In this episode, we unravel the secrets of client retention in the beauty industry. We talk about crafting a clear plan for clients' hair, skin, and brows, and how to communicate expectations effectively. It's about that commitment to clients, tracking rebooking and retention rates, and yes, we also touch on the impact an attractive team leader can have on retaining clients.
Finally, we get personal. As busy as we are, relationships with family and friends can take a hit. So, we share our journey of self-reflection, self-care, and the importance of expressing our needs to our partners. We also shed light on how to resolve resentment through effective communication. And we throw in some Hawaiian wisdom on relationship amends for good measure. From discussing the impact of showing up for loved ones in their preferred love language to reminding ourselves to step out of ego, this episode is a mix of business, self-care, and relationship advice. Enjoy!
To follow our journey:
Instagram @aheadhair_
@the_conscious_salon
This podcast has been produced and edited by Snappystreet Creative
In this episode, we unravel the secrets of client retention in the beauty industry. We talk about crafting a clear plan for clients' hair, skin, and brows, and how to communicate expectations effectively. It's about that commitment to clients, tracking rebooking and retention rates, and yes, we also touch on the impact an attractive team leader can have on retaining clients.
Finally, we get personal. As busy as we are, relationships with family and friends can take a hit. So, we share our journey of self-reflection, self-care, and the importance of expressing our needs to our partners. We also shed light on how to resolve resentment through effective communication. And we throw in some Hawaiian wisdom on relationship amends for good measure. From discussing the impact of showing up for loved ones in their preferred love language to reminding ourselves to step out of ego, this episode is a mix of business, self-care, and relationship advice. Enjoy!
To follow our journey:
Instagram @aheadhair_
@the_conscious_salon
This podcast has been produced and edited by Snappystreet Creative
Here at the Conscious Salon, we acknowledge the traditional owners of the land in which we stand today, the Boon Rung people of the Kula Nation. We pay our respects to the elders, past and present, and extend their respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Conscious Salon. Welcome back to the Conscious Salon podcast.
Speaker 1:Do you know what's dead Like? This is the thing where I feel that like, because I want to say it Like we can't have a smooth introduction Because you say like welcome back, and then you look at me and then I'm like I look at you, because you're my co-host mate. I know, but I'm not allowed to say like thank you so much to Diggie, because you're telling like that.
Speaker 2:No, because that's the same joke again and again and it all is very funny to first and second though, I know, but like I can't think on the spot like that, like it's just.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh, what thank you, no, I can't say thank you.
Speaker 2:What did you say? Welcome back everyone. Howdy guys Like God forbid. We have a normal intro for once. We've never had one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, but I'm just pointing it out every time when you're like highball me.
Speaker 2:But why don't you do like a fun, try something, yeah, like howdy, or let's see how howdy lands.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to the.
Speaker 2:Conscious Salon podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, howdy guys, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:Nikki, it's great to be here. Well, it's great to have you back, my friend. I appreciate you coming back. Considering your 50% of this podcast, yes, but it's been a wild old week. Anyone who is with us is a bit prickly today because we've had the national outage.
Speaker 1:I wasn't aware of it. I just assumed that it was all good. And then Nikki said no, try and make a call.
Speaker 2:It's all sort of blissful life you lead. Thank goodness we're with Telstra at home, so we're still able to get internet. But it's been an interesting morning because we had a team member who was flooded in and couldn't actually physically get to work today.
Speaker 1:Where was that Nikki?
Speaker 2:Bollarat.
Speaker 1:We love, we can't say no to anyone. It's a very, very niche reference. If you've been a long time listener Julie Lambert, you'll definitely understand that reference.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. But, by the way, anyone who's like tuned in recently, they're like who is this? Julie Lambert, that they reference every person.
Speaker 1:You'll have to go and find her. You'll have to start at the beginning and do the hot journey. Like the rest of them. You'll have to binge the other episodes. That's right.
Speaker 2:Yes, you couldn't get to work and was flooded in, obviously couldn't call, so ended up like somehow getting some internet to send a text to say that she was flooded in, but then we couldn't let the rest of the team know because we couldn't actually get the word out to them.
Speaker 1:That's it, Because we kind of had a epiphany when we were Nikki and I started earlier this morning. We've been very busy. Everyone, Beauty, beauty, beauty. We had our first client calls morning at was it 8.15?, 8.30?
Speaker 2:8.30.
Speaker 1:8.30, whatever, Very early. And then we had the epiphany. Like our team started 9am and about like halfway through the calls like oh, our phone and internet and everything and the girls won't have an Air.
Speaker 2:Force machine. They won't have an.
Speaker 1:Internet system.
Speaker 2:They won't even know that one of the teams six that was like where the hell is this person Exactly? It was just it would have been an absolute shit show, and Tess and I sort of said to each other because we obviously couldn't get in contact with anyone. So we said to each other well, this is like the ultimate, like surrender that you have to do as a business owner, Because most of us as business owners are controlling little devils.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I did. I did say to you should I pop down there and pop down an hour and a half drive one way?
