Knotty Bi Nature

Would You Rather...

• Kari Sanders / Casey Sanders • Season 4 • Episode 5

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Moving on in KINKtober! 

We're talking would you rather....kink edition as well as our upcoming activities! 


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casey:

We're just a couple of continuously kinky kids, aren't we?

kari:

Yeah. That took me a minute, but yeah, I like that. We, well, we are though. And, and I, I

casey:

worked on it all night. I was up late writing it out. Just that little, yeah, that tiny, that tiny little thing. Sentence wasn't off the top of my head at all. I'm

kari:

so proud of you.

casey:

Oh, good afternoon everybody. It's us, Dr. Casey.

kari:

And Carrie. Carrie. Carrie. Carrie? Yes. I'm here. Here with just Carrie,

casey:

here with Tobe named podcast. As we go through our rebranding,

kari:

we're, we're still working on a rebranding.

casey:

Yes.

kari:

But we've been working with this really kick ass chick. We call the Madison from Dallas, Madison from Dallas. If you are not following Madison from Dallas yet, you should pull out your Instagram and, and pull her up and give her a follow.

casey:

She's a great. She's a great concert photographer. She goes to festivals, shows. She did chaperone was, I wasn't one of the recent ones that she worked with.

kari:

That other carpenter chick that everyone's yeah, whatever, whoever

casey:

that is. That's

kari:

cool. Yeah. She had some shoots with her as well. Nice.

casey:

She, she goes around to a lot of concerts and take some amazing photos from, from like right up front for a lot of these artists. It's really cool.

kari:

She lives a life that I would have led had I not gotten pregnant at 19. I'm just going to throw that out there.

casey:

You would have done photography.

kari:

I would have done. I would have done something. I would have. I would have been big. Oh, I would have been huge. Would have been children are just a nuisance. No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm just kidding. We love

casey:

our kids, but fuck them. No,

kari:

I just, I feel like I see people that are like living a life that I know that I could live had. I not had children, but it's fine. I love them.

casey:

No, we've developed a good life.

kari:

No, we have. And and even with being able to do this, like we have an opportunity to talk to people and, and, and reach to people that are us. We are not the people that got to go and gallivant along town and take pictures of popular singers. That was not our life, but our

casey:

20s,

kari:

but our podcast is not for them. Technically.

casey:

No, our podcast is for a much different audience.

kari:

Our podcast is for sometimes people like us that. Are maybe aggressively into the kink or maybe curious

casey:

about the kink is for anybody in a relationship that's looking how to better it, that's looking how to improve it through various avenues are chosen Avenue that we're introducing everybody to is that Avenue of their sexuality. How can I improve my relationship through my sexuality? Why do I need to improve my relationship through my sexuality? And we know we already have a concrete reason for that one is because there are factually better relationship outcomes when your sex life is on point.

kari:

Yeah. It has to be,

casey:

it kills me to have people that out there that are like, Oh, sex really isn't the biggest deal in your relationship. And it may not be the. Biggest deal in your relationship, but it fucking certainly is in the top three as we

kari:

say, it should be top three. It

casey:

needs to be at best and that's not something that's just an Opinion that's out there. That's something that where i'm like this is this is back This is we we have plenty of evidence out there that we can say look People that have good sex and are explorative and that really communicate about it have better relationship outcomes So what is the thing that you need to do? Be introduced to all that stuff. How do you get introduced to all that stuff? Hi,

kari:

hi. We are, we are. And so not only are we like, yes, we're working to rebrand and we're working with some really kick ass people along the way, like the word come, we get it. A lot of people don't like the word come. It's offensive, and

casey:

that's fine. I said we should be cut with Casey.

kari:

That's even more offensive, babe. You're not helping our cause here. Even that right there. We have to bleep out when it comes to the stop it.

casey:

Oh,

kari:

and I'm the brat. I'm going to make it. I'm the Brad making a

casey:

clip out of this. It just bleeps out every time I

kari:

say can you do like side, like asterix I'd roll. I roll, I roll.

casey:

Absolutely. Yes. Uh, like Carrie said, we are working with, through rebranding with Madison. She's a fantastic girl. She, Has been doing so much, uh, I'm in her photography business and helping us out with our rebranding. If you haven't gotten given her a follow Madison from Dallas, check her out. And we hope to see her at one of our upcoming events too.

kari:

Oh, she will.

casey:

Cause we've got a couple of them to talk about. She

kari:

likes me.

casey:

Oh, yeah,

kari:

she likes me good. So she will, she will her and her friends. No, but actually some of the events that we have coming up that they said that they're going to come to where our Shabari events that we have, we

casey:

have, and those are fast approaching. We've got this. Oh my God. I can't believe it's Tuesday. Yeah. A couple of days. Yeah. We've got. Tomorrow. Oh my God. Tomorrow. Oh

kari:

my God. Tomorrow.

casey:

We teach Shabari one on one classes. One of the things that Carrie and I have found in the kink world that has brought us closer together and allowed us to have this like deepened level of intimacy, both sexually and non sexually has been through this beautiful aesthetic of Japanese rope bondage, otherwise known as Shabari. We started that journey a couple of years ago, uh, that caused us to bring people onto our show to talk about it. Uh, experience the journey and our own devices as we grew. And I'm self tying and sending Carrie pictures about all the cool stuff I'm learning and then incorporating her into that tying and her learning about bottoming and going through all this stuff.

