You Get To Decide with Allison Gallagher - Part 1

Join us for an inspiring conversation with Allison as she shares her journey of taking ownership of her life and mastering her thoughts. Discover how she has learned to redefine the meaning of words and thoughts, and how this has empowered her to create a fulfilling life.

In this episode, we'll explore:

• The power of self-determination: How Allison has taken control of her own narrative and shaped her destiny.
• The impact of words and thoughts: The role language plays in our lives and how we can use it to empower ourselves.
• Overcoming challenges: Allison's experiences of facing adversity and turning them into opportunities for growth.
• The importance of self-care: How Allison prioritizes self-care and maintains a healthy balance in her life.

Whether you're seeking to improve your mental well-being, increase your self-confidence, or simply live a more fulfilling life, this episode offers valuable insights and practical advice.

http://allisongallagher.com/
Instagram: @yourcoachallisongallagher

Follow Meg & Lauren on IG:
@shatteringceilingspod, @meggs.n.baconnn, and @lauren__wheeler__

Season 2 Song Credit: Dimitrex "Stinky Sax"
Season 1 Song credit: Fleece Mob "Will Travel"

Transcript

SC - Episode 105
[00:00:00] Lauren: Hey everyone, welcome back to shattering ceilings. It's Lauren 
[00:00:04] Megan: and Megan. And we have another special guest with us today, Alison Gallagher. We're so excited to have you on here, Alison. Just briefly before you jump into your story, Alison is a mom, right? A photographer, a coach, and most recently a podcaster.
[00:00:24] Megan: Oh, yes, that's right. I 
[00:00:27] Allison: have checked off that box. 
[00:00:29] Megan: Yeah. And like, it's excellent, by the way. Like before we get into this, I, they both listen. Oh my gosh. I love it. 
[00:00:37] Lauren: Yes. It's very good. It's very, very 
[00:00:39] Allison: good. 
[00:00:39] Megan: I love the way you lay everything out. Yes. 
[00:00:43] Allison: Thank you. Listen. Thank you so much. And in so many rooms I'm in, people are talking about my podcast and I am baffled.
[00:00:53] Allison: I am really, I am. I thought it was so good as I was recording it, but [00:01:00] I'm partial to my story and me, right? So you don't know. There's a ton of content out there. Yeah. But I had someone who was in the podcasting industry want, he wanted to produce it. And I'm like, no, I'm good. I'm doing this on my own.
[00:01:14] Allison: Yeah. But he's so great. He's a good friend. And he's like, Alison, it is really good. 
[00:01:19] Megan: The message is so clear. You're so articulate with what you're saying. Like Hmm. Yeah. Well, I listened to the latest episode and then I was like, I need to go back and start from the beginning. Like I need all of this. It's been a long time since I found a podcast like that.
[00:01:32] Allison: Yeah. I agree. I'm like, I'm amazed by this. Thank you. It feels, it, it's so liberating to be able to talk about whatever you want to talk about whenever you want to talk about it. Right. And I, you know, I was at my Hampton happy hour last night and I was telling some of my stories to some of these women that have no idea what I've been through.
[00:01:53] Allison: And I remember I said. This you, they look at me like, because if you meet me today, that's not what you see. You know, [00:02:00] you see the product of work to heal. You're not seeing what I went through and the stories that I'll drop. And you know, I'm humbled by the fact that there are people that have gone through way more than me, but my, my purpose is to.
[00:02:16] Allison: Get it all out there so that people don't feel alone, feel heard, feel validated that not only your pain is validated, but look at yourself in the mirror and love yourself enough to heal and do the work to heal. Especially if you're a mom, 
[00:02:37] Megan: you 
[00:02:38] Allison: owe it to your kids, man, 
[00:02:40] Megan: you 
[00:02:41] Allison: know, like that's what pulled me out of bed of a lot, a lot of times.
[00:02:45] Allison: Right. Was, I mean, a lot of it happened when I was young, but I just knew that I couldn't hand to her what was handed to me and that doesn't mean I'm a victim, right? We have choices, right? You get to decide. 
[00:02:56] Lauren: Yes. I know. We're going to talk about that. For sure. Yeah. 
[00:02:59] Allison: [00:03:00] So, so I, we kind of derailed. But so keep, keep me on, keep me on, that's okay.
[00:03:05] Lauren: First off, I have to say, I absolutely love that you are coming from a place and have that thought that it's liberating to share your story, especially like publicly on a podcast. Cause I think that so many of us and me and Megan included, I'm speaking for Megan, hopefully she agrees. Right. Is that you know, I remember when we first started, we were like, Oh, should we say that?
[00:03:25] Lauren: Like, can we put that out? Like we were very like. And obviously, it's been 2 years and we've definitely become more unhinged as we like to say and sharing more, but, you know, I think a lot of people, they're afraid to tell their story. They're afraid to put it out there. I find that. 
[00:03:43] Allison: So, even in today's world where vulnerability.
[00:03:49] Allison: I there's the differences of vulnerability today. It surprises me that there are more people courageous to tell their story. And I do have to say, when it did drop, [00:04:00] I said to some friends, I said some episodes, like I'm like, I feel like I'm standing naked in an arena. And my friend, Rich, he said, that means you're doing it right.
[00:04:11] Allison: You know, and I've, I I'm very honest, right. I'm very honest in so many rooms, but that was just a different, right. Mm-Hmm. Level. And there's, my coach talks about vulnerability, hangover, and it's a thing. It is a thing. And when she put a name to it, because I did a tween event in 2021, where I coached on stage women and their girl, young girls for several hours.
[00:04:36] Allison: We had different activities and I had different people speak, but I went to a very dark place for a few weeks after that and I didn't understand why. And I, she put a name to it several years later. So now I know when I do a SEM seminar, like sometimes I'm gonna have some of that after my seminar yesterday, I had a little bit of that.
[00:04:58] Allison: Mm-Hmm, . But when you could put a name [00:05:00] to it, a vulnerability hangover, I'm like, I'm in vulner. This is, this is okay. My, my mentors feel this. I'm in the right place. Like I'm on the right road. You know, but I felt totally naked in a, I mean, a thousand percent. I 
[00:05:14] Lauren: love that term. I love it. Yeah, I do too.
[00:05:17] Lauren: Cause I've definitely felt that. I mean, like I, you know, I coach a bunch of women and there's times where I'll share my story or even what I'm going through and I'm like, shit, should I have said that like now, should I have waited till I'm through it? You know what I mean? Because you hear that too, that a lot of coaches will say, You know, to, to talk about it after you've gotten through it on the other side, but sometimes that doesn't feel authentic either.