Speaker 2:Tesla is 90 minutes from the salon, but most people, most people like traditionally, most people in leadership positions are like quite controlling or like to have control of situations.
Speaker 2:And this was one of those beautiful times where you're like, cool, I'm assuming the universe has this for us. What can we do? Right now we have to completely surrender and also giving our team. You know, they're literally forced to step up and take control. And we had a laugh and said, let's see how the girls handle this, because they're literally going to have to just do it all on their own. And of course, they did an incredible job. She put a. She put a like a task box in our timely, our computer system that we use. She put a task box assuming that we might log into timely at some point and then we'd be able to communicate through there, through a task box. And they handle it like absolute champions?
Speaker 1:Sure did, and then we did eventually get I don't know like I Facebooked, chatted Jazzy.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, she.
Speaker 1:Facebook called us and she Facebook called when we were in another call so it's all professionalism at its finest this morning.
Speaker 2:So we can just DM our team member on Instagram and just see if everything's okay. Yeah, it was all good, totally so there's probably like, especially in our industry, especially the hospitality you know, hair and beauty more service based industries actually, especially in hair and beauty, because you know we're relying on staying on time. Knowing what the client's name is that's coming in is always by us.
Speaker 1:I thought that too. Yes, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Okay, amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So good to see you. Yes, this might come. If you're a non hair and beauty worker listening to this podcast, it may come as a shock to you that we don't remember everyone's name all of the time. Sometimes we have clients that you know don't come in for 12 months or something and you may not necessarily recognize their face. But, yeah, it's been a wild old day for our industry.
Speaker 1:Sure has, and we're also. I should preface this by saying we're a salon that does not let our team say like hun or babe or come in lovely.
Speaker 2:No, we don't. We don't do pet names with our clients, so our team have to use our clients name, which would have been a challenge today, but nevertheless, we've gotten on with it. They've handled it. They've done a great job.
Speaker 1:So thanks, girls, and in we pop to the episode. I reckon, yes, well, how's the week been? Week's been pretty good. Let me start with you. I reckon let's get the. I'm trying to think it is anything fun. Wait, oh, we had a lovely weekend. I love that I passed you and take it straight back.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I might take a look at the second one.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll do the fun stuff and then you can do, you know, the weekly report, the product induction that you've done. I'll give the people what they want, which is entertainment, and I'm here for that Right. Um, what did happen? We had one of my best friends came down from Brian Bay, which was really fun, Jim, you were there, yeah, oh, he looked at me and I was like no, it's nothing wrong.
Speaker 2:Jesus Christ, you get like you get scrutinized if you look in Tessa's direction in this room.
Speaker 1:I know she's extra paranoid today. She's hiding.
Speaker 2:Tessa wants a co-host that makes no eye contact, I'm just going down and I have, honestly, I've gone with it. Do you want me to turn around and base the wall Because you've told me off-pick?
Speaker 1:Do you remember that time? I think this is like earlier on, when we used to um, was it? We used to, yes, we used to let record. Yeah, Phil.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I know you look at the wall.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you made me look at the wall. I couldn't do it.
Speaker 2:Why did you make me do that? It was just a recording. It was just a power move, because I wanted to get one over you.
Speaker 1:And he just wanted to prove to everyone that she'd get me to do whatever she wants, including talk to a wall. I did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're rolling.
Speaker 1:I do remember that time I did it and then I was like I can't do it. It really threw me.
Speaker 2:so far, it was an iconic moment. But, yes, your weekend with Jim Jim came down, which was so nice.
Speaker 1:And then you know when you like I've moved. You know I'm Swiss, still was, I've, I've the, the chalet. To be honest, I'm a bit prickly at the chalet. Hype has sort of simmered down. I've been here for three months now, so the novelty wore off. Well, when Jim came, we were straight back up.
Speaker 2:Yeah she was so excited, she was so excited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was excited. We went and like, met you know the, the um, the florist and Emeralds I like to go and visit, and the new cafe we found. We did a nice walk, we went out for dinner, it was beautiful. We're getting quite a reputation from there. Every time someone comes up, we take them.
Speaker 2:We take them there, but you've got two really good restaurants to take a ride across from each other, so, yeah, it was great.
Speaker 1:I had a really nice time. Um, I think that's pretty much the week yes and nothing else has been happening.
Speaker 2:It's been an exciting week at the salon. Here's my report.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's have the um the audits in what happened this week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Leah, if you can put like some boppy dance music to this, that would be fantastic. It's Nicky's salon weekly rap, but, um yeah, we had a very exciting week at the salon.
Speaker 1:We're on a higher freeze at the moment because, you know it's been, we've had unless you Nicola Pollock, in which case you can hire whoever you want at any point. Nicky Tomer and a higher freeze. And then we we've had two interviews, so we shook hands and said that we're not hiring anyone for 2023.
Speaker 2:Um, and we just put a tea and tidy on, so we broke the higher freeze and then we had someone else reach out saying that they want to do an apprenticeship and I said, look, I'm not sure where we're going to, where we're going to actually physically place you, but come in for the interview. She was amazing.
