The Summit Podcast
Welcome to the Summit Podcast with your host Clifton Ross Jr. If you know what the valley feels like, now it’s time to rise to the summit. Get focus, live free, Love Jesus!
The Summit Podcast
Flying High on a First Date, Soaring Higher in Marriage with Joseph & Raquel
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What happens when you prioritize God's plan over your own timeline? Joseph and Raquel's journey from friendship to marriage reveals the beautiful orchestration that unfolds when we surrender our relationships to divine guidance.
What started as a professional coaching relationship quickly blossomed into something deeper as they recognized the light in each other that had been missing in previous relationships. The timeline was remarkably condensed – from dating to engagement – yet grounded in profound intentionality.
Like any powerful testimony, their relationship was tested early. Just thirteen days after becoming a couple, Joseph received the devastating news of his mother's passing. Without hesitation, Raquel flew to Chicago to support him, demonstrating the depth of her commitment. In what can only be described as divine coordination, they attended a church service specifically addressing grief – a moment that showed Raquel the kind of leader Joseph would be through life's inevitable challenges.
Their approach to marriage preparation was refreshingly countercultural. Joseph had clearly defined non-negotiables – a woman who loves the Lord, values relationships, embraces a healthy lifestyle, and maintains strong family connections.
Now as newlyweds who have launched businesses together, they attribute their success to the foundation of faith they've established. Joseph begins each day with quiet time in God's presence, while they both prioritize health, wellness, and financial responsibility. Their powerful testimony serves as encouragement that when we surrender our desires and follow God's blueprint, He orchestrates a love story far more beautiful than we could design ourselves.
Ready to transform your approach to relationships? Follow Joseph and Raquel on social media for continued inspiration, and remember their powerful advice: "The quickest ways to uncover your insecurities are to get married and start a business" – but with God at the center, these challenges become opportunities for growth and deeper connection.
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Hello, hello, hello, how you doing. This is Clifton Ross Jr, aka Jess Clifton, and we are here with another episode of the Summit Podcast and we're in this amazing series called Infrastructure where we're setting the foundation for your purpose, and I have this amazing couple that is going to come on and join me on today and I'm just really anticipating I know our schedules was kind of jumping all over the place I'm really anticipating this conversation. I think they got a lot to say in regards to being newlyweds and business and operation and just working together and those different things. And the best thing about it is that they did everything with Christ at the center of it. So I am going to bring this couple on really fast and we're going the center of it. So I am going to bring this couple on really fast and we don't jump into it.
Speaker 2So I got my friends here.
Speaker 1I got Joseph and Raquel here and I'm excited for you guys to be here.
Speaker 2Thank you so much. What an honor.
Speaker 1Awesome, awesome, awesome. So what we're going to do, we're going to jump into a word of prayer first and then we're going to jump. Right, we're going to jump into a word of prayer first and then we're going to jump right into this concept. How does that sound, guys?
Speaker 3Let's go.
Speaker 1Alright, let's do it. Dear Heavenly Father, lord, we thank you, we praise you, we glorify your holy name because you're worthy to be praised, lifted up and magnified, and we just thank you for this moment. We thank you for the opportunity just to be in your presence. Anytime that we are in the fellowship of the saints, we are in your presence. Father, we ask you to move as you see fit. Allow your words to be the words of our mouth and the meditation of our heart. Father, allow everything that is said today to penetrate not only the hearts of the listener, but go abroad and penetrate the whole world, so that way we can be filled with your spirit, father. Father, we speak right now. We speak against anything that might try to rise up against this conversation. We rebuke it in the mighty name of Jesus. We speak life in this conversation. We know that lives will be changed by the words that's going to be said on today, and all these things we ask in your son, jesus name. Thank you, father, amen.
Speaker 3Amen.
Speaker 1Amen. So, man, oh, my God, I am so excited to have you guys on. I just want you to, kind of Joseph, jump in a little bit because I've known you a little bit longer. Jump in how we met and how we connected. Man it's funny.
Speaker 3I mean I was just thinking about that. It goes back to when we lived in the same building in Lyle Lyle, next to Naperville, four Lakes, and you guys were on the first floor, I was on the seventh floor and we just connected, man, and stayed in touch over the years. I mean I moved out of Four Lakes in 2013. Wow, yeah.
Speaker 3So I mean, it's been a long time and obviously we've stayed in touch and you're someone that I've just had a great deal of respect and had real conversations and just always good to connect. And when you said, hey, man, would love to bring you and your wife on share the journey, it happened quick. How did this happen? Eight months from dating no one for years to now being married? What in the world happened? So I said, hey, sure, absolutely. I would love for you to meet her and for her to share her perspective, her side as well. So you want to introduce yourself.
Speaker 2Yeah. So where should we start? This is such a story. Joe and I had been friends for about two years. A good friend of mine introduced us. She said you guys are like twins, you should meet Now.
Speaker 2I was living in Arizona, just had moved here from Massachusetts in 2019. And Joe was living in Tampa. We became friends on social media. He introduced himself and Joe was always a light to me. I have come from you know some traumatic family history, some traumatic relationships, and my soul craved more. I knew that there was a different and healthier way to do things. Joe was always a light to me and just like a solid friend.
Speaker 2So at some point he had reached out to me and said hey, I'm looking to build my business. Do you know anyone? And I said I don't even know what you do. So we did an intro session. We set something up, did the intro session and by the end of it he said do you have any questions? Now, this intro session had the intention of like I'm just going to give you a feel, so if you know anyone, send them my way. Well, by the end of it, I said when do we start? So I love self-development, I love growth, joe's the same and for 12 weeks we intentionally worked together and it was like digging up the grit and being very vulnerable and I was like, ok, I'm going to marry him, oh deal.
Speaker 3That's how it started.
Speaker 1Listen, I'm going to jump in real quick, but this is the interesting part, because I know more of like Joe's side of things. You know what I'm saying Because you know, I know Joe's single guy. You know he has aspirations to be married. He had a drive to just be that, you know, be that leader for his family. So to hear you talk about how you guys connected is amazing to me and that's why I was so intrigued by your story as well. So, joe, say it from your perspective. Man, how did everything go down for you?
