The Fairness Factor: Cracking the Unwritten Rules of Engagement

Fairness at work isn’t a feel-good bonus. It’s the invisible system that decides whether people bring you the truth, take smart risks, and stay long enough to build something meaningful, or whether they quietly check out and start scanning job boards. We dig into the uncomfortable reality that many workplaces look “fair” on paper while running on unwritten rules that leave people feeling ignored, singled out, or punished for speaking up.

I’m joined by Hanna Hasl-Kelchner (MBA, JD), award-winning author of Seeking Fairness at Work: Creating the New Code of Greater Employee Engagement, Retention, and Satisfaction. Hannah bridges law, business, and social psychology to explain why compliance isn’t the same as fairness and why culture work fails when leaders treat people like a transaction instead of honoring a social contract. We talk about the ripple effect of unfairness, including what happens when employees watch a coworker get treated poorly and immediately wonder, “Could I be next?”

You’ll hear practical guidance on the fairness factors that show up in everyday leadership communication: conflict avoidance that lets problems metastasize, accountability that feels like a threat instead of support, and the self-awareness it takes to run meetings where people feel respected and included. We also get concrete about ROI: how fairness speeds decisions, reduces friction, and improves retention, plus how incentive structures can reward managers for equitable leadership, not just raw metrics.

If you want a culture where people contribute at their full potential, press play, then subscribe, share this with a leader on your team, and leave a review. What’s one unwritten workplace rule you wish leaders would name out loud?

Transcript

Why Fairness Shapes Culture

Dr. Leah OH 0:01

Welcome to another episode of The Communicative Leader. I'm your host, Dr. Leah O. We often hear that life isn't fair, and for too long, we've allowed that sentiment to bleed into our organizational cultures. We check the boxes on DEI and we talk about engagement, but beneath the surface, there is often a hidden layer of unwritten rules, a social contract that when broken, it leads to disengagement, quiet quitting, and high turnover. Today's guest argues that fairness isn't just a moral idea, it's a strategic imperative and the foundation of all healthy workplace communication. Joining us is Hannah Hall Kelchner, an MBA, JD, and award-winning author of the new book, Seeking Fairness at Work Creating the New Code of Greater Employee Engagement, Retention, and Satisfaction. Hannah bridges the worlds of law, business, and social psychology to help leaders move past surface level fairness and actually address the toxic norms that drive people out the door. In today's episode, we're diving into fairness factors, five workplace norms that betray trust in how you can move from kind of this mechanical management to a culture of genuine accountability. Let's dive in and have some fun. Hello and welcome to the communicative leader, hosted by me, Dr. Leah O'Millian Hodges. My friends call me Dr. O. I'm a professor of communication and a leadership communication expert. On The Communicative Leader, we're working to make your work life what you want it to be. Hannah, thank you for joining us today on The Communicative Leader. I'm really excited to learn more about your work.

The Unwritten Rules People Feel

Dr. Leah OH 1:49

And one thing that I love that you do is you often compare workplace fairness to the way children ask, how do you play on the playground? So for the leader who thinks their workplace is already fair because they follow the law, what are they missing about unwritten rules?

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 2:04

Well, it's about more than just following the law, it's about the relationship. And there could be unwritten rules that people don't know about, which is why when I talk about, you know, children, it's it's funny that you mention that. They're very upfront about wanting to know, you know, how do you play? And if somebody doesn't give them the right information, you'll hear people say, cheater, really quick. And when they get really annoyed, they'll take the ball and go home. In the workplace, we can't be quite so blunt. Yep. We'll get a little get fired, but that doesn't mean we're not thinking it. Because deep down inside, we understand when we haven't been treated fairly. I mean, it it's it's very, very innate. And so it's those unwritten rules that really do define workplace culture. And it's it's more than just about the law, because ethics, for example, takes it to a whole nother level, and not everything that is unethical is illegal. And so there's a whole nother, another sphere that can be unfair.

Dr. Leah OH 3:04

Yeah, exactly. And you're right. I think people are really savvy, even if they're not aware of these rules, you know, the the unwritten ones, we recognize when we are getting less, or maybe we're getting more work than others, but we're pretty good at kind of keeping our eye and figuring out what we see as being equitable.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 3:22

Absolutely right. Absolutely right. And when we see someone being treated unfairly, even if it's not us, it, you know, our little antenna goes up and we're like, exactly why and could I be next? And can I trust you know, this relationship? And so it it has kind of a spiraling effect that people need to be aware of. Yeah.

