Knotty Bi Nature
In the realm of long-term love, where time bends and stretches, where passion and intimacy evolve like a living thing, two guides step forward—Dr. Casey Sanders and Kari Sanders. Together, they embark on an odyssey into the heart of relationships, peeling back the layers of connection, desire, and vulnerability.
This podcast is a lantern in the shadows, illuminating the secrets to lasting intimacy. It’s a journey into the delicate art of keeping the flames of love not merely alight but growing ever stronger. Join these seasoned sex educators as they unravel the mysteries of passion, communication, and erotic exploration, sharing their wisdom on how to nurture desire through the years.
If you’ve ever wondered how to deepen your bond or rekindle the spark in your long-term relationship, Dr. Casey and Kari invite you to step into their world—where love isn’t just a moment in time, but a story still unfolding.
Knotty Bi Nature
It's been so long! Can I have a look at the menu please?
After a 4 moth hiatus..... WE'RE BACK!
In this episode we're updating you on all the things that have been going on behind the scenes including our new collaborations, partnerships, and how much fun we've been having!
We also dive into the fantasy of transactional sex with your partner. Is it okay to to make sex transactional? Doesn't that take away from your intimacy? Spoilers..... HELL NO it doesn't! When explored through the lens of fantasy and in ways that can actually facilitate MORE intimacy, transactional sex can be a ton of fun!
Mentioned in this episode
@wildflowerintimates Grace at wildflower intimates might have THE best lingerie shop on the planet! She offers free bra fittings that will have you questioning WHY you never had a proper one done as well as some of the most amazing undergarments you will ever see. In fact, Casey and Kari will be hosting an intro to Shibari workshop at Wildflower on November 15th, 2024!
@madisonfromdallas We are happy to be going through rebranding with THE madison from dallas. You may have seen here recent work featuring artists like the meteoric Chapelle Roan. We were elated to eb able to hang with Madison. Her work is PHENOMENAL!
@shibaristudios Shibari studio is THE premier studio in Fort Worth for both seasoned and new Shibari enthusiasts. Whether you are new to the ropes or an experienced Rigger or Bunny, Shibari studios offers a safe and consent driven environment to explore your rope fantasies. All memberships include a background check and waiver to ensure safety for all participants. They also offer courses from intro classes to advanced suspension classes and even world class performances! USE CODE CWKC1023 at checkout from shibaristudios.com for $25 off your membership good through October 31st 2024.
This episode has been a long time coming.
kari (2):We haven't recorded in a minute. It's fine.
casey:It's fine.
kari (2):Four months. It's four months without an episode. We've been
casey:doing episodes weekly for the past two years.
kari (2):Can I say how proud I am for the fact that we've done them weekly because now that we're like getting more into the podcasting world, people are like, y'all did that shit weekly. I'm like, yes, every. Single week.
casey:Well, people that we've talked to have been like, Oh yeah, we sat down and we recorded an entire season's worth of content over a weekend.
kari (2):Yeah. I don't want to do that.
casey:And no, we like the, I like not the, I want to say impulsivity, but I definitely want to say like
kari (2):current.
casey:Yeah. How current it makes the, the questions that we're answering and the topics that we cover.
kari (2):Yeah. Because a lot of times we sit down. So if you're unaware, we record a lot of our episodes on Tuesdays that are then released on Fridays. Yeah. From one Friday to the next Tuesday with the world we're in, shit changes, a lot changes, new information is
casey:published, things change, people change, questions arise. And we want to try to stay up to date with a lot of that. So we do, we've made the conscious decision to do our episodes weekly. And now it's been a minute.
kari (2):But why did we stop? Stop, what happened in our life?
casey:We had to move. I don't, I didn't, I say had to, and I mean that genuinely
kari (2):aggressively had to quickly, not chose
casey:to move, had to move.
kari (2):So we had been in a place that we had lived in for six years and in April, we got a notice that we had 60 days to vacate. Um, they were looking to sell, which we understand when you rent, you understand that at any point your home could go up for sale. We understood that. It was just. I, I guess still an expecting, of course, it's always
casey:a surprise.
kari (2):Yeah. Yeah. Especially because every year we get that like new notice and it's like one more year and we're like, check the box. Fuck. Yeah. Thanks.
casey:Next. So receiving that email that says we have decided not to renew your lease. My mind immediately went to like, what did we do wrong?
kari (2):Yeah. You went, well, no, you did, but you went to Mr. Fix it. Which is fine. Like everyone in their relationship needs a Mr. Fix it. And I went to like, no, I need to process this emotionally and aggressively. Mine
casey:was straight for. I'm finding us a place like today
kari (2):was at conflict resolution. That is what you went to, you know? Um, but yes, it, it did put us in a pause and in the show, right. We had to pack up. Um, but that also gave us a time to reflect on our name.
casey:Yes.
kari (2):Right. Like
casey:on where we stand with the CW Casey brand.
