Your team IS NOT a 'Family'

The fastest way to lose trust with a great team? A “quick” message on their day off.

In this episode, we have a real conversation about after-hours texting, busy work group chats, and the small leadership habits that can quietly turn your team’s downtime into stress. It’s something many salon owners don’t think twice about, but the impact is bigger than it seems.

We start with the human side. Life happens, things come up, and sometimes it feels easier to just send the message. But if we want to lead high-performing teams, we cannot rely on constant access to our staff. What feels quick and harmless on your end can land very differently for the person receiving it, especially for newer team members or anyone already feeling pressure.

We talk through what’s really happening behind the scenes when those messages come through. Tone gets lost, anxiety can build, and your team can walk into their next shift already feeling on edge.

From there, we move into practical leadership shifts that make a real difference. We share how we keep communication within paid hours, how we use meetings more intentionally, and why separating work and personal channels matters more than ever.

We also walk through simple tools that have helped us, like keeping a running list of notes instead of messaging in the moment, scheduling messages to send during salon hours, and setting boundaries with notifications so they are actually upheld.

If you’re a salon owner, manager, or team leader who wants stronger communication, better culture, and a team that feels respected and supported, this episode will give you clear, practical steps to start with.

If you enjoyed this conversation, follow the show, share it with a fellow salon owner, and leave a review. We would love to hear the boundary you are committing to this week!

To follow our journey:
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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Welcome back to the Conscious Salon podcast.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

Oyoy.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Um no.

unknown 0:14

I don't like that.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Very conscious. Um no, it's not our brand. No. Um but oyoi, Tennis. And we've also extracted one of our favourite co-hosts from the salon today. Shout out to the clients that we rescheduled to get Tay here. Very good. There's a good story behind it, but we do have Tay here in the studio very last minute. And by the way, stunning to see you come already and looking up.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

She well, she always looks hot at work. That's when I stroll into the salon like, oh god, I forget how elevated everyone is. So this is me elevated. They're all looking like summer gowns.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Summer gowns.

The Ankle Scare And Blood Clot Check

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Um, but Tay, you are here unexpectedly. Great to have you in the studio. You took it like a champ when I did call you up because this morning Tess had a little bit of a do you want to share your story?

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Yeah, I mean, I don't I hate starting things like this because like I don't really was no great ending at the end. There's nothing to really say. It feels like I actually feel like I'm like gaslighting myself, which is crazy at the moment. But I rolled my ankle nine days ago on a walk, which is not uncommon. Like I'm a trippy gal. Like I fall over a lot. I roll my ankle frequently. And I did find out thanks to um Dr. Rory, which I'll give him a little shout out, uh, Megan's partner. Fiance, actually. Megan's fiance. He told me I've got very flexible ankles. So I've thought and yeah, it's flex, isn't it? Literally flex. Um anyway, it turns out they're not as flexible as what I thought because something's happened. And yeah, it's just gotten. I'm giving it's it's cankles now. It's not an ankle, it's super swollen and like purpley blue, and I can't walk very well. So it's not broken. We had the x-ray yesterday. But then I had to get called back in this morning before they opened, which shout out to my doctor who's a real king in all this. Um, but yeah, I had to go and get, they were worried because of the swelling and they can't pinpoint it. They were like, you need to go and get a um what is it? CT scan, ultrasound and a CT scan done, and then I have to get another ultrasound tomorrow. And pretty much they said to rule out it wasn't a blood clot, which I thought was no big deal. I think I said that to you. I was like, I was like, guys, I'm busy today, I'll come tomorrow. And they were like, this can be life-threatening. I was like, shit, really?

SPEAKER_01 2:30

So we had a twisted ankle. We had about two hours. So Sessa's like, oh I'm gonna go there and if we if they're gonna find something, and I was like, oh god. And then I was thinking about it and I was like, blood clot would make sense because her her foot had I sort of went a little bit down the rabbit hole, but I like I still had my business hat on. I was like, we've got the studio today. So yeah, it was I don't fancy because we had such an important guest, and then uh we had five episodes to do or four episodes. I didn't fancy doing those by myself, so I called her and said, You're gonna have to cancel your afternoon in the salon, you're gonna have to come into the studio.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

So yeah, anyway, I got the all clear, she she was a real queen about it. I hope I'm not bratting her out. I'm not giving you a name, so it's fine. All the places it went to, but um she did say your results are being fast tracks this afternoon, but there's no blood clot. I was like, Stunning. I'm on. No blood clot, she's in the studio.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Ocean socks on then. No, I haven't done it.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

