What Happens When You Say Yes to the Scary Decisions

Facing a big decision? Sometimes the biggest leaps we take in life are also the ones that lead to the most growth.

In this episode, Laura and Amanda talk about what it really looks like to make bold decisions before you have everything figured out. From moving to new cities to leaving behind the comfort of the familiar, they explore the uncertainty, fear, and excitement that come with choosing a new path.

Because the truth is, most life-changing decisions don’t come with guarantees.

So we learn to trust ourselves when the future feels unclear, and to recognize that growth often starts the moment you step outside your comfort zone.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you should take the leap, make the move, or trust your next chapter… this episode is for you. 

And we leave you with one question.
If you knew the outcome of your life would turn out beautifully, how differently would you choose to live it?

Wait… what’s next?

Wait... What's Next? 

Host: Laura Alba 
Co-Host: Amanda Brilhante
Executive Producer: Lauren Atkinson

Instagram: @waitwhatsnextpod, @lauraalbaz & @amandakbril

Email:  waitwhatsnextpod@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello and welcome back to Wait. What's next? You know those moments in life when you make a decision that feels slightly insustain when you're making it, but something in you know it's the right move. In today's episode, Amanda and I talk about the biggest scary decision we've made in our lives. One that may or may not involve backing up your life, moving somewhere new, and just in that somehow everything will figure itself out. Which is funny, because making a huge life decision sometimes feels bigger than studying where to get your next payroll or even what to be for dinner. We can do a bit of research as to why taking big leaps can actually feel simpler than the smallest digits we have set on our day-to-day. Why our brains work the way they do when it comes to rips, you definitely do not want to start. We come to the conclusion that most of our lives are made up of huge amounts. They're made up of the best and middle, the weighting, the adjusting, that they come in, which is what this podcast is all about. And somewhere in that conversation, we landed on a question that kind of stopped us, both for a moment. If you knew the outcome of your life was going to be good, really good, how different will you choose to be big? So keep that question in mind as we dive into this fun conversation about big moves across the continent. You might find yourself with some clarity at the end of this episode. Or who knows, maybe even more confused than how you started.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Let's get into it. So you were excited. You said I'm really excited.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Oh, I was excited because I just want to start in my skin back to my skin because I tried two years ago and whatever. But one, I'm doing something different. I am so I did research on my on myself. I like to do that when I do practices. I know we're gonna talk about scary things and what's like the most scary thing you've ever done. But I feel like when it comes to my skin or my body, I'm really scared. I don't know. It's I much rather plan and move to another country than making decisions on official. I don't know why it's scary to me. No, I'm Amanda, I'm telling you, I was just thinking about this. That's wild. Yeah, because our side ways is gonna be like, what is the scariest thing that you ever had to do, or a scary thing that you did? And I was thinking about that, and I was like, I feel like when I moved here to the US, I was not scared, I was super excited. And then another thing was when I bought my apartment in San Francisco, I was no scared at all, which is really a scary thing to do, but I'm trying to decide whether or not to scale you three microneedling sessions, and I am freaking out.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

That's so funny. Well, if it makes you feel better, I did three microneedling sessions. I've been doing Botox in my forehead, even though I'm I have movement right now since I was like 23 or 24. Yeah, yeah. I've done clear and brilliant facials, I've done diamond glow, hydrofacial.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

You look amazing though, and that's the thing because I think you're very you have been very in touch with doing the services, and most likely you know more about it. I think the scary part for me is that I don't know much about it, and I have to start trusting people who are specialists, but you know, you can find a little BS out there, and that's my biggest fear that somebody comes in and just messes up my face. And yeah, it's just very scary.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

We'll talk more about skincare, but I definitely went down that rabbit hole of horror stories, even with microneedling. I think day-to-day skincare has done more for me than maybe facials, but that's just my skin.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

I definitely need your opinion on this because I know you said you didn't like microneedling as much, but then I've heard Laura and our other friends just doing it and she's been loving it. So I'm like, oh, who do I listen to?

