How to Hold Space Without Lowering Standards In Your Team

Ever found yourself in a one-on-one where a team member gets emotional… and you’re not sure whether to comfort them or hold the standard?

In this episode, we unpack one of the most important leadership skills for salon owners: knowing when to hold space and when to hold accountability, without slipping into people pleasing or becoming overly harsh.

This is a practical, real-world conversation designed to help you lead with clarity, confidence, and consistency in those moments that actually shape your team culture.

We share:

•  The difference between holding space and holding accountability in leadership 
•  How to support emotions without lowering standards 
•  Why rescuing or avoiding hard conversations creates bigger issues over time 
•  A simple framework for handling tough conversations with clarity 
•  How to regulate the room before trying to solve the problem 
•  The importance of naming expectations and identifying performance gaps 
•  Why SMART goals still matter in salon leadership 
•  How to set clear next steps with timelines and measurable outcomes 
•  The follow-up system that turns conversations into real behaviour change 
•  Scripts you can use immediately in one-on-ones and performance conversations 
•  How to handle repeated patterns without frustration or avoidance 
•  The balance between listening deeply and leading decisively 

Great leadership is not about choosing between empathy and standards. It is about learning how to hold both at the same time.

If this episode helped you, follow the show for more salon leadership and team management conversations, share it with a salon owner who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the podcast.

Which phrase are you going to use first?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:06

Welcome back to another episode of the Conscious Salon Podcast. Welcome to you.

unknown 0:10

Thank you.

Holding Space Versus Accountability

SPEAKER_03 0:11

Thank you. I think you've welcomed me. Thank you. I've been waiting for this moment. Tessa, we want to talk about something that comes up a lot for our clients. And we know that if our clients as salon owners are struggling with this, then our non-clients, podcast listeners, are absolutely struggling with this too. So this is all around holding space versus holding accountability and when to lean into both with your team members. I think this is super important because you've taught me so much about the difference between the two and when to lean into one versus when to lean into the other and how to still be a compassionate heart-led leader, but hold the line and hold a standard in your business as well. So, Tess, do you want to talk about how this has transformed your leadership?

SPEAKER_02 1:01

So many years ago, I would I actually found holding people accountable really uncomfortable and something that I would avoid like the plague. So I'd often find that we'd do um these really beautiful uh goals, or um, you know, we'd have a one-on-one and we'd we'd have all these things set out. And then when it came to like actually checking how they'd gone with it and how and you know, um circling back and finding out how they went with their goals. If they hadn't done them, I would be like, oh, it's okay, don't worry, it's okay, it doesn't matter. Like we just that was the thing I think the goal's a goal. I was like, oh who cares? It's like doesn't ooh. Um I was literally like, oh, it doesn't matter, like who cares? It's no no big deal. Because I found it so uncomfortable to actually hold people accountable and motivate them.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

And actually say, like, why did you not hit those goals?

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Yeah. So one of the big things that's really changed with this for me is that when we start, and like the this really comes up a lot when people start doing one-on-ones. So a lot of the time when we start talking about you know, one-on-ones is one of the most vital meetings in our salon. Like it is truly the most transformative time for you to be able to connect with your team, to really understand what's happening for them, to support them, to inspire them, to celebrate them, to set some really great goals, to give them feedback, whatever it is that you're needing to do in a one-on-one is really the space and the time where you can really do that in a really conscious, um, appropriate manner, where it's not off the cuff or not something where you're in a um reaction or um something that's not like not consciously cultivated, I guess. So where you're actually having intentional time and you can have discussions around the things that you need to. So, with this, one of the biggest things that comes up is that people find it really challenging when they're setting goals to know how to hold someone accountable with that, or if someone's sharing, how to hold space without having everything derailed from that. And I want to talk about the balance between the two.

