Vulnerability might just be the superpower you didn't know you needed, both in your personal life and at work. We crack open the lid on this complex topic through our Hot Girl Hotline, offering advice on how to wield this strength without fear of seeming weak. Personal stories of how upbringing influenced my emotional journey and the profound transition sparked by the loss of Tess' soulmate, lay the foundation for a candid conversation about why fostering a supportive environment where emotions are shared is paramount.
Wrapping up, we wade into the deeper waters of leadership, drawing from our own experiences with emotional transparency in front of our team. It's about setting an example, not apologising for genuine feelings, and creating space for others to do the same. As we close, the focus shifts to relationships, where embodying the qualities we seek and practicing gratitude can transform how we connect with others. It's an episode rich with laughter, wisdom, and a few heartfelt tears, all in the pursuit of living and leading with authenticity.
To follow our journey:
Instagram @aheadhair_
@the_conscious_salon
This podcast has been produced and edited by Snappystreet Creative
Vulnerability might just be the superpower you didn't know you needed, both in your personal life and at work. We crack open the lid on this complex topic through our Hot Girl Hotline, offering advice on how to wield this strength without fear of seeming weak. Personal stories of how upbringing influenced my emotional journey and the profound transition sparked by the loss of Tess' soulmate, lay the foundation for a candid conversation about why fostering a supportive environment where emotions are shared is paramount.
Wrapping up, we wade into the deeper waters of leadership, drawing from our own experiences with emotional transparency in front of our team. It's about setting an example, not apologising for genuine feelings, and creating space for others to do the same. As we close, the focus shifts to relationships, where embodying the qualities we seek and practicing gratitude can transform how we connect with others. It's an episode rich with laughter, wisdom, and a few heartfelt tears, all in the pursuit of living and leading with authenticity.
To follow our journey:
Instagram @aheadhair_
@the_conscious_salon
This podcast has been produced and edited by Snappystreet Creative
Here at the Conscious Salon, we acknowledge the traditional owners of the land in which we stand today, the Boon Rung people of the Kula Nation. We pay our respects to the elders, past and present, and extend their respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Conscious Salon. Welcome back to the Conscious Salon podcast. Tess, I never thought I'd say these words, but it's sizzling hot in Melbourne.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what a rarity, what a rarity.
Speaker 2:It's a hot day. There's no rain. There was a thunderstorm last night, but there's no rain Was there. Yeah, Did you hit an hour area? Or in Melbourne? It woke me up. Me sleep's like the dead. It woke me up.
Speaker 1:Wow, I did not hear it.
Speaker 2:Well, I did my house is what's her thing?
Speaker 1:Double glazed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mine isn't it. Yeah, it's got double glazed, it's like the windows. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, does that make it quiet? I think so. Well, no, I'm just bothered. I thought that when we moved up because I live in a pretty sleepy town of I'm in regional Victoria am I, is it?
Speaker 2:regional. Yeah, I think you consider regional yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I am.
Speaker 2:You don't have a train line. I feel like, as soon as you, as soon as you're like we do too have a train line.
Speaker 1:It's Puffing Billy, puffing Billy. It runs twice a week.
Speaker 2:You're like, so regional, you're not even on a V line.
Speaker 1:They don't get off of your V line. Well, you don't even have a Woolworths. Do you know that?
Speaker 2:Puffing Billy goes from my house to your house.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dal, sorry to talk about it all the time, but Mix, I don't know. Mix like in the loop with the Puffing Billy stuff and he just always tells me it doesn't work because I can't remember the reasoning. He's explained it in detail many times. Oh yeah, I don't think there's like a direct route, but either way, you're on one of Well there is literally a direct route from both of our houses, but he says that it doesn't work that way from Belgrade to Gembroke. I don't think.
Speaker 2:Anyway, this is a story for another day, but welcome back. We are here with business and travel advice. Yeah, public transport advice.
Speaker 1:We are on the hot day today in Melbourne beautiful weather and we're about to pop on a plane and fly into the cyclones and like torrential rain up in Queensland.
Speaker 2:I actually I feel like I used to be like oh my God, it's just our luck. Every time we go to Queensland it's just always raining. But I'm just going to say Queensland, I think, because it's tropical, it literally rains all the time in Queensland.