kari:

Well, because that's the thing that's so beautiful about what we do is we find a topic. We find the best people to talk about said topic. Then we bring that topic to you to figure out if it's something that you're interested in. And if you are, and this doesn't even mean like Shibari exclusive, but like that's the whole point of our fucking show. Is to bring you information that you would have not have known before, bring in guests and educate you on all aspects of it. I will say though, like Shabari ended up being our like biggest kink.

casey:

Yeah, we brought it in as a way to talk to people. Yeah,

kari:

exactly. First I was like, this is great information. I love this. And then it slowly evolved into being like part of our weekly.

casey:

Yeah. Routine. A few times a week where I'm tying you up and we're taking pictures and we're exploring new ties and new levels of intimacy and we're having playful ties and technical ties and practice sessions and we're trying to develop shows and do, it's just taken over and I love it. I do too. I'm here for every fucking second of it. It's something we get to do together.

kari:

And, and as a partner to you, this was something that you were interested in and it was something that I knew nothing about. But what I love about our dynamic is you can bring something to me and not to like boast on myself, but like I'm like, okay. What do we need to do to do this? What do I need to do to be able to execute this for you? But it goes both ways. How

casey:

can I be a good girl?

kari:

I mean, baby, stop. Don't do that. But also, but it goes both ways. There have been times that I have introduced a kink to you. And yes, I was like. More bringing it to the table, but your acceptance has always been appreciated.

casey:

Yeah. It's one of our, one of the core values of, of our relationship. And this is, clearly it's something we feel every relationship should have. One of our core values is to create an environment. Uh, that is nonjudgmental. We aim to foster an environment within our household that allows us to feel comfortable and talking about our interests and not feel as if we're going to be told we're weird, we're gross, we're disgusting, what the fuck are you thinking? We're, we're trying to avoid all of that.

kari:

Which. Responding to your partner with that's weird is probably 1 of the worst things that you can say.

casey:

Yeah, that's something we went over in our last episode.

kari:

Yes, but this is King Tober. So this is what we're doing and this is where we're at. So pardon me if I repeat myself a bit. But I just want to like boast again that like, I've never brought something to you and you use those words because that would be like detrimental to me.

casey:

Oh, I know it. No,

kari:

I'm sorry. Just hear our fricking cat, like meowing in the background. It's very distracting. But anyways, so yes, we have our Shibari classes that are coming up, but we're not going to stop having these classes. Like we will continue to do that. To bring entry level and then we're going to have different stages of it. So if you've been to our entry level, then that gets you access to like our level two, which level two is going to be almost immediately more extreme. If not extreme. That's not the right word.

casey:

That's not the right

kari:

word. It's just the entry level is entry level, but you have to have entry level before you can move on to the next. But what we promise is when you go through our levels of classes, you're not going to go to entry level two and then be like, This is just a repeat of one that is not what it is going to feel like

casey:

it's going to use some of the things you've learned from the first so you can build on that and grow in your, in your art,

kari:

in

casey:

your art, in your art anyway. Yeah, we have that one coming up at Shibari studios. That's actually tomorrow night.

kari:

I know.

casey:

So by the time you hear this episode.

kari:

You

casey:

can go to shabari studios. com and make sure to follow shabari studios as well as shabari supply official to get more information on these kinds of events that we're partnering with them. The other one is in November. November 15th. It's a Friday night. Uh, when we're partnering with Wildflower Intimates, Grace over at Wildflower Intimates, the best bra fitting shop in all the land.

kari:

Well, at least in Magnolia and Texas, let's say at least in Texas of the land, of the land. Okay. Yep. Of the land.

casey:

And Grace there is a, is a genius. Like she does. I love grace. She's put together an amazing shop with really cool stuff. All sorts of bras. I have a robe that I want that you won't shut up about. I'll talk about almost every day.

kari:

Every single day. He tells me about this silk row. What was on it? Cranes, peacocks,

casey:

peacock. It is this like, it was the most beautiful

kari:

robe I've ever seen. Tech and cream

casey:

colored. So I saw, I believe it's silk robe. That was covered in peacocks and I want it flowing off of my body

kari:

and

casey:

like, that's what I want. I want this.

kari:

You came into the bedroom last night wearing a robe, a

casey:

robe,

kari:

my robe, but I'm not going to lie. And I was like, okay, either he's doing this for me to just like, see his junk and I love him for it. Or like, is he trying to get me to be like, damn, he does look good in a robe and I need to go buy him that we're

casey:

thinking about five layers too deep. There was. That was what was in reach. I took a shower. I took a shower. I went, Oh, close.

kari:

I've just never seen you put on one of my robes before.

casey:

It was a little tight.

kari:

It was a little tight, a little

casey:

tight fitting, but at the same time, you

kari:

were full frontal the whole night after that.

casey:

We're watching a movie on the couch. I'm sitting on my leg up.

kari:

Isn't it comfortable though? Just to have your self. That's one of the reasons I need this robe. Listen, Grace, if you're hearing this, would you please help me out? Cause he wants that damn robe so bad. She means by

casey:

setting it

kari:

aside

casey:

and

kari:

putting her name on it. That's exactly what I mean. Setting aside for me.

