The Summit Podcast
Welcome to the Summit Podcast with your host Clifton Ross Jr. If you know what the valley feels like, now it’s time to rise to the summit. Get focus, live free, Love Jesus!
The Summit Podcast
The Bonus Dad: Rewriting Fatherhood After Loss with Lev Hunter
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When father wounds become the defining narrative of our lives, we risk missing the redemptive story God wants to write. In this soul-stirring conversation, host Clifton Ross Jr. welcomes LV Hunter for a raw exploration of healing from paternal abandonment and discovering purpose beyond pain.
Both men share the devastating impact of losing their fathers at age ten—Clifton's to addiction and LV's to suicide after enduring physical abuse. Their parallel journeys create a powerful foundation for understanding how childhood trauma shapes adulthood. Yet rather than remaining trapped in these narratives, they reveal how surrender to God's plan unlocked unexpected blessings.
LV's journey to becoming a "bonus dad" stands as a testament to divine restoration. Through tears, he describes the healing that comes from creating moments with his bonus son that he never experienced with his own father. "I'm not here to replace your dad," he explains with tender conviction, "I'm just here to pick up where he left off." This redefinition of fatherhood challenges listeners to see beyond biology into the spiritual inheritance we're called to steward.
The conversation takes a profound turn when addressing how wounds shape identity. "The only wounds worth bragging about are Christ's," LV boldly declares, challenging the modern tendency to build brands around personal traumas. This counter-cultural perspective invites listeners to redirect attention from self-focused healing to Christ-centered purpose.
Whether you're healing from father wounds, stepping into a blended family, rebuilding after divorce, or simply seeking to live with more purpose, this conversation offers transformative wisdom for breaking rigid thinking patterns and embracing God's redemptive detours.
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Introduction to the Summit Podcast
Speaker 1Hello, hello, hello, how you doing. This is Clifton Ross Jr, aka Just Clifton, and welcome to the Summit Podcast. I am so excited for you to be here on today. This discussion that I'm about to have today is going to be impactful and powerful. I got my friend, my brother, that's going to come on and he's going to share with us in just a second, but I wanted to let you know that we in this series it's called infrastructure, having a foundation for a strong purpose, and man, I'm telling you, all the conversations I've been having on this series has been so powerful and so impactful. So I can't wait for you to hear my brother. I'm about to bring him on now and we're going to get this party started, so I got my brother here. Lv, how you doing what up, what's up?
Speaker 2what up, man? How are you?
Speaker 1I am great man. I am so excited to have you all. We've been trying to plan this for a few weeks now. I'm so glad man it's been. It's been crazy man, it's just between work, family. You know drill man, I'm excited to have you on man, just introduce yourself. Tell the people about you a little bit.
Speaker 2Man. I can't talk so much about me, I think, but I guess in a snapshot, a lover of people a little congested today. So please excuse me if y'all see me blow my nose. I'm so sorry. I know that'd probably be disgusting, but your boy deal with allergies and whatnot. So I'm human. I love God, love God's people, man, I love all things brotherhood, manhood, marketing, family. I'm just a lover of all the things, things that I don't know, I don't know, and things that I do know I try to share. So they're from Flint, michigan, but now residing in Dallas, texas, wow, and looking to hopefully reside in South Florida pretty soon. So we're just out here. It's a lot going on. This whole podcast would take just what happened in the past 30 days, but, with that being said, we can just jump straight in.
Speaker 1Yes, sir, yes sir, I'm so excited to have you on man. We met through BCI, black Christian Influencer, and it just kind of grew from there. Also, too. What was awesome is that during the know, during the pandemic, you know, clubhouse was, it was a top, top of the charts back then and we did it yes.
Father Wounds and Childhood Trauma
Speaker 1Yeah, the one in particular that I think was super impactful when we talked about overcoming father wounds. So I definitely want to kind of touch on those different subjects that we talked to that Cause that was a powerful room man, the move of God. I think people got delivered from things and, knowing that conversation, it was just so amazing, just uh, how God moved in that room man. So you know, just talk about a little bit about that. Let's start with your background and then get into like kind of like that conversation, where that conversation developed from for sure, for sure.
Speaker 2So most, most people who know personal story is and I always kind of start here that two weeks before my 10th birthday, my father ended up ending his life and, due to that, growing up without a dad. Not only was it just a stereotypical story, like dang, I didn't have a dad, my biological father in my life, my mom never remarried, so growing up didn't necessarily have a father figure in the house. However, you know, growing up didn't necessarily have a father figure in the house. However, I was truly blessed to have different men at different points of my life pour in, but to really dig with father wounds and talking about fatherhood and brotherhood and manhood before my father passed away.
Speaker 2My father was physically abusive. So not only did he leave prematurely in an abrupt and sometimes awkward way of talking about it, you know, my father was just abusive. I didn't know this, cliff, until even this is after our conversations on Clubhouse. I found out after I moved to Dallas a couple years ago that the reason why my father was physically abusive to me was because he didn't think I was his, which biologically I am, and you know that the reason why my father was physically abusive to me because he didn't think I was his, which biologically I am.
Speaker 2So he comes home from prison, doesn't think I'm his, mistreats me and the family and my mom is like, nah, you're not going to do this to my kid, so either you get it together, you got to go. So subsequently he left About a year and a half later he ended up taking his go. So subsequently he left. About a year and a half later he ended up taking his life. So growing up with father wounds was a real thing and it is a real thing for a lot of people, and some people have you know my story versus your story.