kari (2):Yeah. And that maybe it's a
casey:C brand. Yeah. The
kari (2):come with Casey
casey:insert, it tends to be and how,
kari (2):how we got, you know, some of
casey:the public reaction to it, which I want to, can I, can I say something on the kind of like mini rant,
kari (2):this is our platform to rant
casey:like two minutes on a two minutes,
kari (2):maybe a minute.
casey:Um, I ran into an old friend the other day. Uh, who was singing praises for, for the show. He was like, Oh man, I listened to the show. I think it's great what y'all are doing. People need this education, this sex positivity, all this in the world. But then he also let slip that most of the people he's talked to that these are people we've known from years and years ago are like on some level are like making fun of it or trash talking or just offended or offended
kari (2):by calm. Why? When did calm become offensive?
casey:And so my thought process that was like. morbid, but I remember hearing this quote a while back where I was like, that resonates with me. And this person had essentially said to all of these haters, um, If you were to die today, my life would no, no different. And so yes, that's, that's law. On the heavy side, it's a bit morbid, but No, but, but the
kari (2):truth in it, it's because you have no effect on what we do. It doesn't. And us going through and rebranding and altering our title really doesn't have anything to do with the people that choose to be offended by it.
casey:No. It has everything to do with the censorship we experience online. Yeah. I
kari (2):mean, we had our first. Instagram page that was deleted or reported and we lost everything. We had such a following, like our page was growing. And the thing is, is our page isn't growing to our own satisfaction. We were helping people. And then we woke up one day. Gone. All of it. We've already, I mean, we've
casey:talked about that. We have.
kari (2):And so we decided at this time that we knew we had to slow down. We weren't going to be able to record on the level that we wanted to or needed to. Why not utilize this time for a little bit of rebranding? A little bit of going back to the drawing board and, and trying to figure out how to unfortunately adhere to said criticisms, but also standards
casey:and guidelines, community
kari (2):standards and guidelines. But how can we grow from this? How can we become better instead of being bitter? I'd rather be better than bitter.
casey:Ultimately, the goal is to reach as many people as possible. And if we, and if we at this stage. I have to adhere to some rules. Then you know what? So then
kari (2):fine. We will come in peace. Oh, I mean, no, well,
casey:that sounded so fake,
kari (2):didn't even mean that
casey:it
kari (2):wasn't though. No, we, we will, uh, take come out of our title and we are, we are rebranding, which actually introduced us to some really bad ass opportunities and people that we actually want to discuss right now,
casey:go online as soon as you can and go look up Madison from Dallas. Madison is helping us currently with our rebranding. She just did our photography sessions. Oh
kari (2):my God. Our rebranding shoot was one of the funnest shoots
casey:we've had in a while. We were able to collaborate with our good friends at nickel city in south Fort worth to give us access to the bar so we can do someone. I don't want to divulge any too many stories. I don't
kari (2):want to say who helped us do that either, because apparently they just want to help us. And I love that for us. So we have some people at nickel city that we've, you know, grown to love and they love us and they allowed us into their space. And, and then, uh, Madison did such a. Amazing, like detailed job. What type of shoot do you want? So I took my ass to Pinterest and I was like, bold imagery, like sexy coupling, like whatever I could do to, to really show the brand that we want to be. And I, yeah. And I send her this uh, what do you call them? Mood board, a mood board. And, and she literally was able to take every single aspect of that shoot and say, or my mood board, I'm sorry. And say This is where we're going to go. This is how we're going to shoot. This is what we're going to do. I'm looking at what you sent me. I am, I am taking that to heart and I'm going to help you recreate that. And I know that we haven't seen the images yet, but oh my God. I
casey:did magnificent. Even the test step that I saw, like through her camera,
kari (2):I was trying to edit. There was a moment that she went to the bathroom and I'm like, Lord, I just wanna turn it on. Look at a few. I'm not gonna because it's, it's not like proper etiquette and I get that. No, not at all. But it's not, and I wouldn't, and I didn't, but I, I did want to.
kari:Yeah.
kari (2):Um, but not only through this like rebranding opportunity to allow us to meet Madison, and I'm so excited to work with her, but it also brought us to an opportunity that we had to work with a local, um, Bo, or not Bora, I'm so sorry. Uh, bra. Like bra, like bra, bra, like
casey:go ahead. This is my favorite part when
kari (2):I describe,
casey:no, it's not, it's not a hate. It's curiosity. Cause I want to see where you go with
kari (2):it. This is a lady that owns a boutique off of Magnolia in South Fort Worth and she does bras and pantaloons. You're just gonna let me keep rolling with this
casey:and her name is
kari (2):and her name is grace. Oh
casey:my god You got it.
kari (2):I'm terrible with names. So thank you. I'm proud of myself and her company is is is wildflower intimates I'm
casey:proud of you That's my good girl
kari (2):Babe, don't i'm blushing Wildflower wildflower intimates. So yeah, so, uh, she owns a boutique off of magnolia and Um, she focuses a lot on like bra positivity whole
casey:body positivity.
