Head Case: Is it Really Easier to Please a Penis?

But is it? Lately there have been a few viral videos well known people discussing the change in degree of difficulty in pleasing a penis vs. a vulva. This week Kari and Casey provide their perspective on the whole conversation. 

Transcript

Casey 0:00

Well, welcome to another episode of Naughty By Nature. We are your hosts. I am Casey Sanders.

Kari 0:05

And I'm Carrie Sanders. Hi, how are you today?

Casey 0:09

That's a great way to start it, isn't it? Thank you. Hi. Hi. Hello. How are you doing today? Um. What,

Kari 0:15

what prompted today's, um, topic? Because you came up with it.

Casey 0:19

Yeah, I did. Well, you know, we, we've gone through a lot of our, a lot of our episodes over time mm-hmm. To figure out which, which episodes people really react to or have more questions about. And in light of that, it always seems to come back to a few topics being in like the top three, right?

Kari 0:40

Yeah. The questions that we get, they're always geared. Very similar topic, at least. Yeah.

Casey 0:45

So we've had really big conversations with people wanting to know about anal.

Kari 0:49

Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, that's a big one.

Casey 0:50

That's always a big one where people are wanting like tips and tricks. How do I, you know, convince my partner to do it all that kind. It's a huge conversation. It really is. Uh, that's a big one that we have. We have, um, how can I introduce kinks to my partner without feeling insecure or judged? That's a big one that we have,

Kari 1:09

you know, one that I thought that we would get a bunch with like threesome questions, but we really don't get like a huge amount of like threesome questions. You're right. We get a lot more about like palacio and about like anal. Well, I think and about like communicating wants,

Casey 1:22

if I remember correctly, the statistics around that are like 18% of men. Mm-hmm. And 10% of women. Don't quote me on those numbers because they may be incorrect. Mm-hmm. Uh, but have participated in a threesome, however, is that

Kari 1:38

little.

Casey 1:38

Mm-hmm. However, it is the most searched of like all topics and is the top rated fantasy for both men and women. Yeah. Is threesomes. I

Kari 1:50

mean, I get it. Yeah. I get the appeal. We,

Casey 1:51

we've also had people that have, that have, we've seen numbers online where, at least online. Mm-hmm. Where somebody's talking. They'll be like, you know, in actuality, um, most people have just confronted and asked, Hey, here's an idea that I have. You wanna have a threesome that most people reported back that they would say, okay.

Kari 2:09

Yeah.

Casey 2:11

I think that's a number worth noting. That's like, I mean,

Kari 2:14

there's a lot of interest in it anyways, we we're going, we're going sideways here. Oh, we, no,

Casey 2:17

we're not. We're no, we're not. We're, we're staying right on topic of our, most of our most, okay. Uh, searched or at least talked about discussions, but the number one that we have above all else always comes back to the same thing. It's people are wanting to know more about oral. It always comes back to that. People wanna know like, why don't I like it? Why don't I want to give it? Why don't I wanna receive it? People wanna know, why do I love it so much? Why am I so attracted to people

Kari 2:45

I know that go their entire relationships without having any type of like oral intimacy? And that is wild to me.

Casey 2:51

There's people that we know that are like, I, I think it's gross. I don't want to do it, and I'll never touch it. And they're so set in their ways, but we've also had private conversations with maybe their partner who have been like, no, it's, I really like it. It's really important to me. Mm-hmm. And I just cannot. Communicate that to my partner without them getting upset or angry. So we wanna talk today a little bit, a little bit, all about really oral. Mm-hmm. What do you have, if I was gonna say like, what was your, what would be your biggest question about oral if you were to be presented with the opportunity?

Kari 3:23

So like, ask something honest. You are,

Casey 3:25

you are at some like symposium, sex positive symposium and they're talking about oral sex and you have the opportunity to ask a question.

Kari 3:32

Mine would be, how do I just make him come faster? Yeah, that'd be mine. I'm doing the tricks. Wait, I'm doing the swirls. I got the tongue down, but he takes a really fucking long time to come. That would my

Casey 3:44

question. What, what would you classify as a long time? I don't

Kari 3:49

know. How long does it take you?

Casey 3:51

Uh, it depends on the day. A long time. We've had times where it's been a couple of minutes. We've had times where it's been 20 minutes.

Kari 3:57

That is honestly, yes. I'm, I'm, you're right. That is very true. Um, you do vary. You, you vary a lot. Um, I, I think I would want to know like a finisher move that's not swallowing.

Casey 4:07

You want, you want a magic bullet?

Kari 4:09

No, no, no, no. Yes, I do. And I feel like I'm already pretty good at what I'm doing. But what I mean is like, my question would be more geared towards like. I know he is seconds away from coming. Mm-hmm. What is like the end all, be all like jaw dropping move that I could do? Like would it be like a finger in the ass? Would it be like

Casey 4:29

at this point are you asking me?

Kari 4:31

No, I'm not asking you. I asking the guy, you just said that I'm at a seminar. I'm speaking to the man on stage. The person on stage. That would be my question. Yeah, that'd be my question. How can I, knowing he's about to come, just fucking blow his mind. You

Casey 4:45

know what the response would probably be.

Kari 4:47

Finger on the, but

Casey 4:48

no, they would say, ask your partner.

Kari 4:51

Yep. That, yeah,

Casey 4:52

they would say, why are you asking me this? Ask your partner. You

Kari 4:55

asked me, and now you're getting onto my question.

Casey 4:58

No, I'm not. That's not getting onto you. There's

Kari 5:01

so many. No, I mean, what would your, what would you ask?

Casey 5:06

What would be my question? What, what would

Kari 5:07

be the one thing that you would wanna ask somebody?

Casey 5:09

Ooh. The one thing that I would ask if it was like a researcher or somebody, um, about, about oral.

Casey (2) 5:16

Mm-hmm.

Casey 5:17

See, mine wouldn't be a move or anything. Mine would be like, kind of like what we discussed earlier. Um, is it really easier for to, to go down on a woman than it is to go down on a, on a, it's like to go down a vulva than it is to go down on a penis. Yeah. Which one is actually easier? What are the numbers show? What does your research show? Who is it that is easier to go down? I after wife, that's, I can't actually. I like that benefit. And you just ask me, which is the exact answer I just gave you. You made a, and you made a whole deal of it, and now you're telling me that you should just, I should just ask you

Kari 5:55

we're both huge hypocrites. Look at us.

Casey 5:57

So then let, let's go through that then. Yeah. Okay. C Carrie. Mm-hmm. Do you feel it's easier to go down on a vulva or a penis?

Kari 6:05

Um, I would, I would say vulva owner. Is physically easier,

Casey 6:11

like less demanding?

Kari 6:13

Yes, but like mentally harder.

Casey 6:17

Ooh.

Kari 6:17

Right. So like if I'm going down on you, there's no, there's no like mental warfare here. I'm just going down on you.

Casey 6:26

What do you mean?

Kari 6:27

Like, I feel like with a woman. And or with the women that I have been with.

Casey (2) 6:35

Mm-hmm.

Kari 6:36

It is much more theatrical. Okay. It's much more in the moment. It's more, um, assuring they're okay. Having maybe a little bit more soft communication throughout mm-hmm. When, when I'm with you and I don't feel like that has anything to do with, I'm, I've been with you a long time. I feel like I can remember back at the very beginning of, of our relationship, I. Did not go into like the emotional where, where or whatever with you. Okay. Where when I've been with a woman, it has definitely been like, how else are you feeling about what's happening in the moment?

Casey 7:13

So you added those complex layers of emotion into being with a woman and keeping a base layer with a man.

Kari 7:19

Yes. That's my personal experience. So I will say, but it's also more intimidating to go down on a woman. And when it comes to like. I'm gonna make you come in the physical work. A male is way harder.

Casey (2) 7:34

Yeah. If

Kari 7:34

I'm gonna make you come in the physical work, a woman is way easier.

Casey (2) 7:38

Mm-hmm.