casey:

But yes, uh, Grace's place has all sorts of cool, uh, there's bras, there's lingerie. They have, I'm going to, I don't want to butcher the names on this, but, uh, they're, they're made. They're made for the trans community so you can use it to to cover up a little bit or to

kari:

well they have like, they have male boxers, they have male lingerie, which I just feel like, I

casey:

don't mean those, those are all great, but I cannot think of the fucking name off the top of my head. But they're specifically like, they're like gender affirming underwear.

kari:

I know what you're talking about because they, they make the, so everyone understands the triangle that goes in a woman's underwear. This triangle is much wider. So it allows you to either be more covered. So there's a girl that we know that shops with Wildflower Intimates. And she does a lot of Shabari work. She loves the fact that the triangle in the lingerie is much wider and thicker. So when she does stage Shabari work, she doesn't have to worry about a slip or, something being exposed and has a bottom. I will tell you, we get really nervous about our extremities being exposed when we don't mean them to be.

casey:

Yes. She also has those.

kari:

She does. She has a lot. I'm sorry. Which one are you referring to then? Because she has a lot of stuff. Oh my God.

casey:

This is, it's literally, it's literally put in the show

kari:

notes. It's

casey:

literally like their gender affirming. It's made specifically for the trans community. Yes. And there's gender affirming underwear. Yes. It's one of the only places in Fort Worth that you can actually get it.

kari:

And I love that for them. Yeah.

casey:

I wasn't talking about anything else other than that. See what

kari:

he doesn't know is we're talking about the same damn thing. It's just, she told me that someone suggested it for also Shabari work. We're talking about the same damn thing. Either way, you know what you're going to do? You're going to go to Wildflower Intimates and you're going to talk to Grace and not us because we are not the S perks. Clearly. What did I just say? Did I say experts or

casey:

that was

kari:

weird. So yes,

casey:

yes, that's our, our November

kari:

class.

casey:

So we've got all the things. And then between all that, we're taking a vacation for the first time in years. It feels like we work hard.

kari:

We work, we do, we work really hard. We, we have two different businesses and then our podcast business. And then we have two kids, we have one that's like a rebellious child and they have, we have one that's like in band and like structured and there's so much we have to do for both and totally different ways. And so it's extremely rare that you and I get to just fuck off and do something for us.

casey:

Most of the trips that we've taken in the past, if they weren't family oriented, Then they've been business oriented. We're going to seminars and sitting for weekends during the day. And then we learned

kari:

so much from those and they

casey:

were in great places. We've done like Vegas and Miami and Indianapolis, Boston, California

kari:

and Florida.

casey:

We've been all over the place, but all of them typically are for us to sit in seminars during the day and then go out at night. So they haven't been for vacation purposes. We haven't gone on a vacation since like our honeymoon,

kari:

which kind of a decade ago. Yeah. Well, no, we ended up going, but it was still after COVID and it was so close to COVID times that we had to we had to wear a mask and there were restrictions and not all part of the resorts were open and it just, it really cut away from it being like. The experience that we thought we were going to get, there was some deadly al, uh, algae that was on the fucking ocean and we couldn't even go in the water. I'm like, so even

casey:

go onto the beach, we

kari:

spend all this money for this beautiful beach. And we had to just like look at it from a distance. Yeah. It sucked.

casey:

Great resort. Just a beautiful resort. Timing was shitty timing. So it's been a couple of years. I thought it was a lot longer than that, but I had forgotten that we like got married. And then it was a few years after that, that we were actually able to take a honeymoon. And that was like right amidst COVID. So now we're taking a do fucking nothing vacation for a few days. So we'll be in Mexico. Uh, over the weekend, we'll be recording plenty of content for you guys. I think we're going to do an episode actually. Yeah, we're there.

kari:

Yeah. We're planning on doing an episode while we're there. We're planning on doing a bunch of Jabari stuff while we're there. My

casey:

suggestion. So the place we're staying at, we have a pool, like a two story suite and the second floor has a pool. And so I'm going to have us clip on some mics and we're just going to do an episode in the pool.

kari:

I love that.

casey:

Can we do it like live? We

kari:

should do a live of you doing a tie on me, like above our like balcony with this, like whole view. Yeah, we can do that. That'd be fun. That'd be really fun. So if you want to see our stuff though, you should go and follow our personal accounts. I am Carrie, I think I'm, I'm Carrie K A R I underscore Knievel and I'm going to be posting all about the, or all about the, the vacation and. Do you want to give your personal Instagram or is that just me?

casey:

No, that's fine. I'm dr. Casey sanders Everybody knows it's so

kari:

generic and simple and I love it.

casey:

That's all you need to know. Dr. Casey sanders. There's a period after

kari:

Ah, well, that makes sense. There should be a period

casey:

after the doctor,

kari:

but

casey:

that's me You can see a lot of shibari work on there and that's about it for now

kari:

Yeah, I was like you're you're only as active as when I add you as a collaborator.

casey:

It's hard because you're so active You're so active That yours is so active. Like it's, it's for the both of us. I'm not, I feel like I don't have to be active because you're so active.

kari:

I am active through about six different Instagram accounts right now. Exactly. And I run six different Instagram pages right now. I'm sweating because of all the work you're doing. Yeah, I bet. So if you want your Instagram, you want your Instagram account works on, shoot me a message because I am so goddamn good at this stuff.