SPEAKER_00 4:18

My boyfriend loved it too. Like, swears by it, thinks that it completely improved his skin and he has good skin. I just think for me, well, I don't know. I mean, it's been like two or three weeks since my last session, but I still get acne. It's not like it cleared up my acne.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Your skin looks amazing, Amanda. I just think that maybe with you and out of skincare. Okay, I the we need to have this conversation we're gonna talk about this next episode, actually, to be relevant, but I do need to get all of your take on Korean skincare and all of that. I am trying to venture on that. I just bought a few products from Korean products, but what I was gonna say is your skin has consistently been good, at least from my perspective. I've had a deal with acne recently, and I think that I do want to see that change, right? Like, I don't want to see my acne skin, and I don't know if your boyfriend has had any kind of issues before. So maybe people that have had issues, you do see that big shift when you do those services. For you, it's more consistency, and I think you are doing more like preserve your skin so it doesn't age and all of that. But maybe that's my theory. I don't know, but maybe it's different.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

He did have pretty bad skin, so he is somebody who had much different skin than me. Where to your point, I've never had like cystic acne, I've never had something that's just been untamable. It's always been fairly minimal, even in high school. Now it's just like one, like for me, the one is the worst thing ever, but for somebody else, they're probably like there's literally nothing there. Oh, I you know what I did do this week though, which was so dumb. So, I mean, full disclosure, I definitely like to pick, which is not good, and I know that. But earlier this week, I was at a work conference and I like hit my nail on my eyelid right here, and I was like, there's no way I just said that. Like, no way. And I look, and sure enough, I had cut myself, so I had a little scab right here for days, and I come home and my boyfriend's like, let me guess you picked a pimple. And I was like, No, and you're not gonna believe this, but I cut myself with my own fingernail.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

It's one of those things where you just get mad because I'm like, How did I just do that? Like, it would it almost will sound better if you had an actual story. Yeah, like, oh, had something fell in my face. No, you just cut your nail. Oh my, that's so funny. I missed it. No, I do the same, I do the same. I pick a lot, and my boyfriend also is like, stop picking. I just get really irritated. Also, I was in denial that I had acne because I was like, Yeah, I would get one pimple and I'll be so annoyed, but it was just the one, and then he would go away and then come back every other month or whatever. And now, and then my boyfriend, when I started dating him, actually, he I had acne, but I was like, Oh, it doesn't matter, like it doesn't bother me because it still wasn't that bad, and he was here and there, and I thought it was just gonna go away. And then recently we talk about it, he was like, Oh, you are so in denial about acne, like you didn't even care. Because he is he not that he was judging me, but he has dealt with big acne, so I think that creates a trauma for somebody. And because I was so chilled about it, he was like, I just how was she so confident about these fucking pimples?

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Um, and so yeah, he had your best interest, so that's kind of cute. Okay, wait, going back though, you said that you're more scared of skincare than you are moving, and I know that you've done really drastic moves. I mean, you moved to a whole new country where English is not your first language, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

So I love these episodes, Amanda, because it really makes me reflect on the past and my patterns and what I've done. And I was trying to remember that feeling. The one, the biggest thing that has happened to me is moving here to the United States from Colombia at the age of 15, which I've talked in previous episodes, and I was really trying to get that feeling. Was I scared? And the truth is, I was really excited and I was hopeful for the future, and I was so motivated to live such a different experience. I also grew up on Disney Channel, so I think that was a huge part of it, but it just felt right, and it felt that I was meant to do this. I always wanted to move to the US, and so when it happened, there was no hesitation, there's nothing that was gonna stop me. I just kind of knew to relate it to the patterns. When I made the decision to buy my apartment, it also I've been flirting with the idea, and it just one thing led to another, and it happened, and I remember going through the process, which was a full month and a half, and it's kind of been a stressful process in terms of all of the things that you have to do. It was more the tedious part of finding all of these documents and collecting all of the data that they need, but I was so certain, and I went full in knowing that I'm gonna have a mortgage. How am I gonna start paying this mortgage and all of these things? I wasn't I knew that I was gonna figure it out, so I was never scared of that. It was just more so let's get this process complete and let's get disapproved. Again, it was excitement. I was gonna have new experiences, I was gonna move to the city, which led me to have an amazing year, and I met Noah. It's just all these little things, but I wasn't scared, so it's really weird. What about you? I know you've made also big changes in your life. How do you feel? And how also did you know that it was the right move?

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Similar to you, I wasn't scared. There wasn't one bit of me that had any doubt. When I moved to New York, I was also thinking about okay, what was it like? And I remember having conversations the month before because that move, it wasn't like I had six months to prepare. I think I had a total of like a month and a half. But I remember talking to people and being like, no, I'm ready. I'm ready for this. I don't have any questions about it. It just felt right. My gut said this was the next step and this is where I needed to be. I think part of it was I felt like I'd outgrown my place in San Diego at that time. Like it just felt like I needed to move on and go somewhere different. And yeah, I packed up my stuff. I actually moved with five suitcases, I think, like no furniture, just clothes. We've talked about this a little bit. I didn't know anybody in New York. And I got there and immediately I was like, this was right. This is where I'm supposed to be. And then, same thing when I came back to California, everything just lined up. And I was like, all of these doors are opening. Who am I to say no to this opportunity if everything is pointing in that direction? I would just be going against the stream at that point. So, same thing. At that point, I had packed up my stuff, I sold my furniture, I left a good amount of it to my former roommate. I just grabbed my clothes and I got on the plane and I wasn't sad. I was sad to leave my friends and I love New York, but again, I just knew it was right. And then I got to San Diego and I just I was home. That was it. And I was I was gonna ask you, what do you think you would have done if you had a sliver of doubt about moving? Do you think that it would have stopped you?