Speaker 3Yeah, I mean again. So the mutual friend I went to high school with, so I've known her longer than I knew Raquel, and for the longest time I'd always said whoever I end up with, I either know her or someone I know knows her very well.
Speaker 3I mean on Sunday afternoon after church I'd get bored and download these you know online dating apps and by Monday I deleted them. So I was telling my wife. I said hey, if someone comes to you and tells you I have, you know, they found me on a dating app, it's because I downloaded it. The account's still there.
Speaker 3So when I was in Tampa, our mutual friend literally said hey, a friend of mine is literally you in a woman's body and you guys should just be friends. And I appreciate that because there was no pressure. You know, the moment I start to sense someone is doing a matchmaking, I'm already like okay bro, okay sis, relax. So we became friends on social media, exchanged just friendly messages, had conversations, got to learn a little bit about her and over time, you know, I was in the position to now be able to take on new coaching clients personal and professional coaching and I reached out to her. She does hair for a living and the joke between both of us is she married me, so she doesn't have to take work home and makes things easier.
Speaker 2I love that no work and after work.
Speaker 1I love it, I love it.
Speaker 3Now it gets even better because she's an incredible investor. I'll tell you. So I reached out to her and I said hey, would you know anyone that could perhaps be a good fit for my program? And she said what do you do? And I said well, how about we schedule a 60 to 75 minute intro session for you to get a good feel? And by the time we're done, she asked well, when do we get started? I said you don't want to know how much it costs. She said when do we get started? You don't want to know how long. When do we get started? Well, we start tomorrow at six 30. Okay, bingo. So we got the ball rolling. Now here's the kicker, which is I think it's really funny the fee that she paid to invest in her personal growth. Here's what she got out of it A boyfriend, a fiance, a marriage and the fee was roughly the equivalent and I'm no cheap coach was the equivalent of this thing that she holds on her hand.
Speaker 2So she got all back it. I got it back.
Speaker 1She got it all back Return on investment 100%. Listen, that's what's up. I love that. This is amazing.
Speaker 3Yeah, so while we're coaching and, you know, over time, learning more about her and what was funny was prior to that, I was in a three-way text message with our mutual friend and I would send them you know, bible I mean not Bible but I would send them messages from my pastor, pastor Darrell Black, in Tampa, and she loved him so much that she looked up a lot of his stuff, looked on YouTube, and her birthday was coming up and she said, man, I would love to have a girl's trip. As a matter of fact, I would love to go to church, I would love to make this pastor. He's impacted my life so, funny enough, she books this trip with her girls, but it didn't work out with her girls. So she's coming to Tampa and we're still friends and I'm thinking I like this woman. What's going to happen? This is a professional relationship and obviously backed with friendship, and I'll never forget, you know, as we're communicating back and forth, learning more about each other.
Speaker 3I woke up one morning and I said I'm going to marry this woman and I literally looked at myself in the mirror and said wait, what did you say? I said I'm going to marry this woman. Okay, All right, that's where we are so knowing. Obviously you know me well, very reserved, more conservative than anything else. I hadn't been in a relationship for over six years and it was just putting my head down, moving from Chicago to Tampa, getting settled in business, growing all of the things. And so she's coming to Tampa and I'm thinking number one, you cannot confuse this woman. And number two, are you willing to put your professional relationship on the line by sharing how you feel?
Speaker 3Yeah, I had to look in the mirror and I said well, you know what? The next question I asked myself was if you had the chance but didn't take it and in the future know you had the chance, would you regret it? And I said well, first of all, I'm not interested in confusing her. I serve a God that is not a God of confusion, so that's not going to happen. I serve a God that is not a God of confusion, so that's not going to happen. Number two it's absolutely.
Speaker 3I would regret it, because I've come to know this woman, I've come to learn her heart, I've come to know more of just who she is and I really, really have loved what I've seen, what I've learned, and I would absolutely regret it if I let this go. So I said good. So I said this woman's coming All right. So I said so. I said this woman's coming All right. So what are we going to do? So I thought we both love experiences. So how can I create an experience that she will forever remember? And I said okay. A couple of years back I flew a plane with a friend and he's an instructional pilot in Tampa and I said we're going to fly a plane on our first date.
Speaker 2So he didn't tell me this was a surprise. This was a surprise.
Meeting and Connecting Through Coaching
Speaker 3She had no idea it was. She had no idea it was going to be our first date. She's calling the church.
Speaker 1I see you, joe. I see you, I'm taking notes. I see you, joe.
Speaker 3I see you, I'm taking notes, so she's coming and I'm like, oh my goodness, all right, well, at least we want to make something memorable. So three weeks before that, she loves this pastor that he was like a celebrity there. So I had breakfast with him and I said, hey, a friend of mine's coming into town. She's a huge fan. You've impacted her life in so many ways. Would you be willing to come and fly a plane with us? He said sign me up, let's go. Yeah, so that happened. And then so she flies in, and that night we had dinner and I just simply looked at her and I said, hey, I know you've joked around and we've joked around about me moving to Tampa you mean Arizona around and we've joked around about me moving to Tampa. You mean Arizona, I mean to Arizona. Yes, from Tampa to Arizona. We joked around and I said the only way that's going to happen is if we're getting married. But actually, you know what? Let me back up Before.
Speaker 3I said that I had just simply just shared how I felt from a romantic standpoint. I just simply just laid it out. I said I'm just going to tell. I said just laid it out. I said I'm just going to tell. I said I literally prefaced. I said I don't know how this is going to come out, but I'm just going to say it anyway.
Speaker 2At that point I already knew.
Speaker 3She knew.
Speaker 2It was pretty clear.
Speaker 3She knew, and you know, eventually she came and she just said obviously there is attraction here, there's a lot in common here, there's a lot of things here, and I asked her to be my girlfriend and then I decided to kiss her. So, again, setting boundaries, obviously, and just, I want to do it the way God designed. It didn't work. I've done it my way, it didn't work. So it's like, hey, I need to surrender and do it his way. So, that being said, we became boyfriend, girlfriend. And then I said well, since we're on the topic, since we've joked around about me moving to Arizona, the only way that I would move to Arizona is if we were getting married.