Kari 7:38

But now you add like a whole other layer to it. And then why? Why do you feel like

Casey 7:44

you don't have to add that with a male part, that

Kari 7:46

emotional layer? Because y'all also are very responsive on what you like.

Casey 7:50

Mm-hmm.

Kari 7:51

Um. Yes. I like that. Oh my God. Yeah. Do that. Girls don't do that.

Casey 7:56

See, I that's girls don't. That is so biased. I've talked to people before who are just like. Like, we don't communicate at all, or I've, we've talked about this before, guys that just don't say anything. Sit there and

Kari 8:08

No, y'all do. I, I don't, I, I'm sorry. This might be inappropriate, but I have never gone down on a guy and him just be like,

Casey 8:15

why would that be inappropriate?

Kari 8:18

There's nothing inappropriate. We're literally talking about sex all the time,

Casey 8:22

and you're giving a personal experience. There's nothing inappropriate about that. All I'm

Kari 8:25

saying is I have never questioned my ability with a man, whether they're not that. Sometimes nonverbal cues or just, I don't know, your dick getting swollen and eng gores in my mouth. It's really easy to tell when y'all are like super into it. With women, it's not necessarily like that.

Casey 8:45

You're not, you're not getting those like objective measures to determine if she's really feeling pleasure or not. It's not detail

Kari 8:52

with women and, and I understand that like. School. Honestly, my level of being with men and women are, are, are lower. However, from my experience, I've never had to question with the guy, am I making this feel good for you?

Casey 9:06

Yeah.

Kari 9:07

I've always had to question, poor a girl, am I making this feel good for you? Yeah.

Casey 9:12

Especially'cause you don't like in those moments, because of the way that we're kind of, the message we're given as, as we come up in the world mm-hmm. Is that you don't know are this, is, are they being real right now or is this like theatrical for, they're trying to put on a performance because they feel like they're supposed to mm-hmm. What's going on in their head. We are trained and told that like that that is. What's going on? Only we're talking about women faking orgasms. We talk about, well, yeah, but not

Kari 9:36

only the performance of receiving, but the performance of giving. Yeah. Women giving head to a male, anyone giving head to a male. That's more, in my opinion, theatrical.

Casey (2) 9:46

Yeah.

Kari 9:47

Look up at the eyes, you know, spit on it. Drool like that is like the sound, like mm-hmm. That to me is very like theatrical, where I don't feel like I would perform that same way for a woman.

Casey 9:59

Mm-hmm.

Kari 10:00

Right. Like, it, it is, there it is. Differences. Um,

Casey 10:04

wait, do you feel like I perform for you whenever I go down on you?

Kari 10:06

Uh, no. But I think that if you were giving head, you would like to a a if you were giving a penis on her head, yeah. I think that you would fall into the theatric

Casey 10:14

center. Do you want more performative? Whenever I go down on you,

Kari 10:17

what are you gonna do? What, what, what is the male performative equivalent to what a girl can do through him?

Casey 10:22

As soon as these cameras turn off, I will show you. Yeah. And then you can report back.

Kari 10:29

Like a, a woman or a, a girl on her knees with, with a cock in her mouth is, is a very different vibe.

Casey 10:37

Yeah.

Kari 10:38

Maybe because your organ is external and mine's internal

Casey 10:42

could be. Right.

Kari 10:42

There's more visual aid to giving head to a penis versus giving head to a vulva. It

Casey 10:49

could be

Kari 10:51

not, could be. It

Casey 10:55

could be a reason

Kari 10:56

saying like.

Casey 10:57

But if you're, if you're a, if you're going down a woman and you, you know, put a mirror in front of you and then allow them to watch through a mirror,

Kari 11:03

how many people do that? Have you ever been that? Oh, I'm gonna give

Casey 11:05

you an idea. I'm just giving you a suggestion.

Kari 11:07

I'm just saying, but if you want it to be more theatric application, that's not a thing. No one does that. You know, you

Casey 11:13

are, you make some broad, yes, I do claims some with no basis in reality.

Casey (2) 11:19

Very truthful.

Casey 11:21

You've asked, asked, no one. You've consulted nothing. You're just spouting shit off the top of your head.

Casey (2) 11:26

But I'm not wrong.

Casey 11:28

You are.

Kari 11:32

Damn. It's not my birthday week anymore. I can't use that.

Casey 11:35

No excuses now. No

Kari 11:37

excuse. Listen, so one of the reasons that we wanted to sit down and write out this episode or even discuss it is. There's a lot of people that I know that are super not interested in giving head or even receiving. Yeah. Right. Typically in my, my mind, my correct mind, when I say giving head, I go to like a male giving head. Yeah. I know. I don't know as many men that are turned off to the idea of being gone down on mm-hmm. Versus Volvo owners that are like absolutely not. I'm curious about that disconnect.

Casey 12:09

So you've talked to a lot of, a lot of vulva owners who have been like, I'm not interested in somebody going down on me.

Kari 12:15

Oh. Lost so many women that are like, nah, but I've ne okay. I will say look like talk to men about head all the time. Yeah. But like, I can't imagine. Hearing the same response. Mm-hmm. Like, have you talked to any of your guy friends? And a guy is just like, nah, it's disgusting. I don't do that. It's been

Casey 12:30

few and far between. I have, it's not non-existent. Yeah. But it's been few and far between where I've had, uh, a penis owner talk to me about mm-hmm. Receiving head and they're like, I just, I don't like it Really, it's not entertaining for me. It's, I don't, I don't enjoy it. What's

Kari 12:44

his name? Who is it? Where do they live? I wanna call him up. Kidding. No, I mean, the, the point though, being that like. I do feel like there's a different stigma when it comes to like men receiving and women receiving, but the hope of this show and what we're trying to get across is that like it really is the same thing as long as you're communicating what it is that you want. Yeah. Through oral, oral. I don't know what the word I just said, but I said it. So whenever we're kind of going into a disgusting,'cause we're sitting at lunch and we're talking about like, what are some of the reasons that someone would be like, I don't do this. Mm-hmm. I don't wanna give head.

Casey 13:21

Yeah. And so we're kind of, okay, so we're going from the, like the giving aspect right now. Yes. What would be reasons where you'd be like, no, I don't do that.

Kari 13:27

Yeah. Like, I don't, I don't want to give you head. Mm-hmm. Um, so some of the ones that we had then like written down. Um,'cause there's a few different reasons as to why someone might feel that way. Yeah. But a, you know, a good portion, it can be like upbringing, like you said, or like maybe like religious purposes mm-hmm. Or whatever. So we're the first one that we wrote down. Was trauma.

Casey 13:47

Yeah. So that's a big one. And that, that one we even discussed, uh, there's, I think it's in her book, mating in Captivity, but Esther Perel talks about a client that she had mm-hmm. Who absolutely despised receiving oral and it was due And this

Kari 14:00

was the mail that despised receiving? Yes, yes.

Casey 14:03

He did not like receiving oral and his partner whenever they were in sex therapy. Mm-hmm. Um, his partner, she was talking about it like, well, I, I want to provide this, I want him to enjoy this. But he does not. Want it or like it or want anything to do with it. Ultimately, they came to the decision that it's just not for him. Mm-hmm. But it stemmed from the fact that he had been abused a lot whenever he was a child, and so he executed this complete aversion to it and the likelihood of it changing after all these years and even going through the therapy he was trying to, and wanting to become more. We're aligned with it, but it was be, it became more about accepting the fact that it just wasn't for him. That

Kari 14:39

wasn't gonna be

Casey 14:40

for him. Yeah. So we have a lot of people that have been through trauma, that it's something that had been forced on them or they had been forced to perform acts mm-hmm. That they're now in an adulthood say, this is, I'm completely averted to it. I have no intention of ever doing that. I, it's not for me.

