or it needs to look this certain way, or I need to follow this, or I need to do this. Like I keep getting caught up with the human ego talk. I keep getting caught up with that and holding myself back. I'm here for big things. I've got the name daring in one of my businesses. I know I'm not here to play small, and I've got the big things and the impact and what I want to create. But I just keep holding myself back from that. I keep playing small out of fear of being seen, being judged, not being liked. Like I keep holding myself back. I'm playing small. And I'm staying there. And this is what this has all come to. Me in this moment and what I'm going through, and the pain portal, this experience that has brought me to stabilization. Quite literally, not being able to move the pain, shedding everything, not being able to do physical things for me to realize this and to stop playing small. This is the lesson for me. It might be for you too. Where in which areas are you playing small? When you know you want to go big, but you're so caught up in oh my god, I don't know how and what what am I gonna do and all that? Like, how isn't the answer? It's like moving with intention, moving with devotion, moving with inspired action. You know what you want to do, you know what, you know what feels good and where you want to show up. And it's not based, and here's the thing the results are not based on the amount of likes, the amount of comments, the amount of views, all of these things. Like you don't know the people that are watching your stuff, you don't know the people that are tapping into your words, your stories, what you're putting out there, you don't know the amount of people that are actually making moves from what you're sharing, and they might not like it, like your post. They might not hit that like button, they might not comment, but they are there, they are in the world, they are doing and taking action, and you never know when they're like, you know, when those surprise clients just come out of nowhere knocking on your door, or they might purchase your book, and like you don't know all these people that like are watching your stuff and that are making decisions, like you just put out put out your art, put out your magic, put out your words because you never know who needs it. The people out there who need that escape, who want to read your words, who want to feel that impact and create change in their life. Like you have the power. And the more that we show up for ourselves and our mission and not dipping in and dipping out, the more it feels like heaven on earth, and we're living our life and having the best time doing it and the processes and all of it. It feels so good, and it can, and it's okay to feel that good, to be feeling it all, to be taking the inspired action, to be making the big bold moves that feel so good. This is what it's all about, and this has been the biggest thing for me, and what I've come to realize, and the areas that I'm playing small, and the areas I'm waiting for people to show up before I actually am myself in that room, in that space, and in that container. And when in reality, I just want to create art, I just want to be in my magic, I want to share what's true for me, I want to share my truth, I want to share my magic, share my words, share my stories, share my art, all of it, and not be sitting there waiting for somebody to approve it, sitting there waiting for somebody to tick it, to say, yes, you did the right thing, yes, we'll make this, this. No, I'm not waiting there, I'm not sitting there waiting for that. I give myself the approval, and then I move on, and I'm creating and I'm having the time of my life doing it. And this this has been the biggest lesson for me in what I'm experiencing at the moment. And this is gonna change everything for how I move, for how I show up for myself from this moment forward.