Speaker 1Wow, I want to jump in real quick because I want to get Raquel's perspective of going to Tampa, because, like she said, so Rocky, I want to kind of get your perspective on. You know your anticipation. Did you have an expectation? What was your anticipation? How did you feel when you went to Tampa for that trip?
Speaker 2Great question. So a little context. I was in and out of a relationship that really didn't align with what God wanted for me, relationship that really didn't align with what God wanted for me, and it took a long time to figure that out. So I was in a I was in a season of just surrender. I was like I had just come to a place of I'm willing to be alone for the rest of my life. Uh, because if a relationship is, if, if there's a man in my life that God doesn't want him there, then it's time to just like, it's time to just do my thing. I was like focused. I was like who do I need to become to attract the right type of man? So I was just focusing on doing my own work and breaking. I really, really wanted to break those generational patterns. You know, I was like I was just full surrender mode. I was like God, please, you know I was doing the work. I was like doing the work in it. So I didn't have expectations of what would happen with Joe and I. I was really just like I'm going to go to Tampa and let whatever unfolds to just take its place, and I think that's a good place to be. I think when you don't have expectations, you don't. You're not going to be disappointed.
Speaker 2I just knew that Joe was so solid and so intentional and just in a place of observing his character. But even how he treated me as a friend, with the respect and the kindness I was like this is something different. This is something much more elevated. And like light, it was just light. Joe was like. If I could give you a visual analogy, joe was like you know, like the bug in the light. Bugs attract light. I was the bug and Joe was the light. I was just like what is going on here? I want to know more, I want to listen. I really respected his character.
Speaker 1That's good, that's good.
Speaker 2I came to Florida and Joe started to open up the conversation. I was like I already know what he's going to say. I didn't have expectations, but Joe was just so funny. He was like so I don't know how this is going to come out. And I was like, just be yourself.
Speaker 2And prior to that I told my dad. I was talking to my dad on the phone and I was just like I met the man I'm going to marry. If I get to marry him, if this is in God's will, this, I will live out the exact life that I've always wanted and desired. And my dad was. I'd never told him that before. And he's like you know, rocky, you've been through a lot of really hard relationships. How do you know? And at that point it was just like I developed such a strong muscle of discernment. I was like this is it, like this is the standard of man. So that, you know, went to Florida. We had a really amazing time. He took, he took me flying and you know it's funny, I'm actually wearing the same outfit that when we went flying and I didn't even plan that.
Speaker 3We didn't plan white shirts by the way. She comes out and I was like wait what she said. I had no idea what you were wearing and this is apparently the outfit that she had on on our first date Jeans and shirt.
Speaker 1Wow.
Speaker 3That's amazing.
Speaker 1I love it. I actually kind of feel kind of honored. I'm not going to even lie. I'm not going to lie, oh, that's awesome. That's awesome, that's pretty cool, that's really cool. So that's great. I love seeing it from both sides of the equation, right, because sometimes we see it, like I saw it, from Joe's perspective, obviously you know, he's my friend, I know, you know I'm rooting for him.
Speaker 1You know, for many years, I know his desires of his heart was to be married and to have that God-fearing woman.
Speaker 1And it's interesting because, going back, raquel, it's like God was preparing you for that moment and you said something that was God was preparing you for that moment and you said something that was very pivotal because you said that you were working on yourself. See, a lot of times we try to externally work on things, right, but at this point you were working on yourself and God was able to be able to transform you and he was able to give you somebody that was attracted to that, like you said, the bug to the light, right? So I think that's amazing what you just said to that uh, to that. So, uh, I don't want that to go on unnoticed for sure, cause that's pivotal in this conversation, joe. So, all right, she said, yes, you know, she's your, that's your girl. Now you like, you know we don't do it God's way. You had the conversation about, you know, moving to AZ, that meaning where you had intentionality that are we going to be married, right, yeah?
Speaker 3Yeah, it was. It was just a matter of you know, I was turning what? 40 that year and I've I would say God had worked on me for years. I mean, I tell people, it's like this one needs extra attention, Like this one needs extra attention and I'm grateful for it. Um, and being a father at a very young age, with that whole journey and it's just like man, I've made decisions. Not that I'm living as a victim, because I know I've been forgiven, but how do I move forward and know how to do it? Well, and I've been blessed to be around really really good, incredible marriages.
Speaker 2That's what makes the difference, yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, I've been blessed to be around healthy marriages. Just because they're healthy doesn't mean they don't have disagreements, but they respectfully have disagreements. That's the difference. So I've been around that to see a good picture of it. And she comes to Tampa, shared how I felt we started dating. The conversation of being celibate was something that we even you know. We had that friendly conversation, but she knew where I stood on things and I knew I wanted to wait and to just save myself.
Speaker 3After I discovered the right way to do, I completely shut all that stuff down. So for six years I wasn't dating and I even let's just go deep and say it no porn, no masturbation, none of that, Like it was completely eradicated and I'm grateful that it's nothing that I ever struggled with in the past. I did watch porn in college, but it was dirty and it was disgusted and it made me feel sick afterwards and it did nothing but pervert my mind that when I would talk to a woman, all I would do was literally think about her body parts and I just felt sick that I just never went back to it. So thankfully that was an area that I never struggled with, but it was just a matter of okay, this is done. I'm putting boundaries around anything. You know, dating wise, I'm just not and I'm not interested in just being in a relationship just to be in a relationship, interested in just being in a relationship just to be in a relationship. I'm getting. I know God has big plans for me and I'm here to find a woman that we can. Let's talk about our plans, let's put them together and let's run towards what God has designed, because that's the best way to live. You know, I tell people I'm a firm believer that the greatest gift to humanity is Jesus Christ, why he gives you how to live, and one of the best things you can do for any human being is to give them guidance, to give them a blueprint on how to do something, and I believe Jesus has provided that for us. The second greatest gift is the gift of choice. The gift of choice, sadly, can override the first gift. So I'm sitting down like man. I have the choice to do things. I have the choice to make decisions, because without choice there is no love. God wouldn't love us if he didn't give us choices. So, that being said, it was just I wanted to do things the right way, I wanted to honor her. I wanted to respect her. I found an incredible gem a a woman. Now check this out.