SPEAKER_01 12:02

No. Because I couldn't relate more with you on there was not an answer to me that was doubting the decision. I was so convinced that that's where I needed to go. And just like you said, this amazing opportunity just presented itself. I think I'm very scared of regret. I think I'm more scared of that and missing out on an opportunity. I just think that life presents you with opportunities and your heart knows this is the right way to go. Just like you said, it's almost going against what I wanted. There was no option to say no. I can't really say, should I do this? Should I do that? There's very, very small times in my life where I had to sit down and be like, am I supposed to do this? I don't think I've ever experienced that. In one way or another, I'm very thankful that when the opportunity presented itself, the timing was right. It felt right. And so it just didn't, I don't know what it's like to feel conflicted. I really don't know. But I like I said, I feel conflicted on smaller decisions, which honestly, I'm seeing a pattern here. I am so annoying when making decisions of what I'm gonna eat every day. That's where my where my decision making goes, where my energy goes by 5 p.m. I'm so tired because I have to make all these decisions on the workout, the clothes, like what am I gonna wear? When it comes to a big decision, I'm more like that's a yes or that's a no.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

I wonder if there's a science behind having a harder time making small decisions versus big decisions. And I'm actually gonna Google it right now. But I'm the same way as you when it comes to not wanting any regrets. And for me, it was always uh, well, I don't want to be at the point where I go, what if I would have done that and then I never know? And so I've always been like, well, I'll just do it because worst comes to worst. I just go back. And I did do a move that I did regret. I was because I was like, I've never regretted it. And then I was like, wait a second, I did. And it was when I no longer worked in news and I was unemployed. At that time, I was like, well, I'm not making money. I can't pay for a New York rent. I'm gonna move back home. I'll move back in with my parents, I'll figure out what's next. It seemed like I was being pointed in that direction. And I had a really hard time leaving. And when I was getting ready to leave, I was telling all my friends, no, I'll be back. I'll see you in three months. So I think my gut knew it wasn't the right call. And instead of listening to it and making it work, I did need to alleviate some pressure. And I did that by going to a place where I wasn't gonna have to worry about a rent payment. I got off the plane in San Diego. I was down in baggage claim, and it hit me. I was like, that was the wrong decision. And I knew that I was for sure going to be back in New York in three months. And sure enough, it was like three months on the dot later. I was back in New York with a new lease and a job. And then I got to really finish out my time there. But that's the thing, is okay, so what if I would have stayed there? I probably would have had a hard time and wondered if going back home was the right decision. And instead of made the decision to go back, and it wasn't the right decision. So I went back to New York. You can always go back.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

You always said that you think it was a wrong decision, but it led you to where you're at now. So was it really the wrong decision? It's one of those things where I feel that it's meant for you to live that. But I also don't want to leave everything to destiny because we do make those decisions for ourselves. But I do have another legger and another question. Do you feel that before the big moves come, you start getting random thoughts about things that eventually you're like, okay, this just became a decision? For instance, say that you started thinking about San Diego more before you have to move. And I know you were dating your boyfriend and you guys were doing long distance, so that probably made you think of that more. I just find it that I start getting ideas that I want to do in that specific place or images of something that could happen there, or being creative, something it comes in different types of forms. Eventually, what happens is when Lily is happening, and say that I made the move, for instance, when I moved to SF, then I'm there, and then I look back and I was like, oh my God, like I have been planning on coming to SF a lot and just hanging out. And then I was like flirting with this idea, and now it just makes sense. In a way, I think life preps you to this move to just unconscious of it. And then once the big move comes in, you're just ready.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Yeah, I think that there's a component of romanticizing that life, right? Because you were saying that you were picturing it, you are imagining it. So I think you're getting in the headspace of being there and in a way that both becomes motivation and also gets you prepared to be there. And for the record, I did just Google why we have harder times making small decisions, but not big ones. And my result was that small decisions have no clear framework. So there's no like clear best answer. And if you're a strategic thinker, you dislike randomness. So your brain keeps scanning for a better option. Whereas when you're in that big decision, it feels more like that strategic thinking component. And so it's big picture cognition, it doesn't feel fast and messy.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

That is me. I am that.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Yeah, same.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Oh my god, it's so true. And you can ask my boyfriend, you can ask my mom. They know me better when I have to make a decision on food. My mind keeps thinking, okay, but if I take protein right now, then I can just eat more fiber and more like fast food later or whatever. That's like my whole dynamic. So they said, or it's always optimizing my results, but it's hard to know because I don't think it's really gonna make that big of a difference. But you're right, when you're making a decision of I'm gonna move countries, what are the variables? What am I coming into? You're looking into all of that. You are definitely making a more educated decision. And the outcome is probably gonna be closer to what you predicted than the outcome of small decisions where it doesn't really matter because they're smaller, and also you don't have that much information, really. I completely agree with this.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Did you ever feel lonely during that transition time?