kari (2):I mean, yes, but
casey:inclusive.
kari (2):Yeah, absolutely. Like you need to go check out the shop. But I chose that word specifically because when, when you, and like take a back seat to this, when you grow up as a woman and you get your, Like bras and like size and you don't know what you are. And you go to one place and they tell you you're a 36 B and you go to another place and they tell you you're a 32 triple D. And then you're like, you're very confused. You don't know what to get. And I've been measured. I've walked in. And unfortunately, yes, my measurement was a Victoria's Secret. But most women can relate to that. I was never sized up until that point. Anything else was just going into a fitting room. And I remember going in and getting sized. And I think she gave me like, it was like a 36 D and they're also like, bras fucking suck. Right? Like if you know me, you, you've seen me, I don't fucking wear bras because they're so uncomfortable. And we never know what to get. And so I walked in, we talked to her for a while. We'll go into this a whole other episode, but I went in and I literally, I put my arms up in like a T and I was ready, like, all right, size me up. And she didn't fucking touch me at once. She just, I was going to
casey:say the, the, probably the, the most impressive thing about grace in that moment was that she took a look at you and sized you almost. Perfectly,
kari (2):it was, I mean, in all honesty, it was perfect. Like she didn't necessarily alter. Okay. So you might know this because you're more like familiar, but say like a 34 D double D I'm sorry. 34 double D is the same as like a 36 D. Right. So it just changes like the, you know, whatever this is called. I'm pointing to it. Casey, tell, tell the audience what I mean. They can't see, they don't know. They can't see me though. Whatever this thing is, no, your waist, like your, what your. God, you're making me sound like an idiot. Anyway, I'm not doing anything, but anyways, it was just, yes, we went in. It was immediate. This is what you are. Tried this on. And again, sizes could range again from like a 34, double D to a 36 D. Those are like pretty much interchangeable. Um, But she brought out this bra and it would never be something that I would choose for me because also when we're growing up, we're taught to, uh, buy a bra that makes you feel sexy or buy a bra for, um, being athletic or buy a bra for it's never a bra for every occasion. Kind of right. And so this one I like put on and I was like, not only do I feel sexy in this bra, but I have never felt so much support in like my shoulders in like the width area in even like her, she'd be like, and I love it. Cause she was like, may I adjust you? Right. So every time that she was going in to adjust, she was like asking permission. You
casey:know how big we are in consent. Yeah.
kari (2):Consent is like huge. It kind of turned me on. I was like, God, you guys can consent so well. Um, but she was like, let me adjust to you. And she like pulls your, your tit up and out in the proper area. And like, I was just like.
casey:She had a name for it too.
kari (2):She did. I don't want to butcher it. Because we're also going to talk to her about it on the show later on. And so we want her to say it, but for her to even be like, this is how you need to place your boobs. This is how you need to wear it. This is what size to put it on or like how to adjust it to your shoulders. It was just not something that we were taught growing up as women. And. I just feel like I've been lied to my entire life. I'm 36 years old and I just found out that I'm a 34 Gigi.
kari (4):The fact I'm a G G, you know, the
casey:fact that we called my grandmother Gigi, just that was an odd hit
kari (2):it, you know, and I'm really going to roll with that from here on out.
casey:Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, that's going to be a
kari (2):thing. Like these are my Gigi's. So anyways, we had an
casey:opportunity with her, like she did amazing with the fitting, uh, and spoiler alert. We are planning on having her on the show here in the near future, so be on the lookout for that. But we're able to do get from that whole meeting is that we have a plan.
kari (2):Well, we have a place.
casey:Yeah, we now have a place. So if you've followed along with us for any period of time, you know, that one of the biggest things we love to talk about and that we employ into our own kinky lives is Shabari, the Japanese art of rope bondage. It's something that's become very close to me. It's something that's Kerry has been so. Graceful to, to learn how to become a bottom with. And, uh, we've been teaching these, these introductory classes over the past little bit.
kari (2):And we've had a lot of, uh, attendees and a lot of like inquiries. So
casey:one of my favorite things about these classes that we've been teaching is the amount of diversity that we've seen. You want to talk about, you know that I love DNI, uh, and whenever we're able to have these attendees that are coming from all walks of life, all relationship styles, like there, it's, It's amazing to see the amount of people who are just like, yes, let's, let's attend and see what we can get out of it. So it's become this really cool Avenue for us to not only meet people, but to really see more of the relationship diversity that exists in the world. And so now we are happy to announce this cool little introductory partnership with wildflower intimates to do an intro to Shabari class, a Shabari one on one where we talk about. Like the sensuality behind it, the purpose behind it. And then we learn how to do a couple of basic ties and just kind of hang out and have fun with it.
