Podcast 63: The Queen Years: Perimenopause | Continued Conversation with Jennifer Ragonese

With guest Jen Ragonese, we name the whack-a-mole of symptoms, talk frankly about desire and dryness, and share what helps in the messy middle—movement, herbal supports, and finding a clinician who listens.

Watch and share your questions or what’s helped you.

Minerva Educational and Wellness
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Transcript

Betty: Welcome to Two Crones and a Microphone. I’m Betty.

Sally: I’m Sally.

Jen: I’m Jen.

Sally: In case you’re wondering what we’re up to today, we’re talking about perimenopause and post-menopause. We even brought our little helpers—fans. I’ve got a small electric fan on my desk.

Betty: There’s so much you can do with a fan. I love it.

Jen: I’ve got mine—bling and all. I can’t remember where I got it, but it works.

Sally: Many of you will remember our friend Jen Ragonese (reading interventionist in the Newark Public Schools), who joined us earlier to talk about teaching and her spiritual journey. She’s back to discuss a topic many still consider taboo. We want to bring this journey—perimenopause and menopause—into the light. Jen, where should we start?

Jen: First, thank you for having me back. I like talking about “taboo” things because this needs to be in the open. The other day I walked past our community pool and overheard two women talking about sleeplessness and mood swings. I said, “I hear you,” and we all laughed in recognition. Why aren’t we talking about something that happens to half the population?

I’m turning 50 in June—my “queen years.” To me, that means knowing my worth, setting healthy boundaries, and using my power for good. I finally felt centered and confident at work—like, “I’ve got this”—and then, boom: perimenopause. It rocked my world and shook everything up. That’s why I’m eager to talk about it.

Betty: My menopause days are over, but let me warn you: the occasional hot flash still appears out of nowhere. In my day, there was no such thing as “perimenopause.” You were in menopause or you weren’t—based on whether you’d stopped bleeding. And we didn’t talk about it, not even with our doctors. Most gynecologists were men and had no clue. Mine once told me to “eat more yogurt.” I said, “Pedro, that’s not going to do it.” Eventually bioidentical hormones came on the market and were a lifesaver for me.

Sally: Things have changed, but not evenly.

Jen: Exactly. At my recent visit, my new gynecologist listened, handed me a six-page brochure, and said, “Menopause is the one-year mark after your last period.” I left thinking, “I already knew this.” It didn’t help. I’m sure there are excellent practitioners out there, but it feels like we’re still on the edge of progress.

Sally: Let’s define terms. What is perimenopause? What is menopause?

Jen: Perimenopause is the transition—anywhere from a year to even ten years—when cycles become irregular and symptoms can come and go: sleeplessness, hot flashes, brain fog, weight gain around the middle, bloating, forgetfulness. For me it’s been like whack-a-mole: hot flashes two years ago, then gone; then insomnia, then gone; then compulsively re-checking the oven. One symptom settles and another pops up.

Sally: Another under-discussed symptom is loss of sexual desire. As estrogen drops and other hormones shift, libido can change, and many people don’t connect that to perimenopause or menopause.

Jen: I’m glad you said that. Sex is still a taboo topic, and experiences vary widely—including for those of us with women partners. How do you communicate? How do you stay connected? There shouldn’t be an age limit on sexual expression.

Sally: And there are physical changes—thinning of the vaginal wall, dryness—that can make sex uncomfortable even if desire is there. We rarely talk about this openly, even among women.

Betty: I went through that. My testosterone tanked. It felt like a switch flipped—desire was just gone. My husband understood because he worked with all women and saw the mood swings and hot flashes up close. Having a partner who listens matters.

Sally: And for the record, men have their own midlife hormonal shifts, too. Not our topic today, but it’s real.

Sally: Back to perimenopause: what about when you’ve gone six months or a year without a period and then it returns?