casey:

You're starting a business right now.

kari:

Right freaking now.

casey:

See, as we said, when we started the show, a couple of Kiki kids, Carrie's kink is overworking herself.

kari:

That might actually be no downtime,

casey:

but let's, let's get into our topic. We have kinktober that we're in the midst of, we're in the, like, I just really

kari:

want to like ride that. Right in the

casey:

smack dab middle of it. Right. And so we want to talk a little bit more about kink and we thought like, Oh, you want to play our game now or later?

kari:

I think we should play it now because then it would give us, it could give us like fun things to talk about after. So what the game is, is we all have heard it. It's a, would you rather, but it's, would you rather kink edition? So I feel like what we should do is like pass it back and forth and we'll just scroll down. Cause I want to ask you just as much as you want to ask me. But I also feel like this is a really good game to play with one of your partners to like sit down and to figure out your own kinks because we're not like, you don't like wake up one day and be like, this is a kink I want to do. You randomly hear it or you see it or it's introduced to you in different ways. Let this be a way that it's introduced to you, by playing a game with your partner or partners.

casey:

Okay.

kari:

Yeah. Don't say okay like that. I'm

casey:

listening.

kari:

I hear you. I hear you're okay.

casey:

You don't.

kari:

All right. Go. I'm waiting.

casey:

All right. Okay. We'll start off simple. Okay. I say simple, but yeah, that's relative. Would you rather be silenced with a ball gag or spanked with a paddle? Oh,

kari:

I would say spanked with a paddle.

casey:

Personal preference. Got it. Impact play. Love it. Yeah, I love impact. Tell me more.

kari:

I love the anticipation of it. I love the not knowing exactly when it's going to like happen. Like, you're going to be get spanked, but you there's a level of when, it's about to happen to when it does. That's like very erotic.

casey:

Patient.

kari:

Nothing. Go ahead. Being patient. What?

casey:

Nothing. They'll get it.

kari:

Oh,

casey:

I said it earlier. I said, Antissa, how did you not pick up on that?

kari:

Not even once. Have I picked up on that? That's really funny. Okay. You answered the question though.

casey:

Ooh, this one's rough because I am not particularly into impact play for myself. I also have a very shallow gag reflex.

kari:

It's just a ball right outside your teeth. Uh

casey:

huh.

kari:

It doesn't go pass out. I would say,

casey:

I would say ball gag.

kari:

Yeah, it's like, it doesn't move. Especially if you have it strapped on around the back of your head. Like it, it's so locked up to the front of your teeth that you don't. My jaw would

casey:

start hurting though.

kari:

Your jaw definitely starts hurting.

casey:

And then who's, who am I experiencing impact play with? Is it with you? Or is it with like some like. Seven foot tall, big burly German guy.

kari:

Is that who you want it to be with? No,

casey:

but that's what goes into my head. Whenever I picture this thing, like impact play, I'm like, I need somebody that's gonna be bigger than I am.

kari:

You don't, you couldn't be hit by me.

casey:

I probably could. I think that would be like, that's okay.

kari:

I'm not, I'd love to slap you across the face.

casey:

What does that have to do with this?

kari:

It's impact impact on your face. Straight for

casey:

the face. I did not even like, Oh, we're going to use some paddles and maybe like, Hey, some whips or anything. It's no, I'm going to five finger palm. It's a

kari:

four. It's a four. I don't five. I only ever do four. And the ladies love the floor right at the top of the cheek. And so I just like to experiment that with you. Maybe you really like it, but in the past with people that we've been with, they like the slaps. I might want to try. Not right now. Why not? You're going to let me slap you on camera.

casey:

Oh yeah. It's on camera. I've got my microphone right here.

kari:

You're going to let me slap you right now.

casey:

Yeah.

kari:

Can we have video of this?

casey:

What are you looking at? What? I want more proof.

kari:

Okay. This mic stand will not stand. Stand up. So I'm just going to move it out of the way for a second and I'm going to smack you. You better move your mic. This is

casey:

how, uh, what level are we trying to go here?

kari:

Like a, like a three.

casey:

Then why are you doing so much buildup?

kari:

So a six?

casey:

No, that's not what that man. This is

kari:

called negotiations. That's not

casey:

a negotiation. Don't pay attention to that.

kari:

I'm just being a shithead. All right. You ready?

casey:

Well, yeah, hold on. Let me get my mic close enough so you can, I went in like,

kari:

How do we do this? I'm doing this

casey:

like I'm in a recording booth. But that's the cheek I'm

kari:

gonna hit. How

casey:

far are you trying to go? That was light.

kari:

That was light.

casey:

I've been in slap battles. You have been. That was hot as shit. I've been in slap battles that were harder than that. That

kari:

was really hot, I'm not gonna lie. That's a story for another time though, people.

casey:

Yeah, we gotta be reminded to talk about the slap battle in Miami. Miami.

kari:

That was

casey:

on the street.

kari:

Talk about kinks that you don't realize

casey:

outside of the bar with about a hundred people gathered around

kari:

trouble for that.

casey:

No, no, no. Because it was consensual. The bar was fine with it.

kari:

Were they?

casey:

Yeah, we didn't, we didn't ask permission, but the, the large crowd that we had around us, no one ever came and said, what are y'all doing?