kari (2):Yeah, it's just cool to bring events like this to all areas. And it's open for all people. And that's one of the biggest things that we preach on. Anything that we do, anything that we're advertising. Understand that this is like. everyone. Um, and this is just the next phase and, and what it is that we're doing, you know, obviously, you know, if you've been listening, um, all along, it really started with the podcast, um, and, and then Casey went into his even furthering, like counseling degree. Um, Uh, I'm focusing on mine. We are working with Shabari. We're working with other like minded people. This is just all to get you to understand and, and and even for us to really reach out and grasp that, like, we, we are really here for everybody. Um, and. I really look forward to not just this one, but the next one that we have going on. Like we, we really have a lot of things spinning. And then this time that we had apart from the show had allowed us to just put all these different thoughts into motion and we're bringing those to you this year.
casey:Yeah. So with, with the wildflower intimates class that we're doing, those are going to be starting in November. Um, and we're going to see how the first one goes. But however, if you're looking to get in a little bit sooner and you're wanting to learn about Shibari and about how it can be used in your own kinky life, then we're also happy to announce that on October 15th, which is a Tuesday, we're going to be teaching a Shibari one on one class at Shibari studios here in North Fort Worth. If you have not heard of these guys, check them out. If you follow a follower, don't whatever Shibari supply official. You'll get a good look at them. However, if you get ahead over to their, uh, their studio page, uh, Shibari Studios, then you're going to see a lot more about their location. This place is, it's huge. It's huge. There's like 20 plus hard points. Yeah. There is a full stage. There's lighting. There's, well, yeah, there's a, there's a stage. There's
kari (2):the rigs that are set up in all different areas. There's an upstairs area that allows for like a seating room ever. Like if you're wanting to do like observe, there's also a performance area in the upstairs, they have a separate room. That's the separate room is going to be for a few different things. Say that like you're in the separate room or I'm so sorry, in the main room. And we're doing like a very focused,
kari:it's a social room.
kari (2):Yeah. Then there's going to be a social room, but he was also setting it up as like, even like a quiet space, like if you need a place to go, if you're maybe sensory overload, um, so it's really nice to have a. Platform for all different variations of Shabar that you want to be able to do.
casey:The way that our good friend Riker has put it is that it's a safe, inclusive space to develop your rope skills. So whether you're a seasoned veteran, who's practicing some complex harnesses and want to get some crazy, crazy suspension stuff going on, or you've never touched a rope in your life and you're just looking how to do some basics, this is a great place to go. They offer various levels of membership. Um, and which you can, you know, if you can go all in and get their subscription, which allows you to get access to every single class, uh, without extra cost or you can do their basic membership, which I think it's like 25 and then that gives you access to buy tickets to their events. Now, what, the reason there's a memberships and what you may know this, you may not. But in the world of ropes and in the, in the world of a lot of these areas, one of the biggest things that they preach is all about consent and all about safety. So naturally these kinds of things come with a vetting process. So whenever you sign up for a membership, uh, you give them your information. They go, they put you through a pretty basic, uh, background check. to just kind of feel through to see if you're appropriate or if you have any sort of history. They also have a very, uh, connected network with other areas, with other places in the area that are dungeons and things like that, that can help to find out if any people that are applying for membership have any, have had any like consent violations or anything like that. So this place has been my favorite to see a really good Practice put in for safety and ensuring that its members and attendees are in a safe, comfortable, trusting space. So make sure that you take a look at our class. That's going to be coming up there. That one's going to be on October 15th, October 15th. Yes. And so in fact, if you go to their website, you can put in our coupon code. It's I believe it's C W K C 10 24 1 0 2 4. And it'll get you, uh, I mean, I think it's like 25 bucks off. So you basically get either a basic membership for free or you can put it towards your subscription and get a discount there. Yeah. So again, head over to, you can go to Shabari studios. com and you can take a look at their memberships, put in our discount code CWKC. I think it's 1024. It was 10, 10, 24. Uh, that's good through October 31st. So keep an eye out for those two classes. We are super fucking excited to get those going.
kari (2):We're excited for all of our shit. I can't wait for the rebranding. I can't wait for the connections that we're making, but you know what? Let's get the damn topic because this is a topic that I've wanted to talk about in the past and we didn't fully have it written out and. We also have to like, make sure that we like present it appropriately. But this is something that we've done for how many years now? Do maybe at least
casey:longer than that,
kari (2):really? Yes. Okay.
casey:Yes. So the first question we would want to answer before we like really dive into it is the question of should sex Be transactional or sexual acts be transactional. Carrie, you want to, you want to tackle that? I've
kari (2):heard a lot of nose,
casey:right?
kari (2):I've heard a lot of nose. You hear
casey:it all the time. And let's be clear. It can be detrimental in a relationship when sex becomes transactional. If you start doing things like. Giving ultimatums. Like I'm not going to sleep with you unless you are doing the dishes. Yeah. You better do the dishes or you're not getting sex. You better do this or I'm going to withhold sex where this is happening. So I'm therefore going to use weaponize.