Jen: That’s perimenopause. Two years ago I remember saying, “It’s been 87 days.” I used to complain about my period, but it provided a rhythm and a monthly release. Now I feel the buildup without the release—bloating, weight gain, brain fog, hot flashes, sleeplessness. I really notice the absence of that cyclical reset.

Sally: There can be grief in that. You’re facing change—your body works differently; fertility is ending. Even if you don’t want children, your sense of yourself can shift. For some, perimenopause is brief and mild; others have a harder road. It depends a lot on your baseline hormonal balance.

Jen: I’m still in the middle. It’s hard not knowing when “the day” will arrive—that one-year mark of no bleeding. It’s up to Mother Nature.

Sally: In the teachings we’ve learned from Oh’ Shinnah, after a year without bleeding you can choose to have a croning ceremony. Medically, that’s the definition of menopause; ritually, it can mark becoming a Crone.

Jen: I love that. I’ve been thinking of myself entering my “queen” era—however long it lasts.

Betty: I struggled emotionally when my periods ended. I didn’t enjoy them, but their absence made me feel older. The brain fog was intense. I told a friend, “I feel like I’m becoming another person.” And she said, “You are.” If you gather up what you’ve learned and move forward, you step into a new kind of power—clarity about what you want, confidence, and a healthy dose of the “we-do-not-care” club. It’s a different place of strength.

Sally: Hormones are another maze. Jen, you’ve gotten different answers from different physicians.

Jen: I’m still sorting it out. I had a thrombophilia (a clotting issue) during pregnancy; whether I can use combined birth control or estrogen depends on the type, because of blood-clot risk. Nothing is moving quickly. In the meantime, I’m going back to basics: prayer, meditation, and exercise. I can’t fully control weight changes, but moving my body helps me feel better. I’m paying attention to nutrition and doing what I can to stay centered.

Betty: I tried lots of herbal teas—oatstraw, motherwort. They didn’t help me, which is what pushed me to bioidentical hormones. What’s tricky is that advice changes. What was recommended 20 years ago may not be advised now.

Sally: Finding a provider you trust is key. You can read books and handouts, but recommendations can conflict. Herbs and supplements might help, but bodies are individual. What works for one may not for another.

Jen: For me, ginkgo biloba has helped mood and focus—but consistency matters with herbs and supplements.

Betty: And if your physician isn’t listening or helping, find another. Don’t be afraid to switch.

Jen: Yes—and the more we talk openly, the more this becomes part of our shared consciousness and everyday conversation.

Sally: Decades ago the message was, “Suck it up; every woman goes through it.” At least we’re moving beyond that.

Jen: Women’s health hasn’t always been prioritized. There’s less research on perimenopause and menopause than on many other conditions. In some ways we’re pioneers. Maybe in twenty years it’ll be common café talk for my daughters’ generation.

Sally: I hope so. It’s powerful to honor the body’s cycles—whether birthing a child or birthing ideas. Bringing this into the open is a way of honoring it.

Jen: And asking each other: What are you letting go of? How do you move through, without that monthly release? For me it felt like a joke at first—I finally found my purpose, and then: sleepless nights and forgetting my point in a work meeting. But talking helps.

Sally: We’d love to hear from listeners. You can reach us on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube. Share questions, comments, or what’s helped you—herbs, practices, providers. Community and communication are how we move through this together; humor helps, too.

Sally: I’ll add a short note in our newsletter on evidence-supported herbal and supplemental options for managing common symptoms. Always consult your provider.

Jen: And remember, what helps one person may not help another. Find what supports you, and keep going.

Betty: Thank you for joining us, and thank you, Jen, for bringing this out of the shadows. We have more topics ahead—from first periods to last periods, and stories around fertility and birth. If you have a story to share, please reach out.

Sally: Stay tuned for those herbal tips, and as always, consult your provider.

Betty: Move forward.

Sally: If Linda were here, she’d say, “Go find your glimmer.”

Jen: Thank you again. Keep going on your journey.

Sally: As always, may you walk this path in beauty.

All: Kaydeeshday.