Speaker 1:Well, I just wonder where they're, that's for sure. Like I'm always, like, you know, when people are like, oh you know, bring the weather with you. I'm like, oh, we do, like we do, we bring the Melbourne weather up there.
Speaker 2:I think it's actually quite like everyone gives Melbourne shit about having the four seasons in a day or whatever. Yeah, cool, but you guys also. You just have one season and it's called rain, and then it's just hot and raining. It's boiling hot and raining, or it's like not as hot and raining, or it's exceptionally humid and raining. So it's not. I'm just going to. I'm going to go out there and say I don't really know if Queensland has the best weather. You guys definitely have a good winter weather, but you have rubbish summer weather. Gonna piss them all off. There's a little slice to all of you guys. We've just lost all of our Queensland listenership.
Speaker 1:But anyway, tess, the week that was yeah, we had a good week, didn't we? We had the beautiful PD day up in Wangaratta. I went up to Wang Big Wang. I always wanted to travel up to somewhere called Big Wang, and I've finally done it, so that was great.
Speaker 2:I've done it a few times, but this is my first time visiting Wangaratta.
Speaker 1:Little punch to make there, unintentional, but we'll go with this Very good. No, it was a great, great weekend away, wangaratta.
Speaker 2:So for anyone who, missed our episode last week. Go back and listen to it. It's a beautiful episode with our client Lou. We literally recorded a podcast with her straight after we'd finished with her team Personal Development Day and it's just such a beautiful episode. She's incredible.
Speaker 1:She's so incredible and it was. It was I bloody loved Wangaratta. It's definitely it's more happening in my town so I know that, like I, should definitely be considered regional. It was beautiful.
Speaker 2:I really liked the town. It was nice and warm.
Speaker 1:Good day to do a nice bath for the girls.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was 32 degrees. It was quite refreshing.
Speaker 1:I actually wanted to hop in. I was sweating as they were doing it, so I was like, can I move over? Maddie, I'm hopping into it.
Speaker 2:The last ice bath that we ran was our girls hopped in when it was like a top of seven that day. Like it was, it was seven degrees when our girls hopped in One of the times that they did it, so it was absolutely freezing. And then when we did it one of the ice baths that we did in Byron Bay it was like three degrees it was so cold?
Speaker 1:No, no, it wasn't cold. It was pouring with rain as usual, pouring with rain.
Speaker 2:Okay Well, it was hot and pouring with rain.
Speaker 1:Byron Bay is, I think, ever recorded a temperature of three degrees.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay. Well, you know it was groundbreaking and record breaking that day, but it was pretty, beautiful, pretty amazing week.
Speaker 1:It was beautiful. Yeah, I very much enjoyed it. So we've just got the short sharp week this week. We worked over the weekend and then we're off tomorrow. For the it was growing mum's family, mum's Christmas for mum. Honestly she's she's beside herself with excitement. She won't sleep the night before, I reckon.
Speaker 2:We've got the big Malulaba, Malulaba, Malulaba.
Speaker 1:Ah, yeah, so we've got the, we've got taking, taking the whole family. Pete's sat this one out. He's off to have the big boys weekend, just just just getting used to best mate over fun. Just human is one friend, very good, um. But yeah, so we're um, we're off to Malulaba, malulaba.
Speaker 2:Um, but yeah it's well.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately for mum, people are dropping out like flies due to the weather. I think they're all a bit like you know.
Speaker 2:I know, and I was a bit, I was a bit prickly, I was like guys, it's really easy to cancel when you're just driving an hour, but it's not that easy to cancel when you're dropping.
Speaker 1:We're used to rain, so not a problem, absolutely. But yeah, it is, it's getting, it's quite. I like their family chat at the moment. It's getting a bit political, a bit bit of um, you know, little punches to each other of like, oh no, we won't make it, and then someone saying, well, it's, we're good. We was meant to be 118 mils of rain and now it's only 16, looks like oh yeah, well, we'll see how this all starts to get a little bit political, which is fun.