Speaker 2Who got the most wounds? We can play that game, but at the end of the day, there are people out here. Sometimes even when their father is in the house in present, they still produce father wounds. So I'm someone who, I believe, has overcome it and I have the unique, blessed opportunity to be a bonus dad and one day be a father, have a biological child. But I have the blessing of being a bonus dad and it's so amazing. It allows me to live out God's redemption in a great way.
Speaker 1Man, I'm telling you, Like I said, that's one of the ways that connected us. My dad passed away when I was 10 years old. It was basically because of addiction. I definitely can understand, and it was like one of those things where, for me is I talk about this in a book that I'm writing is that he has, so he has a gift that could have changed the world, but he ended up going to great with it because he did not know how to deal with his own personal addiction.
Speaker 1Yes, and that's one of those things that's so powerful and I think that's, uh, one of the things I want to really get into, because me, being a father of two boys myself, two young Kings myself, my actually, my son turns 13 very soon. I got a four year old son as well, and it's like one of those things where, yes, man, it's just one of those things where it's just mind-boggles me. You know how you know that feeling of unworthiness, right, like you deal with that, and it's kind of one of those things that you just and I look at my sons and I'm like I can never live my life without you. And I know you said you're a bonus dad, but I see, like just the way that you operate with your, with your uh, with your, your child and your wife, and it's like one of those things that I want you to kind of hit on. How did that develop? How did you kind of overcome, I guess, those feeling of kind of like abandonment or rejection, dealing with your situation now?
Speaker 2man, you know it's crazy. Like early on, what was what really like put me in a weird way and I'm just going to be very raw here because it's real right.
Speaker 2So I'm able to, and was able to, do things with my bonus son, which is my son, that's my guy that I never was able to do with my dad. And let me tell you what I mean by this I never threw a football with my father. Wow, my son, right now, if I'm like yo, you want to throw the football, we're running out the door together. There's just simple things, simple things, and it started to really bother me. I didn't know how to handle it, and sometimes I still don't know how to handle it. How do you do things with your children that you never had or was never able to do with your father? But the beauty in it God uses those opportunities to bring healing.
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2He don't see me coming in the house, going to the bathroom crying. He think I'm in there washing my hands from throwing a football. I'm in there wiping my face because I'm like I never got to do this. I never had the opportunity to do this with him. I never like. Everything that I do with him is a first for he and I number one but it's a first for me solely. And then it's a first for him because his father passed away.
Speaker 2You see how good God is, god. He lost his dad at a young age and God brings me into the fold. So now my wife was a widow. I come as a divorcee, but I get to be a bonus dad and God just knows how to paint a story. God knows how to tell a story, write a story that you can't replicate on your own, and I get to be the bonus dad to a beautiful son. This dude is super smart, I tell him now, when I was coming into school and even when my dad was alive, I think me and my siblings were naturally smart people. We were just naturally good from an academic perspective. If we showed up, we just put our name on a test we'll get an.
Speaker 1A.
Speaker 2This dude is way smarter than me, way smarter, but I get to pour into him. So when you talk about showing up for my wife and for my son, I get to be that for him that he would not have had and what I didn't have, and I get to cultivate something that I never had. I never saw my mom and dad show signs of affection.
Speaker 2But I get to do that with my wife in front of my son and say, look, this is okay, I get to do all that, so I get to write this story. And I have to be very careful too, because I'm not saying I'm the perfect bonus, dad, trust me. I'm still learning and still getting to learn him and showing up in a way to where he said, where he knows, and I'll and I'll end here where I'm not here to replace your dad, I'm just here to pick up where he left off. Wow, that's it that's it.
Speaker 1That's great, that's great and that's that's powerful. Like you said, god, he's the ultimate artist know how to write a story. He knows how to paint the picture Right, and it is amazing how you know the situation that could have been very destructive Right, it turned into a beautiful thing and just how you are learning and navigating, and you even said something so important to that. I'm not perfect, I'm not perfect, perfect, right, and I think that's a powerful people for people to understand too, because we're not like one of the things. When my, my oldest son was born, it was the most scariest thing for me. Like it's like. It's like bro, I have this young man that's going to look to me and I don't even know.
Speaker 2Right.
Becoming a Bonus Dad
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying. It's like I wasn't even taught, I didn't have these opportunities right, and it's like where do you pull this from? So I guess, leading up to this moment, were there any mentors, anybody that's in your life, that kind of you like huh, okay, I can take that, I can pull that, I can pull from this person to be able to help you with this process.
Speaker 2For sure, For sure, I think for me it's my spiritual dad, where you know he was a bonus dad as well. You know he didn't have the greatest relationship with his father. He and I have very similar attractions. It's so funny. Sometimes when we parallel our lives, I feel like I'm more like his son, or I am his biological son, like his own son. We both work at radio.
Speaker 2Just a lot of parallels. I get to call him. I get to glean from him from watching him as a bonus dad. I get to just him. I get to glean from him from watching him as a bonus dad. I get to just sit back and say, OK, man, you don't know everything, Pull it back, Learn, then engage. So I get to learn fatherhood from spending so much time up close with him and if I need any help I reach out. I've been really blessed throughout my life after my father passed to have different men come along for different reasons and different seasons, so it's never really been outside of my family. You know my spiritual dad, Pastor Ken Friesen Jr. Outside of him, like everybody else, was seasonal and he's been lifetime Right. So I'm able to pull a man from all men Men in church, my current apostle, different pastors, different men, my age or younger. I'm always asking questions like how do you do this, how do you handle this?
Speaker 2My son loves video games. How do you help them take a break, take a two-hour break and then play two hours? It's always a learning thing. I'm always asking questions. Man, I don't ever want to think I arrive. I don't think I ever will.