Kari 14:55

Yeah. I mean, I, unfortunately, I, I know women that were forced to. Um, go through and act like that at a very young age that it did in return, make it be like, we're, that's a huge no for them. That's like, that's a boundary. That's, that will never happen. And, and I'm never going to tell someone how to deal with their trauma because that's your journey and that's your personal journey. Yeah. Um, but if you're listening to this and you're like, wow, that kind of like brains home, I do strongly encourage you to like, go through like what they call is like reclaiming.

Casey (2) 15:26

Mm-hmm.

Kari 15:27

Going through a process like that, it's not necessarily going to be for everybody, but trauma is, it's a unique, it's a unique experience, and there's ways that you can overcome it. And then there are ways that you, what you're saying is they accepted it. Hey, this is just not gonna be for me. Yeah. And that's also okay. I can choose to overcome it or I can choose to say. This just as an act.

Casey 15:50

Yeah. You can reclaim it. The power behind it.

Kari 15:52

Yeah. It's a beautiful thing, but it's not for everyone. No, it's not. And you

Casey 15:55

don't have to do that. And that's a process that it's, that's one of those ones you're like, all right, you need to find a professional. Mm-hmm. That specializes in Absolutely. In trauma therapy, that is sex positive, that wants to help you reclaim that power that can walk you through exercise different ways to, because that, that's a very, very fragile road to walk on. Yeah. And there's a lot that can go wrong. So that would be a point where it's like, I'm not, don't talk. It's not something you should be like. I'm gonna consult my friends about how I should handle, but, but I think

Kari 16:22

it's important to understand that that therapy even exists.

Casey 16:24

Yeah.

Kari 16:25

That is 100% a

Casey 16:26

thing. Many people don't understand that, that there are great sex positive, uh, trauma centered therapists out there who are willing to sit down with you and help you reclaim that power mm-hmm. And help you understand and, and heal. Ultimately from some of the traumas that you've been through, and there's like, if you need resources

Casey (2) 16:46

mm-hmm. Please

Casey 16:46

reach out to us. We have a large network of people that can help out with that kind of thing. Mm-hmm. But that would be definitely one reason why somebody says, I don't want to give, I don't wanna receive. It's not for me. It might be trauma centered.

Kari 16:57

Yeah. So, um, yeah, trauma. And then the next one that we wrote down was, uh, purity Culture.

Casey 17:04

Fuck, purity. Culture

Kari 17:06

knew you were gonna lead with that.

Casey 17:09

Uh, that, that just irks me. Like you're, you're sitting back and saying, well, because of my religion, and look, I'm gonna respect your religion if that's your choice and all that. But if you're having people sit back and you've lived your entire life being told that you need to be pure and that you need to keep yourself modest and. Clean and mm-hmm. Submissive, like I hate all those words you just said. You except for submissive.

Kari 17:35

Okay. That's for

Casey 17:39

security. Culture has done damage to so many people and it's most, for me, mostly due to the fact because it's thrust upon people. Mm-hmm. It's not something where they are choosing to be a part of it. It's not something where they have been, um. Introduced kindly to it. It's just pushed on you mm-hmm. From a young age, and you're told that you need to be pure, that you're told that certain your, that your genitals are disgusting and you're told that these acts are for behind closed doors between only a certain type of person and that other than that, it's gross and immoral and all sorts of stuff, and we're looking at it and going, there's, there's very little basis in reality for your claims. Yeah. There really is. And for the fact that you wanna sit back and then use that, leverage it to create things like legislation around it. You wanna use it to try to control the way that your, that your kids are taught about sex in school. All of this, it's not creating no great adults.

Kari 18:39

It just doesn't work. It's not realistic.

Casey 18:41

It's not, it's, it's been

Kari 18:42

shown that it doesn't work.

Casey 18:44

Yeah.

Kari 18:44

You can have people that go through and like. The complete opposite because they were raised in such like a purity culture. But what it also takes away from is consent, in my opinion.

Casey (2) 18:53

Yeah.

Kari 18:53

Purity culture completely cuts out any level of consent that a woman then has.

Casey 18:58

Oh, yeah.

Kari 19:00

Because instead,

Casey 19:00

go, go on, go on.

Kari 19:01

Well, no, I'm just saying like instead of sitting there and saying that like. I have a, a choice to what's going to happen with my body. Mm-hmm. They remove that because it's, it's not your choice. It goes against what you should want. You shouldn't want this. Right. You, you shouldn't, this isn't your body. It's not

Casey 19:17

okay to enjoy. Pleasure.

Kari 19:18

Not for a woman. Absolutely not. How dare you?

Casey 19:21

She's supposed to guard this gift.

Kari 19:23

Yeah.

Casey 19:23

And she's supposed to give it away to one person.

Kari 19:26

Okay. And then where does purity culture go in when someone's abused As a child?

Casey 19:29

Yeah.

Kari 19:29

Right. Like I went through purity culture and I was abused as a child. That fucked my meat up. Yeah. Because then I thought for a brief period, and I've moved past it, but I thought that I was now no longer good enough.

Casey 19:42

Right.

Kari 19:43

Because I, you thought that you were like

Casey 19:45

unclean and that you'd been tainted. I was

Kari 19:46

unclean. I wasn't able, I was the problem when what happened to me wasn't my fucking problem.

Casey (2) 19:52

Mm-hmm.

Kari 19:53

That was that person's problem and I was just a product of that.

Casey (2) 19:56

Yeah.

Kari 19:57

But then through purity culture, it did give me an obscure view on what my role was. Yeah. As a person.

20:03

Yeah.

Kari 20:03

It's just, it's unfortunate and even the same thing as like, I know I went on a little bit different, but talking about purity culture, even as simple as when it comes to giving oral mm-hmm. I had plenty of women tell me that it goes against what they believe that oral is nasty. That that is not, I would never do that show is just disgusting

Casey 20:23

if you grow up being told that like genitals are unclean and, and gross and private. Exactly.

Kari 20:27

It's completely gross.

Casey 20:28

So then you're gonna grow up and be like, well now I still believe that all this things are gross and that there's, all of that stuff should just, it should just be left alone and we should give strange nicknames.

Casey (2) 20:38

Yeah.

Casey 20:39

To the body parts. Like, hoo-ha, that's, it's not gonna create a good environment for you to really be able to explore the pleasure side that you're so capable of. Mm-hmm. So purity culture is there a lot.

Kari 20:50

Jesus

Casey 20:50

Christ.

Kari 20:51

Yes. We're allowed to, everyone

Casey 20:53

should have that level of autonomy, like, come on.

Kari 20:57

Um, so the next one that we wrote down, um, was withholding

Casey 21:01

this. This is a big one and we, we hear about this a lot where people weaponize sex or withhold things in a relationship in order to have personal gain,

Kari 21:12

which is interesting'cause our last episode was. Weaponizing sex, but in a positive light. In a beautiful, fun. Yeah. Well we were, we were talking about gamifying it. Yeah. Oh, gamifying. Thank you. I'm sorry, I just said the wrong word. You're right. But gamifying, so I think it's funny that now this episode we're kind of talking about like there's a way to gamify your relationship mm-hmm. And a way, way to weaponize your relationship.

Casey 21:31

Yes. And we've seen it before. We've had friends that have told us, oh, well I stopped. Mm-hmm. I stopped providing this, this service or, or engaging in this act until I got what I wanted. Yeah. And we want to discourage anybody from. For making choices like that, sex is something that you engage in because it provides you pleasure and your partner pleasure. Um, if you take it down to just the basic of this, it making it all about

Kari 21:55

what can I gain from

Casey 21:56

this? Yeah.

Kari 21:57

And if I, if I can't gain something, then why do I wanna do it?

Casey 22:00

Yeah. Punishing your partner by withholding Yeah. Sex is, is not a, a great way to, uh, to engage with anything you're part of. And

Kari 22:08

that's the difference between like. I am upset with them and I don't wanna give them oral. Yeah. That's not what we're saying right now. Yeah.

Casey 22:14

We're arguing right now, and I'm not in the mood be, to be sexual with you is one thing,

Kari 22:18

but like I want this new TV and until I get this new tv, you are not receiving oral pleasure from me until I get what I want.