Speaker 2:So it looks like we'll be popping her on Um, and it's just all getting a little bit hectic. I've completely gone back on my word and apparently we're welcoming in two new members of the A team. They'll love it Very good.
Speaker 2:Um, tess, we run a little weekly segment around here. What's it called? Hot Girl Hotline. Hot Girl Hotline Beautiful. So anyone who is new around here. We run a segment called Hot Girl Hotline. We put up a questions box on Instagram every week and ask you for your troubles, your woes, your business problems, anything that's going on. We want to be in your team and helping you sort that out.
Speaker 1:So, tess, this week's question is it says uh, you'll get a brag for this one. Client retention advice. That's a good question. How do you have such an attractive team leader with red hair? Very good.
Speaker 2:You are an absolute dick. Client retention advice is a really good one, so we Can I be totally candid with our numbers. Actually, I don't need your permission, here we go. Permission granted. About 12 months ago we held a 97% rebooking and retention rate in our salon as a salon as a whole. So when you get a new team member on board, sometimes they can come with their own stories and their own limiting beliefs around, like rebooking.
Speaker 2:We find that's really common in our industry especially in hairdressing Because people can get really awkward like actually asking a client for a commitment as well and rebooking is something that we are huge on at a head and what we teach all of our clients in the Contra salon.
Speaker 2:So for us, as I said, we held a 97% rebooking and retention rate. We were super proud of that and that had been like an OG team that we'd had for ages and they knew all of our processes and everything. Our team has changed dramatically this year. So we had a couple of OGs leave, we've had some new team members come on board, some seniors, some emerging team, so it's been like a whole new world and the thing that we keep going back to at the moment Tess recently like obviously you know being one of the enders of the business but the thing that we've kept going back to in all of our meetings is we're still establishing the teamwork and how we actually operate as a team together. So our rebooking like, firstly, tracking data, is super important, but our rebooking rate dropped down to 79% and for us that was like a huge drop when we got this new team in. So we have been really focusing on rebooking as a team and I think we're sitting at 91% again, which is incredible.
Speaker 2:We're higher up, so we're climbing back up. It's higher, oh higher. Sorry, what are we?
Speaker 1:90% rebooked 95% retained Wow Way.
Speaker 2:Way. But so rebooking is one of the biggest things that we track. I mean, we track everything in our business but one of the biggest focuses that we have one of four in our process with our clients. So one of the biggest things I think that we need to change the mindset in our industry of is taking charge as the hairdresser or skin therapist or beauty therapist. Actually taking charge and asking a client for a commitment. So making them a plan that they, during their appointment, where they understand how much they're going to need to commit to their hair color, their skin journey, their brows, whatever they're, whatever they're coming to you for, and actually making that really clear during the appointment so that when you get up to the desk you don't need to use phrases like are you a rebooker, do you like to rebook? Your walking strap to the desk, saying now, I'm going to see you again in six weeks time.
Speaker 2:As we discuss during your appointment Just Thursday work best for you. That's just like a hot piece of advice that we would give right off the bat. I absolutely agree. What do you think? Anything else you want to add to that?
Speaker 1:Obviously we're going to have the same thoughts and processes on that, because we do this is how what we, you know, do and practice within our own business. I think it is really important to wear big ones. It's not so much about rebooking and retention, it's about creating plans. So for us, we like to really have like really clear plans with our client to really create their hair. In our situation, hair, hair, dreams and goals come true. So we really start when we're having our consultation process, get really clear on what the client's envisioning, what they're wanting to achieve out of the experience that they're having on that day, and then getting the commitment and the awareness of what that journey looks like. So I think that's being really clear communication with the client, really finding out what their expectation is, and then that is a really easy way. So you're not really like the awkwardness of the rebooking or a you know you're a rebooker or you were this or that or would you rather book online, or like.
Speaker 1:You know that fear of rejection a lot of us have when we get to the front desk and we're like, oh, you know they're happy now and I really want them to like it and I don't want them to like reject me if I ask them to rebook. It's just taken out of the process. It just becomes like you know, this is as we spoke about, so your next appointment would be an eight weeks time. Does this day and time work for you? Yeah, I think that that's a really big thing.
Speaker 1:A lot of the time, we complicate things so much by assuming that the client won't want to rebook, or they, you know, won't want to buy retail, or they won't want to, you know, get a treatment, or they won't want to whatever. We have all these assumptions and we often like block ourselves from being able to give them, you know, a really amazing experience because we don't want to be rejected or, you know, them say no and I think truly that is what has changed for us with their client retention and rebooking is because we don't necessarily focus on that. It's just part of the client experience is going through the journey and the plan.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:It's just part of your process and the retention is there naturally because people want to be a part of the journey.
Speaker 2:in the process I was just about to say that, mate, like it's from a client's point of view, surely you want to think that this person has more invested in you than 60 minutes. You know they. You want to see that whoever you're seeing for your hair or your skin wants to be invested in changing your hair and skin for the long haul.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Not for the 30 minutes that you're in.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like a friendship, if you're like catching up with someone and they're like, oh my gosh, like let's do this again in a month's time. You know, in this day, and this time you're like cool, like you want to see me again, that's great. Or like a date, if you will Totally. If you're going out on a date with someone and they say, like this is so much fun, let's do this again, like next week. You're like, oh my God, yes, like that's so good, it's all the same thing, isn't it?