kari (3):Yeah,
casey:sex as a way to get you to behave. And that creates this power dynamic, this power struggle within a relationship that can be grossly detrimental. However, however, however, if you are in a secure relationship. That is experiencing lots of trust. That's where you haven't created that weaponization, safe place, nonjudgmental are three Cs, right? Communication, consent, comfortability. Then you can start to transactionalize sex in a way that could be fun because it fulfills a fantasy and it opens you up to new ways to play. So what we did in our relationship a number of years back was we created The menu,
kari (3):the menu.
casey:And this has been such a fun thing for us because it does allow us to have this almost transactional fantasy, uh, while exploring various
kari (2):explaining the opportunities. Yeah. So it kind of started. I mean, I guess you're right at this was a few years back, but, um, I think I had like joked one time about giving you like one of the best blow jobs ever, but I like wanted a fucking dress on Amazon, you know? And so I was simple. It was so, yeah. And, and I was like, okay, that dress was like 50 bucks. So fine. I will blow you in any way that you want, however you want it to be done. But I want you to buy me this dress. Or Venmo me this amount and you fucking immediately did it. It was like,
casey:it was immediate. Like it was very much. I got like
kari (2):the little ping and it was like Casey Venmo to you with a little like
casey:emojis emoji. Yeah.
kari (2):Yeah. And, and then just really kind of got me like thinking okay, this was cute. I, I immediately got this almost. And then it was like fun to plan out and what I can do. And then it was like, yeah, that was for a blow job. And I understood. But then like you got a lot out of it. It was very exciting for you. Cause then you're like, I got a blow job coming. Like I know I do.
casey:And not just like a normal,
kari (2):yeah, exactly. It's casual
casey:encounter, but more of like this, This planned out, uh, we get to really discuss what are you going to wear? How are you going to do your hair? What about your makeup? Should we do accessories? Where should it be in the house? We call those add ons
kari (2):and we'll get to it.
casey:So this was like our alpha of it, though. This was our very base where we sat down and kind of discussed all that. And it was, it stemmed from that, that we started saying, okay, well. What if we turn this into
kari (4):like a legit menu, like a
casey:legitimate menu that we could design out
kari (4):and
casey:keep somewhere where I can look through it and go, you know what? I've been feeling pretty sexual. Let me look through what these options are and see if there's anything on here that I'd be like, this would be fun.
kari (2):I'm not going to lie. It's really hot. All of a sudden getting a note and
casey:arousing really
kari (2):hot, getting a notification. All of a sudden then I get. 85 to spend and it's from my husband. And I'm like, Oh, and I do think that we have intentionally left out like. Like sex. I don't feel like intercourse is fully in the
casey:menu.
kari (2):It's, it's not
casey:centered around things like, um, sensual massages, um, around like oral sex around, like doing things like fantasies that we wouldn't normally on our day to day engage in.
kari (2):And, and it really allowed us to create more of this like fantasy concept, What would be the hottest situation that you could imagine and can we place that on the menu and it became really fun for us? You know and there there was a time a while back ago That he purchased me something that I or I'm so sorry He sent me money for something that I then purchased and used that for like our date And then it was like, I'm wearing this because you gave me money to wear this so I can blow you later. And I'm going to, and it was like creating a date. I don't really view it any different as like, we're going to on today, we're going to go on a hike and then we're going to go to this restaurant and we're going to go to this bookstore. I'm planning it. Yes. But I don't see any difference in that. And planning a date out versus also planning a Yeah. Um, and this really allowed. Kind of for that, honestly, because it took away from our like normal sex behavior. We still have sex aside from the menu. It's not like the menu was created and now I'm only paid for sex. It wasn't something
casey:that we implemented as a way to increase our sexual activity. It was something we created as a fun way to just engage in unique and creative ways. Stuff that we wouldn't, again, we wouldn't, Normally think of
kari (2):or just on the day to day. Like if he wants me to dress up the school girl and blow them, I'm not going to do that. It's just not like a Tuesday activity for me. That's like, Oh, Hey, this is what he requested. I can't wait to fill that request. I'm going to get everything set up for it.
casey:Yeah. A lot of pre planning too.
kari (2):Yeah.
casey:Ooh, I'm going to play in my makeup. I'm going to play where I'm wearing. I'm going to play where we're going to be,
kari (2):which again, And we just came up with the add ons like recently, but add ons could be like, you know, come shot, like on your face. We, so yeah, some
casey:examples of, of some of the add ons that we've done, it's been like, okay, this is going to be filmed. Yeah. Films are some, yeah, this is going to be, you know, it's additional again, like you said, how's the pop shot going to work? It could be a facial, it could be swallowing. It could be
kari (3):swallowing is extra.
casey:Always extra, but in doing, in doing that, like it's it's having these options.