I put on a croc. Sure. They were like, I can be nice. And I was like, yeah, once. It's too cold. I can't do it. Perfect. Excellent.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

So anyway, it's probably self-inflicted, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

I'm not putting my foot up because I'm not gonna scar everyone, but just trust me when I say Also, I feel like your feet are the least attractive thing about you.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

100%. I said this last mum actually said yesterday when she was looking at my legs, she said, um, which ones are swollen? I was like, shout out to the closet.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

I was gonna do my five kilos like she said to me the other day, she's like, Oh, I don't know how, but I've somehow lost three kilos. I'm like pushing it to lose like 200 grams.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

I'm like, yes. And she's like, and she ate so much, it never stays for sure.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Anyway, so yeah, that was that was really inspiring exactly.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

So then I fully feel like I'm gaslighting myself because there's no brakes. I can't find a problem, but it looks horrendous. She's got a sharpie and coloured.

unknown 4:26

She's in bumping it.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

It does not look good at though. And I mean your feet didn't look good three weeks ago.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Anyway, moving to my putting and a fat for tolerate this kind of bullshit from everyone around me. You're all gonna feel bad if I've got some awful like red condition, which like, oh, that actually isn't close.

Why After-Hours Messages Are A Red Flag

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Anyway, we have we've got it here today, not just for foot chat, but we're doing something a little bit higher on the agenda. And we want to talk to Saloners about having boundaries with their teams. Yes, not talking to their team and not contacting the team outside of ours. This is like an epidemic. And so often our clients will come in and and they'll talk to us um in various programs that we do, whether it's one-to-one or group programs, and they'll come in and say, you know, I contacted my team member on Sunday afternoon and asked her about a client who didn't have any notes, blah, blah, blah. And this is something that we immediately see as a red flag. But there once upon a time, there is a version of us who would absolutely find that okay. And we want to put a stop to it because this is such a the hair and beauty industry is an industry where we've almost normalized being able to be so accessible and being so contactable outside of ours, and we are now seeing people extending that to their teams, and your team needs downtime, so we've got to talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Stunning.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

So, Tess, why don't you take us on the journey? I want you to talk about who we once were, where we breached this. That's good. I've actually got to. Okay, I want you to talk about your perception as a team member and how um we can do our lived experience.

The Colour Bowl Text Mistake

SPEAKER_02 6:11

I reckon we've done it though, where we have spoken about this when I overstep boundaries with Tyra about a colour ball. That really triggered me. But it was normal once upon a time for us to contact our team outside of home. 100%. I think there's a couple of layers to this. I think salon owners can get lost in two things. They think that this stuff is essential and they have to like nip it in the bud immediately. They go into that reactivity and they don't take a beat to like actually consider it. Hello, me, I did that. And when we live in that state, you don't really process or like slow down or have that moment of like taking a beat and actually consider what's going on. Or there's also the thing of like, we all love each other. We're just like vibes, vibes, vibes. And either way, that's beautiful. However, it is so important to respect your team's boundaries and also talk to them about work things during work times. And I feel like this is something that we see play out a lot. For those of you who aren't aware of the story of Tay and I, I'll share on that. I can well, I know that we blurred it many times over, but this is still so we sit here, the three of us being, you know, sisters, best mates, and also working in all three of our businesses together. We have such solid boundaries and structure around how we communicate because if we start fucking with them, everything gets blurred, every there is no boundary, and then it all just meshes into one big mess, which is what it had done in the past. So for the the exact like blurring of boundaries that happened from my perspective of this, Taya had a day off, or you were on annual leave. There was a reason why Taya wasn't in the salon. And I went into the salon and I think you'd forgotten to rinse a colour bowl or something like that. And I took a photo of the colour bowl and then sent a receipts. I took it a photo of it and then put it in. Was it directly to you or was it in a group chat?

SPEAKER_01 8:08

It was in the group chat. It was in the group chat.