[00:05:41] Allison: Agreed. Agreed. And I, for most of my life tried to be another person. I, I'm, you couldn't pay me millions of dollars to be someone else today. And so I'm just going to speak my truth at any moment. And the aftermath is [00:06:00] what it is, because it's exhausting to try to not be me. I'm done. I did that. It did not work.
[00:06:07] Allison: It exhausted me. And so I show up in rooms and whatever I say is, I just, it just is less energy, you know, just to speak my truth and where I am and who I am. You know, for so many years, I was just trying to be someone else because I just didn't feel like I was enough. 
[00:06:31] Megan: I feel like that is such like a, a normal way to feel.
[00:06:34] Megan: And with this, on this topic of vulnerability, hangovers, like we, I think we talked about it on our last interview, actually with somebody how everything is supposed to be like kept behind closed doors and private and we're not supposed to share. So it's such a new body to be in, to be sharing so openly, you know, there's this one podcast that I listened to and reference all the time on here.
[00:06:55] Megan: And I just love at the beginning of every episode at the end of every episode. She just says, I trust that [00:07:00] you got what you needed from this and that the information I'm sharing is adding value. And like, that's all we can do. We it's out of our hands. Once it comes out of our mouth, it's so 
[00:07:08] Allison: true. So this goes to your thoughts, create your results, right?
[00:07:12] Allison: So if I walk into a seminar, if I, even when I coached all those girls, like I had a business coach at the time we were, I was in the photography industry and she was a business coach as a photographer, but she said, Because you know, you get into what if I say the wrong thing, right? This is like a normal thought.
[00:07:29] Allison: Your brain's going to offer you when you're doing any, when you're speaking. And she said, if you help one person in that room, one kid, you have done your job. And that's the difference between the thought of what if I say the wrong thing, and then the feelings that come after it. And then you, you start to hesitate or you don't show up at all.
[00:07:47] Allison: Versus if I, if I help one person with what I say, authentically, I've done my job. And I think of that. Even with my Hamilton happy hour, right? I'm just like, if one person in [00:08:00] here makes a good connection, I have done, I've served, right? And it's just, it keeps you moving in those hard days, especially when maybe you don't feel fully confident in what's coming out of your mouth if you're new, but you feel.
[00:08:18] Allison: Destined. If you feel your purpose is to share, is to speak, is to, on that level, you're going to get these thoughts. Like I'm not, you know, your brain's going to say, you don't, what, who, how do you think you are? You know, all those thoughts. Right. So that is a powerful thought. And I just say, whoever needs this is connecting to it because, you know, some of it is, there's addiction in those first few, right?
[00:08:43] Allison: Like I, I, people don't. No, that about me and so there's a lot of things in there that the people that know me are going to listen. I'm like, they may not connect to that. I don't, I don't know, but I'm showing up fully, [00:09:00] you know, in who I, how I got here, how I got here. I love that. I think 
[00:09:07] Megan: it can be easy to if your story isn't the most intense or the most trauma filled that you've.
[00:09:14] Megan: Heard or bear witness to right. It can be really easy. I think to qualify ourselves, you know, like it's my story isn't enough to share. Right? I haven't been through enough. People have experienced so much worse, but at the end of the day, like, everybody walking this planet experiences trauma. Right? And we don't know what is going to be that connector for somebody.
[00:09:34] Megan: Maybe it's the way that you explained it or yeah, whatever. Like there's, there's something to connect to. It doesn't have to be the biggest. Doesn't have to be the baddest. Right. 
[00:09:42] Allison: And I was talking to someone who came to my who she's, she's an attorney and she, she's moved away from being an attorney.
[00:09:51] Allison: And now she's a coach. And I look at her, I did her headshots and she's in my network and She's becoming a divorce coach and she, I, [00:10:00] I admire her deeply and last night she was like, I'm obsessed with your podcast. And she said, what I said in 1 of the episodes about jealousy. That there's a lot of people doing really cool shit in this world that you don't care about.
[00:10:13] Allison: Right? But then there's people doing. Stuff that you are super jealous of. It's just information of who you are and what you want. 
[00:10:22] Lauren: Right. 
[00:10:23] Allison: She repeated it back to me and I was I had forgotten. I said it, you know, I had forgotten. I said it and that's how, I mean, I I'm obsessed with podcasts. I, when my mentors drop a podcast Wednesday morning, I'm like, yes.
[00:10:40] Allison: You know, one of my mentors went from once a week to every other week and I'm like. Feel betrayed, you know, but she's been doing it for 10 years, like 10 years, she's been doing it. And so she's in a place in her business where she's like, I got to focus on other things. I'm going to go every other week.
[00:10:57] Allison: But It is. [00:11:00] Yeah. 
[00:11:01] Lauren: They are. You, you do say a lot of things that I reiterate often now. I mean, I had, you know, one consultation with you, Alison, and I would dare to say that you've changed a lot of thoughts for me, like a lot of the, like it really helped, you know? And I want to get. And to that, but before we really go further, like, I really want people to hear your story.
[00:11:22] Lauren: Cause I know we're like, we can go off on a million tangent here because you do have so many great things, but I really want to hear your story because I want to hear how you arrived to this point of so much wisdom and so much value that you add, because you've had that experience where you've had to go through, right.
[00:11:40] Lauren: Your own traumas, your own things, those dark times that you talk about. And obviously. It's amazing to see you on this side, but I don't know that other side that you speak of, you know, so we'd love to hear that 
[00:11:54] Allison: over time, you're going to hear bits and pieces, you know, on the podcast organically, [00:12:00] but you know, I can, I can start, you tell me how long I should talk, but you know, I, so it's sad to reiterate.
[00:12:11] Allison: And I do feel bad for my mom, but. I was hiding food under my bed at four years old and my parents thought it was adorable. Right. So, when I try to connect, when I connect to that four year old, who's still very much inside of me and still very much when I restrict in my day to day, my food, when I do that, she's triggered, right?
[00:12:28] Allison: She's like, you're still not feeding me. My mom, they watched everything that went into my mouth because I had the predisposition to be overweight. My mom, I was a reflection of her, right. And. So she would restrict heavily from me and my sister was allowed to eat whatever she wanted. Because she didn't she had a different body type and size and I started to high food and I also believe that I just, I was a highly sensitive kid.
[00:12:58] Allison: And I think any mom who [00:13:00] thinks they might have a highly sensitive kid, read the book. Read highly sensitive person. It is a thing. There's books about having highly sensitive kids and how to navigate that. And it is what it is, you know, it's, it's a very neutral. Circumstance of how I just felt disconnected from the world.