kari:Yeah. So
casey:I get to sit down on my own time, especially if I am feeling aroused and I'm like, and I'm sitting back and saying, you know, I want to do something to carry, but what do I do? Like what do I want to, what do I want to experience? And on that level, it is something where I'm like, this is about me. Yeah, this is something I want for myself. And it's, it's again, it's, it's this fun transactional fantasy that we get to play out.
kari (2):Look, I'm, I'm so here for it. It, we started out with them being more geared towards Casey, but recently, but recently I made a purchase and I was like, this is what I want. And I was able to describe in detail, making it very, um, selfish for me, because a lot of times, like in the bedroom, I know I don't like just focus on me, I'm not a selfish person in the bedroom, but going through and having this menu option, this is like, this is what I want to be done to me.
casey:I think that's part of it. I think that part of it is like consensual selfishness.
kari:Yeah.
casey:Because neither of us in the bedroom are selfish people. We are very conscious of our partners. We're very much in it for like the experience for each other. And a lot of that. So this is almost a safe way of saying like my turn.
kari:Yeah, this is
casey:about me. This particular event is about me
kari (2):and you do what I told you to do, what I paid you to do, but it's just, it's just fun, you know, and that really has a lot to do with what we're trying to bring within this podcast. Anyways, you don't have to do what we're telling you to do, but we're just giving you. Something to think about something to try out, try the menu out, write out three things. And this is something that you can do with your partner is just say, Hey, I want us to sit on and write these things out or go to dinner and write these things out. The, these three things out, come up with something that you want done to yourself. Make it about you and then y'all can share notes because at the same time, like you might find out something about your partner that are a want that they had that you didn't even really know that they had, but this gave them an opportunity to share it.
casey:Well said. Well said. No, this menu has been a really cool thing to have in our relationship over the last number of years.
kari (2):Can I share really inappropriate time that we use the menu?
casey:Fuck yeah. Isn't that kind of the purpose of one of the purposes of this podcast is to share our personal stories so people can feel like more comfortable with doing it themselves. I'm going to get deep. So,
kari (2):uh, when we first established said menu, um, we had also with consent of others were allowed to bring in others into said, that
casey:was the big purchase that was, that was, you went to, you know, Main event and had 10, 000 tickets to spend it kind of purchase. Yeah, this was a big one. That's a big purchase.
kari (2):And, and you did it though.
casey:I did. I took my time
kari (2):though.
casey:I took my time. And let's reiterate that this was consenting of all parties. Insanely consenting
kari (2):that we, on the other end, that's created menu a little bit. We're very excited for this purchase. It was just, we knew that it was going to be a bigger purchase.
casey:Yes. And so one of the add ons was bring somebody in and it was typically geared towards that same kind of like oral purchase. Right. So you can do this and we'll make it happen. And that's exactly what happened.
kari (2):Yes. And
casey:it was a great experience. It
kari (2):was. And me and said person opted to go on like, not, I wouldn't say a shopping spree. That would be like. It's like too much but we did get to go to a place in a very fun city to pick out a bunch of little stuff and and then you paid for it and then we paid for it but it was fun that's the thing is like You can't be in a relationship with someone for as long as we've been in a relationship together and not find ways to just have some damn fun, not taking life so serious. Did I ever think that I was going to have my husband pay me to blow him? No, but is it fun? Yes.
kari:Did it
kari (2):buy me the swimsuit I wanted? Yes, it
casey:did. See now, I think another thing to understand here also is that we both have streams of income.
kari (2):Oh yeah.
casey:So that also I feel like does come into play a little bit with this is that it is like, it's not something like you couldn't get these things unless someone gave you money for it. No, it's not.
kari (4):No, I get
casey:my own
kari (4):shit, but it's fun or fun whenever it
casey:says here and return, we're going to do this. So this, this menu has been a ton of fun. Do you remember any of the, uh, other things are on there? Cause we've been heavily focused on the oral side.
kari (2):Yeah. I mean, you did bring up before, like we had the massages on there. Um, I have had, um, like me taking control in the bedroom.
casey:So that's, that's part of the add ons that we talk about is that you can actually choose the power dynamic in that. So say that we wanted to do one and I'm like, you know what? I want to be more submissive in this. I want you to take control and be the, the assertion, the asserter and the dirty talker and just. Tell me what to do. So we, that's part of that dynamic. It's almost like scene negotiation.
kari (2):Exactly. It's like, thank you. I was just about to say that it's like paid for scene negotiation. You get to figure out the exact scenario that you want. And the whole like menu concept and being paid thing. I honestly feel like that's just like a side aspect to it that can be fun. But what it really has done for us is for case to tell me the things that he really wants in the bedroom and not that he wasn't communicative before it. I don't mean it like that, but earlier I said school, school girl outfit, which that we don't fucking do that shit. We do like hardcore, like cosplay stuff. Like we like, we like dive into cosplay stuff. And so this gives that opportunity. I want you to be this character. I want you to have this exact thing. And it allows you to create this fantasy that you've had. And then I get to be the one to like, fill that for you. For sure. And I've done the same thing. Like I said, like us doing a menu for Casey from my request is slightly newer. Um, but there was a point where I was like, well, why can I have a menu? And it wasn't that I couldn't have a menu. We just hadn't really sat down and been like, no, these are the requests that I'm going to now have and understand that everything that we do in the bedroom or in our relationship, it's always an evolution of something else.