Group Chats That Steal Downtime

SPEAKER_02 8:10

I can't remember which one it was, but one of them. And then went through a whole like, this is not okay, blah blah blah blah blah. Like this I should not be pretty much just getting into my, you know, this is not acceptable and don't ever do this again, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And Taya, of course, apologized for pretty much breathing in the cell in the wrong way. And it was, it just felt yuck. And as soon as you sent that back, I realized oh, that would feel so awful for her at home now. Like she's not here. I've now given her something to feel really anxious about. She will be stewing on this all day while I'm just gonna get on with my day and move on because I'm the reactive queen that's like gotten it out and I'm going back to my day. Whereas for you, I know that that like you were nervous to come to work the next day. And I think that was the beginning of realizing that really identifying the fact that I needed to put um a beat in place and really put my emotions and the reactivity aside, park it and have that conversation with Taya the next day so that she can also see my intention that um because you can't tell anything through a text, you can't tell Tony, can't tell um like what the intention is, there's nothing like that. Whereas if you have that conversation when someone is at work, at that's the appropriate time. But it's not appropriate to blow that boundary outside of that. And I feel this is where a lot of talent owners can get lost because they will prioritize these things like the colour bowl not being done and being like, I need to bring that up now, because otherwise I'm gonna forget, or I need to speak about that now um so that she knows not to do it again, or because like it's in the moment and like blah blah blah, or but whatever the reasons are, you know why you're doing it. But what we've really learned to master is not stepping into that reactivity, putting the phone down, writing a note, and then talking about it in the appropriate way. And I feel like this is something that's leveled up from all three of us.

Team Member Anxiety And Pressure

SPEAKER_01 10:09

And even in in group chats, like I see so many salonists saying, like, I'm I was talking to my team, and it when we enforce the boundaries of don't contact your team outside of ours, they'll say, Oh, we're talking in the group chat. It's okay, the team really wanted to, like, they all wanted to talk, and the the group chat was going off. And I'm like, But this is not a girlfriend's chat. Yeah, and the group chat going off on a Saturday night when your team should be having downtime, that's that's a red flag. That is, it's creating, you know, whether it be an inappropriate interaction outside of the salon every weekend when the team are having their downtime and they've got these two precious days off, and then they're in the group chat talking about something like our group chat is real relatively quiet because we talk about things that we need to talk about in our meetings. Yeah. And unless there's something that's you know, a really significant event that someone's going to where we want to share that, it's it's not like it's just it's two very different relationships. I want to hear your perspective, Tay.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

I think too, just touching on what you're saying, with like it's also then like an added pressure. Like it's some team members, like I'm ev everyone who knows me, I'm terrible with my phone. Phone messages, absolutely terrible. If you need me, call me, I'll answer. That's pretty much it. Nikki always messaged me and says, you don't have to reply.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

I always say no. Here's what's going on. No pressure to respond. Although you sent me a lovely text over the Easter weekend, and it was beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 11:40

That's right. I'll put that in my agenda to bring up at the appropriate time. No, that is the joke, don't joke. No, but I know that about you, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

But like also for team members who are newer or people who aren't super like on their phones and doing that, it adds that extra pressure and anxiety around it because like you want to be part of the team, but then if you're not joining in there when you get into the salon, is it like then one group and one group that are getting really involved? Um, but yeah, it definitely like can stir up a lot of anxiety around it. And I think depending on your dynamic with your salon owner as well, um, if you are getting those messages, you are stressed of like bringing up things like concerns or challenges or things you want to work through. If you're getting those kind of messages and again, you're not knowing how it's being said on the other end because of how it's been written out, um, it can be like quite overwhelming. And then if you're struggling with just say retail sales, but then you're getting these messages of like you're not doing these things, you're not gonna feel comfortable and in an environment where you're gonna feel supported to be able to bring up the things that you're struggling with. Um and I think it's just a mutual respect of time. Like we're really, really clear. Even sometimes I'll go to message either of you and I'll go to message it and try um telegram telegram. Yeah, you want to know this. Um, but then I'm like, oh no, it's something personal. I need to text them. And it just brings that awareness of like, okay, what I'm sending right now, what is the purpose of it? Is it something that can wait or is it something that's personal where you know I want to tell you that I love you or I care about you? But it gives it that beat.

SPEAKER_04 13:06

Yes, I've heard.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

But it does, it just gives it that beat as well to like have that moment to be like, okay, is this really does this need their time right now? Um, and you know, whenever I say I love you, it always needs the time. So absolutely agree.

Work Chats Versus Personal Chats

SPEAKER_02 13:19

To some of them. But you know what I think with this as well, it just takes out the confusion because when there is like our group chat, I'm thinking about our group chat, what we use actually I'm gonna our group chat with the three of us, it's all about work stuff. And as Ter said, if it's personal, it's personal, we go into text. Telegram is where we do our group chat through work stuff. Our team group chat is also through Telegram. What goes in that? Meeting notes. Every time we have a meeting, we put in the notes for anyone that isn't um there on the day, or for people who need to have a refresher. So we pop in our meeting notes. Literally, I will scribe out as Tay's running the meeting. As soon as that meeting is finished, I copy those notes, post them in there so that it's there for anyone that wants to go back on or isn't aware or blah, blah, blah, whatever the ringing the reason is. Um we've currently got uh Tay did a commitment um ceremony. Three commitments that the girls are working on. They all pop them in on Tuesday. Amazing. So that was for accountability during work time. Again, that was all done on the Tuesday whilst they were in salon. And then I think someone put it in on Wednesday morning again during salon hours. Outside of that, there might be like an invitation if one of our team's getting married at the moment. I know that her engagement and wedding invite went in there as well. She also gave them personal ones as well, but that was just in there as well. Photos, things like that that they want to share. Outside of that, the chat's pretty quiet, unless there's something where someone is on holiday and they want to share where they are on a beach or something like that. There is again.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

