More than just mindfulness

Suffering

March 23, 2019 Season 2 Episode 28
More than just mindfulness
Suffering
Chapters
More than just mindfulness
Suffering
Mar 23, 2019 Season 2 Episode 28
Robert Mitchell
Insight into the personal suffering which is part of life in the 21st century.
Show Notes Transcript

For many in the Modern World, there is an abiding sense that something is wrong with the world. It is difficult to put it into words but it is always there. Any one problem is only ever replaced by the next in the seemingly endless succession of problems to solve, difficulties that may lie ahead, uncertainties, worries, doubts and fears.
This intervention of the modern world into what would otherwise be the serenity of our minds is the source of our suffering.
Meditation and Mindfulness can help us to find perspective and learn to see life through a new lens.
In this session, Robert explains suffering and how meditation works to diminish it. He also teaches key meditations from the perspective of, and the context of releasing suffering.
Meditations are: the meditation of no meditation for sound, the 4-6 Breaths, the four tens meditation, the relaxation response.

Speaker 1:
0:00
To tell you session is on suckering. Okay. So what needs to do is clarify what I mean by suffering and and explain more titties 2,400 years ago, apparently. Now I need to clarify the, I'm not a Buddhist on an agnostic, but even if it is a construct, it's still really valid because it applies to the human experience in a very fundamental way. So apparently 2,600 years ago, Buddhist stood up having meditated underneath the Bodhi tree for 40 days and during that 40 days of meditation he discovered what Buddhist referred to as the four noble truths.:
Speaker 1:
0:56
And I would say with the exception of the last noble truth, which is actually a marketing should be all for Buddhism. The first three are absolutely part of our experience. And the first noble truth that he points out is that everybody suffers now to for me to say, to accept that what I need to do is explain what suffering is. And it's very specific. There's a a poly word called docker. And what docker is, is it's perceived to be craving. Essentially it's the difference between what is the material world, our actual reality, and what we feel the need for it to be, what we desire it to be, how we want it to be different. So for example, if we come in here to meditate and we want a nice, calm, relaxing meditation space, but instead we get the excavators and drills and diamond cutters in the road outside, there's a, there's an unsatisfactoriness that arises.:
Speaker 1:
2:19
And what I and satisfactory in this is, it's the difference between what we feel we need and what we actually experience and what we can observe. And this is psychological reality for all human beings because it's a fundamental trait is everything that gets repeated that there's two responses to it. One is it habituates. And what habituation is, is you get more comfortable with it as time goes on. And the other is that you become sensitized. And what that means is you become more sensitive to it as time goes on. And you can see this from all of those times where there's been a straw that broke the camels back and you flipped out. So for example, somebody might be engaging in in unhelpful repetitive behavior that you you find is unsatisfactory and then you're like, oh, you let it go, you let it go. They might do some big episodes of this behavior and still you let them go and then one day they do a tiny thing and Raul outcomes, how you feel about what they've done. Does anybody recognize that?:
Speaker 1:
3:43
What's happened is you've become sensitized to the experience and one way of looking at that is if you, if you multiply that by a modern life's worth of on satisfactory experiences, you get thing called chronic stress. So let me explain. If your life is moving in the direction of you becoming more sensitive to your experiences, it's because you don't have some tools that help you intervene in them. And if you don't have the tools that help you intervene in that, what happens is the ratchet of stress only goes in one direction, click, click, click up.:
Speaker 1:
4:33
And then having a, a sensitive element of your experience in your life in one area often translates into a sensitive element of your experience in your life. In another area. So if you're close to flipping out because of the unsatisfactory behavior of person B, you're also on a shorter fuse for persons c and d and a and then when you, when you type this experience, which is more common than the alternative, which I'll come to in a second. So this sensitization where we become more sensitive to our experiences on satisfactory ones on our stress grows and grows and grows. Um, when you multiply that by 8 million, you've got London and that's our heady mix, which is why you get things like road rage and trolley rage and first through the carriage door into the only seat left trying rage and so on and so forth.:
Speaker 1:
5:42