Speaker 1:That's how we should approach it actually, if we want to make it like, treat it like a date and you want to have like that commitment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the next day. I mean it's just establishing relationships. That really works across anything, whatever your, whatever relationship you're putting into it that you can work in anything.
Speaker 1:That's a great question. Love that. Thank you, Kola.
Speaker 2:So on with the app let's talk about. Well, Tess, how do you want to lead into this? So this has come up quite a few times for us recently, with our private clients and within our community.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think we're going to be talking all things being in business and relationships, because this has come up a couple of times for us. We're talking domestic relationships With private clients and even within our friendships, with people that are trying to manage keeping all the balls in the air while having a job and a career that takes a lot from them, and then also a relationship that they're trying to put into and, as Nikki said, we're sticking with. What is it? Love partnerships, domestic partnerships, but this can be applicable to wherever you may need it. So sometimes, if it's not, I guess, love partnerships, love, what is the word Like domestic relationships, domestic? Yeah, your partner, it can also be your children. So we're going to use this as a big, broad, little swipe up Some of the things that are coming up. Look, it is coming down towards the end of the year, the pointy end of the year. Sometimes things naturally start getting More tense.
Speaker 2:I just think people get so worked up over Christmas coming like you changes. For me a couple of years ago, when you were like you know everyone's like we have to catch up before Christmas, you know like why, totally. What's the point there? Like, yeah, it's just people become a bit hectic around Christmas time because obviously there's more events on and People want to be more social, and for us in Australia it gets to warmer weather yeah, especially for us here in Melbourne who are deprived of that for most of the year. So the vibe does change, but people do get a little bit like Erratic.
Speaker 1:Oh, totally. I've always used the the feature. It's not something I'm gonna say right now, especially this, this point in time, but it's like the world's gonna end at on Christmas Day, it's like we've got to do all of these things before that thing, because it's like something's gonna happen. I remember the Y2K bug. Do you remember when it was shown to you 2000s? I remember the 2000s glasses that we were wearing.
Speaker 2:Yes, but yeah, sorry, no, the Y2K bug was like what it was gonna end. It's kind of like that every year at Christmas it's a hundred percent like that.
Speaker 1:Everyone like once. I'm like let's just catch up in January, where everyone's a bit more chilled, a bit Happier, a bit more peaceful. I hate the pressure of like Christmas. I think it's like so precious anyway, yes, but that's not the point of the episode. We're not gonna be like dissect all of the Christmas. We're not doing grumpy.
Speaker 2:Christmas, but we are doing relationships and, yeah, business and relationships, because it is coming to more of a you know, quote, unquote stressful time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I have some of the conversations that we've been having lately is and this, I think, comes up a lot and and certainly I'll put my hand up and say this, definitely came up for me with a certain level of leadership and and a certain level of, you know, the jobs that we do. We have a lot of responsibility, so you might have a team you might have we all have clients that we're looking after. If you're a team member or a business owner or, you know, whoever you are, everyone has their own responsibilities in their life. Hmm, things that they're responsible for and people that they're responsible for.
Speaker 1:And the conversations that we've been having lately is that, as always with these things, it's starting to ramp up and things are getting busier and there's either, you know, couple of different things that are playing out, so people that are, you know, having Gappiness in the book because everyone's holding out until the end of the year to get their hair and skin done, or you, so team, might be really free or not having as many appointments Like booked up is what they have had previously.
Speaker 1:It might be not enough team. We've got, you know, other people who are on the other side. We've got, you know two men. They can't find any aligned team members that they want to bring into their team. It could be Whatever the pressures are. I don't really need to go through all of the different bits and pieces, but it's a. There's a lot of pressures going on at the moment and one of my favorite Sentences that you've said in the past, and he is that the world gets the best of us and the partners, and sometimes our children, get the rest of us and I think it.
Speaker 1:That's a really I catch myself with this all the time. Yeah, so what's been going up is that there's either been, like it's been, tension within relationships. There's been. You know, we're just not showing up as our best shelves in our house. I'm a shell oh, it's shells, our best selves in our households. Yeah, and I think this is something that can resonate with a lot of people.
Speaker 2:Yes, and even this morning it was really. It was interesting like we were having a conversation with what about clients, about this and and something similar that's playing, I mean, is playing out with pretty much all of our clients, to be honest, how we show up for our family and for our kids and for our partners and our friends and you know, whoever is special in our lives, and often because we work in an industry that's so based around giving to other people and holding space for other people, sometimes you like I saw this meme the other day and it was like You're a hairdresser on the way home from like a 12 hour day and there was one of two moods that you're in and one's like someone like listening to like really hectic, loud music, like bobbing along, dancing in their car. The other one's just dead silent and I was like there really is no in between, because we have this beautiful job that you know we can give so much and hold so much for other people, but what can sometimes happen is, if we've done that so many times throughout the day, sometimes we don't have anything left at the end of the day for our family and friends or for ourselves. So one thing that Tess and I have really focused on over the last few years and really drummed into our team as well, is Creating those pockets of time for self mastery, self reflection, self reflection and self love.