Speaker 1:Oh, you jumped in, so I jumped in, I played the fence. I was like I can't wait to see all those that will be there and the ones that won't. That's okay, all the best.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but test yet. It's been a beautiful week. We had a really nice work week. We're coming off like a bit of a big couple of weeks work wise, but we are off on annual leave tomorrow for a week and it's gonna be bloody beautiful. Can't wait. Yes, can't wait. Yes, we do a little segment around here. For anyone new around here, we run a weekly segment test what's it called hot girl hotline? So, for anyone new around here, we run a segment, hot girl hotline, and in this segment we put a questions box up on Instagram. Each week we ask you for your woes, your troubles, your business blues, what's keeping you up at night, and then we offer our advice around it. So, tess, what's our listener?
Speaker 1:question today. Before we do that, nikki, I'm just gonna say anyone that has a question, so to get a DM on about this, about when they. If you miss the little question box, I do put it up weekly. If you miss it, don't worry, dm me questions, I'll be able to get it. At that underscore, conscious, underscore, salon conscious belt co n s C I o s had to think about that oh us actually Tess cool.
Speaker 2:What as we say at the end of our episode of you a shit spell, a check, the spelling of conscious tests, obviously that's for my benefit, as well as a few of you.
Speaker 1:So, excellent Dms, any of you questions your queries, your worries, your troubles where?
Speaker 2:we don't want you guys to suffer in silence. That's what we're here for exactly, and we just like to broadcast it to the community as well.
Speaker 1:Absolutely All right. So question is from actually, one of our beautiful one-on-one clients Am I naming? Can I know? No, don't know, don't know. All right, well, the hottest one. This will get them all guessing trying to work out which one. It is Perfect. So this one actually thought segwayed really nicely, because it actually had a lot of conversations around this over the last couple of weeks. And the question is well, it's not really a question, it's more of a statement, because I know that she's had a big transformation with this and wanting to have other people Impacted with it as well. So, the importance of learning to be vulnerable and why it's important. So how important is to be vulnerable and why?
Speaker 2:Okay, so I Just think I mean I know I've done a few episodes about you know softly that, as in I don't know what resonate, what word resonates whether you agree with, like feminine and masculine energy, whether you agree with hard or soft energy, whether you agree with fire or water energy, whatever it is that resonates for you. But we've done quite a few episodes around leading into that flow energy In leadership and how important that is and definitely something that we've both learned how to do. But I truly believe in my core and I only, I actually only feel like this was a true belief of mine in the last like two years but I truly believe that you actually cannot build true trust and connection in any aspect in your life, whether it's at work, at home, in a romantic partnership with your siblings, with your friends. I don't actually believe that you can create authentic, true connection without vulnerability.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:It's just such a huge factor in every relationship and For me personally as someone who really struggled to previously lean into and feel comfortable with vulnerability and and actually speaking my truth, doing something like this was so foreign to me because I always felt like I've just got to be okay. I've just got to be strong. I don't want to be seen as weak, I don't want to be seen as Fragile. That was a big thing for me and I just was so conscious of how other people would perceive me that I limited myself in creating really solid, true connections with people.
Speaker 1:Can you pinpoint where that like belief came from, of like not being able to, like be vulnerable or to Like having to be strong, and like the weakness and all of that? Did that come from somewhere? Is that something that you created? This that?
Speaker 2:well, I mean, you know, as someone in personal development, we always love to blame our parents. It's this is something that we've talked about openly with our parents. So I know that you know mom might feel a little bit uncomfortable hearing this, but I'm gonna say it anyway because I think it's really important and this is something we've openly talked about with her. So I know, as a mother now all the things that I'm doing with my son. You know, potentially he's gonna be sitting in therapy somewhere. You know I hope that I can give him all the tools and the resources to be able to look after his mental health, but potentially it is a reality that in 15, 20 years time He'll be sitting in a therapist office saying you know, pete knife, I give up and we do the best with what we can at the time.
Speaker 2:So our mom traditionally is Absolutely like textbook people, please are. I think anyone who is Around her would say she's the kindest, most joyful, giving beautiful person. But you literally never hear her say a bad word about anybody or anything. She's the kind of person that would have like an awful meal in a restaurant and be like thank you so much, that was beautiful. So I think what we grew up seeing was someone who was inherently positive and never really allowed herself to be negative or have really, really authentic emotions if negative emotions came up.