We didn't even pressure happy Easter because I always am like, well, though, I thought about it and then I was like, no, I don't want to make the team feel pressured to have to say happy Easter. And I'm like, no, no, we said happy Easter. We verbally said it on Thursday. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

And I also gave their um their little Easter gifts as well. Easter bunny came on Tuesday morning.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Yeah, so it's that I'm more conscious of that now. Whereas we used to be like, Happy Easter, and then I'd be like, okay, who's written back? Yeah. So-and-so's written back, good, they've seen it. Like that person's seen it and hasn't responded. Not me. Taya, again. Um, Telly, can we talk about your boundaries that you set for the team in terms of not having that relationship outside of the salon?

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah, absolutely. I think I've always not held back, but always had that boundary with team members of like not personal things go, like having that still personal relationships, but not outside of work. I think it can get really easy to blur lines, it can get confusing, it can get like I don't know, just I feel like it could get really messy. I've never been in that situation, but I was always scared of that. So I always was really clear, like we'll always be friendly, like if there's a birthday and everyone's going to, I'll definitely go. But I've for me, I'm always in that not work mindset, but like responsible. Like, don't get too, you know, have my moments where I get silly, but try not to get too silly and like really keep that clear.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Um, because it's harder as well if you do blur that, it's really hard to hold people accountable or absolutely fall the line or have those challenging conversations. Yeah. Which I've seen you really step up into and really, you know, having that awareness on the boundary of it, which has been amazing.

Stop Calling Your Team Family

SPEAKER_00 16:27

But if I'm partying with them every weekend, like, is anyone gonna take me seriously? Absolutely not. And as they shouldn't. Um, so for me, it's always been a really clear boundary of like this is there and this is there. And I think like even just touching on salon owners, you know, they don't want the shoulder taps, they don't want the messages, like this your team is the same. Like you want to respect the mutual respect between the two of you of, you know, this is when we talk and this is how we talk, and get really clear about what that looks like for everyone and create a space where everyone can have that talk, like space true talk.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

I feel like there's that that unhealthy attachment that so many salon owners have to their team, and I really fucking hate hearing the thing of like we're family, yeah, we're family. I'm like, mate, I work with my family, and you should see how we scrap when no one's around. And I don't want that. I want to be really clear that like Tess and I are literally family, and when we are in work mode, we have a professional hat on at all times.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

We also have the professional chat of just you're on my work chat, where it is literally that is literally called Nick and Tess work chats.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

So we have our own work chat and Telegram and we don't message each other in there outside of hours. We'll schedule a message if we need it to go out to the other one. We don't look up at it after five o'clock. And we know that if we were calling each other, if something monumental happened in our business but the other one didn't know, we will not talk about that unless it's like life-threatening betwe after the hours of five and before the hours of eight. It's like it's just a boundary that we have, and we've had to work really hard at that. Really hard. And sometimes we get it wrong, but we're getting so much better at it. But even for that mentality that Salon owners have of like, we're me and my team are family, like we're just so supportive, we're always there for each other, blah, blah. Yep, cool. But when something goes wrong, let me know how that family situation is going. You fuck up with your team, you're very quickly not family, let me tell you. And also the fact that when I think about family dynamics, I think of, you know, so many people can take their family for granted. So many people can, you know, be their worst version of themselves or their family. I don't want you in your family self. I want you as your professional version. And we have to get really clear on that because so many people, I think, they think as as salon owners, they think of their team as like their mates that are there for them that want to see what they're doing on a Saturday night. And they create this almost like this, what's the word? Like it's all it's almost like this dependency that my team are gonna give a shit about me and my team want to know all this stuff about my life. Then they probably don't. They're probably probably being polite, they're probably doing what they think that you want. Yeah, but at the end of the day, these people have a life outside of work, and for those two days a week where they're not in the salon, they should not be thinking like the one thing that we have in the hair industry, and this is why we're so passionate about team not having their own Instagram accounts. This is one industry where you should be able to lock the door and not think about a single thing with your work until you turn that key again, you know, three days later or two days later. It is an industry that you should be, you should have that. We have that privilege in this industry. Why are we making uh people more why are you making yourself more accessible to your team? Why are you making your team more accessible to you? Why are you making your team accessible to clients? Why are you making yourself accessible to clients outside of those hours? Because you are there to determine the boundary and to lay the boundary and the standard. And it's so important to respect other people's time. It's not paid work time. We we shouldn't be having any conversations that are outside of paid work time.