[00:13:18] Allison: I felt different. I felt unheard. I felt misunderstood, but I felt that that was probably my fault or that it was, it wasn't anybody's job to understand me. Maybe I didn't know. And I use food to cope. I wasn't allowed to feel sad or mad in my home. Right. I was only about to feel joy and I probably didn't understand.
[00:13:44] Allison: There was a lot of shame being who I was, everything I felt was my fault, but I was loved in my home. Oh my God. We had a good time. I had good parents and it was just how I processed the world and yes, [00:14:00] my mom's choices about food did me in, you know, to a degree, but I, and then I was always battling weight body image.
[00:14:11] Allison: I was. I couldn't stop eating. I would eat emotionally, right? But I would eat to punish myself too. I use it as a tool to punish myself. And so in my late teens, I felt very detached and disconnected. I was bullied second grade, seventh grade called fat every day and lunch in seventh grade. I, we went from a small school to a regional school for seventh grade and There was girls that would sit next to me every day and lunch.
[00:14:41] Allison: I had a lot of friends, but none of them were in my lunch circumstantial. And every day, they would call me a fat pig every single day. And I just couldn't have that dialogue with my mom, you know, she didn't know how to handle it. I just, I [00:15:00] processed it in a way that I deserve that I didn't know how to stick up for myself, which is my part.
[00:15:08] Allison: Right, you get to decide what the words. Of others, meaning that's what I tell my daughter. Why are you giving what they say value? You have an option there, right? And that's where our power is with bullying. Because as adults, it's everywhere. People are unhappy. There's unhappy people everywhere. So by 18, I just was like, I just don't want to live.
[00:15:34] Allison: This is like, you know, your brain, I do believe that I've been, we all have negative, negatively biased brains, but I believe mine is highly because I believe that there is a difference that whether it's genetic or. I don't know the science, I'm not a doctor, but I do believe that there are some people that have more of a negative, negatively biased brain than others.
[00:15:58] Allison: Though. They're all negatively biased. [00:16:00] And I just was believing the thoughts in my head that I'm not. Worthy, I don't add value to this world and I was just in a lot of emotional pain. And I, I, my, my, my best friend was in recovery for heroin addiction at 19. And I would share with her my relationship with food and how the place I was getting to.
[00:16:23] Allison: And I was, I remember dating my now husband and begging him, he lived nine doors down from me. And I remember driving to his house in the morning and begging him, don't leave me alone with the food today. Don't leave me. And he's like, I got to go to work. You know, he was 20, he was 21. He's like, I got to go to work.
[00:16:42] Allison: I'm like, you can't leave me alone, please. And I could cry thinking about that desperation of feeling like I was powerless. I ended up in my girlfriend, Christina said, I want there. I want you to go. There's something called over years anonymous and I want you to go and I [00:17:00] want you to go and I want you to share and I did whatever Christina told me to do.
[00:17:06] Allison: I went, I found a meeting locally, and I raised my hand and I shared and I went, I found another meeting and I'd shared and I found another meeting and I shared and she's like, tonight, you're going to go and you're going to find a sponsor. And I ended up being a recovery for 12 years. So I got used to sharing my story in a vulnerable way at a young age, right?
[00:17:25] Allison: Cause you share, you share your shit in those rooms to strangers. And I would 
[00:17:28] Lauren: say that's amazing at a young, I mean, that's yes, very young. And I feel like at that age you're so afraid. 
[00:17:35] Allison: I would have done anything to stop the pain and heal. I started reading books. My dad was into self empowerment, taught me meditation, transcendental meditation.
[00:17:46] Allison: My dad meditated twice a day for 20 minutes every day. He had his demons. Okay. He died earlier than he should have, but he brought us to some random home. I don't even [00:18:00] remember. I'd have to ask my sister exactly, but I was like eight and she was like 12 and, or maybe she was like 15 and I was like 12, but she brought us to some, he brought us to some woman's house.
[00:18:12] Allison: We did some ceremony and this woman gave me my meditation work. Like we did the ceremony for transcendental meditation at that young age. And I never really got to talk to my dad and interview him about his thoughts about meditations. And I wish I had, he died 15 years ago. He doesn't, he would never even know me today.
[00:18:32] Allison: You know who I am today, but. He brought us to get, or so I had a word for meditation. Meditation was offered to me at a very young age. And then he gave me books to read. He tried to practice what he showed me, but he did his best. But I started reading books. I started devouring self improvement, empowerment, self healing books at a bar I've read, I can't tell you how many books [00:19:00] I've read, devoured them from a young age and still.
[00:19:04] Allison: Now, like it's just, that's all in that, as you asked me, Lauren, all the value that I have, it's a culmination of a lot of things. So, but books are great, but they're just not always enough, you know? So anyway, I ended up, I was in recovery for, for 12 years. And I remember I was telling the story this night, but I hit bottom with my, I was 220 pounds.
[00:19:26] Allison: I was wearing the same clothes every day. I was, I had gained 60 pounds like in a year. Or more year and a half, I was in art school and I couldn't handle the critiques you take photos and then you put them up on the water, but he critiques a man that shit threw me right over the edge. I would leave or the art Institute of Philadelphia.
[00:19:48] Allison: I would walk around the corner. No one knew who I was. It was like, copping drugs. Okay, I would walk around the corner. I hit Joe's pizza. I hit, and I don't know [00:20:00] if Joe's pizza is still there, but I hit the Dunkin Donuts. I hit Joe's pizza. I'd hit, like, multiple places I'd been striving home. I'd pass out and then my husband, my boyfriend at time, Mike will come and say, did you have dinner?
[00:20:13] Allison: And I'd be like, no. I'd be sick to my stomach crash sleep, and then I'd wake up and I'd act like I hadn't eaten all day. Me and Mike will go get something to eat. And that's how I coped with the shame, if it was a terrible critique the, you're not worthy, the, you can't do this. And I did that. I was in art school for over two years when I gained six legs.
[00:20:38] Allison: It was like 60 pounds. I was 220 pounds and I hit bottom and I told Mike, I said, you're not good enough for me. I need someone who makes more money, who's smarter. I'm going places in this world and you're just not a part of that. I broke up with him. I ripped his heart out of his chest. But I was hitting a nasty bottom and [00:21:00] that's when I got into recovery.
[00:21:05] Allison: Six, almost like four months later, I saw, I saw Mike again and I was in recovery at the time. And he was like, you're back. He's like, you were gone. Like we're having a conversation. He hadn't seen me. And he's like, your smile is like authentic. It's you. He's like, I can see you in your eyes again. I mean, Mike is like, he was meant for me in so many ways.