Speaker 2:So I think what we saw as kids was more about limiting vulnerability and just she. She's from the generation that's like Buck up, get on with it. That was their whole generation. So I think so much of what we saw as kids was just like it's all good, you just you just go through it and you just. Even though we had a beautiful childhood and we had so much space held for us, what we saw our parents model was just Shit happens, move on and and just get on with it. So I think so much of that has limited my experience of how I feel comfortable, how I previously felt comfortable to not share hmm, what do you think I?
Speaker 1:I think I would agree with what Nikki was saying. I think it's I'm more. I was curious with the like I'm always curious with it because I used to have the same with the weakness stuff and like thinking that if I was crying it was weak and I needed to always be strong, strong, strong. But I try and like even think about that now, about like where that came from, because it wasn't really a pivotal moment that I can think about it. I do resonate with what you're saying with like the people pleasing, and I'm naturally very much a people pleaser. Mum and I are very similar, have always, you know, said that we're kind of cut from the same cloth. Obviously I'm her daughter, but I think, like exceptionally so, we're very similar.
Speaker 1:The importance of vulnerability, I think, is something that I think a lot of people would say that I'm quite open and honest and vulnerable. I mean, we've all heard me you know, even a few episodes ago talk about the fact that I've never been fitted for a bra. I kind of word vomit out and don't really think about what I'm saying. But in terms of vulnerability and things that are really sacred to me, I actually find that really difficult. So, although I can be an oversharer and a comfortable saying things that not a lot of people would be comfortable with. I actually find vulnerability and, yeah, sharing with people like intimacy I'd say like emotional intimacy really difficult, and I think this is.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm like a lot of people wouldn't pick this because you are naturally an oversharer.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So everyone I guarantee people that are listening to this are like no, no, no, that's not her. If you like, people that truly know who I am and know like my demons and my struggles and my like battles. It's very. I can probably count on one hand how many people that I'm comfortable doing that with. But I'm working on it Because the biggest thing that I've found and I will get emotional I think it's kind of pivotal on the day that we're recording this, because today is my best friend's birthday, who passed away, coming up to seven years. So it's her seven year anniversary in two and a half weeks time. So she passed away in 2017.
Speaker 1:Since my best friend, since high school I met her. Actually, I met her in I'm gonna use her name. Her name is Allie she. We met on grades of orientation when you go to the high school that you're going to. We met, instantly connected and have always had like I would truly call her my soulmate. I would say that I don't think that soulmates are necessarily romantic. Only I think that's very much dictated that a soulmate is your romantic partner. I would say that Allie was my soulmate. You used to call us the wives, like the way that we'd speak and our connection and our relationship and the wives not meeting in a sexual way as well. It was just a sister ship like what we have.
Speaker 2:It was quite a coded better relationship as well. Yeah, very much.
Speaker 1:But not in a negative way.
Speaker 1:No but, and so like I'm gonna keep this in a very short situation. Allie was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer when she was just over 25 and then 20 months later, she passed away, february 13, 2017. And today is her birthday, so it would have been her 34th birthday, so she's forever 27. And the irony is not lost to me that we're talking about this because she's probably the first person outside of you that really allowed her to see and understand me on a deep level, and then, when she died, I shut that off again, and I know that. You know you and I have spoken quite openly about my struggles to allow people to get close to me, and a lot of that is built up in the trauma that I have around her death because you know, I had someone that I was really close to and then they're not here anymore in physical form and it can be hard to piece off with that, and I promise there's a connection with this of how it's gonna all correlate back in. We're gonna wrap some business advice in here 1000%, but I actually think this has got everything to do with business and life. It's not even a business thing anymore, because for so many of us and then you can hear the discomfort even in my voice now, and this is something that, like you know, it's seven years on. Like I should definitely I'm this is normal, I would say.