Speaker 1Wow, wow. I think that's significant. I think people underestimate the seasonal people. Right, I can look back as you're speaking. I had some seasonal people. Right, because I can look back as you're speaking. I had some seasonal people. Some have passed away because they got old age and different things of that nature. Some were literally just seasonal people in my life and how impactful. I can remember one person in particular during my teenage years. Like I said, my dad passed when I was 10. During my teenage years, he literally helped me get through my first three years of marriage. I got married at 18 years old. No, he literally helped me through my first three years.
Speaker 1I remember the first year when my ex-wife because I'm now divorced, but my ex-wife she was in the hospital and she was literally total kidney failure in the hospital and he calls me out the blue.
Speaker 1This is a man that always knew the right time to call me. We didn't talk every day, but he knew the right time to call me. He calls me out the blue. I'm literally in tears before he even gets on the phone and he's like you're the priest of your home. That's literally what he says as soon as his phone clicks on and I'm like what? What do you mean? He was like what's going on? You're the priest of your home. And I told him what's going on, he was like, yeah, you need to speak your wife's name, you need to speak healing to your wife's name. And I remember going to sleep because another mentor of mine, he gave me a bunch of scriptures and what I end up doing is inserting her names into those healing scriptures and the next morning the next morning I'm telling you she had complete kidney failure and her kidneys came back to life the next day.
Speaker 2So, literally.
Speaker 1I agree with that. That relationship, that relationship was so pivotal to get me through that moment and I don't take those for granted. Sometimes we take for granted those seasonal relationships. Even then they're just as powerful as the long-term relationships as well.
Speaker 2Oh for sure, for sure. I think I was fortunate to have have this long-term relationship, uh, but the seasonal people really poured into me and still pour into me, and it was like it was for a season and for a time Right. And I think for people like us who have this unique experience, you need those seasonal people for that moment Right, and it doesn't take away them, it doesn't take away their impact. It was the stair step or it was the brick that was laid to get you to that permanent person.
Speaker 2If you ever get one right. Not everybody gets one. So I definitely, you know, thankful for all the men who poured into me, all the men who told me, man, you tripping, you know, saying like boy, you better get it together or the ones who wouldn't let me fail Right. So I'm super grateful, man. Now I get to, like I said, I get to pour into a young man who wants to hear from me. You know what I'm saying. I'm so blessed with my son, like this dude loves me, like literally in an arm's reach. Just the other day he wrote me this note. I don't know if you can see it, you know what I mean. He left this note for me because I overslept so I didn't take him to school. So if I don't take him to school and he doesn't get to say bye, he writes me a note each and every day. So it's like you know come on, man, how many kids doing that, they running out the house, they're like I see you when I see you, you know what I'm saying when my kid be.
Speaker 1That's powerful. That's powerful man that's powerful.
Speaker 1So I think one of the main things that I want to kind of get into, like, what do you think is one of the most impactful things, that kind of cause. Obviously, going through having these father wounds, you go through a period of darkness, yes, you go through a period of like not understanding yourself. What do you say was the most pivotal point in your life? Cause it's always that turning point that it's going to turn you towards your purpose or towards your destiny, cause I feel like it takes a special anointing to be a bonus father. It takes a special anointing to be into an environment where you're taking care of kids that are not technically, biologically, yours Right, and you're in them at a high regard and a high level. So I think it's what do you think was that pivotal moment? Because it was something that God did in your life that was able to gear you towards this purpose life that you're living now.
Speaker 2Man. I think it was a series of things, but if I could really speak to it from an authentic place. For me, there was a time where I said I'll never date a woman who had children. You know what I'm saying? I never. And it wasn't until God had to massage my heart. God had to work on me. I think that was the pivotal moment. I think the pivotal moment for me was my divorce from my first marriage. Right, it was me saying, okay, something has to be different this time around. And for me, what was different was like I got to get out of my own way. If I'm telling myself that I would date a woman who have kids, I could potentially be missing out on the greatest blessing ever. Then once.
The True Meaning of Providing
Speaker 2I opened myself up, I started getting prophetic words. God started saying, hey, you will marry again and they will have a son. I'm like what? Okay, I surrender. Long story short, how I met my now wife and have my bonus son. I received the prophetic word at least one time every week for over a year. That's 52 weeks, 52 prophetic words encouraging me. And it wasn't until I attended the BCI retreat singles retreat. Right before that, my mentor says hey, you're going. The woman of God that God has for you she'll have a son and he'll be between the age of six to eight. Don't worry, he's going to connect you really, really well. You're going to have a great relationship. I see you talking to him about money when he's 13,. So he's nine now. When we met Valentine's Day weekend, which would have been three years ago, he was five, and then his birthday was three days after Valentine's Day and he turned six.
Speaker 2Stop it, bro, when I say it's not one particular pivotal moment. I guess the moment was me opening up and being open to what god wanted me to have, or what god had planned for me, instead of me saying, oh, she can't hack you, like, what, like? That's like going back on it, that's dumb and I would say this to somebody right now that's what you're thinking. You're dumb and I'm bold and brave enough to tell you that, because not only are you dumb for the moment, because you can. You can turn this dumbness off, you can change. I did you get to be a parent to somebody else, like I? Still, to this day, have to earn the right to be his bonus dad? Just because we're married, I don't mean I'm walking in and I'm the big bad boss. No, I still have to work all the time at becoming his bonus dad.
Speaker 2So when you say a pivotal moment, it was when I just started letting God be God and I started getting out of the way. I put pride and ego aside and said I want to love again. I want to love for real. I want a family. I told someone recently. I said man, I used to always tell God when I was a young boy. I said I would rather have a family than a billion dollars. Listen, I'm rich. I'm rich. Beautiful wife, beautiful son, man, our life is beautiful. God is blessing us in the midst of challenges.
