128: The 1 RSVP Mistake Parents Make That Costs Birthday Hosts Hundreds

A simple birthday party question turned into a bigger conversation about boundaries, assumptions, and modern parenting etiquette.

What should you do when parents RSVP kids who weren’t invited?

In this episode, Jessica and Brandon talk through:

• Why this keeps happening
• The real cost of “just one extra kid”
• How to handle it as the host
• What respectful guests should actually do

Our stance is simple: ask, don’t assume.

If you’ve ever planned a party, felt taken advantage of, or weren’t sure what the “right” move is… this one’s for you.

Let us know how you handle it.

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Money, relationships, and the mindset to master both. Hosted by financial advisor Brandon and his wife Jessica, The Sugar Daddy Podcast breaks down how to build wealth, unpack old money beliefs, and have real conversations about love and finances. Their mission? To help couples and individuals grow rich in every sense of the word: emotionally, relationally and financially.

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Transcript

Setting The Birthday Dilemma

Jessica 0:00

In today's episode, we are going to talk about birthday etiquette. And we are in the process of planning our daughter's eighth birthday, and something came up, and I want to pose this question to Brandon. Um, we did this very recently about the beneficiaries and life insurance, and I kind of threw the question at him and it was super fun. We got a ton of engagement, lots of comments on social media. So I have another one for you, and that's what we're that's what we're doing today. So if you are a first-time listener, this is a little bit different than what we typically do. Uh, but we are excited that you're here. And if you are an OG, welcome back. I'm gonna toss Brandon a curveball and see what he says.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Sugar teddy podcast, yo. Learn how to make them pockets grow. Finance for freedoms where we go, smart investments, money flow.

Jessica 0:55

Are you ready?

Brandon 0:57

I guess it's ready as I'm gonna be.

The Venue Cost Reality

Jessica 0:59

Okay. All right. So, how would you handle parents, RSVPing siblings to a birthday party that they were not invited to? Especially parties where there is a headcount limit and additional costs per person above a certain amount of participants. So, babe, this is not like we're having a party at a park and everybody's welcome and we're just gonna have like snacks and cupcakes and like let the kids run wild. This is we are booking a party at a venue, there's a headcount, every person costs a certain amount of money, and then any person above that headcount costs another amount of money. How do you think people should handle like your, you know, like we are a two-child household. If like one of our children was invited to a party, would you automatically just RSVP the other child?

Brandon 1:53

No, I'm gonna approach like a wedding.

Jessica 1:55

Yeah.

Brandon 1:56

If you get a plus one and it says it on there, then okay, you can bring one more person. But if it doesn't say that, right.

Jessica 2:02

Like siblings welcome.

Brandon 2:03

Like no.

Jessica 2:04

All are welcome to join.

Ask, Don’t Assume Policy

Brandon 2:06

No, because like you said before, a lot of these uh birthdays, they might be at like a jump place or a trampoline place, whatever it may be. And there's when you purchase a package, you have a limit to how many people can be invited, and then each additional person is going to be more money out of your pocket. And these get you know can get expensive. They can get up to just for a kid's birthday party. Like five, you know, you might end up spending like you know$500.

Jessica 2:29

Oh, yeah, they're ridiculous.

Brandon 2:30

And then you start having to add more people on top of that. So you should never ever, and I'm telling you to all parents, never ever assume that if you have multiple kids, if they invited that one kid that they're in class with, your one kid that they're in class with, they're inviting that one kid. Now, you can ask if you could bring another sibling or whatever, but never assume. The way that I do it is like if our daughter is invited to a birthday party and it's a you know, at a place it'd be fun for our son to also go. I one, ask, hey, is it okay if we bring our other child with us? And then I also even follow up in the same message. I offer, I guess like I know there's a certain limit on most of these packages. I have no problem problems paying for my other child to come um separately out of you know, whatever you're doing.

Jessica 3:16

Right.

Brandon 3:17

I always do that.

Jessica 3:18

And we get it. Like there, I mean, we're at the stage now where typically we divide and conquer. I'm like, listen, if it is not our child and we are going to somebody else's birthday, one of us needs to be home running errands, folding, mopping the floor, something. Like we don't both need to be standing around at Suzy Q's. Unless it's the really, really close friend.