Casey 22:27

Yeah. I'm gonna start classically conditioning my partner to every time they do the dishes, I go down on them and then they'll start doing the dishes more without me asking

Kari 22:35

really works ladies.

Casey 22:36

And then if they stop doing the dishes. That I'm going to withhold and be like, Nope, not tonight. That to me is like, come on.

Kari 22:44

Have I possibly conditioned you before? No, I don't think I have.

Casey 22:47

No,

Kari 22:48

I think there's maybe been some where it all like, it triggered like thinking you were gonna get head like the scene we put my hair up. Yeah. Right. Like that can sometimes be like a, I mean it's, it's more, it's more

Casey 22:58

of a rousing versus versus I know what this means. You know, it's, it's more of an arousing act. Um, I think that we've had in the past where you've been like, Hey. If you really want head right now, do this and I'll, and I'll go down on you for that. I'm like, okay, sure. I, we've definitely engaged in that.

Kari 23:15

I've definitely been guilty of that. But to me, I view that as gamifying, I withholding from you. It's, I want, it's

Casey 23:21

playful, it's fun.

Kari 23:22

It's like, go give me ice cream and I'll give you heads. That's. That's how we use it.

Casey 23:28

Ver versus, I'm mad at you because you didn't do this. Now you're not getting anything until you start doing it again. Yeah. That, that can be hugely problematic.

Kari 23:36

Well, just very manipulative in the relationship because it's also thinking that you have the right to control that level of. Whatever for your partner.

Casey (2) 23:47

Yeah.

Kari 23:47

That's not for you to sit there and take away and give as you choose and see fit, like, I don't know.

Casey 23:52

All you're gonna do is create a ton of resentment in the relationship.

Kari 23:55

Yeah. Now the next one that we wrote down, and I've heard people say this, I do not feel this way. Um, but people don't necessarily like giving head because then they make them. Or it feels like they're in a submissive role. Yeah.'cause now they're the one giving or performing the act. Yeah.

Casey 24:10

Because I'm down here, I'm lower. Yeah. I'm lower than, I'm less than and all that. And I'm performing something in you. You and I have the same view on this, and that's providing oral for someone is a very empowering thing. It's a very much an in control thing. Yeah. I feel like I'm in control of your pleasure.

Casey (2) 24:26

Yeah.

Casey 24:27

I feel like I'm in control of your body right now. By going down on you, by, by providing all this for you, all this pleasure. And because I know what you like, I'm able to do that in such a way that, again, I don't feel submissive. I don't feel like I'm, I'm, you know, down here doing something. I feel like I'm in control.

Kari 24:46

See, I've said this to women before and I'm like, submissive. His cock is in your mouth.

Casey 24:52

You can bite it off if you wanted to.

Kari 24:55

You can control anything that's happening right now in this moment. You are the most in control.

Casey 25:01

Yeah.

Kari 25:02

You've got the two most gentle things on his body right there. Just give him a flick in the balls. Well top right on the ball. Like, could not be more in control. But I don't know. I mean, I, I will say it took me becoming a little bit older before I realized the control that I had. Yeah. But in the beginning it felt very submissive. Mm-hmm. So I do get that mindset. But I do feel like it's still a sexually immature mindset because it took me growing maturely to be like, oh no, fuck that. Like. He's my bitch.

Casey (2) 25:39

Is that the, is that the way

Casey 25:40

you're viewing that when I'm

Kari 25:41

giving you head every time? Just know that

Casey 25:45

I would say it's circumstantial. We can include the time. Yeah, we can include the time is where I have a handful of the back here and uh, and I'm throwing you around like a ragdoll, consensually.

Kari 26:01

So, uh, we are gonna kind of flip it a little bit. So again, the, the first one that we gave you, those are like reasons that we've heard to not give head, but we just don't really support that. Like, we hear you, but we, we hope that some of the things that we had discussed could even get you to kind of like, maybe flip that mindset a little bit. Mm-hmm. And be like, how can I then give head in a way that's empowering to me or through my trauma or through saying, fuck the purity culture. Yeah. Now I'm gonna go in and doing it through a different mindset. I. Um, but yeah, no. Now these are reasons that we found that people love.

Casey 26:34

Mm-hmm. Love

Kari 26:35

to get pet.

Casey 26:36

And are these personal reasons? Couple of them.

Kari 26:38

I mean, some of them are, yeah. But I mean, again, we talk about sex all the time, the stories that we get from people, and I love people's ability to just immediately open up to us. But it just happens even. When we were in Nickel City this past weekend and we were just hanging out. Mm-hmm. These stories just started coming out and I'm like, no, it's fine. Speak me more. Yeah, go ahead. Tell us about it more. I love it. I wanna hear these things. So anyways, um, so the first one that I actually written down was. The last one that we had written for the other, which was being submissive, flipping it to being, yeah. It's personal, like power dynamic.

Casey 27:09

Yeah. It creates a lot of empowerment. Yeah. I know. I know you knew this. I know that, that this is the way that I see it. Like if I, whenever I'm in between your legs mm-hmm. And I'm using my tongue or my fingers or anything else, I feel like I can just move around and I know areas that I'm going to hit mm-hmm. That are just going to. Create sparks.

Casey (2) 27:28

Yeah.

Casey 27:28

And it's just gonna have like your change in body language, your change in breeding patterns, your change and, and vocal tone. Mm-hmm. I can, it's almost like you're a puppet. Yeah. And I can just be in control. I mean, you're paying

Kari 27:39

attention to each of those cues. Yeah.

Casey 27:41

I can be in full control of how you react to the things that I'm doing. And so that to me is super empowering and I'm sure you feel the same way about getting head.

Kari 27:50

Yeah, absolutely. Um. Yeah, absolutely. That's a very big like power thing.

Casey 27:56

Now, is there a difference for you? We go back to that like difference between going down on a penis and going down on a vulva.

Kari 28:02

Um, I mean, you had talked a

Casey 28:03

minute ago about saying like, oh, it's harder to tell if a woman's feeling pleasure.

Kari 28:07

And it's a lot hard to tell with women. It's a lot harder to tell. Um. I personally, I personally would say that I prefer still going down on a male. Mm-hmm. I have that power dynamic feel when I go down on, on a male.

Casey (2) 28:22

Yeah.

Kari 28:22

Uh, on a woman, it's probably still little insecure.

Casey (2) 28:26

Yeah.

Kari 28:26

I'll be honest. Um, but to me it's not a power. I don't know. For me, when I'm a woman, it's like a. Opportunity.

Casey (2) 28:36

Okay.

Kari 28:36

You're allowing me to, to do this with like, guys, I don't necessarily feel that

Casey 28:41

way. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. Let's, yeah, let's dive into that further. You're allowing me, so you feel like it's a,

Kari 28:46

like, I'm like, like you're

Casey 28:47

not, like you are in more of a submissive position. Not let's less empowering with you.

Kari 28:51

It is less empowering for me and more like, it's just a different connection.

Casey 28:58

Okay.

Kari 28:59

It's a very different connection.

Casey 29:00

See, I, I think that women are more complex. People do. Like, for me it's, I, I mean, I've never gone down on a penis yet, but

29:07

yeah.

Casey 29:07

It's something that I'm like, I feel like it's a p like it is a puzzle and I, I enjoy solving puzzles, so whenever I get those kind of cues mm-hmm. Of, of some of the things I've already described. Yeah. The woman with a woman that I'm able to be like. Okay. I know that this is working. I can like feel the movements. Mm-hmm. I can feel like little tightenings or muscular distractions. That's,

Kari 29:26

that's been very rewarding when you

Casey 29:26

are Yeah.

Kari 29:27

Going down on,

Casey 29:27

yeah. You get close towards, or orgasm and they start like their pelvic floor starts tightening a lot. Mm-hmm. Or there's just like movements of legs tightening up, things like that. Uh, increase in breathing, moaning and that kinda stuff that you're able to go like, okay, this is working.