Yeah.

casey:

Everyone was just screaming, yelling, having a good time. So I think we're okay. And we know, yeah, no, and we have the picture that we have had a police car in the background. Did it really? I think so. There was, I know there's red and blue lights flashing.

kari:

Okay. All right. Next question. We'll talk

casey:

about that on another time. Yeah,

kari:

that's, that's, that's another time.

casey:

Anyway. So next question. So that first one of the ball gag versus impact play followed by you slapping me. Got it.

kari:

Who knew that was going to

casey:

happen? Would you rather be, or would you rather only be able to have sex once per year with the same partner? Or only be able to have one night stands for the rest of your life.

kari:

First of all, that's not a kink. I don't know how that's evolved it with kink. Well, it's just,

casey:

would you rather it's just a kink addition. It doesn't necessarily have to be like, here's a specific kink involved, but this would you rather Listen,

kari:

I've never had a one night stand. So I don't really like plan on starting that. How do we

casey:

define a one night stands stranger or like acquaintance or just it happened one time? How would we,

kari:

For me personally, if I were to like find my best way to describe it, it would be like someone that I know at least. And then, and then we were intimate. But the whole like stranger and intimate,

casey:

absolutely not. Hold on. A second. So if it is defined one night stand as some of you, and you just slept with him one time.

Yeah.

casey:

Then yes, you have had a one night stand.

Uh,

casey:

who? I can't, I can edit the name out. But yes, you have.

kari:

Okay. Yeah. That's fair.

casey:

Would you like, yeah.

kari:

That didn't happen. Only one night.

casey:

Two.

kari:

I don't, I didn't happen only one night.

casey:

Well, I believe the story goes, stories go is that they were one time. So it sounds like we're, this is turning into taxicab confessions over here.

kari:

Hey, Oh, anyway, I

casey:

guess they were more than one time. I

kari:

think for this purpose and what we're trying to say is not like one night stands, like in the past that if we were to identify what it would be. For this question,

casey:

my subject change

kari:

specifically. Well, you went, you went, you went differently, which I appreciate. And it was, you were defining

casey:

a one night stand.

kari:

Yeah.

casey:

So again, would you rather one night stand for the rest of your life? Or one partner one time a year.

kari:

You would be my one partner and it would be one time a year, but that just said sex. We could do a lot of other things.

casey:

It depends how you define sex, but it's all about the terms. How are we defining these things?

kari:

We could do a lot of other things.

casey:

So yeah, mine, I'm on the same page. Mine would be the one partner. One night stands. They're all well and good, but there's nothing there.

kari:

You're not learning someone's body through a one night stand. You're, you're, if you have a one night stand with someone and they come, they didn't.

casey:

I don't know that I could have a one night stand now because I'd be going into the evening. Like, so let's talk about what you like.

kari:

Right. Like it'd be so different.

casey:

Before we get started, why don't you tell me a little bit about how you experience pleasure so I can learn you more.

kari:

Yeah. Because if it's a one and done, how the hell are you going to know what they like?

casey:

I would immediately get someone

kari:

is like, okay, at best,

casey:

you don't know each other. No, you're just learning. Like this is the first experience. This is why it takes time. This is why it takes good communication skills to be good at this kind of thing.

kari:

Yeah.

casey:

So yeah, I think I would be on the same page with you was saying one person.

kari:

Yeah. One, one person

casey:

once a year. What else do we have? That doesn't make sense. We're not using that one. Nope. So just

would you

casey:

rather watch strangers have sex? Or have strangers watch you have sex.

Voyeurism,

casey:

exhibitionism, where do you fall? Which would you rather experience?

kari:

I would say just for, for a simple one this time, I would say watching people for now. I thought you were going to say the other one because

casey:

I know you like being watched.

kari:

Yeah, but I'm not that like I, we have never experienced something like that before. Like just to be watched, I feel like I'd just be in my head too much. I wouldn't be able to like relax. So if I like had to pick what would give me less anxiety, it would be watching other people. I like your

casey:

lens that you look at. You're not what I would enjoy more, but which one's going to cause me the least amount of stress?

kari:

Yeah, it would be watching, watching someone else.

casey:

Or would you, do you feel like you would gain enjoyment out of watching someone else?

kari:

Yeah, it's just, it's live porn. Bring

casey:

it on. Do you feel like you would gain more enjoyment in being watched?

kari:

I don't know. I don't know because I've never been, I haven't been watched before. Not like that.

casey:

Okay. Well. What about you? My answer would, I'd, I'd probably rather. God damn, this is a hard one. I can get. These are not easy. Well, I can get enjoyment out of both. I can see where I'm like, it'd be hot to be watched, but I can also be like. But also be hard to watch people.

kari:

It would have to watch people because then you're not having to like

casey:

perform.

kari:

Yes, I was going to say perform, but then perform things. But it is. Yeah, you're you're performing. I would put

casey:

on a show for sure.

kari:

I would just be too worried. Like, am I too loud? An American

casey:

psycho, like pointing at people.

kari:

And you can do that as the fucker. But as the fucks, I would have to be a different mindset. Now you get

casey:

to put on a show, too. I would get some glow sticks and sparklers

kari:

and where would they go

casey:

right in your ass?