Speaker 1So one moment I just stopped being rigid, that that that was that moment man, you got me uh doing some self-reflecting because you know uh one thing, I guess I want to get into this too, because you uh were divorced and everything like that, yeah, and my divorce did for me. It did make me more rigid and it was like OK. At first it was like OK, I'm going to get everything I want. I'm going to get this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. If it ain't that, it ain't happening, type of thing.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1Up a little bit more, but I still feel like in some areas I am very rigid. Yeah, Because, like I can give you an example, you know my youngest son when me and my ex-wife got separated, he wasn't even one yet.
Speaker 1So I'm like and I'm like man, you know, I did all this work to build this beautiful family and it's ripped away from me because of somebody else's voice, right, this beautiful family, and it's ripped away from me because of somebody else's voice, right? And then like, then it went into like, okay, I don't want to have kids any more, kids anymore, I don't want to date anybody with kids. I'm like, okay, I can date people with kids, but I don't know, I think I don't want to have no more kids. And it's just turned into like a whole debacle of of craziness. It's like throwing the pot and and pick out what I think is best type of thing at this point yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1So I think what you just said, you just spoke to me You're like for real, Like okay, alright, Cliff, Stop being stupid. Like yeah, yeah, like Open yourself up to get the person that God wants you to have Go ahead.
Speaker 2No, no, like, and that's it. I think you know. So many times, especially as believers, we want to tell God how to be God, and that's rebellion. Let's just call a spade a spade. You know what I'm saying. Y'all listen to this podcast. You watch it, I don't want to waste your time. It's rebellion and it's something I've been studying lately. They tried to build the Tower of Babel, which is in the book of Genesis, because they were rebellious. Yes, and the only reason they were rebellious they wanted things their way. They want to manipulate things their way. They want to turn off the way they want it to turn out.
Speaker 2But let me tell you something, homeboy, let me tell you something homegirl.
Speaker 2You're not that smart. You're not that smart. So the best thing we can do is not be so rigid and be like God. I'm open God, open God, you know best. You know what I'm saying. My wife was from South Florida. I'm from Michigan. We're from two different worlds. We're from two different cultures. My wife grew up with a Dominican parent, my wife's Dominican, speaking Spanish. I can't speak no Spanish, no donde. You know what I'm saying, but she's the best thing that ever happened to me outside of salvation. Wow, you feel what I'm saying. So I just want to help somebody today.
Speaker 2Listen, being rigid is cool. If you want to stay stuck, Let me go a step further. Being rigid is a defensive mechanism. Further being rigid is a defensive mechanism. Teach. Being rigid is pride. With a tuxedo on, being rigid doesn't serve nobody Unless rigid as far as being disciplined. But being rigid in life's paths? Are you crazy? There's a thing called a GPS. It reroutes you. I don't know who I'm talking to right now. You're watching this, you're listening, you're tuning in. God wants to reroute you, but you're so rigid you won't even put the car in and drive.
Speaker 2You're stuck in park, but bad that everybody passes you by so I don't know who I'm talking to prophetically, because I feel this in my spirit drive, turn when he tells you to turn. And I promise you listen. My wife and my son are freaking amazing like I can't. There's no way for me to put into words how dope our situation is, but I would have never had it if I would have been rigid Period. I would have been looking for all the other things. Listen, I was looking for all the other things and it don't work out, bro, it don't work. It don't work, it don't last. It don't last, nope.
Speaker 1Bro, bro, like, like, one thing that came to my mind as you were speaking is that, uh, there's a difference between being rich and having a regiment. Right, yes, discipline right. So you don't want to be an undisciplined person, you want to build a regiment. But being rigid, like you said, is the rebellion side of it. Okay, I'm doing what I want to do for the purpose of myself. Having discipline is doing it to fulfill a purpose, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2Yes, yes.
Speaker 1So, as you're speaking, it's just like resonated with me, like, okay, god has put me on this track in my life where he has given me a regiment, right, and I'm following the blueprint that he's set in before me and you just gave me a reminder. Okay, this is still one area where you're still being rigid. And I'm telling you, bro, like that resonated with me right there, and and that's that's one of the purpose of this podcast is really to continue to unlock things so you can be, so you can build that strong foundation, so you can have a strong purpose, man, and you unlock that, unlock the new level, man. I felt like. I felt like in the video games where you get the cheat code, bro, and you just, really just gave me the cheat oh, man, let me tell you, let me say like this man and this is just me.
Speaker 2People don't gotta believe it. It is what it is. There's a book called I think it's called the prayer circle I think that's what it's called um, my wife and I before we got married yeah, yeah, yeah, it's uh like a dark purple color cover yes, yeah, if yeah, if you ever get a chance man, and when the beginning of the book it talks about how the Celtic Christians would connect a wild goose to the Holy spirit.
Speaker 2Yeah so if you ever seen a lot the Holy spirit as a wild goose and you're supposed to chase after that, so think about it as men who are dealing with daddy wounds. God's trying to heal you, but if you're so rigid you won't chase after that. I mean, a goose is just a goose, but a Celtic goose, a wild goose. It will run any way direction. It has no rhyme or reason. But if you chase after the Holy Spirit with no rhyme or reason, man, the journey you will allow yourself to be on will bring forth the healing. It'll bring forth fulfillment. It'll bring forth accomplishment. It'll bring forth purpose Because again, man, we can talk about fatherhood.