Dr. Leah OH 3:41

Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. That was part of my dissertation work a million years ago. I study leader member relationships, but we I did an experiment. We're looking to see if we manipulated performance evaluations. And in some cases, we'd hear this peer, this fictional peer, did really well, but then we look at their performance evaluation from the shared leader and it it didn't match this output. And people spoke up. People were really, it was the same level of frustration if I saw that you were treating it unfairly as if I myself were being treated unfairly. Yeah. Recognition is is really one of those, it's a really big basket.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 4:21

Yeah. But it it falls into that unwritten rule category, you know, how people are recognized directly, indirectly. And it's not just what leaders say, it can be their body language, whether somebody is acknowledged when they walk in the room or walk down the hall, or whether they're just ignored. You know? So yeah, it's important.

Why Culture Fixes Fall Flat

Dr. Leah OH 4:40

And that leads us to this idea of engagement. And I know that we see trillions of dollars lost to disengagement globally on an annual basis. And Hannah, I'm wondering, you know, why do these traditional methods of improving behavior or these cult culture initiatives, why do they usually fail to address that core issue of fairness? Well, to put it bluntly, because they're half baked.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 5:02

Mm-hmm. To me, it it's an incomplete solution. It's like trying to bake a cake with two ingredients when you really need five. Okay. And so you're not going to get the result. And then, you know, the organization gets frustrated and like, oh, this doesn't work, and they just go back to the default. And nobody's happy. Uh and if anything, the employees are frustrated, like, yeah, they talk a good game, but they don't mean it, because you know the leadership is disconnected, as you said, from the employees and and what's really, really needed. And if I can boil it down, I'd say they need to stop treating it as a transaction and treat it more as a social contract. As these are people. Yeah. People have human needs. People have human needs. And when they're not met, then things are not as strong

Conflict Avoidance Breaks Trust

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 5:46

as they could be.

Dr. Leah OH 5:46

Exactly. Exactly. I want to learn more about the five betrayals. So I know your research identifies five common workplace norms that betray fairness. Yeah. So in your experience, what is one of these hidden norms that leaders unknowingly reinforce that damages relationships or or chemistry of teams? Well, I think there are two categories really.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 6:11

Most of it foil boils down into poor conflict management. People don't like conflict. And I understand it. It's awkward. If you have to confront somebody, oh my God, they may have an emotional break breakdown. Yeah. So they may cry, they may yell, they may scream. I mean, well, what do you do? And so people avoid it. And the thing is, when you avoid it, it gets worse because the underlying issue hasn't been addressed. It hasn't been resolved. And so it just creates more frustration and pushes people further apart instead of bringing them together. I think there's just never enough we can learn about how to manage conflict, how to recognize it before it metastasizes and becomes impossible. So I think that is uh is really important because the other issue that goes hand in hand with that is accountability. And it's not just something that should roll downhill, it also rolls uphill. Accountability is a two-way street to be able to say, hopefully, in a safe environment, you know, we we've got a problem. You're not giving me the support I need. You're, you know, talking down to me in front of my reports. So now I'm losing credibility. You know, you're you say one thing, then you do another. I mean, to be able to have those kind of difficult conversations in a

Self-Awareness Changes Meeting Energy

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 7:24

safe space.

Dr. Leah OH 7:24

Yeah, exactly. And that brings us to self-awareness. And I know that, Hannah, one of your pillars is rebuilding trust with more self-awareness. And I'm wondering from a communication perspective, how does a leader's lack of awareness, maybe it's about their own power dynamics, maybe it's about the way that they verbally communicate, as you mentioned before, maybe they are not good at acknowledging their team members when they come in. How does all of that lack of awareness end up impacting the environment in terms of fairness or unfairness from an employee perspective?

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 7:57

Well, I think awareness, there's different levels of awareness and self-awareness is certainly huge. And how people present themselves, you know, do they come across as bringing energy in the room that's warm and open? Or we're having a meeting, and this is the agenda, and boom, boom, boom, boom, we go down the list and I do all the talking. And that that creates a different type of energy in the room than folks, we got a problem. You know, here's what we know, here's what we don't know. What do you think, Dr. O? Yeah. Tell me what's your perspective. How does it look from where you sit? Because, you know, you in the organization in in the team responsibilities, you have a different perspective, and that's okay. And you can do that kind of joint problem solving. So lack of awareness, self-awareness, especially when it comes to meeting management. I mean, that could tell you huge things about an organization, really, can.

Accountability Without The Threat

Dr. Leah OH 8:47

Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're gonna go back to that accountability as a two-way street. And so they know that you talk about making genuine accountability as a cornerstone. I think for many organizations, many employees, they feel like accountability is kind of wheeled around like a threat. And so I'm wondering how can a leader communicate accountability in a way that feels culturally safe rather than punishment or a threat of punishment?