kari:

That is not the kings that we are discussing right now So let's move on to the next question

casey:

fine. You scroll and figure out yours

kari:

Oh, would you rather only have very loud sex or total? silent very

casey:

loud Loud, loud, loud. We have children.

kari:

So that means that like no sex or that ever

casey:

stopped you from being loud. You

kari:

shut your face. I am not a daughter.

casey:

That's like, I can hear y'all.

kari:

Listen, it's really you that she hears you like to blame it on me. But

casey:

what are the noises I make you want to imitate some of my notes?

kari:

I do not actually, I actually really, really do not, but I bet you couldn't imitate mine.

casey:

No, my voice doesn't go that high or that loud.

kari:

Yeah, that's

casey:

fair.

kari:

Oh God,

casey:

what

kari:

would you rather sneeze? Or fart every single time you have an orgasm. That would be a way to know that they weren't faking it. Can you imagine? Oh my God, that feels so good.

casey:

That's where I'm at. That's right. Moaning, getting louder and just.

kari:

It had to be different farts every time though. It can't be like the same.

casey:

And then you can start playing. Well, like

kari:

sneezing would be annoying.

casey:

You can start playing. Guess my fart. Just exhibition. What's it going to be this time?

kari:

But again, what a great way to see your partner actually has an orgasm or not. You didn't fart, bitch.

casey:

I did wait for it.

kari:

It's silent. Was that movie? I'm sorry. I'm

casey:

sorry, Sean. Sorry,

kari:

Sean.

casey:

Okay. Nope. Not doing scat play ones. Sorry. Scat? This is poop.

kari:

Oh.

casey:

I don't wear tampons. I don't know how to answer one of that one either. Would you rather think of, would you rather think of your mom every time you orgasm or prematurely ejaculate every time you have sex premature, you'd rather just cut? Well, yeah,

kari:

premature every time. That's not a me question. That's a you question.

casey:

Yeah. That's a very, very male question.

kari:

That's not a me question, but I just don't want to ever think of my mom. So I have a really,

casey:

can I get like a bonus reduced refractory period on that one?

kari:

Yeah, I feel like

casey:

is it we're gonna grant me that because no I would really not want to think of my mother every time I had an orgasm.

Yeah.

casey:

Yeah, I could go for premature. I'll get mine. Plus I've got mouth a couple hands toys

kari:

Yeah, it's

casey:

not all about the penis Very well,

kari:

and yeah, you you bounce back, you know

casey:

So we can do like a hour and a half long in quote sex session with all sorts of stuff and then you just you know Hop on for 20 seconds and we're good to go.

kari:

Oh, this one's, this would be hard. Would you rather not be able to use sex toys ever again or never have sex again? I would say, I, I would just, I would get rid of the toys. I would get rid of the toys. But like, They're really fun. They are. That's so mean.

casey:

However, they're also an added bonus.

kari:

Of course they are. But

casey:

for most, for a lot of people, there are some that's like, Oh, I can't come unless I do have that like vibrational stuff going on.

kari:

Yeah.

casey:

So that I feel like that one's an easy one. Never have sex again or never use toys again.

kari:

Yeah.

casey:

I'm going to go with the toys.

kari:

I would too. I would too. But we have so many toys that would be such a waste at this point.

casey:

Looking at a wall where that tentacles staring at me in the face.

kari:

Would you rather watch your parents have sex every day for the rest of your life? Who's coming up with this shit? Or join in once to stop it. Oh God, that's terrible. What is wrong with you people?

casey:

I'm going to need all of you. All the drugs because I'm going with the join in once

kari:

because that way you don't have to see it every single day of your life. Just get it over with move like

casey:

I'm going to be temporarily blind and deaf made more cocaine than they have in production. Currently, I'm going to meet. This is

kari:

really giving me black mirror vibe with the pig every drug known to man.

casey:

I need so much stuff just. Therapy guaranteed for at least five years post at least, but yeah, there's my answer clocking it in.

kari:

I'm proud of you. I'm really proud of you. These are weird because there's a lot of parent ones. I'm the author of this

casey:

article. I

kari:

know. I was like, I'm just skipping over

casey:

research. The you're just maybe in a section of parents,

kari:

maybe, but

casey:

than grandparents, or is it,

kari:

this is not a sexual post. I'm reading this one because it's funny, but this is not sexual. Would you rather have teeth for hair or hair for teeth? Where did we go? Where did we go wrong in these questions? Because this is not a kink. This or that, but I'm still curious. Your answer

casey:

hair for teeth or teeth. I don't know. Why would I answer that

kari:

for teeth

casey:

teeth for hair? I can make some cool shit. I could, I would be like on the bones on your, on your head. I have them shaved down to spikes, head button people.

kari:

I can see that for you. Yeah.

casey:

I'd be going to a ton of punk shows. It'd be the bell of the ball.

kari:

Okay, so me just thinking of kinks because none of those are kinks that we have read. Would you rather

casey:

give a rim job or receive a rim job? You want to eat ass or have your ass eaten? I

kari:

have my ass eaten.

casey:

There you go.

kari:

Every day.

casey:

There's a kink one right there for you.

kari:

Is it a problem to you that I don't want to eat ass?

casey:

Then don't eat ass. There's a reason why we have yes no maybe lists.