Kari 29:41

I don't know. I mean, I hate to say it, I think it's more rewarding to go down on, on a vulva than a penis.

Casey 29:45

Yeah.

Kari 29:46

But it's also because my level of like. Penis di vulva is, is still, most you get from a

Casey 29:51

penis is a engorgement and then a come shot.

Kari 29:54

Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of work in between all that and a lot, but yeah,

Casey 29:59

a lot of fun work.

Kari 30:00

Yes. It's my favorite. Oh, shut up babe. You get had a lot.

Casey 30:06

I do.

Kari 30:07

A lot.

Casey 30:08

I do. And I, and I appreciate every single time with equal enthusiasm.

Kari 30:15

Okay. Let's see. So, uh, oh, this was the one that, that would, that you had written out, like reasons to give head was, uh, exploration and Pleasure

Casey 30:23

mapping. And pleasure mapping. Yes. So

Kari 30:25

it, you talk, I want you to like, dive into that

Casey 30:26

like what pleasure mapping is. Yes. So the, this is going to be a limited scope on, on discussing it right now because in typically pleasure mapping is referring. To finding like all the parts in your partner not concentrating on, not just,

Kari 30:40

yeah, on the,

Casey 30:41

not concentrating on like, pleasure organs. Yeah. Uh, penis, vulva and those kind of things. Um, but more of like the entire body. Where is it on their feet? They receive pleasure. Where is it on their legs, their, their knees, their thighs, all the way head to toe and really concentrating on the things that your partner individually. Is turned on by, aroused by feels pleasure. Through that you can touch not only with your hands, but with objects. Mm-hmm. And so there's, it's, there's a lot that can be done whenever it comes to pleasure mapping, but you can also use pleasure mapping if you're learning your partner and how to, uh, perform oral on them. Yeah. So say that, you say that you're, you're pleasuring a penis and you're like, all right, well, I wanna know what's gonna really feel good to him. Most people are gonna sit back and be like, well, I know that if I like. Suck on the head of his penis, then it's gonna feel good. Mm-hmm. If I move my hand on the shaft while doing the same thing, it's probably going to feel good.

31:31

Yeah.

Casey 31:32

However, one of the things you can do is, all right, well where would I, where would they feel more pleasure? Is it gonna be if I like grip around the base of the penis or more near the top? Like more where, where my lips are,

Kari 31:43

like gripping the base and swirling your tongue around the top of it. Exactly.

Casey 31:46

Mm-hmm. Like how do they react to that versus maybe like putting your hand against your mouth and going in Yeah. Up and down and, and. Putting it in and outta your mouth. Yeah. Is that like, what are they gonna like more? Now? The odds are they're gonna love both of them, but you can always put a little bit of, or you can find out top five moves. Yeah.

Kari 32:03

Or you can even find out like which move they like better as they're closer to coming.

Casey 32:07

Yeah.

Kari 32:08

Because as a penis owner, I'm imagine mm-hmm. It can change. Like there are certain ways. Or things that you would want during the buildup that you wouldn't want as you were coming. Yeah.

Casey 32:17

I know that we've talked about this like this before. Like squeeze them too hard maybe. Yeah, exactly. The more, the more pressure you apply or do they need lighter pressure as get closer to coming? Um, one of the ones we had talked about is there's like that really good move where you could uh, or you could ma like jerk them off while like using your tongue just on, just on the freni limb. Mm-hmm. So like the backside, the, the right where the, the head of the penis meets. Yeah. And the backside of it. Using that. That's a really good Wanna do. Twisting your hand versus move your hand just up and down. Exactly. Um, and

Kari 32:45

then, so that, those are all different things of like pleasure, pleasure mapping, essentially it's just, right now we're just pleasure mapping the cup,

Casey 32:52

just the penis. So then let, let me ask you this. What do you feel like you are the top three moves that you enjoy doing,

Kari 32:59

not receiving? Do it? Yeah.

Casey 33:01

This is, this is performing on a penis. We're still on penises right now.

Kari 33:03

Um. I do a, I do a lot.

Casey 33:08

You do.

Kari 33:08

I would say we, we,

Casey 33:10

we both like you. You do explore and that's been a lot highly encouraged.

Kari 33:14

Well, sometimes it's to a fault. Yeah. Sometimes you'd be like, what'd you do that last time? No. Fuck clue what I did. I forgot what I did. Okay. I really do something new almost every time. 15 years of trying no shit on your dick. Has been, we

Casey 33:28

have had that, and it's usually one of those things where like, I'll stop you and be like. Whatever you just did, remember that.

Kari 33:34

And, and there are ones that I will, so like the, you know, swirling of the tongue.

Casey 33:39

Yeah.

Kari 33:41

That's one that you really like or

Casey 33:43

what's, what's the, what is it? I can't remember. There's actual specific name for this and I can't remember, but it's like where you put your Luther and

Kari 33:48

just name all of where

Casey 33:49

you put your lips right at the tip and then suck in like heavily.

Kari 33:53

So I'll do that, but I'll use my tongue to pull. Yeah. The tip of your penis into my mouth. Yeah. And so you just go up and down on the head. Yeah. So I'm not just like sucking it in. Yeah. I'm like slowly

Casey 34:04

and forcefully

Kari 34:05

and forcefully gliding. I know. There,

Casey 34:08

I can't think of it off the top of my head. I wish we had like a producer right here. I could be like, look it up.

Kari 34:12

Right.

Casey 34:13

But there's a specific, it's like a something kiss or something like that. There's a name for it. Um, so yeah, that would be a a, a good one. But all

Kari 34:19

of that came through me just being very curious on what you like. Yeah, just like amidst the very same for me, like Yeah. I feel like sometimes your partner's pleasure is only going to be as good as your looking to explore.

Casey (2) 34:33

Yeah.

Kari 34:34

If you're not looking to explore or try something new or, or be a interest with your partner, they're probably not receiving the best level. Of pleasure.

Casey 34:43

Right. A lot of it has to do with one present time, consciousness being in the moment.

Kari 34:47

Mm-hmm.

Casey 34:47

Um, a lot of it has to do with like, how are you paying attention and listening to your partner? In those times. And then partners, how good are you at communicating the pleasure in receiving? Are you somebody that sits there? I made a, I think I made a, I made a comment to somebody's, uh, like read it after dark post a while back where it was talking about somebody that asked about blow jobs. And it was about like, guys, and, and like not moaning or moving around much. Mm-hmm. Like that. And I said, I'm a firm believer that if more men were more communicative during blow jobs, then they would receive them more. If you're sitting there like a dead fish and just going.

Kari 35:23

While

Casey 35:23

she's going down on you and then you, like, you don't make any movements and then bloop, you come and you're like, wow, that was great.

Kari 35:29

I have never had someone, so where's the fun in that? I have never had someone just lay there.

Casey 35:33

I, that's personal experience for me. I'm just saying there's plenty of people who are like, Nope, my, my boyfriend was just a starfish, just a fish like dead. They're just lying there doing nothing.

Kari 35:45

I guess maybe, I don't know. I just, it's so funny that we feel like we have such different views on it.'cause for me, I'm like. Women don't say shit. Men, it's very obvious what they like, but now you're like, men just sit there and don't do anything. And that probably is, both of them are right, right? Like, yes, both of'em are right. It's just funny to, it's not about the gender,

Casey 36:05

it's about the person. There's plenty of people that, well, if you

Kari 36:07

were better at giving head to men, then maybe they wouldn't just lay there and maybe that wouldn't be your experience. And I

Casey 36:12

already said, I have yet. I've already said I have not pleasured a penis yet. You have

Kari 36:17

not yet. Have not either way. Honestly, it's not male or female. It's just are you finding the person that's communicating with you? Yeah. And if you're down there and you're fucking pleasure mapping and you're doing your job Yeah. As a person, receiving it isn't also your job to communicate.

Casey (2) 36:35

Mm-hmm.

Kari 36:35

What you like and what you don't like.

Casey 36:37

Yes.