And what you're seeing there is somebody who's been sensitized by their experience to the point where they become emotionally overwhelmed by one more tiny thing. But the problem is we all, we all get so used to this and then life becomes being sensitized, sensitize, sensitized, getting to the point where we feel overwhelmed and then we look at whatever it is that's overwhelmed us as an unsatisfactory thing. And it doesn't matter what that happens to be out. So it could be what somebody says or does or how we perceive it or how we perceive that they treat us or how we perceive that they view us or what we think they think about us. And then we're looking for that kind of response everywhere we go. And what happens then is our personal interactions, which are the only thing that counts. We're a social animal. It's our personal one to one interactions, the most important things in our lives. And the goal of those is to gain fulfillment from them. Yeah. So what we want to be able to sit do is to sit down with somebody and to having interacted with them, come away feeling better, feeling like we've learned something, feeling like wear lighter, like we've left a little bit of experience behind. And then that becomes the Kevlar vest that enables us to deal with 8 million highly stressed individuals that were sharing this space with.:
Speaker 1:
7:37
And that's the key to everything I teach in a nutshell. So I'll be, when I finished here, it's die on off to teacher an organization. And the organization. One of the owners is somebody that's came along to my classes when I first started teaching in Beckenham, um, three or four years ago now. And I'm only using them as an example of a consistent experience in and what I do and why I teach. And when I met that person, their world was shrinking. If we don't live on the edge of our comfort zones, they shrink. Think about that. Yeah. And if our comfort zone shrink, they diminish at connections diminish, our interactions diminish. And the unity for us to have those fulfilling interactions goes away. And when that happens, we have a mountain to climb. And where that person was when they walked into my meditation class those years ago, I hardly ever see them.:
Speaker 1:
9:03
Now there's a revolving door here. And so a couple of, you've been coming along for many years and Sfu come along on a Saturday. We get visits from people who've used to come along regularly five years ago or whatever it might happen to be. And what's happened is generally people don't come to them. It's, it's a real unfortunate misunderstanding the modern life that meditation is there for when you feel anxious and stressed. All right? We just simply do not get that. But all of a sudden this is what generally motivates people to come along. And along with that, anxiety and stress is a, uh, a sense of diminishing social connection where people are actually often actively avoiding interactions with other people because they find them difficult. And so what's happening is their world is shrinking. And then what I do is I teach a combination of three things.:
Speaker 1:
10:14
I teach the meditation's they're a slow burner. You don't come in, meditate once, walk out, feel better, just doesn't happen. You have a practice. You may feel better in the meditation when I'm guiding it. If you come away with any sort of a practice and that's the critical thing, you need a practice, then you can build on that. And that slow burning personal development and personal growth goes on throughout your entire life and every experience that you can possibly have in your life or rises in the experience of meditation and it gets processed and it gets processed by your ancient mind, not what you think is right and wrong and good and bad and fair and unfair, and the wall of the stuff that fills our heads. This is a recognition of what's absolutely true and what isn't. And we discover that more and more and more in our experience is either not true, absolutely or doesn't matter. And we learned a lot less matters than we originally believe. And we discover the things that do matter, which is those personal interactions. And then what happens is people's world grows. They start joining things, they joined choir's like make more friends and they're rushed off their feet with the, the fulfillment that they can gain from their interactions with other people. And then I see them less and every so often they come back, have a chat, and then I tell me I'm not. That's the process.:
Speaker 1:
12:07
That's what this is all about. So this suffering, suffering Duker back in the day before mindfulness was a perceived to be a scientific thing. It was a spiritual thing. And, and I was dabbling with the spiritual concepts and I had always had the sense that something wasn't quite quite right with the world. It's like there was something wrong with the world. And I spent a lot of time pointing at various elements of the world. I used to have this little quip. People would come along and so insight, how are you doing? And I'd say, I'm fine. It's just the rest of them, they're all the problem. And although that was a bit tongue in cheek as what I believed, and I think it was two or three years ago, I heard from a daughter who said, I hate people. You ever heard that? Have you ever felt it? I can't remember which. It was smart. Some French philosopher, a little quips said, there you go. Who? Sartre. Yeah. I think you're, I think you're correct. I think it was Sartre. Hell is other people. Yeah. No. Hell is the absence of other people.:
Speaker 1:
13:32
And we all know that really hell is the ability to interact with other people in a meaningful way that fulfills us so soon. Just the same as being alone says there was a guy called Lee catchy apo who, who is to loneliness what Einstein was to physics. Um, and he ran some incredibly well funded research prof projects because the, if you, if you crunch the numbers, the correlation between, and I've done a talk on this, it's in one of the podcasts, the correlation between loneliness and poor mental and physical health outcomes is not only indisputable, it's huge. It's the equivalent of being an alcoholic or a lifetime smoker in terms of your physical health. And in terms of your mental health, there's probably nothing worse. And one of the studies that he did was to put devices on lonely people that would buzz them and they say when they were interacting with someone and you can get, you can figure out who's lonely from, there's a loneliness checklist.:
Speaker 1:
14:48
So it's the, the results of the loneliness checklist that's correlated against physical, uh, poor physical and mental health outcomes. If you tick the boxes in the loneliness checks list, by definition you're lonely. So he took these two groups, one lonely, the other non lonely and they want, do you want it to see what the difference was in the interactions and what you learned was something counter intuitive, which is that on average, all right. And we know that if somebody is old and isolated and so on and so forth, that's a different thing. But on average, taking the average lonely person and the average non lonely person, they all have the same level of interactions in terms of time. So they all spend the same amount of time with other people. What you want them want it to do was understand what's the difference. You know, he'd get them to make comments and notes about their interactions and if it really interesting that he used the term that he used, which is that non lonely people gain fulfillment from their interactions.:
Speaker 1:
16:01
They interact with somebody and they come away with something lonely people done so that it isn't the quantity, it's the quality. And all of these tools are all aimed at one thing. And that's helping us to have difficult interactions, process them without it becoming part of our baggage, without it cranking up as stress level without us retaining the sensitivity that we experienced and then avoiding further interactions. So it's all about the white van driver, the irritate in noise, the difficult person, the confusing viewpoint, the uncomfortable conversation. It's all about that. That's where it, that's where we find everything being a human being. This is what, where we find our suffering. In a nutshell, the, this is the kernel of the unsatisfactoriness of life. So to explain the Ducker, I think I read a book by a guy called Agile. Shanti's is kind of like west coast hippie does talks on youtube and writes books.:
Speaker 1:
17:38
There's one book specifically is very, very, very good, but a lot of, lot of it's kind of new agey, Yada Yada. But I read a, um, a definition by him of Daca and he called it the inherent unsatisfactoriness of life inherent because it's always there. Unsatisfactoriness son satisfactory and it's just part of life. But it isn't a single thing once. It is a lifetime of interactions and adversities because there's life adversities, things that change our lives that make our lives difficult. And then there's lots of lots of interactions. So we're either becoming sensitized or we're becoming, the other word is habituating. We'd becoming comfortable with it.:
Speaker 1:
18:37
So the true definition of meditation is to become familiar with your mind. You become familiar with your mind, you become comfortable with it. When you become comfortable with it, then your interactions with other people start moving in the other direction. Instead of them becoming more uncomfortable, they become more comfortable. So how we get there from here, if we're feeling uncomfortable, and one of the things about difficult interactions is that one of the first things that happens is the mind becomes active in reiterating what you said, what they said. I should have said this. How dare they say that this is right, this is wrong, this is good, that that's not, that's not, let's not do that. We rerun it in our heads. This is called reconstruction. While we're really running it in our heads, we think, I wish I'd said Blah, that would have killed it.:
Speaker 1:
19:48
Stone dead. Next time I'm going to say that or whatever it might happen to be. And that's what it's like to be human. But when that gets stuck like a, like a, a needle stuck in a groove of uh, uh, record, what we need to do is to unstick it because life just moves on what ever is said and done. Whatever experiences you have, whatever unsatisfactory interactions you have, however you feel the past has no power over the present moment other than the power that you give it to get your satisfactory present moment back. This is the place to look for right here, right now. So the first thing to do is to get back to now.:
Speaker 1:
21:00