Finding Clarity Through Grief
Speaker 3Here's where it gets even wilder 2019,. My mother was diagnosed with stage two to three breast cancer. I will never forget praying for her healing and, knowing that man, I want her to walk me down the aisle when that day comes. Knowing that man, I want her to walk me down the aisle when that day comes, and that was on my heart and I remember adjusting my prayers back then like Lord you know I'm not a serial dater. You know how important my mother is. When the time comes, can you please put me with someone to walk through this chapter of life with, if she's not going to be here?
Speaker 1My God.
Speaker 3Thirteen days before my mother passed away was when her and I became official Wow.
Speaker 1That's deep. That's deep. And here's something that really came to me in this conversation just now Pure heart, pure mind, pure intentions. Pure heart, pure mind and pure intentions. Everything that you guys are saying. You guys were in a posture of eradicating certain things in your life that weren't fulfilling the will of God in your life. Thus, you were able to hear the voice of God when the time came for you guys to be able to be together Pure heart, pure mind and pure intentions. Raquel, I want you to jump in on this one. After knowing this, obviously, getting into a new relationship it's a glorious time, right? How did you help Joseph through that process after his mother passed away early on, with you guys forming this new relationship?
Speaker 2So you know that's a great question. I knew that I just needed to be there to support him. It's interesting because he was supposed to fly in to Arizona, uh, march 8th and two days prior.
Speaker 3It was March 7th.
Speaker 2Okay. So the day before he he got the call that his mom had passed, so he was supposed to fly in. He got the call, he called me and I was like Lord, just what's, what is the right thing to do? And so we made the decision to both fly into Chicago. And Joe was like no, no, no, you don't have to. And I was like that's what you do, like let's, we're in this, you know. So that's what you do, we both just I met him in Chicago. He flew into Chicago from Tampa. You know, and this is just we can't make this stuff up, because God was like so present and we went to church that Sunday and we're listening to the pastor. Now we decided like very quickly which church we were going to go to. You know, there wasn't there a church that was further yeah.
Speaker 3So, yeah, totally, it was Willow Creek. So I love. I want to share something really quick in the timeline of just seeing how God works. Obviously, we started dating three, you know, 14, 13, 14 days before this. Now, on that day I got the call that my mom passed away. I booked my flight out of Tampa to fly to Chicago and I was supposed to fly out at 6 PM that Thursday night. American airlines canceled my flight. Then I was routed to fly out on Friday morning at 6 AM. I'm on a plane, my whole plane is not full but my aisle is full. So I'm sitting next to the window and eventually I mean I'm sitting down like, oh my goodness, my best friend passed, and all this and all that just going through my brain. So I engage in conversation with the man sitting in the middle, right next to me, and come to find out this is how God works. He actually was from Kentucky and he was flying back home because he was in Tampa to bury his father. So he was walking out of what I was pretty much walking into.
Speaker 3And we get to Chicago on that Sunday wanted to worship. I wanted to go to church with her. Take her to my church. I usually would go to, but I just was not in a social mood. So we ended up going to Willow Creek Now you know how big Willow Creek is. So we walk in and praise and worship is already done, and my wife walks in. At the time we're obviously boyfriend, girlfriend and she said I would like to go up front because I don't have my contacts. And then I'm thinking oh my goodness, this is after praise and worship. Everyone's sitting down there, those people are walking through the crowd and she wants to go all the way to the front.
Speaker 2I was like I can't do it, I have to go to the front.
Speaker 3And I said I like this, but this is uncomfortable. Woo, You're late to church, boy, you better sit back. So we get there Now check this out. They're in a three-week series on emotions and this was week two. We just sat down, pastor comes out and he said welcome back to week two of our three-week series on emotions and today we're going to be discussing grief.
Speaker 2I was like, is this something? This is wild, you cannot make this up. We are sitting in the front and I was thinking maybe he's talking about the future messages that they're going to be talking about, but it was straight up like we're talking about grief today. But it was straight up like we're talking about grief today. And then he brought in another pastor to speak and it was just I mean, you knew that God had his hand in it and I'm not a big crier. Maybe this comes back to some of the past experience. I've had to be really strong in my life, but you know, I knew Joe was a safe man to be with and I just we sobbed the whole time. I was like it was like tears and snot and luckily we were in the front because the tissues were right there, so I would just go up and grab the tissues and come back.
Speaker 2Snot, bubbles and everything, and I was just you know, I was like Joe God loves you so much, and the main message was how you can use grief to draw closer to God.
Speaker 1Yes, that's good. That's good. Wow, that's amazing. What makes this whole?
Speaker 1God has a way of helping us navigate even the most difficult situations, has a way of helping us navigate even the most difficult situations.
Speaker 1And, joe, I know how well I don't personally know, but I know how hard it can be and just to have the future come, you know, prefacing the situation. The future next to you as you're working through those emotions, the future next to you as you're working through those emotions that had to be just like, even at that moment, amazing feeling, uh and and I and I, I commend both of you guys for just your tenacity, your willingness to do the right thing, even in tough situations, because sometimes people in your lowest moment leave you, sometimes people in your especially in the beginning stages, there's no like real attachment here. You know what I'm saying. They're like you know, okay, this might be a little bit too much for me type of thing, and it's interesting that God put you guys through that and he knew exactly the mate to give you during that time frame. So I commend both of you guys through that experience. Go ahead, continue, continue.
Speaker 3Do you want?
Speaker 2to With what?
Speaker 3The whole journey when we're in Chicago.
Speaker 2I mean, I feel like With with that, it was just. With that it was just. There was just so many series of events that we knew God was right there and it was just wild to see it. You know, it's like in your face, you're like this is really happening. You know, we're in church talking about grief and I want to celebrate how Joe has just handled the death of his mother. When Joe talks about his mom, he celebrates her life and the woman that she was, and but he also allows himself to, you know, cry and grieve. Grieve never makes an appointment to show up, it just shows up.
