Why you don’t trust yourself as a salon owner (and what it’s costing you)

Your gut is speaking. The real question is… are you listening?

A lot of salon owners struggle with self trust, and it shows up in ways that quietly impact everything. Decisions get delayed. Standards become inconsistent. Team issues are ignored until they turn into bigger culture problems.

In this episode, we unpack what a lack of self trust actually looks like in real salon leadership. From overthinking decisions, to constantly asking for validation, to allowing behavior you already know is not aligned. These patterns are more common than you think, and they come at a cost.

We also explore the people pleasing trap and the “I can change them” mindset. This is not just personal. It directly affects how you manage your team. If you have ever avoided difficult conversations, waited for the “right time” to address issues, or tried to be liked instead of respected, this conversation will hit home.

You will also learn how to start rebuilding trust in yourself. We talk about how intuition shows up physically, why noticing it matters, and how to create more calm and clarity in your decision making. Plus, why having the right support system can help you lead in a more grounded and consistent way.

In this episode, you will learn:
• How low self trust affects your leadership and team culture
• Why indecision and overthinking hold your salon back
• The danger of people pleasing as a leader
• How to recognize and trust your intuition
• Practical ways to make more confident decisions
• The role of support in becoming a stronger leader

If you want to become a more confident salon owner and build a stronger, more aligned team, this episode is for you.

Follow the show so you never miss an episode, and share this with a salon owner who needs it.

To follow our journey:
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@the_conscious_salon

Transcript

Welcome And The Core Problem

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Guys, welcome back to another episode of the Conscious Salon Potty.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Good to be here.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Today we're going to address the elephant in the room, and that is that so many salon owners are not trusting their gut and have really poor self-trust. So I want to talk first of all about what this looks like in reality. Often we can see this play out by the salon owner who will be too scared to make a decision. It can be a salon owner who asks everyone else's opinion before they make an opinion, make a decision about something. So they might jump in and ask questions in a Facebook group. They might ask other industry friends. They'll really sit in ideation for a long time. So they'll have an idea and they'll be like, oh, I think that's a good idea, but I'll just think about it, think about it, and think about it. And what happens is that they talk themselves out of it or the idea, the ideation phase lasts too long and all of a sudden they're like, oh, I'm not going to do that anymore. This can often play out as well with people having intuitively great ideas and then just doing nothing with them and letting them sit there because they're too afraid to make the moves. It can also play out not listening to your gut with team and not having hard, courageous conversations with team members to move them on when they don't align. And sometimes we'll have someone owners that come to us and they'll say, I know that this team member is wrong for me and this team member is not aligned to my business. This team member is problematic, this team member is affecting our culture, this team member is causing me more stress than um than help. But they're so afraid to trust themselves in that decision and actually move on that and listen to their gut. And we're seeing like an epidemic at the moment with salon owners not trusting their gut instincts and not listening to their intuition. So we're gonna talk about it.

How Self Doubt Shows Up

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Right. I think this is something that plays out a lot in our industry, and it's something that we talk about a lot with. Our industry is like a people-pleasing industry by nature. We're in the line of service. We really want to give every opportunity and really like I feel like overlook a lot of things that we potentially see. And something we talk about really openly when we're working with clients, and actually in general, this is a big conversation that we have frequently. And it's almost like I like to reference it back to, you know, when you're younger and you, you know, you've got your your problematic boyfriend, or a few of them, or all of them if you're making Blackboy, I think we call them now, Tess. Or all of my ex-boyfriends. But what this would have every single time that I'd enter that dynamic, I would be like, I'm the one that's gonna change him. I'm gonna be the one that is going to get X, Y, and Z. I'm going to be, you know, that person for him that's going to, he's going to stop being the toxic prick that he has been, and he's going to start being a decent human. And what?

SPEAKER_01 3:06

And you know how's that playing out?

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Oh, I wouldn't. I don't have high hopes. I don't think that I'd I could have been the toxic one, actually, when I when I frequent when I look back, it probably was me. But why we bring this like this reference back, it's that people can relate to that. We've all had that moment of being like, I'm gonna change him, or I'm gonna change her, I'm gonna do X, Y, and Z, I'm gonna be the medicine, I'm gonna be the therapy. Oh, I'm gonna be the medicine that landed. And what can happen with this is we often do this. This is not something that happens just in our, you know, our our our um our love relationships. The fact that I've said love relationships really speaks volumes as to like how I've shown up prior to my current relationship. Wow. Um, romantic. So that's usually was a um massive commitment phobe, as we might have clocked. But with that in mind, what one of the biggest conversations that we can have is that salon owners currently really struggle to trust their gut or they will keep trying to force a square peg round hole situation. They will keep hoping that the next training session will be the one where it clicks. The next, you know, um time that she's late, I'll bring her up on it then. The next X, Y, and Z, it's always next.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Yeah. So many someone who say to us, like, oh, this team member's consistently late ten minutes every day.