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Yeah, I love transitioning into this the aftermath of the big move or the big decision. I think that's when the real work comes in because making the decision and doing all the does will while you're going through the emotions, you're so distracted because there's a lot going on. But when the does settle and you start feeling the consequences of those decisions, I think this is the pivotal part of making big moves. I could argue that a lot of people make decisions on doing something, but what they can deal with is the consequence of that. And so they kind of just give it a three-month trial, and then if they didn't feel right, it just goes away. It does happen. I started feeling homesick when I moved to the US. I didn't have a community anymore. I was 15, I already had my friends in Colombia. So you started from zero. Everything is new, nobody gets you because the culture was so different. That was really hard. And it made me miss Colombia. I was homesick. But I also knew the alternative and I had it very clear that the alternative would have I'm gonna stay in Colombia and I'm really just kind of built a life there. And that to me was not as good as that uncomfortable feeling of being in Colombia and creating my future there. Not because I didn't like my country, but I just knew that the opportunities here were better. That uncomfortable feeling here was much better than the uncomfortable feeling of growing up in Colombia. And I heard a saying today that says something about your pain of doing something won't change until the pain of not doing it is bigger than that. And I totally resonate because I knew that I was gonna be uncomfortable here for a few years, but the long-term results of that were gonna be exponentially better than if I would have stayed uncomfortable with my friends in Colombia.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

I love the way that you put that. I think for me, my experience with being lonely in New York was a little different for sure. Because similar to you in the beginning of that, you're so distracted first, and everything is new and fresh, and it does take a while for that dust to settle. But when it does, then you're like, oh, well, now what do I do? But when I was in New York, I went through this period of having fast friends, is what I call them. And it was like you would go and hang out with somebody once, and all of a sudden you'd trauma jump on each other, and then you'd realize, oh, you just told this complete stranger things that you typically wouldn't share. And then you hang out a couple more times, and then all of a sudden you feel like you're somewhat close, but then by the end of you know, six months to a year, you're all of a sudden starting to drift, and maybe you're not as close, and you kind of realize that connection isn't right for you. And with moving, I always tell everyone give it two years. Three months. Yeah, two years. Three months definitely is when you start to get more into your routine. The newness of it starts to wear off. It's not all shiny and sparkly. And then from three months to Probably about six to eight months. That's when you start to feel like some of that pain. A year goes by really quick. A year into it, you're gonna realize a year's gone by, time moves quick, you're just starting to get your footing in. That next year, that's when I really felt myself come into myself and figure out who my friends were and who I wanted to be. And I felt like I was really home. And then after two years, it was just getting to live my life. It was actually more towards the fourth year when I started to get homesick because I was missing family. I had so much fun with my friends, I had great connections, and then I was missing out on being around my family. And that's just my experience because I'm close to my family, everyone's different. But that ended up being a core value and a core reason why I came back to San Diego.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

I completely get that. And while I want to tell the story back of what you were saying, I do want to learn what were the self-talks that you had with yourself to push over that comfortable not knowing, exploring, but staying in that place. How do you work through that to make it past that benchmark and actually feel like New York was becoming your home?

SPEAKER_00 23:23

Great question. I think part of it, honestly, was going through the motions. I don't know if I allowed myself the appropriate amount of time to really think about it and get down about it. It was more like, you know what? I'm feeling a little uncomfortable. Why am I feeling uncomfortable? What do I have to do? Instead of sitting in that uncomfortable feeling, I was really busy when I was in New York. But that's also the city. It just lends itself to a place where you always have something to do. But I tried to also appreciate slowness. And that's actually something I learned when I was in New York, is when I had that downtime, I started to learn okay, don't feel anxious about the fact that I'm sitting on the couch tonight. Maybe I need to be here. Maybe I need that rest. And tomorrow's a new day, and then I get to continue on. So that's probably a big self-talk that I had was things are okay when they're slower. And then looking at everything I gained, looking at the really great connections I have, the career connections, personal, where I was in my career, the excitement of it, knowing that I'm living out my dream. That was a big one. I see all these TikToks right now about how you're living someone's dream, right? And they're like, so do it tired, do it when you're sad. That's the same thing. I was living my dream, and I didn't want to forget that. How about for yourself? What did you do? What was your self-talk?