Speaker 2I want to transition here because it's chasing after the wild goose, right, it's like what does fatherhood and manhood mean when you didn't have a father? Let me show you what I mean by that. I thought especially. You know we've been married a little over a year. So in the first part of our marriage, and even in the one that I failed in, I thought I had to be the man, I had to provide and I had to run my household and all that stuff. You know what I'm saying. The church tell you, your first ministry is at home. So I'm a pastor. You do what I say. Your first ministry is at home. So I'm a pastor, you do what I say. You know what I'm saying. It don't work. Let me help somebody, let me help somebody. It don't work.
Speaker 2What works and this is really tapping in for fatherhood, but definitely all around as a man the word provider, from a biblical perspective, for us as men, is meaning initiator. Y'all don't want to hear me. Y'all don't want to hear me. I don't want to hear me. I hear you, bro.
Speaker 2It means initiator. I provide for my family, I provide for my son, I produce for my son, I show up for my son. In such a way, because I initiate, I start the process, I start to sow and to seed. That doesn't mean I got to go out there and get rich and die trying. It doesn't mean I got to try to become the Will Smith of fatherhood, be like the perfect image of fatherhood. I just got to initiate and let the leading of the Holy Spirit, removing being rigid, get me to where I need to get. The Holy Spirit, removing being rigid, get me to where I need to get, and I think that's a beautiful and powerful and easier way of being a man and being a father than this crazy way the world try to tell us or the church try to tell us, without the revelation of the word that's good.
Speaker 1That's good, bro, man. That definition brings a whole nother like light to cause the. That definition brings a whole nother light too, because it's basically like I said, you're laying the foundation, you're allowing people to navigate that foundation that you laid. That's it. It's so profound because we think that initiation means that we have to be the leader through the whole process. No, we just got to be able to navigate, just like the Holy Spirit navigates us, man. And it's crazy.
Navigating Divorce and Finding Community
Speaker 1It's crazy, man, it's crazy how we misalign ourselves and then, when we're misaligned, everything unravels because we're not in the position that God has called us to be. And so, with that being said, man, I'm telling you this conversation is so rich right now and I'm telling you this is impactful and I hope the listeners are really listening to what you're saying. I hope the listeners are really listening to what you're saying. One of the things I think as we dive deeper into this conversation, one of the things I think is a lost thing. I know for myself and I want to get into this as far as the divorce aspect of things. For me, it was not a lot of resources, even in my home church, to be able to help me navigate that process. What are some things or some resources that was able to help you with your healing process during that time?
Speaker 2Great, great question. Let me tell you the God honest truth. You're right, there's not a lot of resources. Unfortunately, there is a group of Christians and unfortunately there is a group of Christians who don't understand divorce From a biblical perspective. They pull out certain scriptures and it's always out of whack. So I want to address that first. I think a lot of people they see the scriptures about unless this person steps outside the marriage from an infidelity, then you don't have right for divorce. You just work it out, you just figure it out, and it's always people who are bitter, angry and hurtful that really push that rhetoric and never been where you've been, and that's very dangerous rhetoric. And they say that Jesus didn't want divorce. Let me help people out real quick because this is something that I am very, very passionate on, very, very passionate as a divorcee. Yes, god does not like divorce. Nobody does. Trust me. The people who go through it don't like it either. Let's just call a spade a spade.
Speaker 2So we got that out the way. What the scripture is telling us in the gospels is that the culture of that day, men were taking advantage of women who did not have the rights nor the privileges that these men had. And how do I know that to be true? The woman who Jesus met at the well, why was she divorced so many times? So let me just say that so, culturally, women were not looked at as men. So men were getting with women, using them up and writing a certificate of divorce.
Speaker 2So there's this in today's way of saying I'm going to get with you, I'm going to marry you just so I can sleep with you, just so I can use you up, and once I'm done with you in that day, just like today, you can just write a divorce or whatever. And it's cool, and it was cool, and he's going to give him another young, pretty young man. So a man may have 10 wives in his lifetime and never loved any of them, and until, unless that woman, the last wife, was with him when he died, 9 women no longer were desirable to be remarried. They were looked at even less than a woman because they had a failed marriage. They didn't have any rights to property, they didn't have any money and Jesus saw this going on and so Jesus says hold on, hold on. It's not cool for y'all to keep doing this because you're marrying this woman, using her up and just letting her be Okay. So let me just clear the context, the cultural context of divorce. So, in 2025 and beyond, whenever you're listening or watching this, there are some times where it is okay to step away. It is okay to step away, yeah, it is okay to step away. Sometimes it just happens. It is what it is. So let's not kick people back saying forget the divorce, number one in the church.
Speaker 2As far as the question that you asked and I could go deeper on the scriptural aspect of this Old Testament, new Testament, the resources that was dope for me was community. That's good, but you're talking to someone who has been a lifelong. When something bad goes up, I just isolate and handle it by myself. So it was extremely something new. I was in so much pain that I just had to be around people. Yeah. So BCI, one of the members when I was going through it, he and I connected because he had been through a divorce and he knew about dealing with mental health and all the pain and anguish that come along with it. We became best of friends. Shout out to Richard Taylor Jr Okay, my guy, richard, called me every single day for about two and a half three years. Didn't miss one day. Hey, how you doing. I'm not saying other people didn't. Support, wasn't a part of the community, but Richard called me every single day. Richard called me every single day, bro, to the point where he was the one who married me and my wife. Now.
Speaker 1Wow, that's wife Now.
Speaker 2Wow, that's amazing. Now I'm about to go even a bigger. While Me and Richard hadn't met in person until he married me.
Speaker 1Even more, while, like you said, that's wild, that's crazy.
Speaker 2Yes, I was vulnerable with another person who I never met in real life for years. Wow, so the greatest resource that I can give people is community. The greatest resource gets some therapy, because therapy and Jesus is okay. Yes.