Listening To Body Signals

SPEAKER_00 4:32

How's that conversation? What conversation? And I think this is a thing that we see play out so often is that when that team member eventually steps out or you know, things separate. We will ask the cell and owner to look back and see where you can identify the red flags, the potential things that you might have skipped over. Because there will always there will always be a moment where they were like, you know, I knew then. I knew then, but I didn't trust my gut or I didn't listen and I wanted to give the opportunity and I wanted to do this and I wanted to do X, Y, and Z, and I wanted to be the medicine, the therapy, the reason that they got better. And I get it. I get it. I wanted to be the hero too. I've wanted to be the hero, I wanted to be the reason that people had that pivotal change. I've wanted to have that moment as well. What I actually realized when I started pulling this back, it wasn't about being a hero, X, Y, and Z. It was the fact that I didn't want to acknowledge what my body was telling me of this person's not right. This situation isn't good. This is not respectful behavior. XXX, whatever the thing was that I kept ignoring, your body does communicate with you. It lets you it it does, it lets you know. Because that's where when you have that permission to actually review it, you'll be like, I knew then. But you wouldn't say that until you get to that point of like having the out, that's when you can go, yeah, I knew then. I knew in the interview when they said X, that was a bit of a red flag for me. I knew when this behavior happened, that was a red flag for me. And it's not about every time your body is communicating with you that you act. Because people can often think that when we start listening to our body and like communicating with us and letting us know that that means that we have to be like, oh, stop, you know, like my body's communicating, like, get out. That's not gonna help either. It's just the fact that we're going to start acknowledging, we're gonna start noticing, and we're just gonna create little markers for it. Of course, I'm noticing that when um so-and-so is late, I'm really struggling to have that conversation. I'm ignoring my gut of saying, I need to address this so that this can stop now. I'm just hoping it'll get better on its own. And when we start really listening to our body communicating, because it will always have a way of letting you know. And sometimes it can be that gut feeling. Some people can get um for me, I know when I'm in a stressful situation, usually because my heart will start beating really fast. I may not be able to clock it, I won't be sitting there gasping for air, I won't even be having a super abnormal feeling. But suddenly I'll just feel my heart starting to beat a little quicker. And it will just let me know, oh, hang on. Something here is making me feel a little bit not safe or a little bit anxious or a little bit nervous. And then I can start honoring that. That doesn't mean that I stop a meeting and go, guys, I'm anxious. Like, can we all look at my heart? Like, that's not gonna help with that. But it's just having that moment of like, cool, what's coming up? What am I feeling in this? What's actually coming? What feelings are coming as I can like what truly is going on for me. Because I feel like for so many people we just shut that off and we push through because we think I've got to give them the benefit of the doubt. I've got to keep going. It's not enough for me to like pull back or to stop or to change direction. And I feel like that's one of the biggest conversations that we're having at the moment is that people are getting that indication of a gut feeling and they're not following it.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

And they don't follow it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

They're not even curious about it. They just literally will be like, No, no.

When Ignoring Red Flags Backfires

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Yeah, no. That people pleaser that lives in all of us. Yeah. Tess, I want you to be really vulnerable here. When have you like tell me a situation in our business in our salon where you have ignored your gut instinct on something and when your gut was like talking to you really clearly about something?

SPEAKER_00 8:40

I will give you better than that. I would honestly say that I've only started listening to my gut in the last three years. I would be really open with that. I've spoken really openly about being a reactive leader. There's also been so many things. I remember one instance, and I know this is like the biggest one that stands out for me. I we had a team member that was in COVID times. It's so bad today, hey. Is that better now? Yeah, good. Sorry guys. I remember it during COVID times. You're gonna you're gonna know exactly what I'm talking about, and you just smiled and I know what it is. During COVID times, one of our team members, I think, claimed that she had COVID or she had a test or something like that. There was a reason why she couldn't work, and she doctored a photo with the timing on it to send to me about when she'd had a a test or a negative test. Yeah. I can't remember, but she changed the time. She'd spaced it three-hour gap. So one was three hours earlier, the other one was three hours later. Yeah. She sent me through both of them. Which I was like, hey.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

But I actually remember in the We We like clocked that it could, it couldn't have been real. There was no chance of real much.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

She'd sent me the edited and the unedited version. So I was like, hey. But I do remember in that moment, that's when the first time I started honoring my gut. Yeah. Because originally I was like, full transparency. I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to and she gave an explanation. She said, Oh my god, it actually sent her the embarrassment of the story, but it was something about a my time is set to Perth time.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

That's why the time's different in the second text.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

I was like, but you're not from Perth, so that doesn't make it's not Megan. If anyone's like looking at Megan, it's not Megan. Imagine. Yeah. It wasn't her, but she had a friend that was over. Oh my god, the story was ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

But I remember when that happened, you were like You sent it through to me and I said, sorry to let you know this, mate, but this is um, this is fraudulent. This is not, this is not authentic. Yeah. And you were like, nah, it definitely is. And I was like, no, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

And then I remember being like, I can't keep ignoring this. I can't keep ignoring that gut feeling because I didn't want to deal. The reality with it wasn't, it wasn't about having a hard conversation. I didn't want to address that this person was doing the wrong thing, was like not respecting us, was taking the piss. Taking the piss, yeah. And that was really hard. That was really confronting because I always wanted to be cool boss.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

And we you did ignore it, didn't you?