Speaker 1Good, that's good.
Speaker 2So so you know, when he talks about his mom, he just celebrates the woman that she is and he has handled it. Coming into a relationship like here, I was like trying. Coming into a relationship like here, I was like trying, like. I was like who do I need to be? What needs to be different? How do I do this? How do I have a healthy relationship? This, this, this was not familiar to me.
Speaker 2Uh, examples that I had in the past were just uh, they, they were examples of what not to do and I wanted to break those. I needed God to help me break those patterns. So you know, in relationships you're always going to come to a point. There's going to be challenges that you're faced with, and observing my now husband deal with the challenge of his, the loss of his mother and the way he handled it, was such clarity for me in knowing that that's a leader I'm going to follow and he probably maybe he doesn't see it, you know, maybe he doesn't see it because he's like in it, but like being his wife. You know, maybe he doesn't see it because he's like in it, but like being his wife, I know that being a man that can lead in the challenging times is someone I want to be with and stick with, because they're going to come up. You know like we love to avoid them, but they're going to come up.
Speaker 1Wow, clarity in grief. The grief brings scattered, brings fogginess, bring misdirection, but he was able to establish clarity in his grief and that showed you what type of leader he was. That is Raquel, you just blew my mind with that. Why do you think I married him?
Speaker 3Like what I found a gem and I found an incredible blessing. And, you know, as we, even as we unravel this story because this is actually the first time that we're doing this together this extent it's truly honoring the Lord and doing things his way, because, you know, we wanted to do, we both came to the conclusion that we wanted to do things a different way, which was his way, because we've done it our way in the past and, you know, just hearing this is really to give him all the glory. So, if anyone is listening, I just want to encourage you to press in on your faith.
Speaker 2I also want to add that you know, I would look at couples that were in a position that we're in now and think like how do I ever get there? Like how can I ever be like that? I also want to encourage people like we're not perfect people. My husband always says we're, we're one, what is it One?
Speaker 3step away, one decision away from stupidity.
The Proposal and Wedding Planning
Speaker 2And it's true, like we are human beings. Joe had a son when he was 15. You know we did things our way, which we both came to a conclusion. Conclusion it is not the best way. I cannot pick Like. I need help.
Speaker 1That's good. That's so good, that's so good. I love this conversation. I want to transition just a tad bit. Let's kind of fast forward a little bit. Let's go to the proposal and kind of fast forward to there and then kind of rock with that. Joe, you want to tell me about that day, man.
Speaker 3Yeah. So what's funny? Leading up to that, she was already telling friends like we got engaged in July and she didn't know when I would propose. But she knew it was coming and I would joke around and say I might propose to you the night before the wedding. I don't know.
Speaker 2We had a date for the wedding before we got engaged.
Speaker 3And she was planning the wedding and people would say, well, where is your engagement ring? And she didn't know what to say, how to say whatever. So I started working on the engagement ring in like March, end of March, april, get that together. And I wanted to first of all respect and honor her dad, so I needed to at least go and meet him, get his blessings before I was going to do that. So I ended up having a conversation, but then we flew up to Massachusetts, where she originally is from, to speak to her parents.
Speaker 3And so then back in Chicago was when I proposed and we did it on Lake Michigan, we invited friends and I was like, yeah, we're doing a photo shoot and I'm just gathering some friends to have dinner. She had an idea, but probably not concrete, but there was something there. So we are at dinner and at the top deck, right when the fireworks were done, gathered, everyone that was there knew what was going on and gathered friends around. After dinner we go up to the top deck. After the fireworks are done, the guy starts to play music, and I went for it.
Speaker 3In those moments, people were like what did you say Do you have a long speech? I'm thinking you don't have too much time. All I want to say is will you marry me? Wait till the speech is at the wedding y'all. I'm already nervous. I'm probably soiled my pants in one way, shape or form. I'm asking this big question for the rest of my life. I don't know what to think. What do you mean? I prepared a speech. No, it's just will she marry me, yes or no?
Speaker 1Bro. Oh my God, why, why are you so funny man Like you got me over your diet so obviously? She said yes, thank you.
Speaker 2I said yes, thank you I said, yes, I knew that god had joe for me. And I will say, like everything happened so fast. I was like it was just everything was like boom, boom, boom and I'm like what is happening? But I I trusted that God had a great plan for me. I I think faith is having the absolute confidence right. I had the absolute confidence that God had Joe for me and it was fast, because we became, we became exclusive in February and by July we were already engaged.
Speaker 2It helped that we had had a friendship prior and I mean it felt like a second you kind of. It feels very. It felt very surreal and even now today I still think, dang, I'm married. What he asked me the other night, he said do you still feel those moments of like I can't believe I'm married because you wait your whole life to be like what is you you think about? What is your life going to be like when you're married? Who's your partner going to be? What are the challenges that you're going to face? What are the amazing moments that you're going to face together and have new experiences? You know so, like I still have that moment. I'm like wow, and then. So we got married and then we both started businesses together, and that's a whole other thing.
Speaker 3I do want to add this. I think this would be helpful for anyone that's listening. In your dating phase, in your single phase, we both went through a book called 101 Questions you Asked Before you Get Engaged.
Speaker 3Now this book, I truly believe, is very important because you know, you can have all the happy hormones, all the butterflies in your belly, you make out, you do all these things, but if you don't have the real hard conversations, what do you do? When you know, hardship shows up and you start to wonder, well, how come you never shared this with me? Because, um, I don't know this person Well. So we went through that book. That book talks about prior relationship, sdvs, political views, how do you raise your children. It gets down into the root of things and I think those are very important conversations that you should have upfront and it just makes you very vulnerable. And if you can't get through that book, you can't get through those questions. Man, you might have to reconsider the person that you're thinking about walking the rest of your life with.
Speaker 1Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3Yeah, so we did that and again, it happened so quick and we got married on October 26, 2024 and started businesses and I want you guys to jump into that too, because newlyweds started a business.