Speaker 1:But this morning I still had a big cry. I played all of her music on the way here and, you know, when we walked in together this morning, the first thing you said to me it was like how are you feeling today? And I said not amazing, but not terrible, because the pain does not go away. That hole doesn't heal. You just learn how to manage and handle it and you learn how to live with it. But it's funny because sometimes I sit there and think, as, more and more times going on, there's a pressure and an expectation that we start thinking that I should be better with this. It's seven years long time that she's been gone and I've got other people that I'm open with now and I can share with and I have so much happiness. But the fact that my sceptic daughter doesn't know, doesn't know this person and only knows her through a picture, or Solly only knows her through a picture and they know who she is, but they don't know the impact.
Speaker 1:I think that this, if I was to gatekeep today and to just continue on, and I can do that. I can put the mask on, and I can because it's it's become more normal than what it was when it was six months, in a couple of weeks, in a couple of days, in when that pain is so fresh and real and it's more normal now, but it's still there and it still hurts and I share it because I want to normalize feeling, your feelings, because as leaders especially, and as women, we spend so much time the second that we start getting upset and emotional. We try and stop it by apologizing for the fact that we're upset, and we have to stop doing that because we need to normalize emotions. We need to emotional, normalize how we feel and especially, creating this within your team it's so important to do and the people that are in your world to share your heart and to share how you're feeling, because all this is going to do is create understanding and the people in your world want to know what you're struggling with. We don't want the highlights real, because all that does is, when people are not feeling great, it just continues that feeling. If people are having battles of their own, it continues that feeling of feeling like people don't have their shit together or that they shouldn't feel the way that they do. And the more we normalize this and normalize all the things that make us feel uncomfortable and emotional and upset, the more we can heal and understand and have compassion and, I truly believe, get along in a better place. But I want to segue into that story and that sharing of me there, because it's easy to just pretend I have all my shit together today and then I can go in my car and cry or have a shower tonight and, you know, have that emotional time, or I can share today and listen to that voice that's saying let some of this out.
Speaker 1:And I think especially and this is popping up a lot with leaders that we're, you know, especially talking to, there are some people going through some really big things in their businesses at the moment changing of team, you know things come up often within our team that hurt us the same way that it doesn't a personal level.
Speaker 1:It can feel like when team you know leave you can, you can feel betrayal. You can feel like heartache, true heartache. You can feel like grieving, like in it, and it's this thing of like we've got to always normalize and make everything positive all the time. So if someone, for example, I'm gonna speak on a situation we've even our own situation recently where we've we've had change in team and it hasn't impacted us the same way that it probably would in the early days of when we had our business and it is really personal and you feel like it's more of a stab at you when people leave your business or you have those things of betrayal or whatever it is that that's happening within your business and it can really hurt in a personal level, whereas now, with the evolution of how we've developed, you learn how to deal with it better. But we're also so much better at being able to communicate when we're having struggles. Our team know when things are happening with us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we are very open with them yeah and all that does that doesn't create opportunity, because there's this fear around. You've got to be the perfect boss, right? You've got to be really in control, you've got to be super calm, you've got to be super positive and you can never, ever, ever, show anyone any form of anything less than that, because if you do, that shows that you're weak and that will create opportunity. And I'm here to blow that theory up, because my team have watched me cry. They have watched me hurt. They have watched me be confused. They have watched me being unsure. They have watched me, as I've said, lead badly, not lead in a way that they were that I was really showing up for them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they've watched me make mistakes. They have watched me do all of the things that I would say nine out of ten industry people would tell you that your team should never say they've seen me do that. They've seen me fuck up. They've seen me hurt. They've seen me cry. They've seen me angry no, I'm never angry in this, I'm not. I'm not a yellow or a screamer, but they've seen. They've seen me feel and what that creates for them is a safeness for them to feel as well.
Speaker 2:I think it also humanizes their experience and gives them perspective and context and really some understanding as to what you're going through, because I also think it gives them permission. If you show vulnerability, it will also give your team permission to show vulnerability towards you. So if they're struggling, you would want to know about it if you're struggling. They need to know about it so that they can support you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and know that your capacity might be a little bit different yeah, and I think even with you know some of the amazing pd days that we've had with. You know teams work within our own team but also other people's teams and seeing when that switches, when that wall comes down and that vulnerability starts between them and you see people connect on a human level rather than on an employee team, you know that fear sort of goes out of the the. You know I've got to make sure that I keep the power balance and all of that bullshit that we're told. When you pull that down and you just sit with your team on a human level and share with things, that doesn't mean as well because I'm just going to be really clear on this that doesn't give you permission to. You know dump on them.