So we're quite fortunate today that we have a combination of irritating noises. So the irritating noises are a metaphor for the friction of living in a complex society full of people who are stressed. And there aren't many people that can listen to irritate in noises without being irritated. And the why you that you learn to listen, to irritate in noises without being irritated is by listening to irritate and noises. So the meditation becomes allowing yourself to be aware of the sound. So I'm expecting and the builders to come back at some point in the next 15 minutes or so and we'll, you'll be able to observe this. The place to start is just by listening to whatever sound there is so you're better off closing their eyes and you're also better off placing both feet on the floor and notice how if you do that, your state changes how you feel changes moving from cross legs or whatever it happens to be across. Dan Calls to fate on the floor and one white, it's slightly more vulnerable, but in another way it's open. And so you become open to your experience and your experience of sound is like lying on your back. Looking up at the sky, you see clouds moving past:
Speaker 1:
23:08
and if you listened to the sounds you're listening to sounds arise and subside now. So let's say we have a constant sound as we do right now, and it's in a particular direction. The molten mind will focus on that sound and it will become on satisfactory, but the ancient mind won't do that. The ancient mind, while your being drawn into whatever experience you're having by listening to a particular sound, the ancient mind is allowing you to be aware of all sound. Okay? And what is your listening for? Isn't the sound that's happening now? It's listening for the next sound.:
Speaker 2:
24:23
Yeah.:
Speaker 1:
24:25
And so here's a good example of that. If you listen to the machine notice that you're still able to process. Well, I'm saying to you, you're still just as aware of the words.:
Speaker 2:
24:44
Okay?:
Speaker 1:
24:44
As if you were just listening directly to me. But what happens when something in our experiences on satisfactory, the mind is drawn to it, whether that's internal or external.:
Speaker 2:
25:04
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
25:05
And this, these practices, meditation is all about awareness and focus. First we become aware,:
Speaker 2:
25:17
okay,:
Speaker 1:
25:18
what are aware of the sounds?:
Speaker 2:
25:21
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
25:21
We're aware of our emotions arise. The result from the sounds, we're aware of my voice. We're aware of our faults.:
Speaker 2:
25:42
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
25:44
That's the first step is awareness. And then the second step is focus in this practice.:
Speaker 2:
25:58
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
25:59
The practice of the meditation of no meditation. The sound.:
Speaker 2:
26:06
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
26:06
Is just waiting. Just waiting for the next sound.:
Speaker 2:
26:20
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
26:28
Notice that the sounds all around you.:
Speaker 2:
26:37
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
26:38
You're in the center of them.:
Speaker 2:
26:40
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
26:59
Sound isn't rising. No. Just listening. This name that's waiting for the next sound, wherever it might be, whatever it might be. You might notice, you might notice your mock mine thing. Tone towards the sound.:
Speaker 2:
28:57
Yeah.:
Speaker 1:
28:57
Rolling towards the sound will drawn towards some thoughts or drawn towards some emotions. I notice the even while that's happening, so even while we all listening to my voice, you can be listening to all sound.:
Speaker 2:
29:31
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
29:35
And you able to process what I'm saying while you're allowing sounds to arise in your experience. It was fine. It was function to the room. So was, again, it's from the point where most of the people that I interact with, which is over the course of the last 10 years, I've noticed is increasingly more sensitive. Yeah. So this is a universal thing. I S I see it everywhere I go. It's not just the people I teach. It's everywhere. So there's, there's an awful lot of sensitivity to, to get to the point from where,:
Speaker 2:
31:09
okay,:
Speaker 1:
31:09
a sensitivity to the point where there's comfort is a practice. It's an evolving practice.:
Speaker 2:
31:24
Okay?:
Speaker 1:
31:26
And the, the way that I explain it is this, let's cy, the you want to be a master carpenter? Alright, what do you need to be a master carpenter? Let's see. You want to be the best carpenter for the world. What do you need more than anything else?:
Speaker 1:
31:49
And how'd you, what would, what do you need to get that experience as a carpenter practice and what you're practicing on wood. So to be a master carpenter, to be the best carpenter in the world, you don't need an infinite supply of wood. So think about this. It got a bit of wood and you're holding it with one hand on the work bench in front of you. Now, you wouldn't do this. The reason you wouldn't do this is because you don't have an incident. Infinite supply of wood. Don't worry how it all makes sense in a minute. And your other hand, you've got the turn on soul and what you want to be able to do is to cut a perfect 90 degree angle in the piece of wood. And you know if you do it often enough, cut it, measure it, cuts it, measure it, measure it, measure it. Eventually you'll be able to do that. If you want to say master carpenters it work, look at the Japanese temple carpenters. Go onto youtube. Be Amazed because I have an infinite supply of wood is there's always another temple to be repaired.:
Speaker 1:
33:10
So there you go, you cut it, it falls off. You measure, it's not quite right. Cutting. Measure it. Not quite right, not quite right, not quite right. So if you want to be an expert in human interaction, what you need is an infinite supply of difficult people and you are the luckiest people in the world because you live in London now know that there's only 8 million of us, but two old intents and purposes. That's an infinite supply because one of the things you'll have noticed is that a difficult person can be difficult in an infinite number of different ways. And that's just one person. The multiply that by 8 million and you have a lifetime practice. And what does the practice consist of?:
Speaker 1:
34:11
First Awareness, second focus. That's it. So there's no, there's no secret sauce, there's no magic. They say this, you say that life think this. You think the Yada Yada, this sort of self help, 99% of it is just for the bin. The other percent that percent is gold dust, but 99% of it is for the bed. Because when you strip to why everything else who I am, what I think, what I think, I know my habits, my behaviors, et Cetera, et Cetera, et cetera. Get rid of everything from me and all of you. Everything you've ever learned at school. Chop that. Awai, everything, every, all sickle. You've ever read everything that you think, throw it all away, gone. Lots of it. You know nothing. What's are you your awareness and focus. So he's that bird, possibly Savvis that tree. We don't really know. So of the 14 billion insects that live in the world for every human bay awareness and focus. So if I'm going to teach a universal tool, it has to be universal for everybody. And what does awareness look like? You just saw an example. And what will have happened is this, by doing the of no meditation for sound, what you're doing is your:
Speaker 2:
35:45
okay:
Speaker 1:
35:45
connecting to an ancient response to our environment. This is what happens to us when we walk through an unfamiliar with Woodland at night,:
Speaker 2:
35:59
okay?:
Speaker 1:
35:59
I say, if you close your eyes and imagine that the room's empty and your hair all alone and it's dark, hey, you are alone in this room, in the dark.:
Speaker 2:
36:15
Okay?:
Speaker 1:
36:16
What's happening? The mind all on its own, picking up all those sounds because you can't say anything:
Speaker 1:
36:33
instantly aware of everything that's going on around you. So that's the meditation of no meditation in a nutshell. And that's awareness, present moment awareness. And that awareness is that all the time you'd just never notice it. Why? Because of the modern mind going, Yada, Yada, Yada, Yada, right? Wrong, good, bad, fair, unfair, should, shouldn't, must, mustn't need, don't need, wants, don't want on and on and on. So how do you get from having a modern mind to connect him to the present moment? And the answer is one moment at a time. Because when you, when you have that sort of awareness, it, you're drawn to it. It's not, Ooh, Ooh, I've got to sit down and be aware. It's actually 95% of people. It's a frictionless experience. Thought. What else do you become aware of? If there's suffering, you will become aware of the suffering. I love my students, but it's a big bar.:
Speaker 1:
37:52
I am comfortable with. You will suffering. Why? Because it's part of your experience because it has to be processed and to become comfortable with your life. What ever it happens to be, you need to process that, that feeling in the body when there's an unsatisfactoriness that suffering. So this isn't, if I fall down the stairs and break my leg and you know, let's say I become disabled, so you know, I have to remove it. So I'm a now a one legged mindfulness teacher that's pine. Yeah, that's, that's mandatory. But so there I am, I'm a one mulligan mindfulness teacher and let's say the, I now perceive myself to be different. And many years ago I had a bike crash and I did notice that people treated me differently because I was hobbling around everywhere. And there's, there's this very common thing that you hear from disabled people who get referred to in the third person often while they're still there, you know, does he, does he, does he take sugar?:
Speaker 1:
39:23
This kind of thing. Yeah. And what that does is that diminishes one's sense of self. If one's self sense of self is, is attached to something that's limited now bye. Your disability. So there's those two things. One is the pain of losing your leg and the other is the suffering of you believing and quite probably not being perceived like the way you were before you lost your leg. Juan is pine. The other is suffering because how you feel other people feel about you, you own that. That's you. That's your suffering, that's your pain. That's your discomfort. And the only tools that are universal, our awareness and focus.:
Speaker 2:
40:17
Yeah,:
Speaker 1:
40:18
you become aware of it. The more aware of it you are, the more comfortable you get with it. Psychology has got a name for this. It's a thing called exposure therapy.:
Speaker 1:
40:32
Yeah. So I'm frightened of spiders, right? Simon Arachnophobes all I'm getting to like the more and more. I'm hoping that over the course of the next decade I'll become a friend of spiders, but there's still like, oh, there's a spider on me kind of feeling. And if you're on Arachnophobia can go to London Zoo and in the spider house they do a one day session where they introduce you to spiders and they start off with those tiny little even I'm quite happy with little money. Spiders running around in my hand and they're quite sweet. And then the slightly bigger spiders and slightly bigger spiders and now they're teaching you all about spiders, spider webs, most beautiful thing in the world. Almost, it's fantastic. There's nothing like getting up on an October morning bright and early when the Jews out, I'm walking through somewhere where there's a lot of blackberry bushes. The spider webs. Unbelievable. So you see all this and you're, you learn more and more about spiders and at the end of the day if you've got used to bigger and bigger and bigger spiders, most of the people leave and they, they got a selfie photograph of them holding a tarantula into hands cause it's so to been told in one what's happened is they've got comfortable bye allowing themselves to choose to get closer and closer to bigger and bigger spiders. And so they become comfortable with it. And this is what we need to do with our suffering.:
Speaker 1:
42:16
And this is where meditation is an ideal tool because when you sit and you cry, it silence in your mind to get a pretty calm mind. Something like six months to 18 months of meditation practice on a daily basis and do it most people. What will happen then is you'll notice all of this emotion arising in your experience and of course you get to choose. You get to choose when you meditate. So meditate when you feel the most powerful, most powerful in the day, the most powerful than a week type baby steps you do, the meditations that make you feel the best. So I decided a seven meditation's there's one that makes you feel the best and one makes you feel the least best. You do. The one that makes you feel the best. You are in control. You can meditate one day, not another day, and meditate for two hours. You choose which meditations you do. You stand up halfway through between in a meditation, you know, halfway through a meditation had enough meditation. Now why you go? I'd say on a try and meditate on apply and do whatever you want and you do less than you can. If you can meditate for 20 minutes, you meditate for 18 minutes and meditate for 15 minutes. You meditate for 13 minutes and they, you all very, very gently nudging your comfort zone and becoming bit by bit by bit more comfortable with it.:
Speaker 1:
43:56
And that's where the focus comes in. You're either choosing to listen to the irritating sound or to bring your attention back to the breath, or to listen to all sound or to repeat a mantra. You have your training, your focus, internal focus, external focus. Those two tools, that's everything. Awareness and focus. And it's all taught within meditation. But that's not enough because it's hypes six to 18 months to do it. What do you do for the first six months?:
Speaker 2:
44:41
This is what you do for the first six months. So the breath,:
Speaker 1:
44:49
he's an incredibly powerful thing.:
Speaker 2:
44:58
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
45:02
And the whites a hall and they see it as a two is to learn a Prana Yama. So who's done Pranayama or in the room? Hands up. Okay, good. So this is the thing called the four six breaths.:
Speaker 1:
45:20
So are people that do this, this, these kind of practices are taught to elite athletes, elite military, special forces, CEOs, um, high performers, people who spend really quite considerable amounts of money on, on personal development. And what this does is this fundamentally changes your physiology. You may not notice it. It's, it's a kind of 50, 50 thing, half off the people notice a difference. Yeah, other half don't. Okay. And to get the benefit of it takes two minutes. All right? I'm not going to do it now. But if you go onto the Bromley mindfulness youtube sites, there's I a 15 minute video blinding how to, there's an app that you can download that you can plug yourself into, that you can follow this breathing regime. And then you can see it changing your physiology fundamentally. Okay? And all we're doing literally is breathing in for four seconds. Breathing out for sex. When you breathe in, counter in your head as four seconds when you breathe out counters, sex. And the way to do that is we count one, 1002 1003 1004 1001 1002 1003 1004 1005 1006 1001 1002, 1003, 1004 1000, one, 1000, two, 1003, 1004, 1005, 1006, 1000.:
Speaker 2:
47:28
Yeah. Yeah.:
Speaker 1:
49:15