Clear Definitions And SMART Follow Up

SPEAKER_03 3:04

Well, can I give you some definitions that I've pulled from different calls and notes that we've had? Holding space, the definition for us is that you listen, you regulate the room, you validate feelings, and you get curious. You do not rescue, excuse, or lower the standard. Holding accountability, you name the expectation, you name the gap, you name the impact, and you name the next steps. So we always talk about the big thing, the one next step. Yes. We set clear deadlines and a measure of success, and then we follow up with it. So we always bang on about smart goals. I actually heard one of our mentors, Kate Morris, the other day, saying she hated SMART goals. And I was like, we love a smart goal because I think the simplicity of it is just you if you follow a SMART goal format, you can't fuck it up. So setting that, and I really wanted to hone in on that, setting that clear deadline, setting the measure of success or how we're actually going to measure it, and then following up on it. That is probably the biggest thing that we do differently. That I feel like I don't think I've ever heard someone teach this in our industry of the follow-up, the importance of following up. Tell me about that goal that you wanted to achieve last month. Now tell me what stopped you from achieving that goal and why. I think this is super important. What do you lean into more? Is there one that you lean into more versus the other?

How To Hold Space Properly

SPEAKER_02 4:44

No, I would say that I'm um pretty fair with for me, whenever I'm sitting down with someone and if someone's needing to um or if someone's approaching me and they want, you know, support, if someone's coming to me and they're wanting to be held, like and sometimes that can be physically, sometimes that can just be I just need to talk out what's happening for me. My only intention in that moment is to let someone speak in their entirety and just literally be a sounding board. So often what we can find is and it's again, it's it's the people pleaser, it's the one that's you know, um, as you know, business owners, we often have a lot of control. We want to we feel that when we have these moments that we've got to have all the answers and say everything and like we've got to talk more. When someone you're holding space for someone, it's not your turn to speak. It's really important to let someone have their moment, speak in their entirety. And then when it's okay to do so, then you can start getting curious, asking questions, um, acknowledging, um, whatever it is that that every situation's gonna be different. But I think where it can sometimes get missed is that people will either speak over someone when they're um sharing with what's going on for them, connect through comparison. So, and I I get this, especially someone that's neurodivergent, this is a really big way that people with ADHD can connect. It's it's the comparison connection, comparative connecting. So it's things of like, oh, that's happened to you, this has happened to me as well. So this can be one of the n challenges when we have someone who's coming in and sharing if they've gone through, you know, um a bad breakup, or if they're um noticing they've got a really big block or they've dealt with a um unhappy client, something like that, where there's emotions there. It's so important during this time that you truly hold the space and allow them to speak without offering anything of your own. So, not a what I would have done was this, or you know, you should just get rid of him, he sucks, or like whatever it is. This is a time when you hold space. You really need to be quiet and turning your ears on and just listening to what's coming up for them. Now, where this can sometimes get lost is that people start getting really uncomfortable. So when they're having these moments and you know, they start allowing, you know, opening up for these conversations for their team to come in and be vulnerable with them, when they actually start getting vulnerable can make people feel really uncomfortable and people want to be like, well, just do this, that's what I do, or you know, like, oh yeah, I've dealt with that, it's fine, or like all of these things. And like I say this because I've done this, I like know from experience this is not holding space, it can shut someone down, it can really dismiss how they feel. So when we have that space being held, it's really important to listen, allow the person to speak, and then offer things afterwards. But quite often it is just that acknowledgement and getting a bit more curious. Say more on what you're feeling. And if you think about if you've ever listened or watched or seen uh or been to a therapy session, majority of the time when the therapist is in session, they're actually not talking, they're listening. They're listening and they're listening and they're asking questions, and it's not huge questions, it's things like say more on that. Tell me what you when you said this, what did you mean? It's really just asking simple questions and allowing the person to feel. People walk out of therapy feeling better because they feel they've been heard and they feel like someone's understanding them. And that is truly like the biggest thing of therapy is feeling like someone's listening to them and being understood. So it's really important when we're holding space, that's things that we're doing.