Clear Action Steps For Better Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Okay. So with that in mind, those people who are currently like, oh fuck, I'm hearing this and realizing that I'm having the chats all blurred and etc. What can we do? Let's do a tip or an action step. What do you think of that? Having that as a one thing that you would do differently if you're either hearing this and recognizing, oh, I think this is me. Or if you are wanting to switch things up, what would be your tip too?

SPEAKER_01 20:27

So, first, uh my tip is that you need to create a notes app in your phone that's called Things I Need to Talk to My Team About. And every time you go to message in that group chat, I want you to think, could this go in the notes app for me to talk to a team member at a more appropriate time to facilitate a meeting. And if you think, oh, but there's never a time where we're all together, you need to start having team meetings every fortnight. If you don't know how to do that, go and uh purchase our course, the conscious meetings. But you need to start facilitating regular team meetings. There is a breakdown in communication currently, and the group chat is not a place for you to have a grievance list, work on airing out dirty laundry, making strategy with your team. Your time to communicate with your team is in your team meetings. So open a fo a notes app and start jotting down every time you go to message in that group chat and no, this is going in the notes app, and I'm gonna talk to my team at the appropriate time. What's yours?

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Mine is find your um like your boundaries and relay them to the team and get really strict and like clear on what the boundaries are and what to everyone is like to be expected to do. Um so whether that's yeah, no like you know, no messaging out of this hour and that hour, or if you're especially if you're someone who's not in the salon all the time. So Nick and Tess are barely in the salon, but the girls know not to contact them. They know that if they need to, obviously some things you know kind of come out of there in terms of like personal things. As in if they want to tell them they love them. But um other than that, they come to me and then if I need to relay anything straight away, like a If we do, but if not, then it waits until I see them in their in our leadership meeting. So get really clear around what your boundaries are, what you're going to like set and set the standard for your team. Because if you're doing it, then everyone else is doing it and it can just like snowball.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

I love that. So communicate it really clearly as well. Love that. So open the notes up and set the things I'm gonna talk to the team about. Set the boundary and communicate it clearly so everyone is understanding it. My tip is going to be if you are someone that is like, I need to c I need to do this in this moment, if you're the reactive queen that is like, nope, this needs addressing now, type it out, do all the things, schedule it, schedule it for when they're gonna be at work. Schedule it for that time frame. So this is something for me, I'm not someone that can remember things you know in the moment or it's gone forever. Scheduling is something now that we can do. Text messages, I think I'm pretty sure you can do it on social media, like Telegram, I know you can. Scheduling messages is really easy to do. You can literally set the minute that you want it to be sent in. I'm always scheduling messages, especially to Tay, because when I'm prepping things for her, if I'm not gonna be in, I need to get that to her sometimes before I'm awake or before I'm like in my first hour or two of work. I'm not gonna be considering going, better go and send Taya that message now. So I schedule it so that she's gonna receive it when she's gonna be either at work or very close to being at work. And she knows that when she sees that scheduled message from me, that's this is what is ready for you for the day. So if you can't hold off, that's fine, write it out, do all the things, schedule it for an appropriate time. Then you're still sticking within your boundaries.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Stunning. This is gonna help a lot of people. And we just have to be conscious that this wouldn't happen in like a corporate world. Teachers aren't messaging in a group chat after hours, yeah. Like it's just not a good one. It's not a common thing. It's not a common thing, and we for some reason our industry that people-pleasing mentality of being like, I need the validation that my team's all good and we all love each other so much and we're family because I text them over the weekend, but that's a thing of the past now.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

One more bonus tip great turn your notifications off in those things. That's one of the biggest things I think we've done is like switching our like our um apps shut off all of our work apps at 5 p.m. every night, opal lockout. Can't override it, or you can, but it's like complicated, but like what an ibube. Yeah, it's like literally like a Rubik's Cube. 5 p.m. That shuts off. So we do not see anything outside of that until the next morning. And realistically, if it's like if people are like, oh, but you know, the cellar might burn down, blah blah, well they need to call the fire brigade first and then they can call you. But that will be a phone call. No one's gonna write in a group chat, hey. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Thank you guys so much for listening to another episode of the Conscious Helen podcast.

SPEAKER_02 24:57

Love you guys, stay conscious.