Kari 36:38

And it's not easy to do, but now that you've, now

Casey 36:40

that you've diverted from answering the question enough,

Kari 36:43

you're welcome. I was asking,

Casey 36:44

I was asking you about like, what are your favorite ways to place your penis? Where, are there any specific moves where you're like, and I don't mean specifically for me. No. I, this can be of something where you're like, you know what I like doing?

Kari 36:57

I, I think it is for me though, the, the being more theatric about it. Yeah. If, if my number one, that doesn't put me into a specific, like. Thing I'm doing on the penis. Yeah. But being theatrical, that would be my number one. Yeah.'cause all, but that comes with the entire time from start to finish. Mm-hmm. The looking up, the like so plenty

Casey 37:16

of eye contact. Yeah.

Kari 37:17

Eye contact. Using my hand, making sure there's saliva. If I don't have enough saliva, I know the part of my throat to go back to. Which, I mean that's honestly,

Casey 37:24

that's a technique that maybe not all viewers are, are acquainted with.

Kari 37:28

Yeah. So if your mouth just gets dry, just really deep throat. Fast and hard for like a few pumps, and it will start to build up your saliva. Activate

Casey 37:37

your sal gland. Yeah, works. Now if you find yourself, if you find yourself that you're somebody that has an issue with going deeper, then there's a number of ways you can get around that go slow like y'all can side,

Kari 37:48

side to side. You'd be surprised. You can go to the right side of your mouth. You not gag as much as if you go to the left side of your mouth,

Casey 37:55

you are different just like your partner is.

Kari 37:56

Yes. Like it doesn't seem like tiny little alterations, but it really does help. Yeah. There are times or positions, you're gonna have a better entry level depending on the position that you're in.

Casey 38:08

Mm-hmm.

Kari 38:09

So like when you and I are in the shower. I'm sitting down on our stool,

Casey 38:13

on our blowjob stool,

Kari 38:14

our blowjob stool. Then I can, you're straight level with me.

Casey 38:18

Yeah.

Kari 38:18

I can give you head and you can go deep and it doesn't bother me. Mm-hmm. But if you're laying down in bed. I can't get as deep, right.'cause now I'm hovering over, I'm hunched over, I'm not getting the angle of being sitting up straight

Casey 38:31

mm-hmm. With

Kari 38:32

mouth just wide open. Yeah. You know,

Casey 38:34

or like laying off the edge of the bed with, you know, head. That's another one that really good.

Kari 38:38

But I, there's no control.

Casey 38:39

No, that's, you're, that's what, that's, I'm the one that has control in that instance. At

Kari 38:43

that point, you're just laying your head back. Yeah. That to me is not like giving hit. Yeah.

Casey 38:48

If you still, if you're somebody that's like, well, I can't really deep throat, but I want to be able to have a lot of saliva for this, my, my advice drink something like a sugary beverage.

Kari 38:56

Yeah.

Casey 38:57

Uh, probably the top one's gonna be like, get a Gatorade.

Kari 38:59

Gatorade. That really helps build up saliva.

Casey 39:01

Get, get a Gatorade and like just start drinking it down and you'll notice that you'll start salivating a lot more, your saliva be a lot more viscous. You

Kari 39:07

can also fake like,

Casey 39:11

Hmm,

Kari 39:12

I was gonna say fake

Casey 39:12

pretend to vomit.

Kari 39:14

No, I mean, like,

Casey 39:15

I thought you gonna be like just.

Kari 39:19

But kind of, because if you, if you're like going through a giving head and you build up your own like. Reflex a little bit. Mm-hmm. It does help produce more saliva. Yeah. You're not gonna like throw up on them, but it will help you produce more. S you

Casey 39:34

can always saliva, you can always control and activate your own gag reflex. That's what I'm saying. Like you and take your own fingers and put'em, start to go a lot down your throat a little bit. You're in more control or you

Kari 39:42

just use a dick to do that.

Casey 39:43

Yes. But a dick doesn't have the dexterity of fingers. But how

Kari 39:47

sexy is it? Hold on real fast.

Casey 39:50

That's

Kari 39:51

shoving my fingers down my throat. Well, yeah.

Casey 39:52

When you do it like that,

Kari 39:56

there's no other way to do it

Casey 39:57

there. There's not only one way to do it, there's plenty of ways that you could do that. So

Kari 40:01

you think it would be totally fine. I'm giving you head. We're in the moment. I say, hold on, and I shove my fingers down my throat. That to you, you're gonna be like, that's hot.

Casey 40:10

I think when you describe it in such a way, no, it's not appealing, but I think that if somebody's gonna do it, and the, and it's communicated and explained why. Mm-hmm. There's no reason why you couldn't do it. There's not a reason why you couldn't do it. But like, look, I, and if you both understand I'm that, I'm trying, I'm trying to get some, some saliva going. You're just kind of push to the back of your throat with your fingers. Go for it.

Kari 40:31

Yep. Or you just use the dick that's right in front of you. Listen, you haven't given head so you don't get to say on this,

Casey 40:40

huh? Huh? First of all, we weren't even, we're talking about creating saliva and using your fingers, and you're talking about how disgusting you think it is. That's you. You're one person. Stop judging people for what they like. Carrie. Oh,

Kari 40:52

I am saying. Is that if a girl needs to build up saliva, they're not gonna use their hands.

Casey 40:58

It's a technique. It's one way to do it. There's many ways to do it. Just because it doesn't appeal to you doesn't mean other people might not be able to do it.

Kari 41:10

Right? Penis owner,

Casey 41:11

uhhuh,

Kari 41:11

so. I'm gonna agree, disagree. No,

Casey 41:15

we're, we're still mo we're still going on with, with not with that particular one, but

Kari 41:19

yeah. A different one. But still we were, well, we're just dis

Casey 41:22

dis No, just discussing ways in which you can pleasure a penis. I think that there's a lot of, a lot of people that are still like, well, wait a minute, what else? What else can I do? So what are some of your big tips?'cause you talked about eye contact. Theatrics. Saliva, yeah.

Kari 41:35

Yeah. Being theatrical. But also it again is, it is exploring it. You have hands, you have a mouth. Yeah. You have one object, right? Like

Casey 41:44

yeah. Three.

Kari 41:45

Three. Well that's, no, you're right. Two

Casey 41:47

testicles, one shaft

Kari 41:49

and a butt hole. I was thinking the third was the butt hole. I was thinking like, dick ball I hole,

Casey 41:54

I can go, I can go. Testicles shaft, head of the penis.

Kari 41:58

There's four.

Casey 41:59

Yeah. And per, per

Kari 42:01

perm. You like that one?

Casey 42:02

Permium. There you go. Yeah, that's a good one. Anus, all of these are areas, again, it's just,

Kari 42:06

it is exploring inner

Casey 42:07

thighs, legs. Like, well,

Kari 42:08

that's the other thing. That's what I was about to say, is like, the thing is, is exploring it,

Casey 42:11

create sensations, various types.'cause there

Kari 42:13

are times that you don't, it's not just like, yes, I'm going down on you, but you love when I'm going down to you. But I also, like you said, touch your thigh, touch your stomach, touch your body. Because it is about like building, explore that whole level, uh, intimacy. And so you're sitting there asking like the best. Thing to do for head is, and that is it. It is literally exploring it, getting into the moment. Mm-hmm. That's what I was said about the theatrical, like getting into it and then just exploring it. Yeah. Because in my opinion, like a dick, you can't really go wrong. Right. Unless you're causing physical harm to it,

Casey 42:44

like biting it,

Kari 42:44

squeezing too hard. Some people are into that, but then again, right. They might be some people like, you know, cocking

Casey 42:50

ball, torture,

Kari 42:51

but you're not going to know that if you're not exploring it.

Casey 42:53

Yeah. And

Kari 42:54

then just to sit there and be like, I'm going to try something new on you that I've not done. I would really like your feedback.

Casey 43:00

Step outta your comfort zone.

Kari 43:02

Mm-hmm.