Speaker 2:You know traumas and I mean it's all relevant. You're not going to sit in there and have a therapy session with your team and lean on them emotionally every single day.
Speaker 1:That's not what we're saying at all yeah there's appropriate times to do it, and then there's like you know, inappropriate times to do it, yeah, but I think, with having that vulnerability and when you see and I know that we just witnessed it over the weekend when that wall comes down and that guard drops and you see people connect on a human level of like, hey, I've got your back and I know you've got mine, it just cements such unbelievable connection, trust, teamwork, all the things that I know people are listening to this and this is not just interest, this is life related.
Speaker 1:If you're wanting to have really strong, incredible relationships, you have to be vulnerable and you have to feel your feelings and you have to have, like, really authentic moments and not gatekeep or push yourself through or some of the things that I know that we're witnessing at the moment and hearing with so many people in our industries of, like this expectation of what a good leader looks like or a good yeah like people think of leader, they think of strong, they think of in charge, they think of what else?
Speaker 1:I think it's power. It's power, I think, is a big one that might trigger some people. It's, it's, but that is one of the things that are seen there. It's strong, powerful in charge, I think, a lot of the time I control.
Speaker 2:I'd say controlled and you know being in control yeah, dominating, I think, would also be like one that maybe like one of the less positive ones, and look, just because obviously around here we love a pracky tea and we want to be able to give our community something really tangible, and I think that you showing up and being vulnerable there really starts.
Speaker 2:First of all, starts that conversation around vulnerability and how we actually show up within our teams, within our businesses, with it within our lives, and also gives people permission to feel on a deeper level, because for a lot of people I know that they would really struggle to have conversations like this with their partners, with their friends, with their family, with their teams, and one of the most magical things about women is that we have this capacity to be able to do all the things and hold all the things together. But equally, one of the most incredible things is that we have this really beautiful vulnerable side and we have this incredible ability to feel and empathize and and have deep emotions, which I truly believe is a gift, and really having permission to actually express that is so important, because when you do that, you also give other women permission to do that around you so, whether that be your team, whether that be your children, whether that be your partner, your sister, whoever it is in your life that gives other women who are watching you permission to do that as well.
Speaker 2:So we love a pracky tea. What is one thing that? If you could gather everyone listening in a room right now, what's one thing that you could say that would help someone lean into an emotion?
Speaker 1:I mean it's a super basic one, but it's the one that's helped me. I, when I go, I'm gonna steal two I'm sorry, nikki. The first one is don't apologize for your tears when you, when you're crying or emotional hmm, I want that to stop.
Speaker 1:It's such a unconscious thing that we do that instant feeling of shame. If we start lessening the shame, we're gonna be more comfortable doing it and then we're gonna really like be able to support each other better who's seen the movie a simple favor, where Blake, like Blake lively, says stop apologizing.
Speaker 2:We do that at. This really fucked up thing is women, where we just apologize constantly, love that movie as well great one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everyone's gonna go and watch that tonight. But yeah, that's what? Yeah, what is she saying? That the line is actually really powerful.
Speaker 2:I think it might be that, but yeah he just needed the power.
Speaker 1:So like I'm pretty sure she's got like a beautiful ponytail yeah strong martini or something I need a strong, martini.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, first thing, definitely apologizing, but that's not gonna be my tip. My tip for you is when because you're gonna try and stop yourself, push through that. So don't gate keep your feelings anymore because, remember, if you are going to allow people to see this vulnerable side of you, they're gonna allow you to see a vulnerable side of them which creates better connection. So let's stop gatekeeping our feelings truly. And I also think that that resonates into like there might be you might this might resonate with you and be like I, yet cool.
Speaker 1:The next time that I'm, like you know, feeling a type of way, I'm gonna share that with my team.