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Let's see. I do relate with you when you said that first year, and I'm talking about when I moved from Colombia here. I think I was almost in shock and excitement that the dust really didn't settle. It was it was like I started high school and in my freshman year, it was very tough because they put me down one grade, and then of course I have this FOMO outsider feeling because you're new, and I'm not only new to the school, I'm new to everything. So I'm seeing that exciting things are happening around me, but I'm not part of that. And in all of these people that are there, maybe in clubs or have their friends, they have been building up all of this for years because they grew up here. Some of these people have relationships since they're three. So I felt I think that was my first reality check that the absence of me being in a community that has been growing with each other for a long time. And that was very lonely. But then I went full into instead of focusing on what I don't have and what I really didn't have control, how can I start working towards that? Just like you said, it was my dream to live here. So I think I leaned really into that. My whole strategy every day, I didn't have a normal quote unquote high school experience because people come and then they're, you know, you're complaining about your classes, and then you have your friends, and then you have fights with your girlfriends. I was hoping to have girlfriends. I just didn't, I didn't care. I wanted to be part of that community that when the girls are just in their day-to-day worried about their normal things that a normal teenager is working, is worried about. I was working on how do I insert myself in this situation? How do I create an opportunity for myself to start building up a community around me? How do I get more involved? How do I learn how to move around here because I'm super foreign? And not that I didn't want to change myself, but I did, that was my motivation. And the first year was hard. The second year was when it finally kind of sink that I was from here and I was gonna start growing up here. And I couldn't travel back to Colombia for a long time. So I started missing my family there and the ones that stayed. And that's when you realize it's like, wow, time is gonna be passing by. I don't know when I'm going to be able to go back. But I was having this internal battle, I do remember that, where I couldn't accept the fact that I was missing it because part of me felt that I was failing if I accepted that I was missing home. And so I didn't allow myself to get there. But when things got a little bit hard in school, maybe I wasn't making friends or I had a bad day because I I don't remember, but I do remember something, some things were not positive for me in my experience, nothing crazy, but I remember going home and feeling frustrated. That would make me miss home. And I remember I talked to one of my family members in Colombia on that second year mark, and I finally started crying and telling her that I miss Colombia. And then I cried it out, and the next day I was like, I don't know why I was tripping. Like, I'm fine, I love it here. And it probably doesn't serve me telling them that I miss it because they don't see you every day and they probably think that you're having a terrible life here. But I think that that two-year push was really hard. And I also had to put myself out of, oh, I'm hanging out with only my Latino friends that speak Spanish and get me. I really was pushing myself to meet new people. But that's when I did the most growth, I think. Because eventually somebody likes you and somebody starts wanting to hang out with you, and you're like, oh my God, I have a friend. And I do want to hear from you, like who was that person for you who made you feel like, oh wow, I'm here. Like I made it, we're we're gonna be good. Like this is about to get fun. Because I did have that girl who I don't know, were just started talking to me, and she was a cheerleader, and she would talk to me about all of her football player boyfriends and drama. And I didn't even know who these people were, but I would just sit there and listen to her, and I was just so excited because she was talking to me and she wasn't whenever I wouldn't understand something, she didn't care, she would repeat it. And I just love when people wanted to talk to me so much that they didn't care, and they went the extra mile to help me understand them. I think that was the hard thing when people would like talk to me and I wouldn't get it, and they'll be like, I'll just walk away, or be like, look at you weird. And so that was my and she really made a difference in my life in that way, and she probably doesn't even know it. So that's when I knew, okay, things are starting to look up.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