Speaker 2:Time To really and this doesn't necessarily have to be just if you're in the hair and beauty industry, it can be if you're in any industry Really carving out that time.
Speaker 2:And look, it's a really wanky thing to say you know self care, self love, you know hashtag, have a bath or whatever. I'm talking about actually taking time away from social media, time away from TV Time, away from listening to music, and just sit in complete silence and have that Little space for yourself where you can actually have that time to reflect. Yeah, and I think the really important thing here is, if we are trying to, you know We've had this busy day in the salon. You know, potentially with the team, if you're a team leader, potentially with the team, with the clients you've, you've got all these people who you're giving to or who you're holding space for, and then you know you come home and you don't have that energy and that Like care factor for your kids, your partner, whoever's at home. It can be really, really difficult, and also from the flip side of it, the people who are at home, who may not necessarily have a job.
Speaker 2:That is, to the level of that ours is in terms of Showing up in a certain way you know, they might work in an office and they haven't spoken to anyone for three days and we expect that People will read our minds. Yes, so one of the conversations we've basically been having on repeat is all around communicating our needs to our partners and Also having really, really vulnerable counter conversations with partners kids, you know, whoever special in your lives About how they can best support you, especially coming into the busy time.
Speaker 2:Yeah so, because you guys know that we love a pracky tea, we want to be able to give you some really tangible tips as to why this like some actual things that you can take in your day-to-day life to be able to Show up in the best way possible so that your people aren't getting the rest of you. They're getting the best of you. So test what's something that you've implemented that's been really life-changing for you in terms of being able to support the way that you show up for your partner and your kid.
Speaker 1:Perfect, I'm gonna be Pretty. I reckon that I have. I'm gonna go into like full, like I'm just gonna, you know, put the spotlight on and, and you know, shine, warts and all. I have lived by myself predominantly for the last like seven, eight years. Moving into a household now with not only my partner but also my stepchild as well, has been a transition. My stepdaughter especially is, oh my gosh, magic she's. She's Heaven on earth. She's an incredibly sensitive kid who is very the best kid.
Speaker 1:She's best. She's incredibly empathetic and she will take on how I'm feeling. So if I walk in really stressed out, it's gonna stress her out. I'm upset.
Speaker 2:That will make her sad if she's an incredibly she's very like a lot of people's vibes, very intuitive very intuitive and I really had to learn.
Speaker 1:Especially in the last couple weeks been a lot of heaviness around right. There's been a lot of things within the world. I'm not gonna go into the doom and gloom in the world, but I am someone that gets really affected by the doom and gloom in the world so I will often make other people's problems my own and I can really struggle with like Social injustices. You know, I mean we've all heard me preach, we're not. I'm not gonna like break the mold by being like guys. I don't know if you've heard, but I'm quite opinionated. Obviously I am. But I've had.
Speaker 1:It's been low, it's been really hard and I've also had my own inner workings going on with. You know I'm on a path to, you know, explore why we get so uncomfortable with it so annoying. I'm getting assessed for ADHD. I'm just gonna start saying that confidently, without having all of this shame and bullshit that I keep putting around it. But I've had. So that's also been a struggle in its own working all of the other things.
Speaker 1:I've had a lot on my plate and I have not. I can openly say I have not managed it Well. I have not Been the best version of myself. I've been quite difficult to be around, I've been quite emotional, I've been quite tricky, and that's putting it lightly and I've been supported by you, by, you know, my beautiful partner, my stepdaughter really, and I really she's one of my biggest whys now to communicate better and to explain better and to realize that how I'm feeling and what's going on for me my people can't understand how I'm feeling because they're not in my body and it's taught me the importance of explanation.
Speaker 1:Because for my 10 year old, who doesn't see the world the same way and have the same responsibilities and have the same pressures and have the same things going on, but completely has her own, quite frankly, I don't want to fuck her up anymore with my shit. So she really taught, like has taught me, how to communicate better and to explain better, because one day I kind of remember what it was but I was really overwhelmed I was having, I was crying in the kitchen and I couldn't stop myself and I don't really like and want to shield her from that because they think that that's a human thing.
Speaker 2:And I don't know it's so important for our kids to see us having like regular emotion and releasing emotion.
Speaker 1:Yes, but she'd probably had a fair bit of it. And she came over and gave me a hug and asked the question words to the effect of is there anything I can do so that you'll be happy? I just want to see you happy and I just said to her it has nothing to do with you and within here, here, I'm so happy. This is stuff from the outside world that I'm. It's affecting me and I'm really sorry that I'm not able to switch it off. I'm not doing great job at switching that off right now, and what that then taught me was fuck, it doesn't really matter how I'm feeling, and what's happening for me isn't as important as how that's now affecting her. Because I could hear her concern for me and that I was going to then start putting my problems on her, that she'd start making her own as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes.