Speaker 1:Or it might be things like, hey, I'm not gonna push myself to move through something. If I need more time to grieve on it or to feel sad or to, you know, process it, if I need a bit of extra time, that's okay too. It can be things of like, if you're not feeling certain, like whatever's gonna come up, there's gonna be so many different emotions. This isn't just like when you're feeling sad, let your team know this. Can be things of like needing more time to process something, or needing to really like mull things over, or actually sitting in every day, asking how do I actually feel today? Like, what am I actually feeling within that? Or just taking that me again? It's becoming back to being more conscious. I'm giving about 50 tips in one, but my biggest one would be sitting back and not gatekeeping your feelings anymore, allowing them to come through yeah, leaning into that discomfort, I we said this this morning as well like your life literally starts on the other side of discomfort.
Speaker 2:I look at how comfortable my life was prior to starting any personal development. Eight years ago. My life was so comfortable and I can absolutely label myself as being ignorant and being like quite a simple person. And now I look at how deeply I feel day to day. But once you become conscious and you start personal development, your personal development journey or, you know, like whatever that looks like to you self-development once you start that journey it becomes really addictive and you become a much more conscious person and much more aware of yourself and your feelings and your surroundings and the way that you show up and the way that people show up for you. But truly, life happens on the other side of discomfort hmm, what's your precky tea?
Speaker 2:my precky tea.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna go for like a super simple one, because I feel really hoping you're gonna say that one that you say I'll say it at the end.
Speaker 2:No, we're all interested.
Speaker 1:Well, it's when you always say this to many of our clients and team. What are the philosophies of Nickelodeon?
Speaker 2:I think it's going to be wait. Is it how to start your sentences?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:No, ok, that's what my mom's going to be.
Speaker 1:If you want to give love, you need to show love, oh yeah, that's a beautiful one yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, well, I'm going to give two. Yeah, tess has just warmed us up for one. So one thing that I always say and I truly believe this energetically whatever it is that you're craving or you're wanting from people, or you're pointing out that other people aren't giving you, is usually the thing that you're not giving to others. So a lot of the time we have, We'll play that back everyone.
Speaker 1:Let's push for a wind on that and hear that sentence again. What was it, Nikki, Say it again. I couldn't just press rewind?
Speaker 2:But a lot of the time, when we're working with clients and we're doing self-development things, whether it be with team or with our private clients a lot of the time what we hear is people saying, like my team's really entitled, or my team or my boss doesn't show gratitude or whatever it is, and what we always ask them to do is OK.
Speaker 2:That emotion that you're saying so, say entitlement, for example, that emotion that you're addressing there, that everyone else is around you and you're pointing out is like the thing that everyone else has is entitlement. What is the opposite of that emotion? So entitlement would be showing gratitude. So if you weren't an entitled person, you'd be a really grateful person. So, rather than pointing the finger out, why don't you point the finger back at yourself and look at how you can show up for that person? Because I can guarantee you, if you're pointing the finger out and pointing out that everyone else is entitled around you, chances are that it's probably you that's showing entitlement. Also, I agree, because already with that, if you go, my team is entitled. That's an entitled response to feeling that your team owes you gratitude.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So this is what I'm saying. Once you kind of break it down this way and look, for the first time I realized this I wasn't too happy because I was like, oh, but isn't everyone else's fault?
Speaker 1:We love to blame everyone else, not ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're just literally holding up the mirror. So it was kind of revolutionary for me when I first realized this. So if I'm wanting love and connection, how am I showing love and connection towards my team member or my partner or whoever it is, If I want to be appreciated by Pete, for example? If I feel unappreciated by Pete, OK, how am I showing up to him?
Speaker 1:Am I showing up in a?
Speaker 2:grateful way? Am I showing him appreciation? Am I practicing gratitude with him every day? As soon as I start doing it, guess what I get right back in return, absolutely. You know the love heart eye emoji. Yeah, but it's literally. I really do feel like energetically. What you're craving is what you need to be showing, because chances are, if you're craving it, you're probably focusing on it and it's probably because you're showing it as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and people that are really craving to feel like love and affection probably aren't out there. Giving love and affection to everyone, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:And like yeah, for sure. And we say this to our team all the time, because if we say, if, if Tess and I are saying you know, you know, I want to have, I want this, I wish this person would show more of this or would show more of that, like we should do it early on in now, in the infancy of having a big team, like a couple of years ago, I think about that and I'd be like I want to. I want to have more connection with this team member. Ok, well, how vulnerable are you being? How much trust are you building? How much are you allowing them before you can start to feel like they trust you? So we say this all the time to our team If you want trust, you've got to show trust.