It really does make a difference when you find that one person because I also do have that one person, and it was I met her through another friend. So when I moved to New York, my friend put me in contact with her friend that she grew up with.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Another blind, another blind date.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Another blind date. Yep. A lot of New York for me was blind dates. And to what you were saying earlier, you do have to put yourself out there. I can tell you all the different ways that I met friends, blind dates being a really big one in the beginning. And this girl is still my friend to this day. We're incredibly close. I absolutely love her. But the first time we hung out, that's when it clicked for me that okay, you know what? I think me and this girl are more in line with than the other people I was meeting, these fast friends. And that friendship continued to grow. And we brought in other friends, and one thing led to the next, and all of a sudden I built this life there that I always wanted a big group of girlfriends, and I had that. I had 10 plus girls who were all going out together. And to go back to what I was saying about some of the ways that I met friends, yes, the blind dates. I also just talked to people all the time. Like I was at a concert one time and I turned around and this girl was standing there alone, and I was just like, oh my gosh, are you alone? And she was like, No, my friend's at the bathroom. And I was like, Oh my gosh. And then we just started talking. And same thing. This girl to this day, we're setting up a FaceTime date. She became a really close friend. I reconnected with former colleagues who I knew, moved to New York. I reconnected with former friends or college connections that I had. It was a lot of like, oh yeah, I'll come out with you, even if I didn't really want to. And then I would meet somebody's friend group, and then maybe within that group, I would meet somebody that I was really connected with, and then we would hang out and become closer friends. That was another way that I met friends. So, all different ways, but you do have to put yourself out there because losing that community is really lonely and it is really hard. And I think that you and I, we might have different stories when it comes to why we moved or how we moved or what that timeline looked like, but we still went through a lot of the same emotions. And I have friends who are moving now or just moved, and they're kind of in the same place, and then they have to sit back and you kind of have to look at, well, what do I have in my life now that's a positive? What did I gain by doing this? And again, if it's not right, you can always go back, you can always change it again. We're not stuck being there. How do you think moving changed you? Because it sounds like there was obviously this component of being uncomfortable, your identity changing, you're now being looked at as the weird foreign girl. So, how do you think it changed you, made you who you are?

SPEAKER_01 32:52

That's so funny, dude. I love doing this retrospect because I haven't thought about these for years. I was very fortunate that I already had a strong personality when I moved here. And I keep saying that over and over again because culture shock is real. And when you are not at the very least, a little bit in touch with or confident with who you are and know who you are, it's really, really easy to get swiped by the culture and just start doing really dumb things just to be able to fit in. I was very fortunate that I had my mom had raised me with strong values and I knew what bad and wrong was, at least for me, because that varies for everybody. And so I was able to always stand up for that that I believe was wrong and right. That helped me not identify with being foreign or not knowing the language. I mean, there were moments where it were hard and I wanted people to talk to me. This is the one thing that I felt. I felt like I was a bargain in the beginning. When people committed to talk to me, it was a they were doing me a service because it wasn't fun. I didn't feel in the beginning that they were talking to me and gaining anything from that conversation because they had to go the extra mile to understand me. For instance, the girl that was helping me, or like the girl that started talking to me, she genuinely liked me. And that's the part that I was always had so much gratitude because I was like, wow, like she really likes me, you know, because yeah, you kind of question your personality a little bit. You you feel not confident. And then when she would introduce me to other friends, well, her friends really were just talking to me because she was talking to me. And that's when I felt that I was a bargain. I was like, oh, this we're not vibing. Obviously, they're just being nice because the other friend is nice to me, but they're not seeing me for who I am. They're just trying to be cool because the cool girl is talking to me, and now they wanted to be cool like the other girl. So I always had a constant feeling. And eventually that would go away slowly and slowly. I could pinpoint the person that wanted to talk to me because they genuinely thought I was cool and they wanted to have an interaction with me. And I could see the people that were like, oh my God, I'm just talking to her because I have nobody else to talk to, or because some other people are talking to her. So it must she must be cool to talk to. I don't know. But I did feel that. And this was the question that I was gonna ask you. The change was being so out of my comfort zone, even though it was uncomfortable, it made me so confident. If something I feel so happy, because in a way, when you put yourself out there and you also meet new people, you're meeting different layers of who you are as well. It's a reflection on you as well. And when you kind of like untap those new layers of who you are, it's very exciting. And you start knowing yourself more and therefore expanding your horizons. So I think that's how I changed. I was more confident, and I learned so much more about myself than just being with the one friend who wanted to talk to me. And I want to hear from you. How do you think you changed? And not that I'm you weren't confident before, but how do you think your confidence got affected?

SPEAKER_00 36:17

Similar to you, I feel a lot more confident after. And I have to say, too, before I dive into that, listening to your story, there's a part of me that makes me so sad hearing how little Laura was feeling like an outsider and being treated like that because kids are so mean. And my mom always raised me to be kind to everyone, and she was always pushing me to be friends with somebody who was an outsider. And it just breaks my heart to hear that you were in this position where people were treating like that because it's so not fair. And as much as I want to say I'm sorry for your experience, I'm also so glad that it shaped you into being a stronger, more confident person. And you said earlier that was it ever really wrong? Was it a regret if it made us who we are now and made us better? And same thing to you, though, is when I moved to New York, I think it really helped shape who I was. I tell everyone that they should move from their home city, wherever it is, even if it's for a short time, because it challenges your identity. And it is a slippery slope if you make those bad choices. You're completely right. And I remember I'm thinking back to those times when I was given the option. And I can't say I made every choice perfectly, but I did find my way back to who I was. And at the end of this journey, I definitely am more rooted in who I am, my values, how I want to be perceived than I when I than I was at the start of this, regardless of if I made a couple wrong turns here and there. I mean, I think hopefully people don't make too many wrong turns, but you can always make up for those mistakes. But I'm really glad that I moved because coming back to San Diego, I am much more at peace with this version of myself than I would have been if I stayed where I was five plus years ago. I think that's the biggest change.