[00:21:28] Allison: And and I've known him from a teenager, a lot younger. And a year later we were married. And I was, I was probably 30 pounds heavier than I am now when I got married and I walked down that aisle floating, wow. I felt love that magical. I had given up sugar and flour and I was like, I have options. I'm not broken.
[00:21:55] Allison: And I was in recovery for 12 years and I left [00:22:00] because. Recovery is beautiful and it's a huge part of my story. When you talk about the value, I add 12 years of recovery and all the 12 steps and all the books and in AA and all the conversations along with the books that I've read outside of recovery. I mean, it's all a culmination, but recovery never truly taught me that the, you know, whatever's in this cup that's causing you to obsess.
[00:22:28] Allison: Whether it's a doughnut, whether it's alcohol, it's neutral. Recovery did not teach me that it's what you decide to think about whatever's in this cup. That's creating a feelings that's creating your actions. And I, and I talked to people that are still in recovery and. I just think that because even in AA, they tell you, [00:23:00] don't pick up a drink, pick up something sweet.
[00:23:03] Allison: And if you go into it, yeah. And I don't know, I'm assuming the big book hasn't changed and I'm not here to recovery is super powerful and it got me to gave me what I needed, but I knew there was more healing to do and it wasn't going to happen in that room for me. Right. And when I realized that the food I'm eating is neutral and I get to decide what it means,
[00:23:33] Allison: it blew the doors off me. And I didn't learn that until, I didn't connect those dots until like four years ago. Okay? So So what happened 
[00:23:41] Megan: then? You connect those dots, then where does it take you? 
[00:23:45] Allison: I was like, coaching is, this tool is the most powerful tool any human could ever know. Mm hmm. Especially a mother.
[00:23:56] Allison: Mm hmm. That's why I became a coach. 
[00:23:59] Megan: Is that how you [00:24:00] connected the dots was through coaching had you shifted from recovery into like, no, so 
[00:24:04] Allison: I left recovery. I was in my 30s when I'm 45, 6. so I left recovery in my 30s. Because I, I knew 1st of all, here's the deal. Most of the people and and listen, I'm talking.
[00:24:19] Allison: My experience, but no sugar, no flour. Right? Well, I believe that I should be able to neutrally enjoy all foods. I don't want to fear a food. I don't my 4 year old is like, you're still not giving me cookies. What the fuck? Right? And I want to come from a place. And I was in therapy for a long time off and on to.
[00:24:46] Allison: Okay. I understand the value of therapy. Okay. But I believe I'm here to have a full balance of all the feelings that you're supposed to feel, enjoy all the [00:25:00] good, all the good foods, the good feeling foods, like not restrict. And some people say it's freedom, but I believe that I am capable of enjoying all foods freely, regardless of what happened in my past.
[00:25:20] Allison: Some people choose To cut it out as freedom. 
[00:25:24] Lauren: And I did. I hear a lot, you know, like discipline is freedom. I hear 
[00:25:28] Allison: it is, it is, and it's all comes down to your thoughts about what you're disciplined about. Right? So at one time, no sugar in a flour freed me. I felt that freedom. That's why I floated down the aisle at a hundred and whatever pounds, 185 pounds or whatever I was.
[00:25:45] Allison: Life was amazing and I was on they call it the pink cloud when you're first in recovery. There is a honeymoon period pink cloud. But after 12 years, I was like, I need to dig deeper here and it's not going to happen in this room is what my gut told me. But that [00:26:00] scared me because the people in that room are like, if you you're 1 bite away, you know, you're 1 drink away.
[00:26:06] Allison: Your, your addiction is in recovery. Your addiction is in the corner doing pushups. You know how that scared me? 
[00:26:14] Lauren: Yeah. I feel like that's a very, that fucking scares you. Mindset way to live. Like, and I was not waiting for the other to drop. 
[00:26:23] Allison: And I, I look back at that and I'm like, I don't want. I'm not going to live in fear when, when, when I'm, when I, I believe when I hear your, your addiction is in the corner doing pushups that I'm running from it.
[00:26:42] Allison: Right. And when you, what do you happens, what you resist persists, right? It chases you. Right. And I don't want people coming at me about 12 steps, right? Because it is a powerful tool and some people stay clean for five lifetimes. [00:27:00] And I hold it as a very high regard to saving lives. But I wanted to heal from my core because I like a fucking challenge and I don't, I don't leave any stone unturned.
[00:27:20] Allison: And I wanted to enjoy all foods with my, I wanted to sit and have a piece of cake with my husband and not make it mean that I'm one bite away. Where's my power? Right. Where is my power? You know, that sounds 
[00:27:38] Megan: like a very different mindset from like the beginning of your story. You're talking about being in art school and not being able to take the criticism to I'm going to take my fucking power back and eat the chocolate cake.
[00:27:50] Megan: Yeah. What? I mean, 
[00:27:54] Allison: it's years of evolution of the it's a lot of coaching. It's [00:28:00] coaching. Consistency. 
[00:28:01] Megan: Right. That's maybe that's the discipline, right? Right. To. The mentorship, 
[00:28:08] Allison: what's so interesting is I literally was at, had a conversation with someone today who was looking to hire me as a coach. And then I reached out to her and what she told me was in the console, she felt frustrated because she has a disability.
[00:28:26] Allison: And she felt that as I was talking to her in the console, she felt that I was Not recognizing her physical disability that maybe I was looking at it as mindset only. And I want to, I'm just going to compare to that is hard feedback, right? Absolutely. Oh man, I welcome that. I said, thank you. Thank you so much for that honesty, first of all, because now we can [00:29:00] have a conversation, right?
[00:29:01] Allison: And so I explained my part in coaching And I'm not here to tell you, I'm not a doctor. I'm not here to tell you, you don't have that. But in, in the consult, we were talking about her thoughts about her disability. And that's what I mentioned is what we discuss, right? It's not whether you, I don't know what the injury, I'm not a doctor, but when I hear the thoughts that come out of the limitations, your thoughts about the limitations, That's where I come in, right?
[00:29:35] Allison: Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . And I use that as beautiful feedback to grow as a coach, to grow in how I speak to someone in a consult. It's information. That's all it is. Mm-Hmm. , 10 years ago, I would've shut down for weeks. Mm-Hmm. . I, I, I would've [00:30:00] shut down for weeks. I saw her last night. I was like, yeah, I, you know, I said, thank you so much for the courage, to be honest.
[00:30:06] Allison: You're amazing. I said, this is, I hope that there's clarification here. And those are when you're in a, I mean, I'm being a life coach is an intimate experience. Right. I'm navigating human relationships and other people's brains and my own brain. Right. I am open to, you know, I have so many clients that are like, I don't want to put out a, I said this in privately on some seminars.