Slap has three effects. First and foremost, you're all breathing out longer than you're breathing in. So what that means is you evacuate and lungs fully because you evacuate your lungs fully. The next in breath, you're filling your entire lungs instead of just the top part. Because one of the consequences of stress, especially chronic stress, is that people breathe more shallowly. Sorry, I teach, uh, Darren Valley Hospital and one of the sisters was telling me that one of the, in the department that she works in, one of their key issues is helping people to do a thing called diaphragmatic breathing, which is breathing in and out from the belly. I don't want ideally to do that. You breathe in and out through the nostrils. So if you train yourself to meditate by breathing in and out through the nostrils, you do that just by placing your tongue up against the back of your top teeth.:
Speaker 1:
50:19
Then what will happen is that you naturally adopt diaphragmatic breathing. Oh, to see OT to transfer is more effective. Your body chemistry becomes more balanced and you'll be better able to manage any kind of situation. That's one thing. Second thing is this. Each time you breathe in, the body's moving into sympathetic mode, so there's a thing called the autonomic nervous system, which controls your own entire body. It controls whether you're stressed, whether you're relaxed, and these are two mutually exclusive states. You're either in stress state, sympathetic or you're in relaxation state. Parasympathetic can't be in both, certainly, and it's like a pendulum in breath, stress, outbreath relaxation because we're extending the out breath. That's what Prana Yama means. Prana means spirit or breath to the ancients. The spirit was the breath because when somebody dies has stopped breathing, the breath goes out of them. Therefore the spirit's gone.:
Speaker 1:
51:38
That's how they saw it. You're extending the breath, extending the out breath. You'll spending more time in relaxation and you are in stress. So the stress ratchet is going generally one in one direction. Click, click, click. Up goes the stress. You do this, you moving your body into relaxation mode into parasympathetic mode. The stress ratchet goes down, click, click, click. The third thing is a thing called coherence, and this is what you can see on the video on the Bromley mindfulness youtube site. Coherence is the synchronization between your heart, right? And your breath when you're breathing in because your body's in stress mode 100% coherence means that every successive breath is faster. When you're breathing out and you're in relaxation mode, a hundred percent coherence means that your body, every successive breath is a, sorry, every successive Harpy is slower on the outbreak. So whenever I plugged myself into this device to to do this in a demo, I'll be doing this couple of times later on today in the law firm I'm teaching in, you can say my coherence move from 40% to 100% it takes two minutes to get it there. And by doing that, what you're doing is you're telling your brain everything's okay. Everything's on unkind. So actually reduces your anxiety. There's a technique very similar to this that's used by the u s military to help operatives overcome fear in combat. It's a very real thing. That's one thing that you can do. This is to help to get you through the first year.:
Speaker 1:
53:47
The thing is, is there's a catch 22 here. People come along to meditation to, because of their stress and it's their stress that stops them. And especially if they're stressed, they sit down and meditate and they become aware. What do they become aware of? They become aware of their stress. So what you want to be able to do is intervene in it. So that's one, one intervention. So if you, if you're thinking to yourself are Cadillac and meditates a tie vote count, cause I, you know, feel anxious and stressed and my mind's going round and round in circles, do the full six press for two minutes if that doesn't work for you this well. And what they, this is, is a relaxation exercise. So here's the first part of it is to place your elbows by your side and your feet on the floor.:
Speaker 2:
54:45
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
54:48
And you're all looking for whatever place it is that your head is balanced most comfortably on top of your spine. Want to find the, the place of comfort.:
Speaker 2:
55:04
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
55:05
More comfortable. It is less muscles. There are in action.:
Speaker 2:
55:10
Yeah.:
Speaker 1:
55:11
Elbows by the side means you're not leaning forward, leaning forwards. You're not using all the muscles in the back and sides of the neck and shoulders.:
Speaker 2:
55:19
Yeah,:
Speaker 1:
55:20
the are associated with stress.:
Speaker 2:
55:24
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
55:24
Place your tongue up against the back of your top teeth so that your income, it's in contact with the sharp part of the bottom teeth. Place your thumb and forefinger very, very gently and contacts. So gently and contact that you could put a slide, a cigarette paper between them and allow yourself to become aware of the breath.:
Speaker 2:
56:02
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
56:02
Send the breath rising.:
Speaker 2:
56:05
Yeah.:
Speaker 1:
56:06
All right. Listen, the breath for ideally in the Mostro.:
Speaker 2:
56:10
Yes.:
Speaker 1:
56:17