SPEAKER_01 38:16

Yeah, I do want to comment back though. Thank you for saying that. You're so sweet. One comment that I have about those people that did that, if it was another circumstance where maybe I wasn't, maybe I was born here and I still ran into these people throughout my life, they would have never been my friends because there is types of people and values that I resonate with and I want to surround myself with. And I just knew there's no in a million years you and me would have been friends other than the reason that we are here today and you feel like you have to talk to me. That was always my peace of mind that I knew in my heart I don't resonate with this girl. I don't necessarily judge her, but the kind of life that she has and how she moves, it's not how I would move. And therefore, I don't really care if she wants to be my friend or not. It really just takes a couple of people that are meaningful. You and me would have probably been friends because that kind of mentality that you had would have probably pushed you to talk to me at the time. And I think that's how it was for the girls that really liked me. I think they were raised by families where they encouraged diversity and go and talk to the girl who's quiet in the corner because it really did make a difference. And we need those people in the world. What I will say to that is life puts the people that are right for you, and you just can't stay and give it yourself a hard time over the people that chose not to be around you. So that's okay. I feel like I never felt bad about it because I had that bigger understanding. But I can see how for other people that could be hard. To your point, and the biggest takeaways of this conversation for people who maybe going through a move and are alone in a different place, and they keep running into these people who are not truly on your best interest or really want to give you a genuine friendship. I think that's a challenge that life is putting you through. For one, look inward and get to know who you are. Because that way, once you're strong and confident on who you are, then you're gonna start running into the right people and the people that are gonna take you to like the best places and make you have the best experiences. Because that happened to me over and over again. One with that girl in high school, then in college, then I met you guys, and then also the people that I did it, like I dated people that also put me in situations where I was like, oh my God, this is amazing! Like I'm having really great experiences, and that makes you grow, but I do think it goes back to you and how much you push yourself to get those experiences. I have a question for you, Amanda. What was the most unexpected win you had right now if you put together all of the moves back and forth and those big shapes in your life?

SPEAKER_00 41:05

I don't think I can name one unexpected win because I'm genuinely happy with where my life is at now. Like I didn't expect to meet my boyfriend. He's a big win. I didn't expect to be back in San Diego right now and to be able to drive to my parents' house within 10 minutes. That's a massive win. I think how I feel about myself and how much I've grown is an even bigger win. That's huge, you know. And you said something earlier about how the right people be in your life. And I it made me think of the quote: people are either in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. And you do start to navigate that and figure it out. And I know part of what we talk about are these big transitional moments. And right now we're talking about the transition of uprooting your entire life and challenging your identity, who you are, where you are, everything that you know to be central and home. And then essentially reinventing yourself or discovering who you are when that foundation is no longer there. And there's all sorts of challenges. We've touched on the component of friends, of losing a community, the part about finding a new identity, possibly making decisions that aren't best for you, and then finding decisions that are best for you. And I think navigating these moves physically is a transition, but emotionally is as well. And for anybody going through it, it is a day-by-day process. And then you look back, and like we're saying, all of a sudden you realize a year's gone by and two years have gone by. Listen to your gut, listen to how you're feeling. Hopefully, you have somebody to talk to about how you're feeling. Sometimes it's the stranger in the grocery store. But it's pretty clear that at the end of this journey, both of us came out of it feeling much better about who we are and where we're at. And we're 30 years young basically, we still have a whole lifetime to go. So much.