Casey 43:02

Have the, have the conversation and it's completely okay.'cause we've talked about like the fact that sex doesn't need to be spontaneous. Oh, I get it. They show it all the time in fucking movies and, and TV shows. Oh, it should be spontaneous. In this whimsical thing. It's completely okay to schedule out. Performative acts with your partner. Hey, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna sit down and I want to give you a blowjob, but I want to give you a blowjob and just kind of explore. Mm-hmm. And I want you to tell me things that you like what I'm doing, and things that if it may feel good, but it may not be your favorite, let's figure out the things that work really well for you.

43:37

Mm-hmm.

Casey 43:39

Absolutely do that and make, make the plan to do it and sit down and do it and have a communication session about it, and then talk about it afterwards. Oh. What was some of your favorites? What are, what are the things that you, you'd like to see me do more?

Kari 43:50

Mm-hmm. I just, it's so, it's crazy that couples don't ever think to sit down and discuss it because we always sit down and we discuss what our finances mm-hmm. Discuss, like what needs to happen that week, what's going on, like what our goals work, what does your work look

Casey 44:03

like, what does mine look like?

Kari 44:05

Very rarely do people sit down and be like, okay, this week these are the intimacy levels that I want us to have. Yeah. This is like, I know that this week I'm really stressed out and I'm really busy and I'm not gonna be able to, to be there sexually with you, but what are maybe some other things that we can do to like. Bring that into it, but to sit down and just like have those discussions again, we're talking about oral today. That's the biggest thing. If you can sit down and talk about your finances, why can't you sit down and talk about your, your oral pleasure? Yeah. Or the things that you like, or the things that you don't necessarily like. And I have found my own personal experience is to tell you the things that I didn't really like after the math.

Casey (2) 44:44

Yeah.'cause I

Kari 44:44

would never, well, I, you know what I mean? Like, I would never want to sit there and make you feel insecure about something that you're doing. During it. Yeah. So if, Hey, stop that.

Casey 44:53

I don't like it.

Kari 44:54

Yeah, exactly. And if that's you, just because you don't feel comfortable saying it right then doesn't mean you can't bring it up later.

Casey 45:01

And you can in the moment say things like, Hey, you know, go a little faster, a little slower. Move your here, do all that different. But

Kari 45:07

you know, maybe it was like this whole, like, oh, you really went in

Casey 45:09

and just, just maybe don't go like, Ooh, stop that.

Kari 45:13

Ew, no. Ew. That would be so uncomfortable. Put it, pop on the head. Stop it. Don't do that again. Unless they're like, like bit your claim. You're like, no, but, but the whole point again is just,

Casey 45:25

I mean we're, yeah. Let's, I think, why don't we go into there? You're talking about biting the clit. I think we should go into Volvo pleasures. Okay. After you, you had a point that you were about to make.

Kari 45:35

I think you were, it

Casey 45:36

sounded like a Jerry Springer's final thought coming on.

Kari 45:38

Oh, it was not. Okay. Wasn't I was, I was leading into something else, but that's totally fine. I agree. We should say, because we talked about, like, we're talking about pleasuring penises.

Casey 45:45

Yeah. Let's talk about pleasuring vulvas.

Kari 45:47

What is, what is your tip?

Casey 45:49

My biggest tips for those, um, one is one, one, take your time.

Kari 45:54

Yeah.

Casey 45:54

Like we, it's, it's a very common fact that women typically take a lot longer to fully arouse than men. We're talking like 15, 20, sometimes 30 minutes to become fully aroused. Uh, for a lot of women, foreplay is the main course. So treat it as such. Yeah. Um, whenever, whenever you start going down on a woman, you don't need to start directly at the vulva. You don't have to start, go into being like, I'm gonna shove my fingers inside you and do all this, and like, my goal is I'm gonna get you to come right now. Take your fucking time. Like explore a little bit. Mm-hmm. Like we already said, right? Take your hands. Rub, like, rub along the neck, the clavicles, go along the breast, move your way down. Make your way down. Kiss all over your partner. Mm-hmm. Show them how appreciated they are before you make your way down and actually start diving in and, and performing oral. Now, whenever you are actually performing oral, there's a few different things that you can do. Um, one, listen to their body. Uh, I do firmly believe that your, the way that you're, like, you're moving your legs the way that you are. Uh, I can feel the contractions of your muscles going, the, the quickness of your breath, the way that you moan and, and make noise. I feel like that's a decent indicator. Now, of course, I would love verbal cues. It's like, that feels good, you know, I like what you're doing. Don't stop doing that. Do it more, do it faster. Do it harder, whatever it needs to be.

Casey (2) 47:12

Yeah.

Casey 47:13

Um. From there, there's a, there's a few different good techniques, like actual, like instructional techniques, because this, and in fact, let me sidestep for a second, because there was a, you remember the movie, was it American Pie? Mm-hmm. Back in the early two thousands, there was a scene in there. Where, uh, it was the, I I'm not gonna remember the actor's names, but the, the boyfriend was wanting to, he was gonna go down on his girlfriend. Mm-hmm. But he didn't know what the fuck he was doing.

Casey (2) 47:39

Yeah. And

Casey 47:40

his brother instructed him to go to the library and there was like a secret hatch with a little door you could open that had a book in it. And inside this book was like, these are the things you need to do to make a girl come. Which you then went and performed on her and she had an orgasm. Mm-hmm. And so they made it look like, it's like, no, there's a, there's a method to it. Yeah. And the reality is, is there's no, there's not. Can you perform some of these acts? Sure. Can you swirl your tongue around more? Can you concentrate more on the clit? Can you concentrate more on the, the, the walls of the vagina? Mm-hmm. Can you go up to the front side or backside of the cervix? Yes. And you should do all of those things and then communicate with your partner if they like it or not. If they don't like it, maybe stop.

Kari 48:18

Yeah.

Casey 48:19

But ask them in the moment. Are there? Well,

Kari 48:22

and also like a. Don't just ask, do you not like this?

Casey 48:25

Yeah. Could it? Yeah.

Casey (2) 48:27

Could

Kari 48:27

it be harder? How does, how does that feel? Could it be slower? Yeah. Could I add more pressure? Could I add less? Because just so they're saying, do you like this? That's really hard for anyone to answer. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So it could you be more specific with your questioning on Right. What it is that you're doing. Right.

Casey 48:44

Does it feel good? Just a yes or no. You're like, oh, okay,

Kari 48:47

yeah,

Casey 48:48

great. I'm just gonna keep doing that. Mm-hmm. Right. So have that clear communication of being like a little more pressure or ease up just a little bit. Mm-hmm. I

Kari 48:55

mean,

Casey 48:55

going back to a penis pleasure, I've talked about you with that. With like hand grip.

Kari 48:58

Mm-hmm.

Casey 48:58

Like, hey, lighten up your grip a little bit.

Kari 49:00

Yeah.

Casey 49:00

I got really fucking

Kari 49:01

strong hands. You've gotta tell me that. Kung

Casey 49:03

fu grip, like real, real quick.

Kari 49:05

I really strong hands

Casey 49:07

out outside of that for, for somebody pleasuring a vulva. Figure out which, if you're going to be fingering them, figure out which fingers work best.

Casey (2) 49:14

Yeah, I

Casey 49:14

mean, you're gonna, like, they may prefer it with like your, your, which one finger or two? They might prefer to have that like in and out motion versus like the come here motion where you curl the fingers over. They might like more pressure on the front wall of the vagina while you're doing that. Um, they might like to have their clits, uh, simultaneously stimulated at the same time. Um, you might want to use your fingers to finger them as well as using your tongue on their clit or anywhere else on their body during that time. Explore.

Kari 49:42

Yeah, and like. Just do not forget nipples when

Casey 49:49

ask your partner how they, like their nipples being played with, honestly, their breasts being harassed and massaged.

Kari 49:55

That's one that I don't feel like is as common to be asked on truthfully. So that's another,

Casey 49:59

they're, they're trying to concentrate on just the one area and they're neglecting an entire,

Kari 50:03

but literally even women.