kari:time.
kari (2):We're always trying something more. It's always like, okay, this might start with Casey, but technically it finished with me
casey:and that's one of the cool things that we have about our sex life though, is the fact that both of us are always willing to be students. And always learn new stuff. And we were talking about this the other day is like, if we're in the shower or something and fooling around, it's like nine times out of 10 that I'm going, Oh, that's a new move. That's a new one. Do the weirdest shit. And we'll be like, put that one in the bank. Yeah. Don't forget that.
kari (2):I do the weirdest shit. I don't know. There's
casey:nothing weird about it. I
kari (2):literally used my thumb the other day to rub the under part. of your shaft
casey:inside
kari (2):of my mouth.
casey:And you think that's weird?
kari (2):I've never done it before.
casey:Just because you haven't done it doesn't make it weird.
kari (2):I like the word weird. Thank you very much. I, I. Think it's properly placed. I never would have thought. And all of a sudden I'm like, Hey, his whole chapter's in my mouth and I have my thumb here. So I'm just going to rub the bottom part. Wow. And
casey:we turn around and go that, that saved that for later.
kari (2):Yeah. And he, well, You do that to me a lot. You're like, save that. And there are some moves that I do that I'm like, I'm, I'm sorry. I don't know what that was. I just try different things. Your improvisation
casey:skills are magnificent.
kari (2):Thank you.
casey:Well appreciated.
kari (2):But again, like The menu can be whatever you want. The menu can be laid out any way you want. Just because we haven't personally put intercourse into our menus doesn't mean it can't be. This could imagine that you're a woman that you really fantasize about that uh, romance. Like you want the candles lit. You want the lights out. You want the music playing. You want the massage. You want the sensual play. Okay. Why can't it be something fun and set up to where I'm choosing this and this is what I want. And I am going to prepay you for that said menu item. You really get to just break down what it is that you want in the bedroom
casey:and not
kari (2):taking it so serious.
casey:Yeah. It allows that level of entertainment to become something just fun for you to engage in. And it's not something that has to be so, so stiff. And it's not something that you have to be like, I can't believe that you haven't lit the candles and done all the rose pedals on that for me. And so long. Okay. So let's make it happen. If you have this available, this is not something that everybody just has in the back of their mind. These, these acts of service and a lot of that. There are some people that do great. It's awesome that you have that. But whenever you look at people like us who have, Two kids and two careers and not a ton of time to plan this stuff out. And it's not forefront of the mind.
kari:This
casey:is something entertaining and fun that can create okay, well now I have a, I want to say obligation, but it's almost like, all right, we've initiated this and now I'm excited to provide it.
kari (2):I mean, as the one that has. Purchase a lot from the thing, the items that you have purchased, right? Like I have a lot and I remember him. I'm like, Ooh, I got that from the time that he purchased this off the menu. It's a good
casey:thing because it creates these cool memories with the stuff that you do get. That's
kari (2):what I'm saying. It really does. Because there, even last year, there was something that I got. From our dual video at the location that we were at. And, and I wear it and I'm like, Oh, it's such a cute, like memory. This was from the time that we did that. And it was really sweet and cute and like fun. And it just adds another layer. So again, like we're not saying that you have to do this, but the point of our show is to bring up different aspects or. Ideas for you that maybe you wouldn't have thought of in the past. And this is in no way to sound insulting or belittling anyone, any type of sex worker or whatever. Right. I don't know why I just
casey:censored
kari (2):myself. That was weird. I didn't expect to do that. That was a weird trauma response.
casey:But it's so sensor online that it's starting to make its way into our everyday.
kari (2):I don't like it. I don't want to be censored. No, but you know, there's people I've told about the menu and I've had friends be like you, I would never do that. Well then don't, it's not for you. It doesn't have to be for you. We're not saying
casey:this is something that like everyone needs to implement. We're saying this is something that we've implemented that it's just been a. A great experience. And if somebody is out there that is listening and saying like, I've been looking for something to kind of spice it up a little bit or that we could have some fun with this is one to try.
kari (2):Well, and I even had a client the other day when we were talking about it and she was like, well, what about it? Not being like money, but it being other things. And I'm like, make him do the fucking dishes. Then it doesn't.
casey:Money. If you guys want to create a task list, then be like, cool. You know, there, you can assign a point value system to it and be like, every time one of these tasks are done, it does X amount of points and you can keep track of it a lot. Or it could be like one
kari (2):of the spinner wheels where it's like spin and then it's like, okay, you landed on laundry and then you spin the other one and then you landed on anal. And then if you do the dish or the laundry, then we're doing anal. You know, it could be.