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 9:14

Well, as you mentioned, the idea of accountability is a two-way street. If you want a performance from your employees at a top level, then they need to have the right information. They need to have access to the right resources and a little insight into like the timeline and the the what's behind it all so that they can perform to the right level. And maybe you think you've told them X, Y, Z, but they don't know. And they're like, How am I supposed to know? It's not in the air. It's you know, I can't breathe it. And so sometimes just asking the question, how can I help you? What do you need for me to be successful? And see what the answer is. You know, and and if you want to get even more granular, say, Well, how did it go this week? What was your biggest challenge? Yeah. And this, you know, it takes the pressure off of you, but you might find a bottleneck about communication between departments or between somebody on the outside and and the inside that maybe you can help smooth over and facilitate it so that the next time things go better and they're like, Yeah, she has me, she has my back. Yeah, exactly. I can I can go to them for help, right?

Dr. Leah OH 10:19

So I think that would would assist that. I think so many people underestimate the power of asking questions.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 10:26

Yes, and they may be afraid to ask questions, especially if they're in a leadership position. Too often there's an assumption that they're supposed to have all the answers.

Dr. Leah OH 10:35

I still remember, I think it was my first master's class. We were just being obnoxious, brand new MA students and peppering this professor with questions. And then there was one point, and he had all these answers. And then someone's like, What if you don't, what if you don't know? He's like, I will tell you I don't know, and I will look it up for their next meeting. And it was just so simple and so profound, and it had never occurred to me that the professor might not have the answer, and it's just really stuck with me like decades later.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 11:08

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's a great way to handle it to say, you know, we don't know. This is what we know, this is what we don't know, and here's how we have to find out about it, you know. And if anybody else has ideas, just jump in. What's the quick way to do it? And AI is

The ROI Of Fairness For Leaders

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 11:22

not the answer.

Dr. Leah OH 11:22

Let's this this question in preparing made me think of being a child, and now, as I mentioned, I have littles. This life isn't fair. It isn't fair. That rebuttal. So when you encounter a skeptical executive, says I'm here to hit metrics. I don't, I'm not, it's not my job to make sure life feels fair. How do you articulate that tangible ROI of fairness in terms of dis decision velocity and retention to that skeptical leader?

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 11:50

Well, you know, they're absolutely right that life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean the workplace should be unfair, number one. Okay, and I can understand well, but it is, and that's the way it is. Yeah. But here's the leadership challenge. Leaders need to get work done through others. And the more that you can demonstrate fairness through various ways, the more you grease those wheels, the more you demonstrate unfairness, the more you so throw sand into those gears. So when it comes down to it, fairness is not charity. Fairness is smart business. It really is.

Dr. Leah OH 12:23

You get more done. I really like that that idea of leaders getting their work done through others. Because you're right. It's it really is the nature of the job. And that's why I think some have such a hard time with it. Well, it puts more on their back, you know?

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 12:38

Yeah, I mean, redoing somebody else's report, micromanaging. It's like, you know, with better delegation, you increase your sphere of influence and get more done.

Pause And Pivot When Heat Rises

Dr. Leah OH 12:49

So yeah. Let's say we have a titled leader listening and they realize in in a conversation, maybe it's in a meeting, you know, what is that kind of pause and pivot they can use to re-establish fairness in the moment if they realize things maybe are a little bit off kilter?

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 13:07

Well, that is a tough question and a very good one. I think a lot depends on the nature of the situation. Is it a conversation that's suddenly getting heated and each side is trying to be right? In which case a timeout would be appropriate. You know, let's rethink this, let's let's take some time for the temperature to come down and and revisit the conversation and the issues at a later date. And even if you want to go so far as to say, why don't you write down what you think the issue is and how to solve it? And I'll do the same. And then you can take the two writings and put them next to each other to see where the disconnect is. And and that does it in a little bit more of an objective way than to have voices escalate and get more heated and maybe start getting personal in a way that really damages the relationship. So a lot depends on on the situation. But um, you know, I think the worst case is when it gets kind of out of control.

Dr. Leah OH 14:00

Yes, yeah, exactly. So kind of knowing when to put the brakes on, hit pause and maybe reconvene. Yeah, exactly.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 14:07

At a at a better time, because sometimes the escalation is due to time pressure. I've got another meeting in 10 minutes, let's get this over with. That that kind of energy, which is just like, sure, pour gasoline on it. Let's see how fortunately you're like, Yep. Yeah. It's just a Monday. It's a Monday. But the thing is though, you know, think about how disrespectful that is to the other person saying you're not important, this isn't important, I don't care what you think, boom. And then the next time, are they gonna, you know, offer suggestions or you know, no, they're gonna shut down and wait for you to give them the answer because you have the answer, right?