Speaker 2And really understand that just because you got a divorce doesn't mean your life is over. It sucks. Yes, you, you are still desirable, you still love by God. You're no less anointed, you're no less appointed. You know your destiny is still in front of you. It is what it is and I'm not trying to dismiss it or brush it off, because it can be very hurtful. It can take people years to recover financially in all sorts of ways. I get it, but let me help you out. Get you a community, get some therapy. Start working on you. Start asking God okay, what do I need to work on? Lord? I'm sorry I dropped the ball, you know what when I got a?
Speaker 2divorce. I wasn't emotionally intelligent and mature enough to handle marriage. I just wasn't, so I couldn't show up for my then ex-wife, how she needed me to. You know what.
Speaker 2I'm saying Now I'm able to be a little bit more emotionally astute, emotionally mature. It's still got some challenges to work through. In that, Trust me, it ain't green grass and daffodils, it's way better. So if you're dealing with a divorce, bro, you're dealing with a divorce sis, get around community and allow the right community to come alongside you and love on you. If you feel like you're going to bring a divorce and you're like man separation, get around the right people that y'all can be vulnerable with and talk, because 10 times out of 10 is really a miscommunication.
Speaker 2It's really expectations that were never really vocalized and agreed upon. It's really that if you really love this person, you're like I don't know how to meet your needs, I don't know how to show up for you. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't know how. If you can find a community around you to help navigate the language and understand how to show up for one another, any marriage can be changed. Any marriage can be saved or restored. But, man, if you divorce, it's not the end of the world. It's not the end of the world. You may feel like it, but it's not the end of the world.
Speaker 1Man, you definitely helping the people. You're helping me too, for sure. I agree with you with the community aspect. I'm going to be perfectly frank with you, the community aspect and I'm being perfectly frank with you. My community changed once I got once I got divorced and it was like one of those situation where I had to navigate. One of my bestest friends and she we we always been close is my sister and me and my sister I is also a, my sister is a divorcee as well and we became so locked in once I got divorced and that relationship right there is probably the most strongest authentic relationship that I ever had in my almost 40 years of life.
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying. So, it's like things where I really feel like, like you said, that community and finding the people that to lock in with and those more in it in those pivotal moment and my sister saw the most darkest side of my divorce.
Speaker 1She saw the freedom that I have now and and just how I'm navigating life and the person that I'm becoming now and she said that like yes, that's who you are, type of thing, and when you have a community that can speak into that, but like okay, that's who you are, you're not what you were or you're not that situation and you have grown from that situation. That's who you are. And I want to transition a little bit back to the-.
Speaker 2Hey Cliff, real quick can I speak to that? Can I share some revelation?
Speaker 1I got time Go ahead.
Wounds and Identity in Christ
Speaker 2I really want to help somebody get free. I'm so sorry I got to say this. I'm talking to my Christian brothers and sisters now. Okay, it's never what happens to you to determine who you become. So you don't you get divorced. You don't become divorced. You get laid off. You don't become laid off. You make a mistake. You're not a mistake. I hope I'm helping somebody. Let me help you out real quick. When you go through a divorce, when you go through loss even my wife now she's a widow she lost her husband. Now she got to know it. You know what I'm saying. You're not what you go through, and I had to pause because I think sometimes in church or in rhetoric we don't get it. We don't get the fact that things happen to you. You just don't have to become those things.
Speaker 1And we talk about father wounds.
Speaker 2So many times we wear these wounds as a badge of honor. They're not Only wound that ever produced anything worthwhile was the wounds in Jesus' hands, feet thorns upon his head, piercing on his side. There's no other wound worth bragging for.
Speaker 2I'm sorry to burst people's bubble. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me the pain that you went through, doesn't? People are like turn your pain into a platform, turn your pain into a brand. No, no, no, no, no. Your pain is nothing. So holding on to these things or becoming a wound is actually unbiblical. Okay, let me go even deeper. I don't know the particular exact places of scripture, but Paul lets us know that if I suffer with him, I'll be glorified with him. Yes, he didn't say my suffering because he suffered, allows me to suffer with him and I can be glorified with him. He said, no, my suffering is him.
Speaker 1Hey, come on, speak it.
Speaker 2So. So again, I'm not. I again I'm not knocking nobody. I know this is unpopular. People go if they feel a certain type of way, they probably trying to stop. Listen, I'm just being free. I just want to free you. The only wounds that produce identity and destiny is the wounds of Jesus Christ. Wounds of Jesus Christ, the wounds and things that you've been through. They're never going to produce identity and destiny for you. Unfortunately, you can take those wounds and monetize them online.
Speaker 2You can turn that pain into purpose. I get all that, but if that don't line up with the word, if they don't line up with what Jesus wants you to do, you're missing it. So I'm not saying explicitly you've been through something you can't turn into a testimony. I'm not saying I'm talking to people who are, who are prostituting their wounds. That's who I'm talking to. Let me just be very clear here. So I'm not saying you can't be a testimony. God has not called you to step out. I get all that, but there are some people, especially in this millennial generation and newer. It's like man, you get a cut on your finger. You become a doctor on how to repair the fingertip. It's like, come on, like really you a life coach at 25. You know what I'm saying. It's like really man. Really like stop, stop. So I'm done.
Speaker 1I'm done no good, that was good, and you actually touched on that where I was transitioning to too, so that actually worked out perfect, uh amen uh, because one of the things I was wanted to say is that, like with when it comes to father wounds and how we attach it to our identity. I was just going there, man, you really like I I love the way that this is flowing, because I it's a god thing and you said something I even be the title of the podcast how your wounds are not worth bragging about. That might be the title, bro. That might be it.