Speaker 2:If you want love, you've got to show love. If you want compassion, you've got to show compassion, and it will come back equally. So I really do believe in that, rather than just people saying, like you know, show gratitude and you'll get gratitude, like that's a bit wishy washy for me. I'm like energetically, I really do believe that what you focus on is what exactly what you're craving, agreed, so showing up in that way and it really does go back to. When you're showing up as the person who you want to be, naturally, people who you, people who are similar to that person that you want to be, will start to gravitate towards you. Agreed, you know that you become a magnet, like literally a magnet to that thing. So that.
Speaker 2:But I would also add, when you're starting to step into that vulnerability I want to go like super back to basics when you're leaning into vulnerability, something that really helped me on my journey, because I felt so uncomfortable being vulnerable, was starting my sentences as simple as this.
Speaker 2:I feel, literally I feel so when I would show up to my team, I feel, and then I would say exactly how I felt when I would show up to Pete, because that was one thing I really struggled with was, you know, pete and I have this happy, fun relationship and it's built around like humor and fun and great times, and we really struggled to have in the early days to have a really deep like depth, like I'm talking really vulnerable conversations. We would always just make a joke and, you know, happy, happy, fun, fun. So we actually had to learn how to have that deep relationship with each other and how to have those really beautiful vulnerable conversations and I started that process with I feel. And then any time we had, you know, arguments or difficulty or I was facing any sort of adversity or situation, I would always start the sentence with I feel.
Speaker 2:And what that does is it helps me to remind my body and my brain that it's okay to actually identify a feeling and basically be vulnerable and what I found with every time I started a sentence with, I feel, whether it's with my team, my family, my friends, whoever whenever I start a sentence with that I basically can't go wrong because all it is is me just explaining myself and leaning into that vulnerability and you really can't go wrong and I feel doesn't look like you did, or you're not doing, or you're not giving. It's literally you taking accountability. Hey, I feel really insecure at the moment. I feel a bit insecure and I don't know if it's just me in my head, but I feel a bit insecure because of these things. Can you talk to me about that and what you meant by saying that?
Speaker 2:And just don't think that you can, rather than saying you said this and it hurt me. You do these things repeatedly. You need to start changing this. The sentence, I feel, has really, really helped me, so that's my pracky T Love it God, that's a good one, tess, we're in every episode in gratitude. What are you grateful for today, my friend?
Speaker 1:I'm super grateful for that comment coming through. I know that this person is actively sorry that comment, that question, the Hottie G question Because I know that this person has really worked so hard on pulling the wall down and being vulnerable, open, sharing, losing the you know like I need to be strong all the time and I'm really proud of her for that and I'm really grateful for, I think, just the lessons that I've learned with sharing and openness and the fact that I'm comfortable sharing and being open now, not not 100% where I want to be, but 100% where I want to be, and that's that's pretty damn beautiful.
Speaker 2:It's amazing yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm super grateful for my little, my little, allie girl. Happy birthday, happy birthday to you, babe, beautiful right. I'm really grateful for you sharing so vulnerably. I think Allie would be really proud of you.
Speaker 2:And that's going to grow. What you've said today, I'm really, really grateful for you sharing so what you've said today is beautiful. It's beautiful and it's going to help so many people. But the fact that you have lent in in a space like this and being vulnerable, it's you've set the bar very high for the rest of us who are listening, who are like, yeah, I've got to have more vulnerable conversations, but it's beautiful and I appreciate that you find still find so many gifts that Al has given you which is beautiful and something that you'll have forever.
Speaker 2:So I feel really grateful that you shared beautiful my friend. You made it beautiful. Tess is cutting it in, so there, so I want this up. Stay conscious, everyone, Thank you. Thanks so much for listening to this episode and hanging out with us today To hear more about our journey. Follow us on Instagram at be underscore conscious underscore salon If you're a shit speller, check the spelling of conscious or at ahead hair underscore. Thank you so much for joining us today and we'll see you in the next episode.