Speaker 1One of the things I love is that you guys health and fitness is important to you. It's something that's important to me as well. So I want you to talk to that Just kind of like how did all those things start to come together for you all when you guys got married? Actually, before we jump into that, let's talk about the actual wedding day, because, uh, obviously it was some traditions and stuff like that that was implemented and stuff like that.
Speaker 2we kind of just talk about that a little bit and jump into the reason we're laughing is because I love cultural traditions and I feel like this was the one thing that we had a disagreement on, and how, how we wanted the wedding to go into, so, so so we went into it and both were in agreement that we didn't want to spend crazy amount of money on a wedding and I was like I just want it to be fun, a fun experience. We want to connect with people. We really wanted the spirit of God to be there, like even if there were people that did not believe, we just wanted his presence to be so strong that it would encourage others. So the disagreement that we had I have a client who is he is in a jazz band and I asked him I said do you have any? You know, do you have any? Do you know anyone that can play the conga? Like it would be so cool if, while we have the ceremony, if we could have men playing the conga. I was like drums would be awesome and I actually wanted to surprise Joe. I was so excited. I was like this would be so cool. I'm walking down the aisle and there's drummers and it's just like we're bringing in an African vibe Now, mind you.
Speaker 2So we got married at a client of mine's home and her and her husband travel all the time back and forth to Africa. So her home is this beautiful modern home with all these African pieces that they have had shipped there. So we're thinking like desert theme, african vibe Okay, cool. So I bring this up to Joe because I was so excited that I couldn't even like I couldn't hold it back. I was like I have this idea and he shot it down. I was like dang, really. He was like so I ended up finding these guys that are from Africa.
Speaker 2My client told me they come in, they're dressed in their getup, they have the, the drums on their head. It's like it's like a, it's like a deep entertainment. I'm just thinking like I associate drums with the African culture, like there's something strong and bold to it. So they come in their get-ups, they have the drums on their head. I'm telling Joe the story and he's like well, where are these guys from? And I was like they're from Africa, but who cares? What do you mean? He was like I don't like this idea. I was so sad.
Speaker 3I'll never forget. It was literally a Sunday afternoon. I got out of church and she shared this and I'll tell you again, obviously my limited mindset. She was right, it was an incredible idea and, till I will claim he did, it was a fantastic touch. Listen to your wife, I'm learning.
Speaker 3So I'm from Nigeria, obviously born and raised, and these guys were from Kenya, so again it's almost like, hey, I'm going to put I'm from Texas but I'm going to throw a hint of New York in my wedding. That's the way my mind was looking at it. It's like I can't really necessarily connect to these guys and I don't really care to have them there. I don't really want them. But you know what, if you want them, sure, whatever, that was just my what.
Speaker 2It came down to was like my client was texting me and he was like we're trying to finalize you know the schedule and I had to give him an answer and I was like, babe, my clients texted me like what should we do? And he and he was like if this is something you really want to do, make you happy, then just go for it. And I was like I'm doing it and it was the most just. I can't even there's no words. But like people did feel like it was cultural, even though it wasn't because I just made it up. But these men came in and it was just like a so spiritual and so deep moment. Like people felt like they had to be one of my friends was like I felt like I had to be quiet during the tradition out of respect. But it wasn't even about that. Like it was, it was phenomenal.
Speaker 3I mean, you know, I guess, africa in general. If we were to look at it as a, it's a continent, but if we're to look at it as a country, it's all the same. So their drums and all of that, it's part of our culture. Drums are part of my Nigerian culture, so I feel like it feeds in. But again, it was a brilliant idea. Great touch. Hats off to my wife. I will eat that humble pie until death. Do us apart. So yeah, she won.
Speaker 2I was like so what'd you think about that, babe? And he was like all right, you were right.
Speaker 3She was right Not that you know, she's not someone that is always feigning to be right by any means but I think it's also important to honor Just. It was a brilliant idea it to do, and we wanted to honor the Lord and we were going to wait to be intimate on our wedding night. Now, that's not something that obviously I did in my past relationships, but it was just something that I said. I want to do something different. I want to take, take the Lord. What, what, what, how did God design intimacy?
Speaker 3And I'll tell you, more than anything else, going into this new position as a husband, I didn't know what to expect. I'm grateful, never been married before, but it's like this is new, this is new territory. How do I find and I dug my heels more into the word of God than I ever had in my life to really understand my role as a husband? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to care about my wife? How am I supposed to? You know, I'm still learning, I'm still growing. But I'll tell you right now I will not start any day without sitting and having my quiet time. That's just it, it's. I will cancel calls. I will cancel anything else, for the rest of the day I won't have that.
Marriage, Business and Health Journey
Speaker 1That's good, that's it. Clarity, man, clarity, going back to that clarity piece. That's great, man. I love that you touched on that too, because the way that you start something is the way that God can elevate it right? So you wanted to honor God in the totality of that. So I commend both of you guys because in this day, totality of that so I, I I commend both of you guys because in this time, that's very difficult to do, and I commend both of you guys, uh, for honoring God in that way. All right, so, all right, wedding day. So let's transition. Now you're married, uh, you know, bills got to be paid, businesses got to be paid, businesses got to be started. You know what I'm saying. We got to keep our minds, health and wealth at the forefront. How do you guys doing it? What's going on with that?
Speaker 2So we were like how do we do this? Okay, so a couple things. I have been doing hair for close to two decades and in the midst of all that became really, this is going to go deeper than you may expect. So I studied holistic nutrition in 2015. Okay, and at one point in my career I was doing hair and working at a clinic helping people with diet, and I was working so much that I didn't even know what day it was. Fast forward, so it was 2017. Ended up getting diagnosed with a benign brain tumor.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2And this was my coming to Jesus moment. So I have like a health background. I'm doing hair and now I'm like I had the desire so strongly to get to know God. But also nothing prepares you for when a doctor looks at you in the face and says I think you have a brain tumor. I was like how do you go from a clean bill of health to having a brain tumor? And again, it was one of those moments that was complete surrender. I had no pain. It was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had and I would never take it back.