Speaker 1:But I just explained to her what was happening. So I sat her down and said I'm you know currently this, this and this, and I don't need to go into all the depths, but she's aware, she's aware that I'm getting a SRADHD and that's. That's a really hard process. I'm not going to go into that whole thing, but that's a really long, lengthy, draining, exhausting process. I'm, like everyone, exhausted by what's happening in the world.
Speaker 1:The world is not a super inspiring happy place at the moment. There's a lot of you know awful things happening and a hell of a lot of sad. A lot of people can't deal with what's happening in the world at the moment. It does affect me, it does play out that way and it's not her job to fix it. But it's up to me to communicate that, to normalize this, so that she can say that what's happening has got nothing to do with it, because what I realized was happening was that she thought it was her responsibility to make me happy and it's not her responsibility at all, there'll be a lot of people that blood land with and this is one of the things that we just spoke about with our private client this morning.
Speaker 2:is you know that it's not our family's job to guess what's going on? And sometimes we hold this resentment around. Well, you should just do things. Yeah, well, you should know, or you should say or you should yeah and this plays out with business owners and their teams.
Speaker 2:This is huge and we kept comparing. It was interesting. I want to go into the conversation that we had because when I was saying to this person you know, can I give you some perspective about how this has played out for me in my life? You know I've been with my boyfriend, pete, for 15 years and we have a beautiful, loving, fulfilling, like passionate relationship. There we go, fates, like smiling, listening to this and that.
Speaker 2:But we have this really beautiful relationship and we're a really great team. Above anything else, we're a fantastic team, but for 15 years we've basically learned how to exist with each other and support each other in the best way possible. And one thing that has completely changed the game for Pete and I in our relationship has been based around regular you know, quote-unquote performance reviews. So basically, every couple of months or when things start to feel a little bit high pressure, we'll actually talk through what we need from each other. It's the exact same way that we do with our teams, and this is where it's really important.
Speaker 2:If you have these resentful relationships in your life, with your resentful towards your team, towards your clients, towards your family, towards your friends, whoever it is in your life that it's playing out in you have to first look inward and look at the lack of communication, because I can guarantee you, where there is resentment, there is a lack of communication or a lack of asking for what you need or your needs to be met.
Speaker 2:So for us, if we have a team member who needs a little bit of extra support or some work to be done on them and their performance, we'll communicate that clearly. So what that looks like is sitting down with a team member and saying, okay, here's the goal that I have in mind for you. Here's where you're sitting right now. What do we need to do together to bridge that gap? Yeah, what's your commitment like? What support do you need from me? What would you like me to support you with? What are you going to support yourself with? Yeah, having a really clear communication and really clear conversation around that, and for some strange reason, we don't do the same thing with our family. We'll just go home and get shitty that our partner hasn't done the washing. I was so guilty of this. I used to come home and I still get like this.
Speaker 1:We all do.
Speaker 2:I've never met such a messy little pig. But this is the thing that we have to sit down and communicate, and often what will happen is I'll get to the point where I start feeling overwhelmed and Pete and I will come back to each other, always with compassion, and always say these words what do you need? What do you need from me right now to be able to support you better? He asks me that and I ask him the same thing.
Speaker 2:And that simple sentence if you can take one thing out of this episode, if you can take that really simple sentence and apply it anywhere that you feel tense or resentful in your life, if you can apply that sentence, what do you need from me right now in order to support you better? Or what do we need right now to work as a team? It will change everything. So, yes, you're saying communication, I'm saying having regular performance reviews. So sitting down with your partner and actually asking these questions what do we need right now to show up as a better team? How are you feeling in our relationship? And be okay with sitting in the discomfort if they say I feel unfulfilled.
Speaker 1:Can I say with that, because I think this is really important often what happens in these dynamics? We've got resentment building on either side. So it can often end with, like you know, for example, if we were playing out right now and I said to you, like Nicky, I'm really resentful, the fact that you know you haven't put away those you know dishes that you said you were gonna do, and then you said, oh well, I'm resentful of you for not picking up your socks or whatever, and it can be as minor as that or it can be so much bigger than that. But what can often happen is when we give feedback or we say what's frustrated us and communicate, that the other person will use it as an opportunity to leverage what they're frustrated with as well. And usually we've got two people. Especially if you've had really tense, you know moments for a while or you haven't been communicating super clearly, you know two people with two big bags of resentment walking around and waiting for the moment they can unload it and just start piffing it at each other.
Speaker 2:I see this happen in teams. It happens all the time. Yeah, it happens in life, it happens in life.
Speaker 1:The second, that someone and it's a natural defense if someone's coming at you know what's that thing. The best form of defense is attack. So the second that someone starts feeling like that they're getting come out, they're gonna find something to come back at the other person with. The hardest thing that I think we've both learned is to get out of ego in those moments and actually listen when you don't want to, especially because your natural thing when someone is telling you what they need from you or what they're feeling or how they are or whatever it is, you naturally just going just shut the fuck up so that I can tell you how I'm feeling. Like you're waiting to for the pause.