kari:

I just don't know why that's a big no for me. Why

casey:

are you whispering? I don't know. Okay, well just bring it back up to volume.

kari:

So I'm not fucking with your edits later. Would you rather get peed on or pooped on?

casey:

Peed on.

kari:

That's fair.

casey:

That's easy. Why would I ever

kari:

want to be pooped on? Why does anyone want to ever be pooped on? That's their own thing. Don't

casey:

yuck someone's yum. Exactly. Some people like it.

kari:

We're not here to yucky yums.

casey:

Would you rather, here's a good one, would you rather have anal sex every day or a threesome every time you had sex? Threesomes can get boring.

kari:

Threesomes are not what people like chalk them up to be. They can be a fucking

casey:

great time candy. They can be fun, but they can also be a big pile. It's exhausting of nobody really communicating well.

kari:

Yeah, like

casey:

exhausting.

kari:

threesomes are annoying sometimes, let's be honest. But then like anal every day, I'm, I'm would imagine like day 40 you're, you're like, whatever, but like,

casey:

I can't feel a thing.

kari:

Anal like is not for the week. That shit fucking hurts. And like, I don't want to be in pain every day. Of my life. So could it be that there's like a threesome where I'm like, you're observing today, you're going to be in the bed, but you're observing it best.

casey:

Are you doing a Mormon threesome? Yeah. We're going to soak. You're going to be the one that jumps on the bed.

kari:

I thought it was marinade. No, it is. So you're right. It is soaking, soaking. So yeah, I would probably go for threesomes cause I'm not having anal every day of my life.

casey:

Okay. Okay. I

kari:

mean, would you like anal every day of your life?

casey:

Would I like to receive? Anal every day of my life.

kari:

Yes. Penetrating anal, like the, the form that makes it count.

casey:

No, uh, anal doesn't interest me in the first place I've tried. Yeah. If you don't

kari:

want me to lick your butthole, you don't want me to penetrate it. I'll

casey:

be fine with getting my ass eaten. That's not a question. I can handle that, but it feel good, but yeah, penetrative. No, we've tried fingers. We've tried like small toys. It's just, it's, it's not,

kari:

you can't get past the pinch people. Let's be honest. That's true. You can't get past the

casey:

pinch. It's it hurts.

kari:

Yeah, it sure fucking does. That doesn't go away. That's not like, Oh, it's my 10th time anal. That doesn't hurt anymore. No, it literally hurts every time.

casey:

Maybe it's just your aggressive hands.

kari:

I do have

casey:

really strong hands. I'm sorry.

kari:

I really do. My delicate

casey:

asshole is not used

kari:

to mama's man hands.

casey:

Handling what you're offering. Would you rather have sex while blindfolded or handcuffed?

kari:

Both, both, but I would maybe say. Blindfolded. You

casey:

can't get both this or that. Maybe Monday

kari:

I want to be blindfolded and Tuesday I want to be handcuffed. I don't know. I like both of those options, but if it was like the only one that I could ever choose for the rest of my life, then I would probably say blindfolded because I don't like. To not have the ability to utilize my hands.

casey:

You can use your hands with handcuffs on. They're just not separated.

kari:

I guess I was envisioning like handcuffs behind your back. And so I was like, I don't know what I would do with that. I wouldn't really want handcuffs. Yeah, I would go blindfolded. What about you?

casey:

Hmm, me being, it's gotta be blindfolded.

kari:

Yeah.

casey:

It's gotta be. What am I going to do with my hands? That's exactly what I'm saying. I like to do things like grab on to people. People? Yes. God. It is people.

kari:

That's fair.

casey:

But yeah, if I were to lose the, the option to use my hands, what am I going to do with that? Like, hold on a second. Stand still.

kari:

That's what I'm saying. Like, I, then blindfold me. I don't want to lose my hands. I'm, I'm too touchy to, to not have my hands while we're being intimate. Okay. But again, like what this whole exercise is doing is bringing you to open up conversations with your partner. We didn't sit down and like go through these beforehand. It was completely at random and

casey:

as you can tell by listening,

kari:

well, yeah, right. Like this doesn't sound scripted, but at the same time, I just feel like it's really important. Like you could take a question like this. with your partner and go sit at dinner somewhere and you can be obnoxious and loud like us and sit at the bar and ask these sexual questions and get a lot of topics and fun conversations around it. Or you go, you go get in the booth in the back and where no one can hear you and you sit down and ask these questions with your partner. But we just, we really encourage you to just have these conversations in general because

casey:

picture people sitting down with a list of kinks and being like, how would you feel about this one? How about this one? And a lot of times, whatever you need. Well, the thing is, you're gonna get a lot of couples who are like, not me, not never. And they're saying that because they have that, that shame centered around themselves of being like, I can't tell my partner that I'm into that. I could

enjoy

casey:

that. Which is unfortunate because you should be able to tell your partner that you're going to enjoy something or that you might be interested in something. So it's it's, it is important to me that you evolve that portion of your relationship, open communication and extreme communication. That's something that I think is a really big one, like extreme self acceptance, extreme acceptance of your partner and extreme negotiation. You guys should be able to get to the most raw of subjects and topics. And not even flinch. You're allowed to have discomfort. It's a natural emotion. It's a natural feeling that you can have. But coming back from that feeling and turning around and going, okay, I heard what you said. It doesn't affect our relationship. What you said might interest me, might spark interest, might make me go, that can be fun. Or it might spark in me and go, I have something I would never ever do. And it's completely okay either way, depending on how your actions following that statement. Come out.