Casey 50:06

Yeah.

Kari 50:06

I, I, I will like stimulate you a little bit on your nibbles whenever we're like being intimate and there are times where you're like. I can like

Casey (2) 50:13

Yeah, for sure. People

Kari 50:14

that you like really like, and there are times where it's like, eh, whatever, but like. Exploration. It

Casey 50:19

creates another pleasure pathway. Yeah. Like it's not all the same thing. They're all different sensations and they can all compound to like, I like that, achieve this like, really high level of pleasure. Mm-hmm. Um, there is one, oh, what was it called? The Kevin Method. I know we had gonna Yes, you can look it up. K-I-V-I-M. It's a, it's a, it's a method of, of pleasuring, a vulva in which instead of being right in front of the person mm-hmm. And so you'd be like, say, using a tongue, uh, going straight for them. You actually turn to the side. To where your tongue would be perpendicular to the vulva and then you can move the tongue back and forth. You're essentially taking like the labium manure and the clitoris and kind of pushing it side to side. Yeah. On one way. And I won that one. And that's supposed, that is supposed to be something that provides a higher level of pleasure. Have you done that? Yeah. A number of times on you. I have. Tell

Casey (2) 51:06

what you're doing.

Kari 51:07

You know,

Casey 51:08

a number of times on you. I mean, as long as you're having good time, then we're good. Right? That's

Kari 51:13

saying, I, I can't always stop going down there with your tongue,

Casey 51:16

but it's, it creates the communication portion of it that creates a whole new level, level of comfort. Yeah, and that's one of my biggest things is that I love it whenever we sit back and we're able to be like, enjoy the pleasure side of things, have a session where it's like a learning experience. Where I'm like, whoa, whatever you're doing right there. Like, keep doing that. Maybe go like a little bit faster and then you start doing it and I'm like. Just achieve like a whole new level of, of intimacy and pleasure. And it makes us feel closer together because we feel like we now know our, our we each other that much more intimately.

Kari 51:52

And I think it's that we care to know each other that much

Casey 51:54

more as you should. Like

Kari 51:56

that. That's, I think a successful

Casey 51:57

relationship is that's component. It's comprised of people that actually want actually just talking care and

Kari 52:03

want to know these things about their partners

Casey 52:05

that aren't gonna fall into. Just the same old routine of, and that that's one of the reasons why so many sexual relationships fall off is'cause they fall into routine. They're not continuously learning and growing. They fall into that rut of, well, I know how to make'em come, so I'm just gonna do that real quick and then I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep. There's no fun in that. It's not making your sex life boring.

Kari (2) 52:25

Have

Casey 52:25

some fun. You were in

Kari (2) 52:26

charge of it.

Casey 52:27

Yeah, you both are.

Kari (2) 52:28

Yeah.

Casey 52:29

Y'all sit down. If you're not satisfied with your sex life, sit down and talk to your partner and be like, look, the biggest reason we're not having sex right now is for a few reasons. One of them is that our sex is boring. Like we gotta pop one off real quick in the back room and then just go about our lives. Like figure out ways that you can create more entertainment in your sex life and through oral play is a great one. And guess what? It doesn't even have to be about coming. You wanna, you wanna sit there and tease your partner, edge them for a while and make that throughout the day or throughout a couple of days, you're gonna create some pretty intense emotions there. Yeah. If you just continue to bring them towards the edge, but no orgasm. Come on. It creates some cool stuff.

Kari 53:08

It really does it, it creates a lot. Um, so with that, yeah, go home Edge, your partner all the time. Never let'em come and let us know how that works. All the time. Never, not once. Time down.

Casey (2) 53:21

Let, how

Kari 53:22

long do you think you could go, like torturous of being,

Casey 53:28

of being edged?

Kari 53:29

Yeah, like just, I'm gonna like how long do you think you could like actually go?

Casey 53:34

I. I like to set goals. So I mean, if I set a goal, you gonna test

Kari 53:38

this out?

Casey 53:38

Yeah, sure. You wanna, you wanna like make a bet on Eric? I know. I was like, I really wanna

Kari 53:41

know like what would be your like fuck this. I'm done. I'm asking you to make out.

Casey 53:46

Alright, so, so we're gonna do this, we're gonna report back next week.

Kari 53:49

Okay. Or two weeks.'cause right now we're on two, two weeks right now we're on

Casey 53:52

two week episodes.

Kari 53:52

Yeah.

Casey 53:53

So we'll report back in two weeks to see if I actually,

Kari 53:55

so my guess is gonna be like five days. Five days.

Casey 53:59

That's a long time. It is.

Kari 54:00

It's,

Casey 54:02

and that's, and that means I can't make myself come either. No, no,

Kari 54:05

no, no, no, no, no, you cannot. It's only through me edging you until the time that I let you come. But

Casey 54:12

I'm

Kari 54:12

gonna go like five days. Are we, are we, are we betting

Casey 54:14

on, is this like a betting thing? I don't

Kari 54:15

know how to do this because we just,

Casey 54:18

we're gonna be following you around the house. Like, come on, just please, please talk about empowerment. I know, right? Do the dishes. Let me come, come on. Um, I would, I would probably, I, I think that that five days was being fairly liberal. No, I would, I would ally like three. I would, I would probably, I will go four. Okay. I'm saying three. I'm, I'm gonna call it at four.

Casey (2) 54:44

Shit.

Casey 54:44

Okay. Four day. What does it say? Monday. Wanna get

Casey (2) 54:46

started on this? We

Casey 54:47

we're gonna start tomorrow. Today's count. Okay. I

Casey (2) 54:49

about to say, uh, we're gonna start that tomorrow.

Casey 54:53

Four days. We're gonna call it four days. We'll report back in two weeks and see how it went.

Kari 54:57

Okay.

Casey 54:58

How about you?

Kari 54:59

Me? Yeah. Are you

Casey 55:00

participating in this? You're gonna,

Kari 55:02

you're

Casey 55:02

gonna withhold.

Kari 55:03

I'm not like that though.

Casey 55:04

Okay.

Kari 55:05

You can withhold and I don't come, I don't care. It

Casey 55:08

doesn't

Kari 55:08

bother me. I, I don't like, coming to me is not, I wouldn't be like the response you're having no

Casey 55:16

eding edging. Edging. And now you're like, fuck, I need it. I want to come. Yeah. I

Kari 55:19

don't, I don't know that, I don't think that's a woman to male thing. I think that's just my personal thing.

Casey 55:23

Yeah.

Kari 55:24

Um,

Casey 55:24

I mean, I agree with you. I don't think it's, I don't think it's a gender thing. Yeah. I think it's a, I don't think, I think it's a personal,

Kari 55:28

yeah. I just think for me, I'm like, nah, it can be edge then, whatever. Yeah.

55:32

Okay.

Kari 55:32

No, I'd be curious how long I could go without having any type of physical touch. That would be something that I'd be curious about. That just sounds sad. I know. I was about to say, but then like, where's the fun? And you'd get a even out, I feel like

Casey 55:43

you would get depressed. Like, nobody's touched me in days. Yeah.

Kari 55:48

I, I would be curious how long that would actually like. Take for it to. But anyways,

Casey 55:52

we're not doing that psychological experiment. I

Kari 55:54

don't wanna do that one.

Casey (2) 55:54

That's, that's

Casey 55:55

just sad.

Casey (2) 55:56

It's fun. Mine

Kari 55:57

is sad.

Casey 55:58

Well, starting tomorrow we're gonna go, we're gonna see if we can do a four day edge. Edge, see what happens. I'd be curious to know what other people have done in the past. I'm sure there's people that are like, we Ed for two weeks. Like, great. I, I applaud you for that. That's not my preference. Yeah. But anyway, we'll see what happens. So for another episode of Naughty By Nature, we're your hosts. I'm Dr. Casey Sanders. And

Kari 56:18

I'm just Carrie.

Casey 56:19

And we'll see you next time.