When Empathy Turns Into Enabling

SPEAKER_03 8:25

On the flip side of that, with the accountability piece, this is where I feel like the salon owners get it's so easy because we are majority of us have that those people pleasing tendencies. Where we see a lot of salon owners really get this wrong is they turn empathy into enabling.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:44

So they go, it's you know, someone said something about mental health, so therefore I can't touch that at all. Um, someone started to get emotional, therefore I just changed the conversation because I was really uncomfortable. Or, you know, someone brings something in and says, I just felt salesy, I didn't want to sell a product, and immediately we go, oh, okay, that must be really hard. I just don't want to touch that.

SPEAKER_02 9:05

It's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

I think what that creates is that when that empathy turns into enabling, it can create different sets of rules and inconsistency for your team journey, different sets of rules for different team members. Or that person has mental health struggles, I'm not gonna touch that because it might upset them. That person struggles with XYZ, I'm not gonna say that because it might upset them, and therefore we lose the accountability and then we lose the standard within the team.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Absolutely. And I think this is one of the biggest things is really finding that delicate balance between holding space and um holding someone accountable. When you can master those two things and like what accountability looks like, it's not, you know, I feel like it what the visions of these two people look like when you are holding space, you're someone that's got to like you've got to be the best friend and hugging and coddling and like wiping away someone's tears. And when you're being accountable, you're like the drill sergeant of like, well, that's not good enough. Like, drop and give me 20. And that's not what we're saying either. The point of when you start holding people accountable, it's holding a standard. So it's a standard that you want to be setting and also really supporting and making sure that you are holding the line. Hey, I know when you set out those goals last month, Nick, you really wanted to achieve them. So let's work out what happened, why, what, what broke down, where did it, where did it stop being a focus for you? I want to make sure that this is gonna happen. I'm gonna hold you accountable with it. Let's get some really clear action steps as to how we're gonna be moving forward with your goals for this this month to make sure that we're getting them done. And what can the real transformation I believe is when we can really learn that holding space doesn't mean coddling and holding accountable doesn't mean yelling. It means creating safety and really supporting someone. That's when the difference can really shift on those things.

Five Steps For Tough Conversations

SPEAKER_03 10:53

Absolutely. I want to give Salon owners something really tangible. So we've made a little four-step process which is going to help you when your team member is showing signs of dysregulation or maybe getting um what's the word? Uh it's uncomfortable. So maybe you're holding them accountable and then you're getting pushback or you're getting resistance, or you just feel like it's uh you need a format for a tough conversation. We put together a little four-step process.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Of course we have.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

So step one is to regulate first. If your team member is showing signs of dysregulation, it's your responsibility to slow down, breathe, take space if you need to, and actually set the regulation tone in the room. It's really, really important as a leader not to match that person's energy and also to create safety for them because majority of the time when people come in dysregulated, it's because of fear. Step two, we're always going to validate their feelings. Yes. So we really love the phrases, I see you in this. It doesn't mean that you're saying, yes, that's true, and I agree with you. I really see you in this. I see you in this, I understand that that is your experience. So actually validating someone's feelings, and this can work really well with client complaints as well. When a client comes in and says, I I felt like my service was rushed, I really see you in that. I understand that you felt that your service was rushed, repeating back to them what they've said to you and what you can hear. A, it will help you understand, but it's also going to help that person feel really, really heard and seen. Step three, we're going to return to the standard. So we're always going to bring the standard back. And we like to do this by saying, I completely understand and I see how you feel. I see how you feel in this, I see you in this. My job is to keep the standard of X, Y, Z so that everyone in our team can have a consistent experience. So we always bring the standard back in and always anchor back into the policy, the client experience, the agreement that you've made, the commitment, the goal, whatever it is that you're holding them accountable on. You always bring back that standard that they've set or you've set. The fourth is make it measurable. So we love a SMART goal. Yes. Needs to be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and in a time frame. We love a smart goal. Sorry, Kate. Um, so we always love to say this is the standard that we have, and this is when we're going to achieve it. This is what it's going to look like to really actually show what that goal is. And then step five, the most important one, which is usually where we see most salon owners lose their nerve a bit, is the follow-up. So you'll notice every single time we have a meeting with our team, we always do a follow-up in some capacity. Whether it's a follow-up from the previous day, whether it's a follow-up and check-in of how did you go with those goals, whether it's a team meeting and we say, you know, um, just wanted to check in and see what the challenge the challenge is still an issue that you were having. We always do a follow-up. So it's the support, the mentoring. What is that thing? I said it to my brother-in-law the other day. I was helping him with something in his business, and I said to him, There's this method that we follow, and it's um show them, no, say it, show it, watch it, coach it. When you're teaching someone something. I know I always have to like stop. I think it's in um diary.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