SPEAKER_00 11:22

No, we had a conversation, a very challenging conversation. I don't remember. You have to fill me into the car, but okay, interesting.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

But you wanted to ignore your gut. And we didn't ignore our gut. That team member that ended up blowing up exceptionally spectacularly. But that team member we had so many red flags for. So many red flags. Like now I look back on it and I'm like, oh my god, there were so many red flags.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

And that was the beginning of the end for it, for sure. Like that's when it started. But we had ignored things previously. I remember her TEV teacher called us and was like, they uh she wasn't at school.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

She wasn't at school.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

And she was adamant that she was, and it was just like this whole thing of like Okay, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

So many like wild red flags there.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

But I was it's so interesting, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 12:12

That hindsight and looking back and going, okay, there's a red flag that I ignored.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

I've ignored so many big red flags in our business. I've ignored red flags in both businesses, actually, um, at different points. And one that really sticks out to me is I had this like gut intuition of putting a team member into a role in the salon and you really wanted to do it. And I was like, I don't want to do this, it doesn't feel right. My gut was like, no, no, no, no, no. And it just I just felt like I had to do it. And my gut was like screaming at me, this is not the right thing, this is not the right person, this person does not have the skill set to go into this role. And I ignored it, and it didn't, it didn't end terribly, like it didn't work out terribly, but it just ignoring that we lost so much time and we lost other opportunities for other team members. And what we should have done was say, no, that's not the right thing to do, not the right move. And I was like, I felt like I just had to do it. I felt like I had to do it for that team member. I felt like I had to give the opportunity. And I look back now and I'm like, fuck, it was such poor leadership on my end, just to to actually say, stop, no, not happening. And it I really, that's one thing that I'm like, well, I totally ignored my gut. My gut was so right. It was right from day one. It was right like every step of the way.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Yeah, it it really is. I think, and you know, you guys will be going back in your own heads of working out where this has played out for you, where you can identify this, all of those things. As we said, though, it's not about now having it identified and acting on it, because that's also we don't want to be coming from reactivity. We just want to start clocking, noticing, getting curious, exploring when our gut is communicating or when your heart, when whatever it is that your body part that is letting you know, hey, listen to me. Let's start taking note. Let's start really getting curious about what's coming up, why this is feeling like that. Really start exploring it rather than just putting that blanket. It'll be right. No, it'll be all right. Absolutely. It'll be okay.

The Spreadsheet Tool For Evidence

SPEAKER_01 14:14

That little voice. What's one thing that we would say to cell on owners who are hearing that little voice and ignoring it?

SPEAKER_00 14:19

I would think so. It's all well and good to be like, yep, start clocking it. I would truly start a spreadsheet of some sort, whether that is writing it out piece of paper. I swear. That's so great. That's gotta urge you. That's gonna urge people to do a spreadsheet. Love. Well, I mean, I've I've I've got a piece of paper, but you know, I'm doing it for the techie girls. Create something where you have just we're gonna call it like creating like building evidence on this. So it's not about you know creating a case file and coming after them and going for them, blah blah blah. It's not about that. It's literally just I'm just gonna clock when. I'm gonna notice it. Yeah, yeah. Date, time, what it is. It is a case file. And just once you have enough evidence for it. It's mum. Insane. Answer it. No.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

I will actually. Yeah, I I don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Because she'll call me now, you know that.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Jesus, she's out of control, truly.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Yep, here she is. Mum. Hi, mum. I'm just recording the podcast, so you're gonna be on it. I'm just recording the podcast. So would you like to apologize to all the listeners?

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Oh, and I'm being whistled at by by dad and not in a in a and there's the conversation going on for me. Thank you so much. Love you.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Call you later.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Wow, we're not gonna unpack 320 on a Monday afternoon. Our parents are whistling at each other. Great. We're gonna clock a there. There'll be a new spreadsheet of me getting traumatized by my parents.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Insane.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

But truly, with this spreadsheet or this wherever it is that you're starting to create the evidence, just start marking out where it's when, where, what's happening. And it's just gonna then start creating bringing that awareness. Evidence, awareness, and then you're gonna start honoring it. What have you got for the people? I hope that.

Support Systems And Closing

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Literally that, being aware of it. Also then having someone in your corner to to help you to act on it because it's hard when you're emotional and in the moment. You need to have a mentor, a friend, a therapist, whoever it is, to be able to help you to identify these gut instincts and actually act on them in an appropriate way, not from reactivity, not from avoidance, not from passivity. Is that even a word? Not from being passive. You need to be able to actually channel that in some way. Yeah. I think that's really helpful. I actually think so many Salomoners are going to listen to this and feel so incredibly seen in this because we all experience this. But our biggest thing that we want to encourage all of you is to listen to your intuition. You have this beautiful gut instinct that is in all of us, and we have to tune in and listen to it.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

Thank you guys so much for listening to another episode of the Conscious Silent Potty.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Love you guys, stay conscious.