Speaker 1:Rather than listening to what's being said, you're waiting for the gap to then put your big bag of resentment out there too, and this especially in relationships, long-term relationships, friendships, whatever you want to put it, as that will play out constantly. It will continue in the same cycle. Nicky and I really like we have really learned how to start with. We're still not perfect, but in our dynamic we've probably had the longest standing relationship relationship in our lives and with.
Speaker 1:It's beautiful, but we're also very good at knowing how to push each other's buttons and say things that will hurt the other one. Oh yeah, and we've had to. Really, and let me tell you guys, sometimes, nicky, I actually often a lot of our tense conversations happen just before we jump on a potty.
Speaker 2:One of us will always say that's for the mics now why don't you put record on show the people who you really are?
Speaker 1:Yes, but this is the thing we've had to learn with having all of our lives intertwined and everything we've had to step out of ego and actually listen to the other person. And listening when you actually just want to talk is, I think, such a difficult thing to do. Stepping out of ego and being compassionate towards someone that sometimes you just want to be, like you know, smacking in the face Totally.
Speaker 2:I want to give the people some homework tests. We've never given a homework task, but everyone.
Speaker 1:Get your pen and paper out Nice pen and paper's out.
Speaker 2:Yes, I want to give you guys some homework. So, whoever your special people are at home, whether it's your kids, whether it's your friends, whether you live with Mom and Dad still, whether you have a domestic partner, whoever it is in your life that's special to you, we want to set you some homework and Really make the task to be at the end of the day, after you've been in the Salon or clinical spire, wherever, wherever your work place is. So at the end of the day, where you may feel a little bit depleted. Whatever your partner's love language is and if you don't know this, go and do the love languages quiz we want you to show up for that person for just five minutes in that love language. That's nice. So if your person is Naturally a words of affirmation person Like tests me Actually sitting that for five minutes, yeah, so what that would look like is test.
Speaker 2:I feel so proud of you. I love having you in my life. I really appreciate you, but I really feel so proud of how far you've come and I really really admire all the work that you do in both our businesses. I'm grateful for you, thank you. Something like that. It's so tiny and the thing is, half the time we walk around and we feel these things about people, but very little, very the small amount of the time to be actually say that and communicate how we feel about people.
Speaker 1:Like how we assume that they're gonna be able to read our mind with picking up the washing they also. We also assume that they understand how we feel about them without any words being said absolutely so.
Speaker 2:If your partner or your or your kids or your friends words of affirmation sorry. If they're acts of service people Going home and spending five minutes doing something for them, that will make them feel really amazing. Making a cup of tea yeah, you know cleaning up, folding and they're washing Something that will make them feel incredible. If they're a gifts person, buying them a bunch of flowers on the way home it's something that lets them know that you're thinking of them. I want you to just sit in your special people's love language for five minutes it's only five minutes and see how what you get back in return and what an impact that makes on those people. Beautiful. I also really want to share. I'm gonna share the Hawaiian advice.
Speaker 1:I was gonna say I really have you be sharing the Hawaiian advice.
Speaker 2:So I'm sure I've shared this in a potty before, but about what? Six years ago, test and I were in Bali and we're on a yoga retreat. We're doing yoga for like four hours a day. I'd never really done yoga in my life before this retreat, so four hours from going from zero to four hours a day was pretty hectic, but huge sessions and the instructor, kim, said something so profound and it's something that I've pretty much thought of every single day since then and I didn't really put it into place until about two years ago when.
Speaker 2:I was actually really landed, took a couple years for it to land and I think it's the best advice that I've ever been given. But basically, hawaiian Hawaiian people and the Hawaiian culture Believe that there are four single phrases that could solve the world's issues. So solve every problem in the world. And the more that I'm looking at what's actually happening in the world right now, I truly believe that these four things, hmm, could actually solve the world's problems, and the four phrases are thank you, I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.
Speaker 1:Exactly every time it is. It's so powerful, that's so beautiful.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I love you. I'm sorry, please forgive me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and like when you hear it, like that it's things that we so take for granted and phrasing and sentences that we take for granted, but exactly that. How often we saying that to the people that we love?
Speaker 2:totally and I think, in any situation that you're in your life right now, if you feel with your team, with your clients, with your friends, with your family, with yourself, whoever it is, that you need to pick one of those four phrases, to say and use one of those four phrases. But for me it, as I said, it took a couple of years for that to land and I remember writing it down again and again and again in my journal and I literally draw on this every single day.
Speaker 2:Now, if I like yesterday you know, you and I I had some like Barbie words on the phone to you, like I got a bit tense on the phone because you were saying something I didn't like. I Didn't like the way that. Actually I thought that I didn't like the what you were saying and I was like, oh Tess was just being pain in the arse and whatever. It was all relatively amicable, but I was a bit short with you. I had a bit of a like, a bit of a go, I guess, and then we hung up amicably. That was fine and I probably could have left it. But I sat there and I thought actually it was the way that I showed up. The way that I showed up was really not the way that I wanted to, and I literally rang you and said I'm so sorry, I love you, please forgive me. And and when you did forgive me I said thank you.