And what we're going to do is relax four key areas of the body, the eyes, the Joel, the shoulders, the hands breathing in. Normally breathing out as you breathe out, relax in the eye. Browns. Oh, why isn't the trait? I'm just relax them a little bit more on each out breath. It may or may not help you to tighten your eyes on the in breath and relax them on the out breath. If you do that, you're only doing it for three or four out breath just to help you to connect. So the physiology sensation of the eyes.:
Speaker 2:
57:17
Yeah,:
Speaker 1:
57:18
it's the all hands.:
Speaker 2:
57:21
Well we:
Speaker 1:
57:23
transmit her stress. That's how you know someone else's trust. You just look at their eyes and all sorts of signals. Eyebrows squinting, frowning I movements. Hello, I need to relax your eyes is a very powerful social till in fact, doing all of this learning to relax as a social tool. Tongue still in contact with the sharp part of the teeth. Breathing in normally breathing out, relaxing the mouth and lips, jaw and throat. Just letting the time, this intention pressure and stress out on each out breath and so you do this for five or 10 hour press. I was five or 10 out breaths for the eyes. Five or 10 out. Press the Joel.:
Speaker 2:
58:42
Okay.:
Speaker 1:
58:43
Breathing in normally. Breathing out, relaxing the back and sides of the neck and the shoulders. Elbows by the side, head comfortably. So in contact with the shop, all the Tafe, thumb and forefinger, very gentle and calm time. And you're relaxing in the park on the sides of the neck and the shoulders.:
Speaker 2:
59:20
Yeah.:
Speaker 1:
59:36
Awareness, focus, awareness. You're aware of your physiology will reconnect into it so you become more aware of it. Focus. You're focusing on a specific part of it. Breathing in normally, breathing out, relaxing your hands. And many of you will notice that your hands are actually more relaxed anyway, although you haven't been focusing on that.:
Speaker 2:
60:07
There it is.:
Speaker 3:
60:12
Yeah.:
Speaker 1:
60:20
Breath sensing. Lock on, pump, pumping the pressure and tension and stress out of the hands. And then breathing in. Breathe into the top of your head. Relax. Onlys on the out breath. Jewel, shoulders and hands.:
Speaker 2:
60:39
Yeah,:
Speaker 1:
60:40
down to the tips of your fingers, down through your feet and into the full. Breathing into the space behind the eyes, the top of your head. Breathing out, relaxing the armies.:
Speaker 2:
60:54
Joel shoulders.:
Speaker 1:
60:59
Tips of your finger down through your feet into the floor. It was learning to relax for inside a body with specific focus on those areas that hold the greatest harass, the greatest tension.:
Speaker 2:
61:23
Oh, he's Joel shoulders and:
Speaker 1:
61:37
and then again, allowing yourself to become aware of your surroundings. So the last part of that last meditation is what I call the relaxation response.:
Speaker 2:
61:51
Okay,:
Speaker 1:
61:51
he got this six breaths. That's useful, but it takes two minutes.:
Speaker 1:
61:58
Fuel having the difficult interaction with somebody and you're getting a mental waterboarding. All right? Your emotions are stoked up. Your thoughts are either racing or you can't think of anything sensible and all of that stress. It's just stress. Yeah. That's what does to people is, is our rational thought. We want to intervene and we don't want to spend more than a breath intervening. If you practice the relaxation meditations for six to eight weeks, then your able to relax your eyes, jaw, shoulders and hands and a saint Kyle Price and you're switching your body from stress mode to relaxation mode. If that doesn't work, you do it again. You're going to have to breathe anyway. Whether you're getting a mental waterboarding or not:
Speaker 1:
63:08
and what you're doing is you're pumping out your stress. So those, those are two of the stress management techniques I teach bundle of others and there's a lot of emotional regulation techniques and so on and so forth. And to get to the point where your meditation becomes a useful practice and you really notice that your sufferings diminishing, you need some help, you need some help in both being able to do the practice and also help in terms of coping with the day to day existence and hoping that it doesn't become overwhelming during that period so that you can maintain your practice or I'm interested in is that you practice and whatever arises in that practice, it doesn't matter what it is, if it's not what you want. Tell me. Simple as that.:
Speaker 1:
64:09
Yeah. Hey, h meditation should leave you feeling lighter. That's what you're looking for and you've got all these different practices to choose ones, choose from, use the ones that make you feel better. That's the touchstone of it. At the end of it, you feel better and throughout the entire process it becoming familiar with your mind. Everything, how you feel, how you respond, what you do, what you experience, everything in our lives. It's our mind reflected in our mind. It's our mind that creates it. It's a mind that creates our happiness, our joy, our bless, our connection to everything, our capacity to communicate love. If you care about it, money all comes from here or on the other side of the coin, everything that's unsatisfactory. That's where it is. That's the place to look suffering.:
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