casey:Anything you can, you can adapt it to your, your life. I'm
kari (2):going to get a spin wheel. Now
casey:you seem to like the randomness of that.
kari (2):I do. I do. I like the randomness of it. I kind of do. You
casey:don't know what the chore is. You don't know what the chore is. And you
kari (2):don't know what the act is understanding that all things on there would have been put on through pre, you know, consent, right? Like, Oh, we're not going to add something. You're like, what the fuck? Like I ain't doing that. You're great. But again, our, our, not our whole point, but the point of this episode is like find ways to spice up your relationship, find ways to do things that are thinking outside the box and something that you wouldn't normally do. Right. I don't even, other than what we're talking about earlier, I don't really necessarily know like what really concrete this idea for us, but we've rolled with it and it's become this like whole part of our relationship. Long time
casey:evolution. I feel like this started like way back with blowjob Sundays. And then probably evolved on some level, shower sex and all that stuff into being like, You know what? You're gonna pay for it next time. Okay. All right.
kari (2):Fine.
casey:Sure. We can, we can arrange something, but it's, it's been such a fun experience. Like now, nowadays, like I keep this menu in my back pocket. I just kind of prepared. And it's not something that's at the forefront of my mind. Like, Ooh, I'm saying you must get my next paycheck. So I can make sure to purchase from the menu. It's more along the lines of cool. I've got a little bit of cash. I'm gonna pull out this menu because I think that's, to me, that's a worthwhile purchase.
kari (2):And then, like I said, like the add ons to me were just this like perfect creation within it because then it was like blow job. But then it was like, how specific do you want it to be? Which has also kind of allowed me to figure out things that you want done to you that not that you haven't expressed in the past, but if you purchase one that it's a video with glasses and my hair up with it. dark eyeshadow and red lipstick on. Well, now I know that's something that you really like. And I have in ended up like altering a little bit like, okay, Casey likes it when I do the smokey eyes. So like, I know we're going to date night tonight and he purchased smokey eye with glasses. I'm wearing smokey eye with glasses tonight. And it was just like a fun way to figure out different aspects or things that you really like or enjoy that I do
casey:see. We've had fun with it
kari (2):and we will continue to is growing every day. Like I said, I just got a menu, you know, which I'm still waiting on my purchase item. We need to go into that. We need to go into what if you purchase it now you're in your, now you're waiting on it because you also have to say like life,
casey:this isn't something where it's like, Hey, you're doing this on Monday. You're doing this this day. It needs to be at a time whenever it's like, all right, I had this purchase. I can kind of set it aside for the moment and then we can be like, all right, well, um, we have some good time coming up. Let's go ahead and do it
kari (2):this day. There's absolutely nothing wrong with planning these things out. And sometimes there it's better that way, because if you're needing to get dolled up for the purchase that, um, that they made, then utilize that time, find a time where y'all are alone, or you're going to be alone, or you have time to like, Feel sexy to do that. Like don't purchase a item on the menu when your woman's the day one on her cycle and expect something that night. Like it, it's not about, um, how quickly are you like cashing in on that? But again, about the experience when you do
casey:and the anticipation leading up to.
kari (2):Yeah, you should definitely speak on that. Cause there have been times, right. You purchased something and it was like, Yeah. And then you're like, okay,
casey:that's fine. This is something that I don't go into being like, all right, I did this. And now we're, we're, we're getting this. It's not so reward oriented. It's, it's more anticipation oriented, especially whenever you have these add ons where you're like, okay, um, I would like to do this act. I would like you to be in a submissive set for this. I would like you to be dressed in such a way. I would like for there to be plenty of dirty talk. So you can have all these subsets and again, it becomes the anticipation about like, cool. Wow, I, I'm picturing this fantasy in my head that I've just created that we're going to enact. So it's a lot of fun. Good. I mean, I'd love the menu. If you haven't tried one here, you have any questions about that?
kari (2):Should we like share a menu? Would that be something that you'd be comfortable with doing?
casey:I think that if enough people wanted access to it and they said, you know, vocalize that, then yeah, I'd be happy to share it.
kari (4):Okay.
casey:Yeah. Let us know.
kari (4):Yeah.
casey:Um, anything else? What else do we have coming up? We
kari (2):have so much coming up, but we were so late in the show right now that I, I don't think it's time to bring it all up, but understand that we've been gone for the last four months, but we haven't just been like sitting around with thumbs up or, but you know, we, we've been plotting. And planning and scheming, scheming and, and refiguring. And, um, we're going to be bringing all in and not a different version of us, but, um, a way to make our show more accessible or accessible to everybody.
casey:So for another episode of insert title here, I'm Dr. Casey Sanders
kari (2):and I'm Carrie.
casey:I'll see you guys next time.