Dr. Leah OH 14:46

Yeah.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 14:46

So if that's what you want, that's fine. But you're not getting the best out of your people that way. Yeah. They'll go someplace where their contribution is respected and rewarded.

Incentives That Reward Fair Managers

Dr. Leah OH 14:56

Yeah. I'm wondering, you know, we've we've talked about elements of your new book, but I'm wondering if there's some other things from the book that were either, you know, really surprising to you in the work or that has really struck you throughout that process.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 15:11

Well, I think you put your finger on it before when you talk about management awareness and, you know, the leaders that want to hit their metrics because that's what's rewarded. And I think that's it's legitimate, it's reasonable. But if they really want to improve the culture and elevate the performance of all their employees, because they spent a lot of time recruiting them, hiring them, training them. And if the job wasn't important, it wouldn't exist, right? So, you know, let's make the most of the talent that's on the payroll. Then my recommendation and kind of, you know, where all of this leads to is have the proper incentive structures, not just the metric of the sales. That's important, yes. But think about how the sales might increase or the innovation might increase if you had everybody pulling in the right direction in the same direction, creating incentive structures that motivate managers to be more equitable, be more fair, providing the necessary training so that they can be.

Dr. Leah OH 16:09

Yeah, yeah. And I love that because then we're living our values, not just posting them on a website and calling it a day. Yes, exactly.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 16:18

It's like here's what we say, here's what we do, and employers. The double standards and triple standards, depending on who you are. Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. Exactly. Absolutely.

Practical Advice For Leaders And Employees

Dr. Leah OH 16:29

Yeah. So, Hannah, my two final questions. The first part is for our titled leaders, our managers, our supervisors, directors, you know, what is the communication or leadership tip or challenge or piece of advice? And then the second question, the related question is what do you want to leave employees across all ranks in terms of that tip, challenge, or advice related to leadership or communication? My, my, that covers a lot of ground.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 16:56

My tip to leaders would be to take a deep breath and be curious. Ask questions of your employees, all kinds of questions, and at the same time, be as humble as you can because you might not like the answer. And if you don't, treat it as a learning opportunity and a growth opportunity, either to clarify, you know, why they have a particular reaction or to make an improvement. Because if they care, they'll tell you. It's when they sit back and they go, I don't know, everything's fine. I don't know, I don't know. I'm like, that's when you've got somebody who's just doesn't want to deal with conflict, who doesn't trust you and is is partially checked out. They may still be doing a great job, but you're not tapping into their full potential. And and that's a frustration. As far as employees across the board, yes, you may encounter situations that you feel are unfair where you don't think you've been treated right. And so my suggestion to that is talk to somebody whose opinion you trust. Have a sounding board. I think it's so important to have that that kind of third party either validation or reality check, you know, that says, you know, Hannah, you just I think you're overreacting. You know, maybe that's a one-off situation. On the other hand, if it's a pattern, if it's crossed a legal line, then maybe you want to consult a lawyer in your locale who specializes in that area, not the one who did your speeding ticket. Okay. And, you know, also stay true to your values because if you keep compromising them, eventually it not only affects your performance, because it's harder and harder and harder to keep doing the same job at that that high level when you feel that you've been treated unfairly. Yeah. When you haven't been recognized, when people are humiliating you and you know, you're still supposed to have that smile on your face and move forward. It affects your your self-esteem to the point where it's even tough to interview for another job when you feel so beat down. So don't let yourself get to that situation. Keep your resume updated. If you you feel that you've been treated unfairly, stay true to your values because it'll affect your health. So that's my suggestion.

Dr. Leah OH 19:05

Yeah, and it's so helpful when I was listening. Kind of humility under is like an undercurrent of both. And I like that you raise that up, especially with the leader, because you're right. Sometimes we ask questions, we don't get answers that we were hoping for or expecting. But as you said, to lean into humility, to be humble. Like you said, if someone isn't going to share this, there's there's cost with an employee speaking up and sharing things, particularly about their manager's style. Yeah. And then I think for our employees, too, when you talk about that trusted sounding board that sometimes we might hear maybe this reaction isn't necessarily as damaging as you anticipated. So I think that's so important. Good. Good. Very good. Well, Hannah, thank you for sharing your time with us. I am really excited to read your new book. I appreciate that the work that you're doing. And again, thanks for being a guest on The Communicative Leader.

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 20:00

Well, thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure chatting with

Closing Thoughts And Sendoff

Hanna Hasl-Kelchner 20:03

you.

Dr. Leah OH 20:03

All right, my friends, that wraps up our conversation today. Until next time, communicate with intention and lead with purpose. I'm looking forward to chatting with you again soon on the communicative leader.