Speaker 2It ain't worth bragging about.
Speaker 1It's not worth bragging about, bro, and I love that piece because it really brings definition to the fact that how we use our wounds as a badge of honor, bro, and we use it as a way to be able to say that because I went through this and this is what God gave me, because I don't know if you know that this is actually the relaunch of my podcast. When I launched it the first time, I was dealing with my wounds of divorce, but God dealt with me with that. It was like no, that's not the right direction I want to take you. You're not going to build this platform on a wound.
Speaker 2Come on.
Speaker 1You're not going to build what I have for you on the moon. You're going to build it on purpose because you got a higher purpose. Yes, I have for you on the moon.
Speaker 2You're going to build it on purpose because you have better, you got a higher purpose.
Speaker 1So I had to take that that time to be able to properly heal property, figure out who I was properly feel, figure out the, the, the purpose that I was going to be gearing my life towards in this season in order to be in place Now. Thank you for that. Thank you for that confirmation, bro. That was for sure. That's right on time, man. So anything you want to add to that.
Speaker 2Man, I do. I mean, there's so much. I think it's a perspective shift. I think it's understanding faith, understanding your identity and destiny and how it's wrapped up in Christ, and not ourselves. And I think, again, I'm not talking to the person who, if God really calls you to do your thing and you're doing it, praise the Lord. But it's like you said, man, my wounds are not worth bragging about. His is. And I talk to Christians all the time.
Speaker 2I'm learning throughout the years that when I talk to other Christians and they're going through it myself, like, let me just say, sometimes this is I have to preach to myself that when we're going through something and we're dealing with life, we become so self self-centered and self-absorbed. Looking at ourselves, we start looking at our situation and woe is me. My bills need to be paid, my mortgage, my kids, my family, my, my, my, me, me, me, me, I, I, I, I. And it's just interesting that we focus on our wounds. But it's like, again, I have to redirect people back to his wounds and I think I put a post up on Facebook recently where I was talking about, like God reminded me, I was trained by my spiritual parents to always go to the word like. What does the word of God says?
Speaker 2I remember my pastor when I was going through my divorce. The best advice he gave me and the only advice he gave me. He says don't do anything you got to repent for. Whoo, going through your divorce, don't do anything you got to repent for that's all he thought.
Speaker 2And I was cool. I got it, I got the message. You see what I'm saying, I got the message. So I think my point is I think, like, when you're going through something in life, man, you're a Christian, you're a believer. I'm praying and I'm asking, I'm pleading and I'm begging for you, the listener, the reader or the watcher. I'm sorry, like viewer, I'm sorry to look at his wounds. Look at what he did, look at how he went through. You know what I'm saying he ain't crying about it, he ain't complaining, he ain't blaming the.
Speaker 2Pharisees. He ain't caring about Judas. He knew Judas was going to do what Judas did. He knew Judas was stealing money. We really be making things about us and it should be about him. I get it Like if you want to use your platform, to do you, but point your platform, point people back to Christ.
Speaker 1So that's all I mean that's my dissertation.
Speaker 2When it comes to faith, is what I'm learning is that, no matter what happens, man, I got to stay focused on him.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2Whether you're dealing with your daddy issues or the lack thereof, your dad being present, or he was there, whatever the situation may be, and God is so good that, if we look to him, who's the author and finisher of our faith instead of our wounds I wonder what we would look like and talk like and act like if we didn't give so much attention to what happened to us versus what happened to him.
Speaker 1for us, that's all my god, my god, that is amazing. I want you to um, because this is, this is jam-packed man. I'm telling you, man, definitely continue this conversation and we can talk about these things all night.
Speaker 2I definitely.
Tower of Babel and God's Redemption
Speaker 1I want you to really like, uh, to the viewers, to the listeners, um, to be able to speak to the heart of them right now. I know you're super prophetic, so I, when I somebody that I know is in the word, somebody that know that here's the voice of God, I want to always kind of give them that opportunity to release whatever is on their heart, even if it's not dealing with a conversation, something that God has given you for this season and time. So I want to give you a moment to be able to release something to the people. Go ahead and just go forth, man, and I'm here.
Speaker 2I'm here, yeah, for sure I'll be as brief as I possibly can and I think this is what's on my heart. I don't want to make up something. I could just say something and make it up. I don't want to do that, but I want to say what I've been studying and what's been on my heart lately.
Speaker 2So we had Bible study at church and we were talking about, like, speaking in tongues, the gift of tongues. It was breaking down the three gifts of the tongues, and the last one is all diverse tongues, where you can be speaking in tongues but it's a language that you have no clue of, but it's for somebody else. So I just want to preface where I'm going with this. So the Lord gave me a revelation in the moment. He showed me that in Acts 2, when they came out of the upper room speaking in tongues diverse tongues, tongues of different nations they were uniquely positioned for other people to hear their own native tongue being spoken by these Galileans, meaning just blue-collar everyday people. They're not the smartest, they were tradesmen and they just speak my language and they ain't never been there.
Speaker 2What's going on? They were giving God praise in my language and the Bible lets us know clearly that the miracle of Pentecost was really not only the Holy Spirit coming. We get that, that's the obvious. But miracle of Pentecost was really not only the Holy Spirit coming. We get that, that's the obvious. But the second level of it was that the church was added to. The church started with these diverse tongues. And I'm going somewhere with this, I'm going somewhere with this. So I'm in Bible study and we talk about this and I said you know I raised my hand.