kari:

What was our conversation earlier when you were in the shower and I was like, what about this? And you're like, absolutely not. And then I was like, Oh, what about like this instead? And we had this, like our own little natural, like negotiation.

casey:

You called it a negotiation. That was not, you were like, you said no to that. It means I can do this. Uh,

kari:

no, you said I would be down for that. And then I was like, okay, look at us, like negotiating the scene.

casey:

I have no idea if you're trying to pee on me or something. That's been a big one for you. No, I don't want

kari:

to pee on you. I have no desire to that. It's not, I don't have no desire. It's just, I'm like, at what benefit, I wouldn't get anything from that, but no, you had to walk in the shower and we had said something and it was just funny cause you're like, no, absolutely not. And I was like, okay, what about this? And then they're like, okay, I'm willing to negotiate that. And I just think that like, even if you're being playful with a partner and you're just like randomly bringing up these things. Conversations in passing. Like it's a great way again, to figure out what you and your partner like, what y'all can negotiate around. It doesn't have to be this serious of a sit down date night, have these conversations. You can bring up a little bits of things that you're interested in with your partner and just see how they receive it.

casey:

Of course you can. You should be able to,

kari:

you should. Yeah,

casey:

no, we're going to have a lot of listeners who are going to sit back and say, ah, I can never bring that up. It's okay to be right there right now. Yeah. If you're looking to change that, like reach out to us, we can, we can help you do that. Or there's plenty of resources we can hand out to you that allow you to feel more comfortable in some of your interests. You've likely somebody that's grown up being told that the things that might interest you are not okay, that it makes you a bad person or that it makes you some way or some negative thing. Shame's a bitch. Yeah. Shame is a bitch, isn't it? Shane's a bitch. And if you can reformat your, your, uh, your internal processes to not feel that shame and to really accept yourself for those things, you open up a whole new world of fun for yourself and for your partner. You'd be surprised at how many things that you might be into that you are just so certain your partner is going to be grossed out by or say no to, which really can also be a mirror mirror moment

because

casey:

it might be just be you. you projecting those negative emotions onto your partner. You might be saying, Oh my God, they think that this was just not okay. When in reality that's your, the way you feel and you're making the assumption that they're going to feel the same way because that's the way it's supposed to be.

kari:

Yeah. So again, if you communicate that and if you just communicate all aspects of your relationship with your partner, aside from kink side from anything, just be honest. Fucking communicate with your partner. I promise you, I will honestly say that I feel like through our relationship, through our almost 15 years together, how much we have pushed communication in these last few years, since we've been doing the show has Really elevated our own personal communication. Like we're learning shit for y'all that we're implementing for ourselves. We're not saying this shit and then like, okay, whatever, like our communication has grown significantly since we've even been doing this.

casey:

Yeah, I would agree with you. There's one of our core principles of this show as well is that we don't instruct people on anything that we don't feel adequately knowledgeable about and have implemented in our own lives. So we go out and we do all of this research for these things and then we bring it up and then we work to understand it and then we implement it and it's not until we feel confident in our ability to that we ever discuss it because it would be a disservice to our listeners to be like, cool, I heard about this thing the other day. Let me tell you, like teach you on it. That's not how anything should work.

kari:

No, absolutely not. But I just, I love that this has brought up even more for us. And I think it's great. Like we are, as couples are continuing to grow together and that's what we're trying to get our audience to be able to do is just grow together with a partner that you have. Or partners if everyone's down, nothing's stopping you. But anyways,

casey:

to our poly listeners,

kari:

right? Exactly.

casey:

Oh my gosh. And we're going to have, uh, a future episode in the coming months. That is about one of, one of the topics we've been talking a lot about lately has been your, your, I like to call them like your, your conflict styles or your defensive styles. Where your argument styles, everybody's got them. Whenever you get into conflict with a partner and you know that your partner always resorts to a few things after a long time, you start, you're able to spot them and be like, ah, I typically know how they're going to like where their arguments go. Or I typically know how I react to arguments. If you can get together and really understand those styles and then lay them out for each other in a respectable way and with the intention of growth, you can, you can really pinpoint some. Behavioral stuff that can be changed for the positive in your relationship, which then again opens you up to a lot of this whole world of like being kinky and being fun and moving your way out of the vanilla norm and into that like ideal sex characteristic you'd like to, to have.

kari:

Like it's really fun over here, guys. It's fun on

casey:

this side. It's fucking fun,

kari:

man. Loosen up, be with your partner, communicate this stuff. It's kinktober. This is the time we're going to be bringing to you all year around, but I fucking love October.

casey:

It's a good one. You just had no broad day.

kari:

I have no broad day every day, but yes, I celebrate this shit out of the day.

casey:

Yes,

kari:

I do.

casey:

All right, guys. So for yet another episode. Of our podcast. We are your hosts. I'm Dr. Casey Sanders and I'm Carrie Sanders, and we'll see you next time.

People on this episode

Contributor

Dr. Casey Sanders

Co-host
Contributor

Kari Sanders

Co-host

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