[00:30:36] Allison: I don't want to put out. A potential for a review for my business, because I'm afraid to hear the 3 stars, the 2 stars. I said. If you want to be this in your business. That is the pertinent information you need. They are a fucking goldmine. To being your next level. 
[00:30:58] Lauren: Right, right. We just had [00:31:00] an interview the other day, and she talked about how she read all the bad reviews on other companies around her, and obviously anything that may be hers.
[00:31:09] Lauren: So, again, it's It's feedback. It's information. And that's one thing that I loved about something that you taught me months ago, too, is like, it's just information. You get to decide. Wait, is this where 
[00:31:20] Megan: you got that from? That initial? 
[00:31:23] Lauren: Yeah. I've gotten so many things from Allison. That's the one thing she said.
[00:31:28] Lauren: The neutrality. The neutrality. Everything is neutral. That came from Allison. That has driven 
[00:31:33] Megan: so much stuff in my life since Lauren introduced, she's like, I had this conversation the other day and she said this to me and like, that's everything I do now. I did it yesterday. I got a bad feedback from one of my students and I was like, this is neutral.
[00:31:45] Megan: What am I going to do with it? 
[00:31:47] Allison: Right. And what I do is this is the visual words come out of people's mouths and I just let them float. And I just, I do this with my husband. All 
[00:31:57] Lauren: right. There's words. I do this a lot with my spouse [00:32:00] as well. Yeah. 
[00:32:01] Allison: There's words that have been said, right? I get to decide what they mean.
[00:32:09] Allison: So let me decide what there's, there's, there's value in what and the decision on what I'm going to do with these words, right? Between what is said and you is where you get to decide. 
[00:32:24] Megan: I mean, really, you're deciding no matter what. It's whether you're going to be a conscious part of that 
[00:32:27] Allison: decision or you're going to let your mind take it.
[00:32:31] Allison: Brilliant. We're deciding no matter what we are, we are meaning making machines. That's what we are. That's our brains. I'll never forget what my business coach said to me. I don't know how many years ago. We're meeting, making the machines. What are you going to make it mean? What are you going to make it mean?
[00:32:48] Lauren: Right. 
[00:32:48] Allison: You know, and you can let your brain run off with it and try to protect you in crazy ways, or you can use your prefrontal cortex consciously [00:33:00] and make a decision based on. Who you want to be, how you want to show up, what do you allow, what, whatever, you know, and there's no, and that there's so much power in what you do next.
[00:33:13] Lauren: Right. Now let's talk about that a little bit because you know, I have been called toxically positive at times, right? Or the, everything's just magic and unicorns for you are because I have decided before that. I'm not, I'm going to assume best intentions, right? Someone does something, I'm going to assume best intentions, or I'm not going to make it mean something negative.
[00:33:35] Lauren: Right. But there are, you know, you probably have heard that term before, right? Like possibly talks. So like, talk to me about how you feel and that, and, and how you can really make sure you're not. I guess painting everything rosy red or pink. It's so funny. 
[00:33:53] Allison: So I'm about to do a, record a podcast about negativity.
[00:33:56] Allison: Poxy, I think you can call it whatever you want to call it. In [00:34:00] the end we have all different types of feelings, God, whoever, the universe, energy, whatever it is that created us, created us with a lot of different feelings. Feelings and feelings are just vibrations in our body. That's it. Right. Can't hurt us.
[00:34:15] Allison: They can't kill us. And we have all these feelings. We're supposed to feel them. So if we're feeling sad and we want to push it away, right. That is what they're calling positive. You're not acknowledging when you feel bad. Right. And I do not agree with. Not acknowledging the bad feelings. I don't agree.
[00:34:40] Allison: Right. Right. What we, it's going to change this, right? But if you want to show up in the world, I always, I always assume the good, right? I always, I believe people have good in them. This is what my seminar was about relationships. I assume that someone is, has good intentions, has good in [00:35:00] them. So let's get curious and compassionate about why they just said to me what they said, right?
[00:35:05] Allison: I like that too. Same with my husband, same with my husband and my very first life coach said that to me, curiosity and compassion for yourself as well, utmost and your kids. Right? So, But the toxic positivity is when you maybe are feeling bad. And I don't know if this is on social media or whatever it is.
[00:35:31] Allison: And someone either doesn't acknowledge you feel bad or just tries to shove a quote in your face. They might look at that as possible as toxic positivity, right? But they, they got their own stories about toxic positivity, right? If someone comes to me and feels bad, I want to acknowledge and validate.
[00:35:49] Allison: Right. Cause even on coaching calls, like people are going through all kinds of stuff and I just show up neutral, right? It's just a neutral circumstance. I [00:36:00] don't get into the pool with them is what you say in the coaching world. Like I don't get into the pool with them. That's not, I'm not serving them by get, Oh, I know it's so hard.
[00:36:10] Allison: You're you're, it's never going to work out or whatever the things are. I get, I listened to the circumstances neutrally, right? Facts. From drama and then we acknowledge the feeling and then we make a plan to move forward in is, is how you're feeling serving you right and how you want to show up, but they get to decide.
[00:36:36] Allison: I don't have the right answers for them. I don't, I just helped them move forward towards where they want to be, because in the end, there's no right or wrong decisions. There's just different results. And 
[00:36:48] Lauren: I love how you always say too, that you can change your mind. Like you told me that because I can be this way that way.
[00:36:56] Lauren: Megan knows this, like where's Lauren, what adventure are we going? [00:37:00] And I felt like that gave me so much power too, because sometimes I would. Get stuck in like, Oh, what do I do? That's like, let's just make a decision. And if I want to change my mind, that's okay. But I feel like that can be, you know, looked at sometimes as a negative thing.
[00:37:15] Lauren: Cause then you're flaky or then you're indecisive or you're this, you're that, 
[00:37:19] Allison: you know, people can think all kinds of things about me. I know that they're in their own head, right. And I, you know, our brain's going to offer us the thought that we're going to look like this and we're going to look like that.
[00:37:36] Allison: They can, that thought can come along in a car with us. Right. And sometimes just giving us the permission to change our mind, let's go. And then we end up not changing our mind, right? Just if we're so scared because we can't change our mind, and this is definitely women, you know, if we're so scared that we can't change our mind it's [00:38:00] going to become this big entity of, I shouldn't have done this.
[00:38:05] Allison: I wish I had done this. Instead of letting go and letting it flow and as we evolve like I just I'm transitioning out of photography after 20 years I Changed my mind Right, and I had some I mean listen when I when I moved out of my studio in November I can't tell you this is it is such a testament, you know to coaching because I stayed in that studio at least a year longer than I should have and Because I have such fucking great, right?