Brandon 3:39

And that's the really, really close friend.

Park Parties Versus Paid Venues

Jessica 3:41

But if it's like a classmate and we don't, mm-mm, then it's you know, one person goes, brings the child, and then yes, sometimes it is easier to just have both kids out of the house. We get that. And we've had um our son has had like three park parties in a row now. Like keeps wanting them, which is loves going to the park. So we like book it, you know, through our our uh little county website or whatever, and it's great. And on those invites, we always put siblings welcome.

Brandon 4:10

Yeah, because it doesn't cost anything extra.

Jessica 4:11

Exactly.

Brandon 4:12

We just want to make sure but also thing is too is making sure you have enough food and stuff like that.

Jessica 4:17

Yeah, goodie bags.

Brandon 4:19

Yeah, yeah.

Jessica 4:19

Like there was one time where I had the goodie bags for the people that which I hate goodie bags. If you've been if you've listened, if you've been with us uh for a minute, you know how I feel about goodie bags. I hate them. I also side note, I'm not doing them for this party, this upcoming party. I'm like, I'm just not doing it. You know what your goodie bag is? Is being here at this party.

Brandon 4:41

I mean, we all know as parents, at the end of the day, goodie bags are just a bunch of junk that ends up around the house and with the cleanup.

Jessica 4:46

Ugh, I hate it so much. Okay, so I'm not doing goodie bags, but there was a party where I was still doing goodie bags, and a parent ended up bringing, you know, people that were not RSVP'd. And I felt I shouldn't have felt bad because you brought people that I did not know were going to be here. But you do feel bad because you want to be accommodating, you want to have enough of everything.

Brandon 5:08

You feel bad. I don't feel bad.

Jessica 5:10

Well correct. Welcome to the Justin Brandon show where I feel bad and he doesn't care.

Goodie Bags And Headcount Stress

Brandon 5:18

But yeah, so but just man, just use some common sense. Like because the thing is too, is that like the venue matters. Yes, the venue matters. Like, also just ask.

Jessica 5:28

Ask and don't assume. And I would even, yeah, I would go the the extra step and I would say, you know, is it okay if we bring a sibling? And some people have two or three siblings. Yeah, because the thing is two, isn't it?

Brandon 5:41

With the most of like, you know, our um our kids' classmates, I don't know their families.

Jessica 5:47

No.

Brandon 5:47

So I have no idea how many kids these people have.

Jessica 5:50

Right. And so you start RSVPing people that were not invited, and especially like this upcoming party we have, it is$39 a head, which is a lot of money. So somebody, if we had 10 people bring a sibling each, you're looking at an additional$400.

unknown 6:07

Yeah.

Jessica 6:08

That is a crap ton of money for people that I don't even know your name. Absolutely not. But we want to hear how you would handle it. Do you put it on the invite? Do you assume that people are going to maybe act like you would? I think that's my problem, right? I assume that people will act like me. And then when they don't, I'm angry because I'm like, why would you not be like me?

Brandon 6:32

That's the difference between you and me. I don't know. I I I expect bare minimum from anyone.

Logistics, Attendants, And Billing

Jessica 6:36

You do, you do. But that's the I mean, I I kind of have that problem consistently where I'm like, I assume people will operate like I would in the situation, which is I would always ask, I would always offer to pay to bring my additional child. I would never just show up with extra people, et cetera, et cetera. But what do you guys do? Do you put it on the invite? Do you ask? Do you offer to pay? Like, how are you handling it? And what would you say to the parents who are assuming and just bringing extra kids or RSVPing extra kids, especially to parties where we know that there's a headcount cost?

Brandon 7:14

You're nice to see, like I was obviously we know from all the conversations, Jess is the planner when it comes to this aspect of our life, and she handles 99.9999% of all this stuff. So she's the one responding. I would be like, um, your other kid is not invited. If we have other people that don't come and it, you know, we have like say we bought a package for 10 and only eight are coming, then okay, I'll let you know last minute that this person can come. Right. Your other kid, they can come, but you gotta pay for them. I would just tell them, like, we have a certain number allotted. I don't know, I don't know your other kid.