Speaker 2That has become a part of my why People are like, geez, you guys are really moving along, getting married, starting businesses and to just from that experience there is a level of urgency to take steps in life because you are not promised tomorrow. I would hate to be on my deathbed and say I was too scared to do that and that's why I never did it. And now I have regrets over never moving forward. So, uh, got really involved in health and wellness. Still are. I'm at that point. Uh, and Joe, you know, mirrors that as well. We talked in the beginning about you know, how do you like your day to go. What does your day look like when you wake up and go to sleep? How do you eat? And we are kind of like twins in that aspect.
Speaker 3I think what would be helpful. This actually would be good. I just put up a post earlier on Facebook today. That was you've heard the term. What married people would say you know when you know? I hated that. When people would say you know when you know. I hated that. When people would say that, I thought it was the dumbest thing, cause it was like what do you mean? This is stupid. So I went on a deep dive and started to think okay, what, how do you really really like communicate to someone that's single? And it boils down to me. What makes sense is you know when you know what you're looking for shows up. Then you know.
Speaker 3So I tell people I personally had, through my three and a half to four non-negotiables that I was looking for in a woman. Now to preface that I needed to hold myself accountable to those three and a half to four, if not all four, without negotiating. And those were number one does she know the Lord? Is she growing? Does she want to continue to know the Lord and grow? If that's not the case, we'll be friends. I'll encourage you. Give you a dab and a hug. That's cool. That's number one.
Speaker 3Number two do you value relationships? I'm a relational being. I love people. I love, you know, having healthy, good relationships. So I need to have someone that she understands the value in having good friendships. That's number two. Number three healthy lifestyle. Does she value health? Because that's part of my lifestyle. I want a woman that's going to say you have worked so much, you need to get your butt out and go for a run. Or the house has been, you know, kids are crying all of it. You just need to probably step out and go for a run. I want someone to understand the importance of exercise and living a healthy lifestyle. And then the fourth one was I would love for her to be close to her dad, have a good relationship with her family. Like those are my four kind of clean. This is it straight to the point. I will never forget. One morning I was having my quiet time and I was like check, check, check, check, check.
Speaker 1Oh there it is Notice on your list too. It has nothing to do with any type of physical features. Nothing to do.
Speaker 3I'm married up.
Speaker 1Listen, I hear you, but I don't want that to go unmasked, bro, because a lot of times we have these extravagant lists on things that don't matter. One thing that I'm working on I'm working on something right now and it's basically you know what are the needs, what are the needs and functions of a relationship, and how are these things important? Just like you cannot survive without air. When you don't have air, what are you thinking about? How to get your next breath right? What are the things that nitty-gritty that you need in a relationship to be able to have a thriving relationship? And the most important thing that you said is to become that. You see what I'm saying become what you need. That way, you're able to receive what you need. That was good yes, sir.
Speaker 3So yeah, we've always, you know, lived a healthy lifestyle, even before coming together. So it just makes things so much easier, so much smoother, because you're on the same page. Um, and so she had been working for a company which would make things easier for me to transition, cause what I could do whatever I, you know, work, I can work anywhere Um, so when it was time for me to move, move from Florida to Arizona, it was just, hey, I'll do it, you're more established. So it was what, almost two months ago, yeah, two months ago.
Speaker 2Yeah, I started my salon studio about April 1st, actually, thank you. The name of my studio ties in with God. I have been praying about what? What should I name it? And my studio name is Studio Zeal. Zeal is biblical and it means to have great enthusiasm in the pursuit of a purpose. That's good. I mean, we have so many stories.
Speaker 2I feel like when I first moved here, I was struggling financially. I made $23,000 that first year in 2019. That was the least I'd ever made by myself and on my own. And I hit my knees one day and I said God, I can't do this. My bills were 1900 a month. I was only making 16. I was dipping into.
Speaker 2It's funny that we talk about this, because now I'm seeing more of like how God was preparing us. God was like he was working. I was like God, I can't do this. So I prayed and it seemed like overnight everything changed. So I did open my business, but this has been in six years of preparation, of building clientele and setting myself up to be where I'm at right now.
Speaker 2And in the midst of all that, I would go to everyone who was in a place I wanted to be at. I'd say how are you doing this? What are you doing? So then, in a two-year span, I went from 6,000 away from poverty to finally making six figures. That's a lot. It was a lot of work, thank you. So I built a really solid clientele. I started studying finance and business strategy, had a mentor that I worked with and I took the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class. It changed my life. I'm in charge of my money. Money is not in charge of me. I'm in charge of my money. Money is not in charge of me. And that was more preparation too, because, like now where we're at, I mean planning a wedding and getting married is expensive and it takes money, and starting a business takes money, and what I spent on starting my business I made back in two weeks, so we are really lucky.
Speaker 3We're blessed're blessed, we are blessed and you know in her starting that I obviously on the wellness side, we market and distribute products for make wellness, which is a natural peptide. You know it's really given an option from the synthetics that are provided in the marketplace to more of a natural found, nature-based peptide. So you know, I tell people it's very, very simple. The vision that we both have is number one we want to make an impact. You know, as I discussed about my mom passing, I get to say today that one of the greatest people that I ever knew in my life was my mother. I get to say today that one of the greatest people that I ever knew in my life was my mother and we took her body to Nigeria for her funeral, which was my first time back in Nigeria in 29 years. That's a different topic for a different day. Well, I got to experience about 1300 people come out and celebrate this woman's life. That did not have social media but had incredible, deep impact. So it's deep down in my being to make a positive impact on people. That's just it. That's number one.
Speaker 3Number two one of the greatest gifts that, like I said earlier, to be able to provide someone that this is generational is healthy lifestyle If we can teach people how to live a healthy lifestyle and they get to pass that on to their kids, get to pass it on to their grandkids. Healthy lifestyle If we can teach people how to live a healthy lifestyle and they get to pass that on to their kids, get to pass it on to their grandkids. Healthy lifestyle is crucial. And the last part is to be able to provide people with opportunities to be able to earn a source of income where at that point, they can also bless their family and build something. So to be able to do that together with my wife, it's just, I would say, one of the most incredible opportunities that I get to do with my wife. It's just, I would say, one of the most incredible opportunities that I get to, you know, do with my best friend as well.