[00:38:42] Allison: And because I am not a quitter to a fault. And then when I moved out of my studio, I was like, Oh my God, this is amazing. But I had all this mind drama. You're a failure. I told you it wasn't going to work. Right. [00:39:00] And I cried. And I, and this is in November and I processed. And I have to tell you within a few days, cause there was vulnerability.
[00:39:10] Allison: I'm showing up to my happen to Hamilton happy hour on the day that the forensic side went out on my house and in studios, I mean, it was like, I was like, I told my husband, I was like, babe, I feel so seen. I feel so seen. And my husband said, what does that mean? And I'm like, I just feel vulnerable. And my husband, thank you, God, you know, he's evolved and he says the right things today, but 15 years ago he would not have but he said what I needed to hear and cause people are going to make it mean all kinds of things.
[00:39:43] Allison: Right. And especially in my small town and I'm, I'm, I'm a person in my town. People know me and I just thought, I'll say winners. No one to quit. I love that. Yeah. I like that a lot. And I have to say my brain, my own [00:40:00] brain offered me that because I've little by little broken through the neural pathways of you're not worthy of, it's never going to work of you suck of you.
[00:40:10] Allison: You can't, you're not capable. My four year old still thinks I'm not capable, right? All those thoughts, the neural pathways of those thoughts have lessened. And the other, I'm building neural pathways, always, currently, of where I'm going. And my brain said, Winners know when to quit. And I was fueled. By that I was fueled by that thought to show up authentically encourage to inspire others.
[00:40:39] Allison: Because some people would have stayed in that studio for 20 years because of what they were going to make it mean. Cause I was like, what's wrong with me? Why am I not happy? And I came home and I said to my husband, babe, I'm moving out of the studio. And he was like, Oh my God, thank God. And I was like, what do you mean?
[00:40:56] Allison: He's like, I thought I was going to have to step in. And he's like, you're, I haven't [00:41:00] seen you smile. I don't understand. Like my husband gives me full agency to explore my complicated entrepreneur journey. 
[00:41:09] Lauren: What a blessing. 
[00:41:10] Allison: Yeah. Oh my God. And but we, it's a testament to hard conversations for real, for real.
[00:41:18] Allison: And my husband's like, I just don't give a shit what you do. Just be happy. I just want you to be happy. And that is the reminder to me that when I have a hard day in my work, that I'm choosing to look at it, As a victim, I can choose happy, even in the hard days. And my husband deserves that as he goes out and is a laborer and is building bridges in a hundred degrees heat to make sure we have insurance.
[00:41:46] Allison: And he just wants to take care of us. He wants to make sure that we're safe and that we're happy. And that to me is like, how dare you, Allison, hang your happiness on how many clients you [00:42:00] signed in the last 30 days. How dare you. For your husband who just wants you to be happy. I have a beautiful life.
[00:42:09] Allison: It's a beautiful life and I want to be present and happy. No matter what's going on in my business, because that's how we should be anyway. 
[00:42:19] Lauren: Yeah. Right. But it's hard when you're like, I know you say like, you are a coach and a podcaster for the high achieving woman. And when you're a high achieving woman, it is very much you tie your worth, your happiness, all these things to how your business is going.
[00:42:38] Lauren: Yeah. And it's, it's, 
[00:42:39] Allison: it's a prison. It is. It's a fucking sucks. It's a prison and it's a choice. It's a choice. And my husband is a reminder that I can choose happy. He is an extra reminder. I have a lot of reminders, but he is the extra reminder [00:43:00] because honestly, my beliefs about who I am in my marriage have not served me.
[00:43:07] Allison: But this does serve me. Because I have all these beliefs that we can go into on another day about who I need to be in my marriage and the pressure I would put on myself in that way that never served me. But I hang my hat on the love I have for him and the high respect I have for him that he deserves a happy wife.
[00:43:33] Allison: And there's no reason for me not to be happy. 
[00:43:35] Lauren: Right. And your daughter also deserves a happy mom. 
[00:43:39] Allison: Exactly. Exactly. So, that's an extra boost of. You're, you have a choice to decide where your averages are or whatever you're making it mean. Whatever we hang our heart, our hat on as success, right? Whatever that looks like, we have a choice on what we make [00:44:00] it mean.
[00:44:00] Allison: It's just information. What didn't I do that month?
[00:44:04] Allison: So, you know, I don't know how we got onto that, but 
[00:44:08] Megan: it was a lovely, but, 
[00:44:10] Allison: But you 
[00:44:11] Megan: said so much good stuff in it though. Like number one, I'm hearing, look for your reminders, right? You know, your husband's a reminder for you. So for anybody that's listening to this today, like what are your reminders in your life?
[00:44:22] Megan: As you were saying that I'm like, I was filtering through like, who are my, who I would agree. People, what are my, you know, the little things that I have in my life that help me remember that no matter what my day looked like, no matter what my week looked like, no matter how hard I'm being on myself that day, like I have things that I can look to.
[00:44:39] Megan: To bring you back to my truth, right? Cause that was hard days usually come when we are putting the expect those external expectations that we have gathered throughout our life onto ourselves, like who I should be versus who I actually am. 
[00:44:52] Allison: And there's something called low value cycles, high value cycles, and low value cycle you know, I [00:45:00] don't, I can't really describe them in excessive detail, but really a low value cycle is just, you feel like shit.
[00:45:07] Allison: Yeah. And whatever it is, whether it was something that happened that made you feel like shit and you can't get out of it, I believe and I've and I said this on the podcast, but I've spoken to my therapist about several therapists about do I need medication because my highs are so high and my lows are so low, but over time that has lessened.
[00:45:28] Allison: And I don't, I'm not all medication, but I wasn't sure if it was chemical, right? Right. So inner work. Yes. So, and there's a pendulum, right there when you start to heal, I would go to such high highs that people would gravitate to me. My energy was so, and people talk to me about my energy, but my energy was, my vibration was so high.
[00:45:51] Allison: I would shake. And I just felt like floating and it was just to be a random [00:46:00] day and then my lows where I would cry for weeks. Right? So, and I was like, there's something wrong with me, but I think it was for me and my experience. The journey in my healing, the journey of removing that large negative bias from my life, it didn't want to leave.
[00:46:21] Allison: It was like pulling at me and then I'd break free and it would go high and then it would swing back and it would attach itself to me. That's the only way I can describe it. I don't know if that's real. But over time, those low value, I would have low value cycles. The last two years I had low value cycles in summer that would last three months.