Jessica 7:50

Well, you know, and then here's the other kind of uh little caveat there is that most of these parties, you have like a little party attendant who's like a high schooler. And so how do you then differentiate? Because I feel like we got got once before on this, but how do you then differentiate between the kids who are there that were paid for separately versus the kids that are there that are part of the party? And then you have these little party attendants that are like, oh, but I saw that there was 15 kids, and then five of them were already paid for separately. So you know what? That's another added thing that I now have to manage, which is like, no, no, five of these kids were at the party, but they were paid for separately. They are not part of my package. So again, look at the bill and see what are you charging me for? Because I already put down a deposit. I paid for this package for this many kids. I know that the parents paid for these kids, like it's a whole logistical thing. It's just, oh my gosh.

Selective Invites And Group Dynamics

Brandon 8:48

Also, the thing is, too, is that like we're at a point now where you know our kids are getting a little bit older and they're able to we're we are no longer inviting the whole class. Yes, that's where I was gonna ready to go. I know. We are not the family that's inviting the whole class. Now, I we're also very much the family that's not like you need to be friends with everyone because not everyone deserves your friendship because some kids don't act right. And so, you know, if you're inviting, you know, my my say like our daughter with her birthday, she invited this kid, this kid that she interacts with. Your other kid, I don't I don't know who they are. And they might be a terror.

Jessica 9:18

Yeah, maybe.

Brandon 9:19

And they might just mess up this whole flow. Because then also, too, is that like I don't I you know me, I will be quick to say, like, you need to get your kid in check.

Jessica 9:26

Yeah. Well, so in this particular scenario, okay, now I feel like I'm outing the situation. In this particular scenario, our daughter only invited girls to her party. So again, because we're no longer in kindergarten, right? Where we're in daycare, where it's like, well, we'll send an invite to everybody and like this is a nice way to meet the parents. And like, no, we know who our daughter's friends are. We very clearly asked her, who do you want to invite? She needs to give us a list of names. And the sibling that was RSVP'd for is a boy. Yeah. So I don't know who he is, I don't know how old he is, and I know that he's not a girl. So, like, you know, and I I get it. Like, we childcare, you know, and like dividing and conquering the weekends. Like, it's the whole thing. We get it.

Brandon 10:16

Yeah, it's just asked.

Clear Rules And Rising Costs

Jessica 10:17

Don't assume. Ask, don't assume. That is our stance, as ask, don't assume. That should be everybody's stance. And then preferably offer to pay.

Brandon 10:24

That should be everybody's stance. Like, stop assuming stuff. Especially everything's the economy we're living in, everything's costing more. Price of everything is going up.

Jessica 10:33

Yeah.

Brandon 10:34

We're all feeling it in some aspects. So just ask.

Jessica 10:37

Yeah. It's so true.

Brandon 10:38

Like I said, at the end of the day, like, if you really want your kid there, and um because of a child coverage issue or whatever.

Jessica 10:46

Yeah, I I think that's I think that's fair. But we want to hear from you. How do you handle it? What would you do? Have you ever just showed up with your extra kids and expected them to also be covered? Like we want to hear from you. So drop a comment, send us a DM. Um, you know, we just want to hear like what is the standard and are we going about it the right way or are we assuming too much?

Brandon 11:08

So I'm all open to hearing comments, but you know where my mind's made up.

Jessica 11:13

We said what we said.

Brandon 11:15

Yeah.

Community Feedback And Closing

Jessica 11:15

Yeah. All right. Thanks for tuning in. Uh, we can't wait to hear from you. Let us know what you think, and we'll talk to you next week. Don't forget, Benjamin Franklin said, an investment in knowledge pays the best interest. You just got paid. Until next time.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Sugar Daddy Podcast go. Learn how to make the pockets grow. Finance of freedom where we go. Smart investments, money flow.

Jessica 11:40

Thanks for listening to today's episode. We are so glad to have you as part of our Sugar Daddy community. If you learned something today, please remember to subscribe, rate, review, and share this episode with your friends, family, and extended network. Don't forget to connect with us on social media at the Sugar Daddy Podcast. You can also email us your questions you want us to answer for our past the sugar segments at thesugardaddypodcast at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail through our Instagram.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

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