Speaker 1Bro, that that's solid. So telling me the impact that you're trying to make in this world is based off of the number one role model, who didn't even have social media and she made an impact on that many people. Yeah, that's, bro. That's I'm about to throw this notebook at this camera right now because like to have for you, got. You got big shoes to fill, but on top of that, just the dynamic of that and just thinking about that on a logical level, it's just. You cannot, nothing can stop you from making an impact with people, if that's what's in your heart, if that's part of your character. So this has made this whole conversation just more authentic, more, just better, just knowing that somebody that you were connected to made an impact like that.
Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Speaker 1Man. I honor your mom on this podcast. Man, I really do For the legacy that she left behind and also for the people that she impacted. Man, I really do for the legacy that she left behind and also for the people that she impacted. Man, I really do honor her on today as well. I'm proud of you, brother. I'm proud of you. It shows in your heart. Obviously, you impacted me as well. It's one thing for sure we got that relationship. We don't talk every day, but every time we talk it's impactful. I love that dynamic with us because and I told you, like you know, it's not many people in my life that I will have certain conversations with because I don't trust them and I trust you, brother. So that's one of the things that I always love about our dynamic. So, just so you know, you know I might be one to the 13,000 that your mom, but I'm one.
Speaker 3I'm one here.
Speaker 1I appreciate you. I appreciate you. So, all right, let's jump into it. All right, so business is going, things are going well for you guys at this point. Things are going well for you guys at this point and, you know, it just amazes me how, every step of the way, the process, the intentionality, the way that God designed this thing, how God unfolded this Like you said, it's not perfect, you know. I'm pretty sure that y'all have disagreements and different things of that nature and everything like that it's not perfect, but one thing is for sure is God ordained. So you know, I want each of you, as we kind of transition to wrapping up, I want each of you just give some impactful thoughts that's been on your heart for the listeners that whatever, wherever you feel like God has put in your heart. I want you to guys to just kind of just give those nuggets of wisdom as we kind of wrapping up here.
Speaker 2I'll start yeah. So I would say for anyone who, or for women, maybe I'll speak to the women, for women who really aspire to be in a healthy relationship, for women who really aspire to be in a healthy relationship, I encourage everyone to get around people who are, you know, doing that in their regular lives. I think that's really important.
Speaker 2I think the more work you do on yourself and becoming that woman, you know there's moments it's not always pretty, it's not like if we make this look good, then that's great and thank you. But it's not always pretty. It's it's not like if we make this look good, then that's great and thank you. But it's not always pretty and we like to be very real and transparent. But get around other people, you know, look at yourself in the mirror and the best way to do it is to just go through it and the the sooner you face and feel, you know your pain, it will eventually, you know, kind of move out and then you just become this new being and I think it's, it's so worth it. So I would say that for words of encouragement.
Speaker 3What's on my heart. It's funny. We were having this conversation and I literally was thinking about this last week. The quickest ways to uncover your insecurities are to get married and start a business. It's true, and you know, marriage has taught me a lot and I'm grateful that I get to spend my time, my life, my just here on earth with this incredible woman. There were hardships, there were times of doubt, there were times of man will I ever get there? And I'll tell you. I was just having my quiet time this morning. God worked on my heart Like we don't even need to get into this this would be another topic, but there were times. There was at least a time of suicide and those hard times and I just want to encourage anyone out there to to.
Speaker 3The best thing you can ever do is just surrender and lean into Jesus Like I. I can't give anything better to anyone than the transformation that has taken place in my life Surrender to Jesus, be around healthy, healthy people. Healthy people is your environment. You know my mom. She always said this my whole life. It is. What that means is for me to accompany my kids beyond their fears, and I interpret that as when you're beyond your fears. You're confident, you're comfortable. When I'm beyond my fears, I'm in the presence of God and I'm in the community of the right people. So if I were to give any words of encouragement is, number one seek him above all. And number two be around healthy, great people, because I wouldn't be this blessed if it wasn't for all that has happened to where I am today.
Speaker 1That is solid. I thank you both for joining me on the podcast on today. I'm telling you this is a rich conversation. I'm definitely going to re-listen, re-watch this conversation plenty of times as I'm going through my journey, because that's what this series is about. It's called Infrastructure Setting the Foundation for your Purpose, and I believe the foundation that you guys set for your purpose has showed apparent in this situation. So, as we continue to wrap up, I want you guys to shout out your social medias. Also, shout out both of your businesses, websites, locations, all those different things so that people know where to find you all.
Speaker 2So my salon studio is Studio Zeal. I'm located in Scottsdale, Arizona, inside of Hot Hair Studios. And where can you find? You can find me at Instagram or Facebook Raquel Vieira. That's R-A-Q-U-E-L-V-I-A-R-A.
Speaker 3Yep, and before I even jump into that, man brother, I just want to say thank you for your honor, thank you for bringing us on, thank you for the work that you're doing. I thank you for the impact that you're having. I thank you for the man that you're becoming, despite all that has happened to who you are. I'm grateful for your friendship. I'm grateful for so much. So thank you for even inviting us and even though schedules took some time. But just man, I just I, just I just honor and greatly respect what you're doing.
Speaker 1Bro, love you bro.
Speaker 3Absolutely, absolutely and for me really really easy. Joseph O Arthur. I like to say Joseph like the father of Jesus, o as in orange, arthur like the king. Really really easy to find on either Instagram or Facebook and if you want to zap me an email, it's Joseph at Joseph O R, I'm really easy to find Dope, dope, dope, and then I'll attach a link to Make Wellness website to the salon.
Speaker 1If you have it different things of that nature I'll attach all that in the show notes and everything like that. And, man, I'm telling you, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. Man, I'm telling you this conversation was so rich. Uh, listeners, please, please, support the podcast. You can support many ways by watching episode, also, reviewing the podcast, if you want to as well, support my patreon as well, and then, at look, there's nothing else left to say. I mean, it was spoken, everything was transparent, it was real, it was raw, but also, the main thing, it was Jesus in it. So I love you guys with the love of Christ, and then we'll see you on the next episode. Peace.
Speaker 2Sounds good, thank you.