[00:46:41] Allison: And this summer it was about a week to 
[00:46:46] Megan: your business. Or is it just something you think you cycle through in the year? 
[00:46:50] Allison: I think it was business. I think it was. It affected my business. I don't know if it was business connected, but it affected everything in my life. So I really don't know [00:47:00] this summer.
[00:47:00] Allison: It was about a week and now, but I'm also very much pursuing a different business, right? So I don't know, but I do have to say that we take two staycations a year and my husband needs them more than me. I'll just put that out there, right? We take it the first week of August and we take one for between Christmas and New Year's.
[00:47:20] Allison: My husband takes off from work. He wants me present. Well, I'd say the last three years I was spiral in those vacations because my brain would say to me, especially since COVID, my brain would say to me, you have not worked hard enough to deserve this and your husband's going to find out that you did not work enough and you cannot remove yourself from work for seven days.
[00:47:46] Lauren: Productivity guilt, right? Yes. 
[00:47:50] Allison: That I didn't produce enough to earn and that he was going to find out. There's always this thought that my husband's going to find out I'm not working hard enough. [00:48:00] And last Christmas was bad. I detached. I couldn't function. My husband's like, I took a week off of work, dude.
[00:48:07] Allison: What is get snap out of this? Like, I need you present. I need you happy. And I would have anxiety all day, every day. And then I would want to eat. We would go out, we would eat, we would, we were on vacation. It was Christmas, like New Year's. I would just eat whatever wasn't nailed down. And I realized and I have to, I'm going to, the next part might be controversial, but I just realized I was like, there's something I have to get coached on this.
[00:48:34] Allison: And I tried to talk, I talked to my therapist about it and my therapist said, because I have a, I have a therapist to help me parent my daughter. I don't trust my choices. I'm always afraid I'm instilling trauma. And so sometimes I think I try to lightly. I need help with how to feed her like those things, right?
[00:48:52] Allison: I said to my therapist, I need to get to the bottom of this. And she's like, well, we don't have to get to the bottom of it. Let's just plan for the next one. [00:49:00] And I'm like, okay. So I went to my coach and she's like, we're going to dig through this. And within 15 minutes I got to the bottom of my thoughts, which were my productivity, my guilt that my husband's going to find out that I didn't work enough.
[00:49:14] Allison: I didn't make enough money. I didn't. He earned this. I did not. I should be working. There was other thoughts that we got to, but I, we just finished this vacation. I just got off of it. The anxiety was there, right? But I was fully present. I was so proud of myself. I said, babe, look at me, look at me like smiling.
[00:49:39] Allison: I'm present. I'm letting it flow. Oh, I'm aware of the thoughts and the guilt. My husband needs to get laid a ton. Like I was fully present for all the things that go on for him. But I was super proud of that because let me tell you some, I will shut down for. [00:50:00] Weeks, I will shut down for weeks and I was, I'm so proud of that growth.
[00:50:08] Allison: It definitely wasn't where I want to be, but I hold space for myself. I see my growth in that I see that the thoughts are there, but I don't have to attach myself to them. 
[00:50:19] Lauren: I 
[00:50:19] Allison: still believe I didn't produce enough. 
[00:50:22] Lauren: So there's still there. So, I mean, I think this is something that we've talked about before too.
[00:50:28] Lauren: Sometimes you think we're going to do all this inner work. And the triggers are going to go away when the reality is they don't go away. No. Right. 
[00:50:35] Allison: But over time, listen, there's no right or wrong. There's no yes and no there's, it depends on where the triggers come from. It depends on how long they've been there.
[00:50:44] Allison: It depends on, and also new level, new devil. Every time you level up, those triggers might show up in a different way. Mm hmm. You just. They don't have to be a problem, you know, I don't know if that's ever going to go away. [00:51:00] Some have gone away completely and some are still very much prominent in my life.
[00:51:06] Lauren: So I'm curious cause I feel I very much relate to that. So I'm curious, like where did you, where did you feel that that came from? You know, I think that I 
[00:51:17] Allison: don't know. I 
[00:51:18] Lauren: still don't know. Yeah. Cause I feel like worth self worth is a huge thing and we've talked about this many times in the podcast that I feel like that is the very basis and foundation for a lot of issues that we carry or a lot of triggers that we have is this feeling of being enough.
[00:51:37] Allison: So what I'm, what I'm about to say is really sums it up for me is I have guilt of how my, how hard my husband works and I, I have a belief. That I should be financially taking care of him. And I have a belief and he doesn't put this pressure on me. He's like, get the fuck out of here. 
[00:51:55] Lauren: Where do you think that came from?
[00:51:56] Allison: My dad was a very successful entrepreneur, engineer, [00:52:00] smart, made a shit ton of money, traveled. My mom was to say her mom. I don't know why I had, I had this belief in my early twenties. That I was going to be a millionaire. And I have a belief inside of me that I'm going to make an enormous amount of money.
[00:52:19] Allison: And I don't know if everybody, I've, I've talked to a lot of people that say some people have those deep beliefs and some people do not, but I put this pressure on myself to take care of my, my family financially. And I think it's the desire to be my father, which I just connected just now. And I put my father on a pedestal.
[00:52:39] Allison: He was absolutely Jesus Christ to me. But he fell off his pedestal like I was like 26 years old, dude, he had like a mental breakdown and he, my dad died when he ran out of money. No joke. No fucking joke. He died when he ran out of money, when he ran out of ways to create money. So do you 
[00:52:57] Lauren: think that's what this is tied to?
[00:52:59] Lauren: Do you [00:53:00] think it's like, almost like you're going to die when you run out of money or if you don't have, no, 
[00:53:05] Allison: possibly. But I do, there has been beliefs that I've had to work through that my worth is connected to my bank account and that my husband's going to find out I'm a fraud. He, my husband puts no pressure on me.
[00:53:21] Allison: Now there've been, there've been times in our marriage where I was a breadwinner. He was a breadwinner. Then I was a breadwinner. Then he was a breadwinner. And that's just the ebb and flow. I feel like of the world we live in today with working parents and the navigating the economic world and jobs. My husband puts no pressure on me other than the pressure he puts is be present for me and Julia, be happy, vacuum and, and touch me.
[00:53:57] Allison: Yeah. [00:54:00] I have a honeydew list. I think we can all 
[00:54:02] Megan: relate to that one, right? I have a, I have a honeydew list. It sounds like something that, that's like my, my expectations I would say from my partner as well. It's like, but I feel this so deeply because I, I mean, I closed my business down in January. I owned a small meal prep company in Hamilton, actually.