What is it? Watch it, coach it.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

Yeah. So like say it, say what you want them to do, show it. This is how we do it, watch them do it, and then give them feedback. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Yeah, all right.

Copy Ready Phrases For Leaders

SPEAKER_03 14:37

Okay, cool. So we also wanted to leave you guys with some phrases. This is gonna be like grab a pen and paper if you're someone who needs a pen and paper, but we have some phrases that you can use that we really love, just a little collection of phrases. This is actually from our program Becoming Conscious Salon. So get yourself into that for 2027. First one, I am empathetic to how you feel while still holding a standard for our salon. Second one, your feelings are valid, but the behavior still needs to change. Third one, huh?

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Oh, I was gonna go with it.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Jump in.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

I'm here to support you and I'm also responsible for the outcome. I think this is a really good one because it really does give that accountability there, but also involves you into it. So it just kind of gives that thing of like, I'm here to be in the trenches with you. Let's do it together. Fourth, let's be clear on what done looks like, then we'll follow it up.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

This last one's my favorite.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

I was gonna say, you say.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

I'm not available for repeating patterns, but I am available for a plan. So really important when we start seeing patterns and behaviors that a red flag or amber flag behaviors, and look at the end of the day, team members are human. We employ humans, not robots. But when we see those patterns that come up repeatedly, actually acknowledging and letting that team member know I'm seeing these patterns from you repeatedly. I'm not available for this to continue. However, let's make a plan together. Yeah, I think there's that really strong accountability in there while also holding that space and holding the standard and holding the line, which is super, super important.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Agree.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

Tess, what would be your main tip for someone who was wanting to strengthen the way that they hold accountability and hold space for their team?

SPEAKER_02 16:31

The way that you hold uh first one for accountability, I would definitely say once the plan or decision or like whatever the thing that's being put out there is put in place, having an action step of how they're going to achieve it. So create an action step with them. So, Nikki, for your goal of hitting, you know,$300 in retail this week, what's your action step to ensure that that happens and actually getting something from them? So I'm going to, you know, put products in front of clients that I'm recommending them rather than just talking about the product. Something like that, we've got something tangible to actually support them with it. If you create an action step for them, it's giving them like literally a little boost up of like, great, I believe in you, let's do this. Here's your action step. Let's focus on that. The goal will the goal will be achieved if you're following it this way. So that's what I would do for accountability, create action steps. For someone who is wanting to strengthen supporting, like holding space, I would really recommend, truly, it's what I say to everyone walking into this for the first time. Speak less and listen more. Okay. So really listen to what's happening. Don't solve it. Don't try and fix it. Don't try and um make it like a level playing field. Let someone say what they need to say in their entirety. Just listen, listen, listen.

unknown 17:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:54

And then offer minimal things after. Even asking the question, how can I best support you with this? Okay. Asking them, tell me how I can support you. Okay. Because often what we'll do is we'll put on the responsibility to not only control how they're speaking and how they're letting things out, but then we'll look put the responsibility on how I need to fix it for them and do it for them. And we can't do that. We're not there to do that. We're there to listen and ask how we can best support them. That would be my biggest tip for that. Listen more, say less. Ask what you can do to help.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

Love. Amazing. We're leaving it right there. Thank you guys so much for listening to another episode of the Conscious Helen Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Love you guys. Stay conscious.