Speaker 2:So I literally used all four of those phrases. And it's not about not having those Reactive times, because as human beings we're going to have those reactive times, but it's how we recover from them and how we show up to Amender situation is really what's important, because it's not realistic to think that you're never going to have an emotional outburst or an emotional point, but it really is. Those four phrases completely changed my life. So I think having that in the back of your mind when you're coming home from a Big day where you've been giving to other people and holding other people, and Really keeping that in the back of your mind because for the people who are at your home waiting for you to come home For them it could be the absolute best thing in their day is when you walk through the door.
Speaker 2:Hmm and if it's the best thing you know. If you think of some stale arse industries Like. I was watching a pharmacist the other day and I was like fuck me, that would be just difficult work. Hmm, imagine going to work and being so like. I mean no offense to any pharmacist listening, but it was just it looked like such an unfulfilling job. I was just watching and thinking bloody hell it's. There's no socialization, there's no fun, no one's having a laugh. You know, although our industry can be exhausting sometimes and we're giving so much.
Speaker 1:I'm such a beautiful industry.
Speaker 2:So we've gone and we've had this incredible day where we felt productive and we've kicked goals, we've made people feel special and we've hugged our clients and been there for them and had a laugh with our team. And then we come home and our kids or our partner are waiting to see us and it's the exciting part of their day because you know their pharmacists and we walk through the door and we've got nothing in the tank. Yeah it's hard. Yeah, it's really hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think it really does start with us, and this is something that we can start today. So, hmm, homework time lean into your, your people's love language for five minutes. If your person is a physical touch person, go and give them a hug and a kiss and say I love you. You know, it's so important that we actually show up in the way that we want back to us. If we want gratitude, we have to give gratitude. If we want trust, we have to trust people. If we want love, we have to show love. Like we say this to our girls all the time Whatever you are wanting from us, you have to show it to us and we will show it right back.
Speaker 1:Yeah so important it is. I think that's a beautiful place like and it's in great at homework tasks for everyone as well. I think this is the thing we we've got to get out of the assumption that people can read our minds and know what's going on, because they don't. They don't and nor should they, because I don't want to put that pressure on myself to not only understand Myself but understand everyone around me. I don't want that. We need to be able to learn how to communicate to each other what our needs are, from a calm place and a respectful place, and we absolutely need to Say sorry more, show gratitude more and love our people more. We really need to start vocal like. The world is seriously without like sound like a Beatles song. The world needs a shitload more love in it right now.
Speaker 2:Remember the Beatles singing that line Test beautiful place to end. We had a very person in gratitude. What are?
Speaker 1:you grateful for oh, I'm really grateful for, I think, especially you breaking that down that will resonate with so many people and that will. I know that there'll be plenty of people that'll do this Homework. There'll be a couple of you that won't you little scallywags, but that's alright, we'll pick this up. Well, it will land when it's ready to, but I think that that's gonna really help really change and heal a lot of people, because I think now, especially especially in in you know, relationships, we see people and relationships so quickly and so fast because, you know, we always think that grass is cleaner than not able to read us the way that you know. Movies dictate that your soulmate should understand you, you know, from from morning until night and like you never have to communicate anything, and that's just not realistic. Yeah, so I think that that was. I'm really grateful that you shared that, because I think it's gonna really help a lot of people, help really Improve relationships and understanding and people who to communicate better. So, thank you so much sharing what you shared.
Speaker 1:Especially with the the beautiful sentences from the Hawaiian culture.
Speaker 2:I love that one. Isn't it beautiful? What are you grateful for me? I'm really grateful for that piece of wisdom that I learned all those years ago Six years because it's helped me in every single relationship that I have in my life.
Speaker 2:As I said, it took four years to land and then, about two years ago, I started with a really simple phrase of what would this look like if I met it with from a place of love? Hmm, and I often used to draw on that because I was quite a reactive person. I used to draw on that with our team. You know, if someone said something that you know rub me up the wrong way, or you know clients, anyone, really I would feel quite reactive. And then I started with just that simple phrase you know, what would this look like if I was coming from a place of love and the Hawaiian culture the four phrases I'm just so grateful for, because it's literally changed everything for me. It's changed the way I show up in my relationship and it's made me a much happier person, the way I start for my son, like yeah showing him how to be Not only a strong person who's sure of themselves, but also a really compassionate person who can hold space for other people.
Speaker 2:Beautiful, and I just, I just feel like it's. It's done wonders, like you and I have learned to communicate in such a beautiful way, and we also. That bleeds through to every aspect of our life with our kids. Yeah with our businesses, like with our teams, everything, our clients, like there's some really beautiful stuff here and I'm really proud of that and I'm really grateful.
Speaker 1:Well, that's beautiful. We're gonna end it right there for my friends. Thank you for listening, stay conscious, beautiful.
Speaker 2:Thanks so much for listening to this episode and hanging out with us today to hear more about our journey. Follow us on Instagram at the underscore conscious underscore salon if you're a shit-speller, check the spelling of conscious or at a head hair underscore. Thank you so much for joining us today and we'll see you in the next episode. You.