[00:54:18] Megan: I used to rent out Kitchen 19, yeah. For several years. You didn't know that. Yeah. And like, there was so much prep, even. Like through the pandemic, I was the breadwinner, right? And that was great, but then when I wasn't, the pressure I put on myself. What we make it mean. Oh my gosh, yeah. And all the time, like, he's like, I just want you to find something that you want to keep doing, right?
[00:54:40] Megan: Don't do jobs that you hate. I took a job. Here that I'm learning to love, right? And I know that I won't be there forever, but when I made the decision to close my business, the mind fuck that I went through, like I am a failure, right? And that feeling, that feeling of my, my people that are important to me, figuring out that I'm a [00:55:00] fraud, right?
[00:55:02] Megan: I was holding up this facade and I just can't do it anymore. And now everyone's going to see my failure. There's so much, and you know, how many people have said anything to me about it? Fucking zero. I 
[00:55:11] Allison: hear ya, dude. You know what I mean. I hear ya. And they, they might be thinking, she's courageous as fuck, man.
[00:55:17] Allison: She's figuring it out. Here I am, not even living my truth. Not even going after my dreams, right? They're doing their own self critic talk. 
[00:55:27] Megan: Of course. Yeah. That's the biggest thing. I think we've, we get so caught up in our own shit that we forget that you could tap anybody on the street and they're having similar conversations about whatever their life circumstances are.
[00:55:39] Allison: We're all human. The comparison is the brain's wired to compare. It's what it's going to, it's going to naturally go to comparing. You have to be present enough, consciously enough. Use this side of your brain, your front to stop your brain from comparing or use it to serve you versus. Beat you down, you know what I mean?
[00:55:58] Allison: People are stuck in their own shit of [00:56:00] what they're not doing. It is, it's very courageous to do what you did. You know, I don't know why you did what you did. But 
[00:56:07] Megan: because we live in Louisiana and it's very hard to run a business from 1, 500 miles away. I did it for like a year and a half. I was like, I can't anymore.
[00:56:15] Allison: Okay, so you, and it's like, man, hold on. Longer than I should have because I had such great because I'm not a winner 
[00:56:21] Megan: though. Afterwards, I was like, part of me was like, thank God I can breathe again. I mean, I can be present with my kids. And yes. 
[00:56:29] Allison: And I, I've been a photographer for a long time. My office was in my basement for a long time and it drained me because there's no light.
[00:56:36] Allison: There's darkness. I was by myself all the time. I didn't realize I'm like, Oh my God, I need light. And I didn't, I was evolving and learning. And I was in my 30 or, you know, middle thirties. I was a mom and, you know, and I was, so my office was in a basement for a long time. And then I moved into a studio. Now I'm in my front room with all my windows and I'm [00:57:00] home and I know the business I want to run.
[00:57:05] Allison: I know what it wants. I know what I want it to look like. I know the every dollar I spend and why I spend it. I mean, that's a culmination of, you can call it mistakes. You can call it learning. You can call it the evolution of your figuring out who you are and what you want. But I love being in my front room in my office.
[00:57:22] Allison: I love being home. We got a dog whom obsessed with I'm able to be present for my kid. Like, I just, I don't have this high overhead, you know, I was spending so much money on this overhead. My husband's like, you're, you're not present and you're like, money is like flying out, you know, and he gave me so much freaking grace.
[00:57:47] Allison: He's not a risk taker. And that's, he gives me so many, so much proof. If I want to see it, you have to see it, right? He gives me so much proof [00:58:00] of how much he loves me that I'm worthy of it. And that space to figure it out. I mean, when I, he, he went into that, when I, when I rented that studio, he went in there, he put the floor in, he did all the things and he didn't want to do it.
[00:58:16] Allison: He's like, God, this is, this is crazy. Like I had to take him out to a restaurant to tell him I went to look at a space and I'm moving into a studio. Cause I thought it was going to be a fight. I'm like, we need to go to dinner to do this public space. Yes. Right. And then in November or it was like, it was probably late September, but I said, Dave, I'm moving out.
[00:58:33] Allison: He's like, let's go. Don't trailer me and him hold everything out of there ourselves, the two of us. And I would stand and cry and he'd hold me and then we would continue. And I'm just like, It makes me want to be fully present for whatever his needs are, you know, but I show up for him that way. And then he shows up for me that way.
[00:58:56] Allison: And then I show up more for him. And then he shows up more for me. Like, he just [00:59:00] sent me, we send each other reels. And I'm sure other so many spouses do this, like these crazy, funny reels. And I, I sent him a real about marriage and friendship because we were very good friends before we got married. And.
[00:59:11] Allison: But the first few years of our marriage, Michael, we said, she's my best friend. She's my best friend. We were friends first. She's my best friend. The first few years of marriage. I'm like, you're not my best friend. You're not safe. I can't tell you my deep, dark secrets. I can't talk to you about my business.
[00:59:24] Allison: Like, he would fly off the rails. He would freak out. He is my best friend today. And so anyway, we were sharing reels about different levels of marriage and what it looks like and whatever. And one of the pieces in the reels was creating safety for your partner. And I said to my husband, I said, do I create safety for you?
[00:59:49] Allison: What does safety even mean to you? I have no idea, right? My husband creates safety for me. I feel safe in any room with him. My husband would [01:00:00] My husband's very alpha. He will battle to keep me and my daughter safe. So I feel very physically safe with him. He's smart. I mean, there's been chaos that we were in Vegas and I thought we were going to be in a mob and he within seconds flipped me over the monorail and here we were.
[01:00:19] Allison: And like, he's just a quick thinker. He is he's got smarts to be in the woods alone with like, You know, a pencil and he creates that level of safety financially. He's a hard worker. I trust that he's going to work. He's all the things right. He financially safe. Emotionally, he lets me gives me space of people agency of who I am that he creates that emotional safety for me, which wasn't always the case.
[01:00:45] Allison: And so I said, you create all this safety for me. What does it look like for me to create safety for you? And I learned just by asking, right? It's a very vulnerable question, 
[01:00:53] Lauren: curiosity and compassion, 
[01:00:55] Allison: exactly. Because if you're making it mean you're a failure or you're there, this and you're that you're [01:01:00] never going to ask that question, but I want the information.
[01:01:02] Allison: And I said, he said, safety for me is you being the mom you are to our daughter. And I said, that's about Julia. And he said, no, for me, that is safety. You are present. You are happy and you are doing everything you can to be fully present and be the best mom you can be. That is full safety and safety is physical touch.
[01:01:25] Allison: And now I know what safety is for him. And so I want to do more of that to fill his bucket and to create more safety for him.