SPEAKER_01 43:15

You're so right. I was hoping that that was your answer, and I kind of knew what that was going on because mine was too. Not that the end goal is find your person, and that's when you know. I don't think that's it, but everything aligns, and I think that's your 30s. If you have been working on yourself through your 20s, because I think a huge part of your 20s is really honing in on who you are, putting through challenges, a lot of unexpected and uncertainty things happening to you that really gets you and sets you up really well for your 30s when you do take the time again to be on these uncomfortable moments and work on yourself. Your 30s are gonna be, to me, it's like a soft landing into where you wanna be eventually more permanently. And I have the same thing. My most unexpected win was meeting my boyfriend. And while it has been a lot of him traveling, me traveling to wherever he is. And there really isn't still that stable place where we're at, like our home that we can call our home. Everything else has aligned in a way. Our families are close to each other. We're able to see each other. It's happened sometimes that I was able to work remotely and go where he is. And or like I lose my job and then I can be with him for a certain amount of time because he's working. Or when he's home, um, then I get a permanent job. I don't want to get super into it. But we both have talked about it how oh my God, these patterns where life really wants us to be together. That is unexpected when within itself. To your point about going through it, I almost can assure you, and I probably feel that you feel the same way. If we knew what the turnout would have been, which is now, I probably would have been more at ease going through all of these steps, knowing that everything was gonna be okay. Because I know when you're going through it in your 20s and even 30s, sometimes it feels like, where is this going? What am I doing? And am I really want to end up where I am? And I always look at my boyfriend and look at my life around me and my family and my friends. And I always think to myself, I wish I would have just been more chill about it and not let these scary thoughts come in because it all turned out the way I wanted it. I just feel like the moments in between are the ones that you don't want to miss. And even if it's hard and you're going through a transition, it's so good to focus and live through those moments your day to day. Because yes, you can wake up and have the dream life, but I don't think it's gonna happen if you're not in the moment experiencing and going through the process of what you're going through right now.

SPEAKER_00 45:56

No, you kind of just gave some advice, but I think we should definitely finish this conversation on what we would say to someone else who is taking that scary step. So if you wanted to sum it up, what is it that you would say to somebody who is making a big move?

SPEAKER_01 46:14

It depends, right? Like I think if you started making big life changes since you were young, it's kind of like you have trained your brain muscles to know how to go about them. And I would trust that, right? The more you do it, the repetition, you become more natural about it, and you know what to expect, and you know how you're gonna react to those situations. So for me, because I make that huge lip when I was 15, my brain knows how to navigate it those times and I know how to get in that mode. But if say that maybe you never left home, you kind of live close by, you never make a big change, and then you're thinking about that in your 30s or even in your late 20s, or even in your 40s, because I know people listen that are older too, and you don't have that experience from the past, I would say focus on the opportunity that it's gonna come out of that. See how things are working out. I think the universe is always sending you messages of whether or not this is the right move. If things happen smoothly, of course, it's not gonna be perfect, but if you feel like there's a synergy that is moving you towards that goal and towards that change, you start meeting people that are helping you make that transition. You start waking up and you feel excited about it, that might be a good sign that that is the way to go. I would just say go for it. Go for it because I think that the alternative of not doing it and having regret and not knowing what if is probably gonna eat you alive eventually when you're older. No matter what, I think if you're feeling that you start leaning into a big move, more often than no, I would say go. What is yours?

SPEAKER_00 47:57

Without repeating what you said, because I would say much of the same things that you just said, having the opportunity for options is a blessing. Being able to know that you're in a position where you can try something new, that is a blessing, even if you don't like it. Because at the end of the day, understanding what you like also means that you understand what you don't like. So everything you just said, I completely agree with. I would tell somebody to the same thing. Most importantly, I would tell them to do it. Because if they don't like it, they can always go back.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

You can always tell too, Amanda, when somebody has had big changes in their life or when somebody hasn't. Do you think you can tell in different people that you meet in person that you're like, oh wow, this person has been around like their whole life? Because I'm not criticizing some people who feel very comfortable and that's how they're happy. But I do think being introduced to new experiences are so far from where you were born and what you know. It really makes you change a perspective towards the world and how you feel about other people and differences. And I would say, if people chose to travel and get to know other cultures, we wouldn't have fights among countries when you go to Mexico and you meet people that speak Spanish, but they're so different than me. There's so many things that they do differently, their food is different, and there's reasons why, and they have this culture and history. And once you learn that, you become so empathetic because you just know there are other human beings that have been raised with different values and ideas. At the end of the day, we are a result of the surroundings that we have and the upbringing. And when you get introduced to other upbringings, then you understand more. That's another reason to lean in to change, go to a different place, go to a different country, even trying different food. I just think that that really opens up your mind to alternatives that your brain doesn't know because you haven't experienced it before.

SPEAKER_00 49:59

So it does open your mind, I agree. Laura, I'm gonna let you take us home with the follow us at Spotify, Apple. You know the spiel. Take it away.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

Take it away. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. We're now on YouTube. You have access to video as well if you're more into that. You can also follow us at Wait What's Next Pod. Talk to us, leave us a message. We have been getting reviews from some of our friends and people that are listening. And you know, we're always evolving, so we always want to hear what you think, what ideas you would like us to discuss. We're not experts on anything that we talk about, we're just experts of our own lives, and I think that's what you can take away. We're just two friends growing with each other and sharing our experiences. So leave a comment and let's continue growing this community.

SPEAKER_00 50:53

See you guys next week. Bye.