Speaker 2I'm like it's at the end, everybody getting ready to go, and I know I don't want to be that guy, but I'm like I got to share this because I believe God is sharing it with me. So I'm going to share with you guys and it's going to make so much sense. I promise you this is going to be a blessing Stick around. So in Genesis, god scr, who's trying to build a tower of Babel. He moves them all over and he changes their tongue so they can't no longer easily identify and communicate. So, by the spirit and acts which was done by the Lord in Genesis, he redeems it and gives us a technology called tongues, diverse tongues, to provide unity for the church. That's a lie, my God. You know me, I'm a nerd. So YouTube listening to these conversations somehow, and all these videos start popping up, and one popped up about the Tower of Babel. I said, huh, let me watch this. What I come to find out is that the Tower of this ties into the conversation. Part of it, the Tower of Babel. They wanted to erect to make it to heaven, not to be with God, but to be God. They were rebellious and they wanted to make a name for them. So they said if we can get to heaven, we can be gods. And God looked and saw like they onto something because it was together, together on one accord. So you answer in Genesis, I believe.
Speaker 2Next, abraham gets introduced right after this whole Tower of Babel story, where God says I'm going to make your name great and you'll be the father of many nations. Are you following me? I'm following you. Many nations showed up and asked to the Holy Spirit is moving. The people hear their tongue, they unify in faith tongue. They unify in faith where God displaced or moved because of language, really because of rebellion, trying to make a name for themselves, trying to show off and be the boss operating pride. But when you connect faith by Father Abraham, many nations will be blessed. Your name will be great.
Speaker 2What am I saying to you today? I'm saying to you today prophetically if you feel stuck in life, things not happening the way you want it to happen, you've been trying, you've been pushing, you've been doing your thing, you've been fixing your credit and it just seemed one thing after another, one step forward, two steps back. Man, every time I do this person, let me down, this person, da-da-da-da-da, all of the things you might be operating in the building of your own tower of Babel. And I say all of us, some of us. But I ask you today and I touch your heart Abraham operated in faith.
Speaker 2Acts 2 operated in the spirit. I've asked you to trust God by faith. I've asked you to trust God in the spirit, because what was disjointed out of alignment seems to be hard to happen. If you trust God, he will exalt you and establish you in due season and he will make your day great. If you use your faith in him and you company that by being led by the spirit, what you are dealing with today you will not deal with tomorrow. There's somebody who's listening and watching. I believe by the spirit of the Lord, that in 24 hours, the enemy you've been seeing for months is being removed from you, because you are catching what I'm saying. You're saying hold on, maybe you've been doing this in your own strength, men, we've been doing it in our own strength, playboy.
Speaker 2I got to get rich and die trying. I got to get this job. I got to push this. I got to. I got to. I got to. I got to, I got to, I got to. You're building your own tower. But I'm asking you today if this resonates with you. But I'm asking you today if this resonates with you. You made it to the end. Use your faith, be led by the spirit and be unified in the purpose of the church. You don't have to build your own tower. You get to build a tower, but if you do, it'll be in God's name, and if it's in his name, he'll finance it. If it's in his name, he'll cause it to come to pass. If it's in his name, it'll be better than what you can do on your best day. If it's in his name, it'll bring him glory. If it's in his name, it'll attract people. So in that day they'll say if it hadn't been for so-and-so, where would I be? So that's all I got.
Closing Thoughts and Call to Action
Speaker 1Man, I hope the listeners are listening. I hope the people that are watching is visually seeing what's happening right now. The viewers come on now. That was a powerful word and it resonates with my spirit so heavily, because that's what it's about, man. It's not about making your name great, it's about making his name great, and when you make his name great, he will result to you. Man, lv, you bless us. Any final thoughts before I wrap this up, man? Any final thoughts?
Speaker 2Oh, man up, man. Any final thoughts? Oh man, five seconds. Subscribe to this podcast. Share this podcast. Make sure you follow Clifton on all social media platforms. I need y'all to hit the like button, leave a comment, share this thing to your stories, listen, call your mama, call your friends, tell your pastor. I need y'all to share this podcast episode and make sure you listen to the next podcast episode, because you don't want to miss it. That's all I got.
Speaker 1Bro, thank you, I appreciate that so much. Man Shout out your social media and all your handles and what you got.
Speaker 2No, no, when you shout me out, it's all about you. Just receive it. Man, listen, y'all pay attention to my brother, get with him right here, right now. Subscribe to this podcast, do it for me. If I said anything that resonated with your spirit, if I said anything that resonated with your soul, do me a solid. Hit that subscribe button, hit that like button, Leave a comment and share it. That's it. That's it we out.
Speaker 1Well, he said it all. He said it all, bro. I appreciate that, man. You don't know, it's touched my spirit and touched my heart, because, you know, support is a huge thing for me, right? And you, just you, just you just spoke a whole word for me, right? And you, just you, just you just spoke a whole word, Just just that, just that alone. So, with that being said, man, we can wrap up then. Man, I appreciate you spending your time, uh, you know, taking this moment away from your beautiful family to be able to come on tonight, man, and just pour it into me, pouring into the listeners. Man, I really do appreciate you, brother, and this is the only time I'll have you on the pod.
Speaker 1We're going to do a part two.
Speaker 2Let's do it.
Speaker 1I'll have you back, man, because I got to. I'm working on something, man. I'm working on a man. I can't announce it yet, but I'm working on something.
Speaker 2I know it's all good.
Speaker 1Whatever you need from me, pound it done man, I got you bro, so we, we definitely, we definitely gonna link up very, very soon. I appreciate you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Lv Hunter he is amazing. This is my brother man. I appreciate you coming on and with that listeners and that's it until the next episode, peace.
